Відео

Wow. In 1997 my family tried to convince me to go to one of those places. I ran away instead. Another what if potential path that would have been very different then this birth mother experience. Thank you for this information.

Hi. This is already so helpful and relatable. I am a birth mother with what you describe as secondary loss. I was looking in your description for a link to any Facebook groups or UA-cam channels of mothers who are dealing with that or did

I was heavily coerced into giving my daughter up for adoption. At no time was any form of support offered nor did anyone ever ask me what I wanted to do. Nurses told me that I was only a statistic and would end up pregnant again by 18. The Catholic Family Services counselor grilled me with questions about how I would raise my daughter, what did I have to offer her besides love and what would I do when (not if) someone bullied her. My parents only cared about their reputation and made it clear that I could not bring her home. My employer and co-workers told me that it was for the best and I would be able to have more children later in life and I would "move on" both of which didn't happen. Even the woman that I shared a hospital room with told me it was for the best. This was 1990 and I could go on with more coercion that I experienced but the sad thing is that this is still happening today. Did you have any similar experiences?

Bless your beautiful heart!!! I am an adoptee. I was adopted my the most amazing parents. I met my birth mother 40 years ago. We stay in touch and she is extraordinary! I have felt, all my life, that giving a baby for adoption takes the strongest and most loving Mother decision for a birth mother!

I am an adoptee. Though I went back to the adoption agency and got some information and signed up with some registries I never received anything from them, nor did I reconnect with my birth family. I couldn’t afford to look further at that time. I’m sure my birth parents are gone now. It was a different time.

My husband was adopted and his birth mum is bi-polar psychotic. Our reunion was kind of fun, but my husband doesn't deal with mental illness and although I encouraged him to stay in touch as best I could, he can't deal with it. His half-sister doesn't like me, so now we just keep our distance.

Thanks for this. I have a horror story to tell

So true, been there

I didnt even know these things are now shows

Thank you so much for sharing this. I grew up with a stepmom who is adopted and have watched her grapple with that since I was a teen. I’m now 50. I now have my own adopted child. She was 9 months when we met and adopted her. She is now 21. Most don’t understand (esp those not in adoption or made an adoption plan for baby) how very complex it is & instead say “pat” things like “you should be grateful.” It’s unfair esp to an adoptee who didn’t choose to be born or adopted. People would say “I hope she knows one day how lucky she is to have you.” etc… We feel like the blessed ones. While also acknowledging the pain of birthmom not getting to enjoy what we have. The loss for our daughter not knowing her birth family, etc. My child is from a closed, international adoption. Thankfully in her country and with the adoption agency/orphanage it’s been true adoptions and no stolen kids, etc. So friends have been able to hire private investigators and at times meet birth family. It is NOT always a good thing. So it remains something my daughter isn’t sure she’s ready to explore. We talk about and have prayed for her birthmom. She doesn’t mention birthdad ever which seems to be common…have you found that to be true? I support my daughter in whatever she chooses and have told her the best thing would be to work with a counselor before, during where possible and after. We have seen neutral, positive and negative reunions. Due to her own developmental trauma of being abandoned and neglected for months in an institution, it would be that much more to grapple with if it didn’t go well. I will save this video which is honest and food for thought. I’m sorry for your pain, and glad for the little positives in this for you. God bless you for giving birth and blessing a family with your child. I give thanks so often that my daughter’s Mom chose life.

Thank you for posting these viewpoints. They all make sense. I am not sure about trying for finding biological connections, but my kids want me to. God bless you on your journey, I am glad that you chose life!❤🙏

Im sorry your reunion was rather difficult. As a partial adoptee, trying to find my biological father's side of the family took me 20+ yeads. I was relieved to find they had always been searching for me too. Sadened to find i was 6 years to late of meeting my bio father and his wife. They had died in a horrific accident. It's actually how I was finally able to find my siblings. We talked for awhile on phone, before We finally met in person on Christmas. There was thst instant connection, because we were so alike, both in looks and mannerism. However, trying to build a relationship has been difficult. We've been separated for 40+ years. So trying to remember 'oh I have a new sibling to talk to" is hard. We're so involved in our own little worlds, we forgot to reach out to that new connection.

I NEVER in 30 years shared my adoption experience out of shame I recently tried to share my pain, only to be mocked online and told I was crazy. I would like to be able to talk about my trauma but now I'm even more afraid to speak out. After all, if your own family thinks your dirt, what are strangers gonna think?

What kind of myths or misconceptions have you heard?

Massachusetts is also a restricted state to original birth certificates. You need a court order to unseal. I am an adoptee however I already searched in 1980 and had a successful reunion. I basically broke laws to obtain my original birth certificate and no regrets 🥰

Tell me how you overcome that little voice in your head. Do you have similar techniques as the ones I discussed in the video?

Your words could be my own, love you Cat ❤️

How long have you been in reunion?

Are you and your daughter still planning a trip to Hungary?

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm a birth mom and i regret placing my daughter for adoption 3 years ago 😢

What tools do you use to help yourself heal?

Have you ever felt this way?

Nope not the a-hole. She has every right to do what she did. That was egregious that her dad lied to the judge like that....

Wow you are a great Mother ❤

Adoption does so much damage. I learned that by talking to adult adoptees in a support group I belong to.

I’m in stage three. Your channel is truly a realistic outline of how birth mothers feel. I’m in an open adoption that closed when the adoptees became adults.

I'm in stage 3. What stage are you in?

What do you think? Do you think menopause can have an affect on reunion?

What does your reunion look like?

In NYS, you can now file to pay for your original birth certificate. Takes about 6 weeks to come. No other info available.

❤

Thank you! ❤

I am an adoptee and I think you are courageously cool AF. Thank you for the videos you are making. I'm still trying to understand the insanity of reunion with my mother. It's been years ago that I cut off contact and my head is still spinning. It was sadly necessary for my sanity. I have been thinking of trying contact again but start to get panicked at the thought. Her behavior devastated me completely and humiliated me in front of the adopted parents that were a different kind of nightmare. I never would have thought I was better off with them until I knew I had been better off with them. Seriously devastating and PTSD inducing. I don't know if I can do it again or maybe she wouldn't even be interested now. I wish you & your daughter understanding, compassion and lots of years of love for each other. ❤

I actually don't make a big deal of mother's day for this reason. My adoptive daughter's feelings.

This is great info. I’m hoping to adopt one day but I do feel like children have the right to know about their origins, especially as they get older, and their bio-parents are still their parents in at least one way. I feel like that should be a given (at least culturally) and it’s a shame that it doesn’t always seem to work that way for people.

Hi Cat!!! Great to see you. Thank you for addressing this. I'm totally with you --- this weekend is pure hell for me every year. I have this idea in my head that if only my relationship with my sons was more existent and stronger, maybe I wouldn't feel this way.... but it sounds like even with you being in reunion with your daughter, it still doesn't heal the pain. Hoping one day it might get easier for us but until then, keep shining the light that you are!!! Much love.

Do you celebrate Birthmothers Day? Mothers Day?

What did you think about today's video? Had you heard of adoptee loyalty before? Let me know!

Thank you Cat! I’ve been in reunion for 1-1/2 years and it’s been amazing. I went through everything that you have talked about. My daughter suggested the Primal Wound. I read it and never knew how much trauma that babies experience when relinquished. I love all of your videos and thank you for having the courage to share what us birth mothers have gone through. I think it will be a lifetime of healing for both me and my daughter but the happiness and peace that I now feel is definitely a plus for both of us ❤️

Thank you Cat for making these videos. I’m a year and a half reunited with my daughter and she suggested I watch these. At first it was hard because I experienced everything that you have spoken about. It definitely was trauma but now I am healing from it. You are so brave to put yourself out there for other birth mothers. Thank you so much

Reunion is a marathon, not a race. Do you agree?

I feel so fortuate in my reunion. Although I don't know what the future will bring, I do know that I am willing to put in the work to help make it a success. 💜

How was your honeymoon period of reunion? What memories do you have from that time?

Have you had your first meeting yet? Or are you still anticipating that day?

I still remember writing those first few paragraphs to my daughter when we found each other via DNA. I couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't sound crazy! lol How did your first contact go? Or are you still anticipating that day?

What stage of adoption reunion are you in?

As an adoptee, although I am grateful for the gift of my adoptive family, I am grateful for finding birth family; I too feel inadequate. I worry about meeting them and what they will think of me, even though they are welcoming and loving and never knew I existed. Birthmother shared basic information via a letter through intermediary she does not want anything more. I respect her wishes and asked her siblings that I have contact with to do the same. I assumed when you carry that secret for so long...it's hard to share. I want you to know that you are good enough and I appreciate you sharing how you feel!

Not in California. All the antiquated laws need to go. All an adoptee has to do is take a DNA test.

Right on... this is on point. Hearing this I am right there with you. I finally threw my doormat away. Adoptees and Birthmoms have so much in common. I too locked all my feelings away about adoption. It came bubbling up at the worst time. Today I am finally good with me. Took 5 decades and I am still learning and growing. Big hugs. You , Me, same page same library. I left you my email in other video.

I think the reunion shows should begin at meeting and follow them for 2 years. That would be more realistic. There are moments that are heart wrenching. The sorrow for the life not lived. The yesrs of feeling alone, isolated, what is wrong with me? Why don't I fit in. Then there are the moments you see a genetic reflection and you yearned for that. It is complicated. Very complicated! Awesome video 🤗