We are in a kingdom of cat people. One of the players is the princess of said kingdom. A dragon residing in that kingdom is head over heels for her, doing everything to acquire her. Another player thought it would be a good idea to phisically harm the princess in front of the dragon...
DM here, my table has a Player Character, let's call her Gaia, whose strongest character trait is that she hates Drow. She's constantly described as going into a flying rage whenever she so much as sees a Drow. There's backstory reasons for this, but that's neither here nor there, for you see, in my custom game world, there is a high-ranking noblewoman residing in a major city that is near the Empire's capital, who is basically like the Emperor's Grand Moff, for any Star Wars fans who might be reading this. This noblewoman is, of course, a Drow. Well, the party ended up rescuing this particular noblewoman while they were attempting to save a party member who was captured by a rogue faction of the Empire's military. Gaia, who was present when they discovered the Drow noble, managed to roll high enough on a Wisdom save (the Player specifically requested this save) not to attack her outright. After the fighting was over and the Party returned home, they were all invited to a meeting with the Emperor himself. The Party, of course, agreed to attend a short dinner with the Emperor and several other regional leaders, who were there to discuss boring politics stuff. Now, when the Party arrived to the palace, they were asked to relinquish their weapons, as there was a legitimate fear of assassination attempts, and they wanted to be sure that nobody was coming in with an intent to kill anyone. The Party happily turned their weapons in. Well, except for Gaia, who snuck two daggers into the party on the fear that the rogue faction may have infiltrated the party. Okay. So you snuck weapons into the most secure building in the Empire for a party. Not a big deal, this is fine, it's reasonable and all. So the party goes on for a bit, the Emperor is nowhere to be seen just yet, but eventually he does appear, by way of a teleportation circle near the throne. As he sits down and is about to take a drink from a goblet of wine, another Party member rolls a Nat20 on a perception roll, picking up a whiff of "deadly intent" coming from the direction of the Emperor. They immediately spring into action and run towards the throne, telling the Emperor not to drink the wine. They're a bit too late unfortunately- hold your suspense, for this is not a poisoned drink as you may be thinking. Instead, the wine activates a magic circle etched into the bottom of the goblet that interferes with the teleportation circle and allows an assassin to use it. Long story made a little bit shorter, the Emperor cuts down the assassin with ease. Now, I know that last paragraph seems a little bit exposition-y, but trust me, it's worth it. This is where the really stupid part comes in, and it relies on all of that information. Once the area was safe again, with all eyes on the Emperor at this point, two more figures come through the teleportation circle. The first was the Emperor's son, and the second was the Drow noblewoman who was a special guest of the evening. As soon as she came into view, Gaia's Player asked to make a Wisdom save to keep from immediately attacking. A noble. In the middle of the palace. During a party. Right after the Emperor was just attacked. She rolled a 4. So Gaia attacked a noble. With a dagger that she had snuck into the palace. During a party. RIGHT AFTER THE EMPEROR WAS JUST ATTACKED. And the attack roll was a 23. SO UH YEAH, the Emperor just watches as a dagger whizzes right by his head and hits the noblewoman, who is his special guest of the evening, right in the fucking shoulder. *HOOOOO BOY* did I need to pull some mental gymnastics outta my butt that night to prevent a TPK right then and there.
@@mr.brooks6106 Alas, the noblewoman was very much aware of their involvement, she personally witnessed most of the party members working together during the rescue :)
Me, spares assassin to interrogate her for information. Rouge, kills assassin regardless. Assassin somehow revives. Bard, throws assassin out the window, letting the assassin run away. Me, facepalms.
As to the haunted woods story: they heard you. They, like all D&D players, have been conditioned to NEVER TRUST THE DM when he says it's perfectly safe.
I have a player like that. She always distrusts me when given info. She acts contrary to the info given. She suffers the consequences of those actions. She insists that she knew what she was doing and that she shouldn't trust me. This same player is on her 2nd rogue in her 3rd campaign in 4 years. She doesn't know how Sneak Attack works. Sorry, Amanda, but you're kinda dumb. lol
I saw a player have her 20 INT tiefling artificer lick demon ichor knowing full well what its effects were because she wanted to stir the pot. She always had to project her insecurity about how her IRL intelligence wasn't as high as her tiefling's, and in this instance it made her tiefling grow tentacles. Worse, she did it again after the cleric removed the tentacles with Remove Curse because she wanted to metagame until the DM dice roll gave her wings, which is what happened to the cleric completely by accident. She had to be stopped by being reminded we were in a hellwasp nest and the cleric didn't have unlimited spell slots to indulge her need to pull the slot machine over and over
I have had far too many players attempt these sorts of shenanigans. I won't even put that kind of stuff in my game anymore because they ruined it. Except the one time I did, but for everything it gives you it takes something away. Soon as they started losing racial and class abilities they stopped using it.
I'm resisting similar stupidity in my Drakkenheim campaign. Spoilers below for Dungeons of Drakkenheim Mechanics: The module has a system of contamination levels - gain contam and you might also gain a weird mutation with potential benefits, but you gain debuffs with every level until the point you can't heal, you roll everything at disadvantage and your movement becomes 0. Get 6 levels of contam and you spend a turn transforming into a DM controlled mutant monster, at which point you are basically dead. Many bosses can inflict contamination on you when they attack, making fights very chaotic when everyone has a chance to have their limbs explode into long-reach tentacles or grow spider-climb legs out of their back. I am a spellcaster that has finally learned the spell Purge Contamination. Theoretically, I could contaminate myself to level 5 and purge it over and over to gatcha my way (or a teammate's way) into the wackiest mutations and their benefits. Thankfully, there are drawbacks to prevent this. The first drawback is that purging levels of contam gives equal levels of exhaustion. Purge someone at 6 levels of contam (during their mutation into a monster) and they will die on the spot. The second drawback is that mutated limbs that are purged will wither away completely... and they don't grow back. So if you have a pair of wicked mutant eldrich arms and get Purged you will simply have two sad stumps on either side of your torso. Or if you have disgusting void-peering eyes that can see through your own skull into your brain and past all walls within 10ft you, you now have no more eyeballs and are completely blind. Healing spells won't fix that!
@@ReinaSaurusthey can be. I had a VtM character who got tired of getting b👋tchsmacked by shadow tentacles. So he learned Vicissitude and some *very* specific biology and grafted real retractable tentacles to his body in order to deal with that particular threat. It worked so well he kept and perfected them. Although part of why it worked so well is because he could keep them inside his mush-filled body until he needed them
So there's this writing thing I'm sure most people have heard about: sjekov's gun(or however you actually spell it) that says if you bring up an obvious plot point you gotta use it before you wrap things up. In storytelling.... if you go to a bar, and the owner has a shotgun hanging on the wall, that shotgun has to be shot at least once before the story gets to The End. So... the "haunted woods" as a throw away joke... still firmly planted in the players heads to expect undead. Can't convince them otherwise else why bring it up?
You shouldn't need to say to the party out of the game that certain thing is not important in the first place, but I would think it just a skill issue. The fact that even after the DM did it, players didn't stop, sounds more concerning (it may be no DM's fault in it, but still concerning)
My mom likes to talk about some friends who, in call of Cthulhu, after filling a mine with tnt and dousing it in kerosine, tried to push an old creaky mine art back to the top. AFTER SHE MENTIONED THE SPARKS IT WOULD MAKE.
Had a party member insult the army cook who had an overly large wooden spoon, stirring a pot. The cook ended up being a retired high level soldier. Party member was bludgeoned to death. Never insult a cook.
I was in a homebrew campaign a few years ago where your Constitution score equaled your hit points. Monsters had standard hp. XP & Leveling Up was only for skills and spell slots. Our second, and last, combat was against an Ogre wearing half plate. He was guarding a bridge over a rather narrow and shallow river. The DM informed us earlier that there were rules for horses swimming across rivers & anyone using a ford to cross the river. The other four players dismounted to attack the Ogre. I had the McGuffin, and 3 hp left, so I galloped back to the quest giver. No one else survived.
My brother’s character was routinely dumb. From dropping a 15 ft diameter fireball inside a 10x13 hallway to losing an argument with a horse we just rescued from a painting to making the DM break character to explain how the Wish scroll we were trying to bring a party member back to life with worked, Tarlake was a character. Then there was me who got called a stranger little priest when I learned that the same brother’s sword could talk.
I used to play with spell tiles as a wizard a lot. I once earned what should be a Darwin Award for it. Used to use them with a glorified crossbow launcher for the things and was carrying around a fairly diverse collection of them. Well, being a caster I typically tried to strafe around the maps away from the party so they'd be out of my line of sight between targets. Being a brilliant squishy caster who wasn't paying attention to just what units we were facing on the map, I came within movement range of one of the more tanky things we were up against. Of course I became target number one for the thing and it took the opportunity for the kill with a mace. It hit my spell tile bag with a nat 20... both of us were little more than reduced to a couple piles of ash. The worst part is that I knew far better than that because I've used that tactic on things before myself. Facepalms were had.
There was one time in session 3 of my campaign where a player ate 2 halves of an artifact (an herb with 2 flowers that came into existence as a byproduct of the creation of magic), then 7 different poisons, and died. They were a 20 int alchemist. I will not be providing further context because the story is too long
@@beancandev7818 yeah but you'd think the guy who spent his life studying poisons and their cures would know better than to ingest a cocktail of 7 of them
GM here. PCs have been hired to clear out a chateau that has been left dormant for ~100 years. Monsters have moved in. Fight with gnoll & kobold erupts. Most PCs: *fighting* Druid: What's behind this door? *discovers wine rack* Rest of PCs: *continue fighting* Druid: Ok, what's behind THIS door? *discovers pantry of century-old food over-flowing with fungus* Con-saves for everyone! Amid fighting & explosive vomiting, Druid succeeds at save. Druid: Gross; what's down THIS hall? *triggers trap that breaks a barrel of oil* This devolves into an extended match of grease-wrestling while covered in sick & mold-spores. The players were successful, though the mess made everything take much longer than it would have, what with retching constantly & trying not to fall over on the greased floor. I DO believe a lot of this behavior was due to the Druid trying to roleplay their character, so kudos on that. They were, however, a bit more attentive to their companions combat needs from this point onward.
10. Feet. of Concrete... We were playing sw5e in the age of the Old Republic on the side of the Jedi. We were sent on a mission to gain Intel on the sith deep behind enemy lines and hopefully uncover their next plot against the republic. We had managed to make our way into the central communication hub of that region of space we were in and had the misfortune of the Sith catching on to us. Queue a legion of sith ships warping into the air above us and the ones on the ground hunting us down. We had managed to make our way up to one of the upper floors of the building (I think it was like the 10th to the 13th floor or something) and we're able to gain the Intel we were after. All of this under constant blaster fire and the threat of being glassed by the ships above us. So we decided there was no reason for us to stick around any longer. Well to our misfortune, we made our way into a dead end hallway with no way out and an entire platoon of sith troopers commanded by a sith acolyte who was hot in our tail. With no way out one of our players had the brilliant idea of cutting a whole in the floor to get to the level below us so we could escape. At this point the DM had mentioned that it would take several minutes for us to cut through the floor since there was 10 feet of concrete between each floor of the building. We all looked at him completely dumbfounded that such a building could ever possibly exist. After several minutes of IRL debating on how this could possibly work, we were left with the option of fighting our way out or having one player sit there and make a smoldering pot of molten concrete and use their force powers to throw the newly made lava at our enemies. We did manage to make it out of there alive, but we damn well made sure to ask for blueprints of buildings on every mission after that.
Oh boy this is gonna be a long one. I was the a player of a typical himbo barbarian and we the party are trying to prevent a world ending event or something because the dm rolled and the tutorial npc slipped and broke his neck... walking up stairs. Stupid Counter: 1 We seem to be in some type of lab so my character takes up the guys corpse and tell the others that he broke his neck since there were cctv cameras in the room where he broke his neck. Anyway as we were trying to talk to the other scientists in the place start running as the building was under attack by some giant creature. So we run. We manage to lose the beast and so we take the time to look around. For some reason or another (I don't remember why but guy basically couldn't separate himself from his character) the Rogue starts a fire *in a city made ENTIRELY OF WOOD!* Stupid Counter: 2 Now my character being the chaotic good guy he is tries to put out the fire. So he runs to a nearby shop and grabs what he thinks is water and throws it on the fire... but because he can not read (-4 int yay) he actually threw vodka onto the fire. Why was vodka the first thing I could grab? Who knows. So using all my -4 int brain power could muster I did the only thing I could I could think of to put out the fire. Blow it out. This is when the guards come. Stupid Counter: 3 (for the vodka) My character tries to talk some sense into them saying that the entire city could burn down if this fire keeps going and asks where he can get water. The guards pull their batons out and attack me because they saw me throw the vodka onto the fire. I use Rage and disarm (not even attack) one of them but the other tases me so hard I go unconscious even though I was trying to help them. I'm then saved by my party who kill the guards. Stupid Counter: 4 Now the city is on us so we run and more things happen most important is that my character saves a child from the psychotic rogue. The child then (understandably) gets the guards. My character goes catatonic because he thinks he's gotten far enough away and I the player just want a straight answer outta someone on what we're meant to do. The guards find me and take me to prison. Here's the part when things get really stupid the prisoners are described as looking like they've been tortured. Now the dm rules that my character is then tortured to death and somehow this is all my fault. I'll acknowledge some of this is my fault but torture is a funny thing especially in TTRPGs in that there have been many studies to show that it doesn't actually work. However there are so many ways that my character could go free it's funny: One of them is just by casting one of these 3 low level spells that the guards should have: Zone of truth, Detect thoughts and Speak with dead. All of which should be available to guards and have prepared. Stupid Counter: 5, 6, and 7 (one for each spell) There are even some nonmagical solutions to my problem; the child could've come forward, an insight check dc nothing would've shown that he was just confused and scared. An IQ test or handing him any paperwork would've shown that he can't read. If the guards helped him when he tried to deescalate the situation and help with the fire. Stupid Counter: 8, 9, 10 and 11 And after all this... the dm blames me for it. Needless to say I no longer play with this group.
Playing Pathfinder, my character tried to punch a halfling who was mocking her, I think, this was years ago. Unfortunately, I rolled a natural 1 and she got her arm stuck in a grate. To add injury to insult, she was also accidentally shot in the ass by another character. Even worse, it turns out the confrontation could have been avoided altogether.
My prior party had multiple bad experiences with "haunted" woods. We would have avoided rumored haunted woods after walking into a "haunted" woods that turned out to actually be the result of an imp orgy
{Context, husband was attempting to run a Fallout campaign} Starting inside the Vault, they needed to acquire their first quest from the Overseer. Before they even got any gear, they tried (and failed) to pickpocket the nearest guard. Why? "Because you started us out with nothing" btw, the thing they tried to steal was the handgun from their holster. So after failing and getting caught, obviously the guards react by unholstering their NOT STOLEN gun, and tell them to surrender, at which point one of the party members decides he wants to take a swing at said guard, in the head. (Note, the guard is wearing riot gear) and that party member is somehow confused when that attempt fails. My husband being as patient as he is, tries to give them a second chance to surrender. At which point, the "party of dense minds" refuses and the TPK commences
There was a village. There were two guards. We found out that when guard 1 was on duty, he sometimes left to sleep with guard 2's wife at a time when guard 2 should have been home and sleeping. We interrogated her and confirmed this and then out of character joked about how guard 2 was oblivious about that. Then we asked guard 2 to lead us to the forest and he led us into a trap. He was working with the enemy all along. Him being absent from home at nights was exactly the point and we didn't think about is
Okay, I've got one from when I was a teenager. I got to sit in on a campaign once for a single session. I don't remember the party makeup, but the subject of this story was a PC Troll character. They were raiding a castle for something, and a portcullis was dropped to trap them in a specific area of the castle. The guy playing the troll asked how much of a gap was there between the bottom of the portcullis and the floor. DM said about an inch or so. Perfectly logical question for a character with monstrous strength, right? That's what everyone at the table thought too. Instead of trying to get his fingers under the portcullis to lift it up, he says, "I force myself under the portcullis." The DM asked for clarification, thinking he just wanted his fingers underneath the gate. Nope. The guy wanted to shove his entire fricken troll under the portcullis. DM had him roll a intelligence check. 3. He genuinely thought he could do it. Wisdom check: 2. He saw no harm in this course of action. The DM thought he could stop this with an insane strength check. Nat 20. The troll SUCCESSFULLY forced his entire body underneath the gate and out the other side. The table is so stunned by this that we're all silent. No one is even laughing. Yet. After a moment for DM.exe has crashed, the DM gathers his thoughts and tells the troll, "Well, you're dead now. Even with your troll regeneration, there's no way you can survive that." The player panics, not understanding what's happening. "But I'm playing a troll! I should be able to fit no problem!" That got some confused looks from everyone. "What do you mean you should have been able to fit?" the DM asked. "You're an 8 foot tall, 500 pound monster with arms and legs like tree trunks, and a torso bigger than a barrel." That confused the player even more. "But..but I thought I was one of those trolls... You know, the ones with the hair and the belly button jewels." The player genuinely thought he was playing a TROLL DOLL from the 90s! DM.exe crashed. Party.exe has crashed. Guest.exe (me) has crashed. That moment literally ended the session, as no one could function without looking at the dude and shutting down mentally again. Had another session once that I was a player in. It was session 1. The party is just starting to gather and go on a minor fetch quest. Nothing unusual for a level 1 party. Until we encountered a bear on the road. With nothing but basic gear, most of us tried to nope out of the situation and come back after the bear has had time to leave. The bear hadn't become aggressive yet, so that was an easy option. Our cleric, in his infinite wisdom, decided to charge the bear armed only with a blacksmithing hammer. The DM took pity on the idiot and only had the bear eat his hand. Thus ended the cleric's blacksmithing side job, as he was a cleric of Hephaestus. The player started calling to literally every god he could think of for help, completely out of character. But he never said that he was out of character. With each call, the DM rolled the dice. Nothing happened until he mentioned Allah, and the DM's eyes went wide. The next in-game day, the cleric woke up to find his hand had regrown, he had grown a full beard, and found a list of tenants he had to follow per his new deity's instructions. He made an enemy out of Hephaestus by accidentally becoming a Muslim. It was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen for a session 1.
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telling the party not to work for the suspicious (criminal) wizard. ranger getting cast out by the whole party, overwhelmed and turned to the local authorities for "assault". character got executed and the party supports a criminal wizard syndicate now. dealing in smuggling forbidden weapons. yet they complain about it and demand their character alignments still have to be considered "good" or "lawful" (they had a mixture of different combination, including neutral and evil variants). because they "couldnt possibly know what they are doing might be harmful to a society or breaking the law". and they still say executing the slightly chaotic ranger was justified.
Had a player in my current campaign. They were traveling along a narrow pathway in the space between dimensions. All they could see were clouds was the path they were on, and clouds far below and far above them, and a enormous tower far in the distance. One of the players looked down and asked the NPC who'd brought them there what would happen if someone fell off the path. That NPC responded he had no idea, no one had ever been stupid enough to try (subtle hint to not do it). He decided to do it. I ask him if he's Really Sure he wants to do that. He does it. Me: Well... I guess you need to create a new character, This one in now falling through the space between dimensions forever. Him: What?! But why? I thought it'd be like Scooby Doo and I'd pop out somewhere else.
An NPC nearly killed the party, but was forced to retreat. They decided to try to push their luck to kill him (fair enough) and followed him back to his lair, then stood outside arguing about what to do. When they eventually attacked, they quickly realized they'd spent enough time arguing for him to get in a short rest and be back to nearly full power (I timed them). That is not the dumb thing. No, the dumb thing happened when they were running away and the SORCERER decided they should hang back and try to get a few licks in... against an NPC that challenged the full party, at close to full htarget. who now had nobody else to target. I liked the sorcerer player’s new character, though, so it all worked out.
The entrance to the dungeon was on the other side of a chasm. It wasn't too terribly wide, so with some lucky rolls, we all managed to jump (or in the case of the smaller party members, get tossed) across. Inside the first room, the DM mentions that there are several long wooden planks stacked up in the corner. "Huh, that's interesting," we said as we ignored them and continued into the dungeon. This place was big enough that we couldn't explore it all in one go, so we eventually decided to go back to town to rest and resupply. We jumped/got tossed across the gap again, mumbling under our breaths about how annoying this was. We repeated this process at least a couple more times, never realizing that those planks were meant to be used to BUILD A BRIDGE ACROSS THE GAP.
This happened recently, like 2 sessions ago. He were fighting a bunch of these strange blood elementals that were mixed with some kind of oil, there were four of the an when we hit the first one with fire it doubled in size health and damage. So logically we decided to not hit them with fire anymore. Eventually we killed the three ones that were still small but were struggling to finish off the big one, the dm was jokingly goading us into hitting it with more fire... The other three players then decided against all reason to hit it twice more with fire... It ballooned to gargantuan, one shot the person that hit it and detonated instantly killing two of us and leaving a third making death saves, she only survived instant death by 2 hitpoints because she was uningered. I was the only one who escaped the blast radius. Our claric was one of two to die instantly.
Have you ever made a character tied a 50ft rope around his waist and tied the other end to a branch of a large and tall tree, only to bungy jump it and crash landing it on a fairly large set of rocks face first? *Cause I did!!!*
The physics would of course depend on the GM, but if I was in control I would apply the real world-kind of using regular rope for bungie jumping, so death or serious injury. 😂
My party was 5th or 6th level (it’s been a few years), and we jumped aboard an airship that was set to land a tribe of Pictish raiders in a city we were sworn to protect. We fought the ships crew, and knocked the navigation system off line and the ship began to lurch uncontrollably in circles about 60 feet off the ground. The Druid through wildshape into a crocodile and jumping into the water, the warlock through misty step doing the same thing, made it to safety. And the wizard (who should have been a sorcerer because he didn’t really pay attention and just wanted to blast things)….. The wizard decided to just jump from the ship, and when the DM asked where, he said the dock. Not the water, but the dock. Took no action to cast anything, and took enough fall damage (bear in mind he is a wizard and was already down half his hit points) that he was making death saves. The Druid that swam to shore and healed him enough to bring him back up, and then he self owned that he completely forgot that he had the fly spell. Then got upset that the bard (who was occupied other wise and was forced to watch this idiocy) composed a song with the title “How not to exit a ship; a step too far” that was a rousing hit around town.
Star Wars Saga Edition. I had a party of 3 rebel operatives going on a mission to break into an Imperial intelligence outpost. After getting detected, 2 of the decided to take high ground on a tower and set a trap at the base of the building to blow up any stormtroopers that tried to come in with basically c4. Ended up blowing up the building they were on the roof of...
We come to the entrance of a castle. There's a big door with a hole in the floor, as well as a line carved into the floor leading from the hole to the door. There's writing on the wall, both in elvish and orcish (It's repeated in each language) that basically says "we offer our blood as tribute to our lord so that he may open the way." My fellow party members had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to open the door. Even after I explained you did what the words said and dropped blood in the hole that led to the door, they kept making it harder than it needed to be. Like "well we don't have any elves or orcs in our party and we didn't see any on the way here so I guess we can't get in." My character was a plasmoid so I had to convince them to just try it, as the only people with blood in the party. They made it harder again, going "oh but to have so much blood to fill that whole thing would kill me." Finally, they just tried it and only 1 of them was needed, who lost a whopping 1d6 because it's a MAGIC FREAKING DOOR! 🙄
The story about the staff and the player with it, reminds me of something we did as a party. My character noticed that when this family ambulate was worn by or handled by a “animate object “, OK, it happened to be our time, wizards, chipmunk, familiar named chippy, a curse on said object, seeing as it had bestowed animation to an animate object previously, this isn’t the stupid part, we haven’t done anything stupid, my character said take one of her arrows and pick up said ambulate with the arrow. I can see what particular player was thinking, bird equals an object, the power destroyed it, would it do the same to an inanimate object?
In one of my first times playing th party was visiting a dwarven citymine. We were told about a *dragonturttle* living in one of the neighboring flooded caverns nearby that was flavor for a later quest. We were level 5 and there were 6 of us, all using new 2nd edition subclasses and full of ourselves. We not only all died, but our actions led to the destruction of the city by separating it from its water supply. We caused the viaducts and entrance collapse...
We had one player that is no longer in the group because he moved away. I wouldn't say he was "stupid", he was just very literal and once he decided on something, you couldn't persuade him he was wrong. One time our group was faced with some kind of hoard of undead in an open-air environment. This guy was our paladin, but he decided early on to swap any kind of magical ability (Smite, Lay on Hands... Turn Undead) for Stone Skin. We did, however, have three small casks of holy water on us. We were trying to figure out how to explode a cask up in the air so that it would rain down on the hoard when this guy says "I spear it on my harpoon and shoot it into the air." DM: "Okay, what do you have to tie the cask onto the spear with?" TG: "I don't. I spear it. With the harpoon." *Commence a 40+ minute long heated discussion in which the rest of the group tells the guy that that isn't how physics works and even if he insists it would work, the DM says it won't work, so it won't work.* In the end, the DM just says "No" and he eventually relents. We end up tossing it in the air and letting him shoot it with his harpoon. He almost refused to do it... Seriously, he's not a bad guy, but I was ready to throttle him at that point.
Way back when I was in the Army I was running a D&D campaign in the barracks. One of the guys in the group, Mike, was a great guy, but given to the most idiotic outbursts of ideas in game. In this campaign he was a Paladin (this was homebrew 2nd edition D&D), and his character had come across a Ring of 3 Wishes, and the expected hilarity ensued. During one session, the Paladin and another party member had wandered off in these ruins and found themselves in an elevated, round, Greco-Roman style open air temple, after tampering with a statue on the altar, they hear the scuffing and moaning of the risen dead temple guardians who begin climbing the steps from all sides and shuffling towards them. They try to fight but aren't coordinating and the 2nd party member goes down, when suddenly the Paladin remembers (not that he has abilities that can effect undead, or the ability to heal) that he has the Ring! So Mike the Paladin grabs the downed party member, drags him to the top of the altar, holds his fist with the Ring aloft and Wishes for his ally to be brought back!... No. He blurts out with no thought, "I wish they were all dead!". And he hears in his head a soft whisper from the Ring that says, "Granted"... and the Dead Guardians keep coming.
The very first night of a new campaign with a GM that liked to pull 'cool ideas' that usually ended up hurting the party while barely being inside of the rules (if not outside of them but arguing that they really weren't in his opinion). We spent the first few hours (roughly 5) creating our characters, getting the 'job' of transporting someone from one town to another, then having to go purchase wagons and supplies. The party left the town, and had only made it a few miles down the dirt road before we were attacked. Large wooden bolts (I can't remember the exact size, but somewhere between 6' to 20' - basically small trees as we retell the story) start shooting out from the tall forest trees that line the road. The wagons are impaled, and so is the entire party. TPK. We then learned from the GM that the bad guys have placed large mounted arbalest in the trees, and that is what was shooting us. Yep, arbalest, as he liked to call the 'crossbow turret' from his description, that can shoot small trees and inflict heinous amount of damage. We were pretty unhappy with his explanation of how that was possible, and that we could never spot them, or anyone firing them. The group argued that it would not be possible to do this, even our other GM who was playing that night. He would not change his mind and considered himself in the right. We have always felt he thought it was his job to kill the entire party instead of running a game, if you know what I mean.
That last one hurts. I have one. Chult, Lost City of Omu, Tomb of Annihilation. Im playing a half elven bladesinging wizard. We explore around a bit until, eventually, the bug bad threat if The King Of Feathers shows up and starts to fuck us up. I have the BRILLIANT idea to retreat into the temple so he cant get me, a squishy wizard who can barely dodge his insane hit chance. Issue is... I forgot Disengage was an Option™, along aith just Misty Stepping away before running. He ate me. I later came back as a hag's pet homonculi/lichling thing with a spell book made of a fallen npc's skin, after which i kind of. Had ti leave once we entered the tomb Like leave the group. I was lucky to be allowed to play aftwr several failures in my part and i dont like to think of sho i was back then.
I have a few... The rest of my party in my first campaign tried going back in time to undo getting arrested as political prisoners. Turns out they got arrested anyway as the BBEG arranged for them to get arrested anyway. (Oww) Our druid was told, by demons in Hell, that he'd get a boon by drowning a kitten. He did, but they lied. (Oww) In my first time DMing, the party tried forcefeeding the ranger Goodberries to get him to fit in a 3XL Dress. (Owwww) In one town, they took flour into the bedroom of a friendly NPC, threw it everywhere, and blew it up. The NPC wasn't there, but they got kicked out of town. (Owwww) I'd rather not think of any more...
We were running netherdeep and the DM let me play a homebrew rat folk. After finishing his back story, I was sat there like, this guy would be weak as hell. So with my 8 in con, I asked the DM to negate the minimum of 1 gain for hp and call it negative 1. He obliged course. The trade off was I had a magical long bow that dealt some extra damage on a crit. I survived for quite a few sessions with no close calls. But we got to a random encounter with a Vrock. I went first and rolled my first crit. At which point the DM says I have the attention of the Vrock. I scuttle over to a random dead creature and intend to go full skywalker and hide in its body next turn. Didn't occur to me there MIGHT be more enemies hiding nearby. Next turn in intitive, 3 god dam quasits which were feeding in the body I was about to hide in. Needless to say, I had to roll up a new PC. Loved that little guy
not overall a big deal but we just started a wild beyond the witchlight campaign. (maybe maybe minute spoilers but probably not?) and while at the carnival at the hall if mirrors, my character investigated the mannequin that was set up outside no less than 3 seperate times looking for any possible hauntings or evil enchantments.. probably spent in total about 45m asking questions about it... became a joke that my character was paranoid of mannequins.. lol
I was playing ogre once. Once, I was turned to stone by a basilisk. Rest of the group decided that a basilisk can eat rocks because it's stomach magically turns it into meat. They rub the stomach acid all over my character. He eventually reverts to normal (by other means) horribly scarred. Turns out the stomach just had acid strong enough to break down rock. Who woulda thought?
Our party pushed a literal big, red button. This released an ancient rogue psionic that now uses an entire small planet as their personal flagship in the conquest of our sector of space. Good times!
The party was camping and getting ready for the night, one of the players tell me "I'm going to take the chance to level on my own", didn't last 15 minutes
Played a level 20 one-shot. Ended up fighting a group of various trolls on the way to a dragon. I specifically asked the dm "since we're level 20 we'd know that we need to hit these with fire or acid, correct?" "Yes". Proceed to attack them. The only person with an acid spell (an artificer) cast Vicious Mockery. Every. Turn. YOU ARE A LEVEL 20 FULL CASTER. YOU HAVE ALL THE SPELLS SLOTS. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN MAKE THESE STAY DEAD. Also he took an alchemy jug as one of his magic items. *head desk* We eventually just light a torch and burn the bodies after we take them down. But that took way longer than necessary. We get to the dragon. It's a CR27 black greatwurm. What does the artficer cast? MORE CANTRIPS! Bruuuuuuhhhh. So yeah, we tpk'd.
in a westmarch not long ago we were back from killing some Lycan, a gang of thug approached us to get some coin it was a 3 vs 10 we were low level and without any wizard so no good crowd control or AOE spell. The rogue tried to backstab one of the member but failed miserably, he thought that he failed we would side with him but both me and the ranger paid. So me and the ranger lost 10 gold coins coins but the rogue because of his stupid action lost 50 gold his two swords and a dagger
Every single, permanent death in our party, save 1, was the result of sheer idiocy. The first 2 were because our monk decided he wanted to arm wrestle an orc. He backed out because the orc said he only dealt in battles to the death, but 3 of our 7 member party didn't hear the monk say "never mind" to the fight. So our witch (playing pathfinder) and two druids (one who believed/s capitalism was the true definition of survival of the fittest and the other hated plants, but loved animals because they ate plants) decided to take on the orc at level 2 or 3. The witch only survived because of a failed will save on the orc's part. The rest of the party said no to the fight and just had to watch after warning the three of the danger. That was session 3 and set the standard for all of the perma-deaths later on and most of the non permanent ones. Our shaman (previously te plant hating druid) said that "We stood behind every dumb decision that lead to someone's death." to which I responded, "There's a difference between standing by a dumb decision, and standing by and letting a dumb decision play out." I wish I had a better sense of humor, but there was too much pot-stirring for the sake of forcing chaos and ignoring even simple logic (as well as me because I'm wetblanket straightman), so I left. Real sad, too, because I kind of liked most of the people in the group except for 1, really, but I realized I was the reason I wasn't having any fun.
This was a WHILE ago so I don't remember the details that well (about 3 or 4 years) there was this guy who was sort of..Half killed half not, sorta in a coma like thing, rather than just killing him to call it a day a friend of mine wanted to try and do some stuff to sort of "test" the PC who died, so when the "hero" woke up in some black void he was tasked with putting this large yoga ball sized orb onto a stand, what he doesn't know is that the orb is essentially the Earth itself and that this is a test to see just how good he claims he is at being hero, this dumbass tried to pick up the Earth in multiple different ways, at the time he didn't realize it was the Earth but not because my friend didn't tell him but because HE WAS TOO STUPID TO GET THE HINTS, my character nearly died from the amount of times he dropped the planet causing earthquakes and natural disasters since at the time she was connected to the Earth spiritually so she felt whatever it felt, anyway the dumbass fumbled it so badly that the test had to call off and he was promptly sent to the afterlife after proving he was the most dumbest "protagonist" (The guy using him thinks hes the main character) we have ever seen in our life.
Player A: we need to get food. you go get us some veggies from the market stalls. Player B: Ok. *proceeds to go to market stalls* hi. i wanna buy some things (to the vendor) Me (vendor): welcome. may the lord of the light bless your day. anything in particular you are looking for? Player B: *no response* Vendor: *stares* Player B: (ooc) what do i see? Me (DM): you see an assortment of tubers, potatoes, and other common vegetables. on a side table you see a bundle of herbs. Player B: what kind of herbs? Me (DM): *rolls* Chocobo herbs. (we are playing a Final Fantasy campaign based on an alteration on Pathfinder - FFD20) Player B: (to the vendor) id like to get these herbs. how much? Me (vendor): *arbitrary amount* Player B: i pay the vendor. Me (DM): add 3 bundles of gyshal greens to your inventory. Player B: i leave the vendor and return to the other player. Player A: ah, your back so soon? did you get the veggies? Player B: i got these. are herbs vegetables? the party has never forgotten this and no longer trust this player to do ANY shopping on their own. ever.
I feel like fighting an ularithid (big illithid) as a monk with 20 HP Almost single handedly (2 other players at low HP had retreated so it was just me and the rogue) wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. I ended up getting stunned and dropped to 6 HP, followed almost immediately by him getting his brain consumed and dying (took exactly 69 damage which was not only funny but also fitting because he was a sex worker)
There aren't many that I can think of that are that dumb, but the two most egregious examples come from a Dwarf Divine Soul Sorcerer in a Mad Mage game (minor spoilers ahead) that just... has trouble paying attention. We have to speak with the Drow's female leader and my Warlock is the only female in the party on top of being the default diplomancer, so I tell everyone to please, if ever, let me be the only one that negotiates here. As my character is kowtowing in order to make ourselves seem not threatening enough to murder, but not so worthless as to be incapable of menial labors for safe passage, Dwarf spontaneously says, "Now hold on, what do we get out of this? Why should we do anything for you, Miss Snooty B?" In that moment I have my character snap at him with a full attack roll, demanding he immediately apologize for his insolence. Thankfully, Drow ladies can appreciate a charismatic spellcasting woman keeping her subordinates in line with violence, so we squeaked through that deal. Still, it made me worry I'm speaking too intelligently for the rest of my party when I explicitly stated what I'm hoping to get out of this, and then asked why we're doing free favors. We're not, no one else was even talking. The other instance was way later when we were fighting an obvious boss monster in a fairly small room. Barbarian/Fighter is up in its face doing his usual stupidly high and clearly not playtested Reckless Echo Knight damage, and we get to the Dwarf's turn. He says he wants to cast Meteor Swarm, because it does the most damage. Barbarian, naturally, asks him to reconsider because he'd be in the blast zone, but he insists saying he's going to aim straight for the bad guy. Spell goes off, dice are rolled, Barbarian takes a ton of damage. "Huh? Why's he rolling a save?" Because he's in the blast zone, those sentences we were saying in order to instill the idea that we would like for the Barbarian to not take more damage than necessary. "Oh, I'm sorry man, I didn't know." My guy we're all friends here, but that would not hold up in a court of law any more than if you drove there to appeal your suspended license.
not my game but very funny dm - this bridge while sturdy is made mostly of spider webs. player - is it flammable? dm - yes, very players - ok we will have to use non flame spell to see Stupid player half way across - i cant see well enough so i am going to light a torch dm - are you sure Stupid - yes dm - ok, you light the torch, bridge goes up in flames, everyone dies.
Fun fact: if I'm in a game where all the other players decide to attack a powerful monster that wasn't even a danger to them, unless my character is as dumb as a rock, or is bound by magic, law or oath to protect one or more of the morons, my character is probably not about to jump on that hippo-shaped TPK bandwagon. If all your friends jumped off a cliff...
Its not THAT stupid, really, but it made everyone at the table feel dumb for sure. In DoMM there is a room with a static magic plinth shaped like an enormous hand that casts "stone to flesh" on objects it touches. The adjoining hallway is populated by musuem like exhibits with elaborate painted backdrops. A cell labeled "Isle of Chult" with a jungle scene painted with an erupting volcano is occupied by lifelike statues of deinonuchus stalking an Anklyosaurus. Another scene of an orc wartribe looking to their chieftain bearing a necklace of eagle feathers. Finally, the last room depicted a painted backdrop of the DoMM itself. The room possessed nothing except for a hyper realistic statue of a treasure chest. In a stroke of sheer brilliance, the party fighter exclaimed "Take it to the hand!" Immediately he forced open the door, utilized his belt of giant STR to drag the heavy object down the hall to the hand, and activated the plinth. Everyone at the table watched with bated breath. As I began describing the stony texture washing away to reveal the chest the player tensed up and flushed with a realization of what they had just done. Suddenly the Fighter holding down the button at the plinth is tackled to the ground by a heavy mimic mouth like the lid of a treasure chest lined with more rows of teeth than a great white shark. The mimic engulfs his head and chomps down on his shoulders trying to swallow the player as the rest of the party spring to action and quickly slay it in a round. Then the awkward silemce that followed as the fighter, bleeding heavily from the brow trades looks with the facepalming party.
Players could not piece together that the red key opens the red door. Technically the key was a magical flower and the door was a stone wall with a mural of said flower, but come on it’s the same thing.
We are in a kingdom of cat people. One of the players is the princess of said kingdom. A dragon residing in that kingdom is head over heels for her, doing everything to acquire her. Another player thought it would be a good idea to phisically harm the princess in front of the dragon...
Sounds like someone needed a hard dose of - "Fuck around and find out"!
a idea: catnip
DM here, my table has a Player Character, let's call her Gaia, whose strongest character trait is that she hates Drow. She's constantly described as going into a flying rage whenever she so much as sees a Drow. There's backstory reasons for this, but that's neither here nor there, for you see, in my custom game world, there is a high-ranking noblewoman residing in a major city that is near the Empire's capital, who is basically like the Emperor's Grand Moff, for any Star Wars fans who might be reading this. This noblewoman is, of course, a Drow.
Well, the party ended up rescuing this particular noblewoman while they were attempting to save a party member who was captured by a rogue faction of the Empire's military. Gaia, who was present when they discovered the Drow noble, managed to roll high enough on a Wisdom save (the Player specifically requested this save) not to attack her outright. After the fighting was over and the Party returned home, they were all invited to a meeting with the Emperor himself. The Party, of course, agreed to attend a short dinner with the Emperor and several other regional leaders, who were there to discuss boring politics stuff.
Now, when the Party arrived to the palace, they were asked to relinquish their weapons, as there was a legitimate fear of assassination attempts, and they wanted to be sure that nobody was coming in with an intent to kill anyone. The Party happily turned their weapons in. Well, except for Gaia, who snuck two daggers into the party on the fear that the rogue faction may have infiltrated the party.
Okay. So you snuck weapons into the most secure building in the Empire for a party. Not a big deal, this is fine, it's reasonable and all. So the party goes on for a bit, the Emperor is nowhere to be seen just yet, but eventually he does appear, by way of a teleportation circle near the throne. As he sits down and is about to take a drink from a goblet of wine, another Party member rolls a Nat20 on a perception roll, picking up a whiff of "deadly intent" coming from the direction of the Emperor. They immediately spring into action and run towards the throne, telling the Emperor not to drink the wine. They're a bit too late unfortunately- hold your suspense, for this is not a poisoned drink as you may be thinking. Instead, the wine activates a magic circle etched into the bottom of the goblet that interferes with the teleportation circle and allows an assassin to use it. Long story made a little bit shorter, the Emperor cuts down the assassin with ease.
Now, I know that last paragraph seems a little bit exposition-y, but trust me, it's worth it. This is where the really stupid part comes in, and it relies on all of that information.
Once the area was safe again, with all eyes on the Emperor at this point, two more figures come through the teleportation circle. The first was the Emperor's son, and the second was the Drow noblewoman who was a special guest of the evening. As soon as she came into view, Gaia's Player asked to make a Wisdom save to keep from immediately attacking. A noble. In the middle of the palace. During a party. Right after the Emperor was just attacked.
She rolled a 4.
So Gaia attacked a noble. With a dagger that she had snuck into the palace. During a party. RIGHT AFTER THE EMPEROR WAS JUST ATTACKED.
And the attack roll was a 23.
SO UH YEAH, the Emperor just watches as a dagger whizzes right by his head and hits the noblewoman, who is his special guest of the evening, right in the fucking shoulder.
*HOOOOO BOY* did I need to pull some mental gymnastics outta my butt that night to prevent a TPK right then and there.
I would've pleaded my case to try and persuade my way out of any association with that party member 🤣
@@mr.brooks6106 Alas, the noblewoman was very much aware of their involvement, she personally witnessed most of the party members working together during the rescue :)
Me, spares assassin to interrogate her for information.
Rouge, kills assassin regardless. Assassin somehow revives.
Bard, throws assassin out the window, letting the assassin run away.
Me, facepalms.
At which point the Bard does a little jig, twinkles their butt with sparkly dust and runs.
And that's my last few characters have all learned the spell "Soul Jar".
You can't run too far when your soul is in a jar...
The 77 year old roleplay is so accurate for old people
I hope to RP in a D&D campaign when I'm 77, then I swear I'll record it for everyone still around and be all - "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DICE?!"
Sure, but you would hope 77 year old has some wisdom to them
That was literally an "OK boomer" moment in RP form.
As to the haunted woods story: they heard you. They, like all D&D players, have been conditioned to NEVER TRUST THE DM when he says it's perfectly safe.
I have a player like that. She always distrusts me when given info. She acts contrary to the info given. She suffers the consequences of those actions. She insists that she knew what she was doing and that she shouldn't trust me.
This same player is on her 2nd rogue in her 3rd campaign in 4 years. She doesn't know how Sneak Attack works.
Sorry, Amanda, but you're kinda dumb. lol
I saw a player have her 20 INT tiefling artificer lick demon ichor knowing full well what its effects were because she wanted to stir the pot. She always had to project her insecurity about how her IRL intelligence wasn't as high as her tiefling's, and in this instance it made her tiefling grow tentacles. Worse, she did it again after the cleric removed the tentacles with Remove Curse because she wanted to metagame until the DM dice roll gave her wings, which is what happened to the cleric completely by accident. She had to be stopped by being reminded we were in a hellwasp nest and the cleric didn't have unlimited spell slots to indulge her need to pull the slot machine over and over
I have had far too many players attempt these sorts of shenanigans. I won't even put that kind of stuff in my game anymore because they ruined it.
Except the one time I did, but for everything it gives you it takes something away. Soon as they started losing racial and class abilities they stopped using it.
just let the tentacles stay at this point. they might turn out to be useful.
I'm resisting similar stupidity in my Drakkenheim campaign.
Spoilers below for Dungeons of Drakkenheim Mechanics:
The module has a system of contamination levels - gain contam and you might also gain a weird mutation with potential benefits, but you gain debuffs with every level until the point you can't heal, you roll everything at disadvantage and your movement becomes 0. Get 6 levels of contam and you spend a turn transforming into a DM controlled mutant monster, at which point you are basically dead. Many bosses can inflict contamination on you when they attack, making fights very chaotic when everyone has a chance to have their limbs explode into long-reach tentacles or grow spider-climb legs out of their back.
I am a spellcaster that has finally learned the spell Purge Contamination. Theoretically, I could contaminate myself to level 5 and purge it over and over to gatcha my way (or a teammate's way) into the wackiest mutations and their benefits. Thankfully, there are drawbacks to prevent this. The first drawback is that purging levels of contam gives equal levels of exhaustion. Purge someone at 6 levels of contam (during their mutation into a monster) and they will die on the spot. The second drawback is that mutated limbs that are purged will wither away completely... and they don't grow back. So if you have a pair of wicked mutant eldrich arms and get Purged you will simply have two sad stumps on either side of your torso. Or if you have disgusting void-peering eyes that can see through your own skull into your brain and past all walls within 10ft you, you now have no more eyeballs and are completely blind. Healing spells won't fix that!
@@ReinaSaurusthey can be. I had a VtM character who got tired of getting b👋tchsmacked by shadow tentacles. So he learned Vicissitude and some *very* specific biology and grafted real retractable tentacles to his body in order to deal with that particular threat.
It worked so well he kept and perfected them. Although part of why it worked so well is because he could keep them inside his mush-filled body until he needed them
So there's this writing thing I'm sure most people have heard about: sjekov's gun(or however you actually spell it) that says if you bring up an obvious plot point you gotta use it before you wrap things up. In storytelling.... if you go to a bar, and the owner has a shotgun hanging on the wall, that shotgun has to be shot at least once before the story gets to The End.
So... the "haunted woods" as a throw away joke... still firmly planted in the players heads to expect undead. Can't convince them otherwise else why bring it up?
Chekov's gun.
You shouldn't need to say to the party out of the game that certain thing is not important in the first place, but I would think it just a skill issue. The fact that even after the DM did it, players didn't stop, sounds more concerning (it may be no DM's fault in it, but still concerning)
PANR has tuned in.
I ran a game. They were in a mine. They identified a natural gas in the mine. "I cast fire bolt." Said the sorcerer.
My mom likes to talk about some friends who, in call of Cthulhu, after filling a mine with tnt and dousing it in kerosine, tried to push an old creaky mine art back to the top.
AFTER SHE MENTIONED THE SPARKS IT WOULD MAKE.
@benjaminehren7965 oh no!
PANRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
@@BrianVaughnVA BRIAAAAAAAN!
Died to critical frying pan damage
..... I mean shit don't piss off the cook!
You got straight Tom & Jerry’d.
a halfling gardeners frying pan?
Had a party member insult the army cook who had an overly large wooden spoon, stirring a pot. The cook ended up being a retired high level soldier. Party member was bludgeoned to death.
Never insult a cook.
@@ReinaSaurus that has happened too.
I am the DM of a two player party and the bard kept failing to "charm" the guards, but he was perfect in combat. Inconceivable.
I was in a homebrew campaign a few years ago where your Constitution score equaled your hit points. Monsters had standard hp.
XP & Leveling Up was only for skills and spell slots.
Our second, and last, combat was against an Ogre wearing half plate. He was guarding a bridge over a rather narrow and shallow river.
The DM informed us earlier that there were rules for horses swimming across rivers & anyone using a ford to cross the river.
The other four players dismounted to attack the Ogre.
I had the McGuffin, and 3 hp left, so I galloped back to the quest giver.
No one else survived.
My brother’s character was routinely dumb. From dropping a 15 ft diameter fireball inside a 10x13 hallway to losing an argument with a horse we just rescued from a painting to making the DM break character to explain how the Wish scroll we were trying to bring a party member back to life with worked, Tarlake was a character. Then there was me who got called a stranger little priest when I learned that the same brother’s sword could talk.
I used to play with spell tiles as a wizard a lot. I once earned what should be a Darwin Award for it. Used to use them with a glorified crossbow launcher for the things and was carrying around a fairly diverse collection of them. Well, being a caster I typically tried to strafe around the maps away from the party so they'd be out of my line of sight between targets. Being a brilliant squishy caster who wasn't paying attention to just what units we were facing on the map, I came within movement range of one of the more tanky things we were up against. Of course I became target number one for the thing and it took the opportunity for the kill with a mace. It hit my spell tile bag with a nat 20... both of us were little more than reduced to a couple piles of ash. The worst part is that I knew far better than that because I've used that tactic on things before myself. Facepalms were had.
There was one time in session 3 of my campaign where a player ate 2 halves of an artifact (an herb with 2 flowers that came into existence as a byproduct of the creation of magic), then 7 different poisons, and died. They were a 20 int alchemist. I will not be providing further context because the story is too long
Intelligence never stops people from being stupid
@@beancandev7818 yeah but you'd think the guy who spent his life studying poisons and their cures would know better than to ingest a cocktail of 7 of them
GM here.
PCs have been hired to clear out a chateau that has been left dormant for ~100 years. Monsters have moved in. Fight with gnoll & kobold erupts.
Most PCs: *fighting*
Druid: What's behind this door? *discovers wine rack*
Rest of PCs: *continue fighting*
Druid: Ok, what's behind THIS door? *discovers pantry of century-old food over-flowing with fungus*
Con-saves for everyone! Amid fighting & explosive vomiting, Druid succeeds at save.
Druid: Gross; what's down THIS hall? *triggers trap that breaks a barrel of oil*
This devolves into an extended match of grease-wrestling while covered in sick & mold-spores. The players were successful, though the mess made everything take much longer than it would have, what with retching constantly & trying not to fall over on the greased floor.
I DO believe a lot of this behavior was due to the Druid trying to roleplay their character, so kudos on that. They were, however, a bit more attentive to their companions combat needs from this point onward.
10. Feet. of Concrete...
We were playing sw5e in the age of the Old Republic on the side of the Jedi. We were sent on a mission to gain Intel on the sith deep behind enemy lines and hopefully uncover their next plot against the republic. We had managed to make our way into the central communication hub of that region of space we were in and had the misfortune of the Sith catching on to us. Queue a legion of sith ships warping into the air above us and the ones on the ground hunting us down. We had managed to make our way up to one of the upper floors of the building (I think it was like the 10th to the 13th floor or something) and we're able to gain the Intel we were after. All of this under constant blaster fire and the threat of being glassed by the ships above us. So we decided there was no reason for us to stick around any longer. Well to our misfortune, we made our way into a dead end hallway with no way out and an entire platoon of sith troopers commanded by a sith acolyte who was hot in our tail. With no way out one of our players had the brilliant idea of cutting a whole in the floor to get to the level below us so we could escape. At this point the DM had mentioned that it would take several minutes for us to cut through the floor since there was 10 feet of concrete between each floor of the building. We all looked at him completely dumbfounded that such a building could ever possibly exist. After several minutes of IRL debating on how this could possibly work, we were left with the option of fighting our way out or having one player sit there and make a smoldering pot of molten concrete and use their force powers to throw the newly made lava at our enemies. We did manage to make it out of there alive, but we damn well made sure to ask for blueprints of buildings on every mission after that.
Oh boy this is gonna be a long one. I was the a player of a typical himbo barbarian and we the party are trying to prevent a world ending event or something because the dm rolled and the tutorial npc slipped and broke his neck... walking up stairs.
Stupid Counter: 1
We seem to be in some type of lab so my character takes up the guys corpse and tell the others that he broke his neck since there were cctv cameras in the room where he broke his neck. Anyway as we were trying to talk to the other scientists in the place start running as the building was under attack by some giant creature. So we run.
We manage to lose the beast and so we take the time to look around. For some reason or another (I don't remember why but guy basically couldn't separate himself from his character) the Rogue starts a fire *in a city made ENTIRELY OF WOOD!*
Stupid Counter: 2
Now my character being the chaotic good guy he is tries to put out the fire. So he runs to a nearby shop and grabs what he thinks is water and throws it on the fire... but because he can not read (-4 int yay) he actually threw vodka onto the fire. Why was vodka the first thing I could grab? Who knows. So using all my -4 int brain power could muster I did the only thing I could I could think of to put out the fire. Blow it out. This is when the guards come.
Stupid Counter: 3 (for the vodka)
My character tries to talk some sense into them saying that the entire city could burn down if this fire keeps going and asks where he can get water. The guards pull their batons out and attack me because they saw me throw the vodka onto the fire. I use Rage and disarm (not even attack) one of them but the other tases me so hard I go unconscious even though I was trying to help them. I'm then saved by my party who kill the guards.
Stupid Counter: 4
Now the city is on us so we run and more things happen most important is that my character saves a child from the psychotic rogue. The child then (understandably) gets the guards. My character goes catatonic because he thinks he's gotten far enough away and I the player just want a straight answer outta someone on what we're meant to do. The guards find me and take me to prison. Here's the part when things get really stupid the prisoners are described as looking like they've been tortured. Now the dm rules that my character is then tortured to death and somehow this is all my fault. I'll acknowledge some of this is my fault but torture is a funny thing especially in TTRPGs in that there have been many studies to show that it doesn't actually work. However there are so many ways that my character could go free it's funny:
One of them is just by casting one of these 3 low level spells that the guards should have: Zone of truth, Detect thoughts and Speak with dead. All of which should be available to guards and have prepared.
Stupid Counter: 5, 6, and 7 (one for each spell)
There are even some nonmagical solutions to my problem; the child could've come forward, an insight check dc nothing would've shown that he was just confused and scared. An IQ test or handing him any paperwork would've shown that he can't read. If the guards helped him when he tried to deescalate the situation and help with the fire.
Stupid Counter: 8, 9, 10 and 11
And after all this... the dm blames me for it. Needless to say I no longer play with this group.
and I thought my players were dumb 🤣
Playing Pathfinder, my character tried to punch a halfling who was mocking her, I think, this was years ago. Unfortunately, I rolled a natural 1 and she got her arm stuck in a grate. To add injury to insult, she was also accidentally shot in the ass by another character. Even worse, it turns out the confrontation could have been avoided altogether.
Death and Beyond feels like a ramped up version of Ghostwalk and look forward to it,
My prior party had multiple bad experiences with "haunted" woods. We would have avoided rumored haunted woods after walking into a "haunted" woods that turned out to actually be the result of an imp orgy
{Context, husband was attempting to run a Fallout campaign}
Starting inside the Vault, they needed to acquire their first quest from the Overseer. Before they even got any gear, they tried (and failed) to pickpocket the nearest guard. Why? "Because you started us out with nothing" btw, the thing they tried to steal was the handgun from their holster.
So after failing and getting caught, obviously the guards react by unholstering their NOT STOLEN gun, and tell them to surrender, at which point one of the party members decides he wants to take a swing at said guard, in the head. (Note, the guard is wearing riot gear) and that party member is somehow confused when that attempt fails.
My husband being as patient as he is, tries to give them a second chance to surrender. At which point, the "party of dense minds" refuses and the TPK commences
I once rolled a natural 1 to recall the teachings of my god. As a cleric.
There was a village. There were two guards. We found out that when guard 1 was on duty, he sometimes left to sleep with guard 2's wife at a time when guard 2 should have been home and sleeping. We interrogated her and confirmed this and then out of character joked about how guard 2 was oblivious about that. Then we asked guard 2 to lead us to the forest and he led us into a trap. He was working with the enemy all along. Him being absent from home at nights was exactly the point and we didn't think about is
Okay, I've got one from when I was a teenager. I got to sit in on a campaign once for a single session. I don't remember the party makeup, but the subject of this story was a PC Troll character. They were raiding a castle for something, and a portcullis was dropped to trap them in a specific area of the castle. The guy playing the troll asked how much of a gap was there between the bottom of the portcullis and the floor. DM said about an inch or so. Perfectly logical question for a character with monstrous strength, right? That's what everyone at the table thought too. Instead of trying to get his fingers under the portcullis to lift it up, he says, "I force myself under the portcullis." The DM asked for clarification, thinking he just wanted his fingers underneath the gate. Nope. The guy wanted to shove his entire fricken troll under the portcullis. DM had him roll a intelligence check. 3. He genuinely thought he could do it. Wisdom check: 2. He saw no harm in this course of action. The DM thought he could stop this with an insane strength check. Nat 20. The troll SUCCESSFULLY forced his entire body underneath the gate and out the other side. The table is so stunned by this that we're all silent. No one is even laughing. Yet. After a moment for DM.exe has crashed, the DM gathers his thoughts and tells the troll, "Well, you're dead now. Even with your troll regeneration, there's no way you can survive that." The player panics, not understanding what's happening. "But I'm playing a troll! I should be able to fit no problem!" That got some confused looks from everyone. "What do you mean you should have been able to fit?" the DM asked. "You're an 8 foot tall, 500 pound monster with arms and legs like tree trunks, and a torso bigger than a barrel." That confused the player even more. "But..but I thought I was one of those trolls... You know, the ones with the hair and the belly button jewels." The player genuinely thought he was playing a TROLL DOLL from the 90s! DM.exe crashed. Party.exe has crashed. Guest.exe (me) has crashed. That moment literally ended the session, as no one could function without looking at the dude and shutting down mentally again.
Had another session once that I was a player in. It was session 1. The party is just starting to gather and go on a minor fetch quest. Nothing unusual for a level 1 party. Until we encountered a bear on the road. With nothing but basic gear, most of us tried to nope out of the situation and come back after the bear has had time to leave. The bear hadn't become aggressive yet, so that was an easy option. Our cleric, in his infinite wisdom, decided to charge the bear armed only with a blacksmithing hammer. The DM took pity on the idiot and only had the bear eat his hand. Thus ended the cleric's blacksmithing side job, as he was a cleric of Hephaestus. The player started calling to literally every god he could think of for help, completely out of character. But he never said that he was out of character. With each call, the DM rolled the dice. Nothing happened until he mentioned Allah, and the DM's eyes went wide. The next in-game day, the cleric woke up to find his hand had regrown, he had grown a full beard, and found a list of tenants he had to follow per his new deity's instructions. He made an enemy out of Hephaestus by accidentally becoming a Muslim. It was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen for a session 1.
Hey Ripper, absolutely love your channel, your content and how you bring it all, how you laugh along with the stories and stull, really get into it. Never change❤
Views may go up and views may go down, UA-cam may be shit and run by a clown, but we here at MrRipper will never fail to bring all of you good boys, girls and everyone in between, lots of love and laughter!
@@BrianVaughnVA was kinda feeling the poem there but it didn't end on a rhyme xD
But yeah totally agree!
telling the party not to work for the suspicious (criminal) wizard.
ranger getting cast out by the whole party, overwhelmed and turned to the local authorities for "assault".
character got executed and the party supports a criminal wizard syndicate now. dealing in smuggling forbidden weapons.
yet they complain about it and demand their character alignments still have to be considered "good" or "lawful" (they had a mixture of different combination, including neutral and evil variants). because they "couldnt possibly know what they are doing might be harmful to a society or breaking the law".
and they still say executing the slightly chaotic ranger was justified.
Had a player in my current campaign. They were traveling along a narrow pathway in the space between dimensions. All they could see were clouds was the path they were on, and clouds far below and far above them, and a enormous tower far in the distance. One of the players looked down and asked the NPC who'd brought them there what would happen if someone fell off the path. That NPC responded he had no idea, no one had ever been stupid enough to try (subtle hint to not do it). He decided to do it. I ask him if he's Really Sure he wants to do that. He does it.
Me: Well... I guess you need to create a new character, This one in now falling through the space between dimensions forever.
Him: What?! But why? I thought it'd be like Scooby Doo and I'd pop out somewhere else.
An NPC nearly killed the party, but was forced to retreat. They decided to try to push their luck to kill him (fair enough) and followed him back to his lair, then stood outside arguing about what to do. When they eventually attacked, they quickly realized they'd spent enough time arguing for him to get in a short rest and be back to nearly full power (I timed them). That is not the dumb thing.
No, the dumb thing happened when they were running away and the SORCERER decided they should hang back and try to get a few licks in... against an NPC that challenged the full party, at close to full htarget. who now had nobody else to target.
I liked the sorcerer player’s new character, though, so it all worked out.
The entrance to the dungeon was on the other side of a chasm. It wasn't too terribly wide, so with some lucky rolls, we all managed to jump (or in the case of the smaller party members, get tossed) across. Inside the first room, the DM mentions that there are several long wooden planks stacked up in the corner. "Huh, that's interesting," we said as we ignored them and continued into the dungeon. This place was big enough that we couldn't explore it all in one go, so we eventually decided to go back to town to rest and resupply. We jumped/got tossed across the gap again, mumbling under our breaths about how annoying this was. We repeated this process at least a couple more times, never realizing that those planks were meant to be used to BUILD A BRIDGE ACROSS THE GAP.
This happened recently, like 2 sessions ago.
He were fighting a bunch of these strange blood elementals that were mixed with some kind of oil, there were four of the an when we hit the first one with fire it doubled in size health and damage. So logically we decided to not hit them with fire anymore. Eventually we killed the three ones that were still small but were struggling to finish off the big one, the dm was jokingly goading us into hitting it with more fire... The other three players then decided against all reason to hit it twice more with fire... It ballooned to gargantuan, one shot the person that hit it and detonated instantly killing two of us and leaving a third making death saves, she only survived instant death by 2 hitpoints because she was uningered. I was the only one who escaped the blast radius. Our claric was one of two to die instantly.
Have you ever made a character tied a 50ft rope around his waist and tied the other end to a branch of a large and tall tree, only to bungy jump it and crash landing it on a fairly large set of rocks face first?
*Cause I did!!!*
The physics would of course depend on the GM, but if I was in control I would apply the real world-kind of using regular rope for bungie jumping, so death or serious injury. 😂
My party was 5th or 6th level (it’s been a few years), and we jumped aboard an airship that was set to land a tribe of Pictish raiders in a city we were sworn to protect. We fought the ships crew, and knocked the navigation system off line and the ship began to lurch uncontrollably in circles about 60 feet off the ground. The Druid through wildshape into a crocodile and jumping into the water, the warlock through misty step doing the same thing, made it to safety. And the wizard (who should have been a sorcerer because he didn’t really pay attention and just wanted to blast things)…..
The wizard decided to just jump from the ship, and when the DM asked where, he said the dock. Not the water, but the dock. Took no action to cast anything, and took enough fall damage (bear in mind he is a wizard and was already down half his hit points) that he was making death saves. The Druid that swam to shore and healed him enough to bring him back up, and then he self owned that he completely forgot that he had the fly spell. Then got upset that the bard (who was occupied other wise and was forced to watch this idiocy) composed a song with the title “How not to exit a ship; a step too far” that was a rousing hit around town.
Star Wars Saga Edition. I had a party of 3 rebel operatives going on a mission to break into an Imperial intelligence outpost. After getting detected, 2 of the decided to take high ground on a tower and set a trap at the base of the building to blow up any stormtroopers that tried to come in with basically c4. Ended up blowing up the building they were on the roof of...
Am I the only one still focused on how AWESOME that sponsor campaign sounds?
Hopefully not! 😂
We come to the entrance of a castle. There's a big door with a hole in the floor, as well as a line carved into the floor leading from the hole to the door. There's writing on the wall, both in elvish and orcish (It's repeated in each language) that basically says "we offer our blood as tribute to our lord so that he may open the way." My fellow party members had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to open the door. Even after I explained you did what the words said and dropped blood in the hole that led to the door, they kept making it harder than it needed to be. Like "well we don't have any elves or orcs in our party and we didn't see any on the way here so I guess we can't get in." My character was a plasmoid so I had to convince them to just try it, as the only people with blood in the party. They made it harder again, going "oh but to have so much blood to fill that whole thing would kill me." Finally, they just tried it and only 1 of them was needed, who lost a whopping 1d6 because it's a MAGIC FREAKING DOOR! 🙄
The story about the staff and the player with it, reminds me of something we did as a party. My character noticed that when this family ambulate was worn by or handled by a “animate object “, OK, it happened to be our time, wizards, chipmunk, familiar named chippy, a curse on said object, seeing as it had bestowed animation to an animate object previously, this isn’t the stupid part, we haven’t done anything stupid, my character said take one of her arrows and pick up said ambulate with the arrow. I can see what particular player was thinking, bird equals an object, the power destroyed it, would it do the same to an inanimate object?
In one of my first times playing th party was visiting a dwarven citymine. We were told about a *dragonturttle* living in one of the neighboring flooded caverns nearby that was flavor for a later quest. We were level 5 and there were 6 of us, all using new 2nd edition subclasses and full of ourselves.
We not only all died, but our actions led to the destruction of the city by separating it from its water supply.
We caused the viaducts and entrance collapse...
We had one player that is no longer in the group because he moved away. I wouldn't say he was "stupid", he was just very literal and once he decided on something, you couldn't persuade him he was wrong.
One time our group was faced with some kind of hoard of undead in an open-air environment. This guy was our paladin, but he decided early on to swap any kind of magical ability (Smite, Lay on Hands... Turn Undead) for Stone Skin. We did, however, have three small casks of holy water on us.
We were trying to figure out how to explode a cask up in the air so that it would rain down on the hoard when this guy says "I spear it on my harpoon and shoot it into the air."
DM: "Okay, what do you have to tie the cask onto the spear with?"
TG: "I don't. I spear it. With the harpoon."
*Commence a 40+ minute long heated discussion in which the rest of the group tells the guy that that isn't how physics works and even if he insists it would work, the DM says it won't work, so it won't work.*
In the end, the DM just says "No" and he eventually relents.
We end up tossing it in the air and letting him shoot it with his harpoon.
He almost refused to do it... Seriously, he's not a bad guy, but I was ready to throttle him at that point.
Way back when I was in the Army I was running a D&D campaign in the barracks. One of the guys in the group, Mike, was a great guy, but given to the most idiotic outbursts of ideas in game. In this campaign he was a Paladin (this was homebrew 2nd edition D&D), and his character had come across a Ring of 3 Wishes, and the expected hilarity ensued. During one session, the Paladin and another party member had wandered off in these ruins and found themselves in an elevated, round, Greco-Roman style open air temple, after tampering with a statue on the altar, they hear the scuffing and moaning of the risen dead temple guardians who begin climbing the steps from all sides and shuffling towards them. They try to fight but aren't coordinating and the 2nd party member goes down, when suddenly the Paladin remembers (not that he has abilities that can effect undead, or the ability to heal) that he has the Ring! So Mike the Paladin grabs the downed party member, drags him to the top of the altar, holds his fist with the Ring aloft and Wishes for his ally to be brought back!... No. He blurts out with no thought, "I wish they were all dead!". And he hears in his head a soft whisper from the Ring that says, "Granted"... and the Dead Guardians keep coming.
The very first night of a new campaign with a GM that liked to pull 'cool ideas' that usually ended up hurting the party while barely being inside of the rules (if not outside of them but arguing that they really weren't in his opinion).
We spent the first few hours (roughly 5) creating our characters, getting the 'job' of transporting someone from one town to another, then having to go purchase wagons and supplies. The party left the town, and had only made it a few miles down the dirt road before we were attacked. Large wooden bolts (I can't remember the exact size, but somewhere between 6' to 20' - basically small trees as we retell the story) start shooting out from the tall forest trees that line the road. The wagons are impaled, and so is the entire party. TPK.
We then learned from the GM that the bad guys have placed large mounted arbalest in the trees, and that is what was shooting us. Yep, arbalest, as he liked to call the 'crossbow turret' from his description, that can shoot small trees and inflict heinous amount of damage.
We were pretty unhappy with his explanation of how that was possible, and that we could never spot them, or anyone firing them. The group argued that it would not be possible to do this, even our other GM who was playing that night. He would not change his mind and considered himself in the right. We have always felt he thought it was his job to kill the entire party instead of running a game, if you know what I mean.
That last one hurts.
I have one.
Chult, Lost City of Omu, Tomb of Annihilation. Im playing a half elven bladesinging wizard. We explore around a bit until, eventually, the bug bad threat if The King Of Feathers shows up and starts to fuck us up. I have the BRILLIANT idea to retreat into the temple so he cant get me, a squishy wizard who can barely dodge his insane hit chance. Issue is... I forgot Disengage was an Option™, along aith just Misty Stepping away before running. He ate me.
I later came back as a hag's pet homonculi/lichling thing with a spell book made of a fallen npc's skin, after which i kind of. Had ti leave once we entered the tomb
Like leave the group. I was lucky to be allowed to play aftwr several failures in my part and i dont like to think of sho i was back then.
I have a few...
The rest of my party in my first campaign tried going back in time to undo getting arrested as political prisoners. Turns out they got arrested anyway as the BBEG arranged for them to get arrested anyway. (Oww)
Our druid was told, by demons in Hell, that he'd get a boon by drowning a kitten. He did, but they lied. (Oww)
In my first time DMing, the party tried forcefeeding the ranger Goodberries to get him to fit in a 3XL Dress. (Owwww)
In one town, they took flour into the bedroom of a friendly NPC, threw it everywhere, and blew it up. The NPC wasn't there, but they got kicked out of town. (Owwww)
I'd rather not think of any more...
We were running netherdeep and the DM let me play a homebrew rat folk. After finishing his back story, I was sat there like, this guy would be weak as hell. So with my 8 in con, I asked the DM to negate the minimum of 1 gain for hp and call it negative 1. He obliged course. The trade off was I had a magical long bow that dealt some extra damage on a crit.
I survived for quite a few sessions with no close calls. But we got to a random encounter with a Vrock. I went first and rolled my first crit. At which point the DM says I have the attention of the Vrock. I scuttle over to a random dead creature and intend to go full skywalker and hide in its body next turn. Didn't occur to me there MIGHT be more enemies hiding nearby. Next turn in intitive, 3 god dam quasits which were feeding in the body I was about to hide in.
Needless to say, I had to roll up a new PC. Loved that little guy
We had a Druid player call lightning on a blue dragon once ….
Some of these stories were painful to listen to.
Some are painful to read. Some stories are cringe too.
But, humans aren't perfect nor are they meant to be!
not overall a big deal but we just started a wild beyond the witchlight campaign. (maybe maybe minute spoilers but probably not?) and while at the carnival at the hall if mirrors, my character investigated the mannequin that was set up outside no less than 3 seperate times looking for any possible hauntings or evil enchantments.. probably spent in total about 45m asking questions about it...
became a joke that my character was paranoid of mannequins.. lol
I was playing ogre once. Once, I was turned to stone by a basilisk. Rest of the group decided that a basilisk can eat rocks because it's stomach magically turns it into meat. They rub the stomach acid all over my character. He eventually reverts to normal (by other means) horribly scarred. Turns out the stomach just had acid strong enough to break down rock. Who woulda thought?
Our party pushed a literal big, red button.
This released an ancient rogue psionic that now uses an entire small planet as their personal flagship in the conquest of our sector of space.
Good times!
The party was camping and getting ready for the night, one of the players tell me "I'm going to take the chance to level on my own", didn't last 15 minutes
We swam in shark infested water just to see what was on another island, and we could have just easily flown over there
Played a level 20 one-shot. Ended up fighting a group of various trolls on the way to a dragon. I specifically asked the dm "since we're level 20 we'd know that we need to hit these with fire or acid, correct?" "Yes". Proceed to attack them. The only person with an acid spell (an artificer) cast Vicious Mockery. Every. Turn.
YOU ARE A LEVEL 20 FULL CASTER. YOU HAVE ALL THE SPELLS SLOTS. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN MAKE THESE STAY DEAD. Also he took an alchemy jug as one of his magic items. *head desk*
We eventually just light a torch and burn the bodies after we take them down. But that took way longer than necessary.
We get to the dragon. It's a CR27 black greatwurm. What does the artficer cast? MORE CANTRIPS! Bruuuuuuhhhh.
So yeah, we tpk'd.
in a westmarch not long ago we were back from killing some Lycan, a gang of thug approached us to get some coin it was a 3 vs 10 we were low level and without any wizard so no good crowd control or AOE spell. The rogue tried to backstab one of the member but failed miserably, he thought that he failed we would side with him but both me and the ranger paid.
So me and the ranger lost 10 gold coins coins but the rogue because of his stupid action lost 50 gold his two swords and a dagger
Every single, permanent death in our party, save 1, was the result of sheer idiocy. The first 2 were because our monk decided he wanted to arm wrestle an orc. He backed out because the orc said he only dealt in battles to the death, but 3 of our 7 member party didn't hear the monk say "never mind" to the fight. So our witch (playing pathfinder) and two druids (one who believed/s capitalism was the true definition of survival of the fittest and the other hated plants, but loved animals because they ate plants) decided to take on the orc at level 2 or 3. The witch only survived because of a failed will save on the orc's part. The rest of the party said no to the fight and just had to watch after warning the three of the danger. That was session 3 and set the standard for all of the perma-deaths later on and most of the non permanent ones. Our shaman (previously te plant hating druid) said that "We stood behind every dumb decision that lead to someone's death." to which I responded, "There's a difference between standing by a dumb decision, and standing by and letting a dumb decision play out."
I wish I had a better sense of humor, but there was too much pot-stirring for the sake of forcing chaos and ignoring even simple logic (as well as me because I'm wetblanket straightman), so I left. Real sad, too, because I kind of liked most of the people in the group except for 1, really, but I realized I was the reason I wasn't having any fun.
For a solid year of playing in a campaign... I forgot deflect missiles existed as a Monk... By far my greatest failure as a player 💀
This was a WHILE ago so I don't remember the details that well (about 3 or 4 years) there was this guy who was sort of..Half killed half not, sorta in a coma like thing, rather than just killing him to call it a day a friend of mine wanted to try and do some stuff to sort of "test" the PC who died, so when the "hero" woke up in some black void he was tasked with putting this large yoga ball sized orb onto a stand, what he doesn't know is that the orb is essentially the Earth itself and that this is a test to see just how good he claims he is at being hero, this dumbass tried to pick up the Earth in multiple different ways, at the time he didn't realize it was the Earth but not because my friend didn't tell him but because HE WAS TOO STUPID TO GET THE HINTS, my character nearly died from the amount of times he dropped the planet causing earthquakes and natural disasters since at the time she was connected to the Earth spiritually so she felt whatever it felt, anyway the dumbass fumbled it so badly that the test had to call off and he was promptly sent to the afterlife after proving he was the most dumbest "protagonist" (The guy using him thinks hes the main character) we have ever seen in our life.
Player A: we need to get food. you go get us some veggies from the market stalls.
Player B: Ok. *proceeds to go to market stalls* hi. i wanna buy some things (to the vendor)
Me (vendor): welcome. may the lord of the light bless your day. anything in particular you are looking for?
Player B: *no response*
Vendor: *stares*
Player B: (ooc) what do i see?
Me (DM): you see an assortment of tubers, potatoes, and other common vegetables. on a side table you see a bundle of herbs.
Player B: what kind of herbs?
Me (DM): *rolls* Chocobo herbs. (we are playing a Final Fantasy campaign based on an alteration on Pathfinder - FFD20)
Player B: (to the vendor) id like to get these herbs. how much?
Me (vendor): *arbitrary amount*
Player B: i pay the vendor.
Me (DM): add 3 bundles of gyshal greens to your inventory.
Player B: i leave the vendor and return to the other player.
Player A: ah, your back so soon? did you get the veggies?
Player B: i got these. are herbs vegetables?
the party has never forgotten this and no longer trust this player to do ANY shopping on their own. ever.
I feel like fighting an ularithid (big illithid) as a monk with 20 HP Almost single handedly (2 other players at low HP had retreated so it was just me and the rogue) wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. I ended up getting stunned and dropped to 6 HP, followed almost immediately by him getting his brain consumed and dying (took exactly 69 damage which was not only funny but also fitting because he was a sex worker)
There aren't many that I can think of that are that dumb, but the two most egregious examples come from a Dwarf Divine Soul Sorcerer in a Mad Mage game (minor spoilers ahead) that just... has trouble paying attention.
We have to speak with the Drow's female leader and my Warlock is the only female in the party on top of being the default diplomancer, so I tell everyone to please, if ever, let me be the only one that negotiates here. As my character is kowtowing in order to make ourselves seem not threatening enough to murder, but not so worthless as to be incapable of menial labors for safe passage, Dwarf spontaneously says, "Now hold on, what do we get out of this? Why should we do anything for you, Miss Snooty B?" In that moment I have my character snap at him with a full attack roll, demanding he immediately apologize for his insolence. Thankfully, Drow ladies can appreciate a charismatic spellcasting woman keeping her subordinates in line with violence, so we squeaked through that deal. Still, it made me worry I'm speaking too intelligently for the rest of my party when I explicitly stated what I'm hoping to get out of this, and then asked why we're doing free favors. We're not, no one else was even talking.
The other instance was way later when we were fighting an obvious boss monster in a fairly small room. Barbarian/Fighter is up in its face doing his usual stupidly high and clearly not playtested Reckless Echo Knight damage, and we get to the Dwarf's turn. He says he wants to cast Meteor Swarm, because it does the most damage. Barbarian, naturally, asks him to reconsider because he'd be in the blast zone, but he insists saying he's going to aim straight for the bad guy. Spell goes off, dice are rolled, Barbarian takes a ton of damage. "Huh? Why's he rolling a save?" Because he's in the blast zone, those sentences we were saying in order to instill the idea that we would like for the Barbarian to not take more damage than necessary. "Oh, I'm sorry man, I didn't know." My guy we're all friends here, but that would not hold up in a court of law any more than if you drove there to appeal your suspended license.
not my game but very funny
dm - this bridge while sturdy is made mostly of spider webs.
player - is it flammable?
dm - yes, very
players - ok we will have to use non flame spell to see
Stupid player half way across - i cant see well enough so i am going to light a torch
dm - are you sure
Stupid - yes
dm - ok, you light the torch, bridge goes up in flames, everyone dies.
I used darkness + cancel concentration instead of dodge action rip
Dm here: an artificer player decided to throw their firearm across the field to hit the monster.
Fun fact: if I'm in a game where all the other players decide to attack a powerful monster that wasn't even a danger to them, unless my character is as dumb as a rock, or is bound by magic, law or oath to protect one or more of the morons, my character is probably not about to jump on that hippo-shaped TPK bandwagon. If all your friends jumped off a cliff...
Its not THAT stupid, really, but it made everyone at the table feel dumb for sure. In DoMM there is a room with a static magic plinth shaped like an enormous hand that casts "stone to flesh" on objects it touches. The adjoining hallway is populated by musuem like exhibits with elaborate painted backdrops. A cell labeled "Isle of Chult" with a jungle scene painted with an erupting volcano is occupied by lifelike statues of deinonuchus stalking an Anklyosaurus. Another scene of an orc wartribe looking to their chieftain bearing a necklace of eagle feathers. Finally, the last room depicted a painted backdrop of the DoMM itself. The room possessed nothing except for a hyper realistic statue of a treasure chest.
In a stroke of sheer brilliance, the party fighter exclaimed "Take it to the hand!" Immediately he forced open the door, utilized his belt of giant STR to drag the heavy object down the hall to the hand, and activated the plinth.
Everyone at the table watched with bated breath. As I began describing the stony texture washing away to reveal the chest the player tensed up and flushed with a realization of what they had just done. Suddenly the Fighter holding down the button at the plinth is tackled to the ground by a heavy mimic mouth like the lid of a treasure chest lined with more rows of teeth than a great white shark. The mimic engulfs his head and chomps down on his shoulders trying to swallow the player as the rest of the party spring to action and quickly slay it in a round.
Then the awkward silemce that followed as the fighter, bleeding heavily from the brow trades looks with the facepalming party.
Players could not piece together that the red key opens the red door. Technically the key was a magical flower and the door was a stone wall with a mural of said flower, but come on it’s the same thing.
Never understood murderhobos...WHY!?
FIRST! Nat 20 initiative!
NAT TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- wait a second... ARE THESE LOADED DIE?!
Do you do anything besides just reading off Reddit threads? What kind of low effort channel is this?
Can you make a better video of this question than this?