S2E28. what do you want to hear after you “come out?”
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- Опубліковано 20 жов 2024
- what’s good, good people! we got Damezzzz (@damez) in the building to talk about expectations after you “come out.”
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My name is nkosinathi I'm from South Africa I really enjoy your show you've helped me unpack so many uncomfortable conversations around my sexuality thank you so much ❤
Babyyyy when Damez said “if you hate them, hate me too!” Period! Don’t “you not that type of gay” me. Yes I am!
The guest was amazing. Great conversation. I shed a few tears...especially when he spent so much time trying to make other people comfortable. That was me.
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I’ve watched this episode about a dozen times now. Love it. Such a meaningful conversation for where I’m at in my journey right now. Thanks so much! ❤❤❤
DON'T DIM YOUR LIGHT JUST TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL COMFORTABLE.
When I came out I decided I wasn’t responsible for anyone’s reaction. I wasn’t seeking permission nor asking for consent. I didn’t have the expectation that anyone had to accept my being gay. I ended one relationship and I don’t regret it. Everyone else came along for the ride.
In my experience you never stop coming out but the experience of coming out changes with time. I find it necessary to disavow people of the belief that I am heterosexual. I think it is necessary to do so. I’m not responsible for their reaction. I don’t think you were accommodating your friends by not telling those women you were gay knowing they were attracted to you. You could have told those women you were gay. It was your friend’s work to figure what he was going to do in that situation. If your friend played straight ok. Gay and straight men can be friends. You owed it to yourself to tell those women the truth.
In my experience some straight people treat anything other than heterosexuality as private (some queer people do too but that’s another conversation). I do think it’s necessary to show up as heterosexuals do. Talk about dating, talk about LGBTQI matters, bring friends to family events, tell people you went to an LGBTQI conference, invite straight people into LGBTQI spaces with you. And by all means, call out/correct people on their homophobia. I think too many of us embrace a kind of quiet tolerance rather than full equity and inclusion. There’s a difference.
My grandmas opinion of me is more important to me than my own parents.
So I can relate
This was a dope conversation and I really liked how you responded to your grams question. So here’s my situation growing up of course I had to hide my sexuality until I got in college and told my friends at college but wasn’t out to my family. I was still living with my grams and my grandma is a die hard Christian and wouldn’t approve of my sexuality like she will never come around. I got tired of being uncomfortable not being able to be my true self so I joined the military to live my truth, travel, and learn new skills. I’m out to everyone accept family. My grandma will respect me cause I’m her grandson but she will never accept my sexuality. So after a lot of talks with myself and others i have now come to terms that I really don’t care if they find out and don’t accept me cause I have learned to love myself. Also I’m not coming out to my family. When I get a man and they see the pics on social media then boom now you know and wouldn’t care about none of their responses. I’m gonna invest heavily in myself in 2023. 💯🤟🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Great conversation 😊👏
I hope you'll bring him back again
These need to be LONGER... more guests on at once lol
This conversations makes me think of how time makes looking back on our lives in a linear fashion is so difficult. There were points in my life where someone responding with tremendous empathy and acceptance was the thing I most wanted to experience in the world. There were other times where having my truth evoke that kind of reaction from someone would have unnerved me to my core.
I love everything about this. Thank you!
Loved the video. I feel (from my perspective at 19 lol) that it’s just a bit nerve racking when you first start to hop into your authentic self and you feel like you have to “rip” a bandage off that your gay. I’ve told alot of people in my life besides my parents and I’m kinda at the point where it’s like I’m not gonna do it until they ask😂 I’d had to stress myself out about a response that I’m either gonna hate or like…I know the topic is gonna come sooner or later but I don’t want to feel avoidant about it; even though that’s how I kinda feel. It’s a sad world that we have to go through this as people but I love hearing videos from fellow black men about their experiences with this topic. It makes me feel oh so not alone and I love that I’m stepping into excepting myself 100%( im about a 79.6% lol.) thanks so much and you’re inspiring more then you think. 🫶🏾
I recently came out to my family, and this was so reassuring . Thanks Obio !
Another profound conversation. Keep up the good work Obio...big ups.
This was a wonderful dialogue. So many points that you brought out were part of my experience. Mom did not openly discuss me. But she fashioned her conversations to areas where I knew that she knew and was honoring who I am totally. It was comforting to know that before she passed away.
i lovedddd this episode i love that you create space for the black queer community
Great Vlog as always. Keep the conversation going, I'll keep liking and sharing O!!
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 some people are meant to be left off right where there at
This was such a beautiful conversation. I could resonated with everything said . Please keep on having these types of conversation
Obi, now I am really mad with you! This was a great conversation. How you give us only 11 minutes. This should have been at least one hour! LOL. Keep doing what you do.
Another great one Guys! My philosophy has always been to go where I'm CELEBRATED not TOLERATED. I really enjoyed the commentary and it further gives me strength and hope for when that day comes! Keep helping To Create Space Obio!!!
It’s funny listening to your conversation you both said you want family and people to ask about your personal life. I’m the opposite I don’t care to ask if my family or friends dating someone. If they bring it up I would gladly have the conversation but for the most part I’m good. However, if I’m dating someone and need to talk to friends or family about that situation I can have that conversation with them too.
I think it’s steams from
The fact that family ask before they know but after the fact it stops . So it can feel like do you no longer care because I’m gay ? Does it make you uncomfortable to ask because I’m gay ? That type of thing . I thinks it’s more about the overall context
Great conversation...!!! 👍
Sorry, but I cant help myself but to notice the Beyoncé shirt. IKTR!!
this is some good stufffffff!!
This was good to hear + see !!!
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THIS 8:30... my family NEVER asks me if I'm dating or seeing anybody. The subject never comes up and it's so frustrating. Like do yall even care?
Honestly it’s a pro and a con 😂
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Obio, that sweater was part of my school uniform. 😅
Its okay to be gay until it's someone you know... hate that type of personality. A lot of toleration...
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I was hungry for you to ask your guest more deep questions to reveal his trials and tribulations and not so much to compete for the spotlight. In the end, I still didn't know who he was.
I'm sure it was no big surprise when these 2 girls "came out."