Should Catholic Marital Intimacy END After Childbearing Years?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- Should Married Catholic Couples STOP being sexually intimate if they are infertile, &/or finished having more children?
In this video, I share with you what Holy Mother Church teaches as well as sharing my own experience as @ACatholicWife of nearly 25 years.
Visit My Website: acatholicwife....
Free Download available on my website:
acatholicwife....
♥️ My online storefront: store.sendowl....
Catholic Prayer Journal for Women: sowl.co/bcSQZu
Prayer Battle Plan for Men: sowl.co/X2F5d
This video is SPONSORED by
praylatin.com/
Resources Mentioned:
CASTI CONNUBII
ENCYCLICAL OF POPE PIUS XI
ON CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
www.vatican.va...
ENCYCLICAL LETTER
HUMANAE VITAE
www.vatican.va/...
Recommended Books:
Douay Rheims Bible: amzn.to/3z09cvA
Catechism of Trent: amzn.to/3sdTKrY
God Has No Grandchildren:
amzn.to/3eLHuvX
Three to Get Married: amzn.to/3TpbX1F
The First Society: amzn.to/3yXb48o
Holy Sex: amzn.to/3Sng2SE
📚My Favorite Books
🔥The Latin Mass Explained
amzn.to/3PJhyym
🔥Reclaiming Our Roman Catholic Birthright: The Genius and Timeliness of the Traditional Latin Mass
amzn.to/3NGblRV
🔥True Obedience in the Church: A Guide to Discernment in Challenging Times
amzn.to/3sY38ku
🔥Pope Paul’s New Mass
amzn.to/3lN6S41
🔥Biography of AB Marcel Lefebvre
amzn.to/3GkcUme
🌸The Summa Domestica
Order and Wonder in Family Life - 3 Volume Set (Summa Domestica, 1-3)
amzn.to/3wOXLpR
🌸Overcoming Spiritual Discouragement: The Wisdom and Spiritual Power of Venerable Bruno Lanteri
amzn.to/38RYpd5
🌸Padre Pio's Spiritual Direction for Every Day
amzn.to/3PDtEt3
Saints Who Battled Satan
amzn.to/3OgNLMj
😃 Thank you for watching my video ♥️
Mrs. Deena Barca @ACatholicWife partners with affiliate platforms where commission may be earned based on clicks and or purchases, and I would love it if you decided to use the links above! Affiliate links help creators like me to fund the free content that we provide to you.
#traditionalcatholic #catholicintimacy #catholicmarriage
I guess the key is to view your wife as a cross, and to carry her lovingly, the way that Christ carried his cross. Women can do the same for their husbands. If you approach your marriage with that attitude, you can endure pretty much anything. I get that sex can be a lifelong joy for some couples, but for a great many, it just isn't realistic. For them, it may simply be best to view your marriage as a vocation - and your spouse as someone you need to carry to heaven. That might be tough, but Christian marriage really does require sacrifice.
@Timothy Gray I couldn’t love this more comment! ♥️♥️🥹
@@januszdworak4780 and psychiatrists prescribe drugs for schizophrenic patients, YET the psychiatrist is NOT a schizo; and an oncologist treats cancer patients yet may never get cancer him/herself. So your 'main problem' is really a 'main problem' with your lack of logic.
So, yes, celibate men can give theoretical advice on a Catholic marriage because they have STUDIED the Church's teachings. We all don't have time to study all the church's teachings, nor study to be a psychiatrist, or oncologist..(unless we are one of those), so we leave it to EXPERTS to give us advice and medical knowledge.
Anyway, since you're into 'chakra's', would you happen to be Hindu? If so, why are you wasting your time on a mono-theistic person's video?
@@januszdworak4780 Hi. I am not debating what you just wrote. Second opinions are great. So, Catholics should also get second opinions, if they want, from another priest or even someone higher up such as a Bishop. Second opinions were not part of your original discussion, however. Celibate priests can give advice on marriage because they have studied what marriage should be in the Catholic faith, just as doctors study medicine to advise and treat patients. Priests are bound by the teaching of Christ, and doctors by the Hippocratic oath. Neither necessarily 'live' lives according to all that they preach or advise in the personal sense of experiencing what they preach themselves, though they have studied. A doctor doesn't need to experience multiple sclerosis in order to have the know-how to diagnose it, just like a priest doesn't need to be married in order to advise about Catholic marriages. Both priests and doctors practice what they have devoted years of their lives studying. That being said, no one is infallible, and if serious questions arise either about a priest's teaching (of the Bible and Christianity and the sacraments, for example) or a doctor's diagnosis, second and even third opinions from other priests and doctors should be sought. That being said, note that in Easter Rite Catholic faiths, such as the Maronites of Lebanon, a married man has the right to become a priest. There are, therefore, married priests in Lebanon. However, if a priest is single, he is not allowed to get married. What that means is that prior to taking final vows, each will be asked if he wishes to marry before the vows, because after the vows, marriage is not allowed. (Marriage first, vows second.) However, a married priest is not allowed to become a higher-up at all, such as Montseigneur, for example. I am a Maronite Christian Catholic, so I know about those details.
@@januszdworak4780 there is not salvation out of the Catholic Church. I'm praying for your Soul.
@@sanalzam1 there is only one way to salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. No church can or will save you.
I had a daughter out of wedlock, and placed her up for adoption when she was a baby, to a couple, that had struggled with infertility for 10 years. They already had an adopted son. A few years passed and I got married and pregnant with my first son. The adoptive mother messaged me after I told her I was pregnant, and she said she was pregnant too. After 15 years of infertility and into their 40’s, she conceived (by natural means), a daughter! She said that we were womb-mates. She gave birth to her healthy daughter after the age of 40! Miracles happen and God uses any opportunity to give us gifts, especially when we least expect them.
This isn’t fully related to the video, but please pray for me as I am considering becoming Catholic and am praying a novena for the grace of conversion. Thank you
You will be in my prayers Christopher
Will be praying 🙏🏽
Praying for you May the Holy Ghost be your guide
I am a cradle Catholic returning to the Church through RCIA for the Sacrament of Confirmation. The sooner you start, the better. Attend a mass or two in your area if you can and speak with the priest. God bless you on your journey and may He grace you with the beauty of the faith!
Prayers for you Christopher, that the Holy Spirit guide you on this journey. May The Lord bless you, In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. 🙏🏼
I'm 51, and have been together with my wife since 94. We have had our trials and ups and downs, we've taken our lumps and hard life lessons. But I can say that I am more madly in love with her than ever. She just gets more graceful and beautiful. I am blessed far beyond what I have deserved. Our faith just makes this all more obvious to us. I look at all of these quirky little things in our lives and I see God's immense love at work.
May God bless you for being such a strong and affection to your wife
@@mrsl5514 Thank you and may God bless you abundantly!
My wife has lost interest in sex BUT not in me. We are both in our seventies. I am grateful for the times we are intimate, and thank God for the gift to each other. I love her so much that I hope the Lord will take me before her. We do not own each other, we are on loan to each other - a reality to remember always.
Beautiful video! As a 65 year old, married for 39 years, it was so wonderful to hear someone voice these concerns! It would never occur to us to not engage in sexual intimacy! As he says, he'll always chase me around the kitchen!! It sounds like you and I share similar views! I truly enjoyed this video and will watch for more! God bless you!!
Glad you're healthy enough for that! :)
Excellent video. Aside from the primary and secondary reasons for marital intimacy. It’s also a renewal of our marital vows. I truly notice a difference in my marriage when we let intimacy fall off our radar.
@Little Girl Arise I love your UA-cam handle!
FREQUENT marital intimacy is such a crucial part of a healthy marriage!
♥️
Exactly!
I'm 25 and I could spend hours listening to you describing the beauty of mariage through the ups and downs. I admire that so much, the resilience, the devotion and just the love in couples that have lived so many years together. I hope and I pray that I get to experience that one day and that I can honor my wife as a true catholic husband. Thank you for this.
Wow, thank you! ♥️🙏🏽
Excellent video! I like how you bring attention that you don’t want to just be your husbands roommate. You give couples a lot to think about, young and old! This will be a great series, and you will do a great job at keeping it respectful. Thank you Deena!
@Rebecca Reese I truly appreciate your kindness and supporting of my channel.
I am looking forward to sharing more on this topic - I think it’s something important and not often discussed in places like Catholic communities on UA-cam.
You are correct. It is awful to just be a roommate
Beautifully done. Marital intimacy renews our Marital vows!!! Amen!
Thank you for this video! My husband and I are in RCIA and this was a question I had! This makes so much sense and what I felt like a marriage should be! Marriage is not a roommate. After going to Mass for the last 6 months and now in a RCIA we have been making a bigger effort in taking time for just us! Which can be hard with small children! But it’s so important!!!!
@Hairqueen11 you’re most welcome!
Are you attending a Latin Mass or Novus Ordo?
I’m so excited for you to be in RCIA - just remember that is such a tiny part of your faith formation! You’ll never stop learning about Christ’s Church! ♥️
Are there any particular topics you would like to see covered on my channel?
Good for you! I had serious medical issues, took care of my elderly and dying mother, and got too busy raising our two girls! My husband and I grew apart and he suddenly left me after 40 years of marriage and has sought a mistress...it is the saddest thing! My illness made me "less sexually available but I didn't love him less". You're prioritorizing is great! It turns out my husband has experienced childhood trauma that made him less able to be intimate, but this was only recently discovered, but made us a good fit with my chronic illness and assumed him being less sexual was helping me versus building resentment and unforgivness. We are also Catholic. I am currently " standing for our marriage" and actively praying for healing and reconciliation, but wanted you to know that your priorities are right on, and your ministry is needed as there is far more brokenness than I ever imagined in marriages of today! I cannot believe that my marriage is in the shape that it is in as mid-life crises are very common and come on abruptly after not being fully honest and secretly harboring resentments! There is a world of hurting "standers" as we hope and pray for our spouses to return to their "right and holy thinking" and return to their devastated spouses and families to reconcile and heal! So be bold and teach your ways of keeping your marriage so healthy and happy! Many of us have much to learn from you! Thanks for sharing!
As long as both husband and wife are physically healthy for intimacy then it's OK. As we age, there maybe a time when one of the spouses can no longer be able to do this. But they can still hug, hold hands, and most importantly be mentally there for each other.
The spouses should make every effort to to preserve their sexual health.
Thank you for all the research you did for this video. I’m still in childbearing years but I find the topic very interesting. I love learning from Holy Catholic women like you who have so much wisdom to share.
@Mary Scarpeti your words humble me! Thank you for watching my video and your kindness! It’s a strange thing to be so vulnerable but I truly make these videos in the hope that the Lord will use them for His purpose to allow me to help others in some small way.
What topics interest you the most on my channel?
@@ACatholicWife I love learning how you navigate marriage and motherhood as a Catholic. It is so helpful to learn from someone who has lived through the stages of life I’m walking. 💕
Thanks for making this Deena! This was so necessary! I love that you always do your research! Although I know there were saints who were married & chose to abstain at a certain point in their marriage, it’s not a requirement. We’re just babies in the spectrum of married life (9 years in November) but we’re still very much in love with each other in our mid 30’s 💗 I’ll be praying for that woman & her marriage, her comment seemed to have some deep wounds that need healing.
@No Heart Untouched thank you so much for watching my video and your sweet words of support! ♥️
You never know when or how the Lord will use you and your story to help the exact person He needs YOU to reach.
There are many voices in this space and we can’t resonate with them all - but I trust fully that if I keep showing up and sharing my experience and allow myself to be vulnerable -the Lord will use this teeny tiny offering of mine for His purposes and the right person will be helped. That’s my hope with this channel - that I can help other Catholics- especially Catholic wives!
Have a blessed week my friend ♥️
I’m not Catholic but have a Catholic friend who believes that any sex not for procreative purposes is sinful. Your message is needed!
That to me, sees so sad. Sometimes religion does seem to make certain people somewhat crazy.
That is the underlying context.
The Primary means of intercourse is procreation. It's not the only reason for intercourse, but every act has to be open to child bearing.
@RickGrimes-tr3ug that's sad. You're not a woman and therefore you have no idea the burden multiple pregnancies are to a female body.
That is not the teaching of the church.
Me and my husband are going on 41 years together and we are just like you and your husband. We were married when we were 20 and 21. Never regretted a minute of it. It’s not easy at times. But by the Grace of God, we are still going strong. Prays for all good catholic families. Thank you for making this video. 🙏🏻
It’s always amazing to me how God works. This video popped up in my feed, randomly, and it is exactly what I needed to see. I’m actually in tears right now. Tomorrow is my husband and my 9 year anniversary. We had our first baby before our 1st anniversary, and we just had our 4th this past February, and needless to say life right now does not give us a lot of opportunity for intimacy. I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not doing enough in this area, not because my husband is anything less than fully understanding, it still hurts my heart as his wife. I appreciate you sharing your perspective, as well as that you have made mistakes because I know I’ve made many. I’m definitely subscribing to your channel, and look forward to watching your future videos.
Happy Anniversary!
I am happy you shared this. I am a newlywed at the age of 51, and children are no option for obvious reasons.
@Website Ckron I wouldn’t say it’s impossible even at 51.
Congratulations to your marriage!
I’m 49 and have been married for 24 years and still in many ways feel like a newlywed 🥰
Thank you for sharing your wisdom w/ us !! Loved the video ! I am still in the childbearing years , currently going through infertility for a couple of years now , we desire to have many more children , but we continue to trust our Lord and continue to fulfill my vocation as a Catholic wife 🙏🏽♥️ thank you Deena ! Your videos are so helpful
@Betsy C thank you so much for your kindness!!
Your encouragement means a lot to me!
Have you read the book Trustful Surrender?
amzn.to/3VXWwPA
Truly life changing book! I read it often whenever I am struggling to accept GOD’s will for my life.
This is very interesting. I never thought that this was something some people felt strongly about. Thank you for giving a solidly Catholic and charitable analysis as always.
Thank you for this. 1) We are not blessed with children, but it always rankled me when I heard Dr. Laura Schlesinger say, 'I am my kid's mom' and in my understanding of this and listening to her, she puts children first. 2) We did use artificial contraception (one of us is still not Catholic), and it was a blessing when we stopped and even though we are 'open to life' but will probably never conceive (60 yrs+, and I have OB issues), I do believe that we have been given more blessings in this obedience. 3) Don't meant to steal any thunder, but reading Mrs. Timothy Gordon's 'Ask Your Husband' has taught me a lot, one thing being (no judgement on anyone's circumstances) that except for grave reasons, denying one's spouse marital intimacy is a mortal sin.
Yes, I love Ask Your Husband! Its been such a blessing to my marriage and vocation.
@@Grecia.R It is my manual. I have TIm's Case for Patriarchy and will be reading before my husband gets to it.
@Mary Comstock thank you for watching my video and sharing your thoughts with me.
I will always be my husband’s wife *first* before I am our children’s mother.
I enjoyed Stephanie’s book as well.
She has a lot of good insight and I agree with her on a rightly ordered marriage.
I am considering a second marriage. Sacramentally, it's necessary for health and wellness to have sex with your spouse. Sex is for two reasons according to the catechism: the bearing of children and intimacy with the one you love and who loves you. For me, I can't imagine having a loveless sexless marriage, because it also spells out extreme loneliness. Thanks for this post.
I agree with you,. My life walked out on me 20 years ago, and I have been a reluctant celibate ever since; and yes it is lonely.
@@groblerful It's nice to read that somewhere someone else gets it. I just read an article of hope about fringe-related Catholics from Bishop Robert Barron. When he specifically mentioned ppl who get remarried he didn't speak about Sacraments, but people who avoid them to get civilly remarried. That gave me hope. That gives me hope that I have not been forgotten about, that those priests, Nuns, family members who respect my vows -- both the first marriage, and the annulment plus my private consecration -- want what is best for me.
Dates are good. Friendships are good. Disobedience to God is not OK. Someday, hopefully, in that dating life there will be a man who approaches marriage Sacramentally and through Canon law. Until then, I will embrace my loneliness and suffering for what it is. It's there for a reason.
Glad you are talking about family issues. The church never talks about family issues. That is the number 1 reason I don't trust the church anymore. There is no family plan, so, only a small percentage of people figure out how to make a good family.
Excellent video and beautifully explained. I could have really used these lessons decades ago but God is great and I have a wonderful marriage regardless of our struggles. Thank you Deena.
It's not always the husbands that want an active intimacy life and get no compromise. I had no idea how deeply bonding that kind of intimacy was (my husband was my only boyfriend) and I have a heavy cross with never getting to engage in it. So no, I don't think couples should stop being sexual intimate after children. It's horrible for the one that wants to continue while the other does not. If you both agree, then fine but I don't think they should feel like they HAVE to stop.
I am 51 years old and I still adore and desire my wife very much. Being intimate with your spouse is a wonderful gift of God as well as being a father. I pray that one day my son will be gifted with a wonderful devout Catholic wife and children. I look forward to the next stage in our lives to one day being grandparents. I admire Blessed Emperor Karl of Austria who told his wife Zita of Bourbon at their wedding "Now we must help each other get to heaven". After raising your children, I believe your relationship with your spouse continues and evolves, growing stronger. Next is to pass traditions to the next generation as past generations did.
Great video. No, it should not end... The spouses can't preserve love without renewal of wows. Can you do a video about situation if one of the spouses is denying other. If one spouse wants children but other doesn't and if one that doesn't is conditioning intimacy with contraception or NFP. What that situation encompasses? And what is the faithful and true catholic option for spouse who is denied?
I think this is one of my favorite videos of yours. Beautifully said. Yes yes yes agree with it all!! We still act like we’re dating, it makes the kids cringe sometimes, but I think the more cringe the more they can see how much we love each other. 😂And… this all being said, I thought we weren’t able to have children anymore, but here we are 21 weeks along and due very early March. Praise God for his many gifts. Be fruitful and multiply!
Audrey! Miss your channel. Hope you are well. Congratulations on expecting a new little one! Your bubbly and energetic personality always brought a smile to my face. May God bless you!
Thank you sweet friend. I hope that you are doing well 🥰
@The Living Faithful Homeschooler OH MY GOODNESS AUDREY!!!!!! 😃I am overjoyed for you and your husband!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
God is NEVER outdone in His generosity!!!
Congratulations mama! I’m so excited for you and pray that you’ll return to youtube!!
Your voice and wisdom is sorely missed!
♥️
No it shouldn't stop unless the body is no longer capable. Then I believe God shows them the real depth of their union, which the martial embrace flows from, not the other way around.
@D Donovan thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts with me.
I agree wholeheartedly with you.
Bless you, such good sense and beautifully expressed.
Excellent video and research. I think you did really good explaining this. This video did two things. First, it presented the facts and truth very well. Second, the hookup culture is bad, I don’t like the hookup culture. This video explains why sexual intimacy is reserved to the sacrament of marriage and you explained the rest very well too, ie after children in marriage why why it’s fine. The next time someone promotes any aspects of the hookup culture but yet says or claims sexual acts in marriage after having children is wrong, I feel like after watching this video I now have a better way of explaining to them why they are incorrect. I have the tools I need from it to properly explain things better. By the way, I bought a TLM Missal several days ago. I’m so excited about it as it’s arriving!!!!!!
The act of intimacy is a source of grace in a marriage. Marriage is a sacrament and much like the other sacraments your get graces for performing the act.
Excellent topic that needs to be understood more fully by Catholic couples who want and try to do the right thing even when we continuously fall and make mistakes due to our fallen human nature.
Although not Catholic, I am interested in learning about the faith. It was good to view your video, as women don't seem to have a strong voice or prominent role within the church. Enjoyed your viewpoints.
I was told by a priest to not end the marital intimacy. But physical and psychological problems make me unable to resume. There are justifiable reasons for not engaging in sex even though the senior years of life.
@Mila S. I’m sure there are couples with legitimate reasons why they’re unable to have a physically intimate relationship with their spouse.
I would also say that scenario is the exception and not the rule.
For the vast majority of married couples - they’re not impeded by physical or mental limitations.
Is there nothing you could do to overcome these obstacles? I don't want to judge because I don't know your situation but I can say as a husband who loves his wife it would break my heart and be a great temptation to turn elsewhere for release if she didn't want to be intimate with me.
@@ACatholicWife Is it permitted for the husband to climax outside his wife’s vagina, if that is what is causing the impediment?
@Vanessa Loy no, it most certainly is not allowed.
Great video. My wife and I are always questioning this aspect of our faith, because any deviation from God's plan in this area is always a recipe for disaster. Looking forward to more of these videos. Thank you and may God bless you and your family.
@MatthaeusPrime thank you for watching my video ♥️
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me.
How long have you been married?
Oh my gosh, YES. I feel this, especially from a new empty-nester. Our daughter graduated college and just moved out. Our son is in the army and deployed. (You and I are around the same age) Thank you for this video. Fully appreciated it.
Why is sexual intimacy something that's required for closeness and intimacy? Why can't a couple have what some would argue is an even closer marriage precisely because sex isn't on the table and the man is loving his wife for her sake without the hopes of sex in return. Think of Mary and Joseph. Or even of the Old testament where the two mates who fought wars together professed that their love for each other is stronger than with that of any woman. Probably because there was no sex involved and only their self giving was the basis.
@Yacov Melech what a sad comment.
I’m grateful that the Lord is His goodness gave us the ability to have a properly ordered marriage.
As I said in my video, I didnt marry my husband 25 years ago because I wanted to live with my brother.
Our Lady entered into her marriage as a consecrated virgin and St. Joseph knew and agreed to this type of platonic relationship.
I most assuredly did not.
Thanks for sharing your opinion but I *wholeheartedly* disagree with you.
@@ACatholicWife I did accidentally imply that it would be a better marriage. But I meant that it's possible it could improve a marriage in the same way that lent improves your relationship with God.
Now I don't mean that one should or must live out this way of marriage. Be it far from me to say that sex is not a proper and holy expression of love between two married. And if one desires union, the other must not treat them as if they don't have a genuinely good desire to unite with their partner, the scripture is clear about this. However, it can still be true that when you don't have a self gratifying potential in the way of your relationship, your relationship can grow more holy. But even still, not that we necessarily even need this! God of course can and does everything in us however is right for each of us! But it's true God often prefers to do it through us, through natural means which He created for us.
But all that aside. If Mary and Joseph can have the perfect holy marriage without sex, so too can a married couple. And a couple who chooses to have a Josephite marriage for the sake of the Kingdom, which is the basis for celibacy as well, though they still be first and foremost devoted to each other in ministry, then such an action is not an incomplete pursuit of one's marriage.
I agree
Sex is the renewal of marriage vowels.
I am just a bit younger than you and due to medical reasons I can no longer have children. We always struggled with infertility. God blessed us with a child via adoption and one healthy pregnancy. However, even through our struggles to bear children and now my complete infertility, it never occured to me to stop marital intimacy with my husband, that would be incredibly detrimental to our marriage! God calls us to a different type of love within marriage and I believe our intimacy is just one part of it, but an important part. I feel sad for couples who lose sight of this- life is difficult and not sharing that special bond with your partner in life would make life even harder.
Thank you for tackling this topic!
I have a topic suggestion. As traditional Catholics I think it can be very confusing, especially within the Trad community, what is acceptable and not when it comes to hair, make-up etc. I know some Trads who think it is completely unacceptable to be anything but "all natural". I know my husband loves it when I make an effort in my appearance. It's a difficult balance but one worth aiming for. I know you did a video on clothing but I wonder if you could address this aspect of staying vibrant and appealing for our spouses?
Love your videos! Keep up the great work! I pray for you, this cannot be an easy thing to do week after week.
Absolutely do not become roommates! Keep the sex in marriage as a healthy component of the union. And this is not just for the sake of men and so that they won’t cheat. Women love intimacy too!
@Jonathan L after 25 years (a few months shy) of marriage we are still VERY much in love and praise the Lord we have a healthy functioning union - I can assure you that being my husbands "roommate" is absolutely *NOT happening* within our marriage.
“It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished.”
Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
Very well done
@Julie thank you so much!
Beautifully said. Due to female issues, we never had children. I have one child from previous marriage.Lots if good info here. In 2004, my husband had major surgery. That was the end of physical intimacy. I wonder if u could speak to this issue?
I got married on the 15th and we had a tlm wedding . My priest went through casti connubi and the new and old councils regarding marriage &human vitae
@Sarah S 🥰 congratulations!!!!
I love the book by Leila Lawler “God has no grandchildren” as it breaks down & explains all the parts of Casti Connubi
It’s linked in the description if you’re interested ♥️
Honestly after 50 with hormones dropping I don’t feel like having sex. I honestly think it’s overrated. But hey if you both feel sexy and you love each other how fortunate.
@Lux et Veritas thanks for watching my video and sharing your thoughts with me.
I’m a few months away from 5️⃣0️⃣😵💫🥳 myself! 😃
If we only engage in intimacy when *we* feel like it …that’s rather selfish to our spouse.
I’m sure hormonal changes can impact our bodies and maybe one day that will be a reality for me.
But for now praise Jesus that’s not the case.
“Let the husband *render the debt* to his wife, and *the wife also in like manner* to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency. ”
- 1 Cor 7:3-5
Saint Paul makes it _quite clear_ that there is such thing a marriage debt and that it should be paid, except for temporary abstinence by *mutual* consent.
Saint Thomas comments on these verses explaining that denying the payment of the marital debt is a form of fraud, “because one is taking away what belongs to another-and this pertains to fraud no less in marriage than in other affairs.”
Further, he makes explicit the teaching of Saint Paul that there are three concurrent criteria to postpone legitimately the payment of the marital debt:
1️⃣ It can only be by mutual consent
2️⃣ For a definite time
3️⃣ And for a suitable purpose, “that is, for the sake of spiritual acts, for which continence renders one more suitable.”
We will be celebrating our *25th* wedding anniversary next year (God willing).
We still prioritize intimacy and see it as a vital component of our relationship.
@@ACatholicWife Yes, that´s wonderful. I´m no longer married unfortunately and have no desire to engage in sex. I´m 59 and If I were to have another relationship it would have to be a mutually abstinent one with spiritual projects and endeavors in mind.
For me, a traditional marriage is with children and raising your kids and being a role model for your children. I didn´t have that so I´m not interested in a romantic relationship any longer.
Lots of natural remedies for loss of sex drive during menopause
Wow! Interesting topic. This particular topic never crossed my mind either. Sounds a bit scrupulous. I appreciate the well researched response. Definitely an area of interest so far as topics go. Thanks! ❤🙏🏻
@Tanya Sheldrake thank you for watching my video! I never in a million years thought about this topic until I received the comment from a viewer.
I couldn’t imagine choosing to have a platonic relationship with my own husband.
Can you please do a video about the evolution of your NFP over the course of your marriage? Bride to be is interested (:
@Kenzie Oswalt I can do a video on NFP but please understand it will be about why I’m against NFP.
@@ACatholicWife Sure! Would just love to hear your thoughts on it!
I am new to your channel, I continued listening today bc you said you were a LEO Catholic family. My husband is also a police officer and we have very young children. You might have one, but I would love to hear a video of how you raised your family with your husbands profession/ long hours. I personally find it very challenging especially with little support. Also, I am interested to learn as to why you’re against NFP? Especially, that it is not against church teaching? Thank you and God bless!
What is NFP, please?
@@websiteckron8591 natural family planning
Good topic. Fr. Mike Schmitz has a video on this topic Sex and Holiness. He explaines that is it for the couple, when both in a state of grace, holy.
You are amazing. Thank you for clarifying this topic. God bless you and your family.
@TrumpWonJoeCheated thank you so much for your support!!
Side note- you have a GREAT UA-cam handle! Love it!
@@ACatholicWife thank you so much ❤ please keep on doing what you are doing. So glad I found your channel, I subscribed so fast :) God bless ✝️ 🙏
Beautiful testimony and example!
Although I agree with contraception being sinful, what do you do when NFP doesn’t work and you want to space out your children as opposed to having them back to back? Or if you simply just can’t afford to have more than 2 or 3 children. Being completely abstinent in marriage doesn’t seem like a good option 😅
I think if you are able you should be intimate because it helps the marriage to be close physically breaking down any walls/barriers.
@Wonder Woman I agree with you ♥️
I been married 35 years. Intimacy ended after my second daughter was born 25 years ago. Not what I signed up for
@curly fine I’m so sorry 😞 I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you.
Excellent! Thank you so much for this!
@will Bennett you’re most welcome!
I appreciate your kindness ♥️
Hi Deena,
Thanks for this video.
Was just wondering your opinion on getting married past the child bearing age? Does the same apply?
God bless
@marmarleahy thank you for watching my video!
I think as long as a couple isn’t impotent (which would prevent them from marrying in the Church & having a sacramental marriage) there is *no issue* with them getting married past their child bearing years.
@@ACatholicWife What age is considered past the child bearing years? Thank you
Good for you - sounds like you set a wonderful healthy, Catholic example for your children.
15:37
Obviously no. Sex is profoundly more important than just child bearing.
@Stevie Congo I agree wholeheartedly with you!
I do understand exactly what you said at the beginning. I'm not married anymore.
I'm 40, and like many, it's a sexless marriage. I've given up on kids, and our marriage is just us being good roomies to each other. Too little, too late. I'm trying to learn to be as celibate as my parish priest, but it's been difficult.
@Jacob I’m so incredibly sorry to read this!!
How long have you been married?
@@ACatholicWife nine years, although only one as a catholic.
@Jacob have you listened with your wife to Fr. Ripperger on this topic? It may be helpful
if she’s a practicing Catholic to hear what he says about the marital debt.
Saint Paul makes it quite clear that there is such thing a marriage debt and that it should be paid, except for temporary abstinence by mutual consent.
Saint Thomas comments on these verses explaining that denying the payment of the marital debt is a form of fraud, “because one is taking away what belongs to another-and this pertains to fraud no less in marriage than in other affairs.”
Further, he makes explicit the teaching of Saint Paul that there are three concurrent criteria to postpone legitimately the payment of the marital debt:
1️⃣ It can only be by mutual consent
2️⃣ For a definite time
3️⃣And for a *suitable* purpose, “that is, for the sake of spiritual acts, for which continence renders one more suitable.”
Spiritual Warfare in Marriage
ua-cam.com/video/NXRatp5aYpQ/v-deo.html
What Is Marriage?
ua-cam.com/video/CeaxQfDdoTg/v-deo.html
Saint Thomas says the debt may *only* be refused for _grave_ reasons.
He specifically talks about physical health, but in my opinion, one could add for psychological health.
For example, if has experienced a sexual trauma and payment of the debt would risk further psychological harm.
In such cases, however, there is an obligation to seek treatment in order to be able to fulfill the debt.
If one feels that they have serious grounds to refuse the payment of the debt, they should ask for direction from an experienced confessor.
Source: James Walther, MA
Summa Theologiæ
@@ACatholicWife She knows. She hasn't listened to Fr. Ripperger specifically, but this was all part of the RCIA we received. She knows with her head, but not with her heart. Like many today, temperance and disciplined obedience are not very practiced by either of us. It's exacerbated by our financial lack of discipline and having work schedules that don't line up. I'm trying to get us to go to legion of Mary meetings on Mondays after my work, but since she works evenings, that's as far as church life will likely go. It probably doesn't help that we decided to go to an FSSP parish an hour away. They don't even have a church building yet. Just a chapel and rectory. I've got a cough and so stayed home from last Sunday and All Saints.. sigh. I'm not sure if I'm sick or if the house just has mold... Houston is such an armpit as far as weather goes. I thought about getting a trucking job for more money, but diesel prices are making that a no go for now. I don't have the time to go to a trade school. ah well. Keep praying and putting one foot in front of the other right?
On a positive note, she's gotten a lot better since she quit her birth control and joined the church! A bit less cranky, more affectionate. Maybe time in the church will help, but I'm already 40. Do I really want to be 65 with an 18 year old? bah.
I am a 72 year old man. Sex doesn't come my way very often. When it does I say "thank you God"/
@Edward Herod I always kid w/ my own husband that he will be still chasing me around in a walker! I think that intimacy is such a beautiful part of my sacrament - I am sure you feel the same about yours. How long have you and your bride been married?
Great video, right on the numbers.
To quit sexual intimacy after child bearing years is to reduce the marital embrace to reproduction alone. However, the teleological ends of sex also includes total self giving love which sexual intercourse represents. I suggest people read John Paul II theology of the body for a truly catholic and integrated approach. People who are denying sexual intimacy for reasons just cited are neglecting the affective needs of their spouse. This could be a serious sin if the offending spouse is aware of the damage it is doing to their marriage.
Deena! Love it! Beautiful!
I teach Creighton (nfp) and I think this is such an important topic. I’m looking forward to more from you on this.
You have a God ordained good healthy marriage. God bless you .
You should do a video on NFP use in a Catholic marriage. Not the how to but the teachings of the church on the subject. And what is acceptable.
@Pete we did not use NFP nor do I agree with NFP.
Would you still want me to make a video discussing this topic?
@@ACatholicWife yes please! Reverted cradle Catholic here with a converted husband. We're doing NFP but struggling so much with it due to irregular periods and PCOS. Very, very keen on your take!
@@ACatholicWife please thanks
@@ACatholicWife i think it would be interesting to know why you do not agree to be better informed. 🙂
Beautiful. Thank you. ❤
@JM thanks so much for watching 😃
Not all good men where built to be monks. Honestly celibacy in marriage sounds like a way to destroy your own marriage.
@Krag thanks be to God this isn’t an issue in my marriage ♥️
There isn’t much that is sadder than a platonic marriage in my opinion.
@@ACatholicWife I hope you don't think I was trying to be rude, I have the up most respect for people who live as life long celibates outside of marriage whether than taking a role in the church, order or living that life style.
I just feel the expectation of let's be honest making your spouse accept this after being married is potentially very self destructive.
Christ said it is better to have never been married, but he also said "Not all men are able to do this"
I am a Catholic Husband in a marriage where we are both beyond the age of bearing more children. We are celibate and happy.
My husband was "in the closet" for our entire marriage. He died just 2 years ago. The thing is, he deceived me by saying he had gone thru therapy and was straight at the time we married, over 30 years ago. He finally admitted a few months before he died that he was never attracted to me and for the 10 years we had some physical intimacy he was fantasizing to be able to do it. I have been celibate for 24 years and it was miserable. I'm 76 and could have had a "friend with benefits" last year, but that's not who I am so I endure. I am healthy and vital and if I find another husband, sex will have to be part of the equation after marriage.
What about couples who can't have children at all? It seems ridiculous that say a young couple who for whatever reason can never have children should not have an intimate relationship. I'm pretty sure that's not a Catholic view at all.
They are absolutely allowed to be intimate..
I believe that if you have a valid marrage, and have done the hard yards ( begetting and raising children) you can continue sexual relations as long as you both want to. I see it as a well deserved reward for having stayed the course.
James Martin SJ, Are you listening?
If that was the case, then god would have made the body to stop having the urge for sex once you have both had enough kids 🤔
Brilliantly stated - thanks
Great video! 👍
This is a question (i.e. should married Catholics refrain from sexual intimacy when finished having children?) that has been on my mind for quite some time.
I've always wondered about the case where two seniors get married (after child-bearing years) in the Church - say, two widows. Then it almost seems that it is no longer to maintain the bond but just for the act. Could it be that they actually should not get married?
@bluejeans 94 as long as impotence isn’t a factor - they can most certainly enter into a Sacramental Marriage.
It isn’t fertility makes a sacramental marriage valid - there are countless young couples who are infertile but it’s the ability of a husband and wife to physically be able to enter into the conjugal act - whether their union produces a child is irrelevant.
I haven’t watched the video yet but sarah and Abraham were well “beyond childbearing years” when they had Isaac. I think that’s a fair description of “open to life”
Have you thought of doing a podcast?
@Niki Palomino actually, yes! I have thought about it and it’s something that my husband and I talk about often!
What topics are you most interested in hearing about on either my UA-cam channel or on a podcast?
@@ACatholicWife please do- sometimes I cannot watch the channel, but I can always listen to podcasts- I truly like all the themes you bring us. I love the Latin Mass conversations and the books you are reading - I like all the topics 😉 many conversations humble me greatly , I come from a line of very strong women, although I never have considered myself a feminist (feminism has killed romance) I am indeed very strong hehe-
Another question would be: should two Catholics marry if they are outside of the childbearing years? I know sterile couples can’t be married by the Church. I suspect most Catholic couples in the past had babies until they couldn’t and by the time they were done with that part of their marriage, they wouldn’t be as sexually active.
@Angela Malek thank you for watching.
Sterility isn’t what negates a couples ability to enter into a Sacramental Marriage- regardless of their age. There are plenty of couples who are in their 20’s and 30’s who are infertile and they still engage in marital intimacy and have a sacramental marriage.
Impotence is what would prevent a couple from marrying in the Church- their physical inability to complete the marital act.
Whether their union bears children is irrelevant to their Sacrament.
There is no reason whatsoever for a married couple to cease having a true marriage simply because they’re not able to have children.
Hope this helps 🙂
God bless you and your marriage. May the Lord grant happiness till the end 🙏. I will not marry anyone who doesn't thinks in likeness to you, most likely I will remain single
My husband did leave me after my pelvis broke during the marital act. He now lives on the other side of the globe with a woman younger than our daughters and “fathers” her three teen kids. I don’t know if he met her online but I suspect he did. We aren’t planning to divorce but I’d be shocked if he ever showed up again. We had a very serious argument about our marital life after my hysterectomy (which was a desperately needed procedure). He argued that since I couldn’t have children, then every other “non life transmission act” should be back on the table. We had read proponents of this view saying it was consistent with ToB. I was devastated by this, but later learned it isn’t in ToB. A priest told us it was implied in ToB. I’m of the opinion that porn is so pervasive that many marriages must fall apart over these issues. My pelvic fractures ten years ago were actually the beginning of a long slide into ill health. I loved my husband but was dismayed to realize that he’d been cheating for some time. I don’t know if our marriage is sacramental. Now I’m 63, and live far from the kids who split apart over his departure. I only ever hear from the youngest who is in his 30s. I really didn’t expect this to happen. No family nearby, the house is all on me. He covers the mortgage and I’m legally disabled. I know he hopes I’ll die pretty soon-lots of MDs expected me to. A hospital doctor told me ten years ago that they asked who my primary care doctor was when I was unconscious and he said he’d let them know-but he never even came back to the hospital. My youngest son said he’d been on a trip with the widow who lived next door while I was in a coma. Go figure. Who knows what he expected. I was too sick to comprehend what was going on with any of these issues.
Now, I’ve embraced this abandonment as a cross and try to pray for them all, him, the kids, the grandchildren who apparently think I’m dead. I saw a nominally Catholic psychotherapist for a year who helped me accept the situation. When he left the country I tried to find a “good priest” to talk to but I couldn’t find *any priest at all* because of C-19. He just walked out with a small duffel bag.
Girlfriends send me pictures of him with the other woman from FB. That’s painful. She thinks he’s “Mr. Right.” My big fear is that he’ll divorce me from the foreign country. Don’t think it can’t happen to you. Men who dabble in porn imagine the entire human race is getting something he’s not getting. You can be as available as humanly possible and he can still think you’re awful. I questioned every aspect of our lives. Finally I can feel that I’ve let most of the pain go. I try to find solace in my prayer life and staying as active as possible. I’m acutely aware that I’m one health event away from losing my home, and my ability to care for myself. That’s a real sword of Damocles.
God bless you. You have been through a lot. I will say a prayer for you 🙏
Sorry to read about your situation. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
@Megan Greene I’m so very sorry.
@@rosezingleman5007
May JESUS CHRIST be with you, Rose Zingleman...
❤️
This sounds like an extremely abusive person. I'm sorry.
How would Isaac have ever been born?
Um the Song of Songs and Proverbs, states intercourse is to be enjoyed within marriage… keep doing what you Catholic Couple love aka another fellow Catholic!
Is there an age limit for a woman who is never been married or had children in regards to marriage. and yes you are right there are some misunderstandings out there about marriage and the role intimacy
@Carissa Hanson it’s my understanding that as long as a man & woman are physically able to consummate their marriage, age isn’t a factor.
If impotency or some sort of physical condition that prevents the couple from having a sexual relationship (in the traditional way) they cannot marry in the Church.
www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib4-cann998-1165_en.html#CHAPTER%20II.
@@ACatholicWife Thank you
@ACatholicWife so they just live together.
Does that mean it’s ok to get married after childbearing years? I gave up the vocation of marriage after 40 thinking I shouldn’t . Then my friend got married for the first time when she was 65. I was confused because I thought having children was the goal of marriage. I’m 61 and never have been married. At this age it’s hard to find a husband but convents aren’t opened to accepting women my age either.
It is permissible as long as it comes from a place of love and creating intimacy, not lust.
Thanks!
@Eduardo Del Pilar thank you so much for watching my video an for your SUPER THANKS contribution!! Your kindness means a lot to me!
Have a blessed weekend!
Wow so beautiful 😊❤🎉
I’m an older woman with 2 grown sons and a convert to Catholicism and even more recently the TLM and am single and am considering marrying but sometimes feel like I’m too old and am not having more children so should I remain celibate or marry ?
The church I attend clearly teaches sex between a man and wife is for procreation, and procreation alone. And while a man and wife may enjoy intimacy it is only permitted during pro creation. Most of the married couples at my church once they decided to stop having children also stopped sleeping in the same room togther as not to tempt one another. All 3 catholic churches I've been to all clearly state this. If the church changed its stance on that recently this is the first I've heard of it.
No where in the Bible does it say intimacy should end. Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22-33 says it all. With all due respect the Pope cannot override God's word period. Nor does he stand in place of God. If it's not written in His book, it does not apply. God Bless!
Abraham and Sarah were "past childbearing years," Genesis 18:11, but they must have continued to have sex, or they would not have eventually had Isaac. The same would be true of Zachariah and Elizabeth, the righteous parents of John the Baptist. The sexual union is an integral part of the sacrament of marriage. Else, a marriage would not be worthy of being annulled if it could be proved that there was no consummation. Sex within marriage is a holy thing and the marital bed is undefiled. This is why sex outside of marriage is always sinful.
It’s frustrating that every time I hear Catholics speaking about sex, the language used and the secrecy behind it makes it difficult if not impossible to understand. Even the priests won’t get into detail. It make it challenging to know what to do as a Catholic I. The bedroom with one’s spouse. There are so many things cannot do behind closed doors.
@L B I don’t think a public forum like UA-cam is an appropriate place to discuss sexual intimacy.
I have a private membership community for Catholic wives only where we can discuss sensitive topics that are not appropriate for UA-cam where heaven knows who is watching.
Hope you understand.
@@ACatholicWife Thank you. I didn’t know that. And yes, heaven knows who’s watching. I appreciate your response.
@@ACatholicWife I just looked for the details about your private group and couldn’t find the information. Would you be willing to direct me to it? Thank you.
@@LB-ku6ry of course, there is a link in the description box to join the membership community.
acatholicwife.com/acw-membership-community
@@ACatholicWife Thank you. I’ll go there now.
If beyond child bearing. Where does God say the end of the unitive? It’s supposed to be both/and. Abraham and Sarah.
@Alicia Gomez I didn’t say anything different.
It’s not just a Catholic issue. Sexless marriages are a big problem. It’s typically (but not always) the female not interested. As you can imagine, many spouses are left feeling like a bait and switch has occurred.
As the not so funny joke goes: If you want to live a celibate life, you can become a priest or get married.
@andonedave I’m sure you’re correct but since I’m Catholic and I make videos about Catholic issues it’s only appropriate that I presented this issue as it pertains to Catholics.
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts with me.
I should have clarified. I’m Catholic. I’ve been legitimately shocked at how seemingly widespread sexless marriages are. I think many people go into marriage assuming a regular sex life. Bad mistake. I don’t think it was covered much in our Church marriage prep.
@andonedave it’s truly heartbreaking.
Thanks be to God this isn’t a problem in my marriage of nearly 25 years. ♥️
I pray for every Catholic marriage that struggles with a lack of intimacy.
Plenty of women on Reddit with uninterested husbands. I'm one of them.
This answers the question for me - When we read about Abraham and Sarah having Issac late in in their lives. They were past normal child bearing age yet open to new life and God blessed them. The key is being open to new life at any age in the marriage and if God blesses you with a child - Amen. (they were obviously still intimate)
@Bill Vinnette I agree wholeheartedly with you.
I've been married for almost 30 years and after 6 children I was warned about getting pregnant again because of the thinnest of uterine lining. That all being said I am so afraid to get pregnant even at age 50! Does the catholic church see condom use as a sin?
@Angie Rios thank you for sharing this with me.
Yes, the Church doesn’t allow barrier methods to prevent pregnancy.
The Church has *always* taught the intrinsic evil of contraception, that is, of every marital act intentionally rendered unfruitful. This teaching is to be held as definitive and irreformable. Contraception is gravely opposed to marital chastity; it is contrary to the good of the transmission of life (the procreative aspect of matrimony), and to the reciprocal self-giving of the spouses (the unitive aspect of matrimony); it harms true love and denies the sovereign role of God in the transmission of human life.
Source: Pontifical Council for the Family, Vademecum for Confessors Concerning Some Aspects of the Morality of Conjugal Life, Feb. 12, 1997
I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah. She was very elderly when she became pregnant, a miracle, and it wasn't a virginal conception. It was said she would laugh again. It apparently was a Godly act.
Not likely to happen
So glad you quoted castii conubi rather than humanae vitae.
Thank you for wisdom. Is ot wrong for a Catholic woman to be sterilized because another pregnancy can be very dangerous especially when she is past childbearing age but their is still a possibility of a pregnancy? Is wrong to have non penetrative sex because of health reasons? Looking forward to your answers.
Yes, you're husband needs to seek counsel on vasectomy because the problem with using barrier methods and non-penetrative sex is that it causes him to "spill his seed in vain" which is a Bibllical prohibition. Non- penetrative sex is "the sin of Onan" Genesis 38:8. With vasectomy, no seed is expressed but I'm not familiar with Catholic teaching on that subject. You could also have a uterine hysterectomy, leaving the ovaries intact if they are functioning normally.
Good video