Відео

You have described my brain and many of my efforts I’ve done in my own my entire life. Thank you for listing these ideas in one video. Thank you for your work.

thank you so so much, im in the middle of yet another autistic burnout and this was really helpful. it takes me 3 hours to get out of bed in the morning so im really hoping not thinking about it or pretending im a sim will help.

Thank you for this and to francis spencer for summarizing it in a comment. I found that live streaming Myself.Doing chores works best for me. Kinda like the roleplay strategy, but also gives my phone a task so i cant pick it up and get distracted by it

I think you might have described masking techniques that are actually helpful and therapeutic (which is the opposite of what neuronormative people think of as masking). Thank you for your insight.

Thank you for the information

I have watched a few of your videos. Thank you for talking about PDA. It's really helpful and needed. Me and my son are both PDA'rs ❤

Mom put 2 lists on the refridgerator. One was my normal weekly chores. After I got those done, I could get to the second list, which had lists of chores with prices next to them; and I'd get paid for those I did on that list. I still put a list on the fridge and pick what I want to do. If I have things to do. I might put out items I need to perform the task in the area, then I walk off and when I wander back - I see the stuff there, and just go ahead and do it. I still use Mom's trick of saying... do you want to do #1 or #2? Both of which were things she wanted me to do. Because of my autism and dyspraxia there was a lot of focus on me being able to perform tasks, mask, etc., so you feel like you've always got people watching and judging how and what you are doing. As I got older, Mom & Dad learned to be less overbearing and would have a bit more hands off approach. It was a bit more cooperative. They also learned, if they started working on something, I would come help without being told. So Mom would start folding laundry, I would come and start helping; then she would say 'Oh, I need to do X, Y, X'. and she'd go off. I like to finish things, so I'd say and finish.

Wow such excellent strategies - I was nodding and smiling as you was talking as I was going allot of these unconsciously. Thank you keep sharing!

This is really helpful, thank you. I'm gonna try role playing that I'm an academic l watch on youtube and see if l can get my literature review done.

Well, I don't have a any better ideas so might as well try.

Those were some really useful suggestions, Riko, thank you! 😊

This is great stuff!!!!

You gave me a term I didn't have words for - I cry constantly, too, but in 20yrs of therapy I've never heard the term emotional lability. It's so disruptive. Thank you for scattering some new breadcrumbs for me to pursue!

PDA - the ultimate freedom

Nice one, thanks

This was very helpful, especially after the strategies were flushed out with examples! I"ll try to use some of these strategies and see if they work for me.

oh wow this helped me make so much more sense of things, thank you!

8. 9:17 - "Saying I am not going to do something, but then do it" I am going to think of an excuse and do something else instead. I know I should be doing it, but I am not gonna. And then just go ahead and do it 😂 (because the pressure has lessened) 9. 10:28 Novelty "If I change something, I have this new thing to do it and get excited about it". I will shop on my way to the dentist. Or I will shower with the new bubble salts, make up or nail polish or dressing up (which incidentally also helps with the pretending / role playing 🎉) 😂

Strategies for Adult PDA 1. 0:37 - Role Play, pretend to be someone else, a character or animal that can face the demand you are challenged to carry out. I've been doing this very intuitively. E.g. Pretending to be the "cool girl" to date and pretend to be confident. 2. 2:21 - Try to do the opposite. Instead of concentrating and obsessing about that phone call you feel you NEED to make, and about the consequences of not doing it, focusing on the opposite. I am NOT going to make it. E.g. in my case the most calming thought is how I can end my own life at any time if I need to. And so, when I am overwhelmed by the crippling anxiety of wrestling with the inability to do something, I tell myself "oh, well, I am not going to be here in a week or so, so I might as well forget about the pressure and just enjoy myself". Only then I will eventually become much more calm and closer to do the dreaded / terrifying task! It's kinda weird 😅 3. 3:10 - Make everything optional Instead of a dear immobilized staring at the head lights, having the possibility of chosing different options (maybe chosing from different tasks, and starting with the easiest one, even if it's just to put music on to "get in the mood" to do something, or just tiding up 1 single thing. 4. 3:48 - Not committing to anything, instead saying "we might be going to a museum...". E.g. my own experience is that when I commit to meet someone, I have HUGE anticipatory anxiety. And my whole day will be ruined by the dread of feeling now FORCED to do that thing, even if I was really looking forward to it, and so I will just be like "You know what, just to make sure I can make it, let me confirm on that same day" or with my closest friends I'll be like "do you mind if I just tell you when I am going to visit you before I leave the house?" 😅 And that helps a lot! 5. 4:59 - OCD strategy - Not think about it, distraction, daydream, "thinking about something else". Works best with routines! E.g. getting out of bed. For me it was like, I need to distract myself before. Watch something I enjoy... Think about something that is positive. 6. 6:47 - "I am not doing it because YOU told me, I am doing it because I WANT TO". Or do it some other day or in some other way (email instead of calling someone up) 7. 8:22 - Procrastination "I can't do it now, because... (X excuse) I will do it WHEN I CAN and get back to you.

My whole family has PDA. One thing that helps me is to keep reminding myself that everything I do is a choice. I can choose to do what's being demanded, and as long as it is my choice, it's ok.

After struggling for so long with my son, I just learned about PDA. This is by far the most helpful video I've found. Thank you! I thank God for you!!

You’re the first person I’ve heard talking about this to who I can really relate. I’ve made notes on your tips and I am hopeful it will help me. Thanks for the video, Riko!

I love some if these ideas! #2 Role play...I'm picturing having Donna Reed swooping in to do my housework for me. The one about choosing alternatives... I'm thinking of creating my own bingo boards so I can choose from options. Thanks so much for this video. I've been searching for self help strategies and this is the inly helpful one I've found from the POV of someone who has PDA.

Do you have any tips for people living with someone with PDA? I have empathy that it’s causing anxiety to be told what to do or even asked but at the same time some stuff needs to be done and I’m feeling my own anxiety that I’m not getting help or not even asking for help because I’m going to get attitude. Then I feel resentment . What can I do to work together with a pda person that I live with?

I have tocd and is very uncomfortable at times and sometimes it causes me physical pain

This is the best thing ever! I needed this video, and I loved listening to you talk about it. You have such a nice on screen presence!

Your examples are so helpful, actually makes the info applicable for me

14:40 for me one of my first tics (i was 7-8) i would have to push my nose to the bathroom door and my parents would think i was smelling the walll and they told me it's weird and i should stop (i couldn't tho obviously). the other tics i had weren't too noticeable but the ones i have now are very much. one of them is that i have to rub my shoe to the ground when i walk on the streets. my mom asked me why am i doing it. and i told her i don't know i just have to do it (at that time i didn't know it was tocd). and then she acted like i was faking it or something like 'yeah another mental illness right?' so yeah all i can do is to try to hide them and hope that they will stop sometimes

Thank you so much for this video; it has really helped me to begin to understand PDA which is very new for me. You have explained this really well Riko. Thank you very much for sharing. I have recognised some of these traits in myself.

Seriously the most helpful video I’ve seen on strategies yet! Thank you SO much!!!

I felt every moment of this intro. Well done 😊

This was the most adorable, relatable and courageous video ever!! Thank you very much for showing and sharing your reality! 💪💝🙏

Thank you for being so relatable! I didn't realize how much I do those things. Now I can do them with the awareness that it is helpful instead of shaming and blaming myself for tricking me and others! 💪💝🙏

Thank you Riko. I recognize myself in what you are saying.Big help!

Ah thank you for this. It's def made me tic more watching it but it makes me feel less weird!!! I thought I had tourettes/Tics. Realised in adult hood that I have tourettic ocd. You've been so honest on this video. Appreciate it!!

😂 "You went to COLLEGE?" I wish like heck I could have seen their incredulous face. Maybe now they won't underestimate us, eh? 🙄 I hope you get lucky (bc, while this should be the norm, oh man, healthcare isn't quite there yet, huh?) and are able to see more competent, caring, knowledgeable, helpful specialists and that you DONT have to be referred out a million times or run around. I filled out & printed an Autism Healthcare Accommodations Tool (AHAT) for my medical/psych appointments and honestly? I'm just going to "be annoying" and hand them this small stack of papers that says how they can support me as an aspie/pda-er with severe anxiety (among other things too) and I will just calmly ask them to read it 😂 If they DO, they'll know I'm shite at phone calls, open-ended questions, and eye-contact but that in most things, I mean well and I'm chill. I'm glad the inhaler is helping ❤️ Hopefully more roses comin' up 😊

This is awesome 👍 thanks ☺️

I'm so happy I found out what was wrong with me. I knew I had OCD but never had any particular obsessive thoughts. Just these tics I have to do.

Awe with the nose and upper lip thing, I have that. It just started a few months ago. I have to tap in between my lip and nose and then scrunch my lip up and then pull my upper lip out with my fingers and smoosh it around. It's very annoying. But I don't mind it enough to seek help. But it is comforting to here others have the same :) I literally thought it was just a stress point.

Riko you’re an amazing person, you’re a voice to all people with Pathological Demand Avoidance. GOD BLESS YOU

THE VALIDATION I GOT FROM THIS

Haven't watched the video yet but I just wanted to say that I found your channel from your blog and am under a wait to begin diagnosing PDA for myself and I originally heard about you with one of your blog entries I read with my mum. It was about day-dreams and even down to details I've had exact scenarios with which things you listed occured. I'm trying to find more out about myself so I can tell other people so that they can support me and help when I have overloads, you've helped me personally a lot by having a blog with that kind of information on. Thank you, i may only be fourteen but it's helping a lot especially in my current situation.

This is incredibly helpful, thank you so much.

This is a brilliant explanation. Thank you.

Have you found any med to help with any of these tics?

Thanks for sharing how chronic fatigue affects you. Hearing/seeing somebody with it describe it (I know you have since been diagnosed with CFS) is so much more valuable than simply reading a clinical account of how it can manifest. It's interesting how we all do the 'but I'm so lucky because I can still do XYZ' bit. Sometimes that can be helpful, knowing that there are others out there who are suffering even more than we are (with whatever condition/s we have) - but I also think a lot of the time we say it before someone else does - which might only lead to more guilt or shame that somehow we are not enough (or that our struggles are not so bad, after all). It sounds to me that your ability (energy wise) to deal with your CFS is frequently exceeded by your capacity to do so. And that is more than enough. Look after yourself, and do whatever you need to do (or not do) to allow your body to heal. (Golly, that is SO demandy! Apologies!)

Well done for persevering, and finally getting an answer. A diagnosis at least means you have something to work with - and, as you say, prevents the worry of you may have something that's potentially life-threatening. Against that, I can fully appreciate there's a certain heaviness to the diagnosis of CFS, an inevitability that 'this is as good as it gets'. But knowledge is power, and we are learning new things in medicine all the time. Wishing you well on this new stage of your journey :)

I've only just started looking into PDA for myself and what you have said, with all the examples, has really made it all so much clearer. I identify with such a lot, especially the need to create a 'crisis' or drama to be able to do, what often seems to me, an impossible task. So, in trying to avoid the chore of house cleaning, I might decide to move all my books around (I have loads!), but that means all the shelves get dusted, some books get passed on making room for new ones, and I might be able to sneak in some vacuuming to finish off the reorganizing job because it doesn't feel like housework any more. Or I might spend hours researching a topic (such as this one, which I've been doing for over4 hours), and hunger and a nearly empty fridge creep in as smaller demands, so I'm able to make myself lunch and do the online food shop without too much hassle coming from my already exhausted and distracted brain. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, I'm looking forward to more of your videos.

Awesome, this is so helpful! A lot of these strategies overlap with ADHD stuff (I have ADHD and an probably also autistic). I sometimes like to think of myself as just a creature on this earth in this galaxy in this universe. Thinking of myself as organic as say a Fox can with anxiety. I deserve to be here and as am much a part of this earth as any animal out there just trying to survive.

Excellent video, thank you 🐼