Coming Out: What Scared Us the Most
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- Coming Out: What scared us the most about coming out as queer, whether that's to ourselves or to others? What were we (or are we still) most nervous about?
This is the first video in our new coming out segment where we discuss what this process was (and is, because coming out continues) like for us, hoping that it will help some of you out there!
What we wish we'd known before coming out: • What We Wish We Had Kn...
Our coming out stories: • Our Coming Out Stories
/ one99four
/ liliangessner - Розваги
How about you? What scares/scared you the most about coming out?
being misunderstood
Mine are similar to your's minus the kids. I still fear that female friends will think I'm attracted to them.
People telling me it‘s only a phase & the complexity of having kids 😬
Just my mom hating me, I'm 18 and I think I'm bi, but I have an older brother who's gay and mom got depression for years when he told her about it, but me and dad had to deal with it and with her going crazy because her older son wasn't gonna give her grandsons ¿? Anyway at 14 I got my first girl crush but I was so scared of disappointing her just like my brother did, that I refused letting my feeling for this friend grow, thinking it was wrong and I would somehow hurt my own mother if I said I liked a girl. Now is just something about me that I don't bring out with anyone in my family and I lost the connection I used to have with my mom. Lately is not a big deal anymore thankfully :)
I love your channel and content! brings me a lot of comfort
@@Cherryyy_1601 I've struggled with it for years , I've even had ex gfs question me, I always denied it, me being a guy I was too embarrassed, I've never told my family anything about my feelings, I think sometimes I'm confused. I'm just glad I can watch gay guys on here when my mother's asleep like now.
When I was 14 I broke up with my classmate-girlfriend because of my religion and her family. After 25 years, during pandemia, we both realised we still love each other, even she is married and has two children and I am a member of Catholic Church. Our fears went away but our situation is so complicated now... Thanks for your question, we love you!
I was hesitant to come our because I was married to a man for 7 years and had a child with him so when I got together with my girlfriend I was nervous now , 6 years later were married she adopted my daughter and we live happily in Trondheim.
Ah, fellow Norwegian? I was with my ex fiancé for 8 years and I now have a girlfriend. Although I don't identify as a lesbian and I've always known I was queer, it is hard that people assume my sexuality because of who I'm with. We live in tromsø. 😊
@@SamarkandChan you are just bisexual.
@@tinakrisnaibot3233 I'm not sure what your point was?
We told our children and now our grandchildren to be what they want , we will accept them as they are .
Alexis, would you consider doing a video about your relationship with your family? You mentioned a few times before that you don’t get along so well. I’m going through some issues with my family now and honestly I think it might help me (and other people) to hear how you delt with your problems.
Best wishes to both of you! It always brightens my day when I see you post :)
I wanted to wait until both my parents passed away before coming out as trans - my family is from South Africa and not queer friendly. But my body decided otherwise and I took the plunge. Initially it felt like 'coming out' was something I had to do every day. It gets a lot easier in time. I am so thankful that I can now live my live authentically without fear... and with both parents still alive :)
What scares me the most about coming out is recieving harsh judgement and criticism from family members and friends.
I was most scared of losing my family, of being disowned by my parents. Now, I came out to my mother and she grudgingly accepted me. My father, however, never did. One sister accepted me, but the others estranged me after I came out to my father. I also thought I might lose my best friend, but we are still friends after knowing each other for 50 years!
Sorry to hear about your father and sister,...it hurts if you family doesn't accept it,...Happy to hear that your best friend is still your best friend.
I was scared to come out to my parents because they both were raised in the countryside and had no exposure to the LGBTQ community. Although they had issues with me being bisexual they didnt expected me to change anything about myself.
Turns out they were thinking my bisexuality was only a phase so when I told them that I had a girlfriend they were shooked. My Mom sees my queerness as another problem adding up to our family struggles :/
I was afraid to tell my parents about my relationsship and unfortunately my gut was right.
@Jördis Thank you. I will try to be as proud in front of my parents as I am living in another city :)
I was also most scared of the awkwardness of coming out to my parents. The first thing they asked me was whether my best friend was my girlfriend - it didn't take them long to make it awkward! 😂
What scared me the most was definitely the awkwardness and being so open with feelings. I was similar to Lilian and waited til I had a gf and even then I did it over text! And was all good :)
What scared me was that my friends wouldn't believe me because i like men too and they def knew that. But they were so sweet and supportive, they believe me 100%. my best friend was like "i figured it out" lol
coming out to family is a much harder issue because my family is conservative, still don't think i can ever come out to them 😪
Looking forward to the next video
I was afraid that my relationship with my family would worsen. I told my parents about my girlfriend at 18 when I became an adult and started earning my own money. Dad is a homophobe and it's difficult to talk about orientation with him. Mom hopes that this is "just a phase", but at least no longer tries to marry me to a man. Friends already knew everything, no need to come out. Russia is a rather homophobic country, but I'm from Moscow and rarely deal with aggressive people.
You guys are a nice couple)
Definitely labels as well. Sexuality is very fluid and I fear that if I publicly identify as this and then it changes, people will undermine it. That’s why I use my sexuality label only in front of friends or other LGBTQ+ people. But slowly, I’m learning to not care and do what works for me ❤️🧘🏼♀️
wow yes, this for me as well!
Sexuality isn't fluid. This "argument" is used by the church when practicing conversion therapy. Please don’t spread those shit in the name of woke homophobia.
Always very happy to have notification of your vlogs.
Always interested in your story and happy when you're happy. Love is love, even when you're elderly like me xx ❤ 😘🙏🌻🍀
Wishing you both all things good for 2022 and beyond
Wow. The piece of worrying about family/family plans was such an exhale to hear. Made me feel less alone! Thank you!
Happy New Year & weekend beautiful ladies
Ladies, you guys are the coolest, happy I stumbled upon this channel and got introduced to two beautiful brave stories, you guys are kind, I hope 2022 is a good one for you and everyone reading this comment.
Scared of coming out and thinking or panicking about friends judging or friendships might change. The friends that mattered stayed and friendship didn’t change, and love your advice and tips are amazing. Being also opening up and being vulnerable to friends and a lot were good but some of my friends conversation was very difficult and they cut me off and I now realise they were never really friends in the first place. Enjoyed this video thank you so much.
Happy new year guys.
Loved this video! I think what scared me most about coming out was as Lilian mentioned the awkwardness of bringing up that conversation and friendships with females possibly changing. I waited until I was in a relationship with a girl to tell everyone and twhole thing was a little awkward. Fortunately, no one was really surprised haha and it didn’t really change my relationship with my family and friends 😊
You guys are adorable!! xoxoxo 💛
Thanks for sharing!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
For me, when I came out at 17 I was most scared of losing my family and posing the connection with my mother, which it did happen, but I'm almost 22 know and we are okay with each other, so maybe with time things do get slightly better
I'm afraid of having the same reaction with my mother,...I hope for you that you two will get better when time pass.
I want to come out to my family but sometime ago I told my mom that one of my friends were lesbian and she wasn't against it... But then she started asking questions like, "why is she afraid of men? Was she abused by one? If so, that doesn't mean she should be a lesbian! She hasn't found the right guy for her," and so on. I'm pretty worried that I'll have to face those same annoying questions bc she cannot have an open mind about it.
My fear of coming out wasn't what people thought but my own biases and misconceptions. I thought that my attraction to women was just a childish phase that I would grow up from. When I started sleeping with girls I never considered dating them because I thought that was something which only ever worked in fairytales and thinking that two women could work was childish. I had a magical relationship with a woman when I was 24 but ended it because I thought it wouldn't last . I had so many thoughts about how love should be , it was a man and a woman. Now 7 years later I'm married to an amazing man , and we have a open marriage and I have a girlfriend who I spend 4 nights a week with she is the same woman.
I am most scared about what my future kid will need to handle with in parent meetings and events at school.
Everything is about this video is great except that it doesn't have a million views yet😪
I'm straight but I do come here often to watch your videos just to offer my support to you guys❤️I know I would have never been this confident if I was a lesbian that's why I'm just proud you ❤️❤️❤️💖♥️
Afraid of loosing my friends and family,...
I'm "planning" of coming out/confessing over couple of weeks to a good friend of mine, which is/was also the one where I have an huge crush on. I've never cared about someone so much as she and it kills me that I lied to her 7 month ago about what was going on with me. I was messed up because I saw her with a guy and even though I knew she only dated boys and hinted clearly she only likes men, I was still messed up seeing them together also because she didn't told me. She knew I was hurted and I didn't wanted to talk about it with her and I ignored her for days, which ofcorse hurted her back. But that moment is still hunting me and that's why I must tell her about my feelings for her for clossure. As you said,...if she is really a friend, she will accept that and still be a friend. I think it's a huge test for me and for her of how we'll deal with this situation. But I'm also tired of being in the closset for so many years. I thought I could live in the way of being single my whole life instead of coming out to my mother. I thought I could control my feelings of not falling in love because I 've never been in love untill I met her,...it smacked so hard in my face that I had no clue of what I was doing. Either way of being frustrated for lying to someone I love or lying to myself and my mother,... I feel for everyone who is also struggling for coming out or when they did it turned out bad. I wish everyone the best eventhough life can be a real drama, you got my support LGBTQ+ community ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤 !!!!
Did u tell her yet?
@@reema4347 no :s I wanted to meet but she said she is to busy and she will be on holiday for two weeks,...starting to lose my guts to tell the longer I wait :/ :/
I never really came out to anyone (even writing this comment takes some courage ^^) although I'm 20. I have been doubting about my orientation for many years without being sure of myself but now for the first time I had a crush on a girl of my class at uni, and I struggle with it.
I'd like to tell my friends to get it all off my shoulders but I'm not confident about it, I'm afraid we are not close enough. The thing is I struggle socially speaking, I find it hard to integrate in a group and now that I finally got a group of friends (and I love them so much) I am scared that telling them will push them away and make me even more isolated, that would be horrible
Alex's smile min 3:27 is everything ❤️
I pray that one day everyone may find comfort and love in Christ
Lilian einfach so: "Übrigens... ich habe jetzt eine Freundin."
Eltern: "Aha.. also.. du meinst.. eine Liebhaberin??"
Lilian: " _Ja_ -.- genau so." lol
I came out to my dad last year as I had hoped he would be the more open minded one of my parents. He reacted pretty okay in the beginning, but a few months later, when I asked him if he's homophobic like my mom, he said he is not, but he thinks it's "unnatural". I was quite devastated. I had looked up to him, thought he's the only person i could count on, and he disappointed me. I've started to come to terms with it now. I don't bring up the topic anymore with my family as I don't (or try not to) keep any hopes from them in this regard. I do feel very sad sometimes, specially when I see other queer ppl with supportive parents on social media, wishing that was me. But at least i have a group of great friends and an amazing gf who provide the emotional support I need at such times.
The people around you that care about and support you are your family, even if they aren’t related ❤️. Plus you have a whole LGBTQ+ family out in the world cheering for you.
@@nicoled4416 Yess, true. That gives me a lot of strength
Sad to hear about your father :( :( and I can totally relate about seeing other queer people who has supportive friends and family,...but happy to hear that your GF supports you!
@@ArsiekDHOL Silver linings :))
Sexuality has never been a thing to discuss in our family (Classic russian family).I can’t say my parents were against LGBTQ but they were not supporting them also. So I was telling them stories about different girls I fall (using words “i like her”, “i love her”, “I’d love to marry her but she has a bf”) , even made my own videos about LGBTQ for a channel and it was okay but lately i realized that they thought i didn’t mean anything like that 😂 so i’m still in the closet but not forever.
People say you need to become a person that your parents cannot just “not love for being queer” so you need to be independent, rich, famous, whatever😂
Same fear on how my then friends will think of me if I ever share to them that I'm kind of confused with myself that time... and also about how my parents will react coz they were pretty homophobic before and I have a rocky relationship with them, but now, I'm out and thankful that my siblings are open-minded and fam accepted me easily, my parents especially my mom is slowly learning about lgbtqia+ and understanding each of them despite being a member of church and a boomer baby hahaha
I love you both Alexis and Lilian please visit India once in future
My fear of coming out was mostly my attraction to women was something that girls would grow out of. I had an idea of romantic love it was a man and a woman so when I had a truly magical relationship with a woman when I was 24 I ended it because I thought it was foolish to think that two women could work. Now 7 years later I'm married to an amazing man and I have a girlfriend who is the same woman.
Well, I was afraid of coming out because my brother had already come out himself and it went incredibly bad, so I knew I had to wait until I was at least done with college and my mom wasn't supporting me financially, in case I got kicked out. I didn't get kicked out, but I get random hateful comments from time to time. Gotta love my family 🙃
When I came out to my friends we got into an argument a couple weeks later and they told a bunch of people. I ended up getting called a bunch of bad shit at school all the time. But my family have been supportive of me so I don’t care about what people say about me being lesbian. At the end of the day it’s who I am
❤️
Cute video ladies😍
I think some of my friends from high school are not straight but closetted gay or bi. Even lying to themselves and even I think maybe also homophobic because my hometown is very catholic. So I'm scared to come out to some of them
So beautiful 💓
I also came out without labels 😄
Yes, I would just say: "I'm in love with this girl"
I haven't come out to my parents yet cause I know they will not accept me at all and probably disown me, so yeah I am scared of this.
I haven't come out to my entire family yet, because I am a student and depend on them financially. So I am afraid they might disown me if they find out I am a lesbian. Only my mum knows and she is supportive. I am also afraid that I am finally independent and do come out to the family, they will not only disown me but also won't let me speak to my little brother (who is only 5 years old) and will tell him nasty things about me. That's my biggest fear. Because yeah, I wouldn't like to be disowned, but that would mean that these people never truly loved me in the first place. But I don't want them to shatter my relationship with my brother 😔
In 2020 I broke up with my first gf because I get to know about me being ace and from then now it's a continuous struggle to find out more about me sometimes thinking about am I going to find out my love or die alone plus my parents coming from India they even don't know about lgbt in general soo I'm scared to even tell them about me being gay
اموت بيكم 💜
Well Alexis it’s crystal I’m so proud of you honey you look amazingly beautiful and happy by the way it’s your moms cousin I miss you I’m happy I found your page
You’re her mom’s cousin? Lol
I haven't come out yet😢
Hey!
coming out to my friends wasnt that hard for me because i knew that they were extremely supportive towards LGBTQ+ and they accepted me for the way i am. when i came out to my mom she said that my mind is messed up and i shouldn't be thinking this way, which was expected since my whole family and the country im living in is extremely homophobic. i have a girlfriend but im not sure how to tell my parents soooo yeah guess i'll keep it a secret until things get serious lol
And everytime my mother starts asking about having a boyfriend. I try to get rid of it.pliz help dear
Who was the one of you, who loves men? Alexis or Lilian?
❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋
4:50 to 4:53 LOL
😎😃😊😜😍😘💖
❤❤❤❤👋🇩🇪
Am still scared of telling my family and friends that am a lesbian and am 27years
wonderful!! Increase your stats - Promo'SM!!
Well, in Iran being a part of LGBTQ+ it's a crime so there's that. Families aren't usually open to that too. So the only way to improve the situation is emigration which is expensive.
being in a religious family makes coming out so freaking scary specially when it’s officially illegal to be gay in our goddamn country :| i wonder if they find out i’m into girls, they may start finding anti-homosexuality psychologists for helping me with “fixing it!”