- 14
- 365
JennWithTwoNs
Canada
Приєднався 14 жов 2011
Just a place for me to talk about my life and feelings and things. Mostly just going to sit around and use this place as a verbal journal.
Topics will include anxiety and depression, divorce, weight loss, relationships, family and general life sort of things.
I don't expect many people to find this channel or to watch any of the videos. I just need an outlet for my brain junk that is not a written journal. Written journals keep me in my head.
Basics about me:
- Canadian
- CIS White Female (she/her pronouns)
- Pansexual
- Separated
- Late-40's
- College Educated
- IT Career
- No children
Topics will include anxiety and depression, divorce, weight loss, relationships, family and general life sort of things.
I don't expect many people to find this channel or to watch any of the videos. I just need an outlet for my brain junk that is not a written journal. Written journals keep me in my head.
Basics about me:
- Canadian
- CIS White Female (she/her pronouns)
- Pansexual
- Separated
- Late-40's
- College Educated
- IT Career
- No children
My Childhood Pre-Adoption Story
Today I took some time to go over the timeline of major events in my early childhood before I was adopted at age 7. There are some trigger warnings for this video. While I don't go into detail, I do mention the following: Death, Cancer, Child Abuse, Addiction, and Mental Health. It can be a bit heavy but at the end of the video, I look through some old photos that I'm very fortunate to have as an adopted person and it definitely ends on a happy note!
Переглядів: 15
Відео
Anxiety & Depression Confessions
Переглядів 805 місяців тому
Today I talk about my anxiety disorder and depression and how it has been impacting my life. I keep it honest and confess some things that are pretty difficult for me but I promised that I would be 100% truthful. I never considered my anxiety disorder a disability or something that needed formal accommodations but I think I'm a point where I am.
Four Facebook Photos Derailed My Weight Loss Journey For A Day
Переглядів 96 місяців тому
Saw some pictures of myself on Facebook today and was shocked by just how out of synch what I see in the mirror and what these pictures looked like are. Spent a pile of time in tears, trying to reconcile how I could be so misguided in my view of myself. Is this how others see me? Am I in massive denial? Has my hard work been for nothing? Definitely questioning my weight loss journey today. I go...
They Went Back On Their Word - Return to Office
Переглядів 186 місяців тому
I posted a video a couple of months ago pondering the possibility of me having to sleep in my car to keep my job. Turns out that the answer to that is yes. Sometime this spring I will have to return to the office 3 days a week after 4 years of working from home. This means I will be sleeping in my car. Discussing how the return to office mandate impacts my life, my job search and the potential ...
Chasing & People Pleasing. I Can't Seem to Break the Cycle
Переглядів 138 місяців тому
I'm a people pleaser and a chaser. It leads me to feeling anxious as well as adds to my depression and isolation tendencies. I don't know how to fix this at all and it has been weighing heavy on my mind this week. I know it's cyclical behaviour that stems from early childhood. I feel powerless to stop it but I definitely want to. Suggestions and thoughts, are welcome. Just as a note, in this vi...
Resolution Hater Makes Some New Years' Resolutions!
Переглядів 78 місяців тому
I don't like making resolutions for the new year. Why set yourself up for failure like that? But this period of my life is about looking forward, making positive changes, healing, and stepping way out of my comfort zone. So I made some resolutions. Let's see if I can make any of them happen! #healingjourney #newyear2024
How Do I Fill My Home With Love?
Переглядів 128 місяців тому
My couch has arrived and now I have a home but it's lacking in love. I feel ... off about it all. Not quite sure how to put it into words but I tried to do so in this video. #healingjourney #lifeafterdivorce
No Kids. Did I Fail At Being A Woman?
Переглядів 199 місяців тому
I'm in my head about how I don't have kids. Society says I'm supposed to have at least one child. I have none. Did I fail at being a woman? I feel like an utter failure. I'm pretty angry with myself for wasting so much of my life by staying in that marriage for so long. #healingjourney #womanhood
Physical Health Update & What I Ate Today
Переглядів 79 місяців тому
Just documenting the changes and feelings in my body since I started walking regularly 2 months ago. I've also included a list of what I ate today just so I have a record of it. I'm not counting calories or fat or anything but I've listed a typical day's worth of food for me. #healthjourney
Will I Have to Live in My Car to Keep My Job?
Переглядів 179 місяців тому
Yes, there is a very big possibility that I'll have to sleep in my car Monday to Friday when they call us all back into the office after 4 years of working from home. Just talking to prevent an anxiety attack. My generalized anxiety disorder is giving me some struggles recently due to my work situation. Talking about work, return to the office, applying to jobs and how dire things are for peopl...
Wiping Your Butt is Hard When You're Fat
Переглядів 999 місяців тому
I'm sure this video will get me a lot of dates! I'm single now! LOL! Warning I do post pictures of my body while wearing underwear. A frank and honest talk about my weight, health, the fat acceptance community, getting older and my plan for healthier living! I've also included WHY I need to lose weight. I mention two creators that I currently subscribe to in this video. Follow them if you would...
Happy 48th Birthday to Me
Переглядів 229 місяців тому
My first birthday alone in a long while. Also the first birthday that I didn't spend the entire time beating myself up for not showing progress on my 4 life goals. By "alone" I mean without a relationship. I spent time with my mom and my eldest niece. And my friends sent me birthday wishes. Good days are coming in waves and I'm actually feeling hopeful. #healingjourney
Seeing Other People Happy Hurts Sometimes
Переглядів 1710 місяців тому
I'm envious of my friend's fulfilling and story book relationship which makes me a bad friend/person. I want them to be happy and wish nothing but the best for them. But at the same time, I feel jealous and hurt because I don't have the same things. #healingjourney
Pressing the Reset Button on my Life
Переглядів 3010 місяців тому
I'm restarting my life after leaving a 20 year relationship. I talk about how I'm doing a month after the big move out of the marital home. It isn't always easy but I think it's getting better. I'm on a healing journey. Discussions include setting a routing for my health journey. #healingjourney #healthjourney
😈 Promo-SM
Where are you? I'll come put those wheels on for ya!
You’re doing amazing!
Thank you Lisa!! I appreciate the encouragement a lot!! <3
"Promo sm" 💕
🎉happy belated 🎂
Thank you so much 😀
Wow. Thank you for being frank and realistic.
I am speaking unscripted from my heart. Thank you for watching and commenting! It's greatly appreciated!
A&D Ointment, not the cream is amazing, I get chaffing and rashes under my fat rolls. I put it on at night and most of the time it is better by morning. Lume is a miracle thing. I use it in the cracks and crevices. It really does control odor amazingly well. It is like you've said all my issues and fears. I basically have self isolated myself because of my size. I's really enjoying these Vlogs. My issue is my mother, she eats sugar and carbs and salty snacks. I think if I lived alone, I would get into a routine and restrict. I would probably eat everything I wanted when she is gone, but eventually I would. I've been exsposed to Weight watchers and weight loss stuff my whole life. I started drinking TAB when I was 6. I would swipe my moms because it was pop. I also don't believe those big people are lying about being healthy. I didn't start getting sick until I was 36, and then crap started messing up.
I'm glad you're enjoying them and can relate, Toots. I'm using penaten cream for my rashes and to prevent infection. It works great with my skin. It can get everywhere though LOL. The routine is what I'm struggling with. I figure it'll take me a bit to get into one that will work consistently then I'll look at my next steps. I think that anyone who says that obesity is healthy is lying. To themselves and/or to others. It's like smoking. Is smoking healthy? The answer is no. Can you be healthy and smoke? Yes. Will you always be healthy as a smoker? No. Obesity is the same. Leads to a pile of other issues as you age. I literally had no issues carrying this weight until the say I said it all felt different. That was the day I had a hard time getting up off of the floor if I got down there. That was the day that my knees started hurting all of the time. That was the day my breath was laboured when trying to walk on a slight incline. That was the day I had trouble walking up a single flight of stairs. It's different for everyone, of course, but there is a day where it all sort of falls apart.
Really nice seeing you pointing out all the positive things you can appreciate about the gigantic changes! Focusing on that helps a lot with keeping positive. Also not neglecting your feelings, which is important. Keep it going!
Thanks!
I agree with everything Toots said. Also you are not a failure because the ex didn’t want sex. That’s on him. I don’t want to say too much in a public forum, we can chat in LL if you want. I’m not excusing him however it sounds like he may fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum and have some sort of sex repulsion. He’s still an a-hole. You are loved. ❤❤❤
Even if that is the case, communication was necessary
I just want to hug you! Different circumstances but it is like you are talking my feelings. You can feel bad for yourself, and happy for others as well. It doesn't make you a bad person. I felt that same thing at my nieces wedding. I was jealous because my mom and sister got corsages at my nieces wedding and I will never know what it feels like to see my child, or grandchild get married. You are not a bad person because you struggle with things. You could be a bitter old heffer who self isolates, like me! You still have hope, and you are working on bettering yourself to give it another try, that is everything. Love ya!🫂
The default is jealous = bad. I'm sure if my friend knew I was jealous it would make him not want to talk to me.
💗💗💗 Super proud of you Jenn! You inspire me to want to do better too.
Thank you! I'm hoping I can keep moving forward