Why do I Feel So Angry??
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- As you know, anger is often a secondary emotion. Meaning that it’s used to protect us from something else we are feeling, such as humiliated, hurt, scared, rejected or anything that’s hard to admit we feel. Anger can seem safer than those emotions, and when asked what’s going on or how we are feeling, we can confidently say “I feel angry!” Or even if we aren’t comfortable feeling angry or saying that out loud, we can stew in it instead of admitting to ourselves that we are actually very hurt. In other words, whether we express our anger outwardly or not, it’s still there and more comfortable than the primary emotion.
For the most part, anger exists as a way for us to get out of any threatening situation and survive, that’s why when we feel vulnerable, hurt, or humiliated (for example) anger pops up and distracts us. It senses the threat of more hurt or upset and protects us. And if you hadn’t guessed this already, anger is triggered by our amygdala. You know, that part of our brain responsible for our fight, flight or freeze response. That’s why anger can often feel so out of control.
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Did you watch the end of the video?
only the end
Yes
I always watch the whole video
Oh yea...I love blacklight. I do a lot of blacklight stuff in kids/ youth min :)
Yes. Thanks for talking about these issues in the we, us, our vs you. Inclusive, team approach to problem solving.
Anger mgt 101. Journal, talk about it, write it down, prayer meditation.
I was "taught" as a child not to express my own anger, or punishment would follow. I'm only now learning how to even recognize that what I feel is anger. it's never too late to learn and benefit from therapy!
If you fell angry just let your anger talks and never hold it
You could express anger in front of your parents and tell them what they have done to you
And trust me you will know what anger is
I got spankings when I was angry and shamed. It's coming to the surface now.
same
I love how you say “because I am a therapist, I know when I screw up”. That is so true
For someone who is studying to become a therapist, this is good to know 😅
Nothing wrong with any emotion, it's how we choose to act or react upon them that makes a huge difference.
Exactly :)
Yeah, I've read that bumper sticker as well.
give him an award or nobel pice price
Should therapist make u feel you shouldnt express anger(in their presence/at them)?
I’m going to disagree with respect to hate and envy. We would be much better off without those two emotions in my experience, but hate especially. I have never seen anything good come from hate as it exists to demean and destroy others (and self when turned within, which is precisely what happens to those of us who were victims of others’ hate as children) and envy, when combined with ego, serves too often to be the inspiration for hate towards those perceived as somehow “different”. While I may struggle with hate for myself because of the abuse I endured throughout adolescence, I will never hate any other living being.
I just feel like there's no justice. People wrong me and get away with it. I can't let it go. I'm always thinking about it. I'm always angry.
At some point you have to let the anger go or it will ultimately consume you. Either find an acceptable outlet for the anger or learn to forgive those that wronged you, not because they deserve such, as they seldom do, but because YOU deserve that peace. There will never be real justice in this life and that is one of the most difficult truths to accept if you believe in right and wrong, but this is the only world we have and the only life we will ever get to live.
You may also wish to consider being evaluated for PTSD or Complex PTSD if there has been significant trauma in your past, as I’m guessing there has been, as there do exist good trauma-aware therapists today who are compassionate and can help with treating such today (unlike 30 years ago when those of us with childhood trauma were turned away and told to simply “get over it” and left to our own devices, there thankfully are good options for help today).
But I do understand how you feel as I, too, had to find a way to let go of that anger in my mid-20s before it consumed me as I had bottled up so much rage and anger as a teen from the years of abuse I had endured multiple times daily as a consequence of others’ hate. While I found it within myself to forgive my abusers decades ago, it is only in this past year that I was finally able to get help for the Complex PTSD that has largely run my life for the past 36 (of my 48) years as there was no treatment available whatsoever 30 years ago and the psychiatrists I saw back then only further abused my trust...keeping me from returning to therapy for another three decades. But, thankfully, there are compassionate trauma-aware therapists out there today that can help us. It is OK to seek help!
This is exactly my life. I cant move on bc there is no justice, people have abused me and abandoned me without any repercussions while I’m left traumatized and suffering. It’s not ok
I FEEL YA
sameee
I fell that bro
I can't forgive them only anger lives inside me because of them they reuinied my life and they fucking get away with
I want to murder them or destroy them as they did to me
I wasn’t allowed to have feelings growing up and I’m learning to feel now. Anger is one I don’t know what to do with yet. I genuinely feel angry when I’m hurting. I’m learning to journal and paint my feelings too. Thank you for your videos Kati!
I'm exactly the same. It's such a new thing to me 'feeling', it can be overwhelming
Janine White same
Right! This year is the first time I'm actually allowed to be angry and now I get angry all the time and I dknt like it😅
Exactly the same when i had exteme fever i had to go to school or work emotions were for the weak
This made me realize something so important. I’m angry all the time bc I can’t admit that I’m hurt and people did that to me. I was made out to seem like an angry person with issues but I’m a hurt person that, at the time, wasn’t able to admit that I was hurt/wronged.
Anger is a "self preservation" emotion first, worst, and foremost. 9/10 times, someone gets angry because they feel their sense of self is being violated.
It's just worth acknowledging that there's a difference between "sticking up for yourself" and "bullying". ;o)
I’m always angry because my whole life everyone else’s decisions affect my life in the worst ways.
you sound like a victim
Yeah this is a classic victim mentality which usually goes along with blame which isnt generally helpful
@C MNB I agree with u. I used to so obediently follow other people decision in the past. As a result, I became a person who is undecided and doesn't know my own worth and interest in life. Right now, I job hopping after graduated 2 years ago. Still looking for what I love to do but hopefully will get there soon. I would say believe in yourself and don't afraid to try.
I never thought about anger being a cover for another emotion. It made me realize that I’ve been feeling rejected for a while and didn’t want to admit that to myself. Thank you so much Kati your videos are amazing!❤️
So introspective.. I definitely need to find my primary emotion.. I also agreed with you that anger helps us in setting boundaries.. Thank you for the video
Of course!! I am so glad you found it helpful :) xoxo
I'm not angry I'm sad
When I’m angry it’s because my own family tries to hurt me when I have nothing to do with their problems.
Thats so hateful
This is a victim mentality
As an artist and psych student here. Just wanted to say how much I love this special format using art as therapy. It definitely helps me. Thank you both for a great and insightful video.
You mean deep triggering rage as a result of CPTSD from narcissistic abuse.
I like to talk about my anger. It drives me into right direction. I can't tolerate Sociopaths ruling around. And trauma bond.
Thanks Katie for this video. To be seen or heard is utmost valuable. Love painting!!! It's beautiful and expressive! I love to express my anger emotions.❤️ Graffiti 😊
For me anger is something I never bothered to learn about until now because it's destroying my relationship. Thank you for sharing.
This is why it's so important to reflect on how we're feeling, and to label it, and to understand why. I loved this video! The part where you talked about anger being important because it helps us to realise when our boundaries are being crossed resonated with me. I had a trauma where I felt my boundaries were completely crossed and it made me feel unsafe, so for years after that whenever someone crossed a boundary I would explode with anger because it was the only way I knew how to make myself feel safe. In the long run it led to me feeling more shameful for how I reacted, and alienated people who I had mutual love and care for. I'm now learning more healthy ways of expressing my anger, this was a really helpful topic and I'm glad you covered it and explained it so well.
the problem with me is, sometimes, anger feels good or I thrive off of it. Like I dont want to stop shouting or cursing. When I stop I feel terrible after ward and then guilty
O M G I so needed this right now!!
I hope it helps!! xoxo
This is a really cool concept Kati! this is an important topic to talk about. Many people are ashamed of their anger and really it's a healthy emotion too. It serves a purpose and thank you for covering this.
I have been bullied for years too i have put my anger on my people and my family.😠 because i was tired of the way they treat me when i was 18 i stood up for myself and i was triple angry i said the right word and one word i remember was (and honesly when i turn 21 i dont know that i ever want to see you anymore) i said to mom.😢and she cried. She deserved it. But i love her even when im angry sometimes but everything is back to normal again👍 so everyone remember even when you are different and other treat you like this be strong.when you are alive. Its easy too be angry when you grow up and you can stand up for your self or fight if neccesary
You are amazing Kati , the way you explain things and express yourself . You truly have a gift, and I would love to have you as a therapist. Can only wish .
I would say anger has its place. But it’s not good to rely on it.
I agree... we all have anger and it's necessary in life, but we shouldn't let it run the show. xoxo
Anger is the way for me
I love that you talk about yourself and your own struggles and even your own therapy. That’s so honest and gutsy! It makes me trust you even more.
THE END WAS WONDERFUL. YOU ARE WONDERFUL. YOU SURE TALKED ABOUT SOME THINGS WERE JUST MEANT FOR ME. I HOPE I CAN WORK ON THEM. TY KATI
Just found your channel as a third-year Psych student living in Australia! You are a beautiful combination of being kind, light-hearted, insightful, funny and cute (whoops).. Subscribed!!
sam barta woot woot!!! Welcome to the Community!
@@_just_TK thank you!!!
At first I hated the painting she was making but then I realized that thats exactly how my anger feels to me, and now I really appreciate it. Its ugly, but thats just how anger is. Loved the end product though, and how it looked kinda tie-dye
Kati, your videos are such gifts. Thank you. This video comes at a particularly opportune time - I’m really struggling with a lot of anger. It’s big anger, as you called it.
I totally agree that suppressing anger increases distance between you and your true self. I’m just beginning to understand this. That’s why this video is so helpful. I’d never thought about the relationship between suppressing anger and setting boundaries, but I totally see that now. I had never understood why it was impossible to stand up for myself. But by pretending I wasn’t angry, I was denying myself access to the truth. How can I tell others my truth when I myself am not aware of it?
Kati, you’re awesome. I need to send you a letter. So much has been happening in my life! I think I’m finally on the road to healing.
Anger is an expression of injustice you feel. Its normal feeling yes love this....I try to understand why Im feeling this way..My therapist...when I reach Anger its a warning sign to hate...etc. I internalize things alot. Very good vid its a secondary emotion. I meditate slow things down this way Im more able to deal with stuff.
Mental health is like a dominoes what you take in can affect you also. Try waking up early seeing your kids wife, husband etc before they do to school can help you throughout the day and but things in perspective.
"I AM!!!! NOT!!!! ANGRY!!!!!"
Lmao
I’ve been angry and enraged since I was 12. After years of rejection from peers, and bullying, getting in trouble for unfair reasons, as well as having a dad with serious anger issues, I became an angry person. I’m 15 now, and lots of stuff has happened that has made me even angrier than before. I’ve been labeled as a “rebellious and moody teen” the truth is, I hate the world and everything in it.
I needed this. I've been feeling really angry for a while now. Not having a sense of self during it ... was interesting and validating to hear. There's definitely a lot of layers going on with the feelz.
Anger is like acid that can cause more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, than to anything on which it is poured
I love that!! yes!! xoxo
Hahahahhaha
Wow!!!! Really needed to see this 💗
Ooooooh...that's a gooder......I like that one...thx bud
I've also heard having anger towards someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.
I miss the moments of happiness that I used to have.
I never over actives my anger well not in a way that is insane like how monster but I do my fair bit of shouting and walking away, I learnt how to calm it and it’s an amazing feeling. Keep up the amazing work you doing 🙏🏿❤️
Anger feels like being more alive than alive, like excitement and the pure joy I get from a few kinds of energy drinks. It feels like pure energy sitting in my body, offering to help with whatever I need, and giving me (seemingly good) advice about what to do. I feel powerful, intelligent, and certain about what the right thing to do next is. But it's also a scary because when I'm calmed down, I often regret doing some of what it told me to do. And also the sense of personal power flips on its head and feels terrible if something prevents me from doing whatever seems to come next.
Anger is super hard for me because it's the only "negative" emotion I'm really comfortable sharing. Everything kind of presents itself as anger. I think it's so interesting that some people can see anger as dirty and scaring while other see it as the only thing that's safe.
I get so excited when you upload. Your videos are honestly some of the most helpful resources on the internet for mental health :)
Awe I am so glad!! xoxo
@@Katimorton I second that, it honestly helps me with understanding my diagnosis thank you
In every video you create something jumps out at me. This time it was "Freeze" which is exactly what I did not realize had happened. I had more important things to concern me than the horrible anger I was feeling so I froze. After I was free to get out my anger I was told how I would only be hurting myself if I let it out. My only option was to forgive. BS. I stuffed it so deeply that I've made myself sick. Now I will work on forgiving myself because if I had not frozen I could have stopped it before it hurt someone I loved dearly. Momma bear here feeling guilty. Thanks, Kati.
Just want to say that I started watching this and realized I needed my journal to process the three parts you mentioned in the beginning. I restarted the video and made three sections so that I could help myself process my anger. One section was asking where I feel anger. The second section asked what set me off and what is the primary emotion my anger is hiding. The last section was for brainstorming new ways to express my emotions. I’m still filling this out but I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to explain anger and help with giving steps to process it. I’m dealing with a very stressful job and it’s affecting lots of areas in my life, not to mention my own negative self talk. This really helped. Thank you!
Art is the best way to show your soul.
I say "my art is ugly" In reality it's beautiful. It's only a front ya know. It's like a shield, make fun of myself before others can.
It's why I'm grateful for your tips Katy. They work 👍
You have no idea how many times I've hid crys for help in art.
It's an Easter egg I guess.
Thank you for this video. I’ve been struggling a lot with anger lately. I think when I’m feeling unappreciated. My spouse, parents, brother, boss...I get that feel from them often (even though sometimes I think it’s just me).
Hi Katie your post just popped up again for no particular reason I am that Homeless veteran but I have a beautiful cabin now it's awesome safe and sound thank you for your videos you have helped tremendously😁🌴🏠🌴
I have been seeing a psychologist for 3 years, and i was in a rough relationship that should have never have been. I was showing emotional anti-social disconnect because i was so mentally tortured by this woman for many years. Then i got out, and things changed. I was not anti-social and i restored my empathic feelings about things and people. I had been living in darkness for years. It felt great for a while. The relationship ended 1.5 years ago and i have been on quite the rollercoaster ride ever since. This last summer was great, i had lots of energy, lots of ideas, wanting to socialize, find some romantic encounters, i also play music, and i was so inspired by everything around me. But i have come off the high, and now im depressed again, have lost interest in my passion for music, i still play, but everything seems grey to me. I have had depression before, but this time it's different. Im experiencing confusion, irritability, lack of want for sleep, poor memory.... I don't know what is wrong with me, and i have had so many strange emotional episodes, and they are somewhat different every time. I can not imagine how i felt the way i did this last summer, because it's so different now. I don't know which way to look, and im enrolling in therapy again soon. I think i have been misdiagnosed since i showed such different symptoms at the time, and much has changed. Do any of you have any idea what might be wrong with me? I have thought of Bipolar disorder, but im not sure.
Thank you for anyone who takes the time to answer
caponi14 it sounds like Bipolar because of the swings between depression & mania but u really need to see a mental health professional. Also talk to ur doctor about going on meds because there are great mood stabilizers that can really help even things out. Good luck!
@@_just_TK Im already daily on 300mg Lamictal, and have had good effect with it for the 3 years i have taken it, but it's like i have build some tolerance, or maybe things have just taken a turn for the worse, i don't know. But i want to thank you for taking the time to answer, i appreciate the support
Great video - it all makes sense.Often you hear someone say that [they have allot anger to work through] well this makes sense in that, thir anger is fundamental as both a boundary for self identity and pointing to underlying hurt/pain. Also imagine confronting ones' primary hurt/anguish without any secondary anger to provide inner protection - it would be crushing,almost difficult to function in daily life. Furthermore the secondary anger and it's intensity is a value of sorts, otherwise a persons primary hurt/etc would be almost without validation .
Thanks for the video. I’m a public librarian and branch manager which, contrary to librarian stereotypes, means that I’m nice, compassionate and helpful. Had depression in the past and it’s re-emerged in the past year with lots of anger. Unfortunately, my family bears the brunt b/c that anger is tamped down. Your channel has been a source of help & inspiration. Thank you
I had the issue of not allowing myself to be angry. Even about ongoing abuse, losing my mom to cancer, my dad to a new relationship, so many things. I let my anger out with a knife on my skin (1 year self harm free now though!) Over 2 years into counseling, I can finally let myself feel angry and hurt and let it out in a healthy way....
Katie Wheeler yay!
It’s an emotion, it’s not good nor it is bad, it’s just an emotion. Calling it good or bad is a judgement and if you go through DBT you’ll learn emotions aren’t good or bad.
I really want to be a therapist so I can help people from hurting themselves and help them control their emotions. Katie has helped me so much to learn a lot more about this stuff. Thank you!!!😁❤
As a child, I learned that it's bad to feel "negative" feelings. I learned to supress those feelings. Now, I'm learning to express myself.
Oh looking forward to watching this. I've never dealt with anger like I have been lately with this depression. I don't know how to deal with it.
Bethany - B2pk films if it is anything like mine, just take everything super slow and take extra care without holding back too much (I don’t exactly know how to describe it but if we’re the same you may just understand).
I 100% agree that pressing your anger down creates cognitive dissonance. I was in this myself for a long time and only now am I truly understanding how important it is to express anger and frustration. I’m sad to say that I’m certain most of my family has this dissonance from unexpressed anger and other emotions. It’s so hard to break out of that. I’m not sure they ever will.
Anger, although scary, is one of the keys to self-awareness. As you said it's a good indicator of what sets us off, what our boundaries are, from that we can get an idea of our ideals, personal values and standards. We don't need to feel bad about it, but we need a suitable way to deal with it.
Btw, this collaboration is awesome, do it more often. Actually having a painting for different emotions can be awesome.
Hi, kati. I'm going through a really intense breakup. It's the worst heartbreak I've had in my life, and my childhood was riddled with trauma. I'm in such a bad place and I'd love a video on breakups, especially for someone who is consistently suicidal and lonely, and doesn't seem to benefit from institutionalization. Thank you ♡
Jane Bailey ck out Kati’s video on healing from a break up. So sorry to hear ur in a bad place right now but know that with the right help it DOES GET BETTER!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
ua-cam.com/video/EJq9RCw5ZlE/v-deo.html
Look forward to these videos every monday ☺️ So helpful and informative, made me feel informed and able to go and seek therapy. Week 2 of therapy tomorrow 😊 Thanks for everything you do, truly inspiring!x
Carly Lewis yay!
100% agree .. Instead of express the anger, i prefer to think again what emotion i want to hide. And it does work ..
So i can explain that actually i was scared, i was dissapointed, i was hurt, and when i did it, i can use my logic optimally 😊😊
Hey love! I have commented a time or two before, and I really want to get started on checking out all of your videos, hopefully in chronological order. I do have diagnosed CPTSD. I haven’t yet viewed this video, but my first thought when I heard the title was this: I am afraid of other peoples anger, and I’m afraid especially now of my own anger. I am safe from the abusers now, I’ve gone no contact with my family of origin in order to stay safe. Those things feel good. I usually don’t have angry people in my life anymore, unless it’s something random in public or something like that. So I rarely encounter other peoples anger. Sometimes when I get angry though, and that’s very seldom, I do everything I can to suppress how I feel. Because it freaks me out!
OK, so the next thing for me to do is watch this video carefully. After that, I am going to try and start taking in each video, one after another. I know that the ones that are in sequential order, I will definitely want to view in sequence. But if one of you wants to get in touch with me and let me know how best to view those videos, that would be fantastic. Like… Should I check out the oldest one first, and then then one following it, and then so on and so forth? Maybe I’m overthinking this. Anyway… Thank you very very much for having this channel, because I can already tell it’s going to be a huge part of my support system.
I am a relatively "katimorton newbie"...and I have found that since life doesn't follow a pretty pattern or go from one proper step to another....that watching in chronological order isn't necessarily essential to understanding or benefitting from her videos. In my opinion, choose one that may resonate with how you are feeling on any particular day. As well, there are many (kati has over 1000 vids!!) That you may find that dont pertain to your situation....you might feel the need to educate your self....HAPPY WATCHING!!!
Thanks for making this video, Kati! Anger is such a difficult and taboo emotion, especially for women. Somehow it seems more socially acceptable for men to be angry and show anger, but not as much for women. I liked how you tied anger to part of one's true self. It can be so hard to acknowledge anger and I can feel embarrassed when I'm angry. I'm also working on accepting my anger too. Thanks for sharing part of your process too. It's encouraging to remember that no one is perfect and we are all in process. Thanks for making these mental health videos accessible! It's been so helpful to me over the years and I know I'm not the only one. Hope you have a Happy New Year!
Thanks for your honesty in this video, Kati. I have a feeling that this video will be one that I will watch over and over again. 🙂
This video is the bomb!!!! Thank you!!! I was worried about letting someone know how i felt and now I feel like it was definitely the right thing! I wasn’t mean I just stood my ground and I’m proud of myself 🙂
i love the reasoning of doing the blue. I do that in my journal a lot. If i am having a particularly negative and angry day, I will do a water color painting over my entry for that day. A way to add beauty to what I view as hatred.
This taught me that bottling up your anger should not be confused with putting space between feeling the anger and creating an outward response to it.
watching your videos makes me realize how much i need therapy but also.. reaching out is so difficult. every time i think about bringing it up to my parents i get a lump in my throat.. it’s so easy to say there’s no need to feel ashamed about reaching out a hand, but it’s a whole other thing to actually believe and act on it. it feels easier to just be mad at myself about everything even though it isn’t a healthy mindset to harbor. anger is akfjfjxfhf
A therapist created more anger problems for me due to her approach. She knew when she screwed up; she just made excuses when she found out I was switching to someone else. It is really sad that the mental health profession doesn’t do more to stop such therapists.
I remember when my therapist asked me about anger and I said that I don’t feel that emotion at all. It is so crazy to me that I used to think that anger is something bad. When I accepted that I feel angry sometimes I was able to finally start creating healthy boundaries and it just makes me aware of what is okay with me and what is not. Great video Kati (as always) ❤️ I wish you all the best in new year! 🥳
I think you nailed it. I lived with someone who I felt often crossed my boundaries over "little things" like taking things out of my room without asking. The thing is, I would try to talking myself out of feeling angry because I didn't believe it was justified, they were just "little things"after all- but I would be angry for hours. I realized the emotion it was covering up was the fact I felt powerless in those moments and disrespected. I started to use that anger as a flag to alert me to my boundaries and to work on expressing them. I still find it hard at times to recognize my boundaries and/or express them, but I think it all starts with not trying to talk ourselves out of what we feel . By honoring those feelings and trying to understand what they are trying to tell us we start to feel stronger and secure. I realized this DIRECTLY relates to self worth and I can look back on other kinds of relationships and see how I let people take advantage of me because I thought my anger or discomfort were "too selfish" or "bad", rather than questioning that the other person may be, in fact inconsiderate, rude, neglectful etc. I would internally punish myself for having done something to "provoke" these uncomfortable situations. Seriously, if I had to say anything, if you can start to befriend your uncomfortable emotions, you will see that many are there to tell you something important.
Recently I've been dealing with anger in a particular situation and I've realized I have a tendency to grow my anger every time I'd think about it, it could get stronger and stronger. But since I've noticed the emotion behind it, it kinda disappeared? This video helped me understand the process of it. Thanks Kati, your work is really helpful.
Hey, Kati, I noticed you have a lot of videos in regards to relationships, how to tell if they are unhealthy, healthy, and how to maintain them but what about a video on how to repair and mend a relationship, especially after things like addiction issues? I was kicked out of my house for relapsing, I unknowingly hurt my dads through my addiction and broke their trust but how does one move past that in a relationship?
I had an NJROTC teacher that would always tell us to "Get mad, then get over it". I also don't like how anger feels, but anger can give us the power and motivation to change something we think is wrong. So, anger can be a needed force of positive change when expressed properly.
Wow!! I'm amazed that this came out during the holidays. I do needed it.
Thank you for this video. Anger has been a difficult emotion for me as well for many reasons. I am learning to be ok with it. What makes it even more difficult to be ok with it is being surrounded by a culture that is very much "be positive" all the time. This feeds into the stuff anger down. It is ugly. No one wants to see it. Quickly cover it up. Which I felt was displayed by the artist in this video. As she said she couldn't leave that ugliness and those negative words. She had to make it pretty and cover most of it up. I think it would of been important to emphasize that adding more to the painting when you have processed and your feelings have evolved. Not painting over because it makes you uncomfortable or afraid for others to see. That, for me, atleast is part of why anger is stuffed down and uncomfortable.
I've found that anger is emotionally uncomfortable. What is unhealthy is trying to dismiss other people's anger and imposing our beliefs about anger on them. Watching your videos helped me to face a situation that made me angry many years ago. I thought I did not care about it anymore. How I dealt with it is that I meditated on the situation while I was in bed, accepted that I had stuffed the anger, felt the anger, realized that feeling anger by yourself is unpleasant. I felt much better the next day though. And you are right, there was an underlying emotion to my anger. I was still angry because I had been treated thoughtlessly. Now I can express it. The situation was as follows: several decades ago while I was visiting my boyfriend, some of his friends (men) unexpectedly pick me up while I was fully dressed and threw me into his parents' pool. (My boyfriend lived with his parents so it was his pool as well). They had not thought about the consequences at all: my fear of drowning, losing my contact lenses and ruining my clothes and my watch or they had just wanted to be mean and have fun ar my expense. There. Now I've really got it out. I think they did it because they were mad that he was not spending in time with them the way he used to before he was dating me. After this analysis, I think that I can now really let go of that anger that may seem petty to everyone else but apparently was not so to me. Thanks Kati Morton. You're doing a great service for the public.
I can't stand when people are angry and agressive and I almost never express anger towards others, but more towards myself which is not healthy. My therapist actually suggests I express it more. I def don't have a problem with saying no, at all, but I hate appearing irrational.
Love the painting and the idea behind it. And yes. I do t like anger either at times when people think I am angry. A misinterpretation of my facial expressions.
I try to treat my emotions as friends trying to give me advice. They might be right, they might be wrong. What they have to say might be imprtant right now or it might not be important right now, but it's rude to ignore your friends.
I have a form of autisim which makes it a struggle to not only feel emotions, but express them. I'd rather people think I hate a gift instead of jumping up and down with joy and telling them how much I love it.
Though when I was very young, I had extreme anger issues and often got violent with teachers or doctors, but the thing is, I never wanted to. I always thought my anger was valid, and fighting back was something I HAD to do or continue being pushed around and talked down to.
As I grew up, people started treating me with more respect and my anger diminished. It felt so nice to not fight people, it made me realize how much I absolutely hated it.
Today, I would much rather be talked down to and pushed around than snap at someone. I take in any anger I feel and direct it at myself silently. I prefer admitting humiliation and embarrassment, and treat anger as something I refuse to acknowledge. Anger has only ever done me harm.
The last time I got angry, my little sister had stolen my DS and I went off. I thought it was valid, I felt completely violated because she dug through my personal things to steal from me. I almost wanted to cry, I was shaking and could barely think straight with how angry I was. The first thing I did was run up and start shouting at her to give it back.
Despite me feeling valid in the anger, it only escalated the problem until the entire house was yelling at each other.
Being angry is such a disgusting feeling of hurt, I can't stand it.
Thank you for opening up & being vulnerable
Anger can be a fuel a motivator if restrained it is my main motivational Force when I am angry things change I change them😡
Omg I have been stuffing down my anger for so long and I haven't realized this until know.
"fear leads to ANGER, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Or even better, "He who is slow to anger is greater than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit; than he who takes a city." 😄✌ thanks for the vid, Kati! & Art has always been a great way to help with almost anything. 💞Shayla, great picture.
6:03 Well put! My therapist didn't know when he was screwing up even when I was telling him.
Wonderful topic and VERY HUMAN.
I find using I feel statements work best. I'll reiterate up to 3xs B4 the situation is crossed.
After that, I have to assert a strong statement w a consequence.
I feel very few people can legitimately communicate effectively or even solve conflict.
I'm really good at both but sadly, I truly see a deteriorated society on defense.
That sometimes causes me to shut down n isolate waiting... Hoping for a healthier society.
Because group think is such a chaotic non productive thing, it becomes very dangerous to speak openly n logically.
The biggest problem with anger is that it is viewed as "inappropriate" in most situations, which encourages us to stuff it down. I'm still working on it but what helps me is mindfulness meditation. I.e. being curious about it and just sitting with it. Feeling it, embracing it, and then letting it go. Not pushing away or holding on to it. Hope this helps!
I LOVE the style of this video! I love how it feels calming and inviting, which was unexpected considering what the video is about. But because it was directed this way, you were able to talk about a tough subject that can be very touchy for some people. Good job!
There’s so many good tips, true tools and technique to get rid of anger to reduce the cortisol levels. EFT works the best for me.
Such a calm and soft voice 🙂
Really needed this video at the moment. I've been angry on and off for weeks. It's been really exhausting. Thank you ☺️
Katie, I love your videos! I am an art therapy student currently and this was a video I really needed today. I loved that you incorporated art into this, and used it as a non-verbal tool and expression of anger, while you talked about your experiences with that emotion. Then to turn that painting which felt uncomfortable to the artist into something that was more positive. It was very powerful.
Crying... This helps me so much. Thank you Kati
In my experience anger always comes from a place of powerlessness and it’s here to show me where others or even myself weren’t respecting my boundaries which in turn makes me feel not valued or even unimportant. So anger basically just wants us to take back our power. Once I saw this from this particular perspective I actually learned to appreciate this emotion (doesn’t mean I‘m lashing out all the time, though it can happen...) instead of suppressing it. And from this place we can be more aware of what we actually need and where others and we ourselves have neglected our actual needs/boundaries and take steps in a healthy way to change those things so we don’t end up feeling powerless and angry anymore.
“Be angry but do not sin” Great video
I have just realised that all my life I have been told I have “anger issues” but I was never taught how to properly express it I think once I was taken out a lesson in year 4 to colour but that’s it 🤷♀️
The painting is amazing!! I love it!! Plus the video is great, like always. I hate anger and honestly you gave me a lot to think about. Thanks Kati!!
Just what I needed! as always, thank you Kati
I needed this. Thank you for your kind approach. What I want to figure out is how to express anger in a healthy way.
If you want truth creativity you have to explore all emotions both the beautiful ones and the ugly ones. That is a beautiful sentence.
One way to help us is to stop calling anger a negative emotion. Anger, like all emotions, is by definition positive. Our emotions try to tell us something and they try to help us. It is just positive. That anger because of our upbringing and to some extent our culture does not feel so positive - it is a completely different matter.
This is such great timing for this talk in my life at present. One thing at 3:30 that you said rings true for me too. I have felt that sense of becomming small, the internal pressure of anger being held in by the overriding fear of expressing it poorly, if at all. I notice that it starts in my chest, and extends up through my throat, neck, and all over my scalp and face (especially between my brows).
Anger impacting boundaries - never heard this. Makes sense.
For me, a really helpful tool to deal with anger is tearing up paper in a million pieces - I have a script from a course I hated having do to and now often times when I get angry I take it an destroy a few pages and for me it helps to get the anger out of me, to not keep it bottled up inside of me
Talk to yourself, write it down, scream, cry, punch a pillow and watch an anger-management video. That's the best way to get rid of the anger and move on.
I've always been a temperamental person, and up until I was about 28 (I'm 31 now), I had tended to get angry easily. As a child, my mother often scolded me for my temper, telling me "there are 100 ways to skin a cat" and that I should "control my emotions." I hadn't really mastered the latter until recently because she gave me mixed signals by yelling a lot herself. It turns out that it's part of my mother's personality to not be very tolerant of other people's stronger emotions and so even a frown or sigh from anyone would irritate her. For that same reason, I never actually heeded her words because it didn't feel fair to me. My peers got angry sometimes; my teachers got angry a lot; and my mother got angry at me for being angry; it just doesn't make sense, so I came to accept that maybe she was wrong. I eventually learned to work around her quirk of anger intolerance, but it took a long time and a lot of fights. Don't get me wrong; she's a good person with a big heart, but she lacks self-awareness.