Not really Just teased a little bit when I was in kindergarten because I was very tomboyish (I’m trans) and lived in Russia (kids are raised very conservatively there)
Oh, yes, absolutely. All through my school life I was bullied. And I don't have any very good answer as to how to stop or prevent bullying, so I'm hoping your show may have found some ideas.
This is appropriate timing. Currently having a bunch of people harassing me on insta because they think I "deserved" being bullied as a kid. They think that it can't possibly be because I was queer, I must've said something or been a jerk. (Which is still no reason to beat up a child)
I was bullied for pretty much all of my school age years, but what really sticks out was my grade 9 french class where a grade 11 in the same class targeted me for an entire semester and the teacher never even moved our assigned seats despite it majorly disrupting class every day (the rest of the students, even my friends, thought he was funny and encouraged him). The next year that kid was part of the group leading an anti-bullying assembly and I almost cried.
Not ruthlessly bullied but consistently teased throughout my childhood for being ‘different,’ has definitely had an effect on how I view things. Excited for this episode.
Also I feel like the: "just don't let it get to you" advice is really harmful. It's kind of akin to: "don't stoop to their level". Both led me to believe that I was fine, as long as I was staying calm and 'being the bigger person' and basically just letting it happen rather than fight back or get help.
Thing is, it genuinely doesn’t get to me. I can hardly go anywhere at school without being aware of people slagging me off or insulting the fact that I’m a neek or that I’m autistic or that I’m gay. But I don’t see anything wrong with the things that they bully me about, so I don’t care.
@@BestFriendsWhoLiveTogether If it is that way for you, that's probably great. I used to like myself despite of the bullying but I still walked away from it, feeling like almost everyone else was gonna disagree with me about my good qualities or even my intrinsic worth as a human being. So I ended up feeling, like all interaction was somehow likely to be hurtful or confrontational so I developed a pattern of anxious avoidance that has left me now, like 16 years later, actually at a point where I don't like myself a whole lot and am batteling depressive episodes that have been reoccuring ever since then
I find this question strange to answer because if I think logically about what I experienced, it was bullying but no one ever told me that I was being bullied or recognised it as bullying. And so saying “yes I was bullied” feels like I’m being dramatic even though I was very clearly bullied and it is something that has effected me.
in middle school a few students in my class bullied me. like sometimes they would treat me nicely, but im pretty sure it was so they could copy my work (which i let them because i didnt wanna cause any trouble and make them treat me even worse), but then other times they'd just say racist things at me. it didn't help that i was the only chinese kid in that class so it felt weird whenever the topic we were learning was about china or something. or even when the word "chinese" came up, i sort of brace myself for the stares of my classmates (and especially my bullies and whatever comments they might make) at that time i didnt think it got to me too much since i had a good friend group, but as i got older (and also got exposed to anti-asian stuff in recent years), i tend to think back at those moments in middle school. i realized this quite recently, but i think society tends to view anything chinese as like, "bad" or "dirty". (people always wanna talk about china's government and other related things, but like, what do i, a chinese american, have anything to do about that? it feels like ppl just wanna disguise their racism in these moments honestly lol) or even seeing a random cute dog/cat video sometimes, and a (sometimes) chinese person appears, people make disgusting comments about us eating them, which then just ruin the whole video for me, and my mood for a few minutes or so id feel like if i mention to anyone i was chinese, id get disgusted looks or judgement. and yknow that kinda screwed with me mentally. even saying the word "chinese" makes me feel horrible, like chinese new year for example, id happily say lunar near year instead well, that was long, but yknow, sometimes these moments kinda stick with you into adulthood. bullying sucks
As someone who has PTSD partially from bullying, this episode was really good and means a lot. Even just hearing someone talking about longer term effects and validating my experiences.
Mistreatment by my peers throughout primary & secondary school has seriously damaged my mental health, my view of myself, and how I interact with others. It was also a huge factor in me dropping out of 6th form. As an adult, I'm coming to realise that a lot of this mistreatment was because I am autistic (just beginning the process of getting a diagnosis now). I wasn't chosen because I reacted, I'd go out of my way not to respond to it in any way - this did not make them leave me alone. It was not due to weakness either, I was bigger than all of the girls in my class & bigger than most of the boys - this fact did nothing to deter them. There were several teachers who knew full well how I was being treated (1 because I told them, others because it happened in front of them) - nothing was done. I also had a teacher who would join in with the bullies & ridicule me in front of the class, nothing was done about him either. If you derive enjoyment out of upsetting someone else who has done nothing to you, regardless of if you're a child or an adult, you're an objectively bad person. I don't have any sympathy for what may have been going on in my bullies home lives. Suffering yourself is not an excuse or a reason to inflict suffering on others. I didn't socialise with other kids much before I started nursery school, and I struggle with understanding & saying/ doing the right thing in social situations - this has never lead to me being cruel to others. If a child's instinct when faced with another child is to be cruel to them, then there's a hell of a lot more wrong with that child than just a lack of socialisation. I grew up with a parent who mistreated me (verbally & physically) - this did not lead to me mirroring this behaviour. If a child cannot understand that behaviour that hurts & upsets them will hurt & upset others (& that that is a bad thing), then there is more wrong with that child than simply being raised by unpleasant people. I think it'd go a long way to changing how people view bullying if we referred to it as what it actually is - it's abuse. This change in terminology is also helpful to victims. It feels shameful & stupid to say, as a 26 year old, that I was "bullied" as a child & it still affects me. Conversely, I don't feel ashamed to say that I was abused (verbally, emotionally, and physically) by my peers throughout my childhood & that it still affects me. What needs to change is that teachers need to be mandated to do something about bullying when they find it is happening (the same way they're mandatory reporters for other sorts of abuse), and held accountable when it's found that they knew bullying was happening & did nothing. Police need to be allowed to treat crimes as crimes, regardless of where they occur (if a child gets punched *in school*, that is still assault. If a child has something stolen from them *in school*, that is still theft, ect.).
I had this experience in elementary school where my teacher was very good at his job, and took bullying very seriously. My class was very wild with lots of kids with attention problems, but it was a surprisingly alright place to be for a kid despite how it looked to parents Next door class? Model students, not a peep in class unless spoken to - and a huge bullying problem among the girls. Kids almost died. I think about my old teacher a lot. I'm so grateful.
I was bullied at school for a long time by my female classmates. My mum used to always tell me that it was because they were jealous of me (I had very good friendships with most of the boys in my class and it was a small class of just 13 people), but looking back at it I can see that the bullying was because the girl who was leading this was very spoilt and wealthy. She also really didn't like the fact that I couldn't speak English and this was a constant source of amusement for her, especially since I couldn't express what she was doing to my teachers. When I moved to the UK, there was an event where I found myself being almost a bystander to a very horrendous case of bullying, where one of my classmates beat up the younger sister of her friend, filmed it and posted it on Instagram. This happened because the older sister made fun of the fact that my classmate's mum had cancer - it was a really messy situation. This was so different from the type of bullying I experienced, I did not know how to react in such a violent situation. Bullying comes in such different forms and for such different reasons.
I have 2 things to note. I've been bullied a lot when I was a kid. Targeting people that don't fight back doesn't have to be the case. I had aggression problems as a kid when I was bullied I would cry or get angry but that was the reaction they liked. It was me not fighting back with wit but with fists. And I was stronger then most kids just not everyone and not stronger then 3 of them together. The advice of go to an adult and tell someone until they do something about it. I did I got this advice but it didn't help. Bullies got in trouble we had anti bully campaigns nut it didn't stop. Nobody helped me with my problems of the emotional regulation and my insecurities. We live in a world with bullies it's easier to help the bullied kids to deal with bullies by themselves instead of trying to stop bullying.
I have been bullied and I'm a teacher who has witnessed a lot of bullying. I teach secondary level maths and what I see most of is really insidious bullying that isn't as simple as hitting or teasing. A lot of the bullying is intimidation through being super "nice" and giving a lot of attention to others who don't want it. This is often in addition to things outside of the classroom. Within the classroom, for the most part our hands are tied. I've tried my best to report it to pastoral teams who say they are "dealing with it" or speaking to the parents of those with the intimidating behaviour who don't see what their child has done wrong. There is only so far we are allowed to take it so on our level it is mostly moving seating etc while persistently getting the people who can do something to actually take it seriously!
I found this very interesting especially the bit about how people react to it and if they respond by obeying or if they fight back. I was bullied all of primary school and the only times it go better was towards the end when I physically hurt them back (my bullying was mostly verbal but when it was physical id fight back) after that everyone was less likely to bully me over the following weeks and such. I can't remember much of it but i remember that reaction. I was also told that if i got bullied in high school it would be alot worse so id have to make sure i wasnt. i did this by being very physically with my friends like punching them and kicking them mostly playfully causing them a bit of harm but not to a serious extent they were still my friends. I do regret this and i realised that this was just my way of trying not to get bullied even though at the time it was unconscious. I was also more verbal and many people told me before they actually started talking and getting to know me they were scared of me. Which sucks in a way but also what I wanted. If people were scared of me they wouldn't bully me. Many people said/say I have anger issues and that could definitely be part of it (may not be tho because i have a v interesting and not fun relationship with my family- we fight alot haha). This episode was definitely a good one, amazing content.
Travelled from Spotify to say that as a child and teenager "they're just jealous" felt incredibly patronising, untrue and dismissive 😭 I understood that "they're just not nice people", "it's their problem", "you'll have a better life than them" etc. but that didn't change the fact that they picked on ME specifically for MY personality and MY face. It gave "it's what's on the inside that counts" vibes. Now as a parent I see the temptation to say it but it wasn't helpful 😪
I was viciously, ruthlessly, and constantly bullied at school. Emotional and physical bullying. It's left me with trust issues, anxiety, low self esteem, and has caused me to suppress my natural self and create an artifical, more acceptable self that I now have great trouble seperating from my genuine self. Im fucked up, basically.
I'm not sure. I've been teased and made to feel very much the outsider but never physically assaulted or had a campaign of abuse against me. However, those experiences of being made to feel other has stuck with me and impacted me my whole life. Edit: I'm commenting and adding as I'm listening. That definition with aggressive behaviour doesn't necessarily capture the 'mean girl' behaviour of teens, the two-faced 'innocent' questions meant to make you look stupid or to make fun of you.
Interesting episode! Scary how sad and hurt I feel at the mention of bullying 20 years after it happened. I have good friendships and like myself now as an adult, but that shit leaves scars, like I'm suddenly a scared 8 yo again.
When I was bullied, I think the teacher wasn't really able to tell, because the bullying itself was comparably mild it just hurt a lot more due to the overall situation of me barely having any friends and the bullying being most of my social interactions. I think that's something that can only be solved by putting a lot more trained staff in scools to assist kids in their social-emotional development
I was bullied a lot through my school years for all different reasons. The adults never did anything when I would tell them, other than sometimes talk to the kid who was bullying, which would lead to that kid then bullying me more/harder. I retaliated against bullying three times ever, and every single time I was punished for it. One of those times made me truly realize that I would just have to accept the bullying and internalize it, cause I fought back when a kid beat me up and that kid with his friends convinced the adults that I had started it and had severely hurt him (I did not, I hit him across the face once and he couldn't handle that). I was suspended from school and then when I came back had to have detention every day after school for the rest of the year. That bully continued to bully, beat me up sometimes, and I just stopped saying anything, I stopped feeling anything. I just let it happen and moved on. I have incredibly thick skin now, but I also have major issues with feeling my emotions and dissociating now because I was ignored as a kid in pain. Also I had no idea about the inflammation thing cause I have major inflammation issues both with my head and various joints and body parts.
About "telling an adult": I remember at least once I talked to a school counsellor about being bullied, and though I don't remember exactly what she said, my memory is that essentially she told me that if I were competent, I would be able to take care of it myself. When I asked, "How?" she had no answer. (I suspect I'm going to have a lot of comments on this episode, so I'm going to leave this comment open while I watch it.) Interesting point about what adults tell kids who are being bullied: "Just ignore it" -- well, clearly the bully picked someone who wasn't going to be able to ignore it. Also, what with the undeveloped brain, how many kids -- in particular, the ones who are more aware of their own vulnerability -- are going to be *able* to ignore it? And then the advice to hit or kick the bully -- that one does work, and when I was a kid I totally got away with it the one time I was able to make myself do it. But I've heard far too many stories of a kid being bullied, eventually beating the bully up, and then being punished themself for fighting. The distinction between "fighting" versus "fighting BACK" gets too easily lost -- and then if the bully says, "They started it!", finding the actual culprit requires some detective work, which many teachers can't do, don't want to do, and don't have time to do. That leaves out the further distinction of whether hitting an *emotional* (rather than physical) bully counts as hitting back or not. (Edit: you talked about much of this as well, after I wrote it.) It was very funny to hear about Corry's indignation about being bullied *for the wrong thing*. I really hoped you might have found some actual solutions in your research, but mostly there were only things that don't work. I guess, though, that before any solution can be found, we need to acknowledge that we don't have one yet. I actually agree with Corry that much of it needs to be societal improvements, especially the elimination of poverty, and that some changes need to be made to our institutions. I'm not certain that is sufficient, though (let alone the difficulty of achieving that). The thing is: how can a one-time bully raise a child to not be a bully? -- unless the former bully has done some deep emotional work, which most people have not done. So one cause of bullying is that bullies beget bullies. I don't have any solutions either, which is depressing.
I don't think I was ever properly bullied. My reactions to such things even now are so annoyingly erratic that I'm pretty sure people just don't want the headache. That being said, I was badly mistreated as a child and I did have empathy issues as a result.
I wasn’t really targeted by bullies which was always surprising to me bc I was a weird nerd with no friends and severe adhd, I now realize it was probably bc I didn’t give a satisfying reaction. Like this one kid called me slurs a couple times and I didn’t react bc I literally didn’t know they were slurs until years later lmfaoooooo
Unfortunately I've been in both sides, the bully and the bullier. I felt like I had to be toxic to get folks to leave me be. I was frequently bullied until I bullied my bullies but then I became what was hurting me. Therapy helped me see where my behavior was toxic. I was then able to protect myself without being overly aggressive.
A gender socialisation episode would be really good!! I'm a transmasc nonbinary lesbian and have endless opinions on all that stuff. Maybe have a trans person on - we obviously have a lot of insights here lol
Was sorely bullied and harrassed through school until i went to a small college later in high school where even the popular/mean kids werent even bullies, it was a wild change
I was bullied for both being autistic and being queer. I had everything from a guy picking his skin off and putting in my hair, to being shoved into locker rooms for my intersex traits to being called the r-slur to being called (misdirected) lesbophobic slurs and people defacing my work books with them. Secondary school was really the worst.
My experience with bullieing was mostly instigated by a person with significant adhd. I was just paralyzed unable to say anything, absolute shit, I wanted to at least attack him back but I never could. Lets hope I never run into him again cause my blood is boiling just thinking of what I would do. When my teacher one day talked about bulling, and took an angle of how it can be precived as harassment without nessecary intending it, it helped alot. I think it helped stop the enablers. It was much too late unfortunatly, the effects has damaged me greatly.
I am autistic (late diagnosed cuz female). I was bullied cuz ppl thought I was odd and humans get scared by stuff they don't understand. Some ppl will respond by this fear respons by trying to ostrasise the wirdo. That dosen't make it right but it would have been a better explenation to me then the ones I got. I only picked up on half the bulling and only realised I was a targeted kid as an adult reflecting on it. I thought becaus I fought back I wasen't a victim and there fore, I wasen't bullied. Thats fals ofcours but it was how I coped with it. God, I was even put on the spot BY THE ANTI BULLING PROGRAM IN MY SCHOOL CUZ THEY WANTED A VOLUNTIER FOR AN EXAMPLE 🤣 and of cours the whole class knew they could bring me to do it and was then allowed to be mean to me in front of all the autorities. Lol what a fail.
I've been bullied in school, and then later on I became a bully. Definitely not something I'm proud of, but it was the only way I knew how to take power back.
I’ve been bullied a lot! I’m kind of surprised you didn’t mention the fact that a lot of afab kids get continually told that the boys are bullying you because their in love with you. This narrative has been pretty harmful to me lol. I’m pretty sure I have CPTSD from it, as well as the fact that I was in a car crash when I was 4. I’ve been bullied by teen boys and girls (of different ages). Also I think teachers have bullied me a lot - I had a language teacher in year 7, 8 and almost year 9 but my mum emailed the school. Plot twist! He died from covid! It was pretty crazy! I am still so guilty about being happy that he was dead! I know that sounds really bad!
I've bullied people from ages 5 to 15 (my ages) and I kept bullying people for so long because I honestly really enjoy hurting people and I know that's not a socially acceptable trait to have in this society so I'm trying to be a more productive person and am making an effort to be kinder everyday but I do honestly sometimes miss the euphoric feeling of inflicting emotional and phsyical pain onto someone
Spring break just ended and I have school today and I'm scared because I get bullied and I hate it. I will never understand why people find it funny to make someone's life miserable. At least I got a two week break from it
I was bullied throught nursery + preschool because I didn't talk, mostly by teachers. I also moved primary schools when I was 6 and was bullied for a few years by a group of 11-12 year olds. A lot of my struggle with dissociation and sleep started then. Recently I met up with old primary school friends and an ex-friend pulled me aside and confronted me about bullying her. I don't remember her that well except for the fact that we were friends with a mutual interest in video games and anime, so her account shocked me. We talked it through and I'm still not sure what happened, it could be a mutual misunderstanding, or younger me misinterpreting social cues ('tism strikes again) or maybe I did bully her and simply buried it away under guilt. I also remember my mother routinely disciplining me for bullying my younger brother, which I still feel guilty for. I haven't reached out to him in years and I'm talking through it with my therapist. Great episode, really insightful
This is perfect timing, lol! I'm lesbian and very gender nonconforming, yet, by some miracle, I have never been bullied! However, just a few moments ago some homophobic troll was in my DMs on social media. I was getting curious about why some people are like this!
I agree that saying "they're just jealous of you" is not good enough. It might or might not be true, but even if it's true, it doesn't solve the child's issue. It seems like an approach that minimises and dismisses the situation and the psychological harm caused to a child. You can and should tell your child that what the bullies are saying it's not true, sure, but you should also take action to solve the bullying itself. I always hated it when adults said "just ignore it, you're too smart to stoop to their level", as it puts the entire responsibility of emotional regulation on the victim and it teaches the victim to remain passive. In reality, I found it to be the case that when someone really wants to hurt someone, there's no right way for the victim to respond that would cause that person to stop. Ignoring it doesn't help, it just makes the bully try harder. Telling a child to ignore it is really lazy, as it seems to be saying "I, as an adult, I'm not going to do anything to help you, you have to figure it out alone". It can also easily turn into victim blaming if the child is told that they are being bullied constantly because they don't know how to ignore the bullies, that their reaction encourages the bullies. Saying that the bullies are just jealous also seems to resemble telling girls that boys pick on them because they have a crush on them. It's not helpful and it seems to be justifying the bully's actions.
I have been bullied. I'm currently in middle school and a lot of kids call me slurs and stuff for being trans and queer. I get other names as well though. I don't mind it that much though because my friends are all older and bigger than my bullies.
Everyone i started to get bullied by just stopped after a little bit because I would never react to anything at all haha. I also did bully a bit myself. The need i was getting out of it was attention basically. Grew to realize i was being an asshole thankfully lol That's one answer to Luke. I was getting attention out of it.
All the advice I got to deal with bullies didn't work. Except one. Ignore it? They'll escalate until they get a response. Tell an authority? The authority will do nothing and you'll get extra bullied for snitching. What works is *fighting back*. Don't just give in to your rage, that leads to failure. Fight hard and fight smart. They'll leave you alone. Now, even this doesn't always work. For example, as a boy, a significant part of my bullying was psychological and emotional bullying from certain girls. Problem is, a boy reacting violently to abuse from another boy is, while technically against the rules, at least socially acceptable. If I were to get violent with these girls, I would have been seen as the perpetrator, the aggressor, even though they had been making my life hell.
I got cornered by a group of girls in the bathroom (where I had my lunch) and asked why I never spoke. Ironically, I couldn’t answer lol. I think they’re called autistic shutdowns but I was like that for most of public school.
Just came here from Evan Edinger's video and only 30 seconds into this video. I learned 2 things today: 1. Corry tells people Luke is lackadaisical (even though he's not). 2. Evan still loves Luke! 👨❤️👨 Therefore, Luke should go make a podcast with Evan instead. 😆
Have you ever been bullied?
yes in uni it made me socially isolate right before covid came around and now I'm socially isolated ever since :)
Yes, the majority of my childhood and teenage years and still dealing with how it affected my mental health
Not really
Just teased a little bit when I was in kindergarten because I was very tomboyish (I’m trans) and lived in Russia (kids are raised very conservatively there)
Oh, yes, absolutely. All through my school life I was bullied. And I don't have any very good answer as to how to stop or prevent bullying, so I'm hoping your show may have found some ideas.
BetterHelp is a scam. I’d suggest researching the company and their unbiased reviews they’re pretty awful
This is appropriate timing. Currently having a bunch of people harassing me on insta because they think I "deserved" being bullied as a kid. They think that it can't possibly be because I was queer, I must've said something or been a jerk. (Which is still no reason to beat up a child)
I was bullied for pretty much all of my school age years, but what really sticks out was my grade 9 french class where a grade 11 in the same class targeted me for an entire semester and the teacher never even moved our assigned seats despite it majorly disrupting class every day (the rest of the students, even my friends, thought he was funny and encouraged him). The next year that kid was part of the group leading an anti-bullying assembly and I almost cried.
Not ruthlessly bullied but consistently teased throughout my childhood for being ‘different,’ has definitely had an effect on how I view things. Excited for this episode.
Also I feel like the: "just don't let it get to you" advice is really harmful. It's kind of akin to: "don't stoop to their level". Both led me to believe that I was fine, as long as I was staying calm and 'being the bigger person' and basically just letting it happen rather than fight back or get help.
yep. eventually you just breakdown from hiding it for so long
@@ChubuPeng yeah. Hiding it frkm yourself. For 16 years. In my experience
Yeah, or when people say "just ignore them" like it's not that easy
Thing is, it genuinely doesn’t get to me. I can hardly go anywhere at school without being aware of people slagging me off or insulting the fact that I’m a neek or that I’m autistic or that I’m gay.
But I don’t see anything wrong with the things that they bully me about, so I don’t care.
@@BestFriendsWhoLiveTogether If it is that way for you, that's probably great. I used to like myself despite of the bullying but I still walked away from it, feeling like almost everyone else was gonna disagree with me about my good qualities or even my intrinsic worth as a human being. So I ended up feeling, like all interaction was somehow likely to be hurtful or confrontational so I developed a pattern of anxious avoidance that has left me now, like 16 years later, actually at a point where I don't like myself a whole lot and am batteling depressive episodes that have been reoccuring ever since then
I find this question strange to answer because if I think logically about what I experienced, it was bullying but no one ever told me that I was being bullied or recognised it as bullying. And so saying “yes I was bullied” feels like I’m being dramatic even though I was very clearly bullied and it is something that has effected me.
I feel similarly I've been physically abused and SAed but I wouldn't count it as bullying I feel like that's being dramatic
in middle school a few students in my class bullied me. like sometimes they would treat me nicely, but im pretty sure it was so they could copy my work (which i let them because i didnt wanna cause any trouble and make them treat me even worse), but then other times they'd just say racist things at me. it didn't help that i was the only chinese kid in that class so it felt weird whenever the topic we were learning was about china or something. or even when the word "chinese" came up, i sort of brace myself for the stares of my classmates (and especially my bullies and whatever comments they might make)
at that time i didnt think it got to me too much since i had a good friend group, but as i got older (and also got exposed to anti-asian stuff in recent years), i tend to think back at those moments in middle school.
i realized this quite recently, but i think society tends to view anything chinese as like, "bad" or "dirty". (people always wanna talk about china's government and other related things, but like, what do i, a chinese american, have anything to do about that? it feels like ppl just wanna disguise their racism in these moments honestly lol) or even seeing a random cute dog/cat video sometimes, and a (sometimes) chinese person appears, people make disgusting comments about us eating them, which then just ruin the whole video for me, and my mood for a few minutes or so
id feel like if i mention to anyone i was chinese, id get disgusted looks or judgement. and yknow that kinda screwed with me mentally. even saying the word "chinese" makes me feel horrible, like chinese new year for example, id happily say lunar near year instead
well, that was long, but yknow, sometimes these moments kinda stick with you into adulthood. bullying sucks
As someone who has PTSD partially from bullying, this episode was really good and means a lot. Even just hearing someone talking about longer term effects and validating my experiences.
Mistreatment by my peers throughout primary & secondary school has seriously damaged my mental health, my view of myself, and how I interact with others. It was also a huge factor in me dropping out of 6th form. As an adult, I'm coming to realise that a lot of this mistreatment was because I am autistic (just beginning the process of getting a diagnosis now).
I wasn't chosen because I reacted, I'd go out of my way not to respond to it in any way - this did not make them leave me alone. It was not due to weakness either, I was bigger than all of the girls in my class & bigger than most of the boys - this fact did nothing to deter them.
There were several teachers who knew full well how I was being treated (1 because I told them, others because it happened in front of them) - nothing was done. I also had a teacher who would join in with the bullies & ridicule me in front of the class, nothing was done about him either.
If you derive enjoyment out of upsetting someone else who has done nothing to you, regardless of if you're a child or an adult, you're an objectively bad person.
I don't have any sympathy for what may have been going on in my bullies home lives. Suffering yourself is not an excuse or a reason to inflict suffering on others.
I didn't socialise with other kids much before I started nursery school, and I struggle with understanding & saying/ doing the right thing in social situations - this has never lead to me being cruel to others. If a child's instinct when faced with another child is to be cruel to them, then there's a hell of a lot more wrong with that child than just a lack of socialisation.
I grew up with a parent who mistreated me (verbally & physically) - this did not lead to me mirroring this behaviour. If a child cannot understand that behaviour that hurts & upsets them will hurt & upset others (& that that is a bad thing), then there is more wrong with that child than simply being raised by unpleasant people.
I think it'd go a long way to changing how people view bullying if we referred to it as what it actually is - it's abuse. This change in terminology is also helpful to victims. It feels shameful & stupid to say, as a 26 year old, that I was "bullied" as a child & it still affects me. Conversely, I don't feel ashamed to say that I was abused (verbally, emotionally, and physically) by my peers throughout my childhood & that it still affects me.
What needs to change is that teachers need to be mandated to do something about bullying when they find it is happening (the same way they're mandatory reporters for other sorts of abuse), and held accountable when it's found that they knew bullying was happening & did nothing.
Police need to be allowed to treat crimes as crimes, regardless of where they occur (if a child gets punched *in school*, that is still assault. If a child has something stolen from them *in school*, that is still theft, ect.).
I had this experience in elementary school where my teacher was very good at his job, and took bullying very seriously. My class was very wild with lots of kids with attention problems, but it was a surprisingly alright place to be for a kid despite how it looked to parents Next door class? Model students, not a peep in class unless spoken to - and a huge bullying problem among the girls. Kids almost died.
I think about my old teacher a lot. I'm so grateful.
I was bullied at school for a long time by my female classmates. My mum used to always tell me that it was because they were jealous of me (I had very good friendships with most of the boys in my class and it was a small class of just 13 people), but looking back at it I can see that the bullying was because the girl who was leading this was very spoilt and wealthy. She also really didn't like the fact that I couldn't speak English and this was a constant source of amusement for her, especially since I couldn't express what she was doing to my teachers.
When I moved to the UK, there was an event where I found myself being almost a bystander to a very horrendous case of bullying, where one of my classmates beat up the younger sister of her friend, filmed it and posted it on Instagram. This happened because the older sister made fun of the fact that my classmate's mum had cancer - it was a really messy situation. This was so different from the type of bullying I experienced, I did not know how to react in such a violent situation. Bullying comes in such different forms and for such different reasons.
I have 2 things to note. I've been bullied a lot when I was a kid. Targeting people that don't fight back doesn't have to be the case. I had aggression problems as a kid when I was bullied I would cry or get angry but that was the reaction they liked. It was me not fighting back with wit but with fists. And I was stronger then most kids just not everyone and not stronger then 3 of them together.
The advice of go to an adult and tell someone until they do something about it. I did I got this advice but it didn't help. Bullies got in trouble we had anti bully campaigns nut it didn't stop. Nobody helped me with my problems of the emotional regulation and my insecurities. We live in a world with bullies it's easier to help the bullied kids to deal with bullies by themselves instead of trying to stop bullying.
I have been bullied and I'm a teacher who has witnessed a lot of bullying. I teach secondary level maths and what I see most of is really insidious bullying that isn't as simple as hitting or teasing. A lot of the bullying is intimidation through being super "nice" and giving a lot of attention to others who don't want it. This is often in addition to things outside of the classroom. Within the classroom, for the most part our hands are tied. I've tried my best to report it to pastoral teams who say they are "dealing with it" or speaking to the parents of those with the intimidating behaviour who don't see what their child has done wrong. There is only so far we are allowed to take it so on our level it is mostly moving seating etc while persistently getting the people who can do something to actually take it seriously!
I found this very interesting especially the bit about how people react to it and if they respond by obeying or if they fight back. I was bullied all of primary school and the only times it go better was towards the end when I physically hurt them back (my bullying was mostly verbal but when it was physical id fight back) after that everyone was less likely to bully me over the following weeks and such. I can't remember much of it but i remember that reaction. I was also told that if i got bullied in high school it would be alot worse so id have to make sure i wasnt. i did this by being very physically with my friends like punching them and kicking them mostly
playfully causing them a bit of harm but not to a serious extent they were still my friends. I do regret this and i realised that this was just my way of trying not to get bullied even though at the time it was unconscious. I was also more verbal and many people told me before they actually started talking and getting to know me they were scared of me. Which sucks in a way but also what I wanted. If people were scared of me they wouldn't bully me. Many people said/say I have anger issues and that could definitely be part of it (may not be tho because i have a v interesting and not fun relationship with my family- we fight alot haha). This episode was definitely a good one, amazing content.
Travelled from Spotify to say that as a child and teenager "they're just jealous" felt incredibly patronising, untrue and dismissive 😭 I understood that "they're just not nice people", "it's their problem", "you'll have a better life than them" etc. but that didn't change the fact that they picked on ME specifically for MY personality and MY face. It gave "it's what's on the inside that counts" vibes. Now as a parent I see the temptation to say it but it wasn't helpful 😪
So excited for this episode, it's such an important subject
I was viciously, ruthlessly, and constantly bullied at school. Emotional and physical bullying. It's left me with trust issues, anxiety, low self esteem, and has caused me to suppress my natural self and create an artifical, more acceptable self that I now have great trouble seperating from my genuine self.
Im fucked up, basically.
Yes, when I was around 10 I was bullied pretty mercilessly by a few of my classmates.
I'm not sure. I've been teased and made to feel very much the outsider but never physically assaulted or had a campaign of abuse against me. However, those experiences of being made to feel other has stuck with me and impacted me my whole life.
Edit: I'm commenting and adding as I'm listening. That definition with aggressive behaviour doesn't necessarily capture the 'mean girl' behaviour of teens, the two-faced 'innocent' questions meant to make you look stupid or to make fun of you.
Interesting episode! Scary how sad and hurt I feel at the mention of bullying 20 years after it happened. I have good friendships and like myself now as an adult, but that shit leaves scars, like I'm suddenly a scared 8 yo again.
i feel ya. i still think back to my experiences like 8-9 years ago
@@ChubuPeng yeah, sorry to hear. Yay for the flag in your profile pic btw^^/ fellow nb
When I was bullied, I think the teacher wasn't really able to tell, because the bullying itself was comparably mild it just hurt a lot more due to the overall situation of me barely having any friends and the bullying being most of my social interactions. I think that's something that can only be solved by putting a lot more trained staff in scools to assist kids in their social-emotional development
I was bullied a lot through my school years for all different reasons. The adults never did anything when I would tell them, other than sometimes talk to the kid who was bullying, which would lead to that kid then bullying me more/harder. I retaliated against bullying three times ever, and every single time I was punished for it. One of those times made me truly realize that I would just have to accept the bullying and internalize it, cause I fought back when a kid beat me up and that kid with his friends convinced the adults that I had started it and had severely hurt him (I did not, I hit him across the face once and he couldn't handle that). I was suspended from school and then when I came back had to have detention every day after school for the rest of the year. That bully continued to bully, beat me up sometimes, and I just stopped saying anything, I stopped feeling anything. I just let it happen and moved on. I have incredibly thick skin now, but I also have major issues with feeling my emotions and dissociating now because I was ignored as a kid in pain. Also I had no idea about the inflammation thing cause I have major inflammation issues both with my head and various joints and body parts.
About "telling an adult": I remember at least once I talked to a school counsellor about being bullied, and though I don't remember exactly what she said, my memory is that essentially she told me that if I were competent, I would be able to take care of it myself. When I asked, "How?" she had no answer.
(I suspect I'm going to have a lot of comments on this episode, so I'm going to leave this comment open while I watch it.)
Interesting point about what adults tell kids who are being bullied: "Just ignore it" -- well, clearly the bully picked someone who wasn't going to be able to ignore it. Also, what with the undeveloped brain, how many kids -- in particular, the ones who are more aware of their own vulnerability -- are going to be *able* to ignore it? And then the advice to hit or kick the bully -- that one does work, and when I was a kid I totally got away with it the one time I was able to make myself do it. But I've heard far too many stories of a kid being bullied, eventually beating the bully up, and then being punished themself for fighting. The distinction between "fighting" versus "fighting BACK" gets too easily lost -- and then if the bully says, "They started it!", finding the actual culprit requires some detective work, which many teachers can't do, don't want to do, and don't have time to do. That leaves out the further distinction of whether hitting an *emotional* (rather than physical) bully counts as hitting back or not. (Edit: you talked about much of this as well, after I wrote it.)
It was very funny to hear about Corry's indignation about being bullied *for the wrong thing*.
I really hoped you might have found some actual solutions in your research, but mostly there were only things that don't work. I guess, though, that before any solution can be found, we need to acknowledge that we don't have one yet. I actually agree with Corry that much of it needs to be societal improvements, especially the elimination of poverty, and that some changes need to be made to our institutions. I'm not certain that is sufficient, though (let alone the difficulty of achieving that). The thing is: how can a one-time bully raise a child to not be a bully? -- unless the former bully has done some deep emotional work, which most people have not done. So one cause of bullying is that bullies beget bullies.
I don't have any solutions either, which is depressing.
I don't think I was ever properly bullied. My reactions to such things even now are so annoyingly erratic that I'm pretty sure people just don't want the headache.
That being said, I was badly mistreated as a child and I did have empathy issues as a result.
I wasn’t really targeted by bullies which was always surprising to me bc I was a weird nerd with no friends and severe adhd, I now realize it was probably bc I didn’t give a satisfying reaction. Like this one kid called me slurs a couple times and I didn’t react bc I literally didn’t know they were slurs until years later lmfaoooooo
Unfortunately I've been in both sides, the bully and the bullier. I felt like I had to be toxic to get folks to leave me be. I was frequently bullied until I bullied my bullies but then I became what was hurting me. Therapy helped me see where my behavior was toxic. I was then able to protect myself without being overly aggressive.
Yes, for years, and only realizing a decade later how damaging it was I hate it here (literally).
A gender socialisation episode would be really good!! I'm a transmasc nonbinary lesbian and have endless opinions on all that stuff. Maybe have a trans person on - we obviously have a lot of insights here lol
Was sorely bullied and harrassed through school until i went to a small college later in high school where even the popular/mean kids werent even bullies, it was a wild change
Definitely been bullied as a child and still effects my mental health and worldview.
Loved that synced baby scream xD
I was bullied for both being autistic and being queer. I had everything from a guy picking his skin off and putting in my hair, to being shoved into locker rooms for my intersex traits to being called the r-slur to being called (misdirected) lesbophobic slurs and people defacing my work books with them. Secondary school was really the worst.
My experience with bullieing was mostly instigated by a person with significant adhd. I was just paralyzed unable to say anything, absolute shit, I wanted to at least attack him back but I never could. Lets hope I never run into him again cause my blood is boiling just thinking of what I would do.
When my teacher one day talked about bulling, and took an angle of how it can be precived as harassment without nessecary intending it, it helped alot. I think it helped stop the enablers.
It was much too late unfortunatly, the effects has damaged me greatly.
I am autistic (late diagnosed cuz female).
I was bullied cuz ppl thought I was odd and humans get scared by stuff they don't understand. Some ppl will respond by this fear respons by trying to ostrasise the wirdo. That dosen't make it right but it would have been a better explenation to me then the ones I got. I only picked up on half the bulling and only realised I was a targeted kid as an adult reflecting on it. I thought becaus I fought back I wasen't a victim and there fore, I wasen't bullied. Thats fals ofcours but it was how I coped with it.
God, I was even put on the spot BY THE ANTI BULLING PROGRAM IN MY SCHOOL CUZ THEY WANTED A VOLUNTIER FOR AN EXAMPLE 🤣 and of cours the whole class knew they could bring me to do it and was then allowed to be mean to me in front of all the autorities. Lol what a fail.
I've been bullied in school, and then later on I became a bully. Definitely not something I'm proud of, but it was the only way I knew how to take power back.
I’ve been bullied a lot!
I’m kind of surprised you didn’t mention the fact that a lot of afab kids get continually told that the boys are bullying you because their in love with you.
This narrative has been pretty harmful to me lol.
I’m pretty sure I have CPTSD from it, as well as the fact that I was in a car crash when I was 4.
I’ve been bullied by teen boys and girls (of different ages).
Also I think teachers have bullied me a lot - I had a language teacher in year 7, 8 and almost year 9 but my mum emailed the school.
Plot twist! He died from covid!
It was pretty crazy! I am still so guilty about being happy that he was dead! I know that sounds really bad!
I've bullied people from ages 5 to 15 (my ages) and I kept bullying people for so long because I honestly really enjoy hurting people and I know that's not a socially acceptable trait to have in this society so I'm trying to be a more productive person and am making an effort to be kinder everyday but I do honestly sometimes miss the euphoric feeling of inflicting emotional and phsyical pain onto someone
Spring break just ended and I have school today and I'm scared because I get bullied and I hate it. I will never understand why people find it funny to make someone's life miserable. At least I got a two week break from it
I was bullied throught nursery + preschool because I didn't talk, mostly by teachers. I also moved primary schools when I was 6 and was bullied for a few years by a group of 11-12 year olds. A lot of my struggle with dissociation and sleep started then.
Recently I met up with old primary school friends and an ex-friend pulled me aside and confronted me about bullying her. I don't remember her that well except for the fact that we were friends with a mutual interest in video games and anime, so her account shocked me. We talked it through and I'm still not sure what happened, it could be a mutual misunderstanding, or younger me misinterpreting social cues ('tism strikes again) or maybe I did bully her and simply buried it away under guilt.
I also remember my mother routinely disciplining me for bullying my younger brother, which I still feel guilty for. I haven't reached out to him in years and I'm talking through it with my therapist.
Great episode, really insightful
This is perfect timing, lol! I'm lesbian and very gender nonconforming, yet, by some miracle, I have never been bullied! However, just a few moments ago some homophobic troll was in my DMs on social media. I was getting curious about why some people are like this!
I agree that saying "they're just jealous of you" is not good enough. It might or might not be true, but even if it's true, it doesn't solve the child's issue. It seems like an approach that minimises and dismisses the situation and the psychological harm caused to a child. You can and should tell your child that what the bullies are saying it's not true, sure, but you should also take action to solve the bullying itself. I always hated it when adults said "just ignore it, you're too smart to stoop to their level", as it puts the entire responsibility of emotional regulation on the victim and it teaches the victim to remain passive. In reality, I found it to be the case that when someone really wants to hurt someone, there's no right way for the victim to respond that would cause that person to stop. Ignoring it doesn't help, it just makes the bully try harder. Telling a child to ignore it is really lazy, as it seems to be saying "I, as an adult, I'm not going to do anything to help you, you have to figure it out alone". It can also easily turn into victim blaming if the child is told that they are being bullied constantly because they don't know how to ignore the bullies, that their reaction encourages the bullies. Saying that the bullies are just jealous also seems to resemble telling girls that boys pick on them because they have a crush on them. It's not helpful and it seems to be justifying the bully's actions.
Better help has some real shit scandals. But i feel it u gotta pay ur bills
was bullied by my 'friends' throughout my childhood. Fucked me up good-
I have been bullied. I'm currently in middle school and a lot of kids call me slurs and stuff for being trans and queer. I get other names as well though. I don't mind it that much though because my friends are all older and bigger than my bullies.
To the point of depression which is why I'm watching this
Everyone i started to get bullied by just stopped after a little bit because I would never react to anything at all haha.
I also did bully a bit myself. The need i was getting out of it was attention basically. Grew to realize i was being an asshole thankfully lol That's one answer to Luke. I was getting attention out of it.
All the advice I got to deal with bullies didn't work. Except one. Ignore it? They'll escalate until they get a response. Tell an authority? The authority will do nothing and you'll get extra bullied for snitching.
What works is *fighting back*. Don't just give in to your rage, that leads to failure. Fight hard and fight smart. They'll leave you alone.
Now, even this doesn't always work. For example, as a boy, a significant part of my bullying was psychological and emotional bullying from certain girls. Problem is, a boy reacting violently to abuse from another boy is, while technically against the rules, at least socially acceptable. If I were to get violent with these girls, I would have been seen as the perpetrator, the aggressor, even though they had been making my life hell.
Sadly, kids are the worst, singularly or in packs. Hope bullied kids rise above them all.
I got cornered by a group of girls in the bathroom (where I had my lunch) and asked why I never spoke. Ironically, I couldn’t answer lol. I think they’re called autistic shutdowns but I was like that for most of public school.
Just came here from Evan Edinger's video and only 30 seconds into this video. I learned 2 things today: 1. Corry tells people Luke is lackadaisical (even though he's not). 2. Evan still loves Luke! 👨❤️👨 Therefore, Luke should go make a podcast with Evan instead. 😆
I won the quiz. I was promised a bullying, I demand a bullying.
Yes I have been bullied, I have Trichotillomania TwT
As a person of colour who grew up in the UK in yhe 70s and 80s, it was inevitable that I'd experience bullying.
Yes I have autism so bullying was inevitable ❤
Yes
I got it before luke!
I was bullied a little bit but I fight back. I will swing my book bag
15:40, you and I is more correct, according to my prof at least
Fellow ginger here, yes
Somone tried to kill me with an ice block when I was in 1st grade and on the playground
#unfortunately
Guys, I don't think you should be promoting Better Help! They're notoriously horrible to both their Therapists and Customers.
Bullying is natural. Primates do it to. Ever wondered why? _Perhaps_ it's for a good reason....
Many primates also “rape” others, fling their own feces, and display extreme aggression - should we do those too?