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The Dark Side Of Mainstream Dating Advice
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- Опубліковано 16 сер 2024
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Almost all of our expectations about love and relationships have been set by Hollywood.
The problem is that these movies are putting absurd ideas into your mind about what love really looks like, which can lead to some boneheaded decision making, maybe even ruining what could have been a great relationship.
So in this video we’ll look at 8 ways Hollywood ruins your relationships.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:32 - #1: Movies train us to substitute emotional intensity for emotional quality.
2:09 - #2: The perfect person will magically take interest because they see the real you deep inside.
3:20 - #3: Love at first sight
4:13 - #4: Love, in Hollywood, is proven by ignoring explicit rejection.
5:43 - #5: Giving large unrequested gifts as a way to make amends.
7:14 - #6: Pursuing someone who is currently in a relationship is romantic and not at all doomed to failure.
8:12 - #7: Suffering, dependence and self sacrifice are all treated as indicators of love.
9:22 - #8: A romantic relationship is the solution to the problem of life.
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#CharismaOnCommand #DatingMistakes
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The fact life is not complete unless we have a romance, is the single worst lesson Hollywood teaches us. It causes so much pain and suffering. The work has to be done on our own, single. Not to be saved by someone else. Amen brother.
Thats why relationships fail, no one has worked on themselves and have very little to offer outside of selfish insecurities
Read ancient literature. It's full of cases where love is regarded one of the highest thing.
"A husband and wife that truly love each other are the mightiest force in the world." Literally the Odyssey.
Rasgonras they would call that being blue pilled today
@@jaredmello Yeah you definitely did everything by yourself. It's not like you had parents or anything. Do you even know what love is? If people weren't so self centered, then relationships would work. But these days people are far more narcissistic than what they used to be, that's a fact. People only care about themselves
Mr. Gilbert all I mean by alone is not in a romantic relationship. No need to be so aggressive and make so many assumptions about me. Rude
Do people forget that Romeo and Juliet is ACTUALLY called *The Tragedy Of Romeo And Juliet??* It’s a tragedy. Not a romance.
That's true. Their common tragic flaw seems to be that they "idolized"--that is, "made idols of"--each other.
And of course, ppl tend to make sacrifices to their idols
It doesn’t matter how something is intended it matters how people perceive it...it was meant to be a cautionary tale but the masses turned it into a romantic tale
I thought Romeo and Juliet was a romance, but now I realize . . . it's a tragedy.
@Sassy Sue it could be just schadenfreude.
"Why there are no men dating and loving us like in the movies?"
"There are, but they are all in prison for stalking and sexual harashment Karen."
They get put in the friendzone
Shexual harashment. *ghost of Sean Connery nods approval*
My wife and I were watching some romcom and she asked why I and other men never pursue women like in the movie, because it's so romantic, and I tell her it's because we literally are told it's stalking and sexual harassment to ask more than once.
The entire romcom genre is basically confusing psychopathy with romance.
That's why women love it.
@@lavimaiko7168 👁👄👁 lmao
I don't care for romcoms
I’ve seen too many women saying that they want a relationship like what Joker and Harley Quinn have. 🙄
@@lavimaiko7168 Speak for yourself. I never once liked romcoms.
Hollywood romances are no better exemplified than by actors in real life, and we see how long their relationships last.
I think the companies control their lives, and decide that.
@@liberpolo5540 interesting point tbh
😅😅😅😅😅
Half of them aren't real relationships though.
@@galaxysnot6276 It just adds to the point
And everyone is set for life once they enter a relationship. The "happy ever after" myth overlooks the rocky road that a relationship is.
Xanthippus Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the UA-cam film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 I hear you but one thing Peter Parker is actually Spider-Man so nerd or not that goes a long way. Either than that I get what you’re saying. I think once you take some emphasis off finding love like the movies push you’ll realize things tend to happen smoother you may actually stumble upon love
@@Juanderful1 I don’t say this often as much as I should, but I appreciate and respect your reply. Can you elaborate a little bit more on your advice if you don’t mind? Especially when connecting and viewing movies. And about Pete getting ladies cause he’s Spidey going a long ways.... well, I will have to respectfully disagree because in the early Lee/Ditko comics, he got Liz Allen’s attention and she had no idea about him being Spidey. Gwen Stacy never originally knew Pete was Spidey even after she died, and in Spectacular, Peter was mostly getting all the ladies, and nobody knew he was Spider-Man.
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 totally right I guess I’m referring more so to current movie adaptations of Spidey because comics is a whole different animal. Thanks for responding back. Is that what you were asking?
@@Seasonal-Shadow_4674 comics wise you’re right they had no clue so technically it shouldn’t matter but it does because regardless of them knowing, he still knows who he is and what he’s capable of. Being confident and believing in yourself can make a huge difference.
I have busted into like 3 ex girlfriends weddings to tell them i want them back. Hasn't worked yet but i feel as if its all a numbers game and will work eventually.
You told 3 of your ex girlfriends that you want them back? Seriously, you must be going through some severe low period in life.
😂😂😂😂 lmfaooo wow I really hope this is a joke
Maybe you should busy into the maternity ward when they're delivering their first kid. That'll do the trick.
Dark Star King that would make a great movie
Keep us updated how it goes!!!
9:51
"You complete me."
- The Joker (and also Jerry Maguire)
And Boris the Animal
I thought of Joker, too!
@@HMSBreadnought ITS JUST BORIS!!
I don't care what people say, The Notebook is overrated. Their relationship is just so toxic.
@@user-tc3zj5cr5u funny how men and women can look at the same movie in different ways(generalizing of course) for a lot of women it's one of their favorites, for men we see that dude as being desperate and a stalker.
Perfect. I've been saying this for years. Most just call me a cynic. Drama/fighting isn't a sign of a good romance. It doesn't mean it's "passionless" when couples communicate healthily. Thanks.
_It doesn't mean it's "passionless"_
If that is "passion", I want none of it.
I agree so whole heartedly with this. I'm actually really surprised to hear that people don't realize this.
Right. Stories are much more interesting when external forces that are relatively out of the character's control creates the conflict rather than the characters themselves causing drama because they're crappy people.
Imagine a movie that has a plot revolving around someone following Hollywood’s love tactics but they become a creep
I'd watch that!
So you want a psychopathic stalker film?
Lord Freeza basically
There's the series You.
Jon-Philip A There's a Korean movie named "My ordinary love life" and it's pretty similar to that plot. You can find it on UA-cam
Things that make me love my husband more
- He tells me things I need to hear but don't want to hear
- He tells me to call my mom
- He challenges me and pushes me to do better
- He supports me when I feel down
- He helps me get perspective
- He laughs and cries with me
- Even when I'm complaining about my family he says "they will always be your family" (he doesn't agree with me just to please me)
- he sent me a card, just to make me smile
- he does chores because he truly believes that we share everything in life (not how I grew up)
- he is radically honest, even if it hurts sometimes, because lying, cheating and hiding only lead to more hurt later
He does to me, he makes me feel... You are in love in what he can do to you. Not him.
@@ironguide7096 maybe you read what you want to read. It's incredible arrogant to write something like that to a complete stranger, when you know literally nothing about my relationship with him. I started my comment with "things that make me love my husband MORE". This is not an exhaustive list.
But I guess it made you feel superior, so go ahead and enjoy that
I'm sorry, if you felt offended. I did not meant one. I'm happy, if you are both happy. That's the only thing that matter.
My ex husband didn't do any of these things. That's why he's my ex.
@@ironguide7096 Everyone shows love in different ways and feels loved by different things. Look up 'love languages' before you start judging people.
"Something that could make for an uninteresting movie can make for an incredible relationship." Wise words
I beg to differ, the Pixar film UP is an amazing movie.
I don't care what people say, The Notebook is overrated. Their relationship is just so toxic.
CrystalJo Yes. I couldn’t understand why people said they loved that film, and I wouldn’t press them for reasons. Love Actually, P.S. I love you, etc. I mean, for me personally, my favorite scenes from the romantic films that I could finish are between family, like Landon reconciling with his dad in A Walk to Remember 😭 Now that’s love!
And it perpetuates, romanticizes, and idealizes that relationships should be built on that toxic foundation.
Same with Twilight & 50 Shades!!
Jealousy, possessiveness, stalking, alienation = "love?"
I. Do. Not. Think. So.
Totaly! The message of the notebook movie is evil!
I agree I don't get what the hype is about. I thought I was the only one who hates it.
Isn’t Romeo and Juliet more of a “Don’t do what these guys did” kinda story?
Indeed it is.
They teach you in school about that story for a reason.
Yes. But almost no one gets it. Me included. I needed to be told this
@@joydeepbhattacharjee3849 same
They both died... so yeah, don’t do it like them
I needed this video in my teenage years. This should be thaught in school.
CoC: "No one's going to pick you if you're morose and uninteresting"
My Depression: See I told you!
Im being facetious here, but you definitely missed the mark on that point. I've had self-confidence issues my entire life, and see myself as uninteresting and not put together. But in the relationships I've been in, the other person saw something attractive and worth loving, despite the fact I couldn't see it. I came into both of my relationships partially by happenstance, just being there in that person's life at the right time when I wasn't looking for anything bc I felt I wasn't capable or desrving. For people who never ended up having a relationship, this message will just feed the negative thought loops and drag their self-worth down.
You don't have to be a risk taker, or incredibly passionate, or a big hunk, orbe aggressively pursuing someone to find love Sometimes you'll just meet someone who just finds you interesting, and showing that you're interested in them can get the ball rolling. You can build a relationship through comfort and kindness, being the person willing to be there for them when they need refuge from the world.
@Ham Sammich Projecting what?
@@Tom-sx4tw sorry bois i had a brain fart.
@@iliakatster but you need to eventually see yourself in better light and heal your depression to be able to keep a relationship.
It's a blessing to have someone see us so positively and love us like that. But it takes personal growth to keep moving with these people...
Actually, some people are looking for partners that are morose and uninteresting, for their own reasons. There is someone for everybody.
What you need to ask yourself is do you want to be in relationship with the sort of person that wants a morose and uninteresting person. If yes, then be. If not, then change yourself.
My girlfriend of about 1 year broke up with me the other day. I cried about it to my friends, but surprisingly... I think it was a good thing, and I'm afraid to admit it to myself. This video I think made me finally realize that romance ISNT what movies make of it, and I think I surprised myself by realizing we're both in a better place as growing people.
Hunter Korando
Yeah, besides, if you guys weren't planning on getting married, then you shouldn't be surprised.
@@liberpolo5540 we both agreed that marriage in its current form isn't a good thing, so I don't think we were going to get married ever, but I definitely saw myself spending the rest of my life with her, and while I hoped she felt the same, i guess I'm wrong in this case.
Hunter Korando
Actually, I DO think marriage (being loyal to your love) is a precious thing, but it's SO much so that it should be treated with great caution and respect.
Dr.'sorders
Words of wisdom.
Right on!!
"Until you are alone without loneliness , you are not ready for a relationship"
Neil Strauss - The Truth
I'll just file this under "Things I wish I had listened to in my 20s"
@Hysen Berisha I gave him his 201st like. Beat that.
Thats popular lies. Todays culture and ecnomy is aimed at single person. Those sort of beliefs will be reinforced in the future. But you cant fool yourself.
@@Seabee156 309. How about that?
@@amaurimedici8030 322
Robert Pattinson: I can't be with you Bella
Bella: Why ??
Pattinson: BECAUSE I AM BATMAN!!!
Nice!
Is that movie still gonna be made? If so I can't wait.
@@blackgobbogaming4236 nice rhyming there
This is the best one
Because I’m vengeance would fit better
I'm so glad to finally hear someone say what I've been saying for years. Loving and accepting yourself is the true basis of happiness. The old saying, "treat others how you want to be treated.", is a natural outgrowth of my premise. If you don't love and accept yourself, how could you possibly love and accept others? Moreover, how could you possibly accept the love and acceptance of others, if you don't do that for yourself?
Well, I got 25 years of media brainwashing to undo.
I can honestly say I have bought into every single one of these tropes.
It is never too late to change.:)
I find that when you get older more people begin to understand that love is about giving time and energy to someone selflessly. And not so much about a fickle amazing stomach feeling that you mostly get from people that end up hurting you.
I always say that the best way not to be influenced, is to know you're influenced. That's really a big step most people can't make ("well I, am not influenced by advertising AT ALL").
We are all easily influenced. Knowing that makes you notice why you have some stereotypes and how it could change your behavior. If you know it doesn't come from YOU, then it's totally different to your mind.
Are you one of those who start drama when the relationship is going "too well" just so you can create obstacle for love to overcome?
My friends too. When I told them that I don't want an engagement ring because I don't need it and I believe there are better ways to spend the money they were like: "don't say it to your boyfriend or he won't buy you a ring!!! Everybody wants a ring!" Also, apparently, the bigger and the more expensive ring he buys, the more he loves you 🤷
@@polarsikelen Yeah that's one of the biggest crap capitalism has made us swallow
i agree with most of your last comments, however reality has proven humanity feels loneliness when alone. ive been alone, living alone, working alone, for years. and i just want a friend. a romance would be nice, but a true friend would be great.
Ill be ur friend:)
Lets talk bro :)
I was gonna comment on that part of the video. Humans are hardwired to be social. We usually crave company, relationships and intimacy. Being happy in yourself is great, but giving your best to someone else is what love is about
@@Salokin92 hiya :P
@@einarandrefriis-olsen3939 aw you guys are great :P
Man this video explained literally everything about how I view relationships. Hollywood truly has brainwashed me.
i agree with most of it. However family can be quite taxing as well and just as relationships are sold from a dependent foundation. So can family, sometimes family isn't necessarily considering your time, improvement or mental state and sometimes it's a must to explore the world or a relationship without them.
This is SO POWERFUL! So many of us don't realize how much our culture manipulates us to the point where we think that romance is everything. It's NOT! We don't need to make a scene to ask somebody out. We don't need to abandon our friends and family to have a serious romance. We don't need to be the dramatic badass to keep someone interested. And Yes, straight men and women CAN have deep friendships, and those who think otherwise are the ones who are easily swayed by hollywood. Great video, Charisma. I hope this gets millions of views.
Its all about perception
💣💣💣
Yes deep friendships with straight friends for sure
Nomadic Mic Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the UA-cam film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
Humans are cultural creatures.
There is a very beautiful Japanese poem from around the year 1000 that reads something like this: For your sake I was willing to lay down my own life, but being with you now makes me wish for long years together
Love
thanks, I'm stealing this
@@Toppu I'm pretty sure the copyright has expired already, so don't worry about it, lol
@@francescogulisano2917 what's the title of the poem, by the way?
@@Toppu It has no proper title, in Japanese it reads: "Kimi ga tame/oshikarazarishi/inochi sae/nagaku moganato/omawazarikeri" if I'm not mistaken. It is part of a collection of 100 poems called the "Ogura Hyakunin Isshu"
"Love can be so transformative, that even when a relationship ends, both parties are happier, better people for having experienced it...but of course, that lacks dramatic swing so we don't see it on screen." Actually, we did at least once. it's the pretty much the closing statement of the movie Her, which is why it's probably the greatest romance of this generation.
I wonder if Jerry and Elaine would agree. 😋
All good points here. And it has always bothered me when the script writers often justified or skipped over the immoral act of a main character stealing their loved one from another just because they are supposedly more of a "right person" for them.
TL;DR: Hollywood's representation of relationships is toxic and often emotionally and physically abusive.
No wonder people like me have a screwed up impression of romance.
ClokworkGremlin
It's hurtful, and makes us do things we really regret the rest of our lives.
Yea, no wonder I can't stand and romance movies, it just makes me sick to my stomach
ClokworkGremlin Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the UA-cam film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
And who keeps the genre going? Women. In short, women secretly WANT a passionate, volatile relationship. The fantasy part is that those relationships can actually work out.
*The entire Twilight franchise has left the chat*
Luana Ls 😆
I can't imagine how many teenagers went through terrible relationships or failed at relationships because of that saga.
Cinemasins: f*ck Twilight
Twilight who?
Such an abusive relationship - and then you have the badly-written former fanfiction of it, 50 Shades.
Seriously, my ex-fiancé was just like Edward/Christian, except he was a 5 foot 8 inch tall overweight man that turned on the charm offensive.
If said 50 Shades was entitled 50 Shades of Fat Joe the Night Worker, I doubt anyone would find it sexy.
"There are so many singles out there" yyyeeaaahhh there's really not, though. Not where I live anyway. People see single life as a punishment, can't enjoy their own company and would rather be unhappily married or in a random relationship to avoid being alone than owning it until they find the right person.
So true. Breaking out of that conditioning was the start of my life.
@@kungfuman82 Mine too. Congratulations, it actually is an amazing step.
I actually disagree here, if you are fine being single you will be not willing to be in a relationship, Hookups-yes relationships-no
Relationship is a big hassle and source of infinite problems so you need to have a huge motivation to stay in relationship even with the person you love
I also think that's a myth too - "finding the right person". I think the "right person" is just idealized and makes it seem as if a certain person doesn't check-off certain arbitrary qualities/characteristics, then you can simply dismiss them.
@@Michael-ke8on
"Right" does not necessarily "mean someone who fits your fantasy criteria"
you need someone who at least has compatible moral values and goals as you have or else your relationship will turn into exploitation where someone will be constantly complaining that someone is doing too little and another will be complaining that someone is demanding something irrelevant.
Like I would not mind marrying a woman who wants children but I don't want children and don't want to take any responsibility If I mary such a woman she will be constantly nagging me that she has to do all the work and I don't help because I don't value what she does and don't care about that stuff she cares about.
As someone who’s been in a very happy relationship for 24 years (12 married, 2 kids), I can say this video is 💯 % true!!! 👏👏👏
I guess what Narrator is trying to say :
*Love is a Feeling NOT a Person*
Stop ignoring friends and family for attractiveness(mistaken as love).
And to expand on that, love is a choice not an instinct. You can't accidentally fall in love with someone, you can either choose (consciously or subconsciously) to love or you can fall in obsession with someone.
Truth
@@uprisingsun9105 and to expand on that, especially with teens, infatuation.
Love is an action, more like a decision.
Love is an action
“To say ‘I love you,’ one must first know how to say the ‘I.’”
-Ayn Rand
Cody LaDuke
The first rule in any relationship is RESPECT
Cody LaDuke Omg I’m rereading that book now (I’ve read it about 5 times in the last 2 years lol). Love that quote.
Oh friend, I don't know if the founder of objectivism is the best to give advice on love
@@StraussMax Better go and grab your baby. You threw it out with the bath water.
Not necessary in Spanish
"You...complete...me."
"You're garbage that kills for money."
"She needs you now, but when she's done, she'll cast you out... Like-a-leper"
Lol!!! The ultimate couple
Batman and Joker - so romantic! 🥺
Have you danced with the devil in pale moon light!
Aagh! I am DYING from all the LOVE! AHHHHH
If we learn from movies then the person who says “I’m not good for you, I don’t want a relationship” may be just waiting for you to insist, as he/she learned in movies. I mean, I always took people for their word, I do not insist, but after 28 years being like this I realized there are some situations and people that insisting is necessary. It still hard for me, tho, but I’m learning! Insisting is a way of showing how much you want it (without being creepy/stalker) and mostly in business, damn, it becomes necessary.
Yea and sometimes it's hard to determine whether you should insist or not
He insist-Dutch
I'm learning as well. I insisted, then just let go. You just have to feel when it becomes obsession instead of wanting. Need to leg go of some goals, if the person doesn't seek you out, you shouldn't do it for her and stay consistent with yourself.
Insisting is terrible. It shows you lack options, that you don't accept rejection and that you depend on another person. Also, even if a woman is OK with you insisting and later becomes your gf, she will be more eager to manipulate you and to get what she wants, because she knows you depend on her judgement to act and that you are below her level... So, no... insisting won't do any good and it's better to move on to someone who really likes you just as you are at the moment you meet her.
@@gustavolimon432 I was going to write more or less the same. If a woman says "no" expecting the guy to insist, then she is a player. If she is honest, she might just admit she is unsure, and both agree to get to know each other a little. But yeah, people playing mind-games is not my kinda people.
But some people like players. So i guess they just need to find each other.
So you're saying I can't make my donkey mate with a dragon?
Do what you want, nobody is stopping you.
👀
@UnknownPlayer what gave you the idea that I didn't get the reference? That was kind of a rude reply.
Ah. A fight brewing around.
@@uglytuco3079 Nah, too much work.
Sooooo good. 👏🏼 I literally saved this video on a special playlist to show my daughter one day when she is a bit older.
🔥🔥🔥
this is super smart! good on you. the earlier in life this can be learned, the better off one will be for it.
Hehe! You are the most farsighted woman I have come across in YT comments. 👍
@@rohitmitruka haha thanks!
Absolutely true. I wish I had realized this several years ago. All of these tropes have led me to make more than a few bad decisions when it comes to relationships.
Actually the thing with pursuing a girl who's unavailable is something i needed to hear. I went after this girl for like about a year not knowing what pain i would cause myself by doing this. Thank you. I am now letting go..paths always cross twice in life.
Indeed. Pursuing women is not romantic at all. It's very... How should I say... Soy?
This is why you simply shouldn't follow certain life advice from movies.
Except for Lord of the Rings. If you want a movie that explores love in a healthy and mythological way, LotR is the best.
It is one of the great themes of the movies and I always am inspired to become a better person because of it.
In the end you see no scenes of worship in LotR, since the flame imperishable is within each of the character, what ultimately drives characters is a faith in each other.
That is why there still remains hope if the fellowship stays true to eachother.
The mustache guy...
You watch every video I do
No rule is universal. Something may apply. Drama just happens by itself. If you care for someone deeply it's hard to balance. Hovewer it's more like minimizing drama.
The real problem is that so many women you date are trying to live the Hollywood script.
*The notion that you are only one half of a puzzle that needs completion is the biggest lie there is about romance. It's wise to know about the roles that you assign for others to fulfill and learn to fulfill them for yourself.*
Agreed!!
I rarely, if ever do anything with videos after watching them. I believe this video is something really wonderful and wish I had this as I was growing up. Being such an influential kid, I was trying to mimic the kind of love in movies and couldn't understand why it wasn't working.
I'm glad that people growing up today can see videos like this and not go through the same unnecessary pain I did throughout my love life. Movies might try to mimic the feeling of life, but movies are not real life. I hope future generations will learn to realize that.
You guys do wonderful work. I'm glad that you can shed some light on subjects like this and even give good examples with the various movies. Keep it up! I'll be rooting for you!
I have a feeling I have to watch this over and over again, and study this. This is great material!
Though Romeo and Juliet is more of a warning tale, rather than an endorsement of that kind of love... I heard
Yeah, "these violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, just like fire and powder which as they kiss/explode , consume."
Hmm,
It was also written as a comedy.. Not a romance.
⚡⚠️⚡
Maybe, but it is considered as one of the greates love stories of all time and big chunk of other romance stories are basically retelling of this one, so... potential author intention in this case was beaten by readers interpretation.
Charlie out here spitting straight facts
He's getting savage and harsh. I like it
@Jay L are you on crack? Meth?
How can Hollywood give us dating advice when they can't get their pedophile/sexual assault rings in check?
I've been doing self healing for a few months and your videos hits all the jackpot! The kind of movies I used to enjoy, now I can see how it was so toxic and can't stop asking why it charmed so many people. Healthy relationship is so underrated it's actually sad :(
Just started watching someone who deconstructed Twilight for its toxic love patterns. The idea of someone killing themselves for lack of love. Movies have always dictated for me how love should go, and unsurprisingly, I'm single. So, love yourself first before waiting on someone to fill that void for you
That and you are named Juliet. 😅
*"fighting for a woman"* repels her faster than a bear running from a skunk
I'm stealing this.
How much time per day do you spend commenting on different channels?
😩😩😩
It's ok to fight with obstacles. Hovewer mutual attraction should be from the start. You shouldn't try to win her attention. As I see it. Someone who fights and comes as a winner attracts naturally. But not because he fights for women.
@@imhungry7639 I'm guessing at least half his day
This video is one of the best you guys have done. You guys (along with others) have helped me a lot in going from a social outcast with Aspergers, into someone with a lot of friends and a girl on his dance card 😂
More people need to see this video. The content is so important.
The pain aspect is a deeper philosophy than you describe here. It's about when giving in to love you accept the fact that you will suffer when it's over. Whether it's a break up or death after a life long relationship accepting love also accepts loss.
I'm sure they're much rarer, but, since I'm a movie buff, could you do a video on romance (or really life in general) where insightful movies get it right?
Pascal Scherr 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG lol
The office has a good natural relationship in Jim and Pam
Don Jon, it actually makes a good point in the end
My ex was playing out this crap. Made me lose respect and love of her.
Lmao I thought you said your wife... I was like 💀
dude...my ex love and live by twilight. For her the ideal love is what happened between bella and the sparky boi
It wasn't her fault. If she didn't have good examples of healthy romantic relationships growing up (parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc) then she turned to movies and books. Most women under 40 are like this. It's videos like this that help us become conscious of ourselves and our behaviors.
Grillidan,
I wouldn’t make such a sweeping generalization about women not being able to handle their true selves. Women, by nature, are more intuitive and introspective than men are. However, many women are unconscious of their behavior patterns. There is absolutely no way for them to know what they’re doing unless they see a therapist, learn about psychology, or watch videos like this. I’m not excusing bad behavior, just giving an explanation for it.
@@Rvu72
You dodged a bullet there bro.
Ughh where was this video 6 years ago when I was a toxic "nice guy" saying and doing the things Hollywood told me were romantic
"What you call love was invented by guys like me. To sell nylons."
Don draper 😀
Madmen tv show really exemplifies what love is through selling it like Hollywood. Sadly, not enough madmen comments.
Exactly!
I’ve noticed this happens in other aspects of life too. Like people create drama out of nowhere that seems almost like a bad sitcom
Gil M exactly
Does anyone remember "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Give me a break, Hollyweird.
It's a bit true. When you need to say sorry it's drama. When it feels good there not much need in saying sorry. When you have mutual understanding
@@warpspeed8305 nope, saying sorry and meaning it is an important relationship skill.
@clearest blue i agree. Same time I can see why "Love means never having to say you're sorry." If you have understanding it's rarely needed.
To quote Howard Bannister:
"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard"
Laurie Tyler Facts and they say “art reflects life” well not everybody ends up in a romantic relationship with the love of their dreams. Hollywood and the UA-cam film community need to stfu about that. I mean people say Peter Parker is super relatable but he always gets these hot chicks who are way above his league, that usually doesn’t happen to every nerd that ends up a loser. And that’s why it’s irritating to watch every single movie, even ones I enjoy like Deadpool and Baby Driver have so much damn emphasis on romance that I can’t relate to and it’s frustrating where the majority praises and “relates to that”. One of the billion reasons I HATE Society and Humanity.
I used to go confused as to What people mean by you need to love yourself before you can love others, but the way you explain it on here makes a crystal clear
FINALLY someone said it! I've been thinking these things for SO long without finding _anyone_ who could confirm whether it made sense or not.
Guilty of making some of these myself😁Glad I pushed out of a toxic relationship to truly find myself!!
Zenperial
The first rule on ANY relationship is RESPECT!
Liber Polo That was one of the big lessons I learned..not only respect for each other but also respect for yourself!
😅😅😅
Acharich Speaks 🤷♂️
How to do a romance right: They can do just fine on their own. They're just better when they are together.
Another reason why books are often better than movies.
@@Ranger1741
"Read the manga" but seriously the movies cut out so much that's why the books are truly better.
My friend started dating a girl with low self esteem and she opened up to him and told him that she's insecure about her looks and she thinks she is ugly. He said the classic "You're perfect to me." This was like the third date or something. That was also their last date. She knew right away that he was trying to take advantage and was just trying to make her feel pretty to get her in to bed. Smart girl.
Excellent breakdown and editing you did a good job.
I wish I had this video to reference when I was a teen. I’m now learning for myself in my 30’s 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ that REAL LOVE is (usually) NOTHING like the movies.
Very rarely
*_THIS VIDEO IS A GREAT PUBLIC SERVICE!_*
*_My life until my 30's was sabotaged in many ways by mainstream media!_*
Yes, for many years of drama, I've experiencing a matura approach, one that the other is a universe, something meaningful like me. I've stopped being selfish. Charisma on Command has so many things right.
"Something that would make for an uninteresting movie can make for an incredible relationships".
Good one, Charlie!
This video just blew my mind , 6 months ago I've ended a relationship , which I've come across to realize , I've went through it like it was at the movies , it led to me suffering , long time after the breakup and I realize that yeah those were experiences and it was love , and it was a suffering love , that I forced myself to have it in order to be completed.
Thank you Charlie.
You are a great speaker. Just wanna say I like your perspective on things. Keep the videos coming 👍
💯💯💯
So true! Thank you for pointing all this out! Not sure why Hollywood wants to ruin people’s relationships so much by giving such unrealistic examples...
I like the tale of the knight who had to prove his love to a princess, where she told him he had to wait for her on a chair outside her castle for a full year. The knight sat and waited, day after day through all kinds of weather, where the princess could see him to prove his loyalty and love. After a year had past, on the last day when the princess was to come down to meet the knight, he got up and walked away.
I mean, "Still a better love story than Twilight" is literally a meme, so if you're taking romantic advice from that movie series you're going to have a bad time
Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser.
My own version is pain makes you grow, fear makes you wiser and heartbreak makes you feel more human.
chocolate makes you fat
IF you can figure it out, and not let it break you. there is the happening of people in pain adopting 'victim' MINDset and sometimes blaming, unbounded fear turning people anxious, paranoid and untrusting, even learned helplessness and lastly heartbreak could turn some bitter, paranoid and untrusting (again) and keeping people at arms length, killing the love within. not trying to argue your point because you are SO right, but this is also what can happen from that.. we must have greater awareness of self and understanding of humankind and society to ensure we dont fall into the well of self destruction.
@@dll7658 That's also a nice way of thinking.
@@wanderingintime Very well said!
I think what makes it exciting is that hollywood romance turns relationships into adventures. It's the classic story of the hero applied to romantic life. You leave your friends and family behind to discover the unknown and after some ups and downs return happy and fullfilled.
As a person raised by movies and series this took me so long to understand this, and i went through so many toxic relationships totally worth it of movies, but that caused me so much pain.
Learning to love myself and inprove myself every day had left me single for over 2 years but happier than ever with the best relationship with my family and friends
This is an amazing video brother and this problem goes even deeper than Hollywood. The belief that love requires suffering, sacrifice, and pain has been espoused by Christ’s death on the cross as the ULTIMATE example of love in the Christian faith. Part of me still sees something so beautiful about the idea that one’s willingness to suffer or endure pain reveals the level of love you have for another, while a more objective side of me now sees the negative implications of this kind of belief. I am working to undo that belief so I can live with less ups and downs in my relationships. As you said, I will actively choose emotional QUALITY over emotional intensity. Thank you Charlie
Excellent point, I just realised how many times I was told about Christ sacrificing himself for us 😮
This goes for popmusic, tv shows, basically any form of 'mainstream' entertainment. Don't listen to any of it
Some music is ok. That describes how it feels :-)
I'm so glad you made this video. People need to understand predatory romance is precursor to abuse if not abuse itself.
I want to direct people to the “Before” trilogy (Before Sunrise, Sunset and Midnight), those movies are the most realistic depictions of falling for someone I’ve ever seen. Sure, they speed some things up because each one takes place in a day, but there are no grand gestures of love or anything, it’s all just two people finding a connection within each other by talking.
I know you literally just lectured me to NOT follow the advice of movies for love, but Baby and Debra in Baby Driver are goals...
The worst is when they romanticize not having personal boundaries👎🏼
Movies sell dreams. It's their job to sell dreams.
Oh man, this hit home. I’ve been struggling a lot with my dating life lately and you make some really good points!
Whenever I bring observations like this up I'm called a crank.
Thought I was alone on this 😪
From *_Titanic_*
Rose falls more deeply in love with Jack.....
As he freezes to death in the icy Atlantic waters despite Rose floating on a door big enough for the both of them.
And she only knew him for 2 days
Jack truly brought out the best in Rose though. He helped her find the courage to live her own life unbound by anything or anyone. When we see her photos at the end of the movie, we can see that even though he was gone, she had a long and very fulfilling life. That is how you do a romance right. Whether they end up together in the end or not, the two have to bring out the best in each other and they still have to be strong on their own.
@@silverstarlightproductions1292 I think you might be missing the point.
@@jeremymenning56 No I got the point. I'm just tired of people dissing their relationship.
@@silverstarlightproductions1292 Yes, this is a healthy relationship. There are so many Manic Pixie Dream Girls and women Stuffed into the Fridge to inspire the man, but here they talk to each other and connect. He lets her make her choice telling her that she has to save herself.
I confided in my best male friend that me and my boyfriend of 7 years was going through a rough patch-not a break up. He somehow saw it as an opportunity to confess his love for me. Trust me it wasn’t like in the movies. I felt awful and the boundaries of our friendship shifted. I explained that by boyfriend comes first I think he hoped by saying this I would somehow leave my boyfriend to be with him and run off into the sunset together (Again like your video taking movie scenarios) He was gutted when I said no and has been weird with me since. Yes it’s flattering but when it’s your best friend who you see like a brother it’s gone so weird now I miss our friendship and never wanted to think I was leading him on. We’ve known each other a long time and I miss just being friends with him. I really enjoyed your videos and it’s crazy how much movies have influenced us into thinking what and how we should treat love xxx
Just watched this and realized it was uploaded on my birth date. It's just a little over a month before my 11th wedding anniversary. I'm really thankful for my parents, my husband, my children. Very thankful for our peaceful life together. It's so sad seeing movie characters and then people in real life follow the "drama recipe" and do not appreciate a simple and peaceful life. Some people even feel weird or look down on people who are just having a peaceful life.
People, waking up in the morning, content with yourself, being responsible and having a responsible spouse to hug and to support you and you support them is amazing. Cherish that if you are married. No need to look for drama or tragedy.
Thank you Charlie for talking about this.
Oh, I've waited for this so long. Finally someone has stated that!
Finally a bigger channel acknowledging the mainstream misinformation about relationships. Thank you man, bless you.
P.S. You got fans in Athens, Greece 🇬🇷
🔥🔥
Tyler Christopher Jaxon
This channel has taught me SO many scenes !
9:05 this is represented in the movie marriage story, they break up in the end, but they still love each other and take grace on the time they spent together. But in the day to day they dont fell satisfied so divorce is the only solution, its a great movie to watch really recomend it!
My rule is just never use any of the the things you see in fiction in real life
Lala land shows a couple who healthily move on after a rollercoaster relationship.
Hat tip at Casablanca
Thanks CC I needed this today, been dealing with dark thoughts and just being reminded on the the true virtues of love helped deeply
This video was deeply therapeutic. It gave me something to chew on as I reconsider the cynicism from years of profound disappointment.
I was just thinking about this after watching your video about steady/fearful/anxious person ... and I’m like I always pick the bad ones cause I don’t have a good role model of relationships and I blame that on movies haha cause I want a lot of movies. So I need to see this video thanks
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
It Says distance is not a barrier for blessings,
I Receive it amen.
You should write for one of these movies
I wish every body was forced to watch this video. So many people are addicted to dramatic relationships with people that aren’t compatible with them.
A few days ago a girl in my class who always seemed to be neutral on me as a person, asked me if I had a girlfriend. I was confused, answered that I don't and immediatly asked why she asked, she just said "cuz you're hot".
Wtf does she mean?!? I dont know what to do!!
The break up was one of my favourite rom coms for this reason. They had great sexual and romantic chemistry, but the balance of effort was too different and they needed to separate to grow as people- so they stay broken up