It's a chemical addiction, it's conditioning, it's attachment styles, it's fear of letting go, it's co dependency, it's ego, it's denial, it's a mixed bag. It's an experience I never want to repeat
It is linked to hormones too. Love bombing creates a rush of both dopamine and oxytocin, and the instability from love bombing to devaluation (sometimes back to love bombing) creates an adrenaline rush, as dangerous as it is
This is the most important video for codependent/ high sensitive person. I've been listening to many but this one has everything said on such a simple way. Everything you said Ewa is so true. We are wounded in our childhood and since we are high sensitive, our wounds are deep and we are trying to heal them on the wrong way: by searching for other person, usually in romantic relationship, who will heal us. When we realise that the other person was just using our wounds and insecurities, it's hard to face "the world" again and admit that we were wrong. This is the point where many high sensitive/codependent people "fall down" a lot. Many are coming back to their abuser because the world can look even more cruel than the abuser and since they didn't learn how to be there for themselves, (they learned just how to be there for others) they have no idea how to live on another way. All this is also my experience. Lisa A Romano describes this very good: imagine that somebody who never saw a mobile phone has to make a call or restart that phone. How to do that if nobody shows us basic instructions? Why they don't teach us about this in school? It should be a subject in all schools: " Emotional wounds management"
I love grabbing some coffee and binge watching these it helps me understand my ex and forgive and just pray for him they are the ones who need help keep in prayer and stay no contact even if you mistakenly break contact don’t beat yourself up God has you stay powerful don’t let them take your power god will keep you strong
You are so wise. What you said about being an empathetic and being a little bit afraid of the world and the narcissist makes you feel “ protected”, wow..... profound realization for me.
Yes we don't realise it is a fantasy they are creating and we crave the love we were denied as children. It can take years to realise how we were abused with narcs. Having some rules or boundaries for ourselves which others need to know and we need to be able to tell them about is important. This needs to be taught in schools.
angielska wyspa - I have thought this too... but then I realised a few things - there are reasons why they do not teach this in schools across the globe. 1) It is too controversial a subject for one (with not enough understanding), 2) It would potentially create children to question themselves too early on in their development, 3) Most importantly of all, the powers that be (psychos) want Narcs and psychos to grow in numbers and run the world ultimately.
The mistake we often do I think is that we think they don´t know they are wrong. Yes, they know they are wrong many times; but they don´t want either to believe it or you to think that they understood they are wrong - and this is what the battle is about, from their side. The battle is not about right or wrong. It´s about winning no matter what. And since they are wrong often, their battle includes acting. Because behind their action hides an agenda or a goal they have towards you, and can´t reveal for you. Because if they reveal it, you will either leave them, or will just not give them nor give away what they want you to give. Thus they will not succeed.
Ewa, the reason you were "too serious" according to an older person in your childhood, is that you're highly intelligent. Also, sometimes you almost do need to go live with the neighbors. In my personal experience, I think I would be dead right now if it hadn't been for very smart (and very serious, very educated) people next door. I spent so much time with them - other people noticed it, too. I myself wondered why. Now, as a 72 year old woman, I know they saved my life.
Yes. Old souls and empaths are often called "too much" anything. It's really quite a shame because this instills such self betrayal and it's usually coming from the mouth of someone who wishes to acquire the personality trait in which they are trying to dull or dim. So sad.
I cant stop thinking about my mother the Narcissist, After years of manipulation lying...And I adored her... I didnt start waking up to her after I had a mental nervous breakdown in my early 40s & needed her help. Well I saw another side to her that I did not see. Ive been physically mentally emotionally abused by my parents & golden child triangulation was used. My sister doesnt talk to me now for years. I pointed out the aweful things said to me. I dont have children & not married, and have a very traditional family upbringing who are very narrow minded. So you can imagine the aweful things said....And NEVER has she visisted me, brought her family etc etc to come over and have a cup of coffee together. Her best friend only live near my place. So Id find out she was in Sydney, where I was living to visit her friend, but not me....I dont understand why, I never done anything that deserved to be completely ignored, like I dont exist. So when I pointed out the hortible things said, and never has she made amends with me over this. I never mentioned the fact she has never visited. As I knew once I make an issue by mentioning this, then she never visit. How does a sister NEVER EVER VISIT HER BROTHER....for reasons unknown to me...maybe because Im not married & have no kids...I think she needs to read the bible about those righteous ones who make judgements of others before knowing facts. Anyway the queen NarcIssist is my mother...It certainly wasnt sexual...no thankyou...but I think everyday because I cant believe how she had me fooled for so long. She is now in her 80s and has turned into a aweful woman. I fell angry. Plus my personal life has been destroyed. Everyone over and over who I became sexually involved with and who I attracted & who I was attracted too.....were all emotionally unavailable to take things further....It was one after the other...I knew when this was a repeated occurrence, and considering I was a handsome guy with a good fit body...not meaning to sound full of myself, Im not, I actually am shy with low self esteem. But it was to coincidental EVERYONE ID meet for various reason were emotionally unavailable & did not want to make a commitment, but kept calling me for sex.......I was chasing what I never received as a child, with non commited parents who brushed me off to stay with my grandmother whike they went to work & were rarely home 6 days a week. I have alot of anger atm...it comes and goes in waves......she cant talk, let alone take ANY RESPONSIBILITY...THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THESE HORRIBLE NARCISSISTIC PPL DO WITHOUT ANY CARE OF THE DAMAGE...SO SELFISH
Your soul shines so bright! This is just what I needed at this very moment. The way about you feels so true and genuine, that alone has uplifted me. Everything you said and how you said it... Thank you.
It's strange to think that the one thing that unites us most is dysfunction. It seems so many search for an antidote in others to cure the sickness within themselves.
padma salam. Look up videos that deal with breaking energetic cords. The relationship with a narc is a spiritual battle. Those cords need to be broken.
Hmm from my own personal experience I seen the light and colours for what they mean and what they are after leaving the narcissistic sociopath When around this person it was always black and white no grey just like a huge dark cloud looming around and over me. No contact colour came back in it’s true form.
I agree KH When my NPD BPD ex was in mach 5 lovebombing mode. of which I've NEVER experienced such love, admiration and being so consumed by this woman. I felt like she took my black and white world and turned it into an array of beautiful color.🌈 Now after 18 months of this idealization, devalued, discarded cycle, I've finally had to get off the dysfunctional, crack the whip roller coaster. Now I'm free of this drama but the beautiful color she brought into my world is now just a very bland, monotone shade of grey...very dark grey🌪🌫👤 I hope your healing from your experience will soon bring you closer to your own personal rainbow of vivid beautiful color and quality of life 🌈
This is such an incredible video. It has helped me so much. You point out all that variables that contribute to why I cant stop thinking about my narc boyfriend. Especially with isolation. I was already isolated even before he came into my life. And after he hurt me so badly I just wanted isolate myself even more. Thanks so much for your insights. ❤ I can only imagine what you must have been through. 😔 I am glad that you overcame it to give us your wisdom through experience. I hope to do the same.
Wow, thank you so much. For the first time in my life I feel like you have explained life with a narcissists so spot on. I have felt so trapped and stuck with all these feelings because I have only ever been around narcissistic people and I was always blamed for choosing those people. I even blamed myself too. I always felt like something was wrong with me because of their behavior and treatment. For the first time in my life I feel free of this. I now have been single going on 3 years next month. Thank you for your videos.
I too was also blamed. My family would say "you purposely choose bad people in your life- something is really wrong with you". I could never see it. None of my immediate family have an ounce of empathy. In fact they often display toxic behaviors themselves. I never told my family about my childhood bullying and teenage abuse until very recently. They are just now finally coming to understand why I have a pattern of being narcissitically abused. Although, I stopped trying to get them to understand and just try to heal for me.
Thank you for your videos, I am recently recovering from an 8 year relationship with a narcissist. Your videos are helping me sort through the pain and this pain is very very heavy. But as I watch these it allows me to process all of what I have been through in a somewhat more sensible manner.
On my healing journey from narc abuse, I had to look at and deal with the unhealed parts of myself. It was difficult. I think of fishing. The fish takes the bait because it is hungry and the fisherman knows what bait is best. I am learning to recognize my needs and working on self care . I am also practicing tuning into what my gut is telling me.
THANK YOU so much. Forgiving myself for my mistakes was the hardest part of my journey, after hearing this I can now let go and forgive myself, and also know why I attract the people in my life that I do. thank you so much again. can't wait to see the next video : )
I remember as a young child, yes idealizing a world of caring and hope. I raised a litter of kittens and knew they were completely dependent. All the mom cat had to do was lay there and the kittens attached and fed off her. My parents, I could tell, were not even really there. I took care of my mother and defended her to my narcissistic ADHD father. I picked my battles with him and scoured the home for some missing item he accused anyone around him of misplacing, which turned up underneath something he had placed on top and he never took responsibility for driving us all insane. I never blamed my mom but she was exposing us all constantly to this danger. I knew I was not to blame. Both my parents nurtured me intellectually, emotionally and spiritually when they were at their best but the house was a shambles and no one in that vortex could ever stay focus. My core wound is that I perpetually run a tape that no matter how capable, how dynamic, how original I am, I must climb that mountain again and again alone and something always appears to throw the chaos. After 26 years of marriage and I was finally studying and working steadily towards my masters degree, my husband started raging like I had never seen anyone rage before. All the buttons were pressed simultaneously, sequentially, lulls, crumbs of easy instrumental fake support then an onslaught, gaslighting, shape-shifting, the lot! My point is that I understood my parents were screwed up. I left at 19, I made my own money. I lived in share houses then on my own for 10 years and married a narcissist capable as you come, he cried at movies, he respected my opinions and listened attentively and he gave me signals that he knew how my ideas were really creative, really pragmatic if only I could gain the credibility of narrow minded, envious, controlling people up that food -chain who would take me seriously. He held out the hope that he would help me but I think he and I conspired to keep his career on the front burner. After he spun out of control and I ran, I realize this connects with the chaos I thought I could solve in my nuclear home. I am a Taurean so it fits that I needed security. Was I so tired of making it on my own, looking for real love that I invented the China shop and the bull to play out this nightmare perpetually? Still, what I have seen in the last four months does not make me miss my husband. I hate his guts. I am as scared of being around him now as my father. I did forgive my father but I realized he would destroy me if I stayed . It is my idealized love for the world I cannot repair. No one sees how messed up their beliefs and and actions are. Anyone so offbeat as me can easily be objectified and discarded. I understand they don't know what they don't know but my isolation right now means that I walk around invisible, people wanting me to relegate my life to their trash heap or be judged, excluded, ironically labeled judgmental! I keep playing that Song Bye-Bye miss American Pie. I am not Vincent Van Gough or Humpty Dumpty. This world WAS meant for one as beautiful as we are-divine beings held captive and sucked dry like the Africans brought to build America, their Whites called themselves the superior ones, claimed all their intellectual, cultural and spiritual achievements as their own, felt so entitled that their minds, hearts and souls where they were really so stuck in their delusions of grandeur-never legitimately made anything physical, intellectual or spiritual, just the usage of linguistic word salad that explained how they had the natural rights to everything and they were victimized when they were prevented from imploding the human experiment. I get all this because of my narcissistic abuse. I am just not sure what I do now. The attachment I feel to my narcissist is not how I want him to heal and come back to me. It is the sadness that he seemed like the last person that heard me and gave me the affirmation to my reality. Suddenly he was accusing me of being harsh. I would never keep a job unless I learned to compromise on my holy-than-thou stances on everything- what can one person do (least of all me, by his tone). Here was the final stroke of my isolation handed to me in one blow. The last piece in my hopeless puzzle, my worst fear realized. 'I can't fix the world', 'it's fine as it is, you just need to get with the program' 'you are the problem'! This was never my parents' message. They were fucked up and, they left me with the fucked up notion I had to fix it ON MY OWN. They were expecting me to take care of them until the end of time, my mom, the codependent and depressed so Ihsf to raise myself as well as keep house and my Dad who was a perfect storm waiting to happen at any moment. After 26 years, the perfect storm, shattering my spinning wheel, at least but I reel that my husband seemed to be the only one who could see who I was and that isolation makes me hate him along with all the other models who were fake and I had no one, got nowhere, all that wasted time and long for any point of clarity outside my own head. I created the false self that told me what I wanted to hear so I was always taking in a wind tunnel within a dream that I could make the change. It was like a final connection broken with the world. I am also sad that he will love his days out in that prison. The person I love is missing and I just mourn him. Just a loss where I cannot even speak aloud to his spirit in another realm. It's just senseless cross generational tragedy. It's like the papers, the words, the ideas are swirling around encased in that vortex. It is quite overwhelming to have this bolt of trauma shock me out of a 26 year long slumber!
robininaus wow a very good description of that experience. Thank you for sharing it because your experience is real and I empathize because that's the struggle. Hugs
robininaus thank you for sharing your life experiences - I can identify with much of your descriptions of emotions & feeling it’s up to me to fix everything, that resonated with me & that’s what I did in my first marriage for 24 years & my 2nd marriage - thought he was the one, but he turned really cruelly & suddenly on me. He did things that I’d never thought a husband would do to his wife - games & controlling, researched how to do what he needed to actually punish me.- for what ? Anyway I won’t go on anymore it’s depressing. Just want to function normally again & regain my health God bless you
Yes. I relate to every single thing that you said. I'm only 2 weeks into my journey, I have so much work to do. But you are helping me get started! Thank you so much for all of the info
Hi Melissa, am only two weeks into my journey and feeling raw, craving him, but aware that he will only damage me more if I see him again. You're now nine months in...please tell me it gets better... Yours hopefully...
Yeah, when my ex left me I felt scared. Today, I was shopping and an overwhelming feeling of fear of the world took over and I went home home crying and screaming the whole way. I felt safe with him until I found out he wanted to hurt to me too.
My ex-bf narcissist just passed away 3 weeks ago, so this is another reason I can't stop thinking of him, because he died. He was very self- destructive abusing alcohol and chewing tobacco. He was only 35. Yes, he was a classic narcissist, but clearly he was battling demons. I am overcome with intense sadness. But I feel much less guilt. I am probably idealizing him so much now that he's gone. But I want to cherish the good memories even though they probably weren't real as I was ultimately just supply to him...a commodity. That makes me feel even deeper sadness. 😢😔
Hang in there. Spirits do attach and may linger. Forgive him and yourself first with prayer/affirmation...De-cluttering and salt cleansing will also help the healing. Remember this is a form of warfare. God Bless...and raise your Shield with strength.
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process. You would have felt this is he had met and married someone rather than died so just go through saying good bye because either way you are going to have to do it at some point so do it now.
I went thru some serious heavy guilt tripping over the death of a highly toxic dysfunctional X . It took me years to overcome and function again. A part of me died with him but I am reborn stronger wiser and better than I was before.
Thank you so much Eva for a great video frankly. It is 100% true that we do not love ourselves that much and waiting to be loved by someone else, thus we incur wounds and psychological abuse in some sense. For those who have also experienced hearbreak: Love yourself, do not let your thoughts to be accumulated and makes you going crazy. Why do you stay in prison whe the doot is wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking and live in silence. Have good day mates!
Thank you Soul GPS for your extremely informative and healing videos. I've so needed to come across such valuable and helpful content Thank you for sharing so much with so many. Your calming and compassionate voice and heartfelt concern for your viewers is clearly resonated in all of your videos. I'm going to do a marathon on your videos, really hurting over recent discard, adios bye bye. I understand what she's suffered from since early children and I forgive her...... (I just really miss her 💔😪) I'll live... I've survived far worse crisises... I think Keep up doing what you do You are extremely appreciated 😊❤
Thank you ! Excellent information! I am healing with the pain of healing, I was listening to a other video were the explanation clicked for me : the narc experience happened FOR ME , NOT TO ME !
All so very true! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder at a very young age. I had skin lesions and was made fun of very early on. I was called a loser, fat and a teacher's pet. I ended up treating my skin lesions with sunlight and vitamin d and blossomed into a pretty woman. I used my " teacher's pet" attitude to excel in my professional career. However, when the narcisstic discard came, I fell apart. I felt unworthy, fat, not deserving, ugly, too giving, too much; the list goes on. I typically consider myself a confident woman. This confused me. I came to realize that I had always said "oh so what that I was bullied everyday or made fun of, its no big deal" but as an innocent child, it was a big deal. I had to do the work to hold my child self and be there for my child self and finally comfort her. She always needed me, myself. Instead I left my child self behind, broken and hurt and seek relationship after relationship for approval to heal my previous pain. Boy what a mistake! All of those feelings as a child came rushing back again. When the discard came, I felt so disconnected to everyone else although I usually have magnetic and deep connections to most people and I could not find myself. My world felt uncomfortable and painful. It felt familiar but in the most terrible way. I could not understand how he could not feel remorse or miss me. I felt utterly rejected and im still having a hard time grasping the concept of someone not being able to love.
So true....I was 35 and still thought my family was ideal, and thought I was the rebellious one... The one with different needs and ideas. I was under the spell. Until ....I saw the light as a hurt child awakening....I am now 52 and working religiously on unlearning emotional habits.... Yeah... Difficult not to engage in what I've know and learned all my life. Thank you for your continued information.... We (I) can only awaken truly with good integral information. Yeah...process of forgiving and responabiñity....best wishes to all of us who've been educated and conditioned into emotiinal family issues.... There is light out there....let us all move toward it....blessings
The abuse shouldn't have occur in the first place. I would never see it as an opportunity. Every child should recibe true love from their parents. They deserve nothing less than love, as the gift they really are to the world. I will never see the abuse as and opportunity, or as something that, because has happened, will make me "better" than I was. I always was enough and complete and the so called "caregivers" are the only ones to blame. I just see the abuse as the mess other left in my soul, which now I have to clean up. But I shouldn't, they should, the abusers should. The world IS dangerous and oppressive... otherwise I would not feel that we. We are ALL part of this world, of the world's consciousness . Sometimes even the psychologists rationalize our feelings by invalidating our perception of the world, so that we can "adapt" to violence. I will never see violence or abuse as necessary to "grow" or "evolve". Violence should not exist in the first place, evil should not exist in the first place...
I totally am with you on this. In the beginning before I knew what I narc was I was all lke he was my "spiritual teacher" to help me with with wounds yada yada... Look, I am going to recover and have my best life. But he gets no credit, I intend to erase him from my story. Everyone has the right to craft any narrative they like, but I agree, violence isn't necesarry to grow or evolve -- but shit.... it did happen so the sucky part is, well fuck it happened.. what are we gonna do about it? But all in good time, I wasn't ready to do SHIT about it for a good damn year....... healing and peace to you! :)
I keep thinking about my X because he was the first person to show me attention after I left freak'n foster homes! He was the first to validate me as "normal". He advised me not to pursue my career choice because it was merely a reaction to my past. Other than my loving parents, he was the first person to recognize me. BUT it was "love bombing" and I did not know it. After 31 years of marriage and lots of put downs I can't stop thinking of the horrors I lived from age 7 though 49 (but mostly after I married him). Freak'n foster homes preped me for Freak'n marriage. Now I am FREE! I woke up to my reality after my son died in a home accident. I spent time thinking about how my son treated by his father and only then realized what was happening.
HatRatt I’m so sorry for your loss. I made a choice to walk away from my ex after 14 years of bs. We have 3 kids and my then 6 year old felt depressed and would cry when he was around. After my discard, I realized that he wasn’t there with us in spirit and we were living with an empty shell. Now I’m a bad mother for keeping him away from us. He is the definition of toxic, and I want no part of him. This is my way of protecting my kids from abuse, and unhealthy behavior that will do them long term harm.
Hi, Thank you so very much ...This is so helpful to reflect on my lost childhood self ...Im able to reflect on myself to whatever you have enlightened here in this video... I have been through in a relationship with a narcissist past 5 years of my life ...its been 3 months since he left me dead suddenly for someone else ....I have been trying hard to move on ...its been the hardest n painful time of my life ever.... whatever you have told here is true ... Ever since I lost my mom when I was 8 years old.... I was compared, called names, made me feel worthless...sexually abused by some close elderly people who were in the family n out. Im so able to reflect all that you had spoken about here ..Thanks so much again to help me move on .
if you have sex with the narcissist, that puts a soul tie, i.e., an energetic bridge, in place and the demon spirits (jezebel, leviathan, python, etc) that the narcissist hosts can travel and enter your body. It is low vibrating, of course--3D, instead of 4D or 5D. It feels good to the lower vibrating you like scratching an itch feels good: You want the itch gone; but, you also like the way you feel when you scratch it. You can get rid of it through prayer, but it has to be a sincere prayer that comes from a true desire to be rid of that which you really know not to be in your best interest. And, sometimes it takes time to get to this point. Also, sometimees you find the narcissist to be so unlike other people that you know, that you can't stop pondering the difference.
Tu pulchrissima feminarum mihi es. ☺️ I am so sorry that you had such a rough childhood. It’s not fun when your upbringing predisposes you to attract these types of people into your life. And it’s even less fun when it keeps happening over and over again. Thank you for all your videos. And, hello from Texas.
Wow. Ty so much for this vid. I have years in my eyes as I listen to this, you hit the nail on the head with everything. Ty so much, I wish I could hug you.
Thank you so much! This is just what I needed to hear this morning....you are spot on, I felt like I was in a bubble with her and in the beginning it was happy and free then it became a web and I was trapped...but it is my addiction to love that kept me there. I'm really looking forward to your video on what real love is . TY
All the things I was told as a child an teen.....no wonder I m still alive! I have been told I was ugly more than once, while my step sister was told how beautiful she was. I was toooo shy, tooo quiet, too thin, too big of teeth, too nice, too dumb, etc. Every insult I remember vividly.....my gums are too big, you have a long face, you talk too much, your boring.....just every insult you can think of (almost!) Alot of this came from home an alot from other people.
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and experiences.I noticed that i share with you the same kind of vibration in the voice, when I was in the last stage in my relationship with the narc. My voice was like yours a little bit as if sick or was asleep this is what people told me when I used to answer the phone.It is obvious that even our voice is affected by the Cptsd!!
Donny Epstein "What you don't Feel ... you cannot Heal" ... excellent ... i learned a lot from him ... his book "The 12 Stages of Healing is describing perfectly ... how to feel the transition from stage to stage ... each stage has different breath .. movement and touch ... Donny tells ... "if you cannot be in the stage you love ... love the stage you are in" ... which is again related to what you said about feeling everything .... since now over 15 years i am studying how to go through the stages rapidly ... and am now in process of presenting my own work called Energy Network ... i use the exercises of Donny of the first two stages ... they are perfect ... i learned them in the beginning of the 90s and i am still practicing them ... stage three involves an exercise of my own creation and then it gets interesting ... i developed a class of 1 1/2 hours where people experience a shift from stage four to nine .. for each stage there is a different exercise ... the beauty of this is ... when it gets practiced for around 40 times the shift will be permanent .... i practiced this class hundreds of time in my 8 years staying in India ... and I know it works ... only if people reached already stage four ... which at that time i did not realize ... only long after i was practicing this ... i felt the connection with what i had learned from Donny Epstein .... another very important point is that this process is bringing up childhood wounds and they get relieved in stage seven ... it is amazing to see people in a group how the principle of resonance works ... when someone in the class is releasing a blockage from the body ... at the same time an emotional trauma gets released ... through shouting .. laughing .. crying ... or just other strange noises ... others who are ready to release the same block are doing nearly at the same time ................. i watched nearly all of your videos ... i was attracted to Narcissists ... from when i remember ... my mother is 91 ... now i study her on the phone every day ... amazing what is going on in her mind ........ this link gives you an idea about the stages: www.familynetworkchiropractic.com/12-stages-of-healing/ ... if you like it ... read the book ... for me ... it is amazing ...it is not to read fast ... after every sentence nearly ... you will find yourself in a reality you recognize ... the 12 stages are like different dimensions and ... we during our lives experience all of them ... o ... i forgot ... body-mind ... working on the body ... always has an effect on the mind and opposite ... wellness means that both body and mind are healthy .... anyway working on the body is much easier then working on the mind .. in Italian we say .... la mente mente ... wonderful what you are doing ... got some very good advice from you .....
Talking about "perfection" I think it does exist. I mean we are perfect when we become the greatest version of ourself. And that is perfect, because that complexity of living, one that bring us peace, is enough for us. And that's perfect. And I think we are always saying that we are not perfect, so that other people does not feel bad or less than a human, so that they don't think that we are selfish by saying that we are actually perfect just as we are, like God love us.
I'm not acting right & I don't ever feel good. I tried to tell my friends & one friend stopped calling & the other friend threatened me if I called. No one understands & people avoid me, mock me, attack me. I have gone so agoraphobic & I'm so afraid of people, I had isolated myself. I want to give up Face Book. People are so cruel.
Morton Carol. Because people dont understand why you would choose to stay on a relationship with someone you say is so horrible. For me when I was healing, I isolated myself, meditated and researched info. You can wear people out calling them ro talk about your problems, it can become draining. You cant work on yourself talking to other people. Sit quiet and still so you can become familiar with yourself.
Morton Carol. I kinda think its better for you ri join those support groups as people who have not been through it dont understand. I myself have been through it and I literally blocked him on everything in one day. I went cold turkey and dealt with my emotions amd feelings on my own and watching youtube videos. I had a friend who was going thru the same thing at the same time but she kept going back to the foolishness so I cut her off and her draining my energy while I was trying to heal as well.
Morton Carol. People are not really equipped to help you with narc abuse, thats why those groups will be better for you than friends or family. We all heal at different levels and just because I could go no contact doesnt mean someone else could
For me, my ex-narcissist had this ability to make me question my reality, doubt myself, and question my resolve wanting me to feel as if I was 100% to blame for the failure of the marriage. So, in the aftermath of my marriage during the separation, and when I moved out and settled into my own place, my mind begin reflecting back and I started questioning and wondering if I had made the right decision or not. So, during this time I went 98% no contact and when I did interact about divorce procedures, etc. with this person mostly by text message, I realized that this narcissist was still up to their same old shenanigans of being manipulative and angry that I would not accept responsibility for the failure of the marriage. See accepting full responsibility for the failure of the relationship creates guilt and regret in the mind of the victim, and therefore that victim will be more open to hanging around as secondary supply after the relationship has ended. See, even at this point in the relationship my ex-narcissist was intent on placing blame, playing the victim, and winning to make themselves look good around enablers, flying monkeys and protecting their image on social media. That 98% eventually went to 0% no contact. That said, the main reason why we can't caught stop thinking about the narcissist is because of that narcissist refusal to help bring any sort of closure to the relationship which would require them to be completely open and honest. See, what you are asking them to do they are unable. Their disorder won't allow it. Narcissist can't be accountable for anything, and I know this will sound crazy but given the narcissist disorder, they don't know how to handle the ending of anything completely even if they are the one who discards. Narcissist loves keeping all their old Ex's in their lives as back up supply. So, given the narcissist disorder. Trying to bring closure to something which they don't like is expressed as anger, callousness, and a refusal. In fact, when that narcissist discards. They no longer want you as their primary supply, but they still want to keep you around on some level as secondary supply even if it's just to argue. So, if your still text arguing, etc. with that narcissist. That's sufficient supply for that narcissist.
Addicted to the tramabond, the intermittent reinforcement. You grieve the lost of yourself. The narc mirrors you, you fell in love with yourself and losing the marc is losing yourself.
The world is cruel and social conditioning make people feel that only an intimate partner can satisfy their needs when we actually need a safe community.
Hi, Your videos are amazing they have helped me so much! I wanted to find out whether you were still offering personal coaching through email(?) I wasn't able to locate an email or website for you but I feel like I would really benefit from coaching with you if this was something that you are still doing. Thanks again for these wonderful videos. They have made such a difference in my life and helping me to stay on the path to recovery.
After getting coned. I don’t know what real what’s not. How can you ever love again? How do you know what’s real love ❤️? Who really loves you? I’m lost 😞
This is wonderful video. My pain is often unbearable. I understand in my head that I can give myself love and care. But I can't give myself a male love and a child. The narc fooled me with his future-faking about the loving family and children. He future-faked so deeply. Now my biological clock is ticking its last couple of years. He is happy and settled with another supply. I am hurt beyond any hope. There is nothing that makes me want to live right now. I know the truth. I have all the right boundaries. But I have no reason to carry on.
I agree that permissive parents as well as the excuses made in society for criminal behaviour allows the increase in narcissism. There is also a genetic component.
After choosing the 3rd Narc in a row I realized the problem was both with society and within me. 🤦🏼♀️Why am I accepting any amount of bad behavior?I found myself addicted to the push- pull of romantic relationships and unrequited love. Limerence really - not love. This last fellow was a doozy. Tall, dark and handsome. A British Phd, a top Scientist working on the Covid Cure! I thought how can I go wrong with a gent this smart. Scarier yet to think that some of these unhinged characters are in charge of our Global public health. The only way to get out of the sadistic, emotional headlock I entered and save myself was to make the crazy maker -CRAZY. His hyper intelligence combined with a manipulative, sadistic streak turned me into a Harley Quinn of sorts. I fought more with my free will to participate in poor treatment than I did with him. The only way I could break free from my own addiction (unfortunately he was not only handsome but smelled fantastic) was to behave insane myself. I was repeatedly triggered with intermittent reinforcement, flakey communication, love bombing then withdrawal triggering my abandonment issues, incessant gaslighting, non stop negs and long loving hugs. The closer we got the stranger and more aggressive the displays of Narc rage became. I just snapped🤷🏼♀️and went no contact. But the dreaded 2 month later hoover happened, like clockwork and I found myself running back for more abuse. I knew I was in trouble. I was under a jezebel spell. The only tactic I could use to liberate myself was to take one for the team and self humiliate. So I Love Bombed the shit out of the avoidant Love bomber. I sent a torrent of emoji kisses like a rabid dog in heat, called his phone incessantly to such an extent it made him rage and alas finally block me. Glen Close would have been proud. Sounds ridiculous I know. Im not proud I went to crazy town in first class. What else could I do? He used ignoring and silent treatment to humiliate me after rekindling a false connection. I admit it I walked willingly into the lions den like a fool that goes where angles fear to tread. My willpower was weak and I was getting crushed by a psychotic stonewalling loop. My crazy fan girl groupie scheme worked. I figured out that my childhood neural programming equates love with abuse which allows me to tolerate these insufferable fools. Not sure that I can unwind my synapses before I turn old and grey So Im watching 100 Narc slayer videos a day to become more self aware and protect myself and my heart. As well as re-parent my inner child. Maybe this will stop me from be attracted to and choosing the wrong men. However, If all else fails I'll just get on my hands and knees and start eating grass...then at least I can have a good laugh as I watch them run away in horror🙅🏼♀️Kids- don't try this at home.
Actually, i did this, the thing you said about "the kid going to neighbors". I subconsciously knew that the environment wasn't healthy and i was constantly in my aunt's house
The reason why I'm addicted to my narc is the same reason why my narc is addicted to me- I've been praising him one moment and making him miserable the other moment. Unlike my narc however, I' ve doing it unconsciously, w/o any motive.
The father of my child. The best thing that ever happened to me. Did you ever see Pretty Woman? Things tried to take a turn for the better. Love heals. Unfortunately it come up with hello, goodbye . I can accept that he is a narc. No codependence
It's a chemical addiction, it's conditioning, it's attachment styles, it's fear of letting go, it's co dependency, it's ego, it's denial, it's
a mixed bag. It's an experience I never want to repeat
Yes. Especially the last part...
Messed up kids , having messed up kids ,having messed up kids ….. having messed up kids . Oh Life . Thank you …you speak the truth 🙏🏼
It is linked to hormones too. Love bombing creates a rush of both dopamine and oxytocin, and the instability from love bombing to devaluation (sometimes back to love bombing) creates an adrenaline rush, as dangerous as it is
Kevin Jang yes
This is the most important video for codependent/ high sensitive person. I've been listening to many but this one has everything said on such a simple way.
Everything you said Ewa is so true. We are wounded in our childhood and since we are high sensitive, our wounds are deep and we are trying to heal them on the wrong way: by searching for other person, usually in romantic relationship, who will heal us.
When we realise that the other person was just using our wounds and insecurities, it's hard to face "the world" again and admit that we were wrong.
This is the point where many high sensitive/codependent people "fall down" a lot. Many are coming back to their abuser because the world can look even more cruel than the abuser and since they didn't learn how to be there for themselves, (they learned just how to be there for others) they have no idea how to live on another way.
All this is also my experience.
Lisa A Romano describes this very good: imagine that somebody who never saw a mobile phone has to make a call or restart that phone. How to do that if nobody shows us basic instructions?
Why they don't teach us about this in school? It should be a subject in all schools: " Emotional wounds management"
I love grabbing some coffee and binge watching these it helps me understand my ex and forgive and just pray for him they are the ones who need help keep in prayer and stay no contact even if you mistakenly break contact don’t beat yourself up God has you stay powerful don’t let them take your power god will keep you strong
You are so wise. What you said about being an empathetic and being a little bit afraid of the world and the narcissist makes you feel “ protected”, wow..... profound realization for me.
Yes we don't realise it is a fantasy they are creating and we crave the love we were denied as children. It can take years to realise how we were abused with narcs. Having some rules or boundaries for ourselves which others need to know and we need to be able to tell them about is important. This needs to be taught in schools.
angielska wyspa - I have thought this too... but then I realised a few things - there are reasons why they do not teach this in schools across the globe.
1) It is too controversial a subject for one (with not enough understanding),
2) It would potentially create children to question themselves too early on in their development,
3) Most importantly of all, the powers that be (psychos) want Narcs and psychos to grow in numbers and run the world ultimately.
I am so blessed to have "stumbled across" your channel. Thank you so much for these very valuable insights!!!!!
He would rip me to shreds and I kept trying to prove him wrong. He discarded me. So many emotions and feelings right now.
Sharie Vee I hear you 😞
The mistake we often do I think is that we think they don´t know they are wrong. Yes, they know they are wrong many times; but they don´t want either to believe it or you to think that they understood they are wrong - and this is what the battle is about, from their side. The battle is not about right or wrong. It´s about winning no matter what. And since they are wrong often, their battle includes acting. Because behind their action hides an agenda or a goal they have towards you, and can´t reveal for you. Because if they reveal it, you will either leave them, or will just not give them nor give away what they want you to give. Thus they will not succeed.
the narc felt like a safe place. and it feltlike a bubble. that's true
Ewa, the reason you were "too serious" according to an older person in your childhood, is that you're highly intelligent. Also, sometimes you almost do need to go live with the neighbors. In my personal experience, I think I would be dead right now if it hadn't been for very smart (and very serious, very educated) people next door. I spent so much time with them - other people noticed it, too. I myself wondered why. Now, as a 72 year old woman, I know they saved my life.
Yes. Old souls and empaths are often called "too much" anything. It's really quite a shame because this instills such self betrayal and it's usually coming from the mouth of someone who wishes to acquire the personality trait in which they are trying to dull or dim. So sad.
I cant stop thinking about my mother the Narcissist, After years of manipulation lying...And I adored her...
I didnt start waking up to her after I had a mental nervous breakdown in my early 40s & needed her help. Well I saw another side to her that I did not see.
Ive been physically mentally emotionally abused by my parents & golden child triangulation was used. My sister doesnt talk to me now for years. I pointed out the aweful things said to me. I dont have children & not married, and have a very traditional family upbringing who are very narrow minded. So you can imagine the aweful things said....And NEVER has she visisted me, brought her family etc etc to come over and have a cup of coffee together. Her best friend only live near my place. So Id find out she was in Sydney, where I was living to visit her friend, but not me....I dont understand why, I never done anything that deserved to be completely ignored, like I dont exist. So when I pointed out the hortible things said, and never has she made amends with me over this. I never mentioned the fact she has never visited. As I knew once I make an issue by mentioning this, then she never visit. How does a sister NEVER EVER VISIT HER BROTHER....for reasons unknown to me...maybe because Im not married & have no kids...I think she needs to read the bible about those righteous ones who make judgements of others before knowing facts.
Anyway the queen NarcIssist is my mother...It certainly wasnt sexual...no thankyou...but I think everyday because I cant believe how she had me fooled for so long. She is now in her 80s and has turned into a aweful woman. I fell angry. Plus my personal life has been destroyed. Everyone over and over who I became sexually involved with and who I attracted & who I was attracted too.....were all emotionally unavailable to take things further....It was one after the other...I knew when this was a repeated occurrence, and considering I was a handsome guy with a good fit body...not meaning to sound full of myself, Im not, I actually am shy with low self esteem. But it was to coincidental EVERYONE ID meet for various reason were emotionally unavailable & did not want to make a commitment, but kept calling me for sex.......I was chasing what I never received as a child, with non commited parents who brushed me off to stay with my grandmother whike they went to work & were rarely home 6 days a week. I have alot of anger atm...it comes and goes in waves......she cant talk, let alone take ANY RESPONSIBILITY...THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THESE HORRIBLE NARCISSISTIC PPL DO WITHOUT ANY CARE OF THE DAMAGE...SO SELFISH
Your soul shines so bright! This is just what I needed at this very moment. The way about you feels so true and genuine, that alone has uplifted me. Everything you said and how you said it... Thank you.
I love you ewa. You just helped me get out of bed and move on with my life.
It's strange to think that the one thing that unites us most is dysfunction. It seems so many search for an antidote in others to cure the sickness within themselves.
I have just recently started watching your videos, your words touch me deeply. You have such kind eyes with a past behind them
You're describing the classic codependent/narcissist relationship. This resonates so much with me.
My narcissist haunts my dreams, and I think of him constantly. I am tired of being tired.. How can I remedy this issue? 🥂🍺 Cheers and beers mates.
padma salam - I feel the same way, you are not alone. I wish I could answer your question.
I've yet to find a real answer on UA-cam
padma salam. Look up videos that deal with breaking energetic cords. The relationship with a narc is a spiritual battle. Those cords need to be broken.
Try to stay strong. This is normal and is part of the healing process.
Think of what you hate about them. Its working for me.
Put your energy into improving you health and fitness.
Padma how did u do it
Your voice...your words bring to me the peace that a narcissist take away. Thank you so much.
When your with them everything is in colour but when there gone its black and white hard to adjust.
k meg excellent description, you are right
I don't get this. What?
Hmm from my own personal experience I seen the light and colours for what they mean and what they are after leaving the narcissistic sociopath
When around this person it was always black and white no grey just like a huge dark cloud looming around and over me.
No contact colour came back in it’s true form.
while they have always been b&w =(
I agree KH
When my NPD BPD ex was in mach 5 lovebombing mode. of which I've NEVER experienced such love, admiration and being so consumed by this woman.
I felt like she took my black and white world and turned it into an array of beautiful color.🌈
Now after 18 months of this idealization, devalued, discarded cycle, I've finally had to get off the dysfunctional, crack the whip roller coaster.
Now I'm free of this drama but the beautiful color she brought into my world is now just a very bland, monotone shade of grey...very dark grey🌪🌫👤
I hope your healing from your experience will soon bring you closer to your own personal rainbow of vivid beautiful color and quality of life 🌈
OMG, you are ADORABLE! You are a beautiful person. This is great information. You explain things really well! Thank you.
This is such an incredible video. It has helped me so much. You point out all that variables that contribute to why I cant stop thinking about my narc boyfriend. Especially with isolation. I was already isolated even before he came into my life. And after he hurt me so badly I just wanted isolate myself even more. Thanks so much for your insights. ❤ I can only imagine what you must have been through. 😔 I am glad that you overcame it to give us your wisdom through experience. I hope to do the same.
Wow, thank you so much. For the first time in my life I feel like you have explained life with a narcissists so spot on. I have felt so trapped and stuck with all these feelings because I have only ever been around narcissistic people and I was always blamed for choosing those people. I even blamed myself too. I always felt like something was wrong with me because of their behavior and treatment. For the first time in my life I feel free of this. I now have been single going on 3 years next month. Thank you for your videos.
I too was also blamed. My family would say "you purposely choose bad people in your life- something is really wrong with you". I could never see it. None of my immediate family have an ounce of empathy. In fact they often display toxic behaviors themselves. I never told my family about my childhood bullying and teenage abuse until very recently. They are just now finally coming to understand why I have a pattern of being narcissitically abused. Although, I stopped trying to get them to understand and just try to heal for me.
Thank you for your videos, I am recently recovering from an 8 year relationship with a narcissist. Your videos are helping me sort through the pain and this pain is very very heavy. But as I watch these it allows me to process all of what I have been through in a somewhat more sensible manner.
On my healing journey from narc abuse, I had to look at and deal with the unhealed parts of myself. It was difficult. I think of fishing. The fish takes the bait because it is hungry and the fisherman knows what bait is best. I am learning to recognize my needs and working on self care . I am also practicing tuning into what my gut is telling me.
the struggle is very real
THANK YOU so much. Forgiving myself for my mistakes was the hardest part of my journey, after hearing this I can now let go and forgive myself, and also know why I attract the people in my life that I do. thank you so much again. can't wait to see the next video : )
I remember as a young child, yes idealizing a world of caring and hope. I raised a litter of kittens and knew they were completely dependent. All the mom cat had to do was lay there and the kittens attached and fed off her. My parents, I could tell, were not even really there. I took care of my mother and defended her to my narcissistic ADHD father. I picked my battles with him and scoured the home for some missing item he accused anyone around him of misplacing, which turned up underneath something he had placed on top and he never took responsibility for driving us all insane. I never blamed my mom but she was exposing us all constantly to this danger. I knew I was not to blame. Both my parents nurtured me intellectually, emotionally and spiritually when they were at their best but the house was a shambles and no one in that vortex could ever stay focus. My core wound is that I perpetually run a tape that no matter how capable, how dynamic, how original I am, I must climb that mountain again and again alone and something always appears to throw the chaos. After 26 years of marriage and I was finally studying and working steadily towards my masters degree, my husband started raging like I had never seen anyone rage before. All the buttons were pressed simultaneously, sequentially, lulls, crumbs of easy instrumental fake support then an onslaught, gaslighting, shape-shifting, the lot! My point is that I understood my parents were screwed up. I left at 19, I made my own money. I lived in share houses then on my own for 10 years and married a narcissist capable as you come, he cried at movies, he respected my opinions and listened attentively and he gave me signals that he knew how my ideas were really creative, really pragmatic if only I could gain the credibility of narrow minded, envious, controlling people up that food -chain who would take me seriously. He held out the hope that he would help me but I think he and I conspired to keep his career on the front burner. After he spun out of control and I ran, I realize this connects with the chaos I thought I could solve in my nuclear home. I am a Taurean so it fits that I needed security. Was I so tired of making it on my own, looking for real love that I invented the China shop and the bull to play out this nightmare perpetually? Still, what I have seen in the last four months does not make me miss my husband. I hate his guts. I am as scared of being around him now as my father. I did forgive my father but I realized he would destroy me if I stayed . It is my idealized love for the world I cannot repair. No one sees how messed up their beliefs and and actions are. Anyone so offbeat as me can easily be objectified and discarded. I understand they don't know what they don't know but my isolation right now means that I walk around invisible, people wanting me to relegate my life to their trash heap or be judged, excluded, ironically labeled judgmental! I keep playing that Song Bye-Bye miss American Pie. I am not Vincent Van Gough or Humpty Dumpty. This world WAS meant for one as beautiful as we are-divine beings held captive and sucked dry like the Africans brought to build America, their Whites called themselves the superior ones, claimed all their intellectual, cultural and spiritual achievements as their own, felt so entitled that their minds, hearts and souls where they were really so stuck in their delusions of grandeur-never legitimately made anything physical, intellectual or spiritual, just the usage of linguistic word salad that explained how they had the natural rights to everything and they were victimized when they were prevented from imploding the human experiment. I get all this because of my narcissistic abuse. I am just not sure what I do now. The attachment I feel to my narcissist is not how I want him to heal and come back to me. It is the sadness that he seemed like the last person that heard me and gave me the affirmation to my reality. Suddenly he was accusing me of being harsh. I would never keep a job unless I learned to compromise on my holy-than-thou stances on everything- what can one person do (least of all me, by his tone). Here was the final stroke of my isolation handed to me in one blow. The last piece in my hopeless puzzle, my worst fear realized. 'I can't fix the world', 'it's fine as it is, you just need to get with the program' 'you are the problem'! This was never my parents' message. They were fucked up and, they left me with the fucked up notion I had to fix it ON MY OWN. They were expecting me to take care of them until the end of time, my mom, the codependent and depressed so Ihsf to raise myself as well as keep house and my Dad who was a perfect storm waiting to happen at any moment. After 26 years, the perfect storm, shattering my spinning wheel, at least but I reel that my husband seemed to be the only one who could see who I was and that isolation makes me hate him along with all the other models who were fake and I had no one, got nowhere, all that wasted time and long for any point of clarity outside my own head. I created the false self that told me what I wanted to hear so I was always taking in a wind tunnel within a dream that I could make the change. It was like a final connection broken with the world. I am also sad that he will love his days out in that prison. The person I love is missing and I just mourn him. Just a loss where I cannot even speak aloud to his spirit in another realm. It's just senseless cross generational tragedy. It's like the papers, the words, the ideas are swirling around encased in that vortex. It is quite overwhelming to have this bolt of trauma shock me out of a 26 year long slumber!
robininaus wow a very good description of that experience. Thank you for sharing it because your experience is real and I empathize because that's the struggle. Hugs
robininaus thank you for sharing your life experiences - I can identify with much of your descriptions of emotions & feeling it’s up to me to fix everything, that resonated with me & that’s what I did in my first marriage for 24 years & my 2nd marriage - thought he was the one, but he turned really cruelly & suddenly on me. He did things that I’d never thought a husband would do to his wife - games & controlling, researched how to do what he needed to actually punish me.- for what ?
Anyway I won’t go on anymore it’s depressing.
Just want to function normally again & regain my health God bless you
Thank you. I was vulnerable because my mom had just passed away and I was feeling very alone in the world before he came along
This is a very helpful video for me. I don't understand why I can't stop thinking about him and ruminating about what happened.
Excellent content, your understanding and how you deliver it is remarkable. Thank you.
I always think I'm done with him , I go back to him, or why I think about him.
yeah its like being addicted to a drug
Yes. I relate to every single thing that you said. I'm only 2 weeks into my journey, I have so much work to do. But you are helping me get started! Thank you so much for all of the info
Hi Melissa, am only two weeks into my journey and feeling raw, craving him, but aware that he will only damage me more if I see him again. You're now nine months in...please tell me it gets better...
Yours hopefully...
Yeah, when my ex left me I felt scared. Today, I was shopping and an overwhelming feeling of fear of the world took over and I went home home crying and screaming the whole way. I felt safe with him until I found out he wanted to hurt to me too.
My ex-bf narcissist just passed away 3 weeks ago, so this is another reason I can't stop thinking of him, because he died. He was very self- destructive abusing alcohol and chewing tobacco. He was only 35. Yes, he was a classic narcissist, but clearly he was battling demons. I am overcome with intense sadness. But I feel much less guilt. I am probably idealizing him so much now that he's gone. But I want to cherish the good memories even though they probably weren't real as I was ultimately just supply to him...a commodity. That makes me feel even deeper sadness. 😢😔
Hang in there. Spirits do attach and may linger. Forgive him and yourself first with prayer/affirmation...De-cluttering and salt cleansing will also help the healing. Remember this is a form of warfare. God Bless...and raise your Shield with strength.
cloudyskies what I feel sorry is your ex never appreciated the love you gave him and passed on with an empty heart and a hollow soul ..
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process. You would have felt this is he had met and married someone rather than died so just go through saying good bye because either way you are going to have to do it at some point so do it now.
wonder12374 great advice
I went thru some serious heavy guilt tripping over the death of a highly toxic dysfunctional X . It took me years to overcome and function again. A part of me died with him but I am reborn stronger wiser and better than I was before.
Thank you for giving me KEY to understanding the source of my addiction and water to quench it with
Thank you so much Eva for a great video frankly. It is 100% true that we do not love ourselves that much and waiting to be loved by someone else, thus we incur wounds and psychological abuse in some sense. For those who have also experienced hearbreak: Love yourself, do not let your thoughts to be accumulated and makes you going crazy. Why do you stay in prison whe the doot is wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking and live in silence. Have good day mates!
This helped tremendously!
How do I stop loving him knowing he is evil we have been a part for 13 months and no contact but it still hurts and I can’t stop these feelings.
I know how you feel
Hope you are better now. 13months apart is long.
Your work has given me strength and clarity in so many ways. This video is spot on. Fantastic x
I’m Polish too but I’ve never been there. I need to put traveling to Poland on my bucket list. Thank you for all you do to help with recovery.
You are so welcome! Yes, Poland is wonderful to visit. Especially the parks and medieval style old towns.
That sounds enticing. The old medieval towns sound like a place I might want to live. lThomas Kinkade’s paintings come to mind.
Thank you Soul GPS for your extremely informative and healing videos. I've so needed to come across such valuable and helpful content
Thank you for sharing so much with so many. Your calming and compassionate voice and heartfelt concern for your viewers is clearly resonated in all of your videos.
I'm going to do a marathon on your videos, really hurting over recent discard, adios bye bye.
I understand what she's suffered from since early children and I forgive her......
(I just really miss her 💔😪)
I'll live...
I've survived far worse crisises...
I think
Keep up doing what you do
You are extremely appreciated 😊❤
I never comment on videos but this was incredibly insightful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing these messages.
Thank you ! Excellent information! I am healing with the pain of healing, I was listening to a other video were the explanation clicked for me : the narc experience happened FOR ME , NOT TO ME !
I Feel You, that was Awesome!!
Wonderful. High quality input.
So Much Truth!!! Thank You!!
All so very true! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder at a very young age. I had skin lesions and was made fun of very early on. I was called a loser, fat and a teacher's pet. I ended up treating my skin lesions with sunlight and vitamin d and blossomed into a pretty woman. I used my " teacher's pet" attitude to excel in my professional career. However, when the narcisstic discard came, I fell apart. I felt unworthy, fat, not deserving, ugly, too giving, too much; the list goes on. I typically consider myself a confident woman. This confused me. I came to realize that I had always said "oh so what that I was bullied everyday or made fun of, its no big deal" but as an innocent child, it was a big deal. I had to do the work to hold my child self and be there for my child self and finally comfort her. She always needed me, myself. Instead I left my child self behind, broken and hurt and seek relationship after relationship for approval to heal my previous pain. Boy what a mistake! All of those feelings as a child came rushing back again. When the discard came, I felt so disconnected to everyone else although I usually have magnetic and deep connections to most people and I could not find myself. My world felt uncomfortable and painful. It felt familiar but in the most terrible way. I could not understand how he could not feel remorse or miss me. I felt utterly rejected and im still having a hard time grasping the concept of someone not being able to love.
So true....I was 35 and still thought my family was ideal, and thought I was the rebellious one... The one with different needs and ideas. I was under the spell. Until ....I saw the light as a hurt child awakening....I am now 52 and working religiously on unlearning emotional habits.... Yeah... Difficult not to engage in what I've know and learned all my life. Thank you for your continued information.... We (I) can only awaken truly with good integral information. Yeah...process of forgiving and responabiñity....best wishes to all of us who've been educated and conditioned into emotiinal family issues.... There is light out there....let us all move toward it....blessings
The abuse shouldn't have occur in the first place. I would never see it as an opportunity. Every child should recibe true love from their parents. They deserve nothing less than love, as the gift they really are to the world. I will never see the abuse as and opportunity, or as something that, because has happened, will make me "better" than I was. I always was enough and complete and the so called "caregivers" are the only ones to blame. I just see the abuse as the mess other left in my soul, which now I have to clean up. But I shouldn't, they should, the abusers should. The world IS dangerous and oppressive... otherwise I would not feel that we. We are ALL part of this world, of the world's consciousness . Sometimes even the psychologists rationalize our feelings by invalidating our perception of the world, so that we can "adapt" to violence. I will never see violence or abuse as necessary to "grow" or "evolve". Violence should not exist in the first place, evil should not exist in the first place...
I totally am with you on this. In the beginning before I knew what I narc was I was all lke he was my "spiritual teacher" to help me with with wounds yada yada... Look, I am going to recover and have my best life. But he gets no credit, I intend to erase him from my story. Everyone has the right to craft any narrative they like, but I agree, violence isn't necesarry to grow or evolve -- but shit.... it did happen so the sucky part is, well fuck it happened.. what are we gonna do about it? But all in good time, I wasn't ready to do SHIT about it for a good damn year....... healing and peace to you! :)
I keep thinking about my X because he was the first person to show me attention after I left freak'n foster homes! He was the first to validate me as "normal". He advised me not to pursue my career choice because it was merely a reaction to my past. Other than my loving parents, he was the first person to recognize me. BUT it was "love bombing" and I did not know it. After 31 years of marriage and lots of put downs I can't stop thinking of the horrors I lived from age 7 though 49 (but mostly after I married him). Freak'n foster homes preped me for Freak'n marriage. Now I am FREE! I woke up to my reality after my son died in a home accident. I spent time thinking about how my son treated by his father and only then realized what was happening.
HatRatt I’m so sorry for your loss. I made a choice to walk away from my ex after 14 years of bs. We have 3 kids and my then 6 year old felt depressed and would cry when he was around. After my discard, I realized that he wasn’t there with us in spirit and we were living with an empty shell. Now I’m a bad mother for keeping him away from us. He is the definition of toxic, and I want no part of him. This is my way of protecting my kids from abuse, and unhealthy behavior that will do them long term harm.
I realized this partner was my mother. . I’m reliving the rejection
Triangulation & discard over again
Hi,
Thank you so very much ...This is so helpful to reflect on my lost childhood self ...Im able to reflect on myself to whatever you have enlightened here in this video... I have been through in a relationship with a narcissist past 5 years of my life ...its been 3 months since he left me dead suddenly for someone else ....I have been trying hard to move on ...its been the hardest n painful time of my life ever....
whatever you have told here is true ... Ever since I lost my mom when I was 8 years old.... I was compared, called names, made me feel worthless...sexually abused by some close elderly people who were in the family n out.
Im so able to reflect all that you had spoken about here ..Thanks so much again to help me move on .
if you have sex with the narcissist, that puts a soul tie, i.e., an energetic bridge, in place and the demon spirits (jezebel, leviathan, python, etc) that the narcissist hosts can travel and enter your body. It is low vibrating, of course--3D, instead of 4D or 5D. It feels good to the lower vibrating you like scratching an itch feels good: You want the itch gone; but, you also like the way you feel when you scratch it. You can get rid of it through prayer, but it has to be a sincere prayer that comes from a true desire to be rid of that which you really know not to be in your best interest. And, sometimes it takes time to get to this point. Also, sometimees you find the narcissist to be so unlike other people that you know, that you can't stop pondering the difference.
Love the video.
Pardon me for saying, You have Kind eyes.
Thank you so much for spreading these words,god bless you :)
What a beautiful and true video. Your voice is so soothing and beautiful. Thank you~~
Such brilliant insight, to clarify and thereby help us, Ewa, thank you so very much !!
Thanku so so much. I love u, u are amazing xxx
Tu pulchrissima feminarum mihi es. ☺️ I am so sorry that you had such a rough childhood. It’s not fun when your upbringing predisposes you to attract these types of people into your life. And it’s even less fun when it keeps happening over and over again. Thank you for all your videos. And, hello from Texas.
Wow. Ty so much for this vid. I have years in my eyes as I listen to this, you hit the nail on the head with everything. Ty so much, I wish I could hug you.
Beautiful Lady, You take My Breath Away!!😁😍😋😎
Thank you so much! This is just what I needed to hear this morning....you are spot on, I felt like I was in a bubble with her and in the beginning it was happy and free then it became a web and I was trapped...but it is my addiction to love that kept me there.
I'm really looking forward to your video on what real love is . TY
All the things I was told as a child an teen.....no wonder I m still alive! I have been told I was ugly more than once, while my step sister was told how beautiful she was. I was toooo shy, tooo quiet, too thin, too big of teeth, too nice, too dumb, etc. Every insult I remember vividly.....my gums are too big, you have a long face, you talk too much, your boring.....just every insult you can think of (almost!) Alot of this came from home an alot from other people.
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and experiences.I noticed that i share with you the same kind of vibration in the voice, when I was in the last stage in my relationship with the narc. My voice was like yours a little bit as if sick or was asleep this is what people told me when I used to answer the phone.It is obvious that even our voice is affected by the Cptsd!!
Donny Epstein "What you don't Feel ... you cannot Heal" ... excellent ... i learned a lot from him ... his book "The 12 Stages of Healing is describing perfectly ... how to feel the transition from stage to stage ... each stage has different breath .. movement and touch ... Donny tells ... "if you cannot be in the stage you love ... love the stage you are in" ... which is again related to what you said about feeling everything .... since now over 15 years i am studying how to go through the stages rapidly ... and am now in process of presenting my own work called Energy Network ... i use the exercises of Donny of the first two stages ... they are perfect ... i learned them in the beginning of the 90s and i am still practicing them ... stage three involves an exercise of my own creation and then it gets interesting ... i developed a class of 1 1/2 hours where people experience a shift from stage four to nine .. for each stage there is a different exercise ... the beauty of this is ... when it gets practiced for around 40 times the shift will be permanent .... i practiced this class hundreds of time in my 8 years staying in India ... and I know it works ... only if people reached already stage four ... which at that time i did not realize ... only long after i was practicing this ... i felt the connection with what i had learned from Donny Epstein .... another very important point is that this process is bringing up childhood wounds and they get relieved in stage seven ... it is amazing to see people in a group how the principle of resonance works ... when someone in the class is releasing a blockage from the body ... at the same time an emotional trauma gets released ... through shouting .. laughing .. crying ... or just other strange noises ... others who are ready to release the same block are doing nearly at the same time ................. i watched nearly all of your videos ... i was attracted to Narcissists ... from when i remember ... my mother is 91 ... now i study her on the phone every day ... amazing what is going on in her mind ........ this link gives you an idea about the stages: www.familynetworkchiropractic.com/12-stages-of-healing/ ... if you like it ... read the book ... for me ... it is amazing ...it is not to read fast ... after every sentence nearly ... you will find yourself in a reality you recognize ... the 12 stages are like different dimensions and ... we during our lives experience all of them ... o ... i forgot ... body-mind ... working on the body ... always has an effect on the mind and opposite ... wellness means that both body and mind are healthy .... anyway working on the body is much easier then working on the mind .. in Italian we say .... la mente mente ... wonderful what you are doing ... got some very good advice from you .....
You are a courageous woman. Thanks for these videos; they are encouraging and helpful.❤️
Wow so much insight in this video
Talking about "perfection" I think it does exist. I mean we are perfect when we become the greatest version of ourself. And that is perfect, because that complexity of living, one that bring us peace, is enough for us. And that's perfect. And I think we are always saying that we are not perfect, so that other people does not feel bad or less than a human, so that they don't think that we are selfish by saying that we are actually perfect just as we are, like God love us.
I'm not acting right & I don't ever feel good. I tried to tell my friends & one friend stopped calling & the other friend threatened me if I called. No one understands & people avoid me, mock me, attack me. I have gone so agoraphobic & I'm so afraid of people, I had isolated myself. I want to give up Face Book. People are so cruel.
Morton Carol me too.
Morton Carol. Because people dont understand why you would choose to stay on a relationship with someone you say is so horrible. For me when I was healing, I isolated myself, meditated and researched info. You can wear people out calling them ro talk about your problems, it can become draining. You cant work on yourself talking to other people. Sit quiet and still so you can become familiar with yourself.
Get a better support group
Morton Carol. I kinda think its better for you ri join those support groups as people who have not been through it dont understand. I myself have been through it and I literally blocked him on everything in one day. I went cold turkey and dealt with my emotions amd feelings on my own and watching youtube videos. I had a friend who was going thru the same thing at the same time but she kept going back to the foolishness so I cut her off and her draining my energy while I was trying to heal as well.
Morton Carol. People are not really equipped to help you with narc abuse, thats why those groups will be better for you than friends or family. We all heal at different levels and just because I could go no contact doesnt mean someone else could
Very beautiful video...thank you so much 😘
For me, my ex-narcissist had this ability to make me question my reality, doubt myself, and question my resolve wanting me to feel as if I was 100% to blame for the failure of the marriage. So, in the aftermath of my marriage during the separation, and when I moved out and settled into my own place, my mind begin reflecting back and I started questioning and wondering if I had made the right decision or not. So, during this time I went 98% no contact and when I did interact about divorce procedures, etc. with this person mostly by text message, I realized that this narcissist was still up to their same old shenanigans of being manipulative and angry that I would not accept responsibility for the failure of the marriage. See accepting full responsibility for the failure of the relationship creates guilt and regret in the mind of the victim, and therefore that victim will be more open to hanging around as secondary supply after the relationship has ended. See, even at this point in the relationship my ex-narcissist was intent on placing blame, playing the victim, and winning to make themselves look good around enablers, flying monkeys and protecting their image on social media. That 98% eventually went to 0% no contact. That said, the main reason why we can't caught stop thinking about the narcissist is because of that narcissist refusal to help bring any sort of closure to the relationship which would require them to be completely open and honest. See, what you are asking them to do they are unable. Their disorder won't allow it. Narcissist can't be accountable for anything, and I know this will sound crazy but given the narcissist disorder, they don't know how to handle the ending of anything completely even if they are the one who discards. Narcissist loves keeping all their old Ex's in their lives as back up supply. So, given the narcissist disorder. Trying to bring closure to something which they don't like is expressed as anger, callousness, and a refusal. In fact, when that narcissist discards. They no longer want you as their primary supply, but they still want to keep you around on some level as secondary supply even if it's just to argue. So, if your still text arguing, etc. with that narcissist. That's sufficient supply for that narcissist.
Well done! This will helps lots of people, including myself. Thank you ~
Addicted to the tramabond, the intermittent reinforcement. You grieve the lost of yourself. The narc mirrors you, you fell in love with yourself and losing the marc is losing yourself.
Cant thank you enough for this.
Hi, Eva! It's very nice to meet u :)
Bless your heart 💕
Im not as strong as you all are I'm a fucking mess. I don't see any point in living. This fucking sucks
Same here. I'm just existing right now. Mine is messed. And she's preparing her wedding within a month after we broke up
What happened to SoulGPS. Is she still active.? Worried
Thank you for helping me understand me
Thank you, so much for this video. More than you know.
The world is cruel and social conditioning make people feel that only an intimate partner can satisfy their needs when we actually need a safe community.
Hi,
Your videos are amazing they have helped me so much! I wanted to find out whether you were still offering personal coaching through email(?)
I wasn't able to locate an email or website for you but I feel like I would really benefit from coaching with you if this was something that you are still doing. Thanks again for these wonderful videos. They have made such a difference in my life and helping me to stay on the path to recovery.
After getting coned. I don’t know what real what’s not. How can you ever love again? How do you know what’s real love ❤️? Who really loves you? I’m lost 😞
Yes, that's very common. Clarity comes through processing what happens. Blessings to you!
yOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON SO KEEP GOING ON....
This is wonderful video.
My pain is often unbearable.
I understand in my head that I can give myself love and care.
But I can't give myself a male love and a child. The narc fooled me with his future-faking about the loving family and children. He future-faked so deeply.
Now my biological clock is ticking its last couple of years.
He is happy and settled with another supply.
I am hurt beyond any hope.
There is nothing that makes me want to live right now.
I know the truth.
I have all the right boundaries.
But I have no reason to carry on.
nnnnnnnnnnn same
The new supply will also be discarded, adopt a child or use a sperm bank.... But be sure you can be a good parent
I agree that permissive parents as well as the excuses made in society for criminal behaviour allows the increase in narcissism. There is also a genetic component.
yes. i experience the self bubbling
After choosing the 3rd Narc in a row I realized the problem was both with society and within me. 🤦🏼♀️Why am I accepting any amount of bad behavior?I found myself addicted to the push- pull of romantic relationships and unrequited love. Limerence really - not love. This last fellow was a doozy. Tall, dark and handsome. A British Phd, a top Scientist working on the Covid Cure! I thought how can I go wrong with a gent this smart. Scarier yet to think that some of these unhinged characters are in charge of our Global public health. The only way to get out of the sadistic, emotional headlock I entered and save myself was to make the crazy maker -CRAZY. His hyper intelligence combined with a manipulative, sadistic streak turned me into a Harley Quinn of sorts. I fought more with my free will to participate in poor treatment than I did with him. The only way I could break free from my own addiction (unfortunately he was not only handsome but smelled fantastic) was to behave insane myself. I was repeatedly triggered with intermittent reinforcement, flakey communication, love bombing then withdrawal triggering my abandonment issues, incessant gaslighting, non stop negs and long loving hugs. The closer we got the stranger and more aggressive the displays of Narc rage became. I just snapped🤷🏼♀️and went no contact. But the dreaded 2 month later hoover happened, like clockwork and I found myself running back for more abuse. I knew I was in trouble. I was under a jezebel spell. The only tactic I could use to liberate myself was to take one for the team and self humiliate. So I Love Bombed the shit out of the avoidant Love bomber. I sent a torrent of emoji kisses like a rabid dog in heat, called his phone incessantly to such an extent it made him rage and alas finally block me. Glen Close would have been proud. Sounds ridiculous I know. Im not proud I went to crazy town in first class. What else could I do? He used ignoring and silent treatment to humiliate me after rekindling a false connection. I admit it I walked willingly into the lions den like a
fool that goes where angles fear to tread. My willpower was weak and I was getting crushed by a psychotic stonewalling loop. My crazy fan girl groupie scheme worked. I figured out that my childhood neural programming equates love with abuse which allows me to tolerate these insufferable fools. Not sure that I can unwind my synapses before I turn old and grey So Im watching 100 Narc slayer videos a day to become more self aware and protect myself and my heart. As well as re-parent my inner child. Maybe this will stop me from be attracted to and choosing the wrong men. However, If all else fails I'll just get on my hands and knees and start eating grass...then at least I can have a good laugh as I watch them run away in horror🙅🏼♀️Kids- don't try this at home.
That is what we might call ' love'
I really love this video amazing
Actually, i did this, the thing you said about "the kid going to neighbors". I subconsciously knew that the environment wasn't healthy and i was constantly in my aunt's house
The reason why I'm addicted to my narc is the same reason why my narc is addicted to me- I've been praising him one moment and making him miserable the other moment. Unlike my narc however, I' ve doing it unconsciously, w/o any motive.
The father of my child. The best thing that ever happened to me. Did you ever see Pretty Woman? Things tried to take a turn for the better. Love heals. Unfortunately it come up with hello, goodbye . I can accept that he is a narc. No codependence
Spot on, thanks.
It's hard to explain and I am not sure I will ever !
Good video. Thank you
thank you again!!!!!
Oh wow I was told that I'm too serious too. And after I argues I was labeled crazy by my father.
Thank you.
Thank you 🙏🏻