fresh aita wedding drama i can't wait to show you - REACTION
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- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
- fresh aita wedding drama i can't wait to show you - REACTION
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Hey there, my amazing internet pals! It's your girl, Charlotte Dobre, and today, we're diving headfirst into the hilariously MESSY world of "Am I the A-Hole?" Reddit posts! Buckle up, because these tales of moral mayhem are about to take you on a wild ride!
🙅♂️💥 In this side-splitting video, we're serving up a smorgasbord of jaw-dropping Reddit stories where people questioned their moral compass in the most OUTRAGEOUS ways! From epic roommate disputes to family feuds that would put Shakespeare to shame, these stories are WILD!
😂 Get ready to cringe, laugh, and gasp as we dissect the moments when folks became accidental villains or accidental heroes. Whether it's a stolen pizza slice or a wedding dress showdown, these stories will have you questioning humanity in the most entertaining way possible!
💬 But wait, there's more! We'll dive into the Reddit comment section, where the internet's armchair ethicists offer their two cents and provide some of the most hilarious and thought-provoking responses you've ever seen. Trust me, the Reddit community does NOT hold back!
📣 Join me in the comment section confessional as we discuss our favorite "Am I the A-Hole?" Reddit posts and share our own cringe-worthy or heartwarming experiences with moral dilemmas. Have you ever found yourself questioning your own moral compass in a bizarre situation? spill the beans!
🔥 Don't forget to hit that subscribe button, grab your popcorn, and prepare for a rollercoaster of laughter as we dissect these epic Reddit moral quandaries one by one. After all, when it comes to internet drama, it's all about finding the silver lining of humor!
🔍 So there you have it, my fabulous viewers - get ready for a whirlwind of giggles and guffaws, because we're about to explore the wonderfully messy world of "Am I the A-Hole?" Reddit posts that will leave you questioning everything! Tune in, get ready to LOL, and remember, in the world of Reddit dilemmas, laughter is the best response! 😆🙌🎉
#messy #wedding #aita #weddingdrama #bride #groom #bridezilla #bridezillas #weddings #mil #motherinlaw #charlottedobre #reaction #react #reactionchannel
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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1st story, the father can stay home with his wife and stepdaughter. Her aunt and grandmother can stay there with him.
Agreed!
Exactly in my previous comment I stated I get tired of women and girls being told to be the bigger person and to forgive everyone who harms them.
I would lock down wedding venue etc as well to make sure no sudden holiday if there that wealthy
Exactly
For real. He's only been calling it in for his biological daughter since college, they should go their separate ways.
First story: the dad is not willing to make his life inconvenient in order to stand up to the second wife and step sister. Narcissistic behavior.
I think it’s his new wife pulling the strings
Alll. Dayyy. Loooong.
@@Sar-ahGExactly what I thought. He doesn't have the stones to stand up to her.
Not a narc, but definitely spineless
believe me, one day he's old and dying, he will be regretted all the things he's done to her.
What a lot of people seemed to ignore from the second story is that the op never blamed anyone or tried to address it first. She only talked about it when she was asked about it and she added that she wasn't blaming the baby or the mother. Feelings of jealousy happen no matter how mature you are about it, what matters is what you do with the emotion. She expressed multiple times throughout her story that she was aware that the feeling was unfair to the new mom and the baby and kept the feelings to herself. That's a very mature thing to do making her not the asshole
I completely agree it’s just human feelings and she dealt with it well. She only spoke on it when her friend asked her directly. She could have lied but that would have been its own issue eventually. I don’t think blocking was necessary but each to their own 🤷🏾♀️
honestly i was thinking the same. I've felt this on my birthday and I think the feeling probobly comes from you usually not being celebrated and the ONE day ppl are supposed to notice you, gets pushed back. Obviously it's a stupid feeling like the op said, but not an asshole
tho she didnt do anything about those feelings (she had whole year to fix that)and.... actually It got worse so yea no
Did I read the same story? She asked if she was the AH because she TOLD her best friend that she overshadowed her wedding. Sorry, but that doesn't sound very mature to me. She said the baby was "preterm" so the mother would have had no idea that baby was due on that particular day which only adds to how ridiculous she was being.
Did I read the same story? She asked if she was the AH because she TOLD her best friend that she overshadowed her wedding. Sorry, but that doesn't sound very mature to me. She said the baby was "preterm" so the mother would have had no idea that baby was due on that particular day which only adds to how ridiculous she was being.
2nd story: based off of how she's writing the post, it sounds like she's clinically depressed and this situation is her trigger. She's living in her head and it's on a loop. If this is happening, she can't control it! She needs help, not judgment.
You've used your judgement.. to judge that she needs help. Yes, she does need help. A lot of it.
@@JoCamp696and even new grp of friends newlyweds do have some vibe and people do care
My dad did the same thing to my sister she didn’t want my evil stepmother coming to her wedding. He said if she didn’t come he wouldn’t be coming to walk her down the aisle. She told him she learned to walk a long time ago 😂❤😂
Now THAT is a prime smartass comeback! Bravo! 👏🏻👏🏻
Sorry, to hear that. But she was probably better off celebrating without him
His loss. Good on her for standing her ground.
In the end he chose not to come? How bad of a father you have to be to chose a spouse who is a bad parent over your own kids.
🎤 drop ❤
For the second one, the bride does acknowledge that she is most likely in the wrong and unreasonable for her feelings, but 2 things to keep in mind: she didn't get the wedding reception she had spent months planning for (understandably so), AND she had realized that most people would not understand why she was feeling like she was, and hadn't wanted to tell her SIL what was going on for her. The SIL being pushy and telling OP that she was hurting her for not telling her what was going on, when OP was trying to not hurt her by not saying anything, and then her blocking OP and THEN preventing the husband from attending the birthday party is petty. It sounds like the SIL kept pushing boundaries with OP and then severely overreacted. I don't agree with her blocking OP, butmost especially i don't agree with uninviting the husband. Punishing the brother for how his wife is processing emotions is super icky.
Taking over a year to “process emotions” of resentment over what amounts to a ruined party (because they did indeed get married and have fun times before she popped), when your SIL has literally the first six months of her child’s life in hospital, wondering if her child will survive or have permanent effects, is a bit more than unreasonable. I mean what is she going to do when her anniversary plans get interrupted by a death, or one of them getting sick, or it falls on a weekday? God forbid she have children of her own. “We never got to celebrate our 5th because of you”. She has been outwardly hostile, since her SIL picked up on it, any time she saw the poor kid. Also, I’m assuming there was more to this than OP lets on, since she mentioned that Nate has only just recently “gotten over it”. Denise said her attitude towards her child, OP’S nephew, was hurting her because she didn’t see a reason for it. Mama bear is protecting her child from their negative attitudes. Not gonna blame her for cutting out people who can’t behave like adults, sulking over something like this.
@@TheBaumcm I do understand that the mom had been under extreme stress over the premature birth of the baby. However uninviting her brother because of what his wife had told her after pushing op to tell her, is not the right course of action. The wife not attending is the best course of action, AND the mom shouldn't have pushed the issue. The wife was trying to not hurt her by not saying anything. Punishing the brother feels like more than was called for in the situation.
@@TheBaumcmThat is not a good attitude at all.
It would be easy if people could control how they felt depending on how justified the emotion is. Knowing it isn't anyone's fault doesn't prevent you from feeling disappointed or frustrated or dismayed, those are valid emotions
By putting taboos on what is or isn't an acceptable way to feel we are preventing people from processing them.
SIL could have simply said "I understand how that must have been frustrating, I'm sorry you feel that way". And that would have been it, because OP obviously only wanted her feelings to be heard.
There is no wrong emotions, just wrong ways of reacting to them.
@@melchiorlise2466SIL could’ve also accepted the RSVP of “I’m not coming” without a reason.
But why would SIL even expect OP and her husband to attend a birthday party for her son when it’s actually their anniversary too? They should have just taken a trip to get away and have the perfect excuse to skip!
Actually in my culture, the first year of marriage is considered important. There are special events for the newly wed couple during festivals
The new couple is celebrated. So even if this new baby had interrupted their wedding, I'm sure if they were Indians, they would have still be taken care of by families for being newly weds
I have a lot of empathy for the second story OP. My sister is significantly disabled, and her medical issues have stolen attention on multiple occasions over several years from small events to big events. It's one of the most maddening things, almost especially because it's no one's fault. I have to give myself time to be upset when this happens, otherwise it gets bottled up and explodes at a bad time.
One part of the story that stood out to me is that most of OP's in-laws left the reception when SIL went to the hospital. I know that people don't always feel like continuing to party when something concerning is going on, but I highly doubt that it was going to be helpful to SIL in any way for a significant number of people to leave the wedding. I think that if more people had stayed, the event would've been less disturbed and OP would've felt better.
I agree.
I agree. 100% her being honest with her friend could have been what she needed to get over it. But instead of offering empathy, her friend blocked her and uninvited her from her life. If everyone is saying that the anniversary is between her and her husband then the answer could easily be, "I'm not going to the birthday party because It's our anniversary and we would like celebrate it...(without the baby!)"
I'm not a fan of everybody being like get over yourself, nobody cares if You've been married for a year. Some of my cousins got married recently and it's nice to be like hey congratulations on your anniversary, it's like wishing someone happy birthday. It sounds like OP is upset because she doesn't even get that, like her entire marriage has been forgotten about, which I would find hurtful. Like no she doesn't need a party or for other people to celebrate but if all they talk about is the baby and can't even be like oh hey happy 1 year! Especially from family, I'd probably be a bit sad too. I don't disagree with it being YTA but I don't like how all the responses were that she needs to get over herself.
Why did everybody leave the wedding anyway? That's weird. I doubt they wanted to watch her be in labour. Did they seriously just leave because they didn't care about the wedding anymore?
@@Orquet-qj2nf She got in labor on 7th month ,she could literally died ,her and the baby ,of course they will leave the damn wedding ,what's wrong with you ppl
2nd Story, I do understand were OP is coming from, my niece was born prematurely the day I turned 10, in the next 29 years, I never had a birthday party since and for the 25 years, most people in my family didn't even remember my birthday, including my parents. I admit I hated my niece for some years but at her 12th party she asked my birthday was, I realised she didn't even know when mine was and I was fine after that with her, just not the rest of the family. When we turned 30 and 40 respectively I did finally say no more though and decided to celebrate mine. I caused a stir, as my parents had booked a massive hall and invited half the world. I said I won't be attending and everyone was calling me a selfish bastard or prick, in our WhatsApp group for days including my parents and siblings. That was before finally someone asked me what was so more important than my niece's 30th Birthday. When I replied my 40th was the same day most people in the group, especially the partners of my siblings and nibblings, called me a liar, then I pointed that none of my siblings or my parents has responded. I removed myself from the group and I haven't spoken to them since, they have reached out but I've had enough. The comments about the anniversary only being important to OP are nonsense, a person's birthday is only truly important to the the person but as a social group we celebrate anniversaries and birthdays, we do celebrate milestones of anniversaries, like birthdays, 1st, 5th, 10th, birthdays get 18th and 21st, wedding get 20th, but after that we celebrate the decades for both, so 10, 20, 30, 40 etc, so if people only remember "Ben's" birthday, 19 years down the line who's going to remember it 20th wedding anniversary.
I'm so sorry about your sh*tty family. I feel the same way about this. I was never in a situation this specific but I still have spent my entire life miserable and unloved by family and bullied/mistreated by others. To say I never got very many things that were special and just for me without having to share or having it be ruined by someone else is an understatement. I've been depressed since I was 9 and I've spent my whole life dreaming of my wedding day. I never thought I would find true love to begin with but I have. Marrying him really will be the greatest moment of my life and I don't want the magic of that moment to be affected in any way. If that makes me selfish then so be it. Growing up in a family of selfish a-holes and always having to sacrifice my happiness for their comfort, now it's my turn. Which is why we plan to elope. Weddings are more trouble than they're worth and we'll only have a few immediate family members so no one can cause any trouble. My love wants me to have a completely stress-free and drama-free day.
@@truthseeker9249 I don't have a family like that but I want to get married in the woods/nature. Wedding planning looks wayyy too stressful and I don't like being at the center of attention
@@sarahkinsey5434 I am a performer so I only like having attention on me when I'm on stage. Off stage I just want to be left alone and live my life in peace. I wish we could get married in the woods too. The woods is where I feel most at home. None of my relatives deserve to be at my wedding and my love's grandmother is just a special kind of evil. She is horrible to everyone and she even tried to ruin his cousin's wedding a few years ago just because she was bitter that she wouldn't wear the necklace she had gifted her FOR the wedding. She's hated me from day one and sone everything she can to make me feel like I'm not good enough for him and don't belong in their family (she would never admit it's because I'm black but I know it's the reason). She would definitely ruin our wedding so we're determined to keep her out.
How the hell they gonna call you a liar? And then your family just… didn’t say anything? You’re better off without them because that is FOUL behavior. It’s obviously not the nieces fault - at least not when she was a kid - but the whole family made an intention to not only forget about you but neglect you and berate you when you’d finally had enough. IKYFL cuz what the hell. Why are humans… and why can I see my family pulling the same ish with me lol. 27 years and some of them still don’t know how old I am or when my birthday is.
@@truthseeker9249 keep her far away from your wedding day, Love. She is gonna be definitely salty on that day. Just let her sit at her own house and be salty.
If someone went into labor on my wedding day I'd probably just say the baby was so happy it just had to meet us right away. That baby and I would be so close after that.
I couldn’t imagine a better wedding gift.
That’s such a cute response, how dare you make me smile before I even watch the video😔✌️💕
IKR?! What a wonderful story this could've been & what a special relationship she could've had with her nephew, but instead she chooses to act like a spoiled, petulant, pissy little brat.
@@joiedevivre2005 right?!? Lol I would’ve been so close with that lil bugger!! Ugh I love when my friends accomplish anything. Let alone such a wonderful gift as a child… I would’ve cherished tf outta all that.
Ikr! Sounds like she needs to grow up! If she's that upset it ended early she should just do a renewal of vows. And who tf goes around talking about another person's wedding all the time a year later? It's uncommon for others to celebrate your anniversary unless it's a big one. I'd be happy to see my family grow & share my wedding day with my nephews birthday. Also, the baby was born 3 months early? I'd be glad he & his mother survived & are happy & healthy. Sorry ranting it's just so unbelievable!
I feel like with the second story, everything came out wrong because I was told that you can't stop your feelings. All you can do is hide them until you deal with them (whether you bottle them until they explode or you confront the problem causing negative reactions). OP is upset, so she is trying to deal with it, but instead of letting them deal with it (hopefully through therapy), the sister is mad that OP can't turn off her feelings. OP acknowledged that it's not healthy to be upset at a baby for being born, but she is trying to deal with her feelings, and she doesn't want to cause problems at the party
Sure, feelings can't be controlled, but they can be handled properly. OP is a full grown adult, likely with access to therapy or just other ways of handling her emotions, yet gets upset at even the mention of her nephew, enough for her friends/SIL noticed. She mentions that her husband already got over it, naturally since it's already a year later, likely meaning he learned a healthy way to handle his feelings, but she somehow hasn't?
I'm not saying she's bad for feeling upset that her reception had to end early, and she's not bad for feeling that way early on, but it's not like the entire wedding was ruined, it was only the reception, plus, it's been a year!
I mean, she got jealous that people were paying more attention to her nephew's birthday instead of her anniversary. She may know these feelings are wrong, yet she doesn't take the time to look deeply into herself and questioning why she even feels that way, within the entire year she had to think about it.
And her sister isn't mad that she can't control her feelings, she's upset that her sister in law, aka her close friend, is jealous of a literal baby because he happened to be born on her wedding day, after the wedding, a whole year after everything happened. I mean, who wouldn't be disturbed to hear their friend say, "I can't be happy for your child's birthday because his birth overshadowed my wedding day".
Not everyone worships children.😂
@@alisonponce8337 and literally no one worships or cares about someone's anniversary
Just an apology is not enough to balance out the absolutely vicious behavior of step-sister.
It's bullying when it's just some kid at school, it's straight-up abuse when it's a family member. Because there's no escaping it,Not only are they mean to you in public and at school. You go home, and there's no solace. You also have to think if they're that mean to their sibling in public, How terribly do they treat them when there's no one else around. Speaking from experience it is hell when your sibling is your bully
10000%
Yup and parents are culpable if they didn’t intervene in any way
@@MissHellybaybee agreed.
Can we stop acting like there's a difference? Bullying is abuse. They are the same thing. It's just seen as less bad if you call it bullying.
@@furygeistEXACTLY
“Imagine being bullied by a family member.” I don’t have to. I’m 41 and still in therapy for it.
@@WeSayHellorude
@@WeSayHelloThat's really rude and completely uncalled for. You have no idea what this person may have experienced! You can't just 'grow up' from trauma, no matter what the source may be (not to mention everyone processes and reacts to things differently). Like. Is that hard for you to comprehend or?
@@WeSayHelloyou sound like the bully
@@WeSayHelloyou sound like you definitely bully a family member
Most of us about that age are. I’m so sorry bestie. I pray you’re able to work through it ok. Much love babes 🫶🏼
6:21 Best line ever from a therapist, in response to someone saying "they loved me, they just didn't know how to show it": "love is an action verb." It's a brutal truth, but a failure to demonstrate caring actions is a failure to love
-so true
For the 2nd story:
When many people seem to forget about that story is that she knows that her feelings are dumb. When she told her friend, she acknowledged that it was a ridiculous way to feel. HOWEVER, we can't always control how we feel. She didn't even want to tell her friend, she pushed her to do this.
Charlotte, hun, I love your videos, but this one you are very off the mark. Having something so amazing, such as marrying the love of your life, is something that is so important! Yes, most of the time, you and your partner are usually the only ones celebrating that date with a few folks wishing you Happy Anniversary, but when people start forgetting about it entirely, it really does hurt. And when it gets overshadowed by another persons special day (birthday or otherwise), you can definitely feel some resentment. Again, the woman in the story knew she was being stupid thinking that way, but her emotions are totally valid. She even admitted that she was suffering from Depression, and that will definitely amplify all your emotions, good and bad alike.
So, the girl in the 2nd story is NOT the asshole.
Indeed, also I think two adults' anniversary is more important than a party of a one year old, that will not even remember that their uncles or aunts were on this party or not. I think if the SIL had more empathy, she would mention to her brother and the OP that they will understand if they don't attend the birthday party because of their anniversary. But seems like it did not even cross their mind that maybe their adult relatives want to celebrate their special day instead of joining a birthday party of a one year old. For me my wedding anniversary is more special than the birthdays of other family members' kids, and I don't consider it immature at all.
2nd story - People are saying shes being immature and should get over it...but isnt that what she was doing? She was working her feelings out on her own time. Isnt that what emotional regulation and maturity is about? Just because she didnt get over it on other peoples timeline doesnt mean she's a "main character". Her feelings caused no harm to anyone, it doesnt sound like she treated the baby badly, her friend just got a sad vibe. Since when do sad vibes consitute harm? She didnt ask her family and friends to understand her feelings and didnt talk about them with anyone but her husband, who may i remind yall, initally felt the same way. Where is the criticism for him? She wasnt spreading negativity or making anything about herself. Saying you dont want to go to a family function isnt making things about yourself. Telling your husband not to go would be though, but she didnt do that. The friend being upset that OP didnt go to the party means OP should have made OPs first anniversary about her nephew's birthday. And how is that ok?
Its great that so many people would make this a fun part of their wedding story, that they would welcome a family member no matter the importance they place on a special event and thats fine, i would too personally. But its also fine to have conflicting emotions about it. News flash, telling someone to 'get over it'.... might not actually make them get over it! Thats not how emotions work.
The friend asked her to tell her what's wrong and got mad at her when she told the truth. Wouldnt thay just incentiveize her to lie later on?
Think about it, really think about it, why would the friend be mad exactly? Is it critically important that they forgo their first anniversary celebration to be there? Would they really be all that missed? After all they had a perfectly reasonable explanation. Did OP insult her? Insult her baby? Say something behind her back? OPs feelings were self contained. From the BIL standpoint, why would you go NC with your wife's brother and wife's brother's wife because of feelings they never intended to tell you? How does that make sense? Its so extreme, they never even said they hate the kid, theyre acting like feelings can hurt the baby. Lol😂
The following is my opinion;
The only thing i can think of is that the SIL has her own irrational feelings (guilt) over what happened on the wedding day. Her husband reassured her that it wasnt the case because maybe he thought it was true and because he would want to remove stress from a new mother who was recovering from a medicial emergency that could have claimed her life and the life of her baby. Hes probably not over that scare. So when he hears that OP is feeling the way she currently is, his mind translates it to "she thinks my wife and kid shoud have died to give herself a good wedding and maybe they dont want to celebrate my sons birthday because of it", now that is a NC worthy statement.
I am open to thoughts 😂💭
It’s total Madness!!! I don’t know why people are saying she wanted to change anything? The women was adulting, handling her emotions and was asked why and people what her to lie?!? The Op wasn’t angry at anyone she was sad, but you know who got Angry her shitty sister-in law friend. Because Op didn’t want to go to her kids party
lol yeah - SIL should have just taken the no and enjoy her kids birthday with her brother instead of getting scorch earth
Exactly! People are forgetting when you have depression sometimes it's the little things that set you off! SIL wanted her to be honest when she tried to be polite and then scorned her for being honest! I hope it worked out for OP and that she's doing better and that the SIL can see to reason
Exactly, SIL should’ve just accepted that OP was feeling depressed and didn’t want to participate in the celebration
I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering why everyone is going in on OP so hard. I was like her feelings are pretty valid though and she hasnt done anything except feel sad and voice her feelings. Like compared to the shit we hear on Reddit that's pretty normal. You can't be an AH for feeling a certain way only for actions. Her actions were fine and she didn't take it out on anyone. Also the fact that SIL couldn't understand maybe her brother and his wife had plans on their first wedding anniversary is also kinda weird. Like if the two events will always fall on the same day then sometimes OP and her husband wont be there for the actual party if it coincides with their wedding anniversary. I feel like this story wasn't as bad as some others and I was honestly confused at the venom and "just be happy for your friend" comments when SIL didn't try to understand OPs feelings at all and blocked her for telling her the truth of her feelings. That was the most extreme action in this story and if that's the whole story then I think SIL is a bigger AH than OP
I wasn’t born at my aunt’s wedding but I was born on the same day 5 years later. I always send her a happy anniversary message first thing in the morning. She sends me a hb message too. We always acknowledge each other and it’s a blessing.
Oh, that’s a great way to look at it! Maybe the OP could think of it as a special bond between her and her best friend’s child. Her best wedding gift, say? It would be especially appropriate if she was made the godmother.
i was born on my grandmothers wedding anniversary, which i always thought was cute, but then my uncle decided to do his second wedding on my birthday (by second i dont mean to his second wife i mean same wife like 2 weeks after the official wedding idk why) which again i didnt mind but no one even acknowledged my birthday :(
edit: to say it was i think my 8th or 9th birthday so i was quite young so i didnt understand why no one even said happy birthday
@@harlequinade5136 I am so sorry. I hope you are able to celebrate your birthdays now.
It's not quite the same, is it?
Read my post 😊❤ My Niece got married on my Wedding Anniversary and I’m grateful & humbled they did. My husband of 28 years divorced me when my Breast Cancer returned stage 3! It was a horrific time and more painful than I can say. My Niece is my namesake. She got married while on Vacation on my Anniversary so I’d now have happy memories on this day ❤ it was such an UNselfish act. Everyone saw it as such too! On a day that should only be about the couple She chose to show love for me. Now I’m not sad on that date! I recognize the love my Niece & Nephew in law have for me! 😊 ❤
My mother-in-law sent us a "Happy Anniversary" card every year. My husband's aunts also sent cards for our anniversary.
I never really understood why they sent cards, but that was just how his mom and family was. ( He is the oldest of his mother and the first to marry and the first grandchild... )
9:15 yeah that’s exactly what you’re supposed to say. My daughter just got married five months ago and that’s all we talked about for a good week or so after it was a beautiful ceremony and we all had fun so of course we talked about it not all day or all night or whatever but yes it should absolutely be remembered and cherished right along with the baby being born. The 2 topics can coexist in a conversation
Thank you!
I kind of feel for the girl in the second story. If she was already struggling with depression, and her wedding, something she was looking forward to and was probably thinking finally something to make me feel happy, a whole day where I'm not going to feel hopeless. Then when something happens to take that away from you, that really sucks. She sounds like she's struggling mentally and this is something adding to it. She feels like she never got her day, and I truly cannot blame her. I do find it odd she wants people to acknowledge it, but I don't think she's the ahole for feeling how she does. This whole thing sounds like it sent her into another depressive episode, that she can't help. So yeah y'all are right about her expecting attention from it, but she has every right to feel jealous and like the day was stolen. She also knows what she feels is wrong, but honestly you can't help when that happens and I really feel for her knowing she should be happy but can't help feeling crushed. She's doing the best she can. Just another perspective to see it from her side
The day *was* stolen. Maybe not intentionally, but it was stolen. In my family, you at least get a happy anniversary on your anniversary, but no one even cares about her wedding, because it was cut short to welcome a new baby into the family. It wasn’t intentional, sure, but that day is forever tainted in the family’s mind
@@dimsufferer9951how do you know they didn’t have something planned to acknowledge them? Pretty sure no one forgot the circumstances of his birth. Second, no one can STEAL something that is not owned. The universe was not informed that it must set aside a day for every single person on this planet. Man that’s gonna be tough. 365 days, 8 billion people. What’s going to happen as she gets older and stuff happens? As you get older, more stuff happens not less. I had to release my dog, the day after my birthday. My brother died 2 days after New Year’s. My SIL died around Easter. I feel for anyone struggling but it sounds like this might be more her own doing in holding on to resentment, choosing to blame her nephew.
This thought has me seeing both sides. I can see how it may seem that she is blowing this out of proportion. Because of the fact the whole incident wasn’t intentional, we can all see why it would be stupid to be holding onto it. However, with the mention of depression I can completely understand why she’d feel upset. I get the same way. There are high expectations set and you are so happy and excited for them, but the littlest of things that go wrong can flip your mood 180 degrees. Idk how to explain it but the smallest of things going wrong can just be a breaking point. It’s hard to be happy for life when it seems like things big and little go wrong and the one day that’s supposed to be happy doesn’t become entirely theirs. They wanted their family to be at their wedding to share the happiness but when half of them went to the hospital I know I’d be hurt but it also takes a lot of maturity to put that hurt aside and to be happy to have a new baby in the family. Hope this makes sense lol
She should definitely seek therapy. She could have chosen to see things differently and make efforts to have a special bond with the baby and/or focus on her marriage instead of what people think of her wedding.
I agree. First, I don’t know whole families who go to the hospital when a baby is going to be born. You don’t know how long labor is going to take. Why did groom’s whole side have to leave and go wait? I get if grandma and grandpa go…Also not many moms want 20 people visiting right after they just gave birth. So I get that she was disappointed that so many people left and she didn’t really get to celebrate her marriage. Can you imagine if they try to have a vow renewal in like 10 or 20 years? Can’t because it is Ben’s birthday!
To the off blueish grey wedding guest. Tell the jealos bride: Sari, but not sari.
😂😂😂😂 love it!
@@annaoblacinska758😂😂😂😂
That is nice 😂😂😂😂
Or better... they should start getting extra dressed like Indian brides and none will be confused about who's the bride 😅😂
Haha. That's good😊
Last story: She could always tell the MIL rather than the groom.
The bridesmaids aren't necessarily mean girls. I doubt the bride mentioned that OP had checked with her on the sari; in fact she probably made "I can't believe she wore that" type comments. It would be lovely if the bridesmaids could somehow get the whole story; it might prove interesting.
Seems to me that the bride was jealous that her MIL paid more attention to OP than to her. She probably had no issue with the outfit until the day of when MIL kept complimenting OP. Speaks to potential tension in the bride’s relationship with MIL that she took out on OP.
i feel for the bride in the second story. my niece’s birth overshadowed my college graduation where i was not only the first person in my family to graduate college but was graduating with 2 BAs. its just an overall crappy situation because it is out of everyone’s control.
My nephew was born the day before my birthday and he gets a huge party and only like 3 people even acknowledge my existence let alone even wish me a happy birthday.
2nd story is really the case of "won't ever understand until it happened to you" kind of thing 😢
I feel like at that point, you can just keep celebrating your dating anniversary and don't worry about your wedding anniversary. 🤷♀️
Step-sister would not be invited to my wedding, nor would dad!! they both a-holes!!
They can celebrate each-other on my day. Cuz I don’t need em.
This and I would give a small speech about why they weren't there if people were asking about it. Then let them deal with the fallout. Let them suffer from the consequences of their actions.
The way he didn’t support his daughter during that godawful bullying. That shit SCARS. I think it was nice of her to invite her father at all.
Ikr? Even an apology at this point would be far too little too late. Dad should feel lucky that OP even talks to him and hasn't completely cut him out of her life.
I'd have ghosted that family a long time ago.
First story: you just KNOW she would do something to her.
Second story: the best part of our wedding I WISH had overshadowed my bad behaviors was when my hubs little cuz sneezed a three footer to the ring pillow. Totally did not catch on camera! but some of our other not cool issues of the day were still not a big deal, when we think of us, and of a lugi. Family stories are like that!!
Oh and my mom was born on xmas - another goodie story? Grandpap argued w Gramma saying that “no one has a baby on Christmas!”
Who was the holiday about then Pap, huh? Does that First Noel not ring bells? 😂
@@colleennikstenas4921and as though she had a choice. 😂
Likely, Kyla would say something like, "Did OP have to knocked up to marry him?" "She doesn't need to wear white." "He'll dump her within a month."
My thoughts, too!
EVERYONE has a super soaker with red wine for first story……
It comes down to where you're from. I'm an 80's child from Denmark and I grew up with every anniversary being treated like a birthday where you invite your entire family for coffee and cake. Our generation has stopped doing this which confused my parents a lot when both me and my brother refused to have people visiting on our anniversaries.
I'm from New Orleans and we usually share the 1st anniversary with a party. All of the big anniversaries 10th, 25th etc...too
@@NODE1975Here the big ones are 12½ (copper wedding), 25 (silver wedding) and 50 (gold wedding) years. I've always hated the 12½ and thought it should be 10 instead.
One thing I have learnt in life, people say that blood is thicker than water. However, with some people, the person that you go to bed with is MUCH more important than your blood. They will run you over to please the person they sleep with. That father is a good example of it. He let his new wife's kid trample all over his flesh and blood. It is so sad when things like that happen. That story got me hot under the collar!
Hate it when people use the "blood is thicker than water" quote wrongly. The full quote is "Blood of the coven is thicker than water of the womb", meaning many times the family we choose is more important, than the family we are born into.
Last story, SO the groom and bride both said your attire was OK. Then gets upset at you. The bride and others ARE nuts.
My BIL is Indian and has been married to one of my oldest sisters since I was a little girl.
Let me tell you (in case you didn't know) the saree that OP chose was not only a beautiful shade of pastel blue, but it was also very plain by Indian standards.
Especially Indian women standards. She could've worn a true DRESS/FORMAL saree and outshined everyone within a 3 mile radius. The beading alone on a formal dress saree is to die for.
OP should've talked to the grooms mother or Auntie acting confused over the treatment she was receiving.
Even better if she could speak her mind in Hindu or Punjabi, or whatever their native language is.
This stupid bride is marrying into a family that's at least half Indian. She needs to learn to act accordingly.
She AND her bridesmaids/friends are HUGE A-holes.
Smfh!🙄🙄🤦♀️🤦♀️🤬🤬🤬
I don't get why that bride was bothered at all, the saree was elegant and beautiful, and looks nothing like a wedding dress. I'd be especially angry if the bride's friend had been successful in spilling a drink on her. That looks like an expensive silk saree and dry cleaning might not get the stain out.
Also, the culture thing is so weird 😅 I'm kinda speechless about it
She was 100% upset about the mother in law liking it. Simple as that.
(NTA) Just an insecure bride who can't handle someone getting attention for being different.
I’m not entirely sure that an apology would fix the relationship with the stepsister, father and stepmother. It would only be a start. How much time op spends with them afterwards is up for debate. I would still freeze them out, if it were me
Exactly it's like she was bullied by all of them & not provided for or defended by her father. I would severe that relationship until they all apologized. Moreover, I hope that stepdaughter is prepared to take care of father in his old age.
And the grandma ans aunt guilting OP by saying she might regret that later. The stepsister has not come to regret a single thing from the past (otherwise she would have apologized), so why should OP even care...
Yeah, I think it’s too late for that
Idk I think the right thing to do if I were the stepsister would apologize and ask OP if she wanted space, want no contact whatsoever, or if she wanted me to still be around but start to treat her right.
For example, if I were OP and I got an apology, I'd rather have stepsis not be around but if she has to we converse amicably
Plus it would never be a sincere apology at this point.
I think it's fair that OP doesn't go to her nephew's birthday, when it's also her wedding anniversary.
Her wedding got cut short because of her sil's birth, but at least she can prioritise her wedding's memory from now on for herself and her partner
I got married on my aunts bday! She was so excited for my husband and I, and we made a big birthday shout out to her. Every year since I tell her happy bday first thing and she tells us happy Anniversary first thing. It’s something we love that we share!
My mom went into labor the day my aunt was supposed to get married. She ended up going to Vegas. She was mad for a few years cause she had her whole wedding planned out and didn't even have to cancel cause no one was gonna show up anyway due to my brother being born. She got over it but it did take a few years. I think the baby story op is not the a-hole but everybody sucks. The bff could be a bit more sympathetic while op openly said she's trying to get over it
I feel the first OP's pain so much. I have a similar relationship with my younger sister, and she is NOT invited to my wedding at all. fortunately though, my family knows how horrible she is to me, and while they do enable her and make excuses, they aren't even trying to convince me to let her come
i’m sorry your sister has put you through so much and made your life hell. i can relate, i have a similar relationship with my sister. it’s brilliant you have such unwavering and healthy boundaries, it really demonstrates how far you’ve come and the support you’re receiving from your family is really great!! good for you, internet stranger! i hope you have the best wedding ever! 😁💜
Story 2 - Bride definitely still has some maturing to do, but based on this alone she didn't do anything wrong. Why would anyone expect a couple celebrating their 1yr anniversary to attend a friend's 1y/o baby's birthday party? Seriously.
Not only that but she never mentioned this disappointment to anyone until she was pressed about it. She was literally just "grinning and bearing" and going on about her life keeping the issue to herself until people continued to push the issue.
Like don't ask someone what's up if you're not ready to hear the truth
I can empathise with OP in the second story... like a lot of comments have pointed out, she didn't make it an issue and was just trying to remove herself from a situation that would have been unpleasant for her. She didn't even make a scene about not attending, only explaining how she felt when she was confronted about it. Also the 1st anniversary at least is a little more special, I would think. I feel like SIL could have also made an effort to make OP feel seen (IK she isn't obligated to, but if she cares for her she could do it) like maybe the family could have even mentioned the anniversary coming up, asked about their plans, or something. It's like OP's wedding never happened.
Edit: I just watched the replies to the original post and I think people are misunderstanding what she expected from her family. I don't think she expected her wedding to be the talk of the town for months after, or for family to drop the child's bday to celebrate her anniversary. But not one person mentioning the wedding? Saying anything about the ceremony or how she looked, or how happy everyone was, omg something. And on top of all this they left her reception hallway and she was understanding of it. Personally I feel like her feelings are valid and she should be allowed to work through them without being expected to pretend they don't exist.
Also how is she supposed to celebrate her anniversary if she has to attend a birthday party lol
Story 1…….no apology would fix it in my opinion. This bullying is unacceptable and horrifying. I’m 71 years old and have NEVER been bullied, so it’s unimaginable how this would feel.
I agree.
I don't think she meant an apology would earn Kyla a free stay in Europe, but it would probably ease a lot of the hurt she caused in their teenage years.
Yeah we would NEVER speak again.
Okay nah in all fairness, I get why the bride was low-key bitter about the high risk pregnancy. I don’t think she’s blaming her SIL for it, but it’s also okay to acknowledge that you’re bummed out that your one day is overshadowed in your memory by another event. I don’t think that makes someone a terrible person or selfish - it just sucks all around bc obviously the SIL didn’t plan it and didn’t want it, and obviously OP knows that but still wishes her wedding day was well.. her wedding day.
Honestly, the only way I can see OP “getting over this” is by having a second wedding on a different day, but even then I’d be terrified something would happen again
Problem is that she is letting it affect her behavior towards her nephew. There are two ways to look at that day. We got married AND got a nephew even though how we got him was scary. Or we got married BUT then we couldn’t enjoy it. She opted for the latter. She has placed the blame, in her mind, on him, and has been obvious enough about it, that her SIL picked up on it. That does not make her terrible. It does indeed make her selfish and immature.
In fairness... she should have sought a professional headshrinker to help her deal with her emotions as soon as this started to affect her life....
@@TheBaumcm She actually could have benefited from having her nephew born on her wedding day. She embraced it "Getting a new nephew was the best ever wedding gift." That way, the whole family would remember that his birthday was on their wedding day. I bet she would get more "Happy Anniversaries" than she would've if he wasn't born that day.
@@TheBaumcmI feel like SIL is the immature one for blocking her so called friend and family member after she finally opened up about something she’s been struggling with instead of validating her feelings and helping her work through grieving how she thought the day would go but ok.
Honestly both women are handling this how I’d expect 13 year olds to handle their drama.
Apparently my aunt went into labor and missed half of my mom's wedding. But my mom is such a positive thinker. She believes it brings her closer to her nephew and when my parents went on their 10th wedding anniversary to Spain they came back and brought him a really nice present. It was a figurine of a Spanish night. In full armor made of Spanish steel. He loved it and he still has it.
wow u expect 2nd op to now drop everything and love him this is such a shitty take she has every right to feel sad its just sad
New rule that needs to be added:
If a guest you invited ( be it family or someone close) if they demand the bride or groom to invite someone who you didn't or refused to invite tell that person
" Then ill might as well univite you also since you don't want to cooperate to *MY* wedding ☺️ "
Imagine your family not celebrating your birthday, because one couple from that family has anniversary. What a lifetime punishment for being born.
She definitely needs some help
@@BrianAndresScottI agree so long as OP and her husband are also allowed to do their own thing as well for their anniversary.
You know! 💯
My Dad was born Christmas Day. Poor guy lol All he ever said about it was ‘Tough act to follow’ lol
Imagine you can't celebrate your own anniversary cuz you have to go to someone else's baby party
For the second one, I think that whatever the OP is feeling is valid. She seems to understand that what she is feeling about it isn't good and is working on it, which is great. However something makes you feel is valid but how you handle it js the important part. She is also depressed about other things. I don't think she should have told her SIL, she could have just said "I've been really depressed and struggling lately and I didn't want to rain on your parade at the B-day party."
So she's not the AH for feeling the way she does. But she is the AH for telling the SIL.
Yeah she should of lied to her SIL knowing that the SIL and husband are awful people. OH you have feelings, let make my brother miss his nephew first birthday because of how his wife feels. I do agree with you on a lot of this but I am tired of living in a world where you have lie about your feelings when asked. I get why the mother is hurt by how the bride feels but she asked, so it not like the bride went out of her way to be cruel. The bride and the mother are not only SIL but good friends, how would the mother feel 5 year down the line if the bride lied and her husband let it slip.
It would of been better if the mother wouldn't of flipped her lid and maybe later on they could of resolve any resement of the brides part and hurt of the mothers part later. Ofcouse, me being me I would of flipped because I don't think before I act but I wouldn't of uninvited my bother to my kids party.
@@feliciapease3912the point is that she already knows she should not be feeling this way, especially the way she discussed her husband dealing with it well before she did. So yeah, you sit down, shut up and ignore the voice in your head that tells you to grenade your family for something that none of them had any control over. All feelings are valid but not all of them are reasonable. A wedding is a one day event to mark the start of life together. She should be pleased that it was also the start of a new life altogether. At two months early, you celebrate every milestone you get because that is a lot. It’s sour grapes and she’s acting like the kid who’s upset that another kid has the same birthday at the party place, rather than excited to celebrate together.
@@TheBaumcm Well put!
@@TheBaumcm I see where you're coming from but you also are forgetting the fact that she no longer has a happy wedding memory like everyone else. At the wedding she literally had to cut it short because she was so worried about her sister-in-law. The whole day was ruined for her. I'm not justifying the fact that she's acting like an angry toddler but I am justifying the fact that she's depressed about it and needs time to work through it.
I've actually been in a situation pretty similar to this. My sister's sudden labor because of health issues interrupted a family game night to the point where I don't even remember what we were playing, but I remember the fear and panic that consumed me very well, and that's just a game night I can't imagine how intensified it would be for a wedding.
To go from the happiest day in your life to suddenly fearing for your loved ones life? I can understand why the idea of the day makes her depressed. Does that give her the right to treat the kid or his birthday like shit? Of course not. Does that mean she has to "just get over it", also no. She's working on it, as admitted by her and by your account she has already started the process. The first step to solving a problem is recognizing that there is a problem. I would understand this kind of reaction if she saw nothing wrong with how she was feeling, but she does.
@TheBaumcm But she did sit down and shut up until th SIL asked her. Feeling have a way of showing, and the bride didn't seem to be good at hiding hers . She wasn't cruel or hateful she even ended her wedding early to be at the hospital. She didn't want to go to the birthday party and to be honest it probably best she didn't go due to her not able to hide her resentment. So the only thing that makes her the asswhole is she didn't lie to her friend/SIL when asked about it. If she lied and the SIl found out later,the SIL would have been hurt not only by the resentment but also by the bride lied. It would have been, "I thought we were best friends, and when I asked you, trust me enough." Or maybe the SIL would believe the lie but would have been upset that her best friend could make her newphew 1st birthday due to depression. It seems the bride was in a no-win situation due to resentment, and that sucks but un-inviting her brother due to his wife feelings made her and her husband behavior worse in my mind.
The bride can't control how she feels only her actions. She didn't take her resentment out on anyone. She wasn't hurtful to them. They can't control how they feel only their actions. They are hurt by the brides feelings and took it out on the brides husband.
For the 2nd story, then it's perfectly reasonable that they don't attend Ben's birthday party. After all, it IS their wedding anniversary. They've already lost a part of their actual wedding, so why not just tell Denise she's celebrating her anniversary on the day? Also, whilst its true that most of your guests don't actually care about your wedding, it's incredibly tragic when your own FAMILY doesn't care that much about it.
I don’t remember my brothers and no one remembers mine either. My brother remembers his (which is good, his wife deserves that lol) and I remember mine (although I missed it once because I forgot what day it currently was lol). But I also get being upset that your big day ended early and in a way no one saw. Also, a year out, if she’s still this upset, I think she could use some counseling. Being this upset for this long over something no one could control just isn’t good for your mental health. It also sounds like there is more to her mental health struggles, this is just adding to it.
As for the bride upset about a baby being born on her wedding, I think it's unfair to call her the a-hole. Sure, her feelings are weird but she acknowledges them and tries to get over it. SIL was the one being pushy and can't just drop it. Also, blocking your friend and uninviting her husband over her sharing her feelings is a shitty move
Ok so yes, she can’t move her kids birthday but at the same time, she can’t be upset that the bride won’t go to the birthday because she will celebrate her anniversary
Yes, I thought it was strange that she asked OP why she couldn't come to her kid's birthday party. She must remember that her son was born during her friend's wedding; that would be hard to forget. Logically, a newlywed would prefer to celebrate her own wedding anniversary with her husband rather than go to a kid's birthday party. I think OP's long-term resentment toward a baby is ridiculous, but SIL was the entitled AH for getting upset that OP wouldn't attend the birthday party. OP has her own milestone to celebrate.
@@jaimedritt4622 I'd imagine it's because the newlyweds didn't go anywhere. OP seems so pressed about it it feels like she isn't even thinking about celebrating with her husband, all she focuses on is the lack of attention on her wedding and anniversary. So it seems to me like they didn't go anywhere to celebrate and SIL knew that they were home or whatever and that made it feel weird to her. I'm speculating, of course, but SIL isn't in any way an AH because she gave birth. She can't control that. She just thought that OP was upset about something and wanted to check in and see if everything is alright. Seems like a pretty nice gesture to me, tbh.
@kissing.herbs. People don't have to travel or do something elaborate to celebrate their anniversary. They might just be spending the day together. I still think SIL acted entitled about the birthday party and should have simply accepted the No RSVP rather than interrogating OP. I can only assume she remembered that she gave birth during the wedding, so the birthday coincides with OP's anniversary. I think OP's bitterness about her actual wedding is toxic and weird though. She's acting like SIL maliciously gave birth. If I were OP, I would have simply given my regrets about not being able to attend because I'd celebrating my anniversary with my husband and kept my feelings to myself.
This was my thought too. Like yeah being jealous of a baby is weird, and yeah other people can't be expected to care about your wedding/anniversary, but does the SIL not think they maybe want to celebrate their first anniversary somewhere other than a baby's birthday party...?
Like yeah, not everything revolves around your wedding, but your lives don't revolve around other people's kids either, and SIL sounded pretty pushy
@@CS-ux7mz lmao the bar is on the floow its not that wprld should stop but just asking on what are there plans is enough they shouldnt ask but expect someone to talk not even sil remember their wedding now their wedding is about nephews bday which is no ones fault BUT IS F ING SAD
The first OP gave me flashbacks. My abusive stepsister got married years ago. When the invitations went out, I was so stunned to be invited that I blurted out, completely automatically, "Why the hell am I invited?"
My horrible stepsister started pretending to cry.
My father was adamant that I had to go- and later took me aside to tell me why. Unsurprisingly my racist, homophobic, size-ist, misogynist, animal-abusing step-monster had no friends to invite to her wedding. She hates me- I'm gay, mixed-race, curvy, a feminist, and an animal lover, so there is absolutely no common ground and never has been. Despite all that, I was to be SEAT FILLER, to make this psycho's wedding look normal-sized. Probably also to make her look less like a walking red flag to her husband's family.
I don't blame my father for wanting me there- he has a lot of empathy, even for those who don't deserve it, and he doesn't know about the worst things she has done because I am trying to put them behind me.
In the end, my father had a medical emergency that required a long hospitalisation, and wasn't able to attend the wedding himself.
It was then left up to me whether or not I would go, so I did not. That was one of the best decisions of my whole damn life. 💖
Glad you didn't go - good for you. 🙂Hope your dad recovered well.
That's karma. People like that step-bitch (calling her a sister is an insult) end up being alone and universially hated by normal people. Family is the only ones that will love you without a reason, so by making them hate you you make yourself alone. I can never understand how such sadistic people doesn't get checked as kis and teens, but as adults? Yea, no girl, no one wants to be your friend. So fuck her!
Oof, that sucks that you had to deal with that and that your dad was unwell but it sounds like the universe was intervening that day. Sounds like rather than listing her it’s, you could just simplify and say she a narcissist. They’re attracted to empathy because they can play victim like none other. Also, she’s a stepmother. Some are kind and genuinely love kids whether they are theirs or not but there is a reason most stepmothers in story are heinous. In the animal kingdom, the new alpha males, after defeating the old alpha (so he can no longer mount a defense) will often destroy the offspring of the previous alpha, if any are left to ensure his progeny have the resources they need. There seems to be some degree of that same imperative in humans, unfortunately, while others have the imperative to ensure survival of the species on the whole, even if it is not their genetic information. I’m adopted and while my father is the latter, my mother is the former. They had two biological children about a decade older than me. I could never measure up, even though I was objectively a good kid across the board. People are capable of rationalizing really harmful behavior towards anyone if they can dehumanize them enough and it sounds like that might be the reason that she is so anti everything you.
I need to know what happened afterwards! Also proud of you for standing your ground and not putting yourself in a situation where you would be uncomfortable or just not happy at all. I hope you're doing great in life after all that
Holy heck, along with everything else an animal abuser too!? Glad you didn't attend, the universe clearly didn't want you to, either! Pray all is now well with your father ♡
Re: 2nd Story
Charlotte, I'm a bit surprised (not upset or disappointed, just genuinely surprised) at your strong reaction to the second story. You're a natural, genuine empath which is something I respect about you! I'd like to offer a second perspective on OP's post:
1. Emotions are arbitrary, neither good nor bad, it's we who assign meaning to them. The outcome being, our emotions often don't seem to "make sense". Emotions may not always make sense, but thay will always provide insight into the situation.
2. Literally every feeling a person has is absolutely, 100% valid- all.the.time. Even, or perhaps especially, when they "don't make sense". Therefore, IMO,
3. No one can tell another person that what their feeling is "wrong, ridiculous, unfounded, petty, delulu, overreacting, etc." I don't get to tell you how to feel, just as you don't get to tell me how not to feel.
4. OP has done a very brave thing, disclosing her most honest feelings. She has acknowledged several times that she wished she could simply choose to feel otherwise; she clearly doesn't relish feeling upset and jealous of her SIL/BFF, and especially doesn't enjoy feeling angry or resentful at her baby nephew.
5. OP is very self-aware and has taken the time to ask herself the hard questions, "why do I feel this way?", "does this mean I am a bad person?" etc.
6. OP is trying to make sense of her feelings, which, when looked at through a rational/logical lens only, do not seem to be "appropriate" given the situation. However,
7.1 When attempting to understand feelings, it's often best to put a pin in any attempt to "think your way through it.", meaning, put a hold on asking "why am I feeling this way?", and perhaps start with, "what am I feeling rn?"
7.2 The reasons that led OP to feel the way she does may have absolutely nothing (or very little) to do with the scenario shared in her post. They may be the result of one, or several previous situations where she felt similarly, and now, on her wedding day, one of the the "biggest", most important occasions of her life, she finds herself "reliving" or remembering each time she also felt: overlooked, cast aside, second choice, unimportant, unwanted, not good enough, etc.
8.1 If this is the case, her reaction to the present day situation, wedding/baby, is likely going to seem disproportionate and "inappropriate". This is because,
8.2 When any of us experience an "emotional flashback", our bodies and minds are, quite literally, no longer solely in the present moment.
- When something happens during our present, triggers the memory of a past situation/event, our bodies and minds react physiologically to the memory(ies).
- If the memory(ies) which are brought to the surface were bad/painful/negative/sad/fearful/traumatic, etc., this means that, IRL- OP is about to cut her wedding cake, when her SIL goes into labor, understandably causing all (majority of attention/acknowledgement) to suddenly shift to SIL, who is clearly the priority... OP is left standing, knife in hand, as an observer- a guest- at her own wedding.
- AT THE SAME EXACT TIME, OP's mind starts to pull out dusty old files containing each and every past occurrence where she also felt overlooked and un-special, bringing these memories to the forefront of her mind for review.
- AGAIN, AT THE SAME TIME, OP's body is reacting without her awareness or permission, as if she were back inside one, or all, of the old memories. Meaning, she may feel her heart rate increase, flushing, sweating, tears threatening to fall, shortness of breath, nausea, light headed, confusion, and physically, the pain of loss, grief, shock, embarrassment, and anger. All of this is occurring at the exact same intensity it did when the memory first took place, and she is completely flooded, beyond the point of walking it back.
9.1 IMO, OP did absolutely nothing to warrant being labeled the 'Asshole'. She bravely shared her truest, most honest feelings, understanding they seemed disproportionate to the situation, because she was looking for help to understand why she had this reaction, and how to stop having this reaction.
9.2 OP did not act on her feelings, and wasn't planning on ever saying anything because she didn't want to hurt her family, until her SIL pressured her to do so. At which time OP was effectively ostracized and punished, which only served to confirm her perception of herself as "bad", "wrong", "mean", or "crazy".
10. OP is now experiencing the fallout of sharing her honest feelings- which are other people's emotional reactions to her original feelings- and this is literally not her fault or her problem. If I tell you that I feel CONSUMING RAGE (scary 😂) every time my mom gives my brother the last cookie, without ever asking me if I might like it, and your reaction is to tell me that I'm the worst sister and bratty daughter who is going to hell, that is NOT on me- I am not responsible for another person's reaction to my feeling/choices, that is their own work to do (and is also gaslighting).
Bottom line, IMO, OP is not the asshole.
It has always been helpful for me to step back and remember two things:
1. "it's not 'what's wrong with me', it's 'what happened to me'."
2. Curiosity > Judgement
Totally agree
Like someone else commented earlier. Being high risk and early labor, she should be happy she isn't sharing her wedding day or anniversary with the funeral/ memorial service for mom and/or baby Ben.
THAT is looking at the big picture, and I guess some people think their feelings being validated are more important than having some decency and understanding to how our chaotic universe works. Why not get over it and say happy birthday early in the day, drop of a present spend an hour with the kid and then go about the rest of the day celebrating your anniversary. Again, had it not gone as well she could be waking up on anniversary day to drop of flowers at a gravesite. Now THAT would be a bummer.
I believe this is why, as also an empath, Charlotte reacted so strongly. Because imagine having your best friend be bitter towards you because you unwillingly gave birth too early and at a high risk, instead of being happy that you and your child LIVED through such trauma.
Tbh to take this further. If bride isn't happy she should've planned a 2nd reception 🤷🏼♀️ or to go even further I would say acknowledge my anniversary but also maybe celebrate it the next day I mean it's really not as big of a deal as surviving a super traumatic birth to be frank.
anniversary date aside from you and your partner celebrations/plans you'd be lucky to get a text or call from close friends and family wishing you well. Can't imagine trying to remember all my friends and families different anniversary dates, and I get the feeling they don't expect me to. This bride sounds very selfish and self centered. I'd be highly disappointed in her character/morals if it was my best friend/in law
@@SinkOrSwim31 wow that's a classic gaslighting.. Noone is talking about funeral.. That's soooo irrelevant...
Op is just looking for some validation. That's totally okay... May be she expressed that in a wrong way but she's mature enough to understand that she need to work on that feeling... She's not entitled.. But you are talking about some unnecessary thing..
As someone with mental health issues, you can't always control how you feel, even if you know it's no ones fault or don't want to feel that way. Unfortunately, you also have to learn that some people aren't 'safe' to share those thoughts with.
I could tell my best friend "I'm feeling a way about your baby being born on my wedding day." and she would ask me if I need any support from her to work through it. She has known me long enough to know I am just as frustrated with how I feel sometimes and that it takes time to work through.
I absolutely would not tell anyone in my family because they would jump down my throat even if I explained that I knew it was a me problem and I was trying to fix it.
Edit to clarify: I don't think anyone is an asshole here, I think OP thought her sister-in-law was safe to talk to about this or felt like she had no choice but to tell her. She needs therapy, not shunning.
I disagree with calling the 2nd one an asshole. I know it couldn't be helped but if my entire wedding was gone after months of planning and thousands of $'s I'd be so devastated. And she kept her mouth shut and never said anything until her sister demanded to know why she seemed sad, and even still refused to tell her at first. It was really unfortunate timing. If I was her sister and was told that, I honestly would have understood and suggested throwing a big party in honor of her wedding a year prior. Maybe incorporate the bday if she was fine with it, maybe not and then push it out a couple weeks, just to let her know she isn't forgotten. They could have healed that relationship so easily and instead they just... blocked her?
I agree as well
Their reaction seems very telling about why she probably struggled to tell them…even more than the guilt about her feelings. Especially if they had neglected to even acknowledge in some way how unfortunate the timing was. Perhaps they did. But if they didn’t and she was just expected to deal…they are treading in AH territory.
yup!!! I felt this one so much. Those people dont love her. She cant be honest with them and that is extremely telling. She was right to feel that way. They blocked her with out trying to understand. Love is understanding. It is an action word. She probably felt it in her gut. Poor girl. I feel her lonesome @@carolinebcollier
I wouldn’t say she’s an asshole for feeling upset and sad. Feelings are not always based in rationality, but that doesn’t make them wrong.
I think the asshole verdict has more to do with the subtle feeling of entitlement in the way the post is written. Like her family being more excited by her nephew’s birthday than her anniversary. Anniversaries are special for the couple, not the extended family. Honestly, I’d feel kind of weird if people got excited over, like, my cousin’s wedding anniversary (I’m not married myself). It would make it seem like they didn’t expect the marriage to last and are surprised it did.
So, yeah, calling her an asshole is probably unfair. But she does need to sit back and maybe think about what’s really upsetting her. Is it because she feels like no one cares about her at all? Has her family made her feel like that in the past? It might be worth exploring with a therapist.
THIS
I can sympathize with the Bride whose nephew was born during her reception. I get the vibe she's one of those people who didn't have a super supportive background, so having that shift is probably difficult
But the baby seemed to have been born hours later. The SIL and her husband could have slipped away to hospital quietly only telling somone from their family they were going to get checked out at the hospital. This seems to have been a BIG exit, drawing half the reception crowd away. As a RN, the couple even if calling an ambulance don't need to involve the bridal party, slip out with help to lobby to meet ambulance, baby isn't falling out! Then the reception could have gone on and only if there was a problem would everyone need to know. All those people wouldn't have ran from home if this happened the day after the wedding,mtheyd wait at home yomhear the outcome. So I don't blame the bride, I blame the EXIT style dragging the people with them. Yes a year later she need to let it go. I had a tornado touch down the night before my wedding, and all my male wedding party including the groom were cops and first responders. Nothing went as planned, but we got through it, and people had a good time.
@@joywebster2678 even if the baby was born hours later, she was having a premature birth, at least 2 months too early, she was probably in a panic and rushed out as soon as possible. Plus, we don't know if she herself made a huge scene or if someone else did, I mean, she literally told OP to keep partying.
@sassysquad6298 so someone like I said, made it about her very worrisome event, vs sliding her out to help. Peop,e collapse at major events frequently, but the " show" doesn't stop. I don't know why you can't understand that I'm simply saying, a quieter exit might have let the wedding finish more satisfactorily. You seem to think I'm downplaying the BIRTH, i'm not, i'm simply suggesting a middle path was available.
I was bullied by my brother from a very young age. An apology can't help much, the damage has already been done. He has given me a "sorry for my past behaviors", but also not remembering some of the things he used to say/do. I'm still trying to unlearn all the horrible things he used to say when we were kids. The words still pop up automatically whenever I do certain things, I even have certain behaviors I'm trying to unlearn from those times. A "sorry" is not going to fix a shattered glass (mind).
Honestly i have so much sympathy for the second one. Imagine how disappointing it would be to have your wedding which you've been thinking about your whole life and planning for years knocked so off course that half the guests leave and you have to end it an hour early. Big feelings like that dont just go away. Plus, she has to feel that crushing disappointment AND hide it because everyone else is happy about the birth. Then shes being reminded of it constantly because the reason for her disappointment is being talked about constantly. I'm not surprised she feels jealous, although im not sure its the right word. Its completely natural, her feelings are completely valid and I'd give her a big hug if i could.
I feel like we were a bit mean during the second story and she definitely needed some therapy but she wasn't taking it out on others
She was if her friend picked up on her resentment for a CHILD. I used to tell my students when they said I was mean that nice was letting them do whatever they wanted. I never said I was nice. I said I’d be kind, which sometimes means telling you when you are doing something that may have unintended or long term consequences that you do not want in plain but respectful language. Telling an adult, that their special day isn’t reserved by the universe for them alone, and that it shouldn’t take a year to deal with something that, to a person with a healthy mindset, amounts to a minor inconvenience to them, rather than celebrating the fact that the child (I know from experience), who will have long term consequences and probably had to fight for awhile, has made it to a year. She did it even acknowledge how scary that must have been for her “friend”, just “we were so worried we couldn’t enjoy ourselves”. She probably would be annoyed if someone came up and said,”yay! You made it to a year!” because “what they didn’t expect me to do so?”
@@TheBaumcm oh that make more sense never thought of it that way!
She kind of was she was cold towards the kid
For the second story, I'm not okay with saying OP is the AH
Yes, there is the reason why she's feeling like she's overshadowed is trival. But here's the thing : you cannot control your feelings. When I'm jealous of someone, I know I SHOULD be happy for them instead, but there's no magical switch to deactivate a feeling
From what I see, the OP IS working through it and trying to find a way to stop hurting, and it doesn't help ayone to say that she's not there yet
Maybe she shouldn't have voiced it to the SIL. But sometime, you just gotta say what you feel, otherwise it's just venon breawing to become something worse, building ressentment
I don’t think she would have voiced it to the SIL at all if SIL hadn’t pushed so much
This is a cop out. You cannot control your feelings which is why feelings are valid at all times, period. You DO have control over how those feelings are expressed. She has been outwardly resentful towards her nephew for a year. That’s not jealousy. That’s punishment for perceived slight. She is letting that impact her relationships on the whole. There is a whole thing in psychology regarding diagnosis of disorders, like addiction, that includes the parameter of the negative impact on your life. That is why this specific reaction and response, not OP on the whole, might be considered disordered. She is allowing it to color her relationships to the point of harm.
@@dimsufferer9951if they are friends, should she have just let her go on with obvious discomfort? We also don’t know from OP how or when it was expressed or how “Nate” interacted with “Denise”. OP left a lot out, any discussions surrounding the planning, and whether there might’ve been some plan to do something for them at the party. Either way, it’s at best serious immaturity being bratty to a baby because you blame them for overshadowing one day in your life, which is what a wedding is, the beginning of a lifetime of memories, often the least important of which is your wedding day.
@@TheBaumcm,
Exactly. She needs a headshrinker... and should have visited one much sooner. This isn't healthy. I don't know why she posted this on AITA subreddit... the "Relationship Advice" subreddit would have been the better location.
Yes, she has these feelings... but they are harmful. She needs help. Once she's come to terms with her emotions (they aren't always permanent, people change), then she can try to repair the damage she has caused between her husband and his friend (brother?)... Until then... she's not going to behave/think in a way that's healthy for the young parents.
@ Praxy SPOT ON.
My sister went into preterm labour the day before my wedding. We carried on with the wedding as planned. Of course 28 years later its still talked about in the same breath as our wedding because it became part of our wedding story. Actually i use it as a marker if i forget which anniversary we are on, how old is x oh yeah thats how long its been 😂
The second story reminds me of what my therapist said once, you cant control how you feel or what you feel but you can control your actions. She's valid for being upset, she spent a large amount of money and time and effort on this big milestone and it was cut short physically and mentally (because everyone just remembers the baby not her as well) thats something to be upset about. That doesnt mean she can act out obviously but shes not doing that anyway. What i see is that she needed a place to vent and some comfort and thats a healthier way of moving on. props to her.
also, the friend asked why and OP gave them a why. they didnt blame them or anything she just expressed herself and clarified that thats how shes feeling. I see no issue with what OP did/say. If her friend couldnt handle the truth thats on her.
In the 2ed story I don't think she was saying that she was expecting other people to celebrate her first anniversary.
It definitely felt like a lot of people were discussing Ben's first birthday, but no one said, 'Oh hey, that's your first wedding anniversary.Are you two coming to the party or do you have plans?'
And then she got blocked just for being honest. Unless she sugar-coated and/or lied about what she actually said to the baby mama, that's a huge over-reaction on everybody else's part. I think her in-laws might hate her, which makes it easy to be jealous of a baby that nobody hates.
agree.
It's b @ tsh * t crazy to expect people to remember all their friends' anniversaries.
@@Orquet-qj2nf Blocked for ranting that she's depressed over people being more interested in a kid than her anniversary and saying the kid stole something from her. Understandable
Plus she was 7 months pregnant when she went into labor and Ben was born! She obviously wasn't concerned about his survival or happy that he did survive.
From the 2nd story I can see both sides to an point. I'm only 2 years into my marriage but I do get a lot of happy anniversaries both years. Cards and in person greetings.
So I think it depends on your family/culture. If the couple who had the baby gets happy anniversary cards and acknowledgements then they should be more compassionate to how the op feels. Not saying they should downplay their baby's birthday but they can still express compassion and encouragement to help op move past her emotions.
yes totally and for personal reason I am really mad at people who expect op to be happy for her friend for having a baby. Your anniversary is not important to other people- true.
Also: your are not entitled to your friends to like your baby! My sister and her husband for various reasons chose a name for my nephew that pretty much equals thus of the man who raped me. At first it was very hard to like my nephew, I was horrified every time his name was mentioned. When my sister noticed I was reserved towards him I tried to explain the problem and aknoledged, I realised my nephew was innocent and the feelings were unfair, yet these where my feelings. I cannot imagine my life, had my sister just blocked me, because I explained my feelings after she asked.
I think op`s feelings are irrational and telling her SIL was harsh, but the SIL is an a-hole she should have known fairly well op had an important date that night, she still! asked why op would not come and then blocked her!
My mum had a similar situation with a baby being born on her day. Except it was her birthday. She thought everyone has forgotten about her and was hurt and upset. She then got a call from my nan telling her that her niece, my beautiful cousin had been born on her day.... my mother, saint that she is, was OVERJOYED at knowing she was sharing her day with such a special event in my aunts life. Her response was, "best birthday present, ever!"
First story has me SHOOKETH.
I hope that beautiful bride to be has an amazing destination wedding WITHOUT the bully. Do NOT give in!! NEVEEEERRRR!!!
Getting a new nephew on your wedding day? Best wedding present ever!
That’s literally what I said
The only way I’d see it as theft, thanks Char for seeing people this way now😂, is if they had a scheduled C section and scheduled it for that day.
Yeah i share my birthday with my niece, just makes it a much better day
Not everyone, like I don't like babies and being autistic means I am prone to sensory overloads that baby noises are good at triggering.
Getting a nephew or niece would just mean I couldn't go to family events till they grew out of that phase because I would just be in a total meltdown.
Yes it would be amazing! But not in a relatively still fresh time when they are feeling the sting of a ton of money wasted-- a night that went from the most important day in their lives so far, to genuine fear and concern.
OP needs therapy for the earth shattering fear of "oh my God please don't let her die, everyone go home we're going to the hospital", to "Oh thank god everything is OK. Wow, I'm feeling really sad. I don't have any good memories from my wedding" as she is still very hurt.
They canceled it because they LOVE the new parents and wanted to support them.
That does not mean they are not valid in feeling sad that their day that they were so excited about, was ripped from underneath them by nobody's fault.
Momma bear had no right blowing up about them not attending, especially on their anniversary.
They both need therapy and they need to go to a park with the baby and sit down and talk through everything. It seems like Mama Bear is struggling and feels extremely guilty about the day, even though it's no fault of her own, and is now being aggressive towards OP as a defense mechanism.
Both ladies need so many hugs and sit down and talk it out. Neither of them are mad at the other. OP is sad and still processing (by herself, saying nothing to momma bear because she loves her and doesn't want to hurt her) and momma bear is drowning in motherhood.
If done correctly, it is one of the hardest things you'll do in your life.
I really want to hug both of them 😢 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
second story: It's Ops Anniversary so while baby Ben is having a Birthday Party, your best friend should know that sometimes you won't be at Bens party because you made other planes for that date. Your best friend should have understood where you were coming from, and come to a meeting of the minds. There will be times when you could go to Bens party and then you and what his name can go out and celebrate your Anniversary. I can't see either side getting all bent in a situation like this. Stupid
You’ve clearly never had someone with a preemie that early. Many that early do not even make it to their first. Not to mention the fact that she has been a sulky teenager since the wedding TOWARDS A BABY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. You know what? You’re absolutely right. She should be nowhere near that child or family on his birthday.
🙄 i do not get why you apparently think this comment is about you. I am with OP here, but mainly because you sound sort of bitter.
@thebaumcm
Exactly. I understand everyone feeling a little hurt, but, like… the SIL BLOCKING her?
Therapy. Everyone needs therapy
I come from a family that does anniversaries in a big way, so that definitely impacts my opinion. But yeah, SIL definitely overreacted, too. Everyone sucks in that one.
My daughter was born by emergency c-section the day before my husband's birthday. (Oddly, her due date was my birthday, a month later.) I felt so bad about that, because his birthday ended up being completely overlooked since both I and my daughter had just had a close call with death, and were still in pretty rough shape. My husband was an angel the whole time, and took such good care of both of us.
I try hard to make him feel special on his birthday, because it's so easy for him to be overlooked. On top of having his daughter born the day before his birthday, he also happens to be a twin, so his birthday is literally *NEVER* just about him, and never has been. At minimum, I make sure that every year, he gets his own b-day cake, which is separate from our daughter's. He gets to choose what kind of cake, how he wants it decorated, etc. and I make it happen.
These are my favourite videos that Charlotte does , I can't wait until she posts them. We need more!!
She doesn’t wanna feel jealous about Ben. She wants to get over that. She’s just being honest with her feelings and as long as she keeps them to herself, it won’t cause any animosity down the line. Yes, your anniversary and Ben’s birthday will be on the same day, but you can either choose to celebrate them together or separately. I don’t understand why so many people went to the hospital when there’s nothing they can do but sit in a waiting room. That doesn’t mean they’re worried more than the people that stayed behind. The only people that should’ve gone to the hospital were the parents and maybeher mother
I have a hypothesis that people are born or conditioned within the first year of life to be mostly pessimistic victims (the world is out to get me so everything bad that happens is targeted) or optimistic survivors(that bad thing happened but bad things happen. It was just bad timing, out of that person’s control, and I won’t hold that against them). It has been a year. If she wanted to get over it, if she was actually ready to, she would. Her feelings are valid from my perspective, because all feelings are valid as they are simply a symptom and therefore not right or wrong, but also will not resolve until you address the internal root cause. I do, however, believe that you can ascertain reasonableness of a feeling, a general consensus over whether an average person would have this feeling and the degree of reaction that stems from it. For example, it is valid to feel some kind of way about the anxiety of the situation, the change in expectation for the day, having the focus shift for that day, and be ambivalent in the future when you think about it. It is unreasonable to think the universe will set that day aside in perpetuity, to be resentful of a child and show it, and basically get upset over what is force majeure, an act of God. This is pointed to in her expectation that people would be celebrating her anniversary with the implicit “if only Ben hadn’t come along and ruined it”. Truth is any special day you have is at the same time an ordinary day for most people and a special or terrible day for others. I had no illusions on my wedding day. I got married on 7/7/07 along with 38,000 other couples. Heck, hubby and I don’t even celebrate our anniversary on the day some years because of the intervention of life. Her feelings are a symptom of her entitlement, selfishness, and immaturity…and pessimism about others, and the problem is that she isn’t keeping it to herself.
@@TheBaumcm My dude, this is like the 5th time I've seen you comment in arguments against OP when people bring up that the situation is nuanced. Maybe you need to step back and not get so up in arms about this? Doesn't seem healthy.
@@TheBaumcmIt's very strange because while you are aware there are no good or bad emotions you also think they are "symptoms" to be addressed.
It's not often the case. Many people can feel any kind of emotions for any reasons. It doesn't have to mean anything: for exemple we are discovering a surprisingly large portion population might actually be suffering from OCD. They have intrusive thoughts and emotions that they cannot move on from. Some people might obsess over the thought of killing someone, and that absolutely does not mean they actually wants to kill anyone or that they are psychopathes. It's just a random thought blown out of proportion, it doesn't define them.
As for how to deal with emotions: it's hardly relevant to try and assess the "reasonableness" of what you are feeling, it would be easy if you could choose how to feel depending on how acceptable your emotions are.
For people who are prone to depression or anxiety reasoning with their emotions is completely futile : have you ever tried to calm someone who is having a panic attack by telling them :"This is hardly a proportionate response, you are obviously not in any immediate danger and I would suggest you stop feeling unsafe right now".
The only way to deal with difficult emotions is this : you allow yourself to feel them, you acknowledge them without judgment, you move on. You can't rush, you can't skip over the process because you think the emotion you happen to be feeling at the moment is ridiculous.
I've told my husband that if we ever have kids, the only people allowed at the hospital will be our parents and maybe a sibling. But TONS of people there would put TOOOOOO much pressure on me and exactly, what are you gonna do? Sit in the waiting room until you get bored because it's taking too long then probably go home. All those people sure as hell ain't coming into that hospital room at any point that I'm in the hospital! Or even coming to my house for weeks or longer after I get home. I don't see why the party couldn't have continued with the occasional update from the new parents. I would also be upset if the entire day that I spent months planning and spent tons of money on just ended because a few people had to leave.
My mother was buried on my wedding anniversary. My mother in law had a stroke on my anniversary. My dad died on my anniversary and my husband's best friend was buried on his birthday. Life goes on
Wow, such bad timing
Agreed. OP has some serious maturing to do.
The more family you have and the more people you know, the more likely bad things are going to happen on birthdays, anniversaries, etc. there's only so many days in a year. It happens and you can't really do anything about it unfortunately.
Woof, talk about a series of unfortunate events. You're right, life happens. It just sounds like a lot of coincidence for one couple to handle
Life does go on, but can I give you an internet hug?
The first story..my dad raised me as a single father since i was 2. (I've talked about this here before & got crazy comments about wondering if i was abused & ABSOLUTELY NOT! My dad loved me more than anything & was the most awesome dad one could ask for..he was my best friend and showed me that there are real true men out there that are capable of doing the right thing, i wouldn't change my upbringing with him for anything, not even for having a mom that actually wanted me). He remarried when i was a teenager & the stepmom started treating me less than & much different than ber kids. He DID NOT put up with it. She was gone! He then got custody of my half brother AND her young daughter that wasn't even his and he hadn't even adopted her!
I just followed Vanessa today bc of y'all's trip, but the Archer edits take the confirmation that she's one of my favorite online editors to over 1000%.
You both are amazing queens and i hope you see this
That first story already has my blood boiled. My Lord. Also, you saying, "Absolutely NOT.. processing... "No" had me dead inside 😂😂😂😂
I am Sooo Confused with the response to the 2nd story?!!? Like the girl didn’t tell anyone that she was upset she answered the sister in-law WHO GOT UPSET AT HER for not going to a babies 1st birthday??? Like it’s her anniversary!!!!! Why would she go to that baby’s party? Any more than other people giving a shit about her wedding. The friend is the real AH in this story, why would she even ask why her Friend isn’t going?!? It’s her 1st anniversary!!!!
I agree. The friend of all people should remember when her "best friend's" anniversary is, it's when your son was born. She shouldn't have asked why her friend doesn't want to come, it should be self explanatory. Yea people in general don't care about when your anniversary is, but the people close to you do. If the husband had forgotten it, best be sure best friends would talk about it. Also, what if this is a different culture that tends to check in on newlyweds? I think her being sad people aren't saying anything about her anniversary is an extension of being sad about her wedding day. Her friend's baby could've died that day, her friend could have died that day, it was a medical emergency. So it's less that the baby was born and more that a pallor of death was hanging over her big day. And she herself could've been so worried about her friend that she now doesn't view her wedding day positively. It's weird for people to not understand wanting to do something for your anniversary rather than going to a kids first birthday. You can feel conflicting emotions, you can be happy this kid is ok and be sad that this day you spent who the hell knows how much on, is now in your and other people's minds, something else. If anything the SIL and her husband are the AH...who goes NC after getting an answer YOU asked for. Sorry I'm a bit heated I just feel bad for OP
Right? Gonna be honest wild that people think a not yours baby party is more important then your 1st anniversary
I agree, to an extent. However, she did say the friend picked up on her feelings toward her kid. She should of just said that she was planning something special for her hubby and couldn't make it...
And this is why I don’t talk to about half of my family, the selfish disdain for others. First, this is her SIL. So Ben is her nephew, family, not just some baby. Second, consider that back in the day they didn’t even name kids in some cases until they reached their first birthday because of mortality rates. Hence, the tradition of the family coming together to celebrate the kid making it, relevant especially to this case as the kid was two months preemie. Finally, these days, given the divorce rate and the fact that most people who focus on the “wedding day” to this extent (to the exclusion of lifelong relationships) rather than the marriage and life together, tend to be in that crowd, would you really expect someone to care about your anniversary? Maybe it’s something you learn after a couple of decades of the universe inserting itself into your life plans, but my husband and I after almost 20 years, don’t even celebrate in the same month as our anniversary sometimes. One year, we were planning to be together and my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Another his mom was in surgery for breast cancer and I went to help with after care. My niece passed on her great uncle’s 90th birthday for her first anniversary (which she could’ve celebrated at any other time but this was going to have the whole family together). One absolute fact I learned as I aged. You only regret the time you don’t spend with loved ones, and the issues that you *allowed* to interfere, after they’re gone.
@@firefox77744it is absolutely more important. Your anniversary is spent with you and your husband, alone, right? The birthday party is all of your friends and family gathered together. It is the basis for inside jokes in the family moving forward, especially a first. It is bonding with the community that supports your marriage every day, not just on your anniversary.
My aunt was my biggest bully growing up. Now she be like "Why are you so insecure? Why don't you stand up for yourself?? You're so weak. You're never going to be an adult." (I'm going to be 36 in May!!!) And like my whole family openly saw this behavior EVERY weekend and school vacation of my life. She's such a bully that literally my NANA and my MOM (her older sister!!) won't say anything.. I think I'd be a lot different if she was nice to me. Or like ignored me. Even that would have been better..
Absolutely love your content, you really brighten my day much love from the UK ❤❤❤❤❤
In the first story no an apology won’t fix anything not now. The step-sister getting a hefty dose of karma would be a small consolation though.
2nd story, I feel bad for op. She didn’t go out of her way to make SIL feel bad, SIL ASKED? OP answered? What did she want her to do? Lie? I would be very sad if someone gave birth on my wedding day :(
Which is fine to feel that way but yes, maybe lie about it or bring it up in a kinder way ("this isn't your fault at all, of course, but I feel like my wedding was overshadowed and it's something I need to work through personally"). Don't sit and sulk and treat the bride weirdly about it because you're immature and jealous. What was she supposed to do? Push the baby back in?
@@ejburgess Or maybe say, "Oh, it's your anniversary, isn't it? Do you and your husband have plans or are you going to make it to my son's birthday?"
@@ejburgess she DID bring it up in a kind way! She even told that she does not blame nor the mother nor the baby.
@@Jully5Jullyet Sounds like OP is a drama queen. If you don't blame someone, then let it go and get over it. Like, good grief. I'd be more worried about the baby.
@@CocoCece08 look at this in the perspective of the other people: you would have NO IDEA that OP is thinking or feeling this way because she DIDN'T TOLD ANYONE because she KNOWS that these feelings are not fair, but she can't control what she feels because NO ONE can control that. How is that a drama queen???
Yours weddings videos are always amazing!
People have forgotten that being a witness at a wedding is you making a vow to support the couple with their marriage. So you want only people who want to and can keep that vow.
Why did my brain automatically go to "Country Western" when she said Western wedding. I full on pictured this person in head to toe Cowboy attire! LMAO
Me too! 😂
same here but honestly that sounds like a fun wedding idea 😄
Same. Lol
YAAASSSSS! Archer! I love your editors! 😂 I love you too Charlotte!
got my cup of Charlotte with ma‘ coffe! ❤❤😂😂 I love your AITA all the time!
i feel 2nd story also shows that when you try and be happy, some things can put that down, and for op that was that day..i feel more she needs more help to her depression, and family see her struggles and help, as some do dates on anniversary that they can't..she even tried being polite and see it was being petty
2nd story. I can understand why the poster would feel that way depending on the type of family they are from. I know some family's do have little celebrations for anniversaries with you no matter how many years you have been together. It's a cute get together with everyone meeting up. If you have a family that does this and suddenly you don't get anything the such because somebody elses's b-day fell on it it does feel a bit unfair. Or even sends happy anniversary texts at the least.
To have the baby on the same day of your wedding during it,it does over shadow it especially if the people who talked about it can be counted on one hand then that's even more depressing because that also means nobody wished you well on your marriage after,it feels like a lack of support to her. Plus she said there were other reasons as well.
Although it's not exactly okay to feel that way it can be reasonable, and I feel a bit like the people who blocked her were being rather rude if what was said is all that happend. She had literally said she wouldn't come to not be all mopey around them,and was blocked for trying to not but a damper on each other's day. Did they also forget it was her wedding anniversary and she might pick to celebrate her wedding instead of a B-day she would put a damper on? You shouldn't be close but blocking them seems a bit harsh. They were literally avoiding being a damper on it and letting their husband go so they wouldn't put a damper on it,and was honest when asked.
Yes not okay to feel like that,but i find it understandable and I don't really get the other's reaction. She was being honest and staying home to not be reminded of it on her anniversary.
Yes you shouldn't be close with somebody like that but it sounds like she was still trying to care about how her friend would feel.
Her husband should be taking her out to dinner or on a small trip for their first anniversary, not attending a birthday party for a one year old!
Imagine telling your best friend that you don’t like her child (and your nephew) because he was born on your wedding day! 😂
2nd - Man I feel like every one is doing OP dirty here - She didn't tell her SIL - She Answered her SIL. OP is allowed to be salty and not get shunned for not going to a baby's birthday party who isn't even going to remember it - OP and her husband should get to celebrate their anniversary
lol apparently OP should have just LIED
Yes, I'm a more sympathetic to the bride than most. It struck me that SIL approached her with the same pettiness of which the bride is accused.
I agree, kids' birthdays are sometimes celebrated on the nearest weekend anyway, so both sides are making a big thing by hogging the date. Hey there are over 7b peeps on our planet but only 365/366 days in the year.
@@kathrynhaught630 let’s not forget what SIL went through was undoubtedly more traumatizing than what OP went through. She gave birth 2 months earlier, luckily her baby was born healthy. But that’s something extremely scary to go through. So of course she’s going to want to celebrate his successful birth. But OP telling her, “I just need to not be reminded of it on my anniversary,” what is she supposed to do then? Just never mention her son’s birth or even his name? Because OP said even the mention of his name seems to cause her grief. I don’t remember anyone’s anniversary, so it’s entirely possible the SIL just didn’t remember it was their anniversary (especially since she couldn’t even go to the wedding) and would’ve been gracious about acknowledging the wedding anniversary, had she been given the opportunity. It’s not SIL’s job to provide OP with solutions, especially after being told that her son’s birthday only serves as reminder to how terrible her wedding was and that he’s only seen as a contributing reason to her depression
OP needs psychiatric help. It's unhealthy to be angry at an infant for being born. It's unhealthy as those thoughts can become behaviours. Behaviours which can lead to harm. A good person would have realized they are in the wrong, like OP admits, and do something about it with a professional... doing nothing about it, except "working on it" alone... is not going to cut it. There is a serious issue with OP.
She's an asshole, yes. But she's not well. Luckily, her SIL has blocked her, for the betterment of the family.
Glad to see I’m not the only one upset for how everyone is coming at this poor bride!
Perfect example of some brides not understanding that their wedding is just another day to everyone else. It's why we hate bridezillas. Makes no sense wanting everyone to go on for yrs about your wedding??? That is not a thing.
@frankd1286 - Agree. Unless there was something truly special that happened, like you had a big celebrity sing at it or something, it's just another day, another party. It's only a thing to the married couple for the most part. The guests at this receptions will remember her wedding, just not what the bride wants them to remember. I mean, how do you outshine a person going into labor! She needs to relish that a spectacular thing DID happen at her wedding, and nobody is going to forget that. It truly was a special day.
Also, did they ever ask themselves if they DESERVE the most perfect day?! 😅
Especially when she has apparently been behaving badly whenever the child is in the vicinity to the point that it’s been noticed by his mother. So now you’re treating the child badly over this pure silliness AND robbing yourself of the pleasure you should be getting from a child of someone you SAY is your best friend? Not much of a friend!
Preach!
Agreed! We had a fun destination wedding. Our anniversary was during pandemic. I've gone to fun weddings and totally missed wishing them happy anniversary. If my kid shared a birthday I probably would just because that's an easier way to remember it. No one really cares about other peoples anniversaries though. That shouldn't be an expectation of others going forward.
Story 2: OP has every right to prioritize her wedding and anniversary over someone else’s kid. Her life events are important to her. She shouldn’t hold onto those negative feelings for the sake of her mental health. She can always have a do over wedding (vow renewal) if it means that much.
The only person you should be mad at for not talking about the wedding anniversary is your spouse. That's you two's special day. I've never heard anyone talk about their anniversary outside of "my partner is so sweet, they did such and such for me!"
OK, the bride whose nephew was born on her wedding day. She is entitled to her emotions. She gets to feel how she feels. She didn't go out of her way to make anyone feel bad. She was sad every time she saw the baby but she didn't make a big deal about it. She didn't even tell her sil why she was upset until asked why she wasn't coming to a party. It honestly shouldn't be surprising that she would skip the party for her anniversary. How she feels may seem overboard, but she wasn't causing drama about it. All she did was rsvp 'no' to a party and answer honestly when asked why. Maybe she's a little self centered to think people would talk about her wedding and be excited to the point of saying something 2 weeks from her anniversary, but she didn't have an outburst about it. Her wedding was a big deal to her. Having her day overshadowed for the rest of her life no matter the circumstances is upsetting.
Feelings are valid no matter what, but they are only symptoms of our internal state. That does not make them reasonable or else my husband has some sucking up to do because I woke up pissed at him for what his dream person did😂. It should be surprising that she isn’t capable of recognizing that the day is important to the family in a different context, especially since she seems to have a “everyone would be all about us on our anniversary of it weren’t for that brat” kind of mentality, which is straight up delulu. She is no different than the bridezillas that Charlotte addresses by saying it is your special day, not everyone else’s. She is portraying herself as the victim when she is the perp. Even what was likely a terrifying and traumatizing experience, she only describes in terms of her own experience of emotion, with almost annoyance that no one had fun because of the anxiety. She is displaying outward resentment, which her SIL picked up on. She didn’t even acknowledge the struggles of parents with a preemie born that early. Chances are they’ve only had him home about 6 months and were worried for the first 4 that he would even make it and then forever after that the after effects. The first birthday is a big celebration of a kid making it through the worst risks of infant mortality. Back in the day, they didn’t even name kids until their first or sometimes later.
That and something as personal as a wedding anniversary trumps a birthday. I mean, you can still celebrate both on the same day, but if you're going out like with a reservation that comes first. Just drop by earlier with a gift so they know you still care. It's not that big of a deal. Life comes with compromises.
Even when those "competing" circumstances are a literal LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION?? She claims these parents are dear friends of hers, but has spent a YEAR showing blatant resentment over an INFANT, who likely required long-term medical care and for whom surviving to their first birthday is probably a huge deal. The lack of empathy and compassion for her friends, paired with her need for special treatment (which is not the norm for any other wedding/1yr wedding anniversary) is fascinating.
@TheBaumcm I had a preemie and 2 months early doesn't equate to 6 months NICU. Either way she didn't go around whining about it. She didn't even tell them why she got sad around the baby until asked why she wasn't coming to a party. A party that is on her. First. Wedding. Anniversary. It is reasonable to be upset. She made responsible choices based on it. Like declining an invite when she knows she'll kill the vibe.
@Sleipnirseight she didn't show blatant resentment. She was sad. And it was noticeable but not to the point of causing an issue. She didn't go around to the family complaining about it. She didn't throw a fit. She knew she'd be sad and didnt want to upset the parents at the party. She declined an invite to a party on her FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Even if she wasn't sad about the circumstances, they probably wouldn't go bc they'd be celebrating that instead.
The only wedding I still discuss to this day is a gay wedding I went to where both brides’ families got into a brawl and the police were called. Otherwise, the only times I bring up other weddings is if I’m talking about levels of themes for parties (Stars Wars, Sailor Moon, etc)
Edit: Okay, so the wedding started out well. Winter wedding at a nature reserve’s event area. I cried because my friend seemed REALLY happy, and everything SEEMED okay. The guests were mostly in-laws of my friend and other friends (like myself) because my friend’s family are from another country and can’t attend due to cost. However, partway through the reception, I was pulled into the back room and my friend ordered me and a few others to keep her new wife in the back room while my friend tried to smooth everything out. The wife was sobbing and myself and the others recruited did everything we could to keep her in the back room surrounded by empty terrariums. However, she eventually got out and I looked a the guy with me before we heard shouting in the main event space. We ran out and 2 sides of my friend’s wife’s family are shouting at each other. Then they clashed and I was shoved hard into a table in the commotion. I was okay, thankfully, but the cops were called and my mom pulled up to pick me up at the same time. Sadly, the couple is now divorced.
Wait…you’ve been to a Sailor Moon themed wedding?! Omg that sounds awesome!
What was the fight about?
Only wedding I talk about besides my own is my brother's. My dad was the best man. He had a heart attack two days before the wedding and needed to be in the hospital for observation for several days. So they contacted the hospital chaplin and got married in the waiting room outside the ward my dad was in. Couldn't even do it in the chapel because my dad's heart monitor had to stay on that floor.
okay but what happened? 👀✨
Story time? 😀
I love how Charlotte is so invested in those stories that you can hear she is poking the table with her hand while talking about it xD
Having two preemie babies myself holy crap- preterm labor is traumatizing. Having a NICU baby is traumatizing. The last thing she needed to hear is that one of the best and simultaneously most traumatic moments of het life “overshadowed someone’s wedding” like wow
Regarding the bride with the unexpected birth of a nephew. Lots of super magnanimous saints out there today! I think there is some nuance that everyone seems to be discounting. I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT believe that more people would not be annoyed that the wedding reception they probably spent months planning and no doubt paid a pretty penny for was negatively affected by a major interruption. It killed the vibe and caused things to end early. (Allow me to interject here that I loathe a bridezilla and the wedding industrial complex) Regardless that it was obviously unintentional and a very scary, serious situation. It absolutely sucks and I can’t help to feel bad for her. She loses some of my sympathy if she has truly allowed this to affect her relationship with an innocent child. She shouldn’t act like a child herself. And her expectations of anyone caring about her anniversary did make her sound a bit entitled. Although, I wish members of my immediate family a happy anniversary…when I remember. Especially significant ones, and I think a first anniversary is special.
If I were the SIL/Best Friend I would have felt TERRIBLE had I gone into labor and essentially ruined my friend and new SIL’s wedding reception. Did we ascertain from the story that she or anyone else in the family even acknowledged that it basically screwed up the reception? I think that would have made a huge difference with how the OP felt. Just a simple acknowledgement. Not necessarily even an apology, although I don’t think that would have hurt. Regardless of my role I would have easily said to her - I’m so sorry her reception was interrupted! It was terrible timing and she DID kind of get shafted. Even if a sweet little baby was the result of the interruption. If I were the mother of the bride I would make it a point to celebrate her first anniversary given the outcome of her reception. It wasn’t fair…especially if she hadn’t been a bridezilla or entitled brat up to this point. Again, at the very least, some one at some point should have just acknowledged that it wasn’t fair to her and should have been different.
I completely understand her behavior makes it hard to be generous, but she doesn’t sound completely unreasonable. I think had anyone who mattered bothered to show her a little empathy about a crappy situation she would have dealt with it completely differently.
I agree. Also, why did SIL expect her to show up to her nephew’s birthday party on her wedding anniversary? I’d just get him a gift and take him out to celebrate another day.
My stepfather put my sister and me above everyone. When his daughter came back in his life he always said he had 3 daughters. He was the best dad ever
We definitely discuss weddings for weeks after in my family but only because we get super drunk and embarrass ourselves so we've got stories for days..otherwise no we're not talking about the wedding itself lol. My husband comes from quiet conservative family and so when I took him to my cousin's wedding uh... yeah 😂
I can understand the second story. She was clearly depressed even before the wedding and the feeling of jealousy overwhelmed her. She said multiple times she does not blame anyone, it's just her feeling and it won't go away unless processed in therapy. I get that she was sad that everybody kind of forgot her wedding, it is a milestone and the best thing would be to mention both like - this day was so magical because our son got married and our daughter gave birth to her first child...
I needed to hear this first story today. My bf and i want to get married someday. My siblings have been terrible to me. My father told me i need to be the better person and invite them regardless of what they have done to me. Thank you. Your video has given me power.
If they’re still toxic to you, or they haven’t tried to apologize, you are absolutely within your rights not to have them there. It’s supposed to be a happy day for you and your bf.
Oh, stick to your own decisions, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise nd don't allow any emotional blackmail. Hear them out if you feel it worthwhile, but you do what is best for you! I wish you the very best in future. 😊
Also, trying to get them to apologise ahead of the day may be worth a try?
@@freezing5 Why? If they can't do it on their own, they don't think they have done anything wrong. It's like forcing a child to apologize knowing they aren't sorry.
Don't even tell them until after the fact. Have a small ceremony with beloved friends and enjoy your special day with only those who care about you. They can be pissy about it afterwards, but it won't change the fact that you outsmarted them. It's your day of love. Let no one ruin it. Best of luck to you both. ❤🎉
My kid had a very short lived bullying phase in the 4th grade. I got a call from the school that he was picking on two of his classmates, which resulted in other kids joining in.
The day I got the phone call I was waiting, as I usually did, to pick him up from school. When he got in the car I started poking him, messing with his hair, just generally being annoying. He said "stop it". I said "make me, what are you going to do about it"
I kept it up until he got good and angry. Then I stopped, looked him dead in the eyes and said:
"Sucks doesn't it? To feel helpless and sad because someone is being mean to you, not respecting your space and won't stop. Doesn't feel good does it?"
He said in a super low voice
"No "
I said
"Then what are you doing it for? What is wrong with you? We didn't raise you this way. Kids bully for two reasons, there's either issues or at home or they're just being a little ahole because they think it's funny. Now I know there's nothing going on home, so you're just being a jerk. You're well aware (because we just had conferences not too long before this and his teacher said he is well liked and a leader so other kids kinda follow his lead. This was a positive conversation about his positive influence in the classroom) that you influence others. We had this conversation, as someone who leads you can not control nor are you responsible for the actions of others. But when you have influence over anything you do have a responsibility to not use it to hurt others, but instead use it in a positive way. You will be writing apology letters to both of the students you bullied. Make them good because I already spoke with your teacher and you will be reading them out loud to both students tomorrow. You're also grounded for a week. Let me be crystal clear with you. If I ever hear you are taunting, targeting, bullying or being unnecessarily mean to your classmates or anyone for that matter I will make your life a million times more miserable than you could ever dream of making them. Do you understand me?"
He did read his apologies. That was 3 years ago, and he never did it again. He actually did a complete 180 and took what I said to heart about bringing peace and positivity.
Most kids go through some kind of phase where they think it's funny to be mean to and/or humiliate others. If you do your job as a parent and nip it in the butt immediately it won't become ingrained in their personality and they can learn from it and grow. But if you ignore it, condone it or sweep it under the rug it's the opposite. You're not doing anyone any favors especially your child.
This is awesome! Bullying, really any kind of aggression, is exactly one of these two things, unaddressed rage or insecurity (your point about doing it for fun). It can be tough because they develop the ability to understand how their actions can cause others to act without really understanding the full impact. You are absolutely right that you cannot take responsibility for someone’s actions but if you are aware that you have influence, you need to be responsible for yours.
Kudos to you for being an amazing parent and thinking about how to approach the problem. You taught him empathy in such an clever way and I bet he still remembers that lesson and will use it if needed with his own kids one day.
If I ever get a phone call like that I'm going to borrow your method of teaching. Well done!! ❤
I'm stealing this!!! I was bullied. Badly. So may God have mercy on my kid's soul if I catch them being a bully. I'm going to use your method.
ive only been to one wedding that I talked about after and that was because they did the dance from the addams family movie and I love that dance and movie, the rest was just overshadowed and mostly forgotten
Hooray for the mom that is putting her daughter first and letting dad know he can keep his money and stay home with”stepdaughter” and new wife. You need people who love you at your wedding and only want the best for you and clearly dad doesn’t care about that!! Much love on your beautiful wedding and your happy life with your husband.❤
My dad was not only not invited to my wedding (I hadn't spoken to him in over 3 years when I got married), he was specifically dis-invited (told hell no, don't show up). I had known since I was a teenager that the only person I wanted walking me down the aisle was my maternal grandfather. We had a wonderful time, he wasn't missed, and no one questioned it (not even my hateful MIL). He didn't deserve to be there. Neither does the dad in story #1.
I have a very similar story. I told my dad not to come because of some legal issues with my sister (maid of honor). But to be fair, my sister has been there for me for 30 years and my dad has texted me twice in 15 years. Plus my maternal grandfather has been my surrogate father for the past 28 years since we've come back to the States. Soooo my dad wasn't missed and I'm glad to have had my grandfather by my side that day.
Love your TNG clips!