Відео

What is CBT?

In my experience CBT allows me to hold space for it not invalidate it. It's people who are uninformed or think they are above it- even fellow people experiencing similar kinds of trauma that overstep these basic things that make it feel most invalidating

So very true. I had been told I am being over sensitive so much of my life I began to believe that I was. Now I’m trying to fix that.

I don't think this is about the CBT I'm thinking of...

Helpful presentation. It's important to get a physical check too, sometimes there are physical ailments contributing to the burnout too.

I pause at 0:31 often think "Am I ok to do this", and this 30 seconds I prompt myself to look back at my past... I probably was afraid to take the initiative and be the first to engage with an activity... I was afraid I would be punished if I guessed the wrong action... I was often punished, across my life, in childhood and adulthood, for not choosing what them outsiders of myself would expect. Outsiders including but not limited to my parents, teachers and other socially assigned authority personnel. Some say, "Dont let their words bother you" and it is not the words they say, but the things they do... to me... for me... around me... punishments hurt, sometimes physically. Cops tackle me last month, for example, one football pitch outside of my home. I was locked up for three or so days... because I was too loud for them. I never purposefully hurt people. They hurt me. My existence seems to terrify them. I hide away, afraid of the outside peoples, real threats to my life and wellbeing, afraid of another cop being called on me. Most any other human can hurt me, out there, as they reject my choices. Untrusted People are terrifying. Every morning to get up and look forward to something? Almost never, for years. 6 years and counting. The one day I do look forward, is the day I move away from my noisy, judgemental, threatening-to-call-cops neighbors. Moving day coming VERY soon... and payday I like too, so I can go buy things. I story share. Not wanting anything. I have impulsive word production. I have to choose not to speak, more than I choose to let it all out. Well shoot this is me defending my reason for commenting. Spur of the moment choice to not remain silent. The defensive reflex to defend myself is existing in everytime I comment... Defending my commenting (a reflex to the reminders of punishment scenarios, is strong, and hard to resist. I remind myself, I dont need to defend me here... the hurt is often in other videos, not yours. I appreciate this safe space. You help me validate myself. This one video, you helped me. My self-reflection made clear why I dont willingly and consciously do a lot of stuff. I feel joy as I think to myself, go on Green... jump ahead and do stuff I wanna do. I can try something new.

So true!

Especially since recovering from Autism is not possible short of getting an actual brain transplant and somehow surviving it :)

I needed that. ❤

Hard agree

I like this idea a lot. Outside motivation does motivate me, but it feels like pressure and i can only do it for so long. When I've been able to get away from the pressure, i have found my own motivation and accomplished some really cool things

This. It is nice to see why people treated me the way they did, and it helped me have compassion for them. That and autism can cause physical ailment, studies have shown it pairs with IBS and hyper mobility often. Knowing a possible root cause makes helping other things easier.

Hard relate.

You may have help me realize, that positive experiences dont imprint a strong memory in me. Negative experiences imprint such a strong memory, I cant forget my traumas even if I tried my best to forget, they are rock solid like footprints in concrete. I have to work hard to find positive memories. Those memories are as elusive as seeing an owl flying at night. Like a needle in a haystack. My mind really is different than most other peoples.

So important is explaining "how they work and why they matter" I have zero recollection of my parents explaining why some social traditions were important. I have recollection of my mom ordering me to not ask "why" questions, so the reasoning they had behind so many irrelevant-to-me tasks, gave me no value in those tasks, and I left the nest and dumped all those traditions as the parental punishments and rewards systems went away as I moved out. To get me to do things I dont wish to do, give me motivations (other than punish/reward) so I'd be willing to do any of those uninteresting tasks. Explaining the importance behind the task (aside from my parents common "because I said so") is so vital to getting someone to do something.

Im mind-blown and suddenly filled with hope, thank you!

I’ve made a dent in my meltdowns and my stress. It’s from the book “hardwiring happiness” by Rick Hanson. It’s really easy to do. I just ‘enhance’ the pleasurable feelings I experience during the day as outlined in the book. I have more spoons and less stress. It’s not about trying to ‘fix’ the stress. It’s because of evolution that our brains are Velcro for bad, and Teflon for good. This book is like affirmative action for the ‘good’.

I’ve made a dent in my meltdowns and my stress. It’s from the book “hardwiring happiness” by Rick Hanson. It’s really easy to do. I just ‘enhance’ the pleasurable feelings I experience during the day as outlined in the book. I have more spoons and less stress. It’s not about trying to ‘fix’ the stress. It’s because of evolution that our brains are Velcro for bad, and Teflon for good. This book is like affirmative action for the ‘good’.

Thank you. So what I’m framing it as is a cookie 🍪 that helps others recall positive feelings. I did not know how to define an Information Loop until you described it as not wanting to feel like you’re speaking to a void. That hit a personal memory of mine where I kept working hard for a group of people and no one said thank you for my hard work, it felt like I was sending out all my work into a void. I would like to use the concept of “echo” whereby we need an echo back to even know that we reached someone else. Or maybe an alien planet. I’d like to know more about writing a personal letter to someone who has had a positive influence.

My boss always starts meetings with "how are you?" and I always have to remind myself "he's an American, he doesn't actually want to know" and I just say "fine and you?", but I silently wish we didn't have to play this social game. And I know that in USA it's just same as saying hi, but in my native country nobody will ask you that unless they really want to know.

I always saw thank you notes as superficial, but maybe because my love language is not words but actions (reciprocation, caring, empathy, consistency), but I'm always curious how others see it, so thank you for the deep-dive. Did I just say thank you? Oops, but until they discover how to hug someone through the phone screen it will have to do, so thank you :)

My meltdowns, once started, will drain themselves out... but if people add more stressors while the meltdown is going on... they can make the meltdown worse, and last longer. It hurts.

I lost count how many times I have tried to explain this same exact thing, to so many people... They refuse to recognize this reality. Some are family members, some are medical doctors, and some are the people triggering my meltdowns. It's so infuriating how many times I get in trouble for what I do not choose! I tell them to reduce the stress, and they refuse! Argh. You are so right, you are so accurate. I wish everyone understood... I did not choose that!

Are they incapable of also having tantrums?

Meltdowns may be a stress reaction, and we need to prevent them from happening. They exaust and push people away.

My meltdowns can be caused by too much sensory overload, unexpected change, complex PTSD flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and some other things.

Thank you so much for this… you’ve explained it beautifully ❤

This can be so true for me sometimes.

Makes sense, helpful advice, thanks!

Wow, yeah on all of that! It seems that this is also related to unmasking and getting/being comfortable with it. I haven't heard anyone yet mention the disconnect (and energy drain) between the theoretical person and the reality person. When that has happened, it was so self-disappointing and confusing. I'm the sensitive type, and my (pretty, extroverted, popular) sibling used to "should" on me a lot. My sibling still did as an adult, I had to go non-contact with them for a lot of reasons, it's been very helpful to my overall well-being.

I've lived my whole life not wanting kids. The social pressure to get pregnant to have a kid, is intense. I even had a meltdown, in front of someone, who insisted I should have a kid. I'm in menopause now. So I got more reasons than my own opinion to not have a kid.

Thanks for this! I've been releasing bits of self-blame, and it really does help, along with giving me more compassion and understanding of others.

Hi Heather, I can relate to this because my career/field of work of the past 30 years is not at all what I wanted, and I don't really want people to think that it is.

I so agree.

I was diagnosed last year at age 54 with ADHD and I'm sure I'm also autistic. I'm especially noticing my sensory needs, and recognising that they are *needs* but it's hard to let go of others' perceptions of me in order to meet them. At the tree nursery with my two closest friends the other day I happened to touch a tree that felt amazing, I could have stayed there stroking it for ages, I really wanted to stay there stroking it for ages, I'm sure it would have been good for me to have done so, but even with my closest friends I'm so aware of how weird that looks. I'm also pretty sure the CFS I was diagnosed with 20+ years ago is severe burnout, and it's getting worse. It's a struggle to do just the everyday basics to keep me and the animals fed and cared for. I don't know how I'd ever be able to get the time to rest as much as I'd need to recover. I feel better for a day and do some extra stuff and them I'm right back into exhaustion again :( Thanks for the video!

So true!

Yeah.

Yeah.

My 'timing' has always been outside of expected parameters. A large chunk of my overbearing anxiety is caused by others wanting me to go faster. If I go faster, I trip, make more mistakes, and dont feel good.

Yes, good points!

I had a similar situation happened to me. I got hired for this company that helps people with disability. I thought it was a dream job for me even though the pay was less it did not matter to me. I was happy. Then tragedy struck for 4 years never had COVID until I worked for the company. I came back and got fired. Their reason was I was not a good fit. No one had a conversation about how I should improve instead they fired me. I was devastated I struggled looking for a job for 4 months. My daughter advised me that I needed to go for a psychological Evaluation which I did. So now my new diagnosis is Autism and ADHD @ 54 on top of being deaf/HOH. Did I know I had Autism not at the time, but as I reflect back I realize oh boy how did I not know?

👍👍👍👍👍

I was under the impression that everyone else was stupid. It sounds narcissistic, but it's literally just a way I've tried to rationalize my reality. Other people seem to get overwhelmed, confused & upset over really simple things that I very easily understand & accept. I don't know how else to explain that. Other people also often seem to have a very misguided relationship with cause and effect, and are able to compartmentalize in ways that just aren't logically intuitive, and rely heavily on bias. It just comes off as stupid to me.

Thank you for this

This happens a lot with my complex PTSD, along with also being on the autism spectrum.

Yup

Thank you for this

Oh yes the past can hurt, but you can either run from it, or learn from it! Says Rafiki. To deny our past is to repeat our past if we forget how to avoid the bad stuff.

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I often do this with my complex PTSD.