So sorry you are going through this difficult journey! I needed to hear this! I was just diagnosed with breast and ovarian cancer. I have gone through 1 surgery 2 weeks ago and now having surgery again tomorrow. I have been so overwhelmed with everything coming at me and trying to tiptoe around other people’s feelings about my diagnosis.. it has been exhausting. I start chemo soon and I really need to remember to save my energy for myself and the long battle I have ahead of me. Such great tips and reminders! I always take care of everyone else, now is my time to step back and focus on me.
Right now, you are the most important one. Is there anyone in your life who would have the conversations with your loved ones (and to hang with anyone else)? When a friend was going through similar she asked if I would tell her people that they needed to deal with their feelings away from her, and not bring them to her - including her adult kids (wee kids are a different beast, but your chemo nurse might have some resources if that's a concern for you). I know I'm an internet stranger, but I'm rooting for you.
I’m in awe that you were able to make such a beautiful, well thought out, helpful and beautifully articulated video, that is sure to be a life raft for many in such a heart-wrenching and difficult time. Sending prayers for comfort and peace.
Such helpful and poignant advice! We lost my MIL May 2023 after a 13 year battle with Alzheimer’s. It is a devastating disease but there will be beautiful moments in the middle of the hard. I have so many precious memories hidden in my heart- I am grateful for them. So sorry to hear you are now on a similar journey. Sending prayers…
One of the MANY wonderful things about this post especially resonated with me. The “thoughts and prayers” and the “let me know if I can help” texts or emails may be checking a box or may be well-intentioned (by people who don’t know what to do), but they’re not helpful. When we’re in these times, we don’t know what we need! The biggest lesson I learned when navigating these big stressors was from those friends who said (real examples), “We will be at your house during the calling hours for your dad and will make sure that there is food out when everyone comes back to the house” or “Just let me the know chemo dates for your mom when you have them. Leonard and I are dropping off dinner those days”. Or (my neighbor to my introverted self after my mom died) “I know you have a house full. Brian & I are going to bed. The side door is unlocked, if you need to escape” Or “We’re not able to attend your brother’s calling hours or funeral (in a city 90 miles away), but leave a key with us and we will stop by and feed the dogs and let them out while you’re there”. I will never forget those friends. ❤
Thank you for sharing this and I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your mom❤. This is so timely for me. We lost our youngest son 9 months ago to complications of alcoholism. He was 34. This has been the hardest thing we've ever navigated through and some days we just put one foot in front of the other. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and we will all see brighter days and thank you for your advice ❤
My heart sank when I read your comment. Our eldest son died 9 years ago under similar circumstances. It's a pain that doesn't go away. However, we're grateful we can be there for his son, our grandson, who is now in college. Sending you caring thoughts♥
I completely understand and you gave great advice. My husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's 5 years ago at 55 years old. One piece of advice I can give is, don't dwell on the "what ifs"because it ruins the day at hand. Also those things you are worrying about may or may not even happen. Take this day and be grateful for what you have today. Feel free to message me, I am willing to help you navigate this unfortunate trial.
I have to thank you for this video that I am now rewatching 1 month later. My father passed away Saturday morning after a horrific fall at his house.I have to say that any way people have reached out in their own way has been helpful and comforting to me. We just moved 1 month ago and my new neighbours have been sending food and flowers and I have appreciated it.
This is so thoughtful of you! I walked the caregiver roll in our house for a year. I was exhausted, terrified, aggravated, petrified and worn down. Now my situation was the goal to get my Mom better. I had to learn wound care which was horrific. I can’t say I took care of myself, I just went forward. Now 6 months after her passing, I feel the trauma and working through that but most of all grateful. I came to a word weeks after her passing. Grateful. I also let go some warnings of health condition (thyroid and my eyes), and now dealing with that. Stress really does a number. It’s so easy to lie to yourself that you’re managing.
I’m a little late to this video but I think I am seeing it at the exact right time. I am also going through extreme stress right now. The only thing I know to do is to lay my burden at the feet of Jesus. It’s so easy to say & yet hard to do but we are not strong enough to do this on our own nor are we meant to. 💜
OOF. So many people misunderstood what I was saying with that one but it sounds like you get it PRECISELY. And Sue I am truly sorry for your loss. The grief and the stress are just too much.
We are with you on this journey🫶🏼 Our family lived the advanced stage Alzheimer’s journey for two years. While heavy at times, there are small glimpses of joy along the way as well.
Thank you for saying these things. I’ve been on a very similar journey over the past 20 months starting with my dad’s death and after months of extreme health issues with my mom now requiring my relocation to another part of the country to get her through a hip repair and new onset cognitive dysfunction-I needed to hear that I’m in survival mode. I cannot understand why I have no energy to do anything-although the daily ups and downs are obvious energy suckers. I have streamlined my work obligations but with much guilt. And yes-basic things like eating are a big deal-I find my stomach is constantly upset. Thank you for normalizing this process.
I can feel the stress in your words. I would say take each day as it comes but it's more like take each 2-3 minutes at a time, isn't it? HANG IN THERE.
Such a timely video! My family has gone through a death in the family, a cancer diagnosis, a unexpected ICU stay, and a (thankfully small) house fire in the last 12 months. Everything becomes So. Much. Harder. when you're in survival mode.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My sisters and I have been navigating this for a few years, and it is the hardest thing in the world. We are mourning a mother who is not physically gone. To make it worse, last year, we spent the summer in the hospital and rehab due to a leg amputation. These are good reminders that can help a lot of people. Keeping you in my prayers. 🤗
Thank you Jen. You have very good points and I hope you are doing all those things. In the last 2 years I lost my sweet husband 3 weeks after a cancer diagnosis and 1 week before our daughter’s wedding. I also saw my oldest child go through addiction treatment and he is doing well now. Somehow we made it through and you will too. I can see your wisdom, love for your family and kindness. Just do one thing at a time.
Thank you thank you thank you. I said “amen” five or six times through this video, especially to the fact that we are fine talking about stress in the glib “I’m so stressed” way, but not in the crippling “I’m drowning because I’m grieving and trying to keep things together for my kids’ sake”. Your voice and your truth are such a blessing to me ❤
Omg! I am so sorry for your enormous struggles! I wish you strength ! This is so utterly helpful to me at this time as we face a fresh diagnosis within our family! a sending love from Australia
Thank you. I found you, though Adam Hatten. I've been watching you for a while. I am so sorry you're going through this . I lost my husband. 2021 to cancer got breast cancer myself 2023 lost two sons 2023 one in June , one in September. Lost everything last year and I mean everything. I am totally lost in grief. I am diabetic not been doing very good health wise with eating but i am trying . But you make it a little better.. I will say a pray for you and your family.❤
the timing of this video is amazing. something big just happened today to a close friend so this is perfect timing. great advice and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your insights
Boy, Jen. That’s a lot to tackle. Kudos to you for having the fortitude to gather some pointers for the rest of us. What you said about it not being forever is maybe the biggest thing I took away from that, as far as caring for others goes.
Thank you for making this video Jen ❤ I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have also been going through a very hard time and feel like I'm drowning but still trying to manage my life, work, and family. I'm exhausted all the time but can't sleep. There is not a moment that this crisis is not on my mind.
I think people underestimate the importance of self care during a crisis and I think your usual sign off is more important today than ever. ..”whatever you are doing today I hope you are finding joy”. It is critical in a crisis to carve out a break of some kind, whether it be a walk around the block, a 20 minute tea break, etc. … you can’t be “on” 24/7. You’ll be no help to anyone if you’re burnt out. As you know, you and I are living parallel lives and I have a good sense of what you’re going through. There will be light at the end of the tunnel my friend. Hang in there!
Yes I found myself saying over and over in the last few weeks “this is not sustainable!” Mostly to myself as a reminder to take the breaks and not feel guilty for turning it all off for a little bit. It’s essential.
We will survive. Once I was afraid I was petrified thinking I could never live without you by my side….(sorry are you too young for that song reference??)
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. I know it will help many people who are currently suffering grief and will also help those around them to do what they can to mitigate the pain. We don't always know what to say or do. God bless you.
Thank you! I so needed to hear this. I wish I could be right there with you as you navigate through your journey. As a nurse for mainly geriatric, I see how this disease just robs you of the person you love. I have also gone through it with a family member, and it was scary and hurt so much. If you have any questions, I'd love to help you and your family. Thank you, your family, and the soulful way you give to us all. Sending much love and prayers for you and your loved ones to get through this.❤
Thank you for sharing these tips. My mom has dementia and it’s a cruel disease. Everyday can be different and we embrace the good ones. Having a supportive group is so helpful. It’s amazing when you start talking about it how many people are walking the same journey.
Hey Jen! I have had panic attacks since childhood. Most likely five years old. It was manageable (3-4 a year) to UNCONTROLLABLE after lockdown! I am 30 now. Thank you for being so open about mental health. Watching you travel and enjoying life has truly been a joy while I am housebound with this uncontrollable panic/extreme anxiety. You become so much more human and personable opening up and relating to what I assume is a large audience of us who experience this extreme stress!
The video I didn’t realise I needed! Thank you for being so open and honest whilst you are still going through this. Makes me feel a lot less alone. Reminder to do the next right thing. X
Saving this to my Wisdom playlist - this is such brilliant, beautiful advice for protecting ourselves when life hits hard. ❤ I especially appreciate your suggestion to talk to a professional. The people closest to us, who we usually rely on, can't help when they're right down there in the stressful situation with us. I find the ring theory / circle of grief concept incredibly powerful - seek support from someone further from the center of the crisis than yourself.
So true, Jen. As shared earlier, my beloved son, my only child, died suddenly on June 9th, of two undiagnosed medical conditions. It is against the laws of nature for parents to bury their child. My heart is so broken, I don't know how to go on without him being in the world living his life, and us touching base. I can barely eat and have lost 20 pounds, can't find proper sleep and rest. The grief and guilt are crushing. Next week I'll be flying down to Virginia to finalize my son's estate there, and the thought of doing this is just as heartbreaking as his death. I brought him home to me from there, and he's buried nearby; however, there is now his estate to tend to, an honor. But also so unspeakably sad. You hang in there, Jen. We will, somehow, get through this. I would have died in his place if God asked it of me.
I don't have the words to say how sorry I am. My sister died suddenly in January 2023 and the only thing that brought me comfort was the fact that my parents were already gone and didn't have to face the heartache of losing a child. There are hard things that you will have to do because you are the only person legally allowed to do them. It's very isolating and overwhelming. If there are things that you can delegate, do it, and if there are people you can talk to freely and safely, do that. I wish you healing in this difficult time.
@@valkyr8 Thank you so very much, dear person. Yes, this is a terrible, terrible time. But, for my son's sake, I WILL honor him and do everything I can for him!
There are no words that can help. We lost a daughter at age 8--in a fire, so I feel the pain. Though we never "get over it," you will get through it, and there is life on the other side. Find a person you can talk to--a faith advisor, if that is appropriate, too. Do it sooner rather than later. It was years before I really got the help I needed--my biggest regret.
@@amyking1750 Thank you, Amy. And I'm so sorry for your loss! How devastating for both of us. Only God is keeping me alive now, I'm that broken, cannot forgive myself for what I didn't say and do. May God bless and comfort us all🙏
You hit the nail on the head with all of these! This is such wonderful advice and wish I had it when I was going through one of my major crisis. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing Jen. You are so RIGHT nothing prepares us for these life moments that everyone will go through. We need to get better at sharing so we can all cope better when faced with these tough times. Best to you.
My 16 yr old son died 15 months ago and I didn’t know it was possible to be in survival mode for so long. And I appreciate you talking about the hard stuff because it’s true that we in our society just look and want people to be better. Especially lately I’ll hear from ppl that I haven’t heard from for months that say “hope you’re doing better…” well thanks actually no. But I have learned that it’s okay to not be okay. There are situations that are so impossibly hard that of course you’re not okay. And people who haven’t walked through really hard things just don’t get it. So anyway, thank you for sharing the messy middle. I’ll be here for a long time. 💔💗
I cannot begin to tell you how much this comment will help somebody else. It is okay to not be okay and the people in our lives who don’t or can’t get that need to move along and we can release them. As you continue to heal may you find comfort and peace.
I went through this with my mom. I took it day by day hour by hour. I never lost sight that my mom was always the parent never the child. Strength and love to you and your loved one Jen. ❤
So sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I have been through many of these myself, but a few months ago was faced with a situation for my child that shook me to my core. Although we are still walking through it, slowly and carefully, it will likely be a life long struggle. These things you shared are so on point that you could have been speaking directly to me in the days and weeks that followed our situation. Thank you for your advice and recommendations and hugs to you as you navigate the rough times. 🤗
I remember looking in the mirror one day and realized that I hadn't bothered to dye my hair and I had not been aware that I had a big white stripe going down the part in my hair. I was not trying to grow the color out, it just hadn't dawned on me to color it...never entered my mind. I also hadn't eaten a normal meal in over a week. I had been surviving on occasional packages of hot peanuts and cups of coffee bought at convenience stores and didn't think anything of it. When you say that your mind starts to work at 50% I totally understand what you mean. One thing that I learned is that things will work out. I have a strong tendency to overthink, over complicate and want to do things "right" whatever the hell that means.
Thank you! Your tips are awesome. Going through a crisis right now. My Dad was just diagnosed with Dementia. He’s 88. I had a close friend who passed away of cancer a couple of months ago, after fighting for 8 years. I’m waiting for the third thing to happen. It comes in 3’s , right? Love that you are so honest at sharing your life. Praying for you.
Jen, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom with us. #6 really got me! I keep reminding myself, “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” With you in solidarity.
Jen, I am so deeply sorry that you are going through this! Your tips here are 100% true. I lost a parent a couple of years ago and it's only in retrospect that I wish I had done the things you mention here. For some of us, we try to busy ourselves with work, projects and distractions. That does NOT help and WILL catch up to you eventually. I like the advice of removing all non-essential tasks for a time. Thanks for this.
So many truths in here. Having another set of ears if you can in the drs office can be so helpful because that kind of stress prevents proper encoding of what you are hearing. Also so true is how these stresses, even when you think you are not actively thinking about them, are running in the background and draining you. Exhaustion, lack of focus, and moving super slowly are the signs that this is happening to me. Thank you for managing to get this out during this difficult time. Of course we’d understand if you need a break!
Jen, you did such a great job with this! I went through more than my fair share of crises in the first half of my life and everything you said was spot-on for survival. It shouldn't surprise me, of course, your wisdom always shines through. I'm so glad the youtube community has you for a resource. Thank you so much for your willingness to take us along on this journey.
Thank you sooo much for this video! I found it immensely helpful; to hear what I'm doing right and what I need to prioritize. Also, in a way, permission to make those needed changes that others might say are selfish, but are actually necessary. Thank you Jen ❤
1. Thank you for sharing these helpful tips. 2. Thank you for talking about the Alzheimer's Society and what they can do to help caregivers. Not a lot of people know who to reach out to for guidance when a family member is diagnosed with dementia. And they feel alone. But you are not alone ❤
Great advice as usual Jen. Love your thoughts from the mundane to the scariest things in life. Full of wisdom. Sending positive vibes so you can apply all your tips to your own situation and do take care of yourself and your loved ones.
I really needed to hear this from you today, Jen. I cried through most of it! I'm so sorry you are also going through a period of extreme stress. My mum has Alzheimer's (she's only 67) and I am her sole carer. We are constantly in crisis with the police or social services at the moment. I have three young children and an incredibly stressful and demanding more than full-time job. She was my best friend and now I have no one to turn to. It. Is. So. Hard. I can't even see straight most days. Thank you for your sage advice. I am going to implement the things you are suggesting.
❤thank you. I’m in the midst of by BC journey - the last day of radiation was today. I am a FT caregiver to my dad with Alzheimer’s and I came home to an excessive amount of stress. I swear when I don’t feel well he’s off the charts. He is in the moderate stage and I’m living with him for 1.5 years and 2 years I lived down the road. I’m still learning to manage day by day but nothing can prepare you for the ride. FB groups for caregivers is definitely a relief. Cooking from scratch, having routines, and learning to shut your feelings / emotions off is necessary to survive ( Im Still learning this one). Everyone journey is different. God bless !
Thank you for this advice. I think it is spot on. I’m sorry you’re going through this. In particular with the emotional vampires I totally agree. I once saw diagram of a bunch of circles and it said whoever is going through the situation is inthe center and then the closest people to them are the first circle around them and then people who are close but not as close are in the next circle around them and so on. And it said you never look to anybody in a circle closer to the center for help, comfort, etc. instead, you try to provide comfort to those closer to the center than you.
This is 100% accurate and I'm so sorry to hear you're living this right now Jen. Every item you list rings true and I remember it well. In 2008, my wonderful husband was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, stage 4, gbm. It was the most devastating, shocking and unimaginable news. It was truly out of nowhere and he was the guy who did everything right. To this day, it almost seems surreal and I do not know how my kids and I survived but here we are. We all have such inner strength and an ability to adapt and you strike me as someone who can manage enough the most difficult situation. Hugs to you and your family Jen.
The unimaginable is terrifying and I think one reason so many turn away and can’t help: it’s a reminder that all of our lives are fragile and life can change in an instant. Thank you for sharing your story - this isn’t the first time you’ve inspired me with one of your comments.❤️
Thank you Jen for your insight. Even if this video helps one person it’s worth it. In my situation I had to learn to accept help, delegate, take notes because you will not remember important things, turn your phone on silent when you need time out (they will leave a message), walk walk walk, and meditate. Listen to your inner child and be thankful for all the wonderful times you have experienced with your family. There will be peace again. 🦋❤
Thank you for a very insightful video. It’s amazing you were able to do this considering all you have on your plate right now. I’ve been there. My father died unexpectedly during the worst of the pandemic. I had to fly halfway across the country to a state that had one of the worst rates of Covid at the time. My brother with special needs was suddenly alone. Funeral arrangements, insurance, banks, lawyers, etc etc. some days I felt like I couldn’t even breathe, like the panic was going to take over. But I tried to tackle one thing at a time and give myself some rest time. It took months but eventually everything was resolved, house emptied and sold and my brother relocated to our home. Becoming my brother’s caregiver comes with its own stress but we are making it work. I’m sorry you are in the middle of such a stressful situation and I hope you will take good care of yourself even if it means we don’t hear from you as often. One day, one hour, one minute at a time.
Sending love and hugs your way my friend I wish I had this to help me when I was dealing with so very much about 15 years ago! But, we got this! Much love.
Great topic. One thing I would add to your list is nothing ever goes as planned. You can talk to the right people, have an action plan and a curve ball is thrown everything goes out the window. So being able to roll with punches and be flexible is key.
Your timing with your videos always feels in synchronicity with my life. Thanks for this advice. 🫶 I remember a friend who was going through immense grief told me that it’s better for them when people DO things instead of say things. Meaning, instead of saying “lemme know if there’s anything I can do for you” or “let’s get together soon” - to send them a gift card or meal, to drop by and bring a candle over, etc., so anytime I have a friend grieving, I try to keep that advice in mind instead of the glib messages.
Thank you for this video. I'm currently dealing with a crisis that I don't really count as a crisis anymore because it's happened so many times, but it's still hard and it still consumes a lot of my physical and emotional energy. These reminders are very helpful because it's very easy to just stop everything and only deal with the bad thing at the expense of one's health, sanity, and other responsibilities. Anyway, thank you. And here's a big hug ❤
Going through a lot with my parents health/age issues right now too and it is so stressful. Best of luck to everyone navigating these kind of situations.
I was in second grade when i first heard of Alzheimer's. My grandma had a stroke, and then a fall, and then slowly became more confused. Helping my aunt take care of her during my middle school years, is one of the things that led me to being a music teacher. While most of her world was gone, i could practice piano, singing, or my viola and she would calm down and listen. She passed away when I was in 9th grade. Thats probably the first of the big challenges in my life. I have had to learn some of your suggestions the hard way. Something I would like to add as panic wasnt really my problem, it is okay to not be okay. I spent a lot of time in the most challenging times of my life being level headed and okay. It took many years of therapy to be as emotional as i can be now, which for some people still will appear to be somewhat unaffected. This is a great video, I am truly sorry that you are working through the diagnosis of a loved one. Also because i am late to the video congrats on the good MRI results. I also have a genetic mutation making me more prone to cancer as well. (Really trying not to trauma dump just offering a person to talk/message with who has been and is going through that) Sending you prayers and good thoughts.
It is absolutely ok to not be ok!! This exact thing! And I love the music connection. As I’ve been researching that’s come up time and time again as the part of the brain that processes music seems to stay intact the longest!!!!
Jen…this video could not have come at a more perfect time. I felt like you were speaking to me…particularly your words at the end. My parents are moving to a retirement community and my mom has fallen into a deep depression and paralyzing anxiety. This week has been particularly bad, and I have felt hopeless as you described. Just hearing you say that it will get better made me feel lifted. My heart is with you during this difficult time with your family.
I’m sorry for the things you are going through. I’ve been through those high stressors too many times! My dad had numerous heart surgeries and a heart transplant. He lived 18 years with the new heart, and then died 2 weeks after a tragic fall (3 years ago). My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 13 and it is very stressful! My MIL has been living with the memory loss for many years now and it is very hard of families and caregivers. You had good suggestions.
I'm very sorry what you're going through.. Personally, when I have had hard times, it really helps me that my friends are texting me that they are thinking of me and to contact them WHEN I'm ready. They give me space but still let me know they're there for me when I need them. That helps me but everyone is different.
I'm an introvert and hate the "thinking of you" messages for the exact same reason. I feel like they checked off a box but then it drains me to interact with them. My best friend is an extrovert though and lives off those messages. Thank you for the tips and the willingness to share your tough experiences to help others.
I am sorry you are going through this, but I want to say thank you. Just prior to seeing this video I was sitting on an airplane with teary eyes feeling on an island with our situation. Hearing you verbalize your six points was helpful, but especially the energy vampires. I was feeling guilty about cutting some vampires out right now because I don’t have the energy. It made me feel so much better. Again thank you for doing this through your pain.
Thank you for sharing…. I do think the “thinking of you texts” can be helpful … those that send it may not know what to say or do but are sincere and want to reach out in some way to let you know they care about you … and in the reserve it is comforting to know people are thinking of us… That said, one should never feel compelled to respond, especially when in a stressful situation.
Ṭhank you for sharing. I pray things will get better. My family went through this last summer, and I did exactly what you are saying here. This video will bless many
I kind of disagree with the helpful message comment. I really like knowing that someone is thinking of me even if there may be nothing they can do. It let's me know that I am not alone and it goes a long way to maintain a connection when you may be withdrawn for a while. I do this for my adult kids as well and I think they appreciate knowing I'm thinking of them.
You don't actually disagree with it you just don't find that to be true FOR YOU. And I totally respect that! We are all different and find comfort in different ways for sure! I should have added these messages I was particularly irritated by were from CLOSE friends who really should have picked up the phone. I was hurt the day I filmed I don't think I stated that part clearly. Thanks so much for your comment!
After going through many many years of helping my dad after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis which is very hard as the mental capacity diminishes and also therefore supporting my mom who also had heart disease and being carers for them both as well as working parttime myself and raising my own young family at the time I can say I know how hard it is for all concerned. I lost myself for a few years as I was pulled in so many directions and never felt I was giving enough to any of them - it’s extremely extremely hard. Now I would give anything to have them both her again. Take care . Xx
I am very much hoping your test goes well❤️ My mom has dementia. My father recently passed away and I am now her primary caregiver. This is a tough journey. I am going to order the vitamins. I feel this is something I can actually control. We will hang in there together❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate you sharing this information and using your platform to educate others. My son went through a mental health crisis several years ago. It was horrendous , and I found that reminding myself that I could get through it really helped. All of your tips are on point, but I would add that energy vampires likely don’t know what else to do.
So sorry to hear this struggle you are going through. I swear we must be kindred spirits, or going through the same life cycles (kids in college) time of our life. Your kids are starting to spread their wings and then boom!!!! Life throws you a curve ball and you feel like you have to take two steps back. Thanks for your helpful tips. Hopefully, it's like a wave that will pass on through and get better. Some days it's tough when have to face whatever it is head on that day. But you have to show your kids life goes on. :) Best wishes!
To anyone watching this video------ this is all Excellent advice! Especially that you do not know how long the crisis will last but it Will end! ( My family crisis took 20yrs ---- but just when i thought there was no end ----- the End Came ! ,..and my son's life was rescued and he is living a normal life again). 😊 . Hoping that your crisis is quickly resolved. 😘
I am so sorry you're going through this with your mom. It's rough with a lot of uncertainty. I went through similar with my father after of a stroke who also had other health issues. It was hard to realize I could not care for him in his home or mine. I was still working and had a young daughter. Managed to find a great facility who specializes with ahlzhimer. Although he didn't have that he had dementia due to the stroke. I had to be appointed as his guardian with social security as well as other legal appointed responsibilities.,. I carried my "Dad bag" with me constantly for 4 years to have appropriate ppwk for numerous hospital admissions, etc. I did experienced a lot of guilt but knew this was the best option as he needed 24 hr care with all his health issues.
Let me preface this by saying, "I am not a cryer." Never have been. I did not know what was happening with me when my mom, after 7 years in the nursing home, started not eating well and sleeping more. Staff let me know what was coming. Guess I should have read through the Hospice papers better, but I was going through anticipatory grief. After she passed I don't think I cried and I felt guilty about that. I let that guilt go. I have been assisting her in some way for 22 years. Thanks for your insights Jen.
Thank you Jen. My only family, my mum, was diagnosed with Mixed Dementia in January 2020. What a year eh? She lives with me. Has definitely affected my life. Was diagnosed with an Orbital tumour after that and I now have Fibrosis of the Lungs due to a very severe allergic reaction to Duck feather pillows of all things. Ended up very sick in hospital. Still on masses of Steroids and other medications. I also suffer badly with Osteoarthritis. My life will never be the same. Only just getting some day care for her organised. I haven't had a day free in these 4 years. I know what you mean about looking after yourself. I hardly get time to shower, brush teeth etc. I have some amazing friends but yes some have cut us off slowly. You're exactly right. One friend sends a I hope you're alright text once a month. Just decided today to cut the ties. It's like you've been reading my mind. You talk great sense Jen and I have really appreciated your advice tonight. I have so much going on that you don't think clearly yourself. I really hope everything is absolutely fine with your breast screening. Bless you. Sending you hugs Jen.
Jenny caregiving takes such a toll! I’m so glad you’re arranging for some day care for your mom - that’s such a great decisions for both of you. I’m so glad you found the video helpful - that means a lot to me and please take as good of yourself as you can.❤️
My heartfelt condolences regarding your friend! Losing a loved one to Alzheimer's is almost like losing them to death. Your suggestions here are spot on, though. Thank you!
I completely agree with your advice. My Mom died suddenly 10 years ago and then 6 months later my Dad’s cancer came back. My two sisters and I cared for him in his home for the next 6 months until he died. During this time my oldest son graduated from high school, my first grandson was born and my daughter went through extreme postpartum depression with suicidal thoughts. She brought her baby to my Dad’s house and I watched them both. To say I was extremely stressed was an understatement. 1/3 to 1/2 of my time I spent with my Dad, day and night. Fortunately his mind stayed sharp while his body declined and we had lots of good conversations. I will forever cherish that time even though it was painful. For me, prayer and my faith in God is what carried me through that time. I would cry out to God and say I can’t do this and He would give me the strength that I needed in that moment. It was surprising to me the people who were helpful and the ones who were not. I let go of a long time friendship when I realized it was based on me being there for her but when I was in need she wasn’t there for me. I know your situation is very different from mine with your Mom having Alzheimer’s. Cherish those good moments that you have with her. I think you’re already doing this but cry, let it out. We have horses and I literally sat in the barn at times and screamed and cried. I also did that at times when I was alone in the car. Sometimes it just needs to come out. For me it was probably because I tend to be stoic and it would build up. I don’t like to cry in front of other people. Thank you for addressing the hard things. That is what I like about your channel is that you’re not afraid to show real life. The good and the bad.
Excellent, helpful advice. I have found the Alzheimer’s society extremely helpful and so nice to talk to at any time and have followed up with me. My mom has been diagnosed with dementia after not returning from a hair appointment and was missing for 9 !.2 hours. Found safely and hour and a half from home in the middle of a major city. Scary. I am better at taking care of others than myself… I really need to rematch this over and over!!!! THank you
This is a great video! We hope we don’t have to be faced with very stressful situations but most of us will be. These are very practical tips that make so much sense.
So sorry you are on this journey. I sometimes feel like I haven't been off the rollercoaster for years. 2020 my dad went into hospice at home for almost 2 months. I was with him when he passed. My mom will be 97 in September and refuses to move out of her home (I understand). She takes care of my older brother who is mentally disabled. At least twice a week I am at her house running errands, grocery shopping.... 2022 I was diagnosed with BC, I feel fortunate that I didn't need chemo or radiation. I work full time, in the office 2 days per week. My husband is semi-retired, but refuses to help. My outlet during these You will too.
First, my condolences to you and your family - I very much relate to what you are going through. It will be a journey with many twists and turns and your advice is, in my opinion, right on target. There is, however, one thing you didn't mention - and while it's not for everyone, it certainly is for many - and that is to lean into your Faith. Leaning in can come in many forms, and whether that's talking with clergy, meditating, prayer, reading the Bible, each person will find the form that works for them.
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So sorry you are going through this difficult journey! I needed to hear this! I was just diagnosed with breast and ovarian cancer. I have gone through 1 surgery 2 weeks ago and now having surgery again tomorrow. I have been so overwhelmed with everything coming at me and trying to tiptoe around other people’s feelings about my diagnosis.. it has been exhausting. I start chemo soon and I really need to remember to save my energy for myself and the long battle I have ahead of me. Such great tips and reminders! I always take care of everyone else, now is my time to step back and focus on me.
YES TO ALL OF THIS! I wish you all the best things during this journey
Right now, you are the most important one. Is there anyone in your life who would have the conversations with your loved ones (and to hang with anyone else)? When a friend was going through similar she asked if I would tell her people that they needed to deal with their feelings away from her, and not bring them to her - including her adult kids (wee kids are a different beast, but your chemo nurse might have some resources if that's a concern for you). I know I'm an internet stranger, but I'm rooting for you.
Wishing you courage, strength and health.
@@cobbfam5717 God Bless you
Hugs, love and prayers.
I’m in awe that you were able to make such a beautiful, well thought out, helpful and beautifully articulated video, that is sure to be a life raft for many in such a heart-wrenching and difficult time. Sending prayers for comfort and peace.
What a lovely comment thank you!!
Such helpful and poignant advice!
We lost my MIL May 2023 after a 13 year battle with Alzheimer’s. It is a devastating disease but there will be beautiful moments in the middle of the hard. I have so many precious memories hidden in my heart- I am grateful for them.
So sorry to hear you are now on a similar journey. Sending prayers…
One of the MANY wonderful things about this post especially resonated with me. The “thoughts and prayers” and the “let me know if I can help” texts or emails may be checking a box or may be well-intentioned (by people who don’t know what to do), but they’re not helpful. When we’re in these times, we don’t know what we need! The biggest lesson I learned when navigating these big stressors was from those friends who said (real examples), “We will be at your house during the calling hours for your dad and will make sure that there is food out when everyone comes back to the house” or “Just let me the know chemo dates for your mom when you have them. Leonard and I are dropping off dinner those days”. Or (my neighbor to my introverted self after my mom died) “I know you have a house full. Brian & I are going to bed. The side door is unlocked, if you need to escape” Or “We’re not able to attend your brother’s calling hours or funeral (in a city 90 miles away), but leave a key with us and we will stop by and feed the dogs and let them out while you’re there”. I will never forget those friends. ❤
These things exactly. It takes a lot to cultivate the kind of friendships that will know how to help. ❤️
@@JoyfulLivingwithJenLefforge That's how we spend our time while we're not in survival mode. ❤
Thank you for sharing this and I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your mom❤. This is so timely for me. We lost our youngest son 9 months ago to complications of alcoholism. He was 34. This has been the hardest thing we've ever navigated through and some days we just put one foot in front of the other. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and we will all see brighter days and thank you for your advice ❤
My heart sank when I read your comment. Our eldest son died 9 years ago under similar circumstances. It's a pain that doesn't go away. However, we're grateful we can be there for his son, our grandson, who is now in college. Sending you caring thoughts♥
I completely understand and you gave great advice. My husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's 5 years ago at 55 years old. One piece of advice I can give is, don't dwell on the "what ifs"because it ruins the day at hand. Also those things you are worrying about may or may not even happen. Take this day and be grateful for what you have today. Feel free to message me, I am willing to help you navigate this unfortunate trial.
I have to thank you for this video that I am now rewatching 1 month later. My father passed away Saturday morning after a horrific fall at his house.I have to say that any way people have reached out in their own way has been helpful and comforting to me. We just moved 1 month ago and my new neighbours have been sending food and flowers and I have appreciated it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I love that your new neighborhood is tangibly caring for you. Hang in there.
This is so thoughtful of you! I walked the caregiver roll in our house for a year. I was exhausted, terrified, aggravated, petrified and worn down. Now my situation was the goal to get my Mom better. I had to learn wound care which was horrific. I can’t say I took care of myself, I just went forward. Now 6 months after her passing, I feel the trauma and working through that but most of all grateful. I came to a word weeks after her passing. Grateful. I also let go some warnings of health condition (thyroid and my eyes), and now dealing with that. Stress really does a number. It’s so easy to lie to yourself that you’re managing.
I’m a little late to this video but I think I am seeing it at the exact right time. I am also going through extreme stress right now. The only thing I know to do is to lay my burden at the feet of Jesus. It’s so easy to say & yet hard to do but we are not strong enough to do this on our own nor are we meant to. 💜
When my husband died last year, I had two friends who messaged to say that I was “on their list” to check in with. No words!! Sue UK ❤
OOF. So many people misunderstood what I was saying with that one but it sounds like you get it PRECISELY. And Sue I am truly sorry for your loss. The grief and the stress are just too much.
We are with you on this journey🫶🏼 Our family lived the advanced stage Alzheimer’s journey for two years. While heavy at times, there are small glimpses of joy along the way as well.
Thank you for saying these things. I’ve been on a very similar journey over the past 20 months starting with my dad’s death and after months of extreme health issues with my mom now requiring my relocation to another part of the country to get her through a hip repair and new onset cognitive dysfunction-I needed to hear that I’m in survival mode. I cannot understand why I have no energy to do anything-although the daily ups and downs are obvious energy suckers. I have streamlined my work obligations but with much guilt. And yes-basic things like eating are a big deal-I find my stomach is constantly upset. Thank you for normalizing this process.
I can feel the stress in your words. I would say take each day as it comes but it's more like take each 2-3 minutes at a time, isn't it? HANG IN THERE.
Such a timely video! My family has gone through a death in the family, a cancer diagnosis, a unexpected ICU stay, and a (thankfully small) house fire in the last 12 months. Everything becomes So. Much. Harder. when you're in survival mode.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My sisters and I have been navigating this for a few years, and it is the hardest thing in the world. We are mourning a mother who is not physically gone. To make it worse, last year, we spent the summer in the hospital and rehab due to a leg amputation. These are good reminders that can help a lot of people. Keeping you in my prayers. 🤗
Thank you Jen. You have very good points and I hope you are doing all those things. In the last 2 years I lost my sweet husband 3 weeks after a cancer diagnosis and 1 week before our daughter’s wedding. I also saw my oldest child go through addiction treatment and he is doing well now. Somehow we made it through and you will too. I can see your wisdom, love for your family and kindness. Just do one thing at a time.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mary. What an incredibly difficult season for all of you.❤️
Thank you thank you thank you. I said “amen” five or six times through this video, especially to the fact that we are fine talking about stress in the glib “I’m so stressed” way, but not in the crippling “I’m drowning because I’m grieving and trying to keep things together for my kids’ sake”. Your voice and your truth are such a blessing to me ❤
Omg! I am so sorry for your enormous struggles! I wish you strength ! This is so utterly helpful to me at this time as we face a fresh diagnosis within our family! a sending love from Australia
Thank you. I found you, though Adam Hatten. I've been watching you for a while. I am so sorry you're going through this . I lost my husband. 2021 to cancer got breast cancer myself 2023 lost two sons 2023 one in June , one in September. Lost everything last year and I mean everything. I am totally lost in grief. I am diabetic not been doing very good health wise with eating but i am trying . But you make it a little better.. I will say a pray for you and your family.❤
the timing of this video is amazing. something big just happened today to a close friend so this is perfect timing. great advice and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your insights
Boy, Jen. That’s a lot to tackle. Kudos to you for having the fortitude to gather some pointers for the rest of us. What you said about it not being forever is maybe the biggest thing I took away from that, as far as caring for others goes.
Thank you for making this video Jen ❤ I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have also been going through a very hard time and feel like I'm drowning but still trying to manage my life, work, and family. I'm exhausted all the time but can't sleep. There is not a moment that this crisis is not on my mind.
I think people underestimate the importance of self care during a crisis and I think your usual sign off is more important today than ever. ..”whatever you are doing today I hope you are finding joy”. It is critical in a crisis to carve out a break of some kind, whether it be a walk around the block, a 20 minute tea break, etc. … you can’t be “on” 24/7. You’ll be no help to anyone if you’re burnt out.
As you know, you and I are living parallel lives and I have a good sense of what you’re going through. There will be light at the end of the tunnel my friend. Hang in there!
Yes I found myself saying over and over in the last few weeks “this is not sustainable!” Mostly to myself as a reminder to take the breaks and not feel guilty for turning it all off for a little bit. It’s essential.
Good god I needed this so bad. Thank you, Jen for being such a breath of fresh air when so many of us need it! Praying for you during this time too!
We will survive. Once I was afraid I was petrified thinking I could never live without you by my side….(sorry are you too young for that song reference??)
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. I know it will help many people who are currently suffering grief and will also help those around them to do what they can to mitigate the pain. We don't always know what to say or do. God bless you.
THANK YOU. I'm honored.
Thank you! I so needed to hear this. I wish I could be right there with you as you navigate through your journey. As a nurse for mainly geriatric, I see how this disease just robs you of the person you love. I have also gone through it with a family member, and it was scary and hurt so much. If you have any questions, I'd love to help you and your family. Thank you, your family, and the soulful way you give to us all. Sending much love and prayers for you and your loved ones to get through this.❤
This whole video speaks to my soul. 👏 So beautifully shared, thank you Jen. I love “Just do the next right thing” we are here for each other. ❤
LOVE YOU
Thank you for sharing these tips.
My mom has dementia and it’s a cruel disease. Everyday can be different and we embrace the good ones. Having a supportive group is so helpful. It’s amazing when you start talking about it how many people are walking the same journey.
Hey Jen! I have had panic attacks since childhood. Most likely five years old. It was manageable (3-4 a year) to UNCONTROLLABLE after lockdown! I am 30 now. Thank you for being so open about mental health. Watching you travel and enjoying life has truly been a joy while I am housebound with this uncontrollable panic/extreme anxiety. You become so much more human and personable opening up and relating to what I assume is a large audience of us who experience this extreme stress!
The video I didn’t realise I needed! Thank you for being so open and honest whilst you are still going through this. Makes me feel a lot less alone. Reminder to do the next right thing. X
I’m so glad, Charlotte!! Hang in there!
Saving this to my Wisdom playlist - this is such brilliant, beautiful advice for protecting ourselves when life hits hard. ❤ I especially appreciate your suggestion to talk to a professional. The people closest to us, who we usually rely on, can't help when they're right down there in the stressful situation with us. I find the ring theory / circle of grief concept incredibly powerful - seek support from someone further from the center of the crisis than yourself.
So true, Jen. As shared earlier, my beloved son, my only child, died suddenly on June 9th, of two undiagnosed medical conditions. It is against the laws of nature for parents to bury their child. My heart is so broken, I don't know how to go on without him being in the world living his life, and us touching base. I can barely eat and have lost 20 pounds, can't find proper sleep and rest. The grief and guilt are crushing. Next week I'll be flying down to Virginia to finalize my son's estate there, and the thought of doing this is just as heartbreaking as his death. I brought him home to me from there, and he's buried nearby; however, there is now his estate to tend to, an honor. But also so unspeakably sad. You hang in there, Jen. We will, somehow, get through this. I would have died in his place if God asked it of me.
I don't have the words to say how sorry I am. My sister died suddenly in January 2023 and the only thing that brought me comfort was the fact that my parents were already gone and didn't have to face the heartache of losing a child. There are hard things that you will have to do because you are the only person legally allowed to do them. It's very isolating and overwhelming. If there are things that you can delegate, do it, and if there are people you can talk to freely and safely, do that. I wish you healing in this difficult time.
@@valkyr8 Thank you so very much, dear person. Yes, this is a terrible, terrible time. But, for my son's sake, I WILL honor him and do everything I can for him!
There are no words that can help. We lost a daughter at age 8--in a fire, so I feel the pain. Though we never "get over it," you will get through it, and there is life on the other side. Find a person you can talk to--a faith advisor, if that is appropriate, too. Do it sooner rather than later. It was years before I really got the help I needed--my biggest regret.
I've been thinking of you, Donna, and I cannot imagine the pain. We will both hang in there!!!
@@amyking1750 Thank you, Amy. And I'm so sorry for your loss! How devastating for both of us. Only God is keeping me alive now, I'm that broken, cannot forgive myself for what I didn't say and do.
May God bless and comfort us all🙏
Oh boy did I need to hear this today! Thank you. In the trenches you can feel you are the only person dealing with stuff. 🤗xx
This exactly. And nobody talks about it because they don’t want to burden people and we NEED each other!!
You hit the nail on the head with all of these! This is such wonderful advice and wish I had it when I was going through one of my major crisis. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing Jen. You are so RIGHT nothing prepares us for these life moments that everyone will go through. We need to get better at sharing so we can all cope better when faced with these tough times. Best to you.
I’ve watched this 4 times now!its real helping especially that last bit.
I'm honored, Sue. Thank you.
My 16 yr old son died 15 months ago and I didn’t know it was possible to be in survival mode for so long. And I appreciate you talking about the hard stuff because it’s true that we in our society just look and want people to be better. Especially lately I’ll hear from ppl that I haven’t heard from for months that say “hope you’re doing better…” well thanks actually no. But I have learned that it’s okay to not be okay. There are situations that are so impossibly hard that of course you’re not okay. And people who haven’t walked through really hard things just don’t get it. So anyway, thank you for sharing the messy middle. I’ll be here for a long time. 💔💗
I cannot begin to tell you how much this comment will help somebody else. It is okay to not be okay and the people in our lives who don’t or can’t get that need to move along and we can release them. As you continue to heal may you find comfort and peace.
@@JoyfulLivingwithJenLefforge 🩵🩵🩵
I went through this with my mom. I took it day by day hour by hour. I never lost sight that my mom was always the parent never the child. Strength and love to you and your loved one Jen. ❤
So sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I have been through many of these myself, but a few months ago was faced with a situation for my child that shook me to my core. Although we are still walking through it, slowly and carefully, it will likely be a life long struggle. These things you shared are so on point that you could have been speaking directly to me in the days and weeks that followed our situation. Thank you for your advice and recommendations and hugs to you as you navigate the rough times. 🤗
I remember looking in the mirror one day and realized that I hadn't bothered to dye my hair and I had not been aware that I had a big white stripe going down the part in my hair. I was not trying to grow the color out, it just hadn't dawned on me to color it...never entered my mind. I also hadn't eaten a normal meal in over a week. I had been surviving on occasional packages of hot peanuts and cups of coffee bought at convenience stores and didn't think anything of it. When you say that your mind starts to work at 50% I totally understand what you mean. One thing that I learned is that things will work out. I have a strong tendency to overthink, over complicate and want to do things "right" whatever the hell that means.
Thank you!
Your tips are awesome.
Going through a crisis right now. My Dad was just diagnosed with Dementia. He’s 88.
I had a close friend who passed away of cancer a couple of months ago, after fighting for 8 years.
I’m waiting for the third thing to happen.
It comes in 3’s , right?
Love that you are so honest at sharing your life.
Praying for you.
Jen, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom with us. #6 really got me! I keep reminding myself, “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” With you in solidarity.
Thank you for this video. I've needed to hear this many times. My daughter needs to hear it now.
I hope all ends well with her and YES we all need these tips at one time or another!!
Jen, I am so deeply sorry that you are going through this! Your tips here are 100% true. I lost a parent a couple of years ago and it's only in retrospect that I wish I had done the things you mention here. For some of us, we try to busy ourselves with work, projects and distractions. That does NOT help and WILL catch up to you eventually. I like the advice of removing all non-essential tasks for a time. Thanks for this.
So many truths in here. Having another set of ears if you can in the drs office can be so helpful because that kind of stress prevents proper encoding of what you are hearing. Also so true is how these stresses, even when you think you are not actively thinking about them, are running in the background and draining you. Exhaustion, lack of focus, and moving super slowly are the signs that this is happening to me. Thank you for managing to get this out during this difficult time. Of course we’d understand if you need a break!
thank you, Friend. It's a lot but sticking with my normal routine as much as possible is surprisingly grounding for me and I'm grateful for the work!
Thank you for this. This came at a perfect time for me. My dad’s been in the ICU this past week.
Jen, you did such a great job with this! I went through more than my fair share of crises in the first half of my life and everything you said was spot-on for survival. It shouldn't surprise me, of course, your wisdom always shines through. I'm so glad the youtube community has you for a resource. Thank you so much for your willingness to take us along on this journey.
Thank you sooo much for this video! I found it immensely helpful; to hear what I'm doing right and what I need to prioritize. Also, in a way, permission to make those needed changes that others might say are selfish, but are actually necessary. Thank you Jen ❤
1. Thank you for sharing these helpful tips.
2. Thank you for talking about the Alzheimer's Society and what they can do to help caregivers. Not a lot of people know who to reach out to for guidance when a family member is diagnosed with dementia. And they feel alone. But you are not alone ❤
Thank you for the advice. We have been in the trenches of family dramas for a couple of years now.❤
Thank you for this video.
Plenty of kindness and wisdom here, thank you xx
Great advice as usual Jen. Love your thoughts from the mundane to the scariest things in life. Full of wisdom. Sending positive vibes so you can apply all your tips to your own situation and do take care of yourself and your loved ones.
You all ready know some of the things I’ve gone through the last few years. Praying for you my friend. 🙏🏽
I really needed to hear this from you today, Jen. I cried through most of it! I'm so sorry you are also going through a period of extreme stress. My mum has Alzheimer's (she's only 67) and I am her sole carer. We are constantly in crisis with the police or social services at the moment. I have three young children and an incredibly stressful and demanding more than full-time job. She was my best friend and now I have no one to turn to. It. Is. So. Hard. I can't even see straight most days.
Thank you for your sage advice. I am going to implement the things you are suggesting.
I appreciate you bringing up this topic up and sharing your current situation. ❤
❤thank you. I’m in the midst of by BC journey - the last day of radiation was today. I am a FT caregiver to my dad with Alzheimer’s and I came home to an excessive amount of stress. I swear when I don’t feel well he’s off the charts. He is in the moderate stage and I’m living with him for 1.5 years and 2 years I lived down the road. I’m still learning to manage day by day but nothing can prepare you for the ride. FB groups for caregivers is definitely a relief. Cooking from scratch, having routines, and learning to shut your feelings / emotions off is necessary to survive ( Im Still learning this one). Everyone journey is different. God bless !
Thank you for this advice. I think it is spot on. I’m sorry you’re going through this. In particular with the emotional vampires I totally agree. I once saw diagram of a bunch of circles and it said whoever is going through the situation is inthe center and then the closest people to them are the first circle around them and then people who are close but not as close are in the next circle around them and so on. And it said you never look to anybody in a circle closer to the center for help, comfort, etc. instead, you try to provide comfort to those closer to the center than you.
This is 100% accurate and I'm so sorry to hear you're living this right now Jen. Every item you list rings true and I remember it well. In 2008, my wonderful husband was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, stage 4, gbm. It was the most devastating, shocking and unimaginable news. It was truly out of nowhere and he was the guy who did everything right. To this day, it almost seems surreal and I do not know how my kids and I survived but here we are. We all have such inner strength and an ability to adapt and you strike me as someone who can manage enough the most difficult situation. Hugs to you and your family Jen.
The unimaginable is terrifying and I think one reason so many turn away and can’t help: it’s a reminder that all of our lives are fragile and life can change in an instant. Thank you for sharing your story - this isn’t the first time you’ve inspired me with one of your comments.❤️
Thank you Jen for your insight. Even if this video helps one person it’s worth it. In my situation I had to learn to accept help, delegate, take notes because you will not remember important things, turn your phone on silent when you need time out (they will leave a message), walk walk walk, and meditate. Listen to your inner child and be thankful for all the wonderful times you have experienced with your family. There will be peace again. 🦋❤
Thank you for a very insightful video. It’s amazing you were able to do this considering all you have on your plate right now. I’ve been there. My father died unexpectedly during the worst of the pandemic. I had to fly halfway across the country to a state that had one of the worst rates of Covid at the time. My brother with special needs was suddenly alone. Funeral arrangements, insurance, banks, lawyers, etc etc. some days I felt like I couldn’t even breathe, like the panic was going to take over. But I tried to tackle one thing at a time and give myself some rest time. It took months but eventually everything was resolved, house emptied and sold and my brother relocated to our home. Becoming my brother’s caregiver comes with its own stress but we are making it work. I’m sorry you are in the middle of such a stressful situation and I hope you will take good care of yourself even if it means we don’t hear from you as often. One day, one hour, one minute at a time.
Sending love and hugs your way my friend I wish I had this to help me when I was dealing with so very much about 15 years ago! But, we got this! Much love.
Great topic. One thing I would add to your list is nothing ever goes as planned. You can talk to the right people, have an action plan and a curve ball is thrown everything goes out the window. So being able to roll with punches and be flexible is key.
Your timing with your videos always feels in synchronicity with my life. Thanks for this advice. 🫶 I remember a friend who was going through immense grief told me that it’s better for them when people DO things instead of say things. Meaning, instead of saying “lemme know if there’s anything I can do for you” or “let’s get together soon” - to send them a gift card or meal, to drop by and bring a candle over, etc., so anytime I have a friend grieving, I try to keep that advice in mind instead of the glib messages.
Yes this exactly. And I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through but glad I could provide some encouragement ❤️
Thank you for this video. I'm currently dealing with a crisis that I don't really count as a crisis anymore because it's happened so many times, but it's still hard and it still consumes a lot of my physical and emotional energy. These reminders are very helpful because it's very easy to just stop everything and only deal with the bad thing at the expense of one's health, sanity, and other responsibilities. Anyway, thank you. And here's a big hug ❤
Hey Jenn, I wish you all the best as you navigate this. We navigated dementia with an incredibly loved one, and it was tough. Wishing you peace ❤.
Going through a lot with my parents health/age issues right now too and it is so stressful. Best of luck to everyone navigating these kind of situations.
I was in second grade when i first heard of Alzheimer's. My grandma had a stroke, and then a fall, and then slowly became more confused. Helping my aunt take care of her during my middle school years, is one of the things that led me to being a music teacher. While most of her world was gone, i could practice piano, singing, or my viola and she would calm down and listen. She passed away when I was in 9th grade. Thats probably the first of the big challenges in my life.
I have had to learn some of your suggestions the hard way. Something I would like to add as panic wasnt really my problem, it is okay to not be okay.
I spent a lot of time in the most challenging times of my life being level headed and okay. It took many years of therapy to be as emotional as i can be now, which for some people still will appear to be somewhat unaffected.
This is a great video, I am truly sorry that you are working through the diagnosis of a loved one.
Also because i am late to the video congrats on the good MRI results. I also have a genetic mutation making me more prone to cancer as well. (Really trying not to trauma dump just offering a person to talk/message with who has been and is going through that)
Sending you prayers and good thoughts.
It is absolutely ok to not be ok!! This exact thing! And I love the music connection. As I’ve been researching that’s come up time and time again as the part of the brain that processes music seems to stay intact the longest!!!!
Jen…this video could not have come at a more perfect time. I felt like you were speaking to me…particularly your words at the end. My parents are moving to a retirement community and my mom has fallen into a deep depression and paralyzing anxiety. This week has been particularly bad, and I have felt hopeless as you described. Just hearing you say that it will get better made me feel lifted. My heart is with you during this difficult time with your family.
Hang in there, Julie, and I will too!
I’m sorry for the things you are going through. I’ve been through those high stressors too many times! My dad had numerous heart surgeries and a heart transplant. He lived 18 years with the new heart, and then died 2 weeks after a tragic fall (3 years ago). My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 13 and it is very stressful! My MIL has been living with the memory loss for many years now and it is very hard of families and caregivers. You had good suggestions.
I'm very sorry what you're going through.. Personally, when I have had hard times, it really helps me that my friends are texting me that they are thinking of me and to contact them WHEN I'm ready. They give me space but still let me know they're there for me when I need them. That helps me but everyone is different.
I'm an introvert and hate the "thinking of you" messages for the exact same reason. I feel like they checked off a box but then it drains me to interact with them. My best friend is an extrovert though and lives off those messages. Thank you for the tips and the willingness to share your tough experiences to help others.
Thank you. Your tips will help many people.
I am sorry you are going through this, but I want to say thank you. Just prior to seeing this video I was sitting on an airplane with teary eyes feeling on an island with our situation. Hearing you verbalize your six points was helpful, but especially the energy vampires. I was feeling guilty about cutting some vampires out right now because I don’t have the energy. It made me feel so much better. Again thank you for doing this through your pain.
Thank you for sharing….
I do think the “thinking of you texts” can be helpful … those that send it may not know what to say or do but are sincere and want to reach out in some way to let you know they care about you … and in the reserve it is comforting to know people are thinking of us…
That said, one should never feel compelled to respond, especially when in a stressful situation.
I agree with this and am one that appreciates the sentiments and thoughts and prayers expressed.
Ṭhank you for sharing. I pray things will get better. My family went through this last summer, and I did exactly what you are saying here. This video will bless many
I kind of disagree with the helpful message comment. I really like knowing that someone is thinking of me even if there may be nothing they can do. It let's me know that I am not alone and it goes a long way to maintain a connection when you may be withdrawn for a while. I do this for my adult kids as well and I think they appreciate knowing I'm thinking of them.
You don't actually disagree with it you just don't find that to be true FOR YOU. And I totally respect that! We are all different and find comfort in different ways for sure! I should have added these messages I was particularly irritated by were from CLOSE friends who really should have picked up the phone. I was hurt the day I filmed I don't think I stated that part clearly. Thanks so much for your comment!
Such a needed video, especially when it can be easy to forget all rationale when you’re in the thick of it.
This exactly. Thank you so much for watching!
After going through many many years of helping my dad after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis which is very hard as the mental capacity diminishes and also therefore supporting my mom who also had heart disease and being carers for them both as well as working parttime myself and raising my own young family at the time I can say I know how hard it is for all concerned. I lost myself for a few years as I was pulled in so many directions and never felt I was giving enough to any of them - it’s extremely extremely hard.
Now I would give anything to have them both her again.
Take care . Xx
I am very much hoping your test goes well❤️
My mom has dementia. My father recently passed away and I am now her primary caregiver. This is a tough journey. I am going to order the vitamins. I feel this is something I can actually control. We will hang in there together❤️❤️❤️
It did and I am all clear! Whew!
Oh my gosh I am so happy to hear this ❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate you sharing this information and using your platform to educate others. My son went through a mental health crisis several years ago. It was horrendous , and I found that reminding myself that I could get through it really helped. All of your tips are on point, but I would add that energy vampires likely don’t know what else to do.
That’s probably very true and it’s not their fault but we do get to decide who we let in and make time for. So that was meant more as permission.❤️
So sorry to hear this struggle you are going through. I swear we must be kindred spirits, or going through the same life cycles (kids in college) time of our life. Your kids are starting to spread their wings and then boom!!!! Life throws you a curve ball and you feel like you have to take two steps back. Thanks for your helpful tips. Hopefully, it's like a wave that will pass on through and get better. Some days it's tough when have to face whatever it is head on that day. But you have to show your kids life goes on. :) Best wishes!
To anyone watching this video------ this is all Excellent advice! Especially that you do not know how long the crisis will last but it Will end! ( My family crisis took 20yrs ---- but just when i thought there was no end ----- the End Came ! ,..and my son's life was rescued and he is living a normal life again). 😊 . Hoping that your crisis is quickly resolved. 😘
I am so sorry you're going through this with your mom. It's rough with a lot of uncertainty. I went through similar with my father after of a stroke who also had other health issues. It was hard to realize I could not care for him in his home or mine. I was still working and had a young daughter. Managed to find a great facility who specializes with ahlzhimer. Although he didn't have that he had dementia due to the stroke. I had to be appointed as his guardian with social security as well as other legal appointed responsibilities.,. I carried my "Dad bag" with me constantly for 4 years to have appropriate ppwk for numerous hospital admissions, etc. I did experienced a lot of guilt but knew this was the best option as he needed 24 hr care with all his health issues.
Let me preface this by saying, "I am not a cryer." Never have been. I did not know what was happening with me when my mom, after 7 years in the nursing home, started not eating well and sleeping more. Staff let me know what was coming. Guess I should have read through the Hospice papers better, but I was going through anticipatory grief. After she passed I don't think I cried and I felt guilty about that. I let that guilt go. I have been assisting her in some way for 22 years. Thanks for your insights Jen.
Thank you Jen. My only family, my mum, was diagnosed with Mixed Dementia in January 2020. What a year eh? She lives with me. Has definitely affected my life. Was diagnosed with an Orbital tumour after that and I now have Fibrosis of the Lungs due to a very severe allergic reaction to Duck feather pillows of all things. Ended up very sick in hospital. Still on masses of Steroids and other medications. I also suffer badly with Osteoarthritis. My life will never be the same. Only just getting some day care for her organised. I haven't had a day free in these 4 years. I know what you mean about looking after yourself. I hardly get time to shower, brush teeth etc.
I have some amazing friends but yes some have cut us off slowly. You're exactly right. One friend sends a I hope you're alright text once a month. Just decided today to cut the ties. It's like you've been reading my mind. You talk great sense Jen and I have really appreciated your advice tonight. I have so much going on that you don't think clearly yourself.
I really hope everything is absolutely fine with your breast screening. Bless you. Sending you hugs Jen.
Jenny caregiving takes such a toll! I’m so glad you’re arranging for some day care for your mom - that’s such a great decisions for both of you. I’m so glad you found the video helpful - that means a lot to me and please take as good of yourself as you can.❤️
My heartfelt condolences regarding your friend! Losing a loved one to Alzheimer's is almost like losing them to death. Your suggestions here are spot on, though. Thank you!
So helpful. Where have you been my whole life
I completely agree with your advice. My Mom died suddenly 10 years ago and then 6 months later my Dad’s cancer came back. My two sisters and I cared for him in his home for the next 6 months until he died. During this time my oldest son graduated from high school, my first grandson was born and my daughter went through extreme postpartum depression with suicidal thoughts. She brought her baby to my Dad’s house and I watched them both. To say I was extremely stressed was an understatement. 1/3 to 1/2 of my time I spent with my Dad, day and night. Fortunately his mind stayed sharp while his body declined and we had lots of good conversations. I will forever cherish that time even though it was painful. For me, prayer and my faith in God is what carried me through that time. I would cry out to God and say I can’t do this and He would give me the strength that I needed in that moment.
It was surprising to me the people who were helpful and the ones who were not. I let go of a long time friendship when I realized it was based on me being there for her but when I was in need she wasn’t there for me.
I know your situation is very different from mine with your Mom having Alzheimer’s. Cherish those good moments that you have with her. I think you’re already doing this but cry, let it out. We have horses and I literally sat in the barn at times and screamed and cried. I also did that at times when I was alone in the car. Sometimes it just needs to come out. For me it was probably because I tend to be stoic and it would build up. I don’t like to cry in front of other people.
Thank you for addressing the hard things. That is what I like about your channel is that you’re not afraid to show real life. The good and the bad.
Such a beautiful comment. Thank you.
Thank you for this good advice!
Perfect timing.
Needed this. Also going through some family crises. Feels like it will never end. 😢
Excellent advice as usual, Jen.
Excellent, helpful advice. I have found the Alzheimer’s society extremely helpful and so nice to talk to at any time and have followed up with me. My mom has been diagnosed with dementia after not returning from a hair appointment and was missing for 9 !.2 hours. Found safely and hour and a half from home in the middle of a major city. Scary. I am better at taking care of others than myself… I really need to rematch this over and over!!!! THank you
This is a great video! We hope we don’t have to be faced with very stressful situations but most of us will be. These are very practical tips that make so much sense.
Yes everybody thinks these things won’t happen but unless you’re not human they typically do!! Thanks Lisa!
So sorry you are on this journey. I sometimes feel like I haven't been off the rollercoaster for years. 2020 my dad went into hospice at home for almost 2 months. I was with him when he passed. My mom will be 97 in September and refuses to move out of her home (I understand). She takes care of my older brother who is mentally disabled. At least twice a week I am at her house running errands, grocery shopping.... 2022 I was diagnosed with BC, I feel fortunate that I didn't need chemo or radiation. I work full time, in the office 2 days per week. My husband is semi-retired, but refuses to help. My outlet during these You will too.
Brilliant video Jen and so much love and strength being sent to you and your loved ones xx ❤
First, my condolences to you and your family - I very much relate to what you are going through. It will be a journey with many twists and turns and your advice is, in my opinion, right on target. There is, however, one thing you didn't mention - and while it's not for everyone, it certainly is for many - and that is to lean into your Faith. Leaning in can come in many forms, and whether that's talking with clergy, meditating, prayer, reading the Bible, each person will find the form that works for them.
Great info. Sending best wishes to you.
So true and wonderful advice.
This was an eye openning vlog. Thank you for sharing.
This was so good 🙏🏻🙏🏻. Thank you for sharing!