16:00 I was always expecting this to be addressed. Sixteen year-old Lorelei shows up at the Independence Inn as a spoiled brat with no work experience and becomes the best maid they’ve ever seen. How? She grew up watching the most demanding employer in Connecticut and, based on the turnover rate in that household, she’d watched over a dozen top-flight professional maids a year for 16 years. Her professional career success was due to watching Emily play hostess and manage staff her entire life.
It cracks me up how often this show is deconstructed. It seems to be discussed more now than when it was broadcast - I didn’t know a single other person IRL that watched it back then.
@@omarnoory Rory’s character seems to really strike a chord with millennials, especially her failures as a young adult. Truly, this show and Buffy the Vampire Slayer should have wrapped with high school graduation. I stopped watching both after the first seasons related to college life.
Unpopular opinion about the question: how do they afford so much godd*mn takeout. So, I believe it is possible and it comes down to several little things that add up. First, they're skinny and pretty young, so ordering an order of takeout and stretching it out over 3-4 days seems realistic (I certainly did that in my early 30s). Second, we see fruit in their home regularly and Lorelei is even seen eating a bag of salad at one point, so there is some grocery shopping done which brings down the overall cost of food. Then, Lorelei probably has a free lunch at the Independence and then later at the Dragonfly, and Rory probably has a school lunch. Luke also quite likely gives them a wicked discount. So.... I believe it all adds up.
The community is also such good friends with these women that I wouldn't be surprised of the Gilmores got the "friends discount" with many restaurants in Stars Hollow(not sure if I spelled this right). I also wouldn't be surprised if groceries and restaurants gave huge discounts or free food outright because Lorelei was a young single mom and the community wanted to help her out when she first moved there. And she probably got resourceful when first living in Stars Hollow by raiding the hotel kitchen for nearly expired food and you know Sookie loved cooking for them.
You keep talking about Emily and Richard not being that strict - I never saw that being Lorelai's complaint. They are extremely critical of her and make her feel like a constant failure. She engages with them until they criticize her or do something to show how little they respect her choices (eg Luke). That's why she doesn't cut them off completely, but tries to keep them away from all her choices. As someone who grew up with emotional abuse, I relate to her a lot. Also your description of their "love" is how emotional abusers often gaslight - look what I've done for you. it's okay that I just hurt you really badly and never apologized, dismissed your feelings and blamed you for being so unreasonable as to have feelings. Its all ok because look a gift or a gesture that I sometimes think you have feelings. The show points out explicitly - they don't know her or accept who she is, and her choice is put up with that or leave. So she left. The money is useful to her, but it comes at a cost of being constantly told not to love and accept herself, so it's always a last resort.
This is the first time I disagree with TFD. Emotional abuse is abuse and life with parents like that is confusing and not linear. I come from an immigrant family, raised in poverty and religiously abusive - so nowhere close to the gilmore life, but I really empathized with Lorelei. I went no/low contact with my family and even though we're in a better place now, I don't want my family around for my birth in July. They weren't the ones there for me at my lowest moments and often caused them. They aren't my safe place. My husband and the life I have now are. Emotional abusers guilt and gaslight you to make you feel ungrateful and sadly this podcast perpetuates that. Eta - I haven't needed to borrow money like Lorelei, but I too would prefer to pay my parents back if I did because they could never hold it over my head. I 100% paid for my first home I bought when I was single, my engagement party and wedding, and then the larger home my husband and I moved into this year. I never wanted to feel like I owe them. The thing is they'll act very nice and accommodating in some instances, but I don't ever know when they'll play that card (and they will), so I make sure they don't have anything to hold over me ever. It's an anxiety inducing feeling to have people like that "have something over you". They'll always remind you that you got there because of them, often when you're struggling or in a fight. Eta x2 to give an example. I went back to school for my Bachelor's in my late 20s. I was getting really bad anxiety from balancing it all with ft work and I went over my parent's house and was telling my mom about it (why I thought I could be vulnerable with her, idk, but it goes back to emotionally abusive relationships being confusing.. you still seek the connection) and her response was, "Your sister is married and pregnant and working and she's able to get her master's degree". She said it so casually, too, and told me I was being sensitive when I brought up how that was hurtful and unnecessary. What did my dad do? Took all my things (I was staying over for the weekend with my new kitten). Everything down to my cat's litterbox.. and put it out in the driveway and told me to leave because I'm difficult and picking fights with my mom. That is just the tip of the iceburg. Since then I met my husband and moved states away. I also reenrolled in school a year and a half ago and have been charging through with his support and only have 1 more class until I graduate. I also got several promotions at work since that incident. Funny how I thrived when they weren't part of my daily life. Now that I'm succesful with a happy, healthy marriage, they're really nice even they visit and I'm nice back to keep the peace since it's once a year, but they always take subtle credit for me getting here and it's infuriating. I'm here despite them, not because of them.
Congratulations on you almost being done! I'm also working on finishing my degree while working multiple jobs and it can be especially draining and anxiety inducing. I'm also having to deal with emotionally unavailable/abusive relatives that have made comments regarding my going back to school being a waste of time or me not going for a "useful" degree. I had to move 2000 miles away to find work during COVID and I've been extremely lucky to find work I love and means to go back to school after a stressful few years following my move and my family has a habit of being passive aggressive or dismissive about why I don't plan on moving back anytime soon when they bring it up. It's frustrating to have to do so much work on yourself and your circumstances to be in a better place and have important people in your life disregard it completely because they are losing influence over you. It takes a long time to realize you don't have to be around people who make you miserable and it takes strength to set your boundaries. Again, I wish you the best and congratulations!!! I hope you have a lovely holiday season!
In the Great Gatsby, (I don't remember the names sorry) the main character notes that the blind rich lady smells nice, but he couldn't put his finger on why. Gatsby, I believe, replies "She smells like money" And I think it describes why Loreila is so charismatic to others in the serie. She left her family but her family never left her.
I disagree with the idea that Emily and Richard weren’t abusive and that Lorelai would not have gone back if they truly had been. It sounded more like they were emotionally abusive and neglectful when Lorelai was growing up. There are plenty of children who maintain some level of relationship with abusive parents as they try to figure out what makes sense for them. I would argue that Lorelai distancing herself from her parents for so long and then trying to reconnect from time to time actually demonstrated a true perspective for some children who grew up emotionally abandoned but wanted to restructure the family dynamics in a healthier way.
This!!! Lorelai wanted closeness but every time she gave it a chance, seemed to get burned by Emily. Emily strikes me as a narcissist. Richard is a hands off parent who just delegated parenting to Emily, would never step in to protect his daughter. This is a very common dynamic in a family with narcissistic-mother/emotionally-abused-daughter relationship. Fathers don't step in. Lorelai seems like she has fearful/disorganized attachment style. People with that style crave intimacy but also fear it, they run away when people get too close. Hence, Lorelai breaking off engagement and many relationships. This attachment style is common with people who feared their mothers, mothers who were there inconsistently. It all makes sense to me. This show really shows how transgenerational trauma works.
Although I don't think that it's the case in Lorlei's situation, there are plenty of people who will go back to an abusive parent or relative for support if their situation is desperate enough. It happens all the time. Despite everything, it's the devil you know and you're alive, so you think you can manage it until you get a better solution.
Growing up, I thought my parents were the strictest, meanest people in the world. When I left home, I cut off all contact for years, until my siblings cajoled me into visiting home occasionally. But one thing I realized is that their BS did prepare me to live on my own independently. I lived with 3 roommates in a rented house, and I was the only functional adult in the group; within a year, everyone else - with much happier childhoods - had moved back in with their parents. I see a parallel in GG: Lorelai left home at 16 and managed to live on her own with a child fairly well. Rory was indulged pretty much from minute one, as much as Lorelai could manage, and couldn’t make it her first day away from home.
@@epbrown01 you know, it's funny you say that. I had such a shitty childhood, but that made me such a functioning adult. I traveled the world, bought a townhome at 29. Met my now husband at 30. I built my career from nothing, went back to school for my Bachelor's 2 years ago at 32 (one more class till I graduate!). Worked full time in my career and got a promotion while going to school full time. I'm very scrappy and a hard worker and as I've gotten into my 30s, that hasn't gone unnoticed. In my 20s, when others "standard" measures of success were trumping mine, it did. As much as I hate that it took poverty, abuse, and dysfunction to gain these traits, it has paid off. A lot of people I know with a standard middle class background have started to falter around me and I have to wonder if it's because they had resources and a safety net. I did things the way I did because I knew I couldn't rely on anyone but myself. On the other hand, my husband was raised comfortably (not rich, but college and extra curriculars were covered), with financially responsible parents. He is extremely hard working and was able to make it in the "real world" - but he was raised on a farm so has had to work hard physically all his life. Maybe that helped? All this to say, we're expecting our first in July and this is a huge concern for me. Our child is going to be raised in a home with 2 parents that are able to emotionally and financially provide and I worry about the long term effects it will cause. I don't want my child to struggle like I did, of course, that's why I worked this hard.. but I want them to be self reliant.
Y'all are making backpacking sound really dangerous and expensive. It honestly isn't. A road trip across the US is more expensive. Hotels in the US are more expensive than hostels in Europe. Plus you have gas for driving. We don't have as many walkable cities, plus they are more expensive for lodging if in a big walkable city and staying near the city center. It's only cheaper in the US if you are tent camping and staying in state and national parks. Otherwise Europe backpacking is cheaper. I solo traveled for four months in SE Asia for $5500 including my $1500 roundtrip plane ticket from US To Singapore in 2013. And this is with all private rooms in hostels. Backpacking is difficult for the wrong personality. It isn't for everyone.
Yes as someone from the U.K it's crazy to me that they think backpacking round Europe was too dangerous for two women to do by themselves in the 00s but that a road trip across America would be totally fine. Of course getting to Europe would be expensive and Americans don't get much paid time off. But back then you'd get an inter-rail ticket and sleep on night trains as often as you could to cut the costs. You'd stay in youth hostels which are pretty cheap places to stay and Rory would have got a discount due to her age. Camping is not really viable without a car as most of the EuroCamp sites aren't that accessible by public transport. I don't think anyone would have hitchhiked across Europe by the 00s but it used to be a fairly common way to travel cheaply before then.
Honestly, really disappointed in TFD for their takes in this podcast. I've always loved their takes and understanding of people that grew up differently than themselves, but so much of this podcast seemed very sheltered, naive, and close minded.
@@zahrakassam2559 I guess it's a matter of perspective. America is a car culture, Americans feel safe in their cars and a lot of the time they don't have any choice but to drive. In Europe walking, cycling and using public transport is common for people in every walk of life. It's even common amongst car owners for its convenience. It's also subsidised by many European governments so public transport is a very affordable way to travel. We consider it to be very safe so I was astonished they thought backpacking round Europe would be unsafe for women in the 00. From a British/European perspective America seems incredibly dangerous. If I had a teenage daughter I would have no qualms letting her travel in Europe on her own but I would have some serious concerns letting her drive across America...
@@kinolibby6580 I'm American born and raised, but I spent a lot of my 20s traveling solo as a woman, so it just felt very sheltered for them to say that. I'm really glad I did.
My mom's relationship with her mom was very much like Lorelai and Emiliy's. Just not that warm and fuzzy (or wealthy.) When my grandmother did something for you, she made sure you lnew it and you owed her. That's how I see Emily. It's difficult being the rope being pulled between two people who have similar personalities but different goals and values.
I think a lot of the issues addressed are to do with the popular pseudo feminism of the early 00s. Cooking yuck how un-feminist. Healthy eating and exercise yuck totally un-feminist (although you better not be fat cos that's even more yucky). Girls can achieve anything but you'd better not want it too much like Paris, you have to wait for it too fall in your lap because genuine ambition is off puttingly masculine...
Having your kids go to college has been sold as “you are a successful parent if your kid(s) get a degree” especially to families that haven’t had anyone go to college. My parents were like that, trying to “break the cycle” and PROVE that they broke it, and what better way to show that than having all your kids get degrees? They didn’t care where we went or what degree we got or how much debt we were drowning in, because now THEY were successful. I got shoved into college before I was old enough and had enough life experience to understand my controlling parents did not have my best interests at heart, they just wanted to be able to brag about me. And that’s what Lorelai was doing, just wants to brag she got Rory into Harvard on her own and take the credit for it when she doesn’t really know how to make that happen as far as stuff like having extracurriculars
My position is that you're a successful parent if your kids never pay rent. You make it an attractive option to stay living rent-free with you until they've got a decent income and saved up at least the deposit to buy their own first home. Whether they have a formal education or earn their money in some other career is their own business - what you're giving them is financial security, and their money going into their own savings and not some landlord's profit margin. If they stay living with you until they can either buy that first home outright, or they've bought it and rented it out until the mortgage is paid off, bonus points.
@@tealkerberus748 i like your thinking, but nowadays it is increasingly difficult to get a job that pays you enough to save up and buy your own home outright, but having a good amount for a deposit on a home makes it easier. My husband and I bought our first house at 25 and 27 and paid it off in 7 years. But we didn't go on any big trips in that time, no new cars and put every last cent into the home loan. But today's young people would rather go on flashy holidays and drive giant cars and have designer clothes. If you have kids i hope that they appreciate what they do for you 😊
@@tealkerberus748 eh I've seen this backfire. Leaving the nest is important. It teaches you life skills. If you're in a mortgaged house before you've stumbled through the process of living on your own, that can prove to be extremely overwhelming. I know people that have done just that and it's like going from 0-100. They need to learn how to be an adult and be responsible for a very binding contract and maintenance and everything else in one go. I'm glad I went through living with roommates, then on my own for several years before buying a house.
55:39 “if we have to stop the show for our characters to go to work, that’s not something we want to deal with…” 👏👏👏👏 Depictions of working class are so vastly under portrayed. Kudos to TFD for taking this on with more than once!!
You have no idea how much a Trust Fund and assumed inherited wealth turns things toxic. While I agree the actions are a bit over the top (it is for tv) when I watched it with my own daughter we picked apart most of Lorelai's character as the actual problem.
Wouldn't Lorelei have purchased the house with a subprime mortgage, given the timeframe? The house and the takeout hot takes are always the most lukewarm for me in terms of (rightly) critiquing class and economic choices on Gilmore Girls, especially since we literally hear Rory complain about Lorelei cooking when she's not working while the Dragonfly gets up and going, and talks about her cutting coupons and "scrimping."
As a person who has never watched the show in question, it would be great to see more different footage rather than the same small loop. Analysing their interior design and what I like and don't like about it is quite entertaining.
This was a podcast. It was not intended to be a video analysis. I suggest you listen to it while doing chores and search other sources for a visual analysis. I get it, I find the loop annoying, too. But on the bright side… yay, I can simply listen and do stuff!
@@eride79 Getting up to do things for that much time isn't something I can do now. I was knitting, and with a simple pattern I really don't need to look at my work very much. I wasn't looking for the podcast to give a visual analysis, I just want visuals I can analyse my own responses to while I listen and knit.
I always thought that the “they never cook” was more of a joke, than reality. Like a self deprecating joke “oh no, we never cook, we’re so bad!” when they order out on weekends. But then they cook during the week. Also, how did they stay so skinny if they ate only fast food, takeouts and sweets? 😅 I would be bloated!
What near failing to valedictorian? Valedictorian requires perfection. The entire time. You can't have a single A-. You have failed. Ideally you take zero risk. If there are weighted grades you play games. For example, you don't play an instrument because the best grade you can get in most musical programs is a 4.0. Which is a loser's GPA in a school with weighted grades. You obsess over class choices. You study how various teachers grade. No risks.
What never made sense to me financially is how she was able to buy her own inn just one year after taking a loan to fix her house because of termites. She wasn’t even able to get that loan on her own and one year later she has enough money to buy an inn?
And it's SO MANY people that have this view! For years, you would get dragged if you didn't think Emily was the most devilish manipulative mother in the world.
*People don't understand that the prices of things are never going back down. This inflation is deeper than we think. Those buying groceries are well aware that the real inflation is much over 10%. The increments don't match our income, yet certain investors still earn over $365,000 in stocks and assets. Wish I could accomplish that*
Having an investment advisor is the best way to go about the stock market right now. I was going solo, but it wasn't working. I've been in touch with an advisor for a while now, and just last year, I made over 80% capital growth minus dividends.
Financial planning is like navigation. If you know where you are and where you want to go, navigation isn't such a great problem. It's when you don't know the two points that it's difficult
Very possible! especially at this moment. Profits can be made in many different ways, but such intricate transactions should only be handled by seasoned market professionals.
I'm surprised that you just mentioned and recommend Mr. Aaron the crypto entrepreneur, I met him at a conference in 2017 and we have been working together ever since.@@Official_Rvcamping1
Yay, Princess Weekes! I never started watching Gilmore Girls until seeing all of these UA-cam deconstruction videos. I only watched the first season and was like this show doesn't make sense. They dined out a bunch. Lorelai was annoying. Rory was annoying. I also didn't have the childhood nostalgia and watched it as a 30-something adult. But I enjoy the reviews. 🤣
Yeah, but honestly I think a lot of it is culture: the show came out in 2000 and ran through 2007. I think it was much more acceptable back then because the culture has evolved a lot since. There were tons of teen shows between 1995 and 2005 that we would deem ridiculous now. 😅
@@tacrewgirl In my opinion, for example the teen love stories. I researched the Chilton years and Dean was extremely controlling. When he gets controlling and jealous Lorelai encourages Rory to ask him for forgiveness and go back to him. We would never have seen this in 2024.
I’m probably a little younger than your demographic but I’ve never seen Sex and the City or Gilmore Girls and never hear about them either so I’ll be honest, I skip these videos (as someone who will almost skip nothing of someone I sub to). I would be potentially interested in similar content for a show I’ve seen though so I appreciate the work to these videos.
@ 36:00… I am fascinated by people who say they found the teens in teens shows attractive I never did. In fact the older I get the more “age appropriate” my taste in men becomes. Still May December, but a smaller gap.
lorelai was an entitles spoiled narcissistic brat. thats really all that show was about but she 'charming'- if she was a dude she'd just be Elliot Roger basically. Later in the series, Rory turn into the same character which is hilarious. Everybody hated Paris initially but she was basically the same character type with a mean girl streak
16:00 I was always expecting this to be addressed. Sixteen year-old Lorelei shows up at the Independence Inn as a spoiled brat with no work experience and becomes the best maid they’ve ever seen. How? She grew up watching the most demanding employer in Connecticut and, based on the turnover rate in that household, she’d watched over a dozen top-flight professional maids a year for 16 years. Her professional career success was due to watching Emily play hostess and manage staff her entire life.
It cracks me up how often this show is deconstructed. It seems to be discussed more now than when it was broadcast - I didn’t know a single other person IRL that watched it back then.
I’ve never watched the show but I have watched probably a dozen video essays about it for some reason 😂
it's also just bizarre to deconstruct. it's a perfect example of escapist television. people like it because it does not depict reality.
@@grreeeeee I suppose any series can be analyzed but it being so far removed from reality is what makes it fun.
@@omarnoory Rory’s character seems to really strike a chord with millennials, especially her failures as a young adult. Truly, this show and Buffy the Vampire Slayer should have wrapped with high school graduation. I stopped watching both after the first seasons related to college life.
I watched it in high school
Unpopular opinion about the question: how do they afford so much godd*mn takeout. So, I believe it is possible and it comes down to several little things that add up. First, they're skinny and pretty young, so ordering an order of takeout and stretching it out over 3-4 days seems realistic (I certainly did that in my early 30s). Second, we see fruit in their home regularly and Lorelei is even seen eating a bag of salad at one point, so there is some grocery shopping done which brings down the overall cost of food. Then, Lorelei probably has a free lunch at the Independence and then later at the Dragonfly, and Rory probably has a school lunch. Luke also quite likely gives them a wicked discount. So.... I believe it all adds up.
The community is also such good friends with these women that I wouldn't be surprised of the Gilmores got the "friends discount" with many restaurants in Stars Hollow(not sure if I spelled this right). I also wouldn't be surprised if groceries and restaurants gave huge discounts or free food outright because Lorelei was a young single mom and the community wanted to help her out when she first moved there. And she probably got resourceful when first living in Stars Hollow by raiding the hotel kitchen for nearly expired food and you know Sookie loved cooking for them.
You keep talking about Emily and Richard not being that strict - I never saw that being Lorelai's complaint. They are extremely critical of her and make her feel like a constant failure. She engages with them until they criticize her or do something to show how little they respect her choices (eg Luke). That's why she doesn't cut them off completely, but tries to keep them away from all her choices. As someone who grew up with emotional abuse, I relate to her a lot. Also your description of their "love" is how emotional abusers often gaslight - look what I've done for you. it's okay that I just hurt you really badly and never apologized, dismissed your feelings and blamed you for being so unreasonable as to have feelings. Its all ok because look a gift or a gesture that I sometimes think you have feelings. The show points out explicitly - they don't know her or accept who she is, and her choice is put up with that or leave. So she left. The money is useful to her, but it comes at a cost of being constantly told not to love and accept herself, so it's always a last resort.
I left a similar comment, but you articulated it much better. So much this!
Yeah, they completely miss the point.
This is the first time I disagree with TFD. Emotional abuse is abuse and life with parents like that is confusing and not linear.
I come from an immigrant family, raised in poverty and religiously abusive - so nowhere close to the gilmore life, but I really empathized with Lorelei.
I went no/low contact with my family and even though we're in a better place now, I don't want my family around for my birth in July. They weren't the ones there for me at my lowest moments and often caused them. They aren't my safe place. My husband and the life I have now are.
Emotional abusers guilt and gaslight you to make you feel ungrateful and sadly this podcast perpetuates that.
Eta - I haven't needed to borrow money like Lorelei, but I too would prefer to pay my parents back if I did because they could never hold it over my head. I 100% paid for my first home I bought when I was single, my engagement party and wedding, and then the larger home my husband and I moved into this year. I never wanted to feel like I owe them. The thing is they'll act very nice and accommodating in some instances, but I don't ever know when they'll play that card (and they will), so I make sure they don't have anything to hold over me ever. It's an anxiety inducing feeling to have people like that "have something over you". They'll always remind you that you got there because of them, often when you're struggling or in a fight.
Eta x2 to give an example. I went back to school for my Bachelor's in my late 20s. I was getting really bad anxiety from balancing it all with ft work and I went over my parent's house and was telling my mom about it (why I thought I could be vulnerable with her, idk, but it goes back to emotionally abusive relationships being confusing.. you still seek the connection) and her response was, "Your sister is married and pregnant and working and she's able to get her master's degree". She said it so casually, too, and told me I was being sensitive when I brought up how that was hurtful and unnecessary. What did my dad do? Took all my things (I was staying over for the weekend with my new kitten). Everything down to my cat's litterbox.. and put it out in the driveway and told me to leave because I'm difficult and picking fights with my mom. That is just the tip of the iceburg. Since then I met my husband and moved states away. I also reenrolled in school a year and a half ago and have been charging through with his support and only have 1 more class until I graduate. I also got several promotions at work since that incident. Funny how I thrived when they weren't part of my daily life. Now that I'm succesful with a happy, healthy marriage, they're really nice even they visit and I'm nice back to keep the peace since it's once a year, but they always take subtle credit for me getting here and it's infuriating. I'm here despite them, not because of them.
Congratulations on you almost being done! I'm also working on finishing my degree while working multiple jobs and it can be especially draining and anxiety inducing. I'm also having to deal with emotionally unavailable/abusive relatives that have made comments regarding my going back to school being a waste of time or me not going for a "useful" degree. I had to move 2000 miles away to find work during COVID and I've been extremely lucky to find work I love and means to go back to school after a stressful few years following my move and my family has a habit of being passive aggressive or dismissive about why I don't plan on moving back anytime soon when they bring it up. It's frustrating to have to do so much work on yourself and your circumstances to be in a better place and have important people in your life disregard it completely because they are losing influence over you. It takes a long time to realize you don't have to be around people who make you miserable and it takes strength to set your boundaries.
Again, I wish you the best and congratulations!!! I hope you have a lovely holiday season!
In the Great Gatsby, (I don't remember the names sorry) the main character notes that the blind rich lady smells nice, but he couldn't put his finger on why.
Gatsby, I believe, replies "She smells like money"
And I think it describes why Loreila is so charismatic to others in the serie. She left her family but her family never left her.
I disagree with the idea that Emily and Richard weren’t abusive and that Lorelai would not have gone back if they truly had been. It sounded more like they were emotionally abusive and neglectful when Lorelai was growing up. There are plenty of children who maintain some level of relationship with abusive parents as they try to figure out what makes sense for them. I would argue that Lorelai distancing herself from her parents for so long and then trying to reconnect from time to time actually demonstrated a true perspective for some children who grew up emotionally abandoned but wanted to restructure the family dynamics in a healthier way.
This!!!
Lorelai wanted closeness but every time she gave it a chance, seemed to get burned by Emily. Emily strikes me as a narcissist. Richard is a hands off parent who just delegated parenting to Emily, would never step in to protect his daughter. This is a very common dynamic in a family with narcissistic-mother/emotionally-abused-daughter relationship. Fathers don't step in.
Lorelai seems like she has fearful/disorganized attachment style. People with that style crave intimacy but also fear it, they run away when people get too close. Hence, Lorelai breaking off engagement and many relationships. This attachment style is common with people who feared their mothers, mothers who were there inconsistently. It all makes sense to me.
This show really shows how transgenerational trauma works.
Yeah, this podcast seems to be very interested in victim blaming because Lorelay has "priviledge".
As a emotionally abused child, I find these misconceptions all the time. Many people think abuse is only physical stuff.
Although I don't think that it's the case in Lorlei's situation, there are plenty of people who will go back to an abusive parent or relative for support if their situation is desperate enough. It happens all the time. Despite everything, it's the devil you know and you're alive, so you think you can manage it until you get a better solution.
Growing up, I thought my parents were the strictest, meanest people in the world. When I left home, I cut off all contact for years, until my siblings cajoled me into visiting home occasionally. But one thing I realized is that their BS did prepare me to live on my own independently. I lived with 3 roommates in a rented house, and I was the only functional adult in the group; within a year, everyone else - with much happier childhoods - had moved back in with their parents.
I see a parallel in GG: Lorelai left home at 16 and managed to live on her own with a child fairly well. Rory was indulged pretty much from minute one, as much as Lorelai could manage, and couldn’t make it her first day away from home.
@@epbrown01 you know, it's funny you say that. I had such a shitty childhood, but that made me such a functioning adult. I traveled the world, bought a townhome at 29. Met my now husband at 30. I built my career from nothing, went back to school for my Bachelor's 2 years ago at 32 (one more class till I graduate!). Worked full time in my career and got a promotion while going to school full time. I'm very scrappy and a hard worker and as I've gotten into my 30s, that hasn't gone unnoticed. In my 20s, when others "standard" measures of success were trumping mine, it did.
As much as I hate that it took poverty, abuse, and dysfunction to gain these traits, it has paid off. A lot of people I know with a standard middle class background have started to falter around me and I have to wonder if it's because they had resources and a safety net. I did things the way I did because I knew I couldn't rely on anyone but myself.
On the other hand, my husband was raised comfortably (not rich, but college and extra curriculars were covered), with financially responsible parents. He is extremely hard working and was able to make it in the "real world" - but he was raised on a farm so has had to work hard physically all his life. Maybe that helped?
All this to say, we're expecting our first in July and this is a huge concern for me. Our child is going to be raised in a home with 2 parents that are able to emotionally and financially provide and I worry about the long term effects it will cause. I don't want my child to struggle like I did, of course, that's why I worked this hard.. but I want them to be self reliant.
Yes, they fail to understand the perspective and emotions of actual abuse victims. Its shockingly ignorant.
This is the best Christmas present I’ve received since childhood. Thank you, TFD.
Didn't Richard pay for the Europe trip by giving Rory "birthday money" like three times?
And I don’t see Richard giving less than at least a few Franklins.
Wasn’t that for Fez?
Y'all are making backpacking sound really dangerous and expensive. It honestly isn't. A road trip across the US is more expensive. Hotels in the US are more expensive than hostels in Europe. Plus you have gas for driving. We don't have as many walkable cities, plus they are more expensive for lodging if in a big walkable city and staying near the city center. It's only cheaper in the US if you are tent camping and staying in state and national parks. Otherwise Europe backpacking is cheaper.
I solo traveled for four months in SE Asia for $5500 including my $1500 roundtrip plane ticket from US To Singapore in 2013. And this is with all private rooms in hostels.
Backpacking is difficult for the wrong personality. It isn't for everyone.
Yes as someone from the U.K it's crazy to me that they think backpacking round Europe was too dangerous for two women to do by themselves in the 00s but that a road trip across America would be totally fine.
Of course getting to Europe would be expensive and Americans don't get much paid time off. But back then you'd get an inter-rail ticket and sleep on night trains as often as you could to cut the costs. You'd stay in youth hostels which are pretty cheap places to stay and Rory would have got a discount due to her age. Camping is not really viable without a car as most of the EuroCamp sites aren't that accessible by public transport. I don't think anyone would have hitchhiked across Europe by the 00s but it used to be a fairly common way to travel cheaply before then.
Honestly, really disappointed in TFD for their takes in this podcast. I've always loved their takes and understanding of people that grew up differently than themselves, but so much of this podcast seemed very sheltered, naive, and close minded.
@@zahrakassam2559 I guess it's a matter of perspective. America is a car culture, Americans feel safe in their cars and a lot of the time they don't have any choice but to drive. In Europe walking, cycling and using public transport is common for people in every walk of life. It's even common amongst car owners for its convenience. It's also subsidised by many European governments so public transport is a very affordable way to travel. We consider it to be very safe so I was astonished they thought backpacking round Europe would be unsafe for women in the 00. From a British/European perspective America seems incredibly dangerous. If I had a teenage daughter I would have no qualms letting her travel in Europe on her own but I would have some serious concerns letting her drive across America...
@@kinolibby6580 I'm American born and raised, but I spent a lot of my 20s traveling solo as a woman, so it just felt very sheltered for them to say that. I'm really glad I did.
At 20:00 - They lived at the Inn for free 10 years before she bought her house.
My mom's relationship with her mom was very much like Lorelai and Emiliy's. Just not that warm and fuzzy (or wealthy.) When my grandmother did something for you, she made sure you lnew it and you owed her. That's how I see Emily. It's difficult being the rope being pulled between two people who have similar personalities but different goals and values.
I think a lot of the issues addressed are to do with the popular pseudo feminism of the early 00s. Cooking yuck how un-feminist. Healthy eating and exercise yuck totally un-feminist (although you better not be fat cos that's even more yucky). Girls can achieve anything but you'd better not want it too much like Paris, you have to wait for it too fall in your lap because genuine ambition is off puttingly masculine...
Having your kids go to college has been sold as “you are a successful parent if your kid(s) get a degree” especially to families that haven’t had anyone go to college. My parents were like that, trying to “break the cycle” and PROVE that they broke it, and what better way to show that than having all your kids get degrees?
They didn’t care where we went or what degree we got or how much debt we were drowning in, because now THEY were successful.
I got shoved into college before I was old enough and had enough life experience to understand my controlling parents did not have my best interests at heart, they just wanted to be able to brag about me.
And that’s what Lorelai was doing, just wants to brag she got Rory into Harvard on her own and take the credit for it when she doesn’t really know how to make that happen as far as stuff like having extracurriculars
My position is that you're a successful parent if your kids never pay rent. You make it an attractive option to stay living rent-free with you until they've got a decent income and saved up at least the deposit to buy their own first home. Whether they have a formal education or earn their money in some other career is their own business - what you're giving them is financial security, and their money going into their own savings and not some landlord's profit margin.
If they stay living with you until they can either buy that first home outright, or they've bought it and rented it out until the mortgage is paid off, bonus points.
@@tealkerberus748 i like your thinking, but nowadays it is increasingly difficult to get a job that pays you enough to save up and buy your own home outright, but having a good amount for a deposit on a home makes it easier. My husband and I bought our first house at 25 and 27 and paid it off in 7 years. But we didn't go on any big trips in that time, no new cars and put every last cent into the home loan. But today's young people would rather go on flashy holidays and drive giant cars and have designer clothes. If you have kids i hope that they appreciate what they do for you 😊
@@tealkerberus748 eh I've seen this backfire. Leaving the nest is important. It teaches you life skills. If you're in a mortgaged house before you've stumbled through the process of living on your own, that can prove to be extremely overwhelming. I know people that have done just that and it's like going from 0-100. They need to learn how to be an adult and be responsible for a very binding contract and maintenance and everything else in one go. I'm glad I went through living with roommates, then on my own for several years before buying a house.
Sending this to the Gilmore Girlies ASAP
55:39 “if we have to stop the show for our characters to go to work, that’s not something we want to deal with…” 👏👏👏👏
Depictions of working class are so vastly under portrayed. Kudos to TFD for taking this on with more than once!!
Lorelei was rebelling for the sake of rebelling sometimes, even if it would be wiser and better for her daughter to not.
You have no idea how much a Trust Fund and assumed inherited wealth turns things toxic. While I agree the actions are a bit over the top (it is for tv) when I watched it with my own daughter we picked apart most of Lorelai's character as the actual problem.
Wouldn't Lorelei have purchased the house with a subprime mortgage, given the timeframe? The house and the takeout hot takes are always the most lukewarm for me in terms of (rightly) critiquing class and economic choices on Gilmore Girls, especially since we literally hear Rory complain about Lorelei cooking when she's not working while the Dragonfly gets up and going, and talks about her cutting coupons and "scrimping."
As a person who has never watched the show in question, it would be great to see more different footage rather than the same small loop. Analysing their interior design and what I like and don't like about it is quite entertaining.
This was a podcast. It was not intended to be a video analysis. I suggest you listen to it while doing chores and search other sources for a visual analysis. I get it, I find the loop annoying, too. But on the bright side… yay, I can simply listen and do stuff!
@@eride79 Getting up to do things for that much time isn't something I can do now. I was knitting, and with a simple pattern I really don't need to look at my work very much.
I wasn't looking for the podcast to give a visual analysis, I just want visuals I can analyse my own responses to while I listen and knit.
I always thought that the “they never cook” was more of a joke, than reality. Like a self deprecating joke “oh no, we never cook, we’re so bad!” when they order out on weekends. But then they cook during the week.
Also, how did they stay so skinny if they ate only fast food, takeouts and sweets? 😅 I would be bloated!
Because they’re cool girls.
Can you say "suspension of disbelief?"
Backpacking in Europe is so much cheaper than doing a road trip in the US, are you kidding me?
What near failing to valedictorian? Valedictorian requires perfection. The entire time. You can't have a single A-. You have failed.
Ideally you take zero risk.
If there are weighted grades you play games. For example, you don't play an instrument because the best grade you can get in most musical programs is a 4.0. Which is a loser's GPA in a school with weighted grades. You obsess over class choices. You study how various teachers grade. No risks.
It depends on the school honestly. I came from a school where it was hard to get As. Some schools have grade inflation, others dont.
My mother is like Emily Gilmore. I totally understand Lorelai. She takes bad decisions sometimes. But she just want a identity by herself.
What never made sense to me financially is how she was able to buy her own inn just one year after taking a loan to fix her house because of termites. She wasn’t even able to get that loan on her own and one year later she has enough money to buy an inn?
Didn’t Luke give her money?
@@ashleyrogers1930wasn't Luke's loan something like 30'000 dollars? I never got it: like, in what world would 30k make a difference?
It's crazy to me that people think that Richard and Emily are abusive.
And it's SO MANY people that have this view! For years, you would get dragged if you didn't think Emily was the most devilish manipulative mother in the world.
Lorelei and Rory ate out in big portions 3-4x everyday! 🤯
*People don't understand that the prices of things are never going back down. This inflation is deeper than we think. Those buying groceries are well aware that the real inflation is much over 10%. The increments don't match our income, yet certain investors still earn over $365,000 in stocks and assets. Wish I could accomplish that*
Having an investment advisor is the best way to go about the stock market right now. I was going solo, but it wasn't working. I've been in touch with an advisor for a while now, and just last year, I made over 80% capital growth minus dividends.
Financial planning is like navigation. If you know where you are and where you want to go, navigation isn't such a great problem. It's when you don't know the two points that it's difficult
Very possible! especially at this moment. Profits can be made in many different ways, but such intricate transactions should only be handled by seasoned market professionals.
Mr. Aaron demonstrates an excellent understanding of market trends, making well informed decisions that leads to consistent profit
I'm surprised that you just mentioned and recommend Mr. Aaron the crypto entrepreneur, I met him at a conference in 2017 and we have been working together ever since.@@Official_Rvcamping1
She copied Lindsay I think 4:41
Princess Weekes omgomgomg
Yay, Princess Weekes!
I never started watching Gilmore Girls until seeing all of these UA-cam deconstruction videos.
I only watched the first season and was like this show doesn't make sense. They dined out a bunch. Lorelai was annoying. Rory was annoying. I also didn't have the childhood nostalgia and watched it as a 30-something adult.
But I enjoy the reviews. 🤣
Yeah, but honestly I think a lot of it is culture: the show came out in 2000 and ran through 2007. I think it was much more acceptable back then because the culture has evolved a lot since. There were tons of teen shows between 1995 and 2005 that we would deem ridiculous now. 😅
@ What part of the show made sense back then?
@@tacrewgirl In my opinion, for example the teen love stories. I researched the Chilton years and Dean was extremely controlling. When he gets controlling and jealous Lorelai encourages Rory to ask him for forgiveness and go back to him. We would never have seen this in 2024.
I’m probably a little younger than your demographic but I’ve never seen Sex and the City or Gilmore Girls and never hear about them either so I’ll be honest, I skip these videos (as someone who will almost skip nothing of someone I sub to). I would be potentially interested in similar content for a show I’ve seen though so I appreciate the work to these videos.
@ 36:00… I am fascinated by people who say they found the teens in teens shows attractive I never did. In fact the older I get the more “age appropriate” my taste in men becomes. Still May December, but a smaller gap.
ARE WE in a World wide quiet depression economically you know what I mean?
No.
definitely not quiet
lorelai was an entitles spoiled narcissistic brat.
thats really all that show was about but she 'charming'- if she was a dude she'd just be Elliot Roger basically.
Later in the series, Rory turn into the same character which is hilarious.
Everybody hated Paris initially but she was basically the same character type with a mean girl streak
I don't understand TFD'S obsession with this show as well as Sex in the City
Hey! Why don't you do another video about how smart you are for not buy bitcoin?