Thank you. This has been hard especially because my spouse fixated on themself as well. I haven’t known how to adjust the conversation away from “I wasn’t giving you what you needed,” to “this is how I’m feeling.”
correct. their cheating is their cheating, not yours. if the marriage was in trouble, or difficult or filled with inadequacies, the fact is, only one person cheated. that cheating is on him, not you.
She is in the middle of it with a co-worker who is 8 years younger, not our religion, and our kids football coach! She doesn't know I know. She is spending so much time talking to him, and even has the kids talk to him on the phone. She moved out under the guise of our marriage, but really to just do what she wanted. I really don't know how much more I can take, and it's only been 6 weeks!
Yes, but what if this is the 2nd or 3rd time... why wasn't the "what am I doing?" And the realization if what they are risking enough to keep from acting out again? It may seem like a good thing that he is so willing to get help this time and do the work... but it is almost concerning that he suddenly knows what to say and what needs to be done. It makes me thinking he is just going to BS his way through recovery.
you may be right Marissa. Are you getting expert help? Are you asking him, if not demanding that he do recovery work with you? if he's relapsed that many times, it's concerning and it's time to get an expert involved and stand up for yourself and your own mental health and security.
Thank you for all you’re sharing.
Thank you. This has been hard especially because my spouse fixated on themself as well. I haven’t known how to adjust the conversation away from “I wasn’t giving you what you needed,” to “this is how I’m feeling.”
thanks for watching and posting.
Oh Wow. I get it. As the betrayed, I am responsible for my deficiencies as a wife. I am not responsible for the affair. Is that the distinction?
correct. their cheating is their cheating, not yours. if the marriage was in trouble, or difficult or filled with inadequacies, the fact is, only one person cheated. that cheating is on him, not you.
Two thumbs up !
She is in the middle of it with a co-worker who is 8 years younger, not our religion, and our kids football coach! She doesn't know I know. She is spending so much time talking to him, and even has the kids talk to him on the phone. She moved out under the guise of our marriage, but really to just do what she wanted. I really don't know how much more I can take, and it's only been 6 weeks!
Im sorry brother. How are things going now?
Yes, but what if this is the 2nd or 3rd time... why wasn't the "what am I doing?" And the realization if what they are risking enough to keep from acting out again?
It may seem like a good thing that he is so willing to get help this time and do the work... but it is almost concerning that he suddenly knows what to say and what needs to be done. It makes me thinking he is just going to BS his way through recovery.
you may be right Marissa. Are you getting expert help? Are you asking him, if not demanding that he do recovery work with you? if he's relapsed that many times, it's concerning and it's time to get an expert involved and stand up for yourself and your own mental health and security.