What is Borderline Personality Disorder? | Kati Morton
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- Опубліковано 27 січ 2013
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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My therapist said BPD is the cancer of mental health. She had a tired, helpless tone to her voice. BPDs are usually intelligent and 99% of the time we are very self-aware of our behaviors and thought patterns. We are sensitive to peoples’ tones and energies (not to be all pseudo-scientific). We absorb personality traits because at our core we don’t have a strong sense of identity.
I’ve found that the language of BPD on UA-cam and online is very hopeless and bleak. Hope is what we need the most. The stigma is pretty alarming. If anyone is reading this and is struggling with your BPD, know at least I care and have hope for you.
Yuki James Trust me I don’t blame you at all. I’ve pushed away so many friends. And lost many. It means a lot that you care though. We are exhausting. There’s no other way to say it. And it only feeds our BPD-related depression. I agree and hope more research comes quickly.
Yuki James it’s not your job to necessarily help...you are that persons friend after all, not their therapist. You honestly need to take a hard look at that friendship and ask if the difficulty of it for you is worth it. Your not a bad person for it, it’s just the reality of the disorder, it’s difficult for the person suffering, and often times those around that person. A tip I would give to help engage dialogue without angering your friend is to focus on symptoms affecting them internally as opposed to the diagnosis itself. For example, ask about how their impulsivity seems to be affecting them greatly (whether it be gambling, substance abuse, etc.) as opposed to how their anger and lashing out is unbearable. Also, being mindful of your tone is a great skill to have with a person with BPD (and any person for that matter). Often an ill interpreted tone can set off a person with BPD. When it comes to speaking on their symptoms that are draining to you, it’s more so something you have to ease into, and handle with reassurance that you only bring them up to further strengthen your friendship, and not to abandon them. But like I said before, it’s ultimately up to you to decide if you want to deal with it or not. Hope this helps.
I care about you too!! It was so nice to read this. I hope you are doing well 🤗✨
Thank you ❤️
thanks
I really like how she says "we" instead of "they". ❤❤
Yazmine Gray that’s how they teach you to speak to be a therapist. You have to speak very carefully in settings with clients bc you don’t know what could offend.
it just confuses me about if she has bpd or not ..
Yazmine Universe it's called the Royal we and is used in formal contexts by a writer or such to refer to herself.
I think one valuable piece of that is that if it's not clear, but you still see value in her content, then this helps destigmatize Borderline and those with it! So, part of your confusion is the value that it brings, actually!
Yes! Ive been to hundreds of therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists rtc and shes the first person ive ever heard saw we and cuss lol and i love it... puts me at ease and makes me feel like i can say what i want without judgment
for me, the worst part of BPD is that i am usually aware of my actions during an episode, i can understand and feel everything, but i can never take control and stop myself from doing it anyway; i am sentenced to watch my own self destruction without being able to help, no matter what i try. this adds up a whole new level of desperation and helplesness that only makes everything worse and harder to control, making me even more unstable. it's why i get sad when people tell me to just stop acting like this or that - because i am trying, and it hurts because it brings a feeling of failure and shame at my own inability to function as i should.
ps:i'm glad to see someone talking about how the demonization of BPD starts with the ones who were supposed to be helping us to get healthy again. the stigma is suffocating, and people just stop treating you as human. it's nice to see someone on the other side has caught on to this sad tendency when it comes to this disorder.
EDIT JULY 2023: Just came here to watch this video again, and I never expected this to have had so many likes and comments. To all of you who are suffering, I hope from the bottom of my heart that this finds you in a better state of mind, and that you always have strength to keep going, keep walking. My struggles with BPD are still very much present, but therapy has helped me a lot on recognizing triggers and when an episode is about to start, so I can get myself to a safe place, because the way I get when an episode starts is still the very same: I can understand I am spiralling, but I still am unable to take action and stop it from happening. Progress isn't linear, and what is progress for some is not always the same for others. I have bad days and not so bad ones, and I still live by the motto of doing no harm to anyone. And I still believe that the BPD diagnosis should NEVER be the be all tell all that allows health professionals to just label you as aggressive, toxic and violent and then reduce your whole humanity down to nothing, just because of your diagnosis.
Well. If you dislike the stigma thats there for a good reason. Try being a good person yourself and disprove the stigma? If you cant control your actions and hurting others. Atleast apologize for it after.
I think my bf had this an he does repeat the same hurtful things over and over and seems like he's in a "mode" he can't control. I'm codependent/alano person so afraid to focus on myself but obsessed with trying to fix others or their agendas. You can imagine this doesn't go well. We met 4 yrs ago and have been fighting every single day since...
Any suggestions to help during the spin outs? I don't know why but he reminds me of a wash machine toward the end of the spin cycle.
Do you crash after an episode? Patchy memory?
Maybe you can become a therapist and take bpd patients! ❤❤❤
@Angelica Johnson No offense but that's a really superficial pit pat reply that I guarantee confuses, frustrates and even causes some to feel guilty. There is no explanation provided as to how you help other people when you are suffering tremendously yourself. Many of us are intelligent but function at low levels, getting out to help other people would be fantastic but first you have to get of the house...You're at step 5 and you've provided no infor for how you or others can get there. Many of us are just trying to figure out how we even got here.
@@youtubingbabs oh, i'm no professional, so I can only speak from my personal experience with my own episodes; I apologize if I say anything that will sound like absolute bs in the eyes of someone with actual education regarding BPD and mental health in general.
however, as I don't want to be unkind and you did reach out, I thought a lot about how to answer this. I can't say I know how to help someone who lashes out during an episode, and the reason for that is that I usually lash "in" - in other words, I always become extremely aggressive and mean towards my own self. Hurtful words and actions during my episodes are 99% of the time focused only on me - those 1% are when people try to hold me down or touch me when I don't want to be touched, so I usually just try to get out of reach - and I have a tendency to ask for help while isolating at the same time.
However, what is always a must for BPD is: go see a professional. Psychiatrist, therapist, or both, if he can. You can't 'fix' someone, and you've got to take care of yourself, as much as it is hard to do so. What you can do is support him and love him while he heals, and talk to him about his thought process during these episodes, and the things that trigger positive and negative responses in those times. Maybe touch can help, maybe it can make things worse. It's something extremely personal and that only he can guide you through. Hope this helps, and most of all, I hope you're ok and doing alright in general aspects. Be safe and take care!
As someone with all 9 symptoms, being diagnosed with BPD at 18, I can tell you it's like living in your own personal hell. It's a horrible, horrible disorder and I don't think anyone with BPD would wish it on their worst enemy.
Alice Malice all the love to you Alice I know I’m a random internet person but you should know there is someone who knows your pain routing for you out there ❤️
I just broke up with my girlfriend. I had found out she has been cheating on me. She is also suicidal, bulimic, and had been abusing alcohol. Shes spent time in the hospital the past couple days and they determined she does in fact have BPD along with PTSD. I feel so bad because she didnt mean it all. I dont know what to do
Andrew Gaudette id take her back and help her get therapy but id slow down for a while. If shes alone its just gonna make her mental state worse and its gonna hurt other people as well. But in the end of the day its your choice how you feel about her
Actually
Hi Alice, I was diagnosed at 16, all 9 and also hear voices here and there. After almost ten years of constant therapy I wanna let you know that im 24 today and i feel so different from what I used to. I hope you can do it too.
The number one thing I've noticed being BPD myself is that other people do not have ANY FUCKING clue what is going on with you or why. They can't seem to grasp that you aren't TRYING to be difficult, you just can't handle your own emotional state.
THIS !!!
It's that you haven't got a handle, rather than that you can't.
I disagree. It's an emotional regulation disorder, hence why the name has been changed to accomadate for this to EUPD. Also many people have been diagnosed with BPD and have actually got cPTSD however that is not yet in the revised Diagnositic Manual yet . You cannot choice what emotion things evoke in you, and with BPD or PTSD symptoms/ response the intensity at which you feell it is out of your control aswell. Thank blog for ppl like Kati doing this type of educaitonal and informative videos, people with BPD /cPTSD can learn how to bring them selves down perhaps more effectively (grounding) but nothing can stop the intensity of the initial reaction to emotional stimuli. It's is a reaction, not a thought about response, it just happens.
I agree and even when I try to explain the disorder to people they still don't understand and I just feel like more of a burden for trying to explain my disorder. I also get a lot of "well you can't blame your disorder for your extreme emotions." And I'm just like... uh bpd is literally the reason I act so extreme. Yes I try to control it but I'm sorry there are times where my behavior has everything to do with my disorder. It is not something you can just snap out of or change without intense therapy.
Yeah, I've had a lot of people outright blame me for "starting drama" because I felt suspicious and worried about something. It really comes down to the pattern already set in your mind, where you're so busy trying to protect yourself from bad things, and on top of that--we tend to attract other volatile and codependent people on top of it.
Emotional disregulation--I can regulate myself but it takes time, and energy, and I've had a lot of people want to talk about delicate things at 10pm at night after a long, exhausting day, and take it personally when I say now is a bad time to talk to me, which causes me to get upset and either get angry at them or withdraw from them.
But people generally seem to get upset anytime I'm not 100% calm and collected.
Actually the unstable sense of self refers to how we don't feel like we have a stable identity. It means we absorb traits of other people we're around and form that into ourselves like it's a part of us. So it's not limited to just eating disorders at all. It's more complex than that.
Holy mole your comment blew my mind. I always called myself a chameleon grow up because I would changed what I liked based on people around me.
Fucking hell... and your comment blew my mind because I refer to myself as a chameleon now.
I think it can be both. I don't think she's wrong but I get what you're saying.
@@elizabethh86 It's the fact that she didn't correctly cover such an intense symptom that almost defines borderline patients. Yes body image could stem from the unstable sense of self symptom, but it's not the same as the overall thing is just what I mean. If that makes sense.
Mars Madewell she was just going over what the dsm said and pointed out why there’s an overlap between bpd and eating disorders, not that a nebulous self image is only about body image
I don’t want to self diagnose, but I got all 9.
Sarah Kauffman it’s good that you’re trying to figure yourself out but to really know you definitely should talk to someone even if it’s scary
Same..
Same
There is nothing wrong in seeking help. You may not be BPD but keeping yourself mentally well is what really matters
Same for almost 1 year. But i cant get a diagnosis cuz im 13 🤦🏼♀️ but like idgf what does this shit have to do with teen angst?!
My friend got diagnosed today. I thought she was clingy at first but now I get it. I see why she texts me everyday and why whenever I compliment her she appreciates it so much, why she gets mad when I can’t offer the right advice. She’s not weird like I thought, she’s different. I feel so much lighter even though it’s not me who got diagnosed. It’s a hard, hard thing to live with. She’s the toughest person I know and she thinks she’s trash
@Dsmv she’s my gf now lmao
@@silversmith333 I hope your joking. I would run. I was with someone with borderline for years. It is hell on earth dealing with. Remember they will love you one minute and hate you the next. Good luck if you stay with it.
😭
@@jdj2022 this stigma is gross. My best friend has bpd and she is in the most fulfilling relationship with a rock solid partner and they’re now engaged. She and I in the past used to butt heads a LOT but we haven’t had a fight in literal years. It’s a disorder that requires a lot of hard work and support but it is fully possible to form long lasting healthy relationships.
@@silversmith333 that's sweet
not all people with bpd uses suicide attempts to keep someone from leaving, some just want to end with that emptiness, and extreme sadness... Not all is about seeking attention, not all of them want to manipulate... That's a misconception...
Nathaly Fuentes commenting 7 months later but this should be higher up!
Well it's common
Well if you ever tell anyone that you're feeling suicidal it's pretty much always attention seeking (with very very few exceptions). If you actually want to end your own life, it's actually quite common to feel like that's something you want to keep very private and secret, because you don't want anyone to stop you.
Yeah, especially during an episode, my panic attacks felt awful. All my brain kept saying to me is "wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to deal with this anymore"? And I have to fight those thoughts, but damn, does it get tiring.
Nathaly Fuentes it’s not seeking attention that’s the whole point. It’s cuz we have a problem in our head and it’s what we go to. Like I wanna kill myself cuz the love of my life is leaving me not cuz I want attention
“Borderline patients are really hard to treat”
I just started crying.
Why am I like this
How are people supposed to survive this if even the professionals don’t know or want to help
They actually can Kate :) with dialectical behavioural therapy. Bpd is the best treatable form of personality disorder there is :) also one of the most researched
We can do this :)
Oh shit im tearing up a bit hehehe
We can do this :)
I bet you're awesome.
DBT is great. There is a wonderful workbook that you can buy for like 16 bucks. BPD is one of the only personality disorders that you can end up symptom free of with therapy.
She says that because she’s a marriage and family therapist, she’s not trained to treat bpd specifically. I’ve been in dbt half a year now and it’s definitely life changing, not to mention it can help you to repair a lot of relationships. You’re gonna be okay no matter how it feels right now, I know when you first get the diagnosis it can be so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel because some therapists literally treat it like it’s a terminal illness (hint: they’re not the right therapist for you... or maybe anyone for that matter 😂). You are far from alone and I wish you luck and all the success in the world!
The most important thing to understand is that there's a certain type of therapy that helps WAY more than just talk therapy. DBT had changed my life, even if you aren't comfortable with group therapy, one on one is so important. It's not because you yourself are difficult, there's something in your life that needs a special person with certain training that most basic therapists can't treat. I wouldn't go to a ear nose throat doctor for acne. It's the same thing, I wouldn't see a talk therapist for BPD. You're not broken, you can overcome anything if you work at it.
Those suffering from BPD have suicidal thoughts because of the emptiness, not attention seeking
No I can differ not all patients are the same
Are BPD patients more likely to hide their self harm?
Emma Loura depends on the individual
I think it comes in different ways. For me, it was sheer panic after I was dumped. However, as a kid, it was maybe the emptiness because I actually never knew why I was suicidal because there wasn’t anything specifically “wrong”, I just felt like I wanted to die all the time.
hu.......bullshit all.....do creatie life.....all will past away...... BPD is because there is too .... ask me
I honestly think if a therapist refuses to treat a borderline then they have no business being a therapist at all.
I would agree with them refusing to help!! But if they are not specialized or not well trained to help with BPD, then it's better for them to refer to someone else or even take by the hand - so, no :)
if a therapist cant help a bordelin. that therapist should say that they will refer them to someone that knows better and that can help. its reasuring to know that its not becose of u, but its becose the therapist do not know, and derfor cant help.
Mines definitely did. I explain all of this to her and she definitely told me that I was just lazy and there was nothing wrong with me. But then again she was just a therapist in highschool who I only saw three times because my family got into it and the whole me talking to the therapist turned into a family therapy session which helped with my family but didn’t help with me because I was still loss on what was wrong with me
I finally got to see a female therapist for the first time back in the day. I had thought that a female would be more understanding and open to talking about things i feared talking with the male therapists. BOY WAS I WRONG! I had a very traumatic childhood and had hoped to talk a bit about it and work through it with this women. I was immediately told that she would not talk about the past or anything to do with childhood that i needed to just move on and deal with functioning in the present.....wow i was shellshocked and made to feel like a pathetic looser! Lets just saw i only saw her once!
that's a strong emotional reaction
Alot of people are afraid of people who have episodes like this, but they don't realize that the person experiencing it is frightened of themselves. It's scary to feel like something that involves your body and mind is out of your control and you don't understand it.
There is no such thing as a “BPD episode.” BPD is not an episodic disorder. For example, bipolar disorder is an episodic disorder. BPD dead with chronic, pervasive patterns of affective deregulation. Is always there, it’s always persistent.
what is the best thing to do for someone with bpd lashing out on you?
I am of afraid of sociopaths too.
@@Dacreeperhugzu When we say "BPD episode" we're referring to times in which our condition reaches a height. For example, I have Quiet BPD which effects me in small ways throughout an average day. But on a day where my BPD is especially triggered, I experience an episode of hysterical crying and self-loathing. I get what you're saying, but try to get what we're saying too.
It really is so scary!! I don’t want to be this way, I want to change so bad but my past is haunting me
I have bpd but I can say that one thing I have never done is threaten suicide unless I really felt like I wanted to commit suicide. I never use that as a manipulation tool. If I feel suicidal it's because I actually feel suicidal. It has nothing to do with anything else but me. I feel badly enough about myself. I don't want to drag anyone else into my shit hole.
I dunno if I have bpd but I've fantasised a lot when feeling depressed that if I killed myself then people would finally understand
she isn’t saying that you feeling suicidal is manipulative, it’s more that some people with bpd will bring up their suicidal ideation when they’re afraid of being left in order to show the other person how hurt they will be. most people with bpd who do that probably don’t even realize they’re being manipulative when doing that.
Then you don't have bpd.
People with bdp drag everyone down with their shit, always. You’re either lying (classic trait) or simply don’t have it
@@justhereforthe_comments8994 Sounds like YOU definitely don't have it.
I learned today that feeling Happy, sad, anxious, excited and depressed within 5 mins is not normal :)
when you've been like that all your life this your normal
What about every 30 minutes?
Bpd patient: is scared of abandonment because of bpd
Therapist: because you have bpd I'm going to refer you out.
Patient: ...... what the frickity frack
JESUS THIS. That's why my therapist did and then the one that "worked" with BPD patients was shit and didn't help me at all. Im still struggling to find a good one.
because they couldn't handle the splitting regarding them and their ability lol
Hihihi
Reminds me of a line from "Frasier"
"Theres a caller on line 3 with an issue of delayed gratification"
Fraiser: "Well he's just going to have to wait!"
Most professionals end up with legal difficulties after taking on BPD clients. Emotions aside, it's not worth losing the ability to help hundreds of people over 1 borderline with an ax to grind.
I always ruin relationships because I either love the person so much I sacrifice my own morals to make them happy then hate them so much I could just hurt them in the worst way possible. Why did I get this?
bc your parents abused you either physically, or emotionally or in any other way. stay strong! it gets better when you grow older!!!
+Jen H I had a great childhood and have never experienced a traumatic event. Don't automatically jump to the conclusion of bad parents or family.
+samantha atterberry do you have BPD?
+rae orquiza probably not. or she might be in denial either about psychological abuse which can also be seen as pressure to do everything correctly, or others. I remember being totally confused before I was diagnosed since my parents “brainwashed“ me saying they always did everything correctly and they did their best, didnt they? So when I started treatment I would automatically reply those facts. Turned out that was not true: I was slapped for wrong answers in a math test(only once but still wrong), I was neglected by my mom. She never played with me just expected me to function well. She yelled at me exceedingly when I did something wrong or when I didnt want to tidy up my room. As a result I had nightmares of people yelling at me all the time. And my eating disorder started at that time. My dad ignored when I (5 years old) asked for help in a unconventional way: I said “cant we burn the witch?“ And I was seriously talking about my mom. He just did nothing but made a weird face and shook his head. This is clearly a weird statement from a 5 year old, I would say.
oh god. if only you knew how I felt when I read this and how much I related. well, I think you should think about your goal every time youre about to act in a weird way. And that is to become a better person for yourself ,not others, to beat those "demons" in your head. To think that a shitty behaviour can't or isn't really supposed to affect or dirsupt who you are.
Living witg bpd is like hell on earth!
TheVegannGirl (ASMR) I couldn't agree more x
TheMontrealGirl ASMR I was texting my sister last night and that is the exact words I used when I was telling her how I feel
The most horrible is when you give up and let your impulsivity controls you... all that shit you made in one night 😲 ( and that's only a part of BPD shitty aspects 🙄)
yes it is indeed i also have adhd which makes my life harder
TheMontrealGirl I don't want to say or do the wrong thing here. But does anyone have any advice on how I can help so,some with BPD. I think my step sister does but I really don't get along with her. Xx
I don’t want to self diagnose but this actually explained everything that’s going on in my life :(
same :/
I just want to scoop up everyone with BPD and give them all of my love and all the love in the the world even for just a few minutes.. Because i know how it hurts and i know how lonely and not easy it is. We all need love in the life. and people with BPD are SO SO often misunderstood/ it breaks my heart.
thank you!! so many people say im a monster and it breaks my heart
@@pppenguig2627 you are not! ik you may see yourself that way sometimes. practice to be better by giving yourself the love and FORGIVENESS you give others
thank you for this☺️
❤️ I really needed to read this.. it's been a rough couple of days.. ❤️
This was so cute I teared up omg 🥺❤️
I am living proof DBT can heal Borderline symptoms. I feel healthy for the first time in my life!
I am suffering with BPD and major depression for 10 years now. Going on and off meds. I tried IOP and I couldn't commit and found it useless (at least for me). Finally so many years later I'm going to try DBT and I'm excited to read your comment because it brings me hope! I really hope I can become normal part of this society. Thank you for sharing
dbt has helped me but only to a point
thank you for saying that Rachel McKinney! Even with the best teachers I am slippping and am suicidal again...
Sofiya Hayes what is DBT ? I feel like my mom has borderline personality disorder
Jennifer Clements well done Jennifer!
She’s reading all of these off and I suffer with all of these points. And I’m too scared to go and talk to someone. I know something is wrong with me and everyone around me knows as well but it’s scary
Oh honey it’s ok!! You may be surprised at how understanding and helpful a therapist can be
That makes 2 of us....
I’m 11 and I think I have it, just the littlest things make me go off on somebody and start hysterically crying and freaking out.. and I also have social anxiety which causes me to talk really fast and unlegible, I will also start blinking uncontrollably. It started when my mom and dad broke up after he cheated on her. Which then caused me to hate my sister because she was the reason they broke up, since my dad wouldn’t be intimate with my mom cause she wasn’t attractive anymore. I still hate my sister unconditionally, and I can’t control it. I also started to hate my mom when I was around 7 for no reason at all. It just started for some reason. I have no friends left because I would act irradical and be the hugest stalker and manipulator whenever they hung around someone else. So no friends, a back and forth home life, and a hate for my family. Bpd is probably more than this, so I could be just a mild case of it.
Inconvenient Brat
I am 25, and when i was 11, I was the same way. I don’t share the same story but I remember hating members of my family especially my mother. I was also manipulating friends, though I wasn’t totally aware.
I started having flashbacks when I turned 19. Like I felt something happened when I was little. Now I’m 25 and I understand my childhood for the most part, but it turns out I repressed my childhood memories because of trauma. I hated my mom ‘for no reason’ because when I was little, she told me I was lying about being abused. She encouraged the abuse.
There’s a chance something happened when you were little. Try looking into ‘repressed memory’. Much love hun, I’m happy to talk privately too :) No one should have to experience this alone.
Georgia Hill can talk to me about it anytime. I have BPD or possibly tendencies, it’s hard to decipher as I have depression, ADD/OCD & anxiety as well. -Best Wishes x
DBT has ABSOLUTELY saved my life!! After three years of being in intensive BPD/DBT specialized one on one therapy and a DBT group, I no longer meet the criteria of a BPD diagnosis at 24 after being diagnosed at 16 and suffering with no clue since childhood, so it IS possible to manage the symptoms with DBT!!!
Where did you find the intensive BPD/DBT treatment? I wish there was a facility for like a year of intense DBT. I only have medicare because I'm disabled due to mental illness and my doctors can't direct me anywhere. I can't even afford the copayment to go to my psychotherapist more than once a week. Even that is hurting me financially. I'm just so tired of feeling horrible about myself. I don't want to hurt anyone with suicide, but I wish I could die naturally, so it won't hurt my children emotionally. I feel like a germ that they and people avoid and when someone compliments me or says I'm nice or smart, I just feel that if they really knew me longer, that they would change their minds and just see me as weird. I know I'm not like "normal" people and they see it. I've been so depressed at times that I have been robbed by lending money to people and then realizing later, omg, what have I done? The police just made fun of me and I felt like a fool. I just feel that everything repeats like a never ending bad cycle, even when I feel good for a bit. Why did this have to happen to me? I also think I have CPTSD and need to discuss this with my doctor and therapist. Sometimes I don't want to leave the house and think about hiding in a corner. I just hate myself and my life. It's been over 35 years and I'm losing hope.
Ugh got diagnosed today and needed this
I'm so happy for you!!!!
Congratulations
Same. Plus DBT had exposure therapy to treat my c-ptsd too. I mean I went in when I was 15 but they thought I was bipolar 2. Then at 24 I was diagnosed with bpd when I went back after a horrible experience. But I have bpd, adhd, mdd, c-ptsd, and multiple concussions, and anxiety. But I'm happier than I ever was at age 28. They help.
Sometimes during an episode , I do know that I'm gonna regret doing certain things but the intensity and impulse is so strong that somehow I keep doing the same thing again and again. Pretty hard to deal with :(
Yeah it's like a reckless abandon, but dually aware of it being a reckless abandon...but being too upset to care , is what it seems like to me
I have bdp and I isolate and avoid meeting people because I'm afraid I'll become too clingy and scare people away. There's no grey area with me. Its either black or white. Its lonely being like this sometimes. I have a hard time trusting people and I know its a result of my unstable upbringing. Both of my parents are alcoholics and one was physically abusive. I was bullied in school for a while and had to move every two or three years. I hate having such intense feelings.
SambucaLovesCaz thanks so much for the positive input. Your empathetic words make me feel less alone in the world! Thank you.
utube you need to learn love and parent yourself as u were not given love when young
Im afraid of being abandoned and replaced by my friends so i just i leave them first, is that normal?
It is very normal for a borderline. I am no doctor but for years I was trying to figure out what was going on with me for several years since my father didn't believe I needed help...or even believes in psychological problems at all. So I did extensive research. Till finally I started working with actual health care professionals. In a time of distress it feels as if it'd be better to leave people rather than deal with the problem.
It is the less scary option to just leave but ultimately it will only do more harm. Do not leave people with out good reason or on especially on an impulse. I personally have a few close friends and I find it much easier to manage a few as opposed to many since they know what I'm going through if I start acting up. So idk how to give good advice for more distant ones, but very frequently have I felt it was a better idea to leave so no one would have to deal with me more. It took me a long time to realize that those who are closer to you don't actually mind your illness nearly as much as you perceive and are often fine with working with it.
Thank you so much i appreciate your response!
PR Are you afraid they will leave you or afraid they are not true friends?
Flossy Carr both?
Yeah man, I leave absolutely everyone because it's way too stressful to me to have relationships. I suppose it's weird hearing myself say that but I've come to terms with the fact that it's just how I am. I'm far too clingy and afraid of abandonment so I protect myself by just staying detached.
I'm so tired. I just want to be happy.
I felt this hard. We can get through this. We will be happy
That broke my heart, sweetheart. You deserve it, please feel hugged by me, hope it helps you a little
Same
Having bpd is rough and having ptsd with it is even more worse . The worse part about having bpd is how it affects your loved ones and it’s hard for them to deal it with and go through the struggle with you. I’m thankful for my spouse because she’s saved me many times . She’s definitely a warrior for dealing with my disorders.
I can't do therapy because when my mom used to make me go see a therapist, my mom used to lie her ass off and tell the therapist the most unlikely things. The only thing that I got out of therapy was that my mom was a compulsive liar.
Same but with my dad. My dad is sociopathic with narcissistic traits. I want to try and go again alone. You should too
I guess therapy would be a different experience with out my mom telling the the therapist things like; that I was brainwashed into a satanic cult, that I'm in a gang on drugs, that I'm profoundly retarded and have an I.Q. below 20, that I own a whole arsenal of bombs and guns...etc because if my mom actually believes all of that she is truly delusional DDD:
Trust me I know what it's like. I've been called a drug addict (I don't do drugs lol) and all that kind of stuff from my dad. It's the parents projecting their own guilt on you. It's really messed up. Try to get away from it because it has a lot of consequences on your own mental health
That's true
Jessie Fox I can relate. My mum used to do that too...
When I told my therapist I thought a was borderline she laughed it off and said "everyone is borderline these days" and told me I wasn't without trying to do any diagnostic and that she didn't want to work with that diagnotsic anyways.. Needless to say I don't see her anymore
Mathilde Meow did you get diagnosed
she should be fired.
What a horrible therapist, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you got the help you deserve
Mathilde Meow I don't blame you.
Mathilde Meow this is how all psychiatrists are
Ever since I was 12, I'm 19 now, I have been passed from therapist to therapist because nobody wanted to take me as a patient. I've been hospitalized 5 times and I still struggle today finding somebody to take me. I just wanted to say thank you for addressing the stigma with bpd. I know I've felt helpless countless times and seeing this video give me a little hope
There is another video from Kati that says people do get cured from BPD. It takes awhile but there is hope.
@@annak4812 BPD is lifelong disability ssdi for assistance
I have BPD after years of getting wrong diagnosis I finally finally have hope for my relationship and my children’s lives
What were you being diagnosed with before you finally got diagnosed with BPD?
@@alisasjsjs3075 i think depression
same here i was constantly being thrown under the bipolar umbrella but recently bpd was the culprit....im so happy u found peace
I am desperately trying to get help for my partner but he is in denial and some days it’s soo hard …do I preserve loving someone with bpd and trying to support them when they keep living in denial ? Do you love your partner ? Can bpd love someone they keep abusing ?
She's so beautiful and has a lot of charisma!
she is pretty but her real beauty is on the inside
I find mesmerizing how she didnt age a bit since the start of her channel
one thing that Kati didn't mention is that this diagnosis is not usually given to people under the age of 18. before 18 you are still developing normal coping skills and your brain is still developing. that being said DBT is helpful at any age and more skills never hurt anybody
Alyce Branham so when you turn eighteen the symptons just go "BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM FUCKING BORDERLINE", and before that it's just teenage bullshit?
You can be dignosed as an adolensent, however most people dont like to-so they say bpd traits
@@il8612 there are things that lead up to it.
I know im like a year late in this, but as a 14 year old I was diagnosed with bpd traits, or, how they worded it, I have generalized anxiety and persistent depressive disorder and I am starting to lead down a path to bpd. So I am starting DBT therapy here soon
meu saco super-cético no. I feel as if I developed the disorder around age 11 or 12, after being sexually abused. However, majority of teenagers can resonate with these symptoms. You’re unlikely to get a diagnosis until you’re an adult unless symptoms are severe because by the time you’re an adult your expected to have formed your coping skills and have your emotions under control. So if you’re 18+ walking around still fluctuating between happy, Angry, depressed. Categorizing people as good or bad. You don’t have a real direction in life and are unsure about who you are. You lack self control or completely impulsive. You have suicidal thoughts. That’s not something that can be explained away as teenage feelings. More than likely there’s something wrong that needs addressing.
I think they should officially start counting internet/youtube addiction in the list of examples for impulsive behavior/ lack of control.
Can you do a video series called "it's not a real thing" in which you would debunk statements like "bpd is not a real thing" and " ADHD is not a real thing"?
Oh my god.. I've already been diagnosed with BPD but I was never read the criteria.. Nothing has ever described me more
I love how you say “we” when talking about it. You have a great way with words
I disagree with the idea that suicidal tendencies are "used" in BPD. I have NEVER used suicidal ideation to draw anyone back into my life. All of my suicidal ideation came from extreme distress. When I was no longer at a point where I could handle the rollercoaster of my symptoms, I wanted to escape them. I thought taking my own life would bring me peace and relief.
I've been talking with a guy I care about who has BPD and am trying to learn more about his diagnosis so I can understand him better. Thank you for the clear, concise resources.
I was misdiagnosed by professionals many times before discovering that my problem had a name. I just began DBT with my therapist and I already know I am going to benefit greatly from it. We are using this workbook-- The Expanded Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training Manual: Practical DBT for Self-Help, and Individual and Group Treatment Settings by Lane Pederson. My symptoms (especially while in a romantic relationship) are sometimes unbearable, but I truly believe that training your mind through therapy is a better route than medicating and I look forward to DBT transforming my mind long-term.
I second this! DBT is great!
I just started DBT therapy! I hope it helps... Ready to start living!!
Crystal Bogue me too
I had 6 out of 8. Watched it and it almost made me cry because I finally know where to start with dealing with it.
Brittany B I have 7 out of 8. Beginning therapy soon. Was diagnosed when I was 24. Been in denial since this year. Wishing you all the healing in the world
The person I was dating was splitting but never was actually like 'I love you/I hate you'. It was more like 'I love you, please don't leave me/I don't think I can see you anymore, please go away, I still love you & I'll always care for you, but I can't do this anymore''. Then she'd come right back & it would happen again. Would that still be considered splitting?
Sounds like my ex boyfriend. We are off and on. Sometimes it's a both or a combination of both. It's confusing and painful. I've wondered...is that the splitting too.
tinker jedi same
Maybe she feels threatened that relationship will not work, or idealises you one moment and see that you are not that perfect (thus a threat) next moment, also feeling of affecition and love then intence anger can switch. real love is deep and in general if a person is afraid of you leaving them-usually it is love
So sorry I'm seeing these now. Not on here a lot. Thank you all for your pov's. It's funny how I'm a counselor myself but when it's in your personal life it's a whole other ballgame. Not to mention she has ocd with intrusive thoughts & isn't 100% comfortable with sexual orientation.
That's us
I have BPD and managing it well. In my experience it gets easier over time. I have been on medication and in therapy for about 8 years. Hoping this encourages someone out there who is struggling 🌸💙🌸.
Mimis life Excuse me, does this disorder affect you from poor sleep and full awakening, and what kind of medicines do you use?
Yeah, Im in my mid 30's now; and while I certainly have my struggles still, Im DEFINITELY objectively better off than I was compared to my early 20s.
DBT was the best therapy I have ever been in, it has saved my life.
I start soon nervous & excited. How long before you noticed a difference?
I have all of these symptoms and these personality traits have actually push a LOT of people out of my life which sucks because it's I'm pushing you away because I expect you to leave but when you do leave I'll do anything to get you back only to repeat the cycle. This has made having relationship next to impossible and my anger and unpredictable mood/behavior destroyed my first marriage. He actually thought I was bipolar but my mood changed all through out the day.
you talk about it in such a positive light, it makes me feel less ashamed to be going through this
I start DBT in 2 weeks.
Carter Hayes hopefully I start in 2 weeks too!
It's a long and tough journey but it can help! I've taken the therapy twice and it takes a lot of effort and practice.. but I've changed so much since back then. So I can vouch for how effective it is. Hang in there and stay strong! I hope the therapy helps you and that your life improves for the better.
How is it going?
What is DBT?
@@Fetchem1222 it's been a commitment and tough but I've found it really effective (working on my triggers) attending group and learning whilst being accountable and practising the skills I've been shown. I like the dynamic of working with clinicians and being around other sufferers I don't feel so alone.
My friend has BPD, thank you for this video this helped me understand the disorder!(:
You're absolutely correct! I had 7 therapists tell me "I can't treat you"... So, I researched, i looked and read everywhere. I got the workbook you mentioned, worked it 3 times in 3 years, joined a DBT group and then went to school for Psychology. I decided if no one would treat me, I'd work ot myself. Keira Van Gelder's book The Buddha and The Borderline was a book I read over and over. Thank you for this video
Update? How are things going for you?
I just wanted to thank you. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18 but my family never believed in mental health and doctors never seemed to be able to help. I felt so much shame that I dismissed the diagnosis for 12 painful years. Now after finding your videos I feel like I'm finally beginning my journey to recovery.
so happy to see this. wishing you the best on your road to self acceptance, healing and recovery. you’re so brave and strong 🤍
Glad I found you on-line. You are soooooo sweet. I appreciate your work and I know you are helping people so much and without such shame. Hugs to you for all that you do.................... Wonderful!
BPD, Bulimia Nervosa, Major Depression. Thanks for humanizing it.
I have
Binge eating
Fear of being alone
The emptiness feeling almost as if I'm in autopilot
I set out to do things and completely lose interest after a while
I get extreme mood swings from happy, anxious, angry, frustrated.
Bad self image
I don't know what to do. I didn't notice some things until my sister pointed out my mom was worried about me and certain traits I have been showing.
I'm not in any position to get help for my anxiety or these things.
I'm usually successful in playing them off.
I have the binge eating but not much of a fear of being alone. I do get interested in things and then lose interest. I was able to stop the binge eating though only because I'm so depressed right now I don't want to eat.
Hopefully you can get the help you need. Look into getting some cheap therapy until you can afford something better. Kati is very helpful and she's helped me a TON! I'm unemployed and I live at home. I've been looking into BPD and bipolar disorder and I either have one or the other or possibly both. It's really affected my life, so I convinced my parents to help me get some cheap therapy until I can get something better. Hope you get through this part of your life successfully!
arisxsunggyu I suffer the exact same thing. Have been for over a year now. Did you recover?
Ahh so that’s why I dissociate I knew that I was dissociating I didn’t realize that it stemmed from my BPD!! Now I know why I dissociate! Thank you Katie!
Bree C Right attitude to have! I’m freakin terrified!!!
I was just diagnosed with BPD 2 hours ago so this was really great to watch, thank you 🖤
Im 18 but still i try to help people around me who are struggling. Your videos help me alot thank u so much . Ive started to watch even ur old videos.
I’m so afraid that I have this. I resonate deeply and have many of the symptoms, and I just started seeing a therapist again after 8 years. I’m just hoping I can get a control over my symptoms and emotions if I do have this, and even if I don’t I still want to get a handle on my life again! Thank you for giving us the breakdown on this.
Amazing how you approach and talk about subjects.
You're really contributing to a better world.
Her backgrounds are always comforting adding to her soothing voice
I wasn't diagnosed with this but my closest friends all think I have it, I just don't wanna tell any adults or doctors or therapist. I just don't wanna have anything, I wanna be normal and happy.
+Cheyenne Mariee I used to think that I was normal most days. I was Diagnosed about 2 months ago when i went and started seeing a therapist. One of my closest friends brought me. It REALLY does help to go. Even just to talk to someone about something you feel like you cant tell anyone. They have no judgement and teach you tools on how to cope. It really has made a difference in my life so far. I know its really early but even my friends and family tell me they see a difference already in mood.
Cheyenne Mariee No shame in it girl. I think the sooner we can admit something, possibly the sooner we can get help and learn to deal with our emotions
I get it, I really do. The truth is you will feel happier once you accept what you have (whatever it may be), and seek professional help. Finding the right person to confide in can be hard. It might take a few tries. It won't be easy, and it won't be overnight, but it'll be SO worth it if you can stick with it!! I promise.
nobody is normal Cheyenne
You will be happy again. I believe in you
Gosh, i live your videos. i think it's your real approach. not trying to sound like an "expert"
My therapist literally just told me she thinks I have BPD and about 5 minutes later says she doesn’t think that her working with me would be helpful. She was an amazing therapist and I’m highkey sad. I’ve been passed around a lot and I’m tired.
I love your videos I’m a psychology student and the way you explain things really helps tie everything I learned in class together. You rock!
Thank you. I'm going to talk to my therapist more about this because I have every single one but have been under the impression I was suffering from mania not bpd. Just because a bad diagnosis when I was younger. This makes so much more sense. I've had substance abuse problems as self medication and now that I can get to the root cause I can fix my life. Thank you.
I'm in shock, i have almost every single one of these symptoms - i need to mention this to my new therapist. Thank you so much for this video Kati!
Kati you're the reason all of my mental problems are going to be solved. It thank you with all of my heart for being so genuine and understanding which is exactly what everyone wants a person to be. Thank you.
I have been to Wilshire Blvd. in 1979
I love how empathetic you are for BPD sufferers! Thank you Kati xxx
Having BPD, PTSD among other things. Thank you for making this ❤
Can u do more videos on bpd. Maybe advice on healthy sexual relationships in long term relationships, or tips on how to be more healthy/normal such as how not to be a manipulative person, how to be grounded And in touch with ourselves more. Also do u have any info on cannabis and bpd. I'm a heavy cannabis user, maybe to the point of abuse but it makes me feel like in touch more with myself. Disassociation, bpd and cannabis if there's any info on their relation
girl, same
Old comment, but also chronic cannabis user and i feel even more unstable without it. Hope you managed to better these aspects of your life!❤
Be careful with this: I have OCD (long and obvious history since it was childhood onset) and I was misdiagnosed with BPD many times as an adult. Turns out that many with OCD are misdiagnosed with this very serious condition so I would encourage anyone who has OCD that has also been told that they have BPD to make sure that their symptoms cannot be more easily explained by the original OCD diagnosis.
I feel like opposite. I was diagnosed with OCD but I connect strongly with BPD. Should I tell my therapist this?
I feel like a freak. I was seeing someone and as soon as he saw I cut he left. It made it so much worse. I tried a workbook and I had a hard time trying to do this by myself. Please continue with this topic. Your wonderful you help me not to feel like I am alone in this
Best mental health education I've seen on yt
I spent 4 months in hospital last year when they finally diagnosed me with this after 2 months with a doctor, it can be such a scary thing to tackle and its wonderful to see a great therapist like you that won't give up on us because we're "hard to deal with". Most of us didn't ask to go through the trauma that left us with BPD, thank you for shedding light on something that stigmatizes some of us so much 😥💖
I love and watch so many of your videos. Thank you for sharing your great knowledge with people who suffer from mental health issues (including myself) for free. Much appreciated!
Thank you for educating. I'm dealing with this my whole life. Looking forward seeing your future videos. Thank you.
I have been diagnosed with BPD. BPD is so complex to talk about when you are not speaking to a person that also has it. More often the feelings are so overwhelming that you cant even describe what you are feeling, it can be a mix of so many different kinds of feelings. Anxiety mixed with anger and disgust just for an example, for me that has been how i’ve behaved in deep relationships with girlfriends, uncontrollable feelings that are so foggy and not logic at all, something gets triggered, a thought comes up, a fake scenario is made and last the fake scenario becomes a reality, not in the mind but in your feelings, fake shit can feel so real its absolutely fcked up. I guess its kind of a self-defense mech? Go through feelings before they happen or ever will happen? Although in the end of the day to make things easier you have to be in absolute self-control over your feelings, and also have done therapy to become aware of every aspect of behavior you have. You are not born with BPD, call it a personality disorder but to be honest its more of a in-learned behavior, I never asked for this but here I am, taking responsibility for my own healing even though I didnt cause it, thanks.
Do you even know how wonderful you are? Thank you so much for talking about this, and everything that goes along with BPD. 💙 I'm only on the 3rd video, but already, I'm learning so much, and even starting to feel a little better about some things. It was awful to think of the possibility of not finding a decent therapist, because of how "difficult" we're labeled to be. Thank you!!!
You’re awesome, thanks for the video! I finally found a good therapist who challenges me without being aggressive. We’ve been working together for over 3 years and I’m so grateful. It’s a long, arduous road, but I at least have HOPE now! ❤️
It feels good coming here. Seeing you are not alone and crazy. And all of us can get this away. Reading those relatable comments, people understand you, love you.
i love your videos. and how you always talk about "we" rather than "you guys".
I'm still unsure if I fit the criteria of this disorder.. it seems like I can relate to each symptom in a sense but not all the way
I see why it's so confusing
Clythymia or something maybe? IDK
+Sofie Haga *Cyclothymia
+Sofie Haga what is cylthimsa??
UnderConstructionMan Marsy It's more on the Bi polar spectrum, a bit milder I guess, she made a video on it! I hope you figure it out ^^
Sofie Haga thanks!
She explained this really well, as someone with Bpd I think she had this well written out
This is succinct and genuine and just dealt with in such a fresh way with dignity. Thank you.
I felt a wave of emotions watching this. There was a point when you relaxed me and the next moment I was thinking how bullshit this is. But thank you for this. These really did help.
I really want to write a comment about my recovery. I feel like a lot of the posts here may be scary to anyone who has been newly diagnosed and friends or family of people with Borderline who are trying to educate themselves about the disorder. Certainly, this disorder is scary. Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard for the Borderline and can be hard for their loved ones when they don’t understand or know what to do to help but it’s not a life sentence and it can be overcome. It takes a lot of patience, consistency and work; things like doing your homework (which will vary greatly depending on what type of therapy you’re doing), going to therapy on days you just want to lie in bed, making a special effort to take your medication, taking responsibility for yourself and the things you say and do, etc - but it can be done. You also have to realise that yes, every day will be a struggle but some days will be better than others and with time you look back and say “you know, today is much better than this time last year”. It’s better to struggle on the road to recovery than to struggle with the disorder for the rest of your life. Another thing is that not every psychologist or psychiatrist will be right for you. You may not click with someone immediately or just find that you don’t feel like they understand you at all. I went through 4 before I found my current DBT psychologist, which was actually by pure coincidence. In 2014 my CBT psych went on maternity leave and left me with her. At first I didn’t like her much at all but I stayed for the DBT (which then made me realise how little CBT was doing for me) and after about a month I really warmed up to her. I love her now as much as I ever loved my CBT psych! My point is just to keep looking. Remember that they are your therapist (not your best friend!) and you will eventually find somebody you click with. That goes for medications too. If you’ve decided that medication is right for you but have been on a cocktail of drugs that haven’t worked, keep looking. Keep trying. There’s a bajillion (not a word, I know :P) out there. You will find one. The last thing I’ll say is that you are never, ever alone in your disorder. There are groups, forums, pages, blogs, etc that you can always seek an empathetic ear in - I mean just look how many people are sharing similar experiences here! That goes for loved ones too. Please ever let us make you feel isolated. Go out and seek help or guidance if you need to.
I've been recently diagnosed BPD and both the video and your comment helped me a lot, because I just burst into tears.
Thank you for sharing your positive experience.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Devocean I'm so glad it helped. There is hope. :)
Grace Walker I need a refresher course care to speak?
thank you so much for this comment!
@Winchestah agreed! The meds made me worse. It was an ever changing cocktail and I stopped them altogether. Meds are a band aid for this issue, not a solution.
Thank you so much for your loving and thorough explanations. 💜
My favorite psychologist on UA-cam! So intelligent, friendly, nice, and pretty.
I watch your videos almost every day.
Love this. I would absolutely love to see more videos about BPD! Specifically the topic of having a favorite person. It's something that I feel people without BPD don't quite understand, and just see as extreme clingy-ness which can lead to a downward spiral of thoughts. Then enters the devaluation of that person to try and maintain balance and not seem to needy. It's a horrific cycle, that I feel needs some light shed on it to help both parties. Anyway, thank you for your content
+
No...the devaluation of a person is speculated to occur because of splitting. People with BPD do not randomly start hating someone, they are triggered to hate someone (e.g. they were late to dinner, had an off putting tone, didn’t respond fast enough). It’s speculated that like a baby, a person with BPD is not able to holistically examine the good and bad traits of a person. The good traits = a good person that is completely independent from the bad traits of the same person. This in turn leads to the anger outburst, but the feeling of abandonment ensues after the anger. It has nothing to do with seeming clingy and compensating by hating the person...
I wrote this long letter breaking up with my best friend once only to change my mind and wanting to be her friend again. I was a mess and I'm so glad she's still my friend and understands me. I'm much better than how I was 10+ years ago. I'm now in therapy and on medication.
What therapy did you get?
I’ve watched several of your videos today, and you’ve got such a lovely, gentle way of discussing these things. Almost… casual? I have OCD/health anxiety and the way you speak about mental health issues makes it feel so much less lonely. 🥺
I just want to point out how I found this to be extremely interesting stuff and also the way you explained everything really clearly is great. Thank you
I was diagnosed with BPD and a lot of there things but my doctor never really explained what it was to me and this helped a lot like now I know why I do the things I do this video helped me so much thank you ❤️
I love you kati youre such a good person!
Thanks for such great videos. I've only watched a few so far but I'm really enjoying the information that you provide. Thank you!
It's been a loooong time since I've watched any of your videos and even just the intro is so calming
when she emphasized how ppl with borderline tend to have eds and self harm... *sweats nervously*
These comments break my heart. As a loved one of someone with BPD, you may be surprised to realize there are people out there that are searching the internet right now for ways to help you. I see the pain my sister is in and I know therapy would help her. I hope you take her advice and get the DBT workbook and if you have someone who you think just may want to help, reach out to them. I know there is nothing my sister could do to make me abandon her. I just never realized that she felt this way.
Thank you for this UA-cam. I love your channels I’m a psych student and find your subjects are awesome and you have a clear and concise way of talking through things thanks
Nice video! Thank you for your perspective and your dedication to your work and clients.