Are You Asexual? | Growing Up Ace
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2025
- Happy pride month!! It just feels so empty not going to pride parades... So let's celebrate online at least!
This is my specific experience, it might be different for you. And if it is... I'dlove to read about it! Please share it with us!
Remember you're valid and loved
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IG: @barbarianrites
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HOW COULD YOU G NOTE ME LIKE THAT
Wait when someone says someone is hot they actually have a physical response. I thought hot was just GoodLooking+
Ik :/ how did I never notice that? Like when someone is like ‘dang she has a nice ass’ or like ‘I bet he has a big dick.’ (Things people have said around me before) I was like okayyyyyy but they were actually turned on? Like - _ - there’s nothing wrong with that it’s just I didn’t think that was a thing
Yeah!! I thought they meant good looking too like they really liked how they looked not that looking at them made them hot 🤯
@@galacticlavalamp6338 That's actually creepy....stay away from that person.
Kenn plays JRPGs,JMMORPGs and enjoys jidaigeki literally all my friends ever talk about is sex _ - _
@@galacticlavalamp6338 😲
I’m ace but I think people are aesthetically pleasing
same, I can definitely be like "damn, nice face" but it's just looking at a great painting.
That is called Aesthetic Attraction! It's ALSO different from sexual and romantic attraction!
And? What's your point?
@@lostforever773 Having aesthetic attraction still makes one asexual.
@@ShinyKyogre789YT yeah and that's obvious
That moment most aces have:
"OMG sexual attraction is NOT a joke? Like...it really is a thing?"
*starts laughing
I relate to this on sooo many levels.
:-D
This is too real i cant..
I didn't realize till like a month ago that not everyone's crush is "oh, they're cute, I want to maybe talk to them. I'd like that." Like, people actually have physical s*x desires and I just????
And I was basically like, "Well, I don't want a have s*x with people I know, I don't want to have it with people I don't know, and I haven't wanted it with crushes/or past romantic relationships." So that's how I stumbled upon Ace. I'm surprised it only took me 22 years and not longer.
This is so crazy! I can’t believe I never thought of that. I’m so relieved to see other people thought this, I thought I was bi/straight for a bit. I came out as both. But I was just confused
22 years?!
How old are you?
@@Arcania9516 I'm 22
@@nerdoftheatre No actually we are the same age.
this was my realization too, only took me 30 years haha!!
wait, when someone is "hot" people actually really feel "hot"?!?!
really???
well you learn something new every day. I mean I didn't realise people are actually turned on by those weird ass "sexy" comershows
edit: I'm demisexuale so I think I get it now,when I think about my partner I get all flashed and all of that, but never to anyone else, so I didn't think people get that on people who aren't their partner. cool.
Does this mean people body temperature rise while aroused? Is this true? הודיה בר יוסף
@@prolymoly7137
like,you feel hot? 🤷🏾♀️
wait, what does it feel like? like you stepped into a hot room? or is it like.. internal?? if that makes any sense
Idk I just do stuff sometimes I get hot flashes when I’m not feeling well, maybe it’s like that but longer?
Literally had no idea. I’m also a Demi sexual person (or at least a very specific sub species of Demi)
I’ve only now realized how complicated sexuality is it’s crazy
"That someone you find hot.. actually makes you feel hot."
Me: "Wait, it does?"
My denial: *Intense screeching*
THAT IS SO CRAZYYYY. So like, this really confirmed I’m asexual. A very specific type of asexual but yes asexual. I had NO IDEA that other people could see a hot person and then have a PHYSICAL REACTION IN THEIR *AHEM* crotch areaaa. Wtffffricken chicken
Okay I’m weird. Also I rewatched Bojack horeseman and realized how much I related to Todd
What the fuck... Me tooooo
Wait... When I see someone I find hot, I think "wow, that person is very physically attractive". I might even think of what it is like to have intimate relationships with them. But I don't get turned on. I just feel attracted on emotional level or something like that. But then again, maybe it's because I'm on the spectrum as well. I don't think I'm a full-on ace, but I have a feeling I might be gray? Haven't figured it out yet.
Wtfricken chicken😂 I’m gonna start saying that from now on lmao👌👌
for a long time, i thought sleeping with someone meant sleeping in the same bed, perhaps with cuddles and whatever.. :|
LMAO 🤣 dude....
@I Just yeah, though i think sometimes theres sleep?
@I Just lol
Well I am aroace and I never had a crush...honestly I don’t even know how it feels... and i get anxious around someone when I think the person has a crush on me and I just panic...
Bruh- sameeeee
I’m pretty sure I’m aroace but I’ve had a “crush” before, but the more I think about it I just really admired said person and tricked myself into feeling that way because I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do.
@@nixpixl442 SAME, I don't even know if what I feel is a crush or what. It's def not sexual and I don't think it's romantic. More like "hey ur cute lets be friends" but I turned that into "oh no I have a crush avoid this person at all costs" and now the bUtTeRfLiEs are less nervousness bc I have a crush and more fear because I've trained my brain to feel nervous when I see them. It's so strange
Same! I convinced myself that if I felt any positive emotion towards a boy (whether I thing they look nice or they're funny) that that _must_ be a crush. Because I thought that was the only kind of attraction... *sigh*
Amythist owo same here. If they did something nice for me, or if I thought they looked okay, I told myself “I’ve got a crush!”
*remembers my “crushes” from elementary and middle school*
Hi, thank you so much for making this video, the more representation the better ! I just wanted to clarify something you said : greysexuality is not the same as demisexuality. Demisexuals, as you said, can develop sexual attraction towards someone they have a strong emotionnal bond with. However, greysexuals can feel sexual attraction towards a stranger, but it is very rare and/or very mild and most of the time they don't feel the "urge" to act on it. I hope I made sense, English isn't my first language ^^
English isn't my first language either, no worries, perfectly understandable!
Thank you for clarifying!
an urge?? like... like the one to pick up a random cicada? or a shell? or a nice rock?
Until I was like 15 or 16 I genuinely thought that sexual desire is actually a thing but you only start experiencing it after you've had sex for the first time, kind of like a switch being turned on. It took me such a long time to realize that it's just supposed to happen one day without a trigger lmao
I didn't know finding people "hot" is supposed to give a physical response. I guess I might be Ace or Grey Ace. I have had a BF for about 7 years, but because of our situations we rarely see each other in person. He even asked me what I find hot, and I couldn't give him a proper answer because I just didn't understand. At least I know now for sure that I'm at least Ace. Thank you for this video.
just wanted to say that I have found your video extremely helpful and relatable in many ways ! I started to wonder about being ace recently and as I discovered asexuality really comes in a whole spectrum, some experiences have been more relatable for me personally than others. For example, as someone who isn't sex repulsed and has always been pretty open to the idea of having sex (but never actually felt a "pull" to do it with anyone), I haven't felt that "different" from everyone else, it never was that radical "everyone wants something which is disgusting to me". Anyway, there is obviously no better way to experience sexuality, but I want to thank you for taking the time to share because it is always helpful to find someone with similar experiences
Agreed! I've been questioning myself lately, but it's been difficult for me to relate to a lot of sex-repulsed aces because I like the idea of sex. But, like you, I've never felt that "pull" to actually do it. Though, there are still other things I can relate to. This has just been...confusing.
It took me a while to come to this conclusion. I never understood the appeal of sex. It's not that great. Guys have told me a lot that they get off to my pictures, so I tried that with them and it was awful. It was easier just to get the job done. And I never thought about wanting sex. I just thought it was something that had to be done so I engaged in little things. But I never felt anything. My mom thinks I can't determine if I am asexual until I have sex. But I know I am.
I really hate "but you won't know until you try it" people. Like, sure, let me just give myself some sexual trauma so I can prove to you something I already know about myself. It's almost always straight people who would never ask the same question about gay sex, too. Can you imagine, "But Jim, you've never tried it with another man, how can you be sure you're not bi?" They know why! It doesn't work that way! The smell of mushrooms makes me gag, I'm not going to try and eat one just to prove I don't like them.
Waiiiitt, whaatt?? People that have crushes on other people and are sexually attracted to them would want to have sex with their crush??? Omg that's so weird. I've literally known I was aroace for months now and I never realized this.
I much rather get a ton of blankets and snacks and watch a movie with someone then go to bed with them the idea of the deed makes me feel gross and I question why is it such a big deal in our society and I thought hot meant that the person they find attractive is really good looking to them not that they make them feel hot. I always say I don’t care if I get married like I really don’t care I can see my self just as happy living alone with my cats I don’t need someone for my happiness tho I do want friends or a platonic relationship
i do think of having sex, but mainly because i start to think "normal people think about this constantly, why?" and then move on
Not everyone does. Depends a lot on their libido. And also it can never be 100% I think
Me still only 12
Everyone: *oh you’re just too young and innocent*
Me:questioning if they’re right or not
well first of all to have a YT/google account you're supposed to be at least 13 and there's a reason for that...
Secondly at your age I didn't even think about sexuality. Preserve your innocence, preserve your childhood. You don't need to know yet. You're literally a child, don't put yourself in adult spaces yet
Yasu Elfendahl okay,
Also
Our middle school already has a GSA
So it made me start questioning.
But okay, thanks for your advise
@@galaxy7975 I second the "don't tell strangers online your age when you're a minor because it paints a target on your back" vibes, but people don't say "you're too young to know if you're straight," plenty of kids are pretty certain of their sexual identity by 12, even though it's all from a theoretical perspective. Either way, you have so much time to get to know yourself, so don't rush it. Maybe you'll be confident that you're ace in a decade, or maybe you'll find another label that fits you better by then, but regardless, I hope you find a welcoming community.
Her response was kind of harsh, it’s ok to be curious and question things, it’s normal💕
@@meritimothy2053 I'm around that age, my innocence is gone XD.
2:36 "For example, I did not know that finding someone "hot" actually makes you feel hot. You get a physical response to that."
WHAT. I always thought that finding someone hot just meant you found them physically attractive? _My life is a lie_
I'm aro-ace and proud!
Happy Pride :)
What is aro-ace?
Being aro-ace is being aromantic and asexual
Aromantic means that you don't feel romantic attraction, but you still feel platonic, sensual, aesthetic and sexual attraction.
And if you're aro-ace, you just feel sensual, platonic, and aesthetic attraction.
That doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship, you can, but you just can't feel romantic attraction (but platonic attraction can be as strong as romantic attraction)
Hope it helped!
@@aleaa8227 that's a great explanation! i hope you have a nice day :)
@AJ K
Thanks! I wasn't sure if it was clear, and I'm not english so maybe my grammar is a little hard to understand :')
Have a nice day too! :)
I'd rather look at attractive people and emulate their strengths, like you said about Ruby's confidence. Maybe I'll eat cake while thinking about my guy, but I never think to actually do anything physical about that. It really is important to stand up for yourself and not settle for a partner that forces anything. I've made that mistake enough times for everyone. It never works out and having a truly respectful partner now is like a dream come true.
Personally, I keep swinging between "You just have body image issues and don't want anyone to see you naked. Just have sex once to get it over with, at least you'll know what's going on" and "I'm actually asexual and that's okay. I don't ever have to have sex, it's not a requirement for anything, and anyone who says otherwise can leave".
You really opened my (and from what I've read in the comments, many other people's 😄) eyes with the whole "people have a physical reaction to someone they find attractive". I never knew that was a thing, I thought hot just meant super good looking. That actually makes me swing towards mindset 2 a little more since it's definitely never happened to me - overall, just thank you for making this video!!
I do physically get hot and sweat around people I find hot but I don't want to have sex with them often or maybe even at all. I'm gray ace.
Wait... Hot means you feel hot? Whaaaaaaat!? I literally never realized that, then again, I am pretty damn ace
I remember just having crushes on specific traits, not looks but showing concentrated traits of something. It toke me a long time of listening to people say something is wrong with me or I just haven’t “put myself out there”. I’m glad that this community is getting more awareness, I had to grow up feeling incomplete or like I just can’t “work right”. I have never felt that rush of wanting to be with someone.
My friends would always point out someone that was supposedly hot to them and I would always be all like “eh, they’re alright” and I always felt unusual for not finding people hot. Before, I thought Asexuality was not having any attraction so I identified as bisexual until I realized I was actually biromantic. So I have concluded that I am a Biromantic Asexual and I feel pretty good about that.
This is video is perfect! I discovered recently that I’m asexual and I’m trying to feel less shame about it. I answered no to all the question and I did it with an open minded. I always thought that in order to have a relationship I needed to have sex and I everytime that I needed to do it I tried everything to avoid it 😂 I loved all of my partners very much but as soon as they asked me more I felt sick. I’m working with my therapist to stop feeling ashamed of my asexuality and video like yours made me feel normal and less alone. Thank you so much!
Ps. I love the background with Mucha and your hair are stunning! ✨
I found you through your alt fashion videos and now I find out you're ace too. idk this makes me so happy. thank you for making this video!! its helped a lot in my journey of figuring myself out. I identify as ace but I'm still having difficulties figuring out how exactly I fit into it and how to approach this new discovering in my relationship. but knowing that there are others that have gone through similar stuff has really made the worlds difference. so thank you, to all of you 💜
🖤💜 🏳️🌈 Happy pride! And thank you for this very informative video! 😊
I DID NOT EXPECT AN MCR REFERENCE also this video is amazing and you are so pretty✨
oh my god I started dissociating shortly before the g-note and when it happened I thought it was just in my head LMAO
Wow when I said ppl were "hot" I just meant they are good looking + really cool. I NEVER KNEW THATS WHAT IT MEANT!
same lol
*"Can you think of someone who you genuinely find hot?... Someone who really makes you feel warm?"*
Um... no? I can find many people attractive, but I don't think it's ever gotten such a response from me. I guess when I get a romantic crush on someone, I feel warm? But even that hasn't happened often.
*"When you have a crush, do you think about, or want to, have sex with them? Is that one of your main objectives?"*
No. Whenever I get a crush, I find the person physically attractive, or sweet, and I want to be near them and know them better and talk to them. And cuddle. Lots of cuddling. Sex never enters the equation. Hell, even when I was dating for a few months I never thought about having sex.
*"Have you ever looked at a person and thought 'I'd sleep with that person?' Not wanting a relationship with them..."*
Nope. This is one I've never really understood. How can you want to sleep with someone you don't even know? Like, I can understand that people will find other people hot, and that might lead to some frisky business, but it's never been something I can understand for myself. I don't want sex with a stranger. I'd want to get to know them first.
Thanks for this video. I'm slowly starting to accept that I might be asexual, but it's been very hard and confusing for me. I think a lot of it is because I was mistaking aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction, and I'm still not entirely sure what sexual attraction _is?_ Like, what if I have felt it and didn't realize it? It also doesn't help that I'm definitely sex-favourable (though I think there are times I lean more sex-neutral), so my desires and fantasies are getting in the way and confusing me.
Why does sexuality have to be so difficult?
The idea that most people look at someone and think ‘oh I wanna [do adult things] with you’ is so crazy. People just look at other people and think like ‘oh I wanna see you in bed’ and I’m sitting over here like ???? I never understood why people wanted to have sex, unless they wanted to have biological children haha
Weeeell, I always thought I was demisexual, because I am in a pretty deep and long lasting romantic relationship and I thought I'm also sexually attracted to my partner. But I never had a physical reaction, when I thought about him being hot. Until now I didn't even know, that that's a thing.
I'm questioning everything rn
help
There's a saying i have heard about "would you rather have cake" and from what i can gather its like this idea that you would rsther be doing something else instead of having sex.
Personally begining to think im like demi cause i just. I have my husband and i worked my way up to that and hes the only guy ive done anything sexual with. Not religious or anything. Just find the idea of randomly doing sexual activities with someone else actually scary.
You can be asexual and not be sex repelled. You also dont have to fit into a box. Its all a spectum and you just need to know what makes you and your partner(s) comfortable .x
Hang on. She just did the cake one XD
@@cottencandykitten yeah, I thought about it as well and I'm also someone who would prefer the cake.
Not long after I wrote that comment I broke up with my parter, also because he became more and more pushy about the sexual things and I just wasn't comfortable with that. It didn't help, that he didn't respect my boundaries hehe he.. ^~^"
But now I'm even more confused, because I recently found someone that makes me feel all kinds of new things.
Tho I think, as long as I am happy the way things are, I don't need to label myself. Just like you said! As long as everyone is comfortable ~
@@SayuKobayashi im sorry to hear they didnt respect your boundaries! X there's no easy way to know how you'll feel with someone untill you feel it. Kinda like a russion rulet with emotions and desires. I hope you make yourself happy tho :)
@@cottencandykitten Russian roulette with emotions is a nice way to put it! And thank you so much! I'll try my best ^w^ I hope you get to be happy too ~
So appreciated this, you have really helped me in the process of learning and understanding in the ‘know thyself’ realm. Asking myself the questions and examining the possibilities. Merci
thank you so much, im beginning to realize im ace and this was super helpful!!! also i love your room setup, its so cute
those questions at the end were really eye opening! could you do a whole video on stuff like this?
These were legit the only ones I could come up with, sorry!
I recently learned that there are actually many more types of attraction other than romantic and sexual, I had no idea about this before and I never really thought about it but it just makes so much sense now. For example there’s aesthetic attraction, when you find someone aesthetically attractive, pretty, beautiful etc., and there’s also physical attraction where you want to touch or be touched by someone in a non-sexual way, like hugs or something. 💖💖
Ps. You’re really pretty, I love your glasses!🌝✌️💖
Thank you so much for this video, everything you're saying, all you're realizations were very similar to mine. such a good clear explanation of the general feeling of being Ace!
Im 13 and im ace... wow
I’m a follower so when my classmates started saying they had crushes I pretended to have one as well. But now, I’m pretty sure I know who I am and I’m happy with it!
This realy made me understand what ace is and im not shamed to admit im ace as well
This comment means so much to me, you have no idea! Thank you so, so, sooo much and I'm glad I could help 💖
@@meritimothy2053 no thank u ;D
I’ve been questioning if I’m asexual or gray sexual or something like that for awhile now and the more and more I think I about it the more I think I might be. This video definitely makes me think so even more... people look at someone and get a physical reaction? That’s a thing? I just thought that if you thought someone was hot that you just thought they were good looking....
It took me 38 years to figure out that I was ace.
this makes me feel validated. thank you :)
Also it's so weird that people actually like......have a desire to *duck* ???? Like why go through all that effort, especially if you don't want children????( in a straight relationship at least)
I've been questioning for so long and this video is makung everything click, thank you!
Thank you so much for this - and the Mucha art!
I think I'm an ace
I have a question!! If you want to cuddle/hold hands/hug your significant other without having a desire(?) to have sex or kiss them, does that make you ace??
Only you can determine that! Being ace isn't about desire, it's about attraction. As I said, you can totally be attracted to someone romantically and not sexually.
Idk if I'm a high libido asexual or a really shy and insecure bisexual
Well. I get your point of physical reaction from someone who s attracted to people but it's more liked to the heart bit. I sometime see people Id qualify as hot yet, they don't trigger anything.
I mean .. running or panicking or being real angry, like raging would have the same result on me so ... I guess its not that simple xD
I love Mucha's art too! Oh, and I'm aroace, nice to meet ya 👋😁
I just realized a few days ago that I'm aro (I've known I'm ace for a while) and it explains sooo much
I think this popping up in my recommended is a sign
Also cause I relate to some
Am i too young to know if i'm ace? I'm 13 and the word sex makes me uncomfortable. Am i too young to know because i'm 13?! I NEED ANSWERS
No, as a reply on another comment said, plenty of people around that age know their sexuality.
I’m 16 and i identify as ace! but it’s good to remember that we’re also pretty young and it’s normal to experience change, so feel free to explore a little more and see if you definitely identify as ace too, remember that you don’t need a label, you’re always valid, but go for it if that makes you feel more comfortable or “more you”
ALL that pink 😍.....
This video helps a lot, thank you
I want intimacy but not necessarily sexually driven. I just kind of thought that’s how most women were. Perhaps I’m on the ace spectrum though.
Same, I always assumed every woman would feel the same as me and the ones experiencing attraction and crushing on people were the exception. Realizing that YOU are actually the exception is funny and ironic!
💚
I thought hot just meant like.. a badass or intense kind of attractiveness lol.
I find people attractive, yeah, and I only get small butterflies when I think about it or questioning whether I'm asexual or not? I often think like dam he looks hella good but I don't want to like.. fuck? 🤣🤣
Hi I really need some advice rn. I am questioning weather i am ace because I am not very interested in sex and it makes me a little uncomfortable but I am still not completely against having it, although I aren't borthered if i never do.
Also i am questioning weather i am pan and this confuses things cause that is the only time i think of sex. Does this mean i am not asexual or idk. If anyone has any advice thank you soooo much in advance :)
(ps. sorry if this is awkward, idk if i am being a bit awkward here, i can't tell)
I just realized you have cosplay and has a visual kei related videos. Maybe I should subscribe?🤔
aahhh this video is perfectt
Wha did Freud say about Asexuality?
afaik nothing 🤷🏻♂️ wasn't really "a thing" (or rather there was no term for it) back in the day
Soo If I don´t wanna have sex ever but I love attention and love then Am I asexual ?? (sorry for my english)
it's got nothing to do with of you WANT to, it's about attraction ^^
Hello! Demisexual here!
Don't have much to say. Tiny question. What is your first language? You know, since you said you're not a native English speaker.
Anyways, have an awesome day!! :D
German ^^ I wish you the nicest day you could possibly have as well!! 🥰🥰
@@meritimothy2053 ok und dangeschön! :D
so for me, I mean this person is NOT good looking, I meant they HOT... Like give me a moment to just stare