Talking insomnia #45: There were tears in my eyes. Neil is free after a 20 year struggle.
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- Опубліковано 3 лют 2021
- When Neil starts mandatory Israeli military service at age 18 he has a completely sleepless night. When this becomes a recurring issue, his superiors arrange night duty so that he gets more opportunity for sleep. With even more time to ruminate, obsess, toss and turn - a fear develops that lasts for years.
Although the memories remain, Neil is now free from a 2 decade long struggle. Understanding sleep, understanding how the mind works and practicing meditation has brought peace.
Do you have trouble sleeping? Can’t sleep? Have questions about insomnia or sleep?
Please submit here and we will try to respond soon in an Open class episode.
www.thesleepcoachschool.com/h...
Would you like to work with a sleep coach and/or learn more? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Self Coaching Master Program www.thesleepcoachschool.com
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android.
- Daniel’s book Set it & Forget it on Amazon.
The self coaching program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers. - Розваги
Wow the part about him not getting any sleep for multiple nights in the army was tense. Here I am worried about not getting any sleep, and having to go to work doing simple things like sitting in a chair mostly. This guy was doing drills, runs, and lots of physical activities with no sleep for days! He also brought up a great point about how if you tell a joke 10 times your brain will get annoyed, but if you have a problem it will go over it again, and again and again. Great interview!
You said it! This was one of the points Neil really wanted to make, and I think really did! And the joke analogy, it really stuck with me as well… I actually sent him a picture of this this comment just now. Thanks for the encouragement!
2 decades of insomnia 😧 can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been. Congratulations to niel for getting his life back after that 2 decade struggle
Neil is such an inspiration! Thanks much for this comment DMAG Yo!
Thankyou so much
I think sleep is like golf. Whenever I think about how to make a gold swing, it is a terrible shot. But if I feel it and my body do it naturally, i make a great shot. I think the it’s the same with sleep, it’s a feeling, not something that you do
Absolutely! If someone would start questioning and really paying attention to something, then it becomes and effort. When we step out of the way and let it happen... that's the way!
Would love another interview with Neil. He has so many interesting perspectives that I never thought of.
It will happen!! 👍👍
how are you The Sleep Addict?
POWERFUL interview Neil!
Truly!!
Excellent interview!!!
Edda! Thanks for this, I truly enjoyed it and am so. thankful for have inspiring stories like Neil's on the channel!
So v helpful & inspiring. Amazing, thank you 💛
Daniel your channel is a Godsend and this interview is a life changer! I have had sleep issues since childhood and lived with it in varying degrees over the past 40 years. But a series of health scares, wrong meds and traumas sent me off the rails into the worst sleeplessness I had ever experienced. Nearly 3 Mths with no sleep and now 6 Mths in getting fractured slumber and less than 3 hrs a night. Christian faith and exercise, learning surrender and trust bringing me to many of the conclusions you express. I’m squarely in the middle of this journey, and have just discovered your platform. Hearing the experiences of others and your guidance has given me so much reassurance and hope. Thank you! Fantastic work!🙏👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
So so glad reading this today 😊 Thanks for sharing!!
@@Freydis_MAximus improving. It took me a year to get back to some little regular sleep and now I’m finally getting 4-5 hours with the occasional sleepless night. Trusting god and learning not to be afraid were key for me. Praying that it gets better and better:)
This is absolutely the best episode on the channel! My favorite at least. It has helped me so much that I find myself seeing it over and over again. Neil is so charismatic and sincere, and his story is absolutely the nightmare of everyone who suffers from insomnia. The way he handled it was in the best possible way after he discovered mindfullness. And If this amazing channel didn't exist he would still be fighting this fear of fear, as I call insomnia. Thats why these insomnia case studies are so important, Daniel, we feel less alone and less guilty that we might have something possibly rare.
Anyway, an old video, but I was lucky enough to discover it now in a heavy crisis of anxiety and it helped me enormously. Bring Neil more often, Daniel, please.🙏🏻
Jonathan, I’m so so glad you found this episode exactly when you needed it 😊 and you know if you check the Insomnia insight playlist, you’ll see he has been a guest several times.
This said - I have wanted to invite him again, and this comment just was the thing that made me message him just now!
Hang in there Jonathan, thanks for all the support and look out for the return of Neil!!
Amazing
I am a Christian and the Bible does say to take every thought captive so in other words be careful not to let your thoughts run away from you. So I can relate, as a christian, this teaching of mindfulness. Also the Bible says do not live by your feelings. I very much enjoyed Neil's testimony and it touched my heart and my beliefs. Thank you so much for these videos they are changing my life. God bless!
So glad it resonated Leslie and, I’ve made many of these reflections as well 🙂
Hey Leslie, can you point me to some verses regarding mindfulness in the bible? Thx 😀
Ha. I love this guy’s attitude!
Neil is a favorite guest for this reason 🙂
Neil is such an endearing soul...I really, really enjoyed this interview. Lots and lots of insight here, makes my 8 years of insomnia not look as bad. He's correct and so are we all about loneliness being such a huge part of all of our experiences that we all thought were only unique to each of one of us. Loved all his insight around mindfulness and meditation!! GREAT
Just watching this again and it is really striking what an honest and genuine guy Neil is, probably one of the best things I’ve ever watched to calm me down before I go to bed.
He will be so glad seeing this comment 😊
Daniel, just finished your book, it is awesome and so understandable!! Thank you! Filip
Awesome!! Thanks so much for sharing this and for reading - and don't forget to leave a review :)!
This has helped me so much thankyou
Dan! Thanks so much for letting me know… it means a lot 😊
I’m going to be watching this podcast once a day, I think it’s gonna change my mindset just in general about life. Thanks for the amazing podcast!
Loove reading these lines Ben 😁 Thank you for being in and sharing!!
SO FAR THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EPISODES. IVE LEARNED SO MUCH AND I JUST GOT YOUR BOOK SET IT AND FORGET IT. LOOKING FORWARD TO READING IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR CONTENT, TRULY MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLES LIVES.
🤗 so glad to hear this. And he’s an amazing storyteller and teacher!
This is my favorite talk so far. I had started to meditate, and then left it. I’m started again. Thank you so much. 😊
So glad you found it 😊! Neil is an inspiration
Daniel.......that was a great interview and you conducted it really well like any good interviewer does which is by listening. Neil was a fabulous guest and he had so many pearls of wisdom from his struggle with insomnia.
Great content and my regards to Neil for being such an interesting guest.
Hi Beanburger, thanks so much for this kind comment! And I’m sure Neil will see this as well, truly grateful to have insights and a story like his to share here!!
Learnt so much from this conversation. I've had insomnia pretty bad for a few years and it causes me a lot of anxiety as I work as a fitness instructor and have a very physical job which requires me to be at my best. Hearing how Neil has taken such a care free approach after so long is inspiring, i'm going to start meditating. Thanks!
Freddie! Thanks so much for sharing and for commenting! Very glad you found value here and welcome to the channel. I have come to believe that just as it's good for pretty much everyone to be physically active, pretty much all of us can really benefit from meditation. Just that gift, giving yourself a few minutes a day for complete non achievement, a time without any intent or judgement... I think it can truly change things for you. Okidoki be well and stay in touch!
Hey Daniel. I’m commenting on here just to say thank you as a client. Finding your channel has allowed sleep to return. Neil is a wonderful guest.
My sleep returned when I stopped valuing it so much. Isn’t it funny how paradoxical insomnia is?
A lot of my fear stemmed from thinking I was going to die because I wasn’t sleeping. That my insomnia is unique, just like Neil says. But I always think back to those days when I slept 0 hours, and to be honest? I didn’t die and was functioning even better because of the hyperarousal. That alone has brought me to a realization that sleep isn’t that important. I do fine without it. People have gone years without it. And just because of this fear leaving, I lay in bed at night and am okay with whatever happens. This has now brought me to a place where, most days, I’m sleeping well. When I wake up at night I’m okay with that. And I go back to sleep at some point.
My fear also went away with realizing that there is no “perfect sleep.” Waking up at night is normal, most of us aren’t aware of it when it happens. And now I’m barely aware of it.
So thank you a million. I hope that others are able to find hope in these stories, and that the power is within you. Medication not needed.
Jasmin! I remember you and it’s so nice to hear from you. Thanks for being in touch!
So glad as well that you’re seeing this so clearly and that things have gotten so peaceful. Wow, any chance you’d be interested in being a guest? Let me know. 0 pressure of course, only if you’d like to.
I will share this on Friday so that more in our community can benefit from your insights 🙏
@cat queen Thanks for asking! Most days I sleep through the night. Every now and then I have a night where I might have some trouble falling asleep initially. Nights where I might be more hyperaroused because there’s pressure I create in my mind. Sleep always returns though. It’s important to just be okay and not alarmed by whatever happens through the night.
How are you doing?
Wow, what an incredible interview! Neil - you are going to help so many people. Thank you for sharing your story. Loved your discussion on the ego & your insights on thoughts/feelings. Also loved all the sports analogies (even as a non-sports fan) & shout out to The Last Dance - great documentary & yes, it totally relates to sleep!
Michelle! Thanks as always for the support. And yes, I think nothing helps more than hearing from someone who’s been there, so grateful this is happening on the channel!!
Thank you 🙏 I really appreciate it!
@@neilfishman1138 thank you
Omg I love this , if it’s good it’s not for me , if it’s bad I’m your guy!! The brain sooo powerful.
100% I was telling my wife yesterday about how it was such a great teaching point how when something is funny, then the brain soon gets tired of it. If it's a problem, then it's the opposite, it wants to keep our focus there. So thankful to everyone who's been willing to guest the channel :)!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Absolutely!! This hits the spot straight on! Thanks Daniel for giving all of us this platform to share our story and help others with our story. And thanks Neil this is a very helpful video and a different one we all needed !Congratulations NEIL in living in the moment!
Ahah! Great from Neil! Seems like "The Power of Now" has been of some inspiration to him 😄 Great episode!
Thanks Fabien!! I believe so as well! I learned a lot from Tolle myself 😁 thanks for the support!!
Hope Neil will do a UA-cam chanson his recovery journey and continue sharing experience strength and hope
He will be back for sure! And you can hear his entire story, search for “Talking insomnia 45” 👍
thank you for giving me hypochandria sir!!!!!!!!!!
Hi there succubus in the bus! Thanks for taking the time to comment and do let us know if anything here was scary! This channel is really about reassuring anyone worried about sleep... best!
Wonderful conversation there :D such a great presentation of mindfulness from Niel too - to sit like the mountain :D Very inspiring.
I loved how Neil presented mindfulness in this straight forward, personal way. I'm so grateful to have this episode here. And for encouraging comments like yours!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Could you reach out to Neil to ask the name of this meditation guru? 🙏 Would be interesting to know.
@@mrmike9959 done!
@@mrmike9959 hey michael.his name is doron,lives in israel
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks Daniel - appreciated :)
Wow!!!! Incredible. I thought I had spent money trying to solve my issue! Just amazing. So happy he is recovered. This is amazing stuff-what he says about accepting who you are is such great advice!
TSA, thanks so much for this super encouraging comment! You know right after we stopped recording Neil asked me if I thought he did OK, I said it was great (!) and this is just one little confirmation that it was amazing!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 he was amazing! He is so insightful! And he suffered so deeply; if he recovered, anyone can!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 you’re welcome!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 how many days he go without sleep do you know?
Hi Rochelle, I can’t remember exactly but I think it was many days… which can seem so scary! But seeing that he’s safe and well, I think this can help make us see that there’s not actual threat or danger
Neil is definitely an Epicurean!
Haha yes!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I'm glad I caught his livestream today. He was chock full of good information and practical advice.
👍🏻
NLP is neuro linguistic programming
Really amazing interview with Neil. He is absolutely right. It reminded me of two quotes I like: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
And the other one is: all you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you (Tolkien).
This reminds me that I don 't want to spend my days worrying about sleep. I cannot force it. I cannot fight an enemy that doesn't exist. A couple of years ago I lost my mother. And last year I became a mother myself and I want to enjoy my time that is given to me (because you don 't know when you're time has come. Like with my mother way to soon). And I can choose to do so and let the anxiety and thoughts come and go. They can be there.
Karin, thanks so much for sharing this... this is the gold in the comments the channel has been complimented for 😊
We can let things be... it may require some education and some understanding first, but then we can let things be and wonderful things come to us.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks! Yes i totaly agree that education is important. First I did not understand what was happening and I was often researching and looking for answers and solutions. Therefor I am greatful that I found your channel. Everything fell into place once I started learning. And you're school of Natto is something that has great value and really can help people. It puts us in the right direction.
Definitely the one element I forget sometimes is to observe my thoughts rather than associate with them (by way of practice, not to get sleep). I'm confused a lot by this, though, which causes me more anxiety and self-loathing. I know nothing makes me sleep other than being awake; however, it just feels like I'll never truly get it. Even if I don't dwell on it all day, I don't have a lot of thing I enjoy (17 years of Depression). So it's hard to know what to do when insomnia strikes. I have a lot of issues with building upon the things I've learned (have difficult with self-learning), so I get nervous I'll simply never understand it all, or will forget large parts of the practical advice. Also, if you have any ideas of how to apply this to my actual Depression or GAD, I'd be all ears too.
Hi Stephen,
You know, seeing self loathing is I think such a big step towards change and self kindness 🙂
You know the way I have found to tie things together is to think about signals:
Our brains communicate with us using various signals. Worry thoughts are signals intended to make us safe from a potential threat. Anxiety is a signal that there’s something we should look out for that may potentially hurt us. Pain signals to us that we are getting hurt and we should do something to avoid harm. All our emotions and physical sensations are signals.
Now there’s never anything wrong with the signal itself. For example if someone is afraid of spiders, the fear is totally appropriate, because the brain thinks that there’s a real threat.
Now what happens often however is that we start looking at the signals as the problem, not seeing that it’s the confusion that is what we should look at!
For example, we may start to think that anxiety (a signal) is something that we shouldn’t have so much of. Then what happens is that we try to get away from this signal, which to the brain means… we aren’t hearing the signal!
What does the brain do when we aren’t hearing? It sends more of the signal!
The more we don’t want to be anxious, the more of this signal we get. The more we don’t want to be sad, the more depressed we feel. The more we want to not have repetitive behaviors, the more tics we have.
Now the question becomes this - the signals often are very unpleasant (which is of course the point!) so how to have less signal?
It’s to show the brain that we hear the signal.
We do this by being willing to experience the discomfort without judgement, without trying to make it stop, just acknowledging it without action.
When the brain sees that we are hearing the signal, it stops signaling!
So how can we listen in practical reality? Here are three ways!
1 Thought download
Write your thoughts and feelings down for 10 minutes daily at a specific time. With no intention but to show the brain we are listening. This can really give the brain an outlet and you can find that it starts postponing warning you until this time.
2 Going there in the mind
Imagine the scenario the brain is trying to warn you about. This is a bit scary, but really shows that you’re listening! For example if the brain says “what if I you get fired?” then you can imagine this in detail. The call from your boss, leaving the work place etc.
When we are willing to experience something if even just in our minds, then the brain sees that we listen.
3 The Aha method
I think this is very practical and effective. When you have a stressful thought you go “Aha! My brain is trying to warn be about losing my job. I see what’s happening here” or “Aha! My bear is racing, that’s normal and expected when there’s some fear!”
Literally any thoughts or emotions or physical sensations of hyperarousal can be met with an “Aha!”. It’s a very practical way of listening.
I dunno about the health effects. Before I had chronic insomnia I was healthy, and now I am getting more and more insulin resistant with prediabetes and terrible bloodwork that was good before all this. There are studies relating lack of sleep to insulin resistance. I eat a really good diet as well that hasn't changed and all the doctors I see say it is probably the lack of sleep causing my high blood sugars and terrible blood work. Could you maybe make a video about that please? I don't like to rock the boat but this is important to me, and I don't know how I am supposed to get rid of the fear of insomnia when it makes me feel like crap, shout at my kids and probably at this rate will shorten my life span. I feel like I am doomed to always have that voice in my head telling me that yep, no sleep tonight again and then that is it.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3767932/
I have these like 3 nights like hypersleep . But then when I went home stay awake lying on bed the whole night . I’m just trying to tell my self it’s okay .
I think this helps so much Jay, self kindness, just being there, supporting ourselves… then things get easier 🙂
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you coach . I have this worry . How will I go back to work . I am teacher my class will start at 7 am this morning . I have this courage to go back to work even though if I will sleep or not . Do you think coach it will help ?
Anytime Jay, and you know, I’ll say that many many have found it really helpful to have an obligation like work, it can lead us to see that we can do fine even when we don’t sleep much - which removes much pressure
Hi I have been on medicine to sleep for 17 years. I want to leave the medicine but very scared of insomnia
Hi Ruchica, being scared of not sleeping, being scared of being awake, this truly is insomnia… and you know, I think you can find much here that can help.
Hi Neil. Great insight thanks. I have started to be mindful and noticed some improvements in my days . Very zig zag. How long did it take you with being mindful to notice some significant improvements?
Hi Bijal. It needs a lot of patience to retrain your brain or change the way you contact with your thoughts. Anyhow meditation will not put you down to sleep,if you meditate to reach anything you missed the idea behind meditation and mindfulness.
Just be quiet with yourself and listen to your thoughts and feelings as an observer will improve many aspects of life in the long term.
@@neilfishman1138 hi Neil can I connect with you of here?
@@bijalmemories sure thing,you can write me here or email to neil_fishman@icloud.com
Hei after years of insomnia does anyone develop dark circle and big eye bag? I am still young but my eyebag and dark circle is so you know unpleasant to even look at my face. If you recover will it go away? Or should i accept it like battle scar? also i watch this episode and i find a lot of people actually who have meditated everyday has the same experience but i dont know how and the guide to meditating. any book that mr neil use ? because i think his guru is the one guiding him.
Hi Chen! Yes I think applying the battle scar analogy is really helpful.. really everything resolves when you abandon the battle 👍 and you know, I have found Pema Chodron super helpful. I highly recommend “Start here you are” it’s wonderful.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 oh so its budhist teaching ?
Yes! You know, Natto or Buddhism or mindfulness meditation, it’s really all the same teachings. The more you are trying to get rid of the discomfort, the more trouble you have. When you are willing to experience it, you become liberated and the trouble fades!
I started getting more sleep and eyes do recover. Everyday my dark circles are fading.
Glad things are getting easier Natasha! When we understand and we are kind to ourselves and let things be… nice things happen 😊
Insomnia is such a horrible thing, it can completely ruin your life. I'm struggling now. Just stumbled across your channel. All I want is to sleep normally. Is that too much to ask?
Stop asking for that,it will ask for you.
Go through Daniel’s videos here,i’m sure you’ll get some tools to work with.
If after viewing them you feel like needing more support or personal guides download BedTyme.
@@neilfishman1138 Just watched this episode. This has given me a renewed perspective. Hopefully I can be, instead of be what my thoughts and emotions want me to be,
Hi Mohammed! I'm very happy you stumbled across the channel and you landed on a great episode! You know, just browse the playlists and the content and I'm sure you'll be on a very nice path soon!!
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Wow I needed this am fine this has no power over me