I appreciate your church helping break that stigma with mental health. As a social worker, it is often a barrier of getting people the help they need due to religious affiliated groups having the belief of “just pray the sickness away” and meds aren’t needed.
As another social worker and past psychology professor, I also appreciate the spotlight on breaking the stigma related to mental health. Mental wellness is a continuum where we can find ourselves in different places as we navigate our lives. Remember to love your brain/mind as much as your body. Our brains aren’t fully developed until our mid-20’s & the last part to finish is the frontal lobe (executive functions). 🤓
I think Austin Michel is the Michel we have all been secretly waiting for! You are glowing and truly look happy and I cannot get enough of it! You are the true example of someone taking a bad situation and pivoting! Love you and your content!!!
As an introvert who has been through a lot in the past few years, I schedule alone time around social events and I don’t schedule social things back to back. It’s okay to be protective of your energy
I would say the last few months could definitely be classified at trauma. My old therapist taught me that everyone experiences trauma; "big T Trauma" (i.e. war, SA, gun violence, etc.) and "little t trauma" (i.e. losing a pet, being injured, and having to give up something you love, etc.). Trauma has more to do with your response to it, not necessarily the specific thing that happened. Something like a divorce could be just as traumatic as something "bigger", it just depends on your bodily response!
Yes, the last few months of her life would classify as a little T trauma. Several little T traumas combined can give the same response in the brain as a big T trauma.
Yes! And apparently we can't cope with more than 5 traumas within a 12-18month period. Think about these past 18months: COVID and war on top of everything else!
It makes my heart happy that churches are starting to recognize the need to mental health treatment. The white top is a keeper, just smaller size, I would totally keep the sweatshirt to cute and the bottom. The shorts are a no go, the body suit is gorgeous. You are so brave, looks like you have found your groove in Austin. So awesome!!
The green bodysuit looks amazing on you! As far as your hesitation with scheduling plans in advance, I would encourage you to be ok with that for now. You are healing and growing and moving forward in this next chapter of life; lots of energy needed for those tasks. Sending you love and praying for you and your sweet Max.
Yes!!! This is me!!!! I was the same way. What i decided to do was to divide my “to do” list into three parts.. Daily List- Weekly List Monthly List In morning 1. i review my daily list first to organize my day. 2. Take a look at my weekly list just to get an idea of what’s coming up (i do t like surprises). 3. cross reference with my monthly list to weekly list to make sure my to do lists are all synced. I hope that helps!
on the topic of not being able to make plans in the future... I have felt this so much since having a baby 7 months ago. I never know what life is going to be like or how we will feel that far out. Even if it's just a week in advance. The best advice I can give is to be okay with canceling plans and don't put pressure on yourself to not let people down. Make the plans and let the person know that you might have to reschedule or cancel as the date gets closer.
I have changed as time went on. When I was younger (early 20s) I planned everything. Was always checking times, schedules and details. Then I went through a hard few years and just couldn't cope anymore. Now I'm spontaneous, I never plan weekends anymore and trips aren't planned too far ahead. I feel freer not knowing what the future holds. It's funny, I get comfort from the stability of a 9-5 and the same comfort from an open future.
Clothing White top - size down Black long sleeve - KEEP green body suit - KEEP Shorts- RETURN (they kinda look like diy cut in the front) Swim suit - up to you! depends on your comfort
I’m an extrovert that thrives off of spontaneous adventures and being on the go, but married an introvert that needs a plan. He often feels the anxiety around thinking about the future, future responsibilities, future events and plans. He is learning to take quiet moments with no electronics and no stimulating input to calm the anxiety and give his brain time to catch up. While used to say yes to everything because that’s my nature, we now wait to answer someone about plans until later that day or even the next day so we don’t have to dwell on it. It’s actually helped me make better boundaries and not overbook myself
Hello beautiful! I am a recovering alcoholic and I have issues with planning too far ahead. I'm always afraid if I have a trip coming up or something my mind always says what if I fail, what if I'm not sober still on that day. So I have really struggled with setting goals and such because if I fail then it may drive me to drink. So I have vowed to only set small step goals that will lead me to an overall bigger goal. I also keep a daily planner. I put things in it that are planned in advanced, but because it is a daily planner I only open it to one day at a time. Then I can just focus on getting through one day. This has allowed me to be more present, less anxious and stressed, stay sober, and to live in the moment.
@@reneebrattain9712 thank you, you have absolutely made my day! It has been the hardest journey w ith the hardest lessons, but I wouldn't change a moment of it. Today I am such a better me!
For making future plans, I live by my calendar. I can see/visualize how busy I am because everything is placed on it. I can see if I'm "too busy" and intentionally leave certain days blank.... and KEEP them empty.
When I split from my husband I too couldn't look at planning things many weeks/months ahead. I was simply taking life a day at a time, sometimes a week at a time, not focusing or spending what little energy I had on planning ahead but instead focusing on the present me. When it did come to an event that I might want to attend, off in the future (that didn't require a ticket where the person, or I, would lose money if I didn't attend) I would typically say "I am thinking in this moment that I would like to attend but when the date arrives, if I am not able to do so, I hope you will be understanding" - then see how I felt on the day. I appreciate that others may not be okay with this as it may mean a cancellation with them at the last moment, but most friends & family understood. And if they took issue when I initially made the statement above about my possible attendance, then I would simply say "it's probably best then that you don't include me as I wouldn't want to let you down at the last minute." Hope maybe this can help.
I recently found your channel and I am obssessed! you're so strong!! it's so encouraging to see you grow through such a difficult time and let make you better, not bitter. 😉 much love!! ❤️❤️
I love your nails! 🖤 I think with your car chat.... it's just a phase you're in at this point in your life. It's okay to take things day by day. You're still figuring things out & healing! Be gentle with yourself 💗 Hope that helps!
Dear Michel , about your car chat , it's part of our growth journey to come to the realization that not everything goes by us - planning , thoughts , preparations- so we just need to focus on the present moments and prepare and plan ahead as much as we can but with no stress because we actually realized that things may change in a blink of an eye . So embracing this mindset is relieving and liberating. So , stay casual and cool about things and changes and hope for wisdom , guidance and better future from Allah .
I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism at almost 30 years old…. Which now has put my life in a different perspective. But I have always struggled with having concrete plans on my calendar. Yet if I decide to do something spontaneously I can manage and enjoy my time. My therapist gave me some great perspective. Having concrete plans feels like a chore (think doctors visit or paying a bill) but when do something spontaneously it feels like a a choice (because in that moment you know how you’re feeling… mentally/physically/emotionally … and can make an informed decision). I know you’ve said in the past that you struggle with controlling you life and maybe this is a way that is manifesting. Having plans on the calendar when you don’t know how you’ll be feeling when the time comes provokes anxiety. You’re right it’s not the way the world works and it’s hard. I’ve struggled my entire life and having children has only amplified my struggles. I’m starting to learn that if I can recognize the why behind why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling I can refrain it in my brain.
As someone who works a really unpredictable schedule (I'm a neurosurgery PA!) I also struggle a lot with making plans in advance. It's helpful to have friends who understand that it's hard to make plans and who are ok with last minute hangs. But sometimes I just have to almost force myself (force might not be quite the right word) to commit to something in the future and know that because I committed I have to follow through. Sometimes I dread the follow through, but it's always worth it. Also, I have had to embrace occasional spontaneity, which as a planner goes totally against my personality type. But if I can't be willing to commit to things, I have to be willing to be spontaneous! This feels like it doesn't make any sense at all, but I hope it helps.
I get social anxiety which really affects my ability to plan ahead. Passion Planner is my favorite thing to help write down my commitments but it also has journaling prompts that make me want to use it more. They are a super cool company with very intentional values and I am using one for the third year in a row!
I will say that you are showing up stronger and more confident with each new vlog! May each new adventure ( good or not so good) keep you showing up just as you are. Thank you for sharing Austin Tx. with us. Hope to visit one day and try some of your recommended spots.
I often feel overwhelmed by plans. I found that looking forward to the end or day after really helps. I concentrate on the fact that there is an end to any single expectation. This is most helpful if I have to have someone come into my apartment. I look forward to whoever it is leaving and just having my space to myself again.
After I left my ex I felt everything needed to be spontaneous because with him I always planned ahead for every scenario. Now I mix up planning some things and being spontaneous as well which helps have less anxiety about planning again. It took time though. I’ve explained to my friends that time can be our best friend and our worst enemy dependent on the what time of our life it is. You’ve got this sweetheart!
I’m the same way. Often having plans tend to make me stressed. In the past, that wasn’t a issue. Now, I like to be spontaneous vs having everything planned out. Follow your heart/gut and continue to grow. You’re doing great, Michel. 😘
After my divorce making plans stressed me out and I went from being a super budgeted and planner to just taking things day by day. 2 years out I now feel like I have found my balance. Someone suggested I make simple weekly goals like washing my face and drinking water, those eventually turned into monthly goals, and now I’m thinking big picture again and working on a new budget. Just take your time and trust the process and be open with your loved ones so they don’t feel it’s them.
I would highly recommend you going to Cute Nails Studio in Austin! They don’t use dip nails, but they use kokoist semi-hard gels! They last for 4+ weeks! I personally think it’s probably less damaging than dip nails and since I heard you say before that you have bendy nails, I think the Mega Stick Base would work best for you and it’ll help you grow healthier and stronger nails! I have been using kokoist as my main way to manicure and my nails are so strong! ❤️ I thought I would share since my bf’s mom got dip nails and it ruined her nails until she switched over to kokoist gels. Now she has beautiful strong nails 💅🏻
Hi Michel 😊. I'm having a hard time with my phone so hopefully I'll be able to type a complete comment. The white top I'd size down. Love the bodysuit!! I'm praying for sweet Max 🙏. Hope you feel better buddy! Sending you lots of hugs 🤗. I'm really happy to hear that the church you're going to is more open & understanding about mental health. It's sad to say that not all are aware or sensitive to mental health issues. I'm loving the more edgy nails!! You seem so excited with the sassy feeling you get & that was cute watching 😁. I also loved seeing you with your fellow vlogger. You seemed to beam with joy & mutual acceptance 😃😁. *Here's a thought how about doing vlogs together discovering places around town, places neither of you have been.* Have a wonderful rest of your weekend 🙂. Prayers & Wishes Lisa Hampton 😃
You are such an inspiration Michel, thank you for sharing. When your going through hard times and your trying to “find your new normal” it’s ok to just take it one day at a time until you feel you can take on more. You are an amazing person, love you and Maxie ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi! I feel that way a lot. That I can't deal with making concrete plans any further out than a few days. It's rough. I think you're right it's a survival mode thing!! You can only do the best with what you have, so maybe giving yourself grace when you're in survival mode would be helpful. Boundaries and level setting with those around you! 💗💗
I’m the same when it comes to excess obligations. I can’t function until I write it down and can visualize it all on one piece of paper so I have a planner that starts with the whole month view then the next few pages show the week for more details. But the month view is key for me! Xx
Hi Michel and Max! I went through a period where planning and committing to things was so overwhelming it almost felt paralyzing. It was after a breakup when my emotions were a bit all over the place. I realized that my anxiety was stemming from commitments that I couldn’t get out of, and feeling worried that I might disappoint someone if I wasn’t there with a happy face on. Turned out I was putting a lot of undue stress on myself. Make a list of things that need to be done and take it one at a time. Let your mom or close friends help if possible. You’ve got this - I’m praying for all good things for you!
Happy Saturday Afternoon michel and I just wanted to say that your vlogs is sooo good and your grwm is amazing and I'm proud of you and you are sweetheart
I can relate to your hesitation in planning. I would consider myself a planner but not too long ago I had a plan that I had my heart set on fall to pieces. It really made me nervous to even have hope for things to come or even plan for the next week. I was afraid that I was taking control rather than trusting God and that created guilt and fear in my heart and for my future. But by the grace of God, he reminded me that He is not only a God of spontaneous love and joy but also a God of strategy and planning. This may sound silly or over spiritual, but with every plan, I make I just ask God to give me the peace to trust that what needs to happen will, and whatever shouldn't happen will not happen. Also, I am so happy to hear your church is speaking on mental health. As a believer and a woman in counseling, there has been such freedom and healing God has brought me through the people He has placed in my life. Some have asked me if I trust God enough to heal me and I tell them that I do. I trust Him so much to put my pride aside and realize that God uses His spirit in others to minister and edify the body. I know this was so much but I really hope it was a help to you and anyone reading this.
My mom got me a magnetic monthly calendar for my fridge and it’s really helped me with the same issue you’re talking about. I swear I have calendar phobia 😂
I must say… it is truly heart warming to watch God work in your life and show you what true happiness, joy and that peace beyond understanding looks like! I don’t think you have specifically mentioned this but it is beaming abs radiating from you in only the way God can make things happen. I am truly happy for you (even though I don’t know you💕).
In my opinion, you have been living for each day and taking it one day at a time for quite a while. Getting through each day has been a lot until you begin getting acclimated to your new life. You could begin scheduling joyous occasions first to get back to a comfort zone on the future planning. Keep all of the shirts including the white one, it’s more flirty being loose at the bottom. Buy another body suit in white or cream- it looks great on you. ♥️
Loved the green body suit, it fits you perfectly 💕 I also really liked the white blouse, although it is a bit see through 🙈, so whatever makes you comfortable and is easy to mix I'd say go with it 🌸
Magic spoon looks so good & the macros on those bars are just wow plus they’re gluten free? Wow! Surely they’ll make them a standard product if they sell well. Wish I could get them in Australia haha
You are glowing! 🌟 A verse came to mind when you were talking about stress, and having to plan a lot of intricate things in order for them to run as smoothly as possible. Matthew 6:25-34 🤍 😌
Start by making small, easy plans for a few days from now or a week or so. Even if it’s planning on going somewhere at a certain time by yourself, like an appointment. Try to keep it simple then focus on being excited for it throughout the coming days more than how planning it can overwhelm you. Focus on enjoying having something fun coming up. Then gradually start planning further out and/or more complicated things as you go
I totally get how you feel so stressed about planning!! I kept thinking that God would bring my bf and I together in marriage when God gave him a job where I worked, and I started planning sooo much, I had all the Pinterest boards lined up. But then God touched his heart for us to do premarital counseling and I just thought we would get it over with and even complained about all this but turned to realize that counseling was soooo essential for us. At the time, a friend got engaged and I was just consumed with jealousy. I had to give up plans for marriage for a long time. But just when we decided to keep going with engagement and buying a house and everything, he got accepted into his dream school and will be on the other side of the country. At this point, I just stopped all the wedding planning, it's just soooo emotionally exhausting! I guess I just wanted to say that it must be super difficult! But hang in there! God definitely told us to live and focus on today and to trust Him with tomorrow. It's super hard to do and I don't want to sound insensitive. But you can just take it slow! I found that taking time to make a list of my priorities and put those into my calendar definitely help a lot, and everything else, I just decide on that maybe one or two days in advance or even that day! Like what you said, you just want to be present, and thank you for your vulnerability and your presence! It must be such a hard time for you, but I'm rooting for ya!
Love the nails!! My husband and I just retired last August. Between doctors appointments, deliveries and trips we can't keep up!! So what we have done is bought a calendar for all things going on so we don't double book anything and we keep it on the living room table, and I remind him to look at the calendar before making any appointments!! Ooh love the sandals!!! I think the white top is supposed to fit loose at the waist.
I had the opposite happen to me whenever I had a best friend of mine pass away suddenly. I was NEVER a planner and after it happened I ALWAYS had to plan anything or else I couldn’t go…I do believe it is a response to trauma. I felt like I couldn’t control anything after she died so whatever I could control, I did. Same could be said for you. You were a planner and then your plans didn’t work out so now you can’t plan anything. Honestly time passing is what has helped with mine and just being uncomfortable.
I hope this helps. I understand completely what you mean about making plans. I went through a divorce and it is a trauma. You are perfectly ok feeling the way you are feeling. If you use a planner or online calendar maybe put it in your calendar as “tentative” that helps me. I know it’s there but I still get to decide if it works into that time or not. You are so courageous for being so authentic. Even though I am older your videos help me a lot. Thank you!
Love the black cropped sweatshirt and definitely body suit great staples and versatile pieces … love your Vlogs it’s like catching up with a good friend ❤️
I went through some very traumatic stuff recently and I was the same way very type A trying to plan life, and ever since all of this pain and trauma it became very hard to plan life for many reasons, you find that your plans change and fall apart, you don’t want to be disappointed with how you might feel if you make plans and they don’t feel as you hoped or if the plans change and don’t work out and how you might be hurt by that. I realized not planning was part of me trying to control my emotions and my life more actually by trying to protect myself from hurt and disappointment. I feel like I needed some time to allow myself to not make plans and kind of learn that though my life was shaken up I can still slightly be in control by not forcing myself to make plans, but now I’m in a space where plans seem exciting and hopeful. Give yourself some time, but at the same time, for me, I’ve learned avoiding doing something for too long just makes it harder and more stressful and sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and push yourself to plan. It’s not amazing advice but every single time I put something off I am increasingly more stressed by it. You said something that was incredibly helpful to me and I’m sure others and that was about expecting and hoping for the best in others and yourself, so maybe take the advice and hope for the best out of your plans. Your plans may turn out better than you dreamed of and they may not, but you are strong and you’ll be okay regardless and that hope for greatness is a huge possibility to look forward to.
Hi Michel, I feel the same way about planning events in advance these days. I try to plan some, but not many, and not too close (time wise - like…weeks apart). Hope it helps a little 😀
Which house plants do you find easy to take care of inside? I live in LA and so many of them die :( i don’t know if it’s my fault or if they just need more light!
I love your nails! I used to feel like I couldn't function unless I had things to look forward to, and would have built up anticipation to the day until I realized I was ignoring things that were happening in the present, I've just stopped committing to everything or, if I feel any anxiety just saying "no" right away.
I like the flat Sandals! The wooden sandals look like they’re from my childhood in the 80s/90s! I love her all the good stuff is coming back in fashion!
Absolutely love the confidence of you trying on something such as a swimsuit. Women open themselves up to all kinds of harsh criticisms and body shaming from internet haters who get empowered by hurling insults at others. And you took that risk in making this video.. Love that confidence Michel. Trying on something like that opens one up to so much vulnerability. Really says as lot about you. And you nailed it.😉
It's hard because you want to say yes instinctively but when u deal with anxiety sometimes when the time comes you aren't in the right head space to go then u end up feeling horrible for letting people down. And that just circles.
I love everything you do. I have been working on the schedule for years now. Be patient with yourself ok.. you will get better at it. Ok. Keep up great work.
The loose area of the shorts are the Dad fit, try Mom if that's an option. I prefer non distressed denim so I understand your hesitation. As far as scheduling, I have a hard time too. Definitely keep the bodysuit, I'm sure you can find that cropped sweatshirt ANYWHERE else, I think we just saw that style at Hollister.
Oh poor Max! Yes I think it maybe that he could’ve eaten tulips 🌷 and became sick! You are doing so great Michel! This is truly a new season for you in your life! I’m continuing to pray for you in this time and the brokenness you’ve gone through!💙🌈💗💚
I always have a calendar to plan upcoming dates for appointments etc. So i avoid double booking . Mostly a month ahead. Not more Love the Green top really suits you 🥰 Aww poor max can happen ,hope he is ok now . Take care 🥰
I think it’s nice that you don’t plan ahead. It lets you live in the moment. I struggle with the same thing. I also can’t plan ahead because of my job. I think not planning ahead is a bit more light on the mind 😂❤️
After my dad died, I felt the same way. I just broke down the tasks that could not be postponed first and then everything else later. It was less overwhelming. I found it super hard to use planners/calendars… I understand. As time goes by, it will get better.
Hello beautiful friend!! Just wanted to chime in with my thoughts in regards to feeling overwhelmed with plans occurring further in the future. As someone who is mostly introverted, working a high stress job, family and friends that live nearby, but far away enough that I can't see them daily, and then having my own hobbies/interests that i want to engage in regularly - I used to be the same and would plan out my weekends months in advance (eg. needing 3-4mths notice to organise a coffee catchup with my friends). And this is with a weekend which would have 6-8 things happening. I would occasionally have a good week, where I would have great energy levels and be keen to socialise, however come the event, I would be drained but feel guilty about rescheduling or canceling plans as they had been organised so far in advance. Around Nov last year, I had a big emotional burn out and just couldnt cope. I left my job (which I had been thinking about for several months before handing in my notice). Then had 3 weeks off and entered potato mode. Didn't tell anyone I was available and any outings/events I would organise things on a whim depending on how I felt. This was such a great recharge period! Didn't realise I had forgotten what happiness felt like until I had completely decompressed haha. Over the last few months I've been slowly rebuilding eg. slowly increasing my work hours from 1 day a week to 3 days a week to full time, to see what i can cope with. And in terms of social planning, I limit myself to 2-3 events per week. Sometimes I will do just 1 social event for the weekend if it's something major (eg our wedding next weekend haha) This has really helped, because it's minimal enough that I don't feel overwhelmed, but theres still wiggle room so that if something comes up I can fit it in if I've got energy. And if I need to change plans, there's not too many ppl I need to contact to shuffle. I've been very lucky as all my friends are super understanding and most are aware of my bad burnout and my slow integration back into managing adult life. The 2-3 events per week has been a very firm rule for me, and it's helped minimise that anxious feeling, whilst still giving me the chance to organise time to spend with my loved ones. Hope that helps friend! TLDR - try to limit yourself to a few events per week. Will allow you to plan, without fitting too much in and feeling overwhelmed come the date!
I completely understand about the change! I used to be super good about responding to text, ig, Twitter and Snapchat messages and now I’m the complete opposite. All my friends know that it takes me weeks even months to respond to some messages and idk why this huge change happened
My last relationship I always had to back up plans for the back up plans, and 3-6 first line plans because I never knew when he'd throw a wrench into things, and having a million plans helped me not have major emotional outbursts or crying fits. It helped prevent a few arguments although not all of them because he seemed like he liked to fight about stuff. Leaving that disaster I was in pieces. And it was both shocking and terrifying how many unexpected changes happened to me. I'd never loved heights before but suddenly out of nowhere, I couldn't look down from the top of a 1 story staircase in a house without feeling like i was about to pass out. Rollercoasters I loved I can't do anymore. That relationship still figures prominently in my nightmares. If my current SO comes in the bathroom when I'm in the shower it freaking terrifies me, even though there was no actual event based on that circumstance in my before life. But another big thing is making plans was IMPOSSIBLE for almost 3 years afterwards for me. It was like the part of my brain that makes plans wasn't there. I could not make plans to save my life for over a year. Even something super simple the next day was beyond my ability. It was so strange and unexpected and made putting my life back together so hard. After a year of that, I got super focused one day, and made my first to-do list since leaving. And then I spent 3 months crying and having panic attacks every time I looked at it. I had this irrational fear and hatred for every item on that to-do list - even though half of it was stuff for me that I find fun or enjoyable. I'm not sure how long that lasted honestly. But I did start being able to plan and do 2 or 3 things in a week, then 1 a day, then a few things a day.... it got better but it was unbelievably slow. I'm now 4.5 years out of that relationship and very happy in my current one. We use my calendar on my phone to keep track of appointments etc, I have a to-do list most days, and most days most of it gets done. We talk and make plans for the future together. I'm still not back to what I think of as my original planning normal, and I'm not sure if I ever will be or if I'm just remembering that original normal completely wrong and I'm already there and don't know it. I still have days that hit me out of no where where my brain does a random revolt and I find myself doing the exact opposite of what we planned and it feels like I can't control it. I don't know what sets these days off, and I don't know how to reign that control in and stop it in the moment. I've always thought of it as how my brain put a cast on that part when it got broken. And sometimes it gets confused and thinks it's still broken or still in the cast. I don't have any tips for coping. It was something I tried to work through with a therapist and at the end of the day she helped with a lot but that exact issue I just had to wait it out. And the wait was agonizing. But it got better.
Hi Michel, I just read this book that I think would be amazing for you. It's call How to do the Work by Dr Nicole LePera. Especially chapter 3 on redefining trauma. The last six months of your life definitely classifies as traumatic, and through it you have grown so much. This book has helped me so much (as well as the Self Healers Soundboard podcasts which accompany it). Hopefully you find it useful also. Keep being authentic, it's so refreshing ❤️
First off you are awesome. Love your channel💕. Just wondering were you got your sectional and the name of it❤️❤️❤️ you are such a strong person to have gone through what you have. Your an inspiration to all women going through the same situation. Thank you for that…
Great vlog hun! 🙂💖 My rule of thumb with clothes is if I feel even a little insecure or questioning about it when I am at home I will feel that 100 times more in public. I think black top yes, green top obviously yes 🤩🙌, suit and white top were definitely cute but you are the one that needs to love it. Shorts were cute but probably return on those since you did not love them on. 🌺 Having a physical calendar on a hidden wall or inside a pantry door helps me remember things I have going that are a little further out and also helps me remember when to give my pup her monthly meds and such. Moving your whole life, getting a divorce plus accepting your body's limits are hard things to digest. Just because your trauma is not the same as others does not mean it is not traumatic to you. I think you are doing great and say yes to spending time with your family when they come in...promise you will not ever regret it. Hugs darlin'! 🤗💗
I appreciate your church helping break that stigma with mental health. As a social worker, it is often a barrier of getting people the help they need due to religious affiliated groups having the belief of “just pray the sickness away” and meds aren’t needed.
As another social worker and past psychology professor, I also appreciate the spotlight on breaking the stigma related to mental health. Mental wellness is a continuum where we can find ourselves in different places as we navigate our lives. Remember to love your brain/mind as much as your body. Our brains aren’t fully developed until our mid-20’s & the last part to finish is the frontal lobe (executive functions). 🤓
So so true! I love this!!
I think Austin Michel is the Michel we have all been secretly waiting for! You are glowing and truly look happy and I cannot get enough of it! You are the true example of someone taking a bad situation and pivoting! Love you and your content!!!
As an introvert who has been through a lot in the past few years, I schedule alone time around social events and I don’t schedule social things back to back. It’s okay to be protective of your energy
This is brilliant, I'm going to start doing this! Thank you
I would say the last few months could definitely be classified at trauma. My old therapist taught me that everyone experiences trauma; "big T Trauma" (i.e. war, SA, gun violence, etc.) and "little t trauma" (i.e. losing a pet, being injured, and having to give up something you love, etc.). Trauma has more to do with your response to it, not necessarily the specific thing that happened. Something like a divorce could be just as traumatic as something "bigger", it just depends on your bodily response!
Yes, the last few months of her life would classify as a little T trauma. Several little T traumas combined can give the same response in the brain as a big T trauma.
Yes! And apparently we can't cope with more than 5 traumas within a 12-18month period. Think about these past 18months: COVID and war on top of everything else!
It makes my heart happy that churches are starting to recognize the need to mental health treatment. The white top is a keeper, just smaller size, I would totally keep the sweatshirt to cute and the bottom. The shorts are a no go, the body suit is gorgeous. You are so brave, looks like you have found your groove in Austin. So awesome!!
The green bodysuit looks amazing on you! As far as your hesitation with scheduling plans in advance, I would encourage you to be ok with that for now. You are healing and growing and moving forward in this next chapter of life; lots of energy needed for those tasks. Sending you love and praying for you and your sweet Max.
Your skin is glowing so much, and so much happiness in your eyes 😁. I'm such a sucker everytime you do clothing haul lol!
You are SO SWEET!🤍
Yes!!! This is me!!!! I was the same way. What i decided to do was to divide my “to do” list into three parts..
Daily List-
Weekly List
Monthly List
In morning
1. i review my daily list first to organize my day.
2. Take a look at my weekly list just to get an idea of what’s coming up (i do t like surprises).
3. cross reference with my monthly list to weekly list to make sure my to do lists are all synced.
I hope that helps!
on the topic of not being able to make plans in the future... I have felt this so much since having a baby 7 months ago. I never know what life is going to be like or how we will feel that far out. Even if it's just a week in advance. The best advice I can give is to be okay with canceling plans and don't put pressure on yourself to not let people down. Make the plans and let the person know that you might have to reschedule or cancel as the date gets closer.
I have changed as time went on. When I was younger (early 20s) I planned everything. Was always checking times, schedules and details. Then I went through a hard few years and just couldn't cope anymore. Now I'm spontaneous, I never plan weekends anymore and trips aren't planned too far ahead. I feel freer not knowing what the future holds. It's funny, I get comfort from the stability of a 9-5 and the same comfort from an open future.
I feel this SO MUCH!!
Clothing
White top - size down
Black long sleeve - KEEP
green body suit - KEEP
Shorts- RETURN (they kinda look like diy cut in the front)
Swim suit - up to you! depends on your comfort
I’m an extrovert that thrives off of spontaneous adventures and being on the go, but married an introvert that needs a plan. He often feels the anxiety around thinking about the future, future responsibilities, future events and plans. He is learning to take quiet moments with no electronics and no stimulating input to calm the anxiety and give his brain time to catch up. While used to say yes to everything because that’s my nature, we now wait to answer someone about plans until later that day or even the next day so we don’t have to dwell on it. It’s actually helped me make better boundaries and not overbook myself
Hello beautiful! I am a recovering alcoholic and I have issues with planning too far ahead. I'm always afraid if I have a trip coming up or something my mind always says what if I fail, what if I'm not sober still on that day. So I have really struggled with setting goals and such because if I fail then it may drive me to drink. So I have vowed to only set small step goals that will lead me to an overall bigger goal. I also keep a daily planner. I put things in it that are planned in advanced, but because it is a daily planner I only open it to one day at a time. Then I can just focus on getting through one day. This has allowed me to be more present, less anxious and stressed, stay sober, and to live in the moment.
What a perfect response! Just taking it day by day ❤️ so proud of you and your sobriety ❤️ thank you for sharing and you got this! 🙏🏻♥️👏🏼😘
@@reneebrattain9712 thank you, you have absolutely made my day! It has been the hardest journey w ith the hardest lessons, but I wouldn't change a moment of it. Today I am such a better me!
For making future plans, I live by my calendar. I can see/visualize how busy I am because everything is placed on it. I can see if I'm "too busy" and intentionally leave certain days blank.... and KEEP them empty.
When I split from my husband I too couldn't look at planning things many weeks/months ahead. I was simply taking life a day at a time, sometimes a week at a time, not focusing or spending what little energy I had on planning ahead but instead focusing on the present me. When it did come to an event that I might want to attend, off in the future (that didn't require a ticket where the person, or I, would lose money if I didn't attend) I would typically say "I am thinking in this moment that I would like to attend but when the date arrives, if I am not able to do so, I hope you will be understanding" - then see how I felt on the day. I appreciate that others may not be okay with this as it may mean a cancellation with them at the last moment, but most friends & family understood. And if they took issue when I initially made the statement above about my possible attendance, then I would simply say "it's probably best then that you don't include me as I wouldn't want to let you down at the last minute." Hope maybe this can help.
I recently found your channel and I am obssessed! you're so strong!! it's so encouraging to see you grow through such a difficult time and let make you better, not bitter. 😉 much love!! ❤️❤️
I'm so grateful for your videos because it feels like im talking with a friend and makes me feel less alone. Thank you so much Michel 💕 Big hug
Thank YOU so much for being here!🤍
I looooove that black sweater!! I have so many basic sweaters like that too, but I can't get away from comfy chic clothes 😣
I love your nails! 🖤 I think with your car chat.... it's just a phase you're in at this point in your life. It's okay to take things day by day. You're still figuring things out & healing! Be gentle with yourself 💗 Hope that helps!
Thank you sweet friend 🤍🤍
🤍🙂
I discovered your channel today and am soooooo happy I did :)
Dear Michel , about your car chat , it's part of our growth journey to come to the realization that not everything goes by us - planning , thoughts , preparations- so we just need to focus on the present moments and prepare and plan ahead as much as we can but with no stress because we actually realized that things may change in a blink of an eye . So embracing this mindset is relieving and liberating. So , stay casual and cool about things and changes and hope for wisdom , guidance and better future from Allah .
I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism at almost 30 years old…. Which now has put my life in a different perspective. But I have always struggled with having concrete plans on my calendar. Yet if I decide to do something spontaneously I can manage and enjoy my time.
My therapist gave me some great perspective. Having concrete plans feels like a chore (think doctors visit or paying a bill) but when do something spontaneously it feels like a a choice (because in that moment you know how you’re feeling… mentally/physically/emotionally … and can make an informed decision).
I know you’ve said in the past that you struggle with controlling you life and maybe this is a way that is manifesting. Having plans on the calendar when you don’t know how you’ll be feeling when the time comes provokes anxiety.
You’re right it’s not the way the world works and it’s hard. I’ve struggled my entire life and having children has only amplified my struggles.
I’m starting to learn that if I can recognize the why behind why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling I can refrain it in my brain.
As someone who works a really unpredictable schedule (I'm a neurosurgery PA!) I also struggle a lot with making plans in advance. It's helpful to have friends who understand that it's hard to make plans and who are ok with last minute hangs. But sometimes I just have to almost force myself (force might not be quite the right word) to commit to something in the future and know that because I committed I have to follow through. Sometimes I dread the follow through, but it's always worth it. Also, I have had to embrace occasional spontaneity, which as a planner goes totally against my personality type. But if I can't be willing to commit to things, I have to be willing to be spontaneous!
This feels like it doesn't make any sense at all, but I hope it helps.
I get social anxiety which really affects my ability to plan ahead. Passion Planner is my favorite thing to help write down my commitments but it also has journaling prompts that make me want to use it more. They are a super cool company with very intentional values and I am using one for the third year in a row!
I will say that you are showing up stronger and more confident with each new vlog! May each new adventure ( good or not so good) keep you showing up just as you are. Thank you for sharing Austin Tx. with us. Hope to visit one day and try some of your recommended spots.
The shorts look great! Keep them, you will wear them. I have 3 pair now, absolutely my favorite.
I love that you ask help from this community 🥺🥺 will forever love your vids 💖
I often feel overwhelmed by plans. I found that looking forward to the end or day after really helps. I concentrate on the fact that there is an end to any single expectation. This is most helpful if I have to have someone come into my apartment. I look forward to whoever it is leaving and just having my space to myself again.
After I left my ex I felt everything needed to be spontaneous because with him I always planned ahead for every scenario. Now I mix up planning some things and being spontaneous as well which helps have less anxiety about planning again. It took time though. I’ve explained to my friends that time can be our best friend and our worst enemy dependent on the what time of our life it is. You’ve got this sweetheart!
I’m the same way. Often having plans tend to make me stressed. In the past, that wasn’t a issue. Now, I like to be spontaneous vs having everything planned out. Follow your heart/gut and continue to grow. You’re doing great, Michel. 😘
After my divorce making plans stressed me out and I went from being a super budgeted and planner to just taking things day by day. 2 years out I now feel like I have found my balance. Someone suggested I make simple weekly goals like washing my face and drinking water, those eventually turned into monthly goals, and now I’m thinking big picture again and working on a new budget. Just take your time and trust the process and be open with your loved ones so they don’t feel it’s them.
I would highly recommend you going to Cute Nails Studio in Austin! They don’t use dip nails, but they use kokoist semi-hard gels! They last for 4+ weeks! I personally think it’s probably less damaging than dip nails and since I heard you say before that you have bendy nails, I think the Mega Stick Base would work best for you and it’ll help you grow healthier and stronger nails! I have been using kokoist as my main way to manicure and my nails are so strong! ❤️
I thought I would share since my bf’s mom got dip nails and it ruined her nails until she switched over to kokoist gels. Now she has beautiful strong nails 💅🏻
Hi Michel 😊. I'm having a hard time with my phone so hopefully I'll be able to type a complete comment. The white top I'd size down. Love the bodysuit!! I'm praying for sweet Max 🙏. Hope you feel better buddy! Sending you lots of hugs 🤗. I'm really happy to hear that the church you're going to is more open & understanding about mental health. It's sad to say that not all are aware or sensitive to mental health issues. I'm loving the more edgy nails!! You seem so excited with the sassy feeling you get & that was cute watching 😁. I also loved seeing you with your fellow vlogger. You seemed to beam with joy & mutual acceptance 😃😁. *Here's a thought how about doing vlogs together discovering places around town, places neither of you have been.* Have a wonderful rest of your weekend 🙂. Prayers & Wishes Lisa Hampton 😃
You are such an inspiration Michel, thank you for sharing. When your going through hard times and your trying to “find your new normal” it’s ok to just take it one day at a time until you feel you can take on more. You are an amazing person, love you and Maxie ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Keep the black sweater!!! Looks so flattering on you
I love that black synch sweatshirt!
So happy you did a Magic Spoon vlog again! I need to reorder and was curious about the cereal bars!
Hi! I feel that way a lot. That I can't deal with making concrete plans any further out than a few days. It's rough. I think you're right it's a survival mode thing!! You can only do the best with what you have, so maybe giving yourself grace when you're in survival mode would be helpful. Boundaries and level setting with those around you! 💗💗
When I get overwhelmed I tell myself one day at a time! It calms me down.
I do "body showers" right before bed. I find them very relaxing and love feeling clean before I slide between the sheets. 😌
I just LOVE your videos!!
Can't wait to see your birthday trip!
I’m the same when it comes to excess obligations. I can’t function until I write it down and can visualize it all on one piece of paper so I have a planner that starts with the whole month view then the next few pages show the week for more details.
But the month view is key for me! Xx
Hi Michel and Max! I went through a period where planning and committing to things was so overwhelming it almost felt paralyzing. It was after a breakup when my emotions were a bit all over the place. I realized that my anxiety was stemming from commitments that I couldn’t get out of, and feeling worried that I might disappoint someone if I wasn’t there with a happy face on. Turned out I was putting a lot of undue stress on myself. Make a list of things that need to be done and take it one at a time. Let your mom or close friends help if possible. You’ve got this - I’m praying for all good things for you!
Well said 🙏🏻❤️
I have sooo much fun and get such inspiration whenI watch your vlogs…your friend is adorable and I’m going to check out her channel!!!XOXOXO
I love that sage green bodysuit!!!
Happy Saturday Afternoon michel and I just wanted to say that your vlogs is sooo good and your grwm is amazing and I'm proud of you and you are sweetheart
Love your nails 💅🏼 agree with you on the white shirt and shorts a no.. but I love that black sweater it looked so comfortable 😍
I can relate to your hesitation in planning. I would consider myself a planner but not too long ago I had a plan that I had my heart set on fall to pieces. It really made me nervous to even have hope for things to come or even plan for the next week. I was afraid that I was taking control rather than trusting God and that created guilt and fear in my heart and for my future. But by the grace of God, he reminded me that He is not only a God of spontaneous love and joy but also a God of strategy and planning. This may sound silly or over spiritual, but with every plan, I make I just ask God to give me the peace to trust that what needs to happen will, and whatever shouldn't happen will not happen. Also, I am so happy to hear your church is speaking on mental health. As a believer and a woman in counseling, there has been such freedom and healing God has brought me through the people He has placed in my life. Some have asked me if I trust God enough to heal me and I tell them that I do. I trust Him so much to put my pride aside and realize that God uses His spirit in others to minister and edify the body. I know this was so much but I really hope it was a help to you and anyone reading this.
My mom got me a magnetic monthly calendar for my fridge and it’s really helped me with the same issue you’re talking about. I swear I have calendar phobia 😂
I must say… it is truly heart warming to watch God work in your life and show you what true happiness, joy and that peace beyond understanding looks like! I don’t think you have specifically mentioned this but it is beaming abs radiating from you in only the way God can make things happen. I am truly happy for you (even though I don’t know you💕).
Ah and not abs… silly autocorrect 🤣
In my opinion, you have been living for each day and taking it one day at a time for quite a while. Getting through each day has been a lot until you begin getting acclimated to your new life. You could begin scheduling joyous occasions first to get back to a comfort zone on the future planning. Keep all of the shirts including the white one, it’s more flirty being loose at the bottom. Buy another body suit in white or cream- it looks great on you. ♥️
Loved the green body suit, it fits you perfectly 💕 I also really liked the white blouse, although it is a bit see through 🙈, so whatever makes you comfortable and is easy to mix I'd say go with it 🌸
Magic spoon looks so good & the macros on those bars are just wow plus they’re gluten free? Wow! Surely they’ll make them a standard product if they sell well. Wish I could get them in Australia haha
You are glowing! 🌟 A verse came to mind when you were talking about stress, and having to plan a lot of intricate things in order for them to run as smoothly as possible. Matthew 6:25-34 🤍 😌
Start by making small, easy plans for a few days from now or a week or so. Even if it’s planning on going somewhere at a certain time by yourself, like an appointment. Try to keep it simple then focus on being excited for it throughout the coming days more than how planning it can overwhelm you. Focus on enjoying having something fun coming up. Then gradually start planning further out and/or more complicated things as you go
LOVE the black sweater and the body suit!
I totally get how you feel so stressed about planning!! I kept thinking that God would bring my bf and I together in marriage when God gave him a job where I worked, and I started planning sooo much, I had all the Pinterest boards lined up. But then God touched his heart for us to do premarital counseling and I just thought we would get it over with and even complained about all this but turned to realize that counseling was soooo essential for us. At the time, a friend got engaged and I was just consumed with jealousy. I had to give up plans for marriage for a long time. But just when we decided to keep going with engagement and buying a house and everything, he got accepted into his dream school and will be on the other side of the country. At this point, I just stopped all the wedding planning, it's just soooo emotionally exhausting!
I guess I just wanted to say that it must be super difficult! But hang in there! God definitely told us to live and focus on today and to trust Him with tomorrow. It's super hard to do and I don't want to sound insensitive. But you can just take it slow! I found that taking time to make a list of my priorities and put those into my calendar definitely help a lot, and everything else, I just decide on that maybe one or two days in advance or even that day! Like what you said, you just want to be present, and thank you for your vulnerability and your presence! It must be such a hard time for you, but I'm rooting for ya!
Love the nails!! My husband and I just retired last August. Between doctors appointments, deliveries and trips we can't keep up!! So what we have done is bought a calendar for all things going on so we don't double book anything and we keep it on the living room table, and I remind him to look at the calendar before making any appointments!! Ooh love the sandals!!! I think the white top is supposed to fit loose at the waist.
I had the opposite happen to me whenever I had a best friend of mine pass away suddenly. I was NEVER a planner and after it happened I ALWAYS had to plan anything or else I couldn’t go…I do believe it is a response to trauma. I felt like I couldn’t control anything after she died so whatever I could control, I did. Same could be said for you. You were a planner and then your plans didn’t work out so now you can’t plan anything. Honestly time passing is what has helped with mine and just being uncomfortable.
I hope this helps. I understand completely what you mean about making plans. I went through a divorce and it is a trauma. You are perfectly ok feeling the way you are feeling. If you use a planner or online calendar maybe put it in your calendar as “tentative” that helps me. I know it’s there but I still get to decide if it works into that time or not. You are so courageous for being so authentic. Even though I am older your videos help me a lot. Thank you!
Love the black cropped sweatshirt and definitely body suit great staples and versatile pieces … love your Vlogs it’s like catching up with a good friend ❤️
You’re so young and so beautiful live it up! The shorts were perfect.
I went through some very traumatic stuff recently and I was the same way very type A trying to plan life, and ever since all of this pain and trauma it became very hard to plan life for many reasons, you find that your plans change and fall apart, you don’t want to be disappointed with how you might feel if you make plans and they don’t feel as you hoped or if the plans change and don’t work out and how you might be hurt by that. I realized not planning was part of me trying to control my emotions and my life more actually by trying to protect myself from hurt and disappointment. I feel like I needed some time to allow myself to not make plans and kind of learn that though my life was shaken up I can still slightly be in control by not forcing myself to make plans, but now I’m in a space where plans seem exciting and hopeful. Give yourself some time, but at the same time, for me, I’ve learned avoiding doing something for too long just makes it harder and more stressful and sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and push yourself to plan. It’s not amazing advice but every single time I put something off I am increasingly more stressed by it. You said something that was incredibly helpful to me and I’m sure others and that was about expecting and hoping for the best in others and yourself, so maybe take the advice and hope for the best out of your plans. Your plans may turn out better than you dreamed of and they may not, but you are strong and you’ll be okay regardless and that hope for greatness is a huge possibility to look forward to.
I love the black top, mainly because it crops and the sleeves. The shorts are cute on you as is the body suit!!
It’s good to see you moving on and happy. You seem lighter and way less stressed.
Hi Michel, I feel the same way about planning events in advance these days. I try to plan some, but not many, and not too close (time wise - like…weeks apart). Hope it helps a little 😀
Which house plants do you find easy to take care of inside? I live in LA and so many of them die :( i don’t know if it’s my fault or if they just need more light!
I love your nails! I used to feel like I couldn't function unless I had things to look forward to, and would have built up anticipation to the day until I realized I was ignoring things that were happening in the present, I've just stopped committing to everything or, if I feel any anxiety just saying "no" right away.
I like the flat Sandals! The wooden sandals look like they’re from my childhood in the 80s/90s! I love her all the good stuff is coming back in fashion!
The dark blue swimsuit looked amazing on you!
The green tighter top! Gold 👍
Absolutely love the confidence of you trying on something such as a swimsuit. Women open themselves up to all kinds of harsh criticisms and body shaming from internet haters who get empowered by hurling insults at others. And you took that risk in making this video.. Love that confidence Michel. Trying on something like that opens one up to so much vulnerability. Really says as lot about you. And you nailed it.😉
OMG! I just tried Noble Joes this morning! So good
I loved the bodysuit! I hope you keep that
I love all the tops!! Especially the white blouse and green bodysuit, but def return the shorts haha.
It's hard because you want to say yes instinctively but when u deal with anxiety sometimes when the time comes you aren't in the right head space to go then u end up feeling horrible for letting people down. And that just circles.
I love everything you do. I have been working on the schedule for years now. Be patient with yourself ok.. you will get better at it. Ok. Keep up great work.
The loose area of the shorts are the Dad fit, try Mom if that's an option. I prefer non distressed denim so I understand your hesitation. As far as scheduling, I have a hard time too. Definitely keep the bodysuit, I'm sure you can find that cropped sweatshirt ANYWHERE else, I think we just saw that style at Hollister.
Oh poor Max! Yes I think it maybe that he could’ve eaten tulips 🌷 and became sick! You are doing so great Michel! This is truly a new season for you in your life!
I’m continuing to pray for you in this time and the brokenness you’ve gone through!💙🌈💗💚
I adore the black sweater...keep it!! 😊
I always have a calendar to plan upcoming dates for appointments etc. So i avoid double booking .
Mostly a month ahead. Not more
Love the Green top really suits you 🥰
Aww poor max can happen ,hope he is ok now .
Take care 🥰
White shirt looks normal, super cute!!
I think it’s nice that you don’t plan ahead. It lets you live in the moment. I struggle with the same thing. I also can’t plan ahead because of my job. I think not planning ahead is a bit more light on the mind 😂❤️
After my dad died, I felt the same way. I just broke down the tasks that could not be postponed first and then everything else later. It was less overwhelming. I found it super hard to use planners/calendars… I understand. As time goes by, it will get better.
I love the lamp on your dresser. Could you link where you got it?
Hello beautiful friend!!
Just wanted to chime in with my thoughts in regards to feeling overwhelmed with plans occurring further in the future.
As someone who is mostly introverted, working a high stress job, family and friends that live nearby, but far away enough that I can't see them daily, and then having my own hobbies/interests that i want to engage in regularly - I used to be the same and would plan out my weekends months in advance (eg. needing 3-4mths notice to organise a coffee catchup with my friends). And this is with a weekend which would have 6-8 things happening. I would occasionally have a good week, where I would have great energy levels and be keen to socialise, however come the event, I would be drained but feel guilty about rescheduling or canceling plans as they had been organised so far in advance.
Around Nov last year, I had a big emotional burn out and just couldnt cope. I left my job (which I had been thinking about for several months before handing in my notice). Then had 3 weeks off and entered potato mode. Didn't tell anyone I was available and any outings/events I would organise things on a whim depending on how I felt. This was such a great recharge period! Didn't realise I had forgotten what happiness felt like until I had completely decompressed haha.
Over the last few months I've been slowly rebuilding eg. slowly increasing my work hours from 1 day a week to 3 days a week to full time, to see what i can cope with.
And in terms of social planning, I limit myself to 2-3 events per week. Sometimes I will do just 1 social event for the weekend if it's something major (eg our wedding next weekend haha)
This has really helped, because it's minimal enough that I don't feel overwhelmed, but theres still wiggle room so that if something comes up I can fit it in if I've got energy. And if I need to change plans, there's not too many ppl I need to contact to shuffle. I've been very lucky as all my friends are super understanding and most are aware of my bad burnout and my slow integration back into managing adult life. The 2-3 events per week has been a very firm rule for me, and it's helped minimise that anxious feeling, whilst still giving me the chance to organise time to spend with my loved ones.
Hope that helps friend!
TLDR - try to limit yourself to a few events per week. Will allow you to plan, without fitting too much in and feeling overwhelmed come the date!
I love the nail color!
I always looks forward to your vlogs. I love seeing you and Max. 🐶.
Love the shorts. And the safe green body suit
Sage
Love the green body suit and the top of the bathing suit. I too am a high rise with coverage on my booty top. The cropped sweatshirt was cute as well.
I completely understand about the change! I used to be super good about responding to text, ig, Twitter and Snapchat messages and now I’m the complete opposite. All my friends know that it takes me weeks even months to respond to some messages and idk why this huge change happened
I love the basic black sweatshirt!
My last relationship I always had to back up plans for the back up plans, and 3-6 first line plans because I never knew when he'd throw a wrench into things, and having a million plans helped me not have major emotional outbursts or crying fits. It helped prevent a few arguments although not all of them because he seemed like he liked to fight about stuff.
Leaving that disaster I was in pieces. And it was both shocking and terrifying how many unexpected changes happened to me. I'd never loved heights before but suddenly out of nowhere, I couldn't look down from the top of a 1 story staircase in a house without feeling like i was about to pass out. Rollercoasters I loved I can't do anymore. That relationship still figures prominently in my nightmares. If my current SO comes in the bathroom when I'm in the shower it freaking terrifies me, even though there was no actual event based on that circumstance in my before life.
But another big thing is making plans was IMPOSSIBLE for almost 3 years afterwards for me. It was like the part of my brain that makes plans wasn't there. I could not make plans to save my life for over a year. Even something super simple the next day was beyond my ability. It was so strange and unexpected and made putting my life back together so hard.
After a year of that, I got super focused one day, and made my first to-do list since leaving. And then I spent 3 months crying and having panic attacks every time I looked at it. I had this irrational fear and hatred for every item on that to-do list - even though half of it was stuff for me that I find fun or enjoyable.
I'm not sure how long that lasted honestly. But I did start being able to plan and do 2 or 3 things in a week, then 1 a day, then a few things a day.... it got better but it was unbelievably slow.
I'm now 4.5 years out of that relationship and very happy in my current one. We use my calendar on my phone to keep track of appointments etc, I have a to-do list most days, and most days most of it gets done. We talk and make plans for the future together. I'm still not back to what I think of as my original planning normal, and I'm not sure if I ever will be or if I'm just remembering that original normal completely wrong and I'm already there and don't know it.
I still have days that hit me out of no where where my brain does a random revolt and I find myself doing the exact opposite of what we planned and it feels like I can't control it. I don't know what sets these days off, and I don't know how to reign that control in and stop it in the moment. I've always thought of it as how my brain put a cast on that part when it got broken. And sometimes it gets confused and thinks it's still broken or still in the cast.
I don't have any tips for coping. It was something I tried to work through with a therapist and at the end of the day she helped with a lot but that exact issue I just had to wait it out. And the wait was agonizing. But it got better.
Loved your vlog 🙂 Thanks for being you. Have you been to Radio or Barley Bean yet?
Hi Michel, I just read this book that I think would be amazing for you. It's call How to do the Work by Dr Nicole LePera. Especially chapter 3 on redefining trauma. The last six months of your life definitely classifies as traumatic, and through it you have grown so much. This book has helped me so much (as well as the Self Healers Soundboard podcasts which accompany it). Hopefully you find it useful also. Keep being authentic, it's so refreshing ❤️
Yes on the bodysuit!
First off you are awesome. Love your channel💕. Just wondering were you got your sectional and the name of it❤️❤️❤️ you are such a strong person to have gone through what you have. Your an inspiration to all women going through the same situation. Thank you for that…
Great vlog hun! 🙂💖 My rule of thumb with clothes is if I feel even a little insecure or questioning about it when I am at home I will feel that 100 times more in public. I think black top yes, green top obviously yes 🤩🙌, suit and white top were definitely cute but you are the one that needs to love it. Shorts were cute but probably return on those since you did not love them on. 🌺 Having a physical calendar on a hidden wall or inside a pantry door helps me remember things I have going that are a little further out and also helps me remember when to give my pup her monthly meds and such. Moving your whole life, getting a divorce plus accepting your body's limits are hard things to digest. Just because your trauma is not the same as others does not mean it is not traumatic to you. I think you are doing great and say yes to spending time with your family when they come in...promise you will not ever regret it. Hugs darlin'! 🤗💗
I find if I’m overwhelmed with future plans, I will agree to them and then give myself permission to change my mind when the event comes closer