Want 6 more Jungian Books for 2025? www.selfintegrationschool.com Click the link. I’ll send your study guide. Jordan P. S: I’m shocked and delighted to see the depth of discussion happening in my Shadow Work Library community this week. Deep people, deep questions. I’m eager to host the next Sunday Seminar: 90-minutes of shadow confessions and corrections in a circular discussion of clear and creative individuals - small groups, honest work, real talk. I love this space, sets my soul on fire. www.selfintegrationschool.com I want you here with us, click above.
I had an abusive father, so I spent more time with mother. I believe my mother initially thought she wanted kids, but the reality of raising kids was too much for her, so she left. I’ve had to learn to love myself again. To rebuild my inner self worth.
There this is part of the mind, within us, called the ego. The ego is thoughts of "me", "I" or self. Once there is a self behind our evaluation of ourselves. We will produce a lack mindset. To find your true self worth,your evaluate yourself not through the ego, but a neutral, more fulfilled, safe and selfless perspective.
We were very close, she idealized me and I her. She was amazingly supportive and I also took care of her when my dad left. She never devalued me, she said “you’re the best daughter a mother could ask for” I married narcissists, I don’t think she was one, but it’s confusing. My mom was always there for me, she was hot, warm and loving. She accepted me as ideal. I am hot and she was hot, my dad was hot too. I have INFJ personality, and ADHD. My mom was perfect for me.
Similar here...she actually ran me over on the way out the door. You never get over it but you have to work through it and get into a healthy place. I really like Robert Moore's work. A friend once told me "Get tough or die." That applies to relationships too. Good luck.
Damn I grew up hearing that too ouch never heard anyone else say it I always lived with a packed bag until today I don’t carry anything now lol intense
Thankyou for this video jordan. Having lost my mum when i was 13,that had a major impact on my relationships with females for years to come including friends and even my own daughter. I later learned in life that my mum went through her own trauma and so i understand why she struggled to be the mum she so desperately wanted to be but couldnt. I know she loved me and did her best despite the war going on within her. I would of loved for her to of seen me as i am now clean and sober but i know im making her proud.
Sensitive and strong words here, brother - thanks for sharing some of your story. I can imagine it’s been a lot - do you know your next steps for healing this deeper?
@@jordanthornton thank you for replying as always I'm grateful that you take the time to respond to me. If I'm honest the answer is no but I have bookmarked some of the books mentioned in this video. Into the heart of the feminine and healing the inner child. If I was to guess I'd say I'd need to read more and gain more knowledge to help with these issues. Although I have done a lot of introspection and self reflection as to why I've had trouble being able to maintain healthy relationships with the opposite sex. The 12 steps have helped massively aswell on my journey so far. I'm currently 3 and a bit months clean now by the way and about to start step 7. Not sure if you know which step that is? Essentially it's looking at my character defects! Fun topic 🤣🤣. If there's any advice on wich direction you think I need to go I'd really appreciate it. Thank you ✌🏻💙
@@gurdenator85hi! Sending you compassionate hugs on your journey and for sharing. If I can recommend an extra UA-cam resource to Jordan…I would highly recommend Tim Fletcher. He helps unpack your childhood in various scenarios that are relatable and you can receive tools on how to regulate and recalibrate to healthy patterns during the videos. Hope this helps and good luck healing!
You acknowledge your mothers difficulties and struggles from the perspective of another human who has experienced deep pain and you show great empathy and understanding as to why she couldn’t be there for you in the way that you needed a mother to be. You’ve made peace with a deep part of the inner child that needed answers and healing. We don’t awaken to the truth until we are ready to open our heart to the pain we’ve trapped inside. You’ve started on your journey of deep healing, realisation and awakening to your true self. Congratulations on overcoming the demons and becoming sober, not just for your sake, but for your family also. You’re very brave and your mum will always be watching over you, smiling from ear to ear, proud to see how her son found the strength to face the inner battle and wrestle the demons within. May the strength of a warrior continue to guide you on your journey, and may you find your inner peace. You should be very proud of the man you are becoming. Lots of love to you, always ❤️
This way you’ve worded this comment landed well for me - thank you, I try to be efficient but still compassionate. You got this, stay true to yourself in 2025.
Hi, Jordan. I really appreciate your work. I'm trying to wrap my head around the steps to heal the mother wound, and wonder if this is an appropriate condensation of what you've shared, here: 1. Accept that your perceptions of your mother and your relationship with her are incomplete. 2. Commit to understanding your mother and your relationship with her more fully, and more accurately. 3. Use tools such as the "How hot? How close? How intense?" model to review memories of your mother and your relationship with her. 4. Use tools such as the book suggestions to learn more about healing the mother wound.
Fantastic work, I just want to give thanks for bringing all of these concepts to the surface.. as a Mother that went through a significant healing phase I know I was 2 different mothers one of them less present and more volatile to one that is so much more balanced. I know my Son received both and I so want him one day to forgive me and have an understanding of the conditions I was confined to- mainly fear and threat from his Dad that made me that way. I hope for men with similar experience to one day have that understanding of the mother in fear. I must say it was his Dad and other men / my experience of men in my life in general.
Wow I cannot wait to share this video with my daughter. I will turn 64 tomorrow (the age of my mothers death) she (my daughter) will turn 29. Born on my 35th birthday! I can see us listening to this to lead us through deep healing. We are so intimate and close but this might be a perfect extra gift for us to explore. I adore your work Jordan. Haha want to meet my daughter!
I have been waiting for this video so I know what to buy for mother complex. I already got the books for father would and I am currently doing the inner work from the homecoming book. I am always grateful to you My brother.
Wow this is a truly excellent video. Really eye opening. I love how you empathise with the individual suffering from the mother complex, and also allowed the viewers to see their mothers as humans capable of both good and flawed behaviour. I had a negative view of my mother because of her very intense, hot and upfront nature and this makes me bring to memory things that she did out of genuine love and care.
My mother ran VERY hot. She was the archetypal divine, devouring and the death mother manifest. I began getting regular migraines and vomiting when i was 5-6 years old and had already begun showing significant dissociative symptoms (in retrospect). My father was a mixed bag, too, but remained uninvolved in my relationship with my mom. What you said at the end of the video made VERY clear to me that not only is my life still dominated by my childhood relationships with my parents, but a part of me is absolutely bursting at the seams to resume the positive relationship i had with my mother with another woman lmao. At least I’m aware of it now and mindfulness has been an absolute godsend at this stage in my journey
My mom was one mother the whole time, a bi polar substance abuser that ebbed between violence and neglect my entire life. At no time was she ever nice to me. But she did make it clear often that she never wanted me. She was extremely consistent in that regard. Literally, the only stable thing in her life was her hatered of me.
Your mother’s addiction and inability to deal with her inner pain was a reflection of herself being unable to find the strength within to overcome her demons and provide you with the life you needed. It was not a reflection of who you are, it was about who she couldn’t be, for you were the reflection that she saw staring back at her, staring her in the face everyday. The mirror in which she saw her weakness. She needed to heal, to overcome herself to be a better person for you but she was caught up in an internal battle with herself, but her pain was deeply entrenched and stronger than her ability to override it. You were the reminder of her own weakness, that she couldn’t rise above and she projected her self hatred on to you because she couldn’t face up to the fact that she wasn’t strong enough to become a better person for you. Accept that this had nothing to do with you and heal your heart so you can live a life free of hatred and blame, unshackled from all of the pain and anger you are holding on to inside. Become the person you always needed and treat yourself with the love, care and respect you deserved. Your life is precious and you deserve all the happiness you were denied as a child. The key to healing lies within you, it is the key to your freedom. Lots of love to you ❤
I’ve been waiting for this one! According to your metrics, my mother was far (prison), cold (neglect), and very intense (chaotic, drug use). She died in my early 20s, and this “mother wound” just feels like a huge void. I understand she did her best, yet often wonder how things could have been. Thank you for the recommendations, I’ll check those books out! 📚❤️
Hard story, and yet I’ve seen you here week on week - you’ve come out of the hardships with strength and softness. Happy for you still, and enjoy the books.
Peace be unto you Jordan. I've understood my mother wound and am especially mindful as a mother of 4 how I come across to my children. I have to be mother/father-esque (I'm a single parent), all temperatures, all softness/hardness, all close/far, hug/affectionate touch. Let me say, it's exhausting but rewarding. I will not know if my efforts will be fruitful or if I'm being a detriment to them. In the current climate, we can help ourselves thanks to people like Jordan. I am a different mother to each child and the kids do call me out on it, but their perspective is singular. It's the hardest job in the World. Thank you for the space and attention Jordan.🤍
20:50 when you mentioned wanting to build a sustainable relationship to yourself as a woman, that gave me a new perspective and motivation. I don't trust myself, but would like to. I definitely don't trust other women; always looking for ulterior motives. But it would be so nice to enjoy other people, not worrying about such things. I've never successfully been able to build a sustained relationship with another woman. Thanks for the book recommendations 😊 You're the best, Jordan!
Always appreciate you being here, it's been a great year and 2025 will continue to show us these new healing opportunities - good luck with your relationships next year.
Your video on Victim Complex made me fully realise i had it, and that it was rooted from issues with my mom. Grateful for this video too, and will check out the book recommendations. Thank you Jordan.
Youre mother is a human. When you understand that she is trying her best from her human/flawed perspective you will understand that she did her best, and you're also a fine product of her
@jordanthornton i believe we have all been healing since childhood in our own way. Me for example, I have been a hermit and used to having imaginary friends. I still do to this day. Now, after been getting older I have realised that I was wiser when I was a child. The inner child never leaves you, only some listen to it and the silly ones deny it. If you deny your inner child you will never grow up ironically. Thank you for bringing attention to this
@chillaxer8273. This is a Beautifully Grounded safe feeling for Contemplation for anyone to then Move into reclaiming All the little Orphans of Ourselves asking for Reuniting....Worth giving ourselves the Love back to Thriving 😊😊😊 Awesome
Some mothers are manipulators, and some of them are horrible creatures with a bit that resembls humans. I'm all for being accountable and taking responsibility for one's circumstances to overcome whatever difficulties they face in life. But we can't say that Ted Bundy did his best with the hand he'd been dealt with, and his victims need to be more understanding and forgiving in order to heal, despite the fact that there's some truth in such a crazy claim. That's mainly because trying their best wasn't their life's main theme in the case of Ted Bundy or some of those garbage parents that some people have the misfortune of having. Making excuses for such horrible parents is a bad choice and is almost a sure way to ensure that whatever awful patterns the person suffered in their childhood are to be repeated with their own children in one way or another. It might feel like positivity, but it's actually the opposite of that. No growth comes out of such an acceptance of horrible parenting, and that's just a waste on top of that wasted childhood.
I'm a mother of two boys and a daughter who I lost full term six days over due. I cannot even begin to explain how much it means to mother my children well. Yet I've made huge mistakes along the way. My own childhood was difficult. My mother was vacant and emotionally empty. I wasn't raised with a father or healthy father figures. Sadly it set me up to fail as I was unconsciously looking to fill the void. I was raised in a family of codependents and enmeshed adult children. At 16 I left home and ended up pregnant, I walked straight into the path of an abuser and then felt I could fix him. Long story short I had to dig very very deep to see the patterns and beliefs that created the outcomes in my life. The saddest thing is we often repeat what we are trying to avoid blindly. I am now 50 years old and so sad that this kinda knowledge has taken me years to fully integrate. My children and the love I have for them have always been the catalyst that pushed me to do the inner work. I believe children are our biggest teachers. I'm truly blessed to have them and pray they realise how much I love them. We will always keep learning in this life. Each one of my children has been different to raise, but all three have been a divine blessing.
I think it would be wonderful if you could tape 1:1 work on these topics. My mother was neglectful. I became both “star athlete” & chronically ill my entire life while silently begging for someone to care for me. I looked to sisters to fill the gap and that backfired hugely. Still trying to be the parent to myself now at 60 yrs. My greatest fear is dying alone with no one who will care for me as I will do for them.
Always warm in front of others but forever cold otherwise my mommy the worst every time getting worser especially if you call her out ever in front of others❤
I forgave to my mum because i come from understanding that she couldnt give me what she didnt have didnt recieve from her parents.. Her mother left her when she was child but she never left me she tried her best.. She couldnt give me love when she never been taught by her step mother.. She had hard life i love my mother i forgive her everything and i understand her now.. I worked on my self i healed i healed my gen. Traumas too.. At age 41 my mother now saying i love you i never heard these words as child.. I keep saying to my daughter since she was born i love you, you are worthy you are safe i am always here for you.. For 13 years i keep reminding her how important shes for the Earth her worth.. How uncondional shes loved..
Ohhh, give me the right mom!!!)) And what about the fact that mom is not chosen or chosen not in this life, to go through those lessons that improve our soul. And then it's temperature, proximity, strength, as symptoms of a change in the cause of our birth.
Fantastic video. The old man ?( Dr jung ,would be proud). Pardon my cynicism,but the helping professions attract a lot of frauds! You sir, are definitely one of REAL Ones! Thank you Immensely!😊😊😊😊
I don’t think you could define my mother or the relationship with my mother in the way you described in the first 2:22 - this is why it’s complex. Every year could be a different description!
A core memory that I keep as a child is calling her when she was at work, crying and telling her that I miss her. She said she’d be home soon and everything would be okay. She got home and completely ignored me and spent her time, distracted on the computer. She provided me with clothes, roof over my head, and kept me fed but was always withdrawn and distant. There wasn’t any love or affection. Now I see that I’m attracted to the emotionally unavailable woman with the distant, withdrawn look in her eyes. I start fawning over this type and become anxious when they don’t feel the same about me which pushes them away.
He’s got some good stuff but very very wordy. Perfect brain for an author but kinda mind numbing to listen to. At least for me but I have adhd and other issues lol 😂 I usually tune out 40% of what I read or listen to from him but I still get benefit from his content ❤
@@goosebeez I agree. He sounds like an academic. Very idealistic too. So it's hard for people to follow. I worked in sales for years & I can see through most of his attention holding tactics.
Appreciate your work. Really helps with understanding and framing what has happened. Into something that can be used to identify the right therapy and have an idea of what to actually say your struggling with. I just felt in pain and very confused, i imagine many others are the same
@@jordanthornton subconsciously considerate of your American orphans. Appreciate you! Looking forward to watching and digesting after some deadlines this week. 🙏🏼 🌹
Thanks for the Video Jordan! ;) Since this is kinda close to this topic... I have 9 siblings, I am 5th. But whats funny is, that before and after me there were 3 sister. So I grew up between girls. Which lead to me having a similar approach and expectations to women when it comes to dating women. Like a women filters/selects her guy. Sometimes I treat women like one of my sisters. Some find it funny some dont. This can be really annoying in dating situations... So do you also have some recommended books or a videos how to heal wounds/issues that came not from parents but from siblings, particular brother/sisters?
Sadly not the person to give sibling-specific advice, but Alfred Adler is a great psychologist to study for the implications of birth order and psychology of family dynamics - could be useful for you 🌲
From having a panic attack and screaming out I feel like I’m dying and her laying in bed like a sloth more upset I am disturbing her sleep saying well maybe you should... Yeah. That’s the one thing I’m still healing from.
Thanks dear for this video. So, out of the many books on this channel on the same topic, which one would be the best as an entry read or a soft start, so to speak for a middle-aged man?
When close my mother was hot in rage and control, far by neglect and emotional unavailable until she just needed a glance to keep me frozen and paralyzed. That's why I see her as the Greek Medusa.
As a man to work with our mother wound, is it better to focus on our individual mother for this (her behaviors, etc.), or with the mother archetype out there (the way we relate to the archetype) I struggle to understand this part of the process.
Do both, truly. Your inner work will pendulate between specific (your actual mother) and archetypal generalities (The Mother) - it will naturally ebb and flow. You got this.
I think I had a mother that used me to replace her mate. Possessive, depressed, unhappy, Hysteric. My father is a narcissist, he didn't play like a father. My parents separated the I was 18 months and they parked me to my grandparents until I was 4/5 years old when my mother brought me with her and her new man. During my times with my grandparents my parents came to visit me (I don't know how many times a week and for how long) and then left. My mother told she was bringing me with her during weekends and then the cycle again. Almost three years in this dead cycle. My psychoanalyst tell me that I can't put together sex and love. That's a mess, cause I don't have any problem with sex until I fall in love or I feel emotions that trigger me so I became cold, passive and I can't move forward. I saw myself so fragile, fragmented, shameful. They parentalized me and I can't separete myself from them. I feel empty or with sense of guilt. Sometimes I fell like I don't have a self identity, a continuity.
I'm sorry to hear some of your challenges, and I wish you all the best with these books and healing yourself of some of the heaviness that lingers. These resources will really help. Be well.
What about kids who grow without parents? Like my dad.Mother died when he was 12,dad missing in war 1945.He was sad whole his life.Be he was so mad at us,yelling wholw my life at me. I must get myself flat with a kids....Not good.All people are like that with no parents? 😱
Hmm... raging, with extreme moods changing multiple times a day, intrusive, not respecting boundaries, but not at all hot when it came to showing love or being nurturing, just the opposite, closed off, uniterested, not capable for tral closeness. So I guess it's hot and cold. And what do I do with that now? 😄
🤣 My mom was hot 🔥 😆 I remember from a very young age thinking that my mom was the most gorgeous woman ever. I have a sister named Macy, and there was a kid on the bus who would sing, "Macy's mom has got it going on" 😆 instead of Stacy hahaha
![Father Complex: How To Heal Your Father Wound (Read This Psychology) - Inner Work Library [179/500]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cWC8N46Tjg4/mqdefault.jpg)
![Mother Wound: How to Integrate Your Mother Complex? Jungian Psychology I Inner Work Library [57/500]](/img/n.gif)
Want 6 more Jungian Books for 2025?
www.selfintegrationschool.com
Click the link. I’ll send your study guide.
Jordan
P. S: I’m shocked and delighted to see the depth of discussion happening in my Shadow Work Library community this week.
Deep people, deep questions. I’m eager to host the next Sunday Seminar: 90-minutes of shadow confessions and corrections in a circular discussion of clear and creative individuals - small groups, honest work, real talk.
I love this space, sets my soul on fire.
www.selfintegrationschool.com
I want you here with us, click above.
I had an abusive father, so I spent more time with mother.
I believe my mother initially thought she wanted kids, but the reality of raising kids was too much for her, so she left.
I’ve had to learn to love myself again. To rebuild my inner self worth.
There this is part of the mind, within us, called the ego. The ego is thoughts of "me", "I" or self. Once there is a self behind our evaluation of ourselves. We will produce a lack mindset.
To find your true self worth,your evaluate yourself not through the ego, but a neutral, more fulfilled, safe and selfless perspective.
My mom left when I was 7. The exact words were, “ if you don’t like it, get out!” I’ve had my bags packed since.
Hope this video is helpful for you - be well ✌🏻
We were very close, she idealized me and I her. She was amazingly supportive and I also took care of her when my dad left. She never devalued me, she said “you’re the best daughter a mother could ask for” I married narcissists, I don’t think she was one, but it’s confusing. My mom was always there for me, she was hot, warm and loving. She accepted me as ideal. I am hot and she was hot, my dad was hot too. I have INFJ personality, and ADHD. My mom was perfect for me.
That's must been painful. ❤🫂
Similar here...she actually ran me over on the way out the door. You never get over it but you have to work through it and get into a healthy place. I really like Robert Moore's work. A friend once told me "Get tough or die." That applies to relationships too. Good luck.
Damn I grew up hearing that too ouch never heard anyone else say it I always lived with a packed bag until today I don’t carry anything now lol intense
Thankyou for this video jordan. Having lost my mum when i was 13,that had a major impact on my relationships with females for years to come including friends and even my own daughter. I later learned in life that my mum went through her own trauma and so i understand why she struggled to be the mum she so desperately wanted to be but couldnt. I know she loved me and did her best despite the war going on within her. I would of loved for her to of seen me as i am now clean and sober but i know im making her proud.
Sensitive and strong words here, brother - thanks for sharing some of your story. I can imagine it’s been a lot - do you know your next steps for healing this deeper?
@@jordanthornton thank you for replying as always I'm grateful that you take the time to respond to me. If I'm honest the answer is no but I have bookmarked some of the books mentioned in this video. Into the heart of the feminine and healing the inner child. If I was to guess I'd say I'd need to read more and gain more knowledge to help with these issues. Although I have done a lot of introspection and self reflection as to why I've had trouble being able to maintain healthy relationships with the opposite sex. The 12 steps have helped massively aswell on my journey so far. I'm currently 3 and a bit months clean now by the way and about to start step 7. Not sure if you know which step that is? Essentially it's looking at my character defects! Fun topic 🤣🤣. If there's any advice on wich direction you think I need to go I'd really appreciate it. Thank you ✌🏻💙
@@gurdenator85hi! Sending you compassionate hugs on your journey and for sharing. If I can recommend an extra UA-cam resource to Jordan…I would highly recommend Tim Fletcher. He helps unpack your childhood in various scenarios that are relatable and you can receive tools on how to regulate and recalibrate to healthy patterns during the videos. Hope this helps and good luck healing!
You acknowledge your mothers difficulties and struggles from the perspective of another human who has experienced deep pain and you show great empathy and understanding as to why she couldn’t be there for you in the way that you needed a mother to be. You’ve made peace with a deep part of the inner child that needed answers and healing.
We don’t awaken to the truth until we are ready to open our heart to the pain we’ve trapped inside. You’ve started on your journey of deep healing, realisation and awakening to your true self.
Congratulations on overcoming the demons and becoming sober, not just for your sake, but for your family also.
You’re very brave and your mum will always be watching over you, smiling from ear to ear, proud to see how her son found the strength to face the inner battle and wrestle the demons within.
May the strength of a warrior continue to guide you on your journey, and may you find your inner peace. You should be very proud of the man you are becoming.
Lots of love to you, always ❤️
@unicorntears6514 thank you so much for the kind words. Really means a lot. I hope other people can use this to help them overcome their demons too
Holy shit not a wasted word. No ego. Well done mate, I'll explore more of your content.
This way you’ve worded this comment landed well for me - thank you, I try to be efficient but still compassionate. You got this, stay true to yourself in 2025.
@@jordanthornton Well I'm glad i could give back in a small way.
i'll try my best to do so, you too
Hi, Jordan. I really appreciate your work. I'm trying to wrap my head around the steps to heal the mother wound, and wonder if this is an appropriate condensation of what you've shared, here:
1. Accept that your perceptions of your mother and your relationship with her are incomplete.
2. Commit to understanding your mother and your relationship with her more fully, and more accurately.
3. Use tools such as the "How hot? How close? How intense?" model to review memories of your mother and your relationship with her.
4. Use tools such as the book suggestions to learn more about healing the mother wound.
Fantastic work, I just want to give thanks for bringing all of these concepts to the surface.. as a Mother that went through a significant healing phase I know I was 2 different mothers one of them less present and more volatile to one that is so much more balanced. I know my Son received both and I so want him one day to forgive me and have an understanding of the conditions I was confined to- mainly fear and threat from his Dad that made me that way. I hope for men with similar experience to one day have that understanding of the mother in fear. I must say it was his Dad and other men / my experience of men in my life in general.
Wow I cannot wait to share this video with my daughter. I will turn 64 tomorrow (the age of my mothers death) she (my daughter) will turn 29. Born on my 35th birthday! I can see us listening to this to lead us through deep healing. We are so intimate and close but this might be a perfect extra gift for us to explore. I adore your work Jordan. Haha want to meet my daughter!
Beautiful, happy for you both 🌲
This is so sweet bless you ❤
I have been waiting for this video so I know what to buy for mother complex. I already got the books for father would and I am currently doing the inner work from the homecoming book. I am always grateful to you My brother.
Thanks for being patient, good to have both father and mother videos out now
Thank you for doing this for this community.
Wow this is a truly excellent video. Really eye opening. I love how you empathise with the individual suffering from the mother complex, and also allowed the viewers to see their mothers as humans capable of both good and flawed behaviour. I had a negative view of my mother because of her very intense, hot and upfront nature and this makes me bring to memory things that she did out of genuine love and care.
Humanising our parents is important, thanks for appreciating this - did you pick up any of the books?
My mother ran VERY hot. She was the archetypal divine, devouring and the death mother manifest. I began getting regular migraines and vomiting when i was 5-6 years old and had already begun showing significant dissociative symptoms (in retrospect). My father was a mixed bag, too, but remained uninvolved in my relationship with my mom. What you said at the end of the video made VERY clear to me that not only is my life still dominated by my childhood relationships with my parents, but a part of me is absolutely bursting at the seams to resume the positive relationship i had with my mother with another woman lmao. At least I’m aware of it now and mindfulness has been an absolute godsend at this stage in my journey
My mom was one mother the whole time, a bi polar substance abuser that ebbed between violence and neglect my entire life. At no time was she ever nice to me. But she did make it clear often that she never wanted me. She was extremely consistent in that regard. Literally, the only stable thing in her life was her hatered of me.
Your mother’s addiction and inability to deal with her inner pain was a reflection of herself being unable to find the strength within to overcome her demons and provide you with the life you needed. It was not a reflection of who you are, it was about who she couldn’t be, for you were the reflection that she saw staring back at her, staring her in the face everyday. The mirror in which she saw her weakness.
She needed to heal, to overcome herself to be a better person for you but she was caught up in an internal battle with herself, but her pain was deeply entrenched and stronger than her ability to override it. You were the reminder of her own weakness, that she couldn’t rise above and she projected her self hatred on to you because she couldn’t face up to the fact that she wasn’t strong enough to become a better person for you.
Accept that this had nothing to do with you and heal your heart so you can live a life free of hatred and blame, unshackled from all of the pain and anger you are holding on to inside. Become the person you always needed and treat yourself with the love, care and respect you deserved. Your life is precious and you deserve all the happiness you were denied as a child. The key to healing lies within you, it is the key to your freedom.
Lots of love to you ❤
@unicorntears6514 🥹 thank you
@@bethannybiscuits 💕
You got this, stay true to yourself in 2025.
I only really have one image of my mother that goes back nearly 40 years. Eyes glued to the television. Absolutely disinterested in fuck all else.
Sorry to hear it, I know what you mean - and yet there is more if you’re seeing everything fully. Consider it and be well.
Indeed. Although I’m just as sad for her at what she’s missed out on as I am about what I have missed out on.
I’ve been waiting for this one! According to your metrics, my mother was far (prison), cold (neglect), and very intense (chaotic, drug use). She died in my early 20s, and this “mother wound” just feels like a huge void. I understand she did her best, yet often wonder how things could have been. Thank you for the recommendations, I’ll check those books out! 📚❤️
Hard story, and yet I’ve seen you here week on week - you’ve come out of the hardships with strength and softness. Happy for you still, and enjoy the books.
Peace be unto you Jordan. I've understood my mother wound and am especially mindful as a mother of 4 how I come across to my children. I have to be mother/father-esque (I'm a single parent), all temperatures, all softness/hardness, all close/far, hug/affectionate touch.
Let me say, it's exhausting but rewarding. I will not know if my efforts will be fruitful or if I'm being a detriment to them. In the current climate, we can help ourselves thanks to people like Jordan.
I am a different mother to each child and the kids do call me out on it, but their perspective is singular.
It's the hardest job in the World.
Thank you for the space and attention Jordan.🤍
Peace be to you Dear Heart. I honestly honor all your hard work and wish you so much goodness.
Extraordinary. What a monologue.
Thank you - subbed.
20:50 when you mentioned wanting to build a sustainable relationship to yourself as a woman, that gave me a new perspective and motivation.
I don't trust myself, but would like to. I definitely don't trust other women; always looking for ulterior motives. But it would be so nice to enjoy other people, not worrying about such things. I've never successfully been able to build a sustained relationship with another woman.
Thanks for the book recommendations 😊 You're the best, Jordan!
Always appreciate you being here, it's been a great year and 2025 will continue to show us these new healing opportunities - good luck with your relationships next year.
Your video on Victim Complex made me fully realise i had it, and that it was rooted from issues with my mom. Grateful for this video too, and will check out the book recommendations. Thank you Jordan.
Hard pills for us to swallow as ambitious men, but nonetheless necessary insights for us to wrestle with. Good luck, brother - more on the way.
Monster was someone to avoid. A total of 2 times growing up she tried to comfort me- it was unsettling. Glad I didn't turn into a serial ender.
Youre mother is a human. When you understand that she is trying her best from her human/flawed perspective you will understand that she did her best, and you're also a fine product of her
Wise and grounded words, thanks for adding this here. Sounds like you've come far along your own path of healing here too?
@jordanthornton i believe we have all been healing since childhood in our own way. Me for example, I have been a hermit and used to having imaginary friends.
I still do to this day. Now, after been getting older I have realised that I was wiser when I was a child.
The inner child never leaves you, only some listen to it and the silly ones deny it.
If you deny your inner child you will never grow up ironically.
Thank you for bringing attention to this
@chillaxer8273. This is a Beautifully Grounded safe feeling for Contemplation for anyone to then Move into reclaiming All the little Orphans of Ourselves asking for Reuniting....Worth giving ourselves the Love back to Thriving 😊😊😊 Awesome
Some mothers are manipulators, and some of them are horrible creatures with a bit that resembls humans. I'm all for being accountable and taking responsibility for one's circumstances to overcome whatever difficulties they face in life. But we can't say that Ted Bundy did his best with the hand he'd been dealt with, and his victims need to be more understanding and forgiving in order to heal, despite the fact that there's some truth in such a crazy claim. That's mainly because trying their best wasn't their life's main theme in the case of Ted Bundy or some of those garbage parents that some people have the misfortune of having. Making excuses for such horrible parents is a bad choice and is almost a sure way to ensure that whatever awful patterns the person suffered in their childhood are to be repeated with their own children in one way or another. It might feel like positivity, but it's actually the opposite of that. No growth comes out of such an acceptance of horrible parenting, and that's just a waste on top of that wasted childhood.
I'm a mother of two boys and a daughter who I lost full term six days over due. I cannot even begin to explain how much it means to mother my children well. Yet I've made huge mistakes along the way. My own childhood was difficult. My mother was vacant and emotionally empty. I wasn't raised with a father or healthy father figures. Sadly it set me up to fail as I was unconsciously looking to fill the void. I was raised in a family of codependents and enmeshed adult children.
At 16 I left home and ended up pregnant, I walked straight into the path of an abuser and then felt I could fix him. Long story short I had to dig very very deep to see the patterns and beliefs that created the outcomes in my life. The saddest thing is we often repeat what we are trying to avoid blindly. I am now 50 years old and so sad that this kinda knowledge has taken me years to fully integrate. My children and the love I have for them have always been the catalyst that pushed me to do the inner work. I believe children are our biggest teachers. I'm truly blessed to have them and pray they realise how much I love them. We will always keep learning in this life. Each one of my children has been different to raise, but all three have been a divine blessing.
Being a mother is the hardest thing in the world. Almost impossible to get it right, given our own issues as well.
I think it would be wonderful if you could tape 1:1 work on these topics. My mother was neglectful. I became both “star athlete” & chronically ill my entire life while silently begging for someone to care for me. I looked to sisters to fill the gap and that backfired hugely. Still trying to be the parent to myself now at 60 yrs. My greatest fear is dying alone with no one who will care for me as I will do for them.
Always warm in front of others but forever cold otherwise my mommy the worst every time getting worser especially if you call her out ever in front of others❤
I forgave to my mum because i come from understanding that she couldnt give me what she didnt have didnt recieve from her parents.. Her mother left her when she was child but she never left me she tried her best.. She couldnt give me love when she never been taught by her step mother.. She had hard life i love my mother i forgive her everything and i understand her now.. I worked on my self i healed i healed my gen. Traumas too.. At age 41 my mother now saying i love you i never heard these words as child.. I keep saying to my daughter since she was born i love you, you are worthy you are safe i am always here for you.. For 13 years i keep reminding her how important shes for the Earth her worth.. How uncondional shes loved..
Thank you so much, Jordan!
My pleasure 🌲
Ohhh, give me the right mom!!!)) And what about the fact that mom is not chosen or chosen not in this life, to go through those lessons that improve our soul. And then it's temperature, proximity, strength, as symptoms of a change in the cause of our birth.
Fantastic video. The old man ?( Dr jung ,would be proud). Pardon my cynicism,but the helping professions attract a lot of frauds! You sir, are definitely one of REAL Ones! Thank you Immensely!😊😊😊😊
Yes, many problems in the therapeutic space - but I have hope for the best we can offer. Here to help.
I don’t think you could define my mother or the relationship with my mother in the way you described in the first 2:22 - this is why it’s complex. Every year could be a different description!
Thank you 🙏 that is so helpful. For me as a daughter as well as a mother.
That's what I'm here for, truly.
A core memory that I keep as a child is calling her when she was at work, crying and telling her that I miss her. She said she’d be home soon and everything would be okay. She got home and completely ignored me and spent her time, distracted on the computer.
She provided me with clothes, roof over my head, and kept me fed but was always withdrawn and distant. There wasn’t any love or affection.
Now I see that I’m attracted to the emotionally unavailable woman with the distant, withdrawn look in her eyes. I start fawning over this type and become anxious when they don’t feel the same about me which pushes them away.
You can change this pattern. You're already aware. Break free.
Wow you covered so many great details. Thanks, cool listen!
Exactly my intention, thanks for taking the time!
Thank you for your meaningful work, Jordan!
Thank you for taking the time to watch and listen - it means a lot to me.
Man this stuff is fkin complicated idk how you guys keep track of it all
Journaling helps lol
He’s got some good stuff but very very wordy. Perfect brain for an author but kinda mind numbing to listen to. At least for me but I have adhd and other issues lol 😂 I usually tune out 40% of what I read or listen to from him but I still get benefit from his content ❤
@@goosebeez I agree. He sounds like an academic. Very idealistic too. So it's hard for people to follow. I worked in sales for years & I can see through most of his attention holding tactics.
Amazing work.
Cheers - enjoy ✌🏻
Thank you, I'm very grateful for this insight 🙏
You are so welcome
Brilliant, always brilliant. thank you
Merry Christmas, and stay steady next week.
Appreciate your work.
Really helps with understanding and framing what has happened.
Into something that can be used to identify the right therapy and have an idea of what to actually say your struggling with.
I just felt in pain and very confused, i imagine many others are the same
It gets better, truly. Keep going.
I need this!!! 🙌
Thank you!
You're welcome 🌲
Very professional.
lol post thanksgiving drop - smart man
Not even something I had considered, I’m English lol
@@jordanthornton subconsciously considerate of your American orphans. Appreciate you! Looking forward to watching and digesting after some deadlines this week. 🙏🏼 🌹
She was ice cold except when she was exploding with rage.
Sorry to hear this, and wishing you well in your healing next year.
Thanks for the Video Jordan! ;)
Since this is kinda close to this topic... I have 9 siblings, I am 5th. But whats funny is, that before and after me there were 3 sister. So I grew up between girls. Which lead to me having a similar approach and expectations to women when it comes to dating women. Like a women filters/selects her guy. Sometimes I treat women like one of my sisters. Some find it funny some dont. This can be really annoying in dating situations...
So do you also have some recommended books or a videos how to heal wounds/issues that came not from parents but from siblings, particular brother/sisters?
Sadly not the person to give sibling-specific advice, but Alfred Adler is a great psychologist to study for the implications of birth order and psychology of family dynamics - could be useful for you 🌲
@@jordanthornton Thanks for the lead! Wish you a good rest of Sunday!
Already found his books and some parts that look interessting. You just made my day even better :D
From having a panic attack and screaming out I feel like I’m dying and her laying in bed like a sloth more upset I am disturbing her sleep saying well maybe you should... Yeah. That’s the one thing I’m still healing from.
nice video
Cheers 🌲
Thanks dear for this video. So, out of the many books on this channel on the same topic, which one would be the best as an entry read or a soft start, so to speak for a middle-aged man?
No idea, frankly - let your intuition guide you, there’s not many wrong steps to make ✌🏻
When close my mother was hot in rage and control, far by neglect and emotional unavailable until she just needed a glance to keep me frozen and paralyzed. That's why I see her as the Greek Medusa.
Insightful, keep going with your inwards search here.
Hi Jordan !! What's your opinion on Transactional analysis ?
Good modality, although not something I've experimented with rigidly. I've read the original work, something you're doing?
On and off, that's happened in all my relationships.
As a man to work with our mother wound, is it better to focus on our individual mother for this (her behaviors, etc.), or with the mother archetype out there (the way we relate to the archetype) I struggle to understand this part of the process.
Do both, truly. Your inner work will pendulate between specific (your actual mother) and archetypal generalities (The Mother) - it will naturally ebb and flow. You got this.
I think I had a mother that used me to replace her mate. Possessive, depressed, unhappy, Hysteric. My father is a narcissist, he didn't play like a father. My parents separated the I was 18 months and they parked me to my grandparents until I was 4/5 years old when my mother brought me with her and her new man. During my times with my grandparents my parents came to visit me (I don't know how many times a week and for how long) and then left. My mother told she was bringing me with her during weekends and then the cycle again. Almost three years in this dead cycle. My psychoanalyst tell me that I can't put together sex and love. That's a mess, cause I don't have any problem with sex until I fall in love or I feel emotions that trigger me so I became cold, passive and I can't move forward. I saw myself so fragile, fragmented, shameful. They parentalized me and I can't separete myself from them. I feel empty or with sense of guilt. Sometimes I fell like I don't have a self identity, a continuity.
I'm sorry to hear some of your challenges, and I wish you all the best with these books and healing yourself of some of the heaviness that lingers. These resources will really help. Be well.
What do you do if you can't remember?
what is with the devouring mother? thx
Have you checked out the books recommended in the video? They will help, tremendously. Good luck.
@@jordanthornton thx
What about kids who grow without parents? Like my dad.Mother died when he was 12,dad missing in war 1945.He was sad whole his life.Be he was so mad at us,yelling wholw my life at me. I must get myself flat with a kids....Not good.All people are like that with no parents? 😱
Hmm... raging, with extreme moods changing multiple times a day, intrusive, not respecting boundaries, but not at all hot when it came to showing love or being nurturing, just the opposite, closed off, uniterested, not capable for tral closeness. So I guess it's hot and cold. And what do I do with that now? 😄
Great insights, and you will love these books. They go much deeper.
I'll look into it, thank you @@jordanthornton
A "hot mommy" would be rough to admit to 😅
Certainly, sounds like a teen comedy
🤣 My mom was hot 🔥 😆 I remember from a very young age thinking that my mom was the most gorgeous woman ever. I have a sister named Macy, and there was a kid on the bus who would sing, "Macy's mom has got it going on" 😆 instead of Stacy hahaha
@@meshavillar need a mate? 👽🧐
Not ice cold but nice cold
Well said.
My mom was way too hot, way too intense and way too close. I have psychic third degree burns from my childhood.
Time for cooling distance?
👌
Cold and cruel
I'm wishing you well for the new year.
Slow down, and maybe take the mic bac a bit
First time in a long time I've been told to slow down... rather than speed up hahah - be well.
Funny I'm watching all his videos at 2x speed. I do with most videos though.
@@Bob-l7m2g 1.35x is what I usually use. I get it.
+1
Cheers.
Just love the mother as she is, dear, and all your childisch problems are gone! Your a man by now,. you can do it,.