Відео

Author here, I could have sworn I cleared up Elana's thoughts and italicized them, per another reader's suggestions, and tossed out the quotations. Either I missed those or gave you the wrong one. Rhys's teasing about Elana being into other women was the "Elana looked Phy up and down" and now that I hear your questioning it's clear that something more needs to be clear about Elana's sexuality.

Dontrike here, great read and great advice. Glad you like it so far and look forward to seeing your other comments and more. Thanks again.

omg youtube gives the best rec. i loved this channel

You're right, it did read really nice. (Now I'm just waiting on the chapter 11/12 read) -- Sigh, why do you make me wait? (I have comment notifications, but no videos. lol.

Very appreciative of your feedback and suggestions, I hope the rest of the story is enjoyable if you decide to read the rest! Would love to include more details on what's going on inside of Mary's head in the rewrites (plus it's an opportunity to apply Mary's practice of bhakti yoga beyond simple prayers and ritualistic actions), play-by-play was fine when drafting but I expected the later incarnation of Alexandria to trim that before releasing... can't fault her for not following through on my incompetance lol. Hopefully the revised release will fall more in line with the standards I hold for myself and hope to uphold in my other Works.

This was exactly what I needed to hear today, so thank you for this video!

I'm totally agreeing with you on this one. I write mostly because I like it. I write what I want to read. My 'free' beta's are trade of chapters, etc. Of the five (I'm also into odd numbers) none of them are 'in my genre'. We're not all at the same level on various things. (As you know) I'm kind of the grammar guru, but one is really amazing on the word choices and visualizations but struggles with dialogue. What I have found is helping someone with what they struggle with also helps me. -- Example of something you did for me that I am loving the 'challenge' of it, was wanting the internalization. --I am so one of those in that 'group outside' that we do talk about you. We watch each other's videos you do, and we help each other try to get to where they want to go. We kind of 'crit your crit's' In that good way. Like with getting my internalization in there, I bounced like 20 different ways off of them, figuring out what kinda worked, what didn't, etc. So now I add a 'variety' that we kind of settled were working, then clip out usually 2 of the 3 of the additions.

yay dontstike strikes again

Thanks for the read on this. I had been through this so many times, and then I lost part of it. And you caught exactly where I had to replace from old materials.

Thank you, Mystery Red!

Anakins tips to fatherhood! I want a copy of that! I love you how immediately jump to Cressida’s defense when Obi-Wan says she killer her master.

Lol, you really did call it about the kid being his! Lol, Your excitement was adorable.

I love all of your questions...I am so tempted to answer them, but that's so spoiling the fun. lol. I do promise, I answer all of them by the end of the book. Maybe not as detailed as you'd all like -- but as with anything 'memory' or story oriented, the details fill in as you go.

Thank you, MysteryRed! Good point about the police interactions. I'll change that here and in chapter 2.

Thank you, Mystery Red! Another incredibly helpful read!🙂😎🤩

Thank you, Mystery Red! This was so incredibly helpful!

Thank you, Mystery Red! Yes the POV was supposed to change at *** but I'll try to make that clearer

On the 'sheer' you're after "shear' like as in scissors, or shear a sheep. (Grammarly will however, force the change no matter how hard you try, lol).

What are your overall thoughts after each reading?

Thank you, Mystery Red! Again this was a masterclass and gives plenty to think about for my next revision!

I love this!! Thank you! I realize I gave you the less edited version from my first draft. I've chopped up some of those monster sentences already. I'm impressed you could even read them out loud lol

This was so incredibly helpful! I'm the author and I've learned so much from watching. Thank you, MysteryRed, for taking the time to go through each line and how to improve it!

AWESOME read! Thanks for sharing Ladybug88, and Mystery Red for reading this! I so stalk your episodes.

Loving this!

Thank you so much for doing this!

Ah, it finally allows me to comment! Hooray! I be the author of this. Thank you SO much for doing this. You have a fandom, they're just not voicing it yet. Hang in there.

I 110% agree -- you're always so gracious and informative.

Thank you very much! This was very well done and very (very) helpful! 😉 I'm looking forward to more of your videos!

It's hard with not looking ahead, I try not to spoil you. I'm the author of this. I can't put into words of how impactful this was. It's way different than from word reading it to you in that robotic voice. This is human, and I love how you question where I'm going, and am I going to get there, and all I want to do is shout back at you "WITH THE ANSWER!" lol.

You offer such great reviews. Please keep this up.

This was such a wonderful experience and insanely helpful. I've only watched the video once so far and I've already seen an impact and improvement in my writing by focusing on the areas you pinpointed. Great idea and incredible resource for us writers! Looking forward to watching more in this series :)

You are so kind, thank you :) Writing is my passion so I'm always greedy to improve. I really appreciate this.

Thank you for your Critique! I've certainly come a long way since this chapter. Writing this story for two years now and still continuing it has brought me back to a lot of base level grammar and punctuation rules. This chapter particularly has a lot of back and forth of my tense usage as I was still trying to figure out my POV. Though being the only eyes on it for review has made quite a lot slip through the cracks. I've taken down your notes of what I can fix and keep an eye out for!