Shame: 3 Tips for Breaking the Cycle
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- Опубліковано 14 лют 2017
- Your shame-prone clients are stuck in a vicious cycle...Around and around they go. Beliefs about themselves trigger the physical response, which reinforces the cognitive schema, which then evokes the physical response...and so on.
So how do we help our clients escape this cycle?
In this short video, Dr. Janina Fisher shares with you 3 interventions drawn from neurobiologically-oriented therapies.
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She is delicious. I'm re-reading her wonderful book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors - Overcoming Internal Self Alienation, and getting even more out of it the second time around. For a trauma survivor there is gold in that book which she presents in these videos.
I went to buy on audible.
I wish she had narrated it.
She has a beautiful voice and tone.
The professional narrator has a formal narration voice which seems hard and robotic for the subject matter.
Audible is just easier for me than adding another book to my pile.
Dr Fisher really is a gift
@@ataraxigrace822 I struggle with reading books so I prefer audiobooks, and have to agree that the narration of that book is horrendous.
For me that means I won't buy any of them.
@@EllaSqueaks its such a shame, her message is precious. For a while I tried treating 'difficult' narrations with equanimity and practising non attactchment meditation. 😂
For awhile. Til I just couldnt any more
I was mesmerized by Dr. Janina Fisher demonstrating interaction between her client and herself, when dropping hot potato (de-resourcing thought) become a ritual for giving up self shaming thoughts. I was moved to tears. These were good tears. Thank you so much. I have been to counseling before, but I have never seen such a kind face looking at me fearlessly with gentile care. 🙏❤
Dropping the negative thought like a "hot potato" WORKS. I came upon this on my own when i went out to seek work as a freelance artist. I was trying to break into a in a highly competitive field and that , while i had talent, i was not the best. Every time a defeating thought came in, i immediately dropped it. I absolutely refused to indulge it. And it worked. I became a successful illustrator.
Now i have to use this technique in my personal life because success in business did not heal deeply negative beliefs about myself. But i do know the technique works !!!
Is it inappropriate to say I would love to go up to Dr Fisher an give her a big ol' hug (with her consent).
She is such a warm person.
She is an expert who does not have to let us know that all the time.
I’ve just recently realised become aware of how much shame I’ve been carrying, it’s so true about it being physiological. This was extremely helpful, thank you.
Unless it's trauma-based, then it's neurological.
I am relieved to find information to understand myself better. But, I feel great loss and sadness to my little self who endured a lifetime of having to carry shame; criticism, put downs. I developed an eating disorder, perfectionistic, and other escapes. I am on a journey of self discovery and healing.
Absolutely it's not easy information to digest... I suggest you read John Bradshaw's Healing the shame that binds you & homecoming... both books are life changing
@@jaiminsharma I watched his PBS series, not sure if I have the book, thank you!
Respectfully, you did it again. You feel a great loss and sadness? Hmmmmmm, is that a resourcing or de-resourcing thought…?
In my therapy, I opened up. I had to speak words I never wanted to. Once I did… the “hunger” in my stomach, that popped up when I first awoke, when stressed, bored- … it stopped.
Then- I had a flashback- my mom gave me a 2nd grilled cheese as a 8 yr old… and the hunger in my stomach, stopped. My body made me think my stomach hurt, needed more. Food helped! Hence, I’m the big-sibling. But what happened to me, didn’t happen to them.
The shame- like you said- was a punch in the stomach. The negative words in my childhood- stuck in the stomach. As an adult, I’m having to fix it.
“The hunger- where is it?!?”
Absolutely- amazing.
What an amazing bedside manner! Feel the of a wise authority of patience, love coming from her. very safe.. my new role model! lol you are wonderful
Dr. Fisher is so good and attractive ❤ I’m her fan. Her theory has saved my daughter. Thank you so much.
Janina, I just love your compassionate approach and your kind tone. Thank you!
Janina Fisher is such a gift to humanity. Her unassuming nature & gentle tone of endless wisdom are an asset to everyone that is fortunate to find her.
Hear! Hear!
Her ways are a lot like Dr Schwartz. Calm caring compassionate
I really like the phrase "Shame Spiral".
Brilliant mind, such a warm, generous heart❤️
Thank you Beautiful woman, preacious healer and helper🙏🏻✨
She is such a calm lovely person, loving , pleasant .
Janina, you have such a wonderfully charming way of working with what appears to be such a dark place in humans! Such accurate words that make the intangible graspable... What a talent!
Blessed with beautiful movement and voice!
Janina you are brilliant! I'm so grateful for the work you do!
I wish I had a therapist like you 😍
I tried two years ago since her office is not too far from where I live... but she is no longer seeing clients. Instead she is offering supervision to other therapists. She made a referral but I took a different direction.
Wonderful. I like that you gave us the that for free, wow resourcing and de-resourcing, never heard of those! Love it!
Shame and guilt have been the main themes of my entire life. I try cbt on myself but those negative patterns are deeply ingrained. It sucks.
They are, really ingrained. But it is possible. CBT misses the feeling part of the reprogramming of the new beliefs - starting w small examples of where eg you are good enough or accepted and noticing & *feeling* that. I found loads of help n genuine progress on PDS - see Thais Gibson videos on core wounds. Good luck 🤞
i'm really struggling with dropping thoughts. as a person who identifies as an avoidant and who has some shame around 'running away' from things that are hard and avoiding, i struggle with feeling like turning from charged thoughts is being avoidant. i guess my mind feels that when the thoughts are discharged then, i'm truly on the path to healing. i've run away from or ignored thoughts 'dropped' them for most of my life but, they still have a charge, i just ignore it. i'm looking to really get to the root of why the thought has the charge it does and find a way to release the energy from the root.
It might help to recognise a subtle difference between being avoidant and dropping a thought which doesn't serve you, with some intentionality.
If you have first spent time reflecting on the thought and recognised that the thought may come from a place of hurt .. and that there is nothing left for it to teach you, then you could decide that there's a good reason to let go of it. Have you looked it in the eyes at least once? That's not avoidant. That's engaged.
Then to allow yourself to recognise that there is no such thing as objective truth - this thought is an idea that's gripping you via adaptive neurobiological mechanisms.. then you're simply accepting that you're allowed to work with your psychology and that it's not an easy way out. Hope that helps ..
That is the actual way of doing it. The video implies you can just drop those negative thoughts like potatoes, unfortunately, that is not how it works.
These thoughts serve a purpose. Deep down we believe those thoughts, so you can't just drop them. You have to try to devalue those thoughts by going back to the root of it. I wish you goodness in your journey. I am dealing with it too at the moment.
Look up Dr Peter Levine he has some helpful tips from his somatizational tgerapy
beautiful lady... thanks so much for sharing resoursable thoughts!
Such a wonderful lady, so warm and kind, thank you.
I love this woman.
What a wonderful sweet kind woman. I would love to have you as my counselor.
Oh Janina, love and miss you and that kind and wise voice. Ginny
I Could really relate all your talking about,and I find it very hard to let go,and when it comes up when least expecting not knowing what to do,and it gets so intense with no way to escape,and then all the anxiety starts,and having to accept what’s offered to me,and to get threw all of it
Thank u Janina
Thank you. I will try this with my clients ❤️
Janina rocks!
Helpful or unhelpful thought. Good way to think about it.
Learning about the law of attraction was what helped me to interact with others and stop the bad feelings.
Shame has been impossible for me to work with because I don’t have a thought. Shame is not a response for me. It’s so deep in my nervous system it’s just part of me. I’m trying to learn how to find the shame that’s deep in there and runs my life. Growing up with a narcissistic parent makes you feel ashamed for existing. I don’t say I’m worthless. I don’t think it. It’s simply the way I live. How do I work with that?
This can be healed through inner healing and deliverance.
@@angelamurphy75 What does that mean, please? What exactly is deliverance? How can inner healing happen?
I hear you, and it sounds very hard! yes the physiological experience does not always come with thoughts. My hot take would be to slowly increase activities that increase vagal tone for you. That’s usually what amount of social connection is tolerable and accessible to you depending on your trauma history. You are doing that in writing a comment here, increasing vagal tone by activating the parasympathetic social system of relating.
@@karianneburns7273 Thank you
Yes. Feeling ashamed for existing and realising there is no way out, because dying would create a hassle and therefore is selfish. I tried not to breathe for 48 years, hoping that would reduce my debt. It didn't.
Now I am using my breath to work with my shame: I bring my attention to my breath and immediately feel tension (who am I to breathe??), then I consider the tension: does it do any good to anyone at this moment? Am I taking away from others by breathing calmly? Most of the time (ok, 100 %) the answer is no. (and yes, when I was a child, the answer would have been a yes, so I am not crazy or making a drama out of nothing) So then I calm down my throat and my chest and feel a little better.
And then the tension returns (who am I to just be calm??) and I repeat the questions. And calm myself down again by breathing slowly and open. And the tension returns. And I repeat and I repeat. And it gets easier. It really does. It takes time and in my case many tears. But they were good tears, sad and sweet, instead of desperate tears of fear and shame.
I hope you are well. Coming to terms with knowing you are not worthless is not easy, but you will get there.🌞❤
I married a trigger, seriously!
At Sophia Sussex
At left one!
I love her ❤
Your videos are wonderful. 6:53 But "Is that a resourcing or de-resourcing thought?" makes me want to respond: Resourcing. It prepares me for, thus decreasing, the pain of dissapointment when I'm not accepted. Putting on my JF hat, I respond to Me with a, "Is this going to stop you from applying? Can't win if you don't play. Drop the negative thought for now. What's the best we can do to make this work?"
its as though I needed to have permission to follow through with this (hot potato) process. Thank you.
Raised on shame and i know it doesnt help and it wasnt my fault but it hasnt budged. I dream of having an aha moment that actually changes my perspective for more than a few minutes. Seriously i have read watched videos meditated prayed cried visualized you name it and here I am 60 years old and isolated to an insane degree
Where do you live and do you speak to those that shamed you?
@@omqi Hi thank you upstate NY. My parents died when I was young and my mom is the culprit. She drilled worthlessness into my head. I have several brothers and sisters who do not speak and I barely have a relationship with one who is very critical. This is hell especially with the holidays here.
How do you drop a thought when there is such a visceral physical response in the body?
What do you like the visceral body response? You have to dig deeper?
Why are you having the thought?
Is the thought based in reality.?
Is it even logical? Do you ask anyone else for feedback or their input?
Example, if my car has problems and I attempt to fix it... and the problem remains, then my solution it's not the right one for this problem. And if I continue to have this problem with my car and I've never been able to repair it. I have to consider asking someone else to take a look at it. Just as if my solution is the wrong one for this car trouble, your current solution or lack of thereof is clearly not going to solve your problem, change this negative pattern.
Best of luck!
Acknowledging and or admitting where are the root of the problem or issue might lie is the only way address the problem that causes this symptom
Like the work of Byron Katie
AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER
1) I'm in love with myself and my life
2) I'm in love with being alive
3) I'm a magnet for: love, miracles, money, happiness, joy, prosperity, wealth
4) I have total and complete and permanent: FINANCIAL FREEDOM
5) Always and in all ways: I totally and completely and permanently surrender to Jesus
6) I thrive: in my career and in my relationships
7) I am a master alchemist
8) I am world-renowned in my area(s) of expertise
9) I magnetize my ideal and perfect clients to me: easily, constantly, consistently
10) my twin-flame and I are magnetized to each other, we belong together,
we are destined to be with one another
11) I am the epitome of perfect vibrant radiant health and wellbeing
Opposite to shame is pride. It is definitely a feeling. So shame to me it is a feeling. I am a bit confused.
loving this potato technique
I wish she was my therapist.
I don't love that she compares her clients to babies playing a game...
What if you don't know what your belief is that is triggering the shame?
x1.5
3 interventions? Help me. One was how did help you as a child. 2. Drop the deresourcing thought. 3?????????
Lovely woman ☺️
Don't you have to face the shame and examine it, accept it?
What does "accept" even mean? When one is living in shame the work is releasing it, not abiding in it through acceptance. You can count on the fact that shame is the residue of trauma. You can likely accept the fact you were traumatized at some time in the past, which can be an epiphany. All the best on your healing journey.
Accepting to me means to acknowledge the shame. Not try to deny it or push it away from consciousness. Feel it.
Shame is a normal human emotion. You've DONE a bad thing & it forces us to act, either apologise or change our behaviour etc, so its a good thing. Toxic shame, however, is when you intrinsically feel you ARE a bad, bad person for what you've done. That is damaging.
Ah, I get to differ. Guilt is associated with doing something bad. Shame is the feeling that a person IS intrinsically bad. All shaming is toxic.
You are describing GUILT which comes from having done something we don't feel good about. All shame is toxic and comes from the belief that WE are damaged and are bad. Two different things...
I too have heard this differentiation, but feel that the guilt vs. shame concepts are easier to differentiate. Shame is always "what's wrong with me", therefore, not resourcing.
Oh you mean therapists aren't supposed to shame me more? Thanks for nothing NAMI. NAMI is shaming. I wish I could sue.
cool. no hot potatoes here.
She doesn’t know that emotions are a physical experience.
1 - you’re belittling and invalidating their emotions…