I have this problem when someone hints at the thing. Like if someone won't tell you why they laughed. I really really want to know what the joke was. I know by the time I drag it out of them it won't be funny any more. But I NEED to know.
The problem with the need for “Closure” is that unlike in the movies, life still goes goes on after credits roll. Happy endings dont always stay that way. Things still happen and move on
I don't think need for closure is the belief in happy endings. It's more to do with the end of life cycles (happy or otherwise). It allows people to move on and live new experiences (which, in time, will need their own closure).
I have very high NFC. As I've grown older, "closure" means something entirely different to me than it did years ago. Instead of trying to find external reasons for closure, I look inwardly. People aren't always going to give you answers, that is why you need to find it on your own. Examining yourself or the situation for closure can be a lot easier than chasing someone for it. Once I did that, I found the closure that I was seeking.
Hi Pinki, I think you are right. I think the NFC=Need For Closure- is one of the main problem of human beings. It has been an issue all my life : 1)The need for closure from relationships followed by the need of validation of that closure can be high for some. ( I know mine NFC is high); Human need to make a closure; we also need the other person to give us a validation of that closure which unfortunatelly is something we don't always get😱 2)The closure from closed people who passed away that left things unfinished can leave a person confused and irritated; "we cannot ask an explanation anymore". 3) The make of a decision; in my case was shall I stay abroad or go back to my country. I have been dwelling with that thought for the first decade of living abroad before making a "questionable" but final decision 😊
Personally... I have no idea. Either because I might not completely understand the concept or because I don't seem to know myself in that regard... I don't know.
I “ghosted” my abusive ex, for my own safety. He has tracked me down and I’m pretty scared, weird long messages and pleas from spiteful to (fake) loving to blaming. There are times for ghosting!
high NFC is torture after breakup. I always have to ask my ex-gf thousands of questions t be able to move on. Once she was not willing to answer my questions and i almost end up crazy.
Yes, this has been my experience as well. My ex had problems communicating during our relationship too and it was just as tortuous then because all arguments just dragged on for days for no good reason. However, I can also be low NFC when it comes to things outside relationships.
High NFC here. I learned the hard way not to make rash decisions just to get closure many years ago. It still feels awful though, but sometimes all you gotta do is sit and analyze possible outcomes, and let go of both the beneficial and the harmful ones by realizing, one way or another, that none of them is or NEEDS to be real for you to move forward.
Yeah! Like, I don’t care anymore, the plot just doesn’t interest me. I don’t care that “I’ve gotten this far” or whatever, if I don’t like it anymore I don’t have to watch it and I’m not going to worry about it.
Oof, I absolutely fall on the high end of that spectrum. It's really hard because I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my childhood. I can't really talk to the people who were involved, and even then I doubt I would get a straight answer. We're working on how that shouldn't hinder me from making progress now in therapy, but certain loose ends still keep me up at night.
SCMartin27 I can relate. But I tend to date people with LOW NFC and it caused so much hurt. Now, after dealing with people like that with so long, I’ve learned not to react to their lack of need.
VOLVOV70RAWD Nobody said they were he problem. We literally just said our own anxiety hurt us. But actually, my boyfriend with low NFC had to realize he needed to meet me in the middle. Every problem is a two way street.
Like many things in psychology, I think it needs to be contextualised. Surely there are certain matters in life which are likely to generate a high NFC while others low, a Tinder date not texting back ranks quite low for me, but finding out who at work stole my ham sandwich... Yeah. Generally speaking, closure has two components to it. One affective component and one cognitive component. Affect has to do with feelings and emotions. Closure appeals to this by giving us a sense of justice, fairness, peace, or whatever emotions closure tends to satisfy. The cognitive component appeals to our curiosity. That is our need for intellectual stimulation and love of problem-solving. Different things in life generate different set of emotions and cognitions. I'd be curious to know why my Tinder date didn't text back, but I don't feel strongly about it. But I'd rather not find out who stole my sandwich because then I'll have to confront that person (and I hate confrontation), but it generates very strong emotions for me.
I for one carry on because I have to. Because I have no other choice. If a guy dumps me by just ghosting me, it's not like I can send a private detective to track him down, then intercept him while he's at a gas station, and demand for an explanation as to why he dumped me...... So that plot would remain unsolved only because some people are low NFC because they're jerks and cowards and have trouble communicating like an adult.
I used to have a high NFC but I’ve learned to have a low NFC after all the BS I had to deal with lol. Just getting over it because in the end it won’t matter 10 years down the line.
I was a shitty teenage and the closure I used to be seeking was an interaction with people I hurt. Basically victimizing those people again JUST because I wanted closure. They didn't want anything to do with me, and I wanted to say sorry. They don't even want my apology. It's important to change. Edit: wanna make sure everyone know that I'm saying that closure can be complicated and it's important to respect the wishes of the other party.
Why do we seek? Is there any reason to seek a better future if we're fully comfortable and content with the way our body feels now? When thoughts slow down, you may notice that there is discomfort in the body, which may show up in a myriad of ways: pain, anxiety, anger, or any other sensation or emotion... This is part of the reason that we get addicted to thought- because it’s an immediately available way to avoid or try to fix the way our bodies feel. We won't be able to rest in presence for very long if we keep ignoring or avoiding discomfort. Rather, we'll continue to follow thoughts about past and future... We'll keep trying to escape... So, how do we bring direct attention to the energies of our body? The first step is to acknowledge that you are feeling something. We tend to acknowledge emotions and sensations first through the mind... We might think, "I’m angry," or "I’m afraid of what might happen," or we may simply notice that something is bothering us... But we can't feel emotions or sensations through thinking. These thoughts are narratives or labels for how we feel. They are not the actual energies themselves. For example, if you have the thought "I have a stomachache," that thought is a label for something that is actually happening in your body... In order to actually feel or experience the stomachache directly, you would have to bring attention down into the stomach area and feel it without thoughts on it... The same is true for all emotions and sensations. Once you acknowledge that you feel something or have been triggered/activated by someone or some event, bring attention very gently to the body where you feel the actual emotion or sensation... With your attention there, feel into the sensation or emotion, and see if you can notice the peripheral space around it at the same time. Let the emotion or sensation just hang there in that open space, without trying to change, neutralize, or get rid of it... It is common to want to change, neutralize, or get rid of bodily energies. Just notice any tendency to want to do these things. This is resistance at work, and trying to stop that resistance from happening is simply adding more resistance. Bear in mind that we give power to words, pictures, and bodily energies by turning awareness away from them. And we diminish their power by turning toward them and remaining aware of them until they fade naturally. That one simple understanding, if turned into a daily practice, is highly transformative.
I have a high NFC when it comes to unanswerable life questions about life ,death and the the universe. This has given me great anxiety and made life very difficult. It's pretty much the worst need for closure some could think of since it has no answers.
Well, yeah. I left my abusive ex, finally, abruptly for my own safety. That was my closure. Terrifyingly, he has tracked me down and it’s pretty scary. I don’t know what he wants, maybe some sort of closure? I hope it isn’t to finally hurt me or worse.
James Huffman Well, yeah. I left my abusive ex, finally, abruptly for my own safety. That was my closure. Terrifyingly, he has tracked me down and it’s pretty scary. I don’t know what he wants, maybe some sort of closure? I hope it isn’t to finally hurt me or worse.
@@cutingirl I desperately want closure from my ex and one of the reasons why I haven't pursued this more is simply the fear that I will upset her further. If you are open to the idea, maybe consider seeing a relationship therapist togeher to make sure that there is someone there watching out for the both of you.
Satyasya Satyasya I understand, too. I’ve lost too many hours to count trying to think of reasons for others actions, but it doesn’t seem to help unless they tell me directly. Still, I can’t let myself ignore things without having a real answer. I don’t really have a point, but perhaps it’s that you don’t need to be permanently broken. Things can continue to change for us, especially with the help of others who understand. That goes for any situation
How this is presented, it implies you are either one way or the other in your everyday life. I have experienced both ends , it all depends on the topic and the importance of it to you . I have had a great need for closer ending a certain relationship and being hesitant in getting a new apartment. On the other hand it takes me 15 minutes to book a week vacation and I had abandoned a lot of projects (unfinished work).Many more examples. So to me it feels, not as a personality trait , but as a temporary approach to an important situation atm.
Let me give you my two cents about people with high NFC. As someone with a PhD in Psychology and with more than 10 years of research in the field I came to the conclusion that...
In programming languages, a closure, also lexical closure or function closure, is a technique for implementing lexically scoped name binding in a language with first-class functions. Operationally, a closure is a record storing a function together with an environment.
That's... actually a really helpful concept to have a name for. I used to be very high NFC, then I started treatment for my anxiety issues. :p My sister is way higher NFC than I ever was, which causes conflict because she wants to hash out every tiny detail while I feel bored and trapped by said hashing. This is super useful information!
Oh god I love SciShow and CrashCourse and Vsauce and all the nerd channels. It’s clean, well done content, I never have to scroll through the videos or hope there’s something slightly entertaining ❤️ thank you guys
I have a high NFC, and tbh, there might be an aspect of it that contributes to my suicidal tendencies. If things just don't get better fast enough, sometimes it feels like the only closure I'll ever get is well...the inevitable.
I love closure, even more in movies,but I am low nfc, I think that what I love in my life or some stories it’s to understand, analyze, or even inform myself more of the subject, so when the closure comes, it is well served (understood) rather that quick digested.
How might NFC awareness become useful for gauging the public's opinion on the clarity of pressing issues such as criminal justice reform or climate change? What might the study of individual's needs within NFC might better influence communication, overcoming misunderstandings, and reaching mutually agreed upon decisions - especially on macro-scale societal issues?
That's fascinating. I found the autonomy / demands part at the end a little difficult to parse, but that might be a result of being tired. Thank you for this thought provoking video, much to mull over!
My boyfriend of 6 years did lead a double life with a second girlfriend and after finding out he faked having lung cancer we only spoke via lawyer to each other. I never got an answer why he did what he did, it hurt so much. I will never get an answer and that is tough. But to do research about narcissistic behavior and compulsive lying it got a bit better. But still to get answers is extremely valuable.
When it comes to most decisions, research I do, feeling satisfied with the plots of movies or books, feeling satisfied with life, etc, I have a pretty low NFC. I like to keep my mind flexible before I settle on an easy answer. I have a fairly high NFC when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I like people who actually know how to communicate and say goodbye or how they feel. If I don’t get that, usually my closure is knowing that some people are just unreliable and I don’t want that.
I have a really high NFC with big things that could change my life in significant ways. I chose my current apartment because i wasn't anymore unable to bear the uncertainty of not having an apartment. Even though there were still several months left at the old place. But i'm ok with uncertainty in smaller things like whether someone dislikes me or what i'm going to do at work.
I definitely have a high NFC. I need to research, study, and try to understand what the hell happened. It's a need for closure, but also intellectual curiosity. I genuinely want to know what makes people tick. But I've had to learn to accept sometimes that I was never going to get information or closure in some situations. Learning to accept some loose ends will always be loose has been a real challenge, but practicing acceptance over and over has helped.
I have learned that it’s not always possible to have all our questions answered and find closure that way. Sometimes I just have to let it go and have that be the closure.
I probably have a very high need for closure. It makes it difficult to talk to people who don't respond over instant messaging (I assume I've annoyed them or whatnot; I just naturally feel bad about it).
I’m high NFC but I’m also highly obsessed with learning about things. I hate when I ask someone “Why” something is and they just say “because”. I think that probably has something to do with NFC. The need to know why things happen.
Closure is never what we think it is. Closure is the illusion that we can get back what we lost. Only time will either make us forget, provide a learned lesson, or eventually our minds heal and that's the closure we needed. That doesn't apply to all persons, or situations
For me, I feel my need for closure depends on the situation. On one hand, I don't like ambiguity and need things to be as objective as possible. But on the other hand, when I get some ambiguous feedback, I'll stop myself from investigating it when I have the opportunity. I'm afraid of getting objective data and prefer to just not know. Then secretly drive myself insane over it, but not enough to do anything about it.
I'm not sure if this applies to me. Whenever it comes to emotional decision making I have a high NFC. Whenever it comes to anything academic or political in life I try to research and find the most grounded and objective solutions possible no matter the time it takes. I have a drive not to find the feeling of closure, but to understand the varying factors the lead up to the situation, and if possible the core reason behind the situation.
I have never had a need for closure, for anything in my life. I don't know why. I am kinda stoic maybe. Either I genuinely don't care or it's so tragic that I just can't deal with it or think about it so I separate myself from it.
I went looking for a "need for closure" quiz to see where I fall, but couldn't find an easy one after a few minutes and decided it doesn't matter. So I guess it's pretty clear I don't need closure XD
I have a high nfc, I don't rush my decisions, however I always need to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING. It's honestly pathological. I never feel at peace however, no matter what I do.. Is this because of my depression? Just a symptom? A personality trait??
I can take up to months on a purchase. But for certain situations and people, I stopped myself. My mind won't let it go, but it also won't let me Captain Ahab myself.
almost definitely a low NFC lol. finding out all the gritty details isn't worth the conflict that could come along with pursuing them. i avoid conflict at all costs honestly, which is one of my major flaws, so it's natural that i would prefer things to remain a mystery if it meant i wouldn't have to confront someone. on the bright side i guess that makes me completely ok with people ghosting me lmao
Ah. That's me. High NFC. I don't even like riddles because it always feels like the person asking _knows_ the answer and just likes seeing me squirm. On the other hand, if I know I can get an answer easily - or if it genuinely doesn't matter to me - I might hold off on finding out until it's more convenient.
I get So anxious with film and books like that. Clifehangers are horrible as I always feel guilty as I always assume the person dies...how many made up people have I killed off after the credits but who could have lived!
Interesting. I have noticed that my need changes with the situations and kind of with my moods. Like I desire understanding other people's motivations so sometimes I want to know why something is the way it is. Other times, I can brush off their attitudes and just go with stuff I understand.
I feel like this is a complicated issue. Like i want to come to the objectively best decision and don’t just want to pick something to come to a decision, but i feel like that can be because it’s not REAL closure and I’ll still want to know what the correct decision was
This is so interesting to me. I hate rash decisions, like to explore all the options, and feel most comfortable when I can gather plenty of information to help me identify a singular, best-possible option at the end of the deliberation process. Does this mean I have Low NFC? I feel like I don't actually feel comfortable with endless ambiguity though, I just feel less comfortable with the idea of making a rash decisions that turn out to be sub-optimal because I didn't take the time to really explore the question or problem. I feel driven to get the feeling of closure, and often feel uncomfortable if I don't get there, but I would also rather get there slowly and meticulously (arriving at an informed endpoint I hopefully feel confident in) than get there quickly and risk being wrong or sub-optimal. All this sounds like Low NFC as described in this video, it just seems odd to categorize me that way because I definitely desire closure and can feel restless and anxious when I don't get it. It's just that making a decision quickly doesn't really count as closure to me, because I'll still just be haunted by all the ambiguities or nuances I failed to explore before making that decision.
They said that a high NFC can mean that my goal is to feel closure as fast as possible. that is not true at all. you also mentioned towards the end there can be benefits to knowing where you and others fall on the scale can be valuable, but where/how can I tell where I am on the scale?
When it comes closer to my relationships, I literally tend to forget them. I've subconsciously ghost them until I literally forget they exist. It doesn't help the fact that I can't remember faces or names.
On a NFC scale from 1 to 10, I probably have an 8 or a 9 but it is weird as I like to analyse Things I know (less than new Things of course). I believe it really manifests in science : I can not stand Not to find the solution/ to have it explained to me but I can totally work 3 hours before looking up the solution so my need for closure is Low enough to make me like the path to the solution . I never understood why Sole people could live without knowing what they want to do and I can not stand not to know where I want to be in ten years and not to plan a plan Z, now I know that different NFC are responsible for it . Thanks scishow psyc for bringing me New knowledge
I feel like I'm high NFC but don't make decisions impulsively, but maybe I'm just impulsively deciding that without doing any extra research because I feel like I have a lot of knowledge about myself. 🤔
I tend to have a low closure need unless the problem is an in-the-moment thing. Like, if the tv remote is missing, I will adamantly search until I find it but if I'm curious as to what a wasp's social behaviors are it may take me a month to decide to google it.
I feel like I have high and low NFC depending on the topic and circumstances. Sometimes I seek a definitive answer to have one less open loop in my head. Other things, I dont care so much whether I have an answer or not. I would guess most people are also like this,
Damn. Just read the title and it almost triggered me. But after I watched it, I gained some clarity. I had a high NFC, he had a low. And he ghosted, so he lost out on an opportunity. Even though it'd be nice to know why he ignored and ghosted me, I guess I have to live in some uncertainty. I'll be fine, I need to chill the NFC a bit.
My abusive ex who assaulted me sexually, verbally, emotionally and has tracked me down several times. I’ve been terrified. It took my current partner threatening him for it to stop. I’ve made a police report and hope to god it stops. I don’t know what he wants; I don’t know what he thinks he is owed, some kind of closure? Anyway for my own safety I left, that was my closure
I think I'm high need for closure in general. However, I'm 54. As time wears on, NFC in regards to relationships is so low as to be nonexistent. Too much work.
What if you have a high nfc then over years of childhood rarely anything is every resolved including abuse, death, loss among other things. Over years slowly developing to need to adapt and accept low nfc even when you crave closure in a deepest sense. How would that effect someone, where would it lead them and how are they supposed to find the closure.
I feel like in most situations I have the wrong amount of nfc, causing me to be painfully ok with things that make a lot of people upset and painfully upset with average things that a lot of people wouldn't think too much about. I'm exaggerating a bit but I know for sure it causes me to annoy a lot of people :'))
Would it be safe to say that the NFC scale is subjective? I would be more concerned with something work related than relationship related. So my work NFC would be high and my relationship NFC would be low.
I think this is correct. I can leave games and books unfinished without a second thought, but I have very high NFC when it comes to relationships. I think it's situational. Probably corresponds to our values in life.
I don't have a need for closure for almost anything I even sometimes drop TV series or book series just before the final show or book and just don't ever go back to them, i don't need closer in life either
As someone who suffers from Bipolar 2 and Severe Social Anxiety, what can you tell everyone about burnout? I manage mine as best I can but it really messes up any sort of "normal" lifestyle since I can completely crash and need sleep at any point in time during the day or night. It's made it impossible for me to have any sort of job since I can never guarantee I will be functional and able to be social and active every day due to my mood disorders. :/
high NFC is a serious problem, i struggled with it, or maybe im still struggling with it, im not sure. One thing im sure about it if you let high NFC get to you, your life basically stops. Im a nerd when it comes to technology and i would always get stuck choosing between a few pieces of equipment and i would think about it for HOURS. Not the only reason but this one of the major reasons i failed for 2 years in college. Discipline might be a good solution. Dont let yourself be controlled by high NFC
This video fit like a perfect shoe. I used to call my ex-girlfriend every time I felt something was wrong because I needed to know exactly what it was that I did to make her upset. When we broke up, I kept obsessing over what exactly it was that made her break up with me. Also, I just spent 3 days researching online for the best possible rain boots that I could buy on Amazon for $100. I still haven't made up my mind, lol.
Thomas Yorkshire IV are you me? I will seaaaaaaaaarch and still be like “the pros and cons man. they all differ. we need to make the perfect formula to determine which website I should buy my books on”
lol i know i'm high NFC because if someones says "nevermind" in a conversation after i ask them to repeat themselves, i think about for days
I have this problem when someone hints at the thing. Like if someone won't tell you why they laughed. I really really want to know what the joke was. I know by the time I drag it out of them it won't be funny any more. But I NEED to know.
That's why they invented the word 'whatever'.
K.
I hate when they do that, but I don't need closure at all.
Ivan Kazuo thanks.
The problem with the need for “Closure” is that unlike in the movies, life still goes goes on after credits roll.
Happy endings dont always stay that way. Things still happen and move on
US I don’t know, I kind of like life going on. It beats the alternative hands down!
If life didn't go on, it's not exactly "closure" is it...
I don't think need for closure is the belief in happy endings. It's more to do with the end of life cycles (happy or otherwise). It allows people to move on and live new experiences (which, in time, will need their own closure).
Think I get what you're saying.
In life, there's always a sequel.
sirdeadlock but a sequel does not always show closure. I present the John Wick trilogy as exhibit A
Thanks for all the free psychology content!
No need to spend thousands of dollars on college psych classes :)
I have very high NFC. As I've grown older, "closure" means something entirely different to me than it did years ago. Instead of trying to find external reasons for closure, I look inwardly. People aren't always going to give you answers, that is why you need to find it on your own. Examining yourself or the situation for closure can be a lot easier than chasing someone for it. Once I did that, I found the closure that I was seeking.
Exactly
Hi Pinki, I think you are right. I think the NFC=Need For Closure- is one of the main problem of human beings. It has been an issue all my life :
1)The need for closure from relationships followed by the need of validation of that closure can be high for some. ( I know mine NFC is high); Human need to make a closure; we also need the other person to give us a validation of that closure which unfortunatelly is something we don't always get😱
2)The closure from closed people who passed away that left things unfinished can leave a person confused and irritated; "we cannot ask an explanation anymore".
3) The make of a decision; in my case was shall I stay abroad or go back to my country. I have been dwelling with that thought for the first decade of living abroad before making a "questionable" but final decision 😊
0
Well.. Case closed!
Right?...
I mean.. that settles it, right?
Right?!?!?!
I love your profile image
*idk you tell me*
*I definitely have a high need for closure*
However, I'm training myself to analyse and rationalize my own mind so I won't keep overthinking things :)
same. very much so
Personally... I have no idea. Either because I might not completely understand the concept or because I don't seem to know myself in that regard... I don't know.
I’m in the boat of very high NFC. Interesting video
Brains Applied - Unraveling The Human Mind
Maybe this could help:
ua-cam.com/play/PLo_o6-XnyVW2x5lZXQooOCMjN31rUdpiB.html
What is NFC?
Getting ghosted is hellish, especially when there was real caring by both individuals.
I “ghosted” my abusive ex, for my own safety. He has tracked me down and I’m pretty scared, weird long messages and pleas from spiteful to (fake) loving to blaming. There are times for ghosting!
Or when it's after a relationship last years
My husband ghosted me. Yeah.....
high NFC is torture after breakup. I always have to ask my ex-gf thousands of questions t be able to move on.
Once she was not willing to answer my questions and i almost end up crazy.
Yes, this has been my experience as well. My ex had problems communicating during our relationship too and it was just as tortuous then because all arguments just dragged on for days for no good reason. However, I can also be low NFC when it comes to things outside relationships.
High NFC here. I learned the hard way not to make rash decisions just to get closure many years ago.
It still feels awful though, but sometimes all you gotta do is sit and analyze possible outcomes, and let go of both the beneficial and the harmful ones by realizing, one way or another, that none of them is or NEEDS to be real for you to move forward.
Personally, rock bottom NFC here. Other people always find it weird that I can watch 90% of a tv series then stop with no desire to complete it.
Yeah! Like, I don’t care anymore, the plot just doesn’t interest me. I don’t care that “I’ve gotten this far” or whatever, if I don’t like it anymore I don’t have to watch it and I’m not going to worry about it.
I found out time kind of gives me closure and keeping in mind and being with people who actually care about you.
Oof, I absolutely fall on the high end of that spectrum. It's really hard because I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my childhood. I can't really talk to the people who were involved, and even then I doubt I would get a straight answer. We're working on how that shouldn't hinder me from making progress now in therapy, but certain loose ends still keep me up at night.
90% of the time my NFC is 10/10 need. It really does become a problem. Causes a lot of anxiety.
SCMartin27 I can relate. But I tend to date people with LOW NFC and it caused so much hurt. Now, after dealing with people like that with so long, I’ve learned not to react to their lack of need.
You people are the problem.
Not the other person.
VOLVOV70RAWD Nobody said they were he problem. We literally just said our own anxiety hurt us. But actually, my boyfriend with low NFC had to realize he needed to meet me in the middle. Every problem is a two way street.
VOLVOV70RAWD Yikes, that’s pretty harsh and accusatory
Like many things in psychology, I think it needs to be contextualised. Surely there are certain matters in life which are likely to generate a high NFC while others low, a Tinder date not texting back ranks quite low for me, but finding out who at work stole my ham sandwich... Yeah.
Generally speaking, closure has two components to it. One affective component and one cognitive component. Affect has to do with feelings and emotions. Closure appeals to this by giving us a sense of justice, fairness, peace, or whatever emotions closure tends to satisfy. The cognitive component appeals to our curiosity. That is our need for intellectual stimulation and love of problem-solving.
Different things in life generate different set of emotions and cognitions. I'd be curious to know why my Tinder date didn't text back, but I don't feel strongly about it. But I'd rather not find out who stole my sandwich because then I'll have to confront that person (and I hate confrontation), but it generates very strong emotions for me.
the world isn't a book-
most of our plot points remain unresolved, and we carry on.
I for one carry on because I have to. Because I have no other choice. If a guy dumps me by just ghosting me, it's not like I can send a private detective to track him down, then intercept him while he's at a gas station, and demand for an explanation as to why he dumped me...... So that plot would remain unsolved only because some people are low NFC because they're jerks and cowards and have trouble communicating like an adult.
Some people don't carry on.
I never considered this concept. The idea of people having different levels of NFC.. that explains so much. I have a high NFC
I used to have a high NFC but I’ve learned to have a low NFC after all the BS I had to deal with lol. Just getting over it because in the end it won’t matter 10 years down the line.
Can relate.
Maybe you just gathered all the evidence and can now make quick decisions!
I really needed to read this. Thank you
I was a shitty teenage and the closure I used to be seeking was an interaction with people I hurt. Basically victimizing those people again JUST because I wanted closure. They didn't want anything to do with me, and I wanted to say sorry.
They don't even want my apology.
It's important to change.
Edit: wanna make sure everyone know that I'm saying that closure can be complicated and it's important to respect the wishes of the other party.
Man, I wish rash, high need-for-closure me knew this stuff a year ago...
I spent this whole video feeling very called out
Why do we seek?
Is there any reason to seek a better future
if we're fully comfortable and content
with the way our body feels now?
When thoughts slow down,
you may notice that there is discomfort in the body,
which may show up in a myriad of ways:
pain, anxiety, anger, or any other sensation or emotion...
This is part of the reason that we get addicted to thought-
because it’s an immediately available way
to avoid or try to fix
the way our bodies feel.
We won't be able to rest in presence for very long
if we keep ignoring or avoiding discomfort.
Rather, we'll continue to follow thoughts about past and future...
We'll keep trying to escape...
So, how do we bring direct attention to the energies of our body?
The first step is to acknowledge that you are feeling something.
We tend to acknowledge emotions and sensations first through the mind...
We might think, "I’m angry," or "I’m afraid of what might happen,"
or we may simply notice that something is bothering us...
But we can't feel emotions or sensations through thinking.
These thoughts are narratives or labels for how we feel.
They are not the actual energies themselves.
For example, if you have the thought "I have a stomachache,"
that thought is a label for something that is actually happening in your body...
In order to actually feel or experience the stomachache directly,
you would have to bring attention down into the stomach area
and feel it without thoughts on it...
The same is true for all emotions and sensations.
Once you acknowledge that you feel something
or have been triggered/activated by someone or some event,
bring attention very gently to the body
where you feel the actual emotion or sensation...
With your attention there, feel into the sensation or emotion,
and see if you can notice the peripheral space around it at the same time.
Let the emotion or sensation just hang there in that open space,
without trying to change, neutralize, or get rid of it...
It is common to want to change, neutralize, or get rid of bodily energies.
Just notice any tendency to want to do these things.
This is resistance at work,
and trying to stop that resistance from happening
is simply adding more resistance.
Bear in mind that we give power to words, pictures, and bodily energies
by turning awareness away from them.
And we diminish their power by turning toward them
and remaining aware of them until they fade naturally.
That one simple understanding,
if turned into a daily practice,
is highly transformative.
I have a high NFC when it comes to unanswerable life questions about life ,death and the the universe. This has given me great anxiety and made life very difficult. It's pretty much the worst need for closure some could think of since it has no answers.
I didn't even know there where people that didn't want closure.
James Huffman lol same
Yeah, neither did I...until my ex. 😭💔
Well, yeah. I left my abusive ex, finally, abruptly for my own safety. That was my closure. Terrifyingly, he has tracked me down and it’s pretty scary. I don’t know what he wants, maybe some sort of closure? I hope it isn’t to finally hurt me or worse.
James Huffman Well, yeah. I left my abusive ex, finally, abruptly for my own safety. That was my closure. Terrifyingly, he has tracked me down and it’s pretty scary. I don’t know what he wants, maybe some sort of closure? I hope it isn’t to finally hurt me or worse.
@@cutingirl I desperately want closure from my ex and one of the reasons why I haven't pursued this more is simply the fear that I will upset her further. If you are open to the idea, maybe consider seeing a relationship therapist togeher to make sure that there is someone there watching out for the both of you.
I've never had closure on basically anything... and its broken me. I just can't stand it anymore. Its poison.
I'm sorry 😔 I feels ur feels
Satyasya Satyasya I understand, too. I’ve lost too many hours to count trying to think of reasons for others actions, but it doesn’t seem to help unless they tell me directly. Still, I can’t let myself ignore things without having a real answer. I don’t really have a point, but perhaps it’s that you don’t need to be permanently broken. Things can continue to change for us, especially with the help of others who understand. That goes for any situation
Once you realize you can’t control others and closure is overated - life begins
How this is presented, it implies you are either one way or the other in your everyday life. I have experienced both ends , it all depends on the topic and the importance of it to you . I have had a great need for closer ending a certain relationship and being hesitant in getting a new apartment. On the other hand it takes me 15 minutes to book a week vacation and I had abandoned a lot of projects (unfinished work).Many more examples. So to me it feels, not as a personality trait , but as a temporary approach to an important situation atm.
My phone has NFC. So do my Bluetooth speakers.
Need for charging?
@@novastar3990 Near field communication.
😂❤
My switch joycon has NFC
Love this comment lol.
Let me give you my two cents about people with high NFC. As someone with a PhD in Psychology and with more than 10 years of research in the field I came to the conclusion that...
. ___. Such evil
In programming languages, a closure, also lexical closure or function closure, is a technique for implementing lexically scoped name binding in a language with first-class functions. Operationally, a closure is a record storing a function together with an environment.
Максим Чех Ya, like when you keep the vacuum cleaner in the closet where the most dust is.
That's... actually a really helpful concept to have a name for. I used to be very high NFC, then I started treatment for my anxiety issues. :p My sister is way higher NFC than I ever was, which causes conflict because she wants to hash out every tiny detail while I feel bored and trapped by said hashing.
This is super useful information!
SciShow Psych. How can one overcome bitterness, grievance, spite, grudgy feelings, anger or hate? I'm going crazy and it's been years.
[ what is the matter? ]
Very interesting video for sure. Thank you to everyone at sci show and all the patrons!
When your brain is like a sieve, and your memory makes you envy the goldfish, you have little to no need for closure.
what do you mean?
@@thecorruptversion I assume it's like "I can't remember anything long enough to want closure on it"
how poetic
@@jauxro: Bingo.
Hahah decision making!
That's assuming I don't avoid them completely entirely until it's too late!
I need ( more like want) closure so I can learn from my mistakes.
Oh god I love SciShow and CrashCourse and Vsauce and all the nerd channels. It’s clean, well done content, I never have to scroll through the videos or hope there’s something slightly entertaining ❤️ thank you guys
I have a high NFC, and tbh, there might be an aspect of it that contributes to my suicidal tendencies. If things just don't get better fast enough, sometimes it feels like the only closure I'll ever get is well...the inevitable.
I love closure, even more in movies,but I am low nfc, I think that what I love in my life or some stories it’s to understand, analyze, or even inform myself more of the subject, so when the closure comes, it is well served (understood) rather that quick digested.
How apt. Glad you’re still with the speaking gig, Brit 🤜🤛 Making us more informed is perhaps YOUR goal? Me thinks. 👌
How might NFC awareness become useful for gauging the public's opinion on the clarity of pressing issues such as criminal justice reform or climate change? What might the study of individual's needs within NFC might better influence communication, overcoming misunderstandings, and reaching mutually agreed upon decisions - especially on macro-scale societal issues?
That's fascinating. I found the autonomy / demands part at the end a little difficult to parse, but that might be a result of being tired.
Thank you for this thought provoking video, much to mull over!
4:24 Beautiful. Never actually thought about the potential correlation between autonomy and creativity.
My boyfriend of 6 years did lead a double life with a second girlfriend and after finding out he faked having lung cancer we only spoke via lawyer to each other. I never got an answer why he did what he did, it hurt so much. I will never get an answer and that is tough. But to do research about narcissistic behavior and compulsive lying it got a bit better. But still to get answers is extremely valuable.
When it comes to most decisions, research I do, feeling satisfied with the plots of movies or books, feeling satisfied with life, etc, I have a pretty low NFC. I like to keep my mind flexible before I settle on an easy answer. I have a fairly high NFC when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I like people who actually know how to communicate and say goodbye or how they feel. If I don’t get that, usually my closure is knowing that some people are just unreliable and I don’t want that.
Never thought I'd cry to a sci show video
I have a really high NFC with big things that could change my life in significant ways. I chose my current apartment because i wasn't anymore unable to bear the uncertainty of not having an apartment. Even though there were still several months left at the old place.
But i'm ok with uncertainty in smaller things like whether someone dislikes me or what i'm going to do at work.
I definitely have a high NFC. I need to research, study, and try to understand what the hell happened. It's a need for closure, but also intellectual curiosity. I genuinely want to know what makes people tick. But I've had to learn to accept sometimes that I was never going to get information or closure in some situations. Learning to accept some loose ends will always be loose has been a real challenge, but practicing acceptance over and over has helped.
this is such a good, new way to think about my emotions and reactions to certain situations. thank you, this was really helpful to me.
Is there somewhere online (that's reputable) to evaluate my NFC? This would actually be really helpful information know know at this time in my life!
I thought NFC was what my phone uses to make mobile purchases.
Is high NFC why I'm easily distracted by side quests?
I have learned that it’s not always possible to have all our questions answered and find closure that way. Sometimes I just have to let it go and have that be the closure.
I.... Don't know where I fall. Bc in some circumstances I react like a high NFC, others like a low NFC.... Guess it depends/I'm in the middle?
I probably have a very high need for closure. It makes it difficult to talk to people who don't respond over instant messaging (I assume I've annoyed them or whatnot; I just naturally feel bad about it).
I’m high NFC but I’m also highly obsessed with learning about things. I hate when I ask someone “Why” something is and they just say “because”. I think that probably has something to do with NFC. The need to know why things happen.
Closure is never what we think it is. Closure is the illusion that we can get back what we lost. Only time will either make us forget, provide a learned lesson, or eventually our minds heal and that's the closure we needed. That doesn't apply to all persons, or situations
For me, I feel my need for closure depends on the situation.
On one hand, I don't like ambiguity and need things to be as objective as possible.
But on the other hand, when I get some ambiguous feedback, I'll stop myself from investigating it when I have the opportunity. I'm afraid of getting objective data and prefer to just not know. Then secretly drive myself insane over it, but not enough to do anything about it.
I'm not sure if this applies to me. Whenever it comes to emotional decision making I have a high NFC. Whenever it comes to anything academic or political in life I try to research and find the most grounded and objective solutions possible no matter the time it takes. I have a drive not to find the feeling of closure, but to understand the varying factors the lead up to the situation, and if possible the core reason behind the situation.
I have never had a need for closure, for anything in my life. I don't know why. I am kinda stoic maybe. Either I genuinely don't care or it's so tragic that I just can't deal with it or think about it so I separate myself from it.
I went looking for a "need for closure" quiz to see where I fall, but couldn't find an easy one after a few minutes and decided it doesn't matter. So I guess it's pretty clear I don't need closure XD
Why do I always feel like I’m crazy when I look at clips and shows like this? Guess I’m going to have to celebrate my inner weirdo.❤️
I have a high nfc, I don't rush my decisions, however I always need to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING. It's honestly pathological. I never feel at peace however, no matter what I do.. Is this because of my depression? Just a symptom? A personality trait??
I can take up to months on a purchase. But for certain situations and people, I stopped myself. My mind won't let it go, but it also won't let me Captain Ahab myself.
Thanks for the great video, SciShow!
almost definitely a low NFC lol. finding out all the gritty details isn't worth the conflict that could come along with pursuing them. i avoid conflict at all costs honestly, which is one of my major flaws, so it's natural that i would prefer things to remain a mystery if it meant i wouldn't have to confront someone. on the bright side i guess that makes me completely ok with people ghosting me lmao
that was quite insightful thanks!
What do you do when you can't get closure because of circumstances no longer within your control?
Thomas PC let it go
Ah. That's me. High NFC. I don't even like riddles because it always feels like the person asking _knows_ the answer and just likes seeing me squirm.
On the other hand, if I know I can get an answer easily - or if it genuinely doesn't matter to me - I might hold off on finding out until it's more convenient.
I just saw a movie that ended with an interesting scene just cutting black and the ending titles rolling in. It made me extremely uncomfortable.
I get So anxious with film and books like that. Clifehangers are horrible as I always feel guilty as I always assume the person dies...how many made up people have I killed off after the credits but who could have lived!
I seem to have a high NFC because a guy that dropped me but never broke up with me was still haunting me 30 years later. That sucked!
Interesting. I have noticed that my need changes with the situations and kind of with my moods. Like I desire understanding other people's motivations so sometimes I want to know why something is the way it is. Other times, I can brush off their attitudes and just go with stuff I understand.
"Out of sight, out of mind!" is what I go by.
I feel like this is a complicated issue. Like i want to come to the objectively best decision and don’t just want to pick something to come to a decision, but i feel like that can be because it’s not REAL closure and I’ll still want to know what the correct decision was
This is so interesting to me. I hate rash decisions, like to explore all the options, and feel most comfortable when I can gather plenty of information to help me identify a singular, best-possible option at the end of the deliberation process. Does this mean I have Low NFC? I feel like I don't actually feel comfortable with endless ambiguity though, I just feel less comfortable with the idea of making a rash decisions that turn out to be sub-optimal because I didn't take the time to really explore the question or problem. I feel driven to get the feeling of closure, and often feel uncomfortable if I don't get there, but I would also rather get there slowly and meticulously (arriving at an informed endpoint I hopefully feel confident in) than get there quickly and risk being wrong or sub-optimal. All this sounds like Low NFC as described in this video, it just seems odd to categorize me that way because I definitely desire closure and can feel restless and anxious when I don't get it. It's just that making a decision quickly doesn't really count as closure to me, because I'll still just be haunted by all the ambiguities or nuances I failed to explore before making that decision.
They said that a high NFC can mean that my goal is to feel closure as fast as possible. that is not true at all. you also mentioned towards the end there can be benefits to knowing where you and others fall on the scale can be valuable, but where/how can I tell where I am on the scale?
When it comes closer to my relationships, I literally tend to forget them. I've subconsciously ghost them until I literally forget they exist. It doesn't help the fact that I can't remember faces or names.
My NFC is so low that I don't even use Apple Pay.
Nice pfp!
So how does NFC correlate with the big five? I guess high conscientiousness and fairly neurotic ☺️
I feel like I fluctuate all over this on a case by case or day to day basis.
On a NFC scale from 1 to 10, I probably have an 8 or a 9 but it is weird as I like to analyse Things I know (less than new Things of course). I believe it really manifests in science : I can not stand Not to find the solution/ to have it explained to me but I can totally work 3 hours before looking up the solution so my need for closure is Low enough to make me like the path to the solution . I never understood why Sole people could live without knowing what they want to do and I can not stand not to know where I want to be in ten years and not to plan a plan Z, now I know that different NFC are responsible for it . Thanks scishow psyc for bringing me New knowledge
I feel like I'm high NFC but don't make decisions impulsively, but maybe I'm just impulsively deciding that without doing any extra research because I feel like I have a lot of knowledge about myself. 🤔
Totally agrees with you
I thought this was going to be about losing a loved one, not breakups. 😕 The thumbnail certainly didn't clarify it. ¬_¬
I tend to have a low closure need unless the problem is an in-the-moment thing. Like, if the tv remote is missing, I will adamantly search until I find it but if I'm curious as to what a wasp's social behaviors are it may take me a month to decide to google it.
Here I was thinking it was going to describe people seeking revenge for loved ones murdered...
I like the spot you picked for your ink
I feel like I have high and low NFC depending on the topic and circumstances.
Sometimes I seek a definitive answer to have one less open loop in my head.
Other things, I dont care so much whether I have an answer or not.
I would guess most people are also like this,
Damn. Just read the title and it almost triggered me. But after I watched it, I gained some clarity. I had a high NFC, he had a low. And he ghosted, so he lost out on an opportunity. Even though it'd be nice to know why he ignored and ghosted me, I guess I have to live in some uncertainty. I'll be fine, I need to chill the NFC a bit.
I'm a bit of both, low when it comes to people and relationships and on the higher end when it comes to material things.
My abusive ex who assaulted me sexually, verbally, emotionally and has tracked me down several times. I’ve been terrified. It took my current partner threatening him for it to stop. I’ve made a police report and hope to god it stops. I don’t know what he wants; I don’t know what he thinks he is owed, some kind of closure? Anyway for my own safety I left, that was my closure
I think I'm high need for closure in general. However, I'm 54. As time wears on, NFC in regards to relationships is so low as to be nonexistent. Too much work.
What if you have a high nfc then over years of childhood rarely anything is every resolved including abuse, death, loss among other things. Over years slowly developing to need to adapt and accept low nfc even when you crave closure in a deepest sense. How would that effect someone, where would it lead them and how are they supposed to find the closure.
I feel like in most situations I have the wrong amount of nfc, causing me to be painfully ok with things that make a lot of people upset and painfully upset with average things that a lot of people wouldn't think too much about. I'm exaggerating a bit but I know for sure it causes me to annoy a lot of people :'))
I need closure more than anything right now. I need it. Bad. I really want it so dearly. I can’t move on or let go if I don’t have it.
I like having options open, unless necessary to choose, but I also like having answers... Anyway to test where I fit on the spectrum of NFC?
Would it be safe to say that the NFC scale is subjective? I would be more concerned with something work related than relationship related. So my work NFC would be high and my relationship NFC would be low.
I think this is correct. I can leave games and books unfinished without a second thought, but I have very high NFC when it comes to relationships. I think it's situational. Probably corresponds to our values in life.
I don't have a need for closure for almost anything
I even sometimes drop TV series or book series just before the final show or book and just don't ever go back to them, i don't need closer in life either
As someone who suffers from Bipolar 2 and Severe Social Anxiety, what can you tell everyone about burnout? I manage mine as best I can but it really messes up any sort of "normal" lifestyle since I can completely crash and need sleep at any point in time during the day or night. It's made it impossible for me to have any sort of job since I can never guarantee I will be functional and able to be social and active every day due to my mood disorders. :/
Thank you, now i realize that almost every decision that i make was with high NFC.
high NFC is a serious problem, i struggled with it, or maybe im still struggling with it, im not sure. One thing im sure about it if you let high NFC get to you, your life basically stops. Im a nerd when it comes to technology and i would always get stuck choosing between a few pieces of equipment and i would think about it for HOURS. Not the only reason but this one of the major reasons i failed for 2 years in college. Discipline might be a good solution. Dont let yourself be controlled by high NFC
4:25 90 Nurses sounds like a great band name. Mebbe Ska Punk, or Alternative Americana.
This video fit like a perfect shoe. I used to call my ex-girlfriend every time I felt something was wrong because I needed to know exactly what it was that I did to make her upset. When we broke up, I kept obsessing over what exactly it was that made her break up with me.
Also, I just spent 3 days researching online for the best possible rain boots that I could buy on Amazon for $100. I still haven't made up my mind, lol.
Thomas Yorkshire IV are you me? I will seaaaaaaaaarch and still be like “the pros and cons man. they all differ. we need to make the perfect formula to determine which website I should buy my books on”