I had a dream this morning that I just lay down in the midst of an awful situation and sobbed as I was filled with the terror and pain of knowing I was unable to control how people felt about me, I couldn't make people love me. And when I woke I saw that my whole life was spent avoiding that truth. Distraction, deception, manipulation, anything to not feel that truth. The abyss of being nothing to anyone in childhood. The abject terror. Oh, the grief. But denying myself to myself is a betrayal. Facing this knowing feels like peeking the sun from behind the clouds. You're right, it feels like an initiation. Respect to us both for living this truth ❤
I couldn't have put it any clearer. Thank you. And well done, this agonising realisation and the grief at such unimaginable loss, really is what brings us into presence. No apology any longer.
Im 55 too, and it took me four decades to get to where I am now, walking steadily towards freedom. You are right, shame is a parasite. And nothing that anyone does to you compares to the darkness you rain down on yourself. Great vigilance is required, I can feel it trying to creep back in every day, even a kind of shame for not feeling ashamed. Its insidious, and love is the only answer. From one in exile to another in exile, thanks for sharing, all the best
@@Call-Me-Sam thank you for everything that you do Sam. Your words give me courage and strength. I hope that you've had a beautiful day! Merry Christmas!
I have come to find it easy to be kind to my self, my many selves I've been. Just as you say, I spent decades trying to control myself. When I fell entirely apart and was entirely alone, and there was no capacity for distraction, I was at a real turning point. Either end things or surrender. I chose surrender to reality. I'm entirely broken? Ok so be it. How can I help this broken soul suffer just incrementally less? What does this broken soul truely need? Compassion, acceptance, forgiveness. Art. Pets. Sleep. Boundaries. These things all slowly allowed me to see me. Layer upon layer. My self started to feel safe enough to come out. And even though im still not in a lot of connection with others, I've noticed those I do connect with, they can't hurt me with rejection etc. Not because im defensive. But the opposite. Because I don't have any expectations of them, and I care for myself regardless of their choices. Xo merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤️
And that is our predicament. Where is the tipping point when the hunger for connection outweighs the fear of unworthiness and shame. You belong in relationship, connected , loved as you are . Merry Christmas to you too. Love X
How does one know what they have forgiven themselves? And how does one ‘radically accept’ themselves? I have no idea what to do. You are right. I am not even living right now. I have no idea how to climb out of my own devastation. Thank you for opening up these conversations.
Self kindness, patience and compassion are the clues. Self cruelty is a voice that becomes quieter. Radical , just means total, unconditional acceptance....... that in itself is transformational. The devastation takes time to clear but it will. Small steps, small changes, in self kindness, tolerance and patience, be kind to yourself and gradual, maybe even painfully slow, progress will emerge. It takes time, hence patience being important.
We all have faith that the simple things in life will happen. Please consider faith in what is seen in nature, in looking at the stars, the ocean. How DOES the ocean know to stop at the shore. There is a God that loves you beyond anything you could ever imagine. Call out to Him and trust Him for a peace that passes all understanding. I have. Hugs
I think you forgive yourself by doing the next right thing, you cant change the past, but you can learn to live a life your ok with every day. Getting better means looking at the past and all the ugly bits. I regret all the drunk things I did when my mind and body was ill with things I didn't know until blood tests. Working mentally on your past, journaling what you did, and then writing what you'd do better that really helps keeping you moving forward. Your not gonna feel great every day we're human our blood is fluid, things are always changing in our bodies, and for me that's the bit that feels uncomfortable. Wish you well ❤
We are joined under THE FATHER by free will choice! GOD loves all HIS creation so very much!! Circumcision of The Heart, Stoney heart turns to a heart of flesh! We hold onto too much baggage from the past and all we have to do is lay it down and walk away. When we pick it back up it weighs us down and we have to lay it down again. It’s a process, a marathon. “Make free” We were all lied to and forgot! Isaiah 45:4 “For Jacob my servant's sake, and Israel mine elect, I have even called thee by thy name: I have surnamed thee, though thou hast not known me.” We walk by Faith not by sight! Hebrews 11:1-40 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good report. Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh. By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith. By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise: For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised. Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable. These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country. And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city. By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, Of whom it was said, That in Isaac shall thy seed be called: Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure. By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. By faith Jacob, when he was a dying, blessed both the sons of Joseph; and worshipped, leaning upon the top of his staff. By faith Joseph, when he died, made mention of the departing of the children of Israel; and gave commandment concerning his bones. By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king's commandment. By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward. By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible. Through faith he kept the passover, and the sprinkling of blood, lest he that destroyed the firstborn should touch them. By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land: which the Egyptians assaying to do were drowned. By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days. By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace. And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; (Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.”
I was raped when i was 22 years old. I'll be 60 next month. It destroyed me and my dreams of becoming a wife and a mother. I haven't had a relationship with a male since. Nothing. Nada. It eventually put me into a psychiatric ward in my early 30s for three months. The years of self harming. I haven't made any connections because I couldn't take any more pain. Even now going into 2025.
I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I’m sorry you hold that pain for that long. I had an experience around then that changed my whole trust in people too. I send my heart out to you. I wish people realized that this was the type of pain that can happen in this experiences and hold space accordingly. ❤
Dear Sam 👏❤️ Your mission is real and honest ….and your life story will see a.troubled human being the courage to go on You are a special human sharing your journey ❤️❤️🛐🛐🛐
@ibnenkigalileo9256 We have limited control over ourselves, or a convincing enough illusion of it that we can't tell the difference between our own free will and the deterministic energies acting upon us (through our own conditioning, our diet, Providence, astrological energies, hexes, whatever is influential but outside our awareness.)
Thank you so very much, Sam❤❤65 year old, call me Donna. What you said about born into hostility. I am with you and thank you for the connection . I have been deliberately opted out of romantic or friendships for 20 years because of the damage...family of origin ripped me to pieces. 2 marriages to abusive, controlling partners (just like my father). Had to move 2500 miles away and go no contact with family because I was the crying, nieve 'weak' one. I feel the world's suffering in such a profound overwhelming way that it is crippling, and my only coping mechanism to date is to keep it all at arms length. Healing & Hope to all who visit and share here❤Blessings and Peace in this holiday seaon❤
Hi Donna, I feel you, it's never too late to open and expand our bandwidth of what we are prepared to feel. Invite the world to find you and your capacity to remain stable and robust will grow also. This is my practice. It takes time, progress is non linear and painful but there is progress nonetheless. Blessings and peace to you too.
The ego tells all sorts of bullshit lies. We just have to give up everything we think we know and have the faith to just be present. The pain comes from thoughts, and those thoughts are not real.
Give up impossible things. And do not punish yourself for having wanted those things as there was once a reason, even if it was for dysfunctional reasons.
The parts exiled inside were shocking. I couldn't be seen because I couldn't even see myself. I have got much better at seeing myself. But I can't yet trust others to see me. X
Thank you Sam. This side of the video is easier. Your thoughts on never felt true connection, feeling fear to expose myself yet equal fear not to surrender/accept. Really Felt that! Tangled… that word was a good fit for me. Grateful for your gentle stirring of my tangled pot. 🤗🙏
The parasite of shame - perfect description! I also suffer from persecutory guilt. It’s exhausting! 😢I am much better now and I keep on learning and growing.
Merry Christmas, Sam! Perhaps THE best Christmas message I've ever heard. Or needed to hear. Thank you ❤ Your voice soothes my soul, your words quiet my mind. Your vulnerability and authenticity are gifts to all who are on this path. 🌟
Merry Christmas Sam 🎄 Thanks for taking the time to share such gems, which continue to uplift me. A video from you is the perfect gift 🎁Ps. Loved your last joint video too. Such a deep conversation and a real testimony to the importance of human connection, heartwarming and funny !! 🥰
This is very relatable. I'm the same, never experiencing real love and tenderness. Now 67 I've given up trying. I am filled with self-loathing and pretty much stay secreted away. I've written about my childhood and marriage in an Amazon ebook called Curb Your Narcissism. I'm sorry for what you experienced last week. That's ghastly. I understand, to some extent, because even socialising leaves me with feelings of torment.
Yes, first we have to have intimacy with all the parts we exiled and hidden away behind the wall. This initiation and relationship with Self... the path of Self discovery is the most beautiful journey we can take in this life. Much love to you my Soul friend.
Awe .. you speak very similar words, as Myself. One area im confident in is my Teachable nature & the amount of knowledge im able to retain. You too. Your a Brilliant mind. Listen, IM NOT EVEN LIVING! Ur so right! I almost hate to lay things down & start again .. just bc i feel like thats what leads Me to the exact same place im in now. Im tired of this cycle. I am absolutely a prisoner of my own mind.
I think you are explaining Aristotle's allegory of mankind being trapped in a cave seeing only shadows on the wall for me. Your "Hall of Mirrors" metaphor really resonated with me.
Merry Christmas Sam!...Sorry to hear your been on a downer last week but happy you got yourself out of it in the end ....you helped me so much with your words on your last video....I wanna share something with you that may help in times of need.....I listen to it every morning and sing.....It grounds me.....music is my therapy it just really helps...........VASHTI BUNYAN = JUST ANOTHER DIAMOND DAY.......love your chats think you are part of my therapy nowl Dont feel so alone ....Love is all 😍
This is the first time I've come across you. I've subscribed, I love your wisdom and your courage. "Agonising but not retraumatising", that was a massive insight for me. Thank you so much and Merry Christmas ❤
I think thats the internal fight within, we want to be ourselves... our bodies are shouting at us, but we never listen, we have turned a deaf ear to our bodies, because of our past people telling us otherwise, and then all were left with is a load of empty phrases and conversations in our mind. So we become frightened to be ourself, were scared to show other who we really are. But by that time, we dont even know who we are, the food we like, the drinks, our taste in clothes, how to decorate our own home or garden. All those past feelings of being un worthy, spew out into our Adulthood, and my middle age you cant keep the lid on it anymore. What a fantastic video. You always move me emotionally, a few tears but good ones, coz Im like yes, thats how Ive been feeling but I dont have the words you used to explain how I felt all over December, but now I have clarity and can see better. Your beautiful soul you really are, I hope you find somone to love you just as you are ❤ You can call me Liza. I love Pink, I love Gammer music just discovered it lol spongebob square pants is my fave lol and im a very untidy person too 😁 but Im ok with that. ❤
I am learning so much from what you are saying, and from how you say it. Thank you so much. You are a kind, good soul, and you are always living and learning, and sharing. Thank you.
You have spoken what i am dealing with and so many others. It's brave of you to say it aloud when most of us are hiding from these painful truths. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. They're so much pain, grief, shame on and on... The need to isolate from everyone and everything... Yes i hide bc i can't take anymore rejection. I'm old now and i just can't deal with it. The beauty and solitude of nature can be healing. I'm also beginning to deal with what society, govt has done to us. Made us into cogs to be used and abused to make money for others. Yes they did it and I took it up to do it to myself. Plus what family did etc...
I'm across the pond, wrapping presents and listening to you. And the amount of 'ah-ha' moments this is giving is such that I had to come type Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
The rape of my soul is ceaseless and impossible to run from, it goes with me everywhere. I am trapped in hell. NO ESCAPE!! Aching and dying for Bryan and the illusions he provided. I could weep and wail forever and ever for how much I ache for him, and miss the fantasy we shared.
Hi Sam your sharings are fantastic! I really really enjoy listening to your journey and how you have worked on yourself! I have found it very detailed and in depth! It’s so nuanced and that is really what makes it so valuable! I loved this piece on letting go of the need for control and how it manifests etc ❤ I am miles away in South Africa but am inspired by your story! Xxxxx
Sam, your Overcoming Testimony will touch others and you can reach a lot of others that has gone through what you have! Bless you!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! This is how much THE CREATOR Loves us! HE waits on us to be ready to lay down all the baggage from the past! “Be Made Free!!”
The mythical YT algorithm… such a blessing it can be, yet a curse most of the time. I relate to the shame… and the need for perfectionism and control. I suppose I have been masking or coping with a need to help others, and have a deep sense of moral responsibility to help others not because of guilt but because I believe it’s my karma to help others from what I’ve been through. But… I struggle with knowing how to proceed. I cannot just let go of control… you end up being so rigid that once you make an enemy of yourself you start being rigid about NOT being rigid. This back and forth sway is exhausting. Mindfulness has helped.. but you start being a perfectionist about it too. How to let go and just be in the present moment? Thank you for walking with me. I just wanted to share.
I've been thinking on this conundrum too. Everything matters, every thought, every action, every words spoken, it is a challenging path but if we can conduct ourselves with this in mind, considering our impact on the world and others, then we can be a help. But, we need to align with something transcendent, Truth, Morality , not self centred motivations . the conflicts , desires, fears etc of self will lead us astray. I do believe in God. God is that truth and aligning with truth, brings us into alignment with an intelligence that then lives through us. For me, self centredness caused me a lot of pain ..... and caused others a lot of pain, surrender to a higher power I think is an inevitable element of the path we call healing.
Merry Christmas Sam! May your days be merry and bright. Thanks for your clarity of thought in this video. Truly, fear is a crippling seed that is holding us back in becoming who we are meant to be. May we truly embrace love that overcomes all fear in the new year ahead. ❤️ God bless you!
Solitude is the real classroom and you have to be the teacher and the student. Being alone is the only way I found out who I really am and how to respect my own needs. No room for shame in my world anymore.
I'm super inspired to hear about your experience seeing the whole of the pattern play out across a lifetime. I have recently been having a similar experience. I've been thinking of it as the past-life review of the dying false self.
Carl Jung did some deep dives into a lot of this stuff. The subconscious is invisible to the individual. It says it in the name. But the subconscious exercises undue power over much of our lives. Anything which helps us see and identify these hidden forces within us is valuable. But a person almost needs some external help in order to see these things. Therapy can sometimes help but it often takes a long time and success is not guaranteed. Entheogens properly applied can by and large really help kick start this process. Things like high dose mushrooms can crank up that low level stuff to the point where you can really feel the impact all this fear and cultural programming is having on us every minute of every day. And once something rises to consciousness very often a person is able to sort it out or it just sorta works it's way out. Thanks for these thoughtful reflections about some of the most essential root sources of our personal and collective suffering.
Merry Xmas Sam! Great to see you here today! Very exciting news about the website, glad you are getting that together. You are really happy and joyous today, despite your ordeal of the previous week, and it’s great to see you being you. I will be in touch. I have much to share that I can’t talk about with friends or family, but it does need to be witnessed by someone who can at least get the experience.❤
Merci ❤. L'enfant en nous fuit le vide. (survie), l'adulte en nous le recherche ( liberté). C'est le paradoxe que nous affrontons. Vous etes loin et tellement proche à la fois. Liberté Amour Connaissance.🎉❤❤❤
First off, Sam thanks so much for just being honest, the good and the bad. about your photo. If I could just pause some of the views of you walking along there in that beautiful space you are located in, regardless of the sun showing, its magnificent. The crazy cool colors and depth...shrug, might be worth a consideration. take care.
Hi, Sam. I don’t usually comment but I’ve followed your journey for a while now and what a beautiful thing it’s been to witness your growth and healing over the past few years. You have such an articulate way of speaking that so many people resonate with and appreciate - myself included. I’m not one who thinks terrible experiences happen for a reason, but I do believe we can make the most of it and use what we’ve learned to help ourselves and then help others. You’re making waves. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for being. 🙏🏼
I had a dream this morning that I just lay down in the midst of an awful situation and sobbed as I was filled with the terror and pain of knowing I was unable to control how people felt about me, I couldn't make people love me. And when I woke I saw that my whole life was spent avoiding that truth. Distraction, deception, manipulation, anything to not feel that truth. The abyss of being nothing to anyone in childhood. The abject terror. Oh, the grief. But denying myself to myself is a betrayal. Facing this knowing feels like peeking the sun from behind the clouds. You're right, it feels like an initiation. Respect to us both for living this truth ❤
I couldn't have put it any clearer. Thank you. And well done, this agonising realisation and the grief at such unimaginable loss, really is what brings us into presence. No apology any longer.
It’s taken me 79 yrs - from head to heart - denying myself to myself is betrayal. Thank you sharing this. I see you!
Proud of you for facing truth and standing up and sharing. Love the setting. 🏴
Im 55 too, and it took me four decades to get to where I am now, walking steadily towards freedom. You are right, shame is a parasite. And nothing that anyone does to you compares to the darkness you rain down on yourself. Great vigilance is required, I can feel it trying to creep back in every day, even a kind of shame for not feeling ashamed. Its insidious, and love is the only answer. From one in exile to another in exile, thanks for sharing, all the best
“The truth that you embodied as a child, embody it now as an adult.”
Really needed to hear that. Kind of blew my mind.
“The parasite of shame that feeds off you.”💯
I knew that well.
Fellow survivor here.
Thank you and God bless you
🙏😊❤️🕊️
You are the Sun when it's not there. Thanks Sam ❤
Bless you. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.
@@Call-Me-Sam thank you for everything that you do Sam. Your words give me courage and strength. I hope that you've had a beautiful day! Merry Christmas!
I have come to find it easy to be kind to my self, my many selves I've been. Just as you say, I spent decades trying to control myself. When I fell entirely apart and was entirely alone, and there was no capacity for distraction, I was at a real turning point. Either end things or surrender. I chose surrender to reality. I'm entirely broken? Ok so be it. How can I help this broken soul suffer just incrementally less? What does this broken soul truely need? Compassion, acceptance, forgiveness. Art. Pets. Sleep. Boundaries. These things all slowly allowed me to see me. Layer upon layer. My self started to feel safe enough to come out. And even though im still not in a lot of connection with others, I've noticed those I do connect with, they can't hurt me with rejection etc. Not because im defensive. But the opposite. Because I don't have any expectations of them, and I care for myself regardless of their choices. Xo merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤️
Beautiful ! Merry Christmas
Sam, you are a beautiful, brave soul.
Bless you, I'm just like you. It's hard being human, feeling deeply our experience, reaching out for connection in love.
@Call-Me-Sam so very true
Sometimes I’m not sure what’s more terrifying - holding onto a lifetime of self hatred or the letting go of it!!
Merry Xmas Sam
Love n hugs xx
And that is our predicament. Where is the tipping point when the hunger for connection outweighs the fear of unworthiness and shame.
You belong in relationship, connected , loved as you are .
Merry Christmas to you too.
Love X
How does one know what they have forgiven themselves? And how does one ‘radically accept’ themselves? I have no idea what to do. You are right. I am not even living right now. I have no idea how to climb out of my own devastation. Thank you for opening up these conversations.
Self kindness, patience and compassion are the clues. Self cruelty is a voice that becomes quieter. Radical , just means total, unconditional acceptance....... that in itself is transformational.
The devastation takes time to clear but it will. Small steps, small changes, in self kindness, tolerance and patience, be kind to yourself and gradual, maybe even painfully slow, progress will emerge. It takes time, hence patience being important.
We all have faith that the simple things in life will happen. Please consider faith in what is seen in nature, in looking at the stars, the ocean. How DOES the ocean know to stop at the shore. There is a God that loves you beyond anything you could ever imagine. Call out to Him and trust Him for a peace that passes all understanding. I have. Hugs
To be Willing to forgive is what we need the most. A starting place.
I think you forgive yourself by doing the next right thing, you cant change the past, but you can learn to live a life your ok with every day. Getting better means looking at the past and all the ugly bits.
I regret all the drunk things I did when my mind and body was ill with things I didn't know until blood tests. Working mentally on your past, journaling what you did, and then writing what you'd do better that really helps keeping you moving forward. Your not gonna feel great every day we're human our blood is fluid, things are always changing in our bodies, and for me that's the bit that feels uncomfortable.
Wish you well ❤
We are joined under THE FATHER by free will choice! GOD loves all HIS creation so very much!! Circumcision of The Heart, Stoney heart turns to a heart of flesh! We hold onto too much baggage from the past and all we have to do is lay it down and walk away. When we pick it back up it weighs us down and we have to lay it down again. It’s a process, a marathon. “Make free” We were all lied to and forgot!
Isaiah 45:4
“For Jacob my servant's sake, and Israel mine elect, I have even called thee by thy name: I have surnamed thee, though thou hast not known me.”
We walk by Faith not by sight!
Hebrews 11:1-40
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
For by it the elders obtained a good report.
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.
By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.
By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.
By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:
For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.
Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable.
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country.
And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned.
But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son,
Of whom it was said, That in Isaac shall thy seed be called:
Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure.
By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.
By faith Jacob, when he was a dying, blessed both the sons of Joseph; and worshipped, leaning upon the top of his staff.
By faith Joseph, when he died, made mention of the departing of the children of Israel; and gave commandment concerning his bones.
By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king's commandment.
By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter;
Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.
By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.
Through faith he kept the passover, and the sprinkling of blood, lest he that destroyed the firstborn should touch them.
By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land: which the Egyptians assaying to do were drowned.
By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days.
By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace.
And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets:
Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,
Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens.
Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection:
And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment:
They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;
(Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:
God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.”
I was raped when i was 22 years old. I'll be 60 next month. It destroyed me and my dreams of becoming a wife and a mother. I haven't had a relationship with a male since. Nothing. Nada. It eventually put me into a psychiatric ward in my early 30s for three months. The years of self harming. I haven't made any connections because I couldn't take any more pain. Even now going into 2025.
I'm sorry for what you've lived through Catherine.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through Catherine ❤ take care of yourself
I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I’m sorry you hold that pain for that long. I had an experience around then that changed my whole trust in people too. I send my heart out to you. I wish people realized that this was the type of pain that can happen in this experiences and hold space accordingly. ❤
"We're in the prison of our own mind" - I love listening to you Sam!
Thank you Sam. 68 here and not even close to the bravery required….. Merry Christmas.
I's never too late. Even in your short videos and the small photo, I see you. Keep going, a tipping point will come. Love,
Sam
Dear Sam 👏❤️
Your mission is real and honest ….and your life story will see a.troubled human being the courage to go on
You are a special human sharing your journey ❤️❤️🛐🛐🛐
The agony of accepting you have no control over anything but yourself.
The agony of accepting you have no control over anything including YOURSELF
@ibnenkigalileo9256 We have limited control over ourselves, or a convincing enough illusion of it that we can't tell the difference between our own free will and the deterministic energies acting upon us (through our own conditioning, our diet, Providence, astrological energies, hexes, whatever is influential but outside our awareness.)
Thank you so very much, Sam❤❤65 year old, call me Donna. What you said about born into hostility. I am with you and thank you for the connection . I have been deliberately opted out of romantic or friendships for 20 years because of the damage...family of origin ripped me to pieces. 2 marriages to abusive, controlling partners (just like my father). Had to move 2500 miles away and go no contact with family because I was the crying, nieve 'weak' one. I feel the world's suffering in such a profound overwhelming way that it is crippling, and my only coping mechanism to date is to keep it all at arms length. Healing & Hope to all who visit and share here❤Blessings and Peace in this holiday seaon❤
Hi Donna, I feel you, it's never too late to open and expand our bandwidth of what we are prepared to feel. Invite the world to find you and your capacity to remain stable and robust will grow also.
This is my practice. It takes time, progress is non linear and painful but there is progress nonetheless.
Blessings and peace to you too.
The ego tells all sorts of bullshit lies. We just have to give up everything we think we know and have the faith to just be present. The pain comes from thoughts, and those thoughts are not real.
You are such a beautiful soul, Sam. ❤️ Just wanted you to know. Thank you for you, beloved.
'parasite of fear and shame, voice of hate' - so en pointe. 53 and our paths have similar segments. thank you for sharing your courage with the world.
Powerful 🙏🏼 Thank you for Your Journey. I see Me in You, & You in Me 🤍
Give up impossible things. And do not punish yourself for having wanted those things as there was once a reason, even if it was for dysfunctional reasons.
The parts exiled inside were shocking. I couldn't be seen because I couldn't even see myself. I have got much better at seeing myself. But I can't yet trust others to see me. X
Love is a messy business but we trust God is in the mess with us.
YES !
Indeed Sam, we're all just walking each other home. And as has been said, home is where the heart is. Merry Christmas Sam. Much love to you. ❤️🎄
Ram Dass?
Blessings and Restoration for you, Sam!
Thank you Sam. This side of the video is easier. Your thoughts on never felt true connection, feeling fear to expose myself yet equal fear not to surrender/accept. Really Felt that! Tangled… that word was a good fit for me. Grateful for your gentle stirring of my tangled pot. 🤗🙏
The parasite of shame - perfect description! I also suffer from persecutory guilt. It’s exhausting! 😢I am much better now and I keep on learning and growing.
So sorry for the abuse you suffered.
What a gorgeous , sweet bloke. Thankyou so much for your wise words.
Merry Christmas, Sam! Perhaps THE best Christmas message I've ever heard. Or needed to hear. Thank you ❤ Your voice soothes my soul, your words quiet my mind. Your vulnerability and authenticity are gifts to all who are on this path. 🌟
Thank you. We're all walking together. Have a lovely Christmas.
As you get older and away from the abuse, you begin to understand and accept reality and your need for connection.
Merry Christmas Sam 🎄 Thanks for taking the time to share such gems, which continue to uplift me. A video from you is the perfect gift 🎁Ps. Loved your last joint video too. Such a deep conversation and a real testimony to the importance of human connection, heartwarming and funny !! 🥰
Thank you Grace. Merry Christmas , may you have a peaceful day. I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation, we'll being doing more soon.
This is very relatable. I'm the same, never experiencing real love and tenderness. Now 67 I've given up trying. I am filled with self-loathing and pretty much stay secreted away. I've written about my childhood and marriage in an Amazon ebook called Curb Your Narcissism. I'm sorry for what you experienced last week. That's ghastly. I understand, to some extent, because even socialising leaves me with feelings of torment.
You are such an awesome human... thanks for all the videos and a very happy Christmas to you ❤
We're all awesome really ! But , thank you. happy Christmas to you too. May you have a peaceful day .
Eloquent as always.❤
Beautiful boy U R Born Again Thank you for sharing GOD bless your messages
Merry Christmas, Sam & Friends.
Thank-you for your powerful message.
One foot in front of the other…
Yes, first we have to have intimacy with all the parts we exiled and hidden away behind the wall. This initiation and relationship with Self... the path of Self discovery is the most beautiful journey we can take in this life. Much love to you my Soul friend.
Yes❣️To understand is in-DEED, to love; even and especially oneself.
Awe .. you speak very similar words, as Myself. One area im confident in is my Teachable nature & the amount of knowledge im able to retain. You too. Your a Brilliant mind. Listen, IM NOT EVEN LIVING! Ur so right! I almost hate to lay things down & start again .. just bc i feel like thats what leads Me to the exact same place im in now. Im tired of this cycle. I am absolutely a prisoner of my own mind.
Thank you, Sam
I think you are explaining Aristotle's allegory of mankind being trapped in a cave seeing only shadows on the wall for me. Your "Hall of Mirrors" metaphor really resonated with me.
"Nothing is certain but the mystery ...."
❤
Thanks for Being
My Witness.
X
❤️
I really REALLY needed to hear this Sam. Thanks so much from Lawton, Oklahoma USA
Wow
Continue to heal & others will heal through you as well.
Don't be ashamed
Don't be in fear
Allow the healing to take place
You are deeply loved ❤
Merry Christmas Sam!...Sorry to hear your been on a downer last week but happy you got yourself out of it in the end ....you helped me so much with your words on your last video....I wanna share something with you that may help in times of need.....I listen to it every morning and sing.....It grounds me.....music is my therapy it just really helps...........VASHTI BUNYAN = JUST ANOTHER DIAMOND DAY.......love your chats think you are part of my therapy nowl Dont feel so alone ....Love is all 😍
"-the parasite of shame" Yes.
Merry Christmas, Sam! ❤️🙏💚 Wishing you many blessings and abundant peace! I love you 💗
Peace and blessings to you too. X
You’re a beautiful person. Merry Xmas 🩷
This is the first time I've come across you. I've subscribed, I love your wisdom and your courage. "Agonising but not retraumatising", that was a massive insight for me. Thank you so much and Merry Christmas ❤
I think thats the internal fight within, we want to be ourselves... our bodies are shouting at us, but we never listen, we have turned a deaf ear to our bodies, because of our past people telling us otherwise, and then all were left with is a load of empty phrases and conversations in our mind.
So we become frightened to be ourself, were scared to show other who we really are.
But by that time, we dont even know who we are, the food we like, the drinks, our taste in clothes, how to decorate our own home or garden.
All those past feelings of being un worthy, spew out into our Adulthood, and my middle age you cant keep the lid on it anymore.
What a fantastic video. You always move me emotionally, a few tears but good ones, coz Im like yes, thats how Ive been feeling but I dont have the words you used to explain how I felt all over December, but now I have clarity and can see better.
Your beautiful soul you really are, I hope you find somone to love you just as you are ❤
You can call me Liza.
I love Pink, I love Gammer music just discovered it lol spongebob square pants is my fave lol and im a very untidy person too 😁 but Im ok with that. ❤
Thank you wonderful man xxx
I am learning so much from what you are saying, and from how you say it. Thank you so much. You are a kind, good soul, and you are always living and learning, and sharing. Thank you.
You have spoken what i am dealing with and so many others. It's brave of you to say it aloud when most of us are hiding from these painful truths. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. They're so much pain, grief, shame on and on... The need to isolate from everyone and everything... Yes i hide bc i can't take anymore rejection. I'm old now and i just can't deal with it. The beauty and solitude of nature can be healing. I'm also beginning to deal with what society, govt has done to us. Made us into cogs to be used and abused to make money for others. Yes they did it and I took it up to do it to myself. Plus what family did etc...
Self-Compassion ,really caring about my self, my own feelings...started my journey to really wanting to see my self better.😊
Excellent🎹🎼🎶🌹🌞
This video is that you share with us today is a beautiful gift. Thank you.
I'm across the pond, wrapping presents and listening to you. And the amount of 'ah-ha' moments this is giving is such that I had to come type Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
Also, we are all in our own way, healers. True healer status doesn't come from a course, or building.
Thank you so much Sam. I hope you are having a good Christmas. Sending love x
Very brave-very wise. Thank you, blessings to you-all of you-this holiday season.❤
Thank you. Bless you. 🙏❤️
Sending you lots of love. Xxxc
The rape of my soul is ceaseless and impossible to run from, it goes with me everywhere. I am trapped in hell. NO ESCAPE!!
Aching and dying for Bryan and the illusions he provided. I could weep and wail forever and ever for how much I ache for him, and miss the fantasy we shared.
Hi Sam your sharings are fantastic! I really really enjoy listening to your journey and how you have worked on yourself! I have found it very detailed and in depth! It’s so nuanced and that is really what makes it so valuable! I loved this piece on letting go of the need for control and how it manifests etc ❤ I am miles away in South Africa but am inspired by your story! Xxxxx
Yes,the most honest member of the family!! Very eloquently put info and advice, understood.
Hope you’re having a nice Christmas lovely, kind, wise Sam 🎄
Thank you
Sam, your Overcoming Testimony will touch others and you can reach a lot of others that has gone through what you have! Bless you!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! This is how much THE CREATOR Loves us! HE waits on us to be ready to lay down all the baggage from the past! “Be Made Free!!”
God Bless you Sam.💕
Thank you, Sam ❤
Hi Sam, I’m Sarah, lovely to meet you ☺️ and thank you for this resonant and timely message 🥰
Hi Sarah, I'm glad this resonated with you.
❤ control. Yes. This gives me a lot to think about. Thank you.
The mythical YT algorithm… such a blessing it can be, yet a curse most of the time. I relate to the shame… and the need for perfectionism and control. I suppose I have been masking or coping with a need to help others, and have a deep sense of moral responsibility to help others not because of guilt but because I believe it’s my karma to help others from what I’ve been through. But… I struggle with knowing how to proceed. I cannot just let go of control… you end up being so rigid that once you make an enemy of yourself you start being rigid about NOT being rigid. This back and forth sway is exhausting. Mindfulness has helped.. but you start being a perfectionist about it too. How to let go and just be in the present moment? Thank you for walking with me. I just wanted to share.
I've been thinking on this conundrum too. Everything matters, every thought, every action, every words spoken, it is a challenging path but if we can conduct ourselves with this in mind, considering our impact on the world and others, then we can be a help.
But, we need to align with something transcendent, Truth, Morality , not self centred motivations . the conflicts , desires, fears etc of self will lead us astray.
I do believe in God. God is that truth and aligning with truth, brings us into alignment with an intelligence that then lives through us.
For me, self centredness caused me a lot of pain ..... and caused others a lot of pain, surrender to a higher power I think is an inevitable element of the path we call healing.
Merry Christmas Sam! May your days be merry and bright. Thanks for your clarity of thought in this video. Truly, fear is a crippling seed that is holding us back in becoming who we are meant to be. May we truly embrace love that overcomes all fear in the new year ahead. ❤️ God bless you!
Merry Christmas beautiful soul ❤ Thank you ❤
Merry Christmas X
🎄May all your dreams come true dear Sam. Amen. Xo...
Solitude is the real classroom and you have to be the teacher and the student. Being alone is the only way I found out who I really am and how to respect my own needs. No room for shame in my world anymore.
God bless you, Sam!! Your inner knowledge is deep and true.
You are on the right path I can feel it. ❤
I'm super inspired to hear about your experience seeing the whole of the pattern play out across a lifetime. I have recently been having a similar experience. I've been thinking of it as the past-life review of the dying false self.
Thank you for your bravery and honestly early wishes for a brand new year of healing happiness and blessings beautiful soul❤
Merry Christmas to you Sam and everyone. ❤
Thank you Sam ❤
Soo well said.
Best Christmas gift, thank you
Carl Jung did some deep dives into a lot of this stuff. The subconscious is invisible to the individual. It says it in the name. But the subconscious exercises undue power over much of our lives. Anything which helps us see and identify these hidden forces within us is valuable. But a person almost needs some external help in order to see these things. Therapy can sometimes help but it often takes a long time and success is not guaranteed. Entheogens properly applied can by and large really help kick start this process. Things like high dose mushrooms can crank up that low level stuff to the point where you can really feel the impact all this fear and cultural programming is having on us every minute of every day. And once something rises to consciousness very often a person is able to sort it out or it just sorta works it's way out. Thanks for these thoughtful reflections about some of the most essential root sources of our personal and collective suffering.
❤️ life is not a riddle to be solved but an experience to be had… thought of you yesterday… merry everything from NZ
Great quote
Merry Chirstmas!
Embrace the mystery! Thanks for being my witness, friend 🤗
Thanks for being mine XX
Merry Xmas Sam! Great to see you here today! Very exciting news about the website, glad you are getting that together. You are really happy and joyous today, despite your ordeal of the previous week, and it’s great to see you being you. I will be in touch. I have much to share that I can’t talk about with friends or family, but it does need to be witnessed by someone who can at least get the experience.❤
Merci ❤. L'enfant en nous fuit le vide. (survie), l'adulte en nous le recherche ( liberté). C'est le paradoxe que nous affrontons. Vous etes loin et tellement proche à la fois. Liberté Amour Connaissance.🎉❤❤❤
Thank you Sam really needed to hear this today xxx
❤❤❤
Thank you for your wisdom I needed to hear this today.
First off, Sam thanks so much for just being honest, the good and the bad.
about your photo. If I could just pause some of the views of you walking along there in that beautiful space you are located in, regardless of the sun showing, its magnificent. The crazy cool colors and depth...shrug, might be worth a consideration. take care.
I think you're right... I shall see if I can find a frame that works. Thank you
I needed to hear this so much, thank you ❤
Merry Christmas, Sam! Your courage is inspiring.
Merry Christmas to you too. Thank you
Hi, Sam. I don’t usually comment but I’ve followed your journey for a while now and what a beautiful thing it’s been to witness your growth and healing over the past few years. You have such an articulate way of speaking that so many people resonate with and appreciate - myself included. I’m not one who thinks terrible experiences happen for a reason, but I do believe we can make the most of it and use what we’ve learned to help ourselves and then help others. You’re making waves. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for being. 🙏🏼
Thank you. It's been painfully slow progress so thank you for acknowledging it and thank you for your support,.
Thank you for sharing this, honestly
Thank you Sam. Be blessed and healed in Jesus name.
I really relate. God bless you
God bless you too
Thank you Sam
Hi Sam, merry Christmas have a wonderful time x
Thank you, and you too. X
Merry Christmas Sam. Thank you
Merry Christmas to you.