The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets | Law of Reversed Effort
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- Опубліковано 13 тра 2024
- The Backwards Law: • Stop Trying to Get It ... | A phenomenon we often experience is that when we chase something or someone, it moves away from us. But when we leave it alone, it comes to us. This mechanism can be hard to reconcile with the idea that ‘effort’ is the key to success. Even though it’s true that achieving goals often requires work, there’s also another side to the story. The law of reversed effort shows us that, in many situations, putting in work only removes us further from the desired outcome. This video further explores the Law of Reversed Effort, based on thoughts by (among others) Aldous Huxley.
Video: The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets | Law of Reversed Effort (The Backwards Law)
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00:00 - Intro
02:03 - The futility of trying
05:56 - Beyond conscious control
08:45 - Letting action occur
#backwardslaw #aldoushuxley #reversedeffort
In one sentence: Put all your effort and have fun, but do not be obsessed with the goal.
Is it really true? Please explain
@@vrushankkamble7862 dumb question
@@15swarna agree
@@danielsanders9279 not really, it’s wise
@@vrushankkamble7862 don’t be focus on the goal, rather fall in love with the process
This is exactly what explains “beginner’s luck.” Try something for the first time, with no expectations, and you often do great. Then take it too seriously and you’ll often blow it.
Also explains why the biggest losers are way too confident and win at life way too much and the brilliant minds never succeed and think of themselves as a fool.
Damn this is me with anything
The book the alchemist gives a good perspective on beginners luck
Won $20,000 then went after it like a mad scientist and lost it all
Me in almost every thing! I used to think it was a spiritual or karmic thing.
" Do not be concerned with the fruit of your action, just pay attention to the action itself" -Eckart Tolle
This exact quote can be found in the Bhagvad Gita as said by Lord Krishna. It's the fundamental basis for peace and happiness. It's 5000+ yr old ancient text. Unfortunately, for folks today, even ancient wisdom needs to be retold by a best selling author, preferably Caucasian.
I was here to say the same ... that's the saying from bhagvat gita ...of teachings of Shri Krishna and i have heard this ever since I was a kid from my granny ...so who is Eckart tolle now ?😂
@@VigneshKaushik why is that unfortunate? isnt that a blessing?
@Wes appropriation of culture and knowledge, why is that a blessing?
@@VigneshKaushik the word is getting out one way or another. if ppl won't go read these thousands year old text, at least their getting from someone who retells these it
This is like when you're trying to find something but cant find it but after you stop trying, you suddenly find what you're looking for.
kind of. the point is that you eventually find what you're looking while doing something else, thus making your effort expenditures more productive. the point is to never come to a halt, but to always be heading somewhere. what you want to avoid is to become discouraged when you're not able to find quick enough what you're looking for
Yes! Ive experienced this for my own
But suddenly when you automatically find it, you don't need it anymore
@@yesntyesnt , I came here for this reply
Exactly!
Patience is key. The more I try to get quick results the more easily I burn myself out and fail. It seems like everything in life takes slow and steady consistent action
Exactly my thoughts 💭
True.
Sure thing vato
Patient, but Consistently and aggressively patient.
Word
"Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience" That quote is SO important
Love this quote!! Thanks for sharing 😊
So we should just accept our negative circumstances? Our current reality?
@@aratag.9380 So basically the way that manifestation works is that you cannot manifest anything positive unless you completely ignore your present circumstances, or try to find gratitude in your present situation. If you are focused on how much you hate your present situation, then your mind is focused on manifesting more of the same things. You have to basically "fake it until you make it." That's how all successful people have become successful, because not one person ever starts out with all their goals but they learn to only focus on the end result of the goals, and they ignore their present circumstances. For example Elon Musk said he sleeps on friend's couches, and sleeps on the floor in the factory. He isn't focused on his present situation. From the beginning he only focused 100% on the end result of what he wanted. He didn't focus on how he was nearly bankrupt and sleeping on a couch.
@@aratag.9380 You don't have to be happy with your present circumstances. Just make sure you accept the situation and try not to focus on it. Just keep reminding yourself that your present circumstances are a result of "past thinking" and things can change, even if it seems impossible. We know now that this Earth reality is actually a type of "Interactive Simulation Matrix." Our thoughts actually change physical objects, although it's not clear who built this simulation or why it works. But it is a simulation. See the book: "The Holographic Universe." by Michael Talbot. Also see: "The Law of Attraction." By Esther Hicks. These two books alone are enough to change everything. Talbot died almost immediately after publishing, which seems very strange considering he was only about 30 years old.
@@aratag.9380 The main thing is that when they say "accepting." They don't mean just letting the negative experience happen and not trying to get a positive experience. What they mean by "accepting" is having the mindset of acknowledging it and that having a negative experience is ok and that it will not destroy you. That you can still get back up. You should always still try to keep doing better and have positive experiences. But accepting negative experiences is just having faith that it will be ok in the end.
Of course, there are always extreme circumstances, but this mindset applies in general. I had a negative experience most of my college life with stress from studying, making friends, etc. But I accepted it. Not in the way that I just let it happen, but that I acknowledged it and believed that everything would be ok in the end. And then I was able to let go and enjoy the experience much more.
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter."
I had to fall to lose it alllll~
but in the end
it doesnt even matttteeerrrrrrr~
(next in line.continue )
@@moonlightshadow9390 i don't know the lyrics although it was one of my favourite song
@@notagarbage6728 it's ok. In the end it doesn't even matter.
😂
This is really happened to me. In my teenage days, I was so carefree. My life was so smooth. I can even enter the best highschool that considered difficult to enter without much effort. I mean, of course I study hard, but never too hard. I just do my best, do what I must do, and let go all the results. But, life goes on, my adult life was quite difficult. Trauma after trauma, high expectation, the burden of having been in "the best institution" making me trying too hard at everything. I can't enjoy my life anymore. I'm too hard on myself. I even fall into depression. Until one day, I question why? What happened to me? And I really want to go back to my old self. So I began to do things that I used to do back then. The things that I didn't do anymore in my adult life. And what surprised me was, little by little things started to get better. The process is not easy. Long, and sometimes painful. But at least I feel much more at peace. I also get many beautiful surprises in life. I'm sure, watching this video is also one of the processes that I'm going through. Thank you for the video, thank you for your channel. I'm very grateful 🙏
I have the same problem now
This is quite similar to my situation right now. Hopefully it will get better for me as well.
Same with me
This is where I am too,. It helps to compare yourself less and accept the childish parts of life
I have the same problem. I have even forgotten what I used to do earlier that made me stay happy. Under constant pressure to do something good in career. Not able to appreciate what I have
I think this is kinda down to the way that sometimes the harder you try, the more worried you are about not succeeding. Acting out of fear of a bad situation can often manifest it
U can worry about succeeding also, but maybe that’s another video
I believe what you're trying to say is 'attachment to outcome leads to suffering', which is a truth that has been taught for thousands of years from the Hindus, Buddhists, Christians etc.
Manifestation isn't real
cowards die first.
cowards get no treasure.
Bravo 👏
Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.
Go with the flow
Water does not resist but nothing can stand against it forever. Water is not solid, but can be as hard as a rock if approached incorrectly. Sometimes water is gentle, but sometimes it's furious. The same water that gives life to everything on earth can just as easily destroy everything on earth. We must have water to survive, but we must never take it for granted. No matter how placid it seems, we can never truly control water. We either learn to respect and work ~with~ water in all of its moods, or it will destroy us all.
We are, indeed, mostly water 🙂
with time and patience water can penetrate rock
the soft can penetrate
the hard.
the feminine is more powerful then the masculine
👍great comment but you are more than 1/2 water ... more like 75% or even more?
Best thing I’ve read in a while. Made my day. Thankyou!!!🙌🏽
When we try so hard to achieve a goal with so much concentration, the law of diminishing return often follows with so much anxiety. Sometimes the easiest way to getting what we really want is to have fun in the process believing it will manifest at right time
What if it’s something that is mandatory but not exactly enjoyable either
@@roshaanreddy8107 in everything you do put your happiness first, if it's gonna cost you that it's not mandatory
@@linamozjnr2976 what about astudying T^T
This might explain why children learn things much easier. They just don‘t worry about it. Adults are aware of the consequences of not being able to do certain things. There is a competition in every part of our lives. It‘s easy to go mental. Thank you Einzelgänger, great video!
Thank you for such inspiring example of kids.❤
This principle also applies to relationships and dating. I've noticed that the harder you try to attract someone the less successful you are. People ignore you, don't reply back, you can't get a date, etc. Yet when you just stop caring and let go and just do what you want to do focusing on other things, suddenly your fortunate changes. You meet someone, someone replies back to you unexpectedly. It's funny how it works but that's just how it is.
It is also mysterious how it works
@@MrCassett sometimes you don't need to know the answer. Just accept it
@@I_Ace True!
Also explains why the biggest losers of all time have no problems dating and brilliant minds who think of themselves as a fool who are the clear alphas have dating problems. Ass backwards world.
Also explains why I only have a girlfriend when I live in my parents basement and am usually jobless. The more successful moments in my life I can’t get a land whale to even talk to me and when I’m basically a man child they flock to me. Weird world.
Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” This I have found to be so true in my life. And combining with the law of reversed effort nothing is gonna stand in your way. Instead things will just kind of happen for you if you are ready to act when things are starting to fall into place right in front of you :)
Letter from a Stoic is one of my all time favorites!
thank you for saying such words
@@atquang9105 Thank you for reading them :)
How do you explain A Kid being born in a rich family ?
@@updownftw_ luck
As a composer I will say the best ideas always come "out of nowhere". I'm literally taking a walk, a shower, at gym etc not even consciously thinking about music when a cool melody lands in my brain without effort. All I have to do is quickly pull out my phone and hum the melody right there so I don't forget it
this happens all the time for me! this usually occurs especially when im coming out of a deep slumber and will voice record the melody so i dont forget. But the harder I try to think about a new melody it just never works out
Same here
That's called Diffuse Thinking.
When you study, you absorb the rules, concepts, etc. Then you go for a walk. Your brain is still processing in the background all you studied, creating connections between things you already know and the things you learned.
We need to let our brains do their thing.
Also, spaced repetition is important for actually retaining stuff.
The best advice a choir director gave me when I asked him “What do you want me to do”.
He said: “have fun”
The thing is to learn to give effort without worrying about results, to be okay with falling short as long as you did your best.
Then what is the point of putting effort in the first place? No one wakes up in the morning and say ok so I'll put my time and energy into this matter and I expect nothing to happen...
@@zahramossen3403 “expectations are the root of suffering” - any Buddhist, Yogi you can think of
The more you suffer the more you struggle in wanted outcome
So expectation, leads to suffering, leads to frustration, leads to underperformance
You can put effort but sinking your ego to the wanted outcome result, if not correct, then you will suffer, say you want to improve at something, don’t look at the materialistic result, look at the result itself, whether it was a “failed” result or a wanted result, and know you have that information for next time and know what you should do in the future
@@zahramossen3403 No. Not ”expect nothing to happen”.
Accept that nothing MIGHT happen. In other words have a plan B. Visualize what it would mean to not reach your goal and accept that possibility.
@@zahramossen3403 he said not to worry about results, he didn't say expect nothing
This all sounds general as hell; at the end of the day, its all on *you*
I think this is really about focusing on the process/enjoyment instead of being fixated on the result. The more you “want” to be rich, the more discontent you become at your current situation and the less patient you get, which eventually makes you less motivated and decrease effort as a result. But if you focus on the process, such as acquiring knowledge, developing skill, expanding network, without the fixation on the result, you will enjoy the process more and allow you to be patient to get what you want. So increase your effort, but worry less about the result will get you further in life than constantly being discontent about your current state.
Keys.
One of the best videos I watched on my life! I only have a question, how to stay relax while doing the activity? I need some tips please!
B,
005
Agree
"if nothing goes right, go left"
Sun Tsu, the art of war
This is how I understood this law:
"The harder you try, the higher you expect the result to be great which in the end, makes you disappointed because it didn't turn out the way you wanted."
I realized this during school exams, it makes me feel better when I try hard because I expect and imagine my score to be high, a perfect score in fact. On the other hand, it makes me feel weak because I think that I am not trying hard enough. However, if I just let everything happen and fall right in to place before me, I can truly accept the result, whatever it may be, good or bad, because I know to myself that I did my best.
I have a lot of problems with insomnia, last night I practiced not trying to fall asleep and I had the most restful night in ages. Thank you very much for the video.
I have the same situation and found the solution that I am actually more relaxed when I'm on the sofa with the TV on. I always have deep sleep no matter the noise.
It's because your distracted from thinking .
@@tortangtalong1 Yeah mate I feel knackered until I go to try and sleep in bed, and then can't do it haha
I’m a chronic insomnia ( and it’s getting worse), I’m going to try this tonight!
I listen to Louie Hay or do meditation before I sleep always help
1:30 To me, it’s specifically the energy of “wanting” (the craving, the pining, the yearning, the longing, the hunger) that creates a negative feeling and thus negative experiences. And on the flip side, it’s the energy of “acceptance” (and surrender and contentment) that creates a positive feeling and thus positive experiences. Whether or not the “wanting” or the “acceptance” occurs with/during action or non-action is besides the point, imo.
You''re talking as if it were common to be able to rationally "accept" or "want" without the emotional counterpart (what you call "energy").
Don't cling to/focus on the outcome. ENJOY the PROCESS. The result will follow automatically.
@@ivancarbone3566 i find no insinuation of the technique being common or simple otherwise there would be no dysfunction in the world of humans
@@beavisjones1831 I believe that too
what if the longing is fun/a positive experience too tho 😩
This ESPECIALLY applies to dating. Can have the best of intentions, but if you scare them and they run off the more you try to convince them you mean no harm the more they run. Really sucks learning this the hard way
You can also call this the law of practice. If you adopt an ‘oh, i’m practicing’ mindset, you automatically make use of this law. Because you focus on practicing instead of the results. And you get better at certain things along the way. If you are trying to get the girl by talking to her, just set the intention of ‘oh, i’m practicing’ and the result will or won’t come. But one or the other way. You become better at talking to girls, without having the pressure of achieving the results, because you were just practicing. Flow State is achieved through this.
Other examples from your life?
Thanks for sharing this, this is an awesome way to look at things
there is a fine line between "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "out of sight out of mind"
Hey can you please explain it a little more
true
Yeah this video is pretty simplistic. Most of my relationships have resulted from choosing someone and pursuing a relationship with them. Not going after it hasn't been working for me this last fifteen years or so
I think the concept he is explaining is..."People want things they can't have."
I rememer Vsauce talked about this
There's a beautiful reconcilliation of those ideas a writer (can't remember their name) came up with.
Something like:
"Distance weakens superficial loves, but strenghtens deep ones. Like wind can blow out a candle, or spread a fire."
This is exactly what has been my downfall many times, and exacerbated by ADHD. Hyper-fixation versus letting things just happen... instead of trying to force attention to grab things, let things grab attention.
I relate. ADHD and OCD
Same here!
It's the same for me. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to see someone I can relate to(even if it's on a UA-cam's video).
Autism here and I literally can't do this. My brain can't just let things go and if I live like they he states here I'll end up homeless again.
I have ADHD and this is my main major problem in life 😩
Every hard situation can be handle with keeping patient ❤
Understanding this concept is simple... but accepting it is a different story
This is exactly how I learnt to swim, after accepting this paradox. I was fighting the phobia of drowning all my life, focusing on the skills and techniques, while ignoring the fact that I need to relax and have some damn fun in the water. 🙂
Thanks for the tip! I'm still scared of drowning even if someone holds me while in the water. Don't worry, I'll stay alive haha
@@samsunguser3148 It took a lot of efforts for me to establish trust with the water. Techniques are important as well, but relaxing is the utmost priority. 🙂 Also in my opinion, sea water is much easier to "get along with" than fresh water or swimming pools. Good luck, and keep trying! ♥
I couldn’t float in in the lake until I tried to sink
@@Auden. 😀 Just don't oversink it 😜
We have tried to teach this law to children in the first verse of a simple, yet famous nursery rhyme:
"Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them. Leave them alone, they will come home, wagging their tails behind them"
*most will come home
@@dont.ripfuller6587 broo lol
Unfortunately those poor little sheep were eaten by the wolves.
There is a word for trying hard while not being afraid of the end result... This makes performance a lot better as the anxiousness of the result can pull you down. The word is Bravery. And it's pretty damn hard to attain.
Your help is incredible, putting all this knowledge together and being easily and visually accessible to many people. Thank you very much for all your work!
It's incredible how I constantly have to learn again things I already knew! I used to take this philosophy naturally, not even knowing it actually exists. But here I am now, trying to remember to stay calm and letting things happen while i do my part
It’s aight sometimes we lose what we learned just gotta let things sink in so it becomes effortless knowledge
Write it down somewhere in something you know you’ll always keep with you as a reminder as the years pass..
thx guys! I shall do it!
Same buddy, and it was easier back when I was unaware of this for sure!
But what can we do? I guess we couldn't avoid becoming aware of it and now it is a new challenge to apply this while being aware of it.
Maybe is the way life is supossed to be? who knows haha u.u
Good look figuring it out! 🙂
I have always had myself hard time to sleep, when as littel 7 year old child I was put to sleep at 7 a clock and it was hard to try to sleep, when I was not even that tired, so I didnt know why I was put so early to sleep, when it took 3 hours for me to get sleep and so I was bit frustrated about it and still today I also go few hours before I get sleep, because I have too many thought going on, when in mid-night im most open with my thoughts and then, when you have anger or hatred thoughts against somebody and your trying to get sleep. Then its especially hard to get sleep, so after 4 or 5 hours trying I get sleep. I have always thought that the conscious mind is who I’am, when the unconcious one is non reactive and with my conscious mind im in control of my body and mind, when there is no other me in my mind who tells me what I need to do, when I have always been in control of my body and so I do not have any single battle in mind with some part of my mind that hates myself, because I genuinely do not hate myself, but I have hated annoying arrogant piece of shite people and thats why I have so hard to get sleep for 2-3 hours, when I try. The unconscious mind or if I even do have one is no responsive one and so in unconcious mind not been anything that says I should do this or hates me, when my consicious mind always been in control of me, so I didnt even understand this unconscious mind existing thing.
What you chase, RUNS. Such a powerful yet difficult concept to grasp 👌
Ooooo thats good
Then how do ppl succeed n become the best if they not actively working? Serious question
@@btv3067 You should absolutely have goals you're actively working towards, but you shouldn't become outcome dependent on them. In a sense what you should chase is the actual work itself, the process and journey of growth, as opposed to obsessing over the outcome ie. having a bunch of money, buying super car, dating a bunch of women, etc. Look up the Law of Detachment.
That's definatly true about girls))
@@btv3067 It’s about aiming and working to be the best while simultaneously detaching yourself from that outcome so you don’t cause resistance… My preferred method of detaching is paradoxical intention as described in this video…
Life is like music, its not just about the notes its also about the space between them
Such a great lesson. People are afraid to try something different because we've all been conditioned this way. Very difficult to break that cycle and think outside the box. Thanks 😊
The flow state, one of the most difficult things to reach, yet thats the main goal of our lives. Thank you so much!!
The paradox there is you're trying to enter the flow state. So the flow state will just happen whenever you are not aware of it. In essence, you can try or not try, but it doesn't matter. The flow state will grab a hold of you when it feels like doing so, not when you feel like entering the flow state.
I've tried so hard my whole life only to be a failure. Never thought about not trying. Fuck it.
People with OCD have this the absolute worst. OCD is basically an anti flow state illness. Even in everyday situations where you'd just be chilling like sitting on the couch with your phone, your flow state of existing normally and being yourself in your everyday life is intercepted.
Its easy
Basically, when you dwell on wanting a positive experience, you are highlighting your lack of a positive experience. This highlighting of a lack is itself a negative experience. Which creates a negative feedback loop. The next thing you know, you’re anxious about being anxious. You’re pissed off about being pissed off. You feel like a failure about being a failure. And that’s the trap.
There comes a point where the only way forward into growth is to accept how shitty your situation is, in the moment. As Theodore Rubin said, “The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.”
Embracing your failure is itself a success. When you accept the fact that you have failed, you create a positive experience. This positive experience may not be success itself, but it’s a start. It becomes a foundation for further positivity. It becomes something you can build on. By accepting the negative feedback loop, you transform it into a positive feedback loop.
Just can't say how simplified and astonishing this video is..... It just clarified and assured me that my way of enjoying what I'm doing and reading without expecting the results too great is the least path of resistance... And the best path of doing without doing ... Thanks a tonne ♥️✨
This is gold , I like to learn skills , acrobatics ,break dance music and in school I have realized that more is not better , my performance increases when I do less but consistently
This topic is the bane of my existence! As an designer & artist my best / most successful moments are when I don't "try" and I just enjoy what I'm doing but that's hard to do when you need to make sales 😭! Please make a part two of this topic 🙏🏾 I'm eager to master this skill ! THANK YOU FOR MAKING A GREAT VIDEO ONCE AGAIN ❤️❤️
*bane of my existence. ✌️
I am also an artist/designer and I feel you sis!!!
@@LordJB23 IT'S HARD OUT HERE 😭❤️
@@CourtneyBondTheBondisReal he has other videos on flow and backwards law
i am a graphic designer and I agree 🥹
I feel like another way of saying this is "when you solely focus on future outcomes rather than the present situation, you're in trouble, esp when the more you try for that outcome without calibrating to the present, the more worried you get".
Yes
this
Dobrze to nazwałeś.
Thank you so much for your inspiration. i'va been chasing what i want in an effortless way but ended up getting nothing. And i really hate people chasing me trying to selling me things while i want to buy things that sits there quietly. now i realized that when you are chasing something, they will fear you. And there is a saying says"let it go when you want to catch it". thank you so much. from now on, i will try not to be so impatient and try not to present that i want it badly. and that means try not to put much pressure on what you want in case you press it away.
What great content!! I never imagined to find this on youtube, thank you.
I have met this in my life a thousand time, from overturning a screw to trying hard on finding a life changing job, have to learn my lesson, I often succeed when I have given up on all hope, and I have been noticing this since my childhood, I had idea something like could actually exist, could never explain why I succeed when I stop trying but only focused ln that failing was bad luck.
I can absolutely attest to this phenomenon, my older Brother was forever trying too hard to gain/achieve things in his life, but only succeeded in pushing everything further away. I would put effort into things, but my mindset has always been "If it's meant to be, then it will be, if it doesn't then that's just the way it goes", and far more things have come to me/happened for me, than it ever did for my Brother.
Show your brother this video lol.
@@user-qe7bt9dz1l If he were still alive I would.
never make a big deal out of things. be outcome independent at all times
You’ve both successfully been born, birth alone is the most important thing any human has ever experienced.
@@user-ej3iw8lw3w alri vegetable oil.
The Universe is always working on bringing us the things we want, solving our problems for us. Very little to no action is required on our part; mentally, verbally or physically. I’ve noticed recently that the less thought energy I give to something, such as the challenges I might experience at work, the easier and more harmonious it becomes. There are no obstacles other than the ones we create in our imaginations.
honestly true. I heard an analogy of skiing u don't look at the trees u look at the path
@@mickeythai9762 holy cow
Very well said.
Well, wait till you are in a relationship. It's fucking impossibly ridiculously unkeepable
@@wessel175 well you said it yourself. It's a relationship. That means you're not the only one in it. So you would need to have cooperation. This video only talks about your own life.
This gave me a much deeper understanding of that concept from the Dao De Jing, action through inaction. I always thought that he expects the sage to have completely mastered every single action, which will allow him to do it without thinking. But no, he meant what you mean in this video. Achieving a state where you allow the whole brain to work in unison, and not just the conscious part.
I'm amazed that I stumbled upon this UA-cam video and it has info that I believe can help change my life. I push hard in my business and it seems like the harder I try, the worse I do, but this video makes a lot of sense. Thanks for some great info, I will take all of this into account moving forward.
I think lowering expectations is what makes us more happier in the end! I no longer have goals and plans in this life and just plan to go with the flow!
@Jon damn man your thought r making me feel good because I always think that way 😌
We can all learn from zendaya. Expect disappointment and then never get disappointed
I think it’s better to have big goals but SIMULTANEOUSLY detach from that outcome so you can both achieve high goals AND not be attached to that outcome versus settling for a lesser life!
@@user-qe7bt9dz1l already doing what you said and it works! No longer addicted to divination which I always relied on because it brought a false sense of certainty! After reading a book on risks the truth is this world is full of uncertainty and nothing in life is ever promised to us so we must be courageous and face uncertainty and accept the outcome knowing we always did our best!
Applies to me as well. Since I surrendered all my cares and plans to our Heavenly Father, all that happens to me now whether good or bad I accept as natural flow and I am more contented and grateful in life!
Reversed effort will rarely give you the wanted outcome, but trying too hard will almost always make it worse. People trying to win their ex back is a good example.
reversed effort you never give you a wanted outcome since you do not want any outcome, you don't care of what could happen
I dont actually get it at the same time I get it, does it mean I should not try harder? Instead just relaxed and dont get pressured and enjoy the process? because he said dont try harder, so just flow like a soft water?
@@toxicttv1112 what? how can we achieve something then, if trying hard can make it worse but doing it reverse also dont do something
@@nazhpuertollano1008 the point is no matter what you do you have to be a beginner at some point. Accepting being inferior...accepting not having certain skills...It's easy as a beginner but gets harder and harder as we progress. I think it's not only2 letting go but also the state of mind we put us in. If you consider yourself a beginner even tho you alrrady a master...you can not just start out in flow....you gotta earn it.
@@dimaermolenko98 so just try smarter not harder?
it's a lucky day to see this video on the recommendation list. Love it! Thank you.
This is exactly what i needed to hear, i was passing a hard time in the process of achieving one of my personal goals, and now, i understand what i was doing bad or, literally, not doing.
Thank you so muchhh
It's amazing how this law works even with even the most trivial things. For example, sneezing. You'll often find that if you feel a sneeze coming on but it doesn't go all the way through, you'll never be able to get it out if you try any method to force it out. The moment you stop trying, relax and take your mind off the sneeze, it comes out.
This echoes the Stoic advice to behave in life as at a banquet, not reaching for the platter before it comes to you nor stopping it if it passes you by, but taking a moderate portion when it reaches you.
No, Stoic philosophy echoes this. This concept is 3000 to 5000 years older than stoic philosophy. Stoicism has most (there are some or a few differences/contradictions) of its roots from the much older eastern philosophies.
Rejecting excess in what you can control will strengthen you against scarcity in what you can't control.
In the world of fake stoicism propaganda, I think more people should talk about the real traits and aspects of stoicism and why it is beneficial.
This is one of the best, helpful, meaningful videos I've ever seen.
Thank you very much.
i can relate this to my recent fitness journey, just yesterday i hit my first ever 90 days of a consistent routine with proper deload days and rest days of course. For years I tried so hard to be able to get into a routine but it was insufferable! id always come up with excuses like it took too long to get ready or i don’t have clean clothes for the gym but this time i didn’t think of any of that, i just woke up, showering and went without any thought and i’m close to if not at my goal body and regardless i have a body that i would’ve never imagined i could have
Thankyouuuuuuuuu so much. I was believing and applying backwards law and taoism. And now you have this masterpiece. Good work keep it up
Listen to some Alan watt's teachings
Alan Watts' explanation of Wu Wei is truly illuminating. Eckhart Tolle's teachings on "allowing with spacious awareness" also dovetails into this powerful truth.
@@tayso2085 you introduced me to something amazing
@@tayso2085 I admire him too much. He is my idol
@@djl3009 yes trueee
As someone who has just failed his third driving test I can kinda relate to this. I wanted the pass so much I forgot how to bloody drive 😂
Got mine next monday, I'm just gonna try to chill and drive as if I'm with da homies. What's the worst thing that can happen? I run someone over? Oh no, I'm getting conscious again. Damnit!!
@@Shouko91 good luck with it!
Just to make you laugh and hopefully DO NOT repeat what I did. Only went and put the car into reverse instead of first on a hill start. 😂
@@jamescairns4051 Okay, that is funny XD
Good lucky with your next test. 4th time is the CHARM they say ... :))
@@Shouko91 ah thank you! Good luck also
How did yalls tests go? Did you take it again?
My finger automatically subscribed this channel in a flow state
Thank you for uploading 🙏🏻
I think this explains my problem. I have a lot of trauma from childhood and from growing up due to not being accepted from pretty much everybody. Finally now at 30 I’ve started to change everything around. I’ve had a great job for two years now, i quit smoking, i quit drinking and I quit watching porn. The problem that i have is that i become too aware…of being aware of myself. i become aware of my awareness and I can’t stop thinking about it. i keep thinking "don't get nervous" and "say something funny" and "do something different with your arms" or "quick have a witty comeback". It turns me into a nervous wreck. And I know that I come off socially awkward when I do this. Now on days when I feel present and grounded, I don’t get like this at all. There’s no resistance. Everything just…flows. There’s like this fog wall between my brain and my anxiety, i couldn’t even be anxious if I tried. The problem is that I don’t know how to achieve this state from day to day. Sometimes I have it and sometimes I don’t. This has only started recently btw, ever since I stopped drinking back in October. If I was able to get rid of this “meta awareness” that my anxiety gives to me, i can be socially unstoppable, because I really do have a great personality. The worst part is that it prevents me from showing people the best sides to me because I’m so absorbed in the anxious cyclone of thoughts and over awareness.
It sounds like you have come a long way towards _accepting yourself_
If you're finding it difficult to get past your 'awareness' or anxiety about being self conscious would you consider making a place in your life for it?
Some kind of ritual (I'm not saying "prayer" or "meditation", unless these appeal to you) just a short time where you can feel comfortable accepting that you feel this way sometimes.
If you're going to have these awkward thoughts anyhow, giving them some space without judgment may allow you to leave them _there_ instead of having them rear up in the middle of your day.
I'm no professional and I feel I shouldn't be offering advice to a stranger on the internet, but I know how much it helps me when I'm mindful enough to think "I find this troubling and I can reflect on it tomorrow morning a 07:00"
We are all different.
For me, allowing myself a set time has taken much of the power away from thoughts that would otherwise break my flow and let's me settle back into being present 'in the moment'
@@AllergicToMakeBelieve Thanks, that really means a lot. And you too, getting over both alcohol and cocaine must be extremely difficult, yet you pulled it off. That’s incredible. Very few people have that kind of strength. I hate when people say “cocaine is just a party drug”, like that shit kills people.
As far as the meditation stuff goes, I’m working on it. I have trouble staying consistent with meditating, especially because I don’t see the benefits and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right. I did some shadow work today though, which really helped my mood. Got rejected recently in a pretty mean way by a woman that I previously connected with a bit and it opened some old wounds so my body was in flight mode pretty much the past couple days. Still trying to figure out the confidence / self love thing
@Sonna I agree, but you can’t live your life basing your happiness on external factors like that. That’s why I believe that the work must come from within.
Dude, I was in the military and I’m a boxer. Pretty cool resume right? Well guess what? I still feel the same about myself. I mean I feel more confident in specific areas, but “doing better shit” doesn’t magically take all your trauma away. In fact, we use things like that to cover up the trauma. My trauma stems from not being wanted. Yeah I can fight but so what? I still have that hole of abandonment I need to fill. That’s why inner work is so important, and I think inner work is the key to defeating social anxiety and low self esteem.
The goal is that you should feel socially competent whether you’re a billionaire with 10 mansions, or jobless with no money.
@Sonna My point is that you shouldn’t want to improve to ESCAPE everything you lack. You should want to improve in order to move forward. It shouldn’t be a “need” thing, but more of a “plan of action” thing. Because if you keep chasing things you need all the time, you will never be satisfied since you’re always coming from a place of lack.
@@AllergicToMakeBelieve Gotta be honest, I never would have guessed you were 60 by the way you write. You seem to have a very youthful soul, you come off as someone half your age. Not that 60 is old, it’s not at all, I just expected you to be about 30 by the way you write.
I’m sorry to hear about your marriage, I’m sure that can’t be easy. My last relationship was three years ago and I’ll be honest, it’s kinda scared me away from commitment. I’m 30 and at this point it’s too much stress. Im not giving up on relationships, but I’m at the point in my life where I’m happy being single and don’t want a commitment, but at the same time still crave that connection. I’m not going give you specific advice because you’re on your own path, but go with your gut. You’re 60 years young, there are PLENTY of people you can connect with that are out there. But yeah just go with what you want. That’s all I’m gonna say. I wish you the best of luck with that. I’m gonna send a prayer your way.
As far as the meditation goes, im hoping it’s going to increase my vibration because to be honest it fluctuates a lot. I’m trying to center myself and not let the anxiety get the best of me. So many women out there that I can have great conversations with like this one but the anxiety makes it seem like there’s this fog wall in front of me, and I forget how to socialize lol. It’s funny because I have a sales job, and when I’m working I do great socially, but outside of my job I have trouble. Some days I can talk exactly like this, confident, kind, assertive. Some days I can’t even get a sentence out. It’s very frustrating. So yeah that’s the path that I’m on right now.
I appreciate the hug and I’ll happily return it. Maybe I’ll see you out there sometime if you get back in the game haha
The more effort I put into success in my previous career, I more I failed.
When I randomly ended up doing a job with no thought of success, the more I succeeded.
Well the voice is so soothing. All my sadness just fly away. Though there's something that touched the heart, making me cry with relief.
I used to get so freaking nervous before the interviews but when I stopped putting extra work preparing them, then I got that nothing to lose mentality and I think thats cool.
I have been struggling with this for years, went to multiple therapists and was even diagnosed with OCD and put on medication. I went through the whole internet looking for answers on why I was so awful at anything I was passionate and wanted to get really good at. At a point I even felt like I would probably break my own fingers if I was presented with a magical button, fixing all of this. I was not able to find any information on the issue whatsoever.After so much time today I just saw this video in my recommended and it explained my situation and feelings just perfectly with this reverse effect. Thank you so much for your video and keep up the good work! 🙌
I am genuinely so happy for you
I'm happy for you too. This guy (author) is a star
Get off the meds, not worth it in long run. Keep going to therapy, with a good therapist that is. Wishing well!
I think this perfectly encapsulates an experience I had at university. The essays and assignments I slaved over were always worse than the ones I did quickly (often last minute). Getting out of your own way is so important. I think its also important to focus on the journey rather than the destination. For example, the objective is to play the piano piece, not to play the piano piece perfectly. You'll likely get closer to perfect by putting less conscious emphasis on being perfect.
Correct. No one trained harder then me in high school cross country, and I went nowhere. In college I won eleven tournaments in a row, state, western state, into the Nationals. That's tournaments, not "rounds". And I can't tell you today 50 years later how I even did it, but it just came to be.
when you write an essay last minute you usually prepared for weeks ahead so writing it was simple.. if you try to write it with no research then yeah it will suck..
This happens with me a lot. I am a CA aspirant and sometimes I just really do not understand how do I solve a particular question. Just to finish it ASAP I try to rush through the explanation, but it doesn’t help. The moment I try to read it line by line, I understand it very easily.
This was a superb video. I am trying to get over an ex, this helps a lot.
Thankyou very much. You got a new sub.
Love you❤️
The same happening with my art journey, when I was younger I was so obsessed with how I can draw better, I used to draw every single day or even multiple times a day, but recently I draw when I feel like to and the results are way better😁
Same experience in art this is true
I’ve found this true when trying to solve programming problems. The harder I try to solve the problem, the harder it seems. I tell myself “slowdown”, and allow myself to figure it out slowly and spend time analyzing what might seem trivial or not worth my time. Only then can I solve the problem.
Same man, when I try too hard I make more mistakes and it ends up taking longer to solve it :p
Can definitely relate
Aah same. Currently in 2nd year and I just experienced something like this while doing my assignment 2 days ago.
That's where the rubber duck comes in
Just like quicksand or a Chinese finger trap. The more you (your ego) struggle and resists the harder it is to accomplish your goal. Only once you relax and become the moment can you accomplish your goal.
In the beginning you have to make a deliberate effort but overtime you have to let go and let it become who you are
Really incredible breakdown man. I truly appreciate it ✊🏿
This was very helpful and well done. Thank you for making it.
I was cleaning my room, saw this video.
The room cleaned itself.
Law of Reversed Effort + Law of Attraction Confirmed!
I mean detachment is a part of the laws of manifestation so. !
I experienced the law at first hand, as a massage therapist. As a beginner, I made the mistake of trying too hard to get the desired results, that is, loosening up muscle nots and trying to relax tense muscles, stretching, exercices etc... and as you said, the results didn't get better, on the contrary. The clients didn't come back. Now, I 'let loose', I take care of people's body's still. But I let go of wanting to achieve certain results. Consequence: my clients love to come back to me, and funny enough, I even achieve results without even trying hard. I focus on 'caring, and enjoying what I do', rather than 'get results fast'. and this approach payed off wonderfully.
Very interesting
Oh my god thank you. I want to be a massage therapist, and yes, at first I would be there just to provide care. But whenever I wanna get praise I do horribly.
@@lu-themadpillow2985 just enjoy and focus on the process of taking care of the body, the way you know it. To help me with my fear of failure, I 'dehumanize' my clients, but in the nicest way possible. I massage a body, and muscles. And then I don't think and I don't care what they are going to think about me, their 'personal opinion'. And interestingly, this approach works for me. But, maybe not for other people.
I concur
@@doloresvangaal2248 I care a lot about healing them, making them feel better. I even imagine it is my own pain. But it is super important not to care about the outcome. If they don't say anything, IT IS FINE.
I've been searching any helpful video after getting into a very painful breakup, trying to find something that could help me to deal with this. I never got anything that really changed the outlook.
I gave up seeking it this week, and now I found this video.
I been wanting for this type of content and finally I found it
“Don’t Try”
-Charles Bukowski’s tombstone
This is absolutely 100% apt! I work in real estate and this is so very true!! The harder I try, the less success I have....however, if I do the opposite, success does come!
Sure it isn't that you try harder when it's obviously failing?
I've done this for years before I even knew that it went something like this, truly amazing
I needed this, thank you UA-cam.
I call this the Dark souls effect. Whenever I face a boss in dark souls for the first time I know I'm gonna lose because I don't know the moveset, so I face him in a relaxed way doing things as they come. Then, in the subsequent attempts, knowing the moveset I actually try to beat him and to my surprise, I do significantly worse than in my first attempt in which I wasn't even trying. Therefore I have decided to face challenging situations with the mentality that I'm already defeated but that I have to see how far I can get just for the hell of it
World of Warships is similar. If I'm only going for a base capture I can end up with sinking three ships and causing massive damage yet if I'm out for causing damage like fire or flooding the destroyer screen will sink me straight away.
Yeah it does make sense in the fact that those who try countlessly hard end up failing more times than the other way. But I would say that staying in a relaxed active state is what is acquired from not trying and what is needed to complete anything.
Lmao I noticed the same thing!
😆 this happened to me in dark souls! But instead of accepting that I will lose, what I realized is I have to be there to enjoy the actual battle and not be there to win and then I will often easily win.
Wow u literally just described me Omgosh that makes sense now
I needed this 10 years ago
My main problem is trying too hard, thought it'd be an advantage to push myself harder than the others do.
Result? I feel miserable and was about to lose my mind tryin to be intentional and control outcomes all the time
Thank you
Your videos give me so much of peace
I never experienced all this from the video. I believe what you put my mind to it, it should happen. Keep working hard to make your goal come true.
Anyone reading this keep up your great work because it’s gonna pay off thanks have a great day blessed 😇
Conscious action seems to be the solution here. The more able you are to tap into the moment, the less your mind will take control. I guess flow reflects this, your intensity should not be on the result, but rather on your presence. Focus on developing presence, and although it will seem like you are trying in the beginning, your brain will undergo physiological changes through time that will make it easier for you to be more present throughout any activity. Meditation is a definite key to this.
Good luck on your endeavors!
-Much love from a growing UA-camr
Good luck on your journey here
I agree! Surrendering to the present moment and acceptance of all that is right now via conscious action, meditation, the serenity prayer or any other way IS key.
"A growing UA-camr"... and toy said you weren't selling your channel.
I like what you write bro u always be giving us good insights. Good luck to your UA-cam journey too.
@@pits7035 thank you bro, always trying to share what I know helped me!
This is what I needed to hear thank you.
Thank you so much, I can totally see examples of this. In my part time sales job I was trying really hard last week, but didn't do great. Yet the few sales I made was when I was just standing there doing nothing and people approached me.
More things from the past keep coming to mind, my mind is kinda blown right now. Knowing when to try & when to just let it flow, I'll be thinking about this more consciously. Thank you.
The hardest part is not stop doing anything, but to decide when to put an effort to it and when to abstain from it. The key is being mindful of every moment, be in control of yourself, and not let the situation affect you. So take a deep breath and be in the moment. Enjoy your life.
Honestly, I wish I had learnt this sooner. There's a concept in spirituality (and other practices) that's called "surrendering" and it talks a lot about this as well. Simply not trying. Non-doing and releasing. Letting it be. I love that.
This way of thinking fits me also . Thanks for confirming it !
This brought some sanity to the mind. Thank you.
I experienced that with weight loss.
As soon I accepted my chubbiness after years of dieting, I dropped 18 kg in the following year. Because I didn't pressure nor prohibit myself to certain foods. But promised to stop when full, no matter what it was.
Wat about now
Good job man I’m struggling with the opposite problem
“do your best and let God do the rest”
let go and let God
Or Superman, Batman or Santa Claus. smFh
I did that today in fact. So now what?
This was already written in Bhagwad Geeta verse 2.47 .
Everything Einzelganger just said was deep and thought-provoking, you just took and ran in the other direction with. Tell me, how'd you get God out of all that?
When you already knew this but get in such dark places u forget then this video helps you understand it even more.
ohh very grateful for this video appearing on my page, this theory is real, I have experienced 2 failures when I was very obsessed with my big goals, and thank you for reminding me to relax 😇
Its the basic rule you already mentioned in your book: We cant control outside things, i.e. things which are not up to us.
Thats counts sleeping for example.
Yet we can control our attitude towards it: Accepting as it is.
That's the essence of Stoicism
I find this not to be true. I cannot control my attitude towards it. True, I might say to myself that I accept going to sleep when I go to sleep, but in reality deep down I wish that I would go to sleep sooner. It is impossible to lie to myself. So if I am accepting it (but not truly accepting it) then it is a lie, and my brain/my unconsciousness will catch my concious lie. It is only when I truly deep down accept it, that I actually accept it, which I can't control when happens.
@@bosspoke you can control it, it takes time, effort, and consistency. I have this same issue. We can overcome things through mental discipline and negotiation. Coming from someone who had insomnia for as long as they can remember…you have to realize you have the power over your mind and body.
Who knows, insomnia is a factor of many things. From what you eat, what time you go to bed/wake up, your exercise routine, medicine you might be taking, etc,. Keep trying, don’t give up on yourself. Don’t stop finding ways to help yourself. :) Most importantly, don’t give yourself excuses. We tend to overcomplicate things rather facing the issue.
@@dmt7674 If it takes time, effort and consistency then what force is really in control huh? If you were really in control then you could swap things instantly in your favour, instead of doing all the things you mentioned. By doing all the things you mentioned, there is no certainity that you'll succeed, nor is there any answer to when you'll succeed. Per defintion you have to wait, and be patient untill things go in your favour by your accord. In essence, that is not being in control, since something else decides when or if you shall have things go excactly your way.
Love the breakdown in these videos. This one reminds me of a Bruce Lee quote I've seen:
"It is not, 'I am doing this', but rather, an inner realization that 'this is happening through me,' or 'it is doing this for me."
Wow i like this quote 👍🏼
Flow
i am not pleasing myself, i am being pleased. it is pleasing me. its coming out of me.
@@notrhythm what the fuck
This entire state and as explained in the video is exactly what all the sudden hit my mind many years ago now as I stood before a full class of college students upon my very first class, first semester and the very first time I ever taught in my life. Mid way through as I lectured if you will, all these aords would come out that I had no idea I had any knowledge of and this quote or phrase hit my mind that I still live my life by and it began the passion that I knew I could as part of my professional life which was to write. So I began to without plan, write personally as an outlet that I know now. The phrase that is perfect for this video and that hit me mid way through my first class roughly now 16 to 17 years ago, very simply yet with mind boggling complexity was this, "To think without thought" and it may very well hit you instantly the extreme depth and utter simplicity or it shall hit you a few days from now when you all the sudden catch yourself in the act or midst of the state of thinking without thought. Quite befitting for such a great complex video. My best to all.
This is so true, at least in my case. At days I used to sink in my insecurities and fixations and play the piano many hours, forgetting friends, health, hygiene and my beloved pet. The more I would try to become better and address each and every detail in my music, the more self-conscious I would become about every little thing in my playing. The result was a dark, painstaking progress.
Thankfully, I started noticing that whenever I would practice for more or less of 2 hours every day, I would make a small but steady, healthy progress.
One particular day, I completely skipped my session and just relaxed. Needless to say, I started demining myself and my discipline ethic and was truly anxious about the next day's practice. I sat on my piano and then, all of a sudden, my lips begin to smile as the heart gently takes control of my hands and motion. I swear I remember my brain wondering what's going on but knowing at the same time. I was there. The miracle started happening.
I felt like it wasn't the piano producing the notes I was hearing, but my soul.
I ended this happy, frenetic session with the imperfection of the world and yet I wasn't feeling sad and lonely. It felt right.
I started making my practice smaller and even if my journey is still quite long, I no longer feel insecure. I no longer play for the shake of playing.
The more I would approach and then distant myself from the piano, the more welcoming it became towards me.
The piano, as it turns out, will not abandon you if you miss a day. It will abandon you if it misses you.
Apologies for the long ramble. Just felt like it.
It has been along time since I enjoyed a youtube video so much.