Dear Seraphima, I was moved by your letter because this was me many years ago. I'll try to be brief, but please excuse me if this is long. The Lord has me in the wilderness now,and I am suffering and likely dying pretty rapidly of a rare degenerative disorder, and all of the meds make it hard to type and think concise thoughts. Before I took my Christianity seriously, I was in a marriage. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. My husband worked long hours. He was never around, and when he was he had no time for me. I was weighing my life like you are. I discovered he was cheating and left. I got married again, many years later ( now I'm 40), to a man that loved me. I thought I knew him well. He helped raise my son and was a good father, until he started drinking heavily. We separated, but did not divorce. Two years later, he asked me to take him back. He was sick, behind on his rent,everyone he knew would not take him in. I prayed. I did not want to take him back ( being honest). God after much prayer, told me he wanted me to take him back. He told me that He would save my husband's soul.. During 5 long years, I fasted and prayed. I put up with the scorn about my praying. But I trusted God. I felt I am not here to worry about worldly pleasures ( tried that in the last marriage, and after I left, had friends ,went out, but was very depressed) but to do God's will. Then miracles started happening. 1 Peter 3, a husband can be won without a word by the conduct of his wife. As long as I followed God's will, He convicted my husband. He took away his desire to drink, saved him, and he is now a praying man. You see, when I was deciding whether to stay married to him or not, I couldn't see down the road, but God could. He saw TODAY. Me with an incurable disease where my husband cooks and serves my meals, walks me or half carries me to the bathroom, works from home so he is always here. Who would be taking care of me, dear Seraphima, if I had not taken care of him first. When people ask why he stays with me ( he being the former drinking agnostic), he cries and says. " You don't understand. She did the one thing Noone else could do. She led me to God". Do you see the fruit my cross has borne? That I never suspected? Your cross will bear fruit too. Your marriage, your life, your witness to the world. People notice, and it impacts more people than you even realize. More than I realized. Now, my husband is a testimony not only for marriage 17 years, but for Christ. I am 56 now, and may not see 57. But I am fine with that. My husband is saved, and God willing we will stand until the end. I hope this helps someone. You never know what use God has for your marriage, Even aside from providing a stable family for your children. P.s. my parents were divorced too, because my father drank. It is what made this cross so heavy. But now I am receiving the consolations from my years of married struggle. Re edited to remove what I added. Mull monastery removed their ❤ so I have taken out what I added.
This gave me motivation and courage as I decide whether or not I can handle marriage life. Glory to God, nothing is impossible through Him! I pray for your health and the salvation of your husband, God bless you both!
Wow. So inspiring. This is one of my great fears in my poor, hobbling marriage....what if I get sick or seriously injured? I never thought of the idea that maybe it will be a long time from now and maybe I am doing my charitable labor now for him to build the future I might even need. God, forgive my weakness and my selfishness.
Traditionally, in Catholic weddings in Croatia, the priest presents the woman to the man, saying, "This is your cross." Then he turns to the woman, presents the man to her, and says, "This is your cross." This is holy wisdom. The crowns of the bride and groom in the Orthodox ceremony symbolize that marriage is an exalted state, but also are symbols of martyrdom. In marriage we are not placing ourselves in a romance, but in a sacrament. May God give us the strength to allow our thoughts for ourselves to decrease in the marriage, and for Christ to increase in us. Let us not forget that while the cross was an instrument of torture, that it was the means of our salvation.
Thank you, Father. I fell into this exact trap in my mid 20s after three years of marriage. I got divorced, just wanted to be happy again and find myself again. What Father says was true for me: after the divorce I wanted to go back to being the person I was before, but that person didn't exist anymore. And as for happiness, I suddenly had a huge self inflicted psychological wound to heal as a result of getting divorced, and I became a more bitter person in spite of the new freedom. Many years later I am still healing from this.
I think people are bombarded every day with unrealistic expectations of marriage. The romance and excitement of the first few months/years gradually fades and becomes a different kind of love which can become even stronger than the first feelings, but nobody can be expected to feel every day because life is hard work and other things get in the way. Compatibility provides a stronger foundation than fickle and transient emotion. I think mothers have it tough these days by being expected to work as well as raising children because we tend to deal with the day to day details of child rearing.
Joy is from the Lord. Respond in thanks in the beginning of all things, because He is the beginning of all things. He speaks the world into existence and we speak in response with joy and thanksgiving. It is fair and it is right, and anything less then that is dishonorable and a transgression. And his Word will be near you, in your heart. Give thanks and acknowledge Him in ALL your ways. It should be the first thought when you wake up in the morning and last thing when you go to sleep. Thanks be to God for Jesus that tore the veil and allows us to go boldly into the presence of God.
Thank You...after 51 years of marriage with children and grandchildren it is still a battle to keep a focus on the truths you spoke.......I am sure I will listen to this again
So beautiful to hear your words father. I have to keep reminding myself to pick up my cross everyday and leave the future in Gods hands. You are right…. He purifies us with our crosses and makes us closer to being saints. I will be praying for you Seraphima. We all go through difficulties in our marriage but stay strong and pray and fight for your marriage and your children. ☦️🙏
I have been married for 34 years. Our marriage is definitely not easy.My husband left faith decades ago, also never really functioned as a father for our 4daughters. There is some mental health problem that he's been avoiding to deal with. That caused his inability to provide for the family. I was tempted countless times to split but fortunately dealing with all this kept me busy and I had no time to do it🙂 .I am sure in sacramental marriage God provides so much help! So many times I hit the rock bottom and didn't know what to do! That made me to turn to God and deepened my faith. Today we have 8 grandchildren and we are never lonely. The house is always full . Our 4 daughters have their own families and built really strong bonds. Even through all the imperfections and difficulties it's worth staying together. Family is definitely a Divine project!
Thanks Father , and thank you Seraphima for your question. BEAUTIFUL answer. I am married and the devil is trying to destroy my marriage. Your words are refreshing. My CROSS My Marriage. Is it worth to die in the Cross? YES, Yes indeed.
And I'd like to add something else. Through breathwork I was able to completly relax and feel, be in my heart. I realised that I lived most of my life in my head alone. My head wanted me to leave my husband (my heart never wanted that) because I was all the time in a "to do mode" Practice relaxation. Do less, feel more. Live your life in a "to feel mode". We are in touch with God through our feelings, we feel Him and where there is love, there is God ❤️
Glory be to God for any good thing we may say or do for each other, dear one. To tell you the truth, there doesn't seem to be a 'perfect' age, we seem to go from one difficult period to another. But that is good, it is a sign we simply do not belong here, but in the Kingdom. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers.
@@glendamcgee1779 very true! When I was most unhappy, I was in my 30s. It was because I was comparing myself with the world, and felt like I was coming up short. In my 40s, I stopped paying attention to what the world was doing. ( the trends, fashion, music, material things, etc.) .I was much happier then. Although every age is hard in it's own way I guess. I am 56, and the 50s are hard :). I think every age here will be hard, because this is not our country. And even a best friend I have in a hermitage who is cloistered still struggles, and she is not even in the world.
This advice is so beautiful it actually brought a tear to my eye. I am also married with three young children, yet his advise is simply not available in the world, the world tells us that if we are not ‘getting’ then we should leave, yet Christ tells us to sacrifice our sinful selves to become more like him through our often difficult marriages. Until I understood this life simply did not make sense. Thank you so much for this channel Father!
You re right,Fr.!Wherever you are,there s always a cross!You can t escape it!Happiness and suffering intertwine.Happiness from suffering.But your cross has a meaning because of Christ s suffering.He bears our cross.We re not alone.😥🙏
We never are, dear one. Even when we are certain we are alone, we never are - as St David asks: where can one hide from Christ's Love? Even in the darkest depth of our humanity, there He is: waiting for an opening in our heart, so He may step in with His Light and save us.
You have kindly shared genuine heart centred wisdom Father Seraphim. Thank you. I have been married to Paul since 1986 and we were very blessed to be married in the Catholic Church I grew up in. Our lives have been and are sustained by my love for Jesus, Mother Mary and the example of the Holy saints. It has been a joy to suffer very severe testing times. I know loss and joy. I fast, and pray the Holy Rosary. Christ Jesus is welcome in my married life and since the lockdown I realise how blessed I am to be alive. My brothers, Mark and Keith, passed away before I was born, in the same year as my husband, 1955. I have a sister and two children now grown up.My parents were strict but very kind and poor, but gave me clear parenting. My life has been as a teacher, a woman of faith and one where I want to keep praying and learning and being full of God's grace. It is good to return to listening to your gentle helpful kind teachings. I have been studying the life of King Saint Oswald of Northumbria. It is a long story but in a nutshell, he once stayed near Oswaldtwistle meaning Oswald's camp. I used to teach English and Art in a high school there. I did not realise then ,1979 to 1989, just how incredibly God fearing he was. A church called Church Kirk is falling into ruin near Oswaldtwistle and it is heart wrenching because it is the site where he camped on his way with an army to his final fatal battle with Penda. Aidan was tasked by King Saint Oswald to start the great Monastery at Lindisfarne. I am on a steep learning curve with this whole topic and enjoying discovering details of his saintly kingship . I hope you and the monks and nuns stay strong and well and enjoy a fruitful Advent. Bless you Father Seraphim.
I'm in my 60's.Have the same problem. But this is the best answer I ever heard.I feel, this will definitely help me. Thank You from the bottom of my heart. 💕🙏From 🇨🇭
May God bless you, dear one. You are by far not alone and your struggle is shared by so many others. True marriage, like monastic life, is un-natural to this world, which is why it feels so difficult at times. It is un-natural according to the values of this world to prioritise someone else over your own needs and will. It is un-natural not to see revenge, not to 'pay back', to forgive and move forward in hope and love. These are un-natural values for this world; they are natural for a Christian, and they shape us into Christians (not worldly people). Be strong, be courageous and hold on to your hope, dear one. May God bless you to your core.
Thank you speaking on this. God bless ☦️ it is a sobering reminder we are not ‘owed’ happiness. And that our very concept of happiness is booby trapped with total sorrow baked in. But ‘choosing this tool to give to Christ for my salvation..’ so much medicine in that Truth.
It took me many years to understand that about my own monastic life, dear Kevin. As long as I keep changing my mind, measuring my decisions against criteria of success which have nothing to do with the spiritual life, I was the one standing in the way of Christ's attempts to save me. I need to freely allow Him to use my monastic life (which is my free choice, not imposed on me, just like marriage should also be) to create the context (with its good and difficult aspects) to save me.
What a beautiful message. I felt called to send this to my mother, to encourage her to look at her relationship from a better perspective. She absolutely loved it. You're making a giant difference, Father. Thank you very much for your wisdom.
It was the mercy of God that this woman, who is wandering in her mind and heart away from her marriage, consulted Fr Seraphim who offered this beautiful guidance.
Through the prayers of our Holy Father's LORD JESUS CHRIST OUR GOD have mercy on us and save us I love you and thank you Father for your generous and grace filled advise! I'm neither a married man or a monastic but am trying so hard from my early teenage years to taking care of my big family after my Father's health started to collapse on him. I've come from 9 siblings all together and most of my dear loved ones moved on in there lives but I'm now 28 years old continuing to tend and to take care of my Mother and Father through their elderly age. In my heart, I've had a calling to monasticism but felt I should hold back for some time to helping my family and giving every cent that GOD has graciously provided for us to them and keeping nothing for myself. In my room I try to practice asceticism and when the time is right even if it never happens when I'm alive here on this earth, I'm waiting for the Holy THEOTOKOS to let me know if and when it's time for me to be a monk. Please pray for me in all things necessary for my salvation as I am extremely weak and am trying my very best! My name is Michael. I love you Father thank you for everything and may our GOD remember you and your Priest/monk duties in HIS KINGDOM.
I think we believe sometimes our happiness is ours to Chase when in fact as Christians it’s joy and peace were really searching for and once we crucify our flesh we can leave the gift of joy and peace up to Christ to offer us. And he always does!
May Christ bless us all, dear Tony. I find that speaking from one's heart and limiting oneself simply to one's experience may be humble and simple, but is always more useful that relying on theoretical knowledge. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers.
Glory be to God that you found some use in this, dear Ray. I believe in keeping oneself to one's own experience - this does not limit things at all because, deep down, we are all the same and we fight the same battles, only in different ways. That being said, there are holy people (not me) who can offer advice on things that are totally outside their experience because their minds are entirely united to the Holy Spirit Who teaches them everything. I have seen that in my own life. Be blessed, dear one, and please keep the Monastery in your prayers.
Thank you😭 this is so beautiful and helpful. I'm in a difficult marriage. However, my own husband is also not a Christian, is anti-Christian and our marriage does have some of those elements you stated that make it a "more difficult situation" (drugs, alcohol, porn addiction he is proud of). I'm actually Catholic, and reverted to my faith many years after marrying my husband. I remain very confused if our marriage is sacramental or not...but anyway, I love with learning about Christianity through your channel. This may have helped more than any other pep talks I've received. Beautiful.
Why does she want to leave her husband? Every issue she lists is an issue she has to resolve with herself. Leaving her husband only takes away one of her closest human allies, and one who can provide her with resources to help keep her afloat while she works out these issues...
If it's a case of falling prey to the satanic depression and influence of the age, then looking for reason is not going to yield you anything. It's an evil thing, that's the only reasonable deduction you can make.
Consider, brother, that YOU are the parish priest for many. You gave a good biblical reply using wisdom God has shown you in your own life. Your advice is FAR better than the advice that would be given by most councilors and preachers. Good job!
A parish priest has tools I miss because of my distance, dear one. A parish priest can use a hug, for instance, to console a suffering human being. He can - simply by sharing one's suffering in the way they look at each other - heal a suffering heart in an instant. I am grateful that we can offer a little help, but nothing we can do can replace the direct, unmediated love of a face to face relationship.
My dear Julie, from my experience with the married couples I know from confession (and from looking at my own monastic life for comparison), a struggling marriage is a healthy marriage. Struggling is a necessary aspect of a process that involves constantly denying oneself and trying to live not according to one's will but according to the will of Christ. To struggle is good; to run away and to allow doubt to enter one's heart is what can tear a marriage apart.
Being single, if assumed freely, is in no way different from monastic life or marriage, dear Joseph; Christ can use any of these three ways of life as tools for our salvation. be blessed, dear one
@@thisolcowgirl Because being single is terrifying, especially at a later age, and most of us would rather be in a bad relationship than face the fear of being alone.
Thank you very much Father Seraphim, and thank you sister Seraphima for by your question you were asking for help in saving yourself and your family. I too together with everybody will be praying for you, your family and all those are going or gone through difficulties like this. Father Seraphim your words as usual have been helping me too although I have been divorced, not by my choice, for more than 30 years now. If I may I would like to add a few words. Unfortunately, divorce is common, many factors make it happen. Among them for example, a woman of divorced parents do get divorced more often than a woman whose parents did not get divorced, It is less so in case of men. I wish the option of divorce was not there. In The pain of divorce affects and will always affect every person in the family for ever. Yes, you should ask yourself what do you mean by happiness. In Erickson’s stages of life, he describes this phase as the beginning of asking oneself if ‘I am doing or if I am where I wanted to be when I was thinking about that as a teenager or when I was in my early twenty’ ? That is normal but the answer needs to be based on the maturity of your thinking and about your spiritual maturity and growth. It is with these eyes of discernment and knowledge that you ought to think and be. Another secular question, is whether there real real life burdens that may be making you feel that way? Do you think you might be depressed? Is the new unborn baby and a gift of God a planned pregnancy.? Are you overwhelmed physically and mentally by your responsibilities? If so talk to your husband, family and friends if you need some help. You will be surprised to see how many people would want to help especially when a new baby is coming. Having put these secular real earthly life struggles then listen to Fr Seraphim video again and again and talk to your spiritual father. I do not know whether your wedding ceremony was an orthodox one. If it was then you remember well the crown there are placed and exchanged on the bride and groom’s head. These symbolize that you are king and queen of each other. It can also mean that you are slave and maybe martyrs for each other. Yes your old self died when you go into marriage, We die when we are baptized and we die every moment to be closer to God. A sin I frequently did that I was always looking towards the past like Lot’s wife, when I needed to look at today and towards God trying to clean myself to restore His image in me and be better prepared to meet Him. Definitely marriage is not a civil contract. It is a mystical sacrément where joyfully each spouse gives himself or herself to the other. practice the basics of true Christian love, the agape where we love without expectation to receive back. By being humble, kind patient, not to keep accounts I do this and that and you do less, by forgiving and by not being proud of ourselves for being good but to be happy for doing the good things. Look at the good things in your husband and children and looking at them as icons that lead you to the heavenly and make it a task to be an icon for them. Please forgive me Fr Seraphim if was making unintentional heresies and please correct me. Also please forgive me sister Seraphima I do not assume that you do anything wrong nor that you are not doing the right things in your marriage I was speaking trying to give generic well know information just to fill any reflection or a question that could be there. May God be with you.
So true . Hope this woman does not have undiagnosed depression? Very sound advice. If you are looking for a way out- you will always find one. Shut the door on those thoughts. Stay and pray One. Day you will be so humbled you did. The very person you are trying to leave may be the person who later is your saving grace in a dark time. Take care and find peace.
That was my worry as well, dear Kathy. I pray that she has the support of her family to get over this difficult moment. I pray that her husband notices that she is suffering, so that he may help her. If he doesn't notice, that may be part of the problem. Please pray for us all, dear Kathy, and may God bless us.
May God bless you, may God enlighten you, may He lead you away from all darkness and into His Light. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers too.
1. Think of your marriage as a direct responsibility of the salvation of your spouse and kids and a help of your own salvation. How you gonna do it while separate? 2. Think of marriage as the body of Christ. How you dare to corrupt it? 3. Remember your promise to God. 4. Remember your spouse's promise to God. 5. Remember God's command. Stay away from fornication (what divorce is) and God HELP!
My dear Aram, I am certain you mean only good by your reply, but you could phrase it in a kinder and more compassionate way. A marriage is the Sacrament between two people; if one of them is fallen in any way, the other always shares the guilt. One cannot pick and choose the ways in which we use the oneness between husband and wife; if one is suffering, the other one shares the guilt for the suffering. This is what being 'one body' means: if one hand suffers, the entire body suffers. As for 'daring' to leave a marriage, please remember that the Church Herself, in Her love and wisdom, recognises a second marriage (and even a third). This is how love is manifested, dear Aram, by acts of generosity and kindness. Please pray for us and may God bless all of us.
@@mullmonastery My only reason was her salvation with all compassion... it is just written text cannot express my feelings. As for 2nd and 3rd marriages; it was never encouraged but only allowed so for special proven cases and never was like for ppl who just decided to "leave". We have to be very careful and not be the "easy preacher" which eventually can lead towards someone's unsaved soul and our condemned one! My (a worthless person) prayers for all of us and glory to Christ!
I am soooo grateful that you are creating videos again! Your messages are so very helpful!! And since you've been back, your messages are even more powerful and spiritually helpful! THANK YOU!!!
Thank you... you turn things the right way up again and remind me it's not about self fulfilment which is a god, these days, but like the Methodists Covenant prayer,.. 'let me be full, let me be empty' and that's a joy in itself as the running after created things can be released from us. Thank you, it's good to have you back, I missed your videos since lockdown
For EVERY believer is a word: Seek God above everything else. I testify, finding God is joy unsayable forever. Having even a half usable shelter for this one lone truly worthwile, seeking, is a gift unthinkable! How much people seek joy of short lived illusions, having given up their innate nobility, their true all! Please dont give up fighting sister! For us! All joy, all darkness, all, for real! Success! -Rom8:28 ps. once you found, after some time you'll find in just everyone, take your time, HIS REAL presence is all you need
When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth...... But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. ❤️
Dear father, can you please talk about the sin of anger ? Although I feel like I offered repentance , I can’t seem to change this about myself and my poor kids are the one who pay the price . Thank you so much - God bless you
My dear Amira, may God bless you. I shall pray about it - it is a very important topic, and one which, if dealt with correctly, can lead to the salvation of one's soul by itself. If one defeats anger, one defeats judgement and condemnation and if that has happened, one has fulfilled Christ's commandments in one's heart. And that is salvation itself, dear one.
@@mullmonastery Thank you dear father . May the Holy Spirit guide you . Your words are full of hope and yet scary at the same time …to think of God’s judgment and the defeat I feel over this sin . Please pray for me
Dear Saraphyma. There are many things going on with you physically in pregnancy. It is a very trying time. From my experience, you sound like a very tired mama. I encourage you to take as much care and rest for yourself as you can. This is not sinful. If your husband's well is dry, you fill your needs yourself. Do not doing anything until the baby is born. You need your husband, you cannot do this alone right now. Perhaps you can look at this again after your child is born and until then, just do as much rest and self care you can. Prayers for you
Why is happiness a goal or value? Maybe holiness should be the goal. Perhaps meaningfulness is more important You do not recognize yourself? GOOD! We are to resemble Christ. Yes? I empathize and yet suggest you don't attempt a secular life value system. No. Focus on helping your children to be heaven bound. God bless you! The right thing is to accept the pain of your cross. Teach your children the acceptance of pain , love, sacrifice childlike holy playfulness.
Dear Seraphima, I was moved by your letter because this was me many years ago. I'll try to be brief, but please excuse me if this is long. The Lord has me in the wilderness now,and I am suffering and likely dying pretty rapidly of a rare degenerative disorder, and all of the meds make it hard to type and think concise thoughts.
Before I took my Christianity seriously, I was in a marriage. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. My husband worked long hours. He was never around, and when he was he had no time for me. I was weighing my life like you are. I discovered he was cheating and left.
I got married again, many years later ( now I'm 40), to a man that loved me. I thought I knew him well. He helped raise my son and was a good father, until he started drinking heavily. We separated, but did not divorce. Two years later, he asked me to take him back. He was sick, behind on his rent,everyone he knew would not take him in. I prayed.
I did not want to take him back ( being honest). God after much prayer, told me he wanted me to take him back. He told me that He would save my husband's soul.. During 5 long years, I fasted and prayed. I put up with the scorn about my praying. But I trusted God. I felt I am not here to worry about worldly pleasures ( tried that in the last marriage, and after I left, had friends ,went out, but was very depressed) but to do God's will.
Then miracles started happening. 1 Peter 3, a husband can be won without a word by the conduct of his wife. As long as I followed God's will, He convicted my husband. He took away his desire to drink, saved him, and he is now a praying man.
You see, when I was deciding whether to stay married to him or not, I couldn't see down the road, but God could. He saw TODAY. Me with an incurable disease where my husband cooks and serves my meals, walks me or half carries me to the bathroom, works from home so he is always here. Who would be taking care of me, dear Seraphima, if I had not taken care of him first. When people ask why he stays with me ( he being the former drinking agnostic), he cries and says. " You don't understand. She did the one thing Noone else could do. She led me to God". Do you see the fruit my cross has borne? That I never suspected? Your cross will bear fruit too. Your marriage, your life, your witness to the world. People notice, and it impacts more people than you even realize. More than I realized. Now, my husband is a testimony not only for marriage 17 years, but for Christ. I am 56 now, and may not see 57. But I am fine with that. My husband is saved, and God willing we will stand until the end.
I hope this helps someone. You never know what use God has for your marriage, Even aside from providing a stable family for your children. P.s. my parents were divorced too, because my father drank. It is what made this cross so heavy. But now I am receiving the consolations from my years of married struggle. Re edited to remove what I added. Mull monastery removed their ❤ so I have taken out what I added.
This gave me motivation and courage as I decide whether or not I can handle marriage life. Glory to God, nothing is impossible through Him! I pray for your health and the salvation of your husband, God bless you both!
Thank you sister. Nothing is impossible with Christ. ❤️🕯
I pray for your healing ma'am, God bless you
Wow. So inspiring. This is one of my great fears in my poor, hobbling marriage....what if I get sick or seriously injured? I never thought of the idea that maybe it will be a long time from now and maybe I am doing my charitable labor now for him to build the future I might even need. God, forgive my weakness and my selfishness.
If you are still with us, please pray for my wife, Cathy, and I. We have a lot in common. Cling to your cross. God bless you always 🙏✝️🙏
You could hardly get better advice anywhere ever. Praise the Lord for giving you to us.
Traditionally, in Catholic weddings in Croatia, the priest presents the woman to the man, saying, "This is your cross." Then he turns to the woman, presents the man to her, and says, "This is your cross." This is holy wisdom.
The crowns of the bride and groom in the Orthodox ceremony symbolize that marriage is an exalted state, but also are symbols of martyrdom.
In marriage we are not placing ourselves in a romance, but in a sacrament. May God give us the strength to allow our thoughts for ourselves to decrease in the marriage, and for Christ to increase in us.
Let us not forget that while the cross was an instrument of torture, that it was the means of our salvation.
This is life changing spiritual counsel. Thank you Father. It’s a blessing to have you back on this platform
Thank you, Glory to God, Amen !
Thank you, Father. I fell into this exact trap in my mid 20s after three years of marriage. I got divorced, just wanted to be happy again and find myself again. What Father says was true for me: after the divorce I wanted to go back to being the person I was before, but that person didn't exist anymore. And as for happiness, I suddenly had a huge self inflicted psychological wound to heal as a result of getting divorced, and I became a more bitter person in spite of the new freedom. Many years later I am still healing from this.
I think people are bombarded every day with unrealistic expectations of marriage. The romance and excitement of the first few months/years gradually fades and becomes a different kind of love which can become even stronger than the first feelings, but nobody can be expected to feel every day because life is hard work and other things get in the way. Compatibility provides a stronger foundation than fickle and transient emotion.
I think mothers have it tough these days by being expected to work as well as raising children because we tend to deal with the day to day details of child rearing.
Joy is from the Lord. Respond in thanks in the beginning of all things, because He is the beginning of all things. He speaks the world into existence and we speak in response with joy and thanksgiving. It is fair and it is right, and anything less then that is dishonorable and a transgression. And his Word will be near you, in your heart. Give thanks and acknowledge Him in ALL your ways. It should be the first thought when you wake up in the morning and last thing when you go to sleep. Thanks be to God for Jesus that tore the veil and allows us to go boldly into the presence of God.
Thank You...after 51 years of marriage with children and grandchildren it is still a battle to keep a focus on the truths you spoke.......I am sure I will listen to this again
Just knowing somebody like you exists is encouraging to me. I love you. Thank you for sharing.
This will help more than one Seraphima! I can't help thinking of Lot's wife, when she turned and looked back...
So beautiful to hear your words father. I have to keep reminding myself to pick up my cross everyday and leave the future in Gods hands. You are right…. He purifies us with our crosses and makes us closer to being saints. I will be praying for you Seraphima. We all go through difficulties in our marriage but stay strong and pray and fight for your marriage and your children. ☦️🙏
I have been married for 34 years. Our marriage is definitely not easy.My husband left faith decades ago, also never really functioned as a father for our 4daughters. There is some mental health problem that he's been avoiding to deal with. That caused his inability to provide for the family. I was tempted countless times to split but fortunately dealing with all this kept me busy and I had no time to do it🙂 .I am sure in sacramental marriage God provides so much help! So many times I hit the rock bottom and didn't know what to do! That made me to turn to God and deepened my faith. Today we have 8 grandchildren and we are never lonely. The house is always full . Our 4 daughters have their own families and built really strong bonds. Even through all the imperfections and difficulties it's worth staying together. Family is definitely a Divine project!
The same has happened to me. Don't quit! It is so painful!
Thank you, Father! This got very deep quickly and I wish that every Orthodox Christian could listen to this talk.
Thanks Father , and thank you Seraphima for your question. BEAUTIFUL answer. I am married and the devil is trying to destroy my marriage. Your words are refreshing. My CROSS My Marriage. Is it worth to die in the Cross? YES, Yes indeed.
May Christ enlighten you and all struggling families to look beyond the temporary difficulties of this life towards the eternal joys of His Kingdom.
And I'd like to add something else. Through breathwork I was able to completly relax and feel, be in my heart. I realised that I lived most of my life in my head alone. My head wanted me to leave my husband (my heart never wanted that) because I was all the time in a "to do mode" Practice relaxation. Do less, feel more. Live your life in a "to feel mode". We are in touch with God through our feelings, we feel Him and where there is love, there is God ❤️
I am also in my 30s. Thank you for speaking to the difficulties of this stage of life.
Glory be to God for any good thing we may say or do for each other, dear one. To tell you the truth, there doesn't seem to be a 'perfect' age, we seem to go from one difficult period to another. But that is good, it is a sign we simply do not belong here, but in the Kingdom. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers.
Be kind in the way you think and talk to yourself, discount the culture, and never unfavorably compare yourself to others.
@@glendamcgee1779 very true! When I was most unhappy, I was in my 30s. It was because I was comparing myself with the world, and felt like I was coming up short. In my 40s, I stopped paying attention to what the world was doing. ( the trends, fashion, music, material things, etc.) .I was much happier then. Although every age is hard in it's own way I guess. I am 56, and the 50s are hard :). I think every age here will be hard, because this is not our country. And even a best friend I have in a hermitage who is cloistered still struggles, and she is not even in the world.
This advice is so beautiful it actually brought a tear to my eye. I am also married with three young children, yet his advise is simply not available in the world, the world tells us that if we are not ‘getting’ then we should leave, yet Christ tells us to sacrifice our sinful selves to become more like him through our often difficult marriages. Until I understood this life simply did not make sense. Thank you so much for this channel Father!
You re right,Fr.!Wherever you are,there s always a cross!You can t escape it!Happiness and suffering intertwine.Happiness from suffering.But your cross has a meaning because of Christ s suffering.He bears our cross.We re not alone.😥🙏
We never are, dear one. Even when we are certain we are alone, we never are - as St David asks: where can one hide from Christ's Love? Even in the darkest depth of our humanity, there He is: waiting for an opening in our heart, so He may step in with His Light and save us.
@@mullmonastery Very kind of You,Fr.!Yes!God is coming to us,to all of us,even the most wretched.Let s not shut the door in His face!💔
You have kindly shared genuine heart centred wisdom Father Seraphim. Thank you. I have been married to Paul since 1986 and we were very blessed to be married in the Catholic Church I grew up in. Our lives have been and are sustained by my love for Jesus, Mother Mary and the example of the Holy saints. It has been a joy to suffer very severe testing times. I know loss and joy. I fast, and pray the Holy Rosary. Christ Jesus is welcome in my married life and since the lockdown I realise how blessed I am to be alive. My brothers, Mark and Keith, passed away before I was born, in the same year as my husband, 1955. I have a sister and two children now grown up.My parents were strict but very kind and poor, but gave me clear parenting. My life has been as a teacher, a woman of faith and one where I want to keep praying and learning and being full of God's grace. It is good to return to listening to your gentle helpful kind teachings. I have been studying the life of King Saint Oswald of Northumbria. It is a long story but in a nutshell, he once stayed near Oswaldtwistle meaning Oswald's camp. I used to teach English and Art in a high school there. I did not realise then ,1979 to 1989, just how incredibly God fearing he was. A church called Church Kirk is falling into ruin near Oswaldtwistle and it is heart wrenching because it is the site where he camped on his way with an army to his final fatal battle with Penda. Aidan was tasked by King Saint Oswald to start the great Monastery at Lindisfarne. I am on a steep learning curve with this whole topic and enjoying discovering details of his saintly kingship .
I hope you and the monks and nuns stay strong and well and enjoy a fruitful Advent. Bless you Father Seraphim.
I'm in my 60's.Have the same problem.
But this is the best answer I ever heard.I feel, this will definitely help me. Thank You from the bottom of my heart. 💕🙏From 🇨🇭
May God bless you, dear one. You are by far not alone and your struggle is shared by so many others. True marriage, like monastic life, is un-natural to this world, which is why it feels so difficult at times. It is un-natural according to the values of this world to prioritise someone else over your own needs and will. It is un-natural not to see revenge, not to 'pay back', to forgive and move forward in hope and love. These are un-natural values for this world; they are natural for a Christian, and they shape us into Christians (not worldly people). Be strong, be courageous and hold on to your hope, dear one. May God bless you to your core.
@@mullmonasterythank you for this
Thank you speaking on this. God bless
☦️ it is a sobering reminder we are not ‘owed’ happiness. And that our very concept of happiness is booby trapped with total sorrow baked in.
But ‘choosing this tool to give to Christ for my salvation..’ so much medicine in that Truth.
It took me many years to understand that about my own monastic life, dear Kevin. As long as I keep changing my mind, measuring my decisions against criteria of success which have nothing to do with the spiritual life, I was the one standing in the way of Christ's attempts to save me. I need to freely allow Him to use my monastic life (which is my free choice, not imposed on me, just like marriage should also be) to create the context (with its good and difficult aspects) to save me.
@@mullmonastery thank you. I have to think with this and keep in front of me for a while. It was certainly the word I needed to hear right now.
What a beautiful message. I felt called to send this to my mother, to encourage her to look at her relationship from a better perspective. She absolutely loved it. You're making a giant difference, Father. Thank you very much for your wisdom.
It was the mercy of God that this woman, who is wandering in her mind and heart away from her marriage, consulted Fr Seraphim who offered this beautiful guidance.
Through the prayers of our Holy Father's LORD JESUS CHRIST OUR GOD have mercy on us and save us
I love you and thank you Father for your generous and grace filled advise! I'm neither a married man or a monastic but am trying so hard from my early teenage years to taking care of my big family after my Father's health started to collapse on him. I've come from 9 siblings all together and most of my dear loved ones moved on in there lives but I'm now 28 years old continuing to tend and to take care of my Mother and Father through their elderly age. In my heart, I've had a calling to monasticism but felt I should hold back for some time to helping my family and giving every cent that GOD has graciously provided for us to them and keeping nothing for myself. In my room I try to practice asceticism and when the time is right even if it never happens when I'm alive here on this earth, I'm waiting for the Holy THEOTOKOS to let me know if and when it's time for me to be a monk. Please pray for me in all things necessary for my salvation as I am extremely weak and am trying my very best! My name is Michael. I love you Father thank you for everything and may our GOD remember you and your Priest/monk duties in HIS KINGDOM.
I think we believe sometimes our happiness is ours to Chase when in fact as Christians it’s joy and peace were really searching for and once we crucify our flesh we can leave the gift of joy and peace up to Christ to offer us. And he always does!
Absolutely the best advice I have ever received 🙏
May Christ bless us all, dear Tony. I find that speaking from one's heart and limiting oneself simply to one's experience may be humble and simple, but is always more useful that relying on theoretical knowledge. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers.
Pure gold, praise God. Much here that I can take unto myself.
Profound wisdom on this topic I haven’t heard elsewhere
Excellent advice. Largely because you stay in your lane and talk about what we share, rather than trying to give marital advice per se. Well-done. 👍
Glory be to God that you found some use in this, dear Ray. I believe in keeping oneself to one's own experience - this does not limit things at all because, deep down, we are all the same and we fight the same battles, only in different ways. That being said, there are holy people (not me) who can offer advice on things that are totally outside their experience because their minds are entirely united to the Holy Spirit Who teaches them everything. I have seen that in my own life. Be blessed, dear one, and please keep the Monastery in your prayers.
I love this man, and his generous spirit…🙏
Thank you😭 this is so beautiful and helpful. I'm in a difficult marriage. However, my own husband is also not a Christian, is anti-Christian and our marriage does have some of those elements you stated that make it a "more difficult situation" (drugs, alcohol, porn addiction he is proud of). I'm actually Catholic, and reverted to my faith many years after marrying my husband. I remain very confused if our marriage is sacramental or not...but anyway, I love with learning about Christianity through your channel. This may have helped more than any other pep talks I've received. Beautiful.
Why does she want to leave her husband? Every issue she lists is an issue she has to resolve with herself. Leaving her husband only takes away one of her closest human allies, and one who can provide her with resources to help keep her afloat while she works out these issues...
If it's a case of falling prey to the satanic depression and influence of the age, then looking for reason is not going to yield you anything. It's an evil thing, that's the only reasonable deduction you can make.
Doamne ajuta ! Multumim !
Beautiful message. Thank you for sharing!
Consider, brother, that YOU are the parish priest for many.
You gave a good biblical reply using wisdom God has shown you in your own life.
Your advice is FAR better than the advice that would be given by most councilors and preachers.
Good job!
A parish priest has tools I miss because of my distance, dear one. A parish priest can use a hug, for instance, to console a suffering human being. He can - simply by sharing one's suffering in the way they look at each other - heal a suffering heart in an instant. I am grateful that we can offer a little help, but nothing we can do can replace the direct, unmediated love of a face to face relationship.
@@mullmonastery But many times, there is no parish priest.
Yes 1000X!
Thank you dear father, God bless you and please remember me in your prayers.
May God bless you, dear one. May He embrace you and those you carry in your hearts, and may you always be guarded by His might.
Amen
Thank you for these beautiful words! They are for us all, in healthy marriages or struggling marriages - thank you!
My dear Julie, from my experience with the married couples I know from confession (and from looking at my own monastic life for comparison), a struggling marriage is a healthy marriage. Struggling is a necessary aspect of a process that involves constantly denying oneself and trying to live not according to one's will but according to the will of Christ. To struggle is good; to run away and to allow doubt to enter one's heart is what can tear a marriage apart.
Good wisdom. I receive it though single. Thanks
Being single, if assumed freely, is in no way different from monastic life or marriage, dear Joseph; Christ can use any of these three ways of life as tools for our salvation. be blessed, dear one
@@thisolcowgirl Because being single is terrifying, especially at a later age, and most of us would rather be in a bad relationship than face the fear of being alone.
Thank you very much Father Seraphim, and thank you sister Seraphima for by your question you were asking for help in saving yourself and your family. I too together with everybody will be praying for you, your family and all those are going or gone through difficulties like this. Father Seraphim your words as usual have been helping me too although I have been divorced, not by my choice, for more than 30 years now. If I may I would like to add a few words. Unfortunately, divorce is common, many factors make it happen. Among them for example, a woman of divorced parents do get divorced more often than a woman whose parents did not get divorced, It is less so in case of men. I wish the option of divorce was not there. In The pain of divorce affects and will always affect every person in the family for ever. Yes, you should ask yourself what do you mean by happiness. In Erickson’s stages of life, he describes this phase as the beginning of asking oneself if ‘I am doing or if I am where I wanted to be when I was thinking about that as a teenager or when I was in my early twenty’ ? That is normal but the answer needs to be based on the maturity of your thinking and about your spiritual maturity and growth. It is with these eyes of discernment and knowledge that you ought to think and be. Another secular question, is whether there real real life burdens that may be making you feel that way? Do you think you might be depressed? Is the new unborn baby and a gift of God a planned pregnancy.? Are you overwhelmed physically and mentally by your responsibilities? If so talk to your husband, family and friends if you need some help. You will be surprised to see how many people would want to help especially when a new baby is coming. Having put these secular real earthly life struggles then listen to Fr Seraphim video again and again and talk to your spiritual father.
I do not know whether your wedding ceremony was an orthodox one. If it was then you remember well the crown there are placed and exchanged on the bride and groom’s head. These symbolize that you are king and queen of each other. It can also mean that you are slave and maybe martyrs for each other. Yes your old self died when you go into marriage, We die when we are baptized and we die every moment to be closer to God. A sin I frequently did that I was always looking towards the past like Lot’s wife, when I needed to look at today and towards God trying to clean myself to restore His image in me and be better prepared to meet Him. Definitely marriage is not a civil contract. It is a mystical sacrément where joyfully each spouse gives himself or herself to the other. practice the basics of true Christian love, the agape where we love without expectation to receive back. By being humble, kind patient, not to keep accounts I do this and that and you do less, by forgiving and by not being proud of ourselves for being good but to be happy for doing the good things. Look at the good things in your husband and children and looking at them as icons that lead you to the heavenly and make it a task to be an icon for them. Please forgive me Fr Seraphim if was making unintentional heresies and please correct me. Also please forgive me sister Seraphima I do not assume that you do anything wrong nor that you are not doing the right things in your marriage I was speaking trying to give generic well know information just to fill any reflection or a question that could be there. May God be with you.
So true . Hope this woman does not have undiagnosed depression? Very sound advice. If you are looking for a way out- you will always find one. Shut the door on those thoughts.
Stay and pray
One. Day you will be so humbled you did. The very person you are trying to leave may be the person who later is your saving grace in a dark time. Take care and find peace.
That was my worry as well, dear Kathy. I pray that she has the support of her family to get over this difficult moment. I pray that her husband notices that she is suffering, so that he may help her. If he doesn't notice, that may be part of the problem. Please pray for us all, dear Kathy, and may God bless us.
@@mullmonastery yes Father your caring is all the difference. She will have light , now. We will all pray . Thank you for caring so so much.
Thank you Father
You are a blessing for us
I want to be close to God
Please pray for me.
May God bless you, may God enlighten you, may He lead you away from all darkness and into His Light. Please keep me and the Monastery in your prayers too.
@@mullmonastery thank you Father Seraphim thank you🙏🙏🙏🙏
❤❤❤
Amen awesome talk may the Almighty God bless you always
That is so kind, dear one. May Christ hear your blessing and may He multiply it over you and your beloved ones a hundredfold.
1. Think of your marriage as a direct responsibility of the salvation of your spouse and kids and a help of your own salvation. How you gonna do it while separate?
2. Think of marriage as the body of Christ. How you dare to corrupt it?
3. Remember your promise to God.
4. Remember your spouse's promise to God.
5. Remember God's command.
Stay away from fornication (what divorce is) and God HELP!
My dear Aram, I am certain you mean only good by your reply, but you could phrase it in a kinder and more compassionate way. A marriage is the Sacrament between two people; if one of them is fallen in any way, the other always shares the guilt. One cannot pick and choose the ways in which we use the oneness between husband and wife; if one is suffering, the other one shares the guilt for the suffering. This is what being 'one body' means: if one hand suffers, the entire body suffers. As for 'daring' to leave a marriage, please remember that the Church Herself, in Her love and wisdom, recognises a second marriage (and even a third). This is how love is manifested, dear Aram, by acts of generosity and kindness. Please pray for us and may God bless all of us.
@@mullmonastery My only reason was her salvation with all compassion... it is just written text cannot express my feelings. As for 2nd and 3rd marriages; it was never encouraged but only allowed so for special proven cases and never was like for ppl who just decided to "leave". We have to be very careful and not be the "easy preacher" which eventually can lead towards someone's unsaved soul and our condemned one!
My (a worthless person) prayers for all of us and glory to Christ!
@@mullmonastery Thank you, Father.
I am soooo grateful that you are creating videos again! Your messages are so very helpful!! And since you've been back, your messages are even more powerful and spiritually helpful! THANK YOU!!!
This the most beautiful guidance I have ever heard. ❤️🙏
Thank you for this.
Thank you... you turn things the right way up again and remind me it's not about self fulfilment which is a god, these days, but like the Methodists Covenant prayer,.. 'let me be full, let me be empty' and that's a joy in itself as the running after created things can be released from us. Thank you, it's good to have you back, I missed your videos since lockdown
For EVERY believer is a word:
Seek God above everything else.
I testify, finding God is joy
unsayable forever. Having even a half usable shelter
for this one lone truly worthwile, seeking, is a gift unthinkable!
How much people seek joy of short lived illusions,
having given up their innate nobility, their true all!
Please dont give up fighting sister! For us!
All joy, all darkness, all, for real! Success! -Rom8:28
ps. once you found, after some time you'll find in just everyone,
take your time, HIS REAL presence is all you need
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
❤️
Dear father, can you please talk about the sin of anger ? Although I feel like I offered repentance , I can’t seem to change this about myself and my poor kids are the one who pay the price . Thank you so much - God bless you
My dear Amira, may God bless you. I shall pray about it - it is a very important topic, and one which, if dealt with correctly, can lead to the salvation of one's soul by itself. If one defeats anger, one defeats judgement and condemnation and if that has happened, one has fulfilled Christ's commandments in one's heart. And that is salvation itself, dear one.
@@mullmonastery
Thank you dear father . May the Holy Spirit guide you . Your words are full of hope and yet scary at the same time …to think of God’s judgment and the defeat I feel over this sin . Please pray for me
This is so wise 🤍✨God bless you 🙏🏻🤍
May God bless all of us, dear Kristina. We all need His love and care.
Amen 🙏🕊✨🛡⚔️
I am worried about you, can someone update us on your health?
Dear Saraphyma. There are many things going on with you physically in pregnancy. It is a very trying time. From my experience, you sound like a very tired mama. I encourage you to take as much care and rest for yourself as you can. This is not sinful. If your husband's well is dry, you fill your needs yourself. Do not doing anything until the baby is born. You need your husband, you cannot do this alone right now. Perhaps you can look at this again after your child is born and until then, just do as much rest and self care you can. Prayers for you
Why is happiness a goal or value? Maybe holiness should be the goal. Perhaps meaningfulness is more important
You do not recognize yourself? GOOD!
We are to resemble Christ. Yes?
I empathize and yet suggest you don't attempt a secular life value system. No.
Focus on helping your children to be heaven bound. God bless you! The right thing is to accept the pain of your cross. Teach your children the acceptance of pain , love, sacrifice childlike holy playfulness.
even the bridegroom is relevant here right?