Seems like no one understands that she could easily change her mind in the future and that she has not cut off her family. OP is being wise, you have to be very careful on who you marry as it effects not on you, but your children as well.
Good for him being aware of his own limits. Imagine never being able to be comfortable with your in-laws. But you are still expected to help them financially and other ways for your whole life. If you don’t do what they want they can make things very difficult for her immediate family. She will feel bad because they are still her mom and dad and siblings. You could try to move them to Europe but you would be responsible for them till death. My parents married outside their religion and European countries of origin here in the US. Families had been here since late 1800s and early 1900s. Their families hated it. We children were not accepted and thought of as half-breeds. We weren’t allowed in the house of one set of grandparents and the other grandparents didn’t bother to learn our names. This was all from differences going back to Europe. People are tied to their religions and cultures tighter than you think. They aren’t going to change, they expect you to conform. And they don’t just break off from you so you can live in peace they make your life miserable. Crossing these lines are just as difficult as they ever were. People can seem modern or rebellious but the old ways tug at you.
The fact that he totally wanted to be out. Girlfriend is getting the best part with him bailing out on her. YATAH you needed a reason to leave girlfriend and use her family as an excuse to break up. ShE was not traditional to begin with
Can't blame him tbh, I wouldn't want to be family with such people. You have to be very careful with who you allow into your life or else you could wind up with some very bad people around you. This is also why you need to be careful with who you choose as friends, for the same reason
The giveaway is that she said "hide their marriage from her family" that's a big give away that when push comes to shove she would crumble to her relatives especially involving the future kids.
YTA .Soo op is ditching her because of her family. She did nothing wrong she gave him solutions this is bs he doesn't look like he wants to be in a relationship with her and trying to find an excuse
@@Ministry_of_Defense. plus OP said girlfriend send money she say she no contact it don’t make since no contact means no call no talking with her family she send money that keeping contact & future marriage it won’t be good marriage
@@pandamoon8067 I said willing to not is plus if she marries to him they will go LC / disown her either way she isn't keen on her parents and families beliefs
It just seems that way because he is a man and he is leaving his GF. If OP was a girl it would become much clearer that this would be a very bad match.
Muslim propagandist conversions are a real thing, sadly. An old friend of mine, a big cultural proponent of Iran, travelled there a lot from Europe, and met his then fiance there. He even accepted converting to Islam, since he's very open minded (and probably the biggest pushover I've ever met). However, when they showed up with a camera crew to film his "enlightenment and conversion to the only true religion", started to interview him, he noped the f out of there.
Not true. That's Iran and the camera crew showed up because the girlfriend called them in, probably to profit. And I'm saying this because my husband converted to islam and it was literally just him and the imam, and the imam told him his presence wasn't even necessary as converring is a personal thing that van be done alone, unlike Christian propaganda where they baptize you infront of a massive crows and make a huge show out of fake healing powers, true pure propaganda, mostly why my british husband noped the fxck out of his country.
She doesn’t seem to have any intention of cutting them off despite how she feels about them, and frankly that’s her choice, but I wouldn’t be hiding my marriage or putting up with their shit. I wouldn’t want that for both my mental wellbeing and my future kids wellbeing. No ones the asshole she isn’t required to cut her family off and he isn’t required to put up with them, both seem to be in a spot where they won’t cave and if they did the strain on their relationship would be immense
Yta, gf did nothing wrong and is willing to abandon her family for you, and your excuse is that your a little bit worried about a family your gf hates, get a brain.
She was never willing to abandon her family, she said she would not listen to her family. One is forever and the other can change depending on her mood.
NTA Op realised that it would lead to problems in the future and you cant really cut out her family. Also converting religion and buying turkish real estate to marry?? Op was very naive not knowing how things are in a relgious rural area.
Lmao, „can’t cut them out“? How would that not work perfectly, if they never take the kids to Turkey to begin with? In the end, it’s all depending on the SO, though. I myself married a moderate muslima, and when her mother asked when I would convert, my wife told her „if he wants to, he can do that. But it’s his decision, and his alone. Not mine and certainly not yours.“ The real estate stuff sounds like a fishy way to further bind someone to an area/family and/or create a sunken cost fallacy. Totally on board with your last sentence; OP was very naive, he sounds very liberal/left leaning and so I have a little bit of schadenfreude because of the wake up slap he got 😂
@@TheGosgosh You say moderate muslima and her mother sounds moderate too but in this story most of her family doesnt seem moderate at all. I have seen enough news of honour killings in my country to see that it can go south with religious families.
Glad the girlfriend has had the trash taken out for her. You are with someone for 6 years. You meet the family and decide that all the relationship is over because of customs your gf doesn’t want to follow anyways. YTA
Customs she doesn't want to follow today which could easily change after OP and her have children. You can't take chances with who you are going to spend your life with, while you can but it can end very badly
@@S_art874 I'm not a gambling man and neither is OP. She grew up in said family and she has yet to cut off her family, she could very easily change her mind one day in the same way she previously changed her mind to stop following certain traditions. Again, if it was only her that could suffer the consequences than that's one thing but this could involve children and only an uncaring, irresponsible idiot would take a chance with their children
I don't know, like I understand his point, but I also understand how the girlfriend felt by having a family that she doesn't even like and a culture she isn't in ruin her relationship. I think ultimately they could've made it work, but also at some point he felt like he didn't want to be with her anymore, and that's his decision. I actually think it would be worse if he continued the relationship with big doubts of the future, because he would be holding her back from relationships with people that don't care about her family's culture or lifestyle.
But from the story we're getting from OP, it sounds like she deserves better. Worst case, he's racist and it triggered when he met her family that she is willing to stop interacting with if they get married. He even says she's not like them but he still wants to break up because of them.
Yta she doesn’t like it and doesn’t follow their beliefs so she wouldn’t force her kids to do it either this guy judged her based on the family she doesn’t agree with.
But what about in the future when they do become a problem. It seems even though she rebels against her family she is still very much in contact with them and he may not want to have to deal with them. It hard to give judgment without her side of the story but when you marry someone you also become a part of their family and unless she cuts contact then it’s not his fault if he doesn’t want to deal with that
NTA, you essentially don't want these people in your kid's life. She would have to go NC and you have no right to ask that of her. Be honest and clear and break it off. The fact that she expects yo to cater to an uncle you never met before you marry her is enough.
but she doesn't want him to cater to the uncle? It's actually the opposite, she hates that side of her family and told him he did NOT have to do any of what the uncle said...? He said so himself, she has tattoos, doesn't wear the hijab.. literally does everything opposite of what 'tradition' would ask of her. So just because he's a bit worried about some family he would see maybe only once every few years he calls it off? They were together 6 years before he met that uncle, so that shows how very little he sees that specific side of her family.
@rakaeala Yes, sometimes, once every few years is too much. He wants his kids not to even know this world exists. He is prioritizing his unborn kids. The fact that she insists that "they'll get over it" means that they'll be somewhat involved. Also, as a person who hates their X ILs, you can't live like that. You can't live worried what stupid crap they told your kid, wanting to leave the moment you see them and not wanting anything, even gifts from them. Plus, there's always the risk that she would begin listening to them when it comes to the kids. You'll end up resenting your partner for making you talk to them. He loses too much peace if he stays with her. She loses nothing. It's just not worth it.
I'm from a muslim country. Women do marry men who are not muslim and the family will come around evetually after a couple years even if they oppose it at the beginning. If op truly loved her he would have set boundaries with them and stood up for his girl who clearly doesn't agree with her family.
YTA. She is clearly distancing herself from her family and doesn’t want to be anything like them, yet you are considering breaking up with her when she is not only trying to make this work, but is coming up with solutions? I think she should be considering whether or not YOU are good for, not the other way around. She’s offering solutions, you are ignoring her and obsessing over the problem. YTA 100%
Self have to think long run when married it’s better end the relationship not saying OP in the right thing her family will push no matter how she & OP best is both split ways she will find someone else same for OP
Speaking from experience, if you love someone who comes from a primitive or hyper-conservative backward family, the family will eventually win out no matter what your partner said to you before. It sucks that a long-term relationship came crashing down, but the man is right here in that there is absolutely no long-term future where he can keep these people out of his hair if he marries their daughter. It's only a pity that the cultural incompatibility took so long to become clear. And for all those clueless people saying "she was willing to abandon her family, he's such an AH!" ------ dude let's remember that this is the kind of culture where women get murdered by fathers, uncles and brothers for disobeying or dishonouring. I mean just the fact that he had to convert to Islam to even be considered is a drop dead dealbreaker in this situation. Edit to add: it's clear all the YTA comments below are from very young idealistic people who have never married, never had children, and never had in-laws or their own family sabotage their marriages/relationships/kids etc. Y'all will learn the hard way.
with the amount of 1st world and 3rd world comments, emphasis on skin, not wearing a hijab and shit he is the asshole because you dont need to be a genius to see his racism. Also you are so wrong about so many things i couldnf even begin to break it down
I am not up to date with many things but she already wanted to cut them out and not to insult people but don't women marry out of the family and that is why most of the time( not all the time) they take there husband's last name? So why are they trying to control you especially in a village of older time people?
OP, are you planning to move to her village? No? Well why should this affect you so much? Your girlfriend doesn't think it's a problem, why should you? She's not like them. If you married and had kids, how often would you visit her family? Once a year? How could they put pressure on your kids - if you didn't let them?
No, he's just reporting what he sees. If he was prejudiced he wouldn't have got involved with a Turkish woman to begin with. He was extremely open-minded. Most Westerners would never even reply to a message from someone of that background, never mind date them for 6 years.
So you and your gf get married and start a new life and family of your own, far away from her family so they can’t and won’t interfere with your decisions.
Well you are the jerk for taking so long to realize the difference between you two are that significant. This should have been one of the very first things to consider when dating. However at the same time not the jerk either since your partner also took forever to show you the full extent of what you are getting into.
![[FULL STORY] Mom Excluded My Fiancé From Her Wedding Due To His Health Issues...I Refused To...](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/FlBwHfuAPMc/mqdefault.jpg)
Dude calls himself worldly, but is in shock at a different culture. Sounds like he’s as tolerant as her family.
Sadly not uncommon in this day and age
Seems like no one understands that she could easily change her mind in the future and that she has not cut off her family.
OP is being wise, you have to be very careful on who you marry as it effects not on you, but your children as well.
She was able to separate herself from that culture and mindset? Why would OP think she couldn't do it with her children?
Can't take that chance, what if she changes her mind?
Good for him being aware of his own limits. Imagine never being able to be comfortable with your in-laws. But you are still expected to help them financially and other ways for your whole life.
If you don’t do what they want they can make things very difficult for her immediate family. She will feel bad because they are still her mom and dad and siblings.
You could try to move them to Europe but you would be responsible for them till death.
My parents married outside their religion and European countries of origin here in the US. Families had been here since late 1800s and early 1900s.
Their families hated it. We children were not accepted and thought of as half-breeds. We weren’t allowed in the house of one set of grandparents and the other grandparents didn’t bother to learn our names.
This was all from differences going back to Europe. People are tied to their religions and cultures tighter than you think. They aren’t going to change, they expect you to conform. And they don’t just break off from you so you can live in peace they make your life miserable.
Crossing these lines are just as difficult as they ever were. People can seem modern or rebellious but the old ways tug at you.
The fact that he totally wanted to be out. Girlfriend is getting the best part with him bailing out on her. YATAH you needed a reason to leave girlfriend and use her family as an excuse to break up. ShE was not traditional to begin with
Can't blame him tbh, I wouldn't want to be family with such people.
You have to be very careful with who you allow into your life or else you could wind up with some very bad people around you.
This is also why you need to be careful with who you choose as friends, for the same reason
The giveaway is that she said "hide their marriage from her family" that's a big give away that when push comes to shove she would crumble to her relatives especially involving the future kids.
Yep, instead of opting for no contact
I agree, sounded shady when she said that. You shouldn't have to hide a marriage and kids.
These sound like people who would do arranged marriages and pretty much trash your relationship after marriage. Not a peaceful life to be had.
YTA .Soo op is ditching her because of her family. She did nothing wrong she gave him solutions this is bs he doesn't look like he wants to be in a relationship with her and trying to find an excuse
No hearing the story OP marry he marry whole family her family seems controlling
@@pandamoon8067 and mostly likely is willing to go on LC or NC
@@Ministry_of_Defense. plus OP said girlfriend send money she say she no contact it don’t make since no contact means no call no talking with her family she send money that keeping contact & future marriage it won’t be good marriage
@@pandamoon8067 I said willing to not is plus if she marries to him they will go LC / disown her either way she isn't keen on her parents and families beliefs
It just seems that way because he is a man and he is leaving his GF.
If OP was a girl it would become much clearer that this would be a very bad match.
Muslim propagandist conversions are a real thing, sadly. An old friend of mine, a big cultural proponent of Iran, travelled there a lot from Europe, and met his then fiance there. He even accepted converting to Islam, since he's very open minded (and probably the biggest pushover I've ever met). However, when they showed up with a camera crew to film his "enlightenment and conversion to the only true religion", started to interview him, he noped the f out of there.
Good decision. If he had gone back to Christianity they would have considered him an infidel.
Not true. That's Iran and the camera crew showed up because the girlfriend called them in, probably to profit. And I'm saying this because my husband converted to islam and it was literally just him and the imam, and the imam told him his presence wasn't even necessary as converring is a personal thing that van be done alone, unlike Christian propaganda where they baptize you infront of a massive crows and make a huge show out of fake healing powers, true pure propaganda, mostly why my british husband noped the fxck out of his country.
Yeah, she could have been the hook and bait for him
She doesn’t seem to have any intention of cutting them off despite how she feels about them, and frankly that’s her choice, but I wouldn’t be hiding my marriage or putting up with their shit. I wouldn’t want that for both my mental wellbeing and my future kids wellbeing. No ones the asshole she isn’t required to cut her family off and he isn’t required to put up with them, both seem to be in a spot where they won’t cave and if they did the strain on their relationship would be immense
Yta, gf did nothing wrong and is willing to abandon her family for you, and your excuse is that your a little bit worried about a family your gf hates, get a brain.
She was never willing to abandon her family, she said she would not listen to her family.
One is forever and the other can change depending on her mood.
@@daveo1808 Sorry, english is not my first language, thanks for the clarification.
NTA Op realised that it would lead to problems in the future and you cant really cut out her family.
Also converting religion and buying turkish real estate to marry?? Op was very naive not knowing how things are in a relgious rural area.
Lmao, „can’t cut them out“? How would that not work perfectly, if they never take the kids to Turkey to begin with?
In the end, it’s all depending on the SO, though. I myself married a moderate muslima, and when her mother asked when I would convert, my wife told her „if he wants to, he can do that. But it’s his decision, and his alone. Not mine and certainly not yours.“
The real estate stuff sounds like a fishy way to further bind someone to an area/family and/or create a sunken cost fallacy. Totally on board with your last sentence; OP was very naive, he sounds very liberal/left leaning and so I have a little bit of schadenfreude because of the wake up slap he got 😂
@@TheGosgosh You say moderate muslima and her mother sounds moderate too but in this story most of her family doesnt seem moderate at all. I have seen enough news of honour killings in my country to see that it can go south with religious families.
Glad the girlfriend has had the trash taken out for her. You are with someone for 6 years. You meet the family and decide that all the relationship is over because of customs your gf doesn’t want to follow anyways. YTA
Customs she doesn't want to follow today which could easily change after OP and her have children.
You can't take chances with who you are going to spend your life with, while you can but it can end very badly
@@daveo1808 by that logic you shouldn’t marry anyone because they could change religion or any other life style
@@S_art874 I'm not a gambling man and neither is OP.
She grew up in said family and she has yet to cut off her family, she could very easily change her mind one day in the same way she previously changed her mind to stop following certain traditions.
Again, if it was only her that could suffer the consequences than that's one thing but this could involve children and only an uncaring, irresponsible idiot would take a chance with their children
I don't know, like I understand his point, but I also understand how the girlfriend felt by having a family that she doesn't even like and a culture she isn't in ruin her relationship. I think ultimately they could've made it work, but also at some point he felt like he didn't want to be with her anymore, and that's his decision. I actually think it would be worse if he continued the relationship with big doubts of the future, because he would be holding her back from relationships with people that don't care about her family's culture or lifestyle.
I THINK U SHOULD GIVE HER A CHANCE CLEARLY SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE GIRL TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT
But from the story we're getting from OP, it sounds like she deserves better. Worst case, he's racist and it triggered when he met her family that she is willing to stop interacting with if they get married. He even says she's not like them but he still wants to break up because of them.
Dude acts so enlightened yet when faced with another culture he balks.
Many such cases
Yta she doesn’t like it and doesn’t follow their beliefs so she wouldn’t force her kids to do it either this guy judged her based on the family she doesn’t agree with.
But what about in the future when they do become a problem. It seems even though she rebels against her family she is still very much in contact with them and he may not want to have to deal with them. It hard to give judgment without her side of the story but when you marry someone you also become a part of their family and unless she cuts contact then it’s not his fault if he doesn’t want to deal with that
NTA, you essentially don't want these people in your kid's life. She would have to go NC and you have no right to ask that of her. Be honest and clear and break it off. The fact that she expects yo to cater to an uncle you never met before you marry her is enough.
I see both sides of the argument to be fair
but she doesn't want him to cater to the uncle? It's actually the opposite, she hates that side of her family and told him he did NOT have to do any of what the uncle said...? He said so himself, she has tattoos, doesn't wear the hijab.. literally does everything opposite of what 'tradition' would ask of her. So just because he's a bit worried about some family he would see maybe only once every few years he calls it off? They were together 6 years before he met that uncle, so that shows how very little he sees that specific side of her family.
@rakaeala Yes, sometimes, once every few years is too much. He wants his kids not to even know this world exists. He is prioritizing his unborn kids. The fact that she insists that "they'll get over it" means that they'll be somewhat involved. Also, as a person who hates their X ILs, you can't live like that. You can't live worried what stupid crap they told your kid, wanting to leave the moment you see them and not wanting anything, even gifts from them. Plus, there's always the risk that she would begin listening to them when it comes to the kids. You'll end up resenting your partner for making you talk to them. He loses too much peace if he stays with her. She loses nothing. It's just not worth it.
I'm from a muslim country. Women do marry men who are not muslim and the family will come around evetually after a couple years even if they oppose it at the beginning. If op truly loved her he would have set boundaries with them and stood up for his girl who clearly doesn't agree with her family.
Or risk honour killings. But depends on how extreme they are
NTA. Her family would be awful to be connected to. He made the right decision
YTA. She is clearly distancing herself from her family and doesn’t want to be anything like them, yet you are considering breaking up with her when she is not only trying to make this work, but is coming up with solutions? I think she should be considering whether or not YOU are good for, not the other way around.
She’s offering solutions, you are ignoring her and obsessing over the problem. YTA 100%
Self have to think long run when married it’s better end the relationship not saying OP in the right thing her family will push no matter how she & OP best is both split ways she will find someone else same for OP
Speaking from experience, if you love someone who comes from a primitive or hyper-conservative backward family, the family will eventually win out no matter what your partner said to you before. It sucks that a long-term relationship came crashing down, but the man is right here in that there is absolutely no long-term future where he can keep these people out of his hair if he marries their daughter. It's only a pity that the cultural incompatibility took so long to become clear. And for all those clueless people saying "she was willing to abandon her family, he's such an AH!" ------ dude let's remember that this is the kind of culture where women get murdered by fathers, uncles and brothers for disobeying or dishonouring. I mean just the fact that he had to convert to Islam to even be considered is a drop dead dealbreaker in this situation.
Edit to add: it's clear all the YTA comments below are from very young idealistic people who have never married, never had children, and never had in-laws or their own family sabotage their marriages/relationships/kids etc. Y'all will learn the hard way.
Well said. I agree.
with the amount of 1st world and 3rd world comments, emphasis on skin, not wearing a hijab and shit he is the asshole because you dont need to be a genius to see his racism. Also you are so wrong about so many things i couldnf even begin to break it down
I am not up to date with many things but she already wanted to cut them out and not to insult people but don't women marry out of the family and that is why most of the time( not all the time) they take there husband's last name? So why are they trying to control you especially in a village of older time people?
OP, are you planning to move to her village? No? Well why should this affect you so much? Your girlfriend doesn't think it's a problem, why should you? She's not like them. If you married and had kids, how often would you visit her family? Once a year? How could they put pressure on your kids - if you didn't let them?
He is really prejudiced
Exactly 💯💯💯
No, he's just reporting what he sees. If he was prejudiced he wouldn't have got involved with a Turkish woman to begin with. He was extremely open-minded. Most Westerners would never even reply to a message from someone of that background, never mind date them for 6 years.
Nah, she just educated him and he didn't like what he saw
Dude, your gf doesn't care about it!
So you and your gf get married and start a new life and family of your own, far away from her family so they can’t and won’t interfere with your decisions.
you don’t deserve her.
Well you are the jerk for taking so long to realize the difference between you two are that significant. This should have been one of the very first things to consider when dating. However at the same time not the jerk either since your partner also took forever to show you the full extent of what you are getting into.
Yta she deserves alot better than you!
Yta
NTA. Her family would be awful to be connected to. He made the right decision