Is Moving Back In With Your Parents In Your 30s OK?
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2023
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I lived at home until I was 38. Both parents are gone now. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything now. So grateful I had that time with them.
For Asians, it’s totally fine. For westerners, it’s frowned upon obviously.
Yea, because all the commercial real estate and companies like furniture companies all want that narrative perpetuated. To me, it’s all about positioning yourself financially like her.
Quite common in Asian families and might see it as a norm but in the US, it is often met with ridicule.
Because in the West it is seen as "Your parents taking care of you" while in the East, it is seen as "You taking care of your parents"
Because the American family usually kick out the kid at the age of 18, the asian family still follows the trend of living with there parent but not all
I moved out at 21, wounded up moving back in by 23 😂
I love my family and being away from them really affected my mental health. (loneliness)
If you have supportive parents living at home helps with saving for a home especially if you live in California.
In this economy im staying home as much as i can
We are Filipinos, my daughters still live with us and totally fine. My oldest daughter is 24 and an RN and my youngest is a 21 years old student and works PT. I love them around and live their own lives also. They don’t pay rent or anything, they do contribute to the home, but we don’t ask them. I’d rather them save for the future when they’re ready to move out. Ymmv.
Yep, Fils stick together for a while. Lucky to have a supportive family
Actually, living with your parents is a lifehack cheat code for me. I stayed till 27 and then bought my first home in 2012. 10 years later, my mom would rotate and stay with me or my sibling and she rented her house out for her retirement income.
Love your parents while you can, take care of them like they care of you while you still a newborn, i know some of you have bad relationship with your parents that's understandable, or think that a child is not parents oldtime investment this also understandable, but a family is a rare gem in crazy world we live in today, spend time with them while they still alive so you don't regret it later
Asian parents will always want their family/kids to stay but sometimes they need to accept the fact, their kids need to learn how to use their wings. Let them experience the world and not always do everything for them. Let them learn how it is to not have enough money and to budget until its pay day or what not. Being independent is such an underrated skill we take for granted. Of course, we will do everything we can to give back to them since they provided so much for us. My parents literally had nothing coming to the US and they were able to be resilient no matter the situation they were in. Asian parents don't want to see us go through what they went through.
That's common in Asian cultures, esp. if you're not married. So, yeah, I see nothing wrong with it
I graduated in 2001 and slowly started to take care/help my parents in 2008/9 on the weekdends and by 2014 I commuted 250 miles a day until 2019 when i moved back home full time. I quit working in 2020 and took care of my Mom unitl she passed away.Up until 2019, I was always upset that I had to choose between career goals and my parents and people told me I enabled my parents. Looking back, i wish I quit years ago or moved back earlier . Now I realizeI was the lucky child to spend time with my Mom and dad. It has been hard trying to find a job again and Im probably gonna make a1/4 of what I made before, but Im Ok with it now because I know/feel that I already completed the most important thing Ill ever be tasked with in my life. In a way, my parents took care of me in the end, because Im at peace with everything.
I'm on disability. My parents receive social security. My dad washes windows about a week and a half out the month. We get by. I'm 34. Life isn't terrible. I do hope to have my own place eventually. My parents are 68 and 70 but still capable of caring for themselves. I'd like to taste freedom before their condition deteriorates.
It can be good to rent for a bit / take an extended vacation without parents just to get a taste of what being independent is. Then you can prove to yourself whether it is more beneficial to stay with parents. I always thought it would be good to move out but after experiencing a taste of it, it’s definitely overhyped, at least in my case. It felt lonely without parents even though I didn’t need to tell them constantly when I went out. Many benefits of sticking around of course as long as you’re contributing in some way and not get complacent. it’s better to stay at home for now until I can afford a house that’s at least on par with my folks, rather than moving out just for the sake of it. Or once I get married and need more space to start my own family. Anything else would be a net downgrade in lifestyle.
When I graduated from college, I pretty much didn't have a choice. My parents sold the house I grew up in, moved in with my aunt, and then eventually moved back to China. I did live with my older brother for a time, but we both agreed that wasn't working out, because I was just free-loading off of him and had no motivation to go get a job. And since I had my college degree, getting a job should've been easy.
But also, I can imagine the pit-falls of an adult getting too comfortable living with their parents and not putting themselves out there to find their own partner, etc.
I am 31 years old. I still live with my parents I get plenty of women over my mom and my dad be rooting for me you already know and I am a black American
From a 40’s perspective (and I moved out for good in my early 30’s), if you continue living with parents any later than that, you may run into a real possibility that your aging parents will need you to stay forever to take care of them. So get out while you can! You will likely have to come back later anyway 😅
That happened to a friend of mine. For some reason, he had to move back to take care of his elderly parents. Don't know the details, but it was very sad for him.
Yes I have a friend in his forties who lives with his mother and the two have become co-dependent on each other. As an observer, it can be detrimental to both parties. At some point, the apron strings have to be cut.
That’s actually happening with my brother. I help as much as I can by taking my mom to her doctors appointments because she can’t drive or hear very well. She prefers receiving help from my brother. She won’t say but I know it’s because he’s the son and she feels sons are more capable of caregiving than daughters. 😆
I appreciate the dissolving of the stigma to move out by a certain age but at the same time you do need to move on with your life to be independent and also give your parents back their lives for supporting you for so long... they may not say it, but they have dreams and things they wanna do that may not involve you being around all the time despite they still love you
When I moved out, my Caucasian mama cried, my Asian Dad well, he celebrated and hooted like Ric Flair. I visited the homestead few years later and my dog had that look on his face, "WTF you doing back home"?
As a greek for us its normal to either Never leave home or live close by to our parents like a house 10 steps a way ( not likely but like really close )
Hey, I don't have issues with ANYONE moving back with their parents. When my first start up company went belly up, I moved back with parents and I was in my early 30s at the time and broke. Lol!
you guys are really great - keep the thoughtful discussions going.
A lot of the time, it may not even be temporary. There are Asian kids that will live with their parents for life until they pass because they refuse to house them in a geriatric home. But yeah, there's a double standard between daughters and sons. A guy gets way more heat with this arrangement, especially from prospective romantic partners.
It all depends on your own life situation. I finished college, post grad, training and finally finished and got my first real job in my 30’s with 250-300 in loans. I stayed with my parents for a couple of years and paid back all my loans in 2 1/2 years. Then got married and moved out. Worked for me.
My son graduated college this summer and lives with us, and I absolutely don’t mind that. He has a six figure job, but this is not a money issue. We will never mind our kids live with us, as long as they want to.
It is normal with unmarried Asian kids to live with their parents.
Why not? No shame in doing that. My oldest moved home 2 years ago from college. Happy to have her home. She is newbie nurse. So i want her fully established before she moves out. Rent is crazy expensive in the SFBay area. Eventually she will get married, will have to move out than.
Good one. Very inspirational.
Yeah for a Woman, Hell No for a Man
Why wouldn't it be ok with today's rental housing prices?
Protestant culture is also related to capitalism and likely related to the independent mindset. I lived w/ my parents for awhile & so did the Armenian professor I work with. A Filipino friend of mine moved back into his parents too. For me, it was largely due to health issues. I’m out now, but there was definitely a stigma attached to it.
Some people simply cannot afford to live on their own.
Both my parents lived with their parents (my grandparents) until they married, and they finally got a space of their own.
Me? I lived with my parents since the day I was born, and I never left.
When I went to college, it was a local state university, and at the time, it was in the top 20 best public universities in the US.
When I went to work, I also lived with my parents.
Now I am in my 30s, and I am still living with my parents.
At the very least, I have no bills and rent and property taxes to pay so that's cool.
I just have to do household chores, obviously. But I have always done household chores, so it ain't a big deal.
I think living with parents is quite economical because of economy of size. It is much easier and cheaper to serve more people than only one, because you can buy in bulk. If you buy for only one person, then that single portion size can be very costly.
Lol Asians in many different countries lives with parents 30s and beyond. Even grandkids too. Not sure what big deal is. Lol I could care less about the U.S and their approach to this. That whole "leave home at 18" would explain why there are Westerners that aren't able to prioritize education and are screwed education-wise cuz they get stuck in survival mode..where survival job takes precedence over education.Even Native Americans lived in tribes with their extended family and still do and they are the REAL Americans. Hawaii has many multi -generational Asian households. Same situation with Asians in Cali.
Im gonna stereotype but its cause in the West hookup culture is rampant and you cant really do that without your own place. If you not married or not even in a relationship then you should live with your parents especially if you living in a state where rent is ungodly expensive
Imagine if a man said “I live at home at 27 because I don’t agree with the culture of moving out after college”
It never made sense to me that my parents would do all the household chores by themselves when I was young because they could not ask a child to work and now they will have to do all the household chores all by themselves in their old age because the child has moved out and no longer needs them. It just sounds too selfish to me.
I am 27 and still live my parents. I feel really happy that now i can takeover the household chores from my parents and help them out in their old age. They didn't let me work when i was a child so i don't want them to work in their old age.
I had a friend that lived with his parents which let him save money, but I bought a house that went way up in value and he was practically priced out. His mother was so involved in his house hunting and every house had a problem making HER reject it. He was happy at home though.
I don't think there's anything wrong with living with family as an adult as long as you work, go to school, or at least take care of someone.
Disclaimer: Black US resident who doesn't even like to share hotel rooms
For me, it depends on the circumstances. Obviously, it's smarter to regroup with family if practicable. No need to make your situation worse by struggling alone. This is assuming your family has space for you.
But you need to have a plan and you need to be taking steps to regain your independence. Don't just sit there once you get back.
Now the lady wanted to be home just for the sake of being there, but she's contributing. If that's your deal, then do that, but that's completely contrary to my personality. And it's not because society or cultural expectations beat it into me. I need my own space, to be able to do what I want, set it up how I want, etc. I love my parents, but I'd lose my mind living there permanently.
Why you want to share the living costs with someone you only know for a few years or even just a few months but not the ones you know for a life time?
As far as geographic differences, isn't it a fiscal feat of wonder? I've seen the numbers. Housing costs and costs of living compared to avg salaries are atrocious. Mind you, it's getting worse in the US, so it's possible that it will force a cultural shift, no? 🤔
no cause all the rich kids will still be out and on social media and stuff will only highlight their lavish lifestyles and people will still think moving out is the culture even tho most can't afford to do so. The ones who can't will remain invisible in society especially the men and nobody is going to think there needs to be a cultural shift the attention will just be status shift. People and girls will only pay attention to the high class people who can move out
After college I never moved back home. I sublet a room from my friends until I could buy my own house. I think not moving back home was an accomplishment for both me and my parents.
I totally agree that it shouldn't be stigmatized, but I think it isn't the greatest when people are coddled by their parents and they never move out of their parents house and their like in their 30s and don't contribute. Yeah I moved back with my mom for almost 3 years during covid since I couldn't afford to live elsewhere as I was changing my career after graduating, but from a dating perspective, I get a little nervous when there are guys who have never left home and are just being babied at home by their moms, guys who don't know how to cook or don't have any real responsibilities
There are so many of us who can't move out and we do realize we don't have the kind of brains that help you become a doctor, lawyer, or anything else that earns you a livable wage job! Do you know how painful it is to work a full-time job, something that's important (working with children), and to be told each paycheck your salary doesn't cover what it takes to be on your own and you return home, feeling seventeen, but you're not seventeen?
I'm single and a woman, so it's not as hated for a woman to be unable to move out or to choose not to move out if she can, but it is painful. Expected to be an adult and not paid like an adult.
I think it sounds like it can be painful to wake up alone, but I grew up with a lot of fear because one person was extremely mentally ill and overtime another adult's mind deteriorated, but something was always wrong. I saw one adult who was supposed to be able to take care of me need so much help and they couldn't work the way other children's adults could. I still live with one of those adults, while the other has died, and I was around people when things got really bad (early adulthood and even high school) who didn't want to offer me help. They wanted to make it worse. Some of them got to move out. It must be nice. It's so unfair.
I have been told I was more put together, but that didn't matter, and sometimes people succeed because the adults who were meant to take care of them always could. As far as I know, you don't choose to be born, but you get stuck with what you get stuck with and not everyone has a brilliant mind, UA-cam channel, book, script, whatever to get themselves out. Some of us don't even have a spouse or other kind of significant other to help us out of being stuck. It's not all bad, it's not the worst in my case, but it's not normal to move back in or not be able to leave when it's because you actually can't.
Also, a good chunk of my early twenties and eighteen and nineteen, even before, were spent having to be afraid of the decline in one adult's mind and I had to help take care of that person. I was shamed for it by a fake friend who just hurt and hurt and gave me things that on paper seemed great, but she knew were not helping me. Blaming me for not having time for things, blaming me for not being able to claw my way out, blaming me for not having things she did. Blaming me for exploding when she hurt me.
Get her Moms a bottle of Smala!!!
0:52 no no no i do not think so when they are control freaks so more trauma and not when one of your parents are a narcissist …. ..chills-
Who cares about what other people think. Live your life the best way you can.
The white Republican next door neighbors of a family member of mines lived with his elderly parents and gf.. Dude was like 50 and still had offspring duties..😅 Completely normal, but it really depends on the position you are in.
idk I like moved out a few months ago and my parents are already missing me
I don’t know. I think she is happy about all the money she is saving and investing. There is a business also. There is always a motive. 😏 of course if there is a way to make it work for both parties it could be fine. I agree with Andrew. It is different for men and women when it comes to moving out. My parents would love for me to live at home, but it’s important for me to have my own assets and stand on my own two feet. You don’t appreciate things until you’ve worked hard for them. I know I didn’t. Nothing is free in life and no one owes you anything. Self accomplishment is vindicating but to each is own.
It's a no for me. Non-existent parent relationships due to parenting style with me and older siblings growing up. Expectations for men and my personal privacy are added factors. After college I was gone.
As long as she doesnt have a problem dating a man who also lives with his parents.
😂😂😂
You can live near your parents but not necessarily with them. Too many young kids like this never learn basic life skills like cooking, laundry, maintaining the house because the parents keep doing it for them
I am a home owner and I took my widow mother in. NYC is expensive. I am in my late 30s, male and single. I don’t care what others think. I won’t put my mother out on the street.
If you come from a culture where they place so much emphasis on getting married how about telling them if you get married then they should pay for your housing so you don’t have to live with your folks.
DO..."YOU"
Question should be. Is it weird being homeless instead of living with your parents?
Westerners think its horrible and are conditioned to not do it but to just look down on people who do. In the East and in other places, its perfectly fine. But in the West, everyone will jump down your throat. I wouldn't want to live back with my parents and I'm 29 and a single dude and honestly, yes many millennials do it but keep it low-key. But people around 30, it's normal. Just glad I don't need to do it. But who am I to judge? People need to do what they need to do and others can fuck off. Ive been out since 22, but my parents wanted me to stay. Long as I can, im not doing it but if you need to; do so. Many already do it around 30s, low-key due to the economy. Only in the US is it frowned upon like hell but OnlyFans is acceptable.
I think it's OK.
But I think it's also an initial red flag if I'm looking for a long term partner.
Lol are you even Asian?
Asians traditionally lived in multi generational households. Nobody in Asia will judge you if you're living at home with your parents or grandparents. In the US of course things are different. One thing you'll notice in the US however is you'll very rarely see Asian homeless people in the streets even if they're poor. Why's that? 😂
Everything you bros. are saying is only in the USA as I've learned!!
Bruh.. as an asian and single even though I already can and support myself financially without problems, I am not allowed to leave the house unless I'm married. 30 y.o. hahahahahaah
There is nothing wrong unless your parents don't want you there. Lol
Young generation people Cash flow management is the answer. Moving out buying house is the best solution. If you can't make payment, rent the rooms out, find roommate. If Down Payment is too high, borrow or make a corporations together with friends. If the cash flow is still negative due to mortgage is higher than monthly rent income, then find a better location!!! You guys need to learn from Robert Kiyosaki rich dad poor dad, take what works, discard what doesn't.
I would never. There's too much of a gap/cultural differences
News Flash Everyone - If you have enough liquid capital you don’t have to live in any one single place 🤯
No, it's not ok. When you are an adult you want a place of your own to do as you please. When you move back with your parents lets say, at 35, prepare to have all the old arguments you had with your parents when you were 14 ... at the end of the day it's their house and you will have to obey their rules again. Imagine being 35 and not being able to bring a woman home or have to ask permission from your mum/dad ... or having to "smuggle" her to your bedroom and ask her to be "quiet" because your mum is sleeping. Imagine wanting to change the house to your liking ... well nope. You want to play music, you need to take your parents into account. Dress down? Nope, your parents are in the house. All utilities will be under their name. You could pay for them, but they will be theirs... I mean, you will be treated like a 15yo again at 35. Is that what you want?
When you move into an apartment, you have to follow all the rules set by the manager/owners. You can't play music because your neighbor to the right don't like your music. You can't cook your food because your neighbor to the left doesn't like the smell of your food. The neighbor downstairs keep complaining about the noise your footsteps make when walking around, while you can't sleep because your neighbor upstairs keep bouncing up and down on his bed and moaning and groaning all night. The security cameras videotape all the people visiting and sleeping in your unit. You can't drive or buy a car because you don't have parking.
That's the thing. Asians are not much into hook-up culture. Most of the Asians tend to get married by 35. Being able to party hard, play music at high volume, get drunk, hook-up and etc. aren't exactly on our list of priorities.
if you want them to drive you crazy then yes
that's a u problem tf
@@dwights1024 yes it is. have fun not leaving the nest
my honest opinion, none of your business😗
Andrew since when do you have a tattoo
What a fine woman
Unfortunately I would have to off myself if that happens
Why do we want to be independent lmao
Most adults who say that "living with family members is common in Asian families" usually can not afford to live on their own and say that as an excuse. lol
Lol are you even Asian? Cuz it is a cultural norms in most of Asia. Maybe Japan being the only exception..but only because Japan has done super well economically, I guess.
Not true. Almost all rich Asians also tend to live with their parents. Do you know Aishwarya Rai? She is a Bollywood actress. She has all the money in the world yet she lives with her in-laws in their house.
Nah..gotta move out. These women who stay home are pure lazy.
You don't even know what the hell you're going on about.
lol and what about the men who stay at home?? Bro is mad and misogynistic. It’s men and women that ain’t moving out and maybe housing affordability has something to do with it.
Lol who hurt you?
@@asiandude8361 let me guess…you and those kids who stay at their own home sucking their resources. Sad
@@ElizabethChee-rj7bn you are apparently triggered because you can’t seem to be able to live on your own…so you depend on your parents to take care of you.
If you are 30 so your parents are around 50-60yrs old, they need more help around the house with lifting, cleaning, driving, cooking, grocery etc so its ok and advisable since time is irreversible, spend as much time with time as you can