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CCJmusic - Original Music & Backing Tracks
United States
Приєднався 30 січ 2016
ccjmusic is the place to find videos made by me to support the music I make. I make original music and backing tracks for others to play along with. I also post the occasional practice video.
CCJ is:
Colin Jones - Synthesizer, Guitar and Effects, and Video content and editing.
My musical style is mostly Ambient, Krautrock, Soundscape or Chillout music, but there are a few other styles mixed in, think music that plays during a movie's end credits, or during non-verbal scenes in movies.
100+ albums of original music and/or backing tracks can be downloaded for "name your own price" from Bandcamp.com at
ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/
Channels on UA-cam that have helped me on my journey include:
Robert Clark - ua-cam.com/channels/Opa-Mbq-uppsoJM8HZD6ZQ.html
Ian Craig - ua-cam.com/channels/sW51dYYnDwtNueNwv4H1Ug.html
Pianote - ua-cam.com/channels/_DmCvOP5Q_eBMRDvqqRXjg.html
#OriginalMusic #BackingTracks #CCJmusic
CCJ is:
Colin Jones - Synthesizer, Guitar and Effects, and Video content and editing.
My musical style is mostly Ambient, Krautrock, Soundscape or Chillout music, but there are a few other styles mixed in, think music that plays during a movie's end credits, or during non-verbal scenes in movies.
100+ albums of original music and/or backing tracks can be downloaded for "name your own price" from Bandcamp.com at
ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/
Channels on UA-cam that have helped me on my journey include:
Robert Clark - ua-cam.com/channels/Opa-Mbq-uppsoJM8HZD6ZQ.html
Ian Craig - ua-cam.com/channels/sW51dYYnDwtNueNwv4H1Ug.html
Pianote - ua-cam.com/channels/_DmCvOP5Q_eBMRDvqqRXjg.html
#OriginalMusic #BackingTracks #CCJmusic
Graphite (Full Album) - CCJ (2016)
I thought I would upload a full album of music as one upload today, and what better one to choose that my personal favorite album of those I've made over the years. This one is from 2016.
00:00. Graphite Part 1
12:00. Graphite Part 2
22:00. Graphite Part 3
"Graphite" available as always on Bandcamp at:
ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/graphite
#ccjmusic #originalmusic #berlinschool #fullalbum
00:00. Graphite Part 1
12:00. Graphite Part 2
22:00. Graphite Part 3
"Graphite" available as always on Bandcamp at:
ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/graphite
#ccjmusic #originalmusic #berlinschool #fullalbum
Переглядів: 15
Відео
Patterns Part II - CCJ (2005)
Переглядів 207 годин тому
I thought it was time to upload something old again today. What better than something that will be 20 years old this year. Created in Garageband on my old Mac, this was part of my experimenting with layering loops and combining audio loops with MIDI loops. From the album "Patterns" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/patterns-2005 #ccjmusic #musicacrossthemiles #originalmusic
Terraformer 2 - CCJ
Переглядів 9916 годин тому
"Terraformer 2" from the album "Terraformer" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/terraformer #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient #musicacrossthemiles
Terraformer - CCJ
Переглядів 27716 годин тому
"Terraformer" from the album "Terraformer" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/terraformer #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient #musicacrossthemiles
VST test using "Tangram" sequence.
Переглядів 8321 годину тому
I was doing some playing around testing some new VSTs I added to my VCV Rack setup and what better way to test than to use the World's best sequence. This us a sequence from Tangerine Dream's "Tangram" album. All rights belong to Tangerine Dream and their publishers, no copyright infringement intended.
Adrift Under A Starlit Sky - CCJ
Переглядів 207День тому
"Adrift Under A Starlit Sky" from the album "Organic" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/organic #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient #musicacrossthemiles
The Disturbance - CCJ
Переглядів 151День тому
"The Disturbance" from the album "Organic" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/organic #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient #musicacrossthemiles
Freaky Friday - Today's experiment
Переглядів 43День тому
Playing around with some new VSTs I discovered and also trying out a method for disabling modules in VCV Rack to save on CPU power this morning. This doesn't test out the disab;e method, but I did verify it works and I can turn on and off the oscillators and the effects individually without screwing up the signal path. I need to now try and implement this method into the Mega Synth project to s...
In The Darkness - CCJ (see description **)
Переглядів 132День тому
"In The Darkness" from the album "Organic" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/organic This version has a problem with the audio. I couldn't figure it out until after I uploaded this. I have made a new longer recording without the problem that is on the album on Bandcamp. If you want to here the better version, you can from the link here. #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient...
Organic - CCJ
Переглядів 12914 днів тому
"Organic" from the album "Organic" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/organic #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #darkambient #musicacrossthemiles
Jamuary - CCJ
Переглядів 4614 днів тому
Finally got round to doing a jam video for "Jamuary". Not the most inspired jam video I've done, but I wanted to upload something before I forgot. I was having triggering issues so the SH-4d wasn't getting triggered or playing anything at times. Oh well. #ccjmusic #originalmusic #jamuary #jamuary2025
Layer Cake - CCJ
Переглядів 5314 днів тому
"Layer Cake" from the album "Sequencer Dance" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/sequencer-dance #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #melodicambient #musicacrossthemiles
Nature Beckons - CCJ
Переглядів 6221 день тому
"Nature Beckons" from the album "Sequencer Dance" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/sequencer-dance #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #berlinschool #musicacrossthemiles
Sam Jamwich - another experimental track
Переглядів 16921 день тому
A live jam combining four hardware synths and a guitar. I need to try and figure out a better way to be able to alter the synth sounds while still holding the guitar. But I was mostly trying out the connections to discrete effects on each channel from my interface. A nice bit of Monday morning chaos to wake me up. #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #experimentalmusic #musicacrossthemiles
18i16 - CCJ
Переглядів 3821 день тому
"18i16" from the album "Subterranean" available on Bandcamp at: ccjmusic1.bandcamp.com/album/subterranean #OriginalMusic #CCJmusic #experimentalmusic #musicacrossthemiles #darkambient
Great album and demonstration of your talent man. The collection sounds awesome. Some great alchemy of Berlin School, Synthwave and dark soundscapes. Great work!!
Thanks Fred! As I mentioned in the description, this is my favorite of my albums. I need to do something like this again soon. Problem is I'm still in experimentation mode and keep getting distracted by experimenting with VCV Rack in combination with the hardware I have.
hi Colin, I'm working on this composition to fill in guitar layers ... I hope you dont mind.. it's going to be the full length ..so not a miserly 3 minutes.. can I use this video art clip to go with it? of course I will keep the logo in it and all references to your work and link to your channel..I can send you the finished project when in mp4 format if you like so you can have your say about it...
@@JohnGSchuur Hi John, feel free to use any of my videos for your music. No need to keep the logo in (in fact I don't think it is a part of a download anyway). You can just mention I created it in the description, that is what others have done. A couple have added the fact within the video itself, but that was something they decided to do and certainly isn't necessary. I don't need to see the video first either. Just upload as you would any of your videos. 😀
Wonderful, Colin! What a beautiful journey through time with modern sounds! I felt like I was in a TD session! But also, at the beginning, my crazy memories also led me to remember that album called AUTOMAT by that old Italian duo, which blew my mind!!! And this one of yours, it's a beautiful album, my friend! It has the spirit of Froese, Baumann, Franke, Schulze and others who left their marks on Tangerine Dream, along with your great creative spirit!
Thank You Aldo! Your comment means the world to me as you listed the people I have always looked up to and wanted to emulate. When I created this album I thought I didn't have anywhere else to go musically. Happily I have taken a much longer journey than I ever expected.
Hui! Good Berlin sequences! My favorite: Part 2. No, Part 1. Or Part 3? I do not know, but a great work! Best Frank...
Thanks Frank! I think my favorite is still Part 1. It was a track that was included on a fan contribution Klaus Schulze tribute album a few years ago.
@@ccjmusic POV: Part 1 is a little bit Klaus, Part 2 is a little bit Edgar, and part 3 is a littel bit Jean-Michel. Klaus was a very likeable musician, humble and friendly. I liked him and was lucky enough to see him live.
Hi Colin! 😊 Thank you for the full soundtrack, of course excellence in every second. This is somewhat of a throwback too, I remember how Axe would upload some musical genius and then Robert Clark would come along and totally speak to our soul. I hope he knows we love and miss him dearly. ❤️ Thank you Colin! 🫶 I’ll do some Cherry 🍒 Compote topping. Wife said these cherries are bad? I said let me work with them, they’re fine! Just need a little love in the pan and we can use them for topping a fresh home made cheesecake. 😮 So good. One cherry at a time. 😜
Thanks Jim! Yeah they were good times for sure. I wish things had worked out for Axess and he could have found a way to deal with things, but unfortunately we couldn't do enough to bring him through the tough times. I'm really hoping Rob will be back to making music again soon. He is still settling in to his new surroundings and getting things sorted out. I'm sure he knows how much we all miss his real musical talent. I know he worries that people will have given up on him because he hasn't been uploading all the time, but people will wait for talent. The cherry compote sounds really good. I love cherries on cheesecake, you are making my mouth water.
@@ccjmusicThe footsteps remind me so much of Vangelis. Once the headphones went on the depth of your music revealed itself. So good Colin, thank you for the journey.
@@jimshomestudio Thanks for the huge compliment Jim! I always make my music wearing headphones so listening on headphones will always sound the best.
shit
Amazing chance find - the Almighty Algorithm finally got something right!
Thank You! I know what you mean about the algorithm, there are so many channels that are far better than mine that aren't getting the exposure they deserve. If you aren't familiar with them check out Marcus Palt Marcus Palt - The Dark Side No Lake Maurizio Faggion Markus Grandpre Doaltronic Ian Craig Dark Commission fxhoffman Sounds for Today Zio Fender Alba Ecstasy George Munday Dielectric Failure and many others that deserve more exposure.
@@ccjmusic Oh man, that's one helluva list! Nice of you to promote others' channels; I'll give them a go once I've perused your channel. Great content, it gives me a lot of ideas for stuff I could be doing 8D
@@ShiceSquad I'm all about supporting channels that deserve it. There are so many great channels on YT that never get recognized when so many channels get promoted that don't deserve any attention at all. I'll have to head to your channel to check it out.
Your music is a bold exploration of darkness. The atmosphere is dense and oppressive, yet fascinating. You've left me speechless!!!!
Thanks Marco! As I mentioned in my email, I'm creating these longer tracks to help a friend reduce his stress. I hope it helps others too.
@@ccjmusic Yes, I just read your email. I'm sure of this. Music can be a great cure for stress!!
@@IntraMoeniaArt Definitely Marco!
incredible
Thank You! I appreciate your visit.
@@ccjmusic :):)
Even in this case you have achieved incredible results, you have become a real expert with VCV Rack. Congratulations Colin!!!
Thanks Marco! I love the fact I can also load and use a MIDI file and hook it into anything I want in VCV Rack. I wonder how I managed before I discovered it at times.
@@ccjmusic I am uncertain as to when, or indeed if, I will be able to utilize this remarkable software. Every time I attempt to commence work on it, an unforeseen circumstance arises. Today has been particularly arduous, as I have been contending with excruciating neuropathic pain. Despite trying various medications, I have found no relief. I hope to see improvement in the coming days. In the interim, please continue to innovate. Perhaps one day I will be fortunate enough to learn from your expertise.
♥
Thank You! I appreciate you stopping by.
Excellent CJ, love the style 😎
Thanks! I appreciate the visit and comment.
nice video
Thank You! I appreciate you taking the time to watch it.
What a great surprise!
Thanks Markus! This was created 20 years ago as part of a 10 track album.
Spectacular my friend! 💥❤💥
Thanks Aldo! It doesn't feel like 20 years ago I did this. Happy Sunday!
Sounds awesome!! Great job my friend!
Thank You! I appreciate you taking the time to visit.
Eijeijei (this ist german). Cool TD-like sequences!
Thanks Frank! This was from back in 2005 when I was using existing loops to create music. I'm glad I moved into making everything myself now as it is so much more rewarding.
*I just used a similar synth effect in what I uploaded this afternoon. This sounds cool and I like the vibes. 🎥🎶 How you’ve morphed the different sounds works well too!*
Thanks John! This was created in the old version of Garageband 20 years ago. It doesn't seem possible it is that long ago.
@ GarageBand would be nicer if it let you do more for making electronic music. But I liked it. It was a good starting point for me.
@@DielectricFailure It is funny, when Garageband first came out it was definitely focused on electronic music and ease of use in creating tracks. As it progressed it changed things to be far more unfriendly to use and took away all the stuff that made it great in the first place.
@ _I began this channel using GarageBand but I couldn’t do a lot of things I do now like using adaptive EQ, side chains and arpeggiators. 🍀 But I think after I get a laptop in 2 months, I’ll use FL Studio or Ableton since they seem to be the DAW a lot of people use in this type of music._
@@DielectricFailure I just wish Garageband had stayed the way it used to be. When I moved from a Mac to a PC I searched for a DAW that was as logical and easy to use as the original Garageband. What I found was Mixcraft. I started using that at version 6 and have updated it through to version 9 Pro Studio. This has been the only DAW I have found to work for me. I have tried all the others at one time or another and have always returned to Mixcraft. I have tried and rejected Ableton, FL Studio, Pro Tools, Studio One, Bitwig, Reaper, Tracktion, and probably others I don't remember at the moment. They all have there advantages and disadvantages, but if you just want to create music without having to fight the software or spend all your time trying to learn how to use it, then you can't beat Mixcraft if you want a DAW. I have no idea why it seems to get overlooked by so many people and ignored by all the software/hardware companies that create things to work with programs like Ableton or FL Studio. If I hadn't changed the way I work and was still mostly using a DAW I would definitely be using Mixcraft.
👍
Thank You! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I like this SOUND 👏 well done my friend 👍
Thanks Fabio! As always I really appreciate your support.
@@ccjmusic 👍
super la musique séquencer👍👍je compose dans le même style
Whenever I listen to compositions like this, I'm reminded of why I love this genre so much. It instantly makes me want to create similar atmospheres. But then I think, 'Why bother? You're already doing it so well.' There's no point in me trying to replicate something you do so brilliantly. Your work is incredible. I love how the track unfolds, how you've handled every sound, and the rich atmosphere you've created. I could listen to it for hours with my eyes closed, lost in thought. Great job with the video too!
Thanks Marco! Your comments always make me feel really good about my music. I would have to say though that in my eyes, your dark ambient music is far better than anything I could ever do. The true masters of this genre are yourself and Maurizio. You have both really inspired me to create music like this. So I would say, don't ever say "Why bother?", when the fact you upload something could well be the start of somebody else's musical journey. Never underestimate your ability to inspire others in everything you do.
@@ccjmusic Your friendship is really important to me, and even though we only know each other through our music, you're a precious friend to me. I'm doing my best to live up to expectations, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep creating those atmospheres for which I'm recognized. I'll do my best until the last breath, even when my body won't want to obey my mind!
@@IntraMoeniaArt I know I'm not the only one who wants you inspiring us for many many more years Marco.
@ I hope I can do it 🙏🙏💖💖
Terraforming sounds like a dark and hard job! ... Best Frank
It is Frank! Back-breaking work at times. Have a great weekend!
One of my favorite Chris Franke's sequences with the Tangram album. I love this graphic as well.
Thank You! Tangram has been my favorite album ever since it came out. It is the album that made me want to make my own music in the first place.
Envoûtant et passionnant ❤
Thank You Alexandre! I really appreciate you stopping by so often.
In for my morning Joe 😂...this one is gonna do some healing and calm me down two I got heated this morning so win win definitely feeling it! 😂 So cool ccj!! Took to 32:06 to calm me down THANKS CCJ! 😂
Thanks Dave! I'm glad it helped you. That is part of the reason I uploaded two longer tracks recently. Terraformer 2 has a definite skull look to it in places. I see it far more easily than the others you mentioned.
@@ccjmusic yes my friend!! Ya I'll be on the other video tonight I got so much relaxing on this one it's not funny 😂... I got few things to accomplish today after that I'm on your channel and 2bikemikes I got to see his change in Captain America telecaster 😂 love that red white and blue tele man it takes me back to the good old days! ✌️ ccj! And I really thank you for the videos LOVE YOU MAN!!!
@@ElvisPretzel-rv3bg I'll try and make more videos soon Dave. It is a real bonus that they help you.
@@ccjmusic I can't thank you enough ccj!!!!! The change in my life in one week has been magical in the way I'm thinking and eating and sleeping 😂😂 I'm still not ready for Monday but I'll get healed up and on the road to gaining my weight and living instead of dying! You are the best my friend!!! ✌️
Reminds me of floating through cosmic nebulas in deep space
Thank You! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I need to start creating more animations again, I haven't created a nebula animation for a long time again now.
Incroyable ❤❤❤...good job
Thank You! I appreciate the visit and comment.
Magnifique ❤❤❤...j'adhère
Thank You! I appreciate you taking time to listen to my music.
Hello, Colin 😀👋. I came to your channel by our mutual friend Fabio 🙆♂. I am really thrilled by your overwhelming sounding music production and your fascinating video with it 🥰👌👏. Like #8 👍. I gladly sub your channel 👊. See you again, at least tomorrow, mate 🫂💖🙋♂.
Thank You Thomas! Fabio is one talented guy for sure, and a really nice guy with it. I hope you find plenty to enjoy on my channel.
Dear Colin, this piece contains so many interesting sounds, I can really listen myself into another world. As always deeply impressed, Markus
Thanks Markus! I felt like just letting the synth BG take care of itself while I randomly did things with the guitar to create the odd noises. I have loved the idea of odd noises like this from guitar ever since I heard the first Alice Cooper album from 1969. A great example is a track called "10 Minutes Before The Worm" and also "Lay Down And Die, Goodbye", which has been a favorite of mine since the early 70s and is heard here: ua-cam.com/video/y6gQ-twlgr0/v-deo.htmlsi=8bdKYXuDcVCFToIy&t=163
Like 3 for this fantastic atmosphere full of intrigue and mysteries with a really creepy and at the same time captivating sound! 👍 Cheers! 🤗
Thanks Aldo! I love music like this as it let's your mind make it what it wants it to be.
_Very cool drone Colin! The visual to the video is cool too. I’m looking to find new ways to get visuals in my own videos. 🎥 I’m currently using Pexels for unique video clips but looking to get new ideas but I’ll still create my own trippy video effects._
Thanks John! I have a lot of videos on Pexels and wish I could get the same amount of traffic on UA-cam. I average around 120,000 to 150,000 views a day and have had close to 85 million views total on there now. I could probably make some money on there if I had a verified PayPal account, but I don't want to expose my bank account info online, so I haven't verified it.
Awesome like a horror film background music.
Thanks Rob! It is funny how things like this can both give a feeling of unease as in a horror movie, but also a sense of relaxation when just letting your mind wander while listening.
Colin! The simplicity of this track is disarming... really well balanced!
Thank You Maurizio! I am finishing up another video that will have a synth BG with odd guitar noises over it.
_I like it! Have you thought about using Distrokid? As I understand it… you pay $25/year and they take a small cut but your music gets on a lot more platforms._
Another beautiful performance and sound 👏 well done my friend
Thanks Fabio! The next one combines synths and random guitar
música y atmósfera perfectas para meditar.
Thank You! I'm glad it is useful for you.
Great atmosphere to set a well-relaxed meditation!
Thanks Aldo! More to come today with a lot of odd noises from the guitar on it.
@@ccjmusic 💪
Great music
Thanks George! There is a nice weird one on its way later today.
I’m the 9th like Colin! Cool progression you made. Soon, I’ll be uploading a bunch of short songs to experiment with different parameters so I hope you’ll get to checking them out. Enjoy your Monday!
Cool John! I'll look for them when you upload them. This track is made using a MIDI file of the sequence from a Tangerine Dream track cal;led "Tangram". It is my favorite album
pretty cool track, sounds very catchy
Thank You! I can't take the credit though, it is a MIDI file of an existing sequence by Tangerine Dream. I just set the sounds and did some modulation to it.
Wow, this is Berlin School of its best! I am very impressed! Yours, Markus
Thank You Markus! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I need to try and get better at Berlin School for sure.
It is already very good. Keep up your good work!
@@MarkusGrandpre Thanks Markus!
Wonderful video plus wonderful tangerine music, so: a wonderful production... although very brief!!
Thanks Aldo! Yes, it was short because I was just doing a quick test and didn't want to make it long enough that I had to add more too it to stop it from getting boring. Plus I didn't want to get it taken down because of copyright issues. I was trying out a plug-in that makes the sound get closer and further away.
@@ccjmusic
Tangram is and remains a great song!
Definitely Frank. As I said before it is my favorite album.
Definitely the hardest puzzle in the world 😂... I love putting my headphones on and closing my eyes and getting lost and into the best journey my mind can take me two... So I went through so much stress losing all my kids when they moved off so suddenly it caused me to get serious anxiety from what me and Cindy had to deal with we almost lost everything here and that is contributing to my drastic weight loss I come to find out when I was in the ER Friday I have to clear my mind and use other methods other than drugs because they want me on drugs!! I said no go stick it where the sun doesn't shine!! I'm using your great tracks to clear my mind and bring me to a better day that I hope I can achieve sooner than later and gain my darn weight back! You are number one in my book ccj and you are number one at sending people to places they have never been before with your great Tracks you are truly a professional with your work my friend!
Thanks Dave! I'm glad my music helps you reduce some stress. You have sure had more than your fair share of it. I hope things get better for you again soon.
R and R at its best! Awesome ccj!!
Thanks Bubbles! I hope things are going well today.
@ccjmusic LMAO!!! Tomorrow at 12:30 the fun begins I'll be blowing big bubbles that's for sure!! 😂
@@ElvisPretzel-rv3bg I hope it goes well Dave
@@ccjmusic Hay ccj! Thanks man!!! All heck broke loose I'm in ticked off mode they cancelled my surgery today because someone with more of an emergency colon surgery took it I'm still waiting for them to call on my rescheduling it really sucks you know what they told me 😂 go to the ER if it gets worse!!! 😂 I said he'll to the no I want a real surgeon not a ER kwack so I'm in the tub every couple of hours easing up the pressure sitting and spinning waiting on them now.. crazy... Good thing though that makes me feel good though my neck is ordered I got a real good one with nice vintage tuners and a real nice fretboard 😂.... ✌️
@@ElvisPretzel-rv3bg Jeez! I hope you managed to get it rescheduled for soon. I thought you were talking about YOUR neck for a second there. lol I'm glad there is something that helps you. I uploaded another long track yesterday and and finishing up the video for another today. Hopefully they will also help you relax some. The second one that is rendering now has some more imaginary images in it.
Beautiful SOUND 👏 well done my friend 👍
There's a new job near me 👍
Thanks Fabio! I love TD and this track in particular, so using the sequence from it seemed like a good idea for a test. New Job??
I love the Indian sounds in your music very much, dear Colin. Today's experiment has succeeded. Yours, Markus
Thank You Markus! I will be experimenting with a handpan VST soon. I miss hearing you play yours.
I miss myself playing the handpan, too... I'm very busy with my mother at the moment. She refused to go into a nursing home for a long time, but over Christmas her condition got worse and worse, so i first had to organize outpatient care and then inpatient care for her. In Germany that means a lot of bureaucracy: numerous forms and phone calls, especially because my mother can't pay for her care herself and is dependent on state aid. Fortunately, as she is now living in a care home for a week her situation is improving. Her physical condition is much better than it was three weeks ago when she was dehydrated and severely undernourished. She now lives in the same care home as my father does, and the funding for her care has also been sorted out. However, her mental state is still very poor. Today she just told me to go to hell. I'm already familiar with these outbursts although I haven't yet learned to deal with these situations sensitively. At some point I will have to leave her and I admire my father so much, who is lovingly looking after her. For years my mother has been suffering from untreated episodes of depression and delusions, which are now making her life a hell. She suffers from blindness and pain, even though she is barely blind and suffers only a little pain. When I look at her daily dose of painkillers, I think she shouldn't actually be in any pain. Moreover, she pretends to be dying, but she isn't dying at all. This situation is hard for her, for my father and for me, and I very much hope that she will recover in the nursing home and regain some quality of life. At some point she will have to die, and then she will not be alone and will be well cared for. I think I did a good job, even if my mother doesn't want to or can't see that. I am glad that I could place her in the same care home my father uses to live in for almost two years now. Apart from the fact that he is in a wheelchair and can no longer go to the toilet on his own, my father is still very healthy at 90 years old and takes great care of his wife who is a bit younger than him. Over the last months and especially the last weeks, I've been taking the train to my hometown (and back) so many times, and apart from a few vacation days I had to take to organize a few things locally, I've been working full time. I am now quite tired, but also quite shocked by my mother's bad condition. She is very stubborn and has avoided admitting her deficits and having them treated for years. So last Christmas everything came at once: she stopped eating and drinking and just lay in bed all day long. I blame myself for not taking her to a home sooner, but I accepted her will not to change her life situation until I finally had to. I also suffered a lot during the last months and making music was always a welcome distraction. Since last few days, when my mother is now living in a care home, I notice how I slowly start to worry less and clear my head for other things again. It won't be long before I start playing my synthesizers and my handpan again. I'm already looking forward to the summer when I'll be playing the handpan again for some friends and walkers. Which handpan in which tuning did you order, dear Colin? How long will you wait for delivery? Yours, Markus