This is painfully accurate for anyone who has ever worked for a large corporation. The best part is the people who give these presentations think their employees are actually buying their bullshit.
Yeah the whole "We are doing great and thank you so much for your hard work and we are cutting all your benefits and making your life hell" is very familiar.
@@dangoettel100well said! Our company did better than ever and for all our hard work they switched our medical plan from Cigna to United Health Care effective 1/1/25 and when asked about it during a meeting the sr vp’s response was well Cigna has denied claims in the past also. Talk about a fresh hell
That's a lie! Oxygen canisters WILL be provided by the company after 8pm for a small fee which will be deducted from your pay. Pay(!) attention! We are not monsters! HR.
Perfect Corporate-Speak video. Lots of hard in and hard outs. Cost cutting, lay-offs, fee for oxygen, unrealistic performance goals, AI, and CEO out of office in Hawaii, and have a great 2025.
Both funny and true. And the truth hurts. I have worked for companies just like this. I am retired, and that's why I can laugh. Had I not been retired, I would be taking a baseball bat to my computer. Thanks, Sarah!
You don't tax the the rich. Remember you could get rich too you don't want the gubmint stealing any of your riches so they can what, do woke stuffs with it? Stuff that! No it's the poor needs getting taxed there's way more of them so they can afford it.
Yes, but you'll need to pay $4000 to maintain your coverage for those two days. Also, life is a pre-existing condition so anything that shortens, lengthens, or otherwise modifies the timespan of yours is not covered. We appreciate your business! --[robot signature] UHC CEO
Under Jack, GE's insane growth hid all sins. Immelt seemed not to know what to do with all the golden eggs the geese he'd inherited were laying... so he sold them off. Death of a thousand cuts, and Sarah's take here is painfully accurate.
“Our employees are our most valuable resource and you folks have been doing a fantastic jobs struggling every day to almost reach our unattainable goals. Having said that I’m announcing that we will be laying off just enough of our workforce to ensure that the goals we’ve set for the coming year are even more unattainable and those layoffs will begin at the end of this meeting. This will be challenging for all of us but management has determined that if you all can just do a little bit more with a little bit less, all of their plans will work out for the benefit our shareholders.”
This brought back such sweet memories. I took early retirement last year-though, it was more like, 'You retire, or we’ll fire you.' So I chose retirement, and I’ve never been happier!
This is bringing back memories of office life, business acronyms, impossible targets etc. Thank goodness that I left to create my own business. I really can make my own goals and no acronyms!!!!!
"I'm so excited to be here!" BS business lines I don't miss... Do less with more until you can do everything with nothing, for less pay, working more hours.
This was amazing, I was cackling the whole time That being said, we are going to need to you include some more mini-microphones by end of day or you will have to walk the new golden plank we've installed off the top floor of each office location.
You are a brilliant writer and comedian. Thank you for your joy and sharing your gift of laughter. The empty promises of these executives is spot on and the irony that you captured is genius 👏🏾❤️💪🏾
Oh my, I laughed (and cried) so hard. This is spot on for corporate America and so much of what is wrong with our workplace. I lived this for many years and your insincerity is a perfect reproduction of corporate HR and finance thinking. It’s all about shareholder and senior management financial gain with little actual consideration for customer care, service or long term reputation. It’s all about short term results and immediate compensation for shareholders and very senior management. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how things might change if senior management, board members and institutional investors had to consider Claw Back provisions tied to longer term results?
Scary true...so glad I don't have to hear how "super excited" executives are anymore. They'd talk really slowly through the financial portion of company/employee meetings to burn time, but then get jazzed when it was over and thank everyone profusely and smile & have that yay/home free look once the questions stopped...because they were back to being...super excited.
That was riveting and I feel riveted! Your expressions of the general staff member on the receiving end of the top-heavy corporate management structure represent those of the whole weary western world. This made my three times a charm retirement from 45 years in the IT industry so much more enjoyable! Oh, and I love you! 🙃
Brilliant work Sarah, keep up the great "🤣🤣🤣" work as we (globally) will all need all the "🤣🤣🤣" we can get after Jan 20th to get thru the pending 4 year orange shit-o-cane that without any doubt is going to leave a nasty political/societal skid mark on the planet.
I’m so glad the “team” was able to grind through another brutal year, as ceo I’d like to thank everyone for the record profits I was able to enjoy, that being said….😊
Scary how accurate this will be for me in a few more years. I now work for a $7 billion company with $23 billion in assets. I've been experiencing less benefits than when the company I use to work for, got bought out. All in the name of efficiency.
Your timing was GREAT. It's hard to make any script funny when you have to stick to this up-tempo cadence without a break, but you handled it like the goddess of righteous indignation.
Wait, no mention of the new cover sheets on the TPS Reports?! Even though those are all virtual and AI now, they are still required by each boss in management. We’ll be sure to get you and your bathroom stall co-occupant a new copy of that memo. Ok, thanks.
Nailed it! Nailed EXACTLY what my experience was working in American Corporations and living through 4 layoffs! Retired reorg here! 😂😂😂 keeping going Sarah!
"We have total cash reserves of over 300 billion dollars - that being said we do have to focus on cost cutting this year" SOOO accurate!
So spot on… it's hard not to cry through our guffaws! I was only surprised that the CEO didn't announce plans to buy Greenland and Panama.
Seems to be more of a snatch-and-grab than a purchase.
Yeah, paying for things is so 2010s. 🙄
Don't you need to throw in Canada, also?
😂😂😂😂
Or the faucets are going to be fixed.
This is painfully accurate for anyone who has ever worked for a large corporation. The best part is the people who give these presentations think their employees are actually buying their bullshit.
I can’t speak for the rest of the government, but state colleges are similar, just slower.
Yeah the whole "We are doing great and thank you so much for your hard work and we are cutting all your benefits and making your life hell" is very familiar.
@@dangoettel100well said! Our company did better than ever and for all our hard work they switched our medical plan from Cigna to United Health Care effective 1/1/25 and when asked about it during a meeting the sr vp’s response was well Cigna has denied claims in the past also. Talk about a fresh hell
I’ve a question tho- do the employees just put on their best poker face then? I can’t imagine having to pretend I care during those meetings
I'm gonna have to watch this real quick because I have an inny-outty at dawn.
LOL
I was hoping it didn’t mean what it sounded like, but you’ve dashed all hopes.
"Doing more with less and doing less with more" is an accurate summary of where we're heading as a planet.
"We are building nothing for no one sending our profits directly to the president"
"If your department has the word department in it" 😂 😂
like D.O.G.E.
RIP the Department of Departmental Departmentation.
Scathing. Absolutely scathing. I adore your work!
The cadence, the message of terrific profit couched with "That said," the tone-everything-is spot-on! Painfully funny!
The world needs you more than ever, Sarah Cooper!
Ain't that the truth!
Retired 8 years ago, and this video brought up some memories. Great job Sarah.
Me too. 😂
I just have to make it to retirement in June w/o getting unteleworked or fired by DOGE first!
Bring your own air!😂
Perriair
@@Ktmzqwcommence operation vacuu-suck! 😂
That's a lie! Oxygen canisters WILL be provided by the company after 8pm for a small fee which will be deducted from your pay. Pay(!) attention! We are not monsters! HR.
Perfect Corporate-Speak video. Lots of hard in and hard outs. Cost cutting, lay-offs, fee for oxygen, unrealistic performance goals, AI, and CEO out of office in Hawaii, and have a great 2025.
Don’t forget the self destructing badge if you are laid off😅😂
@@karenm4322 and 2 days of COBRA
Don't forget, the CEO's message was pre-recorded
Perfect depiction of corporate America!!!
Both funny and true.
And the truth hurts.
I have worked for companies just like this.
I am retired, and that's why I can laugh.
Had I not been retired, I would be taking a baseball bat to my computer.
Thanks, Sarah!
Actually we need you to come back in for an exit interview.
Retired as well, and thought, yep so true. But like you I can laugh about it now. haha
“Damn it feels good to be a gansta”.
;-)
Great job everyone. You’re all fired. Happy holidays!
I once heard a CFO say at a corporate meeting: “payroll is our biggest expense.” The gaslighting was off the charts.
We must have worked for the same company because my employer said that as well.
TAX THE RICH.
Thank you for making me laugh about corporate greed, Sarah!
You don't tax the the rich. Remember you could get rich too you don't want the gubmint stealing any of your riches so they can what, do woke stuffs with it? Stuff that! No it's the poor needs getting taxed there's way more of them so they can afford it.
Stop tax cuts to billionaires
Brutally accurate from my experience of listening to C-suites giving quarterly all-hands, even if exaggerated for comic effect.
The Uncanny Corporate Energy is too real.
I’m feeling retraumatised 🤭
GIVE THIS WOMAN A TV SHOW!!! She should be a HUGE star!!!
Covered by Cobra for 2 days... Woohoo 🙌
Yes, but you'll need to pay $4000 to maintain your coverage for those two days. Also, life is a pre-existing condition so anything that shortens, lengthens, or otherwise modifies the timespan of yours is not covered. We appreciate your business! --[robot signature] UHC CEO
Sarah, this was unbelievably spot on. This should be shown on all news stations. It's funny and sad because this is what's happening. Bravo!👏
I worked at GE while Jeff Immelt was CEO. This is frighteningly reminiscent of every quarter.
Wow. You are a survivor! 😜
@@luvzdogz, no, I quit before turning 59.5, the age of the typical layoff.
Under Jack, GE's insane growth hid all sins. Immelt seemed not to know what to do with all the golden eggs the geese he'd inherited were laying... so he sold them off. Death of a thousand cuts, and Sarah's take here is painfully accurate.
Sarah, you got me through Trump the first time. I'm counting on you to deliver, once again, on Trump and now his beloved oligarchs.
“Our employees are our most valuable resource and you folks have been doing a fantastic jobs struggling every day to almost reach our unattainable goals. Having said that I’m announcing that we will be laying off just enough of our workforce to ensure that the goals we’ve set for the coming year are even more unattainable and those layoffs will begin at the end of this meeting. This will be challenging for all of us but management has determined that if you all can just do a little bit more with a little bit less, all of their plans will work out for the benefit our shareholders.”
This brought back such sweet memories. I took early retirement last year-though, it was more like, 'You retire, or we’ll fire you.' So I chose retirement, and I’ve never been happier!
You are the only one who can make us laugh through our tears. You’re brilliant!
Clearly you’ve worked in U.S. corporate business. You’re brilliant, Sarah!!!
Love you Sarah! You are brilliant beautiful and beloved!
Super talented
Virtual potluck sounds AMAZING! I didn't have to eat anyone else's potato salad. Whew!
"Bring your own air " 😂😂 great stuff Sarah !!
“12 days a week”
::truth in comedy::
(reality is soda pressing)
Yay! 😂 I hope you're coming back with more skits, especially for us Coopers Coops. 😊
This is bringing back memories of office life, business acronyms, impossible targets etc. Thank goodness that I left to create my own business. I really can make my own goals and no acronyms!!!!!
So relatable... You've been watching our corporate meetings.
hourly goals genius!
Worked in a hospital. All my patient care was assigned in values of minutes.
"I'm so excited to be here!" BS business lines I don't miss...
Do less with more until you can do everything with nothing, for less pay, working more hours.
You are gifted, so gifted at being hilarious about brutal things! Makes working less horrible. ❤
Thank goodness the company is doing so well.
Yay!!!!!!
So true. Seems like somebody has “enjoyed” those company meetings with all the celebrations…followed by all the bad news! Loved it!
"I have an iny-outy at dawn" lol great stuff Sarah! The bored, insecure golf claps from the audience are geat as well.
This was amazing, I was cackling the whole time
That being said, we are going to need to you include some more mini-microphones by end of day or you will have to walk the new golden plank we've installed off the top floor of each office location.
My favorite superfluous segue in businessspeak: With that having been said …
Pissing on our heads and telling us it's raining is a fine old corporate tradition.
You are a brilliant writer and comedian. Thank you for your joy and sharing your gift of laughter. The empty promises of these executives is spot on and the irony that you captured is genius 👏🏾❤️💪🏾
Sarah you are brilliant & spot on!! Have a Happy & joyful 2025! 🥂❤
So inspiring! We have all achieved our goals! Now we can fire everyone, thank you for your support! :-)))
Canadian in Germany and am a huge fan. Your vids always bring a smile, or a laugh. Thanks!
Love Canadians!!!
Doing rolling layoffs song. Brilliant.
Everything is great. That being said…….. Excellently timed and reacted to. More of this welcomed.
Hilarious, and painfully on-point as always.
That. Was. Brilliant!!!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Oh my, I laughed (and cried) so hard. This is spot on for corporate America and so much of what is wrong with our workplace. I lived this for many years and your insincerity is a perfect reproduction of corporate HR and finance thinking. It’s all about shareholder and senior management financial gain with little actual consideration for customer care, service or long term reputation. It’s all about short term results and immediate compensation for shareholders and very senior management. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how things might change if senior management, board members and institutional investors had to consider Claw Back provisions tied to longer term results?
I'm so in love with the characters you play!
We genuinely got told similar to the “cash reserves of $3b but we are going to have to focus on efficiency” recently at my job - stunning
Sounds like our typical pep rally at work. nailed it.
This is too real... I need to talk to my therapist, pronto.
Scary true...so glad I don't have to hear how "super excited" executives are anymore. They'd talk really slowly through the financial portion of company/employee meetings to burn time, but then get jazzed when it was over and thank everyone profusely and smile & have that yay/home free look once the questions stopped...because they were back to being...super excited.
That was riveting and I feel riveted! Your expressions of the general staff member on the receiving end of the top-heavy corporate management structure represent those of the whole weary western world. This made my three times a charm retirement from 45 years in the IT industry so much more enjoyable! Oh, and I love you! 🙃
Love you. You are brilliant.
Sarah you are amazing and brilliant. Laugh out loud funny! 😂
Its very clear that Sarah spent time in corporate America! Thanks for telling the truth.
I just want to thank Sarah for being the air beneath my laughter.
And Our new head office will be in Greenland.
Fisher-Price computer computers😂
Refurbished, no less
The best!! Haha!!
Don't forget they are running our own proprietary software that does not work
Love getting a new video from the brilliant and hilarious Sarah Cooper
Sarah is my connection to the sane world. Ya gotta love her.
Brilliant work Sarah, keep up the great "🤣🤣🤣" work as we (globally) will all need all the "🤣🤣🤣" we can get after Jan 20th to get thru the pending 4 year orange shit-o-cane that without any doubt is going to leave a nasty political/societal skid mark on the planet.
I don't know if she's the greatest, but she's definitely among the great.
hysterical! Thank you!
America needs more of these documentaries!
No breathable air. I love it. Only a small fee.
Hard in at 10pm 😂😂😂 good stuff Sarah!
and 3:05 🤣
Sarah, you are cutting fucking edge!!! Go Girl!!! I love your comedy so much!!!
I’m so glad the “team” was able to grind through another brutal year, as ceo I’d like to thank everyone for the record profits I was able to enjoy, that being said….😊
Aloha!
Terrific riff on the plight of the modern middle-class corporate worker!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 The worst thing about this is that their presentations are not far-fetched.
Right after I watched this video, it cut to an AI software ad😂😂😂😂....they really are taking over
"...hourly goals". I'm dying 🤣
😂😂😂😂😂...I needed a good laugh...thanks Sarah 2025..God help us 🙏
Bucking FRILLIANT!! 😏👌🏻😂
That being said . . . . Apparently Sarah knows my company.
“…and sending all our profits directly to the president.” Kicker of a punch line! ❤
Scary how accurate this will be for me in a few more years. I now work for a $7 billion company with $23 billion in assets. I've been experiencing less benefits than when the company I use to work for, got bought out. All in the name of efficiency.
Sarah, I just found a live standup routine on UA-cam. Sooo funny! Thank you for the laughs and your unique comedy!
Lawd!! Sarah Cooper, I adore your humor!!!!
My soul is drained out through my toes by about 2.5 minutes in. My brain melted and followed suit, 2.5 minutes later.
Your timing was GREAT. It's hard to make any script funny when you have to stick to this up-tempo cadence without a break, but you handled it like the goddess of righteous indignation.
Someone help me -- I'm naive; the reasons for each member leaving were getting progressively lewder, right? xD
I am so grateful for being employed by this multi billion dollar company that I actually pay them to go to work, I love my job.,,,,
Best documentary this year.
... so far.
Wait, no mention of the new cover sheets on the TPS Reports?! Even though those are all virtual and AI now, they are still required by each boss in management. We’ll be sure to get you and your bathroom stall co-occupant a new copy of that memo. Ok, thanks.
I thought this was gonna be funny. I didn't know Sarah now does documentaries. Lol
🥲
I was going to say the same thing. That being said, I'm going to keep this brief since I have a handy in ten. Sarah, this was great!
I used to work in tech and Sarah, you nailed it.
Lost a bunch of colleagues at the beginning of 2023 in a McKinsey-run bloodbath. The durable savings have been magnificent.
All that's missing was a lengthy, unscripted, unfocused top-of-mind from an ambitious mid-level director.
Nailed it! Nailed EXACTLY what my experience was working in American Corporations and living through 4 layoffs! Retired reorg here! 😂😂😂 keeping going Sarah!
one sneeze ................................ per half-day. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God tissue is BACK!!! YES!!!!!!
Haunting and hilarious. Well done
Sarah, you are 🔥.🙏💃💃💃💃🙋
You make it look so easy, the video editing is amazing. I can always count on you for a laugh. Thank you.
Lol 🤣🤣🤣 We love you Sarah 8 months left for me and this #corporate BS