Top 3 reasons women don't orgasm during sex with a partner
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- What I learned from women and couples over the years.
To your sensual, pleasure-filled life!
Alexandra
Alexandra Goldwell, MA, is an educator, speaker and facilitator with a passion of inspiring people to their ever-expanding potential in vitality, pleasure and love.
Tension is a major one for me ~ with one specific partner", I couldn't loose my thoughts and immerse in the moment, I had a constant battle inside my head.. one side of me wanting desperately to lose control and the other holding onto it (unwillingly or not)
Hey beautiful Tinzzz, I know this was 2 yrs. ago, but I am finally running my second course on this, woo hoo! If you still want more pleasure in your life and greater ease in your body, jump on a call with me. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
It would be great to have you in circle.
I can relate to what you're talking about -- stress (performance anxiety, reluctance to impregnate the woman, etc.) and/or physical tension can actually prevent a man from orgasming or ejaculating, too!
From the start you need to define sex. Sex is not just intercourse. Sex can be any number of activities involving the genitals including intercourse, oral, hands, toys etc. Limiting yourself to just intercourse is denying yourself of a world of sexual pleasure. Explore and have fun.
Definitely. Totally agree TrainGuy. At the time I made this I was working with many women who were having difficulty having orgasm mostly during heterosexual penetration sex. Some also during oral. I made it speaking to that audience generally, but yes, sooo many other possible situations.
So, what I'd like to know is, IF my woman has a hard time with this, what can I, as a man, do to help her? Would, for example, just being a loving partner and showing her genuine care and affection help resolve this issue?
That is amazing and part of it for sure, but depending on the person, not necessarily enough. Wiith all the women I have worked with in a similar situation, there was usually something that needed to be healed in the body and unconscious. If she feel safe (and you feel comfortable) with an internal vulva massage, that is an awesome way for a women to learn to feel even more safe while vulnerable. It depends on many things really.
Other simple practices are deep breathing together, before or during your intimacy. This could be times while sexual and other times.
If it is anxiety/tightness for her or you, having regular body work and/or a physcial practice that uses breathwork is also very helpful for shifting the nervous system. Thanks for asking, my apologies I missed your request earlier.
If she really wants the change too, and is willing and ready, ask her if she would book a consultation with me. I can definitely help. I have seen many woman change with this.
stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/book-my-20-minute-consultation
@@alexandragoldwell9893 Thanks! So, anxiety is a big part of it, right? That makes sense -- and it can ruin things for the man as well, if he's the anxious partner (I know this first-hand -- with my ex, I also had some serious mental blocks, both due to performance anxiety and to the fact that, because she had to fly all the way from Europe to see me, we could not allow ourselves to have a baby, so there was pregnancy anxiety as well)!
Try pleasuring her more,when she is ready to orgasm then enter her vagina and make love and she should climax with you.
I think most women are sooooo worried about making their partner get off they often forget about themselves. Another thing too is if she orgasms shes going to catch feelings for him. You can find out if its casual or not that way. If hes not putting in the effort hes getting ready to bail.
Yes!!!!!! Very true!
Hey Skullangel. Appreciate you taking the time to comment. I'm finally getting back to my YT channel and am excited also to be offering a course/circle for women who want to claim more pleasure in their bodies and life. You can read up on some of the deets HERE and book a call with me to chat about it or register. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve To your pleasure sister on the path, Alexandra
Exactly -- in a loving relationship, BOTH partners care about pleasing both themselves AND the other person!
You are spot on for me… Especially the first one. It wasn’t until after going to therapy that I realized I thought I didn’t deserve it. Growing up I was told it was for my husband not me. I was also told the worse thing I could do to bring shame on my family was to be a single unwed mother so pregnancy was such a dirty word my fear of getting pregnant stopped me from enjoying it even after marriage and being on birth control. Therapy and unpacking all that has freed my mindset and I know better now. I deserve it.🎉
yahoo! you sure do. All people deserve to feel pleasure and joy. It is our birthright. We are not meant to suffer.
Yes, this kind of negative mindset can definitely ruin pleasure for the woman -- and for the man as well, if he is the one who thinks this way! Also, you bring up a very good question that I myself wanted to ask: how does the woman's attitude toward pregnancy affect her pleasure in bed? I.e. is it true that if she welcomes pregnancy, she will feel more pleasure, whereas if she fears it, this can shut her pleasure down?
@@alexandragoldwell9893 Definitely -- the woman deserves to feel pleasure just as much as the man does, it's for BOTH partners and not just for one!
Wow, so far I am only on your first one, and you NAILED it! I had always been taught & treated that way, and became convinced to not expect to have one and that it doesn't matter if I don't; most women don't or can't.
Secondly: heaven forbid that we should ever hurt the male ego and let on that they are not "doing it for us"
Third: past abuse and being treated like
You mentioned in the first one, has a huge effect.
Also many of us struggle do to side effect to our medications. Especially if taking anti anxiety/anti depressant medication.
Hey beautiful Shaebomb, Thx for commenting love. I'm finally doing my second course on this topic. A circle for women online called "Opening to Pleasure" I would love to chat with you about it if you're wanting more pleasure in this in your life. Book a call with me, HERE. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
It starts in 2 weeks, so I'm talking to women every day about this. Would love to have you.
@@alexandragoldwell9893 I am going to go there but most men will not go there because men's perspectives and experiences in this arena are typically tossed aside, ignored or falsely labeled as misogyny when these kinds of questions are being asked. In addition any attempt to address this topic must include women taking full ownership and responsibility for faking orgasms if they have done so, but that is a whole other topic in and of itself. There is a fourth reason that you overlook why many women do not have orgasms during sex with their man/husband and that the woman's lack of effort and focus. Before you delete my post or tune me out --- there are so many pillow princes and female dead fish lovers out there. Men know that they have to put work and effort into sex and to have their orgasm (any woman who masturbates know this as well) so they do it. Expecting more out of sex than what you put into sex in the end is always selfish as well. Also to be frank-a lot of women's vagina game is not good. If women can talk about and criticize a man for his "D!CK" game which many women do and use those exact words as well as boldly stating that the man needs to know how to use what he has, we can and should be talking about women's vagina game and women learning how to use what they have.
If more women took the time to master the woman on top positions and put real effort into them, if more women learned vaginal control techniques like the "suck and squeeze", if more women learned how to do the Asian milking techniques if more women moved their hips and got in synch with the mans rhythm, if more women put real effort into positions that lend themselves to grinding, and lastly if there were more women who did not freak out when a man gently seeks out her clitoris to stimulate her clitoris (when a woman has a small clitoral glans and/or a larger bulkier clitoral hood, this is not always easy), their sex lives and orgasm frequency would improve very quickly.
I know that this post will anger and offend a lot of women. I get it. You have a right to your opinions and you can accuse me of whatever you like. However, I would ask all the women who get angry about my post to answer these questions-why should the man have to do all of the physical labor when it comes to having sex? Why should the man be the one who has to work on his "D!CK game but the woman does not have to work on her vagina game? Good sex is a team effort and when one team member is not putting in honest effort and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones to be a better lover, then they need to stop blaming men for the lack of orgasms and start looking at what they need to do to match or exceed his level of effort. Granted there are men who are lazy lovers and who put in as little work as possible, but I am not talking about those men. Those kind of men are not in high demand nor are they good lovers. However, these men all but always still put in more effort than the many pillow princesses and women who are dead fish lovers.
I am very visual and need the guy to really be into it! like moaning, noises, touching me like he really enjoys every bit of my body...not just satisfying themselves, but I need to see real interest and desire!
All my husband does is to please me and still not much pleasure at all.
Toot Si so what is it that’s not pleasing you ? have you talked to him what it is you like or want him to do, he’s not a mind reader. You have to communicate with him it’s a must. It sounds like he wants you to enjoy if he’s going out of his way to make you have pleasure but your not .... he needs your input as you do his or is there something your not telling him for good reason like you want a threesome or a woman something spicey just a thought. If so that could be tricky . Hope all goes well , would like your feedback .
I rather have chocolate... Food TV computer and phone... Work play pets... Family and friends... Reading and exercising...
It's so great that you know what you need to feel your pleasure. Many women can be shy to ask for what they want, which is a major reason why I am launching my new course to help women open to pleasure! If you're interested feel free to jump on a 1:1 call with me stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
Hi Toosaloof, thank you for sharing that. Often our block to receiving pleasure can be an internal one, inner negative self talk, unresolved trauma or tension in the body. I'm delighted to be offering a new course on helping women open to pleasure, if you're interested I am offering free 1:1 to see if this might be the right fit for you. Wishing you well!
stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
I just want to cry right now because of what I had released I really am thankful I was wondering what it was and I realized it was like. It's been picked up tension in the past that I've been doing so mentally and this man made me feel crazy thank you so much you are very. Good help thank you so much I appreciate it
Thank you 😭 I was having a lot of trouble with this. I will delve deeper into this through journaling. So helpful thank you
Hi Honeyjam, thanks for commenting love. I hope you've had some insights and relief and change over these 2 years. I'm finally doing a second course for women related to this. Opening to Pleasure: Freeing your body and reconnecting with what you deserve. Jump on a call with me if you may be interested. Would love to conenct. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
Thank you very much! Love the video and I subscribed!
Very nice you are neme
Sunny D.... you have Beautiful skin... flawless
Hi Sunny, you may not have watched anything here for years, but I am re-engaging my channel and am grateful for you subscribing! I'm offering my new course Opening to Pleasure for women in November. If you're looking to rekindle your commitment to your body and more joy and pleasure in your life, you can book a call with me to ask any question and register. I'd love to talk if so! Blessings, Alexandra
stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
I'm a 28yo male. Never had intimacy in my life...never had the desire to. Don't know why I never had the urge to not have intimacy. Maybe it's low testosterone? I don't know. Any reasons why maybe?
I think its ok to be this way brother. We don’t have to fit in with society and there is nothing wrong with you. This is normal in some men and women. Some of us need emotional connection to be able to feel sexually attracted to someone.
@@jonathanartiga5320 thank you for those encouraging words. Much appreciated👌
Something is very wrong
yes, check your T levels.
Have you ever heard about asexuality. It's basically where someone never has a urge or desire for sex. Just search it up on google
number one reason? Their partner is a man.
It can be frustrating to have experiences of speaking our needs and for them not to be well received. But we all deserve pleasure, it's our inherent birth right. This is an important part that I will be navigating on my next course, if you want to jump on a call with me to learn more about it I'd be happy to talk more with you about this! stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
I'm a man, and I always do my level best to please the woman I love!
very eloquent and lovely, thank you
You're very welcome, Sperosounds. This is a very important and dear topic to me, and it gives me great joy to be support people in activating their joy & pleasure, especially sexually, which can be especially challenging for women yet so rewarding when we reach these break throughs. I'm excited about my upcoming course on opening to pleasure, if you're interested in knowing more feel free to hop on a 1:1 call with me through this link! stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
To be honest I have been having trouble having orgasms whenever me and my husband have sex and I don't understand why and I think now that you. Helped me realize it could be pint up tension that I built up over time in the past in my past relationships have been tormenting me about it. It's crazy what your body can you for helping me realize? It's just simple as that. And I think you I've been struggling with having orgasms in the past and now and then I just looked up. Why can't I orgasm while having sex and I looked you up and realized it could be pint up tension like. You said from my past trauma that I have had in the past scary to think about what your body can go through remembering all those things. It's scary but not that I've watched your video. I realized I need to let go of that kind of tension now. I don't have to worry about that. I have a better husband now a better man that cares about me and loves me and I should not have to worry about that kind of torment. Anymore thank you for helping me realize that I really appreciate it
Hi Renae! I hope you have been able to keep releasing old tensions over these past months. Body work can help too.
The two of you breathing and looking into each others' eyes can help too.
Do you know that eye-gazing creates brain changes that helps to induce safety?
You may still be going through it, but I hope you are relaxing and experiencing more pleasure than ever.
If I can help you move through and get past anything that is still stuck, that is my specialty. :) Consulations are free.
stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/book-my-20-minute-consultation
Wish your sound would be higher
Hi very sexy man l like you
Tried Turn up the volume or use earphones ?
Maybe someone can help or give me some direction. My girlfriend struggles to orgasm. She was sexually abused as a child by her father so I think this plays a big part. In the 31/2 years we have been together I have tried numerous ways to try and pleasure her to bring her to orgasm.
I ask her if she has ever orgasm and she doesn’t know.
She is 59 years old, and a great lover and I want to be able to give her this experience.
Any help or insight is appreciated.
Kent M
She may be lying to you id suggest give up and move on maybe shes not into you maybe shes not turned on maybe shes just to pressured to cum it could be a lot of things some women will never ever admit to the truth if you really are serious about it id say get a rose vibrator and just let her use it while shes next to you just lay next to her and let her use the vibrator and see if shes able to have an orgasm hopefully this help like i said it could be a number of reasons why she cant maybe she doesnt want you to know i have no clue but communication is everything and if nothing works move onto some else no need in wasting time and energy man
I have a similar situation. I have achieved with my husband a couple times in 6 years. It’s a mental thing for me. I have to be completely relaxed and totally comfortable but 4-play makes it so much easier to relax. 🤷♀️ I hope that helps.
Hi Kent, this is a very difficult one to answ4 for you. I, too, was sexually abused, starting at the age of 4 yrs old. It stays with us our entire lives. And although, for the most part, the trauma has been healed, it's never cured. It's like the wounds scab over but never get to the healing point of just being an old scar. So touching it can still really agitate that wound, so to speak, and even still cause infection....
Following me?
I wish I knew how to answer this question for you, and for myself, as I feel this too is alot of my struggle.
Bless your heart for caring enough to ask, as many men don't.
The best advice I can give you is to continue to be patient and supportive.
Practice giving her affection without expectations of it ending in sex.
Like for example, a back rub, or any caressing just simply to make her feel relaxed, at ease and pleasure. If you are able to master this without needing to have sex, and she sees this over and over for a while. She will automatically begin to feel safe. Like, REALLY safe with you.
Inner safe. And she should naturally begin to desire further intimacy that will lead to her to desire sexual intimacy...
I do know, for me, that would definitely help. But it seems like a pipe dream, as men just cannot get past their own needs in order to do this for us.
So if you are able to accomplish this. And remain calm and loving, and she not feeling your frustration and tension feeling like, I do this for you I should have some.thing in return, and she just feels safe and unconditionally loved, with you simply wanting her to feel that way, and feel good with that caressing or whatever you're doing for her...I would be very surprised of this didn't do the trick. And if it doesn't, come do it for me and I guarantee in time it would work for me lol 🫣😉 I hope this has helps you out.
This by the way goes for any woman in any situation of her not feeling desire... best of luck to you! I'd love to know how you make out, Pardon the pun. ❤
Hello Kent, this is a year ago, and I hope you two have had some support or one/both of you have experienced some healing in this. It may not be the right thing, but it might be, I am offering a course for women called, Opening to Pleasure. it's a 6 week journey, Live online with me, where we'll move through some of the most common reasons for this and how to see change. She can book a call with me HERE if she wants to read about it and inquire. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve Best to you both, Alexandra
You gotta give yourself permission to think about dirty or taboo stuff.....go nuts!
Ok. The reason is bc the man is not interested in the effort it would take to do it. Not just physically, but mentally & emotionally. And I can't blame them. It's better to just give up and get a vibrator.
Hey Scrapdog, Thx for commenting. I was off my channel a long time but am back to engage and am excited to run a circle and course for women who want more pleasure and joy in their lives. If you want more pleasure, sexual and otherwise, in 2024, consider joining this women's course love! Check it out and book a call to chat with me and register here. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
If a man loves his woman, he SHOULD at least make an effort to do it -- if he doesn't care, then that's just selfish!
Wtf… I deserve that shit and so do you sis 🤣
100% Tam to evolve. Wouldn't it be awesome if all people felt deserving of pleasure and real joy....and sought to experience it more often! Thanks for commenting sister.
Offering a new course live online with me, starts in November 2023. Opening to pleasure; Free your body and claim what you deserve. If you or someone you know want to ask any questions or register, would love to have ya! Book a call here.
stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
I like to hear what the women have to say
Thank you!
Have anybody told you that you look like Scarlett Johanson?
omg, that's so kind Russell. Thank you, she's beautiful.
What a stupid thing to say. COMPARING women to others isn't going to get them to touch your peepee.
No, but thx! If your partner wants to continue to open to pleasure Russell, I'm offering a new course for women in a few weeks. stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
Scarlett Johanson? Isn't that the heroine from Gone With the Wind???
Wood u like to talk with me???
😂 unconsciously think?
I’m not alone 😩
No, you are not sister. And you can ABSOLUTELY open the body, learn to allow pleasure, and be with a partner who devotes themself to your equal pleasure. You will often have to do many things on your own though, to heal any old pains or family imprinting about physical intimacy, sensuality, your body, etc..... You deserve joy and pleasure in your body and relationships!
I love you
Arsadali, you are so kind. I'm finally re-engaging with my channel and am excited to be talking about women and joy and pleasure again! There is a new course happening love, starts soon in November. If you may be interested in more pleasure in 2024, join the circle sister. You can connect with me and ask any questions here stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve
Can also just read more about it.
Hope you are happy and well
Alexandra
Thnx alot
Hi Samansa, thx for connecting those years back. I'm re-engaging with my channel after some years away am offering an Opening to Pleasure course for women in November. If this is something you still want more of in your life, read a bit more about it HERE or you can book a call right away and ask me anything! stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve Much pleasure and happiness to you, Alexandra
The first one, nah
Uptight frigidity perhaps?
Well ya, those or other ways to say it, but it all comes from somewhere! Mothers, Grandmothers, fathers, grandfathers,....and each individual has their own system challenges to overcome I don't think anyone really wishes to have little pleasure in their life.
🌸🌸🌸
Hello my friend, thanks for being tuned in to my channel, even if it was way back. I've created a new course for women called Opening to Pleasure that's soon up! I will be live online with a circle of women and look forward to more women relaxing into pleasure and feeling safe in their bodies in this world. If you may want to join, have any questions or want to register, book a call with me! stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve Hope you are happy and well bam,
Alexandra
It's thrilling to make her eyes roll back while she uncontrolably quivers with pleasure, I went with what I commmented about last week and now she can’t have enough. I did it go’ogling the latest by Merle Winestol and now she’s the one dragging me back for more lol.
This is so great to hear Kyle Good! The intention to give & receive pleasure is where it all begins to activate! There can be other blocks for women to opening to receive which I am excited to explore more with women in my next course stan.store/AskAlexandra/p/opening-to-pleasure-reclaiming-what-you-deserve