He’s trying to introduce his alternative point of view contradicting her subjective experience in the moment way too early rather than being deeply with her empathically in the moment, so she then escalates her affect as a care eliciting behavior. Then as he gets more intellectual in his interpretation she fragments even more. there’s no non verbal or verbal repair of the rupture in the moment so the interaction becomes more derailed. Then in order to maintain the bond she has to accommodate to his intellectualized interpretation. No wonder she’s angry.
@@1yanyiel Yes I am with post analytic training in applications of infant research theory, attachment theory, and intersubjectivity-self psychology theory. I’m in Manhattan, N.Y.
Demonstrating perfectly how challenging it is to work with someone exhibiting a borderline process. Mr. Yeoman's is a master at this kind of work, which requires great patience and deep listening.
@@drina4706 I am someone who figured it out myself at age 35 (and got officially diagnosed) I went into search of BPD specialized psychotherapist immediately. I searched a lot of things that were very hard for me to read, but helped with my self-awareness. I do belong in quiet, high functioning BPD group and I am cooperative with my therapists 100%. I would do anything to help me with this constant mental agony I've been feeling my entire life. I'm nothing like that at all in therapy.
most people don't. i work with borderline patients and this is an extreme example but in their research they do work with pretty severe personality disorders.
This person reminds me of my sister who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I've hated her for so long because of how hard she made life for me, but I guess I feel kinda bad for her now.
@@cannonballlight4939 She would react in a lot of ways that didn't make sense. She would try to manipulate my mother into buying her things or doing things for her, make my mother cry and constantly say no one loved her. She threatened to ruin my parents' anniversary because my mom didn't buy her the food she wanted, and then when my mother still refused she actually did ruin it by being as difficult as possible (she was around 15 when she did this). My sister shut a door on my arm, would disagree with everything I said, and teased me in a way that was supposed to put me down, even though I was three years younger than her and she was an older teenager. When she didn't get attention or things didn't go her way she would have full blown panic attacks and scream and scream, well into her late teens. She would sometimes say things that she knew would make me uncomfortable, like revealing sexual things to me when I didn't want to hear them. She would also threaten me a lot, telling me she would kill me or cut off all my hair when I was asleep. Every birthday I ever had she would try to ruin because she couldn't stand that someone else was the center of attention. For the longest time I just thought she was a major dickhead and she scared me. Nothing she did made sense to me, I didn't understand how anyone could behave like that and live with themself. But now I know that she had her own issues. Still mostly hate her though, and probably will never forgive her or want to build a relationship with her. I would like to find some way to get even with her but I am sure that living with herself and her condition is punishment enough.
Only totally fake and a mischaracterisation and stereotyping. Inclusive the needy emotional female acting out and the calm stiff upper lip objective professional.
When he said "And you were ready to more or less chop my head off" I immediately wished she was going to say "Well, no, how are you supposed to come next time then?!"
It depends what the person means to you. I have a sister who might be suffering a cluster b disorder. She is rude, brash, reaction hungry, out for validation... she has a lot of the hall marks. But she does mean well mostly. She is not pure malignant. It makes a world of difference in terms of tolerance.
@@alainvosselman9960 Yes, definitely. In my case, my older sister is a full blown dark triad cluster B, so there’s no redeeming her. She’s a lost cause, a lost soul unfortunately. We tried to help her and she almost destroyed the whole family as she destroyed her children and everyone that crossed her path. Her pathology runs deep. There’s no fixing her, unless a miracle happened.
@@analozada9475 That's a sad read ! Up until now i have dropped my entire social circle and that hurt like hell, can't imagine having to put a relative or spouse out of my life. I know what malignant people are like, there's nothing you can do. Hope you and your family are doing well in spite of the situation.
I'm starting therapy again after 3 years of being "ok". I was told by my therapist that I have grown amazingly and didn't need her services anymore. It's true that I have grown and am very much better than what I was. I can actually function, have long lasting relationships, and can reflect on my thoughts and feelings and choose to not act on them. However, my thoughts resemble her side so much, I don't act on them but they seem to be getting stronger and worse, especially at my job. I'm constantly thinking how much of a burden I am and how much I'm screw up and yeah...so I'm going back. I feel like I have fallen backward in my progression. Yet I need to realize how I don't act on these thoughts.
Don't be so hard on yourself BPD is lifelong DISABILITY an there's ssdi assistance many don't know they're eligible dsm5 eligible wish everyone patience peace and love
Ouch, this is heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking that people walk around everyday thinking these thoughts. ...yes, I know some of them can do tremendous harm to others.
Narcissists are people too. Why should we give them up? Why should we not have compassion towards narcissists? Narcissts are people that are hurt and tormented by life, twisted by lifes events in some fashion or another. I think we should try to understand narcissists more, and not try to hurt them or retaliate. I admire the compassion and understanding of Frank Yeomans.
@@maewest719 Admiration.....the tell-tale word. Narcissists always seeking admiration from others and admiring those they aspire to be. Nowhere did I suggest narcissists are not "people" and I certainly didn't say they're subhuman. I have compassion for what narcissists went through as children. The narcissistic stage of development isn't a "life" experience issue, they are an early childhood issue DURING the narcissistic stage of development. They could have been spoiled beyond belief or neglected/abused, etc. Bottom line, their early childhood dependency needs were not met. There is no "life events" that caused this past the age of 5, maybe 6 years old. It's a developmental disorder, an attavchment disorder, and a character disorder. You can continue right along being an apologist and/or an enabler for adult narcissists. I keep my empathy reserved to the children they once were, who had less than good-enough parenting. No where did I suggest that narcissists should be harmed. No where did I suggest that people should retaliate against them. No where did I suggest we should give them up? ...and my first words are how heartbreaking this is. Your comment is so assumptive that it's almost funny. It's as if English is your 3 or 4th language (which would be impressive, if that is the case) because W O W, did you ever make some MASSIVE leaps right into assumptions. lol My guess is that you are a narcissist yourself, since you made so many bizarre assumptions AND you mention "admiration", and mention ZERO about the people they harm, which means you can SYMPATHIZE but not EMPATHIZE. I admire no one. I do respect people. I value good moral character. I appreciate kindness and good judgment. I admire NO ONE because I'm not narcissistic. You guys just BROADCAST your pathology, and don't even know you do it.
@@le_th_ I think you jumped the gun there. I read Mae West opinion and it didnt make me feel she was gunning the narcissist. Just my opinion please don't cut my finger off for replying in her defence.
I just ended a brief friendship with a colleague who behaves exactly like the young woman here. I'm not a therapist, so as a friend I found myself walking on eggshells, being attacked for being hostile. When she began gas-lighting; denying that she was yelling and throwing a tantrum when I calmly asked her if she would stop yelling, that was pretty much it for me. Naturally, when I ended contact she acted like she ended the friendship. If anyone watching this thinks this therapist is doing nothing or doing something wrong they're mistaken. It is extremely difficult to provide a way for a mentally ill person to communicate without being affected negatively, plus therapy takes years so watching one session is really a demonstration of a technique, not a demonstration of a cure. Watch the q & a at the end too.
BPD sufferers do t tend to gaslight. Unless they also have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Which can happen sometimes. So, she sounds more like NPD to me. Anyway, if you don't feel like you can deal with her because it is affecting you negatively then just cut her out of your life. You have the right to do that. She is not a child and needs to get herself help to get better.
this is extremely possible with bpd patients, also if you notice she quickly switches from "splitting" him to splitting herself, there is still little self-reflection going on only hatred towards the self
I think he is amazing most therapists are quite cruel and stupid and then blame the patient which really doesn't help this poor girl. It would terrible to feel like that...think about it...Bravo him... And bravo her because that is a tough role to play and she does it well.
Understanding borderline traits has been such an answer to some missing puzzle pieces. I couldn't understand certain people's responses. I create and sell niche nutritional supplements for bodybuilders. I get a lot of very specific questions from a variety of people. This (as in the video) is how I was confronted when I didn't immediately remember a specific question one customer had discussed with me 2 weeks prior. Then, I was all they had in the world and I was the greatest. Then, they were going to turn my business around and re-work my website, but didn't, then they vanished. Then reappeared. I just tried to keep professional and polite. Ok, now I get it a little better.
Hi is this video freely available to use in an online presentation. Im presenting on transference and this is a great example of assisting someone to start noticing how they think about themselves and others. The link to this YT page will be embedded in the Powerpoint and played during the presentation but I want to be sure its not under any copyright restrictions for use in outside presentations. thanks
As a patient she would have every right to be upset as she is paying for the session and the delay in answering would set most people off as they would assume he's thinking about the lie or excuse he was going to make as opposed to answering immediately like any normal person would do. Most people would come into the room and apologize immediately followed with the excuse for being late. Not pause annoyingly as he did. This interaction gives me the impression that he was purposefully pushing his patence buttons to entice the reaction he got as a way to provide an example of a better way to deal with this type of unprofessional behavior, from a therapist, when it happens. It's delusional to think the therapist wouldn't care though, as that's how they make their living. There is nothing more annoying than attending a doctors appointment on time and having to wait an hour to get into see them & this happens all the time. Hell, even if you go to the Hospital Emergency area they make you wait instead of taking care of you immediately which is actually unprofessional and dangerous. Some unqualified receptionist makes the decision that your emergency isn't top priority. In some cases it can be a matter of life or death. Oops, sorry about that, it didn't seem quite so serious. I myself, have a very difficult time with my own doctor who is a complete jackass and if there wasn't a shortage of doctors I would most definitely seek out another. The last time I went to see him, which was about a year ago, he was actually wearing a mask. Any educated doctor knows they don't work and he admitted that when I confronted him about it. Not only that, he then proceeded to ignore the real reason I went to see him in the first place and did not help me properly. I left the office with no help and have had to find other ways to deal with it. I know this is off topic but thought some of you might be able to relate.
I got diagnosed with BPD but I would never behave in this manner but I'm more easy mannered than this actress in this role but that's just me. I understand this is role playing but I find it more stigmatizing toward BPD because of how inconsiderate and quick to anger this individual is and unable to consider the therapist's perspective. I just want to clearly state not everyone with this disorder behaves in this manner and not to generalize this role play to all peers with BPD.
@@molestedmango Have you considered that BPD has co-morbidity with a lot of disorders all influencing the complete appearance person to person. Obviously the BPD + NPD, are like total opposites from BPD + AvPD. Most, people with a personality disorder, meet the criteria for 2 or more.
I bet a lot of people don’t act this way with a therapist over being late, but they might act this way with others over something else or they might feel this way without acting out.
Phoenix the II They may not have actually spent more time with the other person. For all you know, they may have been running late because they have taken phone calls related to their own family issues and could have been late with the patient before you. I have to work at not making assumptions.
I felt the same way when my therapist wasn't talking to me much. I felt very emotional but I was always self conscious about ppl were watching me so I never let my rage free. I tend to supress it and Im having other problems now.
I wish I could find him. I feel like my mother's whole life could turn around if she could spend time with him. I've only recently started to learn about BPD and my mother seems to hit every bullet point. But I'm finding that a lot of therapists won't take on BPD. They will take me on as the adult child only.
24:28 Own it (the anger, the aggression, even the doubt), integrate it! Don't fight it, don't be ashamed of it. That's it! We all too often defer that the psyche should work like the physical world: if I resist a physical force long and strong enough, I win and it goes away. Not so the psyche... The resistance and pushing unwanted things away in us only leads to them growing in the dark and becoming more strong and sabotage our well-being everywhere. And moreover if we can appreciate these "bad" tendencies in us we will see that they are just the right tool..... in the right context!
some criticisms here about therapist: too laid back, casual, blase, condescending,= doesn't seem to care. I can sort of see that point, but i still think his technique is brilliant.
The patient is clearly not fine. Though, one could argue if pathologizing her like this, is fair, or helpful. She’s clearly distressed. Though, is she sick? That’s questionable at best.
I can become abusive but try not to. I would not become angry with my therapist if they are late by 5 even 10 min. I've be late sometimes too. I think if you have a good relationship with your doctor and you have boundaries them sometime it is understandable to lose it. This I don't consider a good example maybe just a touch of what can go on at a session with your doctor.
This is the point of this kind of therapy, you are allowed to express your feelings and not fear retaliation, be secure in the therapist's commitment to the contract you make at the beginning of therapy. It's safer to explore these kinds of emotions here than elsewhere in your life. BPD involves lots of boundary violations btw.
I'm not a Borderline, but I thought I was, until I turned 49. Well-I just found out about three years ago that my normal behaviours to bullshit and respecless treatment were not unnormal and wrong, just because the Narcissists in my life made me believe they were. I have Cptsd, am an HSP and neurodivergent human being. I can't bear watching this more than to the point the NARCISSISTIC! therapist told the supposed Borderliner woman that he had something more important to do and that's why he is late. That's why people display reactive "abuse", which is used against us by abusers and toxic people.The disrespect triggers me badly.
What would compel him not to validate how she feels? Why couldn’t he say something like “ it sounds like you felt abandoned when I was running five minutes late. It looks like you feel I disrespected you because I did not respect your time. It seems like you felt I had ill intentions. Do you feel I wasn’t there for you because I ran late.” Why the runaround? It seems like what she’s looking for is some sort of cognitive empathy. An awareness of how his behavior caused her to feel whether or not he is responsible for her feelings is another story but acknowledging that she does feel a certain way would seem to go along way… What am I missing?
Maybe. Or maybe I just really appreciate this therapist and I really liked his approach which had the hypothetical patient making her own realizations. She was acting, everything was planned and it was pretty accurate in my opinion
In a nutshell: the point of TFP. Such a reaction from the therapist which you described would in my opinion satisfy a need that probably should be - if staying in bounds of the principles of TFP - interpreted rather than acted out. This way - how it eventualy played out - transferance (the patients projections) can be experienced, interpreted, tolerated and reflected upon. @Michele Laurens - well put.
i get the same reaction to him. he is very condescending. it's the intake of breath and the pinching his nose and his flippant comments. but he may be doing it on purpose to elicit a reaction. my doctor can be like this too.
and she is not being very nice either. she is kinda confrontational. her arms are crossed and she is skipping all over the place emotionally. and we all know that we can be explosive. i find maybe he is keeping a lid on it.
Kind of feel therapeutic effect can happen in real life events which has an outward goal other than just sitting and talking, or in a community setting where individuals get more social support. Also it would be hard to believe the therapist cares when he receives money. I'm not denying the potential positive effect of such sessions.
I‘m a teacher. That’s how I make a living. Regardless of the money, I care deeply about my students. Even more so I am glad that I get the chance to make money from working with them, cause if teaching had to be done for free, I simply couldn’t afford to spend time on my students. I’d have to spend my time and energy making money elsewhere. I am also in therapy. Though I pay my therapist for her work, I can absolutely believe that she is invested in me and my health. Maybe my analogy can help you challenge your perspective.
This feels like a power struggle to me. The therapist may have a narcissistic temperament in which he doesn’t want to “lose” this conflict. I see myself just as much in the therapist, given of course that I’m projecting these narcissistic traits onto him, as I do in the patient. I have significant vulnerable narcissistic traits, and some bpd traits.
I think it's difficult to understand a chain analysis if you've never agreed to do one. But he is doing a chain analysis. It is not great to do it if somebody is not aware or open to it - but I think the idea here is that she is a dedicated client, not someone who has just met him and is building trust. You shouldn't treat this like a first time session.
Wow . When she said im you did it to me so I’m going to do it to you . Holy moly from her believes crazy I did this with my first girlfriend when she would be late that’s why the reason I would leave so when she would get home she wouldn’t see me . Becouse I believed she did to me intentionally
At first I thought what a bitch.Then I saw some of me in that.The other day my therapist was (again)5-7 mins late and my thoughts were we have only an hour and if I were her I'd be as late as I could get away with too,cause I'm a pain in the ass.Felt like leaving and never going back.I threw her for a loop a while back when I told her I'd been studying body language.Eye movement-up left,center,down right etc.How one sits-which leg is pointed in what direction,etc.I feel bad she is stuck with me!
Just spent 5 years with a Borderline had no idea what I was up against. I always knew he was in his head but I had no idea what was going on in there. I navigated it well, but I have spent 15 years in Mindfullness training. It was an interesting experience, not one I would want to repeat however.
Self-diagnosing is bad but one sided diagnosis from that ex that watch a youtube video is always valid charmee! You are an amazing and insightful person that can diagnose a neurotype of someone you spent maybe less than 1/12 of their life with! What an awesome person
If you look at their first interaction where she's right in a way buuuut not in a way that would be beneficial to her.. I feel like this could be another one of those situations. I believe that we are all driven by self motivated reasons at a deep subconscious level. With that in mind, is what your saying really a bad thing since he is helping others as well as helping himself?
The way the therapist is drawling and his overcasual demeanour are just unbearable. On the level of body language he is not at all conveying that he cares about the patient.
@@gabrieldamasceno3971 wow does it seem like irrational needs? I am sure if he were with a narcisistic patient he would be much more alert, alive. Something abusive has been going on what we witness in this video.
@@gabrieldamasceno3971 He's supposed to be a therapist, you know help her. Validate her feelings to help bring down her upset and help her out of emotion mind, so he can teach her coping skills that will help her learn to bring down her own emotions by herself because clearly they are far too powerful her to handle with the skills she has right now and that's why she's in therapy in the first place.
Great observation Schnee!! Where did you learn that? A certified body language expert from you tube! How many hours of youtube videos are you on? Does it finally scratch that empty, rotten, tickled part of your ego Schnee?
I understand this is just a rolle but it is not a good one... . I have borderline personalitity and I never react, talk... like this with nobody in all my life. I am very polite, respectful. I can't see me in this Person.
Rozalia slaboiu I can understand what you say some borderline personalities are soft with others and some like this girl are violent as if they had nothing to loose. Probably you feel you need so much people that you have too much to loose.
@@nefelibata4190 Again check the DSM! BPD is a spectrum disorder!!! Not everyone had the same symptoms nor tot he same extent!!! No tall BPD sufferers are drama queens nor manipulative!!!! Some people are hard on themselves and the BPD manifests itself differently by them being more insecure, etc. basically introspective things not external!
@@pooplord6688 Because BPD is a spectrum disorder and not every sufferer behaves like this nor thinks like this!!! My close family member certainly never behaves like this!!! And he has it. He is low on the spectrum and doing very well.
@@drina4706 But this is the typical BPD sufferer. You run into this problem with any generalization. That doesn't mean we shouldn't make generalizations. It's important to help the typical BPD sufferer and their families.
@@nefelibata4190 hahahah, right? The amount of time these “victims” that keep repeating and repeating their relationship with people with mental illnesses of some kind and then report it on the internet for street cred. Oh sorry I wasnt speaking about PWBPD, turns out. Its you who play victim lolll At this point, as an observer, I think people like you totally GET OFF on that pwbpd puss*es becaus you can dominate them huh? Cant imagine how that would feel, but I guess you’re pretty addicted to it. Considering this actor somehow makes your hate boner rise up.
Let's see how well this therapy would work on me? I know I need therapy, I'll just put myself in the patient's shoes and write up what my responses would be. ^__^ *"5 minutes late!"* Ok, off the bat, I know that shit happens, so I wouldn't lose it over someone being just five minutes late. If it went up to fifteen (on a bad day) or thirty or more, then I'd act like this, but I have shame issues about "making a scene", so that might just be me and for the point of this little experiment I'm doing, I'll pretend I'm having a BAD day, or maybe I know the therapist really well (when I know people really well, my "don't make a scene" thing seems to go away for some reason... *"Uh, let's see.. uhm... Well..."* Wth? In what universe is that a normal answer for anyone who isn't trying to make up an excuse on the spot? It's practically a caricature of one, lol. What kind of therapist would give such a shifty-sounding answer, _especially_ to a Borderline?? Is this a student? *"You thought me not answering was because I wasn't going to answer?"* Not until just now when you kind of _specifically changed the subject_ from answering to focusing on my thoughts _about_ your not-answer instead. No, not then, but now, yes, I think you're not going to answer. Until then, I just thought you were fumbling for a plausible lie to cover up you just being lazy or grabbing a pack of cigs on the way in, now I think we're going to make this about me instead of about why you were late, which makes me suspect your intentions where I hadn't before. *"Muh, yeah, well I do apologize-"* You sound _so_ sorry. Lol, if I apologized like that as a kid, I'd get in _more_ trouble. *"-but I was struck by the fact that [stumbling along trying to say that when I took a moment to think, you assumed I wasn't going to answer]"* Could you have moved past that apology any faster? Also.. Well... Considering you _still_ haven't answered the question, I'd say that the assumption is becoming less noteworthy by the second. -.-; Is this just bad acting or is it supposed to show a bad therapist or what? The lady is being a bit irrational over just 5 minutes, but otherwise, I mean, come on... What is this guy _doing?_ I thought I was going to be watching like, "how to use successful therapization on a Borderline", instead I feel like I'm watching a middle-school play about a therapy session. *"You were waiting-what went through your mind"* You're seriously still not going to answer the question? What are you, a politician? I was thinking it's hot out here for Spring, who cares? Regardless of what my immediate, and probably just frustration caused, assumption about your reason for not answering, you are in fact _not answering_ thereby validating whatever irrational process by which I arrived at it. Who gave you a license? *"That I knew it was your session and I just had another priority"* No, but you say that like it never happens. *"Is that what happened?" "Well...........* _gurgling noises... death rattle?_ *...........no"* OMG! WITH THIS POWERFUL PROFESSION OF INNOCENCE MY CONFIDENCE HAS BEEN RESTORED! *"I-I'm still pausing on how that must feel, to [believe that people lie about shit]"* No kidding. People prioritize their own wants over the needs of others all the time. Welcome to Capitalist America, dude. How much am I paying you an hour? $XXX.XX? Ok, so if _need_ were paramount over _want_ here then I'll be paying you about 50% less because considering how much we each earn, that money would help my life a lot more than it helps yours, so I need it and you just want it. Lol. Yeah, it's 100% possible you decided something else was worth doing before coming here, especially only for five minutes? It's not even unreasonable. A quick coffee before getting to the session. Finishing the last five minutes of that Game of Thrones episode. You're there before me every other day, and you're human, nobody's perfect. Even if I'm a terrible Borderline, with really bad paranoia, who takes everything the worst possible way, I'm the patient, you're the doctor. You're the rational one and I'm seeing you for help on taking things the wrong way and overreacting so you've immediately got the upper hand and, you can lie.. _Traffic was bad, you accidentally set your alarm to PM instead of AM, completely change the subject and start talking about_ me _instead of bothering to address the issue at all_.. --.-- But you have no idea what it feels like to believe this? You're too naive to be a therapist. I prefer getting psychological help from someone who's _met_ human beings before. *"Just say sorry and move on" (I wouldn't say that, but let's pretend I would) "[Porky pig impression while diverting yet again, and basically begins examining whether each time I have a double blink, it means that I have trust issues and not that he's deliberately avoiding my question, while not addressing the fact that he is literally at this moment validating said trust issues by **_not answering the damn question_** that was, in fact, proposed for me **_by_** an insinuation on his part about what my original question **_meant_**]"* I would have to excuse myself and go have a cigarette while talking myself out of the free education offered by our correctional system so that I would not throttle this man. I think I am not a good candidate for therapy. :c Is this what therapy is? If so, I'm doomed! I can't handle this level of double talk and bullshit and I'm not even three minutes into the video... This is a man whose methods are worthy of an audience and filming and putting on UA-cam? Oh, Gods help me, because I think no one down here can! :'c I need a cigarette to even finish this video. What an obnoxious, infuriating man! _I_ could have dealt with this woman better (calmed her down while making her feel validated without validating any assumptions she made etc), in less time, and everything I know about psychology I looked up myself while trying to understand myself! Maybe I should just get myself thrown in prison and pursue psychology for myself. _I'm joking!_ I'm not a psycho, I swear lol. Though I definitely have empathy issues, I have enough sense to avoid aberrant behavior because I really like my freedom. Also, I'm not a sadist, I don't want to hurt anyone or take their stuff. I just can't help but have an ironic laugh at the fact that in America, going to prison is the only way I'd ever be able to afford college.
Isabell Woodell _"Let's see how well this therapy would work on me? I know I need therapy, I'll just put myself in the patient's shoes and write up what my responses would be."_
Paint Pastel Princess I think diagnoses are good as _guidelines_ to treatment, but like everything else humanity has ever tried to categorize, doctors really need to wake up to the fact that no Dx can ever have sharp corners. There's always fuzziness, because our lives are what make up our brains and everyone's is different, which means everyone's responses to things are different. A Borderline is a Borderline (though I think Borderline and Sociopath can be merged if we fix our ideas of gender) but "Borderline" is a *broad* theme that many different kinds of people can fit into. One of these days, science will give up trying to put people in boxes and _then_ we'll really start getting somewhere.
Paint Pastel Princess A lot of people think that the skewing of Sociopaths being mostly male and Borderlines being mostly female is because Sociopathy and Borderline Personality Disorder are the same disorder, presented differently because of the cultural expectations of men and women, the way we're raised, etc. For instance, men are more prone to externaling anger while women are more likely to nternalize it, so you get the violent male Sociopath and self-harming female Borderline whose behavior was triggered by the same faulty mental processes. Bam, two different Dxes for one disorder, split based on social gender b.s. Your psych says that because people can't be trusted to make an objective analysis of themselves and their behavior. Also, because psychology isn't a real science, so the stuff online isn't going to all match up. Borderline IS one of the most misdiagnosed, stigmatized and misunderstood issues. BPD has MANY overlaps with AsPD, if your shrink said it has none, get a new shrink because s/he is an imbecile. She might just be trying to boost your self-esteem or help you to not errantly misattribute empathy-related symptoms. Hollywood movies aren't realistic, they're movies. That doesn't mean BPD has nothing in common with NPD and AsPD, lol, they're all Cluster B disorders for the Gods' sakes, they're lumped together for a REASON. She has absolutely no business telling you anything caegorical like that, that is just a THEORY. And, it seems to be a quite flimsy one based on placebo effect of the patients just thinking nicer thoughts about their Dx. The name change is sought because BPD is a misnomer from a time when "hysteria/mania" was considered a legit thing, Borderlines had only just stopped being called Manic Depressives, and the term meant to signify the person was on the "borderline" between mania and depression. It has nothing to do with anything but name-accuracy (which is why they haven't exactly been in a hurry to change it). I know about BPD being similar to other disorders, and I know about the stigma... I HAVE BPD, I'm well aware of what it is...is this stuff relevant to your point somehow? It's not as ambiguous as you make it sound, nor is it as useless a label for a qualified doctor. The diagnosis doesn't make the doctor focus on any trait, that is at the doctor's discretion every time and a well qualified doctor will do a kind of psych triage to determine which issues should be focused on and when. I have a feeling, based on your comments here, that you haven't met many of those, however. It's not an insult to call a personality disordered?? How many people with BPD do you know? I'm sure not enough for their experience to be relevant to this discussion. Regardless, people don't "benefit" from labels, the people around them do. A label isn't made for the thing it's labeling, it's made for those looking at the labeled thing. That treatment is available regardless of whether the patient is labeled or not... I think maybe you're just the kind of needy/weak-willed type of person who needs to be coddled, so your therapist is coddling you by giving you an overabundance of reassurance that being crazy is totally normal and doesn't make you a bad person. Well don't worry, I'm not here to disagree. It is. It's totally normal to be fucked up in the head because most peoples' parents are clueless idiots who couldn't properly raise an orchid, let alone a human being- yet they do anyway. Still, to try and redefine the world instead of accepting YOUR issues is just denial. But if it works, then maybe your shrink is going to have you work on adjusting your perception of reality back to normal later. Good luck either way.
Paint Pastel Princess It's never a good idea to dismiss something BECAUSE you're ignorant of it. I am far from the first or only person to draw parallels between BPD and AsPD, and I'm hardly the first or only one to suggest that these parallels might have to do with gender stuff. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3323706/ There are multiple links on the top-right of that page to other articles about the same topic, if you want to do more research, so I'm not going to link more here. Psychology isn't a science at all, it's a pseudoscience. I get that you think BPD is such a horrible label that it causes problems with treatment, and my points are merely: 1. Not always 2. It doesn't matter enough to change it because it's the behavior that originated the stigma, and not the name. Whatever new name you replace Borderline Personality Disorder with will eventually mean the same thing once people reassociate our trademark batshit BEHAVIOR with the new name. I've not read Cohen's work, it doesn't influence me. You seem to misunderstand empathy disorders as all being a complete lack, but empathy disturbance isn't an on-off switch. You can have partial empathy, or intermittent empathy and even too much empathy as well as "normal" levels and none. The psychiatric community shooting something down doesn't automatically illegitimize it. The psych community has been wrong many, many times before. That's the problem with pseudoscience. Again, not saying I agree with him (I don't know enough about his position to have any stance on it) but you've given me a pretty flimsy reason not to. Unless you're a researcher/census taker of some kind, the amount of people you could have talked to about this is not high enough to merit mentioning them or their opinions here, ESPECIALLY since the pool from which you've drawn them is so absurdly tiny. They're not _my_ theories. I don't "suffer" from my empathy disorder, in fact, when my empathy is being absent (I've got the come-and-go sort of empathy disorder I mentioned earlier) I am blessedly free of suffering. I wish I were a sociopath, empathy is a prison that strips you of autonomy and free will. Empathy is what makes BPD so miserable. Im not projecting anything on anyone, you are. You're projecting your personal stereotypes and biases about _your idea of Sociopathy _against_ the disorder itself, and that is tainting your ability to understand anything to do with it. You are literally doing to AsPD what you accuse people of doing with BPD. Just as BPD isn't limited to stereotypes about it, neither is AsPD. You're sitting there and telling me all about how Borderlines are so varied, and yet you think all Sociopaths are the same. Take a step back and consider your hypocrisy.
Educational purposes, only way to learn how to interact is to view proper interaction. shame this one is so rigid and the guys not very good under pressure, however theres still alot to be learnt from how he answers and how the clients body language and attitude and dialogue changes the conversation.
Jungian therapy approach...Folks,no body is stupid nowdays to pay session for obvious facts....Problem is unconscious which keeps person into the nutshell...Borderline patients are very intelligent...They need techniques to understand perceptional and emotional distortions...It's not easy,it's not something which you can solve on this way...
i love how the title of this video works on multiple levels
Lmao
Even after reading your comment it took me half a minute to catch on, but yes... that's profound even. Bravo :D
I like how he said “If I thought of myself as a bitch” with a straight face
wish this guy was my therapist even his voice would calm me down
To me, I immediately felt he's a Narcissist, totally disrespectful
He’s trying to introduce his alternative point of view contradicting her subjective experience in the moment way too early rather than being deeply with her empathically in the moment, so she then escalates her affect as a care eliciting behavior. Then as he gets more intellectual in his interpretation she fragments even more. there’s no non verbal or verbal repair of the rupture in the moment so the interaction becomes more derailed. Then in order to maintain the bond she has to accommodate to his intellectualized interpretation. No wonder she’s angry.
Are you a therapist? The way you described it sounds like it
@@1yanyiel Yes I am with post analytic training in applications of infant research theory, attachment theory, and intersubjectivity-self psychology theory. I’m in Manhattan, N.Y.
Yes I agree with you. You explain it very well.
Demonstrating perfectly how challenging it is to work with someone exhibiting a borderline process. Mr. Yeoman's is a master at this kind of work, which requires great patience and deep listening.
Not all BPF sufferers behave like this or have this attitude. They are not all the same.
@@drina4706 of course not all do. This is just one example.
@@drina4706 I am someone who figured it out myself at age 35 (and got officially diagnosed) I went into search of BPD specialized psychotherapist immediately. I searched a lot of things that were very hard for me to read, but helped with my self-awareness. I do belong in quiet, high functioning BPD group and I am cooperative with my therapists 100%. I would do anything to help me with this constant mental agony I've been feeling my entire life. I'm nothing like that at all in therapy.
I don’t think I’ve ever grilled my therapist like this
Hahahaha
most people don't. i work with borderline patients and this is an extreme example but in their research they do work with pretty severe personality disorders.
This person reminds me of my sister who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I've hated her for so long because of how hard she made life for me, but I guess I feel kinda bad for her now.
If you are comfortable in doing so, can i ask what was she like (now and as a child)? I’m trying to see of any of my relatives were/ are like this.
@@cannonballlight4939 She would react in a lot of ways that didn't make sense. She would try to manipulate my mother into buying her things or doing things for her, make my mother cry and constantly say no one loved her. She threatened to ruin my parents' anniversary because my mom didn't buy her the food she wanted, and then when my mother still refused she actually did ruin it by being as difficult as possible (she was around 15 when she did this). My sister shut a door on my arm, would disagree with everything I said, and teased me in a way that was supposed to put me down, even though I was three years younger than her and she was an older teenager. When she didn't get attention or things didn't go her way she would have full blown panic attacks and scream and scream, well into her late teens. She would sometimes say things that she knew would make me uncomfortable, like revealing sexual things to me when I didn't want to hear them. She would also threaten me a lot, telling me she would kill me or cut off all my hair when I was asleep. Every birthday I ever had she would try to ruin because she couldn't stand that someone else was the center of attention. For the longest time I just thought she was a major dickhead and she scared me. Nothing she did made sense to me, I didn't understand how anyone could behave like that and live with themself. But now I know that she had her own issues. Still mostly hate her though, and probably will never forgive her or want to build a relationship with her. I would like to find some way to get even with her but I am sure that living with herself and her condition is punishment enough.
Brilliant, well done. Very accurate in my opinion.
This was a wonderful demonstration. Thank you so much.
He’s getting a lot of info all at once and he’s handling it well.
Yeah in a play i can play a role too...
Inclusive outlandish stereotypes
Most helpful indeed! Thank you.
Brilliant session ! Thank you. I learned a lot !
Only totally fake and a mischaracterisation and stereotyping. Inclusive the needy emotional female acting out and the calm stiff upper lip objective professional.
When he said "And you were ready to more or less chop my head off" I immediately wished she was going to say "Well, no, how are you supposed to come next time then?!"
that would've been great! :D
that's some great acting! and I looove this therapist and the videos in BordelineNotes-- all of it veeery enlightening!
I'm just in awe how well these psychologists can act like their patients. I NEVER seen something which even comes close in cinema!
He’s great and has amazing patience.
I’m not sure if I’d be able to deal with someone like that. It’s quite the challenge.
It depends what the person means to you. I have a sister who might be suffering a cluster b disorder. She is rude, brash, reaction hungry, out for validation... she has a lot of the hall marks. But she does mean well mostly. She is not pure malignant. It makes a world of difference in terms of tolerance.
@@alainvosselman9960
Yes, definitely. In my case, my older sister is a full blown dark triad cluster B, so there’s no redeeming her. She’s a lost cause, a lost soul unfortunately. We tried to help her and she almost destroyed the whole family as she destroyed her children and everyone that crossed her path. Her pathology runs deep. There’s no fixing her, unless a miracle happened.
@@analozada9475 That's a sad read ! Up until now i have dropped my entire social circle and that hurt like hell, can't imagine having to put a relative or spouse out of my life. I know what malignant people are like, there's nothing you can do. Hope you and your family are doing well in spite of the situation.
I love this guy
The devaluation and eliciting the rescue .
I'm starting therapy again after 3 years of being "ok". I was told by my therapist that I have grown amazingly and didn't need her services anymore. It's true that I have grown and am very much better than what I was. I can actually function, have long lasting relationships, and can reflect on my thoughts and feelings and choose to not act on them. However, my thoughts resemble her side so much, I don't act on them but they seem to be getting stronger and worse, especially at my job. I'm constantly thinking how much of a burden I am and how much I'm screw up and yeah...so I'm going back. I feel like I have fallen backward in my progression. Yet I need to realize how I don't act on these thoughts.
this is a pretty late reply but have you tried mindfulness?
Don't be so hard on yourself BPD is lifelong DISABILITY an there's ssdi assistance many don't know they're eligible dsm5 eligible wish everyone patience peace and love
Ouch, this is heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking that people walk around everyday thinking these thoughts.
...yes, I know some of them can do tremendous harm to others.
Narcissists are people too. Why should we give them up? Why should we not have compassion towards narcissists? Narcissts are people that are hurt and tormented by life, twisted by lifes events in some fashion or another. I think we should try to understand narcissists more, and not try to hurt them or retaliate. I admire the compassion and understanding of Frank Yeomans.
@@maewest719 Admiration.....the tell-tale word. Narcissists always seeking admiration from others and admiring those they aspire to be.
Nowhere did I suggest narcissists are not "people" and I certainly didn't say they're subhuman.
I have compassion for what narcissists went through as children. The narcissistic stage of development isn't a "life" experience issue, they are an early childhood issue DURING the narcissistic stage of development. They could have been spoiled beyond belief or neglected/abused, etc. Bottom line, their early childhood dependency needs were not met.
There is no "life events" that caused this past the age of 5, maybe 6 years old. It's a developmental disorder, an attavchment disorder, and a character disorder.
You can continue right along being an apologist and/or an enabler for adult narcissists. I keep my empathy reserved to the children they once were, who had less than good-enough parenting.
No where did I suggest that narcissists should be harmed.
No where did I suggest that people should retaliate against them.
No where did I suggest we should give them up?
...and my first words are how heartbreaking this is.
Your comment is so assumptive that it's almost funny. It's as if English is your 3 or 4th language (which would be impressive, if that is the case) because W O W, did you ever make some MASSIVE leaps right into assumptions. lol
My guess is that you are a narcissist yourself, since you made so many bizarre assumptions AND you mention "admiration", and mention ZERO about the people they harm, which means you can SYMPATHIZE but not EMPATHIZE.
I admire no one. I do respect people. I value good moral character. I appreciate kindness and good judgment. I admire NO ONE because I'm not narcissistic.
You guys just BROADCAST your pathology, and don't even know you do it.
@@le_th_ I think you jumped the gun there. I read Mae West opinion and it didnt make me feel she was gunning the narcissist. Just my opinion please don't cut my finger off for replying in her defence.
BPD here. Thank you for your compassion
very very interesting, thank you
I just ended a brief friendship with a colleague who behaves exactly like the young woman here. I'm not a therapist, so as a friend I found myself walking on eggshells, being attacked for being hostile. When she began gas-lighting; denying that she was yelling and throwing a tantrum when I calmly asked her if she would stop yelling, that was pretty much it for me. Naturally, when I ended contact she acted like she ended the friendship. If anyone watching this thinks this therapist is doing nothing or doing something wrong they're mistaken. It is extremely difficult to provide a way for a mentally ill person to communicate without being affected negatively, plus therapy takes years so watching one session is really a demonstration of a technique, not a demonstration of a cure. Watch the q & a at the end too.
Bikewithlove thank you.
BPD sufferers do t tend to gaslight. Unless they also have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Which can happen sometimes. So, she sounds more like NPD to me. Anyway, if you don't feel like you can deal with her because it is affecting you negatively then just cut her out of your life. You have the right to do that. She is not a child and needs to get herself help to get better.
This is WAY unbelievable because of how quickly she calms down, self-reflects, and even apologizes for the way she talked to him.
As a person with bpd that could be possible...
She apologized because she flipped to self hate LOL edit: you must know someone with BPD who pissed you off
this is extremely possible with bpd patients, also if you notice she quickly switches from "splitting" him to splitting herself, there is still little self-reflection going on only hatred towards the self
I think he is amazing most therapists are quite cruel and stupid and then blame the patient which really doesn't help this poor girl. It would terrible to feel like that...think about it...Bravo him... And bravo her because that is a tough role to play and she does it well.
EXCELLENT VIDEO ❤️
The comments in here are so interesting. So many assuming things about his approach and character just off the tone of his regular voice. Deja vu
This video walked so Amber heard hate fan can run loll
Wow, props to the "patient/actress"!! Damn. Nailed it!
Wow can play a stereotype so awesome. Confirming preconceived ideas...
Understanding borderline traits has been such an answer to some missing puzzle pieces. I couldn't understand certain people's responses. I create and sell niche nutritional supplements for bodybuilders. I get a lot of very specific questions from a variety of people. This (as in the video) is how I was confronted when I didn't immediately remember a specific question one customer had discussed with me 2 weeks prior. Then, I was all they had in the world and I was the greatest. Then, they were going to turn my business around and re-work my website, but didn't, then they vanished. Then reappeared. I just tried to keep professional and polite. Ok, now I get it a little better.
Hi is this video freely available to use in an online presentation. Im presenting on transference and this is a great example of assisting someone to start noticing how they think about themselves and others. The link to this YT page will be embedded in the Powerpoint and played during the presentation but I want to be sure its not under any copyright restrictions for use in outside presentations. thanks
Watching this, I realize I have probably got the most wonderful therapist in the world. Phew....
The question/observation at 24:50 is on point. Is it even possible to stay that present and detached during a session?
As a patient she would have every right to be upset as she is paying for the session and the delay in answering would set most people off as they would assume he's thinking about the lie or excuse he was going to make as opposed to answering immediately like any normal person would do. Most people would come into the room and apologize immediately followed with the excuse for being late. Not pause annoyingly as he did. This interaction gives me the impression that he was purposefully pushing his patence buttons to entice the reaction he got as a way to provide an example of a better way to deal with this type of unprofessional behavior, from a therapist, when it happens.
It's delusional to think the therapist wouldn't care though, as that's how they make their living.
There is nothing more annoying than attending a doctors appointment on time and having to wait an hour to get into see them & this happens all the time.
Hell, even if you go to the Hospital Emergency area they make you wait instead of taking care of you immediately which is actually unprofessional and dangerous. Some unqualified receptionist makes the decision that your emergency isn't top priority. In some cases it can be a matter of life or death. Oops, sorry about that, it didn't seem quite so serious.
I myself, have a very difficult time with my own doctor who is a complete jackass and if there wasn't a shortage of doctors I would most definitely seek out another. The last time I went to see him, which was about a year ago, he was actually wearing a mask. Any educated doctor knows they don't work and he admitted that when I confronted him about it. Not only that, he then proceeded to ignore the real reason I went to see him in the first place and did not help me properly. I left the office with no help and have had to find other ways to deal with it.
I know this is off topic but thought some of you might be able to relate.
I got diagnosed with BPD but I would never behave in this manner but I'm more easy mannered than this actress in this role but that's just me. I understand this is role playing but I find it more stigmatizing toward BPD because of how inconsiderate and quick to anger this individual is and unable to consider the therapist's perspective. I just want to clearly state not everyone with this disorder behaves in this manner and not to generalize this role play to all peers with BPD.
Have you considered that maybe you don't really have BPD?
@@molestedmango Have you considered that BPD has co-morbidity with a lot of disorders all influencing the complete appearance person to person. Obviously the BPD + NPD, are like total opposites from BPD + AvPD. Most, people with a personality disorder, meet the criteria for 2 or more.
I bet a lot of people don’t act this way with a therapist over being late, but they might act this way with others over something else or they might feel this way without acting out.
@@Chris-tg3qy I don't, I hope my therapist will spend extra time if needed with me too, just like they did with the other person...
Phoenix the II They may not have actually spent more time with the other person. For all you know, they may have been running late because they have taken phone calls related to their own family issues and could have been late with the patient before you. I have to work at not making assumptions.
I felt the same way when my therapist wasn't talking to me much. I felt very emotional but I was always self conscious about ppl were watching me so I never let my rage free. I tend to supress it and Im having other problems now.
I wish I could find him. I feel like my mother's whole life could turn around if she could spend time with him. I've only recently started to learn about BPD and my mother seems to hit every bullet point. But I'm finding that a lot of therapists won't take on BPD. They will take me on as the adult child only.
Because of DBT, more therapists are taking BPD on.
Some areas of Manhattan this is basically what you see on the steet lol.
24:28 Own it (the anger, the aggression, even the doubt), integrate it! Don't fight it, don't be ashamed of it. That's it!
We all too often defer that the psyche should work like the physical world: if I resist a physical force long and strong enough, I win and it goes away.
Not so the psyche...
The resistance and pushing unwanted things away in us only leads to them growing in the dark and becoming more strong and sabotage our well-being everywhere.
And moreover if we can appreciate these "bad" tendencies in us we will see that they are just the right tool..... in the right context!
It feels like listening to my inner thoughts
This could have been a conversation with my wife
It's like verbal Wak a Mole....
Same story dude
Fascinating.
omg !! how did she do it so correctly ... so realistic
Slip of the tongue: "shut"! "shut"!
Just arriving here...who’s the course leader among the two ?
Nice Job. Language? FR
some criticisms here about therapist: too laid back, casual, blase, condescending,= doesn't seem to care. I can sort of see that point, but i still think his technique is brilliant.
He probably was like that to comfort the patient
I'll have to rewatch this to find it ... did he ever actually say "I'm sorry for being late." ?
Yes he did
I believe he said "I do apologize for that"
The patient seems fine.
The patient is clearly not fine. Though, one could argue if pathologizing her like this, is fair, or helpful. She’s clearly distressed. Though, is she sick? That’s questionable at best.
I can become abusive but try not to. I would not become angry with my therapist if they are late by 5 even 10 min. I've be late sometimes too. I think if you have a good relationship with your doctor and you have boundaries them sometime it is understandable to lose it. This I don't consider a good example maybe just a touch of what can go on at a session with your doctor.
This is the point of this kind of therapy, you are allowed to express your feelings and not fear retaliation, be secure in the therapist's commitment to the contract you make at the beginning of therapy. It's safer to explore these kinds of emotions here than elsewhere in your life. BPD involves lots of boundary violations btw.
Oh no, he's an actor.
So skillful ... 22:00
I love his effort in focusing on her. But his tone feels so burdened - every sentence begins or ends with a sigh
I'm not a Borderline, but I thought I was, until I turned 49. Well-I just found out about three years ago that my normal behaviours to bullshit and respecless treatment were not unnormal and wrong, just because the Narcissists in my life made me believe they were. I have Cptsd, am an HSP and neurodivergent human being. I can't bear watching this more than to the point the NARCISSISTIC! therapist told the supposed Borderliner woman that he had something more important to do and that's why he is late. That's why people display reactive "abuse", which is used against us by abusers and toxic people.The disrespect triggers me badly.
What would compel him not to validate how she feels? Why couldn’t he say something like “ it sounds like you felt abandoned when I was running five minutes late. It looks like you feel I disrespected you because I did not respect your time. It seems like you felt I had ill intentions. Do you feel I wasn’t there for you because I ran late.” Why the runaround? It seems like what she’s looking for is some sort of cognitive empathy. An awareness of how his behavior caused her to feel whether or not he is responsible for her feelings is another story but acknowledging that she does feel a certain way would seem to go along way… What am I missing?
You’re missing that this is a demonstration. Acting
Gabriel Damasceno 😆 and it’s seems like you value invalidating the opinions of others? 😆
Maybe. Or maybe I just really appreciate this therapist and I really liked his approach which had the hypothetical patient making her own realizations. She was acting, everything was planned and it was pretty accurate in my opinion
She's transfering others onto him, he wants to encourage this so that she stays in touch with them feelings and explores them.
In a nutshell: the point of TFP. Such a reaction from the therapist which you described would in my opinion satisfy a need that probably should be - if staying in bounds of the principles of TFP - interpreted rather than acted out. This way - how it eventualy played out - transferance (the patients projections) can be experienced, interpreted, tolerated and reflected upon.
@Michele Laurens - well put.
If my therapist wasted my time by egging me on and driving me deeper into emotion mind like that, I would fire them and find a new therapist.
Any of y'all ever call upon The Holy Ghost for His help in dealing with all this inner psychic conflict???
I really hope my therapy doesn't goes like this. He would be punched it the face if he was my therapist he's so condescending.
i get the same reaction to him. he is very condescending. it's the intake of breath and the pinching his nose and his flippant comments. but he may be doing it on purpose to elicit a reaction. my doctor can be like this too.
and she is not being very nice either. she is kinda confrontational. her arms are crossed and she is skipping all over the place emotionally. and we all know that we can be explosive. i find maybe he is keeping a lid on it.
I agree. He seems narcissistic.
I'm only 3 minutes in... Can I help with the punching?
narcs gonna narc
Kind of feel therapeutic effect can happen in real life events which has an outward goal other than just sitting and talking, or in a community setting where individuals get more social support. Also it would be hard to believe the therapist cares when he receives money. I'm not denying the potential positive effect of such sessions.
whoa your comment is so cogent and I agree with your take
I‘m a teacher. That’s how I make a living. Regardless of the money, I care deeply about my students. Even more so I am glad that I get the chance to make money from working with them, cause if teaching had to be done for free, I simply couldn’t afford to spend time on my students. I’d have to spend my time and energy making money elsewhere.
I am also in therapy. Though I pay my therapist for her work, I can absolutely believe that she is invested in me and my health.
Maybe my analogy can help you challenge your perspective.
This feels like a power struggle to me. The therapist may have a narcissistic temperament in which he doesn’t want to “lose” this conflict. I see myself just as much in the therapist, given of course that I’m projecting these narcissistic traits onto him, as I do in the patient. I have significant vulnerable narcissistic traits, and some bpd traits.
He is reflecting back to her to help her get insight in her reasoning
@@redremi83 thank you!!!!!! :)
I think it's difficult to understand a chain analysis if you've never agreed to do one. But he is doing a chain analysis. It is not great to do it if somebody is not aware or open to it - but I think the idea here is that she is a dedicated client, not someone who has just met him and is building trust. You shouldn't treat this like a first time session.
he does seem to have a competitive nature to him. I've noticed it in the videos when he speaks with a female colleague.
Is this real?
Was she an actual patient?
How low is your IQ Erx Fax? Are you an actual patient, maybe?
is this real?
Why point, why dominate, why act better then
7:54 HE LOSES HIS LINE, and neither of them can improvise, oh noooooooooo
cant keep up with all of this wtf??
Yes, this video is hard for people with only half a brain lobe like you.
Wow . When she said im you did it to me so I’m going to do it to you . Holy moly from her believes crazy I did this with my first girlfriend when she would be late that’s why the reason I would leave so when she would get home she wouldn’t see me . Becouse I believed she did to me intentionally
Is she still with you? With your total lack of writing ability? Wow
He is probably a much better researcher and theorist than clinician. Is this gentleman Frank Yeomans ?
Are you kidding? He is AWESOME 🤩
I assume you're joking because he completely disarmed her, and got her to talk.
This guy sucks I'd have walked out lol
Is she an actor? Very, very realistic performance.
Is that an actor or a real client?
At first I thought what a bitch.Then I saw some of me in that.The other day my therapist was (again)5-7 mins late and my thoughts were we have only an hour and if I were her I'd be as late as I could get away with too,cause I'm a pain in the ass.Felt like leaving and never going back.I threw her for a loop a while back when I told her I'd been studying body language.Eye movement-up left,center,down right etc.How one sits-which leg is pointed in what direction,etc.I feel bad she is stuck with me!
Just spent 5 years with a Borderline had no idea what I was up against. I always knew he was in his head but I had no idea what was going on in there. I navigated it well, but I have spent 15 years in Mindfullness training. It was an interesting experience, not one I would want to repeat however.
Self-diagnosing is bad but one sided diagnosis from that ex that watch a youtube video is always valid charmee! You are an amazing and insightful person that can diagnose a neurotype of someone you spent maybe less than 1/12 of their life with! What an awesome person
@@UnironicallyToast in their defense psychiatrist diagnose in 5 minutes or less, in patients they don’t like. Haha, I see your point though.
If the therapist was an NLP guy he probably ask the question "so when did you decide that I was a horrible person?"
Yeah, but an NLP approach is NOT appropriate for a BPD patient. That wound be way too challenging.
Cant tell if shes an actor
I think she's an actor
She seems perfectly ok. And very easy to get along with.. But that guy is not effective. Charging per minute ?
She seems perfectly ok??
Aka, "It's all about ME!"
Jesus Christ, is she acting or is this her real condition?
Imagine going to this guy for help, and realizing he's just... he wants to be on the stage. Is there a diagnosis for this?
If you look at their first interaction where she's right in a way buuuut not in a way that would be beneficial to her.. I feel like this could be another one of those situations. I believe that we are all driven by self motivated reasons at a deep subconscious level. With that in mind, is what your saying really a bad thing since he is helping others as well as helping himself?
Haha, I think we’re all thinking the same thing. In fact I can name two . Hint, both in the same cluster that’s meant to be represented.
The way the therapist is drawling and his overcasual demeanour are just unbearable.
On the level of body language he is not at all conveying that he cares about the patient.
What is he supposed to do? Cater to the irrational needs and be a part of the pretend BPD world ?
@@gabrieldamasceno3971 wow does it seem like irrational needs? I am sure if he were with a narcisistic patient he would be much more alert, alive. Something abusive has been going on what we witness in this video.
@@gabrieldamasceno3971 He's supposed to be a therapist, you know help her. Validate her feelings to help bring down her upset and help her out of emotion mind, so he can teach her coping skills that will help her learn to bring down her own emotions by herself because clearly they are far too powerful her to handle with the skills she has right now and that's why she's in therapy in the first place.
Great observation Schnee!! Where did you learn that? A certified body language expert from you tube! How many hours of youtube videos are you on? Does it finally scratch that empty, rotten, tickled part of your ego Schnee?
She's really good. I'm getting more anoyed from second to second...
Is it just me or is he a bit too blasé and Laid back when he’s talking? Appears like he doesn’t care at all.
Yes. Someone with genuine BPD issues would be enraged at his lack of straight answers to their demands and his "beating around the bush."
I understand this is just a rolle but it is not a good one... .
I have borderline personalitity and I never react, talk... like this with nobody in all my life. I am very polite, respectful. I can't see me in this Person.
according to many many of you are dramaqueens
Me neither
Rozalia slaboiu I can understand what you say some borderline personalities are soft with others and some like this girl are violent as if they had nothing to loose. Probably you feel you need so much people that you have too much to loose.
@@CatherineHervais8 No borderline personality disorder is a spectrum disorder. Not everybody has the same symptoms and to the same extent!!!
@@nefelibata4190 Again check the DSM! BPD is a spectrum disorder!!! Not everyone had the same symptoms nor tot he same extent!!! No tall BPD sufferers are drama queens nor manipulative!!!! Some people are hard on themselves and the BPD manifests itself differently by them being more insecure, etc. basically introspective things not external!
You have got to be kidding me. So much for de-stigmatization. So disappointing!
+bmc02138 Why do you feel this video is stigmatizing?
@@pooplord6688 Because BPD is a spectrum disorder and not every sufferer behaves like this nor thinks like this!!! My close family member certainly never behaves like this!!! And he has it. He is low on the spectrum and doing very well.
@@drina4706 But this is the typical BPD sufferer. You run into this problem with any generalization. That doesn't mean we shouldn't make generalizations. It's important to help the typical BPD sufferer and their families.
Drina so to cater to you he would have to do 1 million different demonstrations?
why do they always try to look and be so innocent?
Because in their mind they feel they are.
@@carmenwg started another untreated pwbpd on my job, it's hell on earth top that with past dating history, very good recipe for turmoil.
@@nefelibata4190 hahahah, right? The amount of time these “victims” that keep repeating and repeating their relationship with people with mental illnesses of some kind and then report it on the internet for street cred. Oh sorry I wasnt speaking about PWBPD, turns out. Its you who play victim lolll
At this point, as an observer, I think people like you totally GET OFF on that pwbpd puss*es becaus you can dominate them huh? Cant imagine how that would feel, but I guess you’re pretty addicted to it. Considering this actor somehow makes your hate boner rise up.
Let's see how well this therapy would work on me? I know I need therapy, I'll just put myself in the patient's shoes and write up what my responses would be. ^__^
*"5 minutes late!"* Ok, off the bat, I know that shit happens, so I wouldn't lose it over someone being just five minutes late. If it went up to fifteen (on a bad day) or thirty or more, then I'd act like this, but I have shame issues about "making a scene", so that might just be me and for the point of this little experiment I'm doing, I'll pretend I'm having a BAD day, or maybe I know the therapist really well (when I know people really well, my "don't make a scene" thing seems to go away for some reason...
*"Uh, let's see.. uhm... Well..."* Wth? In what universe is that a normal answer for anyone who isn't trying to make up an excuse on the spot? It's practically a caricature of one, lol. What kind of therapist would give such a shifty-sounding answer, _especially_ to a Borderline?? Is this a student?
*"You thought me not answering was because I wasn't going to answer?"* Not until just now when you kind of _specifically changed the subject_ from answering to focusing on my thoughts _about_ your not-answer instead. No, not then, but now, yes, I think you're not going to answer. Until then, I just thought you were fumbling for a plausible lie to cover up you just being lazy or grabbing a pack of cigs on the way in, now I think we're going to make this about me instead of about why you were late, which makes me suspect your intentions where I hadn't before.
*"Muh, yeah, well I do apologize-"* You sound _so_ sorry. Lol, if I apologized like that as a kid, I'd get in _more_ trouble.
*"-but I was struck by the fact that [stumbling along trying to say that when I took a moment to think, you assumed I wasn't going to answer]"* Could you have moved past that apology any faster? Also.. Well... Considering you _still_ haven't answered the question, I'd say that the assumption is becoming less noteworthy by the second. -.-; Is this just bad acting or is it supposed to show a bad therapist or what? The lady is being a bit irrational over just 5 minutes, but otherwise, I mean, come on... What is this guy _doing?_ I thought I was going to be watching like, "how to use successful therapization on a Borderline", instead I feel like I'm watching a middle-school play about a therapy session.
*"You were waiting-what went through your mind"* You're seriously still not going to answer the question? What are you, a politician? I was thinking it's hot out here for Spring, who cares? Regardless of what my immediate, and probably just frustration caused, assumption about your reason for not answering, you are in fact _not answering_ thereby validating whatever irrational process by which I arrived at it. Who gave you a license?
*"That I knew it was your session and I just had another priority"* No, but you say that like it never happens.
*"Is that what happened?" "Well...........* _gurgling noises... death rattle?_ *...........no"* OMG! WITH THIS POWERFUL PROFESSION OF INNOCENCE MY CONFIDENCE HAS BEEN RESTORED!
*"I-I'm still pausing on how that must feel, to [believe that people lie about shit]"* No kidding. People prioritize their own wants over the needs of others all the time. Welcome to Capitalist America, dude. How much am I paying you an hour? $XXX.XX? Ok, so if _need_ were paramount over _want_ here then I'll be paying you about 50% less because considering how much we each earn, that money would help my life a lot more than it helps yours, so I need it and you just want it. Lol. Yeah, it's 100% possible you decided something else was worth doing before coming here, especially only for five minutes? It's not even unreasonable. A quick coffee before getting to the session. Finishing the last five minutes of that Game of Thrones episode. You're there before me every other day, and you're human, nobody's perfect. Even if I'm a terrible Borderline, with really bad paranoia, who takes everything the worst possible way, I'm the patient, you're the doctor. You're the rational one and I'm seeing you for help on taking things the wrong way and overreacting so you've immediately got the upper hand and, you can lie..
_Traffic was bad, you accidentally set your alarm to PM instead of AM, completely change the subject and start talking about_ me _instead of bothering to address the issue at all_.. --.-- But you have no idea what it feels like to believe this? You're too naive to be a therapist. I prefer getting psychological help from someone who's _met_ human beings before.
*"Just say sorry and move on" (I wouldn't say that, but let's pretend I would) "[Porky pig impression while diverting yet again, and basically begins examining whether each time I have a double blink, it means that I have trust issues and not that he's deliberately avoiding my question, while not addressing the fact that he is literally at this moment validating said trust issues by **_not answering the damn question_** that was, in fact, proposed for me **_by_** an insinuation on his part about what my original question **_meant_**]"* I would have to excuse myself and go have a cigarette while talking myself out of the free education offered by our correctional system so that I would not throttle this man.
I think I am not a good candidate for therapy. :c Is this what therapy is? If so, I'm doomed! I can't handle this level of double talk and bullshit and I'm not even three minutes into the video... This is a man whose methods are worthy of an audience and filming and putting on UA-cam? Oh, Gods help me, because I think no one down here can! :'c
I need a cigarette to even finish this video. What an obnoxious, infuriating man! _I_ could have dealt with this woman better (calmed her down while making her feel validated without validating any assumptions she made etc), in less time, and everything I know about psychology I looked up myself while trying to understand myself!
Maybe I should just get myself thrown in prison and pursue psychology for myself. _I'm joking!_ I'm not a psycho, I swear lol. Though I definitely have empathy issues, I have enough sense to avoid aberrant behavior because I really like my freedom. Also, I'm not a sadist, I don't want to hurt anyone or take their stuff. I just can't help but have an ironic laugh at the fact that in America, going to prison is the only way I'd ever be able to afford college.
wtf even is this comment ¿
Isabell Woodell
_"Let's see how well this therapy would work on me? I know I need therapy, I'll just put myself in the patient's shoes and write up what my responses would be."_
Paint Pastel Princess
I think diagnoses are good as _guidelines_ to treatment, but like everything else humanity has ever tried to categorize, doctors really need to wake up to the fact that no Dx can ever have sharp corners. There's always fuzziness, because our lives are what make up our brains and everyone's is different, which means everyone's responses to things are different.
A Borderline is a Borderline (though I think Borderline and Sociopath can be merged if we fix our ideas of gender) but "Borderline" is a *broad* theme that many different kinds of people can fit into.
One of these days, science will give up trying to put people in boxes and _then_ we'll really start getting somewhere.
Paint Pastel Princess
A lot of people think that the skewing of Sociopaths being mostly male and Borderlines being mostly female is because Sociopathy and Borderline Personality Disorder are the same disorder, presented differently because of the cultural expectations of men and women, the way we're raised, etc. For instance, men are more prone to externaling anger while women are more likely to nternalize it, so you get the violent male Sociopath and self-harming female Borderline whose behavior was triggered by the same faulty mental processes. Bam, two different Dxes for one disorder, split based on social gender b.s.
Your psych says that because people can't be trusted to make an objective analysis of themselves and their behavior.
Also, because psychology isn't a real science, so the stuff online isn't going to all match up.
Borderline IS one of the most misdiagnosed, stigmatized and misunderstood issues.
BPD has MANY overlaps with AsPD, if your shrink said it has none, get a new shrink because s/he is an imbecile.
She might just be trying to boost your self-esteem or help you to not errantly misattribute empathy-related symptoms.
Hollywood movies aren't realistic, they're movies. That doesn't mean BPD has nothing in common with NPD and AsPD, lol, they're all Cluster B disorders for the Gods' sakes, they're lumped together for a REASON.
She has absolutely no business telling you anything caegorical like that, that is just a THEORY. And, it seems to be a quite flimsy one based on placebo effect of the patients just thinking nicer thoughts about their Dx.
The name change is sought because BPD is a misnomer from a time when "hysteria/mania" was considered a legit thing, Borderlines had only just stopped being called Manic Depressives, and the term meant to signify the person was on the "borderline" between mania and depression. It has nothing to do with anything but name-accuracy (which is why they haven't exactly been in a hurry to change it).
I know about BPD being similar to other disorders, and I know about the stigma... I HAVE BPD, I'm well aware of what it is...is this stuff relevant to your point somehow?
It's not as ambiguous as you make it sound, nor is it as useless a label for a qualified doctor. The diagnosis doesn't make the doctor focus on any trait, that is at the doctor's discretion every time and a well qualified doctor will do a kind of psych triage to determine which issues should be focused on and when. I have a feeling, based on your comments here, that you haven't met many of those, however.
It's not an insult to call a personality disordered??
How many people with BPD do you know? I'm sure not enough for their experience to be relevant to this discussion. Regardless, people don't "benefit" from labels, the people around them do. A label isn't made for the thing it's labeling, it's made for those looking at the labeled thing.
That treatment is available regardless of whether the patient is labeled or not...
I think maybe you're just the kind of needy/weak-willed type of person who needs to be coddled, so your therapist is coddling you by giving you an overabundance of reassurance that being crazy is totally normal and doesn't make you a bad person.
Well don't worry, I'm not here to disagree. It is. It's totally normal to be fucked up in the head because most peoples' parents are clueless idiots who couldn't properly raise an orchid, let alone a human being- yet they do anyway.
Still, to try and redefine the world instead of accepting YOUR issues is just denial. But if it works, then maybe your shrink is going to have you work on adjusting your perception of reality back to normal later.
Good luck either way.
Paint Pastel Princess
It's never a good idea to dismiss something BECAUSE you're ignorant of it. I am far from the first or only person to draw parallels between BPD and AsPD, and I'm hardly the first or only one to suggest that these parallels might have to do with gender stuff.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3323706/
There are multiple links on the top-right of that page to other articles about the same topic, if you want to do more research, so I'm not going to link more here.
Psychology isn't a science at all, it's a pseudoscience.
I get that you think BPD is such a horrible label that it causes problems with treatment, and my points are merely:
1. Not always
2. It doesn't matter enough to change it because it's the behavior that originated the stigma, and not the name. Whatever new name you replace Borderline Personality Disorder with will eventually mean the same thing once people reassociate our trademark batshit BEHAVIOR with the new name.
I've not read Cohen's work, it doesn't influence me.
You seem to misunderstand empathy disorders as all being a complete lack, but empathy disturbance isn't an on-off switch. You can have partial empathy, or intermittent empathy and even too much empathy as well as "normal" levels and none.
The psychiatric community shooting something down doesn't automatically illegitimize it. The psych community has been wrong many, many times before. That's the problem with pseudoscience. Again, not saying I agree with him (I don't know enough about his position to have any stance on it) but you've given me a pretty flimsy reason not to.
Unless you're a researcher/census taker of some kind, the amount of people you could have talked to about this is not high enough to merit mentioning them or their opinions here, ESPECIALLY since the pool from which you've drawn them is so absurdly tiny.
They're not _my_ theories. I don't "suffer" from my empathy disorder, in fact, when my empathy is being absent (I've got the come-and-go sort of empathy disorder I mentioned earlier) I am blessedly free of suffering. I wish I were a sociopath, empathy is a prison that strips you of autonomy and free will. Empathy is what makes BPD so miserable.
Im not projecting anything on anyone, you are. You're projecting your personal stereotypes and biases about _your idea of Sociopathy _against_ the disorder itself, and that is tainting your ability to understand anything to do with it. You are literally doing to AsPD what you accuse people of doing with BPD.
Just as BPD isn't limited to stereotypes about it, neither is AsPD. You're sitting there and telling me all about how Borderlines are so varied, and yet you think all Sociopaths are the same.
Take a step back and consider your hypocrisy.
Bro just apologize for being late and move on
Come on, this is just bad acting, not realistic therapy! :D
He's horrible.
isn't therapy suppose to be confidential. why are they videotaping this session. And watching this, makes me feel uneasy.
+cindy fraser it was acting... they said that several times.
Educational purposes, only way to learn how to interact is to view proper interaction. shame this one is so rigid and the guys not very good under pressure, however theres still alot to be learnt from how he answers and how the clients body language and attitude and dialogue changes the conversation.
fessy4 ITS ACTING ITS ACTING ITS ACTING ITS ACTING HELLOOOO ITS ACTING HELLOOOO KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Oh cindy the world must be hard for people like you
He leads and talks quite a lot. I want him to pay attention and listen a bit more. It might help to avoid the argumentative tone.
Jungian therapy approach...Folks,no body is stupid nowdays to pay session for obvious facts....Problem is unconscious which keeps person into the nutshell...Borderline patients are very intelligent...They need techniques to understand perceptional and emotional distortions...It's not easy,it's not something which you can solve on this way...
It's not Jungian, sounds like transference focused Therapy, created by Dr. Otto Kernberg
Seems like a bad therapist
He's a world class therapist, narc.
No child. He’s trying to knock sense into the senseless. He’s a perfectly great therapist
The sexual tension between these two is unbearable. I can't wait to catch volume two
You cant handle a SINGLE therapeutic relationship with anyone al. You’re why there’s somany BPD in the world lol. I meant that as a compliment
bla bla bla... little connection with the experience... on both sides and a lot of mastery of the mind...