WHY I DON'T WANT TO BE SOBER ANYMORE... (Never Thought I'd Say This)
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
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I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
This sounds like how I convince myself I can drink like a normal person again after taking breaks, and just end up being as bad as I was. It’ll take months or even close to a year to get bad again, but it always happens. I started drinking when I was 12 and I’ll be 29 soon. It’s crazy how easy I can convince myself once I’m sober for awhile, and I ‘forget’ all of the pain I’ve been through.
@@everythingfinance5065 best of luck to you!! I also went hard during the holidays because the excuse was, ‘it’s Christmas’, along with all of my friends and their ‘encouragement’ to do so. Nothing bad happened, I had a lot of fun but spent A LOT. Sober for a week now since NYE and I feel as though my soul/conscience has finally come back to my body and I’m already dealing with the social pressure to drink since it’s the weekend. I’m doing a lot of saying No, ignoring calls when my first ‘no’ isn’t accepted and just going to bed early. I find the social pressure to be the most annoying, but I hear that with sobriety usually comes a change in friends so. Again best of luck to you!
So true
Addiction is insidious and makes you think that you can turn a pickle back into a cucumber.
Taking bets on when he’ll come out with a video proclaiming his new sobriety.
As a wise man once said, everything in moderation" and its referring to alot of things in life its not suggesting its okay to do crack if it's only on Fridays
I've never seen this tactic work. You eventually spiral again. What I've seen work is true acceptance, no judging, pure acceptance and building a tool box for when the urges and monkey brain starts up. We're all praying you find your path.
So true
Man you've had multiple trips to rehab I don't think this is going to end well for ya.
you too
Agree it doesn't work
I always respect your courage to speak your truth online.
You’re a great father♥️
When he quits with the excuses his attitude and life will change! But he has to want to change🤗
Love you dr. Paul.. live how you support and live your kids!
@@vickiemouse236 This comment Vickie is not helpful or encouraging in the least. When You can personally change the way You look at things, the things You look at will change. Only then will you be able to give life affirming love to others that is helpful.
Blessings dear.
@@patricialynnmoore I am an alcoholic and have been sober since 2008. I have an understanding from both sides. As the partner/parent and as the addict.
No matter what someone said or did when I was drinking didn’t matter. It had to come from within.
All I am trying to say is don’t be discouraged as a loved one and not being able to make the abuser change.
There are no magic words to say to help the person with the addiction.
As a woman who walks with the Lord, I gave up, gave in and gave it to God✝️ through my Faith the addiction and need for alcohol was taken away from me and I was truly Blessed🙏🏻🕊♥️ All Glory To God😊
@@vickiemouse236 From the son of an alcoholic mother who passed away in her illness, God bless you. I wish my mother could have found what you found.
I believe you have been here before, deciding to abandon sobriety. It doesn't end well. I wish you all the best and respect your sharing on your channel.
Never end well for all of us it's the clown in our heads trying to trick us one drink will be okay but soon as you get that taste boom back on it
Our disease gets worse never better.
@@garrickjunk it gets more clever in how it tricks us
@@triplecrownwinner6897 oh God you are right.. the clown evolves and get more insidious and clever!
It's unfortunately or fortunately a curse for us who are drawn to this, there are no answers only more questions, lm always in the grip of addictive behaviour, it doesn't take much and im back at the end of all my beginnings, that place we all go too, enlightens, confusion, separation, self destruction, lt takes all the love you own, be careful with the fragile mind, it can break so easily, God knows life is painful, loss, grief, hurt, anger and im tired. I hope to you all, we can battle these demons that rack our souls....give in, give up, let the pain go, love to all of you, this gig is tough and won't let up, it will take us down. Not a place l personally can sustain. All the quotes and inspiration falls on deaf ears, my mind will decieve me before the sun rises, best wishes to anyone who reads this, the struggle is more than real it's beyond my conciousness, ✌
Wow, I’m kinda of shocked by this , I’ve been an alcoholic for a long time and just started my sober journey a couple of weeks ago. I’ve tried this way of approaching alcohol , it works for a few weeks maybe months but I always seemed to get out of control some how some way, just when I thought I had it under control. People who have addiction problems like myself , our brains just don’t work like normal social drinkers. Everybody is different , so I hope this works for you. Whatever you think will make you happy and at peace. Good luck 👍🏾 I’m still rooting for you. I’ve been a subscriber for a while now, and think nothing less of you.
I've been here for YEARS now, long ago under a different name & I've always believed in you
This video is entirely you trying to justify why it's ok for you to drink again. This book you talk of is your confirmation bias that it's ok to have a drink when your an alcoholic Have you run this idea by your family, wife,friends, doctors, people at your old rehab...what do they think ?
I don't think your a bad person at all, but you are a alcoholic & this is not going to end well I fear
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers & always wish you peace & a good life
See your own video Sept 22 2018
If this worked, alcoholics would of done it and succeeded. Alcoholics cannot be moderate drinkers. Addiction doesn't work that way. I completely agree with you. I really respect you noah, but this is completely just trying to justify drinking again. While in theory, it would be great to just take or leave a drink, addicts can't. That's why they are addicts. While I wish you well on your journey noah, my heart is with you, Jessie and your family because this won't end well xx
@@Jamieleanne1985 yeah I hear you I hope he goes through some of his old videos where he thinks he can handle it and he can't
I pray he is ok, but I'm not hopeful
@@Jamieleanne1985 Noah hinself has quoted the AA big book on this issue several times: " The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. We learned that we had to fully concede to our in- nermost selves that we were alcoholics."
Sounds like a great idea to me, I don't think anyone has ever tried this before!! Crazy. Just another complete ruse. I will say one thing, this guy is a great actor, so good in fact, he can talk himself into believing this stuff, just like the only fans stunt. Just an amazing level of denial. I have said it before, his issue is not alcohol but ego.
@@robertbounds9644 he is an amazing creator - he almost convinced myself that I should try to drink in moderation 😱😂 (will end in madness or death in a few weeks)
The denial is massive for Noah 😢
You're deluding yourself, you will unfortunately find this out the hard way and the damming part of all of this is that deep down you already know it.
Yeah, he's done this before. Right now, he's justifying using again because other things "dont work for a guy like him." He's using his family as an excuse to drink again while shelling out money to an online "guru"
Best wishes brother!!!
Bottom line is that your life is either manageable or unmanageable regardless of being 100% sober or not. Personally I'm a little over 7 1/2 years clean/sober continuous & 100%.
However, I don't knock how others do their "recovery" and have several best friends who aren't anywhere near "sober".
I did utilize a 12 step for my first 6 years yet I've kinda gone "on my own" so to speak for the past 1 1/2 years. Even though I'm staying 100% "sober" it still can look crazy to many people and that's totally ok.
Much love and please keep us updated!
😇💙💙😇🙋♂️-Rich
I know it’s probably not the best thing to comment on someone else’s journey, but I’ve followed you for 6 years and I have some thoughts. I agree with this decision (to a degree). You confirmed what I already thought when you talked about going to rehab at 19 and 25 when in all probability (idk for sure) that you probably didn’t need to go. You labeled and put yourself in the alcoholic category at such a young age that it became your identity and in a weird way contributed to your drinking because that’s who you believe you were. Not saying you never had a problem with it because you definitely did, but I think the all or nothing thinking and most importantly your identity with being an alcoholic is a source of a lot of your problems with drinking. Only thing is, in the past it always starts off okay and then it picks back up again so understanding drink limitations is a big thing. Being able to go out with friends and have a couple drinks without getting hammered would be a good sign. Best of luck.
Any amount of Alcohol effects your judgement, good luck with that. One thing Ive noticed since I quit 15 years ago, when people drink, one, two three drinks does NOT matter, even one, they change. No other drug is so noticeable from my experience, you are NOT you, even when you have one, your emotions, happiness are not yours, making you not available to your family. You are talking yourself into a relapse, you don't want a drink, you want a buzz. You have one thing that keeps you coming back and making these same videos, over and over again, one thing that stops you from dealing with life, your emotions, and thats ALCOHOL! Seriously dude its a drink, a fluid, just stop, you can NEVER drink again, you keep doing the same thing over and over again and your family must just can't believe you're talking this way again. Dude you have no idea the frustration and hatred they have towards alcohol as they dont wish to hate YOU. Sounds a bit like the Fat acceptance movement that if you just except who you are its ok, its not. So you want to be a happy drunk that shows up to work on time .... got it. Did you know most people dont drink, they really dont, they dont drink at games, dinner, movies, at home alone.....alcohol has destroyed your life in so many ways why on earth, you need to HATE IT! You need to surround yourself with sober people and stop going to the dumb meetings also, you have a head full of AA, you don't need anymore AA, you're using your knowledge against your best interest. Sounded a bit like my friend who wanted a motorcycle, I was like don't convince me you need to convince your wife. Tough love brother, you gonna let that drink kick your ass again
sorry man you can tell ur self what you want but ur going back down the same rabbit hole ..6 months from now we will get a vid "im back in rehab"
Get your PSA numbers checked too please ♥️
I quit drinking in 2008 and it has absolutely changed my life!
I was a 24/7 alcoholic and it was bad!
If I take one sip of alcohol I can’t stop until it’s all gone. I recommend not testing those waters!!!
Life is not perfect and things will happen! You need to remain strong🙏🏻🕊♥️
Seems like the romance with addiction continues albeit in a different form. Would like to hear mom/dad's perspective, Possibly they're being "shown" because you're a bigger/better addict than they every were. Apologies for harshness. Harm reduction? get real. It's not about you , you're gonna do what you want (proven multiple times), it's about the damage done to those who love you. Again, apology for harshness.
Lots of evidence-based research on the harm reduction model … he doesn’t have to get real, harm reduction isn’t a fantasy. Do some homework. No need to project your own fears and internalized dogma onto Noah, especially with harsh criticism.
I agree with you, Marc. I guess time will tell; but history typically repeats itself. I wish him and everyone struggling with addiction the best of luck. Nothing wrong with being harsh. It just shows you care.
For me it isn't you having less value or anything like that, but rather losing control and doing things that one might regret. in my case my addiction is casino and I admitted to myself that unless I self-ban, I am gonna be going to the casino and burning money. It isn't me being of less value being a gambler but rather the regret burning so much money brings. So I hope you could do drink in moderation, that'd be a dream. The problem with addictions are that addicts tend to think that they could do the thing they are addicted to in moderation without losing the control and power to the thing, but in reality it rarely happens. I really hope that it happens in your case.
Stay strong and best of luck, man!
I personally will never understand the appeal of casinos... ✌🏻👴🏻
This documentation of your trial and errors getting sober and learning and relearning what recovry is, is invaluable. Thank you and glad you made it out the otherside.
After 3 stints in rehab I have found by not always identifying myself as an ‘addict’ has actually helped in re-wiring my brain. Getting off that never ending carousel has actually been successful in that this March will be 3 years off heroin and all other opiates. Creating a life worth living has been a HUGE part of that as you talked about in the video. Congrats on your success and I hope to see u to continue to live a wonderful life! Much love man ✊🤙🙏 - Nick J. From Arizona
Good luck. It's only a matter of time before the alcohol drags you back down but if you feel like you need to explore this option then fair enough go for it
ive said the same thing over and over and reached new bottoms, lower and lower... speak your truth, its part of the process. i just hope you dont die. i know i am on the edge. i have ten days sober today and i pray this is my last time "getting" sober...
Good for you! I see your comment was written 5 days ago, so I sincerely hope you have 15 days sober now. You got this!
I cant speak for everyone here but, any form of moderation for me is a quick path back to daily drinking . Moderation is a utopian fantasy that always sucked me back into the cycle of daily drinking. Alcohol is an all or nothing proposition for me . Just the way it is, I get it .
Ask what your liver, brain and the rest of the body thinks of this plan. There is no safe amount, actually for anybody, aven for a non addict. The most important thing to realize is that alcohol destroys people inside and out. That's why sobriety is the goal. Getting sober is taking care of yourself, saving your body and mind. Love for the alcohol wins in this video, not self love.
I don’t know you of course. But I know addiction to alcohol. I know my addiction convinced me I could moderate and demonised sobriety. It made me spent hours on research on how I could moderate, how I could cure hangovers, how I could function while drinking heavily.
I venture to suggest this may well be what your addiction is doing to you.
Addiction to alcohol is insidious and progressive, and it makes me sad to hear you seeming to blame sobriety and your attempts to get sober for having negative side effects on your mentality.
I wish you well on your journey, it’s yours and yours alone. Be well.
Spot on. Baffling how someone can be so knowledgeable and wise yet be so lost.
@@4040smokey right? Such an incredible juxtaposition
So convenient that dislikes are hidden now........
This is another one of his train wrecks waiting to happen.
@@sallyann985 ohrly..?
That in lies the biggest problem with addiction.
If you could enjoy it once or twice a week you wouldn’t be an addict.
Sooner or later doing it once or twice a week is going to lead to seven days a week totally out of control.
Sometimes you have to try it all before you can be solid on your path. I was a 1x a week binge drinker & it was still life altering. My brain is wired to either be on break or pedal to the metal. If 1x a week isn't too much for you, then maybe it could work but I've certainly tried moderation on so many occasions and I do well for weeks....then BOOM. Back on my butt. Everyone has to find their own way
Same as me ,once a week binge ,ill last week ,its horrid, I can go for a month ,then walk back in the cycle
If you worked as hard on your sobriety as you do your excuses to drink. Then you would still be sober. This is sad an alcoholic in denial about to ruin his life. For real this time.
Been sober for six years and alot of those days I have been a dry drunk battling numerous character defects and mh symptoms
but at the end of the day I remember my last drunk and I'm not going back to eat my own vomit again.
I was married to an alcoholic. I was definitely codependent and I understand your disease quite well. I had to go through weekly therapy for over a year to break the vicious cycle of enabling my ex husband. I’m trying to understand your decision. but from my experience there’s a point of no return when an alcoholic is casually drinking where you’re no longer in control. But it’s extremely hard to determine when that will happen. Three drinks? Four? If the beer was in the fridge he would drink it till it was gone and make me run to the store in the middle of the night to get more. With all the promises and good intentions. Urges took over. I’m afraid you’re playing Russian roulette with it. I sincerely hope the best for you and your recovery.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so respectfully.
Hey Noah!
First off I respect you tremendously!
I quit drinking when I was 26 and stayed sober till 36. Then at 36 I decided to have a couple with my wife. And a couple lasted for a about a year.. then I found myself blacked out at a Chinese restaurant drinking scorpion Bowls on New Year’s Eve.. while my wife was sleeping I snuck out of the house.. and had many close calls after that… now at the age of 40 I am struggling with stopping agin.. I know I am so much better with out it !!! Just be careful friend !! Much love and respect !
-Brian from Boston 👍🏻
The better you get with yourself the less and less you will feel like drinking. I have a rule now I pretty much don't drink shots ever and I don't hangout with other blackout drinkers when I do drink.
I regularly down 8 pints of beer alone, and I'm definitely not "fine" about that...
Noah, I’ve been a subscriber 8+ years now; I first started watching you at 18 or 19 - way before I allowed, or even knew drinking could be something I couldn’t control. The worst thing I could do is tell you my disappointment reading this title- so I want to say, I understand you wholly and fully. I get it. So even in these next days and weeks- we get it. And the people that care about you and who’ve watched you in every shade of light you’ve shared- we get it. I’m 27 now, I’ve seen you be vulnerable and supportive in a time when I had no one to look up to. You taught me to remember that we are making the choices, every single one, and that the choices we make are not making us- we must live by them and grow from them, good or bad. You and only you know what you are doing, you don’t need the call outs or the disrespect, or the disappointed people; I know that the internal mental struggle alone is more than enough when this happens. You need support and acceptance, and with that you can only move forward from here, and I hope you find solace in something, anything to help you though this difficult time. I don’t stand by your choice but!! I do stand by you!! So with support and acceptance from so many people, know that this doesn’t define you as a person ❤️
I support this! You’re not going to find a one size fits all for sobriety or cleaning up your drinking. Buying into the alcoholic label was the worst thing I did. It made me so in my head about it that I would feel like a failure if I drank a beer. I wish you all the best trying this. You deserve to listen to yourself and explore different ways of thinking. Great job 👍🏻 very brave to post this since so many people can be critical when it comes to sobriety.
My father was my hero. He was brilliant, loving, and thoroughly addicted to alcohol. Despite his best intentions, he never gave up drinking and eventually lost everything. I still have the last birthday card he sent me. He committed suicide at the age of 44, alone in a camper. I'd give anything to have him back. Drinking is not worth it to me, there aren't any advantages. Only disadvantages at best and destruction at worst.
I'm going through exactly the same thing. I thought that if I go to AA it will be better and I can live my life but that was far from the truth. It made me feel the opposite. Like i was in jail. It scared me into sobriety and had me dreading life. Now ive cut right back to only drinking with friends when I'm in a positive mind frame. I decided to approach it with the mindset of filling my days up with awesome shit rather than taking things away and feeling like I was in some kind of purgatory. It's all about your mindset and why you are doing it. Just remember everyone is different too.
Have you never tried to drink “just less” before? Honestly that’s something those of us who aren’t alcoholics can do without even thinking. I’m worried for you thinking this is new or novel. That’s called moderation and it’s something it sounds like you haven’t been able to do. Good luck man. We are all rooting for you.
Hoping for the best for you. Personally, I was 315 pounds and addicted to food and also diagnosed with binge eating disorder. My life had become unmanageable. My health was deteriorating. In OA, I really had to wrap my head around what abstinence meant for me. Obviously I can’t abstain from food, but I quickly learned that food wasn’t the problem. My weight wasn’t the problem. I was self medicating and trying to cope and recover from being raised by a narcissistic caregiver in a very toxic family system. Once I dealt fully with the reasons behind my numbing/dopamine seeking behavior (and this took many years) I no longer had the compulsion to overeat. It’s the compulsion and the toxic shame that caused my problems. You’re doing the right thing by taking a deep dive into these thoughts and behaviors. You will find the way out that works for you. As long as you have breath, there is hope for you. God bless.
I was trapped in the 12 step cycle myself. I was so miserable in that community that I finally escaped it. But the psychological conditioning has taken some time to cycle out. I too wanted to be able to drink if I wanted to without the stigma. So I started drinking. I had some fun some reminders of the bad things but realized I am not powerless over alcohol. I realized sobriety is not the most important thing. I have also realized that I don't really want to drink. It causes me anxiety and panic attacks if i drink moderate amounts several nights in a row. So through my own experience and volition I am choosing to lay off the alcohol and hone other hobbies. But according to the twelve step agenda I am sick for thinking this way. Thanks for your video it resonated with me.
I was in Punjab (india) two days back standing at a liqueur shop. I saw something that horrified me. They sold country liquor to a 9-10 year old boy. Two boys on a cycle who quickly came and gave 70 rupees and then rushed away. The store keeper didn't bat an eyelid. I took a video of it with their faces hidden cycling away from camera. I began drinking well into my 20's but this I don't know how to comprehend.
You mentioned in previous video that no one would drink with you anymore..
Does that mean you're drinking alone??
You should try not to.. 🙏
Our story seems VERY similar.. I am dealing with the reality that I am not as much of a problem drinker than I am a broken heart… after 30 years of thinking alcohol was the problem & battling myself daily… My issues are now different. Alcohol is my ESCAPE from all the ACTUAL PROBLEMS… (coming to the realisation that my problems never fix themselves and if I drink to avoid them?. I will constantly be drinking) so now I attempt to limit my intake… as 100 % sober makes me feel like dying So often… I am still prone to excessive intake at times… and AA guilt kicks in OFTEN… my last treatment taught me that it is a Cycle of boredom and trauma that i live in.. that I MUST break… and then the rest should ..with mindfulness .. start to be a lot easier…
Basically I’m starting again from a different point along my path…
it is scary though.. I wish you all the strength you need.
Some of us fall so much harder from the self loathing of failing AA..
When it is not that way at all in reality..
Though the danger IS REAL..
Ps.. I was an everyday morning to bed drinker… who used to break out in handcuffs weekly… BUT when I was in prison?.. I never needed a drink!.. (for years).. then straight back into it again when out..
So this is a SERIOUS problem for me that has been life long…
Jesus. I felt this entire comment. 100% how I’m going through life.
I pray you find balance in your life. It’s ok to have a drink on different occasions. Use it don’t abuse it 💯
Don’t listen to everyone in the comments. If you can learn self control and rational thinking then you CAN moderate. Do not let your past change that for you, just make sure that when you go to use any substance the decision is going to be what’s best for you
You need spirituality man so you will be ok
If you have a great wife and plenty of money, friends and support then why drink.I don't get it!!!
Dangerous video this, iv read all the comments, n from what I can gather, there are very few true addict alcoholic people here, I drink a litre of vodka a day, my body is turning into a skeleton my mind is failing I'm sick for twenty minutes then continue to drink, I have a demon in my head that wants me dead, I find the video and comments offensive to be honest, addiction isn't a cool badge to wear to feel like a bad ass or gain sympathy if u can handle drinking in moderation you are not some freak of nature or a god...u are not an addict..stop pretending to be one
I'm sorry to hear this. I've been there, you are not alone- and yes it's literally a demon.
Trying to stop after drinking heavily for month opened a portal to the demon world. Be careful...
I've been drinking every day for almost 6 years now. Even after paying for my mistakes from being drunk (still paying), I couldn't even imagine trying to get sober. I have however, stopped getting wasted. For the last couple years, I've set a time to stop each night. Is that a form of harm reduction?
Are you not getting wasted bc your tolerance has gotten higher? Can you quit? What happens if you try? Just a few questions to ask your self .
U could take kratom for a couple months, it should help u taper down completely. Then stop using both after u get ur feet back on the ground
@@Matteo24- I have no desire to stop completely . I just would like it to not be every night though.
@@GeeZee23 I haven't tried to quit. But I have recognized my tolerance has gotten higher. Sometimes it's like I'm just drinking carbonated water, which led me to going through a pint of whiskey every couple of days along with the beer. But I'm smart enough to recognize how bad that could get so stopped with the whiskey and suffer with the slight buzz I get off of just beer. Plus I usually can stop when I want now.
@@peir77 Ya I feel you. Kratom helps to interrupt that vicious cycle of tolerance. It rewires the reward centers in ur brain till u can "choose" to drink or not. Cant recommend it enough as an addiction interrupter to gain more control over the compulsive nature of alcohol addiction. I still drink and it no longer controls me as it used to
Interesting! It actually makes sense. And it's worth a try. Good luck and hopefully you can recognize if it starts to become destructive and you can reset.
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. The all or nothing attitude really seems to not work for many people. The only problem is, many people who have been addicts, can't seem to keep the moderation. They will push and push until they are in the same place or worse than they were before. I wish you the best luck Noah.
Parallel to drinking/abstinence is a sense of unfulfilment and not-good internal chatter. To counter this I am now enlisting things I am grateful for with the hope that this will drown on out all the inconsistencies of fate. I was doing so yesterday and it felt so good to be in control of my mindset and heartset. Let me see how I can make this a daily habit. If you want to try it, simply list all the good things in your life you are grateful for. For example, I am grateful my wife just took my son for his first day of school. I am grateful to hear the birds chirp in the morning. I am grateful for this black coffee. I am grateful for not being needy and being well off. I am grateful I have the mindset and willingness to improve. You get the drift.
Not necessarily; relapse is part of the process but we can't have our cake and eat it too. If we were never social drinkers to begin with how do we think that we can drink like that.
I actually agree with you, I was sober for years. I was miserable, and I never looked forward to anything, so, as bad as it may be, I feel the same way
Almost a year sober again and doing much better this time. Goin back to drinking was far more painful for me then committing to a life of recovery as it turned out. Not every day is amazing but I would not trade this for the world at this point. Alcohol was killing me. 12 steps have made the difference one day at a time.
One size does not fit all people. I think some people just have addictive brains and brains that are wired for anxiety or wired for something else and "traditional" healing doesn't work for them at all. Most off I I think the human mind is complicated, it's just so multifaceted!!!!
Hi Noah, i have been sober 8 months and have been watching your videos for about a year. They have helped me a lot. I guess my question is why do you even want to drink in moderation? What does the addictive poison give you? What is it that you are searching for where you think, the solution to this is moderate drinking? I’m not saying it can’t be done.. but I tried.. I kept a drink chart, I would only buy a 6 pack at a time, I had certain times I could drink and certain days... and what I found was it worked for about 3-4 months. And to be honest, those 3-4 months were miserable. The entire time I wishing I could drink more and would have an internal battle with myself everyday to not have another. And I was able to do it, but it was mentally miserable.
And eventually, I over did it. And i was back to where i started. Obviously everyone is different and I wish you luck!
I guess I’m trying to say moderate drinking is hell when your mind always wants more. It is much easier to not drink than try moderately drink.
Thank you for sharing 😊
Maybe we are not that different at all. Your pattern of trying to drink in moderation is actually textbook. I've done the exact same thing and Noah has done the same.
It just doesn't work.
I’ve followed you for years now and I’ve always respected your journey. I do believe you’ve been here before though. You can certainly be successful if you slip up and relapse sometimes, but being the occasional drinker didn’t seem to work for you. I think there’s a difference in those two things and I’m wondering if this is you trying to find a way to continue drinking.
One of the eleven criteria is drinking more than you set out to drink which is a common drinking pattern for alcohol abusers and alcoholics; this will eventually happen again and AA warns going back eventually to where you left off? Playing with fire; don't go back to the place where you lost your happiness. We want people to pacify us and cosign on our bullcrap.
However what if you are already drinking and consider scaling back but you are told that the only acceptable way to do that is to quit completely and you are not willing to do that so you just continue to abuse. Or you do quit cold turkey but now being completly deprived of something that gave you comfort it's too hard to eventually you get back to it and when you do you will lose all control again. Because you have told yourself anything more then none at all represents complete failure. So you have already failed your goal you might as well give up completely because you have lost all positive incentive that you have constructed for yourself to restrain yourseld to begin with.
This is so dangerous Noah. I'm scared for you. :(
It really makes no sense . For years I have listened to a drinker with total dependence , abusive and frequent consumption , depression and a wife that somehow still supported him.
All I know, if I were to try to moderate for any reason, I would be back to drinking everyday in a week all over again .
I would like the reality to be so I could be a moderate drinker - but like you- I would be back to drinking every day in no time 😮
His wife has the patience of an angel- my boyfriend was out the door in no time when I was a drinker 🤣 (and I can't blame him at all)
I don't have an addiction, but I totally understand the negative self talk you mentioned here (you are bad, failure, always going to be sick etc). I'm chronically ill and those thoughts are always in my head. I really have no advice to give you, but am praying for you to have peace in your mind and heart.
Thanks for the book recommendation. When it comes to work on toxic shame, guilt and the inner critic i'll throw pete walkers book in: "from surviving to thriving"
stay strong!
It's great that you are meditating. That is what keeps me out of my addiction; I am addicted to exploring the profound depths of meditation.
The bliss of self-inquiry far exceeds any material pleasure. If you practice with all your heart you will be rewarded beyond what you can imagine.
I hope this decision sets you free from any feelings of guilt and self doubt. You have all of the tools that you need to practice true self care, acceptance, love, and knowing when to say when. I wish you good health and prosperity in all things.
It wouldn't be a Big Noah video without a pinky finger eye scratch 0:02. One day I'm going to splice all the video footage together
Slippery slope man. It's your life though.
Just do it in moderation but if you're not that type of moderation person then yeah it's best to stay sober! Me personally the most I got addicted to alcohol was like 5 months but I'd never drink for more than 4 days straight even though I wanted to i just stopped I was scared! I wish you the best man sincerely!❤
YESS… 12-step is dogmatic, which is why I intuitively knew it wasn’t the route for me when getting sober. I felt like it just reinforced my problem by suggesting it was my identity… and I didn’t have any denial about my dependency on alcohol at the time I decided to get sober so my awareness wasn’t an issue (2.5 years ago). I quickly stepped out of AA and followed other ‘theories’ or Philosophies around healing addictive behavior. Bio/psycho Education was huge for me. I think AA is an excellent resource for people who need structure but I think it also has some harmful and rigid pieces.
Proud and supportive of you Noah for speaking your truth despite the kick back you might get here. It’s controversial to step away from the abstinence and 12-step model in recovery. I see you. You’ll figure this out, you’re an inspiration.
Sober 51days and hate counting. I love health and fitness too; try my best to get it all in at a 4am wakeup, 8:30p bedtime... I do great, but it does get old. Unfortunately, my binges have morphed into a 48-hr "fuck what ppl think, im having fun Sophi-athon". When i promise myself by hr 50, ill never do that again, ALWAYS fail. Telling myself I can't have makes me want it more. Why can't I fly off the handle once every 6 months without feeling like a loser or hearing the peanut gallery?? Not sure i can be 100%sober? Does loving this idea just give me an excuse? Wtf? Im confused, have to read this book!!
Counting days is great and very helpful for the first 30-90 days. After that, counting days has rapidly diminishing returns and can even become counterproductive imo
Don’t do it. Stay strong and keep fighting. Al-Kuhl which the word alcohol derived from meaning “body eating spirit” in Arabic. Get closer to Jesus he’s waiting my friend.🙏
This video is pure INSANITY! Your screwed dude. Sorry to come off so harsh, oh well somebody has to say it. Good luck bro, your gonna need it.
I'm very happy u have found a way that works for u. I will always support u. Thank u for your honesty, as always. Take care.
BALANCE! Personally I find it easy to get back to drinking to much. After a while of drinking again. Where I spend the next day hung over all day and loose a day afterwards. It’s a cycle about being honest and mindful.
I get that you want to change your mindset and liberate yourself from obsessing on sobriety..you think it takes the power away from the alcohol. But you are still romanticizing a drug and a poison that you are intent on setting a day or 2 a week to have. If you weren't still obsessing on the drug then you wouldn't need to do that. You wouldn't even need to drink it hardly at all
as.long.as.your.in.a.good weight and are happy with your health its not too.bad . just make sure your brain doesnt fry
Every time I see you grow into a new better person it motivates me to keep doing the same. I’ve been watching your videos since the early days, thanks again for making great helpful content.
Bless you brother
It’s interesting because drinking alcohol isn’t essential. I don’t drink at all. Loads of people don’t drink either. You don’t need it. It will damage your liver.
I love how you are so real and put yourself out there. You are always safe here.
Omg this is my story. 😢😢 not addicted to booze, but relaxationships I craved. Co dependent . No one realizes trauma
I absolutely support your decision by trying this new approach. Every recovery is a personal process and there is no one formula to fix it. One size does not fit all. People drink for different reasons that exists before you put alcohol in your mouth, and thats reason needs to be addressed first. I was raised by narcissistic mother and my father drank to cope with her toxic behavior. I felt ashamed and embarrassed by her selfish behavior towards me and my father, and then was ashamed when my father drank to escape. I also wanted to binge drink at times to escape which I did later without realization. When I began to study this personality disorder and all techniques that manipulators do to maintain control, I felt enlightened. I learned about gaslight, triangulation, black and white thinking mentality and etc. I learned why I felt that deep feeling of shame as well as the feeling of helplessness to change my mother's behavior. With realization of deeper traumas and ability to love yourself of no matter what and even if, recovery is possible.
This is a gteat post. Yes learning about NPD is quite a journey
JED. JUSTIFY, EXPLAIN, DEFEND. This shows how sick alcoholism makes a person. Over n over. You are not the only one of course. You're the one making it black n white. Good vs bad. Happy vs unhappy. Maybe you need some Alanon to deal with your past. You need to turn off the AA when you go though...
Thank you for posting this. I can relate so very much!
I liked the part about the abstinence myth. Getting sober without 100% abstinence. I can't relate because I don't drink, but some people treat you like their ex boyfriend who they ran from when they went to treatment.
Very interesting. It is great that you recognized you needed something more or different this time around & have the courage & wherewithal to explore options, whether the current one you are exploring is the answer in whole or in part, or is a stepping stone to even better answers & solutions. Thank you very much for sharing your honest & actual journey & exploration in real time!
The first 2 thoughts that popped in my mind when I watched this video are:
1. Why do you even want to drink poison in moderation? What does it give you that you can't get some other way? The one thing I heard you mention in this video is that "it calms me down." Are there other ways to calm yourself down that you might enjoy more & cause not physical harm like alcohol does? For example, how much have you explored different breath work techniques or tension release techniques, etc? Does adding talk therapy into the mix help to release some weight off your shoulders, etc.?
- It sounds like part of you is recognizing that, in fact, it is not the alcohol you want or need. It is finding ways to cope with childhood traumas, behavioral issues (which would be interesting for you to expand upon), "emotional issues, insecurities, stresses, anxieties, sadness, inadequacies, "etc.)
2. Are you possibly conflating 100% abstinence/sobriety with not creating a life you want to live? Can't you have both? -- Complete sobriety & a life you want to live?
Secondly, I just checked out the small free portion of IGNTD website (three 15-minute videos) where you don't have to put in any personal or billing information. I also plan to check out IGNTD's UA-cam channel. I would love to see you do a whole video dedicated to explaining what you are personally getting from the IGNTD program that you have not gotten elsewhere (besides the no abstinence requirement):
- How often do you log in & for how long?
- Are you gaining any tools for anxiety & depression that you did not learn from Treehouse or other programs, therapy, &/or books you have read?
- What is the cost?
- How much of it is based in live or pre-recorded group mtgs., lectures, tool-building lessons/applications, &/or are there any individual sessions?
- Is there homework & outside assignments?
- Is there a lifelong support group component after the core course?
- What part(s)/aspect(s) of the course/program/platform do you enjoy most?
- Would you get just as much out of the program if they had all other aspects of the program, but did require working your way toward abstinence?
I am sure whether you decide to continue to drink in moderation (which you did not indicate how much you drink on those 1-2x per week), or decide upon abstinence, I am sure you will learn some very valuable tools from this journey & exploration, which I am very grateful you openly share, so that we can all learn & benefit from your journey, exploration & insights learned.
All the best!:)
You do you. You are an adult. If you don’t want to quit, don’t. Still support ya. Not that my support matters lol.
Just finished the October 17, 2023 video. The end r3sult of this idea. Please watch if you think what he is saying makes sense
I'm not an expert on alcoholism, but I don't like the concept of people considering themselves alcoholics forever. "I'm an alcoholic, but I'm staying sober." I hear that so many times from people who are or have been alcoholics. Alcoholism is almost like it's part of your identity at this point. If you're not physically addicted to alcohol and I don't think you are at this point stop considering yourself an alcoholic and just live your life. Quit making alcoholism part of your identity. If I were you I would personally try to reinvent myself. Get off UA-cam completely, maybe start a new job even if it's a low paying job, get new hobbies, etc. I'm not an alcoholic, but I've struggled with addiction also and I'm working on reinventing myself and trying to become the person that I used to be before I fucked my life up. I was an amazing person before I fucked my life up and I didn't even realize it because I was bullied my entire life and treated like shit. One day I decided to scroll through my old pictures on my phone before my life got fucked up and I thought to myself "I did some amazing things back in the day. Why can't I become that person again?" I eventually realized that I can become that person again even though some of the damage that I've done to myself is probably irreversible in my opinion. If I get back to 90% of what I once was and improve in other areas of my life I think I'll be ok. I finally see some light at the end of the tunnel after all this time (10 years of my life being fucked up).
It's been a minute since I have watched your videos, and I'm so glad for this update on you. Although I never struggled with alcohol (can take it or leave it most times, actually), I was in a deep, dark place back in March of 2020. I went through some major trauma due to suddenly having my dad pass away, and I was directly involved with giving him CPR. This resulted in a massive mental breakdown, as I was thrown into PTSD, and resulted staying at a mental health hospital for three weeks as I was terribly afraid that I was going to either harm myself or others.....nearly attempted suicide twice while I was in the hospital actually.
Since then, I won't say that my healing journey has been easy, especially since COVID got in the way, but I was able to return back to work that August, after having the entire summer off to really start working on the healing process, and exposing myself to my trauma triggers. I'm taking my medication (Zoloft) regularly....not perfect with taking it daily, but I do try to take it each day, or at least vast majority of days, and in therapy with a fantastic trauma based therapist. I don't do crossfit, but have been back into gymnastics, running, and now that my rink reopened back in August, figure skating. I've also started back to playing in a concert band once a week (during the school semester), and have also picked up art along the way, and became a moderator on this art/writing group on Facebook for those with mental health/TBI issues. Art has been VERY helpful, and I have shared a lot of my "dark" drawings on that group (with a TW posted, and picture and explanation in the comments). I have been using a lot of my art in my therapy sessions as well.....it's just another way for me to express things, or try to get ideas across, especially if I feel like I don't quite have the language, or my thoughts put together on it.
I also have a good group of friends, a support system, so I have people I can go to for when the going gets rough. Some of those people include my best friends, who I have been with for decades (literally), and they're like sisters to me. It also brought on a huge sense of guilt when I realized who I would be leaving behind had I attempted suicide. But yet, I still get those urges to do so, which I have to sometimes tell it to shut the eff up, sit down, and let me get back to work. Other times, I just sorta have to "sit with it" for a while until the urge goes away. It's so crazy, and it sounds so stupid, but that's the reality that I've been having to learn to work with......and to not give in to what my brain may say otherwise.
You know, a few years ago I would have said that this could never work, but the reality is that it is working well for me, personally. A few years ago I went through drinking every other night for months, to not having a drop for months, to drinking again heavily. There was no in between. I eventually tried this plan that you're describing, and now I'm a Friday night drinker. Do I still look forward to it? Yes, for sure. But drinking once a week for me and still being able to pursue a good life outside of drinking is life changing. It's still there but it isn't controlling me anymore.
Good luck mate, hope it works for you. If it doesn’t, we’ll be here for you. We’ve all got to keep learning the lesson until we finally learn the lesson.
Like others have said, it's a progressive mindset... and the suffering that comes from constantly moderating is almost worse. 35 days sober and it's my first time trying but I've learned a lot by listening to others' testimony on UA-cam, that moderation is a myth fantasy that still keeps you enslaved to giving alcohol too much space in your head. Wish you the best! Going to try to find an update video to see where you're at.
I am currently 6 days sober and pursuing complete sobriety working a recovery program. Moderating did not work and ultimately left me in a very bad place. Congrats on your 35 days.
@@bignoknow I appreciate you taking the time to reply. It sounds like you have the certainty you need to go forward though, which is good. Best wishes... I'm 5 weeks now, feeling really good and watching a lot of YT content like yours and others helps me stay committed! Comments section has so much wisdom.
Maybe if you didn't have a history of drinking heavy and quitting. But you know where this leads. The evil voice we alcoholics hear is leading you on.
Justification is what it sounds like.. But hey you do you and whatever makes you happy 😁, and i can't judge anyone only God does that. Happy you came this far!
Both excited and anxious to see how you do on this new path. Been watching you for years and I personally think trying something outside of your normal cycle is worth a shot!
Please post regular updates every 3 months.
As long as you can control your drinking patterns and don't damage too much your health it should be ok.
I did never think drinking in itself was bad, what's bad are the consequences. (Different depending on people but even if everything else is fine often health)
I truly believe in harm reduction as a legitimate and underutilized road to recovery. I also believe that everyone's path to recovery is different and does not always have to include 100% sobriety for their entire lives.
But.
I see so many red flags in this video. You are already minimizing the amount you drink. When you do drink, you still can't moderate how much. Having 8-10 beers in one sitting is not normal for anyone. Maybe it's less than you "typically drink", but it's still a damaging amount. You think these are original thoughts, but you sound scarily similar to the other several videos where you were attempting to moderate your drinking.
I really, really hope you find peace with this route. Please stay safe and keep yourself honest.
I came back to this video because my brother's latest plan of controlled drinking ended in disaster. He is now worse than I have EVER seen him and I truly fear for his life. He's 50 been doing this over and over for decades.
His drinking spins out of control. He freaks out and sobers up, with dramatic proclamations. Then eventually relapses. Then declares he was actually not as bad as everyone thought: "Other people drink more than I ever did! I'm highly successful (he is actually) so I can't be that bad! I learned from the past won't let it go there again!" Then starts a NEW plan to moderate his drinking....Sinclair method; harm reduction; books and programs on controlled drinking....
It lasts for awhile until some bad or stressful life event happens, or he just gets overconfident, and then 1x a week becomes 2x then 3x then daily.
Good for you Noah. I agree completely that the abstinence thing is very black and white. And there's no point shaming and punishing yourself, it's cruel and unfair to yourself and it doesn't work so why do it. Research shows that if you drink a modest amount of alcohol 2-3 times a week then you're fine. I used to abuse alcohol but I now drink 2-3 standard drinks 2-3 times a week and I'm perfectly healthy and well. I think moderation is key and you're really onto something here.
Much love your way ~ your journey is your own! I would caution anyone newly sober to NOT use this message as a justification for continuing to drink. Your message could trigger many newly sober or even "oldly" sober people to try & pick up another drink & wow - their consequences could be a matter of life & death. I'm not sure I will continue to follow you after this in 2022. I've followed you for years & my perception of you at this point is that you're still finding any reason in the world to nurture your addiction. It goes against every single sobriety tool. I don't mean to judge. Please be careful with your life and others Noah.
Yeah I think a trigger warning would’ve been appropriate on this video.
@@elkay8390 Absolutely. Those dark voices in my head started whispering to me and chiming in with Noah. I had to shut it off midway. How many people couldn’t shut it off or didn’t shut it off or maybe shut it off and thought “I’m going to try Noah’s way?” It’s a very slippery slope.
@@fairyp1313 I’m glad you were able to shut it off. You’re absolutely right, if I had watched this while still in the early days of trying to get sober I’d take this as a green light. This video feels reckless.
Good luck man, try it see how it goes.
That's where I'm at as well, realizing the reason I drink is normally due to a lack of self-love, lack of esteem, and lack of emotional regulation. I had parents who were also not really available emotionally, a lot of my issues stem from that. I'm in the process of going to the same rehab you just left, and I'm thinking t myself is this rehab the answer? I'm still going to have the same issues after I leave, I'm back and forth about going. Do you think the treatment was important for you ?
Thank you Noah, I wish you the best, things will change, as we all do, as well as our goals. I never used to have a problem with drinking until I was put on a medication that made me CRAVE drinking (my drug of choice) and now I've been starting to think I should see where the issue truly started and see if there's a way to work on that part of my trigger or if I need to try to find a holistic way to reverse the medication I was put on that made me crave it in the first place.
I never had a really bad problem with alcohol before that. Now it's driving me nuts.
I send you and your family love and hope! 🥰We're all human, and we all have our journeys to go through, no matter what that journey is. *SUPPORT*
Your a great person Noah. I have faith in you.