I have not been sending money home for about nine months now. My husband is American and he told me to stop sending money back home. But when I thought for myself I realised that I’m sending money back home for my siblings to buy themselves clothes, shoes, wigs and go to parties and have a lifestyle that I cannot even afford for myself. because I want to invest my money. Even when I went home recently when I came back to Germany nobody besides my little sister and friends has called me so far to check up on me. But when I was at home, I was expected to spend money on everybody. Being abroad is like a blessing and a curse. And the family really capitalise on using emotional blackmail to make you feel like you are abandoning them if you don’t give in to their crazy demands
Now you are talking. I stopped 15 years ago but I still can relate. Heeee since then maendeleo wewe on my own side and mental freedom. We need to minimize the dependant mentality which kills us slowly.
Wow. I have been away from home for over 22 years. And i was helping people especially my own family. Then i realised they would only call if they needed something. Fast forward 17 years later i ended having a stroke and lo and behold i was in the hospital and they still asking for money. When i got married, they were my biggest critics and no support whatsoever. So i stopped sending money as i have cut back my working hours and i did not want my husband to be responsible for them. And believe or not even the young sisters would insult me. So now we know we are wiser. Please let my story not be yours.
True 💯 It is very important to have boundaries when it comes to sending money back home. How I do it is to set a specific amount of money aside for "black tax" each month in my budget e.g. 100 euros. If requests for support exceed that amount, too bad, the answer remains sina. That way, you can still support where you can without killing yourself.
Ruth you have come the right time, one of my family member owes me, last month he begged for mojey and i gave him today again he cried he is being actuneered he wants money. The whole of today had headache and my conclusion is i will block everyone to have my peace of mind.
I was going to say block them for some time, then I noticed you mentioned you will block. Block them for about 8 months. I promise you, you will have so much peace you won't even believe it. In those 8 months you will have saved so much money. Put yourself first because when you fall on hard times, they won't come to your rescue. So, sort yourself out first, then give them when you feel like you have nothing to lose.
Dependency weakens people to an extent they can't solve their own basic problems. so on my case I can only empower someone, and if that's not the case I leave them to struggle and learn on their own.
You have hit the nail on the head . Since I stopped sending cash money, even the communication kind of reduced… I’ve been investing in my education and growth, At the end of the day, you can’t pour from an empty cup
Hey Ruth thanks for the video😊 Would you do a video of how you manage work and parenting at the same time? I am planning to relocate to Germany but I have a 2 year old child.I want to work and also be there for him.
Word for word about my family back in Kenya but I have stopped sending them money since 2 years. Niko huku Germany more than 20 years and I bought a acre piece of land back in Kenya nilipoacha kutuma pesa Kenya. They were like Staubsauger all those years, one can think they bewitched me to be giving them my money, my own mother was manipulating me but now that’s over.
This got me fired up, most people feel entitled to what you have and dont care for you. Ive had people call and ask for money, even after i told them im sick and in bed and n9t working. They dont even care that youre ill, they go ahead and remind you of that school fees you always pay, and many won't care of how your kids are doing but will demand you pay for their kids school fees. Jipange because if you don't this people will laugh at you, saying you are useless, none of them will EVER say you helped them, but will always remember that one time you said no to their demands!.
You cannot pour from an empty cup I go by priorities and emergencies nowadays I give when needed and when I have I won’t deny myself I come first plus my daughter and hubby period!
One of the biggest challenge most people in diaspora have,ni kutaka kufurahisha watu na kuwapaintia this unrealistic picture of "nilimake it" i have seen people struggling and i always wonder why people dont live their lives.I am of the opinion that giving or helping is voluntaryIf you feel like you have excess after sorting yourself out,then go ahead.But dont do it to show people how good you are doing,only to be left struggling.its sad how hard we work in these foreign countries,and end up being misers in the name of show off abroad.I love the recent conversations Ruth.so deep,real and on point,unfiltered and as it is❤❤❤
I'm still in my country (Africa) living as interracial couple for about 9 years, I have been doing that and nobody appreciated what I does to her or him, and when I say I got nothing to give nobody understands me , it's like I'm something else , I takes risks just to save them but when I'm sick or having problems it's just for me and the partner,life life life hmmm !
Cool Ruth. Me I send when i really have to. Especially school fees. My reason for not sending anyhow is the tax. When I think of how much has been deducted for sending for example 50k, it drives me nuts. This deduction is money which i think could have also added up to the money i sent. It then pains me so much I don't always send money home.
Si umezusha. Eh! But in summary, what I hear you saying is that there is: 1. High expectations from family for financial help. 2.Lack of gratitude & reciprocity from the people you're helping. 3.It is a bottomless pit of self sacrifice with no end in sight. 4.You want to be financially secure first before giving so much. 5. You're not seeing a good & clear outcome out of the finances you're investing in the people back at home. So, in the end your cup is empty and you're disillusioned and the natural response is to withdraw your financial help and restrategize. Did I get that right?
100%true Keep preaching to Them I am living here in France as a living testimony,may one day I will come to Germany for vacation they I will wish to meet your lovely family to share the moments pamoja keep moving may God bless you
Your family members are building houses with their own money, while you are paying for their kids’ education and medical bills. They will not tell you that they are building houses.
Ha! I stopped there is no way I will not afford nice shoes for my teens because am supposed to send money for their lifestyle they want everything But leave you with nothing for yourself
@clarencemanyonyi9171 yes, they are aware they are blocked and it doesn't move me. It was a very necessary step I had to take coz they have no financial boundaries even if you try to talk to them
Ya that's a good mentality. Keep it up, because you also have a family to spoil. Just let your husband divorce you, then you will see how many family members you have
I knew I will find this comment here . Let me tell you. You didn’t give a birth to a slave. You can’t pour on an empty cup. This type of mentality is what stops black wealth from growing. Some of this Parents and relatives back at home they live very well the little that you send they spend it anyhow. That language you have used “if u gave birth to urself then don’t” is actually a manipulation and guilt tripping tactics that toxic parents or relatives use. Build yourself first before you start been a burden to your children. It’s a CYCLE 🔁 OF POVERTY
I have not been sending money home for about nine months now. My husband is American and he told me to stop sending money back home. But when I thought for myself I realised that I’m sending money back home for my siblings to buy themselves clothes, shoes, wigs and go to parties and have a lifestyle that I cannot even afford for myself. because I want to invest my money. Even when I went home recently when I came back to Germany nobody besides my little sister and friends has called me so far to check up on me. But when I was at home, I was expected to spend money on everybody. Being abroad is like a blessing and a curse. And the family really capitalise on using emotional blackmail to make you feel like you are abandoning them if you don’t give in to their crazy demands
A very goodadvice girl.put yourself first and take care of yourselves .
Now you are talking. I stopped 15 years ago but I still can relate. Heeee since then maendeleo wewe on my own side and mental freedom. We need to minimize the dependant mentality which kills us slowly.
Aki Ruth you have just said it the way it is. Am in Kenya and I feel so bad when I see the way people expecting too much from their relatives abroad.
So true! Wait till you meet them with your outdated phone and they can’t believe how frugal you live to please them!
Wow. I have been away from home for over 22 years. And i was helping people especially my own family. Then i realised they would only call if they needed something. Fast forward 17 years later i ended having a stroke and lo and behold i was in the hospital and they still asking for money. When i got married, they were my biggest critics and no support whatsoever. So i stopped sending money as i have cut back my working hours and i did not want my husband to be responsible for them. And believe or not even the young sisters would insult me. So now we know we are wiser. Please let my story not be yours.
True 💯 It is very important to have boundaries when it comes to sending money back home. How I do it is to set a specific amount of money aside for "black tax" each month in my budget e.g. 100 euros. If requests for support exceed that amount, too bad, the answer remains sina. That way, you can still support where you can without killing yourself.
Ruth you have come the right time, one of my family member owes me, last month he begged for mojey and i gave him today again he cried he is being actuneered he wants money. The whole of today had headache and my conclusion is i will block everyone to have my peace of mind.
I was going to say block them for some time, then I noticed you mentioned you will block.
Block them for about 8 months. I promise you, you will have so much peace you won't even believe it. In those 8 months you will have saved so much money. Put yourself first because when you fall on hard times, they won't come to your rescue. So, sort yourself out first, then give them when you feel like you have nothing to lose.
Dependency weakens people to an extent they can't solve their own basic problems. so on my case I can only empower someone, and if that's not the case I leave them to struggle and learn on their own.
You have hit the nail on the head . Since I stopped sending cash money, even the communication kind of reduced… I’ve been investing in my education and growth, At the end of the day, you can’t pour from an empty cup
Hey Ruth thanks for the video😊
Would you do a video of how you manage work and parenting at the same time? I am planning to relocate to Germany but I have a 2 year old child.I want to work and also be there for him.
BOL! Yes! well said
100 % True
Word for word about my family back in Kenya but I have stopped sending them money since 2 years. Niko huku Germany more than 20 years and I bought a acre piece of land back in Kenya nilipoacha kutuma pesa Kenya. They were like Staubsauger all those years, one can think they bewitched me to be giving them my money, my own mother was manipulating me but now that’s over.
This got me fired up, most people feel entitled to what you have and dont care for you. Ive had people call and ask for money, even after i told them im sick and in bed and n9t working. They dont even care that youre ill, they go ahead and remind you of that school fees you always pay, and many won't care of how your kids are doing but will demand you pay for their kids school fees. Jipange because if you don't this people will laugh at you, saying you are useless, none of them will EVER say you helped them, but will always remember that one time you said no to their demands!.
You cannot pour from an empty cup I go by priorities and emergencies nowadays I give when needed and when I have I won’t deny myself I come first plus my daughter and hubby period!
One of the biggest challenge most people in diaspora have,ni kutaka kufurahisha watu na kuwapaintia this unrealistic picture of "nilimake it" i have seen people struggling and i always wonder why people dont live their lives.I am of the opinion that giving or helping is voluntaryIf you feel like you have excess after sorting yourself out,then go ahead.But dont do it to show people how good you are doing,only to be left struggling.its sad how hard we work in these foreign countries,and end up being misers in the name of show off abroad.I love the recent conversations Ruth.so deep,real and on point,unfiltered and as it is❤❤❤
I'm still in my country (Africa) living as interracial couple for about 9 years, I have been doing that and nobody appreciated what I does to her or him, and when I say I got nothing to give nobody understands me , it's like I'm something else , I takes risks just to save them but when I'm sick or having problems it's just for me and the partner,life life life hmmm !
❤ you Ruth
Cool Ruth. Me I send when i really have to. Especially school fees. My reason for not sending anyhow is the tax. When I think of how much has been deducted for sending for example 50k, it drives me nuts. This deduction is money which i think could have also added up to the money i sent. It then pains me so much I don't always send money home.
Taptap IS free or Nala
Very true i stopped it 10yrs ago .my money i use it for myself thats all.
First one here, Dr Anam
not only in Diaspora. I have seen the same even here in kenya
That homeless man begging in the end of the video was the icing of the cake. matched totally with todays topic :)
Gave him something though 😂
Imagine huku wazungu wanaomba waafrika pesa 😂😂
@@HeleneaTroywazungu pia wanakuwanga wasoto kuruka. They just have credit to help them keep afloat
Si umezusha. Eh! But in summary, what I hear you saying is that there is:
1. High expectations from family for financial help.
2.Lack of gratitude & reciprocity from the people you're helping.
3.It is a bottomless pit of self sacrifice with no end in sight.
4.You want to be financially secure first before giving so much.
5. You're not seeing a good & clear outcome out of the finances you're investing in the people back at home.
So, in the end your cup is empty and you're disillusioned and the natural response is to withdraw your financial help and restrategize.
Did I get that right?
100%true Keep preaching to Them I am living here in France as a living testimony,may one day I will come to Germany for vacation they I will wish to meet your lovely family to share the moments pamoja keep moving may God bless you
❤❤
Do you think you can loan us 400 tunataka kufungua bakery ya sweet potatoes bread
I wonder why someone feels obligated to receive money they haven't worked for,,,I also don't send any money, I put myself first .
If people dont wake up, its up to them.
I was surprised to know that there is a name for it "BLACK TAX"
😂😂😂
Kwani uko nchi ingine 😅
Nobody is forced! Stop sending.
They emotionally blackmail me to feel obligated to send the money!
Well saiid ..
Hey Ruth where is that job you have say tiktok
Your family members are building houses with their own money, while you are paying for their kids’ education and medical bills. They will not tell you that they are building houses.
It happens to Greece as well.
True True verry treu mmmm 😢😢
Ha! I stopped there is no way I will not afford nice shoes for my teens because am supposed to send money for their lifestyle they want everything But leave you with nothing for yourself
I blocked everyone including my guardians and they know they are blocked
ati they know they are blocked🤣🤣🤣🤣
@clarencemanyonyi9171 yes, they are aware they are blocked and it doesn't move me. It was a very necessary step I had to take coz they have no financial boundaries even if you try to talk to them
You just summed up on financial management only to be billed by someone at the end of the video. 😂😂😂. More wealth dear.
Everybody for him/herself but god for us all ?
What about Ubuntu in African society.
Nyūmba na Müherega citiumanagwo.
Like I said I send when its necessary and I can only give, if I have something.
And the big question is who is giving you that money so that you pass it on to others??
Ya that's a good mentality. Keep it up, because you also have a family to spoil. Just let your husband divorce you, then you will see how many family members you have
If u gave birth to urself. dont
My parents are in Diaspora themselves
I knew I will find this comment here . Let me tell you. You didn’t give a birth to a slave. You can’t pour on an empty cup. This type of mentality is what stops black wealth from growing. Some of this Parents and relatives back at home they live very well the little that you send they spend it anyhow. That language you have used “if u gave birth to urself then don’t” is actually a manipulation and guilt tripping tactics that toxic parents or relatives use. Build yourself first before you start been a burden to your children. It’s a CYCLE 🔁 OF POVERTY
You know better! Come I hug you please. @@mwas4299
This is emotional blackmail