@@tylorkarstedt3480I know this comment is getting older now but I still play the game after all this time but I feel the same way. It got me writing haiku at odd times when I'm not feeling great or when life is good. This is the first time I've tried to put some real structure in them. I'm glad I saw you felt the same about the game and this art form
That was interesting. I would just add one nuance : don't LOOK FOR a rhyme, but if the rhyme comes naturally, why should be prevent it from coming ? I heard that even the Japanese (although they are not interested in rhymes) sometimes play with the sounds, and what is a rhyme, if not a play on sounds? We should just use it very parsimoniously. I wrote for ex (in French) : La grêle est passée laissant les allées glacées de pétales blancs (The hail has passed / leaving the alleys icy / with white petals - "glacées" could be "frozen", "frosty", "chilled". The idea is that you don't really know what is lying on the ground : hailstones or flower petals thrown down by hail ?) Of course, there is a strong rhyme here (passée / glacées), but I didn't look for it, it came naturally, so I didn't reject it. Neither don't I reject other plays on sounds, inside the sequences, for ex: Le géranium-lierre attiré par l'inconnu tire sur sa tige (The cranesbill [Pelargonium peltatum] / attracted by the unknown / pulls on its stem). Here we have 3 times the syllable "ti" (atTIré, TIre, TIge), which in my mind reflects the efforts or the plant trying to escape towards the unknown, the wide world). The main thing is that such games don't come too often, too evidently, that they remain discreet inside the whole of it.
We have this in Persian called charr baiti, which means four liners which are the most meaningful poems and yet the best and we also use it to predict a future or to tell fortune ..
If you still read the comments, I'd like to hear what you think of one I thought a couple hours ago: Cold day overcast The rain falls with deep regret Puddles form again Any notes on how it could be improved upon?
I don't usually comment on haiku people post, but this is such an appropriate haiku for the times. I love the sense that the rain/regret seems to be steady and unabating, and that the puddles are forming "again." I wouldn't change a word.
Puddles forming from deep regret invokes a lot of images, what jumped out to me was a puddle of tears forming, but I'm sure it could just as easily bring other images to mind. Good work on this one. I like it!
Syllable counting is not common in English haiku, and haiku written in other languages as well. I know you mention it in the video, but traditional haiku in English was also not written in 5-7-5. In Japanese, they count sound units called "on" and are much smaller usually than English syllables. When we write in 5-7-5 in English, haiku are usually much longer and wordier. Also, Japanese count punctuation marks as "on" and we don't count punctuation as syllables in English. If you want to know more, visit: www.graceguts.com/essays/go-shichi-go-how-japanese-and-english-syllables-differ
Adding to your point, many modern Japanese haiku (and English translations of traditional 5-7-5 _on_ Japanese haiku) are written in free verse (e.g., _natsu-asa hinmin no ko ga hiki-kakaetaru hitotsu no kyabetsu_ by Ippekirō which is 25 _on_ [or morae in English] and 23 syllables). A lot of people outside of Japan, unfortunately, have the idea that putting any words into a 5-7-5 17-syllable structure makes a haiku (e.g., that dreadful example "haiku" we've all seen that ends with "refrigerator").
When I learned about haiku in school I thought it was a simple thing for children to try to learn how poetry works. Thank you for changing my mind, in your later example when you helped describe the feeling created on a lonely Autumn night I immediately realized how respectable this writing is and was immediately transported to the scene described.
I went back here in this vid to thank you for making me fall in love with haiku, since then haiku became a passion for me. Because it's simplicity and deph depicted how the "nature" is simple yet complex. Thus far i know, simplicity is the most complex thing in this world full of self proclaimed complex concepts.
Japanese Haiku Collection including this one, from Basho... MUST SPRINGTIME FADE? THEN CRY ALL BIRDS ... AND FISHES' COLD PALE EYES POUR TEARS This is a short collection of a couple of hundred Japanese Haiku. This was printed by the art book small press, Peter Pauper. In the original each haiku is accompanied by one of 59 Japanese seals. These seals are reproduced here. www.sacred-texts.com/shi/jh/jh02.htm
This was helpful. Explaining the traditional haiku, I understood more than most workshops I attended. I've trying to do this for a while, so I appreciate the help.
I am ECSTATIC that I found your channel... this is so rewarding for my understanding and growth. I love to learn* what I did not know five minutes prior.💚*🙏🏼
@@int0x80 % 7 % plus a kigo. A kigo is also required for a haiku , but you are correct 6 is not 5 so not a haiku just a prose poem. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kigo . Seasons can be implied with seasonal words like harvest or snow which indicate the season. Tiger hunting implies spring. Why i do not know tradition perhaps.
@@int0x80 English haiku are 5 7 5 but can be a so called liberated haiku with extra or less in any line if the image or thought of the poem needs the variant.
As I understand it, historically (particularly the nara and heian eras, c. 700-1200 CE), haiku were not all that serious - they were a way for people (mostly bushi) to amuse themselves, or break the tension of a long, possibly dangerous vigil.
English syllables and Japanese sound units (onji) are very different and not relatable. Most haiku poets writing in English do not write in the 5-7-5, as you mentioned. You also mentioned economy, though 5-7-5 in English can be two times longer in Japanese. Japanese 5-7-5 is closer to 3-5-3 in English. In Japanese, they even count punctuation as a syllable (kireji). So, to be traditional in English, we need to write shorter than 5-7-5 syllables.
That's simply WRONG. Nearly all English poets use the five, seven, five arrangement. It's absolute nonsense to say n English we need to write shorter than five seven five. Do you ever even open legitimate poetry magazines? It sounds like you stumbled across someone who thinks he's a poet but who doesn't want to play by the rules, and rather than actually reading poetry in all the real magazines, you just parrot what someone said.
Thanks for the video, it made sense. (Blimey, it's really hard to write a comment here without - in your head - wondering if it should be in Haiku. I've just started, so I won't!) :)
I LOVE to Rhyme... Nevertheless, re: Haiku, I will enjoy the process of emphasizing something FELT from my writing with added complexity in the traditional form. I am glad to start recognizing a liberated expression as the difference too😊!~...💚*
@@sby60118 English haiku are 5 7 5 but can be a so called liberated haiku with extra or less in any line if the image or thought of the poem needs the variant.
@@premonsa Thank you. Flowers works but...Movements: The wind the waters the shadows as opposed to stillness. Kigo of season wind is Autumn in some texts... Early Autumn gale
@@premonsa “In the autumn and early winter, on calm nights or early in the morning and evening, from deep in the forest or up on the mountain slopes, you'll hear an occasional, far carrying sound: a long drawn out, slightly mournful whistle that first rises then descends at the end. It is the sound of a male deer calling. Deer can mean any season if another word modifies it. Spring reference to Buddhism. Fawns are born in Autumn etc..
No I much prefer a few rules, theres too much freedom at times especially in the delivery of poetic advice. I always feel like replying with "what about this exception". Most notable issue of confusion is when one reads how to write a sonnet and finds the examples are neither iambic or the right amount of feet. I get that theres variation to the form but there should be more examples of adherence to the basics when teaching them you know? So this video is helpful in that regard.
Japanese syllables are more compact than they are in English. Most English experts are fine with ignoring the 5 7 5 rule if the poem reveals an insight or illuminates a moment in time. If the subject matter is something besides a scene from nature, the poem is technically a senryu rather than a haiku.
I like your explanation of this and senryu. I write mostly senryu and kyoka and Haibun. I will end this with a senryu I just wrote today. election poster the candidate not smiling gets my vote
10 hakiu for you! summer rain and sky beautiful breeze passes by summer wind and night feathers of deep blue a lovely stricking hue peacocks bright and blue leaves kissing the ground touching it without a sound beauty in decay flames of red burning lighting up the ceasless night burning ever bright pink blooms bright and fair freashing the frosty air the pink flower blooms petals of lucious red thorny stems sit in flower bed sly beauty lies withen waves churning, crashing storm brewing down deep at sea ocean is a mystery snow capped mountains icy wind and snow brings sorrowful woe flowers of bright purple violet blue, lavender hue flowers of midnight flashes of lighting showing the glory rolls of lous thunder
Carissa's smiling
The summer sun is warming
But it set too soon
for my daughter who just passed at 31. so devastating
I love the last line. Great set up.
The quiet drumming
that soothes me warmly to sleep
is a winter storm
Five syllable's here
Seven more syllables there
Are you happy now
I have taught haiku for over 20 years. Thank you for a very insightful and concise video.
Grandma's old cookbook
Lime Jello with cottage cheese
An eyebrow risen
Haiku is easy
Though sometimes they don't make sense
Air conditioner
Damn you a pro
fall winds from the north
now they come white wings and black
our glorious cranes
Sakura trees bloom
Pink and white in endless rain
Calm, cherry blossoms
the red wing blackbird
at my window watches me
with grandfathers eyes
Today is Friday.
A quite rainy day in spring.
Midst of it: a smile.
Oh the evening sun,
Gold glow smiles before me
I bask in it's warmth.
Still playing Ghost of Tishuma
Same boy
Ghost of Tsushima on ps5, inspired me to take moments at work and jot a haiku down. Reduces my stress and captures quieter moments.
@@tylorkarstedt3480I know this comment is getting older now but I still play the game after all this time but I feel the same way. It got me writing haiku at odd times when I'm not feeling great or when life is good. This is the first time I've tried to put some real structure in them. I'm glad I saw you felt the same about the game and this art form
the game is beautiful, i practice photography in it. It brings out my artistic side
the lights of these homes
this night this bus of strangers
my lonely heart aches
The journey homeward
Trees bows under evening sky
A house without lights
Very well done; poignant.
Look at the green fern
Among the fallen petals
A flea jumped, leaf bounce
dragonfly colors bright
so fierce there upon my knee
a memory brings tears
That was interesting. I would just add one nuance : don't LOOK FOR a rhyme, but if the rhyme comes naturally, why should be prevent it from coming ? I heard that even the Japanese (although they are not interested in rhymes) sometimes play with the sounds, and what is a rhyme, if not a play on sounds? We should just use it very parsimoniously. I wrote for ex (in French) :
La grêle est passée
laissant les allées glacées
de pétales blancs
(The hail has passed / leaving the alleys icy / with white petals - "glacées" could be "frozen", "frosty", "chilled". The idea is that you don't really know what is lying on the ground : hailstones or flower petals thrown down by hail ?)
Of course, there is a strong rhyme here (passée / glacées), but I didn't look for it, it came naturally, so I didn't reject it. Neither don't I reject other plays on sounds, inside the sequences, for ex:
Le géranium-lierre
attiré par l'inconnu
tire sur sa tige
(The cranesbill [Pelargonium peltatum] / attracted by the unknown / pulls on its stem). Here we have 3 times the syllable "ti" (atTIré, TIre, TIge), which in my mind reflects the efforts or the plant trying to escape towards the unknown, the wide world). The main thing is that such games don't come too often, too evidently, that they remain discreet inside the whole of it.
I hadn't thought of rhymes that way, but I I agree with you. Thanks for commenting and for sharing your work.
Been seeking the light
To walk through the haiku path
ㅡ Thank you Mr. Sato!
two shadows i cast
behind me the autumn moon
and the ghost of my father
Beautiful!!
We have this in Persian called charr baiti, which means four liners which are the most meaningful poems and yet the best and we also use it to predict a future or to tell fortune ..
the flowers tell the bear
take my forgiveness and go
hunger is not sin
This is actually really beautiful
@@lemonz_0 Thank you
Dear cherry blossom
as your sprouts begin to bloom
can you still see me
leaves falling from trees,
snow drifting onto the ground,
life leaving your corpse
Wait, is that zer0's haiku?
If you still read the comments, I'd like to hear what you think of one I thought a couple hours ago:
Cold day overcast
The rain falls with deep regret
Puddles form again
Any notes on how it could be improved upon?
I don't usually comment on haiku people post, but this is such an appropriate haiku for the times. I love the sense that the rain/regret seems to be steady and unabating, and that the puddles are forming "again." I wouldn't change a word.
@@mistersato411 Thank you sir, that has boosted my confidence tremendously
Puddles forming from deep regret invokes a lot of images, what jumped out to me was a puddle of tears forming, but I'm sure it could just as easily bring other images to mind. Good work on this one. I like it!
@@PeterB_ Thank you! :)
say more. express more.
dont say things for the sake of saying them. say what you want to say, but use the rules to constrict you.
challenge yourself.
Once in a forest
A flash of red now the wolf.
Grandmas house is near.
Something is not right
I can't realise the time flow
Now it's dark outside
1st try
Dead watch battery! or a broken clock?
Syllable counting is not common in English haiku, and haiku written in other languages as well. I know you mention it in the video, but traditional haiku in English was also not written in 5-7-5. In Japanese, they count sound units called "on" and are much smaller usually than English syllables. When we write in 5-7-5 in English, haiku are usually much longer and wordier. Also, Japanese count punctuation marks as "on" and we don't count punctuation as syllables in English. If you want to know more, visit: www.graceguts.com/essays/go-shichi-go-how-japanese-and-english-syllables-differ
Adding to your point, many modern Japanese haiku (and English translations of traditional 5-7-5 _on_ Japanese haiku) are written in free verse (e.g., _natsu-asa hinmin no ko ga hiki-kakaetaru hitotsu no kyabetsu_ by Ippekirō which is 25 _on_ [or morae in English] and 23 syllables). A lot of people outside of Japan, unfortunately, have the idea that putting any words into a 5-7-5 17-syllable structure makes a haiku (e.g., that dreadful example "haiku" we've all seen that ends with "refrigerator").
A ten minute video
Watched silently in earnest
My first Hai-Ku
You messed up on the first line
the first line was 7 last one was 4
From a video
Watched silently in earnest
Comes my first Haiku
When I learned about haiku in school I thought it was a simple thing for children to try to learn how poetry works. Thank you for changing my mind, in your later example when you helped describe the feeling created on a lonely Autumn night I immediately realized how respectable this writing is and was immediately transported to the scene described.
Brown leaves, withered out.
Bunched together, hanging on.
Winter takes its toll.
Hannah Babb Nope.
6 syllables
8 syllables
6 syllables
This isn't a haiku.
Flight of dragonflies
Is most pleasing to the eye.
Sun on azure wing.
the midsummer rain
for my flowers perhaps joy
but i am chilled
I went back here in this vid to thank you for making
me fall in love with haiku, since then haiku became a passion for me.
Because it's simplicity and deph depicted how the "nature" is simple yet complex.
Thus far i know, simplicity is the most complex thing in this world full of self proclaimed complex concepts.
I"m very glad to hear this!
the dots in dictionaries arent the syllables, they are where you can split the word when reaching the end of a line.
It all depends on what one prefers. (Be it Traditional Haiku or Modern Haiku) To choose only one, in my opinion, would be limiting.
he who stands alone
upon the holy mountain
believes his own lies
Bright yellow mid day,
Whisping wind brushing long hair,
Beauty in a shape.
Japanese Haiku Collection
including this one, from Basho...
MUST SPRINGTIME FADE?
THEN CRY ALL BIRDS ...
AND FISHES'
COLD PALE EYES POUR TEARS
This is a short collection of a couple of hundred Japanese Haiku. This was printed by the art book small press, Peter Pauper. In the original each haiku is accompanied by one of 59 Japanese seals. These seals are reproduced here.
www.sacred-texts.com/shi/jh/jh02.htm
thank you! I am showing this to my class next week as they begin writing their own haiku!
This was helpful. Explaining the traditional haiku, I understood more than most workshops I attended. I've trying to do this for a while, so I appreciate the help.
Glad it was helpful!
Alone in my room
Warm blankets for the winter
The sun keeps trying
I am ECSTATIC that I found your channel...
this is so rewarding for my understanding and growth.
I love to learn* what I did not know five minutes prior.💚*🙏🏼
Thank you for your comments. I agree- learning something new is the best thing.
@@mistersato411
🙂Much appreciated*
Wow. Inspirational. Great to hear someone share a topic in such a passionate way.
👏
Glad you enjoyed it!
Cold, barren grey limbs
Stripped of growth by winter thieves
-Red, blazing branches
Down from the mountain
Through the darkest woods we run.
Still the tiger follows
I love it, but
still the ti-ger foll-ows
is 6 syllables
@@int0x80 % 7 % plus a kigo. A kigo is also required for a haiku , but you are correct 6 is not 5 so not a haiku just a prose poem. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kigo . Seasons can be implied with seasonal words like harvest or snow which indicate the season. Tiger hunting implies spring. Why i do not know tradition perhaps.
@@int0x80 English haiku are 5 7 5 but can be a so called liberated haiku with extra or less in any line if the image or thought of the poem needs the variant.
Thanks for the explanation of traditional haikus Mr. Sato. I'm trying to do a daily haiku, and this helped a lot.
Glad it was helpful!
'a rhyme is like a fingerprint on the glass'. Great analogy!
Dew on red berries
Barely thawed from morning sun
Untouched by the cold
fading evening light
the battlefield is quiet now
only ghosts and the crows
Okay, totally off topic but your voice is audio book material. Something you should look into (If you haven't yet)
In a circle
The sweet sound
Of a string quartet.
Excellent video! I watched many haiku poem tutorial and finally find the right one. Very helpful, thank you!
from edge of the world.
what do the butterflies see
out there in the void
Flat earther moment
We're are lost in the woods
Were we going the right way?
Damn map's upside down
As I understand it, historically (particularly the nara and heian eras, c. 700-1200 CE), haiku were not all that serious - they were a way for people (mostly bushi) to amuse themselves, or break the tension of a long, possibly dangerous vigil.
Flight of dragonflies
Is most pleasing to the eye.
Sun on azure wing.
If youre curious, it is just a feeling that we get in an attempt to be described through the most distilled way possible.
the midsummer rain
for my flowers perhaps joy
but i am chilled
I really like this one. All of nature is happy when it rains yet people find it miserable.
Morning sun and air
Haiku in mind, pen of nature
not lonely now
A HAKIU FOR YOU
pink blooms bright and fair
freshing the frosty air
the pink flower blooms
im kinda mad because it was like he was saying writing a Hakiu was only fr adults so
Great video, an extra blessing like an icing on a cake to read so many wonderful Haikus in the comment section,
I'm glad you feel you got something out of the video!
Death rains from above
A hush sweeps the grieving land
Fireflies on the breeze
A cold snowy peak
Now drenched in white freckles
Made alive by wind
Drenched in his sweat,
she danced even closer.
-Still they know not names.
I shit in my pants,
My friend told me it was brown,
My dignity gone.
This is beautiful. Phenomenal.
The past tense of "shit" is "shat".
I peed on my bed.
My mom told me to sleep outside.
I'm homeless.
beautiful
I peed on my bed.
My mom said to sleep outside.
I became homeless.
(i rewrote it in 575 rule cos i thought it was funny)
She is beautiful.
This whisperer to magpies.
She wore blue today
A man in a cave
handprint blown red on a wall
to remember me
Spices in a line
On my mother's countertop
What a nice dinner
Would that work?
It doesn't follow all of the haiku's rules technically
No, not a haiku.
@@bizzar2792 what rules doesn't it follow?
How about this?
The crimson rose lie,
Withered and torn, bitter wind blows;
A love forgotten.
English syllables and Japanese sound units (onji) are very different and not relatable. Most haiku poets writing in English do not write in the 5-7-5, as you mentioned. You also mentioned economy, though 5-7-5 in English can be two times longer in Japanese. Japanese 5-7-5 is closer to 3-5-3 in English. In Japanese, they even count punctuation as a syllable (kireji). So, to be traditional in English, we need to write shorter than 5-7-5 syllables.
That's simply WRONG. Nearly all English poets use the five, seven, five arrangement. It's absolute nonsense to say n English we need to write shorter than five seven five. Do you ever even open legitimate poetry magazines? It sounds like you stumbled across someone who thinks he's a poet but who doesn't want to play by the rules, and rather than actually reading poetry in all the real magazines, you just parrot what someone said.
Okay but that's Japanese Haiku we're talking about English Traditional Haiku.
Chartreuse lonely leaf
Awoken from winter's rest
First spring green to come
Mountain water stream
The ice is no longer here
But returns to source
words without meaning
are just words that mean nothing
you can do better.
this is amazing thank you I even finally understood the concept of the syllables! and now I can write haiku THAANNNNKS
Thanks for the video, it made sense. (Blimey, it's really hard to write a comment here without - in your head - wondering if it should be in Haiku. I've just started, so I won't!) :)
his forge has grown cold
his hammers his tongs in their place
the cherry trees call
How's this
Red trees full of life
A long stubborn wind brings death
But not forever
Extraordinary
Flower covered in raindrops
Bright just like the sun
Immersed in lush moss
A lone root glides in the dew
The lifeline of trees
when the sun goes down
things most vile and profane stir
heroine draws her sword
Too many syllables in line three. It isn't "liberated", it simple isn't haiku.
Hero draws his sword... but I saw it was a women that slew those beasts...
@@jamesaritchie1 If the subject
matter is something besides a scene from nature, the poem is technically a senryu rather than a haiku
I LOVE to Rhyme...
Nevertheless, re: Haiku,
I will enjoy the process of emphasizing something FELT from my writing with added complexity in the traditional form. I am glad to start recognizing a liberated expression as the difference too😊!~...💚*
I do like triple rhymes -
Umbrellas give in
Here, where rain conspires with wind
Broken brollies binned
Wonderful ! Thank you so much 🙏🏼
You're so welcome!
can you write whole stories or poems with it? or is the rule just one haiku at a time?
deep woods now the rain
in my tent boots off lights out
tomorrow the mountain
Isn’t the last one 6?
@@sby60118 English haiku are 5 7 5 but can be a so called liberated haiku with extra or less in any line if the image or thought of the poem needs the variant.
Weatern haiku style
need not be stuck in nature.
I need a third line.
Also we can rhyme.
It is nice from time to time.
Rhyme is not a crime.
wind in the canyon
singing waters shadows walk
that one deer so still
This is great. Would change wind for flowers? Were missing the season
@@premonsa Thank you. Flowers works but...Movements: The wind the waters the shadows as opposed to stillness. Kigo of season wind is Autumn in some texts... Early Autumn gale
@@premonsa “In the autumn and early winter, on calm nights or early in the morning and evening, from deep in the forest or up on the mountain slopes, you'll hear an occasional, far carrying sound: a long drawn out, slightly mournful whistle that first rises then descends at the end. It is the sound of a male deer calling.
Deer can mean any season if another word modifies it. Spring reference to Buddhism. Fawns are born in Autumn etc..
I have written more than hundred Haikus. How to get them published...
What an in-depth tutorial! This is just fantastic.
Thank you kindly!
Whose footsteps I hear
Bloosoming in my wan life
Churning in my heart
Thank you - excellent video. I really appreciate your effort to make it.
No I much prefer a few rules, theres too much freedom at times especially in the delivery of poetic advice. I always feel like replying with "what about this exception". Most notable issue of confusion is when one reads how to write a sonnet and finds the examples are neither iambic or the right amount of feet. I get that theres variation to the form but there should be more examples of adherence to the basics when teaching them you know? So this video is helpful in that regard.
our new kitten is
little miss murder mittens
my wife vetoes name
The Forest is dark
They are afraid of leopards
Doe and fawn so still
Different accents pronounce differently so I'd probably prefer dictionary as a reference for syllable count
there in the temple
her cloak of white eyes so grey
the goddess of the moon
the witch makes her wish
will the rare blue lotus bloom
the gods will decide
Japanese syllables are more compact than they are in English. Most English experts are fine with ignoring the 5 7 5 rule if the poem reveals an insight or illuminates a moment in time. If the subject matter is something besides a scene from nature, the poem is technically a senryu rather than a haiku.
The bright, yellow sun
Peaks over seas to become
Easy on the eyes.
deep woods man and wolf
just the trail and no other way
softly now the rain
I like your explanation of this and senryu. I write mostly senryu and kyoka and Haibun. I will end this with a senryu I just wrote today.
election poster
the candidate not smiling
gets my vote
10 hakiu for you!
summer rain and sky
beautiful breeze passes by
summer wind and night
feathers of deep blue
a lovely stricking hue
peacocks bright and blue
leaves kissing the ground
touching it without a sound
beauty in decay
flames of red burning
lighting up the ceasless night
burning ever bright
pink blooms bright and fair
freashing the frosty air
the pink flower blooms
petals of lucious red
thorny stems sit in flower bed
sly beauty lies withen
waves churning, crashing
storm brewing down deep at sea
ocean is a mystery
snow capped mountains
icy wind and snow
brings sorrowful woe
flowers of bright purple
violet blue, lavender hue
flowers of midnight
flashes of lighting
showing the glory
rolls of lous thunder
OMG I love the line "beauty in decay" these are great!