Not a mom, will probably never be a mom, but also I'll never be tired of your mom content. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I feel like these videos help me become a better friend, sister and peer to mothers around me, and I'm very grateful for that (they probably are too, lol). Xx
I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby and was so full of questions and concerns, people (health care professionals included) would always say “ woman have been having babies since the beginning of time”. This statement designed to mitigate my worries just made me feel insignificant. For me, this was the biggest thing to ever happen. It was monumental and extraordinary to me and my world.
The same thing was said to me. Wild. Yes-I get that women have been doing this forever-I am also aware that maternal mortality was above 50% for most of that period. Being pregnant and giving birth are not insignificant simply because they are “common.” With respect, the people who minimize what we go through need to be slapped or something. (Respectfully 🙃)
Women also used to die regularly having those babies. Wanting to understand what is happening/will happen to you isn't asking too much. Some people need worries placated but some people function best if they understand all the details of the process.
Yeah, and women have been dying in pregnancy and childbirth until relevantly recently! Your questions are totally valid and healthcare professionals are going to have to catch up with this.
Yeah, that's one of those dismissive platitudes you hear all the time. It's like, yes, honey, but life is more complicated today and we have a much better understanding of human health and psychology than we did when humans first started having babies 🤦♀️
So I have Endometriosis, and I cannot even explain to you how mad I get when people say "periods aren't painful" when for over 372 MILLION people with uterus's, periods are EXCRUCIATING, debilitating, absolute 10 out of 10 pain. So yes, for a lot of people, periods/cycles aren't painful, but for a whoooole lot of people, they are painful, and we get written off all the time because for some reason, if someone experiences something a certain way, i.e. they don't have a painful cycle, they have a reeeeeeally hard time believing other people experience it differently. It's super frustrating
Amen to that. I am glad I’ve raised 4 boys that know that some women have excruciating pain with their periods. Even my a-hole child is empathetic during that time of the month for me and makes my hot water bottles, runs me a bath, etc…
Same! I’ve had to have a blood transfusions due to my endometriosis. So periods are not just a casual freakin thing! It’s so debilitating and can even dangerous!
Honestly so true I swear i dont even have endo but on a bad day i dread being at work im flooded every hour rushing to the loo whilst in a job that needs my full attention 24/7 is not easy!
Yes- suffered terribly for so much of my life before finally finding a doctor who gave a shit and gave me surgery. Been told by non-menstruating people they know what it’s like and I am over reacting- we need to do ether. Sending love to you.
As a new Mom with 2 under 3… I was already in shambles. Then when you got to the statistics around Black women, I lost it. The things I’ve experienced… Videos like this are so needed, there’s a lot of us that aren’t a part of the “everything is always sunshine and kittens” every second. This is relatable content to me.
Hugs. My oldest 2 are 26 months apart, so I feel your pain. I’ve been going through some health issues, and I’ve been dismissed, made to feel overdramatic, and that it’s not that bad. Almost 2 years later, I’m having surgery next month to (hopefully) fix it. I’m a white woman with private insurance, and when Sam said the stats for black women, my jaw dropped too. I’m on the “good” end of the spectrum? This neglect of all women, and their healthcare, needs to end. Why aren’t we considered important? (I don’t expect an answer, I’m just mad). But, congrats on the new baby, I hope you’re taking care of yourself too (I know you’re not, but try), and don’t ignore your mental health. Kid2 was incredibly difficult for me to recover from physically, and I was a walking ad for PPD. So don’t be me. 😊
I've looked at our maternal death rates many times, for the US. The stats for black women, and some of the incidents I read about are terrifying. I had so many traumatic experiences with obs & gyns that I stopped going to one for nearly 10y. So I can't imagine the things black women have had to go thru. And it's something that you very rarely, if ever see in the headlines.
Only a few minutes in, but even as a woman who has never been pregnant, I relate to this same feeling. When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, my gynecologist at the time told me that there was no course of treatment and to come back when I wanted to have kids. They didn't care about my pain, the excess hair, my hormone imbalances, the fatigue, etc that this illness causes, NOTHING. They only planned to offer me care once I decided to be a childbearing vessel. I lived in discomfort and pain for several years before I was able to advocate for myself several doctors later and find a gynecologist willing to treat my symptoms and help me.
wow, this is such a different approach than what we have in Poland. here if you have pcos they put you on birth control to prevent forming cysts and regulate hormones
During the labour of my first child, a nurse literally said to me: "all what matters now is the baby, not you". No wonder I had a severe post patrum depression. I literally had a thought that I and my well-being didn't matter.
So ridiculous. As if the baby doesn't need *you* to be healthy and happy in order for *them* to be healthy and happy. What could matter more than parents?
I sincerely apologize for the treatment you received during your postpartum care. That is soooo upsetting to me because a mothers well being is so important. We need to be okay to not only take care of ourselves but our baby as well, and overlooking a mothers well being after giving birth is extremely detrimental for their own sake and baby’s sake. I had such bad postpartum. And I didn’t know how to get help at all. I tried to speak to someone but I felt like that person and I did not connect. It was a super hard time and I only got out of my depression when I was 9 months postpartum.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. I just had my first baby last week. He is 9 days old. I had a traumatic experience in the hospital as well. Thankfully the midwives and nurses involved in the actual labor and delivery were amazing. But most of my experiences with healthcare providers in postpartum and neonatal intensive care were just terrible.
I’ve never met one woman that said breastfeeding didn’t hurt. My daughter just had a baby and she actually cried it hurt so much and I could relate! Also, she had to have a vaginal exam like 4 days after she gave birth and the resident acted like she was a baby when she said it hurt. This process is barbaric and infuriating. I’m a nurse and I was there for the birth with her and her husband and glad I was to advocate for her! I feel for you! XOXO Heidi
Omg the same thing happened to me! I had to get my blood pressure checked 4 days postpartum and they told me that I was being a baby for still needing a wheel chair and wasn't really able to hardly stand or walk. Turns out I had a gnarly infection 🙃 I had to advocate for myself before I got any help
Emily Noel (also on UA-cam) had a really horrible time with her first baby. It was really, really bad and she has a video about it up on her channel. I guess her daughters mouth was so small that Emily was in excruciating pain every time she nursed. She didn't understand why nobody had ever once mentioned that it (and many other things) could be horribly painful. She thought she was doing something wrong!
I had a pelvic exam a few days after delivery bc of an infection and they man handled my stitches and had to take me back to labor and delivery bc of all the screaming. Absolutely horrific
As a doctor, an OB/GYN specifically, I never tell my patients “Oh you’re fine.” In that moment, if my patient is speaking to me about a concern, they don’t feel fine. They feel concerned about whatever that thing is doing to their body. Instead, I explain what is considered average or common, and what uncommon or outside of average. And always, I’d rather tell someone that this issue is a common known issue that likely won’t cause any further complications than for them to suffer in silence for fear of being bothersome.
I'm not sure if you do this already but a pamphlet or packet explaining common symptoms and where the line is for "if it gets worse than xyz, call the doctor" would be soooooooo helpful.
@@table4glasses that is a great idea and I do think that would be helpful im just unsure of how exactly I could properly implement it because the list of potential questions or concerns could be endless really. I do however have a packet of info that I give out that has the most common pregnancy and postpartum questions, general answers (because every patient and situation is different, we can only give my common answers), as well as medications that are safe for the most common symptoms and concerns
Bless you. I over explain what my concerns are to my doctor and how I got to them because I spent years afraid to say something then my doc literally was just like you’re probably fine but let’s check! And it really taught me the best way to handle those anxieties is to bring them up. But I can’t imagine where I’d be now if I was judged or dismissed.
My last trip to the ER there was a doctor who flat out said “I’m here because I want you to get better. Half of us or more become doctors for the title or the money and the rest of us actually CARE for our patients. It’s supposed to be an industry that cares for its people.” I can sense you’re one of the CAREtakers.
I'm so glad you're talking about this. The amount of gaslighting mothers receive when it comes to postpartum issues and experiences (breastfeeding, healing, emotional and mental struggles etc) is actually mind boggling.
Not interested in having kids ever in my life, but here for the realness and to better understand what it's like to go through it. You conveyed so much information so well and everyone should give a shit about these issues. The condescension toward and dehumanization of pregnant people is sickening. Thank you for validating everyone's unique lived experience, helping to normalize the reality of pregnancy, and not portraying it as magical and perfect for everyone, all the time. And yes, I thank you for your willingness to discuss your vulva on UA-cam. As a woman from the US, the "being treated like a vessel for birthing a child" and "the child's health always takes precedence," hit hard right now.
After giving birth now, 24 years ago, I feel so validated by you I’m crying. Thank you so much for your honesty and putting it out there for others to feel informed and validated.
There are so many gaps missing in understanding woman’s health, this really needs to be spoken about more. Some examples of this are definitely pregnancy, periods and menopause. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty Sam, I’m sending you so much love. 💜
As an American nurse…sigh. It’s a relief to listen to your content and know I’m not insane for thinking all these exact same thoughts. Also a first time mother of a 13 m/o. The struggle is real. They are lucky to have you as a mom!
As a childfree woman over 40 I so appreciate this.. I get so tired of everyone acting like having kids is all sunshine & rainbows! I love that your so real, keep being you!! 💕
When I was young, I saw a Dr. Phil episode my grandmother was watching. It was one of those AWFUL boot camp ones. Those kids were awful and there was no way their parents liked them. I KNEW I wouldn't like my kids once I learned that was possible. 36 and still no children. Oddly, I love children and early childhood development. But often want to smack my dog when I'm annoyed at him...I made the right call.
@@Waywardwindfall I once talked to a therapist who told me there are parents who actually regret having a child/children. But they will never admit this outside their office to anyone else. They continue to say, “I love my child/ children. The best thing I’ve ever done.” This was after I debated if I should have children. I still don’t have children and I’m ok with it. I don’t want to regret it. Tbh, I’ve met a lot of parents who envy my husband and I for still being childless.
I'm 43 and had to have a hysterectomy. These stories make me even more ok with not being able to give birth. There are still so many other ways I could be a mom in the future.
@@lalam3877 I do genuinely love my children with every fiber of my being. I often wonder if we made the right decision having them. Not even for me. For them. Having chronically ill kids really changes your perspective. It makes you question having kids in a whole new way.
As a doctor, it makes me sad knowing that you feel this way. I think it’s an upsetting yet common thing that women are overlooked intra and postpartum. A lot of the time, you’re right, we overlook things because in our heads, these things are common and not worrisome. We often forget that the risks of certain presentations aren’t well known. I think this is something we have to reflect on in the medical profession, and I’m honestly glad you bring this up. You should never feel that you need to be quiet about your worries, especially medical, and I hope as a healthcare system we can be better for our patients. Thank you for sharing.
I think one of the biggest barriers (coming from a non medical professional from a family full of them) is that we patients are a number of people you will encounter throughout your day, your week, your year. Add to that the fact that a lot of the concerns are typical and normal, and that medical staff are often overworked, means that concerns can seem like they are being dismissed. Because that woman whose vision went blurry during pregnancy doesn’t know about the near-death situation you dealt with earlier this morning, and to her, this situation is confusing and scary and has her entire attention. Ultimately bedside manner goes a long way, as well as some empathy, which unfortunately some medical professionals just don’t have the EQ for. The ones that do are worth their weight in gold.
Thank you! I was ignored after delivery when I said I hurt bc they kept saying well you had a baby. Turned out I had a uterine infection that required 5 days of hospitalization and IV antibiotics by the time they finally listened. Oh and it wasn't a doctor who listened. It was a lovely nurse who was pregnant and finally agreed she could actually smell something was off which btw, yes I'd told them that days prior.
@@teganmartin8751 I agree that medical professionals should not be overworked, and they should not be pressured to have appointment times stay at certain lengths However, healthcare professionals need to be aware of how this impacts the care of their patients. Too many concerns are dismissed. If patients don’t know how to advocate for themselves, there are more negative health outcomes and distrust of the medical system.
@@djk5v oh, I totally agree. I didn’t intend to imply that medical staff have a carte blanche, more that they can fall into the trap of treating patients as a number, which is one of the root issues. The difference in having a care provider who actually listens to and addresses you concerns compared to one who just dismisses them is huge.
@@teganmartin8751 I think people that know to be aware of this, evaluate their practice at regular intervals, and keep up with continuing education as required are the people that I want to see for my own healthcare.
New mom here too and I 1000000% agree. If you express any type of negative emotions about your experience people treat you like a monster . Mothers are just expected to suffer and smile its wild. You can love your kids and still experience hardships and not enjoy every single moment of motherhood.
Almost five years into being a mom, and I've realized largely that after that baby came....my wants, needs and opinions mean almost nothing to the world now. And especially if you complain because then you're just whining about something that you "wanted".
You keep on complaining, cause everyone's struggle is subjective! Full disclosure, I can't have children, but I actually love hearing from moms who fully embrace the ups and downs of being a mom. It makes the experience more relatable and real, and I think it's important for more women to share their full experience, if nothing just so other woman know and understand the full range of experiences, even those of us who won't experience it. You are entitled to feel the way you do! ❤️
Felt this so hard. Moms are always depicted in media etc etc and just about everywhere - as tired, exhausted, at wits end and frazzled - no help from others and no time for ourselves and unappreciated. And because this is the “norm” we see for ourselves as mothers - we just tend to say - well that’s what it’s supposed to be like right? And we just accept it cause “that’s our job.” Well then if this is my job- Then I wanna speak to HR.
I’m a nursing student and in October 2021 I did my labor and delivery clinical rotation at an Alberta hospital. Other students always say that they feel less afraid of childbirth when they experience this clinical rotation in school, I felt the complete opposite. I observed two vaginal deliveries and 4 c-sections during my time there, and everything you explained I deeply feel - and I’ve never had children. Watching women go through this experience, I felt angry. It is unfair, dehumanizing, and violating. Things need to change. I hope to be an L&D nurse one day, but I’m afraid of the systems in place that don’t view birthing humans as individuals with bodily autonomy. I got really emotional hearing your story, thank you for sharing.
I got pregnant from a SA when I was very young. Honestly, the labor and delivery were much more traumatic than the assault that led to it. I didn't know what was happening. They handled me like a ragdoll, shoving needles and their giant hands into me. They spoke to each other but hardly spoke to me. I don't think anyone ever even asked my permission for anything - except if a bunch of med students could come watch. Thank you for your compassion
@@TheSim1derful Never said anything that wasn't true. Women are the only people who can get pregnant so just saying women is accurate and is inclusive to the majority of the population. We should not have to change language based on a very small minority. And "Terf" is a slur just so you know. It is an attack on people who wish to preserve women's sex based rights and is also an inaccurate terminology. I stand for women's rights and am against the erasure of our language and boundaries. How on earth is that a bad thing? Not everyone believes in gender ideology. WOMAN = ADULT FEMALE HUMAN BEING. We are not a collection of stereotypes that men can just put on and say they are one of us. We aren't stereotypes. We are an actual group of people and it's incredibly offensive to say a man can be a woman just because he "feels" a certain way and thus offensive to say that being a woman is just a "feeling" and not a fact of nature. To be a woman is to be female. So I ask the question to you, why do you hate women? Why do you think women's boundaries should be erased? Why do you think males should have access to our private facilities put in place to safeguard women. Think DV shelters and rape crisis centres. You would have males infiltrate these spaces to further traumatize women with their presence? You would let dangerous male inmates go to women's prisons risking rape and unwanted pregancy?(this has already happened) You would have males take women's spaces in sports? (This has already happened) You would allow lesbians to be harassed for not wanting to date a trans woman since they are same sex attracted (this has already happened) You would even let men redefine what the word lesbian means like they are trying to do with women? You would force women to see a male medical practitioner for intimate care even if it makes them uncomfortable but they have to suck it up 'cause said male "identifies" as a woman? (This has already happened) You would have women in female changing areas be uncomfortable changing next to a man in places where they are supposed to have privacy dignity and safety? (This has already happened) so I ask you again, WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN?
I’m not a mom but I’ve struggled with chronic illness my whole life, and I will say there are A LOT of healthcare people who don’t understand how important bedside manner is. Imagine if instead of saying like “that’s fine don’t worry about it” for your blood clot, they had said something like “that sounds like it was a really scary experience for you and I’m sorry you had to go through that. The good news is, that while that was scary and painful , that was within the parameters of acceptable blood loss and clot size so if you’re feeling a lot of anxiety that there’s an emergency, you can know that you’re okay. Take some deep breaths, drink some water, eat some food, and try to relax because your body is under so much stress from the huge thing it just did. If you have any concerns or if anything changes please let me know, I’m here to help” Obviously that takes more time than just saying “whatever get over it” but it makes such a huge difference.
Seems like something they should teach in any medical or nursing school, if they don't already. There's an old, unfortunate joke about doctors specifically that says the rigor of medical school weeds out the students with the best bedside manner.
I love this and it truly would make such a huge difference for patients with really…almost no additional time taken by the provider. Less than a minute to explain to someone who is in pain and afraid that their fear and pain is valid and ACTUALLY HAPPENING, that it doesn’t mean they are going to die, and that they have someone on their side. That would change people’s whole way of experiencing medicine.
100% agree, mothers go from being vessels to nannies/nurses/alarm clocks/chefs/maids, etc. and if you don’t have a good support system around you, and/or your child has special needs, your identity disappears. When your mental health keeps declining and you don’t get an opportunity to really fill your own cup or heal yourself, you’re constantly told “well you wanted kids” 😔 Normalize that mother’s taking on that level of caretaking, neglecting their own needs, living with chronic stress, feeling it’s a form of abuse while having to simultaneously love your child unconditionally…is ABSOLUTELY going to put you in survival mode and it WILL affect your relationships with other people and your children.
This. I'm not a mom myself and don't desire to become one, but this comment reads so accurately. Moms get treated like shit and judged constantly while having the world expected of them 24/7. Depending on where you live as well, there's also very little support from the state too, so moms are having to rush right back to jobs in a lot of cases too. That in addition to being a full-time, round-the-clock caretaker seems unimaginably difficult. It's extra extra fucked considering that things like post-partum depression and psychosis exist too, but are often not given the attention they deserve, all while the expectation for mom remains sky-high.
Completely on point. I worry a lot about my friends who have became moms after I did - i.e., after the reality of motherhood smacked the everloving sh*t out of me. Every time I’ve had a friend start on this path I have a serious convo with them and make sure they know that at the very least they have one other person they can get real with and ask for help if they need it.
As a mom of two, both special needs , it is a never ending beautiful yet exhausting , thankless 24/7 job . I love it but it is and always was a lot and so many make it seem like it is not
I had a few situations during pregnancy with my 2nd where I needed emergency steroids for something wrong with me and no doctor was willing to prescribe them for me even though my OBGYN okayed it. I had to frantically get on the phone with them to plead for them to because the Urgent Care doctor wouldn’t. And then my OBGYN office didn’t want to prescribe it because they weren’t the doctor I saw for the issue. And a second time this happened I was at my GP and I was crying and saying I was tired of not getting the medical care I need because I was pregnant. So no Sam, you’re not overreacting. The denial of care to women pregnant because they’re pregnant is happening every day.
God my eyes are teared up. I'm so sorry that you had these experiences. I've had to plead for doctors to take me seriously before and its the most vulnerable desperate feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You deserve better then that.
All of this… I have a 7, 5, and 3 year old and I still feel all of the things you said. We get dismissed constantly. I was told I wasn’t in labor by the nurses. I get they see false labor all of the time but I was writhing in pain. I had my son 45 minutes later. Growing up I was told that the pain and swelling I experienced in my suprapubic area was related to ovulation/menses. It ended up being a hernia I was born with and had surgery last year after my bowels kept wanting to pop out through said hernia. I told my mom about the surgery I had (we don’t live near each other) and she said “why didn’t you say something?!” And I replied “I did and was told it was normal.”
I had my kids 17 & 14 years ago… and I’ve needed to hear this since then. Thank you for speaking up and building connection around these issues. Truly. Thank you.
I talked about this with someone and they said I was focusing on the negative. I said it’s not negative, it’s allowing women to be prepared for pregnancy. Then they’re like, “well that’s the trade off for giving life”. People wonder why women don’t advocate for themselves but it starts right at birth to where, just because something beautiful is happening doesn’t mean the not so comfortable things exist.
I relate to everything in this video. Being a mom is very hard but so rewarding. We should be able to complain and not have repercussions for it. We as moms need to take care of ourselves but it’s so hard! You’re an amazing mom Sam!
Nursing was never not painful. After bringing my kid home, we saw an IBCLC, no change, just “it’ll get better after a few days when your nipples adjust”. It didn’t. I was then referred to a 4 day centre attached to the hospital with midwife and ibclc support 24/7. It got a tiny bit better, but again, “keep at it, it’ll get better as you adjust”. It didn’t. I saw a doctor who was also an ibclc at about 2 months in, with shredded nipples, who said my kid had a tongue tie that needs fixing. Got that fixed, no change, but, “keep at it, it’ll get better”. This continued through nipple vasospasm, months and months of off and on again mastitis. Because I could nurse and my kid was thriving, that was all that seemed to matter to the people around me. I would nurse and daydream about killing myself or running away from my family because I couldn’t live like that. I felt robbed of the nursing experience I was supposed to have but I couldn’t wean because the way to get rid of mastitis is to nurse. Very long comment haha
I hope things got better or you found a better solution cuz this sounds like a super difficult situation for you so I hope you got some support. Thank you for sharing 🙏
I had a very similar "issue" while breastfeeding my second child. I remembered some pain with my first, but with my second I cried every single time he latched on and ended up needing to pinch them beforehand because they were so scabbed that no milk would come through if I didn't. And even then the flow was minimal so I was getting backed up and that was even more painful. I went to multiple doctors and they all said the same, "it will get better, stick with it". I was begging for help because I wanted to breastfeed and was sent away each time thinking I was just a complainer that wasn't strong enough to deal with whatever issues came along with choosing to breastfeed my child. Then about a month in I was at my child's pediatricians office, he simply asked how we were doing and I just started crying saying I was failing my child and didn't know what to do. Keep in mind, he was the pediatrician for my oldest(7) too so I had a great doctor/patient relationship with him and he is a wonderful doctor. He knelt down in front of me, asked what was going on and I stood, lifted my shirt, pointed at my nipples and said "THIS!!!!". Thinking back now it's kinda comical that I flashed my child's pediatrician, but I was desperate. He took one look, told me that was not normal, called a doctor friend of his, got me an appointment that day and when I went to see the other doctor he told me to stop breastfeeding immediately and spoke with me for over an hour about my worries and concerns. He told me that there is no reason why anyone should have told me that what I was experiencing was "normal" and then he apologized for his colleagues lack of empathy and respect for my concerns. It was disappointing that I could no longer breastfeed my son but I am so thankful for my children's pediatrician and his immediate referral to someone that would actually listen. It's It's shame that no matter where you turn mothers are dismissed and judged. Even by medical professionals and other mothers! I'm sorry you suffered a similar experience, along with so many other mothers unfortunately. There are some who will listen, but it seems the vast majority see each patient within a very specific box that all other patients are also placed in rather than the individual experience they each have.
@@krystaladair2586 that's awful. I was told during mastitis that very slowly weaning would be a good idea when it all cleared up, but by the time they listened to me about it just needing a longer course of antibiotics, rather than boob ultrasounds or nipple lasering, my kid had basically weaned himself already.
Feeling like a “vessel” really resonated with me… at my 6 week checkup postpartum my doctor only focused on baby and then asked me “how does everything feel like it’s healing down there?” I was caught off guard and just said “I think fine?” - idk I’ve never given birth before… I thought the doctor would’ve assessed me and looked at my stitches or something but nope! I was very surprised and felt like my health didn’t matter
“Well there may be some discomfort. Have you tried losing weight?” I really appreciated this video. My friend is trying to get pregnant, and she told me that I am the only mom in her life that talks about the negatives of motherhood. That just blew my mind! I remembered being so shocked about how awful I felt in the postpartum period because no one ever talked about it with me. We need to talk more about it so we are prepared for the realities of the world
As a queer man, you could talk about anything and I’d be interested. You put so much life and passion into your words that you could talk about period cups and I’d listen, oh wait you did and I watched. Lol. I love your prospective and Im happy you exist so I can learn and be able to support someone through something I might not understand. Much love!
I feel the same. I don't ever want children, but I'm a nursing student and a women, so I think it's so important for us to understand each other better so we can better support one another!! Expanding our perspectives
As a 30 yr old mother of 3 boys… I’m fully crying while watching this entire thing. Every single thing hit me right in the chest. I felt all of this. Thank you for putting words to what I feel.
I've never wanted to be a mom because of how much mothers go through physically and mentally, and I find videos like this really validating. Thank you. You're doing really good things, Sam! Long time fan 🥰
As a medical professional I have always tried to remember that just because this is my everyday, this is normal for me, it is not normal for my patient. That’s why they’re here because something abnormal is going on. It takes no more time to tell someone information in a compassionate way than it does in a flippant way.
I went to the ER about a week ago because I had multiple health oddities going on that were causing me to be unable to sleep and have panic attacks because I thought there was something really wrong with me. The ER staff were so kind and validating to my feelings. They did multiple tests and, turns out, I just had a kidney infection. They even provided me with a CT scan to give me “piece of mind”. I appreciate them so much for not writing me off when I was in such distress with what turned out to be next to nothing.
Former L&D nurse, I have for sure seen some repairs in the moment that I believe weren’t stitched up well. Sometimes this is because you’re bleeding a lot and the doctor is just trying to close things up fast to minimize blood loss, and sometimes it’s sloppy work because they are tired or rushing to another delivery (not an excuse, but this is what I’ve seen). So for what it’s worth I think you are right when talking about how someone should be checking stitches postpartum and just to let you know that your gut feeling is probably accurate about things being a bit off. I’m sorry you went through this- I’ve seen similar tears to what you describe being repaired and I feel for you. I also totally agree that the way in which we care for people now has to change, it’s just not good enough. I’m a nurse and this is honestly part of why I am doing a career change after a decade in healthcare. I’m in the US, so essentially things tend to come down to money, what gets the hospital the highest ratings (& thus funding) or time as far as like being able to see the most patients as possible. I think there are so many levels to the dysfunction at this point it’s overwhelming. Staffing shortages stress the people who ARE working, who then can become jaded and flippant with patients, and things just spiral on & on. It’s sad and I felt helpless as a part of the system that couldn’t do but so much to change things. Overall I appreciate when you post content like this because I do agree with you the majority of the time and I think it’s important this stuff be talked about so we can do better.
you can vent as much as you want about motherhood, especially on here!! never forget this is your platform to do what you want with. the ppl who truly support you will always be here. having a kid is an extremely traumatic life event even after the birth process as you described. you are helping people empathize with a situation that not everyone experiences by venting and that’s amazing. i’m sorry you’re having a rough time mentally. you are so strong for birthing a whole child and then having to adjust to a completely different life while having a business to run, interpersonal relationships, etc. we’re all so proud of you even if it’s hard for you to feel that way about yourself sometimes!!
I’m still processing the trauma from my delivery and residual effects and went through an emotional roller coaster of a ride with my first five months of breastfeeding so to hear someone else talk so real and raw like this is really healing. My pelvic floor physiotherapist was the one person in my circle of care who gave me the kind of postpartum support that every woman deserves. I never thought I would feel like myself again, but my work with her has helped immensely, slowly but surely. For whenever you’re ready, just know this is a possible resource for you to help reclaim what the birth experience can sometimes strip away. Thank you so much for what you did in this video. Cannot express to you how helpful this content is.
This is useful beyond words. I’m not a mom nor do I want to. Everything you’ve discussed is so important yet so frequently overlooked. It is so frustrating how much women’s health concerns, pregnancy and motherhood issues are disregarded. Thank you so much for this, Sam.
Sam, thank you for being so vocal about things that everyone else are afraid to say. I am 2 weeks postpartum and I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve been having these conversations with my husband and its truly frustrating. My entire pregnancy/labor/postpartum has been so scary at times and everything i have experienced has always been brushed off as no big deal. As a first time mom I don’t understand how I should know better or know when to worry or not worry when I feel so dismissed constantly.
I love how multiple times in the video you would say things like “I don’t know why I feel this way” or “I probably shouldn’t be like this” but then remembered to correct yourself with “actually, I should be able to express this bc, ect.” Keep being kind to yourself as much as you can during this difficult time. You deserve to be heard and although a LOT of ppl are too closed minded/ignorant to understand or show empathy, there’s SO many of us who will. The mindset you have about experiences not yet lived through is beautiful. Everyone should be trying to better understand things outside of themselves especially if they haven’t lived through it or had that same experience as someone else. You are truly a wonderfully insightful human and simply because of that alone I know you’re a great mother. Sending you positive energy and I hope things get easier soon. Love you and your videos ❤️
I wish there had been content like this when I was a young mother. Your comments about women's concerns being downplayed are so spot on. I am in my 40s and still learning how to advocate for myself. Thank you for understanding....in general and I'm thankful people have a place to go to hear a different perspective that makes them feel not alone
Your blood clot story reminded me of a memory I’ve buried, me, five days days post c section at my daughter’s pediatrician appointment. She had jaundice and needed to be checked daily, and my incision was not healing right and I was in pain and bleeding and I started bawling when we had to wait over an hour (this was before Covid.) the doctors office workers were looking at me like I was an alien. I switched her pediatrician after that because they had no empathy and I knew there were better options out there!
everything youre saying YES! ive been a mom for almost 2 years now. I also felt like my needs were not cared for by professionals. I was left with so much unanswered questions and concerns. no one cared to check my stitches either until i asked. i struggled with breastfeeding and was only told "keep trying, you'll both get it eventually." i gave up and attempted pumping but that was a lot on my mental health and would leave me with no sleep. I dealt with postpartum depression and slight psychosis. i got help before psychosis took over. Also dealt with so much pain after (still do) and only recently found a doctor to take my concerns seriously but at this point my shoulder and abdominal muscles are so wrecked they will never be 100% again. and my belly will always hang unless i get approved for surgery because my abdominal muscles cant hold up anymore. everything was really traumatic emotionally and physically. 2 years later im now just getting into a better place mentally. physical still has so much work but i am focusing on mental mostly. and the "it takes a village" shit is annoying. it does take a lot of people but during a pandemic and other possible issues its hard to have a village helping you. and parents deserve breaks! especially the main caregiver. we are fucking tired!!!!
I feel this so much. I had my son in Oct 2020. It was the most isolating experience of my life. I still don’t think anyone (the general public or health professionals) really acknowledges what we went through. It’s hard enough, but this realllllly made things worse. Sending love to you, mama. Glad you are taking care of yourself!! ❤️
You articulated this so well. My oldest son is 38 and I felt the same way when he was born, but none of these issues were discussed and were even more taboo. We can love our baby with our complete soul without negating our own needs and spending a life feeling ‘less than’.
Thank you for talking about this Sam. I didn't have a particularly difficult pregnancy but had (still do) all of these same emotional experiences and it took me YEARS to feel like I was healed, my body was mine again, and feel like I mostly have my identity back. We want to have another but the longer I heal the more I feel like - I don't know if I can start back at square one again. It's daunting.
Ugh even just the opener of you saying it's ridiculous that you have to preface your experiences with "I love my kid" got me. Started tearing up. You are so right. Nailed it as always!
I have been telling my husband this kind of thing for years.. especially feeling like my body isn’t my own. Since I’ve also been in recovery for years now, I also struggle with feeling normal connections with myself anyway. It’s definitely challenging. I’m so glad you and Kristi are talking about issues we all face. I would also know where the village is that supposed to be helping us with our 4 children lol. It is very isolating.
The way I cried with you through this entire video. Yes, to everything you said. I've had such a similar experience to you and it absolutely breaks my heart to know others have gone and are currently going through it too. It's the reason why I'll never choose to have another child, as I don't want to experience the crushing medical abandonment and loneliness I experienced when having my daughter. Thinking about people being forced to have children in a post-Roe world is a freaking nightmare.
This video hit so close to home. I also had staples (vs stitches) after a c-section and had to insist that my incision be checked out postpartum. I had horrible swelling and was pretty much told “not to worry” your feet will go back to normal like it was an aesthetic issue. Well it turned out to be postpartum preeclampsia and it could have killed me. I ended up back in the hospital a week later. I could go on and on….
This very thing happened to me. I am 3 weeks PP now and taking blood pressure medication bc I was at risk for post partum preeclampsia as well. My entire pregnancy I was healthy and have never had issues with my health. Thankfully my OB wasn’t too dismissive about it but I don’t understand how I went from healthy to developing so many complications during my labor and after baby. I truly sucks!
I had postpartum preeclampsia too. My doctor told me to the hospital at one week postpartum, when I called the postpartum ward to find out if I go straight there or the ER the nurse told me not to go to the hospital, and that if i went to the er I’d be wasting everyone’s time. She never even asked about my symptoms or blood pressure numbers. I went to the ER despite that and was admitted within minutes because blood pressure was 189/110. I also got yelled at while on my mag drip for taking care of my baby and my husband going home to watch our two other kids, when no one told me he should have stayed with me the whole time and couldn’t leave.
Thank you for opening up. This makes me so grateful for living in France where care during and after pregnancy is quite adequate. I can't imagine it being otherwise during such a difficult time.
As an OB nurse for 24 years… THANK YOU FOR THIS!!! I have 4 daughters and have helped thousands of prepregnant, pregnant and postpartum moms. They need to hear all of this AND more! I love you Sam♥️ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Oh my, yes Samantha! We do become secondary to our children our whole freaking lives. Sometimes I feel like it's okay, of course my feelings/wants/needs aren't as important as those of my children. Other times I want to scream, "HELLO, I'm a human too!!" I have needs that need met too. I don't ALWAYS want to be secondary to my children. It's hard. Life's hard. Being a woman/mother/spouse is hard and sometimes it's all so overwhelming that you feel like giving up. That's where the damned depression comes in, just when you need it the most, you know. Then if you ask for help, you're a failure. How long will it take for our culture to change? It's starting to in some ways, but then you've got Roe v Wade and it makes you feel as if this whole country is moving backwards. Going back to the days of basement doctors and coat hangers. I hate it. I HATE IT.
I utterly disagree that a parents wants and feelings arent as important as the child's. You're a human being. You cannot be the best parent you want to be if YOUR needs and wants aren't met too. Your feelings are JUST AS important as theirs.
I really appreciate this video. I've said it before and I'll say it again. My biggest fear about pregnancy and labor is the fact that I can't get direct answers. I have the women in my family who may confirm a theory I have but then they don't talk any more on the topic, they dob't want to. Other then that I get the very sanitized version online which like you said, is dripping in "but you'll be so happy to have your sweet baby". It scares me, and I don't trust the medical professionals to be honest with me. They'll brush me aside and give me the same sanitized online resources to read. My husband doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand why I hate calling or "seeing a doctor" about something because I'm spending money and missing work to go to a doctor I KNOW is going to tell me its nothing and I should lose weight (because they throw that into anything even though I'm actually a good weight for my height and fitness level).
Yes what is the deal with that? Why are there mysteriously no answers? It's insane!!! There's nothing else in life like this. It's like we are just all of the sudden dropped off and expected to deal with it all by ourselves and guess what there used to be TRIBES of human beings and lots of people advising and helping people through this. It Is NECESSARY. And the whole not wanting to go to a doctor thing? My God - you betcha. I'm right there with you. A strong second from me on these sentiments! And the closer I get to this pregnancy thing the more I stand in horror and shock. I hope we figure this issue out as a society because it is devastating.
Former labor and delivery nurse here 🙋♀️ I agree with all of this and I am terrified to have my own children because I have seen first hand how women are treated during labor and postpartum. For a lot of doctors and nurses, this is just their job and nothing more. There’s no compassion. One of the big reasons I quit nursing all together, I took on the stress because I couldn’t get doctors to listen to me and to care. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some wonderful docs and nurses out there but in my experience, it’s not the majority.
I think it’s whenever they see the same thing all day, every single day, and hear the same questions over and over, deliver thousands of babies, you start to lose compassion and it all just becomes robotic, and they forget that their patients are real people with real emotions and that everyone is individual. Like Sam said, a first time mom might have a lot of questions because she genuinely doesn’t know anything about anything, but these questions are shrugged off by the doctors because they hear these same questions 100 times a day, and they get numb to it. It’s called “compassion fatigue” and happens to a lot of them. Nurses and doctors are over-worked and that has a lot to do with it too. For example, My hubby is an emergency nurse and just worked 95 hours in 7 days, had one day off, and then worked another 95 hours. This is how healthcare workers get burnt out and compassion fatigue. (I’d like to add that my husband doesn’t do this often)
Absolutely. I work in diagnostic imaging and work with ~10 radiologists. I can name maybe 2 of them that ever leave their office to come out and speak to us, outside of when it’s required. One doctor will come out to socialize with us (technologists, assistants, admin staff) and he will often treat all of us to lunch on his own dime. He’s also the only one I ever see come speak to patients for no reason, just to be a kind person. It’s so glaringly obvious who enters the medical field for a power trip and wealth versus who enters it to actually help people.
Also…my mom was a labor and delivery nurse for 38 years. She’s been retired for 6 years. She constantly tells me the level of care and compassion in the nursing field has gone downhill tremendously. She witnessed it when my sister gave birth twice, and her former coworkers have said the same thing.
Thank you for speaking on this. I had an emergency c section and getting things checked out for me was pulling teeth at my six week. The scariest thing I have ever been through and no one was checking me to make sure my pain was normal.. women are failed medically.
I worked as a psych nurse for 5 years before I started into labor and delivery. Immediately it was so apparent to me this disconnect between the lack of mental health care for our moms and women. I’m currently trying to change that, as I’ll be getting my perinatal mental health certification in August. It’s exhausting though. When you have to have a disclaimer, when you can’t talk about the hard parts. Your child wouldn’t be here without you. Your health and well-being are so important to that baby’s life. And yet, as you said, it’s like society deems you secondary.
I am not a mom, and think about the decision of whether or not I want kids all the time. This is type of content and openness is so needed, because as women, even when we are younger knowing about our own bodies is so taboo. I have never understood how being honest about the full spectrum of an experience could be a bad thing. I appreciate you for sharing this
Sam's wisdom comes just in time! Sitting here, 4 days post-partum, pumping because breast feeding has been a bit challenging. I'm loving being a mom tho, it is hard in so many ways. I'm exhausted and sore everywhere from labor and my stitches. I wish more medical professionals were more personable and empathic. I had some amazing nurses and midwives interact with me during my hospital stay...but not all medical professionals are like that, sadly. I've experienced both.
When you were talking about not being heard, or being told it’s no big deal...at around the 19 minute mark....It’s the same for cancer treatment and the side effects and complications. Going through this with my husband, we didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t. We didn’t want to be a bother, but at the same time, not asking a question could have resulted in a life-threatening condition. Everything you said resonated with me.....it’s so applicable to so many things. 😢. It’s like the whole “battling cancer”. Like if you don’t beat it, you’re a loser and you didn’t “fight” hard enough. I hate it!!?
I tore up through the labia as well and nobody tells you how bad it will feel afterwards. I completely understand exactly everything you're saying and so happy someone finally said it.
Everything you said about pain down there resonated so much with me. "Like you're being touched and you don't want to" - it's exactly like that. I hope it gets better for you. I have vestibular vulvodynia due to long period contraceptive hormone intake and am doing my all to get rid of the constant pain and reminder. I cannot imagine actually tearing, it sounds like my worst nightmare come to life. I wish you heal without further pain and complications. All the love, this video was catharctic to listen to and very informative.
Everything about this is right on the nose. My son is 12- I was a younger mom - 22 when I gave birth- and went thru ALL of this and no one talked about anything and left me to feel alone and isolated with all of the same thoughts as you’ve shared. You are not alone. Thank you for posting this. Truly. From a mom of 12 years now I cried watching this because of how emotional this made me feel due to how relatable this video was. I can’t say it gets easier - but I love my son more than life itself 🥰
Yes. Young Mom here too! The journey is tough and sometimes people like to insert their opinions. But at the end of the day, children impact our lives so much. They are a joy. :]
This 🙌🏻 literally broke my tail bone giving birth to my son and the midwife was like “oh yeah that happens” .. um pardon? Huge reason why I never persisted with breastfeeding and struggled with PPD, lack of support and help for the mum. Baby can’t be healthy unless mum is healthy.
Thank you for this video, Sam. I am 37 weeks pregnant with my third child and I have experienced all of these feelings you are having in some way shape or form over the last ten years of having kids. I am having my third c-section and can’t even imagine doing it without my doula because having an advocate, a support person, a person WHO GETS THAT YOU ARE A VALID HUMAN BEING and not just a vessel, meant the world to me during my last c-section. We should feel that level of support from every healthcare provider, but until we get there, bless the midwives and doulas who provide the emotional and mental support we need to get through arguably some of the toughest times we’ll ever go through.
The reality is this conversation is happening in group chats and between moms everywhere. There is no village anymore and the healthcare system disregarded the mother’s health a long time ago. Everything you said is true and imo it’s getting worse. So now my question is: what do we do? I don’t want this for the next generation of child-bearing people. Voting isn’t working. I’m struggling to figure out how to make a change because it’s long past due.
ORGANIZE. You need to build the village in your own community. Chances are there’s people trying to do it already. Join them. We have been brainwashed in America to think like individuals, don’t talk to strangers, don’t talk about your wages, etc. it is SO important that we start breaking down these walls and talking to our neighbors, to our local organizers, friendships built online are wonderful but if something bad happens, your neighbors and local community are gonna be who you have. Local politics still have power. Workers can demand things. Look at how mom groups formed to help each other find formula in the shortage… we can do that for support, for better schools, for better healthcare. Our government has abandoned us, we are all we have. Don’t give up ladies. 💚
@@JackOllie4 And likely even more people appreciate inclusivity (or don't give a shit either way). If only these "infuriated" people were as passionate about improving medical care for everyone rather than complaining about the use of gender neutral terms that make more people feel included.
Your feelings are valid Sam. Society loves to think once we have a child we are no longer an individual and only a mom. It’s complete bullshit. Sending you love 🥺❤️
Wow thank you!! I’m 37 weeks pregnant with our first and I’ve been struggling with this romanticized idea of pregnancy and motherhood. Luckily I’ve been able to find the most amazing therapist in Vancouver to work through my thought process but I’m so grateful you’re willing to share these non glamorous sides of bringing the most precious beings into the world. We need to normalize the shitty parts of parenthood so people don’t feel so bad about not loving every fucking moment. You’re so awesome Sam. Thank you thank you thank you!
Thank you for talking about this, no one has ever talked to me about this before and I'm in my twenty's. It helps me make an informed decision about when I actually want to go through this life-changing event and what I will need from my community (experienced and trusted women) and doctors (someone careful about the stitches).
This might be my favorite video you’ve ever made with the plant tour coming in afterwards. This was so relatable while also being a revelation because your experience with stitching and such were very different than mine. Thank you for making and posting this!!
Thank you for all of this. Before you finished telling about the breastfeeding and biting I was about to write in the comments that it happened to me too - and that I quit breastfeeding shortly after. My kid was 10 months old when they started chomping on me at what seemed like random points during feedings. I started dreading feedings and often sat there crying and panicking while feeding because I was scared of when they would bite. It hurts so goddamn much. Sending you so much love as you figure this out for yourself. 💜 I hate that you're having to deal with the physical pains of your surgery and nursing while ALSO having a creeping depression. 😩 wtf I also wanna add that I've felt totally abandoned with my postpartum health issues too. I had my first kid 11 years ago via emergency c-section and it was highly traumatic. It also gave me a giant scar on my belly of course and my entire FUPA is numb from the severed nerves. I've since been told by other people having gone through c-sections that I should've massaged around the scar area as to not lose all feeling in that area. WTF, no medical professional ever told me that. 🤯 Now I'm lumpy AND numb from the belly button and down for the rest of my life. Great. Feeling real confident and good about my body over here. 🙃 Regarding abortions: I'm fortunate to have a partner that I'm married to and we have two kids. From the outside we may look like your ideal nuclear family and that we could probably add another child to the family no biggie. I promise you WE CANNOT. My youngest is a special needs kid - they had a brain haemorrhage as a newborn and suffered brain damage. Taking care of them is incredibly hard. On top of that I have my own health stuff (chronic migraines and anxiety) to deal with. I can't have a regular job because of it so I'm self-employed and just making ends meet. If I was to get pregnant and couldn't get an abortion our family would be ruined. We are already completely maxed out. I feel like people always bring up r*pe and stuff as examples of situations where you'd want an abortion but rarely do people talk about regular families that just can't handle bringing any or another kid into the mix. It's not like all of us have endless ressources. Thank god I don't live in a place that criminalizes abortions. Thank you again, Samantha. I really appreciate your videos. I'm 7 years older than you and at a different place in my parenting life since my kids are older but it's kinda wild how these traumatic and difficult things stick with you. It's still healing for me to hear about so thank you. 💜
Oh Sam. I’m so sorry that this is your experience and that you feel like you have to have all these bullpoop disclaimers to ensure you don’t get judged for having, you know, a normal human reaction to pain, exhaustion, poor mental health, anger, frustration and sadness. I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. And I hate, hate, HATE when other child free folks don’t have sympathy or empathy for people who do choose to have a child and are faced with all the struggles it brings. Pain is pain, in whatever guise. You have my respect, empathy and patience for your choices and experience. Your feelings are valid and not some sort of punishment for taking a different life path than me.
I think we come from a generation of being raised to brush off emotions, and for me anyways, when I was little instead of talking me through my feelings I was told "your fine". I think this has translated into adulthood and how some people treat others. I've had to work really hard at being mindful of letting my 19 month old have her feelings, and talk about them and not just brush them off. I'm sure it is many factors in actuality, but, being a compassionate and truly caring person in those tough, tough lines of work seems to not happen as often as it should
I totally understand how you feel about going to the doctor since pregnancy and having baby..my youngest is 4, and I’m having pain and other issues I should, need, to be seen for..HOWEVER, I, personally, had such a horrible time with rude doctors and nurses and like you said, I just don’t want to be touched again… I would rather deal with the pain and issues than get medical attention. It’s a “triggering” experience to go through. I don’t think enough people realize how invading pregnancy and post pregnancy is to a woman and how it truly affects women.
Thank you for being so candid, and raw about this subject. Everything you describe about the changes in your postpartum body and your pregnancy is how I felt and feel too. I had a c section and although I didn't have a "good" figure pre pregnancy, it's absolutely ravaged now. It's hard to accept and I really relate to what you say when you look at your child to feel grateful not at your body and your scars. Our feelings are very valid ❤️
I love you so much. I am 11 months postpartum today and I’ve been feeling super down this past week especially. I had an unplanned c section and still get upset with people telling me “a healthy baby is all that matters”. Like no I really don’t feel like that’s true… I needed to hear you talk through this and I’m so sorry for your experiences of people downplaying your concerns. Thank you for sharing this and for your passion in protecting and advocating for others 💜
I relate to the whole you become secondary while pregnant. I had hyperemesis gravidarum during both of my pregnancies. With my older, I was at the hospital because I was dehydrated and needed IV fluids. I also had mentioned to the nurses that I hadn’t kept anything, food or water, down for about a week. They were about to send me home because my baby was okay…. It wasn’t until my husband spoke up about the fact that I hadn’t eaten that they ran some blood work and ended up admitting me for malnutrition and dehydration.
That’s awful, I am so sorry that happened to you! I have heard so many stories of pregnant women only being taken seriously when their husband said something. Its insane
You are my favorite person on UA-cam. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I felt the exact same with my child and he’s 3 now. You have a way of explaining that makes me feel understood. Forever grateful for the gift that is you.
Not the Upside Down 😂😭😭 Thank you for making this video, you are %100 right. Thank you for not only being vulnerable in your experience but for speaking up about those with less privilege as well. I adore you 💛
Thanks for this video, thanks! I felt exactly the same after having my baby… I think the point when I become hopeless was when I call to make an appointment due to my postpartum trauma and they told me I have a wait 3 months to see an specialist! I just cried hopeless and I told them.. I’m calling because I need help NOW, they just said sorry and bye. Horrible horrible experience.
The customer saying she loved you despite your opposing view and then say today was a great day “heart” emoji was such hostile passive aggression. I would have blocked her too. The Roe decision infuriates me and breaks my heart.
Omg needed this thank you.. the last part is pivotal I'm in winnipeg and been helping women seek adequate care from reservations up north & unless you've seen it you really don't know and your reaching so many.. thank you Sam.
THANK YOU! I’m 2 months postpartum and I hate when people ask me how I’m doing because they don’t want to know the truth, they just want me to say I’m great and in love with my baby and I’m just a little tired. No I’m miserable, in pain, stressed, and confused all day. Each day is a different day but it is so hard and articles, TikTok, and medical professionals have been driving me crazy. It’s a journey 😂😅
3 months PP and I feel the exact same! It’s such a lonely feeling! Everyone wanna ask about baby but no one wanna HONESTLY know about mama. Just know you’re not alone! The online info can be useful but I know I started to become very discouraged and guilty when all the advice doesn’t work for me n my baby. I honestly feel best when I’m listening to my instincts.
I have never commented on your videos before but gosh this video is SO important. You are so articulate about these issues I feel few people are critical about. I'm not a mom but thanks, this is so real and informative. Lots of love💕
Literally my mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer after years of being told by several different doctors that all her symptoms were due to being overweight.
Im so sorry. The same happened to my friend who had hodgkins in her spine. First it was just because she was overweight then they gave her the all clear to get pregnant because she was just overweight. When her pain got worse they told her its because she's pregnant. She had to have chemo pregnant... thankfully the baby was OK. She can't even pursue legal because there's apparently no point because she didn't lose her baby thus nothing was lost and everything turned out OK. It's disgusting.
You are so honest and it is much appreciated. I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve had my medical symptoms brushed off until one day I finally ended up in the ER, and once in the ER I was misdiagnosed during the critical hours where treatment would have helped because they looked at me and thought “she looks young and healthy” I agree that medical professionals do this every day and they forget that these experiences are major events for the patient, and being brushed off can be life threatening in some cases. Thank you for your honesty.
I love your mom content. Positive and negative experiences NEED to be shared so we don’t feel as isolated. I commend you for still breastfeeding despite all your challenges. For someone who pumped exclusively for 4 months, combo fed, now formula feeding. I felt very guilty when I started formula feeding, but it was the best thing for my mental and physical health. I can’t imagine the emotional struggle you are going through. My heart goes out to you Sam. I am lucky enough to live in a state where my rights are intact (for now). I’m still very distraught about the over turn of Roe v Wade. Thank you for shedding light on it here and on Instagram. 🖤🖤🖤
I’m adamantly child free but i just went to visit someone who has a 4 month old child and my partner and this mom were both super surprised that i knew as much about pregnancy and postpartum as i did and it’s thanks to these videos of yours. Thank you so much for being so open and honest about your experiences. Even though i will never go through this, it is SO fucking important to hear these things. More people need to listen to the true experiences of giving birth because how else will we be able to fully empathize? How can one properly be a feminist if you’re missing this huge chunk of information that affects most people with uteruses? ALSO for people who DO want to give birth, isn’t it better to know what you’re possibly going to experience? Again, thank you so much for sharing.
i'm reminded of when my surgeon phrased it after my gallbladder removal that i had been "stabbed repeatedly, but in a sterile environment." just because it was planned and medically tended to doesn't make it not a physical medical bodily trauma. pregnancy is traumatic on your body. and a lot of this video still spoke to me as someone with chronic pain and chronic illness about what its like trying to navigate that recovery with the uncertainty of what can be recovered from eventually and what is the new normal and the disregard for your reality in the process. thank you for your videos.
My sister was brushed off for months for being a new mom with a bad sinus infection. It took months and months before she was finally diagnosed with the worst case scenario. It wouldn’t have saved her to know earlier but it wouldn’t extended her life with a better quality of life 💗
This is such an important conversation and educational for those of us who are yet to take the journey into motherhood. Thank you for the vulnerability
You summed up the overwhelming feeling of motherhood perfectly. I gta say my baby just turned 9 and I can’t say it’s any better. I don’t reach out for help and I do not look to the internet. When I do I’m more overwhelmed by everything I “could be” doing wrong. I pride myself on being a great mom but I do it without the help of this so called village. The medical industry is not on our side and do not make us feel better for asking questions or having concerns. Thank you as always for being open and pointing these things out
I'd say pump and bottle feed, you can still feel close to your baby. I went through the same thing with my youngest. It's what I finally decided to do. Good luck Sam, whatever you decide. 💜
I don't mean to be negative, but I'm sure Sam has thought of that and has chosen to continue to breast feed. Idk why, but that's her decision. But your comment was my first thought as well.
Thank you for saying all of this. My "it's no big deal" reflex became so problematic that I hesitated to go to the actual emergency room when I had an active pulmonary embolism and it became excruciating to breathe. I didn't go until I had another clot in my leg and it literally turned purple. I still deal with loved ones saying to me, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WAIT" when I've spent the last 35 years as a woman trying to access care being told literally none of my pain or my concerns are a big enough deal to explore, let alone treat.
Love you for this. This is the reason why Im, unfortunately, not talking with most of my family these days. My kid even intuitively notices weird looks, comments and behavior towards her and shuts down. No 10yr old kid, that is literally the nicest person I’ve ever known, deserves any of it. I wish I could be as pure as my child and I will nourish them and every single quirk they have.
Not a mom, will probably never be a mom, but also I'll never be tired of your mom content. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I feel like these videos help me become a better friend, sister and peer to mothers around me, and I'm very grateful for that (they probably are too, lol). Xx
Wow I feel the same. What a community.
@@itsonlyada ❤
I feel the same way!
Definitely! It's easy to forget what other people go through, and we need these reminders.
Same!
I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby and was so full of questions and concerns, people (health care professionals included) would always say “ woman have been having babies since the beginning of time”. This statement designed to mitigate my worries just made me feel insignificant. For me, this was the biggest thing to ever happen. It was monumental and extraordinary to me and my world.
The same thing was said to me. Wild. Yes-I get that women have been doing this forever-I am also aware that maternal mortality was above 50% for most of that period. Being pregnant and giving birth are not insignificant simply because they are “common.” With respect, the people who minimize what we go through need to be slapped or something. (Respectfully 🙃)
Women also used to die regularly having those babies. Wanting to understand what is happening/will happen to you isn't asking too much. Some people need worries placated but some people function best if they understand all the details of the process.
Yeah, and women have been dying in pregnancy and childbirth until relevantly recently! Your questions are totally valid and healthcare professionals are going to have to catch up with this.
Yeah, that's one of those dismissive platitudes you hear all the time. It's like, yes, honey, but life is more complicated today and we have a much better understanding of human health and psychology than we did when humans first started having babies 🤦♀️
Also note the universality across cultures of well-off women delegating the post-partum heavy lifting to nurse maids.
So I have Endometriosis, and I cannot even explain to you how mad I get when people say "periods aren't painful" when for over 372 MILLION people with uterus's, periods are EXCRUCIATING, debilitating, absolute 10 out of 10 pain. So yes, for a lot of people, periods/cycles aren't painful, but for a whoooole lot of people, they are painful, and we get written off all the time because for some reason, if someone experiences something a certain way, i.e. they don't have a painful cycle, they have a reeeeeeally hard time believing other people experience it differently. It's super frustrating
Amen to that. I am glad I’ve raised 4 boys that know that some women have excruciating pain with their periods. Even my a-hole child is empathetic during that time of the month for me and makes my hot water bottles, runs me a bath, etc…
Same! I’ve had to have a blood transfusions due to my endometriosis. So periods are not just a casual freakin thing! It’s so debilitating and can even dangerous!
Honestly so true I swear i dont even have endo but on a bad day i dread being at work im flooded every hour rushing to the loo whilst in a job that needs my full attention 24/7 is not easy!
I don't have endo, but I had a birth control implant, and my periods were so painful that I would scream and sob.
Yes- suffered terribly for so much of my life before finally finding a doctor who gave a shit and gave me surgery. Been told by non-menstruating people they know what it’s like and I am over reacting- we need to do ether. Sending love to you.
As a new Mom with 2 under 3… I was already in shambles. Then when you got to the statistics around Black women, I lost it. The things I’ve experienced…
Videos like this are so needed, there’s a lot of us that aren’t a part of the “everything is always sunshine and kittens” every second. This is relatable content to me.
Hugs. My oldest 2 are 26 months apart, so I feel your pain. I’ve been going through some health issues, and I’ve been dismissed, made to feel overdramatic, and that it’s not that bad. Almost 2 years later, I’m having surgery next month to (hopefully) fix it. I’m a white woman with private insurance, and when Sam said the stats for black women, my jaw dropped too. I’m on the “good” end of the spectrum? This neglect of all women, and their healthcare, needs to end. Why aren’t we considered important? (I don’t expect an answer, I’m just mad).
But, congrats on the new baby, I hope you’re taking care of yourself too (I know you’re not, but try), and don’t ignore your mental health. Kid2 was incredibly difficult for me to recover from physically, and I was a walking ad for PPD. So don’t be me. 😊
I've looked at our maternal death rates many times, for the US. The stats for black women, and some of the incidents I read about are terrifying. I had so many traumatic experiences with obs & gyns that I stopped going to one for nearly 10y. So I can't imagine the things black women have had to go thru. And it's something that you very rarely, if ever see in the headlines.
Only a few minutes in, but even as a woman who has never been pregnant, I relate to this same feeling. When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, my gynecologist at the time told me that there was no course of treatment and to come back when I wanted to have kids. They didn't care about my pain, the excess hair, my hormone imbalances, the fatigue, etc that this illness causes, NOTHING. They only planned to offer me care once I decided to be a childbearing vessel. I lived in discomfort and pain for several years before I was able to advocate for myself several doctors later and find a gynecologist willing to treat my symptoms and help me.
wow, this is such a different approach than what we have in Poland. here if you have pcos they put you on birth control to prevent forming cysts and regulate hormones
During the labour of my first child, a nurse literally said to me: "all what matters now is the baby, not you". No wonder I had a severe post patrum depression. I literally had a thought that I and my well-being didn't matter.
So ridiculous. As if the baby doesn't need *you* to be healthy and happy in order for *them* to be healthy and happy. What could matter more than parents?
I sincerely apologize for the treatment you received during your postpartum care. That is soooo upsetting to me because a mothers well being is so important. We need to be okay to not only take care of ourselves but our baby as well, and overlooking a mothers well being after giving birth is extremely detrimental for their own sake and baby’s sake. I had such bad postpartum. And I didn’t know how to get help at all. I tried to speak to someone but I felt like that person and I did not connect. It was a super hard time and I only got out of my depression when I was 9 months postpartum.
It isn't, but even if the baby's health was the most important thing, the mother still needs to be healthy to take care of their baby 🤦♀️
This makes me sad 😞 you do matter.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. I just had my first baby last week. He is 9 days old. I had a traumatic experience in the hospital as well. Thankfully the midwives and nurses involved in the actual labor and delivery were amazing. But most of my experiences with healthcare providers in postpartum and neonatal intensive care were just terrible.
I’ve never met one woman that said breastfeeding didn’t hurt. My daughter just had a baby and she actually cried it hurt so much and I could relate! Also, she had to have a vaginal exam like 4 days after she gave birth and the resident acted like she was a baby when she said it hurt. This process is barbaric and infuriating. I’m a nurse and I was there for the birth with her and her husband and glad I was to advocate for her! I feel for you! XOXO Heidi
You are such a great mom!👏🏻
Omg the same thing happened to me! I had to get my blood pressure checked 4 days postpartum and they told me that I was being a baby for still needing a wheel chair and wasn't really able to hardly stand or walk. Turns out I had a gnarly infection 🙃 I had to advocate for myself before I got any help
Barbaric is a good word for it
Emily Noel (also on UA-cam) had a really horrible time with her first baby. It was really, really bad and she has a video about it up on her channel. I guess her daughters mouth was so small that Emily was in excruciating pain every time she nursed. She didn't understand why nobody had ever once mentioned that it (and many other things) could be horribly painful. She thought she was doing something wrong!
I had a pelvic exam a few days after delivery bc of an infection and they man handled my stitches and had to take me back to labor and delivery bc of all the screaming. Absolutely horrific
"As a society we struggle to be compassionate towards one another in different experience than our own" SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!
Thankfully, this is not the case in different countries/societies!
@@totukimou bless up! How unfortunately true it is in the states.
As a doctor, an OB/GYN specifically, I never tell my patients “Oh you’re fine.” In that moment, if my patient is speaking to me about a concern, they don’t feel fine. They feel concerned about whatever that thing is doing to their body. Instead, I explain what is considered average or common, and what uncommon or outside of average. And always, I’d rather tell someone that this issue is a common known issue that likely won’t cause any further complications than for them to suffer in silence for fear of being bothersome.
I'm not sure if you do this already but a pamphlet or packet explaining common symptoms and where the line is for "if it gets worse than xyz, call the doctor" would be soooooooo helpful.
@@table4glasses that is a great idea and I do think that would be helpful im just unsure of how exactly I could properly implement it because the list of potential questions or concerns could be endless really. I do however have a packet of info that I give out that has the most common pregnancy and postpartum questions, general answers (because every patient and situation is different, we can only give my common answers), as well as medications that are safe for the most common symptoms and concerns
@@graciem241 You sound like an amazing OB/GYN!
Bless you. I over explain what my concerns are to my doctor and how I got to them because I spent years afraid to say something then my doc literally was just like you’re probably fine but let’s check! And it really taught me the best way to handle those anxieties is to bring them up. But I can’t imagine where I’d be now if I was judged or dismissed.
My last trip to the ER there was a doctor who flat out said “I’m here because I want you to get better. Half of us or more become doctors for the title or the money and the rest of us actually CARE for our patients. It’s supposed to be an industry that cares for its people.” I can sense you’re one of the CAREtakers.
I'm so glad you're talking about this. The amount of gaslighting mothers receive when it comes to postpartum issues and experiences (breastfeeding, healing, emotional and mental struggles etc) is actually mind boggling.
Totally
yes, I'm back again with another masterpiece thumbnail
no photos or signatures at this time thank you
🤣🤣
Not interested in having kids ever in my life, but here for the realness and to better understand what it's like to go through it. You conveyed so much information so well and everyone should give a shit about these issues. The condescension toward and dehumanization of pregnant people is sickening. Thank you for validating everyone's unique lived experience, helping to normalize the reality of pregnancy, and not portraying it as magical and perfect for everyone, all the time. And yes, I thank you for your willingness to discuss your vulva on UA-cam. As a woman from the US, the "being treated like a vessel for birthing a child" and "the child's health always takes precedence," hit hard right now.
After giving birth now, 24 years ago, I feel so validated by you I’m crying. Thank you so much for your honesty and putting it out there for others to feel informed and validated.
There are so many gaps missing in understanding woman’s health, this really needs to be spoken about more. Some examples of this are definitely pregnancy, periods and menopause. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty Sam, I’m sending you so much love. 💜
As an American nurse…sigh. It’s a relief to listen to your content and know I’m not insane for thinking all these exact same thoughts. Also a first time mother of a 13 m/o. The struggle is real. They are lucky to have you as a mom!
As a childfree woman over 40 I so appreciate this.. I get so tired of everyone acting like having kids is all sunshine & rainbows! I love that your so real, keep being you!! 💕
When I was young, I saw a Dr. Phil episode my grandmother was watching. It was one of those AWFUL boot camp ones. Those kids were awful and there was no way their parents liked them. I KNEW I wouldn't like my kids once I learned that was possible. 36 and still no children. Oddly, I love children and early childhood development. But often want to smack my dog when I'm annoyed at him...I made the right call.
@@Waywardwindfall I once talked to a therapist who told me there are parents who actually regret having a child/children. But they will never admit this outside their office to anyone else. They continue to say, “I love my child/ children. The best thing I’ve ever done.” This was after I debated if I should have children. I still don’t have children and I’m ok with it. I don’t want to regret it. Tbh, I’ve met a lot of parents who envy my husband and I for still being childless.
I'm 43 and had to have a hysterectomy. These stories make me even more ok with not being able to give birth. There are still so many other ways I could be a mom in the future.
I feel exactly the same. I'm a great Auntie and a fabulous dog mum, but I dont want kids of my own for a lot of reasons.
@@lalam3877 I do genuinely love my children with every fiber of my being. I often wonder if we made the right decision having them. Not even for me. For them. Having chronically ill kids really changes your perspective. It makes you question having kids in a whole new way.
As a doctor, it makes me sad knowing that you feel this way. I think it’s an upsetting yet common thing that women are overlooked intra and postpartum. A lot of the time, you’re right, we overlook things because in our heads, these things are common and not worrisome. We often forget that the risks of certain presentations aren’t well known. I think this is something we have to reflect on in the medical profession, and I’m honestly glad you bring this up. You should never feel that you need to be quiet about your worries, especially medical, and I hope as a healthcare system we can be better for our patients. Thank you for sharing.
I think one of the biggest barriers (coming from a non medical professional from a family full of them) is that we patients are a number of people you will encounter throughout your day, your week, your year. Add to that the fact that a lot of the concerns are typical and normal, and that medical staff are often overworked, means that concerns can seem like they are being dismissed. Because that woman whose vision went blurry during pregnancy doesn’t know about the near-death situation you dealt with earlier this morning, and to her, this situation is confusing and scary and has her entire attention. Ultimately bedside manner goes a long way, as well as some empathy, which unfortunately some medical professionals just don’t have the EQ for. The ones that do are worth their weight in gold.
Thank you! I was ignored after delivery when I said I hurt bc they kept saying well you had a baby. Turned out I had a uterine infection that required 5 days of hospitalization and IV antibiotics by the time they finally listened. Oh and it wasn't a doctor who listened. It was a lovely nurse who was pregnant and finally agreed she could actually smell something was off which btw, yes I'd told them that days prior.
@@teganmartin8751 I agree that medical professionals should not be overworked, and they should not be pressured to have appointment times stay at certain lengths However, healthcare professionals need to be aware of how this impacts the care of their patients. Too many concerns are dismissed. If patients don’t know how to advocate for themselves, there are more negative health outcomes and distrust of the medical system.
@@djk5v oh, I totally agree. I didn’t intend to imply that medical staff have a carte blanche, more that they can fall into the trap of treating patients as a number, which is one of the root issues. The difference in having a care provider who actually listens to and addresses you concerns compared to one who just dismisses them is huge.
@@teganmartin8751 I think people that know to be aware of this, evaluate their practice at regular intervals, and keep up with continuing education as required are the people that I want to see for my own healthcare.
New mom here too and I 1000000% agree. If you express any type of negative emotions about your experience people treat you like a monster . Mothers are just expected to suffer and smile its wild. You can love your kids and still experience hardships and not enjoy every single moment of motherhood.
Almost five years into being a mom, and I've realized largely that after that baby came....my wants, needs and opinions mean almost nothing to the world now. And especially if you complain because then you're just whining about something that you "wanted".
You keep on complaining, cause everyone's struggle is subjective! Full disclosure, I can't have children, but I actually love hearing from moms who fully embrace the ups and downs of being a mom. It makes the experience more relatable and real, and I think it's important for more women to share their full experience, if nothing just so other woman know and understand the full range of experiences, even those of us who won't experience it. You are entitled to feel the way you do! ❤️
Almost 20 years later, same. Moms of older children are even more dismissed than when they were younger and it's gutting, honestly. ❤️
Felt this so hard. Moms are always depicted in media etc etc and just about everywhere - as tired, exhausted, at wits end and frazzled - no help from others and no time for ourselves and unappreciated.
And because this is the “norm” we see for ourselves as mothers - we just tend to say - well that’s what it’s supposed to be like right? And we just accept it cause “that’s our job.”
Well then if this is my job- Then I wanna speak to HR.
I’m a nursing student and in October 2021 I did my labor and delivery clinical rotation at an Alberta hospital. Other students always say that they feel less afraid of childbirth when they experience this clinical rotation in school, I felt the complete opposite. I observed two vaginal deliveries and 4 c-sections during my time there, and everything you explained I deeply feel - and I’ve never had children. Watching women go through this experience, I felt angry. It is unfair, dehumanizing, and violating. Things need to change. I hope to be an L&D nurse one day, but I’m afraid of the systems in place that don’t view birthing humans as individuals with bodily autonomy. I got really emotional hearing your story, thank you for sharing.
I got pregnant from a SA when I was very young.
Honestly, the labor and delivery were much more traumatic than the assault that led to it.
I didn't know what was happening. They handled me like a ragdoll, shoving needles and their giant hands into me. They spoke to each other but hardly spoke to me. I don't think anyone ever even asked my permission for anything - except if a bunch of med students could come watch.
Thank you for your compassion
Thank you for posting this
"Birthing humans" just say women, christ 🙄
@@fireandsugar2625 found the TERF!
@@TheSim1derful Never said anything that wasn't true. Women are the only people who can get pregnant so just saying women is accurate and is inclusive to the majority of the population. We should not have to change language based on a very small minority. And "Terf" is a slur just so you know. It is an attack on people who wish to preserve women's sex based rights and is also an inaccurate terminology. I stand for women's rights and am against the erasure of our language and boundaries. How on earth is that a bad thing? Not everyone believes in gender ideology. WOMAN = ADULT FEMALE HUMAN BEING. We are not a collection of stereotypes that men can just put on and say they are one of us. We aren't stereotypes. We are an actual group of people and it's incredibly offensive to say a man can be a woman just because he "feels" a certain way and thus offensive to say that being a woman is just a "feeling" and not a fact of nature. To be a woman is to be female. So I ask the question to you, why do you hate women? Why do you think women's boundaries should be erased? Why do you think males should have access to our private facilities put in place to safeguard women. Think DV shelters and rape crisis centres. You would have males infiltrate these spaces to further traumatize women with their presence? You would let dangerous male inmates go to women's prisons risking rape and unwanted pregancy?(this has already happened) You would have males take women's spaces in sports? (This has already happened) You would allow lesbians to be harassed for not wanting to date a trans woman since they are same sex attracted (this has already happened) You would even let men redefine what the word lesbian means like they are trying to do with women? You would force women to see a male medical practitioner for intimate care even if it makes them uncomfortable but they have to suck it up 'cause said male "identifies" as a woman? (This has already happened) You would have women in female changing areas be uncomfortable changing next to a man in places where they are supposed to have privacy dignity and safety? (This has already happened) so I ask you again, WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN?
I’m not a mom but I’ve struggled with chronic illness my whole life, and I will say there are A LOT of healthcare people who don’t understand how important bedside manner is. Imagine if instead of saying like “that’s fine don’t worry about it” for your blood clot, they had said something like “that sounds like it was a really scary experience for you and I’m sorry you had to go through that. The good news is, that while that was scary and painful , that was within the parameters of acceptable blood loss and clot size so if you’re feeling a lot of anxiety that there’s an emergency, you can know that you’re okay. Take some deep breaths, drink some water, eat some food, and try to relax because your body is under so much stress from the huge thing it just did. If you have any concerns or if anything changes please let me know, I’m here to help”
Obviously that takes more time than just saying “whatever get over it” but it makes such a huge difference.
Worded so eloquently!
Seems like something they should teach in any medical or nursing school, if they don't already. There's an old, unfortunate joke about doctors specifically that says the rigor of medical school weeds out the students with the best bedside manner.
I love this and it truly would make such a huge difference for patients with really…almost no additional time taken by the provider. Less than a minute to explain to someone who is in pain and afraid that their fear and pain is valid and ACTUALLY HAPPENING, that it doesn’t mean they are going to die, and that they have someone on their side. That would change people’s whole way of experiencing medicine.
100% agree, mothers go from being vessels to nannies/nurses/alarm clocks/chefs/maids, etc. and if you don’t have a good support system around you, and/or your child has special needs, your identity disappears. When your mental health keeps declining and you don’t get an opportunity to really fill your own cup or heal yourself, you’re constantly told “well you wanted kids” 😔
Normalize that mother’s taking on that level of caretaking, neglecting their own needs, living with chronic stress, feeling it’s a form of abuse while having to simultaneously love your child unconditionally…is ABSOLUTELY going to put you in survival mode and it WILL affect your relationships with other people and your children.
This whole comment is my LIFE! Its EXACTLY how i feel! Let's be friends 😆...I thought either nobody understood or felt what I was going through
This. I'm not a mom myself and don't desire to become one, but this comment reads so accurately. Moms get treated like shit and judged constantly while having the world expected of them 24/7. Depending on where you live as well, there's also very little support from the state too, so moms are having to rush right back to jobs in a lot of cases too. That in addition to being a full-time, round-the-clock caretaker seems unimaginably difficult.
It's extra extra fucked considering that things like post-partum depression and psychosis exist too, but are often not given the attention they deserve, all while the expectation for mom remains sky-high.
Completely on point. I worry a lot about my friends who have became moms after I did - i.e., after the reality of motherhood smacked the everloving sh*t out of me. Every time I’ve had a friend start on this path I have a serious convo with them and make sure they know that at the very least they have one other person they can get real with and ask for help if they need it.
Autism mom here crying when I read your comment 💖
As a mom of two, both special needs , it is a never ending beautiful yet exhausting , thankless 24/7 job . I love it but it is and always was a lot and so many make it seem like it is not
I had a few situations during pregnancy with my 2nd where I needed emergency steroids for something wrong with me and no doctor was willing to prescribe them for me even though my OBGYN okayed it. I had to frantically get on the phone with them to plead for them to because the Urgent Care doctor wouldn’t. And then my OBGYN office didn’t want to prescribe it because they weren’t the doctor I saw for the issue. And a second time this happened I was at my GP and I was crying and saying I was tired of not getting the medical care I need because I was pregnant. So no Sam, you’re not overreacting. The denial of care to women pregnant because they’re pregnant is happening every day.
God my eyes are teared up. I'm so sorry that you had these experiences. I've had to plead for doctors to take me seriously before and its the most vulnerable desperate feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You deserve better then that.
I am so sorry you went through this Kendra. You should not have been made to feel like you don’t matter. It’s appalling.
All of this… I have a 7, 5, and 3 year old and I still feel all of the things you said. We get dismissed constantly. I was told I wasn’t in labor by the nurses. I get they see false labor all of the time but I was writhing in pain. I had my son 45 minutes later. Growing up I was told that the pain and swelling I experienced in my suprapubic area was related to ovulation/menses. It ended up being a hernia I was born with and had surgery last year after my bowels kept wanting to pop out through said hernia. I told my mom about the surgery I had (we don’t live near each other) and she said “why didn’t you say something?!” And I replied “I did and was told it was normal.”
I had my kids 17 & 14 years ago… and I’ve needed to hear this since then. Thank you for speaking up and building connection around these issues. Truly. Thank you.
I talked about this with someone and they said I was focusing on the negative. I said it’s not negative, it’s allowing women to be prepared for pregnancy. Then they’re like, “well that’s the trade off for giving life”. People wonder why women don’t advocate for themselves but it starts right at birth to where, just because something beautiful is happening doesn’t mean the not so comfortable things exist.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 so true
I relate to everything in this video. Being a mom is very hard but so rewarding. We should be able to complain and not have repercussions for it. We as moms need to take care of ourselves but it’s so hard! You’re an amazing mom Sam!
Nursing was never not painful. After bringing my kid home, we saw an IBCLC, no change, just “it’ll get better after a few days when your nipples adjust”. It didn’t. I was then referred to a 4 day centre attached to the hospital with midwife and ibclc support 24/7. It got a tiny bit better, but again, “keep at it, it’ll get better as you adjust”. It didn’t. I saw a doctor who was also an ibclc at about 2 months in, with shredded nipples, who said my kid had a tongue tie that needs fixing. Got that fixed, no change, but, “keep at it, it’ll get better”. This continued through nipple vasospasm, months and months of off and on again mastitis. Because I could nurse and my kid was thriving, that was all that seemed to matter to the people around me. I would nurse and daydream about killing myself or running away from my family because I couldn’t live like that. I felt robbed of the nursing experience I was supposed to have but I couldn’t wean because the way to get rid of mastitis is to nurse. Very long comment haha
I hope things got better or you found a better solution cuz this sounds like a super difficult situation for you so I hope you got some support. Thank you for sharing 🙏
@@30arminda things are good now, my kid is 3 and growing like a weed. Nursing never got better unfortunately, but it's done
I had a very similar "issue" while breastfeeding my second child. I remembered some pain with my first, but with my second I cried every single time he latched on and ended up needing to pinch them beforehand because they were so scabbed that no milk would come through if I didn't. And even then the flow was minimal so I was getting backed up and that was even more painful. I went to multiple doctors and they all said the same, "it will get better, stick with it". I was begging for help because I wanted to breastfeed and was sent away each time thinking I was just a complainer that wasn't strong enough to deal with whatever issues came along with choosing to breastfeed my child. Then about a month in I was at my child's pediatricians office, he simply asked how we were doing and I just started crying saying I was failing my child and didn't know what to do. Keep in mind, he was the pediatrician for my oldest(7) too so I had a great doctor/patient relationship with him and he is a wonderful doctor. He knelt down in front of me, asked what was going on and I stood, lifted my shirt, pointed at my nipples and said "THIS!!!!". Thinking back now it's kinda comical that I flashed my child's pediatrician, but I was desperate. He took one look, told me that was not normal, called a doctor friend of his, got me an appointment that day and when I went to see the other doctor he told me to stop breastfeeding immediately and spoke with me for over an hour about my worries and concerns. He told me that there is no reason why anyone should have told me that what I was experiencing was "normal" and then he apologized for his colleagues lack of empathy and respect for my concerns. It was disappointing that I could no longer breastfeed my son but I am so thankful for my children's pediatrician and his immediate referral to someone that would actually listen. It's It's shame that no matter where you turn mothers are dismissed and judged. Even by medical professionals and other mothers! I'm sorry you suffered a similar experience, along with so many other mothers unfortunately. There are some who will listen, but it seems the vast majority see each patient within a very specific box that all other patients are also placed in rather than the individual experience they each have.
That was such a great and important comment thank you for sharing
@@krystaladair2586 that's awful. I was told during mastitis that very slowly weaning would be a good idea when it all cleared up, but by the time they listened to me about it just needing a longer course of antibiotics, rather than boob ultrasounds or nipple lasering, my kid had basically weaned himself already.
Feeling like a “vessel” really resonated with me… at my 6 week checkup postpartum my doctor only focused on baby and then asked me “how does everything feel like it’s healing down there?” I was caught off guard and just said “I think fine?” - idk I’ve never given birth before… I thought the doctor would’ve assessed me and looked at my stitches or something but nope! I was very surprised and felt like my health didn’t matter
Such an important conversation, thank you Sam!
“Well there may be some discomfort. Have you tried losing weight?” I really appreciated this video. My friend is trying to get pregnant, and she told me that I am the only mom in her life that talks about the negatives of motherhood. That just blew my mind! I remembered being so shocked about how awful I felt in the postpartum period because no one ever talked about it with me. We need to talk more about it so we are prepared for the realities of the world
As a queer man, you could talk about anything and I’d be interested. You put so much life and passion into your words that you could talk about period cups and I’d listen, oh wait you did and I watched. Lol. I love your prospective and Im happy you exist so I can learn and be able to support someone through something I might not understand. Much love!
More people need to have this outlook 🖤
What beautiful words, Sam! You seem like a lovely young man. ☺
I feel the same. I don't ever want children, but I'm a nursing student and a women, so I think it's so important for us to understand each other better so we can better support one another!! Expanding our perspectives
amen
I love this ❤️
As a 30 yr old mother of 3 boys… I’m fully crying while watching this entire thing. Every single thing hit me right in the chest. I felt all of this. Thank you for putting words to what I feel.
I've never wanted to be a mom because of how much mothers go through physically and mentally, and I find videos like this really validating. Thank you. You're doing really good things, Sam! Long time fan 🥰
As a medical professional I have always tried to remember that just because this is my everyday, this is normal for me, it is not normal for my patient. That’s why they’re here because something abnormal is going on. It takes no more time to tell someone information in a compassionate way than it does in a flippant way.
Thank you!!
I went to the ER about a week ago because I had multiple health oddities going on that were causing me to be unable to sleep and have panic attacks because I thought there was something really wrong with me. The ER staff were so kind and validating to my feelings. They did multiple tests and, turns out, I just had a kidney infection. They even provided me with a CT scan to give me “piece of mind”. I appreciate them so much for not writing me off when I was in such distress with what turned out to be next to nothing.
A kidney infection can kill you…I wouldn’t call that ‘next to nothing’.
Former L&D nurse, I have for sure seen some repairs in the moment that I believe weren’t stitched up well. Sometimes this is because you’re bleeding a lot and the doctor is just trying to close things up fast to minimize blood loss, and sometimes it’s sloppy work because they are tired or rushing to another delivery (not an excuse, but this is what I’ve seen). So for what it’s worth I think you are right when talking about how someone should be checking stitches postpartum and just to let you know that your gut feeling is probably accurate about things being a bit off. I’m sorry you went through this- I’ve seen similar tears to what you describe being repaired and I feel for you.
I also totally agree that the way in which we care for people now has to change, it’s just not good enough. I’m a nurse and this is honestly part of why I am doing a career change after a decade in healthcare. I’m in the US, so essentially things tend to come down to money, what gets the hospital the highest ratings (& thus funding) or time as far as like being able to see the most patients as possible. I think there are so many levels to the dysfunction at this point it’s overwhelming. Staffing shortages stress the people who ARE working, who then can become jaded and flippant with patients, and things just spiral on & on. It’s sad and I felt helpless as a part of the system that couldn’t do but so much to change things. Overall I appreciate when you post content like this because I do agree with you the majority of the time and I think it’s important this stuff be talked about so we can do better.
Not to mention the risk for infection. How in the world are you going to check for the first signs if you don't look???
you can vent as much as you want about motherhood, especially on here!! never forget this is your platform to do what you want with. the ppl who truly support you will always be here. having a kid is an extremely traumatic life event even after the birth process as you described. you are helping people empathize with a situation that not everyone experiences by venting and that’s amazing. i’m sorry you’re having a rough time mentally. you are so strong for birthing a whole child and then having to adjust to a completely different life while having a business to run, interpersonal relationships, etc. we’re all so proud of you even if it’s hard for you to feel that way about yourself sometimes!!
I’m still processing the trauma from my delivery and residual effects and went through an emotional roller coaster of a ride with my first five months of breastfeeding so to hear someone else talk so real and raw like this is really healing. My pelvic floor physiotherapist was the one person in my circle of care who gave me the kind of postpartum support that every woman deserves. I never thought I would feel like myself again, but my work with her has helped immensely, slowly but surely. For whenever you’re ready, just know this is a possible resource for you to help reclaim what the birth experience can sometimes strip away. Thank you so much for what you did in this video. Cannot express to you how helpful this content is.
This is useful beyond words. I’m not a mom nor do I want to. Everything you’ve discussed is so important yet so frequently overlooked. It is so frustrating how much women’s health concerns, pregnancy and motherhood issues are disregarded. Thank you so much for this, Sam.
This is so painful to hear Samantha, but I really appreciate your transparency and the reality of the pregnancy you’re providing.
I am happily child free, but YES. "the health of the mother is equally important".
Fucking yes. You moms are JUST AS IMPORTANT.
Sam, thank you for being so vocal about things that everyone else are afraid to say. I am 2 weeks postpartum and I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve been having these conversations with my husband and its truly frustrating. My entire pregnancy/labor/postpartum has been so scary at times and everything i have experienced has always been brushed off as no big deal. As a first time mom I don’t understand how I should know better or know when to worry or not worry when I feel so dismissed constantly.
I love how multiple times in the video you would say things like “I don’t know why I feel this way” or “I probably shouldn’t be like this” but then remembered to correct yourself with “actually, I should be able to express this bc, ect.” Keep being kind to yourself as much as you can during this difficult time. You deserve to be heard and although a LOT of ppl are too closed minded/ignorant to understand or show empathy, there’s SO many of us who will. The mindset you have about experiences not yet lived through is beautiful. Everyone should be trying to better understand things outside of themselves especially if they haven’t lived through it or had that same experience as someone else. You are truly a wonderfully insightful human and simply because of that alone I know you’re a great mother. Sending you positive energy and I hope things get easier soon. Love you and your videos ❤️
I wish there had been content like this when I was a young mother. Your comments about women's concerns being downplayed are so spot on. I am in my 40s and still learning how to advocate for myself. Thank you for understanding....in general and I'm thankful people have a place to go to hear a different perspective that makes them feel not alone
Your blood clot story reminded me of a memory I’ve buried, me, five days days post c section at my daughter’s pediatrician appointment. She had jaundice and needed to be checked daily, and my incision was not healing right and I was in pain and bleeding and I started bawling when we had to wait over an hour (this was before Covid.) the doctors office workers were looking at me like I was an alien. I switched her pediatrician after that because they had no empathy and I knew there were better options out there!
everything youre saying YES! ive been a mom for almost 2 years now. I also felt like my needs were not cared for by professionals. I was left with so much unanswered questions and concerns. no one cared to check my stitches either until i asked. i struggled with breastfeeding and was only told "keep trying, you'll both get it eventually." i gave up and attempted pumping but that was a lot on my mental health and would leave me with no sleep. I dealt with postpartum depression and slight psychosis. i got help before psychosis took over. Also dealt with so much pain after (still do) and only recently found a doctor to take my concerns seriously but at this point my shoulder and abdominal muscles are so wrecked they will never be 100% again. and my belly will always hang unless i get approved for surgery because my abdominal muscles cant hold up anymore. everything was really traumatic emotionally and physically. 2 years later im now just getting into a better place mentally. physical still has so much work but i am focusing on mental mostly. and the "it takes a village" shit is annoying. it does take a lot of people but during a pandemic and other possible issues its hard to have a village helping you. and parents deserve breaks! especially the main caregiver. we are fucking tired!!!!
I feel this so much. I had my son in Oct 2020. It was the most isolating experience of my life. I still don’t think anyone (the general public or health professionals) really acknowledges what we went through. It’s hard enough, but this realllllly made things worse. Sending love to you, mama. Glad you are taking care of yourself!! ❤️
You articulated this so well. My oldest son is 38 and I felt the same way when he was born, but none of these issues were discussed and were even more taboo. We can love our baby with our complete soul without negating our own needs and spending a life feeling ‘less than’.
Thank you for talking about this Sam. I didn't have a particularly difficult pregnancy but had (still do) all of these same emotional experiences and it took me YEARS to feel like I was healed, my body was mine again, and feel like I mostly have my identity back. We want to have another but the longer I heal the more I feel like - I don't know if I can start back at square one again. It's daunting.
Ugh even just the opener of you saying it's ridiculous that you have to preface your experiences with "I love my kid" got me. Started tearing up. You are so right. Nailed it as always!
I have been telling my husband this kind of thing for years.. especially feeling like my body isn’t my own. Since I’ve also been in recovery for years now, I also struggle with feeling normal connections with myself anyway. It’s definitely challenging. I’m so glad you and Kristi are talking about issues we all face. I would also know where the village is that supposed to be helping us with our 4 children lol. It is very isolating.
The way I cried with you through this entire video. Yes, to everything you said. I've had such a similar experience to you and it absolutely breaks my heart to know others have gone and are currently going through it too. It's the reason why I'll never choose to have another child, as I don't want to experience the crushing medical abandonment and loneliness I experienced when having my daughter. Thinking about people being forced to have children in a post-Roe world is a freaking nightmare.
This video hit so close to home. I also had staples (vs stitches) after a c-section and had to insist that my incision be checked out postpartum. I had horrible swelling and was pretty much told “not to worry” your feet will go back to normal like it was an aesthetic issue. Well it turned out to be postpartum preeclampsia and it could have killed me. I ended up back in the hospital a week later. I could go on and on….
This very thing happened to me. I am 3 weeks PP now and taking blood pressure medication bc I was at risk for post partum preeclampsia as well. My entire pregnancy I was healthy and have never had issues with my health. Thankfully my OB wasn’t too dismissive about it but I don’t understand how I went from healthy to developing so many complications during my labor and after baby. I truly sucks!
I had postpartum preeclampsia too. My doctor told me to the hospital at one week postpartum, when I called the postpartum ward to find out if I go straight there or the ER the nurse told me not to go to the hospital, and that if i went to the er I’d be wasting everyone’s time. She never even asked about my symptoms or blood pressure numbers. I went to the ER despite that and was admitted within minutes because blood pressure was 189/110. I also got yelled at while on my mag drip for taking care of my baby and my husband going home to watch our two other kids, when no one told me he should have stayed with me the whole time and couldn’t leave.
Thank you for opening up. This makes me so grateful for living in France where care during and after pregnancy is quite adequate. I can't imagine it being otherwise during such a difficult time.
As an OB nurse for 24 years…
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!
I have 4 daughters and have helped thousands of prepregnant, pregnant and postpartum moms.
They need to hear all of this AND more!
I love you Sam♥️
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Med student here: the way the medical system treats new moms is absolutely barbaric and i cannot believe the way moms are treated
Oh my, yes Samantha! We do become secondary to our children our whole freaking lives. Sometimes I feel like it's okay, of course my feelings/wants/needs aren't as important as those of my children. Other times I want to scream, "HELLO, I'm a human too!!" I have needs that need met too. I don't ALWAYS want to be secondary to my children. It's hard. Life's hard. Being a woman/mother/spouse is hard and sometimes it's all so overwhelming that you feel like giving up. That's where the damned depression comes in, just when you need it the most, you know. Then if you ask for help, you're a failure. How long will it take for our culture to change? It's starting to in some ways, but then you've got Roe v Wade and it makes you feel as if this whole country is moving backwards. Going back to the days of basement doctors and coat hangers. I hate it. I HATE IT.
I utterly disagree that a parents wants and feelings arent as important as the child's. You're a human being. You cannot be the best parent you want to be if YOUR needs and wants aren't met too. Your feelings are JUST AS important as theirs.
I really appreciate this video. I've said it before and I'll say it again. My biggest fear about pregnancy and labor is the fact that I can't get direct answers. I have the women in my family who may confirm a theory I have but then they don't talk any more on the topic, they dob't want to. Other then that I get the very sanitized version online which like you said, is dripping in "but you'll be so happy to have your sweet baby". It scares me, and I don't trust the medical professionals to be honest with me. They'll brush me aside and give me the same sanitized online resources to read.
My husband doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand why I hate calling or "seeing a doctor" about something because I'm spending money and missing work to go to a doctor I KNOW is going to tell me its nothing and I should lose weight (because they throw that into anything even though I'm actually a good weight for my height and fitness level).
Yes what is the deal with that? Why are there mysteriously no answers? It's insane!!! There's nothing else in life like this. It's like we are just all of the sudden dropped off and expected to deal with it all by ourselves and guess what there used to be TRIBES of human beings and lots of people advising and helping people through this. It Is NECESSARY. And the whole not wanting to go to a doctor thing? My God - you betcha. I'm right there with you. A strong second from me on these sentiments! And the closer I get to this pregnancy thing the more I stand in horror and shock. I hope we figure this issue out as a society because it is devastating.
Former labor and delivery nurse here 🙋♀️ I agree with all of this and I am terrified to have my own children because I have seen first hand how women are treated during labor and postpartum. For a lot of doctors and nurses, this is just their job and nothing more. There’s no compassion. One of the big reasons I quit nursing all together, I took on the stress because I couldn’t get doctors to listen to me and to care. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some wonderful docs and nurses out there but in my experience, it’s not the majority.
Is it to do with the training that doctors receive? Does the whole system need to be overhauled?
I think it’s whenever they see the same thing all day, every single day, and hear the same questions over and over, deliver thousands of babies, you start to lose compassion and it all just becomes robotic, and they forget that their patients are real people with real emotions and that everyone is individual. Like Sam said, a first time mom might have a lot of questions because she genuinely doesn’t know anything about anything, but these questions are shrugged off by the doctors because they hear these same questions 100 times a day, and they get numb to it. It’s called “compassion fatigue” and happens to a lot of them. Nurses and doctors are over-worked and that has a lot to do with it too. For example, My hubby is an emergency nurse and just worked 95 hours in 7 days, had one day off, and then worked another 95 hours. This is how healthcare workers get burnt out and compassion fatigue. (I’d like to add that my husband doesn’t do this often)
Absolutely. I work in diagnostic imaging and work with ~10 radiologists. I can name maybe 2 of them that ever leave their office to come out and speak to us, outside of when it’s required. One doctor will come out to socialize with us (technologists, assistants, admin staff) and he will often treat all of us to lunch on his own dime. He’s also the only one I ever see come speak to patients for no reason, just to be a kind person. It’s so glaringly obvious who enters the medical field for a power trip and wealth versus who enters it to actually help people.
Also…my mom was a labor and delivery nurse for 38 years. She’s been retired for 6 years. She constantly tells me the level of care and compassion in the nursing field has gone downhill tremendously. She witnessed it when my sister gave birth twice, and her former coworkers have said the same thing.
I worry that burnout is one of the factors contributing to this
Thank you for speaking on this. I had an emergency c section and getting things checked out for me was pulling teeth at my six week. The scariest thing I have ever been through and no one was checking me to make sure my pain was normal.. women are failed medically.
I worked as a psych nurse for 5 years before I started into labor and delivery. Immediately it was so apparent to me this disconnect between the lack of mental health care for our moms and women. I’m currently trying to change that, as I’ll be getting my perinatal mental health certification in August. It’s exhausting though. When you have to have a disclaimer, when you can’t talk about the hard parts. Your child wouldn’t be here without you. Your health and well-being are so important to that baby’s life. And yet, as you said, it’s like society deems you secondary.
I am not a mom, and think about the decision of whether or not I want kids all the time. This is type of content and openness is so needed, because as women, even when we are younger knowing about our own bodies is so taboo. I have never understood how being honest about the full spectrum of an experience could be a bad thing. I appreciate you for sharing this
Sam's wisdom comes just in time! Sitting here, 4 days post-partum, pumping because breast feeding has been a bit challenging. I'm loving being a mom tho, it is hard in so many ways. I'm exhausted and sore everywhere from labor and my stitches. I wish more medical professionals were more personable and empathic. I had some amazing nurses and midwives interact with me during my hospital stay...but not all medical professionals are like that, sadly. I've experienced both.
When you were talking about not being heard, or being told it’s no big deal...at around the 19 minute mark....It’s the same for cancer treatment and the side effects and complications. Going through this with my husband, we didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t. We didn’t want to be a bother, but at the same time, not asking a question could have resulted in a life-threatening condition. Everything you said resonated with me.....it’s so applicable to so many things. 😢. It’s like the whole “battling cancer”. Like if you don’t beat it, you’re a loser and you didn’t “fight” hard enough. I hate it!!?
I tore up through the labia as well and nobody tells you how bad it will feel afterwards. I completely understand exactly everything you're saying and so happy someone finally said it.
Everything you said about pain down there resonated so much with me. "Like you're being touched and you don't want to" - it's exactly like that. I hope it gets better for you. I have vestibular vulvodynia due to long period contraceptive hormone intake and am doing my all to get rid of the constant pain and reminder. I cannot imagine actually tearing, it sounds like my worst nightmare come to life. I wish you heal without further pain and complications. All the love, this video was catharctic to listen to and very informative.
Everything about this is right on the nose. My son is 12- I was a younger mom - 22 when I gave birth- and went thru ALL of this and no one talked about anything and left me to feel alone and isolated with all of the same thoughts as you’ve shared. You are not alone. Thank you for posting this. Truly. From a mom of 12 years now I cried watching this because of how emotional this made me feel due to how relatable this video was. I can’t say it gets easier - but I love my son more than life itself 🥰
Yes. Young Mom here too! The journey is tough and sometimes people like to insert their opinions. But at the end of the day, children impact our lives so much. They are a joy. :]
This 🙌🏻 literally broke my tail bone giving birth to my son and the midwife was like “oh yeah that happens” .. um pardon? Huge reason why I never persisted with breastfeeding and struggled with PPD, lack of support and help for the mum. Baby can’t be healthy unless mum is healthy.
Thank you for this video, Sam. I am 37 weeks pregnant with my third child and I have experienced all of these feelings you are having in some way shape or form over the last ten years of having kids. I am having my third c-section and can’t even imagine doing it without my doula because having an advocate, a support person, a person WHO GETS THAT YOU ARE A VALID HUMAN BEING and not just a vessel, meant the world to me during my last c-section. We should feel that level of support from every healthcare provider, but until we get there, bless the midwives and doulas who provide the emotional and mental support we need to get through arguably some of the toughest times we’ll ever go through.
The reality is this conversation is happening in group chats and between moms everywhere. There is no village anymore and the healthcare system disregarded the mother’s health a long time ago. Everything you said is true and imo it’s getting worse.
So now my question is: what do we do? I don’t want this for the next generation of child-bearing people. Voting isn’t working. I’m struggling to figure out how to make a change because it’s long past due.
you wrote EXACTLY what was on my heart
ORGANIZE. You need to build the village in your own community. Chances are there’s people trying to do it already. Join them. We have been brainwashed in America to think like individuals, don’t talk to strangers, don’t talk about your wages, etc. it is SO important that we start breaking down these walls and talking to our neighbors, to our local organizers, friendships built online are wonderful but if something bad happens, your neighbors and local community are gonna be who you have. Local politics still have power. Workers can demand things. Look at how mom groups formed to help each other find formula in the shortage… we can do that for support, for better schools, for better healthcare.
Our government has abandoned us, we are all we have. Don’t give up ladies. 💚
Meanwhile people are wondering why the numbers of women having babies is getting lower and lower… 🤔
@@JackOllie4 And likely even more people appreciate inclusivity (or don't give a shit either way). If only these "infuriated" people were as passionate about improving medical care for everyone rather than complaining about the use of gender neutral terms that make more people feel included.
Your feelings are valid Sam. Society loves to think once we have a child we are no longer an individual and only a mom. It’s complete bullshit. Sending you love 🥺❤️
Wow thank you!! I’m 37 weeks pregnant with our first and I’ve been struggling with this romanticized idea of pregnancy and motherhood. Luckily I’ve been able to find the most amazing therapist in Vancouver to work through my thought process but I’m so grateful you’re willing to share these non glamorous sides of bringing the most precious beings into the world. We need to normalize the shitty parts of parenthood so people don’t feel so bad about not loving every fucking moment. You’re so awesome Sam. Thank you thank you thank you!
Thank you for talking about this, no one has ever talked to me about this before and I'm in my twenty's. It helps me make an informed decision about when I actually want to go through this life-changing event and what I will need from my community (experienced and trusted women) and doctors (someone careful about the stitches).
This might be my favorite video you’ve ever made with the plant tour coming in afterwards. This was so relatable while also being a revelation because your experience with stitching and such were very different than mine. Thank you for making and posting this!!
Thank you for all of this. Before you finished telling about the breastfeeding and biting I was about to write in the comments that it happened to me too - and that I quit breastfeeding shortly after. My kid was 10 months old when they started chomping on me at what seemed like random points during feedings. I started dreading feedings and often sat there crying and panicking while feeding because I was scared of when they would bite. It hurts so goddamn much.
Sending you so much love as you figure this out for yourself. 💜 I hate that you're having to deal with the physical pains of your surgery and nursing while ALSO having a creeping depression. 😩 wtf
I also wanna add that I've felt totally abandoned with my postpartum health issues too. I had my first kid 11 years ago via emergency c-section and it was highly traumatic. It also gave me a giant scar on my belly of course and my entire FUPA is numb from the severed nerves. I've since been told by other people having gone through c-sections that I should've massaged around the scar area as to not lose all feeling in that area. WTF, no medical professional ever told me that. 🤯 Now I'm lumpy AND numb from the belly button and down for the rest of my life. Great. Feeling real confident and good about my body over here. 🙃
Regarding abortions: I'm fortunate to have a partner that I'm married to and we have two kids. From the outside we may look like your ideal nuclear family and that we could probably add another child to the family no biggie. I promise you WE CANNOT. My youngest is a special needs kid - they had a brain haemorrhage as a newborn and suffered brain damage. Taking care of them is incredibly hard. On top of that I have my own health stuff (chronic migraines and anxiety) to deal with. I can't have a regular job because of it so I'm self-employed and just making ends meet. If I was to get pregnant and couldn't get an abortion our family would be ruined. We are already completely maxed out. I feel like people always bring up r*pe and stuff as examples of situations where you'd want an abortion but rarely do people talk about regular families that just can't handle bringing any or another kid into the mix. It's not like all of us have endless ressources. Thank god I don't live in a place that criminalizes abortions.
Thank you again, Samantha. I really appreciate your videos. I'm 7 years older than you and at a different place in my parenting life since my kids are older but it's kinda wild how these traumatic and difficult things stick with you. It's still healing for me to hear about so thank you. 💜
Oh Sam. I’m so sorry that this is your experience and that you feel like you have to have all these bullpoop disclaimers to ensure you don’t get judged for having, you know, a normal human reaction to pain, exhaustion, poor mental health, anger, frustration and sadness.
I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. And I hate, hate, HATE when other child free folks don’t have sympathy or empathy for people who do choose to have a child and are faced with all the struggles it brings. Pain is pain, in whatever guise. You have my respect, empathy and patience for your choices and experience. Your feelings are valid and not some sort of punishment for taking a different life path than me.
I think we come from a generation of being raised to brush off emotions, and for me anyways, when I was little instead of talking me through my feelings I was told "your fine". I think this has translated into adulthood and how some people treat others. I've had to work really hard at being mindful of letting my 19 month old have her feelings, and talk about them and not just brush them off. I'm sure it is many factors in actuality, but, being a compassionate and truly caring person in those tough, tough lines of work seems to not happen as often as it should
I totally understand how you feel about going to the doctor since pregnancy and having baby..my youngest is 4, and I’m having pain and other issues I should, need, to be seen for..HOWEVER, I, personally, had such a horrible time with rude doctors and nurses and like you said, I just don’t want to be touched again… I would rather deal with the pain and issues than get medical attention. It’s a “triggering” experience to go through. I don’t think enough people realize how invading pregnancy and post pregnancy is to a woman and how it truly affects women.
Thank you for being so candid, and raw about this subject.
Everything you describe about the changes in your postpartum body and your pregnancy is how I felt and feel too. I had a c section and although I didn't have a "good" figure pre pregnancy, it's absolutely ravaged now. It's hard to accept and I really relate to what you say when you look at your child to feel grateful not at your body and your scars. Our feelings are very valid ❤️
I love you so much. I am 11 months postpartum today and I’ve been feeling super down this past week especially. I had an unplanned c section and still get upset with people telling me “a healthy baby is all that matters”. Like no I really don’t feel like that’s true… I needed to hear you talk through this and I’m so sorry for your experiences of people downplaying your concerns. Thank you for sharing this and for your passion in protecting and advocating for others 💜
I relate to the whole you become secondary while pregnant. I had hyperemesis gravidarum during both of my pregnancies. With my older, I was at the hospital because I was dehydrated and needed IV fluids. I also had mentioned to the nurses that I hadn’t kept anything, food or water, down for about a week. They were about to send me home because my baby was okay…. It wasn’t until my husband spoke up about the fact that I hadn’t eaten that they ran some blood work and ended up admitting me for malnutrition and dehydration.
I'm sorry that happened to you! Mom should always come first, because if you're not doing well, it will eventually impact the baby as well.
That’s awful, I am so sorry that happened to you! I have heard so many stories of pregnant women only being taken seriously when their husband said something. Its insane
😰
You are my favorite person on UA-cam. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I felt the exact same with my child and he’s 3 now. You have a way of explaining that makes me feel understood. Forever grateful for the gift that is you.
Not the Upside Down 😂😭😭
Thank you for making this video, you are %100 right. Thank you for not only being vulnerable in your experience but for speaking up about those with less privilege as well. I adore you 💛
Thanks for this video, thanks! I felt exactly the same after having my baby… I think the point when I become hopeless was when I call to make an appointment due to my postpartum trauma and they told me I have a wait 3 months to see an specialist! I just cried hopeless and I told them.. I’m calling because I need help NOW, they just said sorry and bye. Horrible horrible experience.
The customer saying she loved you despite your opposing view and then say today was a great day “heart” emoji was such hostile passive aggression. I would have blocked her too. The Roe decision infuriates me and breaks my heart.
Omg needed this thank you.. the last part is pivotal I'm in winnipeg and been helping women seek adequate care from reservations up north & unless you've seen it you really don't know and your reaching so many.. thank you Sam.
THANK YOU! I’m 2 months postpartum and I hate when people ask me how I’m doing because they don’t want to know the truth, they just want me to say I’m great and in love with my baby and I’m just a little tired. No I’m miserable, in pain, stressed, and confused all day. Each day is a different day but it is so hard and articles, TikTok, and medical professionals have been driving me crazy. It’s a journey 😂😅
3 months PP and I feel the exact same! It’s such a lonely feeling! Everyone wanna ask about baby but no one wanna HONESTLY know about mama. Just know you’re not alone! The online info can be useful but I know I started to become very discouraged and guilty when all the advice doesn’t work for me n my baby. I honestly feel best when I’m listening to my instincts.
I have never commented on your videos before but gosh this video is SO important. You are so articulate about these issues I feel few people are critical about. I'm not a mom but thanks, this is so real and informative. Lots of love💕
Literally my mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer after years of being told by several different doctors that all her symptoms were due to being overweight.
Oh my goodness
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry :(
So sorry.
I'm so sorry Punkkin
Im so sorry. The same happened to my friend who had hodgkins in her spine. First it was just because she was overweight then they gave her the all clear to get pregnant because she was just overweight. When her pain got worse they told her its because she's pregnant. She had to have chemo pregnant... thankfully the baby was OK. She can't even pursue legal because there's apparently no point because she didn't lose her baby thus nothing was lost and everything turned out OK. It's disgusting.
You are so honest and it is much appreciated. I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve had my medical symptoms brushed off until one day I finally ended up in the ER, and once in the ER I was misdiagnosed during the critical hours where treatment would have helped because they looked at me and thought “she looks young and healthy”
I agree that medical professionals do this every day and they forget that these experiences are major events for the patient, and being brushed off can be life threatening in some cases.
Thank you for your honesty.
I love your mom content. Positive and negative experiences NEED to be shared so we don’t feel as isolated. I commend you for still breastfeeding despite all your challenges. For someone who pumped exclusively for 4 months, combo fed, now formula feeding. I felt very guilty when I started formula feeding, but it was the best thing for my mental and physical health. I can’t imagine the emotional struggle you are going through. My heart goes out to you Sam. I am lucky enough to live in a state where my rights are intact (for now). I’m still very distraught about the over turn of Roe v Wade. Thank you for shedding light on it here and on Instagram. 🖤🖤🖤
I’m adamantly child free but i just went to visit someone who has a 4 month old child and my partner and this mom were both super surprised that i knew as much about pregnancy and postpartum as i did and it’s thanks to these videos of yours. Thank you so much for being so open and honest about your experiences. Even though i will never go through this, it is SO fucking important to hear these things. More people need to listen to the true experiences of giving birth because how else will we be able to fully empathize? How can one properly be a feminist if you’re missing this huge chunk of information that affects most people with uteruses? ALSO for people who DO want to give birth, isn’t it better to know what you’re possibly going to experience?
Again, thank you so much for sharing.
i'm reminded of when my surgeon phrased it after my gallbladder removal that i had been "stabbed repeatedly, but in a sterile environment." just because it was planned and medically tended to doesn't make it not a physical medical bodily trauma. pregnancy is traumatic on your body. and a lot of this video still spoke to me as someone with chronic pain and chronic illness about what its like trying to navigate that recovery with the uncertainty of what can be recovered from eventually and what is the new normal and the disregard for your reality in the process.
thank you for your videos.
My sister was brushed off for months for being a new mom with a bad sinus infection.
It took months and months before she was finally diagnosed with the worst case scenario. It wouldn’t have saved her to know earlier but it wouldn’t extended her life with a better quality of life 💗
This is such an important conversation and educational for those of us who are yet to take the journey into motherhood. Thank you for the vulnerability
You summed up the overwhelming feeling of motherhood perfectly. I gta say my baby just turned 9 and I can’t say it’s any better. I don’t reach out for help and I do not look to the internet. When I do I’m more overwhelmed by everything I “could be” doing wrong. I pride myself on being a great mom but I do it without the help of this so called village. The medical industry is not on our side and do not make us feel better for asking questions or having concerns. Thank you as always for being open and pointing these things out
I'd say pump and bottle feed, you can still feel close to your baby. I went through the same thing with my youngest. It's what I finally decided to do. Good luck Sam, whatever you decide. 💜
I don't mean to be negative, but I'm sure Sam has thought of that and has chosen to continue to breast feed. Idk why, but that's her decision. But your comment was my first thought as well.
Thank you for saying all of this. My "it's no big deal" reflex became so problematic that I hesitated to go to the actual emergency room when I had an active pulmonary embolism and it became excruciating to breathe. I didn't go until I had another clot in my leg and it literally turned purple. I still deal with loved ones saying to me, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WAIT" when I've spent the last 35 years as a woman trying to access care being told literally none of my pain or my concerns are a big enough deal to explore, let alone treat.
Love you for this. This is the reason why Im, unfortunately, not talking with most of my family these days. My kid even intuitively notices weird looks, comments and behavior towards her and shuts down. No 10yr old kid, that is literally the nicest person I’ve ever known, deserves any of it. I wish I could be as pure as my child and I will nourish them and every single quirk they have.