"Say anything to blend in..." Same. I never had a solid base of self-worth. Whenever I had a moment like your CD one, I went into the most inner-embarassed mode possible.. Rejection. Hurt. Repeat.
I have a really awesome friend who has struggled with this for years in secret. When he told me this recently, I was shocked. He’s one of the most original and creative and least boring people I know, and people are just kinda drawn to his energy when he lets down his guard, which is why I wanted to be friends with him. It really saddened me that he suffers from this-not just because it sucks for him, but also because he probably wouldn’t be very magnetic if he could one day just effortlessly blend in with the normies. Might this be the case with you? I think it’s worth remembering that most people tend to gravitate toward interesting, original folks who can be themselves whether they feel confident or not, and most people are put off by the agreebots and the trying-to-blend-inners. It’s also worth noting that liking the same things as other people is not really seen as a positive, it’s more of a neutral or sometimes even a negative thing, and that nobody past the age of fifteen cares if you don’t like exactly what they like
A lot of my skewed thinking has come from my abusive childhood. My oversensitivity to verbal and nonverbal cues cause me to misinterpret what's really going on. I'm wired for protection more than connection. I tend to look for safety at all costs.
EMPEROR RULES! thanks for the video, im a 40 year old whos finishing up my engineering degree after being a server/bartender for 20 years, I put myself thru this exact emotional hellride every semester. all these math & engineering classes start out so hard, but at the end I'm usually able to understand them enough to get A's and B's. I've been sober for almost 8 years and I just found your channel and I'm loving it. thank you
I procrastinate because of my anxiety. Then I do fall behind on projects etc. Then I have catastrophic thinking because of the ramifications of my mistakes !! I create my own vicious cycle !
I needed this video today. I’m outside my therapist office and now I know exactly what we’re gonna talk about. Thank you, Scott!!! You’ve helped me more than ANYONE. Your book is amazing. I’ve already bought another copy for someone else and will be buying more.
When I first saw the title of the video I was like nah, I don't really do that often. But I've realized that I didn't think it was a big deal for me because it happens ALL THE TIME so I'm very very used to it. Rejection sensitivity from ADHD makes it way worse too, because even if the event that caused that thought pattern wasn't actually that bad, it feels absolutely devastating. So a good chunk of my anxiety is there because I'm terrified of doing anything that could ever possibly result in rejection or disappointment or a loss of approval. It's made me a perfectionist and it makes it really hard to keep up with responsibilities because I have a world of pressure behind every little task. And it's hard for me to take credit for anything I do well because it all just feels like what you talked about, how it went well this time but that just means I misjudged the timing. It feels like any day now I'm going to accidentally ruin my whole life just by being myself and every day that I manage NOT to do that, I'm just postponing the inevitable. Doom has been hanging over my head and growing in intensity nearly every day for several years. Catastrophic thoughts are a real beast, but I'm working on it 😅
I go into interviews wondering how long it’ll be until I get fired, if I’m hired, and getting fired has proven true after a few months at my last couple of jobs. I’ve just gotten bad at my chosen field. I can negate catastrophising in most cases by asking myself what I’m afraid of and how likely is it to happen, but to really not catastrophise so much I need a great deal of external validation and positive reinforcement. Just isn’t something that happens in a day-to-day way for a middle aged man. I really need someone else to tell me I’m not a total screw up. Dr. Eilers, your videos are so relatable to problems I have or have had. They really help. Thank you for making them.
Ooph, I've caught myself doing this and try to reign it in. Jessie Brown (Rewire to Inspire) did a video on it that made me really think. It's as if I ponder worse case scenarios, so I'll be prepared and more able to handle trauma or disappointment if it happens. Silly, I know. I wonder if you wouldn't mind sometime covering the topic of magical thinking. I never knew about it until recently but may have had a past episode that damaged my life and I'm still trying to understand. Jung was a proponent of fostering imagination but maybe it can go too far into a realm of losing touch & causes harm. Thanks for the videos, nice office tour 👍I hope the heats working good and you're settled in. Congratulations
I just finished my session with the psychologist yesterday and talked about me being very sensitive and catastrophizing everything. As a result of those habits, I suffered anxiety and depression. To be honest, the tips here are more helpful than my session
I have lived a long life immersed in negative thinking. Progress to change that has been ongoing, and fruitful, yet slow. The cognitive reversal technique sounds logical. It is not just about trying to replace a negative thought with a positive one, like a patch job. This holds out the idea that the negative thought...most of them...can be neutralized. With practice, this hopefully leads to a new mindset where catastrophyzing about everything no longer is the default reesponse.
I related to your comment that when we believe something bad is coming we 'brace' for it - thats spot on. Ten good things can happen and I barely notice it - but one badish thing happens and I get absolutely crushed because I was so wound up and almost already upset about it before it happened! Great advice thanks
"Emperor" part took me off guard in a good way 😂 I was a huge black metal fan myself and even played in a black metal band when I was a teenager. Didn't expect it to hear about it on this channel, so I just had to leave a comment ❤ 🤘🏻
I'm laughing to myself because my brain is over here being like "excuse you I don't appreciate being undermined in this way!" I really enjoy your channel but the anxiety part of my brain does not!
I'm sending this to my daughter-in-law in Germany, she totally HAS THIS. She catastrophises every little sniffle, I mean she CALLS me, in Oklahoma, so stressed out. She needs this advice.
The most helpful thing during a major depression my therapist said to me was: “you could choose to catastrophize this, or learn from it”. It was like a lightbulb went off and I felt immediately more relaxed.
Someone who had been an acquaintance, almost friend, stopped being as close to me as she once was. She would talk to me for hours and suddenly would just say a quick hi and bye in the halls. I asked if everything was OK and asked if I had done anything wrong. She assured me everything was fine. Anyhow, now I find myself wondering if someone cares or likes me. I am a grown woman and don't need a lot of friends but now I have this stuck in my head!! 😮 P.S. that friend never went back to how things were. I know for a fact I did not do anything wrong. Oh, well
OMG this is so incredibly useful!! I have been struggling with this in myself and family members a lot recently! think this is another of your life changing videos for me. Thank you!
I catastrophies ed about being homeless 4years ago and this obsessive thinking. made me depressed and anxious which I am starting to manage and overcome I am so glad I found your channel.
Excellent video! Really helpful. I've struggled with catastrophic thinking since I was about 11 or 12 years old, when something truly bad really did happen in my and my family's lives. I had nobody to help me process the event properly because everyone in my immediate sphere of influence (my family of origin) were catastrophic thinkers themselves. So, I learned from them. That and my family of origin was highly toxic and abusive, so all of us, as children, had to focus on survival more than anything else. Not a great start in life in learning how to navigate the world with a clear, "wise mind". Years of CBT later and while I've been taught how to recognize catastrophic thinking, no one has ever suggested a tool to fight against it. Thank you! Makes a ton of sense. I'm going to share this with my husband who engages in this type of thinking too. Sometimes it gets really bad and we feed off each other. We can both get really anxious and depressed. It's a real battle to stay balanced. We're both in therapy now and teaching our son as we learn. It's not pretty, but at least we're working on fixing this so we don't pass it on to the next generation.
This is one of these times I'm watching this, and it's like you're in my head and experiencing the world just like I do. Thank you for understanding me so well. Thank you for being here to help me. You are the only person who seems to understand me so well. Please keep doing what you're doing. I have come so far in the past few months of watching your videos. It's much farther than my whole life so far. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Just wanted to say thank you for what you do. I'm a truck driver and it's Awesome getting to listen while I drive. It's great being able to work on my mental and doing my job. Just wanted to say I appreciate you. Happy Holidays to you and yours
I believe it was PD Ouspensky who wrote that when a person begins to recognize and understand the fallacies in their thinking, those fallacies will naturally go away. I think to eradicate catastrophic thinking a person must be able to honestly admit that there's something WRONG in their thinking, especially when catastrophic thinking is used as a defense mechanism.
If anyone is reading this, look up this guys' video titled 'How To Cut Off Catastrophic Thoughts In Your Mind' - That helped me a lot and I think if you do that exercise you'll see how the logic breaks down at some point when thinking this way...
My problem is that several really bad things *have* happened to me and it feels like the next terrible thing is just around the corner waiting to happen - especially since the body often sends random signals in that regard. It's very difficult to live like this.
Dear Dr. Eilers, I'd like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year. You are undoubtedly the UA-cam personality who has made the greatest impression on me, through your skills, your efficiency and, above all, your authenticity and humanity. You've really touched me. I wish you all the happiness and the best health. Don't change a thing... With all my respect and admiration 🙏🌟💝 Greetings from Switzerland. Merry Christmas to the channel community too, my best wishes for peace & health 🍀💪🌟💝
🙏❤🩹thank you so much for taking a few minutes of your time..specially tonight...here, it's december 24th evening..it means so much...thank you...❤.@@DrScottEilers
...reinforced by repetitive experience of catastrophe, some unavoidable but some self-created... such as a pattern of being attracted to people who weren't able to fully commit or love.
Hi Dr Scott, just came across your video 4months ago about passive suicidal thoughts and boy do I grapple with that. Im getting ready to watch the rest right now and will also be watching this one afterwards. Thanks for this Dr Scott 🙏✝️👍
Hi! I do this, the unintentional catastrophe thinking. I also do it already with the positive. ”Omg he called me, he want to marry me and have children with me, and we gonna live forever!!”. But I have never thought any of it as being ridicoulus. For me I think it’s dissociation and living in a black/white world. I think it comes from my insecure childhood where I got an expert of finding cues on when my parents were gonna leave me. And also I created a happy fantasy world to escape from all the neglect I was exposed to
This has been my entire life. I always try to prepare for the worst because I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle the catastrophe if it happens, yet I can give at least 5 life catastrophic events and I did survive, but I believe they have made me who I am. Just a ridiculous, neurotic mess. What has been the most difficult part of it all is the responds I get from my family. controller, ridiculous worrier, complete invalidation of my fears or opinions even for things that are dangerous. I get the eye rolls and oh stop that. I’m talking about. Kids don’t need helmets or sunscreen. Have a big party with lots of drinking around a huge in ground pool with small kids, don’t worry about doors being locked at night, let the 7 year old wait alone for the school bus . I’m aware that I worry more than the average person but when the average person doesn’t worry at all I become the default.. I hate myself for it yet I suffer in silence trying to be quiet and hide who I am. I try so hard to be like everyone else and just enjoy the times and let the chips fall as they may. I have gotten better, but it’s almost impossible with my little grandchildren I’ve been in therapy almost half my life but I still struggle I will try some of your suggestions. Thanks
The cognitive reversal framing is amazing! It reminds me of something I heard regarding dieting, which is...One unhealthy meal is not going to ruin your diet anymore than one healthy meal is going to get you into great shape.
I'm glad you not only talked about the catastrophic thinking but also the ironic thinking that ensues after you finally decide to ease up on the catastrophic thinking. Like, don't get all happy and complacent and let your guard down because some irony will then bite you in the a** when you're not looking. It's a vicious circle. Sucks.
I remember so many times in my life I have said I'm a good girl why does all this bad stuff always happen to me. I am learning......Lesson lessons lessons
I have done something similar to your suggestion. I would list and my "worries" and when the outcome came to be it was almost never what I anticipated. I still do so in times of stress.
Commenting at 6:16 This example can also be an example of my biggest pet peeve. As far as people listening to music they didn’t like, that wasn’t your fault. You. Are. Not. A. Mind. Reader!!! No one told you anything in concrete terms for over a half hour!!! That is not your fault! The problem is that most people are not direct whatsoever most of the time. People are afraid to say what they mean. They want to be “nice”. But in these sorts of scenarios, “being nice” a lot of the time just means not saying anything until you can’t take it anymore, get frustrated, etc. And that makes everything way worse than if they had just said something sooner. In your example, If they said something sooner, they wouldn’t have only helped themselves. They would have saved you from a lot of negative self talk. Personally, I’d say something like “Hey, thanks for playing that for us. I appreciate that you shared something meaningful to you. It's not my thing, but I’m glad you enjoy it. Everybody’s different, and I think that we should switch to a different CD, so we can find something that everyone can agree on and enjoy as a group.” It might still feel like a rejection, but at least there wouldn’t be the whole: "Oh, a half hour went by, and I’m a bad person because I couldn’t guess what everyone was trying to say". One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are like, “They won’t take the hint!” How is that on them? Why the crap are you hinting? Say. What. You. Mean! And what’s hilarious (not) is when people bitch and complain because they expect something they never asked for and are mad at not getting it, when they never asked for it. People will get frustrated and even angry with people when they haven’t addressed anything whatsoever.
Just got your book today...love it. Feels like it was written about me. You're a great guy and bring so much clarity, and the feeling of knowing you're not the only one is indescribable. Thank you so much. 💓
Yep, that's me. Especially the last 12mnths. It's so very exhausting. Thank you for these videos, identifying what these issues are & providing options to deal with them.
The fact that you didn't enjoy your favorite music around other people resonated a lot with me. I've even 'learn to love' music I hate in order to blend in, which is not bad in itself as I can learn different things and open my boundaries, but your video made me think about since when I'm so adept to adhering to other people's tastes and choices on so many areas of my life. On some cases I tend to self-isolate just to not be criticized. Other times I don't even express what I like. I love to play my guitar, and play it well and most people who is close doesn't even know I play. Where it comes from? Not sure.
The counter argument would be “people who say hope for the best prepare for the worst” do not all lock step *expect* the worst in every situation. Still, all of the insights of this video are very good and useful.
Phenomenal walkthrough of my most commonly used faulty thinking! Love the reversal of catastrophic thinking to help me pinpoint when I go off the rails 👍. As always, thank you for making me see things in a new perspective!
I saw a psychologist after being badly injured (multiple injuries) as a passenger in an MVA. I suffered PTSD in regard to driving even though I wasn't driving in the accident. I tried to rationalise that I am a good driver, it wasn't my fault as I was only the passenger but somehow trauma is irrational and skews thinking. I've been told I was catastrophising during counselling for the resultant driving phobia. I learnt all about self-fulfilling prophecies as you can attract negativity if you're expecting it. Prior to the accident I knew there were bad drivers on the road and I was proud of my skills to avoid accidents through defensive driving. Now I don't trust other drivers on the road. Unfortunately this seems to attract them to me, no matter how well I drive. Then you tell yourself you were right to be cautious and the prediction is thus fulfilled.
WOW WOW WOW .. I’ve suffered from this and other mental issues BUT NOTHING HAS MADE SENSE TILL NOW … you’re amazing! How do I get in contact with you to be my therapist
What I took from it is to compare catastrophic thinking to equally unlikely optimistic thinking, and see that at some point they both generally have unrealistic end points. The example he used is getting an A on a test doesn’t mean you’ll be super successful and getting an F doesn’t mean your life is over.
I do this in relationships and I don't think it's maladaptive. I've been screwed so many times and my trust broken that I don't see how I couldn't assume people will end relationships. I keep giving them chances. So I know why it's there and it's not accidental. But I try not to let it control my life. There is a new person who might finally be trustworthy and I want to give her that chance.. regardless.
You're right, I've never heard of this Cognitive Reversal technique. I'll give it a try this week. I've been catastrophizing the family get-together (among other things in my life). 🙈Thanks, Dr. Scott. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it. 😊
1.5 zears of my life were completly ruined by CT. Who knos how many years it will take for me to recover but who cares really. thing is, ALL the time i was AWARE that it is CT. I mean, if it is unconcous...well its not ok per se, but still. but i was aware. all the time. telligng myself its just CT but i didnt want to change it? sick no. so i ruined my 1.5 years, not ct
This is funny, because I am hyper aware of how people are feeling, always watching no to make sure nothing no do or someone else does makes someone upset (I’m autistic, and it’s stereotyped that we can’t understand body language). Your story about the CD reminded me of this, because I always thought maybe that trait of mine was just my flavor of autism, that is rare (which it is), but maybe it’s not from some different brain wiring or something inherent, but from some trauma, big T or little t trauma, that has made me this way. I know my mom never reacts the way I expect, and will sometimes come home randomly pissed off and mean, or can flip to anger or meanness with no warning. This is probably why I am like this. Then, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, like you said. I avoid so much conflict with people and constantly watch their mood that I miss opportunities to make friends, I avoid my mom so much she has become a stranger that sees me as a threat in her house, and I don’t have anyone but my dad that I trust.
As much as catastrophizing spirals me out of control, it does make me feel a tiny bit of control because I brace myself for the worse. Even though that is very detrimental to me. I'm going to try that reversal thing
Haha, didn't guess you are/were into black metal. 😂 No wonder you seem like a great guy, cause metal people usually are the most helpful, kind and loyal people. ❤ Greetings from the most metal country in the world! (But even here the majority don't appreciate black or death metal at all 😢)
I can tell ya I’m about at my whits end and I’m sssoo thankful for this channel and this video. I’m sssoo terrible at chain reaction thinking and my issue is I’m very good at poking holes like finding a way something will go wrong regardless of what scenario I’m thinking and when your alone it’s even harder but I’m trying my best to make it and get back to lving life instead of life living me
Oh, look at that.. I was just on google scholar & there are legions of papers *proving* happiness & misery are from over arching systemic dynamics. hmmmm. 😂😅
Just wanted to say I have been watching your utube clips for a month or so. Just wanted to tell you I love all of the subjects. You get right to the point and you have solutions. I subscribed to your utube page. Thk you so much...most people with your knowledge don't want to share to much. So thk you so much. Some last 5 years I lost my brother, my husband, my son, a best friend in death. That seems to much at one time. Anyway, I really loved some of your advice. Don't give up.
My supposedly fit and healthy husband was diagnosed with and subsequently died of cancer six years ago. It was a complete shock. Now I am constantly convinced that anything that happens to my dog's health is cancer. I have always suffered with HA too.
Man, I knew I liked you from the moment I started watching your content but that story about you with your teenage friends and the Emperor thing just drove it home, haha. Very relatable. Watching your interview with Christopher Spence Pratt right now; loving the deep dive into both of your relationships with heavy metal and mental health!
I catastrophise alot of different things, but the main thing is loved ones and friends pulling away. I do this because my father pulled away from me when I was very young, and became abusive. So now when I see a friend at work and they seem indifferent or off, I immediately think, oh they are tired of me, and don't care about me anymore. When in reality they could be busy, or having a bad day. I had to learn to have faith that if someone doesn't want to be with me anymore they will just tell me. And it really helps. I still worry, but I reassure myself that everything is still good.
Your videos have honestly been a lifeline to me and I cannot thank you enough for what you are doing with this channel!!! You are so articulate and insightful, and I am so grateful for these videos. Any information you can share on depression/anxiety/suicidal ideation as it relates to Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for putting so much time and energy into this channel -- you are helping so many people!!
I tend to over beat myself up over mistakes, I left some left overs out last night that could have been lunch for me and my family today. I will probably feel terrible about it for hours even though I have done a lot great work on healing myself of destructive thinking. I know that I am making progress on this sort of thing, I didn't literally punch myself in the head. I am grateful that I didn't do something really stupid like: I didn't risk poisoning myself and my family so we would not waste food.
"Say anything to blend in..." Same. I never had a solid base of self-worth. Whenever I had a moment like your CD one, I went into the most inner-embarassed mode possible.. Rejection. Hurt. Repeat.
I have a really awesome friend who has struggled with this for years in secret. When he told me this recently, I was shocked. He’s one of the most original and creative and least boring people I know, and people are just kinda drawn to his energy when he lets down his guard, which is why I wanted to be friends with him. It really saddened me that he suffers from this-not just because it sucks for him, but also because he probably wouldn’t be very magnetic if he could one day just effortlessly blend in with the normies. Might this be the case with you? I think it’s worth remembering that most people tend to gravitate toward interesting, original folks who can be themselves whether they feel confident or not, and most people are put off by the agreebots and the trying-to-blend-inners.
It’s also worth noting that liking the same things as other people is not really seen as a positive, it’s more of a neutral or sometimes even a negative thing, and that nobody past the age of fifteen cares if you don’t like exactly what they like
Catastrophic thinking. I have been thinking this way most of my life.
truth no on wants to hear: it is
A lot of my skewed thinking has come from my abusive childhood. My oversensitivity to verbal and nonverbal cues cause me to misinterpret what's really going on.
I'm wired for protection more than connection. I tend to look for safety at all costs.
Right there with you!
Yes!
You're not alone!!
EMPEROR RULES! thanks for the video, im a 40 year old whos finishing up my engineering degree after being a server/bartender for 20 years, I put myself thru this exact emotional hellride every semester. all these math & engineering classes start out so hard, but at the end I'm usually able to understand them enough to get A's and B's. I've been sober for almost 8 years and I just found your channel and I'm loving it. thank you
Great video thanks. "we suffer more in imagination than in reality"
I procrastinate because of my anxiety. Then I do fall behind on projects etc. Then I have catastrophic thinking because of the ramifications of my mistakes !! I create my own vicious cycle !
I needed this video today. I’m outside my therapist office and now I know exactly what we’re gonna talk about.
Thank you, Scott!!! You’ve helped me more than ANYONE. Your book is amazing. I’ve already bought another copy for someone else and will be buying more.
When I first saw the title of the video I was like nah, I don't really do that often. But I've realized that I didn't think it was a big deal for me because it happens ALL THE TIME so I'm very very used to it. Rejection sensitivity from ADHD makes it way worse too, because even if the event that caused that thought pattern wasn't actually that bad, it feels absolutely devastating. So a good chunk of my anxiety is there because I'm terrified of doing anything that could ever possibly result in rejection or disappointment or a loss of approval.
It's made me a perfectionist and it makes it really hard to keep up with responsibilities because I have a world of pressure behind every little task. And it's hard for me to take credit for anything I do well because it all just feels like what you talked about, how it went well this time but that just means I misjudged the timing. It feels like any day now I'm going to accidentally ruin my whole life just by being myself and every day that I manage NOT to do that, I'm just postponing the inevitable. Doom has been hanging over my head and growing in intensity nearly every day for several years. Catastrophic thoughts are a real beast, but I'm working on it 😅
I go into interviews wondering how long it’ll be until I get fired, if I’m hired, and getting fired has proven true after a few months at my last couple of jobs. I’ve just gotten bad at my chosen field.
I can negate catastrophising in most cases by asking myself what I’m afraid of and how likely is it to happen, but to really not catastrophise so much I need a great deal of external validation and positive reinforcement. Just isn’t something that happens in a day-to-day way for a middle aged man.
I really need someone else to tell me I’m not a total screw up.
Dr. Eilers, your videos are so relatable to problems I have or have had. They really help. Thank you for making them.
Ooph, I've caught myself doing this and try to reign it in. Jessie Brown (Rewire to Inspire) did a video on it that made me really think. It's as if I ponder worse case scenarios, so I'll be prepared and more able to handle trauma or disappointment if it happens. Silly, I know. I wonder if you wouldn't mind sometime covering the topic of magical thinking. I never knew about it until recently but may have had a past episode that damaged my life and I'm still trying to understand. Jung was a proponent of fostering imagination but maybe it can go too far into a realm of losing touch & causes harm. Thanks for the videos, nice office tour 👍I hope the heats working good and you're settled in. Congratulations
I just finished my session with the psychologist yesterday and talked about me being very sensitive and catastrophizing everything. As a result of those habits, I suffered anxiety and depression.
To be honest, the tips here are more helpful than my session
I have lived a long life immersed in negative thinking. Progress to change that has been ongoing, and fruitful, yet slow. The cognitive reversal technique sounds logical. It is not just about trying to replace a negative thought with a positive one, like a patch job. This holds out the idea that the negative thought...most of them...can be neutralized. With practice, this hopefully leads to a new mindset where catastrophyzing about everything no longer is the default reesponse.
I related to your comment that when we believe something bad is coming we 'brace' for it - thats spot on. Ten good things can happen and I barely notice it - but one badish thing happens and I get absolutely crushed because I was so wound up and almost already upset about it before it happened! Great advice thanks
Exactly what i do too. You perfectly put my exhausting thought pattern in words.
"Emperor" part took me off guard in a good way 😂 I was a huge black metal fan myself and even played in a black metal band when I was a teenager. Didn't expect it to hear about it on this channel, so I just had to leave a comment ❤ 🤘🏻
I'm laughing to myself because my brain is over here being like "excuse you I don't appreciate being undermined in this way!" I really enjoy your channel but the anxiety part of my brain does not!
I'm sending this to my daughter-in-law in Germany, she totally HAS THIS. She catastrophises every little sniffle, I mean she CALLS me, in Oklahoma, so stressed out. She needs this advice.
@@Rachel299 because my son tells me AND she has told me herself, she knows she does it but can’t stop herself from over worrying
The most helpful thing during a major depression my therapist said to me was: “you could choose to catastrophize this, or learn from it”. It was like a lightbulb went off and I felt immediately more relaxed.
Learning from horrible experiences involves preparing for the worst in future.
Someone who had been an acquaintance, almost friend, stopped being as close to me as she once was. She would talk to me for hours and suddenly would just say a quick hi and bye in the halls. I asked if everything was OK and asked if I had done anything wrong. She assured me everything was fine. Anyhow, now I find myself wondering if someone cares or likes me. I am a grown woman and don't need a lot of friends but now I have this stuck in my head!! 😮 P.S. that friend never went back to how things were. I know for a fact I did not do anything wrong. Oh, well
OMG this is so incredibly useful!! I have been struggling with this in myself and family members a lot recently! think this is another of your life changing videos for me. Thank you!
I catastrophies ed about being homeless 4years ago and this obsessive thinking. made me depressed and anxious which I am starting to manage and overcome I am so glad I found your channel.
Excellent video! Really helpful. I've struggled with catastrophic thinking since I was about 11 or 12 years old, when something truly bad really did happen in my and my family's lives. I had nobody to help me process the event properly because everyone in my immediate sphere of influence (my family of origin) were catastrophic thinkers themselves. So, I learned from them. That and my family of origin was highly toxic and abusive, so all of us, as children, had to focus on survival more than anything else. Not a great start in life in learning how to navigate the world with a clear, "wise mind".
Years of CBT later and while I've been taught how to recognize catastrophic thinking, no one has ever suggested a tool to fight against it. Thank you! Makes a ton of sense. I'm going to share this with my husband who engages in this type of thinking too.
Sometimes it gets really bad and we feed off each other. We can both get really anxious and depressed. It's a real battle to stay balanced. We're both in therapy now and teaching our son as we learn. It's not pretty, but at least we're working on fixing this so we don't pass it on to the next generation.
This is one of these times I'm watching this, and it's like you're in my head and experiencing the world just like I do. Thank you for understanding me so well. Thank you for being here to help me. You are the only person who seems to understand me so well. Please keep doing what you're doing. I have come so far in the past few months of watching your videos. It's much farther than my whole life so far. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Just wanted to say thank you for what you do. I'm a truck driver and it's Awesome getting to listen while I drive. It's great being able to work on my mental and doing my job. Just wanted to say I appreciate you. Happy Holidays to you and yours
Off topic but we need your skin care routine. Your skin looks literally perfect
Hey Scott I suffer from it too , what is the common background in all of the people who suffer from this sort of thinking ?
Fatalistic thinking...yeah...I do this to myself. 😢
I like that word better👍 that other word is a tongue twister
I believe it was PD Ouspensky who wrote that when a person begins to recognize and understand the fallacies in their thinking, those fallacies will naturally go away. I think to eradicate catastrophic thinking a person must be able to honestly admit that there's something WRONG in their thinking, especially when catastrophic thinking is used as a defense mechanism.
If anyone is reading this, look up this guys' video titled 'How To Cut Off Catastrophic Thoughts In Your Mind' - That helped me a lot and I think if you do that exercise you'll see how the logic breaks down at some point when thinking this way...
I needed this video today too. I’m experiencing this really hard core today 😢
“90% of your anxiety is over literally nothing” 😂 story of my life
That is story of your life.
My problem is that several really bad things *have* happened to me and it feels like the next terrible thing is just around the corner waiting to happen - especially since the body often sends random signals in that regard. It's very difficult to live like this.
Dear Dr. Eilers, I'd like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year. You are undoubtedly the UA-cam personality who has made the greatest impression on me, through your skills, your efficiency and, above all, your authenticity and humanity. You've really touched me. I wish you all the happiness and the best health. Don't change a thing... With all my respect and admiration 🙏🌟💝 Greetings from Switzerland. Merry Christmas to the channel community too, my best wishes for peace & health 🍀💪🌟💝
Thank you so much! I’m honored to have had a positive impact on your life ❤️
🙏❤🩹thank you so much for taking a few minutes of your time..specially tonight...here, it's december 24th evening..it means so much...thank you...❤.@@DrScottEilers
...reinforced by repetitive experience of catastrophe, some unavoidable but some self-created... such as a pattern of being attracted to people who weren't able to fully commit or love.
Commuting on solutions:
This is freaking brilliant! I'm sharing this with my therapist!!!
Where were you all the times I went to I.O.P.!
Hi Dr Scott, just came across your video 4months ago about passive suicidal thoughts and boy do I grapple with that. Im getting ready to watch the rest right now and will also be watching this one afterwards. Thanks for this Dr Scott 🙏✝️👍
Hi! I do this, the unintentional catastrophe thinking. I also do it already with the positive. ”Omg he called me, he want to marry me and have children with me, and we gonna live forever!!”. But I have never thought any of it as being ridicoulus. For me I think it’s dissociation and living in a black/white world. I think it comes from my insecure childhood where I got an expert of finding cues on when my parents were gonna leave me. And also I created a happy fantasy world to escape from all the neglect I was exposed to
This has been my entire life. I always try to prepare for the worst because I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle the catastrophe if it happens, yet I can give at least 5 life catastrophic events and I did survive, but I believe they have made me who I am. Just a ridiculous, neurotic mess.
What has been the most difficult part of it all is the responds I get from my family. controller, ridiculous worrier, complete invalidation of my fears or opinions even for things that are dangerous. I get the eye rolls and oh stop that. I’m talking about. Kids don’t need helmets or sunscreen. Have a big party with lots of drinking around a huge in ground pool with small kids, don’t worry about doors being locked at night, let the 7 year old wait alone for the school bus . I’m aware that I worry more than the average person but when the average person doesn’t worry at all I become the default.. I hate myself for it yet I suffer in silence trying to be quiet and hide who I am. I try so hard to be like everyone else and just enjoy the times and let the chips fall as they may. I have gotten better, but it’s almost impossible with my little grandchildren
I’ve been in therapy almost half my life but I still struggle
I will try some of your suggestions. Thanks
The cognitive reversal framing is amazing!
It reminds me of something I heard regarding dieting, which is...One unhealthy meal is not going to ruin your diet anymore than one healthy meal is going to get you into great shape.
I'm glad you not only talked about the catastrophic thinking but also the ironic thinking that ensues after you finally decide to ease up on the catastrophic thinking. Like, don't get all happy and complacent and let your guard down because some irony will then bite you in the a** when you're not looking. It's a vicious circle. Sucks.
PS...going to listen to some Emperor now, see what that's all about, lol.
You being a black metal guy won you way more credibility with me lol 🤟🏻
if the timing is wrong i dont relax! never heard it explained but do that all the time
Your coolness just went up a 1000 points for liking Emperor 🤘
I love the "Scott" story 😍 👏🏻
Omg. Thank you. Amazing content.
I remember so many times in my life I have said I'm a good girl why does all this bad stuff always happen to me. I am learning......Lesson lessons lessons
Proud to be one of the less than 1% 🤘
I have done something similar to your suggestion. I would list and my "worries" and when the outcome came to be it was almost never what I anticipated. I still do so in times of stress.
Commenting at 6:16
This example can also be an example of my biggest pet peeve.
As far as people listening to music they didn’t like, that wasn’t your fault.
You. Are. Not. A. Mind. Reader!!!
No one told you anything in concrete terms for over a half hour!!! That is not your fault!
The problem is that most people are not direct whatsoever most of the time.
People are afraid to say what they mean.
They want to be “nice”.
But in these sorts of scenarios, “being nice” a lot of the time just means not saying anything until you can’t take it anymore, get frustrated, etc.
And that makes everything way worse than if they had just said something sooner.
In your example, If they said something sooner, they wouldn’t have only helped themselves. They would have saved you from a lot of negative self talk.
Personally, I’d say something like “Hey, thanks for playing that for us. I appreciate that you shared something meaningful to you.
It's not my thing, but I’m glad you enjoy it.
Everybody’s different, and I think that we should switch to a different CD, so we can find something that everyone can agree on and enjoy as a group.”
It might still feel like a rejection, but at least there wouldn’t be the whole: "Oh, a half hour went by, and I’m a bad person because I couldn’t guess what everyone was trying to say".
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are like,
“They won’t take the hint!”
How is that on them?
Why the crap are you hinting? Say. What. You. Mean!
And what’s hilarious (not) is when people bitch and complain because they expect something they never asked for and are mad at not getting it, when they never asked for it.
People will get frustrated and even angry with people when they haven’t addressed anything whatsoever.
Just got your book today...love it. Feels like it was written about me. You're a great guy and bring so much clarity, and the feeling of knowing you're not the only one is indescribable. Thank you so much. 💓
I got it and the result I have a fear of living! Instead of having suicidal thoughts like I do sometimes. Now I’m stuck in a body that is useless. 😢
Yep, that's me. Especially the last 12mnths. It's so very exhausting. Thank you for these videos, identifying what these issues are & providing options to deal with them.
The fact that you didn't enjoy your favorite music around other people resonated a lot with me. I've even 'learn to love' music I hate in order to blend in, which is not bad in itself as I can learn different things and open my boundaries, but your video made me think about since when I'm so adept to adhering to other people's tastes and choices on so many areas of my life. On some cases I tend to self-isolate just to not be criticized. Other times I don't even express what I like. I love to play my guitar, and play it well and most people who is close doesn't even know I play. Where it comes from? Not sure.
The counter argument would be “people who say hope for the best prepare for the worst” do not all lock step *expect* the worst in every situation. Still, all of the insights of this video are very good and useful.
Phenomenal walkthrough of my most commonly used faulty thinking! Love the reversal of catastrophic thinking to help me pinpoint when I go off the rails 👍. As always, thank you for making me see things in a new perspective!
Proud to be part of the 1%🤟
Yes, I agree. Hope is the first step on the way to disappointment...
Thank you again for another great video. I have this problem along with all the other crap going on in my head. Love you. California Joanna
I saw a psychologist after being badly injured (multiple injuries) as a passenger in an MVA. I suffered PTSD in regard to driving even though I wasn't driving in the accident. I tried to rationalise that I am a good driver, it wasn't my fault as I was only the passenger but somehow trauma is irrational and skews thinking. I've been told I was catastrophising during counselling for the resultant driving phobia. I learnt all about self-fulfilling prophecies as you can attract negativity if you're expecting it. Prior to the accident I knew there were bad drivers on the road and I was proud of my skills to avoid accidents through defensive driving. Now I don't trust other drivers on the road. Unfortunately this seems to attract them to me, no matter how well I drive. Then you tell yourself you were right to be cautious and the prediction is thus fulfilled.
WOW WOW WOW .. I’ve suffered from this and other mental issues BUT NOTHING HAS MADE SENSE TILL NOW … you’re amazing! How do I get in contact with you to be my therapist
Can anybody help me understand the second technique to manage catastrophic thinking? I would highly appreciate any help from anyone.
What I took from it is to compare catastrophic thinking to equally unlikely optimistic thinking, and see that at some point they both generally have unrealistic end points.
The example he used is getting an A on a test doesn’t mean you’ll be super successful and getting an F doesn’t mean your life is over.
@@gene108 thank you so much. I think that you expained it to me the best possible way. Now I got it.
You're looking at the newest Emperor fan😎
Unintended but positive video outcome
I do this in relationships and I don't think it's maladaptive. I've been screwed so many times and my trust broken that I don't see how I couldn't assume people will end relationships.
I keep giving them chances.
So I know why it's there and it's not accidental. But I try not to let it control my life.
There is a new person who might finally be trustworthy and I want to give her that chance.. regardless.
You're right, I've never heard of this Cognitive Reversal technique. I'll give it a try this week. I've been catastrophizing the family get-together (among other things in my life). 🙈Thanks, Dr. Scott. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it. 😊
1.5 zears of my life were completly ruined by CT. Who knos how many years it will take for me to recover but who cares really. thing is, ALL the time i was AWARE that it is CT. I mean, if it is unconcous...well its not ok per se, but still. but i was aware. all the time. telligng myself its just CT but i didnt want to change it? sick no. so i ruined my 1.5 years, not ct
This is funny, because I am hyper aware of how people are feeling, always watching no to make sure nothing no do or someone else does makes someone upset (I’m autistic, and it’s stereotyped that we can’t understand body language). Your story about the CD reminded me of this, because I always thought maybe that trait of mine was just my flavor of autism, that is rare (which it is), but maybe it’s not from some different brain wiring or something inherent, but from some trauma, big T or little t trauma, that has made me this way. I know my mom never reacts the way I expect, and will sometimes come home randomly pissed off and mean, or can flip to anger or meanness with no warning. This is probably why I am like this.
Then, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, like you said. I avoid so much conflict with people and constantly watch their mood that I miss opportunities to make friends, I avoid my mom so much she has become a stranger that sees me as a threat in her house, and I don’t have anyone but my dad that I trust.
As much as catastrophizing spirals me out of control, it does make me feel a tiny bit of control because I brace myself for the worse. Even though that is very detrimental to me. I'm going to try that reversal thing
Thank you so much for this video 🙏🏼 I need it now more than ever.
You are in my head and know many of my thoughts and emotions 😊
Haha, didn't guess you are/were into black metal. 😂 No wonder you seem like a great guy, cause metal people usually are the most helpful, kind and loyal people. ❤ Greetings from the most metal country in the world! (But even here the majority don't appreciate black or death metal at all 😢)
Pre-empive action to prevent hurt and anxitey based on catastrophic thinking to the point that everything is going to be catastrophic.....
Wow, thank you again, I knew of this! But not explained to me this way. I feel so much better 😌 now. I will do this in future. 😊
I can tell ya I’m about at my whits end and I’m sssoo thankful for this channel and this video. I’m sssoo terrible at chain reaction thinking and my issue is I’m very good at poking holes like finding a way something will go wrong regardless of what scenario I’m thinking and when your alone it’s even harder but I’m trying my best to make it and get back to lving life instead of life living me
Looking forward to listening to it
I really appreciated this. Thank you! 🙏🏻
Did you just make a video about my personal life??
Preparing and being ready for the worst is the good practice.
Great video. So useful!!
This isnt easy when you've just gotten out of the hospital from emergency surgery
So logical. Thank you so much! 😊
validate my feelings, aha moment, big ego
Damn this guy knows who Emperor is. Nice. Just made me like this channel more.
I had a biiig black metal phase. Still kinda like it
I have never felt so seen in my whole life. 😅
Story of my life
thanks for this! ✨
Hmmm... I like Emperor.
Oh, look at that.. I was just on google scholar & there are legions of papers *proving* happiness & misery are from over arching systemic dynamics. hmmmm. 😂😅
Just wanted to say I have been watching your utube clips for a month or so. Just wanted to tell you I love all of the subjects. You get right to the point and you have solutions. I subscribed to your utube page. Thk you so much...most people with your knowledge don't want to share to much. So thk you so much. Some last 5 years I lost my brother, my husband, my son, a best friend in death. That seems to much at one time. Anyway, I really loved some of your advice. Don't give up.
My supposedly fit and healthy husband was diagnosed with and subsequently died of cancer six years ago. It was a complete shock. Now I am constantly convinced that anything that happens to my dog's health is cancer. I have always suffered with HA too.
Man, I knew I liked you from the moment I started watching your content but that story about you with your teenage friends and the Emperor thing just drove it home, haha. Very relatable. Watching your interview with Christopher Spence Pratt right now; loving the deep dive into both of your relationships with heavy metal and mental health!
I catastrophise alot of different things, but the main thing is loved ones and friends pulling away. I do this because my father pulled away from me when I was very young, and became abusive. So now when I see a friend at work and they seem indifferent or off, I immediately think, oh they are tired of me, and don't care about me anymore. When in reality they could be busy, or having a bad day. I had to learn to have faith that if someone doesn't want to be with me anymore they will just tell me. And it really helps. I still worry, but I reassure myself that everything is still good.
Your videos have honestly been a lifeline to me and I cannot thank you enough for what you are doing with this channel!!! You are so articulate and insightful, and I am so grateful for these videos. Any information you can share on depression/anxiety/suicidal ideation as it relates to Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for putting so much time and energy into this channel -- you are helping so many people!!
Seems that way sometimes, huh. Where have we met? LOL GREAT VID. Thanks
I tend to over beat myself up over mistakes, I left some left overs out last night that could have been lunch for me and my family today. I will probably feel terrible about it for hours even though I have done a lot great work on healing myself of destructive thinking. I know that I am making progress on this sort of thing, I didn't literally punch myself in the head. I am grateful that I didn't do something really stupid like: I didn't risk poisoning myself and my family so we would not waste food.
Thanks for putting this out there. It's a reminder for me, having some work to do.
Marine Vet.
From the very first chapter of your book I knew I made a very good decision in buying it.
A very helpful video as always ^_^ Thank you for everything you do!
Yep. Expect the worst and hope for something better. I think the hope is more painful.
Thankyou😊
Nailed it
This is such a great explanation of catastrophic thinking and established thought patterns. Thank you.