I was raised in this purity culture. I was forced to read "I kissed dating goodbye". I was forced to take the "true live waits" pledge. I wasn't allowed to date. My parents eventually home schooled me for all of high school. I'm 40 now, and to this day I dont know how to talk to people. I have no confidence. I'm very socially awkward. Because I was never allowed to be a normal teenager. Christianity literally ruined my life, in more ways than one.
I didn't get it as badly as you did, but I got it alright. 44 and still dealing with the effects. I'm about to be divorced from my wife of 10 years who has decided she's asexual and frankly I suspect purity culture helped put her on that track because she's never really enjoyed sex and genuinely resented any sexual attention even inside marriage. What a pile of shit.
@@thefisherking78 so, part of purity culture is not letting people figure out themselves until they're well into adulthood. Asexuality is valid, and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't like it. It doesn't mean she was taught to hate it, it doesn't even mean you're bad at it, maybe she's just tired of feigning interest.
@@EmpressLizard81 that is also entirely possible, and thank you for pointing it out so tactfully. Either way, it's a hard situation for us both to have had all these years at cross purposes while not fully equipped to even have conversations about it.
Caught a whiff of the drift awhile ago, stinks, instinct, desire, repressed then exploited by the originators, use diverted anger, guilt to their advantage, ironic, idiots, fear, same ranks here as Russia, might end us all,
Purity culture victim here. I’m not in touch with anyone from my church days now, but I wonder just how messed up all us poor kids wound up. I remember hushed confessions between friends about sobbing on the floor, emotionally devastated, begging God for forgiveness after giving in to the desire to “self love.” A bunch of young kids, their earliest memories of sexual awakening tied tightly to mental and emotional anguish. I know it did a number on me.
Yep, I went through a bunch of this as a kid and I'm still sexually dysfunctional as a result. The teachings of that culture were the exact opposite of what a shy, awkward kid like me needed to hear growing up.
Very grateful for my sex education at school - they didn’t teach us to be ashamed or to hang onto a sense of ‘purity’. At my old college, my teacher even made a point of saying she hadn’t counted the condom packets! And I haven’t ended up pregnant yet because I was taught on how to do sex safely. This should be the standard for the modern world.
My parents were the same. My mother made sure we knew all about birth control, and when at 17 the opportunity for sex fell in my lap (literally) I considered it for a few minutes then thought "what?" and realized there were too many good reasons for NOT doing it at that age. My mother repeatedly said "there's no reason for getting a girl pregnant"
Wow. This episode has been extremely cathartic and emotional for me. At a time in my life where I am figuring out just how much damage purity culture did to me and my sister. Thank you. Love from Kansas.
A great interview, you always pick great guests that are very articulate and interesting. And that last quote, "The mind, once expanded, can never return to its original dimensions " Thank you Seth!
I love it that when Seth says “purity” he makes it sound like the dirty word it is. Btw, my guess is that these fathers are exactly the kind of “toads” they warn their little girls of. Like they say: it takes one to know one.
Omg we totally did the purity ring thing too. It seemed so awesome and righteous at the time, now it sounds fucking crazy. It caused me so much shame and guilt even far into adulthood.
The human imagination the greatest trait that humanity evolved once it is freed from the chains of theism is humankind's most powerful weapon. That is why theists try to discourage it.
I had no roots in purity culture at all, but it’s an interesting and terrifying topic. Thank you for covering this topic with various perspectives and with friends whose experiences were so different yet so similar in the harm this culture causes.
I like the comment of Your previous interlocutor on the subject. That described all this "teachings" as making us hopelessly/helplessly romantic. Completely unable to take on reality.
And I get featured in yet another podcast, LOL. Cool. But I had to call in because this reminded me so much of my very first girlfriend, whom I'd met while attending a school for the blind. She definitely seemed to have been raised in that sort of culture, quite a shock for me since my folks, while they themselves were raised religious, made the conscious choice to leave that up to the three of us as we got older rather than indoctrinating us.
I love the British urban myth about the teenager who is pleasuring himself in his room and when he opens his eyes his mother has left a cup of tea on his bedside table...
i grew up with purity culture as well but not as intensely as the fundies. luckily my parents let me go to public school and watch tv. i was still sheltered but not as bad as these kids stuck in fundamentalist cults. none the less, my sexual exploration was paired with the shame\guilt cycle and it still effects me. I know I'm queer but have had a very hard time exploring that part of myself bc of the fear and indoctrination. i came out-ish with just a picture of a pan bc I'm still scared to say it outright.
I never had good sex education. It was, if you touch, you get pregnant. I was sexually attacked by someone I thought was a friend. I had no idea of the danger. I never dared tell anyone. I knew that telling my mother would get me blamed for being loose. All I did was accept a lift home from a friend's house, with a mutual friend, which I thought was safer than walking home alone at night. But I knew even though I had no choice it would have been my fault.
@@dancingnature You were in far worse position than me. My mum was a good woman just totally ignorant of life. She had grown up sheltered and naive. Everything was clean and proper. Bad things never happened to right and proper people. A narcissist is a whole new worth of ball game.. They have bad intention. They are selfishly mean whether they intend it or not. I suspect your mum didn't want anything to upset her apple cart. My mum was brought up believing if sex happened to you you had made it happen. She was clueless. A narcissist will set you up just for the thrill if it. You were dreadfully misused.
I grew up catholic in the 90’s, so not the full on purity culture but I was definitely affected by it. I’m trans but I repressed myself because I was taught that sex was bad, I’m ace so that might not have helped, but when you meet the right person you would know and then get married and you would be interested in sex. It took me until I was 39 to break out of those ideas and I’ve been an atheist since I was 21.
There are a couple things that I suggest people to do before they even consider getting married to someone they have been dating. 1. live with that person for AT LEAST 6 months, a year would be better. This way you get to see what they are like when they aren't just trying to impress you, you get to see their good and bad habits, you get to find out if they have some terrible behaviors that you can't live with and what they will or will not work on OR what they refuse to change. 2. You should have sex with that person. The physical aspect of relationships is very important, its a hardwired part of our nature (for reasons we don't only take part of it for now). If you aren't compatible with your partner then one or both of you are going to be unsatisfied with your relationship, this will cause regret, infidelity, and other relationship issues that waiting for marriage before having sex will mean you are partially stuck with that person. These things are likely much of the reason many of the generations prior didn't have happy relationships with their partners, they were not friends who wanted to spend time with each other, they did their own things most of the time separate and any issues were ignored as much as possible.
During sex-ed at my high school in the mid-1970s, we were given honest biology and asked to talk to our parents for their guidance. Easier said then done, but I did and I got an honest response from my conservative folks. Then came the religious guilt when I told them I was gay a few years later.
Seth, great podcast! I loved the points, that I had to learn late, Jenica?, and you spoke of religious people are all victims. Well most, not the con prosperity preachers. But I had to learn to stop calling them religiotards. The one who taught me that was actually David Silverman! I still appreciate his early work. I don't think it's wrong to admire talents of people, even if you find they have other parts that are awful. Like Cosby, etc. As for you, you are, as far as I can tell, a 'best' human of the planet earth nomination!👍🌊💙💙💙🌊🥰✌
As a father of three now adult daughters and now a granddaughter, I never thought I could be more grossed out and disturbed until I heard that clip of some random religious nutter butter creepy ass dude speaking those words to his own daughter. Cultish barely begins to describe that insanity. Yikes ...
As a result of this "purity" indoctrination it has taken me a long time to accept that what happened to me was not my fault, that it was actually sexual assault and that yes, I do need some counselling for it. So many years after leaving Christianity and I'm still finding it really hard to even go to the doctor for examinations because of the residual shame combined with trauma that I still can't get my head around (though I'm hoping to start counselling as soon as a place is available). Yes, even so-called "moderate" religion can cause serious harm to the mind. Though on a happier note I'm certainly making up for those years of sexual repression! 😉 Open relationships/polyamory is OK even for women! 😊 On a side note, "hymen worship" is my new favourite phrase to describe this culture! The hymen = virginity thing is a myth, even a doctor can't tell whether you've had sex or not just by looking at the hymen. Just another untrue thing that religions worship! 🤣
This was a great episode and a lot of people are/were affected by purity culture . I'd suggest contact Recovering from Religion (I volunteer there). You can chat with trained volunteers, get connected to the Secular Therapy Project, find resources on the main page and if you want join chat groups about leaving religion, dealing with sex/sexuality, LGBT, etc.
Dealt little with purity culture not much but what I have dealt with is being told I'm a front to their God because I kicked addiction without religion and without begging to be fixed how dare I but I'm sure they're good Christians yeah right
I was never really raised as a theist cause I haile from a stereotypical sober Frisian family in the Netherlands; not just my parents but also my grandparents weren't believers. But I think this sexy thing is the *real* problem with Christianity, also the homophobia! However, thank God we weren't raised as Muslims! Just imagine that.... Especially when you're a girl... See? It could always have been worse! 🤗 Happy thoughts! 🤗
i'm 70. i was raised catholic. by age 17 i knew i wasn't waiting for marriage and i wanted to play the field and I DID. no regrets. left religion when i was 19 (and still a virgin, lol, because i'm homely).
I was raised in this Mormon version of this Christian purity culture. This ideology that sexuality is forbidden and wrong and if you partake, think, feel or whatever towards these areas you are somehow broken , messed up, evil, wrong, offending this god ... Or whatever.. But I was also a victim of lots of abuse.. physical, mental, psychological, sexual....you name it.. So it caused a great deal of confusion and turmoil. And none of the purity culture crap stuck with me.. it really didn't work.. I left religion and god belief and all that nonsense at 16 .. and the damage was already done. All the sexuality stuff just made things worse. Once the word got out that I was this non believing heathen who was in rebellion against god and a reprobate given over to immorality and all that garbage and toxic heap of trash nonsense... It didn't take long for the " secrets " of my promiscuity with other girls in the "church" and outside of the church and even with other adult women in and out of the church started to become known in some circles.. I recall one particular person that this involved with, that her family and her father, a higher leadership in the church .., all took a real offense to my "relations" with his daughter... Or her brothers sister..or whatever male relative relation..or even other guys my age group had that were all friends.. It was all my fault for the seduction and deflowering and whatever. I was facing many threats of violence and harm.. got in several physical fights.. and had to watch my back for some time to escape being outnumbered and jumped. I understood the wanting to protect her "good name" and that nonsense.. but she was not the image they portrayed either.. she was a product of this purity culture toxicity..the damage it caused.. the confusion and wanting to keep things a secret out of fear and the fact of facing the shaming by others that she wanted to and did cross that boundary. Even then, at only 16 turning 17, I saw that this crap was bad and wrong and harmful. Sex, sexuality and the feelings, desires, thoughts and everything else was natural..it was okay.. and trying to suppress it did far more harm and little to no good at all. Denying it and avoiding it only caused more problems, both presently and in the future. Sometime many years later I was talking with a particular former member of the church..of which she left due to reasons the church opposed her relationship and choosing to marry someone that the church didn't approve of...(another woman), and she was also a ranking members of the churches daughter.. which brought "shame" to them in their eyes.. She and I shared a lot of what was going on back then. She was near my age.. and she recalled all the chaos back then but really didn't know all the details. But I shared it ..and with her own story of dealing with the "purity culture" within the church and experiences she took saw how damaging it all was.. how greatful she was to be free of it. She was ostracized and forced out because she was lesbian. These religious people have no idea the harm they cause.. the damages they do...and really for the most part they do not care. The only thing that matters is obedience..even when that obedience is harmful and wrong.. We talked about the toxicity of how they are willing to cover things up and keep secrets in the saving of face and image of the church and family names and their reputations. How they don't want it known that bishop or stake presidents, temple presidents daughter or whatever was going out and having sex in the backseat of her car .. or that a particular older married woman within the church had sex with a teenager.. or that a popular family within the church had daughters that were somewhat promiscuous and competitive about it to each other. She had no idea how prevelent it was happening..and that it was not really that uncommon.. that these are normal secrets they try to keep hidden. That at the same time they preach this purity culture, they are covering up sexual abuses in the church..
(I love saying this) Sexuality is a touchy subject. And given how poorly our culture does at helping young people to master their emotions, it's really not all that surprising that some go down the path of avoiding the issue altogether, whereas others, (like myself), explored a major part of sexuality. My experiments with it taught me not to fear homosexuality, and to realize beyond a doubt I was strongly heterosexual. But it takes a strong value system to restrain oneself from inappropriate opportunities. Life is full of tests. How we respond to each one, shapes for good or ill, how our lives turn out. Those of us who know the right ways to have a good time often pity those who don't. But both choices, to do it or not, can be valid. The main thing is to have integrity.
very nice episode. there are though "healthy limits" to what goes on in the bedroom, as inexperienced couples can put their relationship in jeopardy by venturing too far. it's not just a matter of consensual anything goes. dont need a repeat of the 60s. a balance.
In the 60s our schools prohibited girld from wearing ANY kind of pants... They sent girls home for wearing _culottes_ for crying out loud, even the ones that were virtually indistinguishable from skirts. But boys could wear pants so tight that they had to pee twice as often.
I liked the program & can relate. Catholicism is all about purity & being chaste. I however hate Brady 's use of the word "queer"! I am gay. I don't like the word queer at all. It makes me really uncomfortable to hear people use that word! 😕
I told my teen daughters exactly this "I want no knowledge period, of anything to do with that part of your life. Just don't make me a fuckin grandpa before I'm at least 48 of or something"
I told my 2 boys not to misuse girls or women for sex which my father told my male cousins to do . And I gave them a small jar of Vaseline each . I made sure they understood that this was normal and they needed to not turn me into a grandmother when they couldn’t care for or even didn’t want kids
Maybe that is a good idea: Ask yourself what is so disgusting about islam indoctrination, and then have a look whether you will not find something similar in christianity, in your congregation. So when you do that from the outside, and have some time, first dig really deep into islam, let your christian friend really get off how disgusting that all is, until he is really good at identifying the details of that indoctrination, how subtle it is. Relevant is probably mainly to trigger his/her thinking, to do something else than reciting what others told him to think. And only then, you go over to christianity. Maybe at first just mention certain habits, what they look like. Before saying "but that is what a christian denomination does".
This is so sad: I am a single 71 year old man who has a very and frantically religious married 71 year old female friend I have known all my life. She had a Christmas gift for me and drove over from her religious ministry to drop it off but would not be seen coming into my home alone. We have known each other since we were 5 years old. I was so embarrassed for her and felt like a total fool when she handed me the gift out on the sidewalk and then ran off to her car and off to yet another religious meeting. Religion can make people SO self centered.
I was raised in this purity culture. I was forced to read "I kissed dating goodbye". I was forced to take the "true live waits" pledge. I wasn't allowed to date. My parents eventually home schooled me for all of high school. I'm 40 now, and to this day I dont know how to talk to people. I have no confidence. I'm very socially awkward. Because I was never allowed to be a normal teenager. Christianity literally ruined my life, in more ways than one.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're able to go to therapy, and little by little overcome all the bullshit that Christianity did to you 😔❤️
I didn't get it as badly as you did, but I got it alright. 44 and still dealing with the effects. I'm about to be divorced from my wife of 10 years who has decided she's asexual and frankly I suspect purity culture helped put her on that track because she's never really enjoyed sex and genuinely resented any sexual attention even inside marriage. What a pile of shit.
@@thefisherking78 so, part of purity culture is not letting people figure out themselves until they're well into adulthood. Asexuality is valid, and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't like it. It doesn't mean she was taught to hate it, it doesn't even mean you're bad at it, maybe she's just tired of feigning interest.
@@EmpressLizard81 that is also entirely possible, and thank you for pointing it out so tactfully. Either way, it's a hard situation for us both to have had all these years at cross purposes while not fully equipped to even have conversations about it.
Caught a whiff of the drift awhile ago, stinks, instinct, desire, repressed then exploited by the originators, use diverted anger, guilt to their advantage, ironic, idiots, fear, same ranks here as Russia, might end us all,
Purity culture victim here. I’m not in touch with anyone from my church days now, but I wonder just how messed up all us poor kids wound up. I remember hushed confessions between friends about sobbing on the floor, emotionally devastated, begging God for forgiveness after giving in to the desire to “self love.” A bunch of young kids, their earliest memories of sexual awakening tied tightly to mental and emotional anguish. I know it did a number on me.
Yep, I went through a bunch of this as a kid and I'm still sexually dysfunctional as a result. The teachings of that culture were the exact opposite of what a shy, awkward kid like me needed to hear growing up.
Very grateful for my sex education at school - they didn’t teach us to be ashamed or to hang onto a sense of ‘purity’.
At my old college, my teacher even made a point of saying she hadn’t counted the condom packets! And I haven’t ended up pregnant yet because I was taught on how to do sex safely. This should be the standard for the modern world.
My parents were the same. My mother made sure we knew all about birth control, and when at 17 the opportunity for sex fell in my lap (literally) I considered it for a few minutes then thought "what?" and realized there were too many good reasons for NOT doing it at that age.
My mother repeatedly said "there's no reason for getting a girl pregnant"
I am so glad I got off the religious plantation. Absolutely no regrets I plan to enjoy the one life that I know that I have.
Wow. This episode has been extremely cathartic and emotional for me. At a time in my life where I am figuring out just how much damage purity culture did to me and my sister. Thank you. Love from Kansas.
A great interview, you always pick great guests that are very articulate and interesting. And that last quote, "The mind, once expanded, can never return to its original dimensions " Thank you Seth!
I love it that when Seth says “purity” he makes it sound like the dirty word it is.
Btw, my guess is that these fathers are exactly the kind of “toads” they warn their little girls of. Like they say: it takes one to know one.
Omg we totally did the purity ring thing too. It seemed so awesome and righteous at the time, now it sounds fucking crazy. It caused me so much shame and guilt even far into adulthood.
The human imagination the greatest trait that humanity evolved once it is freed from the chains of theism is humankind's most powerful weapon. That is why theists try to discourage it.
I had no roots in purity culture at all, but it’s an interesting and terrifying topic. Thank you for covering this topic with various perspectives and with friends whose experiences were so different yet so similar in the harm this culture causes.
Brings a whole new meaning to "daddy goes first". Absolutely disgusting.
I like the comment of Your previous interlocutor on the subject. That described all this "teachings" as making us hopelessly/helplessly romantic. Completely unable to take on reality.
And I get featured in yet another podcast, LOL. Cool. But I had to call in because this reminded me so much of my very first girlfriend, whom I'd met while attending a school for the blind. She definitely seemed to have been raised in that sort of culture, quite a shock for me since my folks, while they themselves were raised religious, made the conscious choice to leave that up to the three of us as we got older rather than indoctrinating us.
I love the British urban myth about the teenager who is pleasuring himself in his room and when he opens his eyes his mother has left a cup of tea on his bedside table...
i grew up with purity culture as well but not as intensely as the fundies. luckily my parents let me go to public school and watch tv. i was still sheltered but not as bad as these kids stuck in fundamentalist cults. none the less, my sexual exploration was paired with the shame\guilt cycle and it still effects me. I know I'm queer but have had a very hard time exploring that part of myself bc of the fear and indoctrination. i came out-ish with just a picture of a pan bc I'm still scared to say it outright.
I never had good sex education. It was, if you touch, you get pregnant. I was sexually attacked by someone I thought was a friend. I had no idea of the danger. I never dared tell anyone. I knew that telling my mother would get me blamed for being loose. All I did was accept a lift home from a friend's house, with a mutual friend, which I thought was safer than walking home alone at night. But I knew even though I had no choice it would have been my fault.
My narcissistic mother blamed me for being attacked. Frankly I’m didnt miss her after she died.
@@dancingnature You were in far worse position than me. My mum was a good woman just totally ignorant of life. She had grown up sheltered and naive. Everything was clean and proper. Bad things never happened to right and proper people.
A narcissist is a whole new worth of ball game.. They have bad intention. They are selfishly mean whether they intend it or not. I suspect your mum didn't want anything to upset her apple cart. My mum was brought up believing if sex happened to you you had made it happen. She was clueless. A narcissist will set you up just for the thrill if it. You were dreadfully misused.
"It was, if you touch, you get pregnant."
This reminds me of Coach Carr on Mean Girls giving safe sex talk LOL
I grew up catholic in the 90’s, so not the full on purity culture but I was definitely affected by it. I’m trans but I repressed myself because I was taught that sex was bad, I’m ace so that might not have helped, but when you meet the right person you would know and then get married and you would be interested in sex. It took me until I was 39 to break out of those ideas and I’ve been an atheist since I was 21.
Same. Although I was raised Catholic, which doesn't have a strong purity culture enshrined in it, evangelicals still managed to get me.
There are a couple things that I suggest people to do before they even consider getting married to someone they have been dating.
1. live with that person for AT LEAST 6 months, a year would be better. This way you get to see what they are like when they aren't just trying to impress you, you get to see their good and bad habits, you get to find out if they have some terrible behaviors that you can't live with and what they will or will not work on OR what they refuse to change.
2. You should have sex with that person. The physical aspect of relationships is very important, its a hardwired part of our nature (for reasons we don't only take part of it for now). If you aren't compatible with your partner then one or both of you are going to be unsatisfied with your relationship, this will cause regret, infidelity, and other relationship issues that waiting for marriage before having sex will mean you are partially stuck with that person.
These things are likely much of the reason many of the generations prior didn't have happy relationships with their partners, they were not friends who wanted to spend time with each other, they did their own things most of the time separate and any issues were ignored as much as possible.
During sex-ed at my high school in the mid-1970s, we were given honest biology and asked to talk to our parents for their guidance. Easier said then done, but I did and I got an honest response from my conservative folks. Then came the religious guilt when I told them I was gay a few years later.
“In the rest of the world sex is a fact. In America it is an obsession.”
- Marlene Dietrich.
Seth, great podcast! I loved the points, that I had to learn late, Jenica?, and you spoke of religious people are all victims. Well most, not the con prosperity preachers. But I had to learn to stop calling them religiotards. The one who taught me that was actually David Silverman! I still appreciate his early work. I don't think it's wrong to admire talents of people, even if you find they have other parts that are awful. Like Cosby, etc. As for you, you are, as far as I can tell, a 'best' human of the planet earth nomination!👍🌊💙💙💙🌊🥰✌
Great show as always
As a father of three now adult daughters and now a granddaughter, I never thought I could be more grossed out and disturbed until I heard that clip of some random religious nutter butter creepy ass dude speaking those words to his own daughter. Cultish barely begins to describe that insanity. Yikes ...
As a result of this "purity" indoctrination it has taken me a long time to accept that what happened to me was not my fault, that it was actually sexual assault and that yes, I do need some counselling for it. So many years after leaving Christianity and I'm still finding it really hard to even go to the doctor for examinations because of the residual shame combined with trauma that I still can't get my head around (though I'm hoping to start counselling as soon as a place is available). Yes, even so-called "moderate" religion can cause serious harm to the mind. Though on a happier note I'm certainly making up for those years of sexual repression! 😉 Open relationships/polyamory is OK even for women! 😊
On a side note, "hymen worship" is my new favourite phrase to describe this culture! The hymen = virginity thing is a myth, even a doctor can't tell whether you've had sex or not just by looking at the hymen. Just another untrue thing that religions worship! 🤣
This was a great episode and a lot of people are/were affected by purity culture . I'd suggest contact Recovering from Religion (I volunteer there). You can chat with trained volunteers, get connected to the Secular Therapy Project, find resources on the main page and if you want join chat groups about leaving religion, dealing with sex/sexuality, LGBT, etc.
Dealt little with purity culture not much but what I have dealt with is being told I'm a front to their God because I kicked addiction without religion and without begging to be fixed how dare I but I'm sure they're good Christians yeah right
I was never really raised as a theist cause I haile from a stereotypical sober Frisian family in the Netherlands; not just my parents but also my grandparents weren't believers. But I think this sexy thing is the *real* problem with Christianity, also the homophobia! However, thank God we weren't raised as Muslims! Just imagine that.... Especially when you're a girl...
See? It could always have been worse! 🤗 Happy thoughts! 🤗
i'm 70. i was raised catholic. by age 17 i knew i wasn't waiting for marriage and i wanted to play the field and I DID. no regrets.
left religion when i was 19 (and still a virgin, lol, because i'm homely).
I was raised in this Mormon version of this Christian purity culture. This ideology that sexuality is forbidden and wrong and if you partake, think, feel or whatever towards these areas you are somehow broken , messed up, evil, wrong, offending this god ... Or whatever..
But I was also a victim of lots of abuse.. physical, mental, psychological, sexual....you name it..
So it caused a great deal of confusion and turmoil. And none of the purity culture crap stuck with me.. it really didn't work..
I left religion and god belief and all that nonsense at 16 .. and the damage was already done. All the sexuality stuff just made things worse.
Once the word got out that I was this non believing heathen who was in rebellion against god and a reprobate given over to immorality and all that garbage and toxic heap of trash nonsense... It didn't take long for the " secrets " of my promiscuity with other girls in the "church" and outside of the church and even with other adult women in and out of the church started to become known in some circles..
I recall one particular person that this involved with, that her family and her father, a higher leadership in the church .., all took a real offense to my "relations" with his daughter... Or her brothers sister..or whatever male relative relation..or even other guys my age group had that were all friends..
It was all my fault for the seduction and deflowering and whatever. I was facing many threats of violence and harm.. got in several physical fights.. and had to watch my back for some time to escape being outnumbered and jumped.
I understood the wanting to protect her "good name" and that nonsense.. but she was not the image they portrayed either.. she was a product of this purity culture toxicity..the damage it caused.. the confusion and wanting to keep things a secret out of fear and the fact of facing the shaming by others that she wanted to and did cross that boundary.
Even then, at only 16 turning 17, I saw that this crap was bad and wrong and harmful. Sex, sexuality and the feelings, desires, thoughts and everything else was natural..it was okay.. and trying to suppress it did far more harm and little to no good at all. Denying it and avoiding it only caused more problems, both presently and in the future.
Sometime many years later I was talking with a particular former member of the church..of which she left due to reasons the church opposed her relationship and choosing to marry someone that the church didn't approve of...(another woman), and she was also a ranking members of the churches daughter.. which brought "shame" to them in their eyes..
She and I shared a lot of what was going on back then. She was near my age.. and she recalled all the chaos back then but really didn't know all the details. But I shared it ..and with her own story of dealing with the "purity culture" within the church and experiences she took saw how damaging it all was.. how greatful she was to be free of it. She was ostracized and forced out because she was lesbian.
These religious people have no idea the harm they cause.. the damages they do...and really for the most part they do not care. The only thing that matters is obedience..even when that obedience is harmful and wrong..
We talked about the toxicity of how they are willing to cover things up and keep secrets in the saving of face and image of the church and family names and their reputations.
How they don't want it known that bishop or stake presidents, temple presidents daughter or whatever was going out and having sex in the backseat of her car .. or that a particular older married woman within the church had sex with a teenager.. or that a popular family within the church had daughters that were somewhat promiscuous and competitive about it to each other.
She had no idea how prevelent it was happening..and that it was not really that uncommon.. that these are normal secrets they try to keep hidden. That at the same time they preach this purity culture, they are covering up sexual abuses in the church..
45-year recovering Mormon here. My first BJ/sex encounter was from the Bishop's older son when I was 13. Nothing's changed.
(I love saying this) Sexuality is a touchy subject. And given how poorly our culture does at helping young people to master their emotions, it's really not all that surprising that some go down the path of avoiding the issue altogether, whereas others, (like myself), explored a major part of sexuality. My experiments with it taught me not to fear homosexuality, and to realize beyond a doubt I was strongly heterosexual. But it takes a strong value system to restrain oneself from inappropriate opportunities. Life is full of tests. How we respond to each one, shapes for good or ill, how our lives turn out.
Those of us who know the right ways to have a good time often pity those who don't. But both choices, to do it or not, can be valid. The main thing is to have integrity.
"met my first gf at the organ school for the blind":
My terrible terrible mind !
Very bad mind but bet you were not the only one!
@@andybrace9225 We all need brain soap!
very nice episode.
there are though "healthy limits" to what goes on in the bedroom, as inexperienced couples can put their relationship in jeopardy by venturing too far. it's not just a matter of consensual anything goes. dont need a repeat of the 60s. a balance.
The 60s were better than the hysterical sexual repression of the 50s . By hysterical I don’t mean funny !
Sex is healthy.
And sex means different things to different people.
From a W European perspective. Do these people understand how similar they are to cultures like Iran or Afghanistan? Probably not.
In the 60s our schools prohibited girld from wearing ANY kind of pants... They sent girls home for wearing _culottes_ for crying out loud, even the ones that were virtually indistinguishable from skirts.
But boys could wear pants so tight that they had to pee twice as often.
I liked the program & can relate. Catholicism is all about purity & being chaste.
I however hate Brady 's use of the word "queer"! I am gay. I don't like the word queer at all. It makes me really uncomfortable to hear people use that word! 😕
The two aren't interchangeable to everyone
Anyone else have to do passport to purity growing up?
Your daddy is your boyfriend😨😵💫🤢🤮
Right? Cringe asf
Truly creepy.
Presumably if nobody asks you to get married then you might as well "Get thee to a nunnery"?
I always thought it was weird that women, in fundamental Christianity, had to wear skirts. Wouldn’t pants act more like chastity belts?
59:24 "it's oktober 14th to 16th..."
Now it's oktober 19th, so double u tee ef?!
Watch "The Other Boleyn Girl" and you may have an idea how woman were handled by the king. I'm not saying this is the usual practice....
In the middle of Iran Hijab Revolution, the Turkish Trump (pres. Erdogan) it preparing a referendum for making the hijab mandatory in "his" country...
I told my teen daughters exactly this "I want no knowledge period, of anything to do with that part of your life. Just don't make me a fuckin grandpa before I'm at least 48 of or something"
I told my 2 boys not to misuse girls or women for sex which my father told my male cousins to do . And I gave them a small jar of Vaseline each . I made sure they understood that this was normal and they needed to not turn me into a grandmother when they couldn’t care for or even didn’t want kids
Oregon school for the blind.. I walk by there five days a week...
Maybe that is a good idea: Ask yourself what is so disgusting about islam indoctrination, and then have a look whether you will not find something similar in christianity, in your congregation.
So when you do that from the outside, and have some time, first dig really deep into islam, let your christian friend really get off how disgusting that all is, until he is really good at identifying the details of that indoctrination, how subtle it is.
Relevant is probably mainly to trigger his/her thinking, to do something else than reciting what others told him to think.
And only then, you go over to christianity. Maybe at first just mention certain habits, what they look like. Before saying "but that is what a christian denomination does".
This is so sad: I am a single 71 year old man who has a very and frantically religious married 71 year old female friend I have known all my life. She had a Christmas gift for me and drove over from her religious ministry to drop it off but would not be seen coming into my home alone. We have known each other since we were 5 years old. I was so embarrassed for her and felt like a total fool when she handed me the gift out on the sidewalk and then ran off to her car and off to yet another religious meeting. Religion can make people SO self centered.