Why High Masking Autistics Are Always Exhausted
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2024
- Why are autistic people always so tired? It's more than just navigating a world that isn't designed for autism. Today I'm here to tell you 5 reasons why autistic fatigue is such a challenge for many autistics, based on research and my own experiences as a late-diagnosed autistic ADHDer. Do you struggle with autistic fatigue? What are some challenges you face? Be sure to share in the comments! ⤵️
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📌 Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:26 Health issues
1:44 Sleep issues
2:26 Communication challenges
5:25 Masking
6:43 Sensory overload
8:25 How to help
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📚 READ MORE:
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- What other conditions co-occur with autism? thespectrum.org.au/autism-dia...
- Sleep problems in 2 to 5 year olds with autism... : www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
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"Autistics have to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how to present information." THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. I need people to understand this. NEED.
It's exhausting. I am so tired of this! I would rather be doing something else, but I am stuck - mentally churning. 😢
I always refer to this as 'translating', like the thought in my head makes sense to me but I know it won't to anyone else, so if I want to share I have to translate it. as I've gotten older it's started to take more energy than I have to do the translation, so even if I want to share a thought with someone, I'll just keep it in.
Or performing tasks that NT people do automatically
My biggest issue is trying deal with the boss, they never say what they mean, how much detail do they want?
@@davidconner-shover51 I'm 64, and have done the hiding/interpreting thing a long time, but less lately due to exhaustion. I've managed to get across to many of my coworkers/boss: "Don't book me for first thing in the morning meetings! My meds haven't kicked in, and you DO NOT want unmedicated me!" Since I work directly with customers on highly technical topics, some of the customers who I have worked with for a long time say "unmedicated you sounds like fun!" 🤩 With some customers, I don't have to mask near as much.
My exhaustion triggers are:
- Not exercising
- Negative people
- Being around people I'm not sure I can trust
- Big social gatherings where I have to interact a lot
- Being constantly interrupted when trying to to get something done. And having to create and go back into flow state to be able to complete the task. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
- Lack of sleep
- Having to follow neurotypical 9 to 5 type of schedules.
I'm kinda surprised you've mentioned following a 9 to 5 schedule. Isn't routine preferable to autistic people?
@@michaw7408Could simply be that it's a 9-5 that someone else planned for you, rather than one that works for you. Flexibility? Not from them. They expect you to be flexible enough that you're rigid in the way they want you to be. That's a NT 9-5.
@@michaw7408 Not always. Many neurodivergent people cannot work a 9-5 job. Many I know work part time or on their own schedules. The point is, not every autistic person presents the same way.
@@michaw7408 What I mean by that is more like strict no flexibility 24/7. Even when in burnout... To just have to go on and on - too fast speed. And yes, all autistics are not exactly the same. I also prefer a baseline schedule. But need days that hold space for change too.
Very True!
I feel like I have conflicting triggers: staying home from social events can make me uncomfortable, but so can going.
Let me guess, you are audhd like me. I have same issue.
@@LittleKitsune85I also have the same issue. I really have to weigh which one will make me the most and least uncomfortable.
@@LittleKitsune85 it's a cruel game our brains play. ADHD me: need stimulation all the time or will get bored, Autistic me: Too much stimulation makes me lose my sh1t. My ADHD is in constant battle with my Autism. It's exhausting 😖😫
@@Tiffany-Rose true
Same for me. I have ADHD.
I'm 66 and yes, the world was better in some ways when phones were only in our homes. Rural life was quieter and I was able to be alone a lot.
However there was no explanation for why I felt so uncomfortable in my skin...felt alien. No one knew why I was different...and bullied.
The lack of access to so much information is one huge boon for autistics.
But yeah, exhausting.
I now take naps, live alone (ok, with 2 dogs) and I have time to think and process. Learning boundaries and when to say no was a huge help.
65 here. Recently diagnosed, everything about how I felt about myself clicked. I am burned out, hope to get my energy back. ✌🏽
I'm 46, and I simply don't use social media, or use my phone as anything but a phone... and a camera. ;) I leave it at home when I don't need it.
Being diagnosed a few years ago has made life easier, as has finally being able to figure out that I'm nonbinary, and dropping gender specific appearances and behaviours that I've always been uncomfortable with. Living alone (with a cat, because everybody needs some fuzz in their life!), learning my triggers and limitations, and feeling free to be as strange as I need to be sometimes has made life so much more livable!
I have been really busy the last 2 weeks and the last few days I have felt really burnt out, when I get to this stage I need naps in the day and have no motivation, iam waiting to get diagnosed and for adhd as well
Age 50, earplugs at work (even though it's safe decibels) have made life so much better, I don't even take them out when I leave work. Grocery shopping is WAY easier with earplugs, mowing the lawn (which used to be pure torture, now is only mild torture). Wish I'd thought of it years ago. And yes, never comfortable in my own spacesuit/spaceship/body, and getting older means more issues, stupid reactor core having emergency shut-downs more, not less, as I get closer to the jumpgate... just forget that last part!
This is such a good video. It really sums up why even as a "level 1", it's a struggle. I don't even want the cure, I just want to be left the fuck alone when I need it... Which is often.
I often daydream about having a holodeck.
Be sure to communicate your needs, the good ones will adapt/get it, the bad ones will continue to push your boundaries.
@@t3hsis324 And then there's the boomerang stress of "Just leave me alone. (10 mins pass) ...why are you abandoning me?!?!" My gal deserves a fucking medal! She will "leave me alone", then stay juuuuuust close enough that I don't feel abandoned.
I once told a Shrink that just sitting there in a chair was extremely intense. Just being alive is intense.
Having to “feel” my skin is something I get sick of on the regular.
I’m diagnosed autistic and I always feel weird watching these videos about people who have the same condition but they are well traveled, great lovers, and have good jobs and bustling social lives. Like why couldn’t I get the good kind of autism that makes me skilled at an in demand field like STEM instead of the bad type of autism that makes being a functional adult almost impossible
I'm sure you're wonderful in your own way - no one else can be you! 🥰
"but I never feel good!" yeah, exactly.
One thing that stands out in my mind is an event that happened nearly a decade ago. In September of 2014, I attended a meetup with my Facebook Crown Victoria group in Tempe AZ at a Dave & Busters. Most of the meet was conducted in the parking lot - this was never a problem for me as I could gravitate toward people at the meet who were there for the technical stuff ... we were going to have a group dinner inside the restaurant and this is where the 'fun' began. This was on a Saturday night, so the place was packed. I went inside, figuring I would eat and leave. Hah. First thing I noticed was all the noise, followed by the flashing lights (all the arcade games and things), followed by more noise and people bumping into me due to how busy it was. I sat down at our table, ordered a Coke. More noise, which by now was blending into a sort of blowtorch of noise, the lights were amplifying the noise and the noise was amplifying the lights, people still were bumping me even as I sat down. At this point, I couldn't even make out what the person sitting next to me was saying over the cacophony of noise and at that time I just shut down. I decided it was time to leave and so I just got my Coke, took two sips, paid for the Coke and went back into the lot, made it to my car and just 'crashed' for about 10 minutes. In total catatonia. Someone from the group came out and asked if I was okay because evidently it looked a little scary to some who witnessed it.
At that point I didn't know I was autistic.
i`m sweating just reading your description! i can't handle situations like that either!
Am SO relating to your experience... I once sat on the floor in a corner & leaned against a support pillar & FELL ASLEEP from over-stimulation during a music concert. The noise, lighting, people bumping into me yada yada. Years before I pursued my ND suspicions.
DUDE. I was diagnosed in 2017, but in 2010 I had a similar experience at my friend's birthday party AT THE TEMPE DAVE AND BUSTERS. That place is absolute hell for my autistic brain.
@@silicon212 For movie theaters, sports bars, etc - I have a pair of earplugs that have different inserts for different levels of reduction. I've found the "setting" that works best for me. They seat pretty deep in the ear, so they are not too obvious. Nowadays, I might wear my AirPod Pros, with adaptive transparency mode. With many NTs wearing them all the time, you can actually appear as a "ducebag NT" and fit right in! 😆
I can wake up feeling SO READY to do the day. I’ll be motivated and feeling positive and capable… and then I LEAVE MY ROOM and feel like I’d rather be 💀 than ever leave my room again and POOF! Everything positive, hopeful, and energetic within me is gone and I spend the rest of my day trying to emotionally regulate back to a space in which I can make myself breakfast…at 3pm… ugh. I am literally the most bubbly yet chronically exhausted human I know.
I have severe carpel tunnel in both hands/arms, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, severe anxiety, adhd, and HS. That’s 3 autoimmune diseases, 2 mental illnesses, 2 chronic pain confitions, and I’m neurodivergent.. I dunno how tf I do anything. The truth is that I accomplish very little and I don’t enjoy any of it.
Yeah… but you can’t see anything but the psoriasis so I just look like a red skinned, scaly, and withdrawn weirdo. Omfg whyyyyyy…. *cheers* to anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff on a daily basis that hasn’t given up completely yet! You’re a rockstar!
Time crawl back into my hole where the outside world can’t throw me into an emotional downward spiral! Yeeee.
Skin illnesses can be improved by eating Omega 3 fats. I like to eat canned sardines with skin-on packed in virgin olive oil. Two small tins a day help me feel relaxed. Our cells must have good fatty acids in addition to proteins to make cell membranes healthy.
@@normaalvarado7540you know what’s also exhausting? People popping in and telling you, that your severe health issues can be solved by eating something particular.
Psoriasis cannot be cured by eating more Omega 3, and I bet this person has already tried everything possible and even some impossible things, to try to alleviate the symptoms.
I'm just stopping by to say I love you. The personality you showed in your comment is beautiful. What a shame you can't bless the world with it more often in the "wild". I think you're coping with your condition and overall with life under these circumstances very well. And I wish you all the best! Love ❤️
@@normaalvarado7540 Psoriasis is not a "skin illness", it's an autoimmune disease.
The beat treatments are immunosuppressants (which make you susceptible to colds, viruses, etc).
That and anything that can help avoid inflammation.
Dietary changes can sometimes be helpful but it completely depends on the person's current diet, gut microbiome, genetics, and other health factors, and things that might help one person could aggravate another's condition.
Things like omega 3s can be helpful for general health reasons, but they're not very likely to have any significant affect on autoimmume disorders.
Everything you said in that first paragraph could’ve come straight outta my mouth! I feel it so much. Please remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. ❤
I notice the shift in people too, and I’m less inclined nowadays to think “ooh did I say something wrong?” But rather go straight to “Goddammit. Damn humans ain’t getting it again…” and then wracking my brain to find alternative ways of saying things. This suuuuuuuucks.
I have an adult child who we have only known about the autism the past couple of years. They just told me a couple of days ago about this happening, a lot with me unfortunately. But I see so much differently now and in just this short time I have had a couple of things come up that I saw differently and was able to change my behavior. I also screwed up on one and am starting to wonder if I am also autistic. Anyway, I am proud of him for being able to tell me that my reaction was because I was not understanding him. He was right and I am glad to know. Hang in there. So sorry it is so hard.
A few things I do to try and survive this exhausting world:
1) Have a sensory deprivation reset on really hard days when i get home. This can be just laying down in my bedroom with the lights off and comforting blankets and sensory tools or even having a bath with only one soft salt lamp in darkness and quiet music.
2) Allowing myself to actually be me at home with my partner. This includes not emoting as much or policing myself to say/do the right thing and knowing he'll understand.
3) Take mini breaks throughout the workday. Allowing myself to mentally check out/let my mind wander for even just a minute every hour does wonders for my mental health. I feel like I'm cheating the nuerotypical world by secretly getting to be the real me in my head for a small amount of time every day.
4) Stimming (but secretly). While I can't twirl and bite my hair or bounce up and down like I used to as a kid, I can find other ways to secretly stim when I'm at work or in public. This includes rubbing and putting pressure on the palms of my hands under a table, scrunching and unscrunching my toes in my shoes, gently running my fingers through my hair and over my scalp, and playing with tools inside my pocket
5) Wearing clothes that are comfortable yet slightly more fashionable (and with no damn tags!) as well as layers to help deal with a room being too hot/too cold.
6) Trying to give myself grace when even when I do all these things life still gets too overwhelming and the nuerotypicals get upset with me. I have to remind myself that I'm doing this to survive mentally in a world with seemingly arbitrary social rules and unnecessary sensory overload. Not because I'm a bad person if things not go well. It's a world that wasn't built for me and while I'd appreciate more grace from others if i can't have that then I need to be more gracious to myself.
I'm 60. Diagnosed ADHD/ASD at 45. I grew up in that "quieter" age, but back then it was impossible to get a diagnosis unless you were non-verbal or profoundly impacted in ways that were obvious. So, I would much rather have the information that comes from having the internet, cellphones, etc. You don't have to let your devices be the master over you. It should and can be the other way around.
Ok, here are my sensitivities:
Groups of giggling women or people talking loudly.
Echoey rooms
Sudden noises
Someone approach from behind me.
Wearing pj's or nightgowns to bed (I get tangled up because I thrash)
Temperatures over 74F
Humidity w/ temp over about 60
Crinkly bags
Things that send me OVER THE EDGE IMMEDIATELY:
Ceiling fans/flashing lights
Girls talking loudly in echey public restroom ("OMG! I haven't seen you in, like, foreverrr!!)
The absolute worst for me though, is very LOW pitched noises (with the exception of whale songs). Examlpes: A large truck idling, bass turned way up in a person's car no matter how far away it is. If I can hear it at all its torture for me.
These things can often send me into a huge meltdown with little or no warning! Otherwise I "appear normal". I can't blames people for not believing I'm on the spectrum, but it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to explain a meltdown.
Omg crinkly bags! People eating apples. Popping gum. Flashing lights. Loud restaurants. Loud music. Crowds. Popcorn at movies. Movie theaters (volume). HEAT over 74 also. Smells. Bad breath. Garlic smell. Smell of cupcakes in a school classroom. Food that smells like B.O. cigarettes, cigars, vapes, weed, strong sanitizing products, pesticides. Ad Infinitim. I have not been diagnosed as autistic but I certainly have a lot of sensory issues.
The crinkly bags. 😵💫 I third that. Especially if it's over the phone because someone you're talking to has thought "I'll hold it away from the phone..." Doesn't matter! It's so terrible! Phone calls are hard enough, then the bag joins / interrupts and ooh boy! I have stopped mid-sentence so many times to just ask, "what are you DOING?" 🕺🏻
@jmaessen3531
For me it's when they are emptying the dishwasher over the phone and the constant clattering. Especially silverware. Or eating cereal out of a bowl. Every time the spoon hits the bowl. I hate that sound! It hurts my ears so much.
I don't buy crinkly bags and I don't know that I hear them a lot. So this may be why I don't know if those bother me, too
Tuesday, I was talking to a doctor about how noisy this world has gotten. In my very late life (I am old) I had a day of testing for autism. I don't know if I am but I have many traits. After over 5 hours of testing/talking, I went out for a dinner thinking it would be easier than cooking. I broke down crying in the restaurant. I cried for 90 minutes when I got home. Though the day was fairly quiet (I wore earplugs) I was over-stimulated and exhausted. (I calmed down by plunging my face in ice water for ten seconds, twice. It reset me).
Wow! This interests me very much, the reset thing thank you. 🙂
Based off that response I would say its a high probability you are. The cold water reset is one of my go to's 👍 I also get really hot physically and if it's a cold night I'll just go outside and stand in the dark in just my pj's and stim. The cold definitely helps regulate.
I never thought about my need to splash cold water in my face at the office or when I'm out with family, possibly being a sign of overstimulation. Guess I add that to my mental list of "signs I'm overstimulated"
Thanks for your explanation
I literally say the same thing about the world being so "noisy". I've realized a lot of it is the constant EMF around me and being so sensitive to the environment that I feel that electrosmog.
I have a meter and track and have verified a connection to at least fibromyalgia.
Unless I can move, I can't reduce it more to see if it helped the migraines and immune system disorder that I've also developed after a data center literally built next to my house because of weird zoning and 4G and then they expanded and 5G came. Each time my health got worse and now the breakdowns and shutdowns are disabling and prevent me from working unless I self medicate (which I refuse to do anymore and regular meds make my life worse). Therapy is the only helpful thing because I get to talk freely and vent.
5 hours of testing and talking exhausts any neuro diverse person. I can only last half an hour of that. I think your social battery was already depleted before going to the restaurant. Better get a ready made salad meal from the super market, quick in and out.
So relatable, I've spent a small fortune in my quest for the perfect pillow. And now I want a turkey...
Seven Sundays from Switzerland! Warm recommendation, theyr memory foam material finally relaxed my neck!
I‘m still searching for the perfect pillow, always lack of sleep and exhausted. But I would rather have a dog than a turkey. I am 61 and I have all the symptoms 😢.
They have cooling pillows at Costco and I use a silk pillowcase to save my skin and not get too hot.
I remember having insomnia as young as 9. My mom said that even as a baby I was “colicky” and wouldn’t fall asleep until she either drove me around in the car or put me in a battery-operated baby swing that would rock me. She said they spent more money on batteries than the cost of the swing. I still have bouts of insomnia, and it has been a constant part of my life. Some nights I just don’t sleep. The only thing that has almost completely eliminated my insomnia has been regular cardio. I am dealing with a chronic illness right now and can’t jog and my insomnia is back. I can’t wait to get better so I can exercise again and get good sleep. If my sleep is bad, everything is bad.
I feel you so hard. My mum said that I was the only baby she'd ever seen who was either insomniac or nocturnal, and I was semi-nocturnal by the time I was 3. I was insomniac by 6, and have had sleep issues for the entire 40 years since. Since I'm going through a rough period right now and need actual sleep to cope, melatonin is my current best friend. Clonazepam is a good friend when things are extremely bad too.
Exactly...our gas and batteries...and no doze...whew!
THIS ❤ my mom used to talk about this too...I "never slept" as a baby, and I've had sleep issues my whole life. And when I get sick, like flu, FORGET IT. It's HIGHLY frustrating because the one thing that helps heal you, is the exact thing I can't do. Just getting over another flu, that lasted for 10 days, because I'm only getting 3, maybe 4 hours of sleep. I literally woke up every 90 minutes during the night. And that's after I took a sleeping pill, magnesium, and nyquil!! I thought for sure that would put me out, but it didn't...every 90 minutes, waking up.
I'm highly dependant on 'exercise' as well. In the good times getting the good old 10k steps a day or cycling (40m) to and from the office will suffice. But with my health getting worse in a variety of ways I have to get creative and that makes me stand out in a bad way. Leg exersises after wrist surgery, upperbody exercises post hip surgery etc. I can take a break from exercising, but then I can't sleep. :/ I'm dreading the day my chronic illness fully catches up with me.
I have fibromyalgia and a severe form of myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome. To qualify for an ME/CFS diagnosis, you need severe, unexplainable fatigue that prevents your normal daily activities, unrefreshing sleep (you wake up with a hangover every morning), Post Exertional Malaise (any exertion, including mental, makes you much, much worse), as well as orthostatic intolerance and cognitive impairment. Because ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD, it's like a double whammy. I have severe sound and light sensitivities and live alone in a dark, quiet room. I can't even hang out with my husband. Trying to manage autism like this is really hard. ❤ I'm also incredibly lonely, because UA-cam is the only place I can connect with people.
If you feel like sharing: do you turn the sound off on UA-cam and just read the subtitles? I do that a lot because the sound gets tiring. Especially with certain people.
@@Aelffwynn yes, I do! I love the captions! I can't really listen to music anymore (and I was a musician), so I turn off the sound when people have background music. ❤️
@@CricketGirrldang. I'm sorry to hear of your many struggles!
@@joan.nao1246 thank you! ❤️
Hallo CricketGirl: Your comment has sparked a revelation in me. I've had ME for about 40 years, now much milder, and realised 4 months ago that I was on the autism spectrum also. "ME/CFS affects the same parts of the brain as ASD" I can't even begin to sort out what's what, but feel massively better
knowing that they overlap. Thank you so much for your comment. Hope you improve and can return to a much better quality of life. All the best.
Yeah bathrooms are great places to hide, I worked at a very high stress job where everyone backstabbed each other… there was a bathroom that I would go in, turn off the light and either meltdown or calm down there. Only Accounting knew I went in there, and they refused to tell my boss or other marketing staff where I was if asked. Since there was a doorway at the end of accounting that led to a set of stairs.
So good they were on your side!
Pillow issues are serious.
Absolutely!
And now I always pay attention in Booking reviews on mattresses quality. This is the thing you can't pack into your luggage :(
I just found a pillow that I stay relatively more comfortable with. One of those memory foam side sleeper pillows.
What you said about computer and phones is exactly what I tried to explain to my wife for years : this fucking constant interruptions, the annoying "vrr" from a text coming which anguish me, the no times alone anymore because there is always someone to text you (or her, cause nobody text me anymore because I don't answer, too exhausting) some shitty thing you don't care about, and you need to answer something if you don't want to be rude. But answering what ? It's like you cannot be alone anymore, you cannot rest anymore from people and that's exhausting... And when I explained that years ago I didn't even know I'm autistic, it wasn't even something I heard about, or think for myself. And now I understand better why I've always feel that about social network or texting. Why it was so exhausting, so scary. It makes so much sense.
You explain it very well, that is exactly the words, the feelings, I'm so happy someone else express it, it make me feels better and I don't think anymore I'm a "monster" or whatever not to love social interactions or to be anxious about texting or social networks. I now know that's a part of my autistic brain.
Thank you !
My phone lives on "do not disturb" mode. I know I can trust my close family not to bother me unless it's important, so they're allowed to bypass it ("starred contacts"), and alarms (because my ADHD means alarms and reminders are the only way I can keep up with appointments and such). Anyone else can leave me a voicemail/shoot me a text and I'll see it when I see it.
@@digitalcalibrator9740 Yah ! The same here now.
When I was a teenager people constantly asking me (and some with anger) why I even have a cellphone because I never answer it (what they didn’t know is that I answer, but only to people who I really love and then I was too exhausted or annoyed for answering them… sorry guys I didn’t like you so much 🤷). In fact I still do that but with time not so much people I don’t really like have my number now.
I also cannot tell how many time my mother yelled at me because I didn’t pick up the phone when I was a kid, and she doesn’t understand at all what I feel about not knowing what to say on the phone, how to interact, even with people I know. She doesn’t understand the anxiety that I feel about picking up the phone or calling someone (even a friend). For her it was stupid, I was a coward, and even more that my sister who was 2 years younger than me can do it. Not a fun part of my life. Knowing about my diagnosis makes so much sense on this kind of experiences now
I don’t know what I would’ve done without horses, growing up. They meet you where you are, and you don’t have to mask with them. My time at the barn once a week was my therapy. It still is.
All mentioned here, except sleep issues, applies to me.
Neurotypicals constantly 'read' my face & body language and they 'know' what I think and how I feel. And are always wrong. I mean, if you wanna know how I feel ask me, instead of 'knowing'. Had such problem with my dance teacher who 'knew' that I was 'worried' by reading my face, while I was just concentrating & enjoyed repeating my moves.
And I don't even have a TV at home and when enter a space that has a TV on, like my wellnes centre lounge room, I make sure I turn it off right away. I go to my gym because it is one of rare gyms around that is silent, no stupid loud TV screens and irritating pop music.
My daughters triggers (4years old)
The material denim
Any kind of trousers - has to be skirts or dresses
Too much noise
Any kind of light in bedroom when trying to sleep - she won’t sleep unless blackout blinds are fully covering windows
Being too hot, she is naturally a warm girl but hates layers and pjs on in bed with a blanket
Hair being blown in her face, has to be pinned back
My husbands triggers
Too much noise
Talking to him while he is doing something else
Trousers & Jeans
Being too hot
Spots always picking
Road rage
I have all of these except the blackout curtains. It's rough for sure. Can't stand pants and I'm always getting judged for wearing shorts. I'm not cold, thank you, mind your business...
With your daughter, have a doctor check to see if her eyes close when she sleeps. I had this problem and it wasn’t diagnosed until I was forty! 🤷♀️
Omg I have horrible road rage. I hate driving and I get so mad at people who do stupid things.
@@carissaa8411 It sucks because if you think about it, it might be the one mistake one person makes on the road, but because we deal with hundreds of people, if they all make one mistake it adds up.
@@karens8633 thank you I never thought of that
In all honesty, I’d love to have a virtual phone call with you just to have like an interview and talk about experiences to see how diverse peoples autism can be between one another, and the contradictions between different individuals and how autism affects them
Commercial interruptions, voting text messages, pharmacy and doctor reminder texts, all irritate me so much. If I’m tired and there’s too much light or noise or both, there’s a good chance I’ll get a migraine. Working super early 5 days in a row is definitely challenging for me because I feel like I’m running on fumes both from being tired and from the sensory overload. I love the jobs I have but they’re also a struggle. Soft blankets and sweatshirts and hoodies and long sleeve but thin cotton shirts make my life so much better. Good smelling shampoo conditioner and soap helps me want to actually take a shower, as well as listening to something while I shower. Flavorless toothpaste has changed my life (I use Dr Bob’s Unflavored toothpaste, which is a tad sweet but not enough to leave a major aftertaste like mint or watermelon or bubblegum).
For me, setting boundaries with neurotypicals is still one of the biggest challenges. I once worked at a company where they would randomly call meetings at short notice. And not just any meetings, those were meetings where I was supposed to present something, or at least provide some input to the discussion. When I told them that (a) I would like to do as many meetings in a block (that reduces the before-and-after time it takes me), and (b) have meetings regularly instead of randomly so that I can plan, they first said "yeah sure" - and then the amount of meetings doubled and they happened just as random as before! And then there were meetings in which they explained why meetings are time critical and important, and that they needed to be flexible! When I pointed that out, they set up even more meetings, just to see whether I am available at all times. I quit that job.
However, this is a very common pattern. The more I ask neurotypical people to respect my needs, the more stress they put on me. So I have long given up on that too: it is not worth it. It just makes everything so much worse.
If you - or anyone else - has any thoughts on this, your reply is highly appreciated.
They were punishing you for daring to ask for your different needs to be met. They definitely felt that you were asking for more than they could dare to ask, and were spiteful and jealous. It's not based in pure logic, it's social dynamics and emotional responses at play.
Sounds like they wanted you yo prove what you needed. They were out of order.
Unfortunately, I'm 57 and have survived by saying yes and having constant dialogue in my head instead of saying no and dealing with the fallout. I would love to be truthful all of the time but the world is not prepared for that. I just don't get people or the world we're now in.
Gentle distant hugs.
For me, it’s being out in public, particularly grocery stores. The lights, the sounds, everything.
When I was younger I would only shop at night but after the pandemic none of the stores are open at night. Now I just have them delivered.
It saves me so much time and prevents sensory overload for me.
How about a mind that is always thinking and has a dozen pages open? How exhausting is that! At least for me it is.
Yes!! I allow myself one hour of “ harmless” tv every night to defrag. It has the power to stop my thoughts for a while. The rest of the time I’m thinking thinking thinking, a thousand ideas, and want to do them all right now. End up doing none. I have discovered restorative Yoga. Helps a lot. Also so much of what is said here resonates with me. I think it helps too know there are others like me. In the last couple of years I have taken up birdwatching, and that has been great for my mental health. Also less afraid to stay home because I want to and can.
I can hear the fridge humming now. Goshdarnit.
Or the fluorescent lights and bats squeaking and I can’t stand any sirens a,arms or strong perfume
Same
I travel with my own bedding to be able to sleep, user earplugs A LOT, and chose my living space very carefully. It's 3 minutes away from the woods, I look out on a beautiful garden which I don't have to take care of. And it's quiet - I could even sleep without earplugs, but I don't, just in case. I bought several sleep masks until I found the perfect one for me.
A tip for reducing interruptions from messaging: create one-on-one chat groups with the people you communicate with the most. Mute the notifications and tell the other person to use the group for messages that do not need immediate attention. You could have also one for your entire family. That way you can read the messages in a pull mode rather than push mode. This has helped me a lot. I actually started doing this before discovering my autism or ADHD. Great video btw, thanks for making it!
Same 👍🏻
Currently having a shutdown, because I went into the city for shopping with my husband and kids and it was really busy. We don't go very often, but it's worth the shutdown once in awhile to spend time together getting nice things for everyone. My husband works during the week so Saturday is the only day we can all go. We go early tho so it's not as busy.
Masking and sensory overload are my 2 main issues that lead to anxiety and depression quite often. As I'm getting older it gets easier not to care what others think.
At home I get to be myself, I'm the gamer mum who hyper focuses on random things all the time and it's ok. I get to sing at the top of my lungs and do crazy dances with my kids and that's what gets me through the day.
It's taken me a long time to just accept who I am and not always look at how others do things and keep thinking "why can't I have/do that". I am who I am and that's ok.
at 68 years old I have realized that I am on the spectrum. I now live out in the middle of nowhere by myself and have never in my life been happier and less stressed.. no input no stress! have had to deal with depression for the last fourth years now, noting. happy and content.
I really envy you 😊
Wait until you meet the chipping sparrow! 😅
I can stand every other bird, but that one. Even Bluejays don't bother me as much anymore.
Exercise is the worst. I don't feel pain normally, and struggle with knowing when I am overdoing it until I have way overdone it. Then, I struggle to move because everything has locked up. So I have to do any increases super slowly to make any progress. Then I'll get sick and loose all the progress I've made. I know it's important to be able to continue to move, but it's just so hard and it often seems to take all my energy so I have nothing left to do anything else.
It's so comforting when you put into words what I experience and struggle with daily 💕 Thank you so much 💕
I'm only just discovering my autism and ADHD now at 30+, but as a kid my mom put me in school plays because I was so shy. I ended up doing theater for years and learned how to pretend to be like others. Then I got two degrees in communications, where I learned how to pretend even better. Now I'm this master-masker, and it's frickin' EXHAUSTING. I'm working on letting that mask drop, but it's so ingrained now that it's been a bigger challenge than I expected. I think I need help being autistic lol
I feel this so much haha. I feel like I have no idea how to just be "me" anymore, just the version of me I invented to please everybody. It's such a struggle when you've spent years with the mask glued to your face.
Look back at how you felt just existing and your responses before you played pretend for the sake of others. Some will have changed BUT the feelings had a reason as much as actions. I know it sounds vaguely philosophical, but I'm having a hard time getting the right words due to burnout.
I so hugely relate to this! My mom put me in ballet, ice skating, modelling and acting programs to teach me how to be like everyone else, because I was dyspraxic (clumsy - no depth perception) and voice lessons to speak because I sounded robotic... on and on so I finally after she died became a playwright because theatre... trying to figure out social interaction. I didn't get dx'd til almost 56 yo. I am still trying to figure out how to be autistic and stop masking because it's so exhausting!
Whew, the pillow thing is SO TRUE
Hospital pillows are even worse because they have that plastic cover
This video speaks of my daily life. Although, because was recently diagnosed at 65yo I came to understand it’s a burn out due to masking and sensory overload. I am most of the time in my room cause light, even sunlight drains me. For a 1/2 hour conversation or a quick supermarket trip I need to rest one day and a half. I wonder if I ever will come out of this burn out, I’d like to enjoy life. Thank you for your videos, it helps me to clarify many traits, you are also very funny.
Sorry you're in such a deep burnout phase. 😔 Glad you're here and able to join in on all our late diagnosed "aha moment" sharing. I hope it provides some degree of community relief and a sense of finding your people. 🫶🏻
You’re so funny. I always wondered why I was always tired. I have ADHD and autism high functioning. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. high functioning autism I identify as an in the process of getting an assessment hopefully here soon. I have two autistic boys who are currently at this very moment fighting over chocolate milk and goldfish crackers as well as figuring out and finding out that my partner is also on the spectrum and probably has ADHD so I always wondered why I was always so tired. ADHD plays a big role in that one and autism plays a big role in my limited interest in things, but what I’m interested in I try to specialize as much as possible not because I want to be a specialist but because I love this stuff and yeah everybody always asked me man you look tired asked me how am I doing and I’ve always answer. I’m tired.
I don’t think I’ve recovered from high school. It was a sensory nightmare, and went against my delayed sleep phase disorder. Especially since I had band before normal school hours. I missed so much school because my stomach was hurting every day, I’d have panic attacks and meltdowns when getting up or even when about to enter the building and would beg my dad to let me go home.
I feel like I was medically neglected. Because I looked normal otherwise and did well in school. Two teachers commented on my absences, and neither with any sort of compassion. One told me I would fail college because they wouldn’t tolerate me missing class EVER (lol, that guy was so so wrong), and the other just wanted to know how I kept my grades up. The trick was that I could do my class work in the safety of my own home instead of in class, where there was constant social interactions, fluorescent lights, limited bathroom breaks, and constant stomach pain. I was exhausted and probably stunted my growth. I also had an autoimmune disease and repeated untreated UTIs. No one ever said it to my face, but I’m certain adults thought I was lazy or stupid or looking for attention.
TYSM for this!! Everything you said, especially the sleep & stomach issues really hit home. Also my hearing is super sensitive too...I remember as a kid, back in the 70s, department stores jewelry cases had an "invisible " alarm system...invisible to NT anyway...and every time mom would drag me there, I would scream, because the high pitched noise was so overwhelming. None of my family could hear it, and they automatically labeled me, as a 6 yr old, as...crazy, too sensitive, etc. My dad was the only one who eventually figured out what it was, and why I was having this seemingly over dramatic response to that noise. But my family laughed it off, still labeling me as overly sensitive, and crazy. My mom would say I needed to just get over things like this, because the world isn't going to change just for me, (which was true) and to basically stop having meltdown moments when I felt overwhelmed. And I was a constant source of joke about my stomach issues too. I literally vomited most mornings for the first 25 yrs of my life, due to sensory overwhelm, and still have upset stomach most mornings, just not the vomiting anymore, THANKFULLY. My mom would mock me, saying...oh we can't take her anywhere, she'll just throw up the whole time, or some insensitive thing like that (she was a narcissist)
As a super late diagnosed woman, at age 50, It feels really good to be validated by your video's, because I FINALLY know that I'm not crazy, or too sensitive...well maybe the too sensitive applies, but I like to think of it as exceptionally sensitive 😅. Anyway, I really value your content. It's brought SO MUCH clarity to me. Your channel is such a valuable resource 🎉🥂💃🎉
It's insanely difficult to describe the degree of distress I feel about "common" things to people who don't understand. I really struggle with audio sensory processing and a high startle response. One of the biggest triggers for me are barking dogs. I have tried for years to explain to my room mate that their dog barking outside my window isn't just loud and annoying - it's physically painful. They literally cannot understand how a sound can feel like an icepick to the brain, and they don't want to spend the effort empathizing. Even my therapist struggles to understand how sounds or light or thoughts can be physically painful. It's like living on another planet where people have no common experiences with you. It's maddening.
Sound cancelling earbuds have been a real blessing for me since they aren't to visible so not to many people notice I wear them when outside, especially when shopping to block out all the sounds my brain just can't block out without spending a ton of energy on ignoring the stimuli.
I sadly can't remember exactly the paper i read it in but apparently in general the autistic brain taken in about 60% more external stimuli than a neurotypical brain, but the part of the brain that needs to sort all that information is still only equipped to handle a normal amount of information, so its like having a 16 liter water hose attached to a 10 liter valve and expect it to handle that extra pressure, it might be able to for a time but eventually it fails and when that happens especially with sudden very loud noises as he explain in the video our brain quite literally short circuits for a bit and has to reboot for us to get back in control.
Felt like you were talking directly to me, Chris! Thank you so much for making this video. 🌈
I relate to the pillows my bed has a stack of pillows which are placed for my comfort. My bed is my space where l can unwind. TV noise radios in background can’t do. Horns on cars l jump out of my skin especially when l am driving. Room full of people this is totalling over whelming. Thanks for your videos they are so helpful and relatable 😊
Wild turkeys do fly. It's a sight to behold. It doesn't look like it can be physically possible to see a butterball with feathers, headed out of a tree. Unrelated, but the turkey as a bird of prey (not) flying over you, possibly pooping on you, that could happen.
Les Nessman did not know this. 🦃
@@monkeytennis7477 😁
My wife knows when I say “I’m going to take a shower” that I’m literally going to sit in the tub, let hot water beat on my head, and space out for like 45 minutes in pitch blackness. We usually shower together, but when I just want to go, she knows it’s just my comfort spot to decompress and recharge so I have the energy to hang with her for a bit and not be moody and easily irritated. She knows every day/night after work, I need time to just be for a bit and then I’m refreshed and ready to hang for a few hours. Plus if I’m already drained, I’m not going to pay attention to any movie or anything cause I’ll just be sitting there feeling like I’m just just forcing myself into a situation. She’s learned a lot about Autism and just lets me do my thing as needed. She sees how much things can positively or negatively effect me, especially when I’m already stressed, or my anxiety is just at an all time high for no reason. I do hear noises from our electronics too that she doesn’t. We have a sound bar and it gives this super high pitch hum after like 7 click of volume up and it’s drives me nuts. When theres no noise, I hear the static white noise it gives off. She’s amazing at how it can be loud as hell, but I can still pin point the most faint yet annoying sound in a matter of seconds lol
I'm in diagnosing process for adhd, the testing person said, seems to be autism, too.
Exhaustion and social contact/communication are my biggest problems.
My tringgers are:
Vision confusing patterns, flashing lights, somebody suddenly turning the ceiling light on or off, high humidity, several conversations around me, several people talking in an echoing room, this high pitch beeping in some buses or tubes before the doors close, sudden big noises, I need my own pillow and at least one other for positioning in bed. I can't eat well cooked vegetables and many other foods and it drives me crazy when I'm supposed to follow unclear expectations or when I'm disturbed frequently in a task. I need my Alone-time after work (at least 2 hours in one piece) and during the first hour in the morning as well a the last one before sleep, I have my rituals, but I'm still flexible somehow. BUT never change a plan that was fix! Except that ones, which I did only agree to please others. That ones may be cancelled ;)
I like how you talk about things. For all it’s worth, I think you’re quite good at communicating information, and you’re also quite funny. And obviously I can appreciate how much effort it can take you to do these videos. I don’t think ND people can appreciate how hard it is for us to communicate in an effective way, but as an autistic person, I do! 😊
Anyway, one of the positive aspects of learning I was autistic has been to learn how to handle my energy levels. This has included learning not to push myself like I did before, when I unsuccessfully tried to be “normal” (spoiler alert: of course I crashed and failed spectacularly!) It still difficult, and I’m still pretty much exhausted most of the time, but now I know I have to prioritize rest and isolation from stimuli when needed.
I’m pretty happy nowadays you can actually find information about this topic! Just a couple years ago when I was diagnosed and was trying to understand why I was always tired, you could barely find anything about it, so progress!
One of the most helpful videos i have seen to help me as a NT understand my autie loved ones better, thank you!
UGH YEESSSS on the concise blunt communication style. basically PEOPLE are my triggers LOL everything people do pisses me off.
loud noise
bright lights (my house is always dim, with soft warm or colored lights)
any music i don't like! it is SO ANNOYING i can[t eve stay in that environment
synthetic fragrances! i only use natural EO-based perfumes so everything synthetic bothers me, esp when people bathe in perfume (and i used to be one of those people lol)
too much conversation
being cold or too hot even though i love wearing sweaters all year round (if i can) and i don't like to have my skin exposed
tight clothes, tags, anything that pricks and tickles
being interrupted bc it is hard to get back in The Flow
i startle easily so if something scares me i get real grumpy
Same
I thought I was high-sensitive but, watching this video and reading the comments, makes me think I am kind of autistic. Low level maybe, but I do recognise a lot of traits.
nothing will shut me down more completely or faster than loud noises, especially someone yelling, even if its not at me. Dogs barking loudly or too much activity in my general area both confuse and upset me and cause me to rock and become for the most part non-verbal.
Social situations and being overstimulated also wears me out. And the bed situation, I totally get it! For a long time, my bed didn't actually suit my needs but I didn't care much. And whenever I was on holiday or staying somewhere else, I was like: nah, I'll survive this. But last year I've bought a brand new bed and an awesome pocket mattress! My sleeping definitely improved although at times I'm still overthinking when I'm trying to sleep. My brain often just won't calm down, either anxiety or thinking about things I'd like to do.
But a couple of weeks ago we went to a cottage on the island of Texel for a week. The bed was a bit simpler than mine and the mattress was just too thin. My bf and I decided a couple of years ago to keep long distancing because we both need a lot of quiet time. He's on the spectrum too. And it's about an hour's drive for me to go and see him.
So we rented the cottage for a week, but we left after two days because our backs were getting more sore each night and I was just exhausted and depressed the second day. We went out for a few groceries in a nearby town and then we went for an ice cream (there is a dairy farm close by that has an ice cream shop with many different flavours and also a few lactose free) and the next day we packed up and drove to my place to stay together for the rest of the week.
I'm exhausted a lot, sleeping issues since childhood which I think is due to anxieties. I was also bullied a lot. My bf has IBS among things and he's lactose intolerant. But then it's okay we live apart because when he's not here, I can cook things my way with lots of onions, spice and things he can't have. When we're together I adapt to his needs.
During work whenever I need a moment, I often check on my fish and shrimp. I recently got a number of pygmy corydoras, they are cute as heck!
I was about 12 when I woke up at 5 AM with my first panic attack. Sleeping on a flat surface with a flat pillow is impossible for me because it makes my throat feel tight and then it's panic city. I've spent more of my 52 years of life sleeping on couches than beds. I just find them more comfortable.
When I was a teen I couldn't sleep at night because of my anxiety and panic attacks. Being bullied at school for being "weird" was a HUGE problem, which is why I dropped out at 16 (even though I did go back 10 years later, and eventually graduated) I now know that being autistic and autistic burnout had a lot to do with my decision to leave school too.
I've always run more on adrenaline than sleep.
@@elizabethsullivan7176 the worst was during my first concert tour with Utrecht Students Choir and Orchestra to Latvia. We stayed at a hostel in Riga for a week and those beds were just very spartan and very bad. But I was young at the time and pushed through. Sang 2 Matthew Passions (by J.S. Bach), second concert was in a dishevelled church with a broken roof in like March and we were all freezing. But the best thing was having a common passion for baroque music, for Bach and all around the same intellectual level (uni students).
I think that's where we are most comfortable hanging out with people we connect more easily with on an intellectual level and mutual respect. My friends are all into scifi, anime etc. And most are on the spectrum. You don't have to mask when you're around them.
Also, I get being on adrenaline all the time while at school because of bullying and pressures. It causes health damage, full stop!
Upon seeing the title as I scrolled my immediate response was “because we’re masking!”
If I had a quarter for every time I said this "did I say something wrong?" Ugh. My bluntness has hurt so many of my relationships. I appreciate bluntness because I feel they aren't lying to me. I started to notice as I've gotten older I can mimic how someone speaks to help me feel they understand me rather than my true self. I don't even know if I have one since I mirror who's speaking. Ty for the education. ❤ to all.
Years ago I decided that when people tell me I don't need sunglasses inside, I just say 'How the --fuck-- would you know? Are you me? You obviously don't know what I'm going through, so I'll be the boss of where I wear my sunglasses. Have a day.'
But tbf, no one's asked that in literal years. Ppl just don't care anymore. They too do whatever the duck they want.
And neither do I. As long as I don't act like an ass, I don't care what people say about me or if they stare at me.
What are they gonna do? Have an opinion that's not going to matter to me? It's not like they can get me fired or expelled for being autistic. 🙄
Peopling really adds to my fatigue! Ugh. Yoga usually fills up my spoons (because, for my body, yoga is a giant stim.)
I can tell you some positive triggers (Autistic joy)... puppies and cows! Share with the class, man!
I'm on week 2 of recovery from emergency gallbladder removal. Crappy sleep, can't eat anything I want, IBS worse than ever, pain, weakness, exhausted from half a shower. I was already burnt out from other things and now I can't do any of my normal decompression stuff so its just nap and try not to have meltdowns all day.
That is ROUGH, wishing you smooth and speedy recovery 💜
I also have neurodivergency (adhd and autism) and digestive issues. Had my gallbladder out when it did literally nothing in an ejection fraction test.
So, i have some things you might not know about that might (or might not) help.
1) moringa, thyme, rosemary: these are all great for helping me manage my hyperactive bile ducts. Not sure why they work but it goes beyond the fiber like I initially thought.
2. (You might know this), my doctor put me on an antidepressant that helps levels of not just seratonin, but also norepinephrine (ppl with adhd tend to be low bc Dopamine is used to make it). So..
3) a lot of the same neurochemicals that your brain uses are the same that your gut uses. So, you can look into norepinephrine/noradrenaline, seratonin, GABA (and there's a few more I can't remember)
4) lastly, if it does have something to do with your gallbladder or bile look into TUDCA (a type of bile acid). Our bodies produces little, but the pills, seem to help a lot. My hypothesis is when my body notices the TUDCA in my stomach, it doesn't freak out and overproduce bile because it "thinks" the job is already handled. And as far as bile acids go, this one is significantly less likely to cause bile dumps or acid reflux. A lot of people agree.
(I get Nutricost and prefer synthetic because natural is derived from bears in a way that seems unusually cruel, even for corporate farming.)
No worries if nothing helps, I wish you the best with your healing journey.
Edit: also maybe make sure that after your guts liquidate their inventory you replace your microbiome a bit. I like a shelf stable variety that has as many different strains as possible. That way I'm not overloading my guts and your body will naturally adjust to the right levels of the right microbes. I just find that I get back on my feet faster with a probiotic.
@@Alice_Walker Thank you :)
@@steggopotamus Thanks, I'll look into these. I'm also dealing with metastatic breast cancer and was just starting to make progress on the issues from those meds and this is like going back to square one. I swear I eat more supplements than food these days but if it'll keep me from spending my days within 20 feet of the bathroom I'll be happy to add a couple more, interactions permitting of course!
When I turned 40 I had to start really watching for deficiencies because I eat the same thing every meal for months on end. I screwed up my iodine this way, and omg the health crash was so bad. Thankfully it's not hard to correct, but it had me thinking I was dying for awhile because I was even more exhausted than usual. I can't treat myself poorly for as long without consequences now that I am ageing too.
I am 56 years old, and just finding out that I am autistic--probably--no diagnosis yet--but I feel like I have been tired my whole life. I am tired of being tired.
Whellp ive NEVER felt so seen in my life. This video hit every single mark for me.
Perfect timing! We had visitors over yesterday ... and I slept for 12 hours straight afterwards...
I was just diagnosed with autism and adhd.
This video made me cry. I’ve been struggling with ibs, crippling headaches, meltdowns I thought were panic attacks, and exhaustion just from just doing simple things. I’ve been in and out of the doctors my whole life only to be told they couldn’t find a reason and to take Tylenol and eat more fiber.😑
Now you have a starting point- an understanding of what’s at the root. Now it’s a matter of being your own detective and figuring out your triggers. Lots of trial and error. Things can get much better!!
My main pain is people around me not fucking RECOGNIZING my autism. It's in the little things, but so many little things. My sensory issues are never being taken seriously (except for my boyfriend! :) ), the pervasiveness of autism, the communicative struggles... I feel very strongly that everyone is like "you're normal, you're just like everyone else". People often say it litterally. I can pass as a neurotypical - that's why. I am in a process of masking less and less. Started that journey years ago and it's crazy how much unmasking there was and is to do. Crazy.
Triggers:
People complaining about getting older but not doing anything to combat it. They’ll be like oh I’m 45 can’t do blah blah blah it’s like shut up. If you’re 80 you can say you’re old but quit having daily funerals for stuff you didn’t even do when you were younger.
Wind 🌬️ particularly in my face I hate it. No sun roofs no driving with windows down. No.
Singular wetness. I need my whole body drenched in sweat, water, whatever but if like one hand gets wet like doing dishes without gloves it drives me nuts.
Music where people mumble. Modern rap music or trying to understand Doja Cat I just can’t. Enunciate please. Same goes for mumbles which I encounter a lot cause I live in the south. I’d rather not talk to you if you can’t be bothered to speak when I already have a hard time focusing.
People that want to only talk about themselves (pot calling the kettle black in this small rant 😂) like I have work mates that always find me and tell me the same damn stories and I’m like I don’t care! Let me just work please 🙏🏼
Yes the wetness that creeps down the wrist is INSANELY awful!
I'm totally burnt out after work all day and looking confident and being an adult with a lot of responsibility. The weekend allows me to be me again and build up some mental energy again to not look like an idiot or strange in work.
I can't tell you how often I got yelled for being rude but all I was doing was point out obvious things they forgot about 😢😅😅
Thank you so much for this video. It explains what I couldn't put into words.
It's been exhausting trying to figure out why I'm always exhausted!
I was diagnosed recently at 33 and have never been able to figure out why I am so tired all the time. I just figured it was caused by a combo of all the other other health conditions I DID know about.
I'm autistic and recently started my first proper job since finishing university. I like the work itself but I cannot handle having to talk to everyone there. I really relate to the part about noticing shifts in people's fancial expressions and worrying that I've said something wrong and it drives my anxiety through the roof! I can always tell that they think I've said something weird but I can never tell what or why the thing I said was weird. I wish I was able to get more time off work to recharge but I'm already working minimum hours.
I worked in a hotel and a saw in many rooms that, people brought their own pillows (normal, special, beanbag, etc), sometimes their own bedsheets, and it was okay and normal. And I understand it becouse it is true, sometimes in those hotels pillows and bedsheets can be awful and unconfortable (and some cases feather filled). So never think that it is bad to bring your own pillows and stuff with you if you go to a hotel. You will need your own to sleep better and feel comfortable. :)
I've tried to explain to people that "we're all fish - but I'm a fish that hates feeling wet". I LOOK like the other fish, but the ocean is a whole different kettle of fish for me.
When you’re a fresh water fish trying to survive in a saltwater world
My mom-"You were a quiet baby, but you never slept! I'd wake up and you'd be laying there eyes wide open just looking around the room. No naps either! You were a quiet good baby... You just never slept!"
OK, I don’t even know if I want to go through the trouble of getting an official diagnosis, that’s how old I am, and never had an inkling until about six months ago that I am autistic but the sensory issues became so overwhelming and then I started to learn about autism and realized that I am autistic. I pass every test out there with flying colors and I’m working with a neuropsychologist. This is her area of expertise, but she is no longer diagnosing folx. Anyway, one thing that really helps me with my fatigue is to swim on a regular basis. It’s a perfectly acceptable way of stimming, and it feels great and helps me with sleep. Because of some ear issues I stopped putting my head in the water and I’m enjoying it even more. I hope this helps someone. I really love your channel.
Getting Flare Calmers (the joined ones so I can't loose'em again) has been life changing. I had no idea how much sound stress was taking out of me until I used them. They massively extended the period of time between my meltdowns. They're now monthly, rather than weekly or daily :)
A world sympathetic to autistic people is a better world for all. The triggers are like a guide for creating a healthier society, which the neurotypical are often blind to. But, how to communicate, and be listened to...
EXACTLY!!! This is why is see autism as such a beautiful thing. I know it has co morbidities but if we fixed the world how many of those would be greatly reduced?!?! I’m excited for the future of the world because of the autistic community. Maybe I’m just being “””naive””” as so many ppl like to call me. Idc.
What makes me exhausted? Working as a software developer. Especially when working with workitems that are not well described and have a lot of open ends. And after you think you are done with the workitem you will get the full list of requirements (and can almost start over again).
I was diagnosed with depression for years because I felt exhausted and upset all the time. Now I've received my ASD diagnosis (at 28!!!) I am finally started to realise what has been causing the exhaustion and managing my energy levels better. Meeting new people can wipe me out for days, but wearing sunglasses indoors has made shopping trips easier. Thanks for the template, it will be really helpful as I continue to experiment :)
I experience this a lot & it's super frustrating. If I don't work hard to force my voice to sound softer & even harder to remember to adjust my facial expression, people (including my husband) think I'm mad. I have to mask unless I'm completely alone. Exhausting.
You're hilarious. 😅
I related to everything in that. I'm 61 and recently discovering I may be autistic and so have decided to go to Dr to see about it. Have struggled all my life. Now it's time I was diagnosed properly.
Thankyou so much for sharing this.
I am
Neurotypical yet hurrah for honest, direct and truthful
Autistics❤soooo refreshing
A long time ago, before I knew about autism and masking, I tried to express my rejection of social norms and behaviours in one sentence. What I came up with was "Fitting in gives me the self-identity blues."
Now I know why I said it. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps me understand me better.
I sleep before social outings so i can mentally prepare myself for the overwhleming environmental stimuli and interacting with other humans
Wow! The Trigger Tracker is a fab idea ❤
Oh hey, the sunglasses in the grocery store thing is an easy fix! Zenni has fl-41 lenses that block ouchie lights. They call them migraine lenses but they're fl-41s! I have them in 25% strength for daily wear and 75% for outside sun time in texas. They work better than super dark reflective lenses too and make fluorescent tolerable
Thank you for covering this complex topic in depth!
Noise is the worst. And I can't block it out. I'm wearing over-ear headphones on top of beats earbuds with active noise cancelation, and I can still hear my husband's video game and the air conditioner. There's no escape from sounds.
I often feel like I'm balancing over the abyss of burning out. In theory I could avoid it, to fall into that abyss. But then there are so many factors from the outside world, that makes it really hard to focus on what would be good for me.
My biggest issue is communition. I constantly feel like I have to sugarcoat things because people seem to like feeling offended so much these days, even it it's just because of leaving out the polite stuff. So instead of communicating directly and getting things done, it's a mixture of a weird dance and baby feeding tiny spoons of informations. While the person I'm talking to wouldn't consider for even one second if their speech pattern (speed, articulation, sarcasm yes or no, puns) is okay for me.
I literally have every one of those health problems, plus many, many more!
Thank you, this video helps so much
For those of us who are living at home and find that youve to mask at home
Consider trying to find a safe spot outside your home or inside your home (this is op) and have that be yr safe place when u just need to decompress
I used to constantly mask all the time, at work, with friends, with family, with strangers, and it's amazing how much more energy I have since I've made it an active point to not mask, the part that surprises me is how many people I've found are actually accepting of me and what I would consider to be idiosyncrasies. A big part of it was self acceptance and accepting that I deserved to be loved and respected for being me. That I and the people who don't accept me, well, we're both better off not being around each other more than we have to be. I feel like I'm truly being myself for the first time in a long time.
I have severe ADHD, not sure if I'm on the spectrum even though I definitely have behaviors indicative of it, but that may also affect my experience with masking vs the experience of someone who is on the autism spectrum
Loved the "dance around the truth" gif at 3:28. 😂
I just found your channel, I have screening coming up next month for autism so I've been checking out different places for information. Not only do I have a 90% assurance that I'm autistic, but things I'm hearing about make me realize my mom had it as well. I am in desperate need of some understanding of myself because I fell like I'm just a very odd duck and no one can relate to me at all! So many triggers, health conditions and brain issues that I have no clue where to begin besides hoping the screening may shed some light on my issues so I can take steps and move forward towards finding at least a bearable space in this world.
Thank you for this, and the template as well! 💯
Thanks Chris, I learn and understand a lot more through your videos. I'm between laughing and crying. It's good to know I am not alone in this. I've asked myself all my life, what's wrong with me? Why can't I be "normal"? „Be yourself"...but not like this...louder, quieter, not so strange, not so sensitive, more diplomatic... 😐
I'm glad to have found your channel. ☺ Kind regards, Mimi
Hi Mimi! I’m glad our videos are helping. Thanks for sharing and being here 😍😍
@@ChrisandDebby 😊🙏🏼🧡
I spent the last 3 days researching different pillows almost obsessively. I need a new pillow and they don't make the one I am using anymore. It is exhausting and stimulating because I love doing the research but sheesh it is so stressful to actually decide. I'm extremely picky about bedsheets too. It has to be percale weave cotton. Nothing else. I don't give a hoot about thread count I need that crisp, textured sheet feel. I would also love just to be able to sleep like everyone else.
Thank you for yet another awesome video. ❤❤
yesss.i want to scream often when a car honks bc i jump so high, if im not listening to music on my headphones.
I love your sense of humor! I laughed out loud three times during this video. :)
I get over stimulated anytime I leave the house and especially when in public for a long period of time. Then I can’t sleep. I have learned not to plan too many things in a row, because I need a break in between these outside activities.
Anytime there’s going to be more than 3 people nearby, I get overwhelmed and cranky. I like being by myself or with my wife Debby in nature.
From the age of eighteen onwards I started drinking a lot of alcohol. Only recently did I manage to invent a mental trick that allowed me to drastically reduce my alcohol consumption and I discovered that drinking helped me a lot to stay calm, especially in situations where socializing is necessary. Now socializing has become devastating, I have to study every sentence in my head before voicing it. I focus so much on the attitudes and tone of voice of others that I often don't really understand what they said to me, and then I have to make an extra effort to get back to the conversation. Now I come out of a simple conversation as if I had just taken an exam, or run a marathon. Kinda sucks
What helps my energy dips is a long cycle ride. Very occasionally, I get to sit in a field of grass in summer and take in the natural sounds. That always makes me feel better, yet I hardly ever do it?
It’s so strange that we rarely do the things we love and need. You should get on your bike today and find that field of grass. I’m going to do a walk in the woods and listen to the birds!