I used to watch Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother, right before bed for the laughs. Same reason. It also prepared my brain for sleep (the familiarity). "There is no fate, but what we make for ourselves."
Alright…Lets see if any of the reports inspire me. I’m having an episode of general irritation and apathy towards all things (mainly human bullshit and all the utter bullshit human life entails.) So maybe I’ll learn something good idk. To tell you the truth idek what exactly I want to do in terms of THE PLAN…I definitely HAD a whole big stupid plan not long ago, but something inside me broke or some shit and now everything is just..different I guess idfk. I’m just cold and logical now. I’m playing to win and beat this nightmare now. I feel like the journey down this path itself has lost it’s meaning. It’s just an obligation now. It’s just The Thing Some Asshole Created Me To Do. It’s the only thing that really drives me forward (Besides one other thing I don’t want to discus). It’s been my only hope/focus for over 11 years now. The only goddamn thing that motives me to bother carrying on and putting up with this shit. I mean…Yeah my old plan was probably just stupid, delusional, and destined to tank into disaster. But at least I was genuinely motivated by it and got some fucking meaning out of this life. To me it’s just meaningless, poorly managed bullshit now. Nothing with any control seems competent. Ig THATS one of my NEW driving motivations. I desperately want to know I’m not 100% surrounded by incompetent idiots on all sides. My dumb ass partially wants to find out I’m not completely alone among these insufferable beings immune to all logic/reason. Another is I’m tired of being cheated. I want condensation and I’ll happily die seeking it. I want to at least live a life worth living. Even if it’s already to goddamn late I still want to have a life of victory. Even if the days of Me being able to EVER feel happy are LONG GONE. And They sure as shit seem to be. Idek why I’m irritated to be honest. I mean, I also kinda do. I have few reasons NOT to feel that way constantly lol. I exist alone in a place I don’t belong in and was never a part of. I’m surrounded by utterly alien beings I have no ability to connect with. I’m damned to watch these clown succeed and fail for what feels like eternity. I not only hate that but I’m BORED. I’ve been bored of this since I was a KID. Absolutely nothing about the “acceptable options” these bumpkins “laid out” for me via their imaginary fantasy system appeals to me. I have zero interest in anything they offer that doesn’t offer me direct financial gain or some material win for my own insane agenda. Thats not living. Nobody is meant to live like this. Living your entire life doing shit you don’t give a flying blue fuck about for some oh so gracious allotted few moments of lukewarm satisfaction? Its an absolute joke. This all is. And I don’t even get THAT because I had the AUDACITY to be born as myself (that something else chose for me no less). So whats left? Exactly. Nothing. Absolutely buttfucking nothing. Theres so few beings here I’m capable of loving. It takes such a special kind that I may as well blow all my money on lotto tickets by THAT logic. And when I find them, I know they’re destined to be ripped away in the shortest time possible. I want to find the dumbass game masters or whatever ELSE might suit the task and TAKE my compensation for this MYSELF. Thats what this whole thing is about. It’s a goddamn LIVID ANGRY customer service operation! If waiting for shit to work itself out failed, then I might as well dedicate the whole of my life to fixing this myself. Like I do EVERYTHING! Myself! Everyone is always so utterly dissapointing that I have no choice but to handle every conceivable thing BY MYSELF. Because nobody GETS IT. Nobody sees shit straight! Everyone lives in some wild ass fantasy! Nobody looks at life truly logically on a philosophical level. They’re all more concerned with whatever wild, false ideas they have about the nature of life. And this isn’t just philosophical! Oh no! People constantly screw up EVERY LAST THING I put any sort of reliance on them to do! Why bother trying when you’ve literally memorized every conceivable possibility/pattern and predict shit 90% accurately on a regular basis? I know people so well. I’ve memorized them to a science. I know what they say, how they react, what they’ll do, what they’re thinking, how they feel, etc SO WELL!!! And then they do that stupid bullshit when you don’t open up to their asses where it’s suddenly YOUR fault! Like your pushing away some total safe haven with zero possible chance of harm to your person. Ha! Don’t make me LAUGH!!! I don’t trust anybody. Theres good reasons for that. Hell I HARDLY even trust my OWN CREW or boyfriend. I just assume an automatic 80% chance of betrayal/failure/whatever and I’m tyoically right no matter how hard I try or how nice/open/pseudo trusting (open) I am. I am ALWAYS RIGHT. Period! Always have been even before I was like this. When your nightmares become reality enough time something inside you eventually explosively SHATTERS into thousands of pieces. Then you adapt to be a greater nightmare capable of hunting/killing the smaller, inferior ones. Actually no most humans just become complacent nvm. Forgot I was completely alone for a sec. They just take it or delude themselves into thinking it’s “good” Idk why I even bothered writing this rant here lol I guess maybe some distant, delusional notion is giving me hope that somehow a comment section for reports on anomalous crap will make it heard by some anomalous force that can do something substantial. That these are SOMEHOW connected to something greater. Well I know for a fact they are. Its all fucking real. I believe in everything so long as it’s not completely stupid. What I DON’T believe in or trust is PEOPLE. Anyways yeah idk why I wrote this. Ig it’s a way of writing something out, leaving it behind, and having it fade into the void of nothingness very slightly slower (CorpoTube will probably just delete it for being unsightly though. So I fully expect it to disappear via our new almighty fake “safe world” overlords) Anyways maybe something motivating will be in this collection. Anything to keep me marching forward mindlessly so I don’t focus on how void of hope this situation is.
I LIVE for these monthly, super long videos. ❤😊
hell yeah we do!! ❤😊
I love using these long videos to relax. Also, I love actually seeing your face 😊
What, this old mug? :P
You have the absolute best content and channel on UA-cam!!
I don't know about that haha but I'm glad you like it :)
Fact that theres a story with Taylorsville of all places is crazy to me i got family there
I used to watch Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother, right before bed for the laughs. Same reason. It also prepared my brain for sleep (the familiarity).
"There is no fate, but what we make for ourselves."
Hey Paul! I hope you're starting to feel a bit better and healing well :) I love these stories so much, thank you for the upload! ❤
I'm much better now, thanks Lindsey :)
Love your content! You’re the best ;)
Thanks
Thank you too :)
GLITCH DEALER Sure I never missed a story but can't sleep so here we go again. Why not?
This is EXCELLENT 🎉🎉❤❤🎉🎉
Thank you :D
Woot!
whats the "delay you cant utter on youtube" ? lol i want to know!!
✈
I know exactly what you mean.
Building 7 wtc bbc. No mystery here, just conspiracy
🤔🤐
Alright…Lets see if any of the reports inspire me.
I’m having an episode of general irritation and apathy towards all things (mainly human bullshit and all the utter bullshit human life entails.)
So maybe I’ll learn something good idk.
To tell you the truth idek what exactly I want to do in terms of THE PLAN…I definitely HAD a whole big stupid plan not long ago, but something inside me broke or some shit and now everything is just..different I guess idfk. I’m just cold and logical now. I’m playing to win and beat this nightmare now.
I feel like the journey down this path itself has lost it’s meaning. It’s just an obligation now. It’s just The Thing Some Asshole Created Me To Do. It’s the only thing that really drives me forward (Besides one other thing I don’t want to discus). It’s been my only hope/focus for over 11 years now. The only goddamn thing that motives me to bother carrying on and putting up with this shit.
I mean…Yeah my old plan was probably just stupid, delusional, and destined to tank into disaster. But at least I was genuinely motivated by it and got some fucking meaning out of this life. To me it’s just meaningless, poorly managed bullshit now. Nothing with any control seems competent.
Ig THATS one of my NEW driving motivations. I desperately want to know I’m not 100% surrounded by incompetent idiots on all sides. My dumb ass partially wants to find out I’m not completely alone among these insufferable beings immune to all logic/reason.
Another is I’m tired of being cheated. I want condensation and I’ll happily die seeking it. I want to at least live a life worth living. Even if it’s already to goddamn late I still want to have a life of victory. Even if the days of Me being able to EVER feel happy are LONG GONE. And They sure as shit seem to be.
Idek why I’m irritated to be honest. I mean, I also kinda do. I have few reasons NOT to feel that way constantly lol. I exist alone in a place I don’t belong in and was never a part of. I’m surrounded by utterly alien beings I have no ability to connect with. I’m damned to watch these clown succeed and fail for what feels like eternity. I not only hate that but I’m BORED. I’ve been bored of this since I was a KID.
Absolutely nothing about the “acceptable options” these bumpkins “laid out” for me via their imaginary fantasy system appeals to me. I have zero interest in anything they offer that doesn’t offer me direct financial gain or some material win for my own insane agenda.
Thats not living. Nobody is meant to live like this. Living your entire life doing shit you don’t give a flying blue fuck about for some oh so gracious allotted few moments of lukewarm satisfaction? Its an absolute joke. This all is. And I don’t even get THAT because I had the AUDACITY to be born as myself (that something else chose for me no less). So whats left? Exactly. Nothing. Absolutely buttfucking nothing.
Theres so few beings here I’m capable of loving. It takes such a special kind that I may as well blow all my money on lotto tickets by THAT logic. And when I find them, I know they’re destined to be ripped away in the shortest time possible.
I want to find the dumbass game masters or whatever ELSE might suit the task and TAKE my compensation for this MYSELF. Thats what this whole thing is about. It’s a goddamn LIVID ANGRY customer service operation!
If waiting for shit to work itself out failed, then I might as well dedicate the whole of my life to fixing this myself. Like I do EVERYTHING! Myself!
Everyone is always so utterly dissapointing that I have no choice but to handle every conceivable thing BY MYSELF. Because nobody GETS IT. Nobody sees shit straight!
Everyone lives in some wild ass fantasy! Nobody looks at life truly logically on a philosophical level. They’re all more concerned with whatever wild, false ideas they have about the nature of life. And this isn’t just philosophical! Oh no! People constantly screw up EVERY LAST THING I put any sort of reliance on them to do!
Why bother trying when you’ve literally memorized every conceivable possibility/pattern and predict shit 90% accurately on a regular basis?
I know people so well. I’ve memorized them to a science. I know what they say, how they react, what they’ll do, what they’re thinking, how they feel, etc SO WELL!!!
And then they do that stupid bullshit when you don’t open up to their asses where it’s suddenly YOUR fault! Like your pushing away some total safe haven with zero possible chance of harm to your person. Ha! Don’t make me LAUGH!!!
I don’t trust anybody. Theres good reasons for that. Hell I HARDLY even trust my OWN CREW or boyfriend. I just assume an automatic 80% chance of betrayal/failure/whatever and I’m tyoically right no matter how hard I try or how nice/open/pseudo trusting (open) I am.
I am ALWAYS RIGHT. Period! Always have been even before I was like this.
When your nightmares become reality enough time something inside you eventually explosively SHATTERS into thousands of pieces. Then you adapt to be a greater nightmare capable of hunting/killing the smaller, inferior ones. Actually no most humans just become complacent nvm. Forgot I was completely alone for a sec. They just take it or delude themselves into thinking it’s “good”
Idk why I even bothered writing this rant here lol I guess maybe some distant, delusional notion is giving me hope that somehow a comment section for reports on anomalous crap will make it heard by some anomalous force that can do something substantial. That these are SOMEHOW connected to something greater.
Well I know for a fact they are. Its all fucking real. I believe in everything so long as it’s not completely stupid. What I DON’T believe in or trust is PEOPLE.
Anyways yeah idk why I wrote this. Ig it’s a way of writing something out, leaving it behind, and having it fade into the void of nothingness very slightly slower
(CorpoTube will probably just delete it for being unsightly though. So I fully expect it to disappear via our new almighty fake “safe world” overlords)
Anyways maybe something motivating will be in this collection. Anything to keep me marching forward mindlessly so I don’t focus on how void of hope this situation is.
Why would anyone Think ‘we’
Are you allowed to give away free stuff on UA-cam?
What do you mean exactly?
@@KineticSymphony are you able to give out free prizes to your subscribers, like Kinetic symphony mugs or tee-shirts?
@@nikorunner1603 Oh well there's no rule against that but I'm not a wealthy man lol
@@KineticSymphony oh ok lol I'm sure people would buy your merch
Just what i needed for going to bed early on my night off. Hope you're doing well, Paul!
Quite well now thank you! :)