HANDBOOK FOR MORTALS is Plain White T's fanfic
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- Опубліковано 2 бер 2023
- Other video: • LANI SAREM'S BESTSELLE...
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Lani writing the Plain White Ts into this book has the same energy as Ebony going to a Good Charlotte concert in My Immortal
A theory went around that Lani Sarem wrote My Immortal, but I think the general consensus was that was unlikely because Lani isn’t a good enough writer. Which says…. Just so much.
lol I still prefer My Immortal any day, at least that was a blast to read and I had so much fun, Handbook for Mortals is so boring it doesn’t even compare and I believe my immortal was made by a 13 yr old 😂
@@lucrativesequel2002that hurts 😂
@@lucrativesequel2002 Honestly for a good chunk of it, I can see it
@@yelena86 w
The thing that makes me the most mad is that 'Handbook For Mortals' is such a good book title and I wish that a better writer had gotten to it before her.
For real! I'm quietly seething about it and thinking of infinitely cooler concepts you could use that title for
To be fair, Handbook for Mortals is still a viable title for other authors to use. You can't really copyright a title in and of itself. Some titles are off limits like Harry Potter because they're already so well-known. There are many books that share titles, ex. Infernal Devices are two different books by Cassandra Clare and Philip Reeve, separately.
I’m imagining a high fantasy version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
It also does have a half-decent premise as a story. Ordinary kid runs off to Vegas to join a magic show, only to be introduced to the world of magic by these real-life mages disguised as stage illusionists.
Problem being that 1) the video game Don't Starve kinda already did this plot, and 2) this concept is utterly wasted on the fact that this book is written like a mediocre sitcom that never got a 2nd season.
OMG SAME
I’d like to think the implication is that the Plain White Tees were not real until Lani manifested them in our reality
Does this mean her book is in the same universe as iCarly because I recall seeing them on that show.
As a Roma listener, I appreciate you not saying the g slur. It means a lot to me when people know the problems with the word and decide not to use it.
I would bet my bank account Lani was bullied as a kid and the lemonade stand scene was something she dreamed about doing to her mean classmates.
she wanted her perfect disney channel revenge
re: tarot themes in books... it's funny to me because one of the best uses of tarot cards is as a writing tool. you don't even have to have a deep relationship with the cards. get a guidebook to follow along, do a three card read for each chapter to come up with conflicts. so when weakly plotted books just use tarot references as window dressing it makes me laugh. tarot is all about relationships, encounters, and conflict. it was right there in front of you and you didn't use it.
i used my tarot cards to help solidify character relationships and conflicts 😅
that's actually a really good idea! thanks :>>
(spongebob meme voice) WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN
ooh I should try that. now I just need a story to write 🤔
I agree. I liked to use them for plot twists or to help me with what changes to make at key points.
It’s so sweet how you keep your kids’ interruptions in the videos. It reminds me of when my kids were younger. Also, much respect for keeping their privacy.
That was adorable
I love the kid interruptions they are so ADORABLE!!
Her sweet mom moments heal my inner child
I was thinking the same!! So adorable
Just watched that bit and I have to say she handled that very well. If I ever got into doing live UA-cam videos, my kids definitely wouldn’t be as polite if they interrupted me recording.
"Jeans ripped in all the right places... so right in the butthole." LMAO you got me real good with that.
I ACTUALLY MET LANI.
I went to the 2021 renaissance faire in Murfreesboro, TN and I saw her booth. She was alone, giving out the book and signing autographs.
I’m really interested in fantasy so I got one. It’s signed to me and everything.
When I tell you I SCREAMED when I got in the car after reading the reviews. My dad and I were just laughing the whole way home. I stayed away from the book and everything about it until now 😭
If anyone wants to know what she signed, it says “(My name), Never forget those who do not believe in magic will never find it! Thanks for believing! Lani Sarem.”
I read this shortly after it came out for laughs. But like you was very confused by her statement on dyslexia (I'm dyslexic). I left a review on Amazon and brought up that's not how it works and LANI HERSELF replied to tell me I was wrong before having my review deleted. That 'not like other girls' energy carries into real life super hard.
😹😹😹
omg this just proves everyone’s Authors Behaving Badly about Lani
It screams someone who only sees memes about Dyslexia describing it and not someone who actually has it.
Not defending her in any way, but I am dyslexic and I actually can write backwards but it's only with my left hand and it's not by choice. I have to focus really hard to write the normal way. It wasnt some amazing skill I learned with any advantages. It was caused by miswiring in my brain. It's a neat trick for a second but I'm not gonna go around bragging about it.
"The real handbook was the heehees we haha'd along the way." I just died laughing at this sentence. Thank you.
At least in My Immortal, Good Charlotte wasn't a small local act desperate for Ebony's approval. And Ebony wasn't an obvious self insert of one of their ex-roadies.
good point lol
I wish someone could do a “Where Is She Now?” on Lani Sarem. There is nothing wrong with self-insert, bad fan fiction but Lani seems kind of unhinged. Inserting real people she has relationships with and interacting with them in ways that don’t reflect real life experiences is very strange, especially since all the former bands who worked with her can’t stand her.
Everything about this book is so cringe.
Btw, I love parenting Rachel and those interludes are so endearing.
I heard as recently as last year, I think, she was STILL going around doing panels on her book and telling people the movie's going to happen. I think she also slightly pivoted from managing bands to doing some kind of hosting or publicity for minor celebrities, so I guess maybe in the sequel Zade will move to Los Angeles lol
Romantic Friendfiction
Honestly, it feels like Lani always dreamed of fame but could never achieve it, and tries to overcompensate by involving herself in the personal lives of different celebrities who are often more committed/talented than she is in the hopes of having their fame rub off on her somehow. She could commit herself to improving her writing and accumulating more indie acclaim, but that would mean admitting that she’s going about things the wrong way, which will never happen.
To be fair, both bandfiction and friendfiction were things that went hand in hand in the 2010s, still weird tho. I would know, i used to write green day friendfic when i was 12 T~T Something I deeply regret to this day lmao
Isn't that just Dante's inferno
oh man i remember when this absolutely took twitter by _storm,_ she was somehow all over the place on it with her stolen cover art and stolen plot and warehouse full of defaced books. i feel like lani sarem is a type of person i've met more than once, the kind of people my ex liked to hang out with, and the reason that when we broke up i was _not_ upset that most of her friends chose to "side with her" even though our breakup was largely amicable lmao.
"my ancestors established this town" is not the flex you think it is.... oh my sweet baby jesus how could she write that down and not think about it
"my ancestors colonized this town uwu" is not the flex she thinks it is 😊
When you said she said "...to Neil Gaiman [...] Terry Pratchett" in her acknowledgement, I wanted to full on Batman slap her, like, "Get their names out of your mouth. Don't bring them into this"
That's what I was thinking 🤣
“So right in the butthole.” I… I was taken aback but loved it 😂 you always make me laugh Rachel.
i mean she's not wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (also unrelated but your pfp is rlly cute!)
I can't stop laughing 😂 😂 😂
Every time that circus clip/audio cuts in I'm in fucking tears 💀😂😭
The "DA DA DADADA DA DA DA DAA CIRCUS" was kinda funny the first time, made me smile bigger the second, made me laugh out loud the third time, and knocked me straight out the fourth time. Somehow it just got funnier each time
😂Is it from anything in particular? Cuz it gets me laughing every time too.
@@VincentMariethe4th I think it's like, from a Madagadcat movie or something LMAO
@@VincentMariethe4th The audio is from the Madagascar 3 movie, where Marty dressed as or painted(?) his body like a clown and danced while singing to the circus music😂
"Where are we going? Downstairs. OK."
This is one of the most adorable interruption I've heard!
Handbook for Mortals has a special place in my heart because it gives me a vibe that Neil Breen wrote it on his many laptops he keeps throwing around. It's so bad that it makes me laugh.
Neil Breen's version would at least have a plot that would involve evil politicians or bankers announcing very loudly that they were evil
@@gigitastic90 lol
Neil Breen should direct the movie, but only if he's given full control over the script.
@@overlycaffeinated2395 he should play Lani - i mean Zade
I CACKLED at the Neil Breen reference
This is one of those books that seem to be written from a giant text file called "things that are cool" the author has compiled since they were 14 with NO revisions or consideration for some of them being contradictory.
"floating gingerly" with the pics of redheads floating took me OUT
Handbook for Mortals...you know I bought that book with actual human dollars years ago. the funny thing is I haven't finished it till this day cuz everytime I get half way through I get a headache and subsequent amnesia to cope with the trauma. I love a fun bad book that isn't overly problematic but that thing is a boring nightmare.
"Bitch what magic world?!" Killed me 🤣💀
another handbook for mortals video you should add to your watch list is caleb joseph’s “i wrote handbook for mortals 2”. 11/10 recommend, i rewatch it waaay more often than I should
Yessss, I love Caleb! I've re-watched both of his videos on this soooo many times.
"...dynasty of fortune tellers.." -- my eyes rolled so hard i saw the back of my skull.
The absolute emo 🖤 queen make up right now? Serving looks and tea tonight 🥰💅🏻
My phone says this comment is older than this video 🤯
@@neomacawofficial3119 she got early access to the video because she’s a patron
@@ReadswithRachel thanks, good to know my phone isn't glitching 😂
"wat dat dadadada dat da circus" is gonna be stuck in my head now
"Most" people want sunny days? Bruh, I haven't met a person who DOESN'T love a good rainy day with a cup of tea.
I was a kid when I watched beetlejuice - and I legit thought handbook for the recently deceased was real and looked for it at every library
As a fellow former fundie, I was not allowed to watch Beetlejuice as a kid. I rectified that situation last Halloween, and now I'm an absolute Lydia Deetz fangirl. Lydia should be the mascot for defected fundie kids who managed to survive adolescence despite being reliant on parents who ignore and misunderstand them. Team Lydia for life.
Omg same! I watched it finally in high school and was like oh shit I’m gonna make this my personality for a solid month. Even put Jump In The Line on my iPod 🤣
@@ReadswithRachel AND ALL SHE NEEDED WAS A LITTLE LOVE AND APPRECIATION TAKE NOTES JAMES DOBSON
I got so distracted and completely zoned out on what you were saying because the typeface for her name over the background on the cover looks like it says
"LANT SAREM"
I’m thinking if she hadn’t scammed the NYT she would’ve been forgotten because this book is a bunch of words. Like Shakespeare said “Told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
Guess what? At fan expo in Vancouver she was STILL selling her book with the associated “for fans of ___” adverts. I didn’t want to look close enough to see if she was still claiming it was a bestseller
@@burnt-croissants February 18th of this year!
I'm getting the feeling you did the circus bit while editing to stay sane and honestly, high IQ move
Facts
1. i am SO HAPPY that you are much more comfortable with calling books and authors out for their bullshit than you were sometime ago. I’ve recently rewatched your Caraval review (which I love! The review, not Caraval obv) and you were sooo nice and while a nice Rachel is touching and sweet, a Rachel who gives 0 fucks and just spills the tea is the character growth that I root for ✨
2. The parenting interludes are getting cuter and cuter 😭💔
3. You are my favorite booktuber ever and I deeply admire your ability to be so kind and sincere AND accept no bullshit whatsoever at the same time, also I love your sense of humor and your voice and how real you are so much ufff sorry for the rant and thank you so much for all your work!
You know, I'd love to hear why Lani, I mean, Zade, likes thunderstorms, or why she decides to dye and style her hair the way she does, or specifics about her abnormal life. Specificity and explanations are what makes for compelling character development.
Oh, sorry, silly me. I'm trying to be Lani Sarem's critique partner in a creative writing class. People who had books at #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list for less than a day don't need those.
We need the circus “I hate it” as the new meme for a while!😂
Also woohoo!! My first patreon shoutout and it’s by the best Rachel, trashcan Rachel!!💜💜💜💜💜
All author shenanigans aside, I love that Zade's backstory is basically Belle's from Beauty and the Beast, where everyone agrees that she's super hot while also being an outcast... but also casually throwing out that she is a direct descendant of the man who founded the town 💀
Jenny Trout's recaps on her blog, she made this observation and even wrote a parody of the town's song with HFM lyrics
God, I’m so glad that ‘songfic’ is firmly in my past. Never seen full transcribed lyrics in a published work, tho…
I remember when this saga happened. I rarely use twitter, and for a time I used to occasionally check out book drama but never posted out of fear. When HFM blew up my only tweet was to post a popcorn gif with the hashtag. Lani Sarem immediately followed me after and I had absolutely no idea what to do.
NOT THE SCOTT’S TOTS 💀💀💀💀
Edit: I love your makeup so much!! Your uploads always make my day!
Thank you!! ❤
Putting Terry Pratchett and Stephanie Twilight in the same boat…. The audacity.
“Where are we going?”
“Downstairs.”
“Why?”
I’m wheezing 😂😂
This was definitely me as a child. Always asking why. 😂
The most interesting part of this book is when it suddenly stops and you are a parent to adorable sounding children.
Not Christopher commissioning all these notoriously awful books XD
I never knew dyslexia worked that way! I'm over here switching up my B's and D's and mixing my numbers like a noob when I could have simply been learning to write everything backward!
Millsap is actually a last name and Millsaps College is a school in Jackson, Mississippi. Considering she might have been in Louisiana for Twilight reasons, she probably encountered the name by just being in the South for a bit.
There’s also a musician named Ronnie Millsap and that’s where I’ve heard it before
I have this book. I kept seeing everyone talk about it, so I bought it second-hand (it's signed lol) and I'm so glad I did. It gives me hope that, someday, even I can be published
Lani Sarem and YandereDev are the people I think of when I think something I worked hard on is too shitty to put online. Nothing I actually tried on is as bad as their stuff 😂
"we're going down stairs" "why?" Your kid killed me lol
"Where are we going?"
"Downstairs."
"Why?"
I died lmao
Everytime the "DAT DAT DAT-DA-DA-DA DAT DAT CIRCUS" cut in, I lost it. I love how you edit things into your commentary/reviews. As always, thanks for the great video!
As someone who had it happen, "And then my parents reconnected and got back together!" is *not* the wish fulfillment we think it will be. It can really be as messy and terrible as it was the first time, if not more when you're an *adult* in the middle of it all 😅🙃
A pair of divorcees getting back together sounds messy as hell. After all, they split for likely good reasons. And the fact that the author is an adult woman is even stranger, because you’d think she’d be old enough to get that.
I personally think that if people divorce, they should STAY divorced. There’s a reason the marriage ended the first time around! Free life advice: if you ever catch yourself considering getting back with an ex, remind yourself exactly why they’re your ex. Odds are you’ll have the same problems the second time around.
Last year I tried recording a "dramatic reading" of this book, doing funny voices for the character dialogue. Don't know if I'm ever gonna get back to it, though.
My best way to describe the book: It's the woman's answer to "Ready Player One." A self-serving, self-insert fantasy for the author; just replace the word "classic" as a positive descriptor with "fun." Only difference outside the NYT Bestseller scam is RPO somehow gained public legitimacy even though they're both painfully cringey & over-bloated. Zade's not like the other girls cuz she wears converse sneakers, & Wade's not like other guys cuz he "studied Monty Python" (yet doesn't know the score to SPAMALOT.)
Side-note on the "I've always envied people with normal lives."
I'm like, "Bitch, try growing up as a disabled queer person living overseas in countries where you not only couldn't speak the language, but grossly lacked the help & resources you sorely needed at the time!"
Living in another country was actually better for my autistic ass bc they actually tried, then the military sent us back to the US and threw me in the Midwest where all I got is abuse
@@kaydwessie296 My point stands. Zade/Lani has no right to complain about "envying normal lives" when she's a (presumably) cishet, able-bodied white lady living in the South.
Omg, that part annoyed me so much. I do cringe when people lack the self awareness that THEY DO live normal privileged lives. I'm disabled, ND, lesbian, have mental health issues and chronic illnesses ect. I will never live a normal life so seeing these straight abled girls say that grinds my gears as they will never get it 🤣
Thank you, Christopher!
I had to watch this multiple times because of the "circus" clip.
OMG, I love your parenting interludes. My kids are all teens now, but it brings back so many feels when I hear, "He has to be nice!" (Though, tbh, I still hear, "So-and-so just flipped me off and called me @#!%" all the time from mine.)
"Do you know how hard it is to put on cufflinks without any help? That shit is NOT effortless." -- Harrison Ford
It's a lot more entertaining to picture Charles as today's 80-year-old Harrison Ford in Shrinking.
So I'm doing my (now) traditional wake and bake with Rachel and it took me a solid 10 seconds to realise that that trailer was the actual trailer and not a very funny spoof you had knocked up on the quick! And I don't think the smoke is entirely to blame there? Also, that circus clip made me giggle every damn time.
To be fair, I do now kinda want to read this. I'm reading a lot of Asimov at the moment and its good storytelling but mid writing at best and very frustrating as a result, so maybe some mid/cringe writing AND storytelling will be a nice palate cleanser.
BTW, Asimov finishes a fade-to-black sex scene with the woman telling the hero "You are a king of sexuality!" so there's my recent cringe so hard I died line.
I love that we have this tradition now ❤
I did not need to read that quote omg I wish I didn’t have eyes
@@ReadswithRachel sharing the quote with others helps. I guess it's like The Ring, in that sense? So far I have shared it with my dad, my husband and your whole comments section and now I feel much better!
That was so cute when your child interrupted. I have seen other people review this book before and apparently Lani still attends conventions and does signings.
It even ended like Twilight book one (with the main girl in a hospital because of "totally not supernatural reasons")
I dont know if youtubers have any ability to influence what ads get on their videos, but I just got an ad for some idiot at the Daily Wire’s BS as a mid roll ad and figure youd wanna try and stop them getting attention/views from you if you can. Love you Rachel youre great!
They don't have control over that, sadly. E.g. a lot of anti-mlm content on UA-cam gets ads about mlms for some reason and they can't really do anything about it.
I love how Sarem names her characters like "Invader Zim." Zim, Dib, Gir, Zeb, Cam, Mac...
Your Harrison Ford slideshow had more right to be on the NYT bestseller list than this book did.
Whenever I see Handbook for Mortals content I get happy but it being from you just makes it even better! This book was a train wreck
Surface level comment but your makeup looks AMAZING 😍😍
Thank you!!
The new "Thanks I hate it" killed me dead. My face hurts now. Thank you for reviewing this!
This is something you write for yourself and keep locked up in your dungeon where none shall find it.
It was as funny the first time as the sixth time that damn “da da da da da circus” popped up 😂😂😂
Just wanted to say thank you for always making me laugh when I'm having bad days. The circus meme took me o u t. Also, your makeup is beautiful for this vid!
Thank you so much!
'I could tell you what she had for breakfast'
Oh. Oh dear.
Where I live, 'I can see what she had for breakfast' is slang for 'she is wearing the world's tiniest skirt and zero underwear'
PARDON?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
About the infamous "I rarely think this ..." quote - most people NEVER think that. I'm not an expert on narcissists but, I feel like they'd enjoy the idea of random candid pictures of themselves ... I don't know why but, I have a funny feeling that Lani's a bit full of herself.
I hear the Chris Rock "Circus" bit in my head at least once a day at work, so I'm so please to see I'm not the only one who has it on repeat during absurd occasions.
That whole scene with Plain White Ts sounds almost identical to a scene I wrote in the sixth grade but with a different band.
The parenting interlude was so freaking cute!
THAT BOOK TRAILER IM LOSING IT 🤣
Oh my god I never saw that book trailer. The cringeometer shattered. And yes, the Krimsonrogue and GenerallyPooky reviews are amazing. Twihards are hilarious
I actually get why Lani Sarem claimed she wrote My Immortal. It sounds like something she would actually write.
Please. My Immortal was actually funny. Lani Sarem could never.
Let me borrow you a phrase that I, someone who understands a comedic moment, but is not always witty enough to make the right joke. "There's a joke in there somewhere. I don't know where, but it's in there!"
I sat and LAUGHED for a solid half minute before clicking the thumbnail on mobile. OMG Generally Pooky's review is priceless but she's only at like, well she's not full through... you'll love it @Racheal and you'll also really enjoy Krimson Rogue's technical//craft/critical review as well.
I completely agree!
The way you pronounced Lani 3 different ways is giving me life
I've been violently ill the last 2 days, so, thank you for the great distraction Rachel 🖤
hope you feel better soon! Sending you good vibes
Feel better ❤
I think of veneers now when I read about perfect white teeth and it always deducts 35.5 psychic points from me
I've watched Krimsonrogue's video's on this book. A book like this makes me feel better about my work.
How dare you remind me that the Quizno rat creatures were a thing 😂
Hahaha I’m sorry I HAD TO
My dad still references that commercial lmfaoooo
As he should!
Levitates like a root vegetable (I'm floating gingerly).
I literally just saw Lani at Toronto Comicon _still_ trying to shill this mess of a book.
Of all the the you’ve talked about in this video, I never thought I’d learn about mother teresa being…not great… my life’s been a lie holy shit
"Hopefully not metal"-she did NOT.
*blasts TOOL to calm down*
This is my fav vid ever. Literally.
It's so feisty n funny. Whole vid of comedy
The parenting interludes are so funny. “Please don’t touch tha- nooooooooo” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Every time you say not the worst thing you ever read I hear the phrase "the best bear scene in a book" pops in my mind... What was that about again 🤔
"Unless they're from Publix..." 😂😂
Loved the little parenting interlude
My bosses at my last job had a personalized signed copy of this book in one of the cabinets at work and I never got a clear answer about it…….why was it even there??
okay what's funny about the "permanent dent in my lip" bit is i chewed on my lip so hard as a child that i have SCARS on my bottom lip but not........... a dent??? it's a scar?????? did she forget the word for scar? i have so many questions
I'm bedbound today and I truly needed to hehe some hahas, thanks for once again absolutely destroying my faith in human understanding of story structure in the funniest way possible
OMG I'm having flashbacks.
I can't believe you didn't mention the Wayne Newton/ carrot top shopping at the mall together scene that haunts my dreams. 😂
JENNY THERE WAS ONLY SO MUCH I COULD TAKE
I vaguely remember hearing about this book being an overrated scam back when it first released. If there’s one good thing this book can prove, it means that literally every writer - no matter their writing skill level - has a chance of releasing a NYT Best Seller? I think I might have to look up your video on how this “author” managed that… And to think I found this video looking up ideas for book titles. I definitely don’t want a title that could even remotely be associated with this garbage. Thanks for making such a terrible story so entertaining to hear! Lol.
36:55 minutes later and I still don't understand what this book is about 😃
R u the guy who requested the game?
Yep that’s him! Everyone thank Christopher for this lol
"ripped in all the right places...so right in the butthole" I died omg lol thank you for that.
😉