How To Avoid Power Struggles With Your Child
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- Power struggles are quite common in today's world but it shouldn't be considered normal. How do we teach our children (and ourselves) to avoid these stressful and disheartening power struggles? That's what I'll be talking about in today's episode, so stay tuned to learn more about how to avoid power struggles with your child.
Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government
Key Moments in this Episode
========================
00:39 Why don't I have power struggles with my own children?
01:15 What a lot of parents don't know
02:17 We never talk to anyone unless they are calm first
05:14 When the BBC came to our family...
07:33 Assertive communication
09:00 Attitude problem
10:04 Passive communication
11:29 Skills people need
12:50 Consistency in correction
14:34 Infuse the family with this
Resources
========================
Get our toolkit here:
teachselfgov.com/toolkit
Learn more about us here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/about
Check out our upcoming events here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/ev...
Like us on Facebook!
/ teachingselfgovernment
Follow us on Twitter!
/ teachingselfgov
About Nicholeen Peck
========================
Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?
Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system - Teaching Self-Government - can help you turn chaos into calm.
"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.
Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.
In 2009, Nicholeen and her husband starred in the BBC reality TV show, “The World’s Strictest Parents” (watch here: bit.do/StrictestParents). She became an overnight sensation by turning around two out-of-control teenagers from England after just one week - without shouting, threats or manipulation. Her amazing success comes from the positive parenting techniques of using calmness, effective communication and principles of self-government.
Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
========================
* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.
Testimonials
========================
“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”
Kristi, www.thankfulme.blogspot.com
“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle
“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne
“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker
“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra
========================
Video by Nate Woodbury
BeTheHeroStudios.com
/ natewoodbury
#TeachingSelfGovernment
#Homeschool
#Family
Your course should be infused in schools where both parents and children have to go through the program, it should be mandatory across countries. Can you imagine the crime rate reduction, a better people.
No kidding!!! Absolutely agree with you
We are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world
All I can say is you have skills I wish I had been taught years ago. Your kids are probably amazing because you're an amazing mom. Binge-watching your videos because I desperately need to do something different. What I've been doing isn't working.
How has it been going, Meechie? I am a mom of two kids, ages 5 and 9. And I have been using her videos for three or four months now. Phenomenal information that helps me! Rn I am always prioritizing calmness in our interactions thanks to her wisdom.
@@azmomconnection prioritizing calmness. I like that
I can relate...I started a month ago have been binging on the videos and applying on my kids .. mostly my first born who is 6...still struggling with my 3 year old. I have prioritized calmness and it has helped so much.
I am watching with you
I love you soooo much...mom to mom..you are the best!!! You gave me hope at my darkest hour of parenting....when I am all alone with nobody..may God help you spread your knowledge to all the world
Thank you! I'm so glad I could offer you some support and hope! You've got this!
Super powerful. Deeply grateful beyond words 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much! Love your message. Very powerful.
With love from Poland.
Thank you for these amazing skills you share. I appreciate you, you are wonderful! God Bless you!
You are an amazing person and teacher, Nicholeen. Thank God for you.
You are so right! Brilliant!
Thank you!
Calmness is power. Somehow, I believe this.❤🙏❤
Great minds great skills,thank you so much for this video
This was sooo amazing! Thank you Nicholeen!!!
You're most welcome! Sorry for the late response. :)
I love how kind, caring and truly sensitive you are Nicholeen. When you talk at the end about how much you truly want to help people stop all the fighting, and you are clearly feeling it, and you can hear it in your voice, just how deeply you care. That is beautiful and touching and resonates so deeply with me. Thank you for this informative and thoughtful video! I love your work and have even joined your TSG Class and I’m so pleased for the support!
Hi there, I have watched a few of your videos and I keep coming back for more .thank you so much for taking time out to help families in need of true parenting. Am a single mom of 6 girls, I have 3 grown daughters that’s working and out on their own. Not to boast but am happy that I gave my kids a godly education before everything else. As you say they have always seen calmness at home and they are this way naturally. My 3 younger daughters are at school and I am educating them on some of your wonderful instructions and all is going smoothly, may god continue to guide you and your family with all the good you’re doing in this world..
I would love to see a video role playing disagreeing appropriately. It would be so helpful
Thanks for asking, Jennifer! I've done a couple of these already, but here's one that is a role play of all of my Four Basic Skills: ua-cam.com/video/-8lp00j2LqA/v-deo.html
I hope that helps!
Thank you you have no idea what a blessing you are! We’ve been struggling for so long with this issue, I myself as well. God bless you 🌺💕🙏🏽
Thanks for this reminder.
Absolutely!
Brilliant. Very helpful. Should be considered in general human interactions and professional context as well
What great work you do !
Thank you so much!
Thanks so much!
You're welcome!
Beautiful, thank you. Brilliantly described… there is a lot of wisdom in what you are describing. X
You are so welcome
Thank you for your skills and compassion
You're most welcome!
Thanks a bunch! Very objective and touching information. God bless you and your family🙏
You're most welcome! I'm so glad it was helpful for you. God bless you as well!
Thank you for pointing me in the right direction
You're very welcome.
Great
Totally impressed
Thank you!
We need great mind and great leader. We need truth and healing. Thank you for the voice for us.
That was compelling! Thank you so very much for offering this resource… We need those tools we were not given in our own families so we can do better for our children!
Sorry for the late response! You're most welcome! I hope you've been finding the resources you need. :)
Im saving this video for future reference and to pass on to friends for assistance.
Nicholeen, you are a beautiful soul, with an invaluable gift for us all. Thank you for this video and your toolkit
You are so welcome!
Thank you! You are so right. No more power struggles! Enough! Healing in families, being calm! Beautiful! Awesome.
You're welcome! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Bless you, dear Sister. I feel you love and passion for bringing peace into people's homes and the world. Thank you so much for what you do! ❤️🧡🙏🙏🙏
You are so welcome! Thank you!
Thanks❤
Love this
Thank you sister for sharing this video, it just came at the right time! Thanks Lord Jesus!
I love your heart. ♥️ Thank you so much.
You are so welcome!
Wow I am guilty at starting the power struggles with my 13 year old daughter...I am starting the self mastery on my daughter and it certainly feels rejuvenating 🙂 Brilliant thank you
I love you. Thank you ☺️
I’m so glad I found you. My 14 yr old son is not wanting to listen or even be with us most of the time. My husband and my son don’t get along. My husband is a cut and dry person and our son I know is trying to find his place in life. This past Sunday my son argued, hit and bit his dad on the arm. At times I’m afraid my son will hurt himself or us. He behaves at school and other places just not with us or my parents house. I tried therapy but he says it’s not helping. It’s like he believes his lies and he’s always right. I’m going to love our son no matter what because he really is a True Blessing. ❤
Wow. Amazing. You’re just amazing. I just pulled a few of your books out that I purchased from the homeschool conference in Ontario. I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of your talks. I can’t tell you how helpful everything you share is. I tell everyone about you! Lol! 😁 I do! What you are doing is the epitome of LOVE. God bless you, sister. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you so much for those kind words! I'm so glad that what I share is helping you and has the capacity to help everyone that you tell about it. God bless you too!
i cried through the entire video. All I can say is I humbly need so much help
Fellow mom here. I completely understand. How has it gone in the year since you posted this?
I am so glad I stumbled upon this channel ❤
I'm glad you're here!
You are awesome 👏 made me cry 😢
Thank you. I'm glad you found my channel!
I just discovered you and watched a few videos in a row...ok ok i binged!! :) this one had me tearing up, connection is the antidote to addiction and when people are addicted to themselves? Well, this is perfect isnt it!?!? Yeah....lots of work and getting people to put in that work starts with doing it yourself. You are laying down such a solid foundation for people on your channel and bless you for doing so😌🙏
Wow, thank you for your comment! Your analyzation is correct. :) Gandhi told us to be the change we want to see, right?
So glad my content is helping you!
Well said
Is now 2023, what started in 2020 was no joke. Thank for words and wisdom. Just discovered your channel. We going to need a lot calmness this year, due to our economy and what happening in our World in every sense. I'm so blessed and happy I found your channel. 💓😍🙏. Watching😍 in LA, ca
Sorry for the late response! I'm so glad you found me! If you're needing calmness, I hope you found my free Calm Parenting Toolkit. That has helped so many people! Here's the link, just in case:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
You've got this!
This is Gold.
I'm so glad you think so!
Yes, there are wars, you got to the point, we need unity, love and calmness to connect again, the world is disconnecting, each person is lost... Thank you for starting the channel, i have been looking for such help. May Allah/God bless you and guide all of us to the truth.
Nicolene I've been using some of your strategies. Especially the go to the logical to remain calm and it's happening. After constantly remind myself and I still make mistakes but it is working. I've also tried different things like improving the environment and structure of the household So everything can flow nicely. It's not right of me to take it out on the kids if we're running late and I didn't organize myself properly. I also am finding different ways to get my toddler to listen. You had a video where the signs of them not listening to you and I'm realizing my toddler is doing that. I tried different ways and it is working. As parents we have to take an honest look at ourselves, our environment, the structure of our routine, and how we handle things to really know what we need to change. Children want to listen to you, they crave structure and a relationship with you. It's all in how you do it. I'm doing everything in your short videos and it's already making a difference!
Can you post a video where you can help somebody with ADD (parents me ) help get me get myself ready and children to leave the household on time. My toddler also has ADD, and I also have a preteen on my hands. I'm having all kinds of power struggles.
I'm so proud of you! I'm so glad the things I've shared have proven useful.
I added your video topic to my list of video ideas. Thank you for sharing it with me!
Thank you so much for these videos. My daughter was diagnosed with ODD when she was 6. We've been through several kinds of therapy and made a lot of progress but she's about to turn 11 and we still struggle at times. These simple, striaght-forward approaches are just what I need to learn.
I'm so happy to hear about your progress! I hope you're getting what you need. If you feel you need more in-depth learning and training, please look into my online TSG Parenting Course. It's helped so many people!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
You've got this!
This video was solid. It's a gem! You have a great presence here and I am encouraged to offer that sense of safety and presence with my own kids. I have two of your four childrens' books, and I'm going to get the calm toolkit after I write this comment. I agree-the world is a big manifestation from the families and parenting we've come from. It's great that you are putting this love and healing out into the world.
Thank you! I'm so glad you've been able to find some useful information!
were you able to find the parenting toolkit? I signed up on the website but I do not see the toolkit.
Beyond excellent,!!! I am so excited to have discovered you and your website. I am a retired teacher, mother of two grown boys and grandmother. I wished you had walked into my life 45 years ago. I am however happy didn’t have to wait 45 years plus a day! Love to you and your gift to the world!
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're here and that you're finding resources to help you!
I love this video.
Yay! I'm so glad!
I just love you and I thank you. ❤️
Aww, thank you! I feel the love!
I need calmness myself, I cant teach my child how to stay calm when I loose it 70% of the time. Thanks Nicholeen!
Absolutely! Hopefully you've checked out my free Calm Parenting Toolkit. That would help a lot with calmness. Here's a link, in case you're interested:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
You've got this!
Im so glad I found you before my daughter turns 10, hearing this makes me realize IT WILL GET WORST!, If I cant change my parenting now.
Great realization! And I'm glad you found me too! It sounds like you're having a change of heart.
Oh Lord how i need to learn to be calm for my family
I would love to get a copy of the Parenting Toolkit. Thank you 😊💓
Sure thing! Here's a link where you can get it on my website.
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I have emotional overlay called Borderline Disorder. I am sooo much better. But these skills you are sharing
would help sooo many Borderline Disorder people. This would heal soo many psychological impediments of
individuals who are hard to connect to. God Bless you for sharing this information.
You're welcome! I'm happy that this information is useful for you.
All this information is very helpful for normal parents. I unfortunately have ADHD myself and my kids also have ADHD and my 2 youngest have ODD so it is very hard for me to use these tools when I have the same issues as my kids.
That's the wonderful thing about Teaching Self-Government. It's just as much about helping yourself as it is about helping your children.
Dip your toes in a little and give it a try. No one said you have to be a perfect parent with no issues to parent well. Here's a free Calm Parenting Toolkit that you can try out:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope this helps!
Very informative. It would be great if you could role play these skills with someone to help us retain this.
I've done some role playing in some of my other videos. However, I don't do much of it in my videos here on UA-cam here since I wouldn't be able to role play everything and I do quite a bit of it in my online TSG Parenting Course, which can be found on my website. If it's something you'd like to look into, here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
I still kind of remember, back when I first moved in with my grandma, trying to disagree appropriately, respectfully reasoning with her, simply point out facts that she might not have considered, express how I felt in a reasonable way etc, and all I got in return was to be shut down, told to get over it, repeatedly interrupted, and generally in trouble a lot.
When I said during my childs meltdown -My 12 yo daughter ...We need a break and come back to this after we both calm down. I wouldnt dare say the exact words stated in this webinar because it would sound condescending i think, either way my daughter just pointed ger figure at me and said what is this all about , omg who are youwhy are you trying to be somebody else. Which is her main line i hear daily. But I know ive been caught in yhe struggle in the past, calming down is seems obvious.
I would appreciate the Parenting Toolkit:)
Of course! teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I would greatly appreciate the parenting toolkit please.
I think the information is solid but we a struggling with a autism diagnosis on top of ODD and ADHD. We have used methods such as what is being described in yours videos and have done so for years, however more often that not it leads to smashed windows, holes in the walls, or physical assault to the mother or younger siblings if we don't respond regardless of setting rules and speaking calmly and in a monotone manner. After 20years of intensive experiences and training, even I'm struggling with this particular case. Extremely hard for a single mother with 4 kids between 6-11 and limited number of support hours.
That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Going through this right now
That's great!
Is that printable flow chart of consequences (positive and negative) available inside the course?
If you're talking about the Choices Map, then yes, it is. It's also available for purchase on its own, though it's meant to be supplemental to the main body of teaching (the online TSG Parenting Course, my main book, etc). Here's the link to it and the other materials:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
I hope this helps!
Can't find link to Calm Parenting tool kit. Please we need help
Would love the books. How can I get them.? 😊
Where is the link for parenting tools? Can't find it🤔Thank you for your videos😊 My family has to change, it is out of control, all we do is yell and the kids don't listen, it's insanity and it has to stop🙏
Thanks for asking! Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
Any advice on how to help your teenager accept a decision you make when it costs and they don't think it's necessary?
What they need is the skills I teach in my course called accepting a "no" answers, and following instructions. You likely need the pre-teaching skill and the effective correction skill too. Don't let their mood create dysfunction by undermining your parental authority. Here is a link to my course. teachingselfgovernment.com/store/tsg-parenting-course/
Do you share the infographic you are talking about in the beginning of the video?
Thank you, been having such a hard time with our gifted, ADHD, ODD 11 year old. We’re at our wits end.
I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling! Fortunately, I have quite a few videos particularly about ADHD and ODD. Here's a link to a few of them! Hopefully they're helpful!
ODD
ua-cam.com/video/AnvuZYDE9KQ/v-deo.html
ADHD
ua-cam.com/video/oY1MJ55Yf1E/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/y2teLDsW9YE/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/HNbsAQHgQks/v-deo.html
How are things going? My child has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. I am having a very hard time parenting.
I do...shoot...halfway through the day i am so emotionally and mentally drained from parenting.
I'm sorry to hear that! The biggest, shortest piece of advice I could give you here is this: before you go to interact with your children, tell yourself that you're not going to take their behaviors personally. Develop a calmness plan for yourself and stick to it. Then, strive to feel and emanate love for your children, whether they're calm or not.
You've got this!
is the parenting toolkit still available? I signed up on your website but i do not see it
Of course! Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope this helps!
@TeachingSelfGovernment Nicholeen, You have helped SO MUCH. I have since received the email with the Calm parenting toolkit and have been studying it ever since. I will continue to study! I sent you an email recently from my homeschool email account. I literally thanked Yah today for the message that you are sharing, and for providing me with the time and the softened heart to take in this home saving information. I absolutely want to invest in the Calm Parenting course but am unable to at this time. Thank you SO very much for sharing the free course. It is MEATY! I am gleaning everything I can from it and your videos. I am grateful for all of the loving information you have put out there to truly truly help families. Be blessed, Nicholeen!!
Hi, How do I get your Calm Parenting Tool guide?
Thanks for asking! Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
How can I get the consequnce map?
How do I retrieve the calmness tool kit after I have signed up for it?
You should be able to access it on my website.
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps!
What can I do if I wait until my son is calm, and when I bring up a problem solving thing he gets just as upset? It just spirals no matter how calm I try to be. Sometimes I feel like the calmer I stay the more upset he gets.
4:07 phrase
My 7 year old does all 3 for power struggle
Can you link me to your books please especially for kids
Sure thing!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
How do I get a nonverbal 5 year old who disconnects and pretends to not understand simple commands to do chores for corrections? I raised 5 step children...now my disability has left me unable to be a mother to my daughter that God blessed me with. Now she feels abandoned and is so emotionally damaged by what we have been through and I can't get her the professional help she needs being trapped in Brazil. Been trying for 2 yrs now and just get referral after referral. Please pray for my family. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my message.
This is a fantastic question! I'd love to answer it on my Support Group weekly call! Please submit it and join the call! Here's the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you there!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you!
Calmness kit please 😢❤😢😢😮😅 calm parenting tool kit please 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
If you haven't found it already, here's the link to it!
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope this helps!
How about refuses school
Do these techniques work with younger kids? Like a 5 year old? I feel like a lot of the scripts are very wordy. Can they be shortened?
They work very well with 5-year-olds, whole script and everything! They actually catch onto it much quicker than their parents do, usually. :)
What if you are not strong on logic ? Does everything have to have logic ??
That is a great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Where’s this tool kit?
So sorry Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps!
It’s easier when it’s foster children. It’s so very different when they are yours. Just saying
Yes and no. If you care about those foster children as if they were your own, then it's very similar. No matter what situation or relationship, the skills and principles apply.
We are seeing this at age 9 Not 12!😳
It can happen with children even younger as well. It's becoming more and more popular, which is sad.
Try 4! 😭🤕🤯
Can you be mt mom?
the end of this video 😭 thank you for sharing such valuable information!!!! 🤍
You're so welcome!