@@Kris_Reece Christianity is evil, Kriss! I know so! I spent 25 years in that Babylonian Satanic counterfeit! It destroyed me, Kriss!. I mean to be a "one man pastor, vicar, Roman priest or even an Elder or eldership, is to be a liar + a thief, and being the above, breaks the 10 commandments! Kriss, if you think this is way out there and in a way, way to steep, think about this: churches teach + preach tithing 10℅ percent of money to them + there churches, which is a lie! And because its a lie, theft follows! The bible states that breaking one commandments, breaks them all! When the congregants of any Church is either lied, threatened or manipulated to hand over money, Narcissism is @ work! Jesus stated in Matthew 7: 23-24, that he will have many stating mighty works, and Jesus did do the above through them so that people could be healed, only to be told they, the one's doing the works, never knew him! Why if you think on this, it was because they were witches, and to be a witch does not have to entail the occult! The lord has healed me, and I thank God he has shown me the truth through the studying of the bible, in relation to the above!
i know and a narc mom always said to me in anger! "only God can judge" and "God sees my heart" as a way to get OUT of things!!!! she said both of those anytime she was doing wrong. thats another way to say "I dont value YOU"
Spot on Nigel! I know two people who "claim" to be Christians, yet their attitude, values & lifestyle truly say the exact opposite. Very, very, very shallow folks - no depth, no personal surrender ! Their behavior screams "narcissist." I'm so glad I'm not the judge, that Jesus IS the judge & that He knows the heart of everyone, no matter what they claim to be !
I call them pew warmers.They may have gotten themselves to church, but their minds are far from God. Also, any word or message they hear from the pulpit is never applied in their life, it is always meant for soneone else. They think they have immunity and God puts them on a pedestal where they are superior to everyone else.
Very true. Unfortunately, many pastors teach you can't be a Christian unless you attend/go to church. So it's easy for a narcissist to pass off as one. And the church members follow suit in that belief.
My former “Christian”spouse helped anyone who asked. He worked for a church for over 25 years. No one suspected what happened when our front door closed.
@@allenallen5040 He had time for everyone but me. I was not last on his list. I wasn’t on it at all. I wish his boss, the lead pastor where my former spouse worked, would’ve valued marriage and told him to come back to his job at the church after he worked on his marriage.
@@sharondrake5794 Maybe he had an issue with you? After you got divorced did he still want to know what you were doing? Did he get remarried and treat his second wife the same way?
Parents all have their indoor outdoor voices, but when the moral and ethical facade does not correlate in both instances that person is a a destroyer of those closest to them.
@April Zollner The narcissist doesn't even consider going to hell, there are also religious narcissists and they don't consider it either because they all think they are perfect and without reproach.
my malignant narc mom did tons of hurtful things to me, including assassinated my character everywhere she went. so i told all her nasty stuff to my super-busy body auntie and use her non-stop gossip mouth to do the job for me. it worked like a charm. now her image went down the drain. Father bless me for I had sinned :P. fixing evil with evil.
My mother is a “Christian” narcissist and a former pastor’s wife. Through the years, she has caused me, the scapegoat child. and so many others, so much pain. I have had to give her to God and let Him deal with her. He knows all, so I don’t have to. I now protect myself and pray that she will realize how hurtful her words and deeds are and repent.
“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” 1 John 4:20
This actually makes my stomach hurt. I cannot believe I missed these signs with my ex, who claims he is Christian. Even the way you mentioned how narcissists apologize is spot on, but the reasoning behind it is really good to know. My ex always said "I'm sorry," really quickly, without saying anything else or why he was sorry. Many times he'd say "My bad." And often, I'd find myself apologizing to him, so much. Thank you for educating me and all of us on this. This is really helpful.
That's how I feel all along, my husband being a Christian and narc at the same time. It is like mocking God, saying one thing and doing another. Now I can put two and two together. Thank you very much for your guidance.
Well they are mocking you by claiming to be your faithful spouse and other half, but not an actual partner in reality if NPD. They don't honor and cherish you and forsake all others nor treat you the way Christ does His Church. Narcs nearly all cheat in games, finances, at work but mainly on spouses and on God when convenient. Like she said they are takers. They idolize new supply and did the same once with their ideas of Jesus and don't realize that is not being saved. Everything is a character in their mind and so nothing is authentic. They will be among the bridesmaid virgins that knock and say but Jesus I have to this charity and I went to church and got baptized and know you and He will say I never knew you back. They knew the idea of Him in their head and stopped at that. They do it with you so what makes you think they dont with Jesus, God, etc... Also they tend to be mental believers or even emotional but not heartfelt about their relationship with God because they don't get relationships in general. It's surface worship without real Faith because to have real faith means you have to have trust and hope. They don't do trust and don't understand hope and ridicule it in others if actually NPD. What's worse is they believe everyone else thinks and does the exact same they do so they can't have empathy for anyone but themselves and possibly the person they are idealizing or love bombing at any moment. It's actually really sad and due to arrested development. They are children stuck in time but in a growing body. If that is how God saves them through the idea He knows them and their background enough, He may consider them like children and show them mercy that way but if they are considered above the age of accountability, I worry that can't accept His gift of forgiveness because they honestly don't think they need forgiveness nor that anyone else is worth forgiving. They use words like pointless and useless a lot and can't be bothered to treat people with basic civility most of the time. I hope their are ways for them but they seem so evil, toxic and abusive I don't have a lot of reasons to be hopeful and the fact is they are a growing population and Jesus warned us that about end times so I don't see their numbers getting smaller sadly.
You're husband is trying to be equal to God or above Him, which no human can be. it's all an act for his low self-esteem and worth. My mom and identical twin brother are like this. I'm the scapegoat of their rage. They both curse and say hurtful things to me as self projection as well and I pointed this out in a civil manner as calm as can be, but they couldn't own up their faults. My "Christian" mom has made fun of me for reading the Bible daily and no true Christian would say something like that to another Christian. God has made it clear to me of her heart's true nature.
I need to add one trait to your list of what can be seen in a Narcissistic person: rage. It’s these rages and then lying and saying she does not rage at family members that has separated me from my sister. I have never seen any change in her, ever. Jesus did not say you will know them by their profession, but through their fruit. Thank you for your teaching on this very difficult topic.
My sister is also a narcissist 😞 I pray for her and I hope our Father in heaven will change her one day! 🙏 Sometimes she seems "nicer", but usually it doesnt last long 😞 I was "working for her" for years, just trying to help how I could, forgetting myself and I never heard "thank you" and I never heard "sorry". Now I am trying to show her I am "cool" and I dont give in to her "moods". I am sure its a spiritual fight, I see the demons tormenting her mind. I will never give up praying for her, Jesus can change her too! ❤ Hallelujah! 🙌
@April Zollner you are right, they need tough love, but the problem is (and not just with narcissists) many people percieve christianity like "believing in Jesus, praying sometimes, sometimes going to church" (but these days not even that), but living their lifes "how they feel" and not including God into their decissions at all (thats very common by us in Slovakia, where are mostly catholic traditions 😕). Besides... my narcissist is also a "secret" alcoholic 😞 so I don't know what else to do as to pray 😢
@@aprilzollner3587 I totally agree. Many evil people fear nothing except their karma-bad deeds being recorded. They know what they've been doing. And they know their excuses, minimizations, rationalizations.......are just failures to repent. Show them some of The Near Death Experiences podcasts....many deal with Hell. It's scary. Don't go to Hell. Repent and seek deliverance. Put God-Jesus first....and you'll be very very happy.
I agree with you. A narcissist can’t be a true Christian. A person has to come to a place in life where they realize they are a sinner and know they need Christ to forgive them. A narcissist will never admit they are a sinner. They believe they are flawless and have nothing to ask forgiveness for. There is no repentance, so therefore they cannot become a Christian. I was raised by a narcissist and I know these things first hand. But I thank my Savior for bringing me through a horrible abusive life, and for saving me ❤
@@allenallen5040 he loves me completely, he showed me how to forgive and when I ended up with a large brain tumor recently, he was with me thru a terrible surgery and has healed me of that tumor. He has healed me thru His word and has never left me. The love that I didn’t get from my parent, he has made up for that with His unconditional love that never ends.
I told the narc, you went to church weekly and hear all God's teaching but never follow them; its like going to a diet doctor every weekend listen to the doctor dieting plan but never follow the diet but continue to eat all junk food (do all the vicious gossips). 60 years later, you asked the doctor 'I guess i am slim (holy) already by now'.
Sorry but this is such drivel. Narcissists can be Christians and narcissists can and do change. Is the narcissist more powerful than Christ and His redemptive work? Sure many narcissists won't admit fault but some do. You shouldn't make such all-encompassing judgments.
@@nickgrandy6924 Narcs very rarely change...VERY RARELY. Its not about the narc being more powerful than Christ. The only means to change is through Christ and they dont want to change...thats the problem. God has his hand out, their own free will slaps it away. Saying they cant be a true christian is not an all encompassing judgement...its like a liar who has lied to you a 1000 times, says "this time Im telling the truth". Sure I guess there is the .000001 percent chance it is the truth but you cant hold that kind of judgment against someone. If you were a narc at one point, so you say in another comment, then you earned that doubt. Till you prove otherwise to whoever
Here is what I know: I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD. I am also a Christian woman and that's how I identify as the most. Borderline Personality Disorder is horrible. I didn't choose to be wired this way. It affects the way I think, feel, act even when I don't want it to. I am a survivor of a horribly traumatic childhood where adults had free-will and made choices that affected my life, and still affects my life no matter how much therapy I go through. My God is bigger than all of this. And one thing I do know is that generational abuse begets generational abuse. God is still God and He's God even over those who are Narcissistic, which is also a form of mental illness. God's grace covers us all. And none of us knows if those Narcissistic people are products of an upbringing that they didn't also choose and are just trying to cope in the best way they know how, even if it's negative. So, you and I cannot answer to whether someone is a Christian or not. All of us are fallen and broken. God loves me, God loves you, and God loves those Narcissistic people. It is up to us as believers to bring others to Christ and then get out of the way and let Him work on them, this includes Narcissistic people. All people can change when God gets control over them. There are a lot of people out there today who don't suffer from mental illness and who identify as Christian, but when they come before God, he will cast them out and tell them He never knew them. Show grace, love, and kindness. And never underestimate what God can do in a person's life when He's ready to call them to Him.
Exactly what happen to a woman I know, has the same symptoms and grew up the same way. Not sure if she is a believer but praying for her that the Lord would bring her to himself.
Yes maybe you're right. Maybe they are just trying to cope in the best way they know how. I'm still trying to understand my brother in law who is a Christian but stubbornly refuses to show any love or concern for his wife, even though she at times points out to him that he doesn't treat her fairly. There's definitely a stubbornness there, but perhaps it is rooted in some sort of fear
My pastor husband of 56 years walked out 2/half years ago had committed homosexuality , no repentance and I was ill he did not say goodbye he has always been a narcissist , I am now on my own at 86 he has influenced my daughters against me , but for the goodness of God I so praise Him I manage Lorraine
Oh Lorraine, I am so sorry. You are not alone. You have Christ, and those here who truly care. You don't deserve this. The bible says in Matthew 10:34-36 34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set[a] a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ I pray this helps to comfort you. I will be praying for you. God Bless you!
I’d never trade my borderline personality disorder for Narcissism. I thought I could carry my own cross to my grave but I said no way Jesus help me with this weight I’m carrying. Dated a narc she slept with everyone male prostiturs included. That behaviour is not human I recognise that behaviour from my childhood and it was the biblical description of Satan himself. Tbey are the devils pawns for certain and they are barely distinguishable from the evil one
This is disheartening to me. I believe I may be a narcissist; likely a covert narcissist to use the labels of the speaker - and I am a professing Christian. In the last five years since my conversion God has revealed more and more of my heart to me, things I never noticed before: chief among them were my pride, arrogance, and selfishness. I truly believe I'm the most selfish person I know. Being unselfish goes against my nature. But I believe Christ is working in me. I trust that if He has truly redeemed me, that He will finish this work of redemption. His Word promises this. I can't believe that there is no hope for the narcissist. In Christ, there is true hope. He can and does transform the vilest of sinners. I appreciate this video and the spreading of awareness regarding this issue, but I wish she would have spoken more about the power of Christ to transform - He is mighty to save, and He can save to the uttermost. This is not a question of the evil of the narcissist but the power of our Lord. I refuse to believe I am without hope in Christ. My only hope is found in Him, with my eyes fixed on Him, seeking to delight myself fully in Him and not in the things of this world. I don't believe dying to self is easy for anyone, I certainly know it isn't easy for me. But God's power is made perfect in weakness. His grace is sufficient. Nothing is impossible for God. If God can transform someone like me, then His power is truly unlimited and He deserves all the glory.
U are not a narcissist , u have empathy, u just have to heal from something(s) in your life that put u in the survival mode u are in. All ppl have a narcissistic trait or 2. The fact that u care, that u even care!!! I promise u, u are NOT a narcissist .🕊️🤍✨ I pray u keep your faith, Jesus loves u, u ARE saved by grace. Love 💖
This is very encouraging to me, i kept wondering whether there is hope for my mum. She is a confessing Christian but this traits have made lots of harm in the family. She is not a happy person and as a daughter i want the best for her but I realised it would not be without transformation. Its sad that she had childhood trauma but Jesus Christ is able to totally heal and transform. There is power in the blood of Jesus Christ to save and transform to Gods glory.
A Christian needs to develope a relationship with the Trinity ! It's a DAILY walk ! And ask God to bring a brother or sister in Christ into your life to help ! You'll end up helping each other!❤️🙏❗
Perhaps unselfishness comes from the ability to see things from the other person's point of view, and then that enables empathy and a desire to love them in practical ways. Do you find you are able to see things as if you were in the other person's shoes? In a course I was doing on early childhood, I learned that this perspective- taking is something that develops in the early years through pretend play, and that kids who are robbed of the opportunity to play this way, do not develop the ability to see things from another's point of view.
@@nickgrandy6924 Your text made me cry. My mother in law is a full blown narcissist and she has always tried to turn my children against me. She has succeeded with some. Now I have 2 daughters who are Narcissists. I wish my weak willed husband had confronted his mother long ago and told his mother if she doesnt knock it off she can’t see our kids. I wish they would be like you.
Remember traumatized people tend to become Narcissist for example my mother was severely extremely abused in childhood. She is one of the worst human beings I've ever known. A monstrous narc who has visibly destroyed the lives of dozens of her family members and especially her children. The good thing about Christ is that once this person accept salvation that narcissists journey to healing is in God hands. "It is the holy spirit who leads the heart to repentance". That's why the church is always filled with broken people. Christ's kingdom is like a hospital and that's ok. All she can do is run to God ,she been a horrible Christian but she never stopped trying shes in her mid 70s now , slowly cleansing her heart bc we serve be a God that loves all sinners the same. This video is a good help for those of us who need to keep safe from these broken people.
You are speaking about my life... my narc mother never wanted a daughter... so I was the scapegoat child my younger brother was the golden child and my older brother the invisible child
This is so true, I am so glad to be out of the relationship. He was cruel and had no morals no values and he reflected all his issues on me. Praise God he got me out of the relationship and I am healing 🙏 Never ever going back
My soon to be ex-husband is a white washed tomb. He says he doesn’t lie which makes him a liar per God’s word. Every man is a liar. He’s covert which was so destructive to me. He was a cop for 31 years so he was trained to “handle”people. So thankful to be on the road to true freedom & healing. Thank you Jesus 🙏
@@donnalechak6980 Romans 3:4 King James Version 4 God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.
Cops can be naracists because naracists all love positions and jobs that give them power and authority over others. Actions speak louder than words. Are they one person outside and the total opposite when with you in private?
My late mother. She went to the extremes of being a missionary and later working with disadvantaged children, all through our childhood. Every bit of it to the detriment of her own children. She couldn't hack any of it, but made a career out of announcing to the world 'all that I've given up for the Lord'. "By their fruits you will know them" is spot on. Sour lemons disguised as apples, ghastly thorns presented as fruit trees.
So glad I found this channel. I marred a narc 15 years ago pretending to be this God fearing, family oriented and caring man. For years I tried to figure out what was going on this church going preacher was not the same person at home! When that mask slipped and I saw him for who he really was it was sooooo confusing and heartbreaking. Until about 3 years ago I heard the term Narcissist. It was like a light came on and since then after the harsh reality set in I am now healing. Its channels like this that makes it so much better. Thank you and keep up the good work. God bless you.
I heard Pastor cho, I believe of the biggest church in the world, say that his wife told him that when he gets home she wishes that the same man that was preaching up in the Pulpit was the same one that came home. He was admitting that none of us manifest Christ perfectly in our lives, but of course when you're in an official position preaching and teaching others the word of god, you're doing what you're supposed to and hopefully teaching them the truth, but even the Apostle Paul said that he did not perfectly live up to it, yet at the same time he said follow his example. But he also was not married Also some women are not very gracious themselves in demanding and expecting their husband to be perfect like Jesus Christ or something, I know I have seen the devil come into many of them because the devil knows it's one of the most powerful and effective ways to get to a pastor or preacher of the word of God is through the wife and have her nag and complain or be disgruntled and angry Ideally, the wife should have already died to herself which is actually fundamental to being a christian, and also learn to put others first, as her husband as a pastor or leader obviously should have done as well. If they both serve and love others together immunity, as one unit one flesh, serving one God and one spirit, this would seem to be ideal and a beautiful thing wouldn't it?
Thank you so much. I’ve struggled with this question for years. Your answer is concise, Biblical and explains how narcissists can spiritually abuse people.
@April Zollner yes! Unfortunatly, many shall say on that day :"Lord, haven't we cast out demons in Your name? Haven't we prophesied in Your name?". The Lord shall answer : "Depart from me, evil doers, I never knew you!".
Awhile back I heard a woman ask a pastor who was on tv, can God change a narcissist. The pastor answered "no get away from him" For years I couldnt understand why that pastor would think that. God can do anything but I think the Lord told me because of pride satan was thrown out of heaven and because of the pride narcissists have God won't change them.😢
Have always thought so.. Since the approach is from Psychology and not religion ,the word narcissist is used but in religious approach its someone living in Mortal sin with no remorse.
Times my mom treated me awful at times she treated me very well. The times she treated me well I was always wondering if I imagined bad treatment. It was so confusing for many years cuz I always wanted to think the best. Good or bad, I pray she is in heaven. At the end of the day, only God knows the heart. Our duties are to forgive and love that agape love the best we can
As a young child you wonder what you've done for her to be so short, mean, and cold with you. You think that you are the problem; decades later you learn that you were never the problem. One can only hope there will be true repentance before they go in the presence of God.
Forgive them and pray for them, but that may be from a distance. The concept that we need to continue a relationship with abusive people because they are family is dangerous IMO.
My parents and my sister are narcissists And they tried to pass themselves off as God fearing But when I found God 10 years ago I practiced what I preached and even though my parents and sister chose to never have a relationship with me I still forgive them because I have been saved by the blood of Christ since I was 25 Now 35✡️✝️🙏😇
Well said sister!!! You just described my unequally yolked husband!! I pray for him often!! Please pray for his spirit to be truly saved!!! Thank you and sweet blessings to you always!! XOs 💫✨
So glad I found this video because i witnessed this in my life. My ex husband is a cheating, lying narcissist that was baptized to be a follower of god at our church 4 years ago. He continued lying, cheating and abusing me. He started taking his affair partner to the same church I go to literally weeks after we got married and he took off. It disgusts me to no end that he hides in the church.
There’s something to add to all of this discussion about baptism. My ex narcissistic husband got himself baptized three times. I think that should tell everyone just how bad of a sinner he knows he is. He is trying to wash his sins away.
@@ckvarnmass I shouldn’t even laugh at the three times part but holy moly…! The baptisms with people like him and husband is really just for show… my husband cheated even more after he was baptized with me at the beginning of our relationship and the woman he was primarily cheating with had “god first” on her social media after she actively helped him cheat on me and she cheated on her husband 🤣🤣. They were both baptized together and got to my church. I just can’t even… it’s all for show.
They may also need deliverance because there could be some demonization going on, along with renewing the mind with God's word and being willing to submit to discipleship. It's not instant change but at least a commitment to the transformative process of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for sharing. My parents are narcissists and they only bring up God and Christianity to fit their own agendas or to spiritually abuse someone who thinks differently than them. They make people pray with them to cover up their wrong doings while not even acknowledging what they've done or actually apologizing for anything. Lastly, when I finally decided to cut them out of my life as much as I can, they decide to come to my home, harass and belittle me while saying "Honor your father and mother". And yes, these are people who are involved in the church. Church goers but not true Christians.
@@louisem3969 Very good question. I appreciate this question. God is good always! He who is in me is greater then he who is in the world. When dealing with toxic people .... I can't afford to keep allowing them to rob of my peace, Sanity , and serenity. I'm to keep my eyes on him and not seeking approval of man .
Cover up wrong doing? Except real Christians know that only the Jesus death on the cross and dying for our sins is the only way to have sins forgiven. Lol
Hi from South Africa Kris, well said. You hit it on the head. I've been married to a narcissist for 25 years and it's so sad when he says he's a Christian because it's all about what he can get. I have said to him that we're here for God not the other way around. When I saw the title I thought it's them not surrendered fully to God, nice to see we're in agreement. Not too sure about "saved" how can they been when they worship themselves only, heard this saying the other day "Jesus will only save those He can command" otherwise He knew them not. God bless you and your ministry
4:03 that’s the nail on the head right there. I’ve worked with many in my ministry. If you cannot acknowledge your sin you certainly cannot repent. No repentance no salvation. Obviously God alone knows the heart but I have my doubts.
Where the Bible helped me was after receiving some counseling, I received a list of the 'marks of a narcissist.' THEN, I read 11 Tim. 3, and there it was. Kind of like you said. Hope this will help others. Thanks.
YES! They find easy, unsuspecting targets and can hide their behavior with service and good works for years! But God eventually exposes and deals with them, I have seen it.
Wow! This describes my wife perfectly. She portrays herself as an ardent Christian, but has not surrendered any part of her life. The victim mentality, zero empathy, double standards and perfect false front are demonic. I wish I had known more about this before we married.
My parents were/are narcissists in church. Use Bible to punish and protect their images. I am hesitant to call myself a “Christian” I am a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. And defender of truth! Amen!
This is extremely helpful. At 43, I finally realized that my mother is a narcissist. I was conflicted because this woman gets up every morning and does her devotion and has done so for 40 years. She is more involved in her church than I am. I couldn't understand it, but this made it clear. I really appreciate the video!
When i was a teenager dealing with a narcissistic lawyer step father, who had the spiritual maturity of a child. Thats when god showed me the power inversion going on. Even though he was in a position if authority over me the lord showed him as a baby. He showed me how he saw the situation, understanding how to handle this inverted power dynamic, helped me wisely handle other narcissists that i encountered later in life.
@@stephanieromero815 im not sure what you need to know. Maybe this will help. Sometimes god gives wisdom by showing us how things look from his perspective. Like scripture says, " the last will be first, and the first will be last". Or he said that the greatest of you will be the servant of all. So his way of looking at power is not the same as ours. So he was giving me a glimpse of how he looked at my step dad at them time. And it made sense, he was always putting himself first, everything was always about what he wanted, and everyone in the house had to revolve around his needs. Essentially he had the spiritual maturity of a toddler. And ya i was a kid, but i had know the lord from the begining, even then i was willing to put myself last if it meant that if it was the right thing to do. In some ways im an old soul, even then i had a spiritual matuarity that was not normal. Im not saying i was perfect, at that age, nor was i saying he never got it right, but because of this revelation at the time i was able to look at the conflict between us differently. I still had to respect his earthly authority, but was able to rise above the toddler like behavior from my step dad. I didnt know it at the time but him showing me something in that way was part of how god gifted me. It was a prophetic revelation, and that kind of thing has at times give me a type of wisdom that is unique and can help a lot of people. I hope that helped, ive never had to put this down in writting before, so i hope i made it understandable. Let me know if you need me to explain anything else.
I never ever comment on UA-cam. But I had to comment on this one. My husband and I were raised in church, but as adults had had trouble finding ones accepting and non judgemental that we felt comfortable with. We found a large church with many opportunities for us and our family. We immediately immersed ourselves from day one. It's easy to get lost in such a large business-like church with its branded-merch, public events, etc. But we didn't want to be back-row-pew-sitting Christians, although nothing wrong for others to do so if that's what they prefer. But we wanted to be as close as possible to minimize distractions. I auditioned for the worship team the first month we attended and was called for a second live audition. I had finally answered God’s urging through much discernment and prayer, and although nervous to sing in public, let alone even speak within a small group, I was filled with happiness and this opportunity to answer God’s calling and use my God-given talent for Him. I was told that the second audition wouldn't be for several months, due to the busy Christmas and New Year events and also due to the church's need to see my commitment to the church for at least 3 months until I would get an audition appt, due to being so new to the church (although I had got the newsletters for 4 years, but was just shy to take that leap with a new church family.) In the midst of this, my husband and I decided that, as recent newlyweds, to be part of the ReEngage Marriage Ministry circle to learn marriage principles. We had attended 4 sessions and the methods we were learning were going so well between us, but our facilitators were very condescending towards every one and not allowing anyone to share our trangressions to get true help, only vague responses were allowed. A lot of us felt there was no true healing allowed, nor was there potential to use these trangressions to open dialougue about pertinent scriptures. At the 4th session, a rumor was started about my husband and I which was only exacerbated by the fact that we were not allowed to give elaboration on any true issues to get help. When I cited the fact that we watched video testimonials in the beginning of each group session, which gives details of the couple's struggle which only serves to help others, we were told: "this is not small group confession time". 😳Our fault was trusting our group leaders with our vulnerability when we privately asked them for clarification of a biblical principle using a hypothetical example and stated it was such and this example was just that and wasn't happening in our marriage. The other leaders were brought in and they all decided by this one hypothetical example used to explain our question that we were allegedly "beyond help" and specifically told not to return to the program. We were hurt, we both actually cried. We were bright-eyed, eager Christians thirsty for God and fellowship and didn't feel like we were loved or treated as Jesus wants us to treat others and even more hurtful was that we were mistaken and misunderstood and gaslighted over an innocent question and gossiped about. There's so much more to this, but I've written a book already. We called ReEngage Corporate, who facilitated for us and requested the church conduct a meeting. After many excuses, my husband and I called the church program leader/elder, who insisted the rumor was true, and gaslighted the entire conversation, despite us insisting that it wasn't true and why are these people believed and so what if it was true, we would have been in the right place then to get help, Jesus ministered to the sick... etc... none of our insistings mattered. The whole miscommunication was over a simple question regarding God's forgiveness and condoning behavior even when it's abuse, which was a general question because it was told to everyone in group that you forgive your spouse over and over no matter what. Long story short, after we took a 3 month break from church, the morning we returned to church the pastor preached identity in Christ... "you are redeemed, forgiven, loved, etc"... I spoke to him after the service and told him that we still feel very unwelcome after not being allowed to stay in the program and I told him the message he preached did not align with their treatment of us. He told me I need to "move past this" (however, my moving past this was obviously being back in church in the first place), so I then stated that I do still plan to audition, but oddly my audition was canceled right at the time that we were kicked out of group and I was told it would be rescheduled but that I hadn't heard back yet, and after fumbling with excuses, my pastor finally told me: (direct quote) "you are not at a good place in your life and your marriage is not great right now. While we don't strive for perfection here, you need to get better in your life before you can serve". My heart sank. Our marriage is a very strong one! So even though we privately talked to him about the elders' decision to remove us and what actually was happening, he had turned on us too. And who was he to tell me otherwise and then to hypocritically tell me to move past this, but that I can't serve? I left in TEARS. I cried the rest of the day and it's been months ago and we still feel very abandoned. We were gaslighted and manipulated, then tossed aside and ultimately told I can't serve the church. It's clear God has a different plan for us, but the confusion and hurt are things I have to pray about constantly. My husband was eager to start his own church group and I eager to serve as well, and they both dampened our light a little and made us untrusting of others again, although I hate to admit that.
God bless you. May God lead you to your tribe! You need to shake the dust off of your sandals like Jesus instructed in Matthew 10:14. You need and deserve to be where you are celebrated and appreciated. A common mistake we make is believing someone is a Christian just because they say they are. Even Jesus told us, " We will know a tree by its fruit." They need to SHOW you they are a Christian and they have shown you they are not likely one. These are those that 2 Timothy 3:5 speaks of: "having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!" If they had discernment they would have been able to discern the Truth. Their obvious lack of relationship with The Lord Jesus is reflected in their devious deeds and actions. I have been mistreated and cheated by more people that profess to be Christians but are anything but, even more than strangers in the world😢🌎
@@preacherbarbie thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. Please pray for my husband and I as, since this has been written, we are going through a trying time and his faith is being tested. He needs to come back to the Lord and surrender fully. He acknowledges he needs to get right with the Lord but the enemy tries to steer him away. Please pray. Thank you kindly.
@SoulWinningButterfly thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. Please pray for my husband and I as, since this has been written, we are going through a trying time and his faith is being tested. He needs to come back to the Lord and surrender fully. He acknowledges he needs to get right with the Lord but the enemy tries to steer him away. Please pray. Thank you kindly.
@@strengthtostandalone7131 I will be praying for you and your husband. When we look to God and not His followers ( or those that claim to be) we can never be misled. Bless you in Jesus Name🙏
How can someone who claims to be a Christian and love God treat someone who also loved them so cruelly and absolutely horrible. I'm so happy I got out, and I'm now educating and healing from my exes' abuse. Praise be to GOD.
i know and a narc mom always said to me in anger! "only God can judge" and "God sees my heart" as a way to get OUT of things!!!! she said both of those anytime she was doing wrong. thats another way to say "I dont value YOU"
You bring up a great point. The lady I got involved in hooked me on a book she was reading,” The Holy Spirit”. I thought she was a genuine Christian and from the dating period through the last day she asked me to leave we’d have devotions. Never missed a day. Where your right is I saw how shallow she was, but I didn’t judge her. Friends later told me they saw it. I thought I was a good judge of character, after all I’m certified to give DISC analysis. I knew she was a high D and C but I didn’t see the controlling part until months into our marriage, which by the way was a commitment she had me play into by going to Vegas. Now I see she manipulated me all along. Now I just pray for her, I don’t harbor ill feelings towards her. She played me, used me gave my stuff away. Took an enormous amount out of my bank account. But hey it’s not for me to be vengeful.
@@user-el8nz4yu4t believe me I did, I learned a lesson years ago about harboring bitterness, this time i relinquished it all to the One who will right all wrongs
Condemning others goes against the teachings of love and acceptance that Christianity is supposed to represent. It's sad when people use their faith to judge or hurt others, especially those who are already struggling. We should strive to create a supportive community that welcomes everyone, regardless of their background or beliefs.
Asking if a Narcissist can be a Christian is like asking if a Prostitute can be a Christian, the answer for both is yes but they will be required to repent and turn from their sinful lifestyle.
For that he/she will have immense problems to experience the loving jesus, they do not understand the full grace and try to be self righteousness, for sure in such state leadership is not an option , surrendering to god is a process, also for the non narcissists. Jesus grace strangely is greater then I can Imagine, Jesija : 61 The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has chosen me. He has commissioned me to encourage the poor, to help the brokenhearted, to decree the release of captives, and the freeing of prisoners, Biblical Studies Press. 2019. The NET Bible. Second Edition. Denmark: Thomas Nelson. You should not forget, that the lord comes for the broken hearted and the captives, for the ill poeple both for narcissistic souls and their victims (also there is no black and white, also a weaker narcissist can suffer in a relationship with a stronger narcicissist) Thank you for your vids, the topic is very very important as many christians, think they serve god but indeed serve their own and are even blind for it, the manipulating spirit blinds also the one who he operates in, … By the way I call nobody a narcissist but one with NPS, narcissistic personality syndrome.
Great vid! One of the problems we have in the church is the "prosperity gospel". It has taught people to believe that if they give, they will get wealth. Some pastors are getting rich off their poor congregation. The worst abuse in the world is spiritual abuse.
This is my sister in a nutshell. I grew up in a Christian home, filled with narcissists. My parents, thankfully, in recent years have surrendered a lot of those traits, though I still see them at times. My sister is the epitome of a “good Christian” on the outside. Constantly involved in church, picks up leadership roles at church, very active member, rarely misses an opportunity to be at church and “serve the church”. She prays and reads her Bible and listens to worship music and takes her kids to church, etc.. But she’s been physically and verbally abusive to all three of her (now adult) daughters. I’ve witnessed it and heard of it. CPS has been called on my sister multiple times and nothing ever came of it.. she used to go out and party all the time and neglect her kids and make excuses for “needing me time”.. yes, she’s been through a lot in her life, but she’s 40 and still plays the victim.. even against her own kids… where she has called the cops on THEM for protecting themselves from HER.. she cries that the world is out to get her and can’t understand why she still doesn’t have a husband after being divorced for 12 years. Yet treats people around her like absolute garbage if they ever do or say something she doesn’t like or makes her look bad. I’ve personally experienced her being violent and aggressive if she’s ever confronted or called out. She has even personally assaulted me when I tried to protect her children from her abuse. Yes cops were called but nothing came of it… she reeks of jealousy toward her daughters. Toward me. Toward our mother. Toward other females.. I’ve seen and experienced it and it’s sickening … I am currently on cordial terms with her. Though off and on have cut her out of my life. She lives in another state, so I don’t have to have frequent interactions with her. But for the sake of being able to communicate with my nieces and have peace amongst my family, I don’t have her blocked but have very minimal communication with her. I’ve certainly forgiven her on a spiritual level, however I have little to no trust for her and very little respect for who she is because I see right through the façade that somehow has other family members fooled. I am also aware that there have been times I’ve been narcissistic.. it’s what I grew up around.. it’s a trait I’ve seen in my of my exes … however.. I’m very aware of that and have taken necessary steps to address and work through why I’ve acted like that and acknowledging and accepting that it’s unhealthy behavior. It’s not the type of person I want to be so I’m willing to do the work to break out of certain habits I’m used to. The difference with my sister is that when she’s “gotten help” it’s to cry about how pitiful her life is… when I seek help.. I’m trying to become a better version of my past self so I don’t repeat the same mistakes or cause harm to others out of my own pain… And I know this because of what my nieces tell me, who still live with her, that is the exact opposite of the lies she tells herself and feeds others. That she hasn’t changed and won’t change… as long as no one “important” is looking.
Christians often get critical bcz they know, too much. You seem over-involved in your sister's family life. Easy for us to be right and take sides. So much FOCUS magnifies a negative situation. Yes, as a Christian we have insight but, people in Christ are on a personal journey of growth. Again, eating from the Tree of Knowledge, UA-cam & all the experts makes a person, prideful & think they know better. Those who have no children or are not married, are sometimes self righteous. Try to just help. Children often demonize parents when it suits them. Their brain, their perceptions are not fully developed til they are 26 years old.
My ex husband rarely went to church with me. And he would criticize me for my quiet time and prayer time. I moved after our divorce so I unfortunately had to start attending a different church. But now he occasionally goes to my former church. I think he is there telling lies about me and our relationship just so he get attention and sympathy from other people.
I left a church because One came in as the Preacher of the church I went to as a teen. I see him once a year at a community event. He is still the same. I went back to my home church. He is the only one who ever told me Not to marry "that nerd" I met at that Church. 37 yrs later I think he was wrong. I'm glad to see him once a year to remind myself it's always fine to move on and find real people.
I really love this video. I love the Matt 7:16 reference at the end. I have had Christian Narcissists(??) in my life. It's actually been a block to going back to church. I'm not expecting people to be perfect in the church. And I'm not perfect. However, I pray with going trying to go back to the church I find Spirit-led Christians that help me return to the faith.
"Their desire to give up what pleases them is non existent" That...that right there. That's the difference between a Christian and a non Christian. "Christian" narcissists are wolves in sheep's clothing.
The biggest energy sucking vampire i've ever come across was a happy friendly smiling christian that claimed often on God speaking to him. A well respected dedicated member of his christian community He sent shivers down my spine after being around him for a while, as soon as i got home i would shower to wash his toxic presence from mind and body.
@@rickspalding3047 It's a symbolic action for cleansing. Listen from the heart and not the fixated mind. This is spoken for your deliverance, whatever that is.
Narcissism also occurs on a spectrum of severity. And types of narcissism have different motivations for their actions, but it is about them at the core.
Thousands thanks for the excellent video, my ex narc said he was a Christian, I am a Christian, I was confused and didn't understand anything. Once he told me that I was going crazy and that was the effect of going to church.
Best video about this topic. Thank you. Married to one for 20y. I was blind for so long. My children are seriously damaged. It is a shame. Now i hate him and want to leave him as fast as possible.
So so insightful, my sister has suffered in the hands of a narcissist, i didn't understand why she felt so much disconnected and says that she kept explaining and re explaining herself to her spouse until I heard the word narcissist. I researched and listened to videos like yours to better understand what she was dealing with. She have been playing into his manipulation by being reactive and offended thereby self sabotaging herself. She started hating herself for being so fustrated but with all these information, which I also shared with her, she is focused at building a better relationship with God that can aid her navigate the storm. She is already in it and must overcome God being our helper.
i've distanced myself from 2 narc's since last year (one, gave me the silent treatment -- the covert) the other i set boundaries 5 months later (the overt) and i set my heart on drawing close and closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in reading and studying the Holy Scriptures. i also began listening to many short videos here on youtube about narcissism of which i had no clue what it was or that i had been duped for 6 years with both friends-- ex friends now. i have learned soo much through all these videos and the countless comments from hundreds of you-- Thank you sooo much for sharing your hearts and what you have walked or are walking through. i still have moments where i am deeply hurt because i gave of my heart and soul, along with time, money, rides and putting my own life and my dog's on hold, allowing these two different extremes to bring stress, confusion, chaos and drama with each day; i still can't wrap my head around that i was dealing with both friends at the same time in different ways. hurt...mostly from the covert one, as i now see looking back, how she was controlling, secretive, snappy/demanding, critical and childish or selfish. how did i 'not' see?? because i was blinded and 'thought' she was a Christian sister and i overlooked those traits, thinking she surely will change by growing in her faith--ha! no! now i understand some of the remarks or looks that came through that mask. very angry and all about herself. i was blinded because we shared so much in our interests of the end times and what is going on in this secret society world scenario that has been unfolding before our eyes; i thought i had a 'friend' and sister in Christ that shared the same interests and excitement as me and i was deceived and she stole so much from my heart. now i have just an inkling taste of what our Lord must have felt knowing that Judas betrayed him. i have forgiven her as the Lord has forgiven me of all my own faults and sins. the hurt does remain. do i believe she is a true believer in our Lord and Savior..no. i have witnessed that evil look in her eyes one or two times, for a split second...whoa! truly the eyes of evil and once you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it's the eyes of the devil. Only the Lord God knows her heart, but the fruit that i have seen is not the fruit of the Holy Spirit of a changed heart and so i pray for her that she will be convicted to the core and surrender her will to the Savior with a true repentant heart...for without true repentance to God and a heart believing in his Son of his sacrificial death on the cross for us sinners, no one will see the Kingdom of God.
Imy life was trauma and when the LORD touched me 20 years ago at age 40 i had a lot of narcisists behaviour, really mean sometimes , very ugly. I had a legion, its through the generations, whatsoever,whe i had children, i realized i was a lot different frommy mothers behaviour. Still, a lot went wrong because i did not know how to regulate my feelings and zeach my children 😢. Now ,after 20years ,i am a very different person. People receive me as honest, loving, helpful, encouraging and truthful. Iam pretty honest with my ugly behaviour, but it is not my identity, i adk forgiveness and take responibility when iam triggerd, thete a still some Points. Its a process ,just be responsible and JESUS CHRIST ✝️ fights for us .iam learning to let go more and more.... I did nit receive a spirit of fear, but of strenth, love and a calm mind. Keep going friends, the reward is great. The lord makes our weakness to Strength ❤ we got a good Training, now is the time to run the race. You can do it🙌🏼✝️✨💪🏼💃🏼🕊️🛡️🗡️📖🕎🙏🏼🙏🏼📖🙏🏼
If you are a narcissist watching this and you want to sincerely give your life to Christ this doesn't mean He cannot change you. It just means that it comes with true repentance and a life submitted to Christ.
We can never know the heart but God will reveal those wolves in His timing. I know this because I lived it personally. No sword formed against a true believer will prosper.
Thank you Kris. I have encountered many people over the years professing Christ but their actions are more self centered. This helps me to understand them better, but still wonder if they need salvation.
These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..
I am glad I stumbled upon this video. I understood finally why my "christian" marriage failed. All !! these 12 characteristics of a narcissist perfectly fit my former husband. Eye-opening...
This type stayed under the radar the longest but when God wanted me to finally see everything it all came full circle....all the dots connected! As we grow continually spiritually we become ready for all truths....its truly in God's timing for He truly KNOWS ALL THINGS 🙏🙏🙏
I agree with all this. Actions speak louder than words. And absolutely yes, discern on their fruits and protect your heart. Great video; I am new here and I know I will be back. Thank you!
Kris Reese I am sooo glad I found your UA-cam channel! You are dead on it I have been in a toxic marriage for 34 years !! but up until about 4 or 5 years ago did I ever know there was a name for my husband's behavior I am floored at just how accurate you are about these people I'm praying and seeking God on a daily basis for His mighty counsel and revelation for what He wants me to do from here I'm tired and exhausted and honestly cannot take any more God himself put your videos in my lap for a reason and now I'm seeing why God bless you as I could use the prayers ❤🌈💜
I was dating a Christian Covert Narcissists. Day 3 of No Contact/blocked. He used the bible to justify his actions and behavior. Everything was about him you had no say in the relationship. He was always the first one at church and the last one to leave on Sunday. He was very insecure, controlling, manipulative, very needy and angry. I had to leave him because he was affecting my health. Saying you love me and hate me all in the same sentences was heartbreaking. I feel better now I am so much happier and healthier I made the best decision for my life. Survivors take your power and peace back take your love your understanding. Do not let a narcissits still one more minute of your time or your energy!
Hi I'm new to your channel. I have recently found out that I could possibly be dealing with a narcissistic person who claims to be a Christian. Thank you for providing this information. This is heartbreaking because I was close to this individual.
“In the end times people will become lovers of self” (2 Timothy 3:2). Here Paul is writing Timothy about the attributes of the lost in these end days. We can all exhibit narcissistic traits momentarily in our lives, but true narcissists are enveloped in those traits. Redeemed people will not allow narcissism to overtake and define them. Selfism is their fruit, and it will show. No pruning will ever truly take place and persist, for the Spirit of God is not at work in full-on narcissists.
To understand the mind and why humans act a certain way, you would have to study there background where they grow up, how they were treated as a child, we all have a past and some had it harder than others. Let’s pray for one another God can give us all wisdom to deal with these situations.
"You shall know them by their fruits". My son claims to be a Christian but bears not the Fruit of the Spirit... sad. Makes me cry the way he behaves at 37 years old. I raised him better than what I experience from him. I never hear him speak/treat strangers the way way he speaks to and treats me.
My ex husband sent me a text via no contact and stated " God told me to tell you that I'm not the Devil. I'm not the devil." This during prayer. I was confused but then realized I was being baited. I told him God would never tell you who you are not. God speaks life and tells us who we are. SMH.
Anyone can call themselves a Christian and fool others but God sees the heart and He cannot be fooled.
Amen!
@@Kris_Reece Christianity is evil, Kriss!
I know so! I spent 25 years in that Babylonian Satanic counterfeit! It destroyed me, Kriss!.
I mean to be a "one man pastor, vicar, Roman priest or even an Elder or eldership, is to be a liar + a thief, and being the above, breaks the 10 commandments!
Kriss, if you think this is way out there and in a way, way to steep, think about this: churches teach + preach tithing 10℅ percent of money to them + there churches, which is a lie! And because its a lie, theft follows! The bible states that breaking one commandments, breaks them all!
When the congregants of any Church is either lied, threatened or manipulated to hand over money, Narcissism is @ work!
Jesus stated in Matthew 7: 23-24, that he will have many stating mighty works, and Jesus did do the above through them so that people could be healed, only to be told they, the one's doing the works, never knew him!
Why if you think on this, it was because they were witches, and to be a witch does not have to entail the occult!
The lord has healed me, and I thank God he has shown me the truth through the studying of the bible, in relation to the above!
I asked God for help get rid of my false self.
i know and a narc mom always said to me in anger! "only God can judge" and "God sees my heart" as a way to get OUT of things!!!! she said both of those anytime she was doing wrong. thats another way to say "I dont value YOU"
Spot on Nigel! I know two people who "claim" to be Christians, yet their attitude, values & lifestyle truly say the exact opposite. Very, very, very shallow folks - no depth, no personal surrender ! Their behavior screams "narcissist." I'm so glad I'm not the judge, that Jesus IS the judge & that He knows the heart of everyone, no matter what they claim to be !
Just because someone goes to church doesn't mean they're Christian, it just means they go to church.
I call them pew warmers.They may have gotten themselves to church, but their minds are far from God. Also, any word or message they hear from the pulpit is never applied in their life, it is always meant for soneone else. They think they have immunity and God puts them on a pedestal where they are superior to everyone else.
Most churchgoers
Most go for relationships with people rather than with God.
Yep!
Very true.
Unfortunately, many pastors teach you can't be a Christian unless you attend/go to church. So it's easy for a narcissist to pass off as one. And the church members follow suit in that belief.
My former “Christian”spouse helped anyone who asked. He worked for a church for over 25 years. No one suspected what happened when our front door closed.
Can you elaborate?
@@allenallen5040 He had time for everyone but me. I was not last on his list. I wasn’t on it at all. I wish his boss, the lead pastor where my former spouse worked, would’ve valued marriage and told him to come back to his job at the church after he worked on his marriage.
@@MB-sg8dx You may need to ask God to give you the victory several more times, as the hurt comes back when you least expect it. God bless you.
I've watched for over 50yrs. I'm just getting the definitions and behaviors down, now.
@@sharondrake5794 Maybe he had an issue with you? After you got divorced did he still want to know what you were doing? Did he get remarried and treat his second wife the same way?
The problem occurs when the narcissist appears like a Christian to everyone else accept their spouse and maybe their children.
That's 85 percent of the parental population, regardless of christian labeling
that's exactly what happened...
Parents all have their indoor outdoor voices, but when the moral and ethical facade does not correlate in both instances that person is a a destroyer of those closest to them.
A "Christian" in name only.
This is so true,thank you
With narcissist's it's all about keeping up appearances.
@April Zollner The narcissist doesn't even consider going to hell, there are also religious narcissists and they don't consider it either because they all think they are perfect and without reproach.
Fear is the beginning of wisdom. Secondly, love is a choice just like forgiveness
@@rickspalding3047 Yes "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Proverbs 9:10
Oh Amen & Amen👈
my malignant narc mom did tons of hurtful things to me, including assassinated my character everywhere she went. so i told all her nasty stuff to my super-busy body auntie and use her non-stop gossip mouth to do the job for me. it worked like a charm. now her image went down the drain. Father bless me for I had sinned :P. fixing evil with evil.
My mother is a “Christian” narcissist and a former pastor’s wife. Through the years, she has caused me, the scapegoat child. and so many others, so much pain. I have had to give her to God and let Him deal with her. He knows all, so I don’t have to. I now protect myself and pray that she will realize how hurtful her words and deeds are and repent.
Exactly my mom. You're not alone. Stay strong.
My mom, too. Preachers daughter who literally tormented my father and my three brothers our entire life until recently.
They're fooling their self
no
idea whaT
you speak of in our religion Rom KaTh
Priests [Monks]
arent
allowed
To
have wife also no liaisons
and we are woman
no
Nuns.
no
STricT religious we believe in God ThaTs
all
Key 🔑 words, true REPENTANCE, you will see 👀 by their behavior and values
so i dont see anything at you yet ... oh, i see, you use words - wrong, worries, writing, wrath, so you have bad behavior and values, right?
“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” 1 John 4:20
This actually makes my stomach hurt. I cannot believe I missed these signs with my ex, who claims he is Christian. Even the way you mentioned how narcissists apologize is spot on, but the reasoning behind it is really good to know. My ex always said "I'm sorry," really quickly, without saying anything else or why he was sorry. Many times he'd say "My bad." And often, I'd find myself apologizing to him, so much.
Thank you for educating me and all of us on this. This is really helpful.
My wife pretended to be a Christian too. But she wasn’t
😢
@@adamcefalu9430thats a big sin to pretend
That's how I feel all along, my husband being a Christian and narc at the same time. It is like mocking God, saying one thing and doing another. Now I can put two and two together. Thank you very much for your guidance.
Very interesting perspective! It is like they are mocking God!
Well they are mocking you by claiming to be your faithful spouse and other half, but not an actual partner in reality if NPD. They don't honor and cherish you and forsake all others nor treat you the way Christ does His Church. Narcs nearly all cheat in games, finances, at work but mainly on spouses and on God when convenient. Like she said they are takers. They idolize new supply and did the same once with their ideas of Jesus and don't realize that is not being saved. Everything is a character in their mind and so nothing is authentic. They will be among the bridesmaid virgins that knock and say but Jesus I have to this charity and I went to church and got baptized and know you and He will say I never knew you back. They knew the idea of Him in their head and stopped at that. They do it with you so what makes you think they dont with Jesus, God, etc... Also they tend to be mental believers or even emotional but not heartfelt about their relationship with God because they don't get relationships in general. It's surface worship without real Faith because to have real faith means you have to have trust and hope. They don't do trust and don't understand hope and ridicule it in others if actually NPD. What's worse is they believe everyone else thinks and does the exact same they do so they can't have empathy for anyone but themselves and possibly the person they are idealizing or love bombing at any moment. It's actually really sad and due to arrested development. They are children stuck in time but in a growing body. If that is how God saves them through the idea He knows them and their background enough, He may consider them like children and show them mercy that way but if they are considered above the age of accountability, I worry that can't accept His gift of forgiveness because they honestly don't think they need forgiveness nor that anyone else is worth forgiving. They use words like pointless and useless a lot and can't be bothered to treat people with basic civility most of the time. I hope their are ways for them but they seem so evil, toxic and abusive I don't have a lot of reasons to be hopeful and the fact is they are a growing population and Jesus warned us that about end times so I don't see their numbers getting smaller sadly.
You're husband is trying to be equal to God or above Him, which no human can be. it's all an act for his low self-esteem and worth.
My mom and identical twin brother are like this. I'm the scapegoat of their rage. They both curse and say hurtful things to me as self projection as well and I pointed this out in a civil manner as calm as can be, but they couldn't own up their faults.
My "Christian" mom has made fun of me for reading the Bible daily and no true Christian would say something like that to another Christian. God has made it clear to me of her heart's true nature.
I need to add one trait to your list of what can be seen in a Narcissistic person: rage. It’s these rages and then lying and saying she does not rage at family members that has separated me from my sister. I have never seen any change in her, ever.
Jesus did not say you will know them by their profession, but through their fruit. Thank you for your teaching on this very difficult topic.
Oh yes!! It's horrible.
My sister is also a narcissist 😞 I pray for her and I hope our Father in heaven will change her one day! 🙏
Sometimes she seems "nicer", but usually it doesnt last long 😞
I was "working for her" for years, just trying to help how I could, forgetting myself and I never heard "thank you" and I never heard "sorry". Now I am trying to show her I am "cool" and I dont give in to her "moods". I am sure its a spiritual fight, I see the demons tormenting her mind. I will never give up praying for her, Jesus can change her too! ❤
Hallelujah! 🙌
@April Zollner you are right, they need tough love, but the problem is (and not just with narcissists) many people percieve christianity like "believing in Jesus, praying sometimes, sometimes going to church" (but these days not even that), but living their lifes "how they feel" and not including God into their decissions at all (thats very common by us in Slovakia, where are mostly catholic traditions 😕).
Besides... my narcissist is also a "secret" alcoholic 😞 so I don't know what else to do as to pray 😢
@@aprilzollner3587 I totally agree. Many evil people fear nothing except their karma-bad deeds being recorded. They know what they've been doing. And they know their excuses, minimizations, rationalizations.......are just failures to repent. Show them some of The Near Death Experiences podcasts....many deal with Hell. It's scary. Don't go to Hell. Repent and seek deliverance. Put God-Jesus first....and you'll be very very happy.
I saw my mom in hell in my dreams. Then when I warned her she is full.of rage and called me a witch. Then I told her it's not from.me.its from Jesus
I agree with you. A narcissist can’t be a true Christian. A person has to come to a place in life where they realize they are a sinner and know they need Christ to forgive them. A narcissist will never admit they are a sinner. They believe they are flawless and have nothing to ask forgiveness for. There is no repentance, so therefore they cannot become a Christian. I was raised by a narcissist and I know these things first hand. But I thank my Savior for bringing me through a horrible abusive life, and for saving me ❤
How has God heal you?
@@allenallen5040 he loves me completely, he showed me how to forgive and when I ended up with a large brain tumor recently, he was with me thru a terrible surgery and has healed me of that tumor. He has healed me thru His word and has never left me. The love that I didn’t get from my parent, he has made up for that with His unconditional love that never ends.
I told the narc, you went to church weekly and hear all God's teaching but never follow them; its like going to a diet doctor every weekend listen to the doctor dieting plan but never follow the diet but continue to eat all junk food (do all the vicious gossips). 60 years later, you asked the doctor 'I guess i am slim (holy) already by now'.
Sorry but this is such drivel. Narcissists can be Christians and narcissists can and do change. Is the narcissist more powerful than Christ and His redemptive work? Sure many narcissists won't admit fault but some do. You shouldn't make such all-encompassing judgments.
@@nickgrandy6924 Narcs very rarely change...VERY RARELY. Its not about the narc being more powerful than Christ. The only means to change is through Christ and they dont want to change...thats the problem. God has his hand out, their own free will slaps it away. Saying they cant be a true christian is not an all encompassing judgement...its like a liar who has lied to you a 1000 times, says "this time Im telling the truth". Sure I guess there is the .000001 percent chance it is the truth but you cant hold that kind of judgment against someone. If you were a narc at one point, so you say in another comment, then you earned that doubt. Till you prove otherwise to whoever
Here is what I know: I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD. I am also a Christian woman and that's how I identify as the most. Borderline Personality Disorder is horrible. I didn't choose to be wired this way. It affects the way I think, feel, act even when I don't want it to. I am a survivor of a horribly traumatic childhood where adults had free-will and made choices that affected my life, and still affects my life no matter how much therapy I go through. My God is bigger than all of this. And one thing I do know is that generational abuse begets generational abuse. God is still God and He's God even over those who are Narcissistic, which is also a form of mental illness. God's grace covers us all. And none of us knows if those Narcissistic people are products of an upbringing that they didn't also choose and are just trying to cope in the best way they know how, even if it's negative. So, you and I cannot answer to whether someone is a Christian or not. All of us are fallen and broken. God loves me, God loves you, and God loves those Narcissistic people. It is up to us as believers to bring others to Christ and then get out of the way and let Him work on them, this includes Narcissistic people. All people can change when God gets control over them. There are a lot of people out there today who don't suffer from mental illness and who identify as Christian, but when they come before God, he will cast them out and tell them He never knew them. Show grace, love, and kindness. And never underestimate what God can do in a person's life when He's ready to call them to Him.
Well said. Good luck in your future and journey with our Lord looking after his children. Blessings. ✝️🏃♂️
Exactly what happen to a woman I know, has the same symptoms and grew up the same way. Not sure if she is a believer but praying for her that the Lord would bring her to himself.
Thanks for this. Very helpful, am trying to deal with my mum who underwent childhood traumas and I know there is hope for her in Christ.
Yes maybe you're right. Maybe they are just trying to cope in the best way they know how.
I'm still trying to understand my brother in law who is a Christian but stubbornly refuses to show any love or concern for his wife, even though she at times points out to him that he doesn't treat her fairly. There's definitely a stubbornness there, but perhaps it is rooted in some sort of fear
In Jesus.mighty name all things are possible..
My pastor husband of 56 years walked out 2/half years ago had committed homosexuality , no repentance and I was ill he did not say goodbye he has always been a narcissist , I am now on my own at 86 he has influenced my daughters against me , but for the goodness of God I so praise Him I manage Lorraine
So sorry. They aren't good when others get sick.
Oh Lorraine, I am so sorry. You are not alone. You have Christ, and those here who truly care. You don't deserve this. The bible says in Matthew 10:34-36 34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set[a] a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ I pray this helps to comfort you. I will be praying for you. God Bless you!
I’d never trade my borderline personality disorder for Narcissism. I thought I could carry my own cross to my grave but I said no way Jesus help me with this weight I’m carrying. Dated a narc she slept with everyone male prostiturs included. That behaviour is not human I recognise that behaviour from my childhood and it was the biblical description of Satan himself. Tbey are the devils pawns for certain and they are barely distinguishable from the evil one
Sorry to hear Lorraine stay strong may God give you peace
This is disheartening to me. I believe I may be a narcissist; likely a covert narcissist to use the labels of the speaker - and I am a professing Christian. In the last five years since my conversion God has revealed more and more of my heart to me, things I never noticed before: chief among them were my pride, arrogance, and selfishness. I truly believe I'm the most selfish person I know. Being unselfish goes against my nature. But I believe Christ is working in me. I trust that if He has truly redeemed me, that He will finish this work of redemption. His Word promises this. I can't believe that there is no hope for the narcissist. In Christ, there is true hope. He can and does transform the vilest of sinners. I appreciate this video and the spreading of awareness regarding this issue, but I wish she would have spoken more about the power of Christ to transform - He is mighty to save, and He can save to the uttermost. This is not a question of the evil of the narcissist but the power of our Lord. I refuse to believe I am without hope in Christ. My only hope is found in Him, with my eyes fixed on Him, seeking to delight myself fully in Him and not in the things of this world. I don't believe dying to self is easy for anyone, I certainly know it isn't easy for me. But God's power is made perfect in weakness. His grace is sufficient. Nothing is impossible for God. If God can transform someone like me, then His power is truly unlimited and He deserves all the glory.
U are not a narcissist , u have empathy, u just have to heal from something(s) in your life that put u in the survival mode u are in. All ppl have a narcissistic trait or 2. The fact that u care, that u even care!!! I promise u, u are NOT a narcissist .🕊️🤍✨ I pray u keep your faith, Jesus loves u, u ARE saved by grace. Love 💖
This is very encouraging to me, i kept wondering whether there is hope for my mum. She is a confessing Christian but this traits have made lots of harm in the family. She is not a happy person and as a daughter i want the best for her but I realised it would not be without transformation. Its sad that she had childhood trauma but Jesus Christ is able to totally heal and transform. There is power in the blood of Jesus Christ to save and transform to Gods glory.
A Christian needs to develope a relationship with the Trinity ! It's a DAILY walk ! And ask God to bring a brother or sister in Christ into your life to help ! You'll end up helping each other!❤️🙏❗
Perhaps unselfishness comes from the ability to see things from the other person's point of view, and then that enables empathy and a desire to love them in practical ways.
Do you find you are able to see things as if you were in the other person's shoes?
In a course I was doing on early childhood, I learned that this perspective- taking is something that develops in the early years through pretend play, and that kids who are robbed of the opportunity to play this way, do not develop the ability to see things from another's point of view.
@@nickgrandy6924 Your text made me cry. My mother in law is a full blown narcissist and she has always tried to turn my children against me. She has succeeded with some. Now I have 2 daughters who are Narcissists. I wish my weak willed husband had confronted his mother long ago and told his mother if she doesnt knock it off she can’t see our kids. I wish they would be like you.
Remember traumatized people tend to become Narcissist for example my mother was severely extremely abused in childhood. She is one of the worst human beings I've ever known. A monstrous narc who has visibly destroyed the lives of dozens of her family members and especially her children. The good thing about Christ is that once this person accept salvation that narcissists journey to healing is in God hands. "It is the holy spirit who leads the heart to repentance". That's why the church is always filled with broken people. Christ's kingdom is like a hospital and that's ok. All she can do is run to God ,she been a horrible Christian but she never stopped trying shes in her mid 70s now , slowly cleansing her heart bc we serve be a God that loves all sinners the same. This video is a good help for those of us who need to keep safe from these broken people.
Thanks for this comment!
You are speaking about my life... my narc mother never wanted a daughter... so I was the scapegoat child my younger brother was the golden child and my older brother the invisible child
@@joycolclough2272 I hear that!
This is so true, I am so glad to be out of the relationship. He was cruel and had no morals no values and he reflected all his issues on me. Praise God he got me out of the relationship and I am healing 🙏 Never ever going back
Ditto💯 Praise Adonai🙌🏼 🙌🏽 & Please Pray for our presh Children Still under his thumb, & horribly deceptive control... 🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏻💖☝️
My soon to be ex-husband is a white washed tomb. He says he doesn’t lie which makes him a liar per God’s word. Every man is a liar. He’s covert which was so destructive to me. He was a cop for 31 years so he was trained to “handle”people. So thankful to be on
the road to true freedom & healing. Thank you Jesus 🙏
Not all men are liars. Don't put them in a box.
@@donnalechak6980 Romans 3:4
King James Version
4 God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.
Cops can be naracists because naracists all love positions and jobs that give them power and authority over others. Actions speak louder than words. Are they one person outside and the total opposite when with you in private?
@George Frazer but it is not true that ALL cops are narcissists. Certain professions attract those with personality disorders,
@George Frazer but it is not true that ALL cops are narcissists. Certain professions attract those with personality disorders,
My late mother. She went to the extremes of being a missionary and later working with disadvantaged children, all through our childhood. Every bit of it to the detriment of her own children. She couldn't hack any of it, but made a career out of announcing to the world 'all that I've given up for the Lord'. "By their fruits you will know them" is spot on. Sour lemons disguised as apples, ghastly thorns presented as fruit trees.
So glad I found this channel. I marred a narc 15 years ago pretending to be this God fearing, family oriented and caring man. For years I tried to figure out what was going on this church going preacher was not the same person at home! When that mask slipped and I saw him for who he really was it was sooooo confusing and heartbreaking. Until about 3 years ago I heard the term Narcissist. It was like a light came on and since then after the harsh reality set in I am now healing. Its channels like this that makes it so much better. Thank you and keep up the good work. God bless you.
I heard Pastor cho, I believe of the biggest church in the world, say that his wife told him that when he gets home she wishes that the same man that was preaching up in the Pulpit was the same one that came home.
He was admitting that none of us manifest Christ perfectly in our lives, but of course when you're in an official position preaching and teaching others the word of god, you're doing what you're supposed to and hopefully teaching them the truth, but even the Apostle Paul said that he did not perfectly live up to it, yet at the same time he said follow his example. But he also was not married
Also some women are not very gracious themselves in demanding and expecting their husband to be perfect like Jesus Christ or something, I know I have seen the devil come into many of them because the devil knows it's one of the most powerful and effective ways to get to a pastor or preacher of the word of God is through the wife and have her nag and complain or be disgruntled and angry
Ideally, the wife should have already died to herself which is actually fundamental to being a christian, and also learn to put others first, as her husband as a pastor or leader obviously should have done as well.
If they both serve and love others together immunity, as one unit one flesh, serving one God and one spirit, this would seem to be ideal and a beautiful thing wouldn't it?
Did you divorce?
Matthew 7:16-20 You shall know them by their fruits.
Thank you so much. I’ve struggled with this question for years. Your answer is concise, Biblical and explains how narcissists can spiritually abuse people.
Thanks for watching
Me too.
Absolutly!
@April Zollner yes! Unfortunatly, many shall say on that day :"Lord, haven't we cast out demons in Your name? Haven't we prophesied in Your name?". The Lord shall answer : "Depart from me, evil doers, I never knew you!".
Oh Amen!!
"By their fruit ye shall know them."
Awhile back I heard a woman ask a pastor who was on tv, can God change a narcissist. The pastor answered "no get away from him" For years I couldnt understand why that pastor would think that. God can do anything but I think the Lord told me because of pride satan was thrown out of heaven and because of the pride narcissists have God won't change them.😢
You are spot on. I agree with you about true Christians struggling with narcissistic/ sin tendencies. I believe narcissim is another word for sin.
It's the vice of pride
Have always thought so.. Since the approach is from Psychology and not religion ,the word narcissist is used but in religious approach its someone living in Mortal sin with no remorse.
narc has evil spirits within them
Times my mom treated me awful at times she treated me very well. The times she treated me well I was always wondering if I imagined bad treatment. It was so confusing for many years cuz I always wanted to think the best. Good or bad, I pray she is in heaven. At the end of the day, only God knows the heart. Our duties are to forgive and love that agape love the best we can
🥺😭
I can relate to what you are saying with my own mother
As a young child you wonder what you've done for her to be so short, mean, and cold with you. You think that you are the problem; decades later you learn that you were never the problem. One can only hope there will be true repentance before they go in the presence of God.
Forgive them and pray for them, but that may be from a distance. The concept that we need to continue a relationship with abusive people because they are family is dangerous IMO.
My parents and my sister are narcissists
And they tried to pass themselves off as
God fearing
But when I found God 10 years ago I practiced what I preached
and even though my parents and sister chose to never have a relationship with me
I still forgive them because I have been saved by the blood of Christ since I was 25
Now 35✡️✝️🙏😇
Well said sister!!! You just described my unequally yolked husband!! I pray for him often!! Please pray for his spirit to be truly saved!!! Thank you and sweet blessings to you always!! XOs 💫✨
So glad I found this video because i witnessed this in my life. My ex husband is a cheating, lying narcissist that was baptized to be a follower of god at our church 4 years ago. He continued lying, cheating and abusing me. He started taking his affair partner to the same church I go to literally weeks after we got married and he took off. It disgusts me to no end that he hides in the church.
There’s something to add to all of this discussion about baptism. My ex narcissistic husband got himself baptized three times. I think that should tell everyone just how bad of a sinner he knows he is. He is trying to wash his sins away.
@@ckvarnmass I shouldn’t even laugh at the three times part but holy moly…! The baptisms with people like him and husband is really just for show… my husband cheated even more after he was baptized with me at the beginning of our relationship and the woman he was primarily cheating with had “god first” on her social media after she actively helped him cheat on me and she cheated on her husband 🤣🤣. They were both baptized together and got to my church. I just can’t even… it’s all for show.
They may also need deliverance because there could be some demonization going on, along with renewing the mind with God's word and being willing to submit to discipleship. It's not instant change but at least a commitment to the transformative process of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for sharing. My parents are narcissists and they only bring up God and Christianity to fit their own agendas or to spiritually abuse someone who thinks differently than them. They make people pray with them to cover up their wrong doings while not even acknowledging what they've done or actually apologizing for anything. Lastly, when I finally decided to cut them out of my life as much as I can, they decide to come to my home, harass and belittle me while saying "Honor your father and mother". And yes, these are people who are involved in the church. Church goers but not true Christians.
Do you still believe in God despite their behavior ?
@@louisem3969 Very good question. I appreciate this question. God is good always! He who is in me is greater then he who is in the world. When dealing with toxic people .... I can't afford to keep allowing them to rob of my peace, Sanity , and serenity. I'm to keep my eyes on him and not seeking approval of man .
Please get away from them they won't stop. Parents have a part in that they must be worthy of honor. God does not ask us to honor people who hurt us
Cover up wrong doing? Except real Christians know that only the Jesus death on the cross and dying for our sins is the only way to have sins forgiven. Lol
One of the most difficult things to do as a Christian, is to honor your earthly father and mother, when either or both are dishonorable.
Hi from South Africa Kris, well said. You hit it on the head. I've been married to a narcissist for 25 years and it's so sad when he says he's a Christian because it's all about what he can get. I have said to him that we're here for God not the other way around. When I saw the title I thought it's them not surrendered fully to God, nice to see we're in agreement. Not too sure about "saved" how can they been when they worship themselves only, heard this saying the other day "Jesus will only save those He can command" otherwise He knew them not. God bless you and your ministry
4:03 that’s the nail on the head right there. I’ve worked with many in my ministry. If you cannot acknowledge your sin you certainly cannot repent. No repentance no salvation. Obviously God alone knows the heart but I have my doubts.
Where the Bible helped me was after receiving some counseling, I received a list of the 'marks of a narcissist.' THEN, I read 11 Tim. 3, and there it was. Kind of like you said. Hope this will help others. Thanks.
YES! They find easy, unsuspecting targets and can hide their behavior with service and good works for years! But God eventually exposes and deals with them, I have seen it.
Wow! This describes my wife perfectly. She portrays herself as an ardent Christian, but has not surrendered any part of her life. The victim mentality, zero empathy, double standards and perfect false front are demonic. I wish I had known more about this before we married.
My parents were/are narcissists in church. Use Bible to punish and protect their images.
I am hesitant to call myself a “Christian” I am a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. And defender of truth! Amen!
This is extremely helpful. At 43, I finally realized that my mother is a narcissist. I was conflicted because this woman gets up every morning and does her devotion and has done so for 40 years. She is more involved in her church than I am. I couldn't understand it, but this made it clear. I really appreciate the video!
When i was a teenager dealing with a narcissistic lawyer step father, who had the spiritual maturity of a child. Thats when god showed me the power inversion going on. Even though he was in a position if authority over me the lord showed him as a baby. He showed me how he saw the situation, understanding how to handle this inverted power dynamic, helped me wisely handle other narcissists that i encountered later in life.
Please explain further. I need a better understanding of this.
@@stephanieromero815 im not sure what you need to know. Maybe this will help. Sometimes god gives wisdom by showing us how things look from his perspective. Like scripture says, " the last will be first, and the first will be last". Or he said that the greatest of you will be the servant of all. So his way of looking at power is not the same as ours. So he was giving me a glimpse of how he looked at my step dad at them time. And it made sense, he was always putting himself first, everything was always about what he wanted, and everyone in the house had to revolve around his needs. Essentially he had the spiritual maturity of a toddler. And ya i was a kid, but i had know the lord from the begining, even then i was willing to put myself last if it meant that if it was the right thing to do. In some ways im an old soul, even then i had a spiritual matuarity that was not normal. Im not saying i was perfect, at that age, nor was i saying he never got it right, but because of this revelation at the time i was able to look at the conflict between us differently. I still had to respect his earthly authority, but was able to rise above the toddler like behavior from my step dad. I didnt know it at the time but him showing me something in that way was part of how god gifted me. It was a prophetic revelation, and that kind of thing has at times give me a type of wisdom that is unique and can help a lot of people. I hope that helped, ive never had to put this down in writting before, so i hope i made it understandable. Let me know if you need me to explain anything else.
I never ever comment on UA-cam. But I had to comment on this one. My husband and I were raised in church, but as adults had had trouble finding ones accepting and non judgemental that we felt comfortable with. We found a large church with many opportunities for us and our family. We immediately immersed ourselves from day one. It's easy to get lost in such a large business-like church with its branded-merch, public events, etc. But we didn't want to be back-row-pew-sitting Christians, although nothing wrong for others to do so if that's what they prefer. But we wanted to be as close as possible to minimize distractions. I auditioned for the worship team the first month we attended and was called for a second live audition. I had finally answered God’s urging through much discernment and prayer, and although nervous to sing in public, let alone even speak within a small group, I was filled with happiness and this opportunity to answer God’s calling and use my God-given talent for Him. I was told that the second audition wouldn't be for several months, due to the busy Christmas and New Year events and also due to the church's need to see my commitment to the church for at least 3 months until I would get an audition appt, due to being so new to the church (although I had got the newsletters for 4 years, but was just shy to take that leap with a new church family.) In the midst of this, my husband and I decided that, as recent newlyweds, to be part of the ReEngage Marriage Ministry circle to learn marriage principles. We had attended 4 sessions and the methods we were learning were going so well between us, but our facilitators were very condescending towards every one and not allowing anyone to share our trangressions to get true help, only vague responses were allowed. A lot of us felt there was no true healing allowed, nor was there potential to use these trangressions to open dialougue about pertinent scriptures. At the 4th session, a rumor was started about my husband and I which was only exacerbated by the fact that we were not allowed to give elaboration on any true issues to get help. When I cited the fact that we watched video testimonials in the beginning of each group session, which gives details of the couple's struggle which only serves to help others, we were told: "this is not small group confession time". 😳Our fault was trusting our group leaders with our vulnerability when we privately asked them for clarification of a biblical principle using a hypothetical example and stated it was such and this example was just that and wasn't happening in our marriage. The other leaders were brought in and they all decided by this one hypothetical example used to explain our question that we were allegedly "beyond help" and specifically told not to return to the program. We were hurt, we both actually cried. We were bright-eyed, eager Christians thirsty for God and fellowship and didn't feel like we were loved or treated as Jesus wants us to treat others and even more hurtful was that we were mistaken and misunderstood and gaslighted over an innocent question and gossiped about. There's so much more to this, but I've written a book already. We called ReEngage Corporate, who facilitated for us and requested the church conduct a meeting. After many excuses, my husband and I called the church program leader/elder, who insisted the rumor was true, and gaslighted the entire conversation, despite us insisting that it wasn't true and why are these people believed and so what if it was true, we would have been in the right place then to get help, Jesus ministered to the sick... etc... none of our insistings mattered. The whole miscommunication was over a simple question regarding God's forgiveness and condoning behavior even when it's abuse, which was a general question because it was told to everyone in group that you forgive your spouse over and over no matter what. Long story short, after we took a 3 month break from church, the morning we returned to church the pastor preached identity in Christ... "you are redeemed, forgiven, loved, etc"... I spoke to him after the service and told him that we still feel very unwelcome after not being allowed to stay in the program and I told him the message he preached did not align with their treatment of us. He told me I need to "move past this" (however, my moving past this was obviously being back in church in the first place), so I then stated that I do still plan to audition, but oddly my audition was canceled right at the time that we were kicked out of group and I was told it would be rescheduled but that I hadn't heard back yet, and after fumbling with excuses, my pastor finally told me: (direct quote) "you are not at a good place in your life and your marriage is not great right now. While we don't strive for perfection here, you need to get better in your life before you can serve". My heart sank. Our marriage is a very strong one! So even though we privately talked to him about the elders' decision to remove us and what actually was happening, he had turned on us too. And who was he to tell me otherwise and then to hypocritically tell me to move past this, but that I can't serve? I left in TEARS. I cried the rest of the day and it's been months ago and we still feel very abandoned. We were gaslighted and manipulated, then tossed aside and ultimately told I can't serve the church. It's clear God has a different plan for us, but the confusion and hurt are things I have to pray about constantly. My husband was eager to start his own church group and I eager to serve as well, and they both dampened our light a little and made us untrusting of others again, although I hate to admit that.
God bless you. May God lead you to your tribe! You need to shake the dust off of your sandals like Jesus instructed in Matthew 10:14. You need and deserve to be where you are celebrated and appreciated. A common mistake we make is believing someone is a Christian just because they say they are. Even Jesus told us, " We will know a tree by its fruit." They need to SHOW you they are a Christian and they have shown you they are not likely one. These are those that 2 Timothy 3:5 speaks of: "having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!"
If they had discernment they would have been able to discern the Truth. Their obvious lack of relationship with The Lord Jesus is reflected in their devious deeds and actions. I have been mistreated and cheated by more people that profess to be Christians but are anything but, even more than strangers in the world😢🌎
P. S. When people reveal to you who they are the FIRST time, believe them🙏
@@preacherbarbie thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. Please pray for my husband and I as, since this has been written, we are going through a trying time and his faith is being tested. He needs to come back to the Lord and surrender fully. He acknowledges he needs to get right with the Lord but the enemy tries to steer him away. Please pray. Thank you kindly.
@SoulWinningButterfly
thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. Please pray for my husband and I as, since this has been written, we are going through a trying time and his faith is being tested. He needs to come back to the Lord and surrender fully. He acknowledges he needs to get right with the Lord but the enemy tries to steer him away. Please pray. Thank you kindly.
@@strengthtostandalone7131 I will be praying for you and your husband. When we look to God and not His followers ( or those that claim to be) we can never be misled. Bless you in Jesus Name🙏
How can someone who claims to be a Christian and love God treat someone who also loved them so cruelly and absolutely horrible. I'm so happy I got out, and I'm now educating and healing from my exes' abuse. Praise be to GOD.
1.Emotional Health 2.Spiritual Maturity 3.Discernment
Amen fred
Pray for them, God loves them
BUT NO CONTACT!
i know and a narc mom always said to me in anger! "only God can judge" and "God sees my heart" as a way to get OUT of things!!!! she said both of those anytime she was doing wrong. thats another way to say "I dont value YOU"
You bring up a great point. The lady I got involved in hooked me on a book she was reading,” The Holy Spirit”. I thought she was a genuine Christian and from the dating period through the last day she asked me to leave we’d have devotions. Never missed a day. Where your right is I saw how shallow she was, but I didn’t judge her. Friends later told me they saw it. I thought I was a good judge of character, after all I’m certified to give DISC analysis. I knew she was a high D and C but I didn’t see the controlling part until months into our marriage, which by the way was a commitment she had me play into by going to Vegas. Now I see she manipulated me all along. Now I just pray for her, I don’t harbor ill feelings towards her. She played me, used me gave my stuff away. Took an enormous amount out of my bank account. But hey it’s not for me to be vengeful.
@@user-el8nz4yu4t believe me I did, I learned a lesson years ago about harboring bitterness, this time i relinquished it all to the One who will right all wrongs
Nobody escapes the truth the day of judgment comes comes for us all Give Us Clean Hands broken contrite heart
Your teaching is so valuable to me. I wish I found you sooner
I'm glad you're here now :)
Condemning others goes against the teachings of love and acceptance that Christianity is supposed to represent. It's sad when people use their faith to judge or hurt others, especially those who are already struggling. We should strive to create a supportive community that welcomes everyone, regardless of their background or beliefs.
Asking if a Narcissist can be a Christian is like asking if a Prostitute can be a Christian, the answer for both is yes but they will be required to repent and turn from their sinful lifestyle.
@@aprilzollner3587 Nobody "can" from their own strength. John 1:13; 3:7-8; 6:29 and more. It's a GIFT from God.
That's a good question. I don't know anybody who is a born again Cristian and is a Narcissist. That might be the answer to that question.
Yes he/she can, he was saved but never learned to get rid of the narcissistic mindset.
For that he/she will have immense problems to experience the loving jesus, they do not understand the full grace and try to be self righteousness, for sure in such state leadership is not an option , surrendering to god is a process, also for the non narcissists.
Jesus grace strangely is greater then I can Imagine,
Jesija : 61 The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has chosen me. He has commissioned me to encourage the poor, to help the brokenhearted, to decree the release of captives, and the freeing of prisoners,
Biblical Studies Press. 2019. The NET Bible. Second Edition. Denmark: Thomas Nelson.
You should not forget, that the lord comes for the broken hearted and the captives, for the ill poeple both for narcissistic souls and their victims (also there is no black and white, also a weaker narcissist can suffer in a relationship with a stronger narcicissist)
Thank you for your vids, the topic is very very important as many christians, think they serve god but indeed serve their own and are even blind for it, the manipulating spirit blinds also the one who he operates in, …
By the way I call nobody a narcissist but one with NPS, narcissistic personality syndrome.
Great vid!
One of the problems we have in the church is the "prosperity gospel". It has taught people to believe that if they give, they will get wealth. Some pastors are getting rich off their poor congregation. The worst abuse in the world is spiritual abuse.
This is my sister in a nutshell. I grew up in a Christian home, filled with narcissists. My parents, thankfully, in recent years have surrendered a lot of those traits, though I still see them at times. My sister is the epitome of a “good Christian” on the outside. Constantly involved in church, picks up leadership roles at church, very active member, rarely misses an opportunity to be at church and “serve the church”. She prays and reads her Bible and listens to worship music and takes her kids to church, etc..
But she’s been physically and verbally abusive to all three of her (now adult) daughters. I’ve witnessed it and heard of it. CPS has been called on my sister multiple times and nothing ever came of it.. she used to go out and party all the time and neglect her kids and make excuses for “needing me time”.. yes, she’s been through a lot in her life, but she’s 40 and still plays the victim.. even against her own kids… where she has called the cops on THEM for protecting themselves from HER.. she cries that the world is out to get her and can’t understand why she still doesn’t have a husband after being divorced for 12 years. Yet treats people around her like absolute garbage if they ever do or say something she doesn’t like or makes her look bad. I’ve personally experienced her being violent and aggressive if she’s ever confronted or called out. She has even personally assaulted me when I tried to protect her children from her abuse. Yes cops were called but nothing came of it… she reeks of jealousy toward her daughters. Toward me. Toward our mother. Toward other females.. I’ve seen and experienced it and it’s sickening … I am currently on cordial terms with her. Though off and on have cut her out of my life. She lives in another state, so I don’t have to have frequent interactions with her. But for the sake of being able to communicate with my nieces and have peace amongst my family, I don’t have her blocked but have very minimal communication with her. I’ve certainly forgiven her on a spiritual level, however I have little to no trust for her and very little respect for who she is because I see right through the façade that somehow has other family members fooled.
I am also aware that there have been times I’ve been narcissistic.. it’s what I grew up around.. it’s a trait I’ve seen in my of my exes … however.. I’m very aware of that and have taken necessary steps to address and work through why I’ve acted like that and acknowledging and accepting that it’s unhealthy behavior. It’s not the type of person I want to be so I’m willing to do the work to break out of certain habits I’m used to.
The difference with my sister is that when she’s “gotten help” it’s to cry about how pitiful her life is… when I seek help.. I’m trying to become a better version of my past self so I don’t repeat the same mistakes or cause harm to others out of my own pain…
And I know this because of what my nieces tell me, who still live with her, that is the exact opposite of the lies she tells herself and feeds others. That she hasn’t changed and won’t change… as long as no one “important” is looking.
Christians often get critical bcz they know, too much. You seem over-involved in your sister's family life. Easy for us to be right and take sides. So much FOCUS magnifies a negative situation. Yes, as a Christian we have insight but, people in Christ are on a personal journey of growth. Again, eating from the Tree of Knowledge, UA-cam & all the experts makes a person, prideful & think they know better. Those who have no children or are not married, are sometimes self righteous. Try to just help. Children often demonize parents when it suits them. Their brain, their perceptions are not fully developed til they are 26 years old.
My ex husband rarely went to church with me. And he would criticize me for my quiet time and prayer time. I moved after our divorce so I unfortunately had to start attending a different church. But now he occasionally goes to my former church. I think he is there telling lies about me and our relationship just so he get attention and sympathy from other people.
I left a church because One came in as the Preacher of the church I went to as a teen. I see him once a year at a community event. He is still the same. I went back to my home church. He is the only one who ever told me Not to marry "that nerd" I met at that Church. 37 yrs later I think he was wrong. I'm glad to see him once a year to remind myself it's always fine to move on and find real people.
this preacher really thought he is the shepherd and you are his goat? telling u what to do?
@@spaideman7850 Yeah. I guess so. I was young but not dumb and he's still ignorant.
I really love this video. I love the Matt 7:16 reference at the end. I have had Christian Narcissists(??) in my life. It's actually been a block to going back to church. I'm not expecting people to be perfect in the church. And I'm not perfect. However, I pray with going trying to go back to the church I find Spirit-led Christians that help me return to the faith.
"Their desire to give up what pleases them is non existent" That...that right there.
That's the difference between a Christian and a non Christian. "Christian" narcissists are wolves in sheep's clothing.
The biggest energy sucking vampire i've ever come across was a happy friendly smiling christian that claimed often on God speaking to him. A well respected dedicated member of his christian community He sent shivers down my spine after being around him for a while, as soon as i got home i would shower to wash his toxic presence from mind and body.
Shower? Lol. That's not going to do anything, that's what deliverance is for
@@rickspalding3047 It's a symbolic action for cleansing. Listen from the heart and not the fixated mind. This is spoken for your deliverance, whatever that is.
@@hihigh101 deliverance is cleansing, that's one of the basis of the new testament, its one of the primary reasons of Jesus' existence
@@rickspalding3047 Thankyou then that is exactly what i did.
Know and love someone close to me that is a Christian, bears the fruit and wonderful example but struggles with narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissism also occurs on a spectrum of severity. And types of narcissism have different motivations for their actions, but it is about them at the core.
I have a close friend who is a Christian or says she is. I feel like I’m in her audience and I’m there to listen and admire her.
Willingness to surrender
Thousands thanks for the excellent video, my ex narc said he was a Christian, I am a Christian, I was confused and didn't understand anything. Once he told me that I was going crazy and that was the effect of going to church.
Thank you for sharing. Was very insightful
Best video about this topic. Thank you. Married to one for 20y. I was blind for so long. My children are seriously damaged. It is a shame. Now i hate him and want to leave him as fast as possible.
So so insightful, my sister has suffered in the hands of a narcissist, i didn't understand why she felt so much disconnected and says that she kept explaining and re explaining herself to her spouse until I heard the word narcissist. I researched and listened to videos like yours to better understand what she was dealing with. She have been playing into his manipulation by being reactive and offended thereby self sabotaging herself. She started hating herself for being so fustrated but with all these information, which I also shared with her, she is focused at building a better relationship with God that can aid her navigate the storm. She is already in it and must overcome God being our helper.
i've distanced myself from 2 narc's since last year (one, gave me the silent treatment -- the covert) the other i set boundaries 5 months later (the overt) and i set my heart on drawing close and closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in reading and studying the Holy Scriptures. i also began listening to many short videos here on youtube about narcissism of which i had no clue what it was or that i had been duped for 6 years with both friends-- ex friends now.
i have learned soo much through all these videos and the countless comments from hundreds of you-- Thank you sooo much for sharing your hearts and what you have walked or are walking through.
i still have moments where i am deeply hurt because i gave of my heart and soul, along with time, money, rides and putting my own life and my dog's on hold, allowing these two different extremes to bring stress, confusion, chaos and drama with each day; i still can't wrap my head around that i was dealing with both friends at the same time in different ways.
hurt...mostly from the covert one, as i now see looking back, how she was controlling, secretive, snappy/demanding, critical and childish or selfish. how did i 'not' see?? because i was blinded and 'thought' she was a Christian sister and i overlooked those traits, thinking she surely will change by growing in her faith--ha! no! now i understand some of the remarks or looks that came through that mask. very angry and all about herself. i was blinded because we shared so much in our interests of the end times and what is going on in this secret society world scenario that has been unfolding before our eyes; i thought i had a 'friend' and sister in Christ that shared the same interests and excitement as me and i was deceived and she stole so much from my heart. now i have just an inkling taste of what our Lord must have felt knowing that Judas betrayed him.
i have forgiven her as the Lord has forgiven me of all my own faults and sins. the hurt does remain.
do i believe she is a true believer in our Lord and Savior..no. i have witnessed that evil look in her eyes one or two times, for a split second...whoa! truly the eyes of evil and once you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it's the eyes of the devil.
Only the Lord God knows her heart, but the fruit that i have seen is not the fruit of the Holy Spirit of a changed heart and so i pray for her that she will be convicted to the core and surrender her will to the Savior with a true repentant heart...for without true repentance to God and a heart believing in his Son of his sacrificial death on the cross for us sinners, no one will see the Kingdom of God.
Imy life was trauma and when the LORD touched me 20 years ago at age 40 i had a lot of narcisists behaviour, really mean sometimes , very ugly. I had a legion, its through the generations, whatsoever,whe i had children, i realized i was a lot different frommy mothers behaviour.
Still, a lot went wrong because i did not know how to regulate my feelings and zeach my children 😢.
Now ,after 20years ,i am a very different person. People receive me as honest, loving, helpful, encouraging and truthful. Iam pretty honest with my ugly behaviour, but it is not my identity, i adk forgiveness and take responibility when iam triggerd, thete a still some Points. Its a process ,just be responsible and JESUS CHRIST ✝️ fights for us .iam learning to let go more and more....
I did nit receive a spirit of fear, but of strenth, love and a calm mind.
Keep going friends, the reward is great. The lord makes our weakness to Strength ❤ we got a good Training, now is the time to run the race. You can do it🙌🏼✝️✨💪🏼💃🏼🕊️🛡️🗡️📖🕎🙏🏼🙏🏼📖🙏🏼
If you are a narcissist watching this and you want to sincerely give your life to Christ this doesn't mean He cannot change you. It just means that it comes with true repentance and a life submitted to Christ.
We can never know the heart but God will reveal those wolves in His timing. I know this because I lived it personally. No sword formed against a true believer will prosper.
Thank you Kris. I have encountered many people over the years professing Christ but their actions are more self centered. This helps me to understand them better, but still wonder if they need salvation.
Gwen definitely was one recently. 100% devoted, yet in denial and neglect of others feelings, her family included.
'Narcissists treat their relp with God like any relp, it's one sided transactional' EXACTLY!
Their actions display what is in their hearts.
These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..
👌
I am glad I stumbled upon this video. I understood finally why my "christian" marriage failed. All !! these 12 characteristics of a narcissist perfectly fit my former husband. Eye-opening...
This type stayed under the radar the longest but when God wanted me to finally see everything it all came full circle....all the dots connected!
As we grow continually spiritually we become ready for all truths....its truly in God's timing for He truly KNOWS ALL THINGS 🙏🙏🙏
I agree with all this. Actions speak louder than words. And absolutely yes, discern on their fruits and protect your heart. Great video; I am new here and I know I will be back. Thank you!
I found out the narcissists were telling everyone at church that I was crazy.
I never thought about this topic. Oh wow. Sooooo insightful!!
GOD can change anyone.
Thank you, Kris. Please consider your statement to others at 5:21 in, after considering Matthew 7 : 21-23
Truth, I've seen it first hand.
"You will know them by their fruits"
God looks at the heart.
I would say that's a big "NO."
Tack!
Thanks for sharing this video!❤⚘
Learning with your teachings!!
As far as narrascism goes she did a good job of describing it. There is some good information here since I have dealt with a few.
Kris Reese I am sooo glad I found your UA-cam channel! You are dead on it I have been in a toxic marriage for 34 years !! but up until about 4 or 5 years ago did I ever know there was a name for my husband's behavior I am floored at just how accurate you are about these people I'm praying and seeking God on a daily basis for His mighty counsel and revelation for what He wants me to do from here I'm tired and exhausted and honestly cannot take any more God himself put your videos in my lap for a reason and now I'm seeing why God bless you as I could use the prayers ❤🌈💜
Thanks!
Christian in name only. Being a Christian is a lifestyle not just an identity or hobby or like being in a club.
I was dating a Christian Covert Narcissists. Day 3 of No Contact/blocked. He used the bible to justify his actions and behavior. Everything was about him you had no say in the relationship. He was always the first one at church and the last one to leave on Sunday. He was very insecure, controlling, manipulative, very needy and angry. I had to leave him because he was affecting my health. Saying you love me and hate me all in the same sentences was heartbreaking. I feel better now I am so much happier and healthier I made the best decision for my life. Survivors take your power and peace back take your love your understanding. Do not let a narcissits still one more minute of your time or your energy!
Hi I'm new to your channel. I have recently found out that I could possibly be dealing with a narcissistic person who claims to be a Christian. Thank you for providing this information. This is heartbreaking because I was close to this individual.
“In the end times people will become lovers of self” (2 Timothy 3:2).
Here Paul is writing Timothy about the attributes of the lost in these end days. We can all exhibit narcissistic traits momentarily in our lives, but true narcissists are enveloped in those traits. Redeemed people will not allow narcissism to overtake and define them. Selfism is their fruit, and it will show. No pruning will ever truly take place and persist, for the Spirit of God is not at work in full-on narcissists.
How can a person change this behavior I have been praying about this God have mercy on me I want to be better
Thank you, Kris!
To all you Narcissists.......O U C H!
To understand the mind and why humans act a certain way, you would have to study there background where they grow up, how they were treated as a child, we all have a past and some had it harder than others. Let’s pray for one another God can give us all wisdom to deal with these situations.
Narcissist can literally tear your world apart. I can pray but I'm going to act as well. I know this from personal experiences
Here is where James helps us. If you believe in the infinite, loving powerful God, it must make a difference. No eventual difference - no true faith.
"You shall know them by their fruits". My son claims to be a Christian but bears not the Fruit of the Spirit... sad. Makes me cry the way he behaves at 37 years old. I raised him better than what I experience from him. I never hear him speak/treat strangers the way way he speaks to and treats me.
My ex husband sent me a text via no contact and stated " God told me to tell you that I'm not the Devil. I'm not the devil." This during prayer. I was confused but then realized I was being baited. I told him God would never tell you who you are not. God speaks life and tells us who we are. SMH.