I did the no mess method with my mom when she asked for help. Every time we filled up a trash bag or donation box ,we took it straight outside to the car or trash can. When she was ready to stop, there was no mess left at all. I dropped off the donations on my way home so she wouldn't have to try to unload things by herself. She is thrilled she can move around without falling over things now.
I did the same for my girlfriend who I've helped who has Parkinson's. It's impossible for her to take boxes and bags of donations to donation locations (she doesn't drive now), and she can't put them outside her house for pickup. Getting those boxes & bags out of her house and into my car immediately is a big help to her, I know. And I "take it there now," i.e., get those boxes and bags out of my car and into the donation place the same day, if at all possible. ;-)
Recently helped my 8-year old granddaughter with her very messy bedroom. We started with trash, then clothing (she didn’t know what was clean and what wasn’t). It worked well! We didn’t get much farther than the trash and clothes, but there was visible progress!
Agree. This is going to set her up for life by not spending money of stuff and being mindful of her space and what she wants to put her time into looking after. I wish I’d known the system as a kid even though I was the tidiest teenager who went through my entire room every two weeks. There wasn’t anything to get rid of, it was just nice to maintain it and appreciate what I had.
Sometimes just having another person supporting you is so huge! When I helped my sister this past year work on areas of her house, my job was to hold the trash bag and run the stuff where it needed to go. I let her make all the decisions. We got so much done in just an afternoon!
I am about to be a support person for my husband while he and some of his siblings clean out his mom's house to be sold. I am not going to be making decisions. My job will be running errands, making sure everyone gets fed, and only giving my opinion when asked. It is going to be HARD. But I am going to stick to it. My husband supported me when I did my own mom's house and when my family cleaned out my grandparents' house. Here in advance to get all the cheerleading I can store in my brain.
It really made a huge difference for me when my daughter was my “runner.” I could make the decisions but couldn’t face carrying it all up or down stairs so stuff could make it out of my house.
When watching other people’s decluttering videos I start asking the TV why they aren’t using Dana’s process as seeing them pull out everything from their wardrobe and placing it on the bed stresses me out. It always shows me Dana’s system is the logical and easiest way to go. ❤
I know what you mean, lol. Though I do like Dawn's closet video (Minimal Mom) she chooses her favorite things building up her wardrobe on her bed. When it comes to clothes and wanting to declutter a closet this is appealing to me. Problem is, my clothes would need to be in the closet...
I like that you split "where SHOULD it go" which is judgemental and "where would you look for it" which is informative and allows for different ways of classifying things.
I had a good decluttering moment today with my man. I was sweeping and he was away from his desk so I moved some stuff and swept under it. When he caught me he teased me about messing with his stuff. We laughed and he took over. He got rid of some trash items and finished sweeping. Then he communicated with me that he really wanted to do something else besides clean so we scheduled a day to do work together on the space. We worked less than 5 minutes but it made a noticable difference. I even remembered to point that out to him. I emphasized that what we did counted as a success and I thanked him for helping.
My daughter had a craft room she couldn't walk into. I stayed with her a few days at her house and when she was ready, we worked through the steps. The room didn't get totally finished but she worked on it some by herself. She is so happy that she can do her crafts again. It took a bit to gain her trust that I wouldn't just throw her things away and she really appreciated that there was no judgement. Even though it wasn't finished she loved that she could see progress!
I've used your method to help my kids learn the container concept and help my parents start the decluttering process. My 83 year old mother was so happy to hear she didn't have to pull everything out to declutter!
I've been focusing on my own decluttering and my own messes, with occasional questions for others in my household when I encounter items in the common spaces that I think they will care about, so that I don't donate something that they care about and want to keep. As I've made progress, our home has become more comfortable. And my husband has begun to spontaneously declutter some of his own spaces, while my college-age children have become better at tidying up after themselves in the common spaces. *I* have not taken any action in persuading them to help out in this way--it has all come to pass on their own initiative, which is delightful. So I can speak to the effectiveness of dealing with one's own messes first. It does take time. I started decluttering in 2020 (along with so many others!), and while my progress was steady, it was also slow. And the change in my husband and children has only appeared this year in 2024. But I didn't have an agenda for them. I was truly focused on my own messes. Pruning my own possessions was my real goal. Husband and children getting on board has been a delightful surprise.
Using your methods, I've decluttered/downsized our home BIG TIME and have helped two girlfriends do the same. A third girlfriend wants to declutter, and I may be helping her. My reflection thus far: I think it can really help for the declutter-er to have read (or listened) to Decluttering at the Speed of Life so that we're on the same page from Day 1. It's a brilliant book, Dana, and I've recommended it to quite a few friends. I cannot thank you enough for all that you do. You've made a positive difference in the lives of many.
You know a process is genius if it works in all situations and tells you this is why this works and this is why something else doesn’t work. The extra layer of genius comes in if it involves using the process with someone else. Before knowing Dana’s system I asked my Mum if I could clean out her garage. She was ok with that until I just started looking for rubbish (first step I did). It took her 1.5 days to realise (after telling her for 1.5 days) that I wasn’t throwing out her life, just the rubbish and then organising the rest so she can open the car doors fully. I had to physically show her a 25yr old rusty paint can from 4 houses ago and a muesli bar wrapper from goodness knows when of my sister’s. This taught me a lot about the psychology of decluttering and that stuff is just stuff and that sentimentalism can just be that it’s always been in the house regardless of whether you like it or not. ❤
I'm helping my son declutter the trauma clutter (emotionally abusive marriage, ex even more abusive after the divorce) in his very crowded apartment ... the idea that I suggest but he makes the decisions is a key to his buy-in. Although he will also give me guidelines on "just get rid of [a specific category] without asking/telling/showing me" (sometimes reflecting the equivalent of junk mail, stud m stuff too trivial to waste time looking at, but sometimes because remembering the history of those items is still traumatic). Which speaks to the element of trust in so many ways.
I lived with a narcissist/hoarder that got worse during the divorce so I get what he’s going through. Mine left just enough stuff around the edges of each room so I couldn’t use it over the 18 months and told me not to move it, even after he’d moved out 4 months before. Because I did start moving some stuff then, he hid or took some of my stuff when he’d come back to get more stuff. A year after the divorce I’m still triggered by cluttered walkways and spaces filled with boxes. I’ve packed up for potential moving and selling the house. Going through the divorce paperwork is something I can only go through for about a minute or two at a time and I know that it’s going to stress me and stop right at that point. Even then I’m just going through it for trash or paper that doesn’t belong in there. My main objective is to be kind to myself through out that minute and remember that I’m not a failure for stopping at any time. This is going to be something that is probably going to take him a long time to get over. Even now I walk into rooms I’m not using that he used and have to do a Wonder Woman twirl change up my feelings about how the room used to look. Sending you and your son all the best. ❤
@HappyHarryX5 you have my good wishes as you keep on keeping on with the clearing out. My son actually had the reverse -- his ex refused to let him pick up most of his belongings, so he started hoarding when he first set up his apartment as a trauma reaction. Now that he's gotten over much of the CPTSD she caused, he's ready to start clearing things out.
@ Thank you! So glad he’s been working through the CPTSD. I gave up cleaning for the most part as I was always told off when I did at the same time I was told to do better so I get that completely. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Narcissism 101.
Yet again, Dana scores BIGTIME with the reality of our lives! My inability to face reality was what got me into my gigantic clutter mess, and Dana's encouragement to embrace reality was what got me out of it! Almost two years later (after discovering Dana's no-mess method), my house is my own again, and I am able to deal in a timely manner with new piles that form (I am a natural pile maker!!!), thanks to doing the work of taking my house back.
Decluttering my own stuff first is huge! My husband's office is so packed with stuff that I can't even bring myself to be in there for more than a minute or so, but since I've been decluttering other parts of the house, and i talk through the steps out loud, he is now announcing "I'm taking out some trash" or "I'm just doing a 5 minute pickup" as he walks through the house. progress, only progress.
I'm helping a friend. She was ready to get started but I wasn't available quite yet. I explained to her the trash step, and also gave her the youtube video links for the first three steps, which she watched. She managed to round up three bags of trash before I got there a couple of days later!
The most resistance to implementing the no mess method with a friend is the take it there now. She argues with me constantly and wants to make piles! We have agreed that if I am to help then we HAVE to use the no mess method. And I have a problem wanting to make decisions about trash and donate! Fortunately we love each other!
I tried to help a friend who absolutely could not be convinced that something could be un-donatable. It took me longer than it should have to learn to just accept her “donate” decision. I was the one taking the stuff for donation, so it was annoying to have to take the stuff home and pull out the stained/dirty or broken things (though sometimes I could do it in the back of my car) before taking it to the donation center. Unfortunately, it turned out that it was her husband who had even stronger hoarder tendencies (boxes and boxes of bundles of plastic grocery bags - dated!), and in the end I took only about 6 boxes/bags in four months. Hoarders need a different kind of help. This couple simply doesn’t see trash.
@@jaindeau772 " a friend who absolutely could not be convinced that something could be un-donatable" ... ask them, "If you needed an __item__ would you buy this in this condition at a thrift store?"
This video arrived with perfect timing! A family member just asked for help with their house and I have been using these techniques. It has been so wonderful to leave their house each time without leaving piles. They're encouraged by the progress and it has been going really smoothly!
Thank you so much. This wasso helpful I now realize why helping my friend didn't work. #1 She said give me homework I'll do it later. So i did. She didn't want to go through it right then. It's been 15 years it's still there. She has never opened the two sewing boxes that were homework she has no idea whats in them. #2 She got a phone call while we were working and I got stuck doing all the work. #3 after that we tried her garage and she didn't want to get rid of anything she just want to find room for stuff. It was craft items so she kept saying WE!!! Can make this and etc. . And nothing got done. I never went back. It was to frustrating for me. I helped my son and his wife it went much better I didn't give him homework cause I know my son lol. I lean a lot from this video thanks again. ❤❤❤
I rebought your book on how to manage your home without Losing your mind. I did declutter the other one but made no progress or at least not a lot. I decided to clean up my recipes. I had a real mess. I have a recipe book, but I had lots of papers strewn around too. I listen to You tube and of course you, writing out the recipes on proper cards. I tossed recipes I did not want. I got rid of my cookbook that was trashed from the 1970's. I took the recipes I wanted out and put them on recipe cards. It is relieving to see the progress. One thing at a time. That is my goal.
I packed a storage trailer when I had a multi-state move. My mother will be helping me go through it. I will be sending her this video so she can see the process that works for me. I made more progress in less than 1 year with your method than in more than 10 years before it.
Dana, I love you and your content! You get my thought processes so well and I'm making great progress! But I must say, Reid's postscripts are the funniest parts of every video!
Thanks for all your hard work, Dana & team. Love the topic of this video. I'm naturally really tidy but I was never able to help anyone as I used to be (unwillingly) judgemental. You have had such an impact on my life and that of my closest friends and relatives. So again, thank you. Also, though I enjoy your podcasts a lot, I actually really like seeing you in video, you are so expressive and motivating!
I was incredibly tidy as a teen and maintained it. I married a narcissist/hoarder and he criticised my cleaning throughout the marriage. I’m having trauma therapy for it and even though I’ve been divorced a year, I still hate cluttered walkways and spaces that can’t be used. I can’t wait to appreciate cleaning without judgment again and feel like I own and deserve my happy spaces. It’s a journey.
Yes being judgmental or overbearing while helping isn't helping. Even though we may know we need help & that our thinking isn't always rational, nothing makes me shut down help faster than judgement or pushy help, I can't even help it, it's a visceral reaction.
Ohhh, this is SO useful! I was using your don’t assume it’s trash, don’t grab his stuff while helping my very “tetchy” son to declutter+++ his apartment, worked wonderfully! We’re not finished (boxes of books, papers, boxes dating from when he moved in!) so this tune-up reminder for Mom was very timely. Thank you and keep up the great work ❤
You have been a true blessing to us! Just the thought of having to take everything out to declutter makes me anxious. Your method helps me to keep my messes to a limit and I am encouraged to keep going.
I just had professional organizers come for a day and that is exactly what happened. So disappointed. Will go back to your method now. Hard lesson learned.
I am now giggling madly that I guessed pretty much spot on what Reid would have to say! This video is 100% correct about building trust, and how to help, and what _isn't_ actually help! I really wish that I had known about your method and process when we had to move several years ago. I had a friend come and stay with us to help, and couldn't articulate that she was there simply to keep me focused and moving on packing/tossing, much more than doing any of that for me. And it has been more than 30 years since the previous move, but it's a good thing I have no idea who it was who packed all my paperback books out of order, because I _still_ haven't found some of them, and I will *_never_* forgive that!
Dana I need posters of your method up in every room. I get exactly what you’re saying every time I watch your videos and read your books but then my mind gets cluttered and forget the basics. Seeing these words up there on the wall as reminders would help me so much. And I’ve tried to put it up myself but I wind up writing too much
Wish I had found you before trying to help a friend get ready for a move. She had a very limited budget and was very unrealistic about how much time it would take to go through her very cluttered house. Another friend and I agreed to help her, we had both been military and are very experienced in moving and weight limits. We only gave her very small homework assignments, that never got done. We are talking about tasks like get trash out of this 1cf box of important papers and photos. I will say in our defense that she was a hoarder and had scheduled movers in about three weeks (to get through an entire hoarded house) we had a hard deadline. We were also in our 60s and 70s with limited physical reserves. She was not at all realistic on so many things like donations. So much of what she wanted to donate was very broken, really dirty and/or stained items. I used to shop in thrift stores and, knew the quality they would take. I started taking those items and throwing them out in my own trash, she thought I was taking them to the donation center. She was hospitalized during this very limited time period and wanted us to continue without her, we concentrated on real trash and items we knew she would want (pots, pans, dishes). There was so much left to go through when she got out of the hospital. We had separated out items we could find local homes for at no cost (open bags of fertilizer and grass seed, shelving she never used, jars of used nails and stews that were there when she moved in). We had separated these and labelled them so she wouldn’t have to pay for it to be hauled away, she told the movers to take these things and had to pay for moving them. We were literally still sorting as they were loading the moving truck. The moving company owners took pity on her and gave her every price break they could and it still cost her double the estimate (based on her description of what she had $10K rather than $5K). When she died two years later her family still had to deal with the broken lawn ornaments that were still in boxes. I will never agree to help someone get ready for a move with such a short time line. And while I will use your method, I will be ruthless in my assessment of the time it will actually take and agree only if the person accepts my limitations and agrees that everything else is on him/her. It was a nightmare.
I really wish I had found this method before my kids left the house and my mom died. This would have helped our family immensely. Clutter is a multigenerational habit for us and I wish we could have worked on this together. I can, and do, tell my kids what I have learned but it is just mom talk because they aren't seeing and living with the results. The last decluttering method they witnessed left a bad taste in all our mouths. My mom went a little crazy with the Sparks Joy movement and tried to get rid of anything she didn't like even if it belonged to someone else. Years later I still haven't dealt with all the doomboxes of things I had to rescue from her purge. Later she did apologize for making us feel disrespected and not valuable.
I've been wanting to help others with what I've learned and accomplished since discovering you and and the Minimalist Mom a few weeks ago but I still have some work to do before I help others just yet.
I'm finding this to be true! There's someone I want to help, and that's what I have learned. All your methods work for me, and I want to share them so badly, but I have to keep working on myself. ❤
I have a friend who has never been married, has no family, and is older than me. She isn’t hoarding trash bags or used containers but if it belonged to her deceased mother it stays. Numerous things. It’s been at least 50 years since her mother died. I asked her “what do you think will happen to those treasures when you die?” And she said “I guess they will be in antique stores.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that most of the you g people today do Not want family antiques. I couldn’t even convince my children or grandchildren to take silver, crystal or Spode. Bless and release is the motto for me.
I recently discovered your brilliant no-mess method when I came to UA-cam desperate for motivation! I had lost hope that I could ever declutter my house. I found that for me, "take it there now" is brilliant! Not only does it make each effort show visible progress which is so rewarding and motivating, it has spilled over into not procrastinating on many little actions all day long. I do have a question: how do you get to the back of deep spaces with no mess? I have a few important areas that we use multiple times a day where I don't know how to improve them with no mess. For example, in my kitchen, my deep pantry cabinets are packed so full they are difficult to use, but the stuff we use all the time is at the front. Who knows what's in the back - it's 24 inches deep, with no pull-out. I bought new foods for our new plant-based diet when I made a trip to different stores to get them (which I don't want to do very often), but there's no room in the pantry for them, so those new foods are now stacked on the floor. Horrible! However, I think I have to pull everything out, at least one shelf at a time, to get to the trash or donate stuff further back so I can make room for the new stuff. Fortunately, using the no-mess method in other areas has helped my motivation so much that I think I can tackle these more difficult areas when I feel I have the time and energy. But I would be interested to hear your take on this, whether you've encountered a situation where not enough trash/duh donations can be removed from the front/top of a deep space, and how you approached it.
@@nataliejones6269 Thanks! I saw that one, but that pantry was not like my pantry. Mine is far more crowded and piled. The stuff packed into the front part of the shelves is not trash or donations, it's stuff we use, so I think I will have to pull it out to get to the stuff in the back.
These are so helpful! I really prefer when you talk through a process because you are so engaging! Idea: can you put up the list of the five step process next to you while you’re speaking, or as a several second cut slide for part of the time while you’re speaking? Just 5 key words one for each step? Maybe your tech-savvy son could help with that? Because seeing that can help remind us of all the steps. Even a quick 5-item list just as a visual of the words to help w cognitive processing? Just a thought &&& Thank you for all your work - can’t tell you How Incredibly Helpful this all is!!! Also for anyone who’s thinking of doing Take Your House Back: the best money (&time) I’ve ever spent! So helpful & such a useful resource that I return to so often!!! Super helpful!!! Seriously Thank You
I'd love ideas about what to do about a quilt stuido or craft room. I'm a quilter and I've spent tons of money on very good quality quilt fabric and notions. I've already purged the things I know I'll never use again for garment sewing - that season has passed. The quilting notions I know I'll use eventually even if I haven't used them in over a year. But what's a good thought strategy to make more space for new things when what you have is very useful (one day). If I forgot I had it or the season has passed, do I donate it? Do I only make room for what is coming in like one-in-one-out? I'm very organized but I'd love to hear strategies others use.
I've quilted for 30+ yrs. now. One in one out could probably help. I'd suggest buying less fabrics, so you'll need less space. My quilting fabrics don't know from Seasons or Trends, nor could I afford it if they did. I use what I want how & when I want it, Quilt Police are not welcome in my home.
How do we help people declutter when they don't want to? My husband has so many things that they are in boxes around our tiny apartment, and it is hard to walk around. I have gotten rid of so much of my wanted things to make room for his unused things. It brings me such great stress. Also, it makes it extremely hard and time-consuming to clean with his things everywhere. What do I do? He doesn't want to get rid of a single thing. Examples of such things: 30 pairs of used, unwearable shoes because "They are good if they had new soles. I just need to repair the soles somehow." That type of thing.
I was laid up with a injury, and stayed at my friendshouse. They went to my house to make a pathway. With my permission. I asked them to only throw away only trash, trash. When I got home, I figured out the threw away things in use in my dumpster. I've pulled things out of the dumpster. I didn't know how to express my emotions to these people. Long story short, she found out I was mad and was angry that I had said something to someone else. Her husband was helping her and he was drunk. He wouldn't go back with her again. If zi had been there with them. It would of gone smoother. What do you think about them doing this to someone. Plus I couldn't find things. Are friendship has changed. When she was taking me home, she said she threw things away that I'll never get to and that I'm too old to keep things. I'm 69 and still working. I thought to myself, here we go, trapped in her car, with a lecture.
I wish my mother would let me help her declutter her house(hoarding type situation), but she insists she "has to do it on her own". 2 years later and she hasn't accomplished much of anything and is still buying😞
This method can work for anyone with any amount of stuff, who *wants* to do it. If someone who is a hoarder is not ready to let go of their stuff, then they won't do this process and they won't get rid of any stuff.
I'm in a much better place personally but not to a point of guiding anyone else. I've recommended your channel and method to so many, also @Minimal Mom and @Clutterbug for the magic trio. I gifted my friend the TYHB for Christmas and she's loving it! TY ❤ Happy New Year 💕🎆
I did the no mess method with my mom when she asked for help. Every time we filled up a trash bag or donation box ,we took it straight outside to the car or trash can. When she was ready to stop, there was no mess left at all. I dropped off the donations on my way home so she wouldn't have to try to unload things by herself. She is thrilled she can move around without falling over things now.
Yessss that’s amazing!!! It makes it so streamlined and effortless. Dana is a genius!!!!!!
Oh that's great to hear! 🥳
That's such a great way to build breaks into the project!
I did the same for my girlfriend who I've helped who has Parkinson's. It's impossible for her to take boxes and bags of donations to donation locations (she doesn't drive now), and she can't put them outside her house for pickup. Getting those boxes & bags out of her house and into my car immediately is a big help to her, I know. And I "take it there now," i.e., get those boxes and bags out of my car and into the donation place the same day, if at all possible. ;-)
@@smz5302. What a wonderful gift to give to your friend. ❤
Recently helped my 8-year old granddaughter with her very messy bedroom. We started with trash, then clothing (she didn’t know what was clean and what wasn’t). It worked well! We didn’t get much farther than the trash and clothes, but there was visible progress!
Progress and only progress and practicing important life skills! 👏
Agree. This is going to set her up for life by not spending money of stuff and being mindful of her space and what she wants to put her time into looking after. I wish I’d known the system as a kid even though I was the tidiest teenager who went through my entire room every two weeks. There wasn’t anything to get rid of, it was just nice to maintain it and appreciate what I had.
Sometimes just having another person supporting you is so huge! When I helped my sister this past year work on areas of her house, my job was to hold the trash bag and run the stuff where it needed to go. I let her make all the decisions. We got so much done in just an afternoon!
I am about to be a support person for my husband while he and some of his siblings clean out his mom's house to be sold. I am not going to be making decisions. My job will be running errands, making sure everyone gets fed, and only giving my opinion when asked. It is going to be HARD. But I am going to stick to it. My husband supported me when I did my own mom's house and when my family cleaned out my grandparents' house. Here in advance to get all the cheerleading I can store in my brain.
It really made a huge difference for me when my daughter was my “runner.” I could make the decisions but couldn’t face carrying it all up or down stairs so stuff could make it out of my house.
❤🎉@@MommyDontSeeMe
When watching other people’s decluttering videos I start asking the TV why they aren’t using Dana’s process as seeing them pull out everything from their wardrobe and placing it on the bed stresses me out. It always shows me Dana’s system is the logical and easiest way to go. ❤
I know what you mean, lol. Though I do like Dawn's closet video (Minimal Mom) she chooses her favorite things building up her wardrobe on her bed. When it comes to clothes and wanting to declutter a closet this is appealing to me. Problem is, my clothes would need to be in the closet...
After learning Dana's method I only watch Dawn and Cass for inspiration & mind set help. Dana's method is foolproof if you apply it.
@@idid138 me too!
Same! I get so stressed now watching those types of videos, and I used to really enjoy them!
I think that they do that in order to do the container concept…without knowing the container concept 🤣
I like that you split "where SHOULD it go" which is judgemental and "where would you look for it" which is informative and allows for different ways of classifying things.
I had a good decluttering moment today with my man. I was sweeping and he was away from his desk so I moved some stuff and swept under it. When he caught me he teased me about messing with his stuff. We laughed and he took over. He got rid of some trash items and finished sweeping. Then he communicated with me that he really wanted to do something else besides clean so we scheduled a day to do work together on the space. We worked less than 5 minutes but it made a noticable difference. I even remembered to point that out to him. I emphasized that what we did counted as a success and I thanked him for helping.
My daughter had a craft room she couldn't walk into. I stayed with her a few days at her house and when she was ready, we worked through the steps. The room didn't get totally finished but she worked on it some by herself. She is so happy that she can do her crafts again. It took a bit to gain her trust that I wouldn't just throw her things away and she really appreciated that there was no judgement. Even though it wasn't finished she loved that she could see progress!
I've used your method to help my kids learn the container concept and help my parents start the decluttering process. My 83 year old mother was so happy to hear she didn't have to pull everything out to declutter!
I've been focusing on my own decluttering and my own messes, with occasional questions for others in my household when I encounter items in the common spaces that I think they will care about, so that I don't donate something that they care about and want to keep. As I've made progress, our home has become more comfortable. And my husband has begun to spontaneously declutter some of his own spaces, while my college-age children have become better at tidying up after themselves in the common spaces. *I* have not taken any action in persuading them to help out in this way--it has all come to pass on their own initiative, which is delightful.
So I can speak to the effectiveness of dealing with one's own messes first. It does take time. I started decluttering in 2020 (along with so many others!), and while my progress was steady, it was also slow. And the change in my husband and children has only appeared this year in 2024. But I didn't have an agenda for them. I was truly focused on my own messes. Pruning my own possessions was my real goal. Husband and children getting on board has been a delightful surprise.
Using your methods, I've decluttered/downsized our home BIG TIME and have helped two girlfriends do the same. A third girlfriend wants to declutter, and I may be helping her. My reflection thus far: I think it can really help for the declutter-er to have read (or listened) to Decluttering at the Speed of Life so that we're on the same page from Day 1. It's a brilliant book, Dana, and I've recommended it to quite a few friends. I cannot thank you enough for all that you do. You've made a positive difference in the lives of many.
You know a process is genius if it works in all situations and tells you this is why this works and this is why something else doesn’t work. The extra layer of genius comes in if it involves using the process with someone else. Before knowing Dana’s system I asked my Mum if I could clean out her garage. She was ok with that until I just started looking for rubbish (first step I did). It took her 1.5 days to realise (after telling her for 1.5 days) that I wasn’t throwing out her life, just the rubbish and then organising the rest so she can open the car doors fully. I had to physically show her a 25yr old rusty paint can from 4 houses ago and a muesli bar wrapper from goodness knows when of my sister’s. This taught me a lot about the psychology of decluttering and that stuff is just stuff and that sentimentalism can just be that it’s always been in the house regardless of whether you like it or not. ❤
Like Dana said, trust is everything. Lots of ❤ to you for helping your mom.
I'm helping my son declutter the trauma clutter (emotionally abusive marriage, ex even more abusive after the divorce) in his very crowded apartment ... the idea that I suggest but he makes the decisions is a key to his buy-in. Although he will also give me guidelines on "just get rid of [a specific category] without asking/telling/showing me" (sometimes reflecting the equivalent of junk mail, stud m stuff too trivial to waste time looking at, but sometimes because remembering the history of those items is still traumatic). Which speaks to the element of trust in so many ways.
I lived with a narcissist/hoarder that got worse during the divorce so I get what he’s going through. Mine left just enough stuff around the edges of each room so I couldn’t use it over the 18 months and told me not to move it, even after he’d moved out 4 months before. Because I did start moving some stuff then, he hid or took some of my stuff when he’d come back to get more stuff. A year after the divorce I’m still triggered by cluttered walkways and spaces filled with boxes. I’ve packed up for potential moving and selling the house.
Going through the divorce paperwork is something I can only go through for about a minute or two at a time and I know that it’s going to stress me and stop right at that point. Even then I’m just going through it for trash or paper that doesn’t belong in there. My main objective is to be kind to myself through out that minute and remember that I’m not a failure for stopping at any time.
This is going to be something that is probably going to take him a long time to get over. Even now I walk into rooms I’m not using that he used and have to do a Wonder Woman twirl change up my feelings about how the room used to look. Sending you and your son all the best. ❤
@HappyHarryX5 you have my good wishes as you keep on keeping on with the clearing out. My son actually had the reverse -- his ex refused to let him pick up most of his belongings, so he started hoarding when he first set up his apartment as a trauma reaction. Now that he's gotten over much of the CPTSD she caused, he's ready to start clearing things out.
@ Thank you! So glad he’s been working through the CPTSD. I gave up cleaning for the most part as I was always told off when I did at the same time I was told to do better so I get that completely. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Narcissism 101.
Yet again, Dana scores BIGTIME with the reality of our lives! My inability to face reality was what got me into my gigantic clutter mess, and Dana's encouragement to embrace reality was what got me out of it! Almost two years later (after discovering Dana's no-mess method), my house is my own again, and I am able to deal in a timely manner with new piles that form (I am a natural pile maker!!!), thanks to doing the work of taking my house back.
Decluttering my own stuff first is huge! My husband's office is so packed with stuff that I can't even bring myself to be in there for more than a minute or so, but since I've been decluttering other parts of the house, and i talk through the steps out loud, he is now announcing "I'm taking out some trash" or "I'm just doing a 5 minute pickup" as he walks through the house. progress, only progress.
I'm helping a friend. She was ready to get started but I wasn't available quite yet. I explained to her the trash step, and also gave her the youtube video links for the first three steps, which she watched. She managed to round up three bags of trash before I got there a couple of days later!
I have been showing my mom the no mess method and it really works! I always enjoy Reid's comments at the end!
Best end comment ever, Reid! 🎉😂. I am Face-timing with my aunt tomorrow to help her declutter her closets, so this video was perfect timing! 🙏
The most resistance to implementing the no mess method with a friend is the take it there now. She argues with me constantly and wants to make piles! We have agreed that if I am to help then we HAVE to use the no mess method. And I have a problem wanting to make decisions about trash and donate! Fortunately we love each other!
I tried to help a friend who absolutely could not be convinced that something could be un-donatable. It took me longer than it should have to learn to just accept her “donate” decision. I was the one taking the stuff for donation, so it was annoying to have to take the stuff home and pull out the stained/dirty or broken things (though sometimes I could do it in the back of my car) before taking it to the donation center. Unfortunately, it turned out that it was her husband who had even stronger hoarder tendencies (boxes and boxes of bundles of plastic grocery bags - dated!), and in the end I took only about 6 boxes/bags in four months. Hoarders need a different kind of help. This couple simply doesn’t see trash.
@@jaindeau772 " a friend who absolutely could not be convinced that something could be un-donatable" ... ask them, "If you needed an __item__ would you buy this in this condition at a thrift store?"
Always love the comments at the end
This video arrived with perfect timing! A family member just asked for help with their house and I have been using these techniques. It has been so wonderful to leave their house each time without leaving piles. They're encouraged by the progress and it has been going really smoothly!
Thank you so much. This wasso helpful I now realize why helping my friend didn't work. #1 She said give me homework I'll do it later. So i did. She didn't want to go through it right then. It's been 15 years it's still there. She has never opened the two sewing boxes that were homework she has no idea whats in them. #2 She got a phone call while we were working and I got stuck doing all the work. #3 after that we tried her garage and she didn't want to get rid of anything she just want to find room for stuff. It was craft items so she kept saying WE!!! Can make this and etc. . And nothing got done. I never went back. It was to frustrating for me. I helped my son and his wife it went much better I didn't give him homework cause I know my son lol. I lean a lot from this video thanks again. ❤❤❤
Another excellent video! Love the Reid commentary at the end. 😂❤
I rebought your book on how to manage your home without Losing your mind. I did declutter the other one but made no progress or at least not a lot. I decided to clean up my recipes. I had a real mess. I have a recipe book, but I had lots of papers strewn around too. I listen to You tube and of course you, writing out the recipes on proper cards. I tossed recipes I did not want. I got rid of my cookbook that was trashed from the 1970's. I took the recipes I wanted out and put them on recipe cards. It is relieving to see the progress. One thing at a time. That is my goal.
I packed a storage trailer when I had a multi-state move. My mother will be helping me go through it. I will be sending her this video so she can see the process that works for me. I made more progress in less than 1 year with your method than in more than 10 years before it.
Dana, I love you and your content! You get my thought processes so well and I'm making great progress! But I must say, Reid's postscripts are the funniest parts of every video!
Thanks for all your hard work, Dana & team. Love the topic of this video. I'm naturally really tidy but I was never able to help anyone as I used to be (unwillingly) judgemental. You have had such an impact on my life and that of my closest friends and relatives. So again, thank you. Also, though I enjoy your podcasts a lot, I actually really like seeing you in video, you are so expressive and motivating!
I was incredibly tidy as a teen and maintained it. I married a narcissist/hoarder and he criticised my cleaning throughout the marriage. I’m having trauma therapy for it and even though I’ve been divorced a year, I still hate cluttered walkways and spaces that can’t be used. I can’t wait to appreciate cleaning without judgment again and feel like I own and deserve my happy spaces. It’s a journey.
Yes being judgmental or overbearing while helping isn't helping. Even though we may know we need help & that our thinking isn't always rational, nothing makes me shut down help faster than judgement or pushy help, I can't even help it, it's a visceral reaction.
Everything Dana said 100%. If you’re not willing to try, you’re not ready to do this process. This is life changing.
Ohhh, this is SO useful! I was using your don’t assume it’s trash, don’t grab his stuff while helping my very “tetchy” son to declutter+++ his apartment, worked wonderfully! We’re not finished (boxes of books, papers, boxes dating from when he moved in!) so this tune-up reminder for Mom was very timely. Thank you and keep up the great work ❤
You have been a true blessing to us! Just the thought of having to take everything out to declutter makes me anxious. Your method helps me to keep my messes to a limit and I am encouraged to keep going.
I just had professional organizers come for a day and that is exactly what happened. So disappointed. Will go back to your method now. Hard lesson learned.
I am now giggling madly that I guessed pretty much spot on what Reid would have to say!
This video is 100% correct about building trust, and how to help, and what _isn't_ actually help! I really wish that I had known about your method and process when we had to move several years ago. I had a friend come and stay with us to help, and couldn't articulate that she was there simply to keep me focused and moving on packing/tossing, much more than doing any of that for me. And it has been more than 30 years since the previous move, but it's a good thing I have no idea who it was who packed all my paperback books out of order, because I _still_ haven't found some of them, and I will *_never_* forgive that!
Dana I need posters of your method up in every room. I get exactly what you’re saying every time I watch your videos and read your books but then my mind gets cluttered and forget the basics. Seeing these words up there on the wall as reminders would help me so much. And I’ve tried to put it up myself but I wind up writing too much
My friend is going to come help me declutter in March, but I can pretend she's here now!
Fake it till you make it, eh? :-)
Wish I had found you before trying to help a friend get ready for a move. She had a very limited budget and was very unrealistic about how much time it would take to go through her very cluttered house. Another friend and I agreed to help her, we had both been military and are very experienced in moving and weight limits. We only gave her very small homework assignments, that never got done. We are talking about tasks like get trash out of this 1cf box of important papers and photos. I will say in our defense that she was a hoarder and had scheduled movers in about three weeks (to get through an entire hoarded house) we had a hard deadline. We were also in our 60s and 70s with limited physical reserves. She was not at all realistic on so many things like donations. So much of what she wanted to donate was very broken, really dirty and/or stained items. I used to shop in thrift stores and, knew the quality they would take. I started taking those items and throwing them out in my own trash, she thought I was taking them to the donation center. She was hospitalized during this very limited time period and wanted us to continue without her, we concentrated on real trash and items we knew she would want (pots, pans, dishes). There was so much left to go through when she got out of the hospital. We had separated out items we could find local homes for at no cost (open bags of fertilizer and grass seed, shelving she never used, jars of used nails and stews that were there when she moved in). We had separated these and labelled them so she wouldn’t have to pay for it to be hauled away, she told the movers to take these things and had to pay for moving them. We were literally still sorting as they were loading the moving truck. The moving company owners took pity on her and gave her every price break they could and it still cost her double the estimate (based on her description of what she had $10K rather than $5K). When she died two years later her family still had to deal with the broken lawn ornaments that were still in boxes.
I will never agree to help someone get ready for a move with such a short time line. And while I will use your method, I will be ruthless in my assessment of the time it will actually take and agree only if the person accepts my limitations and agrees that everything else is on him/her. It was a nightmare.
Yes, extremely helpful, thank you 🦋
The "no honework" concept makes total sense.
Yes
I really wish I had found this method before my kids left the house and my mom died. This would have helped our family immensely. Clutter is a multigenerational habit for us and I wish we could have worked on this together. I can, and do, tell my kids what I have learned but it is just mom talk because they aren't seeing and living with the results. The last decluttering method they witnessed left a bad taste in all our mouths. My mom went a little crazy with the Sparks Joy movement and tried to get rid of anything she didn't like even if it belonged to someone else. Years later I still haven't dealt with all the doomboxes of things I had to rescue from her purge. Later she did apologize for making us feel disrespected and not valuable.
Your hair looks so pretty, Dana!
I've been wanting to help others with what I've learned and accomplished since discovering you and and the Minimalist Mom a few weeks ago but I still have some work to do before I help others just yet.
I'm finding this to be true! There's someone I want to help, and that's what I have learned. All your methods work for me, and I want to share them so badly, but I have to keep working on myself. ❤
Great rules for “helping” myself. 😂😂😂 Thank you. ❤
This is great advice. And your hair today is 💯
I have a friend who has never been married, has no family, and is older than me. She isn’t hoarding trash bags or used containers but if it belonged to her deceased mother it stays. Numerous things. It’s been at least 50 years since her mother died. I asked her “what do you think will happen to those treasures when you die?” And she said “I guess they will be in antique stores.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that most of the you g people today do Not want family antiques. I couldn’t even convince my children or grandchildren to take silver, crystal or Spode. Bless and release is the motto for me.
I recently discovered your brilliant no-mess method when I came to UA-cam desperate for motivation! I had lost hope that I could ever declutter my house. I found that for me, "take it there now" is brilliant! Not only does it make each effort show visible progress which is so rewarding and motivating, it has spilled over into not procrastinating on many little actions all day long.
I do have a question: how do you get to the back of deep spaces with no mess? I have a few important areas that we use multiple times a day where I don't know how to improve them with no mess. For example, in my kitchen, my deep pantry cabinets are packed so full they are difficult to use, but the stuff we use all the time is at the front. Who knows what's in the back - it's 24 inches deep, with no pull-out. I bought new foods for our new plant-based diet when I made a trip to different stores to get them (which I don't want to do very often), but there's no room in the pantry for them, so those new foods are now stacked on the floor. Horrible! However, I think I have to pull everything out, at least one shelf at a time, to get to the trash or donate stuff further back so I can make room for the new stuff.
Fortunately, using the no-mess method in other areas has helped my motivation so much that I think I can tackle these more difficult areas when I feel I have the time and energy. But I would be interested to hear your take on this, whether you've encountered a situation where not enough trash/duh donations can be removed from the front/top of a deep space, and how you approached it.
Dana recently did a "one hour better" video with young mom cleaning out her own pantry. I will probably be a good inspiration for you. 😊
"Decluttering the pantry with no mess..."
@@nataliejones6269 Thanks! I saw that one, but that pantry was not like my pantry. Mine is far more crowded and piled. The stuff packed into the front part of the shelves is not trash or donations, it's stuff we use, so I think I will have to pull it out to get to the stuff in the back.
Nice to see the rest of your office and where you do lives from--looks nice! ☺️
Reid, you are hilarious!
Hahahahaha Reid. THANKS, Dana!!! 🙂
I did it today -I was going to sort my ephemera, but I kept going till I did all 5 levels on the shelf!
These are so helpful! I really prefer when you talk through a process because you are so engaging! Idea: can you put up the list of the five step process next to you while you’re speaking, or as a several second cut slide for part of the time while you’re speaking? Just 5 key words one for each step? Maybe your tech-savvy son could help with that? Because seeing that can help remind us of all the steps. Even a quick 5-item list just as a visual of the words to help w cognitive processing? Just a thought
&&& Thank you for all your work - can’t tell you How Incredibly Helpful this all is!!! Also for anyone who’s thinking of doing Take Your House Back: the best money (&time) I’ve ever spent! So helpful & such a useful resource that I return to so often!!! Super helpful!!! Seriously Thank You
Yes, I find this very helpful - !
thanks again Dear Dana so very helpful. I am getting there but only with your help[ Bless youHappy New year
Awesome advice. Thank you for the reminder Dana.
Happy Holidays!
I appreciate you so much! ❤
Who else finds the editor notes at the very end very funny? Lol
I'd love ideas about what to do about a quilt stuido or craft room. I'm a quilter and I've spent tons of money on very good quality quilt fabric and notions. I've already purged the things I know I'll never use again for garment sewing - that season has passed. The quilting notions I know I'll use eventually even if I haven't used them in over a year. But what's a good thought strategy to make more space for new things when what you have is very useful (one day). If I forgot I had it or the season has passed, do I donate it? Do I only make room for what is coming in like one-in-one-out? I'm very organized but I'd love to hear strategies others use.
I've quilted for 30+ yrs. now. One in one out could probably help. I'd suggest buying less fabrics, so you'll need less space. My quilting fabrics don't know from Seasons or Trends, nor could I afford it if they did. I use what I want how & when I want it, Quilt Police are not welcome in my home.
I’ll be helping my parents in the coming months, so that they can downsize, and move to a smaller house next door to us 😊 what a year 2025 will be
Curious roughly how much yiur decluttering coaches charge? Organizers in my area can be anywhere between $35-200/hour!
They are all individual business owners and set their own rates.
How do we help people declutter when they don't want to? My husband has so many things that they are in boxes around our tiny apartment, and it is hard to walk around. I have gotten rid of so much of my wanted things to make room for his unused things. It brings me such great stress. Also, it makes it extremely hard and time-consuming to clean with his things everywhere. What do I do? He doesn't want to get rid of a single thing. Examples of such things: 30 pairs of used, unwearable shoes because "They are good if they had new soles. I just need to repair the soles somehow." That type of thing.
lookin great Dana great camera angle haha ; )
❤
I was laid up with a injury, and stayed at my friendshouse. They went to my house to make a pathway. With my permission. I asked them to only throw away only trash, trash. When I got home, I figured out the threw away things in use in my dumpster. I've pulled things out of the dumpster. I didn't know how to express my emotions to these people. Long story short, she found out I was mad and was angry that I had said something to someone else. Her husband was helping her and he was drunk. He wouldn't go back with her again. If zi had been there with them. It would of gone smoother. What do you think about them doing this to someone. Plus I couldn't find things. Are friendship has changed. When she was taking me home, she said she threw things away that I'll never get to and that I'm too old to keep things. I'm 69 and still working. I thought to myself, here we go, trapped in her car, with a lecture.
I wish my mother would let me help her declutter her house(hoarding type situation), but she insists she "has to do it on her own". 2 years later and she hasn't accomplished much of anything and is still buying😞
I did that but didnt know it was a thing lol
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😊😊😊
sounds more like helping some with hoarding rather than decluttering. hoarding can be the extreme of clutter.
what do you think?
This method can work for anyone with any amount of stuff, who *wants* to do it. If someone who is a hoarder is not ready to let go of their stuff, then they won't do this process and they won't get rid of any stuff.
Take the log out of your own eye first. Classic
Instead of telling someone to declutter, ask if they want help decluttering.
Reid 😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
Yes, people helping putting things on big piles. Sooo unhelpful! Makes things worse.
I'm in a much better place personally but not to a point of guiding anyone else. I've recommended your channel and method to so many, also @Minimal Mom and @Clutterbug for the magic trio. I gifted my friend the TYHB for Christmas and she's loving it! TY ❤ Happy New Year 💕🎆
Why did I not find you years ago???