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Thanks for your comment Lesley. Yes, it's an eye-opener. From what I'm seeing in the county Facebook support groups, and on the UK PA Helpline, there seems to be a bias against agreeable parents, I'm seeing it against both mums and dads in near-equal numbers, although there's still the idea that it's mainly fathers that CAFCASS are being biased against. That was a hard one to wrap my head around. They take the word of the child - that's what blows my mind. Maybe they'll take the word of the child when the child wants to stay up all hours each night with chocolate and ice cream as main course dinners

Yes, it's widespread across the world. It's insane, and enabled by the mental health services and family courts services. We're wanting the term 'custody' to be removed, in place of a starting point for 'parenting 50/50'. And there's a tremendous backlash by those who say it doesn't happen, and those who say this is 'estrangement' and we're all in denial.

I'm glad to hear, well done for that. Thank you for saying, it's what we're here for. Jack

I am so sorry Candice. I have read all that you've said. We're listening. It's all true isn't it. In UK, we've created a UK infrastructure, to be able to support folk, to bring them out of isolation. If you're in UK, please let me know and I can direct you to your county support group. Jack

Thank you :)

Thanks for your comment and valuable suggestions. For some, in these situations 'probing' can sometimes come across as interrogating, taking control, as a more senior position. The "I hear what you're saying" is good, safe.

This comment may be coming from someone who has not been through this. When somebody commits such a serious crime against children and others, one does not say "let it go". What has happened with these people is not a family breakup, it is a serious life-altering criminal offence.

This is a weird comment

@@paawarenessuk Explain the state or federal statute of this criminal offense. In America, alienating oneself from a parent is not a criminal offense. Let it go means simply this. Let people go if they reject you.

@@HomeFromFarAway No, my comment is sane and rational. Let it go means just as. Let people go if they reject you. Move on. Living in the past is weird.

@@PalmBeachFlorida24 You misunderstand this situation. This is not an 'estrangement' issue. It's a Human Rights issue and a Children's Rights issue. It's an offense under the Domestic Abuse Act (2015 UK) - the children are being abused, and the targeted parent is being abused. The 'people' doing the rejecting are the children .. however, these children have been brainwashed, coerced. In the middle of that are a series of coercive tactics being used by the alienating parent. We recommend to 'let go' of the psychological grip the controller has on these targeted parents, so as to reduce the pain and to maintain functionality. We don't recommend to 'let go' of our children, but for targeted parents to begin focusing on their lives hour by hour, day by day, getting themselves back to a manageable state of being so as to be in a 'good place' for when their children do start to show up again, and to be able to present themselves well to the courts. This situation is counter-intuitive .. however, when one has taken access from a safe, loving parent's ability to parent their own children, that parent reacts, as expected. There is far more to this than your simplified 'let it go' / 'let people go if they reject you'. I 'get' what you are saying, and why you are saying it .. but one does not and cannot simply 'let go' when they have been denied parental access to their child. The UK law states that when two people end a relationship, the other parent has 'no right' to see their child. This is NOT something to let go. Please look into this further, and look into the USA family courts system in the context of the situation we're talking about here. I pray you do not 'let go' of your children when they have been victims of child psychological abuse, this has been done to them. Thank you.

It destroys relationships doesn't it, and has devastating effects for those around. It's good that you mention 'something demonic' behind it. The legal system has much to be accountable for. Thank you for commenting. Jack

As a once severely abused child of an alienated abused parent education about all abusers and the process of abuse is the key to understanding. Very respectfully that is your assumption, your jumping to a false conclusion, possibly as a child abuse survivor? To be clear the alienated ( abused) parent/spouse, who unconditionally loves their children, never abused anyone, especially their children! This is NOT a video about any type of abusive parent. This is a video about the alienated ABUSED parent/spouse, who is also an alienated parent of children being abused by the other non parent, who is the dangerous abuser in control. This is also about the alienated (abused) parents utter heartbreak going through their whole situation seeing their beloved children constantly being abused and brainwashed to hate them too! Hence your utter misunderstanding of this severely abusive situation towards 1) the alienated (abused) parent many times in a domestic abuse situation, usually in survival mode for such a long time, controlled, venerable, duped, and utterly confused, 2) the mentally and emotionally abused children being illegally prevented access, and contact with a normal healthy loving relationship with the non abusive parent, who is the alienated (abused) parent who really is loving trying to protect and reestablish a healthy relationship with their children and 3) alienated (abused) children being constantly horrifically manipulated, brain washed constantly to believe lies about the alienated (abused) loving parent. Hence these children are suffering child abuse. These children are consistently severely mentally and emotionally continuously abused and denied their whole healthy childhood with their only loving non abusive parent, the alienated (abused ) parent. This is a horrific abusive family dynamic with an abuser who keeps control of the whole situation, the whole dynamic, and who is always masquerading as a saviour of the abused children WHILE abusing everyone. The fact is far too many times these abusive parents are getting away with all the hidden abuses, and have long been creating a false narrative. Hence this is a video about the alienated (abused) parents who are survivors of very dangerous abusers. These very dangerous abusers do not ever parent, as they are willing to abuse any children as pawns to control, manipulate, and steal their legal right to be parented by their real loving parent. Abusers to so to try to hurt the alienated (abused) spouse/parent who leaves the marriage due to all the abuse and toxicity. If the abuser can't control the alienated (abused) spouse any more, as they have left, the abusers will move on to a new supply, hence target all the children and harm them, and to damage permanently the relationship with the abused alienated spouse who left all the abuse marriage. I liked how an expert Psychiatrist once explained to me in a simple concise way how all dangerous sexual predators, sexual child predators, narcissists, psychopaths ( which includes the term sociopaths) , all types of cults and their leaders, and all types of terrorists groups and their leaders are ALWAYS all the SAME in the many abusive actions and behaviours. That is why when people are educated about this one fact, it becomes SO easy to identify ALL ABUSERS once we learn the basic life skills tools of healthy boundaries, and via looking at the easy identifying lists of identifiers of any healthy and unhealthy abusive toxic people, and any healthy and unhealthy abusive toxic groups. The expert stated how all cults, terrorist groups and ALL ABUSERS ( identified as a cult of one by experts), including ANY type of abusers in any family dynamic, ALWAYS use all the same strategies and all the same tactics of abuse. They all use the same processes of manipulation, which is identified as grooming too. All target venerable people, and their children( whose brains have not matured hence can not critically think) , and slowly over time groom and manipulate and terrorizes all their prey ( spouses, children, family members, and any non critically thinking friends) to become isolated from family and critically thinking friends especially those who can identify abusers, to not trust their own thinking, not trust their gut, doubt their reality, become turned against, to be ingrained to believe lies, to be twisted to learn to even hate, always so they are alienated from a loving healthy parent ( or family member) who is constantly being denigrated, lied about, too many times this abused parent is also in a situation of domestic abuse, hence has been love bombed into the relationship, slowly groomed, continually manipulated, and abused by this abuser far longer before their children have. So too many times this abused alienated parent does not understand how to leave or escape the abuser while proactively protecting themselves, and their children. Again to be clear the alienated ( abused) parent, who unconditionally loves their children, never abused anyone, especially their children.

​@@emilyconway6273 we need clear vocabulary to distinguish between the two as many people who are escaping toxic families get gaslit with the word "parental alienation"

@@HomeFromFarAway Yes, we agree. The term 'parental alienation' is a label people use, many are able to find us. What Jack is talking about, the terms are in this speech - it's 'alienating behaviours', intimate partner violence, domestic abuse, child psychological abuse - not labels, but behaviours - that's the vocabulary people need to use. Very good point you made.

@@emilyconway6273 thank you Emily. Jack

So sorry this has happened to you and your children. How are you doing?

@@paawarenessuk I am going thank you, we are in a much better space now the alienator has moved back with her family. Just navigating the court system where she and her family continue to lie and make false allegations. While radicalising and further alienating my child who resides with her, from me and his siblings!!

@@gamereaper7652 It's peaks and troughs isn't it, different chapters, like 'stage 1', 'stage 2', 'stage 3' etc.

@@paawarenessuk Totally, but the impact on my children is what is the hardest to deal with. But I won’t rest until my children are safe from these savages

@@paawarenessuk thank you for the amazing work you do, keep it up. Giving parents like me a voice in this corrupt system!

It's awful, I'm so sorry. Jack

Yes, it is Sarah. This is why we're bringing people together in UK, each county. It's true isn't it, it's the loneliest place. And then folk will post on here that we're all getting our facts wrong, that we don't know what we're talking about .. you, us, all of us who have experienced it. They'll post facts from searches they did on the Internet, but we're the ones who can say what it's like, the ones who have all experienced it and are listening to each other telling the same things. Keep well. Jack

@@jeffthames886 It takes time Jeff. A deep wound. It finds it's way. Just day on day, lots of love as your already know.

Yes indeed. But this is not what is happening in the situation we're speaking up about, and it's not what our charity is about. Many thanks for you valued comment.

​@paawarenessuk so how does your charity distinguish between a situation like what I mentioned where an adult child rightfully seeks separation and independence from an abusive parent, and a situation where a parent has been unjustly excluded from the lives of there adult children?

@@Wrent_Free Thank you for your question. We're not here to distinguish between the two or help them get their children back - we're here to raise awareness, to help them regain some sense of reality, to teach them what's happening i.e. narcissistic abuse, to validate, help them learn what's needed for when their child returns, and to help them bring some basic quality of wellbeing back into their daily lives before they sink too low and take their own lives in many cases. That said, how does one distinguish between the two .. The child's age is a good place to start. Age 6 months. Age 3. Age 8. Age 13 .. ages too young to make the rational decision to 'estrange'. These 'parentified' children who also use adult words, the words of the gatekeeping parent, information they should not have knowledge of (like details of the breakup, or finances etc.) are not common to the child's vocabulary or context. Other ways one can distinguish are looking at the timeline, also hearing how the child has treated the parent. Also, listen to Jack Goodings, the words he's saying is not common to what happens with abusive parent / child dynamic; the abusive parent generally has others around them believing the rejected parent is the abusive one - the rejected parent finds him/herself often isolated and falling into deep depression, with others pointing fingers. Abused parents don't tend to speak up. Abused children also do not reject a parent, typically, without other influence. And at the house, a non abusive parent would not typically erase the 'other' parent. Dr Amy Baker's 17 Alienating Behaviours, that might be a good reference point in answer to your valid question; these 17 behaviours are commonplace textbook, but there are more. This is not about 'estrangement' from abusive parent. It could be 'estrangement' from the way the parent has reacted to the rejection and abuse, but it comes initially from alienation, the parent has already been rejected, where there was a prior good relationship and no safeguarding issue. Your question is a good one, and it's one that these abused parents sadly are dealing with also. There are parents out there who's adult children estrange from them out of necessity, but there's a lot of grief with that, it takes a lot, years generally (due to the trauma bonding effects) and it doesn't present itself the same way as alienation. Thank you for your comment, I hope this answer has been helpful.

​@@paawarenessukYes. I'm seeing that that is the case; that I come at this from OPs point of view, but I'm understanding that this report is not about children trying to leave abusive parents. This is about one parent maligning the other parent and 'maliciously' aligning the children against one parent. Is that the case? I wish you would explain what this IS about, rather than just saying what it's not about. I think we're all on the same side, basically fighting one narcissistic parent. Is that right?

PS Sorry. My above comment was written before I read your second reply. I THINK I better understand... But still...

Of course you did, Jenn.

@@viviane_casella yes, Troll, I did. Ancestral land has already been passed on.

@@viviane_casella not only that, you turned your back on your people? Life itself is too toxic? Millions of years of survival by your ancestors and hard work by your elders to create better, but your feelings are hurt? Someone misgendered you? Touch grass

@@viviane_casella your feelings hurt? Aww. Much sympathy for you. I cry alone but with you

@@viviane_casella why disengaged adults get mad when disinherited? I leave for ones that stay. I start a movement, go, and leave all behind

Thank you. The day was incredible

Thank you. Yes, it's enough to break a person in every way imaginable. You're all in my / our prayers also. Jack

You're very welcome. I hope you're doing ok. Jack

Hello from UK. Thanks for sharing that. It's not been an easy time for you has it. And not knowing even how he is. Giving up hope .. well, it's true isn't it that 'hope deferred makes the heart sick'. You're still there for him. You'll be wise when he returns one day - not easy until it is. My stance on things are that I put my full trust and faith in God, and he's always there for me .. and I know he can see your son. If not already doing so, keep it reasonably easy for him to find you, even online (you're possibly already doing that). My thoughts and prayers are with you. Jack

Thank you. From the heart. It was an incredible conference with over 60 alienated parents and grandparents there

I hope you're ok. Jack Goodings

Thank you :) Glad you're here

TROLL WARNING!

Very well said also Gary. Thank you. Jack

You nailed it friend.

Thank you Gary. Yes, 100% agree. They do a tremendous amount of damage don't they. Working in 'the best interest of the child' by not working towards keeping both parents active in the child's life is not in the best interest of the child and is counter-productive, hugely damaging.

I'm so sorry

Not "his chest" I suggest, but "their chest"; it is a gender neutral problem. There are lots of examples of males and females doing it 😊

I'm so sorry Anna. This is a whole added load of issues on top of the first lot of the grieving, isn't it. The grief doesn't go away does it, even after my 17 years, even after your 23 years .. and even when / if they return after so many years. I think I need to do a video on this. Thank you for sharing this. Keep well. Jack

16 years. I'm over it. My heart has closed the door. I'm now free and I have no shame. I have no guilt. My life, my soul are now mine.

@@jackgoodingsyes- this would be so helpful. The grieving for the many years lost, memories missed, bonds with grandchildren never made. The grief is so real and unbearable at times. The not knowing outcomes, questioning if this will last forever, fear to get our hopes up at reconciliation, etc. And social media makes it all the more torturous if your adult child posts pics of the grandchild you’ve never met, with all of the other relatives enjoying time with her. All I can do is pray for my daughters heart to open up to seeing the truth, and for the safety of my granddaughter as she is now in the middle of it and has no idea that I exist.

I'm so sorry. This is one of the outcomes isn't it. It's good that you're holding your boundaries and can see what she's doing. It ends up being on our terms as well doesn't it, that we had possibly entered into a co-dependent state with our children and they were able to call the shots, so to speak. We get to the other side, lots of reflection, and we can get to the point of no longer being willing to be treated the way some of them treat us .. we tend to distance ourselves and even though we're happy to meet in the middle we're no longer swayed by their degradation or disregard of us. They now get to decide whether they want to meet us where we are. We won't reject them, but we now have insight, wisdom, boundaries, pulled ourselves out of the emotional state (even though it's still heartbreaking and we still mourn for what was and now is not and possibly never will be).

It sadly comes to that a fair amount of the time doesn't it. Thank you for sharing that. Jack

@@jackgoodings thanks

Sounds like you're part of the problem.

@@stereotypespecialist Only for the helicopter parents who will go broke or go to jail for their kiddos - thereby becoming wards of the State - for everyone else to pay. I prefer to take care of myself. I submit to no one.

Thank you Georgia. Jack

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I don't know much about that Georgia. How did it go?