I’ve been suspecting that I might have DID or OSDD for over a year now, at first I couldn’t research about it at all because it felt like too much for me. Now I have a psychiatrist appointment scheduled for the 28th this month but so far, this channel has been supplying me with so much information and reassurance that if this is, in fact, what is going on with me, it doesn’t need to be the end of the world. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Dr. Mike Lloyd
Couldn't you try doing something the other alters would likely find fun first, like: • Watching a movie 🎞, TV show, UA-cam video, etc. you would not usually watch (something LGBT related might be a good idea for LGBT alters and alters fascinated by human sexuality) • Trying drawing 🎨🖌 🖼, especially with intent to get good e.g. with those drawing practice books with the preliminary ellipses • Going to the shops with money but no plan to buy anything in particular • Trying to learn a new topic by reading online material • Getting a journal and dream journal (Google Docs is free) If it works it could speed up the process to reduce the therapy sessions you need. Even one session saved is a substantial amount of time and money 💰 saved, for free or low cost depending on what you do.
I hope you've found the right support to figure things out! I have C-PTSD w/ a lot of dissociative experiences &, as I've been working through IFS, it feels... Like my inner world is fuzzing a bit. Like the "parts" in IFS have more influence & more strong needs than I was lead to believe most people's do. So there are a lot of unanswered questions for me & I'm ruminating about it near constantly, lol... But also avoiding that rumination because I'm just trying to function. And the parts in my brain are very, very unhappy w/ this & I'm experiencing some srs self-sabotage as a result.
You describing avoiding the inner world has been very relevant for me. There is a lot of clash with parts; I engage with the outer world, come home and relax. This is when the parts struggle. One begins punishment for the vulnerability with other people, another is the one being punished. Meanwhile, others are reacting to this process in their typical, old patterns. Self destructive, fearful, unfit, confused, angry, etc... Like a room of 20+ people reacting to two of them starting a fight and nobody can leave. If I put this off until bedtime, I am tortured in my sleep by the "persecutor" who took on the form of my original abusers. So naturally, we avoid rest.
This is such a brilliant video! My littles loved the kittens and my protector said having parts is like hearding cats 😂 Especially in the supermarket around the ice lolly isle!
Such vital information here, Dr. Mike- over the years, I've managed to create an egalitarian system by listening, validating, and accepting each part that I recognize. It's relatively easy with children and pleasant parts, but even the ones with more difficult behaviors need attention and love. It's a lengthy ongoing process but worth the time and effort.
Dr Mike! Looking at you dealing with the kittens is a good image of how I feel a chaotic day when alters come and go and have discussions ignoring each others...it looks cute with the kittens though!
I believe I am someone who has dealt with OSDD (what I settled on, and what was advised for me) for a long time by myself, as well as having tried to treat what I thought I had (bi-polar, borderline etc) without medical assistance prior to the realization I probably have OSDD-1b. I think I have somehow... dealt with the "balance" aspect better than I have any of the other symptoms. I am an older person, and mental illness really was not accepted growing up as much as it is now. That is why I never sought help for my issues. I am a quite capable person, but once you peel back the functionality of the surface layer, I am a mess both internally and relationship wise. It took me years to realize I had amnesia of any sense.
This is sooooo helpful. You are such a kind, warm and caring person. I am extremely greatful for these videos. They are truly transforming my life. I just want to cry. I hope you have a great weekend ahead.
This is exactly what I've been going through for the past weeks. I used to need the outer world to compensate for the unpredictable and incomprehensible internal world, but now it's been shifting since I am more comfortable with the latter. I wish I could have more space for actual healing but there is too much to focus on to be able to keep your head above water when the exhaustion (and in my case ADHD as well) is omnipresent and proper support absent. Thank you for putting this concept into words and images! I will be returning to this video when needed.
This is helpful but only speaks to the sentiments of the inner world when one is focused on outer world things. What about the balance between the inner and outer world when ones dissociative disorder as well as the dissociative disorder diagnosis in and of itself creates its own problems and interferes with ones connections with others in the outer world? The outer world is rejecting leaving one (both inner and outer) feeling abandoned and isolated and lacking social support? Here in the US, the diagnosis of dissociative disorder is still controversial and one has to be very careful in who one discloses that to - even to mental health providers. I have found it was a huge mistake to disclose my dissociative disorder to friends and family.
I try to make time for my team. I talk to them everyday. Sometimes, one of them wants to play the keyboard. Another one may want to do some gardening. One may want to dye my hair dark red!!! It can be really tough. But it takes practice and my therapist spoke about being aware of ‘core burnout’ which I was worried about a few months back, but it was avoided. Kittens are adorable and great video
@@thectadclinic it is tough, but as you say, its a balancing act. Have you ever done a video about alter disagreements? I have 4 alters and 1 of them seems to be a bit of instigator with one of the others. Has there ever been a video on that kind of thing? Thanks 🙂
I think there might be ways to do the Inner World 🌍 and Outer World 🌍 at the same time. Such as letting another alter front for a very long time, especially the ones in a control class that *they can make other alters front,* so they aren't affected by dissociation as much/as often. That way that alter gets used to dealing and deal with the outer world things, while also letting everyone know more about how the system works.
Agreed, that's the goal - this is more for those for whom one takes precedence over the other... Sharing responsibilities, skills, knowledge etc is what we work towards.
I think ive been thrown out of balance...again! But by a part I didn't know about. This angry part of me, she is so fierce. She hides away from the world though because she is scared so she pleases people instead. Or is the pleasing a different part??🤔 I'm feeling very disoriented and confused and trying to be here in this world is very hard when all I want to do is sit and listen to myself. Thank you for another great thought provoking video, lovely to meet Mouse & Huckleberry 😻
That was ever so lovely to meet the kittens, it really did make us smile. Because of late our outer world has been hell (two historical abuse trials) we tried to make life stop last week and were found after being unconscious for two days. During those two days, a child Part ( a friend showed us the photo she took) had built a nest under our table, and then we were found in bed and carted off to the hospital. Knowing that a child Part/Alter did that has blown our minds to pieces. We have been avoiding our inner world of late because all the court stuff is just too painful. But your video and what happened to us have been an important reminder that it is impossible to ignore both worlds. Thank you SO much for this.
@@thectadclinic thank you. Have decided to move cities as our psychologist has finally found us a clinical psychologist who specializes in DID and our health system has finally realised we need a multidiscipline team (MDT) and has found one in Dunedin for me. This has taken years to get to this point of being able to get this help. The court cases are hell, but seeing cute kittens helps.
The kittens are adorable, and were definitely an apt analogy to what it's like trying to maintain balance. We've been struggling with balance lately. We're trying to get through a semester of school after a few years of sick leave, and I think the stress of it triggered something, because we had a week where I (our host/ANP) was no longer in front, and it was really debilitating, because the EP in front was just in collapse. I didn't do enough to make sure our needs were met, which caused them to front, but they're not really able to get their needs met when they're in front. I'm not really sure how to prevent that from happening. It's hard to gauge how much I can handle before I get pushed out of the front by stressors.
This happens to me when I don't use the stabilization strategies that I have learned. I accept that DID is a chronic mental disorder for me, like diabetes. When I do not do the things that keep me oriented, managing energy and stress, getting sleep, and engaging in healthy social interactions, I am at risk to let the parts "drive the bus" as Janina Fisher says. And that never goes well. They don't have the skills needed to get it done well for everyone. So back to managing this disorder the ways I was taught, and reminding myself that it is necessary to have the life we all want, filled with love, fun, and accomplishment.
Every time you've posted recently makes us feel like you're talking directly to us and about our situation. We are really struggling with losing the balance we once had because our system has shut down again and it is proving really difficult to manage things internally and externally, not to mention the time blanks and internal fear/avoidance of each of the parts. We are attempting to reach out for the external support I know we need to be able to start to piece things together again, but, as I'm sure you're aware, it's not easy! Thank you for another video that has helped us feel like we're not 'wrong' for the way things are... Now to work out trying to get any kind of balance back! 🙃
Thank you for this video! The balance is very difficult for our system at times because we work a very demanding full time accounting job so then after work we’re so mentally exhausted it’s hard to take time for ourselves. (Aside from the fact we were not allowed to do that growing up). We have been working on just doing our best every day so I’m really happy you mentioned that. It really is all about balance and taking it day by day and seeing what each other person in the system needs individually🖤 Question for you though, we were actively punished by the birth family for talking about / interacting with our system growing up. Gaslit and scolded even after diagnosis a poly fragmented system by 3 different therapists. (At ages 6,10,&26) It wasn’t until this past 2 years we have been able to really start trying to get to know eachother inside and work on the innerworld again, but I have noticed a lot of hesitant parts and nervousness over being in danger for interacting. We are currently in a safe home away from the people who would have done that so my question is, do you have any tips on overcoming the fear, gaslighting, and nervousness. I’m not sure what could help make them feel more comfortable opening up now that we’re free. I do breathe work and journaling everyday, and I know the day to day things get in the way sometimes. But I just wanna make everyone feel more comfortable. Regardless of the question, great video thank you so much for sharing
Experiencing the opposite is always a good one, so that means having people around you that are genuinely interested in "what is" and give you all the time you need to shake off that nervousness. That would be the direct route. If that were to be too intense I would take the dissociative detour of making yourself feel comfortable while interacting with your system, but maybe do it in a space where you feel physically safe. And if that works out, you can imagine what those interactions would look like when a safe person is around. (It's best to have a particular person in mind). I do those visualisations and though it takes a lot of time, it eventually makes interacting or being vulnerable with certain people (and yourself!) run more smoothly. This is just some random method I figured out, maybe it helps.
I have a lot more room to breathe now that I cut out the abusers for an extended time. The inner world is so much less distressed. I am able to rewire parts to a healthy setting more and more the longer I have time away from the abusers who bring out the parts as they were.
I call it my Hardware vs Software systems/narratives/existences. And I like narratives, cause it’s our stories, from our perspectives, with the information that we have/have had so far.
Thank you so much for another wonderful video! From time to time we get alters that want to front or do what They want out front, and I think it's always frustrating to have to tell alters "We have work right now, but maybe later" knowing that- with ADHD also present- later probably won't come. Or at least not in the time that they're near front. Alters have definitely retreated back inner world feeling unfulfilled, but that balance is so hard to achieve. It's good to be reminded that it's something that needs to be worked on. Also the kittens are precious and i love them aaaa. ♥ please pass on our thanks for their contribution to the video in the form of hugs.
This was a really useful video, and probably the most adorable one on this channel! Huckleberry and Mouse are so precious, and they provided a really good example of the need to balance focus. I know I sometimes have trouble with doing that, or at least I'm hard on myself to the point where others in the system have literally told our therapist to tell me that I'm doing fine. 😅 we do make time for each other to spend out front, and my partner spends time with our oldest little every other Sunday watching cartoons and eating breakfast with her, he's so good with her and it's very safe and loving and affirming, so I think I probably am doing okay. Thanks as always for a terrific video!
We're having a very hard time with this. I don't want to let the others take over, ever. I feel like my own cup of energy is empty all the time and i get very little for myself thats really nourishing. And its so terrifying to let others take over that i need a full cup of energy to let them take over or to go to or interact with the inner world. Its terrifying. All of my horrible thoughts effect things there, it doesn't help that i have OCD. I don't want to suffer, i don't want them to suffer and i don't wanna be at the mercy of any of them. I only know one who wouldn't try to hurt me but she has to live under the rule of one who would hurt me if he could, and she's been totally fearfully domesticated. He won't accept that hurting me and her because of his own vengence or grudges isn't ok no matter what we did, and still refuses to believe that a lot of the harm we've caused to him or others in the system is because of our intrusive/obsessive thoughts manifesting there or our own ignorance and fear from the times we thought that the others were spirits or demons and were trying to protect ourselves. And now im acting selfishly because thats all i can do, i have nothing to give. I don't want to have to admit to the thoughts ive had or the things i said to the others in outbursts when i was afraid or overwhelmed. Before me and her split we were completely exhausted from heeding the others demands and expectations and fighting off our intrusive thoughts and supressing our resentment that this was happening. And hes still being spiteful about it, and i know if we gave him control hed use it to ruin my life. And i know that if i ever left the front that hed torment me in there, defame me and she'd be forced to help because thats what she has to do to survive. And now im to a point where im so tired, so exhausted that i can't even make room for my counterpart. So now she is suffering immensly by both my inability to handle being around anyone too, not just the tyrant who insists everyone suffer because he doesn't get a skateboarding career and because he doesn't get to publicly defame and humiliate me. And im starting to realize that he will never change, unless its just to get worse. And i honestly hate him, who wouldn't hate someone who's so motivated to harm you? But thats just more evidence to him that i am evil, and that she's evil. I don't know what to do Its also important to note that we are autistic, so i have difficulty doing things like taking care of the body or doing things i don't want to because of executive dysfunction, and am always overwhelmed and seriously need my time for myself to be ok. And i also need to be allowed to have time for myself that is truly for myself, i refuse to go back to the cycle of recharging just so they can take over and being left drained and unable to take care of myself. My counterpart is the only alter i don't consider parasitic, all the other ones do is take without giving, hurt us when we don't give it to them, kick us when we're down, or continue to drain us and ask for more when we are already empty thinking that they are owed that and that we deserve nothing, less than nothing. The others are not my responsibility, they have a life in there and ways to meet some of their needs. But i have nothing in the inner world, and every time ive tried to make something there for myself, either the others, or my own intrusive thoughts and memories, ruin that for me sabotage it. So all i have is the outer world. I need to focus on me and my needs first and foremost because i won't be given an opportunity to have anything unless i do that.
I clicked on this when i saw the kitties! 🥰 so sweet. You look kinda sad in this video? Hope you are taking good care of yourself 😊 You seem like a very kind person. The kitties seem to agree! 🩷 i can see you are a good soul. Thank you for all the work you do. It is appreciated so much.
I have great difficulty working on financial issues. I will try using this to help get past the “getting started” part. Clutter issues as well. Wow, you have great understanding Sir!
This is a really helpful and thoughtful video. It is both kind and compassionate, taking into account the huge complexity across lived experiences, and asking all in a system/person to appreciate and work with complexity. I really appreciated the “needing to balance with outside and insider world demands” and “sometimes some alters/parts/host wanting/needing/fearing inner world due to trauma compartmentalisation”.
Thanks for the video! While I often feel like the inner world intrudes on the outer world this helps clarify that it’s actually the opposite. I will have to think on this more.
Love ❤️ the kittens 🐈⬛! I try to spend time just before I go to sleep and then a few minutes each morning before I get going with my DID so they don’t feel left out and it seems to help maintain the balance you speak of.
Thank you. This video is spot on. We try to spend at least one hour by ourselves every day. But sometimes it is really difficult and when the outer life gets too intense, it is as the outer parts "forget about" the inner parts. Most of us watch your videos together and It helps our intern communication and sometime the communication with other people.
This was so good to hear, i'm so exhausted and feel like i'm losing several battles. i wish i could come to a clinic like yours , i have no doctor now.Thankyou for your videos !
Firstly thank you so much for this video... it is so validating... recently having been diagnosed with breast cancer i have little time for my parts... they have given me space to do what i need to do and i am feeling so grateful and appreciative to them for understanding...at the same time i am overwhelmed and wish that i could give them some time to come out... finding balance is hard...
I was diagnosed with DID years ago but I still really struggle. This video especially was very helpful but I’m wondering, could you share more on this topic? Maybe a #2 video. Thank you!
I'd like to understand the inner world. Ours has gone through changes over time and I kinda understand that it's mind's way of portraying the stuff in symbolic way, right? But.. how can I.. sort of understand it? Like usually, when I'm inside, it's really nice and daytime. And not long ago, it was night time! And it was so magical and beautiful! (Without going into too much detail to what I witnessed and saw there.) After that time, it has been back to daytime. Not that I'm much inside anyway.. But like... Is there a way to understand, what's going on inside and how those worlds form? If it's a massive world and dimension, does that intale, how big gaps we have inbetween, compared to like.. everyone sitting in same room? Also, on that note of worlds. Is there a reason that is related, why do I keep seeing dreams of whole lifetimes in different worlds, timelines etc? Like, I mean, I dream pretty much every single night and I live a full life and I wake up... Just tired. Because I just lived already. I feel just old and tired and don't want to live this life "again". Like... I mean I live legit long lives. I can remember some of them in great detail too. Tho they get lost if I don't write or talk about them. But like... I've been living in a city that was hit by a massive meteorite shower one day and we used years to rebuild, get shelter and food for everyone, we had fights and arguments about stuff, but most of the time, we focused just on building it all back. And I think this time I woke up, before I died even. And I can end up dreaming several lives in a night, depending, how many times I wake up. Is there a reason for any of this? Or is it just my weird thing? Oh and, about dreams. Sometimes I have a note from another part that says "I took the dream away, it's okay". How can one take a whole dream away like that??
amazing. the new take you are doing in your videos the different point of view is brilliant. really makes my experiences feel accepted and a normal thing that happens to others thank you
This is a thing we have always struggled with. No one in the system agrees it's important to have inner communication on a regular basis. Some of us want to set aside time and make a routine to "check-in internally" but it's been years and we're still stumped on how to make this work. (Daily is too often, it's unsustainable.) When we were in therapy (with DID experienced therapist) that provided external prompting for some amount of checking in but the lack of a regular internal set up has always held us back. Not currently in therapy and okay with that but without the external prompting, we have no idea how to find the external - internal balance you talk about here. Especially since if the external world gets overwhelming (also diagnosed with ASD) we are most likely to hyperfocus on a computer game. Do you have any videos about finding the balance that makes it possible to give the internal parts the validation they need?
It can be difficult working the timing out without prompting. I often wonder how many internal prompts there may be, not always verbal, though feeling and influence?
I always learn a lot from your videos and look forward to hearing from you, but I'm distracted by the picture behind you. can you please make a short video about this piece of art?
How do accomplishments in the outer world become a satisfying and fulfilling experience for our system. It's great for a moment and then it is nothing. Is that too a DID thing?
If anyone in the comments can help, I’ve been dealing with physical and mental symptoms my entire life and people are only helping me after those problems ruined my life because people didn’t believe me. Is there a way to bring this up to a new doctor where they will believe me? I’m going to them for a different problem, I’m scared she’ll kick me out or something
Thank you Dr Mike for this. This is something that we literally were just discussing with our Therapist. 😭🫂. As always, CTAD's videos have been an enormous resource with helping us to better understand ourself. ❤🙏🏼 thank you for what you are doing.
Your content has been so incredibly helpful!! Do you know much about r!tual abu$e and the effects it has? Id love to be able to find more content. It’s so sparse.
Babe wake up the CTAD clinic posted another helpful video 🙏
I literally said out loud "system wake up, a new CTAD Clinic video just dropped" 😅
@@ashleyboots3386Same lol
I’ve been suspecting that I might have DID or OSDD for over a year now, at first I couldn’t research about it at all because it felt like too much for me. Now I have a psychiatrist appointment scheduled for the 28th this month but so far, this channel has been supplying me with so much information and reassurance that if this is, in fact, what is going on with me, it doesn’t need to be the end of the world. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Dr. Mike Lloyd
Couldn't you try doing something the other alters would likely find fun first, like:
• Watching a movie 🎞, TV show, UA-cam video, etc. you would not usually watch (something LGBT related might be a good idea for LGBT alters and alters fascinated by human sexuality)
• Trying drawing 🎨🖌 🖼, especially with intent to get good e.g. with those drawing practice books with the preliminary ellipses
• Going to the shops with money but no plan to buy anything in particular
• Trying to learn a new topic by reading online material
• Getting a journal and dream journal (Google Docs is free)
If it works it could speed up the process to reduce the therapy sessions you need.
Even one session saved is a substantial amount of time and money 💰 saved, for free or low cost depending on what you do.
I hope you've found the right support to figure things out!
I have C-PTSD w/ a lot of dissociative experiences &, as I've been working through IFS, it feels... Like my inner world is fuzzing a bit. Like the "parts" in IFS have more influence & more strong needs than I was lead to believe most people's do. So there are a lot of unanswered questions for me & I'm ruminating about it near constantly, lol... But also avoiding that rumination because I'm just trying to function. And the parts in my brain are very, very unhappy w/ this & I'm experiencing some srs self-sabotage as a result.
You describing avoiding the inner world has been very relevant for me. There is a lot of clash with parts; I engage with the outer world, come home and relax. This is when the parts struggle. One begins punishment for the vulnerability with other people, another is the one being punished. Meanwhile, others are reacting to this process in their typical, old patterns. Self destructive, fearful, unfit, confused, angry, etc... Like a room of 20+ people reacting to two of them starting a fight and nobody can leave.
If I put this off until bedtime, I am tortured in my sleep by the "persecutor" who took on the form of my original abusers. So naturally, we avoid rest.
It sounds exhausting. But in a way similar to my experience. My parts react too quick...
Really well put
This is such a brilliant video! My littles loved the kittens and my protector said having parts is like hearding cats 😂 Especially in the supermarket around the ice lolly isle!
Such vital information here, Dr. Mike- over the years, I've managed to create an egalitarian system by listening, validating, and accepting each part that I recognize. It's relatively easy with children and pleasant parts, but even the ones with more difficult behaviors need attention and love. It's a lengthy ongoing process but worth the time and effort.
Dr Mike! Looking at you dealing with the kittens is a good image of how I feel a chaotic day when alters come and go and have discussions ignoring each others...it looks cute with the kittens though!
Thank you! They are chaotic, but that’s also their charm. Rescue cats always bring out the best in me!
Oh my gosh, I love Huckleberry. Can he be on more often? Please! Emily
I believe I am someone who has dealt with OSDD (what I settled on, and what was advised for me) for a long time by myself, as well as having tried to treat what I thought I had (bi-polar, borderline etc) without medical assistance prior to the realization I probably have OSDD-1b. I think I have somehow... dealt with the "balance" aspect better than I have any of the other symptoms. I am an older person, and mental illness really was not accepted growing up as much as it is now. That is why I never sought help for my issues. I am a quite capable person, but once you peel back the functionality of the surface layer, I am a mess both internally and relationship wise. It took me years to realize I had amnesia of any sense.
This is sooooo helpful. You are such a kind, warm and caring person. I am extremely greatful for these videos. They are truly transforming my life. I just want to cry. I hope you have a great weekend ahead.
You are so welcome!
This is exactly what I've been going through for the past weeks. I used to need the outer world to compensate for the unpredictable and incomprehensible internal world, but now it's been shifting since I am more comfortable with the latter. I wish I could have more space for actual healing but there is too much to focus on to be able to keep your head above water when the exhaustion (and in my case ADHD as well) is omnipresent and proper support absent. Thank you for putting this concept into words and images! I will be returning to this video when needed.
Thank you as well for the positivity!
The kittens were fab.
Glad you think so! We have had them nearly two weeks…
This is helpful but only speaks to the sentiments of the inner world when one is focused on outer world things. What about the balance between the inner and outer world when ones dissociative disorder as well as the dissociative disorder diagnosis in and of itself creates its own problems and interferes with ones connections with others in the outer world? The outer world is rejecting leaving one (both inner and outer) feeling abandoned and isolated and lacking social support? Here in the US, the diagnosis of dissociative disorder is still controversial and one has to be very careful in who one discloses that to - even to mental health providers. I have found it was a huge mistake to disclose my dissociative disorder to friends and family.
I try to make time for my team.
I talk to them everyday. Sometimes, one of them wants to play the keyboard. Another one may want to do some gardening. One may want to dye my hair dark red!!! It can be really tough. But it takes practice and my therapist spoke about being aware of ‘core burnout’ which I was worried about a few months back, but it was avoided.
Kittens are adorable and great video
Thank you! The balance is tough indeed, sounds like you are working hard on it. Keep it up!
@@thectadclinic it is tough, but as you say, its a balancing act. Have you ever done a video about alter disagreements? I have 4 alters and 1 of them seems to be a bit of instigator with one of the others. Has there ever been a video on that kind of thing? Thanks 🙂
I think there might be ways to do the Inner World 🌍 and Outer World 🌍 at the same time.
Such as letting another alter front for a very long time, especially the ones in a control class that *they can make other alters front,* so they aren't affected by dissociation as much/as often.
That way that alter gets used to dealing and deal with the outer world things, while also letting everyone know more about how the system works.
Agreed, that's the goal - this is more for those for whom one takes precedence over the other... Sharing responsibilities, skills, knowledge etc is what we work towards.
We write and the outer person cannot do that alone
Do you mean the comment you just wrote ✍? @@evasif2626
I think ive been thrown out of balance...again! But by a part I didn't know about. This angry part of me, she is so fierce. She hides away from the world though because she is scared so she pleases people instead. Or is the pleasing a different part??🤔 I'm feeling very disoriented and confused and trying to be here in this world is very hard when all I want to do is sit and listen to myself.
Thank you for another great thought provoking video, lovely to meet Mouse & Huckleberry 😻
Thank you, Jacinta, glad this video helped. Keep up all that you are doing!
That was ever so lovely to meet the kittens, it really did make us smile. Because of late our outer world has been hell (two historical abuse trials) we tried to make life stop last week and were found after being unconscious for two days. During those two days, a child Part ( a friend showed us the photo she took) had built a nest under our table, and then we were found in bed and carted off to the hospital. Knowing that a child Part/Alter did that has blown our minds to pieces. We have been avoiding our inner world of late because all the court stuff is just too painful. But your video and what happened to us have been an important reminder that it is impossible to ignore both worlds. Thank you SO much for this.
You are welcome, and I really hope all is ok with you, going through so much.
@@thectadclinic thank you. Have decided to move cities as our psychologist has finally found us a clinical psychologist who specializes in DID and our health system has finally realised we need a multidiscipline team (MDT) and has found one in Dunedin for me. This has taken years to get to this point of being able to get this help. The court cases are hell, but seeing cute kittens helps.
The kittens are adorable, and were definitely an apt analogy to what it's like trying to maintain balance. We've been struggling with balance lately. We're trying to get through a semester of school after a few years of sick leave, and I think the stress of it triggered something, because we had a week where I (our host/ANP) was no longer in front, and it was really debilitating, because the EP in front was just in collapse. I didn't do enough to make sure our needs were met, which caused them to front, but they're not really able to get their needs met when they're in front. I'm not really sure how to prevent that from happening. It's hard to gauge how much I can handle before I get pushed out of the front by stressors.
This happens to me when I don't use the stabilization strategies that I have learned. I accept that DID is a chronic mental disorder for me, like diabetes. When I do not do the things that keep me oriented, managing energy and stress, getting sleep, and engaging in healthy social interactions, I am at risk to let the parts "drive the bus" as Janina Fisher says. And that never goes well. They don't have the skills needed to get it done well for everyone. So back to managing this disorder the ways I was taught, and reminding myself that it is necessary to have the life we all want, filled with love, fun, and accomplishment.
Welcome back! Thank you for the topic 👏
Thank you too!
Every time you've posted recently makes us feel like you're talking directly to us and about our situation. We are really struggling with losing the balance we once had because our system has shut down again and it is proving really difficult to manage things internally and externally, not to mention the time blanks and internal fear/avoidance of each of the parts. We are attempting to reach out for the external support I know we need to be able to start to piece things together again, but, as I'm sure you're aware, it's not easy! Thank you for another video that has helped us feel like we're not 'wrong' for the way things are... Now to work out trying to get any kind of balance back! 🙃
Thank you for this video! The balance is very difficult for our system at times because we work a very demanding full time accounting job so then after work we’re so mentally exhausted it’s hard to take time for ourselves. (Aside from the fact we were not allowed to do that growing up).
We have been working on just doing our best every day so I’m really happy you mentioned that. It really is all about balance and taking it day by day and seeing what each other person in the system needs individually🖤
Question for you though, we were actively punished by the birth family for talking about / interacting with our system growing up. Gaslit and scolded even after diagnosis a poly fragmented system by 3 different therapists. (At ages 6,10,&26)
It wasn’t until this past 2 years we have been able to really start trying to get to know eachother inside and work on the innerworld again, but I have noticed a lot of hesitant parts and nervousness over being in danger for interacting. We are currently in a safe home away from the people who would have done that so my question is,
do you have any tips on overcoming the fear, gaslighting, and nervousness. I’m not sure what could help make them feel more comfortable opening up now that we’re free.
I do breathe work and journaling everyday, and I know the day to day things get in the way sometimes. But I just wanna make everyone feel more comfortable.
Regardless of the question, great video thank you so much for sharing
Experiencing the opposite is always a good one, so that means having people around you that are genuinely interested in "what is" and give you all the time you need to shake off that nervousness. That would be the direct route. If that were to be too intense I would take the dissociative detour of making yourself feel comfortable while interacting with your system, but maybe do it in a space where you feel physically safe. And if that works out, you can imagine what those interactions would look like when a safe person is around. (It's best to have a particular person in mind). I do those visualisations and though it takes a lot of time, it eventually makes interacting or being vulnerable with certain people (and yourself!) run more smoothly. This is just some random method I figured out, maybe it helps.
I have a lot more room to breathe now that I cut out the abusers for an extended time.
The inner world is so much less distressed. I am able to rewire parts to a healthy setting more and more the longer I have time away from the abusers who bring out the parts as they were.
I call it my Hardware vs Software systems/narratives/existences.
And I like narratives, cause it’s our stories, from our perspectives, with the information that we have/have had so far.
Thank you so much for another wonderful video! From time to time we get alters that want to front or do what They want out front, and I think it's always frustrating to have to tell alters "We have work right now, but maybe later" knowing that- with ADHD also present- later probably won't come. Or at least not in the time that they're near front. Alters have definitely retreated back inner world feeling unfulfilled, but that balance is so hard to achieve. It's good to be reminded that it's something that needs to be worked on.
Also the kittens are precious and i love them aaaa. ♥ please pass on our thanks for their contribution to the video in the form of hugs.
Great video! Glad to see the cat :-) The ducks depressed me.
Well this was a nice video for our littles! We got kittens, dr Lloyd smiling, talk about listening to the inside and making compromise. Thank you !
This was a really useful video, and probably the most adorable one on this channel! Huckleberry and Mouse are so precious, and they provided a really good example of the need to balance focus.
I know I sometimes have trouble with doing that, or at least I'm hard on myself to the point where others in the system have literally told our therapist to tell me that I'm doing fine. 😅 we do make time for each other to spend out front, and my partner spends time with our oldest little every other Sunday watching cartoons and eating breakfast with her, he's so good with her and it's very safe and loving and affirming, so I think I probably am doing okay.
Thanks as always for a terrific video!
Thank you, sounds like you are both doing a lot of great work!
@@thectadclinic 💙
you always tel us exactly what we need to hear and this is something we happen to be working on right now so this is cool thank you
Glad it was helpful!
We're having a very hard time with this.
I don't want to let the others take over, ever. I feel like my own cup of energy is empty all the time and i get very little for myself thats really nourishing. And its so terrifying to let others take over that i need a full cup of energy to let them take over or to go to or interact with the inner world. Its terrifying. All of my horrible thoughts effect things there, it doesn't help that i have OCD. I don't want to suffer, i don't want them to suffer and i don't wanna be at the mercy of any of them. I only know one who wouldn't try to hurt me but she has to live under the rule of one who would hurt me if he could, and she's been totally fearfully domesticated.
He won't accept that hurting me and her because of his own vengence or grudges isn't ok no matter what we did, and still refuses to believe that a lot of the harm we've caused to him or others in the system is because of our intrusive/obsessive thoughts manifesting there or our own ignorance and fear from the times we thought that the others were spirits or demons and were trying to protect ourselves. And now im acting selfishly because thats all i can do, i have nothing to give. I don't want to have to admit to the thoughts ive had or the things i said to the others in outbursts when i was afraid or overwhelmed. Before me and her split we were completely exhausted from heeding the others demands and expectations and fighting off our intrusive thoughts and supressing our resentment that this was happening.
And hes still being spiteful about it, and i know if we gave him control hed use it to ruin my life. And i know that if i ever left the front that hed torment me in there, defame me and she'd be forced to help because thats what she has to do to survive.
And now im to a point where im so tired, so exhausted that i can't even make room for my counterpart. So now she is suffering immensly by both my inability to handle being around anyone too, not just the tyrant who insists everyone suffer because he doesn't get a skateboarding career and because he doesn't get to publicly defame and humiliate me. And im starting to realize that he will never change, unless its just to get worse. And i honestly hate him, who wouldn't hate someone who's so motivated to harm you? But thats just more evidence to him that i am evil, and that she's evil.
I don't know what to do
Its also important to note that we are autistic, so i have difficulty doing things like taking care of the body or doing things i don't want to because of executive dysfunction, and am always overwhelmed and seriously need my time for myself to be ok.
And i also need to be allowed to have time for myself that is truly for myself, i refuse to go back to the cycle of recharging just so they can take over and being left drained and unable to take care of myself. My counterpart is the only alter i don't consider parasitic, all the other ones do is take without giving, hurt us when we don't give it to them, kick us when we're down, or continue to drain us and ask for more when we are already empty thinking that they are owed that and that we deserve nothing, less than nothing.
The others are not my responsibility, they have a life in there and ways to meet some of their needs. But i have nothing in the inner world, and every time ive tried to make something there for myself, either the others, or my own intrusive thoughts and memories, ruin that for me sabotage it. So all i have is the outer world. I need to focus on me and my needs first and foremost because i won't be given an opportunity to have anything unless i do that.
I clicked on this when i saw the kitties! 🥰 so sweet.
You look kinda sad in this video? Hope you are taking good care of yourself 😊 You seem like a very kind person. The kitties seem to agree! 🩷 i can see you are a good soul. Thank you for all the work you do. It is appreciated so much.
you really have hit the nail on the head thank you
I have great difficulty working on financial issues. I will try using this to help get past the “getting started” part. Clutter issues as well. Wow, you have great understanding Sir!
This video was very helpful for us right now. Thank you so much for sharing this information.
This is a really helpful and thoughtful video. It is both kind and compassionate, taking into account the huge complexity across lived experiences, and asking all in a system/person to appreciate and work with complexity. I really appreciated the “needing to balance with outside and insider world demands” and “sometimes some alters/parts/host wanting/needing/fearing inner world due to trauma compartmentalisation”.
Thanks for the video! While I often feel like the inner world intrudes on the outer world this helps clarify that it’s actually the opposite. I will have to think on this more.
Thank you so much, I have felt so seen.
Love ❤️ the kittens 🐈⬛! I try to spend time just before I go to sleep and then a few minutes each morning before I get going with my DID so they don’t feel left out and it seems to help maintain the balance you speak of.
Thank you. This video is spot on. We try to spend at least one hour by ourselves every day. But sometimes it is really difficult and when the outer life gets too intense, it is as the outer parts "forget about" the inner parts. Most of us watch your videos together and It helps our intern communication and sometime the communication with other people.
This was so good to hear, i'm so exhausted and feel like i'm losing several battles. i wish i could come to a clinic like yours , i have no doctor now.Thankyou for your videos !
Firstly thank you so much for this video... it is so validating... recently having been diagnosed with breast cancer i have little time for my parts... they have given me space to do what i need to do and i am feeling so grateful and appreciative to them for understanding...at the same time i am overwhelmed and wish that i could give them some time to come out... finding balance is hard...
Thank you.
I was diagnosed with DID years ago but I still really struggle. This video especially was very helpful but I’m wondering, could you share more on this topic? Maybe a #2 video. Thank you!
I'd like to understand the inner world. Ours has gone through changes over time and I kinda understand that it's mind's way of portraying the stuff in symbolic way, right?
But.. how can I.. sort of understand it?
Like usually, when I'm inside, it's really nice and daytime. And not long ago, it was night time! And it was so magical and beautiful! (Without going into too much detail to what I witnessed and saw there.)
After that time, it has been back to daytime. Not that I'm much inside anyway..
But like... Is there a way to understand, what's going on inside and how those worlds form?
If it's a massive world and dimension, does that intale, how big gaps we have inbetween, compared to like.. everyone sitting in same room?
Also, on that note of worlds. Is there a reason that is related, why do I keep seeing dreams of whole lifetimes in different worlds, timelines etc? Like, I mean, I dream pretty much every single night and I live a full life and I wake up... Just tired. Because I just lived already. I feel just old and tired and don't want to live this life "again".
Like... I mean I live legit long lives. I can remember some of them in great detail too. Tho they get lost if I don't write or talk about them. But like... I've been living in a city that was hit by a massive meteorite shower one day and we used years to rebuild, get shelter and food for everyone, we had fights and arguments about stuff, but most of the time, we focused just on building it all back. And I think this time I woke up, before I died even.
And I can end up dreaming several lives in a night, depending, how many times I wake up.
Is there a reason for any of this? Or is it just my weird thing?
Oh and, about dreams. Sometimes I have a note from another part that says "I took the dream away, it's okay". How can one take a whole dream away like that??
It seems like such an individual thing, some don’t have anything like that, some have entire landscapes…
amazing. the new take you are doing in your videos the different point of view is brilliant. really makes my experiences feel accepted and a normal thing that happens to others thank you
Huckleberry and Mouse are so cute!! I wish my therapy office had cats.
Such a helpful video, thank you so much. Those kittens are absolutely adorable, and I’m sure they keep you on your toes!
This is a thing we have always struggled with. No one in the system agrees it's important to have inner communication on a regular basis. Some of us want to set aside time and make a routine to "check-in internally" but it's been years and we're still stumped on how to make this work. (Daily is too often, it's unsustainable.) When we were in therapy (with DID experienced therapist) that provided external prompting for some amount of checking in but the lack of a regular internal set up has always held us back. Not currently in therapy and okay with that but without the external prompting, we have no idea how to find the external - internal balance you talk about here. Especially since if the external world gets overwhelming (also diagnosed with ASD) we are most likely to hyperfocus on a computer game. Do you have any videos about finding the balance that makes it possible to give the internal parts the validation they need?
It can be difficult working the timing out without prompting. I often wonder how many internal prompts there may be, not always verbal, though feeling and influence?
This good to learn we are still trying to find balance in our system ❤Good video mate like always .
So informative❤
Thank you for the video , had to start video again lol
I always learn a lot from your videos and look forward to hearing from you, but I'm distracted by the picture behind you. can you please make a short video about this piece of art?
i mention spiderlegs!!! can't concentrate!!?
Sparrow is the host. She wants to be in control all the time, but I know that I have to guard her heart from being broken by the people around her. -7
How do accomplishments in the outer world become a satisfying and fulfilling experience for our system. It's great for a moment and then it is nothing. Is that too a DID thing?
Thanks
Ty
I've been compartmentalizing the inner world for so long that it's a challenge just to formalize that there is communication going on at all.
We're trying and seem to recognize a positive orientation
I think 🤔 this phenomenon occurs within many people, another spectrum to study.
Hello, Huckleberry and Mouse! ❤️
If anyone in the comments can help, I’ve been dealing with physical and mental symptoms my entire life and people are only helping me after those problems ruined my life because people didn’t believe me. Is there a way to bring this up to a new doctor where they will believe me? I’m going to them for a different problem, I’m scared she’ll kick me out or something
"ever so slightly problematic" Aren't we all! 🤣
Ha ha yep my part Stephanie part just popped in lol lol ( she’s 9 ) lol ha he he she loves the kitten
Lol..im always distracted to the strange picture/painting?
Hi Mouse and Huckleberry
Thank you Dr Mike for this. This is something that we literally were just discussing with our Therapist. 😭🫂.
As always, CTAD's videos have been an enormous resource with helping us to better understand ourself. ❤🙏🏼 thank you for what you are doing.
Glad it was helpful! Such a kind comment, it is really appreciated!
Your content has been so incredibly helpful!! Do you know much about r!tual abu$e and the effects it has? Id love to be able to find more content. It’s so sparse.