For me, as a relationship progresses in time and intimacy, feeling protected becomes SO much more about a partner's personality than their body. And this is coming from someone who grew up reading very heteronormative romance novels where the ultimate fantasy was being saved by a big burly man and carried to safety. I dated a very physically powerful man who who was NOT protective of my emotions and so after a little while his physical presence meant... nothing to me in that regard. Whereas now, I am dating a girl who is smaller than me (she does have nice biceps tho lol that helps) but who makes me feel SO protected in her attitude towards me. I know I can wake her up at 3 AM if I am having a panic attack and she won't be upset at me - only concerned for my well-being. She cares about my physical and financial health and encourages me in the right directions. One time we were going to bed and heard a scratching at the back door (a roommate without a key... ended up being nothing to worry about) and her first instinct was to posture up and yell WHO'S THERE at the door while I shrunk back in fear. We laugh about it now. But in that moment, her immediate brave and protective instinct was actually made even MORE attractive by the fact that she is physically small and has blind faith in her own strength and willpower regardless. It was hot fr.
It's so interesting that so many women associate feeling smaller with 'feeling protected'. I have ALWAYS associated feeling smaller than a partner with a lack of safety, perhaps because of my childhood (parents that got physical sometimes in very not good ways). So I have always felt drawn to partners smaller than me, subliminally because I think I wanted to feel safe, lol
so sweet hearing my comment mentioned!! that topic of friendship boundaries is so fascinating. every story has its villain and the breaking point of staying in relationship despite hardships vs prioritising self and leaving bad situation is impossible to point well. i just hope the distance will serve them well
Really loved this reflection on feeling protected, didn't realise it was such a universal feeling, and you really have a way to put precise words on feelings, wich is very helpful to get to know how we really feel
As a woman that has been in both female and male relationships I understand your desire of feeling "protected" and sort of "small" in your partners arms. I have come to find in my relationships with women that both of us tend to go through these roles of protector and "protected" interchangeably very organically and there is a tenderness in wlw relationships that is truly only accessed through being in a queer relationship with another woman. It will challenge your preconceived ideas of gender roles too, in the best way. The physical height or weight isn't as much of an issue in taking these roles, but rather your personality and your.. temperament/emotionallity (Idk if that's a real word) just like in sex.
As a fellow bisexual, mid size/curvy eldest daughter, I really hear what you’re saying about wanting to feel protected in relationships. In my past relationships with men, I’ve often taken on the role of caretaker (which is definitely a form of protection) and it ends up leaving me pretty drained. I haven’t dated a woman yet but I’m really interested in the idea of dating someone who will be able to care for me and protect me in the way I usually do for others. As far as physical protection, I’ve usually dated men who are around my size but they were still stronger than me. I think feeling protected by them mainly came down to the fact that they were men and were “supposed” to take on that role. I also feel like dating a woman could make me feel even more feminine because we can indulge in our femininity together.
Now that I've heard Maddie express some reticence towards Taylor Swift songs I am burning with curiosity to hear her all her thoughts, the entire breadth and depth of opinions on her songs. Good or bad. I'm ready and so, so curious.
Super agree with the not wanting to be misunderstood with words. And my mom does the same thing when I’m sad or stressed. Or it would be, maybe talk to your therapist about this. I’m happy that you had that special person even if it was just for a moment.
I have a complicated relationship with wanting to be seen as something worth being cherished and protected as a woman who is not conventionally attractive. Media tells me left and right that only conventionally attractive woman are afforded that luxury, and I see it in real life too! Strangers are more enthusiastic about helping conventionally attractive women who are injured or in trouble. While I am my own staunch cheerleader, sometimes I am tired, tired, tired and want someone to take the wheel for a little bit, help me with chores and the like. Platonic relationships are amazing in that regard because your physical appearance is simply not a factor towards it.
About the conversation of when friendship become difficoult to sustain and when to end things I think a huge factor that yuo didn't mention is the willingness of the other person to listen to what is hurting you, to still care about you and not be focussed only on their pain. I think if the person can think only about themselves they aren't capable of sustaining a friendship and even if you stayed things would become tense and resentful. I come from a friendship with someone that asked a lot of me and of some other of my friends, she did so because she had really bad mental health and to this day I am empathetic towards her, the problem is that she took all of our help, witch again was a lot (for example I spent a week at her place because she didn't want to be alone), for granted. She never said thank you and she just asked wothout consideration for your life and made you feel guilty if you couldn't help her at that time. After a couple of years this behaviour really exausted me and my friends and we slowly had to become more distant from her for our own mental health and some of us had built up a lot of resentment towards her. Today the situation is kind of suspended and no party is truly happy, even though technically we're still friends. I think maybe in this situation we should have had a serious talk bafore we all came to the breaking point but we didn't want to worsen her state and we just didn't see our situation clearly. I still think the main problem in this case was that it seemd like she cared about us more like memories of the past and people that could keep her company than like real human beings, I would be closer to her if she gave me something that made me believe that she really cared about me I think. Edit: I finished the video and you mentioned kind of what I was talking about opsie
ahh so just fyi, the "APT" chant and rhythm in the song is pulled directly from the korean drinking game itself lol. so at least for the chant/chorus that you mention disliking, it's more that you're describing just disliking the actual korean game chant
@@emotionallyonlineit’s a drinking game where everyone stacks their hands together. Each hand is a floor level of the apartment complex, and from the bottom up everyone stack their hands up higher and higher depending on what number was called out. The person that reaches the level of the “apartment floor ” has to drink
I love this. Had a falling out with a friend and a lot of the times when I was looking back on it it felt like maybe I was the villain in it or maybe she didn’t get me enough and it was very hard to not look at it black-and-white like who was in the wrong and it eventually it came on me like maybe neither of us are and maybe I can’t fulfill the role that she wants me to play in her life anymore and maybe she can‘t for me either. I have acknowledged that maybe on her side I probably do seem like a villain, but I’ve kind of taken peace with that separation now.
not plus sized, and not a daughter (anymore) but as a trans masc eldest child, I also have the same conflict between fulfilling a masculine vs. feminine role. I like being more masculine bc it is affirming, but I am better at and more inclined to filling a more acts of service role, and I tend to prefer men, so I find myself in the more feminine role a lot of the time. I've just had to accept that I contain multitudes or whatever, and I can be both without invalidating either.
Ok sorry I have to say it, but Brianna saying Grace did exactly what Zach Bryan did to her made my stomach physically turn. that is a WILD thing to say about a childhood best friend
ngl I completely forgot 2048 existed. I didn't think it was still around. Also, I'm with you on APT, I HATE it. I live in South Korea and that song is currently everywhere, my students sing it all the time, it plays in public all the time, it's inescapable.
i feeeel this. not as a plus size person but as a tall (taller than most women generally), bisexual, eldest daughter. i feel like i have to be the one to be more dominate & the protector/provider. 😭 I JUST WANNA BE HELD 😭
@@emotionallyonline Hello. I know that we don't know each other, but I was hoping that maybe we could be friends? Can you please respond to my message? If you don't want to be friends, can you please communicate that you don't wish to be friends with me? Thank you.
@@eaccc_ . . . Boundaries are the conditions. And if someone is constantly violating your boundaries, they don't truly care for you and that'll make you miserable with them.
it is very normal to seek out safety in your relationships of all kinds lmfao we should feel safe with the people we’re most intimate with! leaning on your people, feeling safe and protected with them is a beautiful thing. i would never harden myself to the point where i shut off the desire to feel wrapped up and taken care of by someone else. my independence won’t make me lonely! you don’t have to feel the same way that i do but it really shouldn’t be hard to understand lol
recapping makes me stiles? teenwolfsuge allinvolving- oh fanfictioner for me in varied couples! but reader! fanfics for winter methinks anyone remember that youtube recapping podcastishshow cause i loved it- must find em again: nother nostalgiaer! tana voicecard!! the WRAPS? sick i need to watch that float on pool looks peakish show?? who was she feel like that show dreamt me in with dreams though i've never really seen it- you oddly remind me of a resort holiday? friend i made once as a kid! cute that this vibe crowds around here i think! gorgeous dramavoicers intimidate me! wanna see portland sometime! trippled albumjourneying- ugh! it is a good number. can't argue with the snarky numberwitches! the tension that must give! but tension from the rooftops- misty eyed. bit cursey! however long your sharing in connective=need=joy remains. togethered lighten it up! oh the dramaqueens- oh voiceandbody word disconnect i dodo interesting- should remain a cute to friendship i imagine oh and telephoning dramaqueens! oH crowdreach!! cute hmm i'm really thinking time doesn't run out these days but that's oddly baseless yet earthed i think! i think my northnode lmao being earth really saves my ass from floatingaway like the HAIM song in or washing away in crustaceans attitude: play feeldown is a PLAY no? or a REPLAY yeah (production concerns: yall wanna bet! noyeah) hmm what's the millions to keeping score because- people often don't feel me on my pov on that but smithsonguncancelled oh but insecuritiescollide! but the wallkalloverme is a sick one also shoes: mihim fair oh and we crablone- also some meds/drug cause aggression yo? so keepinmind this place isn't squeakybutsqueaks like an old frind: bro even! sorrytosmooshwantbrosometimes- handsup hatetothink i was killing egos- hmm i'm so odd with fight clubbers- i'd rather more dance to it! zodiacsignage loserout-sorrybro-wouldliketoknow but TOO MANY ISSUES, NO? shitalkerclasher and quietplay zack & cody funners noyeah crims is crism or is she idk how i feel about christmas in sisbros and horse or decidedly unhorsed people me i consider the individual beast hmm ishyeah: and teenagersmembrances oh but miss jackson are u nasty forsure ohh the don't underestimate me! (harry potter flex) will readereturn the section- do yall ever recall your own teenage behavior as serialkilleresque behavior because-! teen wolf. coocooido- allisonvoicecard! demgeminis
and my head is going easy come easy go that‘s just- what an addictive melody: oh boi what year was this. i‘m on my opted out of christmas last year opting in this year journey! my kiss anxiety reaches higher with height but that‘s kind of sweet, no? 😂 diz shit is so scary to me but my lips love contact 😵💫😂 also i have this weird twisted we’d then photograph weird idea in my mind which is such a headshaker. smallgirl. should go back to tallgirl! i‘d tried the movie on for size okay but. there‘s some heartachingly lippy new years clips in my icloud oof when chemistry alone is "not enough" (also bit of a headshaker in otself-) but the chemistry bled over on the crow which screens so sweet and that show is videostored!! sad sucker for the romance of this time- but feeling sparkly: when the dudeandudes do girlandgirl which also dudeandudes! 👌🏻 and sweetgigglestoned on that: this time fully does the valentines to me! which i‘ve made emotional happyprogress on methinks as eldestonlydaughter😂 the way she speaks to herself remains peculiar in groups my dudes: aw the girlness multiply!! yes! 👌🏻 doesn‘t undude! hooked on the lovers in gingered chai 🫖 gemini does harshconfuse i think- but maybe crustaceans do too? only stopandstarterish? maybe oH goths who switchblade cute! 👌🏻 ifthatknifedoesthatknife obvi for naturearter here and a little giggled horrorplay! mhm (just say thatva lot: handsup) saggi season is alluring right! geminis do it spookier the goth? like ghostinghostout? desoc of media ahoi captain: talk me down lover! because complicated doesn't begin to cover it! oH see yeah mygod vulnerability FIRST oops?
For me, as a relationship progresses in time and intimacy, feeling protected becomes SO much more about a partner's personality than their body. And this is coming from someone who grew up reading very heteronormative romance novels where the ultimate fantasy was being saved by a big burly man and carried to safety. I dated a very physically powerful man who who was NOT protective of my emotions and so after a little while his physical presence meant... nothing to me in that regard. Whereas now, I am dating a girl who is smaller than me (she does have nice biceps tho lol that helps) but who makes me feel SO protected in her attitude towards me. I know I can wake her up at 3 AM if I am having a panic attack and she won't be upset at me - only concerned for my well-being. She cares about my physical and financial health and encourages me in the right directions. One time we were going to bed and heard a scratching at the back door (a roommate without a key... ended up being nothing to worry about) and her first instinct was to posture up and yell WHO'S THERE at the door while I shrunk back in fear. We laugh about it now. But in that moment, her immediate brave and protective instinct was actually made even MORE attractive by the fact that she is physically small and has blind faith in her own strength and willpower regardless. It was hot fr.
It's so interesting that so many women associate feeling smaller with 'feeling protected'. I have ALWAYS associated feeling smaller than a partner with a lack of safety, perhaps because of my childhood (parents that got physical sometimes in very not good ways). So I have always felt drawn to partners smaller than me, subliminally because I think I wanted to feel safe, lol
so sweet hearing my comment mentioned!!
that topic of friendship boundaries is so fascinating. every story has its villain and the breaking point of staying in relationship despite hardships vs prioritising self and leaving bad situation is impossible to point well. i just hope the distance will serve them well
Really loved this reflection on feeling protected, didn't realise it was such a universal feeling, and you really have a way to put precise words on feelings, wich is very helpful to get to know how we really feel
As a woman that has been in both female and male relationships I understand your desire of feeling "protected" and sort of "small" in your partners arms.
I have come to find in my relationships with women that both of us tend to go through these roles of protector and "protected" interchangeably very organically and there is a tenderness in wlw relationships that is truly only accessed through being in a queer relationship with another woman. It will challenge your preconceived ideas of gender roles too, in the best way. The physical height or weight isn't as much of an issue in taking these roles, but rather your personality and your.. temperament/emotionallity (Idk if that's a real word) just like in sex.
As a fellow bisexual, mid size/curvy eldest daughter, I really hear what you’re saying about wanting to feel protected in relationships. In my past relationships with men, I’ve often taken on the role of caretaker (which is definitely a form of protection) and it ends up leaving me pretty drained. I haven’t dated a woman yet but I’m really interested in the idea of dating someone who will be able to care for me and protect me in the way I usually do for others. As far as physical protection, I’ve usually dated men who are around my size but they were still stronger than me. I think feeling protected by them mainly came down to the fact that they were men and were “supposed” to take on that role. I also feel like dating a woman could make me feel even more feminine because we can indulge in our femininity together.
This eldest daughter dialogue is blowing my mind right now. In a good way. Realizing so many things about myself and my feelings and actions 🤯.
Now that I've heard Maddie express some reticence towards Taylor Swift songs I am burning with curiosity to hear her all her thoughts, the entire breadth and depth of opinions on her songs. Good or bad. I'm ready and so, so curious.
You’re actually so real for playing 2048 so much it’s just good to have something mindless to do
ugh wear me out! closetconcerns!!
as a Lady Gaga fan you HAVE heard Rosé on Sour Candy hahaha
WOAHHHHHHHHHHH ok huge news, did not realize she was in blackpink hahahahahahhaha
Super agree with the not wanting to be misunderstood with words. And my mom does the same thing when I’m sad or stressed. Or it would be, maybe talk to your therapist about this. I’m happy that you had that special person even if it was just for a moment.
I have a complicated relationship with wanting to be seen as something worth being cherished and protected as a woman who is not conventionally attractive. Media tells me left and right that only conventionally attractive woman are afforded that luxury, and I see it in real life too! Strangers are more enthusiastic about helping conventionally attractive women who are injured or in trouble. While I am my own staunch cheerleader, sometimes I am tired, tired, tired and want someone to take the wheel for a little bit, help me with chores and the like. Platonic relationships are amazing in that regard because your physical appearance is simply not a factor towards it.
About the conversation of when friendship become difficoult to sustain and when to end things I think a huge factor that yuo didn't mention is the willingness of the other person to listen to what is hurting you, to still care about you and not be focussed only on their pain. I think if the person can think only about themselves they aren't capable of sustaining a friendship and even if you stayed things would become tense and resentful.
I come from a friendship with someone that asked a lot of me and of some other of my friends, she did so because she had really bad mental health and to this day I am empathetic towards her, the problem is that she took all of our help, witch again was a lot (for example I spent a week at her place because she didn't want to be alone), for granted. She never said thank you and she just asked wothout consideration for your life and made you feel guilty if you couldn't help her at that time. After a couple of years this behaviour really exausted me and my friends and we slowly had to become more distant from her for our own mental health and some of us had built up a lot of resentment towards her. Today the situation is kind of suspended and no party is truly happy, even though technically we're still friends. I think maybe in this situation we should have had a serious talk bafore we all came to the breaking point but we didn't want to worsen her state and we just didn't see our situation clearly. I still think the main problem in this case was that it seemd like she cared about us more like memories of the past and people that could keep her company than like real human beings, I would be closer to her if she gave me something that made me believe that she really cared about me I think.
Edit: I finished the video and you mentioned kind of what I was talking about opsie
ahh so just fyi, the "APT" chant and rhythm in the song is pulled directly from the korean drinking game itself lol. so at least for the chant/chorus that you mention disliking, it's more that you're describing just disliking the actual korean game chant
didn’t know this either hahahahah it’s a drinking game?!
@@emotionallyonlineit’s a drinking game where everyone stacks their hands together. Each hand is a floor level of the apartment complex, and from the bottom up everyone stack their hands up higher and higher depending on what number was called out. The person that reaches the level of the “apartment floor ” has to drink
I love this. Had a falling out with a friend and a lot of the times when I was looking back on it it felt like maybe I was the villain in it or maybe she didn’t get me enough and it was very hard to not look at it black-and-white like who was in the wrong and it eventually it came on me like maybe neither of us are and maybe I can’t fulfill the role that she wants me to play in her life anymore and maybe she can‘t for me either. I have acknowledged that maybe on her side I probably do seem like a villain, but I’ve kind of taken peace with that separation now.
Eldest daughter mid size bisexual... yep I feel the exact same way❤😂
i am so glad Maddie feels the same way i do about Taylor Swift
8 hours of 2048 did make me gasp but omg i remember playing that on my kindle fire … those were the days
oh but i wish you would let it rip with taylor swift
not plus sized, and not a daughter (anymore) but as a trans masc eldest child, I also have the same conflict between fulfilling a masculine vs. feminine role. I like being more masculine bc it is affirming, but I am better at and more inclined to filling a more acts of service role, and I tend to prefer men, so I find myself in the more feminine role a lot of the time. I've just had to accept that I contain multitudes or whatever, and I can be both without invalidating either.
Ok sorry I have to say it, but Brianna saying Grace did exactly what Zach Bryan did to her made my stomach physically turn. that is a WILD thing to say about a childhood best friend
DUDE I KNOW…. I GASPED
ngl I completely forgot 2048 existed. I didn't think it was still around.
Also, I'm with you on APT, I HATE it. I live in South Korea and that song is currently everywhere, my students sing it all the time, it plays in public all the time, it's inescapable.
i feeeel this. not as a plus size person but as a tall (taller than most women generally), bisexual, eldest daughter. i feel like i have to be the one to be more dominate & the protector/provider. 😭 I JUST WANNA BE HELD 😭
I agree, I hate APT 💀 It sounds like a kid writing their first ever song.
As a swiftie i really wanna know which songs you do like!
Not me watching the video while playing 2048😞
we’re sick babes
apt is annoying I agree, the chant part goes on for too long
I have no idea who Maddy is talking about in the last part of the podcast and i heard "rihanna" so i was really confused? 😅
haha same :D
❤❤
Love you
Let’s forget APT ever happened in 2025. It’s the most annoying song to have stuck in my head. Worse than baby shark
2048 sounds Orwellian
conditional love is not romantic, it puts strain on relationships and causes divides.
boundaries are a good thing!
@@emotionallyonline of course, and you can still love someone without conditions whilst informing them of your boundaries
@@emotionallyonline Hello. I know that we don't know each other, but I was hoping that maybe we could be friends? Can you please respond to my message? If you don't want to be friends, can you please communicate that you don't wish to be friends with me? Thank you.
@@eaccc_ . . . Boundaries are the conditions. And if someone is constantly violating your boundaries, they don't truly care for you and that'll make you miserable with them.
but the real question is: what is you 2048 highscore? lol
FIRST ❤
I proudly blame Maddie for the amount of screen time I consume. 💌
i will never understand when grown women feel the need for “protection” from a partner.
it is very normal to seek out safety in your relationships of all kinds lmfao we should feel safe with the people we’re most intimate with! leaning on your people, feeling safe and protected with them is a beautiful thing. i would never harden myself to the point where i shut off the desire to feel wrapped up and taken care of by someone else. my independence won’t make me lonely! you don’t have to feel the same way that i do but it really shouldn’t be hard to understand lol
recapping makes me stiles? teenwolfsuge allinvolving- oh fanfictioner for me in varied couples! but reader! fanfics for winter methinks anyone remember that youtube recapping podcastishshow cause i loved it- must find em again: nother nostalgiaer! tana voicecard!! the WRAPS? sick i need to watch that float on pool looks peakish show?? who was she feel like that show dreamt me in with dreams though i've never really seen it- you oddly remind me of a resort holiday? friend i made once as a kid! cute that this vibe crowds around here i think! gorgeous dramavoicers intimidate me! wanna see portland sometime! trippled albumjourneying- ugh! it is a good number. can't argue with the snarky numberwitches! the tension that must give! but tension from the rooftops- misty eyed. bit cursey! however long your sharing in connective=need=joy remains. togethered lighten it up! oh the dramaqueens- oh voiceandbody word disconnect i dodo interesting- should remain a cute to friendship i imagine oh and telephoning dramaqueens! oH crowdreach!! cute hmm i'm really thinking time doesn't run out these days but that's oddly baseless yet earthed i think! i think my northnode lmao being earth really saves my ass from floatingaway like the HAIM song in or washing away in crustaceans attitude: play feeldown is a PLAY no? or a REPLAY yeah (production concerns: yall wanna bet! noyeah) hmm what's the millions to keeping score because- people often don't feel me on my pov on that but smithsonguncancelled oh but insecuritiescollide! but the wallkalloverme is a sick one also shoes: mihim fair oh and we crablone- also some meds/drug cause aggression yo? so keepinmind this place isn't squeakybutsqueaks like an old frind: bro even! sorrytosmooshwantbrosometimes- handsup hatetothink i was killing egos- hmm i'm so odd with fight clubbers- i'd rather more dance to it! zodiacsignage loserout-sorrybro-wouldliketoknow but TOO MANY ISSUES, NO? shitalkerclasher and quietplay zack & cody funners noyeah crims is crism or is she idk how i feel about christmas in sisbros and horse or decidedly unhorsed people me i consider the individual beast hmm ishyeah: and teenagersmembrances oh but miss jackson are u nasty forsure ohh the don't underestimate me! (harry potter flex) will readereturn the section- do yall ever recall your own teenage behavior as serialkilleresque behavior because-! teen wolf. coocooido- allisonvoicecard! demgeminis
and my head is going easy come easy go that‘s just- what an addictive melody: oh boi what year was this. i‘m on my opted out of christmas last year opting in this year journey! my kiss anxiety reaches higher with height but that‘s kind of sweet, no? 😂 diz shit is so scary to me but my lips love contact 😵💫😂 also i have this weird twisted we’d then photograph weird idea in my mind which is such a headshaker. smallgirl. should go back to tallgirl! i‘d tried the movie on for size okay but. there‘s some heartachingly lippy new years clips in my icloud oof when chemistry alone is "not enough" (also bit of a headshaker in otself-) but the chemistry bled over on the crow which screens so sweet and that show is videostored!! sad sucker for the romance of this time- but feeling sparkly: when the dudeandudes do girlandgirl which also dudeandudes! 👌🏻 and sweetgigglestoned on that: this time fully does the valentines to me! which i‘ve made emotional happyprogress on methinks as eldestonlydaughter😂 the way she speaks to herself remains peculiar in groups my dudes: aw the girlness multiply!! yes! 👌🏻 doesn‘t undude! hooked on the lovers in gingered chai 🫖 gemini does harshconfuse i think- but maybe crustaceans do too? only stopandstarterish? maybe oH goths who switchblade cute! 👌🏻 ifthatknifedoesthatknife obvi for naturearter here and a little giggled horrorplay! mhm (just say thatva lot: handsup) saggi season is alluring right! geminis do it spookier the goth? like ghostinghostout? desoc of media ahoi captain: talk me down lover! because complicated doesn't begin to cover it! oH see yeah mygod vulnerability FIRST oops?