"What Happens If I Steal Personality Traits?"
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- Опубліковано 25 тра 2024
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Harvard-trained psychiatrist and former gaming addict Dr. Alok Kanojia-known as “Dr. K” to his millions of followers-offers a proven, tested plan to help parents define, set, and reinforce healthy boundaries around video games and help kids who have developed an addiction to gaming.
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:59 - Personality VS Identity
03:46 - Adopting personality traits
05:24 - Personality AS identity is CRINGE
07:28 - Conclusion
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
"Oh my God, you've changed so much!"
A new Ryan Gosling movie came out, of course I changed.
❤️❤️❤️
From Drive to Ken doll? 😂
real human bean
Nah bro, I'm still Sebastian from La La Land except replace jazz with trains
I must ask, do you happen to continue driving, sir?
I have found over time that a noticeable amount of my sayings and mannerisms have come from the people I hang around and stay with me even after I’m not around them as much.
"When in Rome..."
Social influence
thats how you form your "true self" as a kid, you are influenced by everyone around you
This is very relatable, and as I think about it, I feel like my personality will become a ship of theseus, where over time of me getting influenced and doing these same mannerisms as the people and friends I was with and is still with. I'll ponder if I'm still me, if my personality is still the original me.
That is mirroring and it is ok, but don't overdo it. It's on a verge of losing your identity. No one likes chameleons in human world. You need to be you first. Little mirroring for better social connection is actually helpful. :)
I personally noticed that my personality changes when my Identity and my self perception changes. When I feel like "I'm a winner", I'm more likely to take reasonable risks, more outgoing, more confident, even more extroverted. And even the outcomes in whatever I am doing, improve noticeably. Vice versa when I have a negative self perception, my personality will be more introverted, I'll be more anxious etc. Self perception can really make or break you.
I went through a huge paradigm shift over the course of a few years, to the extent that I'm a completely different person. I'd had the same personality for 25 years and then uncovered truths about my parents that shattered everything.
I no longer believe anyone has a fixed personality or identity. We're all just an amalgation of parts that are constantly shifting. Most people don't spend a lot of time thinking about their personality/identity, so they feel like they're the same person. But they will have changed a lot over the years.
This is why re-framing things can be such a powerful tool!
Sounds like a masochistic neosomato type.
@@kf5338 you can't say that you have a different personality. You can only act it. And other people have to observe the differences
I'm experiencing exactly this and it has led to so much overthinking and confusion of reality. If i have to be more relaxed and confident to get what i want then it's like i cracked the code, it's like u have momentarily clarity, but it's impossible to always feel confident, when im in my lows, I'm over confusing myself trying to act based on "my higher self", but i don't think it works because it's not genuine and I'm too attached to the outcome, there is a whole perception shift and fear of self sabotaging, freezing and brain fog and so many thoughts creating chaos , and i probably shouldn't dismiss my feelings, and sometimes neither affirmations are getting through the barrier since i've lost track and trust on myself and the outcomes due to so much perception along with outcome shifting.. there's so much polarity in my brain, that i can't decide if i should lead with more self compassion or "shake" my brain into cutting the bullshit in order to operate like i used to some years back.i just wanna find some balance and be my true self, but i dont even remember who that was or if it even existed. on what system did i use to operate before trying to "heal" myself. now it's like I'm stuck in limbo, or maybe i've become too good at self sabotaging and catastrophising, i fear that all that information and algorithms are making us overwhelmed and making us trying to operate like robots.i feel like i've unlocked a new lvl of overthinking and i wanna hit restart 😂
Your true identity is the being who decides which personality traits to "steal" (learn from and grow into). Your true personality is how you respond to circumstances in actuality: the traits underneath the personality traits you've used to adorn your exterior.
I think it's healthy to think that your identity can actually acquire a new set of core personality traits, with effort and dedication
This. Trying to grow up in a vacuum with no influence, or trying to find some sort of "authentic" self apart from everyone else seems like the wrong way to go about it.
But can we change our true personality in this case?
Can't put it better😊
Traits are strengthened based on practice.. we can't really "steal" them but we can aspire after them
For me i have to be 100% be able to see and feel myself clearly otherwise it just messes with me i have to completely see myself to be able to then work things out, sadly i have a lot to figure out and that means a whole lot of alone time. I've learned a lot in the last couple years about how we influence each other, how easily humans are influenced whether we like it or not, especially through parasocial relationships.
One or two things i've started to understand about CPTSD and how it can make you act even not being honest about what you're really thinking and feeling to other people and how people take advantage of that just for attention or in other not so great ways. You just do it as a learned protective behavior because you fear the response and don't think anyone actually wants to hear what you have to say, and all of that really plays into how others are influencing and transferring onto you.
I have to be alone in a room with nobody there to rebalance myself and be able to see and feel my own mind and feelings and being around people after a few days it kind of makes you ignore what you're feeling in your own body too it does effect your instincts and intuition. This i found during the years in the education system it just like blocked me from seeing myself and so many other things that i couldn't even see or learn how i really respond to things. You're supposed to do this, think and feel that way, perceive things the way they want you to but i just couldn't it you're way too influenced by others there. So i can now identify when this is happening in other situations and when you're blocked off from your true self it's not a good thing.
"I am a bear lover"
~Dr. Alok Kanoja, 1.3. 2024
True BG3 player
3/1/24***
2024-03-01
@@Mello-fx5kidas dumb..
Month-Day-Year?
Medium-Small-Large
@@Classified141 it is.
it's been a long drive.
we're not going down anytime soon.
I used to be oversensitive. What really helped me was watching Star Trek Voyager and my idol was Tuvok. Calm, stoic, logical. I learned how to control my anger and it helped me immensely. I didn't stop being sensitive, though. But learning from a fictional character how to deal with anger was therapeutic.
I love this example. It really shows the truth behind "you can't change what happens to you, only how you react to that stimulus" and by owning and controlling your reactions (or possibly waiting for a safe time and space to let the reactiveness out), you will be a good role model for others as well.
That’s awesome!!! I learned to deal with fear thru baby steps!!! Loved that movie!!!😂😂. That guy drove the narracistic shrink nuts!!😂😂
This is like ep 26 of Evangelion when Shinji creates a world where only he exists, so he starts feeling like he is nothing because he has nothing to contrast himself to. And then the other characters tell him that it's because the way that we find our sense of self is by interacting with others. I know some think Eva has a lot of pseudoscientific Freudian bs but that scene really connected with me tbf. It's natural to be influenced by the personalities in your environment (even fictional ones) and we all do it even if it's subconscious
I'm the most humble person in the world
You're so awesome I'm gonna be just like you
Cringe : P
im the most egotistical person in the world, but genuinely good for you
Omg my (narcissistic) brother said this to me completely unironically 🤦🏾♀️😅 I asked him if he ever thought he had too much pride and he said “I’m genuinely the most humble person you will ever meet, in your LIFE.” 😂😂😂😂
I'm more humbler
This is so true, no wonder every time I ask the cool people I know identity related questions like "Are you a gamer?" they always hesitate or even embarrassed to answer, because identity is cringe, and as cool people they know that intuitively, I should stop asking those questions.
Asking if someone is a gamer is a weird question. Idk if you ask it explicitly like that but jsut ask if they play video games. A lot of people play video games but don’t call themselves a “gamer” as it’s label instead of just a hobby people sometimes participate in
@@colinb8332 right. It's like asking someone if they're a stoner vs. if they smoke weed.
Thing is, identities such as these are inherently limiting.
To identify as a gamer is, to an extent, simplify yourself into just being one.
Hence, why asking someone if they're "something" is uncomfortable and most always is met with hesitation.
Yada, yada, acting truthfully to oneself, blah blah social masks, yap yap, careful not to forget that you are more than you dare or are able to present yourself as, you get the point.
The term gamer is for people who are comfortable with, on the face of things, being reduced to a single character trait (even if that's not the only thing they're about). People can be multiple things, even if we start applying labels to them, so I'm not against using labels like that personally.
Having an identity is not cringe. It's just that people aren't always comfortable with using a label for themselves even if it could technically apply, or if they know they'll get criticism for applying it when it's not precisely true.
Asking someone, "Are you a mother?" doesn't mean you're asking if they're a 1-dimensional character whose existence is solely about being a mother. But it does get awkward if they gave birth but didn't raise the child. The definition of what a "mother" is and what a "gamer" is don't necessarily match the context of the question.
A "mom" who never raised her child, a "gamer" who never actually gamed (in the sense of competing intensely and developing tactics to overcome challenges), neither would necessarily be comfortable applying such labels to themselves. But more neutral questions would allow for some easier answers. "Do you play games?" "I do (casually)." "Are you raising any kids?" "No (since they're being raised by someone else)."
@@Ventryx I suppose so.
"Do not destroy the part of you that is cringe, destroy the part that cringes"
I think this applies to living ur life rather than ur identity, at least imo
Pfffft, I embraced the cringe and amplify it just to upset others lol
or don’t destroy but balance
Is it cringe to say other people think I’m hot? 😂😂. I mean it could go to my head but hasn’t. I love to hear it! 😂😂. I just want to make it hotter for the guy the ! 😂😂.
I always loved the Penny’s of the world! We exist except much smarter and classy. 😂😂
I recently met a person I was absolutely captivated and fascinated by. They had such an outgoing, nice and warm way of talking and expressing themselves with a beautiful voice and face that I felt something I never did before and still cant express that emotion. All I know is that I'd love to be as kind, open minded and confident in my own abilites as them too, surreal experience.
I saw Steve Jobs do a quick eyebrow raise during an interview to break the awkwardness while fixing technical issues. I have since adopted this into my personality. I identify as an eyebrow raiser American. Haha
I thought you were cool until you said the last sentence. Then it became cringe 😂 "I am such an eyebrow raiser"
@@FANNIX- I think he meant the ironically…hopefully.
@@FANNIX- *raises eyebrow*
While making eye contact with someone? While someome is waiting for you as you perform a task? While you and another are waiting on a 3rd party? While entertaining yourself?
Please tell me the eyebrow raise context i would like to try.
I just got mind *ucked, entered into this video and went to respond "raises eyebrow" only to find out I already did exactly that 2 months ago wtf
- [00:16] 🧠 Personality is how you interpret information, your internal reaction, and your actions.
- [01:00] 🎭 Personality is who you are, while identity is who you think you are.
- [03:47] 🔄 Adopting personality traits involves understanding and integrating them into your life without confusing them with your identity.
- [05:26] 🚫 Identifying with personality traits as your identity can lead to cringe-worthy behavior.
- [07:28] 🤔 Comparing yourself to others and adopting certain behaviors is natural, but be wary of making them part of your identity.
Thanks goat
I love this and totally agree. During high school I would pick up on people’s personality traits around me and “try them on for size”, sometimes it ended with me embarrassing myself, sometimes it felt good and stuck. It’s literally the only way I feel like I can adapt to the outside world, I need to see examples of interactions or emotions. Realizing this gave me an intense feeling of imposter syndrome many years back until I realized I can identify with being good at studying/copying behaviors as well as lots of other things. Now I make art and don’t question myself when I get inspired by things from artists I look up to and use them within my own work.
Sharing time: this video reminds me of how during therapy, when I felt and (applying words from that video) identified as downright pathetic, my therapist knowing I was raised by my dad who often referred to Star Wars characters asked me to do a thought experiment, it went something like this:
- imagine for a moment that Obi-Wan Kenobi was looking at you right now. Would he tell you to your face, that you're pathetic?
- no, never, he wouldn't.
- SO WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
This may sound stupid as hell, but that absolutely blew my mind and helped me immensely at that time.
Another example of what Doc K says here about adopting personae, that hits home for me: when I was joining a completely new work environment - I felt completely overwhelmed and thought that I won't make it there. However, I quickly managed to find my "sensei". I picked a person in the company, from a different team, who was really proficient in our field and decided that I'd try to do exactly what he did. Learned the stuff he learned when he was starting, grinded the same path he grinded and picked up some of his traits (my favorite one was his saying: "I don't know the answer to your question... but I'll find it or the person who knows in the company.") and in a year everyone around me was considering me as a legit AF pro... well, now I'm struggling with impostor syndrome, but hey! At least I made some progress over the years.
Even if you "stole" those traits, it seems like you're being efficient at your job and doing things right, so keep it up :)
If what you did worked and made you happy, you're someone who can make good decisions -- even if they embarrass you a little. And I only think so because you admitted to your struggle. Someone who does that can grow. If you feel like an imposter now, you don't have to forever.
You upgraded from Self-criticism to Imposter syndrome, now that's progress, not in a sarcastic way at all like I've gone through the same thing and gets better from here!
This is great advice I never thought of it that way.
He’s delivery saying “that’s cringe” was also hilarious 💀
I suppose one other aspect of this would be that trying to imitate a personality/behavior without understanding the underlying attitude that leads to the personality/behavior would be inauthentic, and people tend to notice. Especially if you're trying to adapt traits of someone in your social circle, and people notice you're "copying" them. That can be a blow to your social reputation, I would think.
Speaking of anime, it may be cringe but when I saw tanjiro being so kind to others, I really wanted that.
being kind is not cringe. even though that show is
@user-up4wj9vi3w Therefore he is cringe by proxy
@@user-up4wj9vi3w You identify as an Anime critique it seems like. Time to rewatch the video 😂
Emulating someone you admire isn't cringe, it's when you start telling everyone you're a kind person now that's cringe. Practice kindness, don't advertise it.
@@seekingfinding6204isnt cringe just the feeling of awkwardness? I dont get it
Dr I need a simple detailed vid on how to actually comeback‽ Comeback with that old authentic confidence we used to have at some point especially our childhood or before we became insecure about smth for any reason... I feel we were the most authentic ourselves and attractive too at that point of life!!!
I want to make sure I am understanding things accurately. Personality is how you process and respond to stimulus. Identity is the "I am ..." statements you make to yourself and others.
Yes. Personality is just the way you are, naturally. Shaped by your previous experiences. You don't need to understand it, to be it. And it can change over time. Identity is how you think about yourself. Which often also leads to deciding how to act based on that identity, instead of just being yourself. So essentially: thinking anything about yourself is cringe. Just be who you are in every moment (not easy).
@@FANNIX- I initially was hesitant about the "just be yourself" perspective. I wasn't satisfied with a view that doesn't leave room for improvement. But after some thought I landed on: "I am" == cringe, "I want to be" == aspirational.
Example: "I am humble" vs "I want to be humble". Second sounds better to me.
@@dustinphillips605 I like you're way of putting it.
@@dustinphillips605 Oh so you thaught "just be who you are" left no room for improvement? Interesting, how so? I feel like it is the ultimate foundation for real improvement. Because it stops comparing yourself to others and it stops thinking about what you "should" be able to do. Instead it let's you focus on the moment. Ohhh, because you thought that who you are won't change? I always saw it more like "Just be who you are in this moment". This makes it more clear that your abilities can change over time. The best you can do in any given moment is to be who you are in that moment. You will naturally function to the best of your abilities in this moment. Which includes learning new things that you can't do, as quick as possible for the current you. "I want to be" also sounds perfect! Another way of thinking about yourself in a given moment is "I try to do my best to be kind". Because that can be true and is not cringe 🌱
love this. You explained it perfectly. Thanks.@@FANNIX-
I hate how noticeable it is for me after a movie with really good characters.
"I want to be one with nature"
oh you will be
I think Dr k makes a pretty good point with this.. it's one thing to let's say have a favorite anime character like Vegeta or something and try to hone in on some of the positive traits on certain personalities. Having a different personality in different can lead to a different world and opportunities.
But if somebody besides that let's say because they have depression doesn't mean that that becomes who they are. "I'm depressed" isn't a personality but a state of mind.
You cannot steal personality traits, you can merely fake them, or put on an act. Changing your personality is quite hard and needs to happen gradually over time.
It seems that these examples, looking at the big five, or ocean model mostly touch on neuroticism, and personality is much broader than that.
This is so funny yet so eye opening. One of your best videos. I love it 😂
I love your green couch against the black wall!!!!!!the whole thing looks amazing
That's socializing. You just need to be true to yourself.
"just"
@skycrafter1509 “just” implies it’s simple, not that it’s easy, which I agree with
Now, what's the difference between having a healthy self-image which includes (as I understand) the identity part. and the sense of identity you are talking about?
what an interesting topic. i've been thinking about this for the past year and here it is, being talked about. good stuffs doc
So basically you just need to become those positive personality traits instead of identifying with/as them. instead of telling people that you are something, just be that something.
For example confident people don't need to tell everyone else how confident they are.
Great vid, Dr.
I think its totally fine. The things I take from friends (usually subconsciously) are almost always humor related things like how I do a joke/mocking voice. As long as you can be yourself around people as well which you still can even if you absorb mannerisms
Found this one helpful and thought-provoking.
Thanks Dr. K!
For me I think the healthy personality adaptation that you explained is inner-focused and the way you explained identity shows how it limits.
What I mean is, for me, I think to know that I'm engaging personalities and not identity is when I am more inner-focused.
This is going to be a good one not only do I do this I see a lot of people who do this
Just found you, loving your work!
I do think that adopting an identity can help in some aspects, though, especially if it's the only way to trick your brain into identity-appropriate behaviors you are trying to adopt. Like the James Clear example of someone who's trying to quit smoking and how it's more successful to say, "I'm not a smoker" than it is to say, "I'm trying not to smoke."
“I don’t smoke.” 🚭 it’s a never
If it’s something abstaining in this season but not a never “I’m not eating that right now.”
Also, are you saying it’s not ideal to have an “identity” in general? Like just acting and not think much about who we feel we are?
Your videos are so helpful btw! I hope my questions don’t come across as critical, just seeking understanding :)
Hi doctor k im a really big fan of your channel ive learned so much from your videos and it has helped me so much. I wanted to ask maybe in the future if you could talk about atypical depression simce ive been diagnosed with it please
So this is what I do and react, versus who I think I am. “I do humble acts versus I am a humble person.”
How can I be humble (in this moment)? How can I be a better listener? How can I be more curious? :3
Ik it sounds cringe but “at your lowest point you are the most open the change” has rung true for me. I was in a horrid way 3 years ago, both my personality and my identity were almost all gone. Rebuilding it wasnt easy so i based it off things i wanted to be. Realistic, methodical, nihilistic thinking, cold logic became my indentity(my internal self). That was the easy part, the hard part was finding a way around it because i knew that wouldnt be a way to keep away attention, so i modeled my external self(my personality) on people i knew and shows for instance: I watched characters from shows people liked such as gojo and popular kids for how to be confident, I looked to my past self of how people would just start talking to me(extroverts) and modeled it for how to make friends, I just rebounded of my friends for how to act around them, for how to act around my brother i acted like the older sibling i would have wanted and like a mentor, for aspirations or anything else i didnt need a model as i could just dissasociate myself in the moment until i was comfortable( such as asking others especially teachers for help), for dealing my my anxious mom who yeled at me a lot i modeled my dad who wouldnt yell(my only exception is when both my parent been fighting snd hearing me year i knew scared the shit out of em so i would use it to stoo it if things got bad), when my mom had a stroke then i used my methodical approach from my identitdy to make up for the vaccum of control and rebuilt my schedule and took control of my life. Now im here able to share with others. Theres a lot i didnt say here but hopefully it gave the idea, i percive personality as what others see and identity as what i see. Have a good day
I haven't watched the video yet and I can already tell you he's right. That first 10 seconds is what the younger me learned and did religiously so I be and stay accepted around the group of friends at the time who were cringe and toxic however they were "gamers" and all I had. I've been healing from this and Its so much better when you don't do this. A moment every once in a while can still be fun tho lol
great stuff!
this is pretty good, thank you! I used to adopt some characteristics some time ago that I saw in other groups of people that I liked and I wished to be like them. I did it as an identity and not personality, unfortunately. I find it hard to find my way back.
This is just unbelievably brilliant
In this context, I kind of wonder whether it is really possible to "steal" a personality trait. You said it relates directly to our interpretation of the trait itself and/or the consequences of having it. But this leads to a problem related to a false association due to correlation of the events, i.e., since I'm inspired by a certain person's actions or thoughts on a certain matter, I may end up convincing myself of the presence of a certain trait in them, and then proceed to try and become like that myself, with the result being, well, not as intended. Would you say that it's significant whether or not the process of determining the trait I want to learn from is flawed? I understand you can reach truths through flawed analysis, however, the possibility of not being able to support the claim kind of scares me, if I were to be in a position where I have to take a decision, such as learning about that one trait that may as well be a projection.
Thanks for the talk, this one reminded me of many people and the way they speak about others. Keep up the good work, it's really helpful.
Great Video 👍
A personality is "Armor". Your personality is created by mirroring from your environment. If you are alone and neglected, and aren't around other humans, or interact with other humans, you won't develop a personality. You will be very blank/boring/empty. Being able to "Steal personality traits" is a valuable skill. With a personality, you can navigate the social world. A personality is "Armor".
This would support the fact that identity is internally who we are, while personality is like an outer coating that others see, like armor.
I recenty had the experience of rediscovering the adventurer in me. My gf has been traveling the world for 16 Years and i am a bit jalous but thats okay. From that feeling i realised that i was missing the part of me that was open for adventures. Now i am slowly trying to get into that aspect if my selfe more and explore what it is that i want to do.
Im currently halfway through acquiring all of your traits, Dr k
I guess I understood the difference, I wanted to take an trait I considered a lot sweet from Max that's the main character of Life is Strange, and I wanted to be understanding of everyone's feelings around me, and it became conflicting when I wanted to make this my identity, who I was, and of course, it was unhealthy because we are we, right? We're not a fictional character or something, so it was important to finally understand that, thx Doc
I think this is a really good lesson
I think mindfully adopting an identity is a good tool for crafting yourself into who you want to be. If you want to adopt the personality traits of "a tidy person," just do what you think people who identify as "tidy people" would do (though now that I've written the phrase "people who identify as tidy people," which is obviously no one, ever, I realize that identity is definitely something imposed from the outside, enviously looking in).
So long as you remain aware of the fact that identity is impermanent, you can basically use it like training wheels so long as you don't start believing your own bullshit and stereotypes.
"Don't be sorry, be better" Kratos words - seems to be very related to the video somehow
Adding this to "tools for re parenting"
Great video and explanation, especially the cringe part :D
The only thing is that i got confused about identity. What is or should be one's identity then? 😅
0:55 Confounding! New smart-person word up for grabs!
1:05 Note; personality is who you are, identity is who you think you are.
1:07 Fine to craft yourself into who you are, but do not confound it with identity.
2:15 Ah I see! So you got a bad personality if you do stuff like going up to a bear because you think of the TikTok... and how you act, is your personality... Just thinking, what if you find your personality generic like me? Well, that's the wrong way to go about things, that's for certain.
5:36 TRUE! And that's what I do... I'm like "Look at me! I'm not X! Yeah, you can't cancel me! Cause I'm literally not! I'm stating it out loud so that you know! And so that you can't hurt me! HAh! Look, I'm even typing it out for you! Hah my "personality" is so self-aware cause I speak outloud all my thoughts! I'm so genuine cause of that too!!! HAHAHA-". The irony being that, the more I hold people away from figuring out who I REALLY AM via verbally explaining my "personality" and/or hiding away from it via misunderstanding it in an effort to understand it outloud(cause I might say something wrong!!! So I gotta be super perfect in order to explain it all outloud...), the more potential energy there is for me getting hurt more personally and physically when I hold myself to those standards of "having to state ones "personality" outloud to prove it, rather than do any fun activities and all that memorable stuff - which I neglect cause I just don't want to do that nor do I actually want to dedicate myself to a/that friendship with them cause that forces me to do those things... to compromise on my personality in ways I'm not willing to... but then of course I'm too anxious + self-doubting + low on self-esteem to recognize this in the moment"... DAMN!
7:47 Absolutely! How we interpret information and act on it. God if we made our personality our identity we'd just be stating it out in the open all the time like a narcissist... 9:06 TRUE.
I've recently been working under the assumption that every human is a blank slate. They are all just like you, mostly, 3 seconds after birth. Everything about them is from their life experience/mild genetic differences.
We all out here trying to be human, not realizing everything is just a projection of how we see ourselves in the world.
Good luck to all, traveling this strange land🖤🤘
5:56 with no context is hilarious
i used to have this problem but i stopped socialising with people, isolated myself and became a shut in and then it went away 👍10/10 would recommend 😊
This is great
0:15
We often include good personality traits on children's TV. In the hope our children will try to be more like them.
I just see this as learning and experimentation :D
hi dr. k i don’t know if anyone reads the comments on this channel but i wanted to understand: what is a healthy way to interact with the identity? surely if you repeat a behavior enough (because of your personality) you would start to understand that you tend to behave that way. so wouldn’t that mean the trait has crossed over into your identity?
I didnt even watch the video yet i know that we are an amalgamation of things we observe from others, we experiment traits, we get mannerism from people all the time, and eventually we decide the ones that we think it suits better, i had that sentiment before.
For those who strunggle with the humility/charismatic/intelegent/... this problem,for me personally i think, is stemmed from the expiriences they get along whenever you instinctedlly interact with people.
This, also with other traits, will always have an ego, and that ego will continue to grow if you let it be, and it will eventually become"cringe".
You can control and balance it, no one is perfect, although through personal expirience, this would cause a bit of trouble if you have large social circle.
Basically don’t be cloud strife in a way
AHA I KNEW IT!!!
I haven't played video games in years because I got a bad vibe from them, almost felt like they were a "supranormal stimulus" tricking my brain making into think I had accomplished something when I really hadn't. I occasionally indulge a game of Homeworld: Remastered simply as brain exercise because its like 3d chess with space ships, but that's about it, and I spend most of my time either earning money, in the gym or learning something new, even though ppl give me the "stink eye" when I say this. *Thanks Dr.K for confirming my suspicion*
Its fucked up how I can be 33 years old and feel like I'm still 15. Because thats how I come off and people my age or older talk to me like they are scolding thier child for not doing something the way they would do it.. my way may be different but not stupid.. whats stupid is that "your way" is the best or only way...
Nice
Hey Dr. K!, i was wondering how i could reach out to you about a personal question to try and get some insight, ask on stream? Or email?
It’s not equating personality with identity that’s cringe, it’s ego and thinking you’re special, because it’s clear that you have no idea how you’re coming off (which is cringe). That’s why it’s cringe to brag about how humble you are. It’s not actually cringe to say how depressed you are and to think you can’t get better unless there’s an attitude of “my circumstances are so different from everyone else that’s why I can’t get better” which a lot of times there is that, which is just a form of thinking you’re special. It’s not cringe if you believe that some amount of depression is unbeatable, like if you think some people have a chemical imbalance or that some people spiritually can’t see the purpose of existence, etc. bc then it’s not about feeling special. Had to say that bc Dr. K has been kind of shaming depressed people lately
idk if people tell me theyre special i dont see it as cocky or pretentious, i just see it as normal. Everyone's different, so in some way, everyone's special. It's not an inherently good trait, just means you basically exist. (Even when those people try so hard to "be" someone they're not and copy as many traits as they can they're still gonna be different)
@@ArbitraryCodeExecution I don’t mean special in the sense of thinking you’re unique, I more meant in the sense of thinking you’re better than others and there’s something about you that almost no one can relate to. Maybe a poor choice of wording.
You are not disagreeing with Dr. K. Being depressed and talking about what you believe and how you feel is not cringe. That's your genuin feelings and it's part of being depressed. But saying "I am a depressed person, that is who I am.": that's cringe. For example if someone tries to get to know you. Being (!) depressed and thinking of yourself as a depressed person are two very different things. The latter one is cringe.
@@FANNIX- I don’t think it’s cringe to think of yourself as a depressed person if you’ve been depressed for a long time. Maybe it’s not helpful and it is probably a cognitive distortion, but I think Dr. K isn’t really correct in why something is cringe. It’s cringe if you’re annoying, not self-aware, and ignore social norms, etc. So if you introduce yourself as “Hi I’m Jessica, I’m depressed” that’s cringe bc you’re burdening someone you just met with sad information. But telling your close friends that you feel like being depressed is just a facet of who you are isn’t cringe. It’s sad, not cringe
@@jessicam3707 Yes I totally agree with you. I feel like you don't quite understood the nuance yet. Telling your friends that you feel depressed is not cringe. You are feeling (!) depressed and expressing that. This is natural, if you are depressed. And as you said: if you have been depressed for a while, it is also natural to notice (!) that you are being depressed. But that is still not identifying with it. Identity is when you ask yourself "who am I? What makes me me?". If you ask yourself this question and your answer is "I am a depressed person": that (!) is cringe. Do you understand? :) It is the difference between "I like to play games" and "I am a gamer".
I wish you went into more detail what identity is. You showed a lot of examples of what identity isnt
smiling so much during this video
while that is very reasonable and helpful i am now incredibly confused on what should be my identity. like one cant just have all personality and no identity right? so what should be my identity then if not interests and traits?
"if you are depressed fine you deserve compassion but if you are too depressed than you are cringe"
Wtf since when depression is a personality or identity trait?
I think He means when you act out of depression it's fine or to say I have depression for means its period time, but when you say I am depressed u making it your identity and that's what tricks your brain to stay in that depression
@@KiritoDota2 it's like saying "it's ok if you have a flue but if you dare to sneeze you are a peace or s" depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it's not about willpower or any kind if shit.
Quick, someone clip Dr K. saying "You want me, you need me, uhhh" He cracks me up with those bits man
How do I stop stealing personality characteristics that I hate? Or rather, how do I stop loving personalities that I hate being?
focus on just becoming aware of it, and point it out to yourself, the more you point it out, generally the better. when you were aware of it while writing the comment is a great first step. when you are non-judgmentally aware of a thing you do that you don't like, your brain will automatically reduce it.
this is why therapy is mostly about unpacking things and exploring, because you don't have to rely on will power or discipline, the brain will just do it for you. it can take a while but likely the least amount of time out of other alternatives
@@glorytoarstotzka330 right but like
Why do I wanna be Ganondorf
I don't even like Ganondorf
@@misohoney1660 ganondorf is based and you SHOULD want to be him
@@misohoney1660 Maybe you dislike the character but you like a trait that you would have as Ganondorf.
Smother small pestilence, power, a funny face with a long nose, idk
But there has to be some thing which is not the thing. You know?
@@misohoney1660 I think if you reflect on it enough, you will find out why, but it could take a very long time
I think it's worth exploring also why do you want to know that, let's assume you just find out right now, what happens next?
Recap, for homework purposes:
-adopting personality traits is okay
-don't let your identity make you conceited
-identify with traits or experiences, don't identify with a noun (I like gaming > I'm a GAMER)
this literally explains the difference between guys who are nice and "nice guys"
there's nothing wrong with having a nice personality, but identifying as nice is self destructive
4:39 The exact same thing is happening to me
She said she cannot date anyone because she promised her parents. But then ends but dating my friend And Kissing him right in front of me.
For a long time I've been ignoring and trying to cope with my feelings, but now, after 2 months I've grown all resentful for how unfair life is and everything. Some of those thoughts are really biased but i still, consciously, am thinking about them and really trying to feel that grudge...often times I find myself holding back tears or my head starts to hurt really bad :)
I had a friend that I met and he would start acting like me as we hung out more and more, he started to use my joke and started to steal my past trauma, and how I bought a ring to propose to my ex but thing went south and went as far as telling others in front of me that he was doing that to his ex. From their he used that to be more center of attention. I got bitter perhaps even jealous because I can never do that to him. But as a homie I still did a lot of favor for him. even helped him find his girl who he's married to now. Then I started to lose my mental health he was right there to make sure I was buried. I saw it coming a mile away but I thought that maybe since I've been there for him, helped his career, helped his trauma, helped him become someone better. I got stabbed and buried instead.
I don't think he was taking on any of your personality i think he just isn't mentally stable and super passive aggressive, and they can go as far as they want to and they will gain your trust on purpose with every intention to destroy you. He used you to find him a wife and gain attention for himself but really he was jealous of you because you have a lot more confidence and self belief than him. This is the sort of fowl tactics a lot of girls use on other girls too, they use the other girls to set them up with guys and whatever else they can get out of it and then ditch them and cause all sorts of drama afterwards, and i'm a girl so i see what goes on between other girls.
They will keep appealing to your ego too to make you hate them, go after them, and not let it go to try and say they're the good person so people won't believe he used you and to reinforce all the other lies he's told people, but it's all just oh so pointless. He wanted you to feel irrationally bitter and jealous about it all. When a guy is acting like these sort of girls that's not a good thing and you should probs just let people find their own dates in future.
You didn't help him with anything because he acted like this when there's no sane or good reason to treat someone like this, he was just playing into your trauma to guilt you into doing things making you feel sorry for him cos he knows you're a giving person if not far too helpful feeling you need to "fix" things about people. You only just reinforced his behavior because he knew you don't understand what he was doing you were looking at it all so innocently, he hustled you big time. I doubt he's going to hold down that job for long because of this behavior and oh that poor woman he married and what she must be dealing with, please don't let there be kids involved already. He's as fake as the 2 penny ring he probably gave her.
Don't ever lose your innocence because of some messed up people out there because it's what keeps you laughing and playful. Just be smarter in future and don't trust people so quickly, interact casually for a while and don't give yourself away so fast just chill out for a while. How much did you actually get to know about this guy? like really? think on it. They will go as far as they want when they act like this and some guys can be as catty as the meanest most messed up girls out there, but it can go as far as stalking and totally awful behaviors.
I was having something like this happen in an online game i got totally hustled and they had every intention to gain my trust to then hurt me and turn it into stalking to possibly gain a reaction to get be banned or run me out of the game. For what though? even more pointless and insane when it's just a game nothing serious, but to them they feel justified and it's oh so serious. Such people have reached their lowest point and there's no changing that unless they want to change, but in the meantime they're in for some huge lessons to learn.
@@FlyingMonkies325 He did. When i was at my lowest he went in for the kill and lynched me in front of my whole friend group. I remember now. The mfker was talking to my ex too the one I was gonna buy a ring for and marry. I knew and I saw everything happening I chose to believe in innocent. Not only that, my new gf started to act funny when I wasn't hanging out with our friend group one night. My new gf and I later started to get into argument but she would say stupid comment on how my best friend at the time is better than me. Dog eat dog world. He played me like a violin. Used me as status. when I lost everything, my career, my health, my mental, my gf he went in to make sure I was never gonna get up again. Also he's very calculative and patient if you read the 48 laws of power you;ll know what I'm talking, I unfortunately helped him leveled up beyond anything. I fken regretted it. One of my pet peeve was I always want to help people level up. I have never regretted my motto ever in my life until him.
When i think about it. I first met him long long ago. He was kinda of wack didn't know how to be center yet. Infact his past gf really liked me when he was trying to get with her, but I was dating her cousin at the time. Since then he always saw that he would out do me but couldn't . It didn't hit me until now. I thought it was in the past but I guess people still be plotting and getting revenge.
Now I am healthier. I haven't talked to anyone in 2 years. I enjoy being by myself.... shit, learning to do things for myself is still really hard. But also learning that I as a man had needs that were never met and did have really bad tendencies to meet bad people. No more spending 600$ at the clubs with mkers who are just lined up for drink and use you for what you got. No more drinking every day. No more partying til 4 AM going to work 6AM to train some dumbass people who don't want to be there. I hit rock bottom and I'm learning to build again.
Final thought: this world rarely do things out of goodness and when you do you;'ll learn the hard way and get used up and become wiser or more bitter you choose. Even being innocent naive have their tricks up their sleeves, think of kids when they act cute or when they cry. They're seeking something. I learned and got burned really bad. When someone is nice now I look and go what's your angle? I wanted a brother, because I could never had that kind of relationship with my blood family and that was what I desire for so long. That was my angle. Because of that angle I was blind to what was happening.
I am so sorry if I misunderstood but, this seems as if identity itself is a bad thing, we need to identify with something right?
Can you please give +ve examples of identity which is good. Because the solution can't be to just have personitly and no identity, right?
Please correct my understanding if I have misunderstood or missed anything
Why do we need to identify with something?
@@FANNIX-according to the video, identity is how you perceive yourself. You can’t just not perceive or think about yourself. That’s called a complete lack of self-awareness. I believe Dr K didn’t fully flesh out his take on identity here. It isn’t something you can just ignore or dump on the side of the road.
No according to the video, identity is what we think we are. Not what we actually are. It is not about awareness or perception. Identity is "I am a gamer". Or "I am german". Or "I am an anime fan". You can perceive that you live in germany and like to play games without identifying and thinking of yourself as a gamer or a german. @@samsprague3158
So, how would you distinguish Prescriptivism vs Descriptivism, in this realm? For example, I’m a gamer (this is a part of me) vs I’m a game-enjoyer (describing myself); I’m Autistic (describing my neurotype and traits to communicate)
Most of my personality is stolen! I find things I like in others and adopt them.
Alden from Super Supportive is one of the most genuinely heroic people I’ve ever read about. He’s kind and considerate to everyone. He listens and tries to help where he can but also knows when he’s out of his depth and when others are better equipped for the situation. He feels fear but when push comes to shove he steps up. He works hard at what he’s passionate about. He sacrifices himself when he needs to but also knows that he needs to care for himself. He is one of the most human characters and I do want to be like him.
What if someone cant differentiate between personality vs identity and they just go around copying stuff?
I anxiety is a part of identity for a person with genralized anxiety disorder 🤷
It’s kinda cringy but I noticed I do this with certain games. I’ve never really played much of the souls games but growing up some of my friends and people I liked watching online played them and I always felt that if I wanted to I could pick them up and play them but there was also another part of me that was kind of intimidated by them because I didn’t want to feel like I was bad if they were too difficult for me. Within the last couple of months though I started playing bloodborne and was able to understand how the game works knowing overall that’s it’s not like most games and that it can feel more defeating to play than rewarding. I was able to beat a couple bosses though and started noticing that I was trying to make it apart of my identity that I can play souls games and that I got gud. There is a genuine appreciation I have for those games though especially bloodborne but I just thought it was weird that it was a little bit of an ego boost knowing that I was capable of playing these games and giving up on them
I want the bearrrrr T.T the cubs are so cuttteee!!! (also, in NY we have Black not Brown bears. ftw!!)
Assimilation
Adaptation
OoOo I like that.
"Identity (persona) is who you think you are.
Personality is who you are. "
Principles before personalities.
CHARACTER
How would you develop principles before you develop a personality if having a personality is to be?
To me, principles are one aspect of developing a personality -- consistent ways of shaping how you _should_ interpret and respond to things.
People are dumb founded when identical twins see the world with different perceptions, from each other.
I knew someone who took from everyone she met, what broke the relationship (with me) was the gossip about everyone as well.
Question: what bear is best?
The thing about identity that could also be problematic is when you lock yourself into a certain mindset. "Yea, I'm this" and so you would more or less carry on with it becoming part of your personnality, while you could have become someone else just not assuming you are [identity].
However, if you *want* to change certain traits of your personnality, working on identity could become a hugely useful tool...
[I have no actual psychological expertise, don't take my word as is. It just seems coherent to me after giving it the minimal required amount of thought]
Isnt personality reflects our identity , how can some one react like other person if his identity is different from that person , does that mean he has to act like hin .
God, this guy has the most sophisticated methods of calling someone cringe and I love it
lmao and i thought my whole life copying Characteristics from other ppl i like is bad or weak. Glad to hear its normal
Is there any sort of identity that is not "cringe" then, or is any statement we tell ourselves/others about our personality and ways of being in life "cringe", which I presume means inauthentic or fabricated?
Don't fake it til you make it. Make it, don't fake it.
I could tell you my personality by describing me but i can't tell you my identity as i don't know how to define identity if it is not personality as it includes personality.
Ima need a clear distinction on what is Identity and what is Personality as they both change over time based on your previous experiences so to me they are pretty much one and the same. If personality is not identity then what is identity? Yes i know that is just like me asking you what a Soul is
My personal theory is that people just can't actually tell what a Soul actually is so they don't know that personality is the same as identity and if it is not the same then it might as well be as the line is barely non existent if there is a difference.
Doesn't this video conflict with the whole purpose of things like self-affirmations,
Or am I just misunderstanding the key point here?