I heard a quote that said "build up your garden, don't go chasing butterflies, one day that garden will attract butterfly much more beautiful than any you could have caught."
40 yo here. this guy is young but he's not wrong. a proper relationships is one where you share your happiness in life - don't expect the derive your happiness from it. if you're unhappy and alone, a relationship is just going to make two people miserable. work on yourself. find your passions. then find someone to share them with.
Every big company out here monetizing relationships harder than they monetize the holidays, meanwhile I'm sitting here like "How can you be expected to take care of someone else if you can't take care of yourself?"
True, I've got relatives asking me when I'm gonna date and why don't I have a boyfriend yet? It's not easy trying to take care of yourself and see someone at the same time. I'm 24 now, gonna be 25 in a month, and am jobless and have no license. I struggle with a lot in my personal life and don't wan the other person to see me as a burden it's someone that isn't together.
@@katethedimensionexplorer273Same exact situation, but males are often seen as walking atms anyway😅😅😅i recently got disgnosed with a weird sleep disorder that causes me to be stunned after one hour of stressful activities...which means i have felt useless for 23 years of my life😂 now i am healing from this stuff, and from anxiety, and if society will not collapse thanks to the economy...i will try my best to stand on my own✌🏻
I feel like a little problem that some people have, both boys and girls, is that they would wanna be in a relationship mostly because they see their friends are and doing couples stuff together, so they feel left out. And they just want to be in a relationship with anyone, to feel "mature", because that's kind of the concept of "maturity" that a lot of people set up.
That may be true, especially when younger. But when you reach 30 and you're established, life can get pretty lonely. It's less about fomo and more like I'd like to have someone to wake up next to and have dinner/watch movies with.
My problem is a combination of both this and sexual desire. I realized that I wanted a relationship out of selfishness, not out of genuine love for another person.
since I started dating my girlfriend, about a year ago now, life for me has become so much better. I used to have almost crippling social awkwardness, but she's pushed me to come out of my comfort zone. I've made so many new friends, developed many skills I never thought I would, and I've never felt happier in my life. HOWEVER I respect the fact that it's most likely not worth looking for a relationship if you have problems, you're probably not going to be in the right place for one at that point, and with those problems the relationship that maybe could be great might end up failing and making you feel even worse off than before. i can't pretend I'm a professional, but i can advise making sure youre in a good place in your life before dating, but I can say from my experience that she definitely turned my life around. one thing I think is really important is finding the right one. most HS relationships fail because the couple just aren't really compatible. before I dated my gf we were great friends for about a couple years. I'm kind of yapping but I just wanna say make sure u find the right one and make sure ur ready for it. :)
yeah, more often than not, these relationships are like band-aids, they feel amazing while they last, but once they go, up comes the morbid sorrow and despair
@@Hyokorano. It will if your core values don’t change. Going into a relationship changes how you think of yourself. OP for example is now a better person because of a relationship. There is no such thing as “right time” or “why bother”. If their relationship ends, which I hope not, so what? Self love isn’t enough and people need to accept that. It’s normal human biology and it’s been ingrained in our brains since the start of times. Unless you have issues like being a serial killer, rapist or anything crazy you’re fine.
@@whitewolf2265 I belive there's a right time. For example, there were times when I got into a relationship and I had a lot of problems going on and, when the relationship ended, my depression came back worse. I agree with you about growing as a person while in a relationship, but you NEED to be prepared to be in it. You can't break up and in the next week be with someone else, this attitude, for example, is an attitude of someone who doesn't love themselves and need another person to fulfill their emotional problems. So, I say again, if you go out, looking for what you don't have, you might end up without it.
Relying on other people to make you happy relies too heavily on RNG to work. Find your own happiness to perpetuate in your own life. That way when you do find the people you're looking for, they can't take that away from you.
a lot of my old friends abandoned me when they got boyfriends and girlfriends and im so sick of it when they just come to me when they need help and when they dont they screw me up and abandon me. One of them straight up told me that she no longer needs me cause she now has a boyfriend so she is leaving me.. A 4 year friendship wasted and im so pissed off and angry at humanity
was she truly a friend to you or deep down you had some feelings for her? Be frank, because I've lost male friends in the past, to time, to girls, and I didn't care that much because a friend is not your partner, not family, not a romantic interest.
@@UnknownUser049 we were friends for 4 years... of course i would be wrecked if i get dumped out like that especially after all of the memories we had, it has nothing to do with romance and liking i never even brought that up, i knew her since we were still kids, but anyways she came back recently because her boyfriend turned out to be up to no good concerning her
dude i really like your videos especially the fact that you record yourself yapping as you game and it isnt a prerecorded audio with a random gameplay i dont know why but this detail makes your videos feel so much more real
You see the constant cuts? This dude redid multiple parts of this video many times. It’s not real. He is exploiting your invulnerability via being relatable. It’s like tricking a dog with a treat. Keep thinking this is real and authentic and keep coming back to give him more money. It’s his goal.
@@tainbual5687 Of course he is going to cut. Sometimes you get lost and do annoying long pauses that nobody wants. I don't see what your problem is, the videos are quite good
@@TheTrooper1878 it's not my problem, it's the problem of trying to be this real authentic true old soul guy when in reality he's a guy who takes the best parts of his speech and produces it as whole. Imagine if everyone who ever gave a speech could fully edit every single thing they said or did. Imagine if anyone who gave a speech hand-picked their prime moments and we never saw any flaw or mishap whatsoever from them... wouldn't be good, right?
@@tainbual5687you're not making the point you're trying to make dude. he's not exploiting ass for bs like that's the opposite of what he's doing. there's literally no way you can see him exploit you for money in his videos other than ad revenue. niko's goal from the beginning is to bring back the old authentic feeling old style youtube videos bring, and of course that includes some cuts here and there, editing dead air is not a new concept or anything the dude is still trying to entertain people, that's the point of trying to make a channel. like imagine if a youtuber posts a video talking about a specific topic and halfway through it's mostly either dead air or they're stuttering a ton on the points they're trying to make. you wouldn't want that, would you?
As someone who's grown up as an only child, loneliness was something that practically defined my life. As a kid, this would often upset me, but the feeling grew worse as I grew older, and growing up this way shaped me into the quietest person in nearly every room I'm in, making it seemingly impossible to create friendships and connections. In my teenage years, I was desperate for a relationship to relieve myself of such loneliness. After being rejected 4 times and somehow not losing the little confidence I had to begin with, I finally entered a relationship that lasted about a year. Our chemistry was terrible, and we definitely weren't fit for each other, but we stayed together for as long as we did because we were both afraid of being alone again. When it ended, I knew she wasn't right for me, but it still hurt. a lot. I spent night after night wondering if there is anyone who would ever love me the way I love, or see me for who I am as a person, or care for me even just slightly. That was my first and last relationship in over 3 years now. Being as quiet as I am is not a quality I like about myself, but there's a multitude of contributing factors that lead to this attribute of mine. As a child, I would hear my every failure and flaw magnified in detail repeatedly, with things from years back in the past brought up in many instances, without ever being provided any constructive or positive feedback. This lead to me feeling like I was never good enough for anyone, and so distanced myself subconsciously. My life was a mess for years as I was consumed by these words and thoughts put into my head, but over the past few months, I've finally been able to embark on a journey of self-improvement. I've taken upon a workout routine, been more serious with my studies, and have been expressing myself creatively through making custom Lego builds. I've rewired my mind into the mindset of becoming the best person I possibly can, while disregarding the opinions of others, and whenever the path begins to feel lonely, I cuddle with my dog and remind myself that I'm still very young, and pursuing a relationship now that will very likely end sooner or later will only hinder my efforts.
I'm so happy that you're on the right path now, congratulations brother. You sound very similar to me in many ways. One of the things that changed me completely was learning about self love. ACTUAL, self love. It essentially comes around to the realization that I loved others and hated myself, as a result I gave people's judgements way more credit than they deserved, and even criticized myself harder. In the end, we are not as important to others as our minds think, and that's actually liberating. If you allow yourself to be flawed, the people that meet you will meet the REAL you, and thus you'll only meet those who are compatible. Good luck out there and keep doing your good work ^^
FAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILUREFAILURE --made in america
Hi, I'm new to this channel. This does feel like one of those older UA-cam channels where a guy talks about deep topics while casually playing something. I am digging it so much 😊
This "don't worry let love find you" advice is pretty bad for the most part. If you have had trouble finding a girlfriend, ignoring the issue and just focusing on yourself all the time isn't going to help. Nothing wrong with self improvement but young men get trapped in this cycle of self improvement and totally neglect their dating life. Then if ever they achieve their goals they are confused why women still don't come to them or they might be unhappy with the selection of single women at their age. Don't waste your youth on a one track grinding mindset, leads to bunch of older men with wealth who are bitter.
Not really, Most young men are train-wrecks. We have been socialized into not putting effort into ourselves. It scares me how many men have not the slightest idea of fashion.
I see your point. However, just like he mentioned it's more important to work on yourself. There is always time later to work on your dating life when you don't have a million other stresses that can get neglected when someone else becomes priority. Your early 20s should be spent getting yourself to a successful point usually by the time you are almost 30, which in most cases is the male's prime age (not physically of course).
@@Montekin betabux deluxe next. Take care of women who never wanted you or don't currently want you 63% of men 18-30 are single. 70% of women initiate divorce.
idk I just feel kinda down in life lately. I lost my job, broke up with my girlfriend almost a year ago and haven't had success since, I have about 4 USD to my name right now, did kinda bad in school last trimester, among other things. I can totally bounce back from this but it's hard and a little lonely sometimes as all my friends are in relationships and we've been hanging out less these days, and whenever we hang out they're busy with their partners so i'm just kinda left alone doing my best not to interrupt them doing their thing while also wishing I had someone to have similar experiences with albeit not as publicly. To be honest i'm giving up a little on relationships for now as I plan to get out of this sinkhole, this summer i'm getting a new job, losing weight and overall just moving on in life but I wouldn't mind life throwing someone at me who I can share my lows and highs with!
I would just focus on getting out of whatever rut you're in right now before ever focusing on a girlfriend. I'm 21 turning 22 this year and I have never been in a relationship my whole life. I wish you well sir. ❤ 🙏
There’s truth to this, obviously you shouldn’t make dating your main priority. Don’t let it define or rule your self confidence, but it’s good to put yourself out there. Even if the relationship fails, if you’re smart, you will learn from it and become a better partner through that experience. Who knows, it could even eventually lead you to the person you end up with forever. I say continue to put yourself out there, just don’t make it your main focus. It’s good to date when you’re young (mostly starting in ur 20’s I’d say), just don’t make it your end all be all.
The problem is people make it their end all be all and unknowingly don’t understand that people can sense desperation. It’s good to have a balance between mindsets.
Anyways, to add something to the actual conversation, I have got a piece of advice from my therapist. They once told me, "Get into relationships only if you have something to share besides your personal needs. Don't do it to just fill the void in your life". I guess it's basically the same what you are saying. First we should be more or less okay with ourselves and once we are sorta "complete", we can get an extension in the form of relationships Over the years, seeing how some of my friends lost their minds and passion for something after dating a girl for a while made me feel sad. I almost went down the same path but I am glad I didn't. It might have been cool experience and all, but I was definitely doing it to feel less miserable while I didn't take care of myself properly
*Advice is always good, but I can say that most people have to suffer the hurt in order to truly learn* Biggest mistake I made was make my relationship #1 priority in life. Once that relationship ended, it felt like I lost my sense of identity. Took me a while to get back on track. Like others have said, relationships should be complimentary and not your life revolving around them. The funny thing is, when you are on your purpose, it often only leads to more attraction from the woman's side. I'm 28 now and am almost 5 years together with my girlfriend. The past 5 years I have been working on my education, body and career. We are now in a process of buying a house together.
One really annoying thing for me about relationships, is the concept that you need a partner cause they have some part that's "missing" from you. It's quite annoying that people say that, almost makes it like you have to be in a relationship otherwise you are not "whole" (whatever that means). Relationships should be complementary, they should be about some weird jigsaw piece where you are trying to "complete" yourself. Regarding the time thing, it gets much worse when you reach the stages of "becoming married" and "having children". Suddenly you have pretty much no free time at all and almost any and every friendship will just end (due to lack of free time). I know that it's important to have time spent with your family, it still feels very demotivating hearing about dudes that can't even go meet their friends cause their wife has some weird brain damage that doesn't allow them to spend time together (guessing they too often are too miserable to let their partners see their friends, so they want to share their misery with someone)..
Idk, seems to me like you're pretty self-centered type of a person. Both the first and second part go in favor of that. I'm one of the people that believes that a human can never be whole without a partner, hell, we're literally born to mate and reproduce and die. Everything else, like finding your own passion and stuff, is just the mind/ego's way of dealing with the anxiety of death, for like 99% of the people. "I may die, but at least I've built something." The second part, children and marriage, should be viewed as a "blessing", but instead, a lot of people such as yourself view it as curse. "Free time"? What the hell do you need so much free time for, when you have kids? I agree that everyone needs their alone time, but some people are taking it too far - they're not getting married and having kids, because it costs money and time. Met a couple that was like that, both in their 40s, their appartment is filled with Star Wars stuff and they're both morbidly obese. So is that worth sacrificing such a crucial part of life for? Getting to indulge in your gluttonous pleasures and some made-up imaginary worlds, such as that of Star Wars? People who refuse to grow up just repulse me so much. They're stuck being kids forever because of some trauma or something, and instead of seeing a therapist, they waste their lives doing nothing and living hedonistic lives filled with nothing but empty pleasure, so yeah, it's better that they don't reproduce. However, I do agree with the main point of this discussion and stuff, which is - don't date until you've got yourself together, at least for the most part. Yes, humans need intimacy and love, but it's better to first build yourself up as a person, build a healthy ego and mind capable of being responsible in entirety for yourself, and another whole person's emotions and needs. When two people like that meet, they are bound to win at life, basically.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 First off, you are wrong, I am not self-centered. if anything you sound painfully shallow and empty, having a belief that all we exist for is to just sh!1 out a new generation. Feel free to stay there with your belief. I don't want any part of that. I find it quite hilarious you also needed such a wall of text for such a basic and smooth-brained belief.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 I feel the guy you respond to is right as I also feel you're right in some way but could not explain it. I'd rather copy paste a quote I've found somewhere but don't remember the source, because it may bring a nice perspective to you too : "Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn't about what others can give you because you're empty. It is about what you can give others because you're already full'. Now some people prefer loving through family and "full-time" romantic relationships, and may get whole that way, others prefer to practice love differently, and thus be whole differently (i.e. maybe only friendships, or through people-assisting jobs). There are probably as many ways as there are people.
Its always that one comment that is so long often its just being irrational than having a short comment that is simply straight to the point that isn't rude
@@DEERCRACKERLOVER They could have summed it up nicely by saying "your sole reason for existing is to find a partner and procreate", I despise this kind of thinking cause it's an utterly selfish thing that doesn't care or take into account anything or anyone else. @endyx2708 One of the reasons I say that it's a bad idea to view relationships as "completing yourself" is that it's a bad way of viewing a parter. You are basically just using someone else to "make yourself complete", that's quite selfish. It's much better for both you and a partner to see each other as "complements", you are there to add value to someone else and not just selfishly add value to yourself.
If I could play devil's advocate for a minute - I was in a relationship for 3 years and it was by far the happiest I've ever been. Steady decline since then, despite an improvement to my job, fitness, etc, etc. So to each their own.
Some time ago I came to the conclusion that I'll be happy when I get the one. You made me realize that by living with this mindset I actually lost passion for everything I do. I watched this video yesterday before sleep and I woke up a completely different person. It's so quiet in my head I can finally focus. I literally studied for 7 hours after I woke up. I'm 20 yo student and I have no friends but I hope that'll change. Thank you brother❤️
@@mr.d5593 Nahh, I still have summer vacation so I didn't really have a chance to. I'm gonna be more open to people once the semester starts. But more importantly I started enjoying things I do by myself and I think right people will just come along
Please remember that however you would treat a partner is how you should be treating yourself. Whatever love and kindness you’d have for a partner you should still be giving to yourself first and foremost. A relationship would only be a bandaid.
I don't agree with the ,,You need to have something that you and your partner both like" thing. It is quite intuitive but isn't necessarily true. My mom and dad have been together for 30 years, and they have nothing in common (in the sense of hobbies, etc.). I think one should have the same or at least similar values with the person you are in a relationship with. I'm saying that because you didn't mention anything about it, and it's probably the most important thing.
You are right about the values part, honestly it just didn't come to me at the time of making this video. However, when you have something in common with your partner hobby wise, it makes it easier to spend quality time together. Otherwise doing so can prove to be a struggle. But it's true, you don't have too many things in common
Been married for almost 10 years, got married young and we are very happy. BUT it is not for everyone. It just has to work out, you can't force it, you should enjoy time with family and friends. Once you decide to be married you have to sacrifice a lot to make that person happy. For some that is no problem, others it probably would be impossible. Be happy with who you are and see what happens.
This is so true. I've seen several people around my age (20s) searching for love as a solution to thier misery rather than as a complement to the rest of their lives. It leads to so many broken hearts because the reality is you can't rely on a single person to always make you happy - there are always ups and downs in a relationship. I'm not against dating when young but I do think its a common pitfall I see many people fall into often and it's avoidable if you focus more on yourself in embracing new hobbies, getting any mental or physical health problems treated, learning about yourself, etc. Relationships are best imo when they're an addition to deep and complex personalities that have things in common.
I wouldn't say "sadly". It's not like those relationships had no good moments. And it also teaches people what they really want and need. I feel like if you as a human-being are ina position where it's fine for you to be together with someone that is not good for you, you need to be with them to learn what a good person looks like for you. It's 2am and quite hard for me to put this into words properly, but essentially, I think if you slide into a bad relationship, you eventually would have anyway, because you were lacking knowledge about yourself, that would have prevented it in the first place. I hope that made sense.
I agree with both of these replies! Got into my first relationship (not sure if I would consider it that...) almost 11 months ago then broke up 4 months after. It really did change, maybe even mature, my view on love and it taught me that I still have lots of things I need to do in order to better myself. While it hurts, it still helps.
Being 22 and not having a significant other is painful. All your friends are happy and with a (for the most part) loving partner. You feel lonelier than ever, however, you can enjoy being alone. Think of it this way, if you do find that person right now, everything that you wanted to do while single will probably take a back seat.
As a great man once said “Don’t focus on no girls bro just stay gaming” “Just stay gaming bruh” Seriously I saved myself out of a VERY toxic person/relationship because I kept quoting that video to myself and resisted temptation 😭
Yeah, I'm literally at a point where I think having a girl would be better for me overall cause it's all I think about and obsess all day everyday, so if I finally get a girl then maybe I can focus on other stuff
@@xlReap64 Ay look, man to man, i was happy as fuck and never suicidal. Got a girlfriend and she fucked it all up and even after leaving her, life has never been worse.
as a 15 year old teenager these past few months have been really long, not because of school or something like that but because ive been thinking alot about life especially relationships. I realised and i know that relationships have lost their meaning and are pretty much pointless nowdays. They used to be "finding your love of your life" but now it changed to "having fun with the opposite gender". People mix up the concept of having a crush and actually being in love with someone. I mean yea its true im also in love with someone right now but im still young 15 year old who hasnt even lived half his life and things can still change alot. Still its hard to live through these teenage years when you see "relationships" everywhere and you might feel alone or something but at the end of the day it doesnt really matter if your different than others because the most important thing is to live your life like how you want to live it. Enjoy the journey through life because the real happiness doesnt only come from the goal youve achieved but also from the grind your doing.
Your maturity and awareness are commendable, and I couldn't agree more. I'm 22 and believe me, things will be changing a LOT, but finding yourself and learning from your experiences (good and bad) are the key to success in general.
TL;DR: I mostly agree, but I think experiance is important too! Ayo Niko, big fan, love the vids and you resonate with a lot of people. I usually agree with you, and I also kinda do on this one. The idea of “I’m only going to be happy once I get a girlfriend” is damaging, because you’ll basically just use this other person as the ultimate procrastination device to bettering yourself, and truly becoming more content with life. I learned that the hard way. But, I also think dating is one of the essential parts of growing as a person. Of course the first people or person you date, usually, is not going to be the one, but they all help your learn more about yourself; what you like, how you act in a relationship, and these people can also help you come out of your shell and find an identity and part of yourself you didn’t know you had. I was with a girl, I broke up with her around 1 1/2 years ago, even though I loved her, I realized my life had come to a halt and I needed to evolve as a person, and I didn’t do that in that relationship. But I still appreciate my time with her, all of the things I learned, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, for better or for worse. So I would say: Go out there, date, get your heart broken, break someones heart, and most importantly, learn from it. Sorry for the long response and the bad english! : )
24 year old women here. Never been in a relationship before, I am celibate. I’m still working on myself, still finding what I want in life, etc. I kinda have an idea of what I want, but I still need time to grow (because, I’m a late bloomer) I’m just gonna work on myself, work on my passions, try and make more friends IRL, and who knows? Maybe god will bring me to the guy I’m supposed to spend my life with. Only time will tell
8 years in celibacy. Focusing on solving my inner thoughs, knowledge, goals and introspection. I am getting the idea that my love life is more about an option. Not a priority. So, in a nutshell. I am ready to search the right woman for me. Since I know what I want and don't want. Took me a while, but better for me to take time to fix things my way then being a total waste of time on any relationship.
I think that most people look for a girlfriend and look for love not to find someone but to not be alone But honestly I think that’s dumb because being with someone you don’t actually like that much or don’t really fit with actually makes you feel lonelier most of the time So yeah you should just wait for the right person to present themselves instead of looking for them
Tbh I’m on this phase right now,before I was too consume in peer pressure from everyone around me having relationships. But after a few break up,I’ve learn that I’m not ready for relationship at all and I’m only fascinating in the idea of love but not love itself. For now, self care and love,trying to find my passion and myself and try to achieve my short term goal feel more enjoyable after getting out of those thoughts.it’s help that a few channel like your pop up once in while in my yt recommendations to help me discover my passion and getting to know my self better. Keep making video,It’s sometimes help out someone to discover and learn about them self🔥
This may just be me overthinking in a meta sense but i feel the house keeps getting better with the advice you share. Like it reflects the topics you say in each video (i.e: talking about starting a relationship n you’re adjusting the door)
19 yo here. I've spent most of my life viewing love and relationships as a necessity. But college and some experiences I've had are shifting my perspective. I try taking my time with someone now before concluding that I have a romantic interest in them. It lets me filter out people who do not match my dreams and objectives and helps to keep myself in check and not forget the rest of my life. Once again, really informative and relatable video. Keep up the good work!
As someone who no longer has any interest in getting into a relationship ever, I really liked how you went over this topic, it's just a realistic way to look at it that I myself never even thought of. This video had me reflecting on previous relationships I was in, and showed me that it wasn't all bad and taught me more about myself. Anyways, amazing work on this video! Really made my day!
My 2 previous relationships in Highschool also taught me what to do and not to do but I have no interest now lost all hope with that waited too long and not mature so yea at least I got my cats.
I'm 26 years old, never been in a relationship. Got back to school and i'm currently dating someone that I really like. Work on yourself before working on someone else
I have been in and out of relationships enough for me to have enough confidence that I don’t have anxiety with asking someone out anymore. Mostly because I’ve learned to have courage and patience with this kind of stuff (to a certain extent). I maybe still in my mid twenties (as of writing this comment), but I’m at a point in my dating life where I’m not as desperate anymore as I used to be. Not to mention all of the wisdom that I have from learning about myself and from the dating experiences. As well as being more respectful to women no matter what their shape or size they are. And I’m glad that I am here in the now with dating, in the end I know my value and if there’s a significant other out there who does appreciate me, that’s great! If not then well that’s okay with me.
This is true and all - it’s exactly what I attempt to preach to my friends as well. But you know… it’s so hard to beat that feeling, the wishing to be desired by someone
Actually nothing will solve your problems, there are just copes to cope with your problems as simple as that, whatever it is sex,games,food,travel or any other jazz is just you coping away your problems that are actually unsolvable.
Having a girlfriend actually makes things easier to deal with. From everyday inconveniences to traumatic experiences, nothing is really as bad because you have her to come home to. You have someone to have sex with, which is huge and I feel is often understated when discussing these topics. Not having to be constantly sexually frustrated because you can't get laid is invaluable to lots of men. You don't have to have your life together before getting into a relationship. Life is constantly changing and opportunities can arise at inopportune times, don't make yourself wait to have a relationship later if that's what you think will make you happy now.
I completely agree that you need yourself figured out first before you'd want to get into a relationship. In my personal case, after a breakup i had almost a year ago im still missing the closeness of a romantic partner and all the benefits that come with. I honestly didnt feel very fullfilled or happy for the past months, and its mostly due to just feeling lonely, i have friends, parents, but none of that come close to a partner. When i was with my ex i actually felt happy, fullfilled, and optimistic about everything, the relationship went unhealthy due to my ex not fullfiling the rule of figuring out herself first, and became an energy vampire. Even though i still felt happy and on top of the world, now facing hardships without such a reliable shoulder to cry on is a struggle
@@shtefan7385 So, she was and still is my classmate, which resulted in us spending a lot of time together, and it made me, an already empathetic person even more empathetic towards her, and oh boy there were a lot of things to be empathetic about her. To begin with, she had terrible parents who basically neglected her, multiple bad habbits like not eating breakfest or anything before 3pm, not drinking water, heavily procrastinating, and being pesimistic. During our time together i was on top of the world, i was already feeling good before we got together and the relationship made me even happier, thing is you cant be happy when your other half is constantly being negative. So i dedicated to dedicate a lot of myself and my energy into trying to help her, i tried to introduce her into healthy habbits like, believing in herself, actually eating, drinking water, having a sleep schedule, not procrastinating. I tried to also make her convice her mother to take her for a blood test, as some of her syptoms signalised thyroid disease. And when she told me she self harmed i was convincing her for 2 months to go to a psychiatrist, a school one but nonetheless. And around the same time as i was trying to get her to a psychiatrist i started to doubt the relationship, i wasnt feeling the same kind of energy as before, i was losing temper with my really close friend group really easily, simple insults which you always do with the boys got under my skin, i had no energy for anything and was also starting to feel down. So after some thinking i decided to breakup with her as nothing i could have done would help her since SHE needed to want to get better, and it really didnt look like she wanted to. It hurt a lot, as i still to this day almost a year later cant stand her pressence around me After the breakup she pretty much blamed me for everything and saying how i broke everything when actually the only thing i messed up was i told her about my doubts way too late, thing is i didnt consider that humans have a battery power as well and mine ran out, i didnt think she was causing any issues to me directly. She wasn't a bad girlfriend dont get me wrong, actually a textbook one, i wish that my next partner will be so cute, cooperative and understanding as her, but the way she handled herself wasnt, and thats what caused the issues.
the quote at 6:15 really hit home with me, I recently got out of a 10 month relationship straight out of highschool basically viewing myself as the weird kid in highschool maybe 2 friends; overall not loving myself. Unfortunatley that lack of love for myself really did make it hard me to feel love towards my significant other which ultimately lead to my decision to end things because I really did and still do feel like I need to learn to love myself and the world around me a lot more before Im ready to get into a committed relationship.
Just got married. Don’t get a girlfriend. I love my wife and I’m happy we ended up getting married but it won’t fill the void that you feel. I still have the same problems but I definitely rushed into this relationship over the course of the last 3 years. Find Christ, exercise, eat well, sleep well, discover your passion and work towards making it a living, and do not be too scared to do anything with your life because you might fuck it up otherwise you’ll stay in the same place for years regretting every one of your life choices.
Big Facts, don't go chasing relationships. They will happen when they should, but going out trying to find a relationship at all costs and thats it will most the time end up badly. Enjoying the videos while playing chill minecraft!
I agree with a lot of this video, but I have a few things at the start I strongly disagree with. I see a lot of comments about “Build your garden and let the butterflies come” type stuff, and while that’s true to an extent, If you have a beautiful garden and the butterflies do start to arrive, but you have absolutely no idea what to do with said butterflies once they get there, by the time you find something resembling a net and get it all untangled, they’ll have flown away to find a new garden. Spending a year in a relationship in High School isn’t a waste of your time. Further developing your social skills, especially involving members of your preferred sex are extremely important the earlier you are in life as you will continue to build on these skills as you get older. It’s not impossible to learn how to talk to women (for example) when you’re in your mid to late twenties going from next to no experience, but it’s a lot harder than it would’ve been if you had spent the time talking and spending time with them earlier on in life when you had less life to worry about. I’m 21 writing this, and I was vastly unprepared for the amount of “Life” you have to do every day once you’re out of school. It feels like you waste so much time when you’re in High school so once you get out things will be better. If you move out and live on your own, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. High school is one of the only places where you’re forced to interact with people around your age and with somewhat similar interests. DO NOT WASTE THAT TIME ONLY STUDYING. Age demographics are getting worse by the year, talk to these people as best as you can cause once you’re out of High School, you may never see a lot of them again.
This video and 80% of the comments are coping hard. Not having to spend time chasing women irl and online gave me so much of a needed mental break. She actually pushed me to get better jobs and improve myself too. A lot of these guys here are involuntarily celibate. Feelsbad for sure it can happen to anyone, but saying otherwise just tells me you’re coping hard with the fact you got zero hoes. But that’s my opinion.
This is a bad take in the sense that's not going to help people decide for their better. I have experienced both good and bad relationships and I can tell that this take is usually a big L and shouldn't be followed nor taken even seriously most of the time If you all want to get help, search professional advice instead of pursuing having a girlfriend so they fix your problems rather than you(wich, believe it or not, is not only *highly* unlikely, but also dangerous asf since you can and will get into a worse position than the one you were in to begin with). *Only* if your problems are minimal and/or aren't things that *could* potentially harm the relationship in the long or the short run you can consider to ignore them before getting in it.
This is some great advice, but there's one point I want to touch on that you brought up: you said at 11:00 putting yourself in situations, experiencing new things, etc. will inevitably result in you meeting someone. However, I have to say that being a CS student at my university, liking the things that I like and putting myself out into situations with those have not at all given me success in the relationship department: I love chess, Computer Science topics (e.g. Software Engineering, Computer Hardware Architecture, etc.), Mathematics, and other "nerdy" subjects and so far I have barely met any girls from participating in events revolving around that. I think what you said about trying new things is more so what you're getting at, but I just thought I'd mention that not everything you invest in that you're passionate about is going to give you that kind of success. Nice video though man, keep up the good work and I think I'll watch more of your content!
Doing the things you like and being open to new experiences is definitely beneficial but man, as someone said in this comment section, it really depends on your RNG (or luck) as well as your particular circumstances (culture, experiences, values, personality...)
I always tell my brother who's younger than me by about 6 years, or really any guy who's younger than me when we talk about dating and girls, and that is my biggest regret of my late teens and early 20s is thinking i HAD to have a serious girlfriend at all times. I put so much effort into having a girlfriend and catering to her 24/7. It set my personal development and growth back so much. I'm now 27 and working hard to build what I should've been building back then but was so blinded by this weird self desire to have a girlfriend. So, the point of this is, a girl will come and you definitely do not need one to be happy. There are so many self fulfilling things like gym, work, adventure, hobbies, etc that will not only help fulfill yourself but will ultimately make you very desirable to some very desirable women when that time comes. You got this.
I can not state how true this is I was in a very very short relationship with someone and we broke up very fast due to me burning out or no rather just not liking it and after that I realised, you will most of the time sacrifice a lot of what you took as granted. man love your content
I’m 23 also. Man, I’ve been living a lie all this time. I realize how stressful a relationship is. I’m still trying to figure myself out. What you said is 💯 true. Never run on someone else’s timeline because you carry burdens that may decline your mental health. If you’re trying to find a girlfriend or boyfriend and you just got over a bad break up, stop searching you’ll stop the frustration be your true self again.
I’ve heard this a couple of times but it says “don’t chase the butterflies, you’ll only scare them away and if you do catch them won’t want to stay, but build your garden and you’ll find butterflies more beautiful then you ever thought of. And if they don’t come stop and appreciate the amazing garden you’ve spent so much time and effort making”
0:48 I agree, It seems a little inherently wrong to look for Love itself and not to look for a person. It's like you just want that person for love, not because you want them. And wanting a person for who they are, and not milking them for love, it comes with the whole package of "It will find me when the time is right".
Hey niko thank you, genuinely thank you for this video; me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough time and i've always been extremely narrow minded and always looked at relationships in the worst way, mainly because of the media i've consumed and life. But she has been constantly telling me what I really shouldn't be doing because of how bad it was but because of everything i've always brushed it off just a bit be it because im still young or what i wanted; but watching and listening to this made me understand how terrible i've actually been for her and how much i need to improve for us, we've just recently hit 7 months together and i'm so thankful that she is still with me after realizing how terrible i've been to her without meaning. Thank you.
as someone who has never been in a relationship before, i will admit that i have been at least intrigued by the idea of having a girlfriend, but im in no hurry to find one. it would just be too much work to constantly have to meet up with eachother frequently, make compromises for your partner, and worry about relationship drama. on top of that it also opens the door for the possibility of getting STDs or unwanted pregnancies, which trust me, is something i am NOT dealing with right now
i seriously needed this one, thanks dude you gave me another pov to look at life ill give you update how my life changes after this tyy, take care bud, awesome base!
Dog where you BEEN at my whole life ;-; Learned this lesson the hard way, real hard way by hurting two people with my confusion over long term relationships with both parties, BUT, I’ve finally learned my lesson and I’m single and ready to live life finally (I’m 22 too)
Says the man who got to have a long term relationship. Yea, no... i'd very much like an integral human experience as much as possible in this fading life.
20 years old here, got into a nearly 3 year relationship and it ended around the same time you posted your video about dealing with the emotions that come with losing someone that you love. That video helped me so much and I even watched it a couple times when the emotions were so raw. Now it’s the time where I have dealt with the emotions and I am back to where I was 3 years ago. I had those same feelings to kind of go back into the dating realm but for just experiencing conversations with others. Not to have a girlfriend again. I have though felt time and time again to just delete the dating apps and just experience life again with no dates. I think it’s time for me to do that, not rush into a possibility that oh hey I like you and let’s go on a date for funsies. Like yeah I never had the intention of using dating apps to do that but man it is exhausting. I think I am just going to do my own thing.
Guys, as a male in his 30s, I recommend having relationships. Otherwise you will envy others and fear that you are missing out. Better to have been there and done that.
As someone who's 28 and still in university I would also not recommend a twin of me to have the twin of my gf as his gf if that makes sense... (We don't have twins) But I'm a HUGE nerd partly with music production for many years after high school, I did intense gaming until that messed up my hand... But some years ago I started focusing on school, got HS done, doing a bachelor in math right now and yes I used to need A LOT of space for focus and having had a gf, needing to make her happy/safe has definetely challenged my focus a lot... But right now I'm very happy with how it is turning out. She's now a frikkin doctor!!! And I'm SO proud of her!!! And she is beatiful and amazing so I need her to be motivated to do all of this math/music/work. She is a little extra preassure but I think that will give me that extra edge in the end. Also I don't want kids (PERSONALLY) and I think she's on my spectrum of that and she isn't like outgoing, needing social life, etc and she's okay with me working for myself for lets say 8-10 hours a day? She works, I work/study, then we cozy together and be lazy with a movie... Yes without her I could work 14 hours a day? But would that really be productive, smart work? I doubt it. Even if it did I would still have her and our love before that possible extra career grind and what that would pay off...
I don’t want to sound like a pretentious idiot (sorry if I do) but I feel like there are so many good things in my life that the only thing "missing" is a fulfilling relationship, which is 100x harder if you've got social anxiety like me
as someone whos with the same girl ive been dating since i was 14, i completely agree that actively looking for a relationship is going to find you nothing but headache 90% of the time, dont treat women like something that you need to date, treat them like friends, get to know them, enjoy their presence, then maybe see about moving the relationship further, and even after that, sometimes it might just not work out. Dating is hard, keep it simple, another huge thing you can do, is when you are dating someone, make it clear what your interests are, and talk about your interests to this person, to see if they are interested and intrigued or just dont care at all EDIT: Another super important thing, is to realize that people change, someone may develop new interests and hobbies, and you have to decide whether or not you are compatible with those interests and hobbies
So if I'm not supposed to make an effort to find love and rather focus on other things, what am I supposed to do with my needs? My need for love, affection, intimacy, human connection, sexual needs etc.
You can't outrun nature. I tried distracting myself with school, music, accomplishments, guitar, gym, self-improvement, but it is all useless against my hormones. I wish I could forget all this and be free.
youre absolutely right, these guys keep spreading all this bs about "improving yourself" or "knowing yourself" or just waiting forever. Love is also a human need and a very important one
Don't rush into a relationship because you feel like you should. A good partner can make life so much better, but at the end of the day you need to be happy with yourself regardless.
Disagree with the HS and college dating. It's not mandatory, 100%, but IT IS worth dating at that time, if only to find out what you like about sharing time with someone, what you dislike, and to (hopefully) build some great and fun memories. With that, I'm glad you mentioned your "love yourself" video, because people need to see that. If you are in HS and college, and you don't love yourself (or you're struggling with accepting who you are and what you want to be), I RECOMMEND YOU DATE YOURSELF FIRST. That's right. You can't date anyone else if you don't even want to care for yourself. You're gonna turn your dating partner into your caregiver, which (unless they have their own mental and emotional struggles) they likey DO NOT want to be. They don't want to be your new mom and dad. They want to be your romantic partner. Date yourself. Finally, dating should be fun, cause you're feeling each other out. Don't take it too seriously. If it feels like you're playing husband and wife after one month of being exclusive...look, how a relationship works is up to the partners within that relationship...but you're probably suffocating each other if you're playing roles that early. Just speaking from experience.
its crazy that your videos just simply appears in the most random perfectely times, even if someone dont take your council that makes it thinks about a lot of things, i love you man
Nah imma say cap. If you’re ready for a girlfriend, one isn’t going to magically appear in your life. You have to take action to get one. You would be dumb to think they just are going to show up out of nowhere. Sure, you can meet people doing certain things. But you have to take the steps necessary to acquire a relationship. Having a girlfriend has made my life better. I would rather be in a relationship than not. However, I wouldn’t say that’s the case for everyone. Sometimes people need to work on themselves and not focus on getting into a relationship, and if that’s the case, so be it. Work on yourself so eventually one day you can get into a relationship. EDIT: I’m sorry but if your significant other is getting in the way of your personal life such as work and aspirations, you’re doing it wrong. You need to take responsibility for your own life and there are sacrifices that you need to make in order to do that. People who aren’t mature enough won’t understand this.
Imagine if farmers looked at their fields and said "we don't need to plant anything, crops will sprout when the time comes" and then we all starve to death. The reality is if you want a girlfriend or female partner you can boost your chances by enhancing your appearance and social abilities.
@@verbose9062 i like how kids just dont understand relationship at all like you can the hottest girl ever and it will shes most manipulative snake to ever exist it doenst work like that kids
Especially if it's younger, its a zero sum game, isn't it? It's great to be in love and all, but I mean it's really just a zero sum game if you're younger. Nothing against dating; it feels good. Just remember that you'll probably end up in a breakup if you're dating someone in middle or early high school, and this is fine. Great video btw man
I beg start a podcast in Spotify and just post your videos I’d actually listen to them for hours. Absolutely love your videos their very helpful and influential
Well, maybe you are tring wrong, just that... I just consider a failudre or hard when someone is not happy and be forced to keep making stuff that person not want, so even when a couple break up, and has some sadness if borh are fine when the pain washes away, it is easy... But if you had a stalker or soemthing, that is hard, becase one side not respect the other... i not get a relation early on life, but i never really get that much efforts on getting one anyway. I mean, i avoid partys, i avoid people that not talk about shit i like, it totally reduces my number of potential partners, anyway, it lead to more solid relations, because found a girl that like games, like anime, like cool stuff for me is rare, but if she like those stuff, we can make more stuff together, and handle better anything in general... The most beauty girl, is just beuaty outside by validations, and her inside? I got really luck, because the most beauty girl to me was the girl i like before talking, and it is the key, get a coffe or dinner with someone you can't talk anything, that is really hard, for sure.
WooW thanks bro! Appreciate that you share that story with us! Was searching and giving up on girls... Seems like what rly is important that you both share same hobbies, so you don't waste your time on a person and missing time doing your activities! Thanks a loot again!
'let it find you' and that's exactly what I've been told myself for years and it's been working out pretty fine for me despite not being in one. I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm 23 going 24, I need to focus on myself currently before focusing on relationships anyway I'm not too worried either because we will all meet people every day and things just kind of happen and that's the way I like it
It feels really weird when a ton of people around me have the desire to be with someone with the thought process that it will be the thing that will make them happy or will give them a sense of pride. I've been over here chilling doing my own thing and I'm pretty happy.
So, back in january, i found your video about breaking up, I had been in a relationship then for about 1.5ish years and I was having doubts I was unsure if I wanted to be in the relationship anymore. your video helped me see a different side and perspective of things and that was really cool. Now, I've met this other girl, and I really like her. and she likes me, I have a really important entrance test for college coming up in December, and I feel like everything together has been super overwhelming, and then I check ur channel again and I see THIS video. it feels like ur spying on me man fr thank you for making these videos it feels like having a big brother to help me out w this stuff
I'm kinda in the same boat you were before breaking up. Do you have any advice on figuring out whether it's worthwhile to continue the relationship or to end it for oneselve?
depends on who you are, how well you know yourself. same for them. how well y'all know each other. the connection. the risks. the communication. the pros and cons. making it work if it's meant to be.
You need to have experience dating. Otherwise, you'll build a garden, just like I did, attract some butterflies, and parasites alongside them, which are very beautiful and smart. If you have no prior experience in dating, they'll ruin your life. Don't be like me, invest your time maturing yourself emotionally, it's a very valuable, and essential skill. Sure, you can surrender yourself to luck, and hope that you'll catch a butterfly, instead of a parasite, but then there's another thing - if you haven't worked on your emotional intelligence in terms of relationships, you'll be the "bad" one, and the butterflies you attract, won't stick for long, instead, only the ones who are more like you, will remain.
this guy legit has the best life info and is fun to watch so i dont see why you shouldnt sub to this awesome guy
I hope for his success.
dont --> don't
shouldnt --> shouldn't
You write contraction without apostrophe.
No punctuation on first letter, no period
@@Videeooo do you think i actually care?
@@VeryNormalUser-WiggleWorm Still no punctuation first letter.
@VeryNormalUser-WiggleWorm ur his friend trying to boost his channel >:(
Don't chase butterflies. Build your garden and attract the butterflies to you.
and then catch them in a net and sell them to Tom Nook for massive profits 💸
@@SvengelskaBlondie lol true
You’re not him
@@SvengelskaBlondie Hell yeah. Wait for Flick then sell for even more profit.
And if butterflies don't get attracted, you still have a beautiful garden
"Better none, than not the one" - OhnePixel
bro how
the vid got poseted 36 minutes ago
and you replied 48 minutes ago
bro's in matrix
what video does he say that?
MY DRILLAAA
🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙
@@PrimeSpork ua-cam.com/video/BIF-w7OlYso/v-deo.html
I heard a quote that said "build up your garden, don't go chasing butterflies, one day that garden will attract butterfly much more beautiful than any you could have caught."
it's the comment on top of your lmao
@@i_h8_losers busted
Keep copping
@@kiril10 When you are old enough to spell, we'll talk about adult things.
Cope
20 years old here. Never been in a relationship, but I've found my passion. Life's fucking good.
feel u dude
Man I wish to say the same about me but I haven't found a relationship and haven't found my passion
Same except i dont have any passions & i hate life
Hell yeah dude, live your life and enjoy the fuck out of it. Happy for ya stranger
What’s your passion?
40 yo here. this guy is young but he's not wrong. a proper relationships is one where you share your happiness in life - don't expect the derive your happiness from it.
if you're unhappy and alone, a relationship is just going to make two people miserable. work on yourself. find your passions. then find someone to share them with.
Every big company out here monetizing relationships harder than they monetize the holidays, meanwhile I'm sitting here like "How can you be expected to take care of someone else if you can't take care of yourself?"
This.
True, I've got relatives asking me when I'm gonna date and why don't I have a boyfriend yet? It's not easy trying to take care of yourself and see someone at the same time. I'm 24 now, gonna be 25 in a month, and am jobless and have no license. I struggle with a lot in my personal life and don't wan the other person to see me as a burden it's someone that isn't together.
@@katethedimensionexplorer273 I am literaly in the exact situation you just described. You are not alone sister
This comment....hit harder than any of my dad's oldies rights...
@@katethedimensionexplorer273Same exact situation, but males are often seen as walking atms anyway😅😅😅i recently got disgnosed with a weird sleep disorder that causes me to be stunned after one hour of stressful activities...which means i have felt useless for 23 years of my life😂 now i am healing from this stuff, and from anxiety, and if society will not collapse thanks to the economy...i will try my best to stand on my own✌🏻
Dont get a girlfriend? I guess i have no choice but to date the homies...
It’s the same concept. If you haven’t found your passions in life don’t go hunting bussy
@@anires1195 😔
marrying homies isnt gay.
I've been saying this for YEARS
I’ve been married to them for years
I feel like a little problem that some people have, both boys and girls, is that they would wanna be in a relationship mostly because they see their friends are and doing couples stuff together, so they feel left out. And they just want to be in a relationship with anyone, to feel "mature", because that's kind of the concept of "maturity" that a lot of people set up.
Very true
Exactlyyy
That may be true, especially when younger. But when you reach 30 and you're established, life can get pretty lonely. It's less about fomo and more like I'd like to have someone to wake up next to and have dinner/watch movies with.
I just want to get physical, but u don't need a relationship for that
My problem is a combination of both this and sexual desire. I realized that I wanted a relationship out of selfishness, not out of genuine love for another person.
since I started dating my girlfriend, about a year ago now, life for me has become so much better. I used to have almost crippling social awkwardness, but she's pushed me to come out of my comfort zone. I've made so many new friends, developed many skills I never thought I would, and I've never felt happier in my life. HOWEVER I respect the fact that it's most likely not worth looking for a relationship if you have problems, you're probably not going to be in the right place for one at that point, and with those problems the relationship that maybe could be great might end up failing and making you feel even worse off than before. i can't pretend I'm a professional, but i can advise making sure youre in a good place in your life before dating, but I can say from my experience that she definitely turned my life around. one thing I think is really important is finding the right one. most HS relationships fail because the couple just aren't really compatible. before I dated my gf we were great friends for about a couple years. I'm kind of yapping but I just wanna say make sure u find the right one and make sure ur ready for it. :)
If your problems go away when ur with someone. It'll come back worse when that person leave, and trust me, it sucks.
yeah, more often than not, these relationships are like band-aids, they feel amazing while they last, but once they go, up comes the morbid sorrow and despair
@@Hyokorano. It will if your core values don’t change. Going into a relationship changes how you think of yourself. OP for example is now a better person because of a relationship. There is no such thing as “right time” or “why bother”. If their relationship ends, which I hope not, so what? Self love isn’t enough and people need to accept that. It’s normal human biology and it’s been ingrained in our brains since the start of times. Unless you have issues like being a serial killer, rapist or anything crazy you’re fine.
@@whitewolf2265 I belive there's a right time. For example, there were times when I got into a relationship and I had a lot of problems going on and, when the relationship ended, my depression came back worse.
I agree with you about growing as a person while in a relationship, but you NEED to be prepared to be in it. You can't break up and in the next week be with someone else, this attitude, for example, is an attitude of someone who doesn't love themselves and need another person to fulfill their emotional problems.
So, I say again, if you go out, looking for what you don't have, you might end up without it.
12:17 h
Relying on other people to make you happy relies too heavily on RNG to work. Find your own happiness to perpetuate in your own life. That way when you do find the people you're looking for, they can't take that away from you.
Lmao RNG. Fair point though
Gacha players: "So you're saying there's a chance?" 😎😎😎😎😎😎
RNG is impossible to avoid in this life tough
a lot of my old friends abandoned me when they got boyfriends and girlfriends and im so sick of it when they just come to me when they need help and when they dont they screw me up and abandon me. One of them straight up told me that she no longer needs me cause she now has a boyfriend so she is leaving me.. A 4 year friendship wasted and im so pissed off and angry at humanity
Sorround yourself with proper people, those you mention dont seem to be very good people to have around...
was she truly a friend to you or deep down you had some feelings for her? Be frank, because I've lost male friends in the past, to time, to girls, and I didn't care that much because a friend is not your partner, not family, not a romantic interest.
@@TileBitanwhat do you mean?
@@xnnocence I think he or she means that do you care that she is not your friend anymore because you like her romantically
@@UnknownUser049 we were friends for 4 years... of course i would be wrecked if i get dumped out like that especially after all of the memories we had, it has nothing to do with romance and liking i never even brought that up, i knew her since we were still kids, but anyways she came back recently because her boyfriend turned out to be up to no good concerning her
dude i really like your videos especially the fact that you record yourself yapping as you game and it isnt a prerecorded audio with a random gameplay
i dont know why but this detail makes your videos feel so much more real
Yeah right?! That's very cool!
You see the constant cuts? This dude redid multiple parts of this video many times. It’s not real. He is exploiting your invulnerability via being relatable. It’s like tricking a dog with a treat. Keep thinking this is real and authentic and keep coming back to give him more money. It’s his goal.
@@tainbual5687 Of course he is going to cut. Sometimes you get lost and do annoying long pauses that nobody wants. I don't see what your problem is, the videos are quite good
@@TheTrooper1878 it's not my problem, it's the problem of trying to be this real authentic true old soul guy when in reality he's a guy who takes the best parts of his speech and produces it as whole.
Imagine if everyone who ever gave a speech could fully edit every single thing they said or did. Imagine if anyone who gave a speech hand-picked their prime moments and we never saw any flaw or mishap whatsoever from them... wouldn't be good, right?
@@tainbual5687you're not making the point you're trying to make dude. he's not exploiting ass for bs like that's the opposite of what he's doing. there's literally no way you can see him exploit you for money in his videos other than ad revenue.
niko's goal from the beginning is to bring back the old authentic feeling old style youtube videos bring, and of course that includes some cuts here and there, editing dead air is not a new concept or anything
the dude is still trying to entertain people, that's the point of trying to make a channel. like imagine if a youtuber posts a video talking about a specific topic and halfway through it's mostly either dead air or they're stuttering a ton on the points they're trying to make. you wouldn't want that, would you?
As someone who's grown up as an only child, loneliness was something that practically defined my life. As a kid, this would often upset me, but the feeling grew worse as I grew older, and growing up this way shaped me into the quietest person in nearly every room I'm in, making it seemingly impossible to create friendships and connections. In my teenage years, I was desperate for a relationship to relieve myself of such loneliness. After being rejected 4 times and somehow not losing the little confidence I had to begin with, I finally entered a relationship that lasted about a year. Our chemistry was terrible, and we definitely weren't fit for each other, but we stayed together for as long as we did because we were both afraid of being alone again. When it ended, I knew she wasn't right for me, but it still hurt. a lot. I spent night after night wondering if there is anyone who would ever love me the way I love, or see me for who I am as a person, or care for me even just slightly. That was my first and last relationship in over 3 years now.
Being as quiet as I am is not a quality I like about myself, but there's a multitude of contributing factors that lead to this attribute of mine. As a child, I would hear my every failure and flaw magnified in detail repeatedly, with things from years back in the past brought up in many instances, without ever being provided any constructive or positive feedback. This lead to me feeling like I was never good enough for anyone, and so distanced myself subconsciously.
My life was a mess for years as I was consumed by these words and thoughts put into my head, but over the past few months, I've finally been able to embark on a journey of self-improvement. I've taken upon a workout routine, been more serious with my studies, and have been expressing myself creatively through making custom Lego builds. I've rewired my mind into the mindset of becoming the best person I possibly can, while disregarding the opinions of others, and whenever the path begins to feel lonely, I cuddle with my dog and remind myself that I'm still very young, and pursuing a relationship now that will very likely end sooner or later will only hinder my efforts.
I'm so happy that you're on the right path now, congratulations brother. You sound very similar to me in many ways. One of the things that changed me completely was learning about self love. ACTUAL, self love. It essentially comes around to the realization that I loved others and hated myself, as a result I gave people's judgements way more credit than they deserved, and even criticized myself harder. In the end, we are not as important to others as our minds think, and that's actually liberating. If you allow yourself to be flawed, the people that meet you will meet the REAL you, and thus you'll only meet those who are compatible. Good luck out there and keep doing your good work ^^
dont wait too long.
Dude, all props to you, really. You deserve it. Now you have a random stranger rooting for you.
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--made in america
You write well, you seem quite smart and pleasant. I hope everything turns out well for you.
3:18 bro wasnt narrating. he just recorded his singleplayer yapcraft session. what a legend.
All those who say that it is not necessary to have a relationship have already had the privilege of living that beautiful experience.
Yeah
correct
Hi, I'm new to this channel. This does feel like one of those older UA-cam channels where a guy talks about deep topics while casually playing something. I am digging it so much 😊
This "don't worry let love find you" advice is pretty bad for the most part. If you have had trouble finding a girlfriend, ignoring the issue and just focusing on yourself all the time isn't going to help. Nothing wrong with self improvement but young men get trapped in this cycle of self improvement and totally neglect their dating life. Then if ever they achieve their goals they are confused why women still don't come to them or they might be unhappy with the selection of single women at their age. Don't waste your youth on a one track grinding mindset, leads to bunch of older men with wealth who are bitter.
Not to mention that there's no time
Not really, Most young men are train-wrecks. We have been socialized into not putting effort into ourselves. It scares me how many men have not the slightest idea of fashion.
I see your point. However, just like he mentioned it's more important to work on yourself. There is always time later to work on your dating life when you don't have a million other stresses that can get neglected when someone else becomes priority. Your early 20s should be spent getting yourself to a successful point usually by the time you are almost 30, which in most cases is the male's prime age (not physically of course).
@@Montekin betabux deluxe next. Take care of women who never wanted you or don't currently want you
63% of men 18-30 are single. 70% of women initiate divorce.
@@tacitozetticci9308No time?
Bruh…. You’re going crazy dude. I think you’re really underestimating how long there is.
idk I just feel kinda down in life lately. I lost my job, broke up with my girlfriend almost a year ago and haven't had success since, I have about 4 USD to my name right now, did kinda bad in school last trimester, among other things. I can totally bounce back from this but it's hard and a little lonely sometimes as all my friends are in relationships and we've been hanging out less these days, and whenever we hang out they're busy with their partners so i'm just kinda left alone doing my best not to interrupt them doing their thing while also wishing I had someone to have similar experiences with albeit not as publicly. To be honest i'm giving up a little on relationships for now as I plan to get out of this sinkhole, this summer i'm getting a new job, losing weight and overall just moving on in life but I wouldn't mind life throwing someone at me who I can share my lows and highs with!
hey i hope it all gets better for you!
I would just focus on getting out of whatever rut you're in right now before ever focusing on a girlfriend.
I'm 21 turning 22 this year and I have never been in a relationship my whole life. I wish you well sir. ❤ 🙏
focus on yourself, get new hobbies and maybe you will find your significant other there :) people often meet while sharing the same interest
four dollars is crazy
you use discord? I got you dawg Im also trying to learn new things and get things done
There’s truth to this, obviously you shouldn’t make dating your main priority. Don’t let it define or rule your self confidence, but it’s good to put yourself out there. Even if the relationship fails, if you’re smart, you will learn from it and become a better partner through that experience. Who knows, it could even eventually lead you to the person you end up with forever. I say continue to put yourself out there, just don’t make it your main focus. It’s good to date when you’re young (mostly starting in ur 20’s I’d say), just don’t make it your end all be all.
The problem is people make it their end all be all and unknowingly don’t understand that people can sense desperation. It’s good to have a balance between mindsets.
Anyways, to add something to the actual conversation, I have got a piece of advice from my therapist. They once told me, "Get into relationships only if you have something to share besides your personal needs. Don't do it to just fill the void in your life". I guess it's basically the same what you are saying. First we should be more or less okay with ourselves and once we are sorta "complete", we can get an extension in the form of relationships
Over the years, seeing how some of my friends lost their minds and passion for something after dating a girl for a while made me feel sad. I almost went down the same path but I am glad I didn't. It might have been cool experience and all, but I was definitely doing it to feel less miserable while I didn't take care of myself properly
That therapist should be deregistered.
@@Tattlebot you dont understand life kiddo you dont even deserve gf if you keep acting like tough edgy shit
@@PALADINKILLIAN-1403 Shut up you're using a photo of game character 😂
*Advice is always good, but I can say that most people have to suffer the hurt in order to truly learn*
Biggest mistake I made was make my relationship #1 priority in life. Once that relationship ended, it felt like I lost my sense of identity. Took me a while to get back on track. Like others have said, relationships should be complimentary and not your life revolving around them. The funny thing is, when you are on your purpose, it often only leads to more attraction from the woman's side. I'm 28 now and am almost 5 years together with my girlfriend. The past 5 years I have been working on my education, body and career. We are now in a process of buying a house together.
One really annoying thing for me about relationships, is the concept that you need a partner cause they have some part that's "missing" from you. It's quite annoying that people say that, almost makes it like you have to be in a relationship otherwise you are not "whole" (whatever that means). Relationships should be complementary, they should be about some weird jigsaw piece where you are trying to "complete" yourself.
Regarding the time thing, it gets much worse when you reach the stages of "becoming married" and "having children". Suddenly you have pretty much no free time at all and almost any and every friendship will just end (due to lack of free time). I know that it's important to have time spent with your family, it still feels very demotivating hearing about dudes that can't even go meet their friends cause their wife has some weird brain damage that doesn't allow them to spend time together (guessing they too often are too miserable to let their partners see their friends, so they want to share their misery with someone)..
Idk, seems to me like you're pretty self-centered type of a person. Both the first and second part go in favor of that.
I'm one of the people that believes that a human can never be whole without a partner, hell, we're literally born to mate and reproduce and die. Everything else, like finding your own passion and stuff, is just the mind/ego's way of dealing with the anxiety of death, for like 99% of the people. "I may die, but at least I've built something."
The second part, children and marriage, should be viewed as a "blessing", but instead, a lot of people such as yourself view it as curse. "Free time"? What the hell do you need so much free time for, when you have kids? I agree that everyone needs their alone time, but some people are taking it too far - they're not getting married and having kids, because it costs money and time. Met a couple that was like that, both in their 40s, their appartment is filled with Star Wars stuff and they're both morbidly obese. So is that worth sacrificing such a crucial part of life for? Getting to indulge in your gluttonous pleasures and some made-up imaginary worlds, such as that of Star Wars? People who refuse to grow up just repulse me so much. They're stuck being kids forever because of some trauma or something, and instead of seeing a therapist, they waste their lives doing nothing and living hedonistic lives filled with nothing but empty pleasure, so yeah, it's better that they don't reproduce.
However, I do agree with the main point of this discussion and stuff, which is - don't date until you've got yourself together, at least for the most part. Yes, humans need intimacy and love, but it's better to first build yourself up as a person, build a healthy ego and mind capable of being responsible in entirety for yourself, and another whole person's emotions and needs. When two people like that meet, they are bound to win at life, basically.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 First off, you are wrong, I am not self-centered. if anything you sound painfully shallow and empty, having a belief that all we exist for is to just sh!1 out a new generation. Feel free to stay there with your belief. I don't want any part of that.
I find it quite hilarious you also needed such a wall of text for such a basic and smooth-brained belief.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 I feel the guy you respond to is right as I also feel you're right in some way but could not explain it. I'd rather copy paste a quote I've found somewhere but don't remember the source, because it may bring a nice perspective to you too : "Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn't about what others can give you because you're empty. It is about what you can give others because you're already full'. Now some people prefer loving through family and "full-time" romantic relationships, and may get whole that way, others prefer to practice love differently, and thus be whole differently (i.e. maybe only friendships, or through people-assisting jobs). There are probably as many ways as there are people.
Its always that one comment that is so long often its just being irrational than having a short comment that is simply straight to the point that isn't rude
@@DEERCRACKERLOVER They could have summed it up nicely by saying "your sole reason for existing is to find a partner and procreate", I despise this kind of thinking cause it's an utterly selfish thing that doesn't care or take into account anything or anyone else.
@endyx2708 One of the reasons I say that it's a bad idea to view relationships as "completing yourself" is that it's a bad way of viewing a parter. You are basically just using someone else to "make yourself complete", that's quite selfish. It's much better for both you and a partner to see each other as "complements", you are there to add value to someone else and not just selfishly add value to yourself.
If I could play devil's advocate for a minute - I was in a relationship for 3 years and it was by far the happiest I've ever been. Steady decline since then, despite an improvement to my job, fitness, etc, etc. So to each their own.
Some time ago I came to the conclusion that I'll be happy when I get the one. You made me realize that by living with this mindset I actually lost passion for everything I do. I watched this video yesterday before sleep and I woke up a completely different person. It's so quiet in my head I can finally focus. I literally studied for 7 hours after I woke up. I'm 20 yo student and I have no friends but I hope that'll change. Thank you brother❤️
You´re just like me (except the studying for 7 hours part)
how are you now? you made friends yet
@@mr.d5593 Nahh, I still have summer vacation so I didn't really have a chance to. I'm gonna be more open to people once the semester starts. But more importantly I started enjoying things I do by myself and I think right people will just come along
@@jakispan593 I just broke up with my gf and also dont have friends. Its hard. I hope I also can make some. And I'll try to focus on myself now.
@@jakispan593 I wish you all the luck
Please remember that however you would treat a partner is how you should be treating yourself.
Whatever love and kindness you’d have for a partner you should still be giving to yourself first and foremost.
A relationship would only be a bandaid.
damn that hit
I don't agree with the ,,You need to have something that you and your partner both like" thing. It is quite intuitive but isn't necessarily true. My mom and dad have been together for 30 years, and they have nothing in common (in the sense of hobbies, etc.). I think one should have the same or at least similar values with the person you are in a relationship with. I'm saying that because you didn't mention anything about it, and it's probably the most important thing.
You are right about the values part, honestly it just didn't come to me at the time of making this video. However, when you have something in common with your partner hobby wise, it makes it easier to spend quality time together. Otherwise doing so can prove to be a struggle. But it's true, you don't have too many things in common
Been married for almost 10 years, got married young and we are very happy. BUT it is not for everyone. It just has to work out, you can't force it, you should enjoy time with family and friends.
Once you decide to be married you have to sacrifice a lot to make that person happy. For some that is no problem, others it probably would be impossible. Be happy with who you are and see what happens.
This is so true. I've seen several people around my age (20s) searching for love as a solution to thier misery rather than as a complement to the rest of their lives. It leads to so many broken hearts because the reality is you can't rely on a single person to always make you happy - there are always ups and downs in a relationship. I'm not against dating when young but I do think its a common pitfall I see many people fall into often and it's avoidable if you focus more on yourself in embracing new hobbies, getting any mental or physical health problems treated, learning about yourself, etc.
Relationships are best imo when they're an addition to deep and complex personalities that have things in common.
You see my problem is that love found me at my worst... and I don't want to hurt her.
there are times when doing things that you feel is your most authentic self is the most loving thing you can do for that person.
@@TheHeartfrequency Hmmmm.. Guess that's my que! Thanks
fucking same
the whole point of the relationship is to build with each other
@@dhiabondka3082 😯
This is true. Sadly, a lot of people need a relationship (or actually a breakup) to learn this.
I wouldn't say "sadly". It's not like those relationships had no good moments. And it also teaches people what they really want and need. I feel like if you as a human-being are ina position where it's fine for you to be together with someone that is not good for you, you need to be with them to learn what a good person looks like for you.
It's 2am and quite hard for me to put this into words properly, but essentially, I think if you slide into a bad relationship, you eventually would have anyway, because you were lacking knowledge about yourself, that would have prevented it in the first place. I hope that made sense.
I agree with both of these replies!
Got into my first relationship (not sure if I would consider it that...) almost 11 months ago then broke up 4 months after.
It really did change, maybe even mature, my view on love and it taught me that I still have lots of things I need to do in order to better myself.
While it hurts, it still helps.
Being 22 and not having a significant other is painful. All your friends are happy and with a (for the most part) loving partner. You feel lonelier than ever, however, you can enjoy being alone. Think of it this way, if you do find that person right now, everything that you wanted to do while single will probably take a back seat.
As a great man once said
“Don’t focus on no girls bro just stay gaming”
“Just stay gaming bruh”
Seriously I saved myself out of a VERY toxic person/relationship because I kept quoting that video to myself and resisted temptation 😭
Gaming >>>> girlfriend who doesn't like that
"Money won't solve your problems" The king said to a peasant
it is if you have enough
Yeah, I'm literally at a point where I think having a girl would be better for me overall cause it's all I think about and obsess all day everyday, so if I finally get a girl then maybe I can focus on other stuff
@@xlReap64 Ay look, man to man, i was happy as fuck and never suicidal. Got a girlfriend and she fucked it all up and even after leaving her, life has never been worse.
@@SchizoidDog69 got a girlfriend as well, fucked me up badly. treat yourselves better yall.
Gotta love yourself first
as a 15 year old teenager these past few months have been really long, not because of school or something like that but because ive been thinking alot about life especially relationships. I realised and i know that relationships have lost their meaning and are pretty much pointless nowdays. They used to be "finding your love of your life" but now it changed to "having fun with the opposite gender". People mix up the concept of having a crush and actually being in love with someone. I mean yea its true im also in love with someone right now but im still young 15 year old who hasnt even lived half his life and things can still change alot. Still its hard to live through these teenage years when you see "relationships" everywhere and you might feel alone or something but at the end of the day it doesnt really matter if your different than others because the most important thing is to live your life like how you want to live it. Enjoy the journey through life because the real happiness doesnt only come from the goal youve achieved but also from the grind your doing.
Your maturity and awareness are commendable, and I couldn't agree more. I'm 22 and believe me, things will be changing a LOT, but finding yourself and learning from your experiences (good and bad) are the key to success in general.
TL;DR: I mostly agree, but I think experiance is important too!
Ayo Niko, big fan, love the vids and you resonate with a lot of people. I usually agree with you, and I also kinda do on this one. The idea of “I’m only going to be happy once I get a girlfriend” is damaging, because you’ll basically just use this other person as the ultimate procrastination device to bettering yourself, and truly becoming more content with life. I learned that the hard way. But, I also think dating is one of the essential parts of growing as a person. Of course the first people or person you date, usually, is not going to be the one, but they all help your learn more about yourself; what you like, how you act in a relationship, and these people can also help you come out of your shell and find an identity and part of yourself you didn’t know you had. I was with a girl, I broke up with her around 1 1/2 years ago, even though I loved her, I realized my life had come to a halt and I needed to evolve as a person, and I didn’t do that in that relationship. But I still appreciate my time with her, all of the things I learned, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, for better or for worse. So I would say: Go out there, date, get your heart broken, break someones heart, and most importantly, learn from it. Sorry for the long response and the bad english! : )
L take
Dating is a privilege, not everyone can
Answer me or scared
@@kiril10😂
you loss so hard
24 year old women here. Never been in a relationship before, I am celibate. I’m still working on myself, still finding what I want in life, etc. I kinda have an idea of what I want, but I still need time to grow (because, I’m a late bloomer) I’m just gonna work on myself, work on my passions, try and make more friends IRL, and who knows? Maybe god will bring me to the guy I’m supposed to spend my life with. Only time will tell
A lot of men out there are shallow and narcissistic, it's not worth it sometimes
Man. Life advice, talking life when playing a game, _and_ playing a version of minecraft with sword block?
Homie passed the vibe check
8 years in celibacy. Focusing on solving my inner thoughs, knowledge, goals and introspection.
I am getting the idea that my love life is more about an option.
Not a priority.
So, in a nutshell. I am ready to search the right woman for me.
Since I know what I want and don't want.
Took me a while, but better for me to take time to fix things my way then being a total waste of time on any relationship.
Reject humanity, man go monk mode.
Hoes = 0
I think that most people look for a girlfriend and look for love not to find someone but to not be alone
But honestly I think that’s dumb because being with someone you don’t actually like that much or don’t really fit with actually makes you feel lonelier most of the time
So yeah you should just wait for the right person to present themselves instead of looking for them
If you have to look for the right person instead of them just naturally finding you
They probably aren’t the right person
Tbh I’m on this phase right now,before I was too consume in peer pressure from everyone around me having relationships. But after a few break up,I’ve learn that I’m not ready for relationship at all and I’m only fascinating in the idea of love but not love itself. For now, self care and love,trying to find my passion and myself and try to achieve my short term goal feel more enjoyable after getting out of those thoughts.it’s help that a few channel like your pop up once in while in my yt recommendations to help me discover my passion and getting to know my self better.
Keep making video,It’s sometimes help out someone to discover and learn about them self🔥
This may just be me overthinking in a meta sense but i feel the house keeps getting better with the advice you share. Like it reflects the topics you say in each video (i.e: talking about starting a relationship n you’re adjusting the door)
19 yo here. I've spent most of my life viewing love and relationships as a necessity. But college and some experiences I've had are shifting my perspective. I try taking my time with someone now before concluding that I have a romantic interest in them. It lets me filter out people who do not match my dreams and objectives and helps to keep myself in check and not forget the rest of my life. Once again, really informative and relatable video. Keep up the good work!
As someone who no longer has any interest in getting into a relationship ever, I really liked how you went over this topic, it's just a realistic way to look at it that I myself never even thought of. This video had me reflecting on previous relationships I was in, and showed me that it wasn't all bad and taught me more about myself.
Anyways, amazing work on this video! Really made my day!
My 2 previous relationships in Highschool also taught me what to do and not to do but I have no interest now lost all hope with that waited too long and not mature so yea at least I got my cats.
it won't solve your problems, it will solve THE PROBLEM, which is the feeling of feeling lonely or in terrible company
I'm 26 years old, never been in a relationship. Got back to school and i'm currently dating someone that I really like. Work on yourself before working on someone else
I have been in and out of relationships enough for me to have enough confidence that I don’t have anxiety with asking someone out anymore. Mostly because I’ve learned to have courage and patience with this kind of stuff (to a certain extent).
I maybe still in my mid twenties (as of writing this comment), but I’m at a point in my dating life where I’m not as desperate anymore as I used to be. Not to mention all of the wisdom that I have from learning about myself and from the dating experiences. As well as being more respectful to women no matter what their shape or size they are. And I’m glad that I am here in the now with dating, in the end I know my value and if there’s a significant other out there who does appreciate me, that’s great! If not then well that’s okay with me.
Sure you can say that but the fact that you've had a relationship and a 45 yo guy like me never has makes me feel even WORSE
bro is the Sam Sulek of Minecraft yapping and I love it
no he is not
This is true and all - it’s exactly what I attempt to preach to my friends as well. But you know… it’s so hard to beat that feeling, the wishing to be desired by someone
Actually nothing will solve your problems, there are just copes to cope with your problems as simple as that, whatever it is sex,games,food,travel or any other jazz is just you coping away your problems that are actually unsolvable.
21 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship and I’m loving life 😂
Having a girlfriend actually makes things easier to deal with. From everyday inconveniences to traumatic experiences, nothing is really as bad because you have her to come home to.
You have someone to have sex with, which is huge and I feel is often understated when discussing these topics. Not having to be constantly sexually frustrated because you can't get laid is invaluable to lots of men.
You don't have to have your life together before getting into a relationship. Life is constantly changing and opportunities can arise at inopportune times, don't make yourself wait to have a relationship later if that's what you think will make you happy now.
Intellect does fade as you age and people’s personalities change too based on life experiences
I completely agree that you need yourself figured out first before you'd want to get into a relationship. In my personal case, after a breakup i had almost a year ago im still missing the closeness of a romantic partner and all the benefits that come with. I honestly didnt feel very fullfilled or happy for the past months, and its mostly due to just feeling lonely, i have friends, parents, but none of that come close to a partner. When i was with my ex i actually felt happy, fullfilled, and optimistic about everything, the relationship went unhealthy due to my ex not fullfiling the rule of figuring out herself first, and became an energy vampire. Even though i still felt happy and on top of the world, now facing hardships without such a reliable shoulder to cry on is a struggle
can you talk about your ex vampire energy? it can help me figure out some things in my current relationship
@@shtefan7385 So, she was and still is my classmate, which resulted in us spending a lot of time together, and it made me, an already empathetic person even more empathetic towards her, and oh boy there were a lot of things to be empathetic about her.
To begin with, she had terrible parents who basically neglected her, multiple bad habbits like not eating breakfest or anything before 3pm, not drinking water, heavily procrastinating, and being pesimistic.
During our time together i was on top of the world, i was already feeling good before we got together and the relationship made me even happier, thing is you cant be happy when your other half is constantly being negative.
So i dedicated to dedicate a lot of myself and my energy into trying to help her, i tried to introduce her into healthy habbits like, believing in herself, actually eating, drinking water, having a sleep schedule, not procrastinating. I tried to also make her convice her mother to take her for a blood test, as some of her syptoms signalised thyroid disease.
And when she told me she self harmed i was convincing her for 2 months to go to a psychiatrist, a school one but nonetheless.
And around the same time as i was trying to get her to a psychiatrist i started to doubt the relationship, i wasnt feeling the same kind of energy as before, i was losing temper with my really close friend group really easily, simple insults which you always do with the boys got under my skin, i had no energy for anything and was also starting to feel down. So after some thinking i decided to breakup with her as nothing i could have done would help her since SHE needed to want to get better, and it really didnt look like she wanted to.
It hurt a lot, as i still to this day almost a year later cant stand her pressence around me After the breakup she pretty much blamed me for everything and saying how i broke everything when actually the only thing i messed up was i told her about my doubts way too late, thing is i didnt consider that humans have a battery power as well and mine ran out, i didnt think she was causing any issues to me directly.
She wasn't a bad girlfriend dont get me wrong, actually a textbook one, i wish that my next partner will be so cute, cooperative and understanding as her, but the way she handled herself wasnt, and thats what caused the issues.
24. Ex of 3 1/2 years left me last year. The amount of growth I've had is insane.
Fellas, if she doesn't make you grow, she ain't it
the quote at 6:15 really hit home with me, I recently got out of a 10 month relationship straight out of highschool basically viewing myself as the weird kid in highschool maybe 2 friends; overall not loving myself. Unfortunatley that lack of love for myself really did make it hard me to feel love towards my significant other which ultimately lead to my decision to end things because I really did and still do feel like I need to learn to love myself and the world around me a lot more before Im ready to get into a committed relationship.
Just got married. Don’t get a girlfriend. I love my wife and I’m happy we ended up getting married but it won’t fill the void that you feel. I still have the same problems but I definitely rushed into this relationship over the course of the last 3 years. Find Christ, exercise, eat well, sleep well, discover your passion and work towards making it a living, and do not be too scared to do anything with your life because you might fuck it up otherwise you’ll stay in the same place for years regretting every one of your life choices.
I seen so many friends get married. I have also seen many divorces years later.
Big Facts, don't go chasing relationships. They will happen when they should, but going out trying to find a relationship at all costs and thats it will most the time end up badly. Enjoying the videos while playing chill minecraft!
"In order to truly Love someone else, you must love yourself first."
-Me
I agree with a lot of this video, but I have a few things at the start I strongly disagree with.
I see a lot of comments about “Build your garden and let the butterflies come” type stuff, and while that’s true to an extent, If you have a beautiful garden and the butterflies do start to arrive, but you have absolutely no idea what to do with said butterflies once they get there, by the time you find something resembling a net and get it all untangled, they’ll have flown away to find a new garden.
Spending a year in a relationship in High School isn’t a waste of your time. Further developing your social skills, especially involving members of your preferred sex are extremely important the earlier you are in life as you will continue to build on these skills as you get older. It’s not impossible to learn how to talk to women (for example) when you’re in your mid to late twenties going from next to no experience, but it’s a lot harder than it would’ve been if you had spent the time talking and spending time with them earlier on in life when you had less life to worry about.
I’m 21 writing this, and I was vastly unprepared for the amount of “Life” you have to do every day once you’re out of school. It feels like you waste so much time when you’re in High school so once you get out things will be better. If you move out and live on your own, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. High school is one of the only places where you’re forced to interact with people around your age and with somewhat similar interests. DO NOT WASTE THAT TIME ONLY STUDYING. Age demographics are getting worse by the year, talk to these people as best as you can cause once you’re out of High School, you may never see a lot of them again.
Personal anecdote: getting a girlfriend solved all my problems.
@examplenameyoutube nah
@examplenameyoutube nah
@examplenameyoutubeSame bro, same.
This video and 80% of the comments are coping hard. Not having to spend time chasing women irl and online gave me so much of a needed mental break. She actually pushed me to get better jobs and improve myself too. A lot of these guys here are involuntarily celibate. Feelsbad for sure it can happen to anyone, but saying otherwise just tells me you’re coping hard with the fact you got zero hoes. But that’s my opinion.
This is a bad take in the sense that's not going to help people decide for their better. I have experienced both good and bad relationships and I can tell that this take is usually a big L and shouldn't be followed nor taken even seriously most of the time
If you all want to get help, search professional advice instead of pursuing having a girlfriend so they fix your problems rather than you(wich, believe it or not, is not only *highly* unlikely, but also dangerous asf since you can and will get into a worse position than the one you were in to begin with). *Only* if your problems are minimal and/or aren't things that *could* potentially harm the relationship in the long or the short run you can consider to ignore them before getting in it.
This is some great advice, but there's one point I want to touch on that you brought up: you said at 11:00 putting yourself in situations, experiencing new things, etc. will inevitably result in you meeting someone. However, I have to say that being a CS student at my university, liking the things that I like and putting myself out into situations with those have not at all given me success in the relationship department: I love chess, Computer Science topics (e.g. Software Engineering, Computer Hardware Architecture, etc.), Mathematics, and other "nerdy" subjects and so far I have barely met any girls from participating in events revolving around that. I think what you said about trying new things is more so what you're getting at, but I just thought I'd mention that not everything you invest in that you're passionate about is going to give you that kind of success. Nice video though man, keep up the good work and I think I'll watch more of your content!
Doing the things you like and being open to new experiences is definitely beneficial but man, as someone said in this comment section, it really depends on your RNG (or luck) as well as your particular circumstances (culture, experiences, values, personality...)
I always tell my brother who's younger than me by about 6 years, or really any guy who's younger than me when we talk about dating and girls, and that is my biggest regret of my late teens and early 20s is thinking i HAD to have a serious girlfriend at all times. I put so much effort into having a girlfriend and catering to her 24/7. It set my personal development and growth back so much. I'm now 27 and working hard to build what I should've been building back then but was so blinded by this weird self desire to have a girlfriend. So, the point of this is, a girl will come and you definitely do not need one to be happy. There are so many self fulfilling things like gym, work, adventure, hobbies, etc that will not only help fulfill yourself but will ultimately make you very desirable to some very desirable women when that time comes. You got this.
I can not state how true this is I was in a very very short relationship with someone and we broke up very fast due to me burning out or no rather just not liking it and after that I realised, you will most of the time sacrifice a lot of what you took as granted. man love your content
I’m 23 also. Man, I’ve been living a lie all this time. I realize how stressful a relationship is. I’m still trying to figure myself out. What you said is 💯 true. Never run on someone else’s timeline because you carry burdens that may decline your mental health. If you’re trying to find a girlfriend or boyfriend and you just got over a bad break up, stop searching you’ll stop the frustration be your true self again.
Huge respect for naming your horse bojack btw, goated show
I’ve heard this a couple of times but it says “don’t chase the butterflies, you’ll only scare them away and if you do catch them won’t want to stay, but build your garden and you’ll find butterflies more beautiful then you ever thought of. And if they don’t come stop and appreciate the amazing garden you’ve spent so much time and effort making”
0:48 I agree, It seems a little inherently wrong to look for Love itself and not to look for a person. It's like you just want that person for love, not because you want them. And wanting a person for who they are, and not milking them for love, it comes with the whole package of "It will find me when the time is right".
Yes if you are looking for love , you will surely find it in the one who created it God And his son Jesus Christ !
Hey niko thank you, genuinely thank you for this video; me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough time and i've always been extremely narrow minded and always looked at relationships in the worst way, mainly because of the media i've consumed and life. But she has been constantly telling me what I really shouldn't be doing because of how bad it was but because of everything i've always brushed it off just a bit be it because im still young or what i wanted; but watching and listening to this made me understand how terrible i've actually been for her and how much i need to improve for us, we've just recently hit 7 months together and i'm so thankful that she is still with me after realizing how terrible i've been to her without meaning. Thank you.
as someone who has never been in a relationship before, i will admit that i have been at least intrigued by the idea of having a girlfriend, but im in no hurry to find one. it would just be too much work to constantly have to meet up with eachother frequently, make compromises for your partner, and worry about relationship drama. on top of that it also opens the door for the possibility of getting STDs or unwanted pregnancies, which trust me, is something i am NOT dealing with right now
I want to be in a relationship because I am lacking real connection with people and ultimately have a desire for something I don’t have.
i seriously needed this one, thanks dude
you gave me another pov to look at life
ill give you update how my life changes after this
tyy, take care bud, awesome base!
Dog where you BEEN at my whole life ;-; Learned this lesson the hard way, real hard way by hurting two people with my confusion over long term relationships with both parties, BUT, I’ve finally learned my lesson and I’m single and ready to live life finally (I’m 22 too)
Says the man who got to have a long term relationship. Yea, no... i'd very much like an integral human experience as much as possible in this fading life.
20 years old here, got into a nearly 3 year relationship and it ended around the same time you posted your video about dealing with the emotions that come with losing someone that you love. That video helped me so much and I even watched it a couple times when the emotions were so raw. Now it’s the time where I have dealt with the emotions and I am back to where I was 3 years ago. I had those same feelings to kind of go back into the dating realm but for just experiencing conversations with others. Not to have a girlfriend again. I have though felt time and time again to just delete the dating apps and just experience life again with no dates. I think it’s time for me to do that, not rush into a possibility that oh hey I like you and let’s go on a date for funsies. Like yeah I never had the intention of using dating apps to do that but man it is exhausting. I think I am just going to do my own thing.
Guys, as a male in his 30s, I recommend having relationships. Otherwise you will envy others and fear that you are missing out. Better to have been there and done that.
You say that like you just have to go down the street to get one
I'd also recommend not being homeless.
@@JBramson this made be bust out laughing because it was so unexpected🤣
@@thatrandomcrit5823 getting one is easy but keeping her is the hard part
As someone who's 28 and still in university I would also not recommend a twin of me to have the twin of my gf as his gf if that makes sense... (We don't have twins)
But I'm a HUGE nerd partly with music production for many years after high school, I did intense gaming until that messed up my hand...
But some years ago I started focusing on school, got HS done, doing a bachelor in math right now and yes I used to need A LOT of space for focus and having had a gf, needing to make her happy/safe has definetely challenged my focus a lot... But right now I'm very happy with how it is turning out. She's now a frikkin doctor!!! And I'm SO proud of her!!! And she is beatiful and amazing so I need her to be motivated to do all of this math/music/work. She is a little extra preassure but I think that will give me that extra edge in the end.
Also I don't want kids (PERSONALLY) and I think she's on my spectrum of that and she isn't like outgoing, needing social life, etc and she's okay with me working for myself for lets say 8-10 hours a day? She works, I work/study, then we cozy together and be lazy with a movie...
Yes without her I could work 14 hours a day? But would that really be productive, smart work?
I doubt it. Even if it did I would still have her and our love before that possible extra career grind and what that would pay off...
I don’t want to sound like a pretentious idiot (sorry if I do) but I feel like there are so many good things in my life that the only thing "missing" is a fulfilling relationship, which is 100x harder if you've got social anxiety like me
as someone whos with the same girl ive been dating since i was 14, i completely agree that actively looking for a relationship is going to find you nothing but headache 90% of the time, dont treat women like something that you need to date, treat them like friends, get to know them, enjoy their presence, then maybe see about moving the relationship further, and even after that, sometimes it might just not work out. Dating is hard, keep it simple, another huge thing you can do, is when you are dating someone, make it clear what your interests are, and talk about your interests to this person, to see if they are interested and intrigued or just dont care at all EDIT: Another super important thing, is to realize that people change, someone may develop new interests and hobbies, and you have to decide whether or not you are compatible with those interests and hobbies
So if I'm not supposed to make an effort to find love and rather focus on other things, what am I supposed to do with my needs? My need for love, affection, intimacy, human connection, sexual needs etc.
Facts
You can't outrun nature. I tried distracting myself with school, music, accomplishments, guitar, gym, self-improvement, but it is all useless against my hormones. I wish I could forget all this and be free.
youre absolutely right, these guys keep spreading all this bs about "improving yourself" or "knowing yourself" or just waiting forever. Love is also a human need and a very important one
Don't rush into a relationship because you feel like you should. A good partner can make life so much better, but at the end of the day you need to be happy with yourself regardless.
I'm almost 30 bro. When is "waiting" going to work?
dont listen to this cope, go out and take initiative
a girl won't fix your problems but if she's a good girl she sure as hell will make you happy
Disagree with the HS and college dating. It's not mandatory, 100%, but IT IS worth dating at that time, if only to find out what you like about sharing time with someone, what you dislike, and to (hopefully) build some great and fun memories.
With that, I'm glad you mentioned your "love yourself" video, because people need to see that.
If you are in HS and college, and you don't love yourself (or you're struggling with accepting who you are and what you want to be), I RECOMMEND YOU DATE YOURSELF FIRST. That's right. You can't date anyone else if you don't even want to care for yourself. You're gonna turn your dating partner into your caregiver, which (unless they have their own mental and emotional struggles) they likey DO NOT want to be. They don't want to be your new mom and dad. They want to be your romantic partner.
Date yourself.
Finally, dating should be fun, cause you're feeling each other out. Don't take it too seriously. If it feels like you're playing husband and wife after one month of being exclusive...look, how a relationship works is up to the partners within that relationship...but you're probably suffocating each other if you're playing roles that early. Just speaking from experience.
its crazy that your videos just simply appears in the most random perfectely times, even if someone dont take your council that makes it thinks about a lot of things, i love you man
Nah imma say cap. If you’re ready for a girlfriend, one isn’t going to magically appear in your life. You have to take action to get one. You would be dumb to think they just are going to show up out of nowhere. Sure, you can meet people doing certain things. But you have to take the steps necessary to acquire a relationship. Having a girlfriend has made my life better. I would rather be in a relationship than not. However, I wouldn’t say that’s the case for everyone. Sometimes people need to work on themselves and not focus on getting into a relationship, and if that’s the case, so be it. Work on yourself so eventually one day you can get into a relationship.
EDIT: I’m sorry but if your significant other is getting in the way of your personal life such as work and aspirations, you’re doing it wrong. You need to take responsibility for your own life and there are sacrifices that you need to make in order to do that. People who aren’t mature enough won’t understand this.
Imagine if farmers looked at their fields and said "we don't need to plant anything, crops will sprout when the time comes" and then we all starve to death. The reality is if you want a girlfriend or female partner you can boost your chances by enhancing your appearance and social abilities.
you missed the point kid you stil young so you dont understand the point yet
@@verbose9062 i like how kids just dont understand relationship at all like you can the hottest girl ever and it will shes most manipulative snake to ever exist it doenst work like that kids
@@PALADINKILLIAN-1403 Women usually want attractive partners. So do men. It's not manipulative at all and I never claimed it was.
@@PALADINKILLIAN-1403 dawg im literally older than you
Especially if it's younger, its a zero sum game, isn't it? It's great to be in love and all, but I mean it's really just a zero sum game if you're younger. Nothing against dating; it feels good. Just remember that you'll probably end up in a breakup if you're dating someone in middle or early high school, and this is fine. Great video btw man
I fully agree with what you're saying, and it goes for anything even for friends. Focus on yourself before you can focus on others.
I beg start a podcast in Spotify and just post your videos I’d actually listen to them for hours. Absolutely love your videos their very helpful and influential
Get a girlfriend, actually relationship, is easy, but force it always lead to terrible relations
"Easy"? Where?
Well, maybe you are tring wrong, just that... I just consider a failudre or hard when someone is not happy and be forced to keep making stuff that person not want, so even when a couple break up, and has some sadness if borh are fine when the pain washes away, it is easy... But if you had a stalker or soemthing, that is hard, becase one side not respect the other... i not get a relation early on life, but i never really get that much efforts on getting one anyway. I mean, i avoid partys, i avoid people that not talk about shit i like, it totally reduces my number of potential partners, anyway, it lead to more solid relations, because found a girl that like games, like anime, like cool stuff for me is rare, but if she like those stuff, we can make more stuff together, and handle better anything in general... The most beauty girl, is just beuaty outside by validations, and her inside? I got really luck, because the most beauty girl to me was the girl i like before talking, and it is the key, get a coffe or dinner with someone you can't talk anything, that is really hard, for sure.
@@viniciusschadeck4992 Yeah, you're right and I do agree with your points. Thanks for sharing
@@thatrandomcrit5823 i feel some sarcasm, if you did it because of my english, well, sorry to not put enought effort on fixing everything on that text
@@viniciusschadeck4992 You felt wrong, it wasn´t sarcasm, I was just thanking you
WooW thanks bro! Appreciate that you share that story with us!
Was searching and giving up on girls... Seems like what rly is important that you both share same hobbies, so you don't waste your time on a person and missing time doing your activities!
Thanks a loot again!
'let it find you' and that's exactly what I've been told myself for years and it's been working out pretty fine for me despite not being in one. I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm 23 going 24, I need to focus on myself currently before focusing on relationships anyway
I'm not too worried either because we will all meet people every day and things just kind of happen and that's the way I like it
God, you make it sound like elective surgery.
It feels really weird when a ton of people around me have the desire to be with someone with the thought process that it will be the thing that will make them happy or will give them a sense of pride. I've been over here chilling doing my own thing and I'm pretty happy.
dating solved all my problems and healed my traumas.
so.
Then this video doesn’t apply to you 😂
that means you've found the one
i mean it is possible it just is unlikely
But that's an exception, not the norm, you just had really good RNG.
So, back in january, i found your video about breaking up, I had been in a relationship then for about 1.5ish years and I was having doubts I was unsure if I wanted to be in the relationship anymore. your video helped me see a different side and perspective of things and that was really cool. Now, I've met this other girl, and I really like her. and she likes me, I have a really important entrance test for college coming up in December, and I feel like everything together has been super overwhelming, and then I check ur channel again and I see THIS video. it feels like ur spying on me man fr thank you for making these videos it feels like having a big brother to help me out w this stuff
You are very sweet, I appreciate it! And yes I am spying on you
I'm kinda in the same boat you were before breaking up. Do you have any advice on figuring out whether it's worthwhile to continue the relationship or to end it for oneselve?
@@prof.dr.l4858 if you dont feel happy, if you feel like it just isn't the same anymore, then its prolly best not to overthink it and end things.
bro your flow in your videos is already so much better, like your videos are so much more streamlined and easy to understand
depends on who you are, how well you know yourself. same for them. how well y'all know each other. the connection. the risks. the communication. the pros and cons. making it work if it's meant to be.
You need to have experience dating. Otherwise, you'll build a garden, just like I did, attract some butterflies, and parasites alongside them, which are very beautiful and smart. If you have no prior experience in dating, they'll ruin your life.
Don't be like me, invest your time maturing yourself emotionally, it's a very valuable, and essential skill. Sure, you can surrender yourself to luck, and hope that you'll catch a butterfly, instead of a parasite, but then there's another thing - if you haven't worked on your emotional intelligence in terms of relationships, you'll be the "bad" one, and the butterflies you attract, won't stick for long, instead, only the ones who are more like you, will remain.